Rarity Eats a Bone.

by ron

The Bone, The Boutique, and The Robber.

This is a true story. I was there. But it wasn't easy though, I really had to squeeze in to get a spot. But I was there. And I was watching.

It was a pretty basic 1AM; and Rarity was just doing her mane and was feeling the piercing boredom of staying up late with nothing to do. So naturally she decided to go outside and scavenge the lands. This was so normal to her. Crawling outside (because she has four legs, so she is always crawling), like a spooky horse me smokey baby. She put her horsey snout down and sniffed the ground intensely.

"Hmm, I wonder if I can find some sticks" Rarity thought.

But of course not, the Stick Robber would arrest her if she had any sticks.

"Scratch that, maybe I can find something super spicy for my sister to eat so I can laugh at her spicy pain"

Yes! That is what she will do. Find something really dumb to put in her sisters soupy soup. Screw you Sweetie Belle. Eat pain, you fool. Rarity couldn't seem to find anything, and her gem-finding magic can't find anything but stupid gems.

"How useless, I hate gems" Rarity thought sadly to herself, as a sad tear dripped down her fur, making it soaked.

"Ah! My fur!" Now she was is fury mode, and kept crying! Tears spewing out of her tear glands like a sprinkler, making her coat more and more soaked!

"Ahhh! I'm totally getting soaked in tears!" She was so upset. This infinite chain of her crying about her coat getting wet from tears, and then crying about it went on for a long time, until she learned that she can drink her own tears. However, there was no end to the sadness in her life. She got a bad stomach ache from the tears overflowing, and couldn't keep it in, and just straight up vomited all over the place. Luckily, this stopped her crying, ending the painful cycle.

"Oh Celestia! What a terrible night I've been having. I better just go back inside and forget this ever happened. Besides, I need to clean Sweetie Belle soon." She spoke.

She walked back to the front of the Boutique, UNTIL.... She noticed something serious... Seriously wrong more like...

A bone... A femur of some kind laying on the dirty ground. Rarity went over and looked at it. Like really, she really dug her face up there, sniffing the shit out of it.

"Hmm, a bone?" She thought with a raised eyebrow. "How peculiar..."

She picked it up with her teeth, and then dropped it, realizing she could just levitate it. She smacked herself in the face as punishment for being so silly. Smack, smack, smack! she went, smacking her sexy self for being such a stickycomb. And you know, she was going to go back inside, until she noticed somepony in the distance, coming closer to her.

"Drop it." The masculine voice said, demanding that she drop the bone.

She was frozen in fear, realizing who this was. The Stick Robber. A 12 foot tall beast of a pony. Thicker muscles then even Big Mac. He wore a black suit, and his mane was a very long, and sticky with some kind of gunk. This monster was well known for creeping out at night and stealing anypony who dares pick up sticks. He was a complex character, with much history all over Equestria. Equestria was his. He was free. He was the truth. He was The Stick Robber. Rarity knew this, and was scared.

And then, she realized something... This wasn't a stick. This was a femur, a bone!

"Mr, I know who you are... And this isn't a stick you see! This is a bone!" She said firmly, letting him know who's boss.

"Shut up you skank! I'm not The Stick Robber anymore!" He corrected loudly. "I'm taking bony ponies now... You know, ponies who take bones. Like you!"

He continued his explanation, "Yeah, it all started one peaceful afternoon. I was just doing laundry, washing all the sticks I stole that night, when I ran out of water" He was almost in tears by this point.

"And I just couldn't take it, I knew that my existence was almost entirely pointless, all I do is kidnap ponies with sticks, and then let them live in my house." Where was he going with this? "And I just decided that enough was enough. I had my chance, and I failed... I almost killed myself at one point, with a Ratatouille DVD box set. But I recovered! And I decided that I was no longer to take ponies with sticks, but instead, take ponies with bones. Slimy tender bones. And you're my first victim."

The fear returned to Rarity. The Bone Robber? Was this joker serious?

"Well... No," Rarity was being brave here, "I won't give you my bone. This is my bone and I found it, fool".

"What!? You dare stand up to MEEE!?" He screamed in his annoying voice. "I-I AM THE LORD!."

"No, you're just a stupid bone stealing protein guzzling fool" Rarity was really putting her money where her mouth was.

And just like that, The Bone Robber sprung into action and sprinted at her. Rarity didn't know what to do, so she dropped her bone, and just like that, picked up The Bone Robber! and threw him a million miles away. (Don't worry, he's okay..."

She picked up her bone, and went in the Boutique...

And Sweetie Belle was watching... Shaving silently... Feeling disgust at what she was seeing. How could her sister do this? This was just the beginning, however...

Author's Note:

Thanks for all your support for making this story possible, next chapter will come out soon so stay tuned for more!

Comments

[lmagine]

... O-Okay... I have no idea what I just read.

[ron]

WHY DOES EVERYOPNE DISLIKE THISS U UNGRATEFUL BRATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Winter Storm]

3654191 Because we need the fulfillment of downvoting trollfics.

[Manes]

DEAR GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!

[Kritten]

Great trollfic. Much wow. Such fulfilment. Story greatest. 10/10. Like. Favorited. Subscribed.

[ron]

This is not a "trollfic", this is rel!

[askshadowthepikachu]

This is the meaning of life.

[ron]

3654372
Thanks Tony.

[askshadowthepikachu]

3654526

No prob.
But how do you throw up your own tears?

[ron]

3654532

>Drink Tears
>Vomit

[askshadowthepikachu]

3654726

Yes. I know.
But what would it look like?

[Neoarcad]

oh my fucking god i am literally dying laughing right now you can't even

[Zeyon The Green]

Oh the feels that poor guy wanted a bone and Rarity was a mean bitch and threw him away. Oh Sad, oh boohoo, oh woe is all that is bony and good in the world.

In all seriousness it was funny as hell, I don't feel like my time was wasted at all. So it's not a troll fic to me, but I am easily entertained.

[Abraham Pony Link]

I just love the pony bone police they is my fav

[ron]

3655446
3655382

Thanks :)

Yes I wasn't trolling around, this is genuinely my sense of humor. I wasn't actually going to finish this, but, I will.

[Flutterkill123]

This is pretty amusing I'm not really sure were all the dislikes are coming from