1 - The Nobody
December 22, Eternum packed up his bag then exiting the train, looking now at Ponyville.
"I hope this place can give me a fresh start." Talking to himself in a neutral look."Well, time to find a house to settle in."
Eternum now began walking to Ponyville, looking at every houses to stay. He found one that is affordable enough for his money, unfortunately, before he can even think of buying the house, he recalled that he reminded to himself a few weeks ago about that his money is only for his education. Angering himself after recalling it, he decided to move on and searching any spots while keeping his money intact. After an hour of searching, he found an empty alley that is not very sanitizing as he thought, it is the only spot that he can settle in as his new home. Feeling uncomfortable by his new home, Eternum brought out his diary then started writing this: "Dear diary, after a month passed after the death of my parents, I moved to a new place called Ponyville. At first, it was very fair for me to stay, though it wasn't easy to find one. I just hope that I'll ever make new friends with or without a cutie mark". After three hours looking at the night sky, Eternum sleeps.
The next day, he walked straight to the school with a sad look on his face, looking through the window to see other ponies, then opened the door leading to his new classroom. The teacher asked him: "Hello there sir. What's your name?". At first, he was very shy to answer the teacher, but he was able to boost a little confidence to respond like this: "My n-name is Eternum...I-I'm new here at Ponyville, I'm alone, but my parents didn't abandoned me, t-t-they just wanted to learn how to take care things by myself". Wiping off the sweat from his head, Eternum knew that he had to lie to keep it a secret. After the introduction, he then moved to sit on his chair, looking down like he still carried the burden inside him. As class started, some of the students were teasing him by whispering about having a blank flank. This problem goes on until they started to throw crumpled papers at him. The teacher wasn't be able to notice because she was busy showing the class the solution to a math problem. Feeling of so much pain, Eternum continued to ignore them no matter how much they did to despise him. During recess, he sat down with a table alone, nothing else to eat, and closing his eyes, remembering what his classmates did to him a few minutes ago. Crying silently, he saw a young filly from a distance, walking towards him, then started to tell him this,
"Don't listen to 'em, they're just rude people that's all." She began wiping the tears off from his face. "Ya know, ah really like ya ignoring and resisting of what they did. Yer seemed to be strong, pardner."
Eternum responded: "Well.... I-I-I-I-I thank you..."
"What's yer name again?," said the young filly with a smile.
"M-m-my-m-m-my name i-i-i-i-i-is Eternum..." He felt the chill at his shoulder as he tried to say the words.
"Please to meet ya! Ah'm, Apple Bloom." The young filly started to shake hooves with him.
Apple Bloom then asked him, "How did ya end up here at Ponyville?"
"I-I-I don't want to talk about it," said Eternum. "You may not believe me."
"Aw come on now," the filly was very curious about his story.
"No... It doesn't matter." Eternum replied with the same expression.
"Well if ya don't tell me, Ah'll just force ya ta tell me." Apple Bloom prepared her apple, ready to put it in his mouth.
Thinking that she's gonna hurt him, Eternum immediately hold her hooves, crying for mercy, then saying to her, "ALRIGHT! I'll tell you! Please don't hurt me..."
The young filly then put her apple down to listen of what Eternum is about to say.
"It all started back at a small village just southwest of Canterlot. My parents were grateful to have son to take care and love with. I was like a gift from them, moreover, they always comforted me when I have problems regarding about making friends. From my previous school, I was hardly approched by anyone because I don't have a cutie mark and a special talent. After a month, there was fire in our home, it burned all throughout the house. That day would've been the day of my death, but my parents saved me by throwing me out in the window, only to be saved by the rescue team. I still wonder what had happened to my parents, however, it no longer matters to me cause for what I know, my parents died to save their precious treasure. I took my father's last payment from his work to use it for continuing my education, additionally, I found a ticked from his pocket. I looked at it and it says that the ticket is a free train ride to Ponyville. Knowing that I can't bear anymore being a nobody and the loss of my parents, I decided to take the train ride for the sake of my life."
"I lived in an alley, by the way."
"Ah didn't know that ya came this far with a big burden." Apple Bloom gave a sad look to him.
"I know it wasn't easy, but it's all worth it to start a new life," said Eternum. "The first that I want in life is to be a somebody, though." Eternum now looked down, facing whatever the outcome that he would get.
"Don't worry, pardner, Ah'm hear fer ya." She gave him a tight embrace, showing that how touched she was.
Eternum, feeling the hug from her, he remembered how it was similar to what his parents gave to him before. He then hugged her back with unforgettable tears. After a long hug, Apple Bloom asked him,
"How would ya like to stay with mah family? Ya can have a real home and real friends with us!" Apple Bloom then gave her a cute smile to him.
He replied, "Oh yes! I would love it!" He jumped out with joy and happiness.
Since then, the two became friends and Eternum finally becomes a somebody to someone. He now lives with the Apple Family, helping them in their work and gaining the greatest friendship with his one and only partner: Apple Bloom.
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I think you need a pre-reader... and to drop the group boxes.
3665490 Already fixed the boxes.
3665490 I think he needs an intervention.
3665578 What do you mean?
3665614
>Hyper O.O.C name.
>"Batman" tragedy.
>Immediate rejection by fellow students.
>Doesn't make any sense as to how or WHY he lives in an alley. (And how was he able to take the train/buy a ticket without noticing that he's too YOUNG to buy a goddam train ticket for himself)
All the makings of a bad plot and crappy character.
3665907 I don't disagree with any of your point... But I believe it is his first story, and I'm not sure he is very old. Frankly, I don't really know anybody who didn't fall into some writing pitfall in his first try.
3667806 True, but I'm the site boogyman, so it's my job put the pressure on new authors.
Tempering the steel, so to speak.
3667809 Are you saying that to let me further improve in making a story?
3667809 Hmm... I don't remember you hammering me on the head when I did some shitty human-in-Equestria with a grammar error every two words. Were you in vacation, or did I forget you?
Kidding. I guess you have quite a lot of work in here!
3667878 Yes.
3667887 You have literally no idea. Also, I probably was, or you deleted my comment.
3668055 I never delete comments.