It was a cold night in Canterlot. Princess Luna was doing her night patrol when she heard a baby's cry. She looked at the spot when she saw a beautiful blue baby. She approached the baby and the baby was surprised. The baby's purple eyes twinkled in the night and it looked like a star. Luna couldn't feel to abandon the poor baby so she took her to the palace. At the palace Princess Celestia woke up and was surprised by Luna being happy over something. When Celestia looked at the thing, Luna tried to block her view. Princess Luna did this for a long time until the cry gave it away. Princess Celestia moved Luna with her magic and saw the baby. She couldn't believe her eyes! The baby was too cute for her! Luna then talked to Celestia about the baby and they both agreed to adopt her, since she was abandoned. The two princesses started to think of a name. Blue Skies, Blue Night,Blue Stars, even Blue Cheese was included in the list! Princess Luna then removed the baby's cloak and it revealed a horn. Princess Luna started to think of a better name. She then remembered the time that she saw the baby. It was midnight and the baby's purple eyes twinkled in the night. "Tia, how about Midnight Twinkle?", Princess Luna said. Princess Celestia nodded in agreement and smiled. She knew that this unicorn might make her sister become happier and livelier. Princess Luna even volunteered to be the unicorn's mother. Princess Celestia smiled and then went to sleep.
inHmm the grammer and spelling are tolerable but here are two things that can't be ignored:
Pacing and detail: every things happening way too fast with little to no detail in-between events. It felt rushed, first this happened then that happened then then happened which caused this to happen. Then you look over and see that only 10 sec had passed.
WoT: wall of text. This means that you had no space or indentation between paragraphs and there should be at least 1here
See