After watching the mare climb the staircase, Twilight stood a moment in silence. Her mind was focused on channeling her magic up to the guest room. Upon feeling her presence pass through it, she let out a shallow breath. Her horn lit up in a brighter aura as she concentrated on casting spells from afar on something she had no sight of. The magic varied from wards of protection to binding charms. They all had the theme of keeping things safe and secure, or in this case locked away and kept out of trouble. After the series of spells were casted, Twilight turned her attention towards other things. She would need to return the Elements of Harmony to the Tree of Harmony as quickly and safely as possible. She removed the Element of Magic from her head and walked to a shelf and stored it within a glass case. She would also need to get the prisoner transported to Canterlot to be properly stored away in solitary confinement. There would have to be a trial. After all, there-
Suddenly, her mind went blank for a single moment. It was truly an uncommon event, but not very noticable to the alicorn. She did not know why she looked at the sword either. The blade was curiously made, albeit morbidly. She approached it with a morbid curiousity. Swords were uncommon to be wielded by anypony. Spears were generally the weapon of choice, but they were only given to royal guards and the like.
Twilight inspected it closely. It was certainly more than uncommon. If a blacksmith made it, they certainly were a horse of a different color entirely. The longer she gazed upon it, the more dread and curiosity filled her mind. Then, she outstretched a hoof to touch the surface.
"Eew..." She whined quickly recoiling from it. A red splotch stained her foot. No doubt it was blood. With a sigh, her horn lit up and in pop, the alicorn vanished, leaving the room to dim ever so slightly. As the room dimmed, the sword seemed to fade into the shadows of the room...
The next morning, the mare within the guest room awoke with a groan. Her eyes squinted open in the dark bedroom. The curtains were drawn, but she could see the sunlight striking it from the outside. The azure mare stretched upon the bed before attempting to roll out of it. She was shocked to discover that instead of falling to the floor in soreness, she landed upon all four legs. With a shrug, the mare began to explore her dark confinement. She began to name the things as she came across them. "Cabinet, dresser, bed, night stand..." she thought to herself. She didn't know how or why she knew these things, she was at least a little used to knowing and not knowing. She paused. There was a sheet thrown over something. Curious, she pulled the sheet off and stumbled back at what she saw.
It could've been a mare once upon a time. A long, yellow mane flowed out of her head and was grown to an unnaturally long length. Hanging from it were two greyish crystals, which seemed to draw her gaze to the eyes. Over one eye was a deep scar. The eyes themselves were a deep amber. She then notices the horn. It looked quite demonic and evil. Her gaze slowly fell to to another deep scar across the chest. The right hoof seemed to be engulfed by some sort of parasitic claw that reached all the way to her shoulders. On the other hoof appeared to be like a cuff on a suit. Following down the ragged coat, she came across the flanks. Completely blank. The rear hooves reminded her of a pair of boots. It took the confused mare to finally find the tail. It seemed to be stained an ugly, crimson color, just as ragged looking as the rest of her.
She registered the once-covered furniture as a mirror.
This was her reflection.
This was her.
"Wh-what am I?" she said, reaching up to touch the horn. She jumped, expecting it not to be real. She then gently traced her scar, and slowly tried coming to terms that she looked like a monster.
Twilight reappeared in a flash of light. Her mane was unkempt, with strands sticking out every which way, and her eyes tired. In her magical grasp, a piece of parchment floated before her as well as a twitching quill. The morning light illuminated the room and cast itself upon the weapon lying in the corner. All throughout the night, her mind was abuzz. She filled out the paperwork for a prisoner shuttle as well as a trial date. As much as she loved Equestria and the world moreover, the bureaucratic system was annoying. She kept rereading the parchment over and over again. The prisoner escort would be to pick the offender... in one week. That was one whole week of attempting to keep a dangerous and lethal enemy in her guest bedroom.
She was brought out of her thoughts by her flashing. After a moment, she remembered. The confinement spells. With a more energetic gallop than pinkie Pie, she ran up to the door f her guest room. From there, she heard a gentle knock as well as the door handle being turned.
"E-excuse me....? Hello? Is anypony there?" a voice from inside called. Twilight stood frozen, her horn blinking still. "P-please, I just need to use the mare's room."
"...would a genocidal maniac ask to use the bathroom? And would they be this shy?" her logical side thought.
"Of course she would be! This is a trap!" The devil's advocate in her shouted. "She's going to leap out at you and pop your head off like a grape!"
"But she didn't do that last night..."
"She was outnumbered and the elements of harmony must've weakened her!"
"She must've been outnumbered before then..."
"Um, Hello?! Elements! Beam of rainbows! Weakened!"
"Weakened how though?"
"...what?!"
"The elements were used to expel Nightmare Moon, but also freed Luna..."
"No. Nonononononononono!"
"They imprisoned Discord in stone, and did not destroy him."
"Stop it. Stop it right now. She's evil!"
"The Elements didn't imprison her... which means..."
"Fine! Be that way! I'll just sit here and wait to say, 'I told you so.'"
"Oh please!!!" the mare behind the door whined. "I really have to go!!"
Twilight shook her head out of her thoughts. The library was completely silent apart from the doorknob being jiggled. The alicorn princess took a moment to compose herself before letting out a calming breath. She then unlocked the door and opened it. She gave her best placid expression and said in a calm voice, "Follow me..."
i donĀ“t think you are willing to tell me in which way the dark tag is meant? I am just curious if this is a chance to see a friendly Soul Edge, or if this is going to be a Soul Edge is killing everyone fanfiction, just curious.
6255534
Tell you why it's dark? Well... I do not want to spoil anything, BUT....
Ever heard of Higurashi?
6256630 Higurashi? as in Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni? That manga/anime/murder mystery cd game?
Good chapter but my personal opinion on the matter, when Twilight was having her little inner debate... It should've gone like this. (at least the last thirty seconds)
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6257962
The story seems to have suffered somewhat due to the time elapsed; the writing style varies somewhat between the chapters. Except the prologue, which varies more and doesn't really match the other chapters. I see what you're trying to do with the fragmented memory style, but it doesn't seem to quite get it right.
Also, on an unrelated note, you may want to try adding a space between paragraphs. Right now it's sometimes present and sometimes absent.
Either way; there's not enough here to give any feedback on the characters or plot other than asking for more (the delay in properly securing a high-profile prisoner is questionable, though, but potentially plausible for a number of reasons). I'm also questioning the minor detail of how the elements restored Luna's form but not her own.
6269996
Ok, so... I'll try to answer your issues with the fanfic without spoiling anything. Bear with me for a moment, ok?
You... are right in the sense that the writing style has clearly changed, but at the same time please realize that as a human being I'm subject to change over time. New experiences may change my previously closely-held notions. In the sense of writing, it might become mature if I read something like the Discworld series or continue to watch documentaries of random animals such as the awesome nautilus. In addition, the way I right is strange. I must have a correct mindset to do it- notice how I specified 'a' mindset, and not 'the' mindset. To put it simply, I have to hear a voice telling me the story. Depending on the story, the voice may change.
As for the paragraph thing, In chapter two, you'll notice a lot of spaces between paragraphs. You'll also notice a lot of dialogue (not a lot in the sense that there's a lot of talking, but in the sense that there are a lot of points where someone speaks.) There's also lots of onomatopoeia. In literature prose, whenever a character speaks there must be more space in between... look, I'll give you an example:
Whenever there is dialogue, like the one above, there must be extra space to show it off. I don't know if that's the correct explanation, but it's how I think of it.
Now, for you're comment about Luna... in physics, there is a certain law used to describe why matter cannot be created nor destroyed. That's all I'll say about that. Hope I've made your uncertainty a little more at ease...
6270814 Usually spacing either follows the printed model, lacking it to save space (and keep costs down), or follows a spaced model (more frequently used for digital books) so it doesn't feel like there's a wall of text.
But what I took issue with was how is wasn't consistent, especially for the writing style.
Also, considering that nighmare moon was around Celestia's size while Luna wasn't, it's safe to say conservation of matter isn't applicable around magic (though conservation of energy is possible). I'm guessing that you're going to get into it more later, but
Must. Have. More. OF THIS!!!! Great work!!! Update this soon...PLEASE!!!
Hmm....