Pony Versus Machine

by Smoker

5: Faster than a Speeding Rainbow

11:46 P.M.

62 hours and 14 minutes remain

XXXXXXXX

“Scout! Where are you, you speedy little jerk!” Rainbow Dash shouted irritably in her scratchy voice. She rapidly soared low over the town, eyes peeled for Scout.

Everyone else had gone to sleep long ago, but Rainbow Dash had stayed up at Twilight’s house, waiting for Scout to show back up. When he’d been gone for hours, she decided to go looking for him, but the little brat was apparently pretty good at hiding. Dash had been all over Ponyville, but saw neither head nor shoe of him.

“Ugh, where the hell is he?” Dash grumbled. “The only place I haven’t been to is…” She trailed off, flying up. She looked towards the Everfree forest.

“He wouldn’t… Of course he would, that idiot! SCOUT!” Dash cried, speeding towards the forest.

“Hey! Rainbow! Over here!”

Rainbow pulled a turn to see Scout running towards her, out of the forest. The biggest manticore Dash had ever seen was right on his tail.

“Hang on, kid, I got this!” Dash yelled, speeding towards the Manticore, her hind leg outstretched. Like a bolt of multicolored lightning, she smashed into the Manticore’s thick skull, instantly knocking it out.

“Jeez, kid, what were you doing? Why were you being chased by a Manticore?” Dash huffed as she trotted over to Scout, who hadn’t even broken a sweat during his frantic run.

“Well, after I calmed down, I went through a jog for the woods.” Scout explained. “I was doing some parkour, vaulting over rocks and stuff, only one rock wasn’t a rock, it was that bat-lion-thing!”

“Ugh… you idiot…” Dash said, facehoofing. “Well, the important thing is you’re all right. Come on, lets get to my place before that thing wak-“

Dash was interrupted by a loud BLAM. She whirled around to see Scout standing in front of the Manticore, his scattergun pressed to its forehead.

Or what was left of its forehead.

“There! That’s one bat-lion-whatever that won’t be bothering nobody anymore.” Scout said, smiling as he nudged the caved-in skull of the Manticore with his toe. “Ok, now we can-“

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

Scout jumped at Rainbow’s horrified scream. He turned to see her standing over the Manticore, her cyan fur turning a very pale blue. “You killed it! Oh my gosh! You killed it!” Rainbow said, trotting in place as she looked around herself frantically, as though she thought someone might have seen.

“What do you mean, I killed it? IT tried to kill ME-AAGH!” Scout cried out as Dash spontaneously vomited all over the grass. “Not the shoes, not the shoes!” Scout said, dancing out of the way.

“Oh my gosh… oh my friggin…” Dash whimpered before suddenly tackling Scout. She started beating his chest with her hooves. “How could you?! You’re a murderer! YOU’RE A FREAKING MURDERER!”

“Wha-ha-huh?” Scout stuttered, amazed at her reaction. “But-but-but-”

“It was a living creature!” Dash yelled in Scout’s face, tears running down her cheeks. “It had a family! It may have had kids! And you murdered it like it was nothing! What the hell is WRONG with you, you bucking PSYCHOPATH?!” Dash said, before burying her head in Scout’s shirt as she continuously pounded his chest, sobbing all the while.

“Er… there, there?” Scout said cautiously, as he gently petted Rainbow’s multicolored mane. The hairs of the mane felt oddly staticky, and sent a tingle through Scout’s fingers.

“Get away from me.” Dash said, shoving Scout away from her. “Just stay the hell away from me.” She flew off, leaving a very confused Scout behind.

“What the hell just happened?” Scout asked nobody in particular.

XXXXXXXX

A few minutes later, Scout reached Twilight’s house, hoping for answers. He had his fist raised to knock, when the door suddenly opened. “Ah, Herr Scout! Do come in!” The Medic said, gesturing inwards.

“Thanks, doc.” Scout said, walking inside. He saw Twilight, standing by the shelves and rifling through books like they were potato chips being snarfed down. She was surrounded by a massive pile of tomes. “Um, Twi-whatever?” Scout asked, tapping her.

With a start, Twilight whirled around. “Oh, Scout. You startled me.” Twilight said. She quickly used her magic to put all the books back, smiling nervously at Scout all the while.

“Um… what were you doing?” Scout questioned.

“Oh, nothing, nothing at all!” Twilight said, walking over to the table. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Oh, yeah…. Well y’see…” Scout said, as he began to explain his predicament.

Twilight stayed quiet for the duration of the rather short story, only asking a couple questions now and then. She gasped when he described how he killed the Manticore, but other than that remained expressionless.

“And then she just says ‘just stay the hell away from me’ and flies off! I mean, what the hell was that about?” Scout finished.

“Well, Scout, the thing you have to understand is that intentional murders are very rarely committed in Equestria. Barely one per year country-wide, unless some major crisis occurs.” Twilight stated.

“That wasn’t murder, that was self-defense!” Scout cried.

“Even so, most ponies have never seen anything more harsh then a bug being squashed, let alone a large mammal being killed.” Twilight said.

“But… But…” Scout stuttered. “…but you guys were murdering robots left and right just a few hours ago!”

“That was different! They weren’t alive!” Twilight said in an exasperated voice.

“Oh for the luvva…” Scout said, rolling his eyes. “Well then what do I do?!”

“Apologize!” Twilight cried, waving her hooves in the air. “Say you’re sorry for killing a wild animal right in front of her!”

“Aw, but that means I have to take responsibility for my actions!” Scout whined.

Twilight looked at him, dumbstruck, and was about to reply when Medic cut in. “If I may, Twilight.” He turned to Scout. “You may stay here instead, Scout.” Medic said.

“Really?” Scout said, raising his eyebrows.

“Of course! It’s time for your monthly injection anyways.” Medic said, casually polishing a syringe the size of his forearm.

“One apology coming right up!” Scout said as he zoomed right out the door.

XXXXXXXX

“17… 18…” Scout counted the addresses as he walked down the street. He’d obtained Rainbow’s address, and was just about to reach her house.

“19… 20 Cooler Lane!” Scout said, but as he took a look, he saw no house in the designated spot. He looked around, but could not spot the house anywhere. Then he looked up, and saw the massive cloud-mansion up in the sky, almost directly above him.
“Damn.” Scout said in awe. “But how the heck do I get up there?” He looked around, but saw no stairs or ladders. Then he remembered. “Oh yeah… wings.”

The runner sighed. “Figures. Now how the hell do I apologize?” Then he came up with an idea. He pulled out his Sandman, which he was still carrying with him. He backed up, and took aim at the one window with a light on. He kissed his lucky baseball, then smacked it with all his strength. The small projectile went up, up, up, up….

“home frickin run!” Scout cheered, throwing his hands in the air as his ball went clear through the open window. Then he heard a faint cry of pain, and a rainbow blur zoomed out of the window.

“Ok, who’s the wise guy!” Rainbow said, whipping around and throwing punches at the air. Then she spotted Scout on the ground. “Oh. You.” She said coldly, not coming down an inch.

“Yo wassup.” Scout said calmly, oblivious to Rainbow’s irritation.

“You got ten seconds flat before I start screaming for the police, you murderer.” Rainbow said, crossing her forelegs.

“Ah, geez…” Scout said, rubbing the back of his head before saying quickly, “Look, it’s a bit complicated to explain. Could’ja just come down here, and – WHO-AGH!” He was cut off when Rainbow zipped down and picked him up, carrying him onto her cloud/front porch.

“C’mon… we may as well talk in here.” Rainbow muttered as she trotted to her front door. Scout followed tentatively, rather nervous to be walking on condensed air.

The inside of Rainbow’s home was even bigger then it looked on the outside. The walls were covered with medals and trophy stands, and pictures of some ponies in blue jumpsuits.

“Sit.” Rainbow said coldly as she walked up to a cloud/chair, and sat down, gesturing to another cloud/chair on the other side of a cloud/table.

Scout sat down, and placed a hand on his forehead, rubbing it gently. “Look… I don’t even know where to start with you. I mean, do you even know who ya talkin’ to?”

“A cold-blooded murderer.” Rainbow snapped back.

Scout shivered. “Geez, girl, enough with the murder already, ok? I already told you, it was self-defense.”

“Even so, you had the opportunity to just walk away.” Rainbow said.

“Ugh.” Scout said, still rubbing his head. “Look, I don’t really know how to tell ya this.”

“Just spit it out already-“ Rainbow said, but was cut off by Scout.

“Look, it’s my job to kill people, ok?” Scout said, slamming his hand on the cloud/table. Being a cloud, there was barely any sound from the impact, which just amplified the following silence as Rainbow just stared at Scout.

Taking the opportunity to talk now that Rainbow was quiet, Scout quickly said, “For the past five or six years, it’s been my job – been all of my friends’ jobs – to murder people.

“I admit it, I don’t know that many details.” Scout continued. “All I know is, this lady in a blue-red suit comes up to me one day, and asks if I’d like a crapton of moolah. I say yes, and the next thing I know, I’m given a scattergun and a baseball bat and ordered to kill a bunch of people on the other team!”

Scout put his head in his hands. “I needed the job, I’d do anything for it! My family… I have, like, twelve brothas, and they eat a lotta food. Before my mercenary job, Me and my older brothas had to work like three jobs each to support ourselves and our… our ma…” Scout trailed off. “Oh god… oh god, Ma! I – I’m never gonna see her again! I don’t know where that portal thing here was, none of us do! My entire family’s gonna crumble without me, and I’m stuck here with a bunch of GODDAMN TECHNICOLOR HORSES!” Scout broke down entirely, and started bawling, his head hitting the table with a soft thump.

It felt like eons to scout as he laid there, crying into the soft clouds. It was only a few seconds later, though, when he felt soft arms encircling him. He looked to his side to see Rainbow Dash had crossed over, and was hugging him softly. “It’s ok.” She soothed quietly, stroking his back with her surprisingly soft hooves.

Scout’s crying increased a little, and he scooped up Rainbow Dash in his arms. Together, they had a good cry for a little while, in each other’s arms, Rainbow next to Scout.

Eventually, Rainbow pulled away. “C’mon, kid. Let’s get you to bed.” She said, slowly helping up the still-sobbing Scout and escorting him to the stairs. Even though she only came up to his waist when she was on all fours, and only up to his neck when balanced precariously on her hind legs, she still managed to lead him like a guide dog, with him gently hanging on to her neck.

Eventually, the two of them reached the guest bedroom, and Rainbow Dash laid Scout down on the cloud-bed. She then pulled the sheets over him, and quietly left the room, closing the door behind her.

Then Rainbow Dash walked to her own bedroom, and flopped down into her bed. Sleep eluded her, though, and she found herself staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours, all the while thinking, “Why? Why am I allowing a murderer to sleep just down the hallway of my own house?

“And why… do I feel the strangest sense of pity for him?”

XXXXXXXX

Rainbow awoke the following morning to a most delicious smell. It smelled like pure, buttery, warm, freshly-baked goodness. Still half-asleep, she slowly crawled out of bed and drifted down the hallway and down the stairs.

The smell led her to the kitchen, where she saw Scout. The Bostonian had his back turned to her, and was facing the stove. He soon casually turned around, and flopped two steaming-hot pancakes from a frying pan onto a plate on the kitchen’s island. He then turned back around to grab some syrup.

When he turned back to the pancakes, he saw two giant, adorable, magenta-colored eyes peering over the side of the island at the warm cakes. He chuckled. “Mornin’ to you too, Rainbow.” He said, picking up the plate and bringing it and the syrup over to the table. As he grabbed a second plate, he noticed Rainbow Dash slowly circling to the opposite side of the table and sitting in the chair over there.

He walked back over and plucked one of the pancakes from the plate, delicately setting it onto the second plate. He then passed the plate over to Dash. The little pony pounced on it immediately, moaning like she was dying as she took her first bite of the scrumptious pancake.

“Yeah, Mom’s secret recipie gets ‘em every time.” Scout said, cutting off a bite of his own pancake and eating it. The two of them ate for about thirty seconds, then Scout spoke. “Listen, Rainbow, about last night-“

Rainbow stretched across the table, and placed her forehoof to Scout’s mouth, silencing him. “Tell you what – make me another couple of those pancakes, and we’ll call it even.”

Scout paused, than smiled. “Can do.” He said, getting up and walking back to the stove.

“Don’t get me wrong, I am still mad about it.” Rainbow said after a minute. “I just, um, figured that we had more important things to worry about.”

“Like what?” Scout asked as he finished the pancakes, putting them onto a plate.

“Like you teaching me how to be as good a fighter as you.” Dash said, smiling.

Scout looked at her, then smiled back. He walked over, carrying the pancake plate in one hand and unclipping his scattergun with the other. He set the pancakes in front of Dash, then knelt down next to her.

“Now, you fire by hitting this little trigger here. Then you reload by twisting it like so…”

Comments

[NLRPony]

Scout X Rainbow, I ship it (along with the canon ship of Scout X Paulin), do you?

[Dismay]

5150304 no i dont , honestly rainbow is something like the people who would say they would fight in a war then when the chance arises they cower in the corner. rainbow dash would like scout because of his speed and stuff along those lines but nothing else

[ShadowLDrago]

“Oh my gosh… oh my friggin…” Dash whimpered before suddenly tackling Scout. She started beating his chest with her hooves. “How could you?! You’re a murderer! YOU’RE A FREAKING MURDERER!”

Mercenary technically, he just does a lot of killing, part of the job.

“Apologize!” Twilight cried, waving her hooves in the air. “Say you’re sorry for killing a wild animal right in front of her!”
“Aw, but that means I have to take responsibility for my actions!” Scout whined.

... Are you serious?

“C’mon… we may as well talk in here.” Rainbow muttered as she trotted to her front door. Scout followed tentatively, rather nervous to be walking on condensed air.

How is he doing this without a cloudwalking spell?