A single event opens the eyes of Twilight to something she had, for so long, denied. The depth of the love she discovers will forever change what she values and will lead her on the first steps of a journey that will affect the future of Equestria.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The first chapter should be broken up a little.
3616012
Perhaps it is all too much...
It was a challenge to find the place to break it -but 10K words is a bit much - I'd like to make it 3 chapters but couldn't find another split point...
The letter at the end changes between referring to Applejack in second and third person
I love big chapters. I never tell writers to break them up.Though it is rough getting through The Sweetie Chronicles.......lol.
Some of the grammatical errors leave me thinking what did I miss? But you still don't disappoint me in most all other areas... I'm subscribed. You had me since the second book. The first I still have to read. (I'm kind of hoping that the first, has nothing to do with either of the other two.) Otherwise I may be very confused. lol