This is a pretty good sequel to a pretty good story. There's a fair few mistakes, mostly in verb choice. Not enough to make me stop reading, but enough to notice. I've largely ignored such things, mostly because they're years old, but also because I don't like to be too nitpicky. It's too easy to come across the wrong way when it's just the written word. That said, the following remark is meant to be good-natured teasing.
Since when do unicorns have hands?
"Why?" Fluttershy asked quietly with a small giggle that sent chills down Rarity's back. "What would we be doing if we could?" Rarity couldn't take it any more and resumed their kiss, smiling and blushing. The unicorn ran her hands down Fluttershy's sides, making her giggle again into the kiss. Fluttershy opened her eyes slightly, seeing Rarity's flushed face and she smiled in contentment.
I do this kind of thing sometimes, too. Rereading a couple dozen times helps me catch most of it, but never all, of course.
i love it and this story lives
9735156
I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far! Stay tuned, there's at least 90,000 more words worth to come!
9735167 yay :D and that is so awesome
This is a pretty good sequel to a pretty good story. There's a fair few mistakes, mostly in verb choice. Not enough to make me stop reading, but enough to notice. I've largely ignored such things, mostly because they're years old, but also because I don't like to be too nitpicky. It's too easy to come across the wrong way when it's just the written word. That said, the following remark is meant to be good-natured teasing.
Since when do unicorns have hands?
I do this kind of thing sometimes, too. Rereading a couple dozen times helps me catch most of it, but never all, of course.