Chapter 5: Closure.
Vinyl Scratch's whole life at this point was a lie. She wanted nothing more but to be a normal pony and Star Shy kept that from her. Vinyl ran and sobbed all the way to the train station. She avoided looking at anypony. She didn't want anyone to realize her horrendous secret that now, even she had to hide.
The filly stood at the train station, looking directly at the floor the whole time. She had already bought her ticket to Canterlot upon arriving. Tears continued dripping from her eyes and She no longer wore her goggles. The train arrived to take Vinyl to Canterlot.
She used her job earnings to pay for a secluded room. She needed to be alone for the remainder of the trip. She thought about what her life would be like if the incident in Manehatten had never happened. Vinyl promised herself that after she saw her parents, she would expose her secret.
The train came to a stop in Canterlot. Vinyl Scratch composed herself and exited the train. She went over the address to her parents in her head. This was a problem for Vinyl. Vinyl has no knowledge of Canterlot and it's streets. She would have to ask for directions. She spotted a colt in a uniform selling train tickets outside the gates of the station.
Vinyl exited the station and walked up to the colt, keeping her head down. She asked him where the address would be. He pointed his off to the left and told her that the residence is a few blocks that way. Vinyl thanked the colt and galloped away.
Finally, she found the address she was looking for. Nervously, she knocked on the door. A light blue filly with white mane answered the door.
“Hello, May I help. . . you. . .” asked the home owner.
“Mother?” Vinyl whispered, looking directly into the eyes of the stranger.
“Vinyl. . . Is it. . .Is that you?”
“Yes. . . Yes it's me mom.”
“H-Honey get over here!” she turned and yelled.
“What is it?” a white colt with light blue man said, appearing behind Vinyl's mother.
“It's Vinyl.” she answered.
The colt peered over her mothers shoulder. “Vinyl. . .? Vinyl!”
“Hi, Dad.” Vinyl said with a smile on her face and tears on her cheeks.
The reunion started with hugs and kisses. Vinyl was invited into their home and welcomed to stay. She couldn't though and she knew it.
“I can't stay. They know I'm here. We could all be in danger.” Vinyl explained.
They knew this too. Her parents were told not to talk to Vinyl and that rule had been broken.
Vinyl sat upon the couch and so did her parents. There was something that bugged her.
“Why did you guys agree to stay away from me. . .” She asked. She felt unloved and unwanted despite their joy to see her.
“We had too, Vinyl. They told us that if we were to speak to you, it would confuse you and mess with your brain.” her mother explained.
“It was hard for us, Vinyl. We didn't want to say goodbye, but we didn't want you to die either.” said her father.
Her mother placed her hoof on Vinyl's back. “We did it because we love you.”
Vinyl sniffled then smiled. She hugged her mother and father in a group hug. Her parents wanted to celebrate their daughter's return. They both insisted on going into town and picking up a few things in order to make Vinyl dinner. Vinyl hated the idea at first but her parents promised she would be safe, and as an added measure; they would lock all the windows and doors before leaving, which they did. Her parents left Vinyl alone in the house. Vinyl spent her time in the guest room thinking about her new , normal, life. She wanted to stay here with her parents forever, however; it wasn't an option.
A knock on the door was heard. Vinyl got up, suspicious of who could be knocking. She had an idea of course, but if it was Star, this was her chance to finally end it. Vinyl opened the door slowly and she was right.
Star Shy kicked open the door. Vinyl backed away very quickly.
“You're so predictable, Vinyl.” Star mumbled with the device in her mouth. She released it from her mouth and held it in her hoof.
“What is that?” Vinyl asked and stopped moving.
“It's an EMP. It's small, so I have to be in within a close range of you. It's designed to disable your brain, allowing me enough time to bring you back to Manehatten for reprogramming.”
“Why can't you just leave me alone??” Vinyl stomped.
“Because, we still need results.” Star answered.
“Results for what?”
“I told you already. We need your data in order to create artificial intelligence. That's why we repaired you.”
Vinyl didn't want to go back to her life. Vinyl bit her lip and pleaded. “Please don't do this. . .”
Star Shy placed the EMP on the floor and held her hoof over it. “I have to. Your brain will help future generations.”
Star Shy's hoof fell.
“Wait!” Vinyl yelled. Star Shy stopped right before her hoof activated the device.
“What?”
“Remember how you used to tell me you became a doctor in order to help others? You wanted to help individuals recover from their accidents and get on with their lives. I thought that's what you wanted. That's the Star Shy I know and love.”
This was true. Star Shy became a medical doctor in order to heal others. Star had betrayed her beliefs and Vinyl for her own career. Star Shy had become so wrapped up in her own lie that she too became someone she wasn't.
Shame flooded Star's mind. She placed her off down away from the EMP and hung her head. “You're right. . . I became so obsessed with the project that I forgot why I became a doctor in the first place. . .” said Star.
“But I have to do this. . .” she added.
“Star, Please, No.” Vinyl pleaded and cringed down to the floor.
Star Shy stomped her hoof down on the EMP.
FIRST!!!
tracking.
interesting...
nice story i wish i could make one but i dunno how
340326>>340326
Thanks. It was more of an explanation on why she has goggles :P But I did my best to make it into a story.
340327
Let's see what we can do for that.
Step 1. Write down the idea, or Big Goal, of the story. Is there a conflict, or is it just a slice of life? What is the Big Goal of the main characters? Is it to beat the bad guy, or to return that book they borrowed? To confess their love to someone? Write down the Big Goal first to see if anything else follows.
Step 2. In order to get to the Big Goal, you're going to need to set up Little Goals. Every time a Little Goal is hit, the Chapter or Scene ends. So, let's say our story's Big Goal is "Applejack is trying to cheer up Apple Bloom after she thinks she loses her friends' trust." What Little Goals, or Chapters, can we get out of that? Here are some ideas:
>Applejack learns about Apple Bloom's problem
>Applejack tries to convince her this didn't happen the way she thinks it happened
>Apple Bloom is still in a funk
>Applejack tells her that if she's so upset over what happened, she should go apologize to her friends
>Apple Bloom apologizes
Not much of a story, but it's something. You can make your stories as big or as small as you like, so long as you just keep writing.
Step 3. Since this is a fanfic, think over what role each of the MLP characters could or should play. They can be cameos, main characters, antagonistic, or whatever role you think they could fit best.
Step 4. Brainstorm ideas. Keep writing down multiple (different) Big Goals, then bounce them off your friends to see if they think you could do something with it. If they have any suggestions, record them, then go over all suggestions to see if any of them will work within the confine of your story.
Step 5. Now comes the hardest part: now we have to write it. This is even trickier. First, we gotta hit the Big Five of Good Writing:
1. Characterization: every character needs to be in character at all times. 'Nuff said.
2. Information: characters and environments need to be described as though you've actually met them, or you were actually there. What do these places smell like? What can you see there? What can you hear? Write according to all five senses, this way making each backdrop more of an environment.
3. Variation: the first half of style. When describing something or someone, be sure to construct your sentences in engaging and creative ways. Don't just write "Twilight Sparkle was a purple unicorn with purple eyes and hair, and a magic spark for a cutie mark." Aim more for "So there she was: Twilight Sparkle, her magic spark for a cutie mark worn majestically on her purple coat. Her long dark-purple-with-pink-streaks mane appropriately accented her intelligent purple eyes, and her tail was just as fetching." There we go! Now THAT's a description!
4. Content: Every sentence has to mean something, and move the plot along. Chapters require multiple scenes, and every scene requires plenty of meaningful content. What does each scene carry? Is it a funny scene? Then the content should come across as downright hilarious. Is the content scary? It should be written in such a way to make the reader shiver. Your content needs an emotional charge to engage the reader and keep him intrigued with what's going on in your story.
5. Flow: the second half of style. Every sentence needs to directly impact the one next to it. Every paragraph should influence the next one, and segue gently from one to another. The biggest problem many newbie authors face is having good flow. All it takes is one sentence, and BOOM--the flow is thrown off, leaving your reader a little disoriented as to what exactly is going on.
In order to have good flow, be sure that every sentence in a paragraph is meaningful and impacts the scene in some way. Remove sentences that don't really do anything to move the scene along. Move paragraphs around so that they don't accidentally reveal somethign important before it's needed. Things like this take time to master, so don't get discouraged if you didn't know your flow was off.
Step 6. Before putting it up on the Internet, EDIT the story. This is where 50% of a writer's job takes place. Have a friend read your work.Take their advice and their suggestions to heart, and fix any mistakes this friend points out to you. Afterward, wait a few days, then return to the story and reread it again. If it looks good, make some minor edits and put it up on the Internet where the world can see it.
And there you have it! Everything you need to do in order to make a fanfic!
I find this story quite interesting.
340500 I noticed quite a few errors in the tense of various words.
e.g. "She then sets it down, goes downstairs to get a cup of coffee, and relaxed at the dining table."
I believe it might make more grammatical sense as "She then set it down, went downstairs to get a cup of coffee, and relaxed at the dining table."
Please someone correct me if I'm wrong.
340528 You're correct. Both tenses could be correct, but not in combination. There are very few places where you can mix past, present, or future. None of them are here.
340555 Thanks. Now that I reread it it only sounds slightly better in my head.
340492 i uh i toooooooo long cant read all headache ahhh
340615
Tl;dr:
1. Write down the main goal of the story.
2. Divide it into smaller pieces to separate chapters.
3. Pick out the MLP characters that will appear, and what they'll do.
4. Brainstorm. Keep thinking of things, bounce ideas off others for a while.
5 - That's the really important bit. Just read the whole thing.
6. Get it edited. Do not make the same mistake as hundreds of would-be writers do and post unedited work. Odds are it will have plenty of mistakes and people will hate it.
I KNOW BUT IM SAYING WHERE THE FLANK DO I PUT THE STORY I MEAN WRITE IT AT
...Somehow I suppose that Vynil will get her revenge when she takes over evrery computer, machine, artificial inteligences, robots and androids in the same fashon that Skynet did it in Terminator: Rise of the machines, in other words: She will not be delated like a regular virus... SHE WILL BECOME THE SYSTEM ITSELF
340500
Yeah xD I fixed it though. Had myself a nice laugh over that one.
340644
OH, right, that.
OK, well, one option is writing it in a text editor like Microsoft Word. However, since Word is no longer a free application, some stick to using Notepad instead, since that IS free. (In fact, I think the reason so many fanfics still have spelling errors is due to Notepad not having a spellcheck option.)
The other option, provided by this very website, is to
1. Go to your account page.
2. Select your "Stories" tab.
3. Select "New Story". Give it a name, short description, etc.
4. Select the "Edit Story" option when it appears.
5. In the Edit Box, write your story. You can even save it to the website instead of relying on a text editor program!
6. When you're sure you're done writing and editing everything, save the final draft, and select "Publish Story."
340638
Thank you. I tend to get too longwinded in my lectures on writing techniques.
Why Vinyl?!?!?! You were so close to being normal, to lead a normal life! I will always remember you as who you are, not what you are. Then again, we aren't sure if Star Shy pressed the button or destroyed the remote, so good job with that ending. this is one of the better stories I'v read.
Computer God - Black Sabbath
341164 It's still tagged as incomplete!
341004 ok thanks