My Last Words (Intro, and Beginnings)
MY LAST WORDS
If anypony is reading this, then you already know what has become of me. After all, it's hard to miss my corpse when it's hanging from the ceiling so close to where you found this note. That's assuming, of course, that somepony actually had concern for my well-being to come to my home and check up on me, unless you were some thief who has broken into my home in search of valuables, which you might as well take since I no longer will be needing them, considering where I am now. Otherwise, who knows how long has passed by the time you find this note.
However long has passed, and whoever you may be, it doesn't matter anyway. The deed has been done. You can't save me now. I've committed a terrible sin through my final act in life, and my soul now resides in the fiery pits of Tartarus. Listen carefully - maybe you'll hear my damned screams. Or maybe not. It wouldn't surprise me. Nopony ever heard my cries in life. Why would you hear them now?
Oh, but of course. You most likely don't even know who I am, do you? Well, my name is - was - Happy, and it was a name so ironically given. I never felt happy in life. Life was cruel to me, and in the events leading up to my departure from this world, it succeeded in breaking me, tearing me apart, until I ultimately lost the will, the desire, to continue living this futile existence.
Maybe you are wondering why I have chosen this path? What in Equestria could have made me decide to take my own life, within my own home? Well, if you are willing to read onwards, then my story I shall share with you.
As I already said, my name is Happy. I was born in a small hospital - the name of which still eludes me, even at this time before my death - in the bustling city of Manehatten. As you can see from my lifeless body, I am a Pegasus. Assuming my body has not yet fallen victim to the ravages of time, and has not decayed, and the flesh rotted, I was a stallion, my coat yellow in colour, my mane hazel-brown. If you've the courage to look into the face of death, you'll see in mine that I was fairly young, with eyes a beautiful sky-blue.
My eyes were the only part of me that I ever truly took pride in. They used to be full of hope, hope that things would get better for me. Hope for a real future. But this is reality.
There is no hope. Hope is a delusion. A way of ignoring the inevitable.
My parents always told me that, when I was born, friends and relatives would come over to our old home just to see me. They told me that everypony would say that I was a beautiful baby colt, and then congratulate my parents on conceiving me, for bringing me into the world. If I had known what the world was going to be like back then, I would have done all in my power to crawl back into my mother's womb, and hide myself away forever.
When I was finally old enough to learn to talk and walk without falling onto my backside, my parents sent me to a school downtown Manehatten. I will never forget that day. How could I forget the day when everything that led up to this decision began?
It was my first day. My very first day of school. I still remember it now as I write my last words upon this parchment. My parents had lacked my lunch - cucumber sandwiches and a cupcake made by my mother. Oh, she wasn't a baker, if that's what you were assuming. My family are all Pegasi, and my mother worked as the head of the weather control team for Manehatten. My father was a window cleaner, using his ability to fly as a means of getting around a skyscraper and the like. My parents worked very hard at their jobs, doing all they could to survive in a so-called metropolis where those without bits quickly spiralled into a hellish nightmare of depravity and unthinkable acts in their attempts to survive.
Anyway, as I was saying, it was my first day of school. I remember being something between half-excited and half-nervous about the whole place, but after my parents had came up with the money to pay for getting me into a school, I walked on into the place, not wanting to let my parents down.
I remember the teacher making me stand in front of the whole class, asking me to introduce myself, and telling a little bit about my family and whatnot. All those multi-coloured pairs of eyes staring at me made me feel really nervous, so I was glad to hear the teacher announce recess, and see everypony dash out to play. Trotting out into the playground, I tried to build up the courage to make some friends.
Let me ask you something, whoever is reading this note. Did you have your cutie mark when you were young? Did you find it easy to make friends when you got your cutie mark? If so, then I envy you. And I also loathe you. For me, school life without a cutie mark was a nightmare, plain and simple.
I was mocked by everypony in the playground for not having one of those accursed images adorning my flank. Everypony! They didn't even know me, and already I was the odd one out amongst an accepted crowd of colts and fillies who had found their special talents in life long before it had actually started, before I even had a chance to find mine. Nopony wanted me to play in their games, the thought of a 'blank-flank' playing hoofball with those with a cutie mark was apparently something of a taboo. And if that wasn't bad enough, I met the first of what would later become many bullies in my life. Bruiser was his name, and quite befitting as well. The threats he made to me afterwards sounded promising enough for me to lie to my parents about the bruising on my body when I returned home that evening.
On my very first day of school, I had been singled out as an outcast, and I had become a target for another colt, my abuse being his entertainment. And the following days was no better. Again, nopony would have anything to do with me. They turned aggressive if I dared tried to join in on any of their games, and they cared not if Bruiser came along and pinned me to the cold, stone floor, as he beat me whilst throwing insult after insult at me, and stealing what food I had with me afterwards. And I would end up having to lie to my parents about my injuries, knowing that eventually I would be unable to give them a believable excuse, and they would become suspicious.
You have to understand; I was young back then. I feared for my life. I was afraid and alone every day until the time came to return home. I gave up trying to make friends a couple of weeks after I began at that school, and just focused on learning. When recess came, I took myself into the far corner of the playground, where there were bushes in which I used to hide in and wait for the sound of the bell, signalling the need to return to the classroom.
Being a Pegasus, you would think that it would have been easy for me to escape from Bruiser, right? Wrong. I do not know how the education system works now, or if it is even still the same as before I hung myself, but back in my days, it was custom for everypony to wear a uniform when attending school. Since Manehatten is home to a population majorly consisting of earth ponies, it was difficult to attain appropriate attire for me, on account of my wings, and in the end, I had to fold my wings in so that I could wear clothing over them. This made it impossible for me to stretch my wings in order to fly, thus grounding me to the earth, to walk as one of the earth ponies, despite not being of their kind.
And the uniform was uncomfortable, to say the least. My wings would ache from being cramped whilst wearing that stupid monkey suit all day in the classroom.
Ah, the classroom. If the time I spent in the playground was hell, I'd like to say that my time in class was akin to Limbo. Everypony continued to shun me, hate me for not having a cutie mark, but the teasing and the bullying wasn't as bad. When I tried to leave my desk for whatever reason, somepony would sometimes stick their hindleg out to trip me, eliciting mocking laughter at my humiliation, and whispers of praise for the one who caused me it. I recall a number of times when somepony would deliberately cause trouble in the class when the teacher was not looking, or when he had left the room for something, and upon his return or noticing something was going on behind his back, the hoof of blame was pointed at me.
I could have, should have said that it was not me, but maybe I forgot to mention that Bruiser was in the same class as I was. A deathly glare from him was all I needed to know what the consequences would be if I did not continue to lie.
So I did. I lied and took the blame for somepony else's crime. And I would receive detention and be scolded at by the teacher. My parents were contacted on several occasions, and I had to carry on with the lying, and admit to things I was being accused of, but hadn't actually ever done. All because I was young, and scared of the consequences that would have befallen me if I ever spoke up and told the truth.
I did, however, get some relief one day, when my teacher walked into the classroom with an important announcement; Bruiser had left my school, as his family had chosen to move to another town (I do not remember which town, and neither do I care at all), and my heart literally jumped for joy when I heard that wonderful news. I remember practically almost squee'ing with joy at the thought of having no more fear of being caused physical harm, or having to live with the fear of Bruiser causing me great injury - or worse.
Everypony still continued to treat me as an outcast, since I still did not have my cutie mark. I was being bullied every day, so obviously I never had the time to try and find my special talent in life. But it didn't matter to me that they acted like I was invisible air to them. With Bruiser gone, life at school slowly began to get a little easier. I was able to concentrate better in class, and when the time for the exams came, I scored pretty well on them. Maybe more than pretty well, given the look of surprise on my teacher's face when he announced my results. My parents were elated when they heard the news, and things actually seemed to look good for me.
Oh, how foolish I was to think such a thing...
Unfortunately, my admirable scores did not sit well with my classmates, and soon, problems began surfacing again. I went into school the next day, a smile on my face and feeling as though nothing could go wrong. But the moment I stepped through those doors, I was pelted with a hailstorm of screwed-up paper balls. Mostly. Other objects thrown at me included pencils, erasers, and one pony even went as far as to throw a stapler my way. I was lucky to avoid it.
My fellow 'classmates' would have nothing to do with me before, but now they would push me into walls as I or they passed by in the corridors, or tripped me as I tried to get past them. When I eventually summoned the courage to demand why they treated me like this, I couldn't believe the answer I was given. They told me it was because I had made them look bad during the exam! Because I had succeeded where they had failed! Because I had the tenacity to study as they did whatever it was they would do besides studying! The thought of somepony with a cutie mark being outsmarted by one without was apparently an insult to these foals, and they showed their resentment of me for the rest of my time at that Celestia-be-damned hellhole.
First I was rejected and ignored because I had no cutie mark, and now I was loathed and resented because I worked harder than the others. And this...hatred, continued for the rest of my time at that place. Each day, I tried to not to let it get to me, but deep down inside, I was hurting, scarred with an inner wound that I felt would not heal. I could not understand how I had become so disliked at such an early age. Why me, I would ask myself at night, as I curled up in my bed. Why me? Why was I the focus of this, this hate? Why did the lack of a cutie make me an outcast? Why did my wanting to be the best I could become make me so unlikable?
After several years of hell in that school, I was finally able to graduate from that place, and you have no idea how relieved I was to escape that dreadful place in the end. Well, I say it was a dreadful place, and it was. At least, until I emerged outside into the big wide world of Equestria.
And that's when I found myself in a new kind of hell...
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Lol this gives me hope. With luck, this is a foreshadow as to what every last faggot fruitcake on this site will end up doing.
3270954
And the prize for most intolerant brony goes to: *drum roll* Fried Waters.
Please leave. No one wants the likes of you here.
''Brony''? I'd rather cut my balls off than be equated to those sexually volatile, insecure future pedophiles. Oh shit sorry, that's implying that the whole reason people actually enjoy this failure of a site is a bad thing. Fucking nutjobs.
3270954
I could say something to totally own you, but you're not worth it. I'm not here to make enemies, and i'm not here to fight with anybody. Especially those who aren't even worth my time.
(Sarcastically) And cheers for making the first comment of my crappy story an insulting one. Makes me wonder why a Brony-hater is even a member of a site with 'faggot fruitcakes' in the first place...
3271022
Because you need my help.
3270975
Thanks for defending me, if that was your intention.
You shall be given a mention in the next chapter.
Thank you.
3271006 *giggles*
You said "balls".
If I can have everyone's attention...
I understand that there is a douche here in the comments. I would ask that you do not give him the satisfaction of a response to his inappropriate behaviour. Ignore his comments, and leave him be. You all are better than he, and he isn't worth a quarter of your time.
Thank you, and keep it 20% cooler, ya'll.
3271034
Lol. Typical, this loser gets a hard on every time some faggot white knight says something nice about him on the intratubes. Damn, for a minute I thought this was his genuine suicide letter and he was just so much of a loser furry that he equated real life with his sick sexual desires.
Ummm. Why has this been down voted this much?
3271054 He said "balls".
*still lol'ing*
3271063
I don't know. But it doesn't matter. If I'm to be hated, then so be it. Better me than somebody else on this site who is undeserving of such negativity.
3271057 *giggles*
"Hard-on".
3271079
Please, do not feed the trolls.
3271088 Aww, but it's so funny!
Wow. Internet sensation over here. Who gives a fuck if I'm in your comments, insulting your fandrones? It's the fucking internet. Sorry, forgot none of you have a life outside the internet. My bad.
3271091
Maybe, but you are feeding him ammunition, if you catch my drift. Surely you have more sense than this? Prove yourself the bigger man. Leave him be. Let him hate to his heart's content. You don't need to drag yourself to that level.
3271112
Best thing to do is just delete their comments entirely. Eventually they'll get bored and go away.
3271114
I shall delete them later. I've other matter to tend to. I'll let him enjoy his time here for a while, like the generous (I hate saying this part) 'faggot fruitcake' that I am.
Somebody pass me a sick-bag...
wow, suicide memoirs
this is surprisingly alright, by no means is it the best thing on this site, but it certainly warrants a like... its kind of funny that its only through reading that haters comments was I actually compelled to read this 
3271112 Okay...can I at least eat this muffin?
etyman.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/muffin1.jpg
Lol, you're just a bunch of fucking rejects finding life security in creepy ass stories about cartoon horses raping and killing each other. Clearly, you need me here.
3271192
That is somewhat ironic...XD
I really don't have much of a reason to do this kind of story. I suppose the best I've got is that, well, I hear a lot on the news about teenagers and young people committing suicide due to bullies and life problems, and I guess I just thought it would make an interesting story concept. Of course, i'm trying to keep this as serious as I can, because suicide is not something to laugh about,
Also, I'm not expecting this story to get a lot of attention. Even if, like, ten people ever viewed it, in my mind i'll think, ''Ten is better than zero''.
3271204
Okay, you can has the muffin.
But remember to save a piece in case somebody comments with a Derpy avatar. I like that funny pony. I can relate to her clumsiness. LOL.
3272280 images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130629135724/warriorcatclansrp/images/2/2e/Alrighty_then.gif
3271123
Well, looks like he got himself banned, so... funtime's over.
3272386
There will be another hater to take his place, but I ask that you don't worry for me. As much as I appreciate you and everyone else standing up for me - and understand clearly that I DO appreciate it - I would prefer that other people did not get involved. I understand that everyone needs a helping hand now and then, but I don't want those who help me to get caught up in stupid acts of the morons who litter the internet like a disease, nor do I want them to become targets themselves. I prefer to fight my own battles, but this trolling hater was not even close to a worthy challenge. I won't let the likes of him ruin my experiences on this site. And neither should any of you.
I've already gotten a start on Chapter Two. I shall probably have it up within the next few days. I want to submit some new channel content on my new Youtube channel (UniqueKJ, by the way. LOL), and i want to make it look as presentable as i can. Don't bother checking it out yet, because all the content on it so far is private, at least until i get a few more videos added on.
Also, my job as a part-time carer means that i'm not always around to carry on working on my computer, so that may delay the story for a little while. But seeing how this story has already, and quite surprisingly, attracted a fair amount of attention, i shall put in what time i get to make progress on it. Thank you all for viewing the first chapter, and i hope that you'll stay to see the rest of the story through to it's conclusion. By the way, there's going to be a little twist at the end, and i'm not talking about the noose.
Thank you to those who supported me, and i hope that you are healthy and successful in all your current and future endeavours. You guys are the reason why i have much respect for Bronies, and you is all awesome-sauce!
3272635
so it pleases me nonetheless to see one get the boot. 
Oh, I'm not worried, as such. Being part-Australian means I have a fairly low tolerance for useless wankers, though,
Besides, if anything, I find it somewhat amusing to be accused of "having no life outside the internet" by someone who just wasted several hours of his own life writing trollfics and leaving insulting comments on a website devoted to something he hates. I should think that sort of behavior is the very definition of not having a life.
3274293
Well said, my good Sheila!
That's what you call your kangaroo's, right?
3275518