Dashie's and Derpy's adventure

by Dashed_Brony

Dash and Derpy

Derpy and Rainbow Dash wandered down the street, Dash, as proud as she was of her wings, obviously soaring above, Derpy seeming to rather be more ground-borne, traversing the ground below her, both smiling, laughing, sharing their stories of the day. It hadn't been much like any other, obviously. Most could probably even call it dull, though, they enjoyed one another's company, hence they cared little for others opinion

"Hahaha! That was awesome!" Dash complimented Derpy. They had been practicing flying, and even as Derpy might not have been the most cordinated of flyers, Dash would've never had the heart to tell her, and even a single loop was enough to get her clapping. Derpy, praised by whom was possibly the best flyer in all of Equestria, couldn't help but blush at the compliments. She had hidden the crush she had on Dash for over a year, and she was always overjoyed to be accompanied by Dash, Dash simply trying to be a good friend.

"I guess we'll have to part here" Dash smiles to Derpy, rubbing Derpy's mane in a friendly manner. "Don't you go try anything too reckless, haha." Derpy nodded, rubbing her arm, looking to the ground, remembering what had happened the last time she had trained alone. She ended up breaking her left front hoove, though, she was rather happy with it, having awoken to Dash sleeping next to the hospital bed. She snickered. "Promise." Dash gave a wave, before she flew up into her own sky-house, Derpy wandering off.

"What am I supposed to do for the rest of the day?" She sighs, scratching the back of her head. "Oh, there's Twilight Sparkle. Maybe she'll want to hang out?" No, Twilight was running an errand, and completely ignored Derpy, running straight past her, probably eager to read yet another book. It was as far as Derpy's guess went, anyhow. Disappointed that she was still stuck to being bored, she flew off, up high into the skies, laying down on a cloud she eventually came across. On her back, she stared up into the blue skies, a sunny day indeed.

"Will I ever tell her? CAN I? What will she think? Will she hate me?" A tear fell. A little filly below got it shot straight to her nose, staring up at the cloud, ignoring it, figuring it was probably just a rain drop. "Of course she will hate me... Heck, we've been childhood friends and I tell her I love her? She's probably got a crush on one of the guys anyways..." She puts her hoove in front of her face, her eyes shutting, falling asleep rather quickly, despite it being broad daylight.

Nighttime came before she was awokened. Not by herself, but rather, Dash flying above her. "Hey Derpy, you okay? That cloud's probably going to disperse soon, so... Yeah, would be nice if you went home. I don't mean t-" she was interrupted by Derpy. "It's fine, don't worry too much about it. Yeah, I should probably return home..." Derpy's heart raced through her chest. "Should I tell her? Should I tell her?" was her only repetetive thought, going through her mind over and over.

A minute of silence commenced, before Dash broke Derpy's train of thoughts. "Yeah... I'll just be heading back then" she said, while rubbing the back of her head. Derpy sighed, feeling like she had made Dash uncomfortable. "Yeah... Bye..." Derpy stuttered, before flying off in the direction of her house. As they had gotten out of sound's range of one another, Dash sighed to herself. "Jeesh, what's with that girl all of a sudden? She's been acting so weird late-" below her, she heard someone calling. "Who're you talking to?" Twilight shouted. Dash flew to the ground, quickly bypassing one cloud after another.

As she soared right above the ground, she told Twilight about Derpy's weird behaviour. Twilight snickered, waving goodbye as she wandered off with a "It's probably nothing" quote. "She's right... I'm probably overthinking things." Dash thought to herself, before flying off, humming something that could probably translate to 'Dash is awesome, Dash is fast, Dash is awesome, Dash is fast" and with her motive, rather than Derpy back in her mind, she flew off to her house, falling asleep for the remainder of the night, not waking until the sun rose from the cliffs to the far east.

Stretching out wide, she yawned, the sun hitting her eyes causing her awakening. Flying out of bed, and into the kitchen of the house, she grabbed a few carrots, and a glass of water, throwing it down the gap, being as fast an eater as she was a flyer. Just as she was about to fly out into the sky, the moment she passed the outer door, and into Ponyville, Derpy stood there.

Dash flew back and gasped for air. "Holy crap!" she blurted out. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Derpy took a step back. "Sorry, sorry! I just... Came... To tell you something" Each word Derpy said became a little more silent than the last, Dash struggling to catch all the words. "Well, what is it?" Dash had never seen Derpy react like this, so she struggled to keep her excitement down, expecting for it to be something super awesome. "I... I..." Derpy swalloed deep, continuing. "I love you..."

Dash's stare went completely blank, her jaw as long as it had ever been. Derpy blushed, though her stare was sadened. Not a single sign of joy. She had hoped to see Dash's smile, though there was none. Eventually, the tension loosened, and Dash resumed to her normal happy self. "It's okay Derpy..." She walked up to Derpy, patting Derpy's head. "It's okay... But... I'm sorry, I don't... Y'know, feel like that..." Derpy nodded, smiled and flew off. Dash could only stutter, making no actual words. It wasn't hard to miss that Derpy had been disappointed, and quite likely extremely sad, but Dash wasn't one for speeches, so she simply let Derpy fly off, now feeling extremely terrible, going back inside and laying on the bed, not caring to move.

Derpy, flying off, had barely been able to keep her tears at bay before she left. They now roamed down her cheeks, glad she was out of sight. "Damn it, DAMN IT! Why did I tell him? Why, why, why, why, why, why?!?" She hit herself in the head in pure regret, still flying. Twilight, wanting to talk to Derpy to get to the bottom of her recent behaviour, tried to shout for Derpy, but to no avail. She was ignored, and all she could do, was start sprinting.

Fluttershy was close by, and as Twilight ran past, her look catching Fluttershy's attention, Fluttershy set out to run alongside Twilight. "What's wrong?" she muttered. Twilight replied by telling her what Dash had told Twilight, and that Derpy was now soaring away, not even responding to her name being called. Fluttershy nodded, hugging around Twilight before flying up high, and after Derpy.

Though, Derpy's hatred for herself drove her to fly away, faster than Fluttershy, needing not only to carry herself, but also Twilight. "Drop me off and fly after her please.. You may only be good with animals, but friends stick together, so go get her!" Fluttershy hestitated, but went down to the ground and dropped off Twilight, flying off, after Derpy. Though, just as she seemed to catch up, another pegasus, a male came and snatched her out of the air. Fluttershy wasn't even making any competition, not even in the slightest, and all she could do, was watch the pegasus take her away.

She flew back to Ponyville, though, past Twilight, and directly to Dash's house, knocking at the window. No response. She saw Dash laying in the bed, though Dash hadn't even cared to respond. Fluttershy knew it was an emergency, and bursted through the front door, and to the bedroom. "Dash, DASH!" Fluttershy yelled. "What?..." Dash responded, saying it in a carefree tone. "Someone has kidnapped Derpy!" Dash shot from the bed, passing past Fluttershy, not even caring to hear if Fluttershy might have known the location. She flew past everything she could possibly hope to make out to be a possible location for the kidnapper's hide out.

"This is all my damn faulth! If only I hadn't denied her... She wouldn't have flewn off! Damn it, damn it, damn it!" She was now the one ending up crying. The guilt was eating her up. She shook her head. "No, Can't give up! Must find her!" Dash kept on searching for many hours, though, eventually returned to the village, meeting Fluttershy, who was sighing upon the sight of Dash.

"If you'd have only waited, I could've told you which direction they flew over to..." Dash blushed, feeling rather stupid, rubbing her hoove, looking to the ground. "Hehe... Ooops?" Fluttershy continued. "Well, if you really want to find her..." she spoke, pointing towards the sunset which was now approaching. "But you should probably wait until morning. It's getting awfully da-" She hadn't even gotten close to finishing the sentence before she saw Dash flying off in the direction Fluttershy had sent her.

Dash hadn't a care for day or night. "Who knows what might've happened to Derpy?" She flew until the moon rose high on the skies, over the forest she was currently above. Smoke.

She flew as fast as she could down to the source, and soon, within her sight, rested a cabin, well-lit, though surprisly hard to make out, even in night time. "No wonder I missed it." Dash peeked inside the closest window of the log cabin, near the door. No sight of her. "Maybe it's no-" she dove quickly into a bush, hearing voices.

Two. A large and muscular brown pegasus pony, just slightly smaller than Princess Celestia, as well as a considerably smaller pony without wings. No cutie mark? Though, based on the appearance of the critter, it might not have been quite as shocking. Nope. The tail had simply been blocking it. Eyes as red as blood, the pony's hair as fuzzed up as ever, the body twitches he did every once in a while causing her to want to say "Creepy" though, even as much as she wanted to just rush at them, she kept quiet as she saw he had a butcher's knife for a cutie mark.

This could not be good. Not even in the slightest. "Kehehe... That weird pony sure brings something new to our collection, don't you think?" the smaller one said, in a rather high-pitched voice, causing her to want to shut her ears, though, she made sure to keep quiet, at least for the time being. The larger one, having a bag that muffled screams, bore a cutie mark that shaped a weight. "Hurr Hurr... Sure does" he said, with a deep-toned voice, looking down at the smaller one, his words half-muffled by the rope that kept the bag in place on his back.

"Must... Resist... Urge..." She was fighting herself on the inside, mentally. They wandered inside the house, slamming the door shut behind them. Dash snuck up to the window as soon as they had gone within, seeing one of them throwing the bag onto a chair, tying it solidly, making sure for whatever it was, not to move. Ripping off the top part, revealing Derpy's head, Dash bit her hoove to keep her cool. "Resist... Resist..."

She boiled over, it was too much. One of them had flung their hoove right at Derpy, knocking her out. "That should teach the lit-" He didn't get further before Dash had shot through the window, starteling both of the males, Derpy unconcious. Glass shot in every direction, and as the two of them covered their faces, she grabbed Derpy, flying off with both her, and the chair, though just as she believed she was out of danger, even tasting the fresh air outside, her tail was caught by the teeth of the pegasus.

"Going somewhere?" the smaller one said

He yoinked her back in, along with Derpy.

"A-ah-ah. I don't think so"

Dash, disgusted and angered, spit the smaller one in the face, hitting him right in the eye, though, she could neither escape, nor move very much, or even oppose much of a threat. The pegasus had stepped on top of her, forcing her to the ground. "Wow, this is an even bigger treat than the other one. Let's get rid of her." Dash, feeling helpless, shouted and struggled, squirming below the grip of the bigger one, refusing to watch her friend 'taken care of'.

"No, no, no no! This is my faulth! Derpy's going to die because I fucked up! No, no, no..."

She was too shocked to even cry, laying there, emotionless. The smaller one grabbed a kitchen knife from a table not too far away. He wandered over Derpy.

"Nooooooooo!"

The knife was raised, though, before he could resume to lower it, she bit the hoove of the bigger one, allowing to get loose, and flew before the knife, it lunging deep into her right wing. She whinced, though stayed strong, grabbing a nearby vase, knocking it over the head of the smaller one.

"Wake up Derpy. Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!"

She shook Derpy, hoping for just a singular reaction. She got one. It wasn't from her screaming, it was from the blood of her wing splashing over Derpy's face, probably resembling water. She bit off the ropes, though no sooner had she allowed Derpy her freedom, than had she gotten knocked in the head by the bigger of the two. The smaller one was still passed out, though Derpy, in fright, flew off, past the bigger one, screaming and crying, racing away from the hut, having no specific target, just a steady pace away from it. Then it came to her realization.

If she left Dash, it would probably mean the end of her. "What do I do?" Though, Derpy wasn't much of a fighter, hence, she did only what she thought was right, and following the flow of the moon's slow pace, she flew after it, and down to Ponyville. Nobody was awake. Every door she knocked at remained silent. "Help, help!" Derpy shouted. "Just... Someone..." Her voice got more faint. She felt all hope was lost. She laid down on the ground, putting her hooves in front of her face.

"Dash is going to die... And there's nothing I can do..."

Either her voice was heard from someone above, or she was extra-ordinarily lucky. None of the other 5 of the group duo had rested. Twilight smiled, poking Derpy a few times with her horn. "You there? What's wrong?"

Derpy's eyes shut open, as she stood on all four once more. At first, she spoke too fast for the other 5 to understand even a single word, though they eventually calmed her enough to make sense of some of her words, at the very least. As it had been cleared out, they ran towards the hills once more. "Hu..." *Gasp* "Rry..." Derpy stuttered out, the flight one way having drained all her energy.

"We're running as fast as we can Derpy" Twilight blurted out. "My poor hoves can't go any faster" Rarity complained. "This is going to be super mega awesome super fun!" Everyone else gave Pinkie Pie an awkward stare. "What? It's adventure, isn't it?" They sighed and laughed amongst one another. Derpy stayed strong, with the little energy she had, she kept on bearing forward.

It took about an hour until they reached the log cabin. Derpy, having no more energy, fell flat to the ground, gasping for air as best as she could, looking to the others. "Sorry... You'll have to go get her... I... Can't go on for now..." she wheezed.

They nodded, and ran over to the cabin, knocking in the door. They weren't greeted with a delightful sight.

The two stood over Dash, one holding a knife that was stained in blood, the other chuckling at the blood that had been spilt. Dash was knocked over, and had several cuts all over her body. None too severe, but she was no longer consious, having passed out from the pain. "No, NO, NO!" The lot of them jumped the two. Even as the Pegasus might've been stronger than a single one, three of them brought him down to the ground without much effort.

The smaller one, now scared, dropped the knife to the ground, and was overthrown by Applejack and Pinkie Pie, being the two left available. Both were roped down, and as they loosened the ropes Dash had been tied up to, Derpy came storming through the door, catching Dash before she fell to the ground, too relaxed to even keep her balance.

She barely opened her eyes, to stare at Derpy. "S-So sorry..." she managed to say, and Derpy didn't even know Dash had passed out as she started saying it was okay, and trying to apologize back. They got back to Ponyville, and the doors that Derpy had knocked on stood open as they returned. Everyone had been looking for the 'prankster' that had awokened them, though their thoughts raced in other directions as the group came back with a badly wounded Dash.

Time passed at the hospital, and the only thing Dash could remember since after she freed Derpy, was 6 extremely happy faces in front of a hospital bed. She tried getting up, but her body aching caught her by surprise, and she laid back down.

"So... What happened?" Was the only thing she could ask, coughing lightly

"Well... You nearly got laid on thin ice for being a hero."

"What, you mean I'm a hero? Aweso-Ouch..." She had raised her hooves in excitement, only to lower them, accidently nudging her left wing, that being where the wound had been most severe.

The others laughed. Aside from a single one, who had her eyes filled with Tears. She stood further in the background, not daring to come forth until the others made room for her. "Yeah... You were a hero... I ran for help... If only I had brought you with me when I ran! I'm so sorry!" her cheeks now formed rivers of tears. She wanted to hug Dash, but the nurse had prohibited it, Dash being covered in too many wounds, meaning avoid all physical contact if possible

Though, Dash hadn't heard such, and for that reason, she reached out her hooves to Derpy. Derpy shook her head, refusing. "C'mere or I will promise you regret it!" she snickered. Derpy nodded, and slowly made her way over, gently placing her hooves around Dash. Dash placed her hooves firmly around Derpy, hugging her tightly. "I'm sorry... If I hadn't reacted like I did..."

"I-It's okay..." Derpy stuttered, still crying.

Dash parted the hug, ignoring the immediate pain that shot through her body, and placed her lips on Derpy's face. "I know I can't truly love you, but will a kiss at least make you happy?" Derpy, in shock, looked to the others, feeling she had made a huge mistake, though the others simply smiled and laughed, friendly. "I didn't mean... I don't know... I-" Twilight placed her hoove onto Derpy's mouth, silencing her.

"Don't worry Derpy. We won't judge you. And your secret is safe with us. We promise. Right guys?"

Everyone nodded, agreeing with Twilight.

Again, she teared up, hugging Twilight, before everyone else closed up as well, hugging her.

"Hey, don't leave me hanging! I'm the hero after all!" Dash shouted. Everyone looked to Dash, first with a rather confused face, then laughing. She laughed as well, and they all got close, hugging her gently, one by one, before backing off. A tear fell from Dash's cheek this time.

"What's wrong? Feeling a bit of emotion?" Twilight snickered. "There's that... And then there's all these hugs that have killed my body. Someone mind calling the doctor for a painkiller?"

The end(For now)

Comments

[Dashed_Brony]

I would love some creative critisism, positive and bad(Both if possible, either is fine). This does not mean say 'You suck at writing' or anything along those lines, so if you're here to rant about how you disliked it, be a little creative.

I am asking for both because I want to know what I should improve on, compared to what I should drop. I know I should probably extend my English vocabulary, but it's not my native language, and as such, the extent of my abilities only stretch so far.

To anyone who gives me a positive comment that might help me improve, cheers. The same to creative critisism that's considered negative towards me. I have no hard feelings towards someone putting me down if they make a valid point

[my little broney (MLB)]

now i want to know what you mean by for now god dang it by celestia you have to tell us soon

[Dashed_Brony]

337788 I will write up a continuation if I am in the mood to write. In general terms, it comes to me at completely random times, but if I do feel up for writing, I'll be sure to make this my main focus, in regards to everyone who appreciated it.

'For now' reffers to it as a possible permanent halt, but I'll try to avoid my focus on that idea since I feel Derpy and RD makes a good couple.

[Maxis122]

I really enjoyed that.
I liked the whole story and how it came to be.
All I can say is good job :3
And I cant wait for another part to this story! : D

[Pacce]

There's a lot that would need doing to this story, but the most basic thing that you could do to make it readable would be to remember the first rule of dialogue:
New speaker, new paragraph. It gets too confusing otherwise.

[Dashed_Brony]

337921 Yeah, I know. Thanks for the comment though. I am really bad on the paragraph to paragraph set-up, and the dialogue thing is still a work in progress for me. I am in general not that great an artist when it comes to words, so I'm still in the learning phase. I'll try to put more a focus on splitting them up over a more wide variety of 'chapters' or paragraphs.

[applejackrainbowdashpinkie4ever]

AWESOME! X so

[chief maximus]

Alright, a couple of things.
1) Use italics for thoughts anything else is just confusing.
2) New speaker, new paragraph.
3) Don't be afraid of using pronouns. Seeing a characters name 5 times in two sentences gets old fast.
4) Generally, ponies swearing is VERY out of character, and usually warrants a Mature rating.
5) Overuse of commas,

I would suggest getting an editor to help you catch these types of errors. Your story will improve by leaps and bounds if you just run your next chapter by a new set of eyes.

[10art1]

The plot is good, please check spelling and punctuation, that is the one thing that truly pisses me off more than a bland story.

[Bro Dash]

static.fjcdn.com/comments/3172160+_d455819f2b3a9ecb396765c0a9aa3688.jpg

General mistake for new writers who are just learning. You move the story on too fast and left much detailing out.

[fwamp2012]

the grammar could use some work. i like the plot and all of the feelings that are there. but, i feel like a story like this could use some more elaboration. To me it seems like everything in it happened rather quickly. i never really got out of that feeling that the characters were all rushing to do something. It's good for the time's that call for it but drawing out some of the parts that need to have more emotion can help to emphasize the feelings. Good story, just needs a little work