After the incident with the Alicorn Amulet, Trixie found herself alone once again without a place to call home. While traveling alone on a dirt road, Trixie found herself in a tight spot with a pack of Timberwolves setting their sights on her. She tr
and the mare could tell that it wasn’t a pony from the way its snot was shaped.
Snout
Those are just the first two I saw. This needs a LOT of editing. Hate for hatred, Extracted for exact. Get a pre-reader, and you may have a decent story here.
Dude, what Jake said, but what stands out to me is below. I can overlook some of the numerous other mistakes, but this sentence...
However, whatever the powers be seem to be against the mare forced her to tip over a protruded root, causing her to fell horn first into the dirt, and rolling down a hill.
I can't. I just can't. I look at this, and my inner grammar Nazi goes "NEIN!" then flicks me off and stomps out the door in those black rubber boots. You get the picture. This sentence, I just can't.
Nice needs a little touch up but it is hard enough to find a good DD story
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Thanks, I'll be sure to make sure that the next chapter is a bit more...umm wait, what's the word I'm looking for...meh, you know what I mean.
I'm liking this so far.
Omg this chapter was awesome can't wait for the other chapters :)
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Wow, thanks!
My pleasure keep up the good work :)
Concussion.
Snout
Those are just the first two I saw. This needs a LOT of editing. Hate for hatred, Extracted for exact. Get a pre-reader, and you may have a decent story here.
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Thanks man, I'm going back over it now, and I'll be more careful for now on.
Dude, what Jake said, but what stands out to me is below. I can overlook some of the numerous other mistakes, but this sentence...
I can't. I just can't. I look at this, and my inner grammar Nazi goes "NEIN!" then flicks me off and stomps out the door in those black rubber boots. You get the picture. This sentence, I just can't.