Hope/ An Angel in Equestria

by brandsca123

A dark and stormy night

CHAPTER ONE
A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT

A/N. k this is my very first fanficand some constructive critisisimn would be helpfull as my spelling and grammer is terreble. Anyway don't forget to comment and rate the fic.

A small cry could be heard deep within the everfree. Fluttershy who was outside to cheek up on her chickens had heard a loud noise. Thinking it was an animal in trouble, she decided to go and rescue the creature dispite it being night time. It was raining over the everfree and the yellow pegasus was franticly running through the forist looking for the sorce of the noise. The pegasus perked her ears up and listened. A faint crying could be heard. She suddenly took of like a bullet in the direction of the noises.

"Oh my... I only hope whatever is making those noises is ok..." She kept going, only stoping to listin and pinpoint the location of the sounds. As she kept going further into the forist the noises kept getting louder, as she kept going faster, to rescue the creature hopefully before it gets hurt. Fluttershy ran faster and faster panting deep and heavy breaths as she neared a small clearing. She stoped suddenly, as she found the sorce of the noises ontop of a small hill. By now the rain was coming down hard and a small rumble could be heard in the distance.

"Hee....hello? Are you all right?" The pegasus stutterd. The crying only intensified, whatever was making the noise was obviously in distress. The pegasus slowly and steadily trotted out to the hill and let out a small gasp at what she saw.

"Oh dear..ummm...oh..what do i do?" The pegasus just stared at the top of the hill and stopped right next to it. What she saw was a baby, lying on it's back naked and wet, shivering with cold. It wasn't a pony as far as Fluttershy could tell. It was furless and had no hooves. It slightly resembled a small ape. its little hands swinging out in the air as the creature let out more cries of distress. The pegasus looked around to see if she could spot the young ones parents. She couldn't see them, and by now she was looking at the baby with pitty in her eyes.

"Shhhh...It's ok....I'm here..Don't worry..I'll take care of you." She cuddled the infint trying to shield it from the rain as she started to leave the forist.

"What are you?" She thought to herself. The infant was still crying but it's shivering had slowed a little as she left the clearing.

"Hush now I wont hurt you." The pegasus said as she nuzzled the baby. Finaly the infant stopped crying about halfway through the forist and was sound asleep. The pegasis looked at the baby and started to cry silent tears as she said to herself.

"Who would leave a baby out in the middle of the everfree all alone with nopony to protect them?" She thought long and hard about what just happened, but stoped when she came to a small cottage. There was a small sign that said "Fluttershy's cottage" hanging on a mailbox. Fluttershy went up to the door and entered her cottage then went upstairs to her room. She got a towel and started to dry the little infant. It grunted at being woken up and took a look at the timid pegasus in front of it and cooed. Fluttershy stared back at the creature and hugged it closer to her putting in a protective hold. She then felt a cold peace of metal and quickly put the baby down and stared at a small chain locket that was around the baby's neck. She took the locket off and looked at it curiously. She saw the name "Hope" ingraved on it.

"Hope?...Is that your name" Fluttershy then looked at the baby that was staring back at her with a knowing look and cooed again. Fluttershy then opened the locket to find a note that fell out. Fluttershy picked it up with her teeth and put it on the dresser where she unfolded it. The letter said...

To whomever is reading this. This is Hope our daghter. If you find her please take good care of her becuase she is the last of her kind. In a last ditch effert to save our people from going extinct we sent her away through a dimentional gate to protect her. Our world is dying and if your reading this we might be dead. We only ask that you protect her and rase her as she is our only hope.

Fluttershy looked at the letter and back the baby.

"Last of your kind?" Fluttershy said to herself, a small tear going down her face. She went up to the baby and got onto the bed and cuddled the infant close.
"I only hope my friends will be able to accept you" Fluttershy said as she fell asleep. Hope cuddled closer to Fluttershy and said with a small squeakey tone.
"Mama."

Little did they know a small furry bunny was staring at them. Angel the rabbit hopped up onto the dresser and took a look at the note and locket. He rolled his eyes and hopped back down and out of the room.

Somewhere in the everfree a small vortext appered and two Strange creatures came out. They had dark black eyes and skin that looked like it was rotting off. Two black curved hornes were present on them. They stood on four legs that each ended in a claw with a blade like protrusion coming out of the heel. they had a scaly face that resembled a snake and had two sharp fangs that jutted out of there jaws. The tail was long and whip like and ended in a small blade like tip. they had wings that looked like a bats but had holes in them. they let out low grumbling growles as they sniffed around the ground. Suddenly one spoke with a low rumbling voice.

"I smell her. The child of harmany shouldn't be to far." The other one groweld and sniffed some more.

"Grrrarrrr....Somethings else was here, Kabold most likely it has the child."

"Hmmm yes that could be a problem but we could easily fix that Sheraa" Suddenly a large growl could be herd behind the two strange creatures. They both turned around to face whatever had snuck up on them. A mantacore, a half bat, half loin, half scorpion stared down the two creatures with hunger in it's eyes. All three stood their ground as they stared at each other.

"Well well well Kabold this creature thinks it can stand against us of the deamonta race." Sheraa chuckled.

"Why not show this pittyfull creature what happens to those who think they can hurt us." Kabold said. Both creatures pounced at the manticore. A small howl of pain could then be herd throughout the everfree.

Comments

[brandsca123]

wow first chapter. alright people pleas let me know what you think so far and don't be afraid to help me out in spotting some of the spelling/grammer mistakes. Also if you have any idiea's on how the story should progress please PM me with your idias.

[Lord_Kalbario]

sorry but. you asked for it...
A small cry could be "herd" = heard
the yellow "pegasis" = Pegasus
through the "forist" = forest
ears up and "listined" = listened
It was "furliss" = furless
young "ones" parents = one's
She cuddled the "infint" trying to "sheild" it = She cuddled the "infant" trying to "shield" it
noponey = nopony
signh = sign
enterd = entered
lockit = locket
effrt = effort
aaaaand
demensional = dimentional

hope it helps!!!

[Anon]

suddenly took "of" like a bullet = off
"sorce" of the noise = source
"stoping" to "listin" = stopping & listen
into the "forist" = forest
she "stoped" suddenly = stopped
"ontop" of a small hill = on top
the pegasus "stutterd" = stuttered
with "pitty" in her eyes = pity
started to leave the "forist" = forest
"Finaly" the infant stopped crying = Finally
capitalize the "e" in Everfree also it's called "The Everfree Forest" not "Everfree"
but "stoped" when she came to a small cottage = stopped
a cold "peace" of metal = piece
"ingraved" on it = engraved
This is Hope our only "daghter" = daughter
protect her and "rase" her = raise
small "squeakey" tone = squeaky
a small "vortext" "appered" = vortex & appeared
black "hornes" were present = horns
jutted out of "there" jaws = their
they let out low grumbling "growles" = growls
the child of "harmany" = harmony
shouldn't be "to" far = too
the other on "groweld" = growled
could be "herd" behind the two creatures = heard
a "mantacore" = manticore
if it's a name of a race, then capitalize the "d" in demonta
"pittyfull" creature = pitifull
could be "herd" throughout the "everfree" = heard & capital "e" in Everfree
Hopefully my list can help you with writing future chapters... OH! Before I forget, make sure to proofread your chapters before submitting them. I would suggest at least a two day check before submission! But other than that, good story so far! Any other questions, just send me a message or comment in my story "The Good, The Bad, and...The Ponies?"(It's a good story by the way)

[Dusk Stalker]

Always remember to Indent each new Paragraph, always the basics, and don't forget to add a little meat(Words) to your story.

Just build it up it certain events, don't be sudden. Their is potential in this story just keep it up.

[MicroUltraMad]

Do you mind if I steal your idea of a human infant found in Equestria?
I could have so much fun with this, i could totally turn this into a great story(not saying yours isn't great, I am a grammar nazi so I can't really read things with too many errors).

[Zelda Spectrum]

Good chapter, there are quite a few spelling errors, but nothing too big. And that baby is sooo adorable!
polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=44807274

[Thule]

Half, half, half..... How many halves does the manticore have? Everyone knows only the "ManBearPig" has three halves!

[Nihatclodra]

324873 You missed one: "Loin and "Lion".