A Lost Soul in a Dark World

by TasteTheSun

Chapter 5: Princess Black Iron

"Hey Maxspell, why don't you quit staring at the sun and come help me dig up Twilight's coffin," Longspear said sarcastically while moving the table and rug off the trap door. Maxspell rolled her eyes as she took her gaze away from the window to go help Longspear.

"Move over, I'll get her out." Maxspell wrapped the door on the floor with her magic, and, with a little bit of difficulty, managed to get the door opened. A cloud of dust emanated from the secret room. Once the dust settled and Longspear stopped coughing his lungs out, he jumped down into the room. When he came back up, he was pushing the chamber through the door.

"You know you could help!" He complained.

Using her magic, Maxspell pulled the chamber out and held it in mid air, with Longspear dangling at the end. "Would you quit hanging around so we can get this done," she said in an annoyed tone.

"I would if you would PUT ME DOWN!!!!" Longspear said, hanging from one end of the floating box.

"Oh, sorry," Maxspell said as she settled the chamber, along with Longspear on the floor. Longspear went and grabbed a crow bar, and placed one end in between the lid and the rest of the box. Using all the strength he had, he pushed down on the crowbar to open the lid. It was a bit difficult considering how rusty it was. Finally the lid popped open. Maxspell picked up the lid and threw it to the side, revealing a sleeping Twilight.

Maxspell lifted her up out of the chamber with her magic and laid her on the table. After a thousand years, she still remained the same as she was when she was abducted.

"Ok, so what I'm going to do is that I'm going to erase her memory before waking her up, then I'll make up a new one,"

"I don't like this one bit Maxspell, not. one. bit." Longspear said.

Maxspell in return gave him an angry glare. "You know, if you'd understand the pain that I feel, then you would definitely be doing what I'm doing,"

And with that, Longspear just let out a grunt out of annoyance. Maxspell ignored it and went back to what she was previously doing. She lit up her horn and wrapped her magic around Twilight's head. It remained there for a while until it faded away. Immidiately after, Twilight began opening her eyes. She rubbed them a bit before sitting up on the table. She looked around before centering her gaze on Maxspell and Longspear.

"Uhm, who are you, and where am I?" she asked nervously.

"Why, your at our home, child," Maxspell said with a sinister tone.

"Excuse me?" Longspear said a bit surprised .

"Hush!, don't mind him, he's just cranky at times. Now tell me, how do you feel?"

"Well, I'm a little tired, plus I don't seem to remember anything," said Twilight.

"Well don't you worry a thing, dear, I'll make sure you remember who you are in no time."

"Thanks, can you start by telling me who I am and what happened to me?"

"Certantly. Now, what happened to you is that you hit your head really hard, and was out for a few days, and it seems that you've received a bad case of amnesia," Maxspell lied. Longspear rolled his eyes at that. Twilight only soaked in those lies.

"I guess that makes sense. So who are you?" She asked

"My name is Maxspell and I am your beloved teacher who's helped in you in every step in your life." Maxspell continued lying.

"WHAT!!!" was Longspear's reaction to the lie.

"Would you be quiet!" Maxspell hissed. "And that's my ignorant assistant, Longspear. And you, you are our beloved princess, meant for great things."

Even though Twilight felt uncomfortable from their bickering, she did perked up when she heard princess. Maxspell smiled. "Yes, but if you are going to be our princess, then you need to look like your true self. Longspear, bring her, her armor.

Longspear rolled he's eyes as he went into the other room. When he came out, he was carrying out the new Royal Guard armor presented to them long ago. Maxspell took up the armor in her magic. "Here you go dear, go to the other room and try it on," Maxspell requested. Twilight got off the table as Maxspell placed the armor on her back. Twilight went to put it on in the other room.

Once she was inside and out of earshot, Longspear stepped up to Maxspell. "Maxspell, this is ridiculous. How can you even sleep at night knowing that you've messed her life up! This is not revenge, this is insanity." He complained

"This, is how you destroy your enemies. Strike them deep, where it hurts, that way they become weak, spineless, foolish, pathetic," Maxspell creepily said.

"Ok you're really creeping me out," Longspear said with a worried look. Maxspell simply snickered at that.

"Listen, we can't win her trust if we're arguing all the time, so PLEASE let me handle this" she said.

Twilight came out of the room, and she looked different. Her body was covered in metal. The parts of her body that weren't covered was from her upper neck up, and her wings. Her armor looked different from that of the Royal Guard's. It was black and the gems were changed from blue to purple. Maxspell was in awe when she saw her in her new suit.

"Oh my, you look beautiful," she said. Longspear rolled his eyes. "Now for the finishing touch." She went over to her saddlebag and pulled out a metal tiara. It was also black, and in the center was a small fire ruby. Maxspell levitated it over Twilight's head and lowered it in place. "Now you look like a true princess. Now all you need is a name." She stood there for a while deep in thought. "I got it! Princess Black Iron."

"Really. You're going to name her after this old place," Longspear said sarcastically.

"I think it's swell name, afterall, this place is her birthright," Maxspell argued.

"Well thanks for the name and everything, but what am I suppose to do now," Twilight asked.

"Now we need to show you how to use your magic, and to fly," Maxspell informed her. Twilight perked up at the idea and quickly followed Maxspell outside. Longspear just stood there thinking to himself.

"Celestia save us all,"

•••

"Ok, we're going to work more on your magical blasts. What I want you to do is to destroy that old statue there with a magical blast," Maxspell instructed. Twilight nodded, planted her iron plated hooves into the ground, aimed her horn at the statue, and fired. A beam of magical energy shot out from her horn and went directly towards its designated target. In the blink of an eye, the statue exploded into a million pieces. The debris from the blast fell upon the three ponies.

"Nicely done princess. You're doing fine," Maxspell said, praising her student.

"I hope you don't mind if I tell you this, but why are you teaching me combat spells and such?" Twilight asked.

"I'll explain everything to you later. Now that we've gotten all of the combat spells out of the way, we can now focus on other things, like levitation. What I want you to do is to lift the entire blacksmith's shop out of the ground and into the air,"

"What?! Are you crazy?! Shouldn't she start small?" Longspear said surprisingly.

"She is totally capable of doing so. Her magic is strong enough to lift an entire city off the ground without breaking a sweat, and plus this is small," Maxspell protested. She directed her attention back to her student. "Are you ready?"

"I guess?" Twilight replied sheepishly. She turned towards the workshop with her horn and the gems in her armor aglow. The whole building was wrapped in the same purple magic as that of her own. She narrowed her eyes and went into a deep concentration. The building began to shake, as well as the ground. It shook faster and faster. Eventually, it began to crack around it. Her horn and gems grew brighter as she added more magic and strength into lifting the place, and it seemed to have been working.

The workshop began to rise. It rose higher and higher until Twilight and the others saw that it was floating a few feet off the ground and was still intact.

"Excellent job Black Iron! Now set the place back down because we are about to work on your flying capabilities," Maxspell commanded. Twilight complied with the order and lowered the workshop back down until it was back on the ground. Once that was taken care of, Twilight went back towards the two ponies.

"Alright, the first thing I want you to do is to stretch your wings out," Maxspell advised. Twilight went ahead and did just that. It seemed pretty easy to her so far.

"Good, now try flapping them," Maxspell ordered. Again, pretty easy.

"Good, keep going,"

Twilight kept flapping her wings. Eventually, she noticed that her hooves were off the ground.

"Hey, look at me! I'm doing it!' She said excitedly.

"Just keep doing what you're doing," Maxspell advised. Twilight then decided to pick up the pace with her wings, so she flapped them a tad faster. That in turn, caused her to fly up even higher. She continued until eventually, she was practically soaring high through the skies.

"WOO HOO!" She exclaimed out of pure excitement. She then heard Maxspell calling for her from below. She slowed down and began her descent. A few seconds later, her hooves touched the ground.

"My, aren't you a fast learner! Now, I believed we've covered everything you need to learn, I think it's time you and I have a little chat inside," said Maxspell as she headed towards the workshop. The other two followed behind. Once inside, Maxspell led Twilight into an empty room and locked it. She turned to face the alicorn with her horn lit up, although something was different about it. It glowed black, and it reached out and touched Twilight's horn. She flinched, but then began to relax as she felt it run through her mind.

Twilight didn't recognized the kind of magic that was being inserted into her. But Maxspell did. For it was, indeed, dark magic. In it was the hatred and Jealously that Maxspell was pumping into Twilights mind. The dark magic was enhancing all the dark thoughts in her mind. She could even hear Maxspell's voice in her head.

"You were meant to rule this place, not like that blasted, Princess Celestia. She's a bad influence. You must go and teach her a lesson. You must treat ALL the ponies of Equestria, who is indeed, their rightful ruler. You must show them the truth, with this amazing gift that I'm giving you. Destroy all that stand against you. Destroy Princess Celestia. Destroy them all, Princess Black Iron,"

Twilight's eyes glowed green, with black smoke emanating from the sides. As she was absorbing all of the dark magic's secrets and promises, she began to chuckle, which then turned into a sinister laugh. Her coat turned a darker shade of purple, and her teeth grew into fangs. Once the last bit of dark magic was absorbed, the green glow in her eyes began to fade, revealing the irises in her eyes had changed from purple, to red. She was no longer Princess Twilight Sparkle, she was now Princess Black Iron.

Maxspell regained her self control from the depletion of magic and examined Black Iron's new status. "How do you feel?" she asked.
Black Iron gave an evil grin when she heard that.

"I feel ready to take my rightful place as ruler!" she replied evily. This only made Maxspell jump for joy on the inside.

"Excellent! Now, we must go and spread the word. The real princess of Equestria has arrived," said Maxspell as she opened the door to let them out.

Longspear simply sat down on a nearby couch when he heard the door open. When he got up, he was shocked to see who had come out.

"Twi- er, Black Iron, what happened to you?" He asked.

"I saw the truth of things, and now I understand why I was brought into this world, too lead ponies with an iron hoof! No pun intended by the way," Black Iron replied. Longspear simply nodded before trotting up to Maxspell.

"Maxspell, what have you done to her?" he asked.

"I just showed her the truth. Now, enough questions. We must be on our way. Princess Black Iron is about to take Manehattan!" Maxspell replied with an evil grin on her face. One to match the one Black Iron had.

Longspear just stood there dumbstruck while also thinking to himself.

"Celestia, save ME at least!!!"

•••

Questions, comments, complements,
Any errors are all excepted. There's always room for improvement.
Be sure to like and follow me both here and twitter. (@Pony3T)

Author's Note:

Hey guys, thanks for your comments on the story. I read them all! I just want to say I'm sorry for all the grammer errors in this story, but don't worry, I went back and fixed them. Its just a bit difficult trying to write these stories from my phone. Anyway, I'd like to thank Ephraim Blue for spotting several of these mistakes. Thanks man, I appreciate it. Also, I'm going to be working on my other two stories which you should go check out. I will come back to work on this story, its just that I'll be alternating between them, so again, thank you so much guys, sorry for the grammar, like and follow me, and keep on reading!

~From your number 1/03 pony, Pony 03!

Comments

[SageBrony07]

That is sinister. Great job. I wonder will anything be able to wake up Twilight. I can't wait for the next chapter.

[Ephraim Blue]

Thanks for noticing me. I can't wait to see where this goes! Its so addicting! If you would like me to find more mistakes for you, let me know. I know you want to fix them yourself, but if you need me to spot them, I would be happy to help.

[jidbrony]

Looking good. Poor Twilight first evil armor then what next evil cape, evil crown, evil tower ,where will the evil stop. Loving it! Keep Writing my friend.

[Bum]

4140998
i.imgur.com/QddufHc.gif

[DemonWilde52]

The main problem I have with this story is that Maxspell is extremely powerful, being able to cast spells like immortality, altering memories, and a corruption spell. Now the corruption spell would be fixed if you mentioned him using up most of hos hatred and giving it to Twilight, kind of like a battery transfering to another battery. The immortality would he fixed if instead of a spell, it was a potion that had to be renewed once and a while, like a age reversal potion. Maxspell altering Twilight's memories could be fixed by just mentioning how much easier it is to just wipe all of Twilight's memories than just parts, making it possible for him to cast the altered spell.

Another problem is when Twilight wakes up, she trusts Maxspell and Longspear completely, even with their bickering an such. When anyone wakes up from an extended length of time when in a coma, they have a bit of a freak out at first. Maxspell and Longspear should already have their act together so Longspear doesn't appear surprised, just very nervous. They would also need to be much more caring and sympathetic towards Twilight to earn her trust, as even if she doesn't have any memories and they claim to be Twilight's teachers, they have to act like it. They could use the excuse that Twilight was practicing powerful magic and it backlashes on her, erasing her memories, then they prove it to her by showing her stuff that either is hers (can be faked) or proves they are her teachers (can also be faked). Maxspell had 1000 years to plan for her to awaken, so he should have a concrete plan worked out.

Another problem is that Twilight just lets him pump her full of dark magic, without even flinching or knowing what it is. There is no apparant passage of time between Twilight waking up and her training, so it appears that as soon as she got up, they started training again. This is a problem if Maxspell wiped her entire memory, as stated earlier, as she wouldn't even know how to talk or do magic. All of Twilight's training that she did while younger and with Celestia would have been erased and she would have to relearn everything. Instead of just erasing her memories, Maxspell could have slowly altered them while she was in the coffin, letting it be possible to retain her basic skills and magic knowledge, but not knowing where it came from, which would be explained by Maxspell being her teacher.

I know that I essentailly rewrote the story, but I do find that these problems poke holes in your story. Some holes are ok, like how Maxspell could actually get the coffin or immortality spells, or how Longspear would do whatever Maxspell wants when she only stopped him from being thrown into prison, which he would most likely be absolved of if he brought Twilight back to Celestia. A great concept for a story and you have been headed in the right direction, as I really want this story to continue, even if the holes are left in. Keep up the good job and sorry for the giant wall of text.

[Europa]

Maxspell is so whiny and edgy. She's like a little girl who didn't get what she wanted for christmas, so now she's trying to burn down the tree. If rejection hurts her that much she really has no busy... doing anything. This story is pretty flawed on fundamental levels. Maxspell being so morally bankrupt. Twilight just going down without a fight, when even in S1 she faced off against Nightmare Moon by herself.

And honestly. HONESTLY! One thousand years is a long time to get over it. It's also a long time for Longspear to have a crisis of conscience and turn them in. Plus, Celestia's made of sturdier stuff than to just faint when she sees Twilight. I get that she's attached to her, but come on! You're really overplaying the drama here. People don't just pass out for no reason like that.

And where's Discord? No Tirek I can understand, this was started before the S4 finale, but really now.

This is a good idea, a really good idea, but your execution is overplayed, hyperbolic with everything from Maxspell's evil-evilness to Twilight's power, just all around beyond the suspension of disbelief.

[Admiral Q Ponyform]

At least one has a concience

[Umbra Animo]

alrady going to call that long goes traiter