The door to Caramel's house was flung open as Big Macintosh entered the quaint little home,followed by Caramel. As Caramel walked in he kicked the door shut and went to sit next to Mac on the sofa.
"Guh! Mel, mah ears are still ringin'!"
Mac shouted, unaware of how loud he was due to the ringing in his eardrums.
"Well you probably shouldn't have sat so close to the speakers then."
Caramel chuckled at his fiance's lack of party experience.
'Oh dear Celestia it feels so amazing to call him that!'
Caramel thought to himself as he nuzzled the party illiterate cowpony beside him.
Mac seemed to be recovered since he now spoke at his normal volume and his face grew more serious than usual,
"Well ah think we should sit an' discuss this whole adoption thing 'fore we just jump blindly into it."
He said hopping off the couch and going into the kitchen to sit at the dining room table. Caramel sat across from Mac before replying,
"You're right Mac we need to thoroughly discuss the idea of raising a foal as much as I want to raise a family with you, we need to be sure we are capable of it right now."
The tan stallion agreed, reaching across the table Caramel grasped Mac's hooves in his own and locking his deep blue eyes with Mac's emerald green ones,
"But, I promise you that if we go through with this I'll be right there with you every step of the way. Until my dying breath I will never leave your side."
He added, the sheer loving devotion showing clear withing every word. Big Mac smiled warmly, and with a gentle nod he continued to speak once more,
"Okay well the first question we already answered at lunch today, we already know we have experience caring fer foals so that's not much o' a problem..."
Caramel nodded partly in agreement and partly for him to continue.
"Then there 's the problem o' if we can financially support ourselves an' the
foal. Ah have been thinkin' an'... Ah'm gonna break off from Sweet Apple Acres an' start mah own farm with ya."
Big Mac made a face that told Caramel that the older stallion had given this a lot of thought and consideration before making his choice, but Caramel wasn't any happier about it. Caramel couldn't feel right about his fiance giving up everything he'd ever known for him and his selfish thoughts he hadn't really thought about how this would effect Mac's life at the farm.
"That's not fair Mac you shouldn't have to give up your life for me!"
Caramel blurted out the words before he even thought about what to say. The words were ones of anger but the tone of Caramel's voice and the look upon his face told Mac the truth behind the words,
'Caramel, mah sweet Mel, feels guilty. guilty for my decision to give up the farm, he thinks the farm is the most important thing to me...'
Mac shook his head,
Mel... ya'll dun understand do ya? yer mah future husband an' this foal is gonna be our son... Ya'll two are mah life from now on an' ah need ta look out fer mah own family A.J. can have Sweet Apple Acres an' we'll start our own where Ah won't be sharin' none of the profit with my siblings so that Ah can better support the three of us."
He said, taking Caramel's face in his hooves he pulled the tan stallion to him from across the table and gave him a kiss. After they broke the kiss they rested their foreheads against eachother's. They stayed like that for a couple minutes in silence just staring into eachother's eyes lost in their love for eachother before Caramel broke the silence as he pulled back to yawn, but all the while never breaking eye contact with Mac,
"Well, we should probably head off to bed Mac. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow. afterall tomorrow is our first step towards our new life as a family."
He said stepping out of the dining room and heading towards the stairs. Mac responded from behind him with a lazy "eeeyup..." before the couple trotted off up the stairs to bed.
These last two chapters were rather sweet and already contained some of the pointers I mentioned before. You're showing a little more of the characters personalities and interactions with each other which makes them more relate-able. I'm glad to know you've noticed the points of improvement yourself before as you mention these having been written at an earlier date. Being aware of what you can improve is a large step in the right direction already and a great place to start from. From there it's trying to find what works best for you in both conveying the story you want to tell and the emotions you want to convey to the audience as well as keeping the readers immersed in the events and characters within the story.
Something to pay some attention to when you reedit each chapter after the completion of chapter 5 is punctuation. Nothing major really, but a few full stops here and there would keep the flow of your story going a bit better and hold the reader's attention.
3480255 thanks yeah chapters 1 and 2 were written early this year or late last year where as chapters 3 and 4 are recent maybe a month or 2 old as you can probably tell from the difference in quality I will be posting chapter 1 of Rodeo Romeo soon it is basically the other side of this story where it is the same story but written from Soarin and Braeburn's P.O.V. stay tuned I submitted it a few minutes ago it is just pending approval