13th Movement
“Did you see, the other night?”
“Hmm? Oh, yes.”
“Where do you think she found him?”
“He did not look like anyone I have ever heard of. So, my guess would be, nowhere of any merit.”
“Mmhmm. I am inclined to agree. Certainly I would not have expected it of her, though.”
“Quite! Oh, hush – she may hear us.”
As Octavia went about her morning activities of freshening herself up and preparing her breakfast, assorted memories from the previous night’s practice replayed in her mind. Among said memories were the few furtive glances she’d gotten from the other musicians, ranging from curiosity to disapproval. There had been whispering among them as well; a bothersome sound which she had noted growing among the orchestra over the several days since she had been accompanied to the practice grounds by her new friend.
It came as little surprise to her: she was, by nature, a somewhat reclusive creature. She was not one to speak of the motives behind her actions unless they were outright asked for, usually. Besides, her mind was more often than not occupied by matters she felt to be more important, such as composition and revision of her music. Most affairs outside of that were ones she considered auxiliary, practically to the point of irrelevance.
They can think what they shall, for the time being, she mused to herself with a frown as she saw to the business of taming her unkempt mane, tangled from sleep. At present, it is of greater importance that this work be finished on time.
With that thought in mind, she devoured the breakfast she’d made herself and gathered together what little she felt she would need into her saddlebags, slinging them across her back. With a brief pause to admire the artwork she had hung in her hallway not too long ago, she set out to meet its artist.
Said artist, meanwhile, had also pulled himself out of bed after a somewhat fitful night’s sleep. The letter he had received recently had not been the first of its kind, and nor did he expect it to be the last. However, it had differed from the previous ones he had received from that particular sender - this one had contained a specific date, written in rather large writing in order to ensure he didn’t miss it.
As he descended the stairs, he saw yet another envelope lying on the floor under the mail slot of his door. He scowled at it as he went to pick it up. Whilst he was already well aware of what the envelope likely contained, he still opened it regardless - he had learned from a young age that his problems wouldn’t go away just by ignoring them.
Just because I’m acknowledging this problem doesn’t mean I can actually deal with it yet, though.
Setting the letter down along with the small stack of others he had gotten of a similar nature, Sketchy tended to the business of making himself some breakfast and also making himself look a bit more presentable. His mood was lifted somewhat as he recalled the reason why he was out of bed in good time today - it was the start of the week, and he was to meet with a certain strings player for a day of idle meandering and friendly banter. That was enough to put him in slightly lighter spirits as he wolfed down a breakfast of porridge and toast. He rose to head for the door shortly thereafter, stopping only briefly to check in the bathroom mirror that he didn’t look like he’d just gotten out of bed.
Octavia found herself reaching the pre-arranged meeting spot first. She was somewhat pleased to note the arrival of her larger friend shortly thereafter, though, and she offered him a warm smile as he approached. He was quick to mirror her expression as she spoke up.
“Good morning, Sketchy!”
“‘morning, Tavy!” he replied, trotting up to her. “How’d you sleep?”
“I have slept better.” she admitted. “I fear my commitments are weighing upon me more heavily with each passing day.”
“That so?” the tall pony questioned, a small frown on his face.
“Mmm.” Octavia replied, then noting the concern in her friend’s voice, she added with a smile “Do not worry, I am aware my stress is likely for naught. It is simply an unavoidable consequence of such a responsibility, and one that I knew I would be taking upon my shoulders when I agreed to take on this task.”
“Well, fair enough.” Sketchy nodded, his own smile returning. “So, where did you want to go? We’ve a good amount of time on our hooves.”
His friend thought for a few moments, and then shrugged. “I think we are closer to your side of town than mine. Surprise me.”
“A surprise, hmm?” Sketchy took a few moments to think that over, before a glimmer of inspiration flickered in his eyes, and a grin spread across his face. “Alright then, follow me.”
With that said, he set off at a fairly brisk walk - not too brisk, however, as he didn’t want to leave his more vertically challenged companion behind. She caught up to him in a few steps’ time, her tail flicking briefly as she did so.
“You move swiftly when you please, I note!” she remarked with a smile. “I imagine you could get quite the gallop going if you pleased!” Her comment was met with a nod from the larger pony as he glanced back at her over his shoulder.
“I once made it from here all the way to Ponyville in just under an hour at full pelt. Sally’d forgotten one of her bags when she was heading there to stay with some of her relatives for a while, her bag had a few things in it she can’t do without.”
Behind him, Octavia laughed softly to herself as she recalled a memory of the last time she had been made to run. That one time I left my viola on that cart while I fixed my shoe, and then it took off down the street... goodness, what an embarrassment that was, having to chase it!
“That was a most thoughtful thing to do, I know that is a fairly long run as well! I suppose I am too out of touch with such things; I shall admit that I prefer to take a carriage.”
“Nothing wrong with that, I expect you usually have a fair bit more baggage than the average travelling pony.” Sketchy replied. “That, and I expect you’d tire out quicker than me.”
His comment was met with his friend’s face scrunching up into a grin. “Well! I am not made for speed or endurance upon my hooves; just behind my instruments, dear!”
Presently, Sketchy slowed his pace as he led the way toward a rather innocuous doorway set into a part of the city wall. He heard the smaller pony behind him huffing slightly as she too relaxed her gait.
Octavia found herself looking at a rather sturdy-looking wooden door, and noted a sign mounted on the wall to one side of it which rather clearly stated that, by Royal Order, unauthorised access was prohibited. She was a little surprised, therefore, to see her friend approach the door and knock firmly upon it.
“What... is this?” she ventured slightly apprehensively.
“You’ll see.” the stallion replied, his tone that of someone holding a secret. She glanced to him at that, and then back at the threshold. She almost expected it to open to a hood-cloaked pony who would promptly ask for the password. She was no less startled, however to see what did answer the door.
Sketchy stood back a little as the door swung slowly open. Framed in the doorway beyond stood the unmistakable figure of a pegasus Royal Guard – minus, Octavia noted, their helmet. Nevertheless, it was enough to elicit a small gasp of surprise from the cellist – she had not expected to find one of the Guards situated here.
This particular guard had cold blue eyes with a piercing gaze that regarded the two visitors keenly for a few moments – but, after a few moments’ scrutinising, the expression on the guard’s face eased into a smile.
“Hi there Freezy.” Sketchy spoke up. “Thought I’d stop by and say hello. Oh, and I brought along a friend. That OK?”
Octavia blinked in surprise at that. Whilst the idea that the Royal Guards had an existence outside of their duties was by no means an alien concept to her, it was still a strange thing to her to actually see evidence of it. She was also struck by another unusual thing about the armour-clad pegasus the moment her friend received a reply to his query.
“It’s fine.” The voice was cool and calm... and unmistakably feminine. Granted, with the particular way this pegasus had her mane styled, to say nothing of her facial features, Octavia had been fairly certain from the start that she was indeed a mare - though it was still not something she was used to seeing.
She cleared her throat and spoke up. “A pleasure to meet you, madam. I am...” she trailed off, then looked up to the guard’s face with a small smile. “...I am Octavia.”
Freeze Pop, for it was indeed her, simply nodded her head in reply, the hint of a smile appearing on her face in turn.
“Yes, I know. I’ve seen you play before.” she replied coolly. “The name’s Freeze Pop - and I guess I don’t have to tell you what it is I do for a living. I’ve been assigned guard duty to this particular area today. Well, officially speaking it’s guard duty, anyway. In practice? Kinda more like being a receptionist.” she stated.
“Speaking of, is it OK if we nose around downstairs?” Sketchy inquired of the white pegasus guard.
“Sure, no problem.” she replied, a small smirk on her face. “Usual reason, right?”
“That’d be it.”
The solidly-built pegasus turned and headed back through the doorway, jerking her head to the other two to follow her. What lay beyond the door was a relatively small room, with a staircase leading down off to one side. The room was fairly devoid of furniture, save for a large desk in the corner which was dominated by a sizeable book. It was behind this desk that the pegasus situated herself, picking up a pencil in her teeth and carefully scribbling something in the book on her desk.
“You’re both accounted for.” she stated simply as she deposited the pencil back on her desk. “You can head on down by yourselves. I think I can trust you not to get up to any mischief.”
Octavia tilted her head perplexedly, not exactly sure of what was going on. She did note, however, that in spite of the guard’s cool and relaxed tone, there was also a slight icy edge to her voice. A reminder, she supposed, that in spite of the friendship shared between the pegasus and her companion, the former was also still on duty here.
“Thank you, ma’am.” she said politely to the other mare.
“Not at all, Miss Octavia. You two have fun down there.” the guard replied, with just the slightest hint of a cheeky smile on her face.
“You’re a gem, Freezy!” Sketchy called as he led the way toward the stairs, starting to descend them. Octavia followed after, relieved to learn that this particular set of steps was somewhat more shallow than the last set she had climbed in the stallion’s company. As such, the both of them were able to descend the wide, torchlit corridor at a normal walking pace with few stability concerns for either of them.
As they descended further, the very faint sound of running water could just be heard from further down the passageway. The sound was becoming steadily louder the further they went, though with the gradual winding path the passage was following it was impossible to see ahead far enough to discern the source of the noise. Nevertheless, the smaller of the two made no inquiry of her companion as to what lay ahead, preferring instead the feeling of anticipation of seeing for herself what lay beyond.
As they rounded a corner, the stairs came to an end - and at the same time, Octavia found herself having to squint slightly as the passage up ahead widened out dramatically into a large, vaulted archway. Daylight lit the end of the passage, beyond which lay a large, flat, roughly circular plateau. One which, she could see as her eyes adjusted to the light, was surrounded by water – and to the side she saw, as they continued out onto the little island, was the source of the sound of rushing water. A cascading torrent of it was falling from above, over the edge of a jutting cliff, and into the huge pool surrounding this plateau.
“What... is this place?” the refined pony questioned, having to raise her voice a bit over the roar of the falling water. “I have never heard of it.” Casting her gaze to and fro, she found herself somewhat awed by the sheer scale of the place in which they stood. That was one of the defining features of the fair city – it had a way of taking your breath away.
“Quite something, isn’t it?” her friend replied, having to shout a bit over the sound of the water as well. He led the way toward the edge of the plateau, away from the roar of the waterfall as he went on. “This is one of Canterlot's reservoirs. Water from here goes to all manner of places, both here in the city and to places across the kingdom. That's why there're guards to stop just anyone trotting in off the streets.”
“It... is quite astounding...” the cellist replied, still looking all around as she followed over toward the island’s edge. “How did you find this place?” she questioned, still feeling a little overwhelmed by it all.
“Funny story – well, not funny in some ways, but it is in others.” Sketchy replied, parking his hindquarters where he stood. He took a glance up, casting his mind back a few years. “Short explanation is, by accident.”
Octavia sat herself down next to the larger pony, glancing up at him with a smile. “It sounds like it was a good accident. At least, in the end.” she commented, leaning against the other pony slightly as she looked out over the water lazily flowing past. “It is strange how things work out.”
“It is. Well, it was about a week after I’d returned to Canterlot...” Sketchy began. He went on to regale his companion with the tale of how he had fallen victim of the storm that had occurred that day, and his subsequent reunion with his pegasus friend. She listened with rapt attention as he detailed the fall from the cliff to the reservoir and the following rescue by his Royal Guard friend. A gasp escaped her throat at the mention of the fall, followed by a somewhat relieved look at the detail of Freeze Pop scooping him out of the water.
“And then off came her helmet. Colour me surprised to be confronted with my old pegasus pal Freeze Pop herself!”
“Wait, so you already knew her before all this transpired?” Octavia inquired, perking up somewhat. “That is an amazing coincidence!”
“I sure did! She and Sally were good friends when we were all little, and back then mine and Sally’s circles of friends tended to overlap a lot. It was inevitable that I met Freezy as well. Never saw her as often as Sally, and I still don’t – she spends a lot of time in the air, after all. Nevertheless, she’d always seemed like a pretty cool gal, name notwithstanding. She doesn’t waste her words, and she’s one of the most dependable ponies I ever met. ‘s probably a big part of how she ended up in the Guard.”
“I have been around the Royal Guards fairly often, myself.” Octavia nodded. “They are always there at the amphitheatre, when I go to play.”
“Considering the audience there sometimes, that doesn’t surprise me.” Sketchy replied with a smile.
“They are a most impressive group of ponies.” Octavia stated, a note of admiration in her voice. “I have always admired their resolute nature, and their dedication to the protection of their Highnesses.”
“Same here.” her companion agreed. “It made me happy to see that Freezy achieved her dream of getting into the Guard. She’d wanted that since she was little.”
“Indeed? That must have been a difficult thing to accomplish, I hear that the entrance exams are not for the faint of heart.”
“You heard right.” Sketchy nodded. “It took her several attempts... still, at least she got there in the end. Sometimes I feel like I’m no closer to getting where I’d like to be.” There was a note of depression in his voice, something which did not escape his friend’s notice.
“I would not be so sure, myself.” she replied. “These things are a matter of sheer luck, sometimes. I have merely been fortunate to have been born when and where I was, and to have the family that I did.”
“True, but you’ve also got plenty of talent, let’s be right.” the larger pony interjected. “So from that perspective, you’ve had it just the slightest bit easier.”
“Hmm. I would hesitate to call it easy. When you gain a reputation for excellence, it is difficult to maintain it. There is a lot of pressure to perform, to constantly achieve a high standard.”
“I suppose there is that.”
“Anyway, let us not dwell on that.” Octavia remarked, and then a growl from her stomach interrupted any further discussion as though to hammer the point home. She blushed slightly and cleared her throat.
“Maybe we oughta go get something to eat?” Sketchy offered with a slight smirk.
“Maybe so. I should rather like to call upon Miss Salad again. Do you think she would enjoy our company?”
“I think she’d welcome it, sure!”
“Let us be on our way, then.” the cellist intoned with a smile, rising from her seat. “And, before I forget, thank you for showing me this place. Though I have passed it by on many an occasion from above, I had never once thought of finding my way down here. I am glad you knew of it.”
Her friend let out a small laugh as he rose to his feet. “My head’s full of all kinds of neat little secrets, Tavy.” he replied, turning and heading towards the passageway back up. The two of them made their way back up the long staircase and headed out through the large door, giving the guard pegasus stationed at the top a brief thanks in passing. Freeze simply nodded an acknowledgement as they exited, with a brief smile.
As they made their way to Graze, both ponies remained relatively quiet. Neither inquired as to the others’ silence, as the both of them were for the time being occupied with their own thoughts. Nevertheless, the tinkling of the sandwich shop’s bell snapped both of them out of their internal musings as Sketchy stepped over the threshold of the small eatery. His companion gave a brief small smile as he held the door open for her.
“Good afternoon! Welcome to Graze!” Salad’s familiar tones came from behind the counter.
“Hi there Sally!” Sketchy replied, and then upon noting the other unicorn stood by her, added “And to you too, Mr Sandwich!”
Octavia glanced toward the counter at that, noting the larger unicorn also stood behind the counter. The latter was in the midst of ringing through another customer at the time, though as he finished attending to that, he glanced round with a smile.
“‘afternoon, Sketchy!” he replied. Octavia noted a slight oddity about the unicorn’s manner of speech - or rather, the way he sounded. She decided that it must be the case that, like Sally, he was masking his more rural tones. In his case, however, it seemed to be a more difficult task.
“Good afternoon to you both.”
“What would you like today, my friends?” Salad smiled. “Shall I get you your usual?”
“If you would, Sal.” Sketchy nodded to the rosy unicorn.
“That would be nice, yes.” Octavia agreed.
A few minutes later, the three friends were sat round one of the tables inside the shop, Salad having decided to take her break while her friends were present. Her father had happily agreed to let her do so, hence she now sat chatting happily away with her earth pony acquaintances.
“So, that is your father?” the stone grey pony piped up conversationally, between bites of sandwich.
“Yup! That’s my pa there.” Salad replied happily, still keeping a lid on her normal tones. “He’s been running this place along with my mother since not long after they were married.”
Her friend nodded at that. “The place certainly has that feel to it. It is easy to see the amount of care that has gone into keeping it going.”
Salad smiled proudly. “I’m sure my pa’ll be happy to hear that!” she chuckled. “My ma as well.” She then glanced at the larger of the two earth ponies, who had remained fairly silent so far - initial greeting notwithstanding. “Something on your mind, Sketchy?” she queried.
“Hmm?” he asked, blinking and looking round at her. “Oh, uh... nothing, nothing.”
“You sure? You’re awful quiet.” Salad replied, a hint of concern in her tone. Her friend smiled reassuringly at that, shaking his head.
“I’m sure. Just the usual worries, thinking about this and that. You know how I am, million miles away sometimes.”
“Fair enough.” Salad nodded, a smile returning to her face. Octavia made no comment as she too had settled into thoughtful silence as she munched on her sandwich. Her mind was once more wandering; tossed from thoughts of the looming concert to the whispers and mutters she’d overheard of late, and also to the clandestine lessons she’d been giving to the Princess of the Moon.
I do wish sometimes that time would stand still, for a while. she thought to herself. It was beginning to feel, at times, as though she was fighting a losing battle against an unstoppable foe, as the due date for the concert made its march slowly but surely closer toward her.
Her mind continued to stew on these matters, even as she noticed her friend rising from his seat. She was dimly aware of the fact that he and Salad had been conversing about something whilst she had sat there buried in thought, but she couldn’t think what it was they had actually said. She mentally chastised herself for being so inattentive, and shook her head slightly to dispel the myriad concerns clouding her mind as she rose from her seat also.
“My apologies for my silence, Miss Sandwich.” she stated politely. “I have a great deal on my mind, currently.”
“It’s fine, Octavia,” the unicorn replied with a smile, “I know how it goes.”
“Wouldn’t hurt for you to try to unwind a bit, though.” Sketchy pointed out with a slight chuckle.
“Mmph. I am trying, believe me.” the cellist replied in a slightly tired sounding fashion. “It is easier said than done.”
The taller pony nodded at that. “I hear ya. Plenty on your mind.” He was no stranger to such troubles himself, after all. He glanced to Sally with a nod. “Thanks for the food, as always Sally.”
“Any time, sugar-cube!” the unicorn replied happily. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”
The two earth ponies made their way out of the shop, heading down along the street. Again, the two of them were somewhat quiet as they walked. Neither raised any objection, however - the weather was as pleasant as could be hoped for; sunny and warm with a gentle breeze blowing, and although neither of them had any real destination in mind for their wanderings, it didn’t seem to matter.
So it was that, after wandering for some time, they arrived in the very same park they had begun the day in. Octavia found herself glancing toward an ornamental clock therein, and quickly realised that her free time had practically run out once more. She let out an exasperated sigh at that, causing her companion to flick an ear and glance round at her.
Sketchy could tell more or less what was going through his friend’s mind as he caught the sound of her frustration. His own mind was somewhat caught up in thoughts and worries as well, which had been the cause of his less-than-talkative nature.
“I shall have to be on my way, I am afraid.” Octavia stated matter-of-factly.
Sketchy nodded at that, a slightly worn-out tone in his voice. “I figured as much. Back to the grindstone again?”
“The very same.”
“Well, I shan’t keep you.”
“Mmm. You have my thanks.” Octavia replied with a nod. “What with one thing and another, goodness knows I have had more than my fair share of distractions.” She let out a weary sigh as she cast her gaze towards the sky. “I honestly wish there was not so much going on all at once. I cannot deal with all of this bother.”
Sketchy arched an eyebrow at that slightly as he regarded her. “Oh?”
Octavia let out another exasperated sigh. “Between composing the music for this concert, the endless rehearsals, the teaching I am doing and now, on top of that, the bothersome noise my orchestra are making when they do not think I can hear... ugh. I feel it is more than I can bear, at times.”
Sketchy frowned, at that. “I see.” Something about his tone made Octavia turn her gaze upon him, curiously.
“...see what?” she ventured.
“I get it.” he replied shortly. “And I should have seen it coming, I guess. I’m just causing more problems for you.”
“That is not—!” Octavia began, but she was cut off by a further interjection from the stallion before her.
“No, I am. Hanging around me is just making everyone else important look down on you.” he stated, his tone a mix of weariness and hostility. “You don’t have to spell it out for me. But hey, it was a fun ride while it lasted.”
Octavia’s expression rapidly went from weariness, to shock, straight on through to anger as she heard such accusations levelled at her.
“Am I honestly hearing this from you!?” she growled. “Are you daring to say that I, Octavia, am so hung up upon image, so, so, so... shallow as to be concerned with such things!?”
“Are you saying you’re not!?” Sketchy replied with a glare. “Because that ain't what I just heard!”
Octavia’s fury finally smashed her ordinarily demure manner completely, and spilt forth from her like a raging torrent.
“FINE!” she bellowed, stomping a hoof angrily. “If that is what you think, be on your way! Perhaps I shall indeed be better off!”
“Well, maybe both of us will!” Sketchy shot back with a snarl.
“We shall soon see!” the cellist replied, her violet eyes narrowed into a furious glare.
“Well, don’t let me keep you!”
“I had no intention of doing so!” Octavia snapped. With that, she turned sharply on her hooves and walked away, leaving a sharp “hmph!” in her wake.
Sketchy was quick to follow her example, turning his back on the highly-strung musician and stalking away with a glare on his face.
Should’ve seen it sooner. He internally muttered to himself. Should’ve known she’d put the music first. Who did you think you were kidding?
As for Octavia, her train of thought was no less chaotic as she made her way at a swift pace toward her home.
That insolent fool! she thought to herself. How dare he!? I cannot believe he thought so poorly of me this whole time! Still, if that is his opinion, I can do very well without! It is one less critic! One less negative whisper! I shall surely benefit from it!
And so it was, that some hours later, there were two ponies whose rest that night were far from pleasant or relaxing.
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Two things, first, you misspelled her in that very first true paragraph, just thought I'd let you know.
Second, you fools! Both of you are acting like children!!!
286729
Spelling error fixed! Thanks!
O lawdy, I dun near went and had me a heart attack at that last bit... ahem! It is almost as the end of this chapter was a response to a comment I had read on Equestria Daily, about this story being too joyful and sweet. I fear for the relationship of Sketchy and Octavia, though I realize that in every life, a little rain must fall. Here's to hoping that that rain doesn't become an outright torrent and drown the embers of the relationship that had sparked between the two.
Also, in the beginning, when you were describing Octavia at breakfast, I couldn't help but lol at she devoured the breakfast she had made for herself. Devoured? That doesn't sound like our dainty, demure and cultured musician at all. It sounds like a beast savagely attacking its prey, tearing it apart and greedily gulping down the remains. Please don't change the line though. I love it.
The breakup scene seemed rushed. It's like "SUDDENLY BREAKUP OUT OF NOWHERE"
Oh well. I hope this resolves in the next chapter. D:
As Icer said: You fools!
nooo, now i have to wait till next chapter
287284 Regarding the first paragraph of you comment: Well said.
290092
I may go back and add to it a bit. Reading over it again, it could have used a little more build up perhaps.
So long as the key ideas are clear enough though, that's what matters for the time being: both of them are not thinking rationally due to external influence, and hence both are prone to jumping to conclusions or becoming angry when something thoughtless is said.
EDIT: Actually, scratch that. Added a little more dialogue, I am happier with its flow now.
Hmmm, just read through everything and I'm very happy with it but I do have but two complaints:
Firstly; What does Sketchy actually do for a living? Yeah he's an artist and a musician but we've never really seen him 'at work' or actually making progress on achieving his professional dreams. We've seen Salad working the shop, Freeze working guard duty, Octavia focusing on the concert, hell even blacklight got off his flank and chased after his dream, but with Sketchy it just seems like 'wake up, hang out with peeps, goof off, go to bed. i'm hoping the whole 'disturbing letter' thing is going to somehow tie this in, but its something that's been irking me for a while now.
Secondly, it was mentioned before but, the whole breakup thing seemed a tad rushed and out of left field. Yeah, you get the feeling that they were distracted by their own thoughts and were not in their right minds, but given your usual pacing of things, it read way to abruptly. Making my way through the chapter I could tell you were leading somewhere but it totally didn't come off as something relationship ending considering how you've characterized everypony and how you've described misunderstandings in the past.
But that's just my opinionated two cents. I'm sure you've got this planned out and it will all make sense in to long run but that's just what I got out of it at this point. If it isn't to presumptuous on my part and only if you'd like it, I'd be more than happy to indulge in a proper C&C but for now, I just had to get that off my chest. My sincerest apologies if I offended in any way as this is truly a wonderful piece you have here.
292270 I'm not completely sure that said key ideas are clear enough. I honestly didn't fully understand the reasons for their brash attitude towards eachother so suddenly, until you explained it here.
Apologies if I'm stepping too far out of my boundries. I'm not your prereader, after all.
294161
His occupation is as noted freelance artist and musician. Technically speaking we have already seen him "at work", although none of the stuff he's been shown doing was actual commissioned work. I'm pretty sure I made mention somewhere in the narrative that he does have a commissioned piece he was working on - but regardless, there is a more explicit reference coming as it's going to be of relevance to the plot. And yes, that letter is going to be linked to it in some way.
As for the fight they had at the end of the chapter - you're quite right to say it's not a relationship ender. Or at least, on its own it's not. Basically, this is the sort of situation where you have two characters who, even for an argument like this, would probably be able to patch up their relationship and smooth over it on their own - were it not for them both becoming ever more focused on assorted other problems in their lives. As it stands, it's more of a situation now where both characters know that they should do something to repair the relationship, but as is often the case with such things, neither one wants to take that first step.
And I'm not offended, I honestly value good feedback! What I would say at this point is, just wait and see what happens, for now. :)
294203
I can understand that. With that said, I did that on purpose to some extent: their fight is as much a slap in the face to them as it is to the readers. Octavia was not expecting that of Sketchy - but, as is often the case in such situations for most people, rather than try to understand what he was about, she reacted in kind. I might expand on that in the text a little for this chapter, but I don't want to give away too much at once. I do intend to explore both characters' thoughts and feelings in the chapters yet to come.
Well the commissioned work is sort of what I was going for. The scenes of doodling in the park and jamming with Octavia seem more of a personal nature than a professional one and given that he wasn't fretting about a money situation my mind began to wander. "Yeah he's freelance, but unless you're well established, that's not a particular steady or well paying job. Does he have a part time job somewhere to pay the bills? How in Celestia's name is he keeping a roof over his head with such as seemingly lucid and carefree head?" I was just curious if we were ever going to see him at a gallery opening or playing at a bar somewhere or who knows what. Good to see something's in the line up.
Hei-Ho there! Sketchy Sounds,
I am by no means a skilled writer, but I am an avid reader and so when I drop my two cents I hope you will not see me an insufferable would-be critic. When I started this story I was rather put off by the character interactions that seemed to drag on forever, the slightly unrealistic and somewhat forced dialogue, and what I initially took to be the makings of a gary-stu OC. However as I pressed on I came to enjoy the interaction between Sketchy and Octavia; however, you again make the interactions somewhat unrealistic. A good example being the rushed (if endearing) "let's sleep together" scene. Add on to that, the implication that Octavia was unaware of the innuendous nature that follows such an idea. As for Sketchy seeming stu-ish, I can explain as follows. He has many features that make him stand out quite exceptionally and otherwise render him very unique in the fictional world of Equestria. Firstly he is described to be very big (of which I can assume similar to Big Mac), secondly he has a hard to read cutie mark, and lastly he has the special talent of being both an accomplished multi-instrumentalist and visual artist. He also kinda seems to be "Mr. Perfect" but that can be debated so I will not delve into that. Your other characters are fine barring Blacklight. Honestly, how many times do you see a very dark colored pony (or at all) in the show? Barring Luna and Nightmare Moon of course. My final critique shall be that doozy of a quarrel there at the end. There was not a sufficient build up to herald that sort of argument. It doesn't really seem like it was intentional but rather an honest mistake.
A very big however, the story was not a bad read. As I mentioned before I liked it more as it progressed and I look forward to the following chapter.
I'm pretty sure I went a bit far with my comments so I shall link you to my own (old and non-pony) horrible work and show you that you are a much better writer than I. http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1995403/Derr_Gotik
Keep it up!
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Thanks for the lengthy comment!
You're not the first to note such flaws in the story, and I'm glad you voiced them. One of my friends who has been a huge help in refining this a bit made the same observations as you have.
A little bit of explanation for that - a good portion of what is going on was adapted from some RP material, so it is perhaps a little fanciful here and there - and yes, in some regards things are just a little bit too perfect.
However, the analogy I would like to make is, time has been spent carefully crafting a house of cards over the past chapters. All it takes is a little push to make it all come crashing down.
Regarding the quarrel between Sketchy and Octavia, the actual cause behind that will become clear in due course. There's been more leading up to it than has been made apparent thus far.
All in all, though, I'm very glad to hear you've enjoyed it thus far - and I'm glad to hear you're looking forward to more!
You've kind of lost me here, Sketchy :s
Up until now the story's been quite light and fun enough to read. These two have seemed pretty mature (in an emotional sense) and cute about things most things, and immature (in the socially awkward sense) and cute about other things. Or so it seems to be so far.
For one, yes there was mention of some of the rumors starting to fly about Octy and Sketch, but it's been a very distant thing with no noticeable impact that we (the reader) see on her. I could've missed a bit though, but that's how it seems to me. She definitely seems driven enough that she'd plow right on through them normally, and focus her professionalism on producing the show. (Though with her first friend here, I can see how this would suddenly bother her a lot more.) So to have them both suddenly blow up at each other like this seems very much out of left field, and a bit silly.
And on the other hand, we don't see Sketchy worrying about his status compared to hers, not enough to warrant him turning around and wanting to commit friendship seppuku on her behalf. He seems like he's been portrayed as the supportive sort, so in the paragraph where Octy's listing all the things going on that're grabbing her attention, the rumor mongering amongst the orchestra seems but a foot note. And Sketchy suddenly just jumps all over that, heh. Struck me as /too/ odd or out of character, enough to really damp down my interest :s
Hopefully these two bits don't offend, maybe they can actually be useful! And up until this point the light and fluffiness of the previous chapters have been nice and cute! :3
I have to chime in with the other commenters here on my disappointment with this chapter.
Part of it is that she only mentions hearing the rumours at the beginning of the chapter and if she perhaps mentioned them earlier and commented on them increasing in frequency and maybe even idly mentions it to sketchy it would have much better flow to it.
As well the fight simple starts too fast to feel right for the characters. Neither have given any indication of being high strung or of suppressing stress to such a degree to explain it bursting like it does. If there had been some sort of indication of them having stress and worry over these things and not mentioning them it would flow better but this is really right out of left field.
Based on the other comments I'm guessing you don't plan to do any work on this story which is disappointing but understandable. I do hope things improve from here as up til now they've been a bit confusing but really cute and fun to read,
Wheeeeeeee! Time to annoy the protagonists with gossip!
I mean, to look at my comments, I agree with the gossipers more often than not, classism notwithstanding.
To whom do you owe money?
I'm guessing the landlord. It's too bad you don't have a successful friend who would happily lend you almost unlimited amounts of rent money since
lovefriendship is so new and exciting to her . . .Don't be like that. She is a grown pony; she can decide for herself if she wants to be your
marefriend. And she can use her words if she has something to say. It's not like she has any other escape from stress these days, anyway.Well that was a pleasant breakup.
And now who will you mooch off of for rent? How much do guarding and sandwiching pay?
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I'm sure being a Royal Guard is quite well-paid.
As for the Sandwiches, they've been established for a considerable while now. It's surely safe to assume they're not doing bad at all.
Also: you have stray `[i/]` things in your comments, and the formatting doesn't end properly.
OOOOOh.... lovers spat... how will things go from here? I can see them both going "I was a damn fool, I'm sorry for yelling at you."