Caramel Apple Acres

by NightFirethePegasus

chapter 2

The base of the apple tree shook as the force of Big Mac's hind legs striking the tree caused all the apples to fall into the basket with a rewarding thud. Caramel sat watching his coltfriend working his muscles as he harvested apples; Caramel had been sitting there since he made the excuse that he was too exhausted to keep going, this wasn't a lie though as he wasn't as hardy as Mac was; As where it took Mac one buck to knock the apples off the trees it took him about three decent bucks to a tree to clear it. The thud the apples made when they landed in the basket jolted Caramel from his thoughts,

"Well... tha's the last o' 'em fer today.."

Mac huffed wiping some sweat from his brow as he and Mel looked back at their day's work before he glanced up at Celestia's sun,

"Ah reckon it's 'bout noon what ya'll say we go get lunch?"

Just as Caramel was about to respond his stomach replies for him with a hungry growl and he looked up at Mac with an awkward smile accompanied by a chuckle.

The two stallions were making their way around the back of the central barn as a shortcut back to the house, when Mac peeled off heading inside the barn,

"Where are you running off to Mac?"

Caramel called after him but just as his words left his mouth Mac re-emerged with a picnic basket in his teeth. The couple sat themselves under a nearby tree and Mac began unloading the contents of the basket,

two freshly made daisy salads, a pitcher of apple cider

and two glasses, and lastly two slices of apple pie for dessert; They sat and enjoyed their meal simply talking and enjoying eachother's company. All that was left was some cider and Mac spoke up,

"Hey Mel, ya know Applebloom's question got me thinking..."

Caramel's face grew concerned and he looked up at Mac,

"Yes? What is it sweetheart?"

"Well Ah was thinkin' mabye t'is time we settle down, Ah mean we've

been together now fer 6 years, and Ah know fer certain t'aint anypony

else tha' ah'd rather spend mah life with so... Caramel Sabot will

you marry me and make me the happiest Stallion in ponyville?"

For the second time in one day Caramel felt his jaw go slack in shock, and awe at what he was hearing;

Mac on the other end was preparing for rejection,

but wasn't prepared for what came out of the caramel colored

pony next,

"Well.... It's about bucking time Mac I've only been dreaming of this moment for months now, ofcourse I'll marry you Big Macintosh Apple,

but this brings up something else I wanna discuss..."

He replied taking another sip of his cider as Mac gave him a confused look,

"An' wha' is tha' sugarcube?"

Caramel began fiddling with his hooves in anxiety,

"Well I overheard granny and A.j. talking, and seeing as how you and I can't exactly continue the family tree, but A.j. still can Granny is considering making her the heir to the farm instead of you..."

Mac nodded with a sigh,

"Eeeyup ah knew tha' already but what's this got ta do with-..."

"I wanna adopt a foal..."

Caramel said effectively cutting Mac off and stunning the bigger stallion into silence,

"Mel... are ya serious?"

Mac asked finally finding his voice,

"Yes I mean you've got experience helping granny raise A.j. when she was a filly and I'm great with A.B., I would love nothing more than to raise a family with you Mac."

"Okay Mel since yer sure we'll go see 'bout it tomorrow."

"Uhm 'scuse me big brother but cousin Braeburn an' Soarin are here, and they wanted ta say hi."

Mac turned to see A.j. hiding most of her face with the shadow cast from her cowpony hat. He could tell she was crying, or atleast had been,

"How much did ya hear?"

He questioned,

"Nuff ta know ya'll are probably gonna abandon the farm..."

Applejack growled,

"We'll discuss this later A.j."

Mac replied hollowly, none to happy with her accusations. As he and Mel made their way down the hill Mac thought to himself, 'Ah love sweet apple acres t'is mah home, but Ah made a commitment ta Mel an' our future family, an', if leavin' the farm is for their best....

then, so be it...'.

Author's Note:

well here is chapter 2 sorry that it's shorter than before I was kinda busy lately but wanted to get this up

Comments

[Schmleh]

WOAH!
SIR!

Just to clarify this is a caramel macintosh ship?

It's random but hey whatevs

[BigMacintosh1]

awesome i cant wait to see the next chapter

[Wireframe]

This story has a lot of potential but it requires some work in it's current presentation. An important part of writing to keep in mind is pacing. In this chapter you have the marriage proposal, a potential adoption and Applejack's worries over Big Mac leaving the family all in a few paragraphs. Each of these could potentially be a rather emotional scene that offers great oppertunities to develop your characters. Also, don't hesitate to linger on moments and give the reader some time to empatize with the characters prior to events occuring.

Perhaps Applejack doesn't bring up her fears or worries until she has Big Mac alone for a moment that evening after a lighthearted afternoon with Braeburn and Soarin. When he then tries to discuss it with Caramel, his coltfriend then mentions that he was concidering potentially adopting a foal at some point. Try to work with building up the suspence or anticipation of a moment. Forshadow a bit through the behavior of characters.

Another important part to story writing is to show rather than tell. Take the marriage proposal for example. Rather than stating that Big Mac is preparing for rejection, try to show his inner dialogue. What is he so afraid of losing? And how important is Caramel to him after having been together for such a long time. And why does he still harbor some insecurities of Caramel possible not accepting it?. This gives your audience a great insight in the events before your story and how important the moment really is. It allows us to empatize with Big Mac and make the moment of Caramel's reaction all the more important.

You've already shown that you're capable of both though. In the first chapter in the scene where Caramel's running down the stairs. You foreshadow what is going to be happening through Mac's thought of "this isn't going to end well". Then rather than mention that Caramel fell down you switch to Applejack finding Caramel upside down at the bottom of the stairs. We all know what happened and the way we find out is rather hilarious, especially combined with his reaction to Applejack.

I'm not really a writer, just one who enjoys reading. All I can really say is to try and be aware of these rules and to read and write a lot. See how other writers you admire approach these sort of situations and see how you could use it in your own writing. And never be afraid to ask for advise. Practise makes perfect after all. Good luck, and I'll be looking forward to seeing where you'll be taking this story.

[NightFirethePegasus]

3478672 thanks for that I will try to work on those things I notice that now that you said something I value criticism to help me improve but just to know that it isn't terrible is such an uplifting thing i suffer from low self-esteem so to hear that it has potential is such a boost for me thanks

[NightFirethePegasus]

3477584 I just re-read your stories and there are a few similarities I apologize for that it wasn't on purpose my mind sometimes subconsciously references stories I've read when I write and I don't realize it until after it's posted again I apologize love your work btw

[NightFirethePegasus]

3474688 is that good or bad?