Friendship is Epic - Book 3: Blessings of the Night

by FlareGun45

Banned in Ponyville

POW goes AppleJack as she kicks a tree in her farm, emptying the whole tree of apples, filling the buckets. “And that, mah friends, is how ya do it!” AppleJack said to us, the Noble Six.

“That doesn’t answer our question.” Engie said. “What we’re askin’ is, ‘what do you do for a livin’?”

“What do you mean what do ah do for livin’?” AppleJack asked. “It’s this! Applebuckin’ and makin’ sweet apple pies, apple tarts, apple fritters, caramel apples…”

“Caramel apples on a steek.” A caramel apple on a stick puppet added in a Spanish accent as Jeff Dunham was controlling him.

“OH MY GAAAAACKNESS!” Peanut (another puppet that’s purple and is wearing a white coat) cried out. “You and your stick problems! Why are you so obsessed with STIIIIIIIIIICKS? You take stick nightly? HAAAAA-CK!”

“My name is José Caramel Apple….. on a steek.” the caramel apple puppet said.

“José? José?! That’s not how it’s spelled weirdo! It’s Josey! I’m gonna call you Josey because that’s your real name! AAACK!” Peanut corrected him.

“Best puppeteer ever!” Crystal said.

“Si, senorita!” José said.

“Yeah, SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I SEEEEEEEEEEE you!” Peanut said.

“What are y’all doin’ anyway?” AppleJack asked. “You came here askin’ so many questions about mah life. Ah’m not gettin’ it.”

“AppleJack, apples are what makes the world go round, isn’t it?” Engie asked.

“Noooo, the world does not turn. The princesses just turn the moon and the sun around the world.” Psyche corrected him. “It would be heresy to think otherwise.”

“Would it?” Engie asked.

A cutaway shows Engie about to be burnt at the stake by Princess Celestia herself. “IT’S TRUE!” Engie cried. “The Earth travels around an axis to bring day and night! It’s a scientific fact!”

“BURN HIM!” Skyblaze yelled.

“HERCEY!” Twilight yelled.

“BLASPHOMEY!” Woodenshy yelled.

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THOSE WORDS MEAN!” Crystal yelled. The cutaway ends.

“But really, AppleJack. It’s the apple that ties Ponyville together.” Aqua said as he grabs an apple off the ground. “Sweet Apple Acres is the center of Ponyville, which is to say: center of the universe. Without this place, how would Ponyville be held?” Aqua explained as he takes a bite of the apple.

“Ah hope yer gonna pay for that, Aqua.” AppleJack said.

“Even if there’s a rotten spot on this side?” Aqua asked as he showed AppleJack the small rotten spot on the side of the apple.

“We use the rotten apples for compost, y’know.” AppleJack informed him.

“So apples? Why apples though?” Blaze asked. “What’s so special about apples that ties Ponyville together?”

“The apple is the most nutritious and delicious fruit of them all, sugarcube.” AppleJack said. “But it’s not all that. It’s the love and nurturing we put in them. You boys may not-“

“And girl.” Crystal interrupted her.

“And girl,” AppleJack added, “may not know this, but the amount of care we put in these apples is better than anything we ever held dear. Us Apple Family members think there’s magic in the apples that just puts smiles on pony’s faces even in the darkest of times.”

“I think you’re talking about Pinkie Pie.” I said.

“But the amount of care and love we put in these apples… it’s almost like a drug that it brings smiles on pony’s faces.” AppleJack said.

“It’s a drug?” Blaze asked.

“SWEET LUNA, NO!” AppleJack cried. “Ah’m just sayin’… our apples have a secret inside them that just ties all of us together. Ain’t that right, Big Mac?”

“Nnnope.” Big Mac said.

“Nope? Big Mac, you don’t agree? Wait… are you jokin’?” AppleJack asked.

“Eeeyup.” Big Mac nodded and chuckled.

“This ain’t nothin’ to joke about, sugarcube!” AppleJack yelled at him. “These apples are real serious business! Only finest apples are grown by Apple family members! Only we know the secret of the magic of their deliciousness. Well… all of us do.”

“Ah don’t know it yet.” Apple Bloom said.

“That’s cause yer not ready to learn the secret yet, Apple Bloom.” AppleJack said as she patted her head. “But no threat. You will learn the secret when the time has come.”

“But ah believe ah’m ready now!” Apple Bloom said. “Don’t worry, AppleJack, ah’m not one to spoil secrets. Mah lips are totally sealed!”

“Didn’t you tell me about the time you went into the washing machine and you-“ Crystal was about to ask, but Apple Bloom cuts her off by waving her hoof under her neck nervously. AppleJack then quickly turns back to Apple Bloom and Apple Bloom just smiles nervously at her.

“What was that about?” AppleJack asked. “What’s this about a washin’ machine?”

“How should ah know? Girl’s crazy!” Apple Bloom defended herself as she rolls her hoof near her ear while rolling her eyes.

“I sure am!” Crystal nodded. “I’m maybe even crazier than Loco Pommel!”

A cutaway shows Loco Pommel about to advertise her mattress sale. “MATTRESSES! MATTRESSES! MATTRESSES! Hola, I am Loco Pommel of Loco Pommel’s Mattress Psycho-Shack! I am acting so totally crazy right now over the low low prices I have in stock for you, amigos! ARRREBAAA! Check out this mattress with butterflies on them! Hey! Who wouldn’t want a mattress filled with the most peaceful type of animal on the planet? Or how about this mattress made of solid stone? You normal ponies may think it’s bad, but those religious nuts would go CRAAAZY for it! Oh lookie here at this mattress! It’s the mattress of the future! It massages your back, your shoulders, your legs, and it even has a little nose picker device! Something you’ll go SO TOTALLY LOCOOOOOO FOR! Also we’re having a sale on SPIKE mattresses! Perfect for popping unwanted ugliness coming from your back! And I mean this literary, you’d go to the nut house after this baby, cause as you can see… I’m wearing a straight jacket right now! THIS ISN’T EVEN A REAL COMMERICAL! I’m at a mental institution right now about to get my flank stabbed with a needle! AAAAREBAAaaaaa…” she then falls right to sleep after the doctors calm her down.

“Oh I hope my cousin gets mentally healed one day.” Coco Pommel said from outside Loco’s door. Yep! Loco Pommel is actually Coco Pommel’s identical twin cousin! Almost identical. The only difference between the two is that Loco wears a sombrero and she grew herself a mustache. Yeah, pretty loco of her huh? The cutaway ends.

“Howdy y’all!” Granny Smith said as she started walking over to us. “For all yer hard work. How about some delicious apple pie?”

“Thanks, Granny Smith! Ah could use a pie break.” AppleJack said.

“Not you! These six fine ponies!” Granny Smith corrected her.

“Nice!” Blaze said excitedly as he takes one. “Thanks, Granny Smith!”

“Yeah thanks, Granny Smith!” Engie said as he also takes one. “It’s kinda weird how ponies would name their young foal ‘Granny’.”

“Actually when ah was a youngster like y’all is, mah name was just Smith.” Granny Smith said. “But then we figured out that Smith had nothin’ to do with apples; so after Big Mac was born, ah decided to legally change mah name to Granny Smith.”

“That makes more sense to me.” Aqua nodded.

“Yeah for sure.” Psyche nodded.

“I less than three your apple pastry stuff, Granny Smith!” I said. “It makes me tolerate apples more!”

“Excuse me?” AppleJack asked as she glared at me. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean that I LOVE her apple pastry stuff.” I said. “Sorry, I forgot that you ranch folk don’t know much about leet speak.”

“Not that.” AppleJack corrected me. “What do you mean by ‘toleratin’ our apples’?”

“Oh that. I just don’t like eating apples by themselves. There needs to be something else with it.” I explained.

“Really now?” AppleJack asked. “So if ah gave you a plain apple right now without anythin’ with it, you wouldn’t eat it?”

“Maybe if you sliced it in sixes and had caramel sauce with it then yes.” I said.

“But you wouldn’t eat a whole plain apple just like this?” AppleJack asked as she showed me a red apple on her hoof.

“No I wouldn’t.” I said. AppleJack suddenly gasps. “What?! I just don’t like apples by themselves. I mean they’re too big to bite on, it’s too juicy and sticky, and when you have to eat all the sides before going deeper towards the core, and I have to touch with my dirty hooves on the other ends of the apples, and then I’ll be going back to that end!”

“What about ya magic?” Aqua reminded me.

“My magic is for more important things like eating pizza.” I said.

“Or jelly-babies!” Psyche added.

“Exactly! Or jelly-babies!” I said.

“But, Flare? Maybe you haven’t tried an Apple family apple. Maybe apples were a lot more different back where yer from, but it’s a lot different here in Northern Equestria.” AppleJack said as she slowly moves the apple closer to my face. “Maybe if y’all can just try it, just one bite, then the sweet tasty aroma will finally reach yer taste buds and y’all would be wantin’ more and more until the day yer dust!”

“Ok first of all: AppleJack, I’m not going to turn into dust. I’m not even gonna die. I’m going to reanimate myself as a robot in the future so I can live forever, and the Noble Six are coming with it!” I said as I put my arms around Psyche and Engie.

“Ah like the side of that!” Engie nodded.

“I don’t, I wanna be with my mom.” Psyche said.

“Trust me, Psyche, if you wanted to die, you would’ve done it already.” I informed him.

“Oooooh snap!” Crystal said in shock.

“And second of all, AppleJack: I did have an Apple family apple, because as you may know, you have a relative in Mareami by the name of Applebees.” I corrected her.

“She owns a restaurant, she does not own a farm.” AppleJack corrected me.
“Then where did those apples in her desserts come from? Hmm?” I asked.

“They were shipped apples.” AppleJack said. “If apples were shipped across Equestria, the sweet aroma would be gone. They’d be no better than Flim-Flam apples!”

“What-what apples?” Aqua asked.

“Look, that doesn’t matter, but Flare, ah urge you to try this!” AppleJack begged. “Try one of mah apples plain. They’re thick, juicy, and there’s seeds in it, so you know it’s fresh and not processed.”

“I don’t wanna!” I whined.

“C’mon Flare, ya don’t know what yer missin’!” AppleJack begged.

“NnnnnnnnnnNO!” I whined.

“Please, sugarcube?” AppleJack begged.

“NnnnnnnnnNO!” I whined.

“Ah’ll eat a pear if you this eat this.” AppleJack promised.

“NnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnNO!” I whined.

“There’s no use arguin’ with him, AppleJack.” Aqua said. “If ya lead a horse to water, can ya make ‘em drink?”

“Errr… if ah’m thirsty yeah.” AppleJack said. “But a better expression would be: if ya lead a horse to an apple orchard, can you make ‘em eat?”

“Potato chips, yes.” I said.

“Tator chips?!” AppleJack asked. “No, apples!”

“Why are you forcing me to eat something I don’t want to eat?” I asked. “I mean, I could eat almost anything, but an apple is just… too plain for me.”

“Well that’s just plain wrong, huh?” Engie teased.

Plus that was also the name of the last chapter!

“Don’t worry, man. If you don’t want to eat the apple, you don’t have to.” Blaze said.

“THANK YOU, BLAZE! Thank you! You see? This is why I made Blaze my best friend.” I said.

“I stood up to ya though.” Aqua reminded me.

“Yeah but only to get me to shut up.” I reminded him.

“How do ya know Blaze didn’t do that?” Aqua asked.

“I don’t, but I like him more.” I said.

“How about me, Flare?” Crystal asked.

“You’re my second favorite in the group, Crystal!” I said.

“YAY!” Crystal cheered.

AppleJack sighs. “Whatever then. Ah won’t force you to eat somethin’ you don’t want to, but yer really missin’ out, sugarcube.”

“It’s true. The Apple family apples are really something to die for.” Psyche said.

“Psyche, how many times do I have to say it? If you wanted to die, you would’ve done it already.” I reminded him.

“Can you believe this guy?” Psyche asked as Big Mac.

“Eeyup!” Big Mac nodded.

“Eeyup that you don’t believe him or eeyup that you agree with me?” Psyche asked.

“Eeyup.” Big Mac said again.

“Ok fine, whatever.” Psyche said with an attitude.

“Is this really the respect ah deserve?” Big Mac asked in his head. “All ponies do is ask me questions and all they want is some eeyup or nnope answer from me. What am ah, a votin’ machine or a pony? It’s time to stand up to what ah am! The next time somepony asks me a question, ah’m goin’ to give them somethin’ different! They just wait!”

“Hey Big Mac, ya available this afternoon?” Aqua asked. “I kinda need some assistance with a water freshener I’ve been workin’ on.”

“Baaaaaaaaaa!” Big Mac baas like a sheep.

“Huh?” Aqua asked.

“Way to go McIntosh.” Big Mac said in his head. “You made yerself sound like an idiot.”

After a little while went by, the six of us (you know which six of us I’m talking about right?) all went over to our usual hideout, which is the cider bar. Well… that’s one of our three hangouts. The other hangouts are my shop and my trailer. I got the most stuff so that’s why my trailer. Anyways, we were at the cider bar and we just finished watching a random TV show on PNT. If you’ve been wondering what PNT meant since I keep mentioning this channel, it’s called Pony National TV, which is pretty obvious. PNT and Ox are pretty much the only channels that are mentioned in this story. We should try a third one.

“We thank you for watching this TV program on PNT! Here come the end credits.” The TV announcer said. Just then, the end credits start playing on the TV.

“The credits are going way too fast. I can’t read them.” Aqua complained.

“What’s with TV shows that always seem to rush the end credits in TV shows?” Blaze asked. “Why bother having them on there if none of the viewers are barely able to read them?” Just then, the end credits of the show all move to the left and a commercial shows up on the side and a below it, it says what show is coming up next.

“Oh great! Now the credits move to the side which is directin’ our attention away from the credits even more by showin’ a commercial!” Engie complained.

“I feel sorry for those poor saps that worked hard to making this TV program and their names can’t even be known by the viewers.” Crystal said.

“Luckily we’re better than that.” Engie said.

“You know, we never bothered answering AppleJack’s question on why we were there asking about her life.” Psyche pointed out.

“The whole reason we were there was to find out the secrets of what made Apple Family apples so delicious and nitrous.” Engie said.

“But we didn’t learn anything.” Aqua reminded him.

“Actually we did learn somethin’.” Engie corrected him. “We learned that there IS actually a secret inside the apples, and maybe we should find out what.”

“Or maybe its best we don’t find out.” Aqua suggested. “I mean… what if it’s not what we expect?”

“Aqua, if we expected it, it wouldn’t be so much of a secret now, would it?” Psyche asked.

“I suppose not.” Aqua said.

“But whatever’s inside the apples, I’m sure it’s none of our business.” Blaze said. “It’s what makes the secret a secret is what makes it so good. Take Flare’s secret recipe for example.”

“Don’t bring my secret recipe into this, Blaze.” I advised him. “Apple Family apples and Flare’s pizzas are two different things. I have a secret recipe, while they have a secret that’s been grown inside the fruit.”

“You know, man, you could’ve at least tasted the plain apple.” Blaze said.

“WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO ABOUT WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?!” I yelled.

“Whoa, man! Chill, chill! I’m sorry!” Blaze said.

“Sorry about that, brah. I get so upset when other ponies just change the subject into something I don’t want to talk about.” I said.

“You do that all the time.” Engie reminded me.

“Irregardless.” I said.

“Hey what does a cop have to do to get a cider ‘round here, c’mon!” a voice complained.

“Wow, that cop over there is loud.” Crystal commented. “Kinda reminds me of the loud shushing that the librarians give to those who are too loud. SHHHHHHHHH! Shush yourself, lady! Your shushing is louder than my talking!”

“Sir, I can make a report that your bartending license has expired if you’re going to give me that attitude with me!” the cop complained to the bartender. “I am an officer of the law! I maybe new here, but I deserve the same respect!”

“That cop sounds familiar.” Psyche said.

“Yeah well, I think you sound familiar too, Psyche Illusion!” the officer turned his stool around and it was revealed to be…

“Officer Penny Nickels?!” Psyche gasped, interrupting my narration.

“Surprised to see me again?” Nickels asked.

“What are you doing here, man?” Blaze asked. “Why did Swinebutt send you this time?”

“Chill, Goldheart, I’m here on my own free will this time.” Nickels said. “I still work for that pig, but he’s not the reason why I’m here.”

“Why are ya here then?” Aqua asked.

“I need money, and since I was fired from the force at Trottingham, I decided to become an officer here in case Swinebutt wanted me to do something else.” Nickels said. “Ooooh, umm… forget I said that.”

“Yeah I was gonna say. Why tell us that?” Crystal asked.

“Well now that I’m here, I’m in charge of you all now!” Nickels said mischievously. “I can do whatever I want to you… PSYCHE!” he glares at Psyche.

“HA! So he’s joking then!” Crystal laughed.

“What?” Aqua asked.

“He’s joking. He said ‘psyche’ right after he said that, which means he was joking.” Crystal explained.

“He was actually stating my name.” Psyche corrected her.

“Oh… well at least I thought of a new prank to start on you… PSYCHE!” Crystal said.

“Were you joking or were you stating my name?” Psyche asked.

“I really don’t remember.” Crystal admitted.

“Believe me, you six! Things are going to change here majorly while I’m around!” Nickels said. “There’s a new law being cased soon, and with me as an officer of the law, I have to enforce it, and discipline those who disobey… PSYCHE!”

“Why do I have the feeling you’re stating these facts to just me personally?” Psyche asked sarcastically.

“Oh that one was a joke.” Nickels corrected him. “I can’t be too discipline. Ponyville law is much different than Trottingham law, but we have some agents from the princesses that are meeting with the mayor tonight, so starting tomorrow when the mayor makes her speech, if you are caught breaking this law, I can legally turn you in without consequence!”

“PSYCHE!” Psyche yelled.

“I wasn’t gonna say you’re name that time.” Nickels corrected him. “PSYCHE! Now then, I must return to my new officer duties. I’m back, baby! And Psyche… you won’t be able to escape me this time! I live where you live once again, so there’s no escape! Heh heeeh!” Officer Nickels walks out of the bar.

“So he did all that complaining for nothing?” the bartender asked. “I made a cider like he wanted and he just trots on outta here! I think he’s a corrupted cop.”

“You think?” Psyche asked sarcastically. “So… Officer Nickels is back. Yeah this should be interesting.”

“Wait a minute, what was he talkin’ about, a new law?” Aqua asked.

“Agents from the princesses meeting with the mayor about a new law. What new law was he talking about?” Blaze asked.

“Whatever it is, ah have the feelin’ he’s pretty pleased about it.” Engie said.

“You think it might have anything to do with what we did earlier today?” I asked. “You know… out of mere coincidence?”

“What makes you think that, man?” Blaze asked.

“Just saying, brah; whenever’s Swinebutt’s henchmen are up to something, it has something to do with us.” I said.

“Maybe it doesn’t.” Aqua said.

“Or maybe it does.” I said again. “Go ahead, Aqua, I dare you to say ‘maybe it doesn’t’ again. It’s gonna keep going back and forth until one of us stops.”

“I wasn’t goin’ to say it again, mate.” Aqua corrected me.

“Soooo what now? We’re going to wait until tomorrow during the speech meet?” Crystal asked.

“It’s the only thing we can do.” Blaze said.

“What are we going to do until then?” Crystal asked.

Engie shrugs. “Sit here… wait?”

“All night?” Crystal asked.

“Of course not all night. Don’t we sleep?” Blaze asked. Ehhh let’s stop there. I don’t want to boar you with their nonstop chatter.

It’s going to be about 13 hours for them, but for YOU… it’s going to be just a few seconds! So we move on to the next morning where the mayor calls the town to a meet in front of town hall. “I wonder why the mayor called us for this important meeting?” Rainbow Dash wondered.

“I wonder why I had to come.” Candy Cotton complained.

“Citizens of Ponyville!” Mayor Mare called out.

“You know her gray mane was dyed, right?” Spike asked me.

“Yeah sure, make her look older. That’ll help her gain a husband.” I complained.

“I am very disappointed to say that we have a new law in effect.” Mayor Mare said upsettingly. “And… I won’t blame you if you have lots of complaints about it.”

“Yeah I have a complaint. Use your regular colored mane you sell out!” Spike mumbled.

“As you may know, apples is what keeps Ponyville in balance. They are grown and harvested and served with love in baked goods by our very own Apple family.” The mayor said. “It was apples that founded Ponyville in the first place. Although, I do have some sad news about it. Apples are now-“

“THEM DARN TOOTIN, PRINCESSES HAVE LOST THEIR MINDS!” Granny Smith yelled as she marches out of town hall. “They think have the nerve to send agents down here and have them BAN apples from Ponyville?! THAT’S GAH-DOWN RIGHT OUTRAGEOUS!”

“But Granny Smith, as you may know, our scientists have discovered a strange chemical inside your apples.” One of the agents said. “This chemical is severely unhealthy for ponies.”

“What is this so-called chemical called anyway?” AppleJack asked.

“The Appleitis Chemical.” The agent said. “It can create Appleitis disease known as Appleitis. Which would mean everypony in this town would have to get checked on.”

“But what about our farm?” AppleJack asked.

“Isn’t the answer obvious?” Engie whispered to Crystal.

“No.” Crystal whispered back.

“This would mean you cannot sell apples anymore, but this won’t mean we’ll shut down your business.” The agent said. “It just means you have to resort to another type of fruit. Oranges, pears, bananas, tomatoes, and yes a tomato is a fruit.”

“But is a banana a fruit is what ah’m askin’, youngster.” Granny Smith said.

“This… this can’t be! We’ve always been the APPLE family!” AppleJack cried. “Why would the princesses do this?”

“For the sake of pony’s health, y’gotta make sacrifices.” The agent said.

“I am so sorry, Apple family.” The mayor said. “Our decision is final. Apples are now banned from Ponyville.”

“HA! She said it!” I pointed out. Even though the title is Banned IN Ponyville, not Banned FROM Ponyville.

“But mayor deary, didn’t you know that if it weren’t for our apples this town wouldn’t have been made?” Granny Smith smiley reminded her.

“I completely understand what you’re going through but these laws are not up to me.” the mayor admitted. “These agents from the princesses has explained the disastrous news to me and I just have no choice but to follow their word.”

“Without WAR?!” Granny Smith cried. “Bring out the tanks! Bring out the fighter planes! Bring out the portable radio that you carry on your back! We’re goin’ to war!”

“No, Granny, we won’t go to war.” AppleJack said. “Also we use walkie-talkies now, not portable radios.”

“Dag nabbit. Mah knowledge of dem fancy technology these days is still pretty slim to me.” Granny Smith said.

“Slim framework? Slim Shady? Slimjim? Slim weight loss?” Apple Bloom teased.

“Apple Bloom, this is no time for jokes!” AppleJack corrected her. “Our business is at risk right now, and we can no longer sell any apple products!”

“I didn’t say that. I just said you couldn’t sell apples anymore.” The mayor corrected her.

“So we can still sell apple related products?” AppleJack asked.

“I… didn’t say that either.” The mayor admitted hesitantly.

“DOES THE INCLUDE NO CIDER?!” Rainbow Dash freaked out.

“Well… no APPLE cider that is.” AppleJack said.

“But APPLE cider is my favorite cider!” Rainbow said. “What are we going to do without it?! It’s the only thing that keeps me calm!”

“Really? You calm?” AppleJack asked in a ‘I don’t believe you’ tone.

“I’m freaking out now!” Rainbow yelled.

Candy shook her head and sighed. “My sister is such a drinker. She might need therapy.”

“So are we done here? Can we go?” Engie complained.

“Oh, uhh… yeah. Meeting dismissed!” the mayor said.

“FINALLY!” Engie yelled. “Ah’ve been dyin’ to thirst for ages! Who’s up for the cider bar?”

“We can’t go to the cider bar now, remember?” Psyche reminded him. “Apples are illegal now.”

“Doesn’t the cider bar sell anythin’ other than apple cider?” Engie asked.

“Yeah but barely.” Psyche said. “We only have an apple orchard in town. It’s going to take a couple of days until another shipment of grapes or pears come in.”

“THINK OF THE CIDER!” Rainbow yelled in Psyche’s face.

“THINK ABOUT BREATH MINTS!” Psyche yelled in her face.

“Ok wow, I wasn’t trying to insult you, Psyche. Jeez louise!” Rainbow complained.

So since the cider bar wasn’t an option, we decided to go to the Ponyville Bistro for lunch. My sister Water works there so I knew for a fact that this place has terrible service. “So would any of you like to order something from our dessert menu?” Water asked.

“Sure, I could use some more transfat in mah system.” Engie said.

“Here you go, Engie!” Water said as she shows him the dessert menu which was just pudding, and nothing else. “Alllllllrighty then, ah guess ah’ll take puddin’.”

“I’m sorry; we’re all out of pudding.” Water said. “Sorry about that.”

“Well at least it’ll give me a chance to stick to mah diet.” Engie said as he takes out a candy bar and takes a bite from it.

“Can I have some apple turnovers please?” Crystal asked.

“We don’t sell those anymore, Crystal. New apple laws.” Water said.

“How about fritters?” Crystal asked.

“That’s still apple.” Water said.

“Can I have some chocolate cake then?” Crystal asked.

“Sorry, but one of the ingredients used to make our cakes is apples.” Water said. “Also didn’t you see the dessert menu? We only sell pudding now.”

“What kind of pudding?” Crystal asked.

“How should I know?” Water asked. “It’s some of sort of leftover slop from the oven grease. If you ask me, it’s more like soup than pudding.”

“Man this stinks!” Blaze complained. “A town without apples? How are we going to survive?”

“Simple! By eating at Flare’s Pizza Parlor!” I said.

“Doesn’t half of ya product have apples in them?” Aqua asked.

“I can take them out, plain and simple.” I said.

“You can do that?” Crystal asked. “You can just take ingredients out of food? It’s that simple?”

“No it’s not that simple.” I said. “I have rearrange ingredients, put in substitutes, or put in more of something or less of something. It might not taste as good, that’s for sure.”

“Well I hope you find a good enough alternative.” Officer Nickels said as he walks over to our table. “Because if you’re caught selling something apple-related, I sure am taking you doooooooown! Down to the grooooooooound! Outta tooooooown! You’ll no longer be aroooooooound! You act like such a clooooo-“

“Officer Nickels, for all do respect because you’re a cop and all, SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!” Psyche demanded.

“Oooo, insulting an officer of the law? I could turn you in for that, Psyche.” Officer Nickels said.

“Yeah, well, I know you won’t.” Psyche said.

“Yeah, I know… stupid freedom of speech laws!” Officer Nickels complained. “But you just wait! I know one of you will be craving apples soon, and when you do… oh yeah… I have some nice piece of jewelry that is chained together just for you!”

“Sounds fancy!” Crystal said.

“Would you like to try them all?” Officer Nickels asked as he shows her his hoof cuffs.

“Hey I have those at home! Thundy and I use those all the time!” Crystal pointed out. “The only difference between those and mine is that mine has fluffy pink fur on it.”

“Excuse me, dude? Are you going to order something?” Water complained to Officer Nickels. “We have a pretty tight schedule today and I don’t you standing in my way.”

“Because of your service, I’ll be giving this place a bad review on Google Reviews.” Officer Nickels said as he walked out of the bistro.

“Whatever, man. One bad review isn’t going to kill this place.” Water said.

Meanwhile over at Twilight’s library, AppleJack wanted to ask Twilight for assistance. “Ah dunno what to do, Twilight! What am ah supposed to do without mah apples?” AppleJack asked.

“I’m not sure, but it doesn’t make sense to me.” Twilight said. “There’s a chemical in your apples that makes ponies sick. Have you ever noticed the chemical?”

“That chemical is put into the soil to make the apples taste better.” AppleJack said. “The chemical is actually from zap apple trees. One day, Granny Smith tried to turn our regular apple trees into zap apples trees, but she wasn’t successful; although, the chemical did cause the regular apples to taste better. That was the magic of the apples that brought Ponyville closer together.”

“But it still doesn’t add up to why it would make ponies sick.” Twilight said. “I don’t see any proof, and until I see proof of a sick pony from apples, there’s no way I’d believe it.”

“Well what is mah family supposed to do?” AppleJack asked. “We’re now allowed to sell apples anymore so we can’t figure it out. The ponies need their apples, Twilight; everypony is gettin’ fussy already. Fussier than the time pony Trixie met human Trixie.”

A cutaway shows human Trixie going through the Universal Transport Mirror from Equestria Girls and turns into pony form. She looks at her hooves and says, “Whoa! Trixie is a strange looking horse. I wonder what other surprises the Great and Powerful Trixie would discover in this world?”

Just then, pony Trixie shows up and picks human Trixie right up. “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!” pony Trixie yelled as she threw human Trixie back into the portal. “Only ONE Great and Powerful Trixie! GOT THAT!?” Trixie warned human Trixie as pony Trixie peeks her head through the mirror. “What’s the supposed to mean? What sort of magic trickery is this?! How did you get the middle part of your... I dunno, claw, I guess, to stick up like that?” The cutaway ends.

“WE WANT APPLES! WE WANT APPLES!” ponies chanted from outside.

“See what ah mean, Twilight?” AppleJack asked. “Ah gotta get ‘em what they want! Apples is what tie us all together! Very soon… there’ll be a complete breakdown of social order! A war with all against all!”

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit, AppleJack?” Twilight asked as a sink gets thrown from outside and smashes through one of Twilight’s windows. “WHOA! Ok you make a point a good point.”

“Ah was actually expectin’ a SpongeBob Movie reference, not a sink.” AppleJack said. “Anyways, ah have to find a way to sell apples again, but that new cop in town has been pretty shifty. If you ask me, ah think it’s time to…” she gulps. “…sell apples illegally.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, AppleJack.” Twilight said. “What if you’re caught? You’ll be arrested!”

“Ah never done anythin’ illegally before. This is goin’ to be pretty tough for me.” AppleJack said.

“I think I know a group of ponies that might be able to help out on your situation.” Spike suggested.

“The Noble Six?” AppleJack assumed.

“I was actually going to say the Sharks mob, but I think its best we do the Noble Six, counting that they’re not fussy over money.” Spike said.

“How do you know all this stuff about mobs?” Twilight asked.

“What do you think Flare and I talk about all the time?” Spike asked.

“I don’t think it’s a good influence on you.” Twilight assumed.

“Relax, Twilight. I’ve seen The Shining once. Nothing can bother me anymore.” Spike said.

“Never heard of that movie.” Twilight said. “Does it have something to do with my brother?”

A cutaway shows Shining Armor chopping an axe through a door as a scared pony was hiding inside the bathroom. “Heeeeeeeere’s Shining!” Shining Armor said as he laughed like a psycho. Once Shining Armor breaks the door down and jumps in front of the pony with axe, the pony screamed. “Ha! I found you!” Shining laughed.

“That was a fun game of Hide and Seek, wasn’t it?” the pony asked.

“It was, very much so!” Shining Armor nodded. The cutaway ends.

Meanwhile over at my trailer, my friends and I were all hanging out having a proper lunch since the bistro wouldn’t give us one. I know Water showed us the dessert menu but she didn’t even ask what we wanted for lunch yet! So we just returned to my trailer, and I made us all sandwiches. “This sandwich is an absolute disaster.” Engie complained. “Ah asked for oats, tomato, lettuce and swiss on whole wheat.”

“And what did you get?” Crystal asked.

“Oats, swiss, tomato, and lettuce on whole wheat.” Engie said. We all started to look at Engie very confusingly. “It’s the right ingredients, but in the wrong order! In a proper sandwich, the cheese is adjacent to the bread to create a moisture barrier against the lettuce. Might as well drag this thing through a car wash.”

“If you won’t eat it, I will.” I offered.

“Be mah guest.” Engie said as he offered the sandwich to me.

“Yippie!” I cheered in excitement as Crystal takes the sandwiches and eats it. “CRYSTAL!”

“What? At least I’m not picky about what’s on my sandwich.” Crystal said with her mouth full of sandwich. “As long as it’s delicious that’s all it matters.”

“Ya might as well take the cookies Wind Racer made.” Aqua said. “It’s delicious, but she made it wrong. She put in too much butter.”

“I heard that Smart Balance isn’t real butter which is healthier for you, and is delicious.” Psyche said.

“How about I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter?” Crystal asked.

“After the way it’s prepped, you might as well call it I Can’t Believe It’s Edible.” Psyche said. Just then the doorbell started ringing.

“I’ll get it!” Crèmepop offered as she went over to the door to open it. “HIIII AppleJack!”

“Howdy, Crèmepop! Is Flare home?” AppleJack asked.

“Lemme get him. FLARE!” Crème yelled out.

“Crème how many times do I have to tell you? I installed that security station for a reason!” I reminded her.

“That eyeball camera always gave me the creeps a bit.” AppleJack said.

“Could’ve at least asked who it was. What if it was Swinebutt?” I asked.

“Flarey, you need to relax.” Crème suggested as she massaged my shoulders. “Swinebutt isn’t ALWAYS trying to ruin your life.”

“No but I don’t know WHEN he’s trying to.” I said.

“Hey Flare, is the rest of yer friends here?” AppleJack asked.

“My friends Blaze, Aqua, Engie, and Crystal are here.” I nodded.

“What about Psyche?” AppleJack asked.

“Oh yeah, he’s here too.” I said.

“I HEARD THAT!” Psyche yelled from the lounge.

“Mind if ah come in?” AppleJack asked. “Ah need to talk to y’all.”

“Were you followed?” I asked.

“Errr… ah’m not sure.” AppleJack said.

“That’s right, you are not sure. For all you know the FDA is watching.” I said.

“It was because of the FDA that ah cannot sell apples anymore.” AppleJack said.

“Wait a minute, which FDA are you talking about?” I asked.

“The Food and Drink Association?” AppleJack asked.

“Oh I was talking about the Friendship Detection Agency.” I said. “I have a new friend that I met recently that’s part of the agency. His name is Jerry Jam.”

“Yeah Rainbow Dash told me about him; can ah come in now?” AppleJack asked.

“Oh of course, please!” I offered as I moved out of the way.

“Thanks, sugarcube.” AppleJack said as she walked into the lounge and I followed her after I closed the door.

“Hey AppleJack’s here!” Crystal said excitedly. “Since you’re not working anymore, I guess you have more free time, huh?”

“Workin’ is mah passion, Crystal.” AppleJack said. “All play and no work makes AppleJack a dull pony.”

“Are you kidding? That’d be a dream come true!” Crystal said excitedly.

“What’s goin’ on, AppleJack? What do ya need to talk to us about?” Aqua asked.

“Well with apples bein’ banned in Ponyville an’ all, ponies are gettin’ antsy.” AppleJack explained. “Apples are a symbol of what makes Ponyville how it is. No apples means no Ponyville. It was apples that founded this town, and if the townfolk can’t have their apples, they’d go on a riot! It has happened before.”

“Really?” Blaze asked.

“Really.” AppleJack nodded.

“You forgot to add a second ‘really’ there.” I pointed out.

“It happened about 10 years ago when Apple Bloom was just a newborn foal.” AppleJack said. “Big Mac an’ ah didn’t work on the farm that much before our parents left, and we didn’t take our job seriously. When Granny Smith was doin’ most of the work, that’s when her hip was still in workin’ condition, the townfolk didn’t get as much apples as they wanted and thus started a riot around the town. It was there and then that Big Mac an’ ah had to do what our destinies wanted us to do. We took our apple buckin’ work seriously, and gave the ponies as much apples as they desired, so Ponyville wouldn’t have to go through another riot ever again.” Oh I forgot to mention, when AppleJack was explaining that story, there were little drawings of the flashback. So read that again but imagine crayon drawings of all that AppleJack explained. “So you see why we need apples in this town?”

“If it weren’t for apples, we wouldn’t be eatin’ these sloppy sandwiches.” Engie complained.

“So now ah kinda need yer help.” AppleJack said. “Since y’all are pretty good at preformin’ illegal duties, ah thought that-“

“WHOA! Where did you get that from?!” I yelled.

“A majority of us barely did anything illegal.” Blaze said. “Well… almost all of us.”

“Are you referencing me, Blaze?” Psyche asked.

“Well, Psyche, if ya done illegal things in yer past, maybe you can help.” AppleJack suggested.

“It was because of illegal things that I ended up here in Ponyville in the first place.” Psyche said. “Since I lost my mom I had to take care of myself, and I could only perform illegal duties to pay for my college education because that’s all I was able to do before I got my PH.D, and Trottingham’s economy wasn’t so good, might I add. Also, not to mention, my old parole officer is now a police officer here in Ponyville! If he catches me doing this, I can go to jail without hesitation!”

“Ah know it’s a lot to ask for, but if you do get caught, ah promise to pay for yer bail.” AppleJack promised as she takes off her hat and leans it on her chest. “Ah just really need yer expertise, sugarcube. Not for me and mah family, but for the citizens of Ponyville. It’s just advice that ah need, ya don’t have to be a part of it.”

Psyche paused for a minute and thought it over. He eventually said, “Well if you want my advice, what if we made up a new club in town?”

“What kind of club?” AppleJack asked.

“The Anti-Apple Club, or AA Club for short.” Psyche said.

“Ok how is that supposed to help me?” AppleJack asked.

“I get what he’s saying, AppleJack.” I said. “We’re going to make a club that rallies against apples, BUT… during the club meets it’ll be nothing BUT eating apples. We can host it in town hall and everypony is invited!”

“As long as they don’t tell on us.” Crystal said.

“Ponyville is a trustworthy community.” Aqua said. “I doubt anypony would go through and tell on it.”

“Well if they do, we’d need a backup.” Engie said. “What if some of us become spies- SPAH WHERE?!”

“I get what yer sayin’, Engie.” AppleJack nodded. “Mah family and ah can keep an eye on things, make sure nopony eavesdrops or reports to the police.”

“And if they do, we can hide all the apple products and disguise it into the AA Club.” I added. “Once the cops leave, we can go back to having apples products.”

“Ah’m really lovin’ this idea.” AppleJack nodded.

“I hear you, sista!” Crystal said. “Sometimes it feels good to be bad, doesn’t it?”

“It’s not that; it’s givin’ the townfolk what they desire most.” AppleJack said. “And if savin’ the town means breakin’ the town law, sometimes you gotta make sacrifices.”

“Exactly!” I said.

“But you think the mayor is going to agree on this?” Blaze asked.

“Ah’m not a hundred percent sure.” AppleJack said. “But the mayor would do anythin’ that’s right.”

“But she could be loyal to the town law, you gotta remember that.” Blaze reminded her.

“That’s why ah’m not goin’ to tell her.” AppleJack said. “Ah’m just goin’ to tell her about the AA Club, and hopefully she’ll leave the office for it.”

“Well as a wise monkey once said to me: if life gives you lemons, make orange juice and then make everypony wonder why!” I said.

“What kind of monkey told you this, man?” Blaze asked.

“Do not question the monkey! The monkey knows all! The power of the monkey compels you!” I yelled. “Also the power of polka does too.”

So AppleJack went over to Town Hall, and Twilight and Spike went with her to help convince the mayor to use town hall for AA meetings. “An Anti-Apple club?” the mayor asked. “I don’t know, are you sure about this, AppleJack?”

“It’s the only way to avoid any riots.” AppleJack said. “It’ll work best for the town. Ah can assure you that.”

“And then we can use the club to eat apple-related foods behind the police’s back.” Spike added.

“Shhh!” Twilight shushed him.

“What? I wasn’t supposed to say it?” Spike asked.

“NO!” AppleJack corrected him.

“Not my fault. You didn’t tell me a thing before this meet.” Spike reminded her.

“So you’re trying to break the town law by using an Anti-Apple Club as a front to eat apples?” the mayor asked.

“Ah know it sounds crazy and not like me, but the ponies in Ponyville need their apples.” AppleJack said. “Ah do not believe this chemical would be able to make ponies sick.”

“That’s what the Cakes said before selling those brownies.” Spike informed her.

“You’re not helping!” Twilight whispered to Spike.

“Neither are you.” Spike reminded her.

“And I do not believe your apples are bad either, AppleJack.” The mayor admitted. “I’ve been craving one of your apples since this morning. I think using an AA Club would be a wonderful idea!”

“You really think so?” AppleJack asked.

“But we’ll need to think of a plan though. If the princesses or the food FDA find out about this, I could be removed from office.” The mayor said.

“Don’t worry, mayor; we’re way ahead of ya!” AppleJack said. “Twilight here has a few strategies on how this would work.”

“Does she now?” the mayor asked.

“So what we’re going to do is host this club once every couple of nights.” Twilight said. “We’re going to be selling some apple-related products during each meet; therefore, everypony will be happy enough, but if there’s any reason any spies would be among us, we’ll be assigning a team to get on that, and if there’s any reason we have to clean up before unwanted visitors arrive, we’ll be notified before they’re even close.”

“Ah know it’s a big risk, but Ponyville needs this!” AppleJack said. “For sake of Ponyville, ah’m willin’ to do whatever it takes.”

“Then I guess we should send out some ‘Anti-Apple Club’ fliers to the town and let them know what’s going down.” The mayor said.

“I’m already right on it!” Spike said with a bunch of fliers.

“Then starting tonight, the Anti-Apple Club shall commence!” the mayor said. So with the help of some volunteers, AppleJack was able to send out some fliers to the town about the new club meet happening tonight. Rainbow Dash throws out fliers all over town.

“Calling all ponies! Anti-Apple Club is commencing tonight! Something you wouldn’t wanna miss!” Rainbow Dash yelled out.

“But isn’t what apples what keeps us together?” Noteworthy asked.

“No, friendship keeps us together, but apples help!” Rainbow said. “And together with the power of friendship, you wouldn’t have to worry about being appleless again!”

“Sounds like fun! I’m in!” Noteworthy said.

“And so am I!” Spark Note said.

“I’d come if there’s food.” Mynx said.

“Oh there will be PLENTY of food, dude! Believe me on that!” Rainbow winks at him.

“HE’S MINE!” Spark Note yelled as she threw shoe at Rainbow.

“Excuse me, miss?” Officer Nickels called out for Rainbow. “Are you responsible for these Anti-Apple Club fliers?”

“I didn’t make them; I’m just passing them out. Impressive, am I right?” Rainbow asked.

“Young mare, littering in the streets is a crime.” Officer Nickels said as he began writing a ticket for her.

“Oh c’mon, man!” Rainbow complained. “I just paid off my last ticket for speeding! I didn’t even think there was a speed limit for flying!”

“Hey, learn something new every day, am I right?” Officer Nickels reminded her as he gives her the ticket.

“He’s got a point there!” Derpy said.

“The AA Club starts tonight if you’re interested.” Psyche said as he gives Adventure Blade a flier.

“Yeah I don’t have a drinking problem.” Addie said.

“Come and join the AA Club! We have cookies!” Crystal offered as she passes out some fliers.

“See, that’s the second time you did that.” Darth Vader complained.

“So what does AA stand for? Antsy astronauts?” Pinkie asked.

“No.” Blaze said.

“Auntie Angie?” Pinkie asked.

Blaze sighs. “No.”

“Anthro art?” Pinkie asked.

“Ew, no!” Blaze said.

“Ew?” Pinkie asked. “Anthro art is super doper exciting! Imagine an animal-pony half-bread! They should call the group of folks that like that sort of thing a name of their own. What kind of name would work in this situation?”

“Ah really appreciate y’all in helpin’ me out.” AppleJack said to me. “You Noble Six folk really know what you’re doin’!”

“This is the very first time we know what we’re doing to be exact.” I said.

“Ah wouldn’t be surprised.” AppleJack said.

“Eeyup.” Big Mac nodded.

“So whatcha writin’ on that notebook?” AppleJack asked as she notices that I’m writing down something on the notebook I was holding.

“Actually I’m drawing something.” I corrected her.

“Can ah see?” AppleJack asked.

“Normally I don’t share, but be my guest.” I said as I showed her what I was drawing.

“It’s nothin’. It’s just a blank sheet of paper.” AppleJack said.

“I know! It’s Apple Bloom’s cutie mark!” I whispered and I chuckled.

“Whoa, sugarcube! That’s just low.” AppleJack said.

“I’m sorry, but everyone else thought it was funny!” I said as I continued laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Oh you know… things.” I shrugged in embarrassment. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

“What kind of things?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Oh you know… things that might be insultin’ to certain ponies?” I said.

“What kind of things?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Don’t do it!” AppleJack whispered to me angrily.

“On how much of a loser Psyche is.” I said.

“Oooooooh!” Apple Bloom nodded. “Ok, ah’m down with that!”

“Nice choice, Bloomie!” I winked at her.

“Hey Psyche!” Apple Bloom called out as she ran over to his direction.

“Umm… that was kind of a bad influence on her, Flare.” AppleJack said.

“Hey it’s better than hurting her feelings right?” I asked.

“That is true.” AppleJack agreed. “But still, ah can’t wait until our first meeting. Ah just hope this whole thing works.”

“Did you know before I moved to Ponyville this was when I took events seriously?” I asked. “Back at home I would’ve just not bothered and just sat around and playing video games all day.”

“Ah mean if it doesn’t work?” AppleJack asked.

“Nothing but video games.” I said.

“But it has to work. The fate of Ponyville is in our hooves.” AppleJack said.

“I wouldn’ve gotten 100% competition on all the 3D Era GTA games unless I sat at home all day playing them.” I said.

“If we didn’t have this club though, mah family business would probably go out of business and Ponyville would be in havoc!” AppleJack freaked out.

“I wouldn’ve finished Oblivion either.” I said.

“Do you two realize you’re talking about two different things?” Psyche asked.

“No ah didn’t. Ah was just too focused on the task at hoof.” AppleJack said.

“I knew; I just wasn’t interested in what AppleJack was talking about.” I said.

“Well all the fliers have been passed out. We’re going to have a lot of ponies tonight, AppleJack. I can tell!” Psyche said.

“Great work, sugarcube! Then we must make preparations.” AppleJack said.

“By preparations do you mean just place chairs around town hall?” I asked.

“Exactly!” AppleJack said.

“Setting up the chairs: the most boring job ever.” I complained.

Later that night it was time for the first meet of the Anti-Apple club. As everypony was coming inside, Big Mac was guarding the door, making sure the ponies coming inside can be trusted. “Hello! Does this club serve any crumpets?” Boorlie Pomodoro asked.

“Nnnope.” Big Mac said.

“Well that’s just silly.” Boorlie said. “All clubs need to serve crumpets! I already don’t like it.”

“Name?” Big Mac asked as the next pony in line.

“Rainbow Dash! You know me.” Rainbow reminded him. “What do I need to be on the list to come inside even though I helped FORM this club?”

“Eeyup.” Big Mac said.

“Ugh!” Rainbow groaned. “Am I on the list though?”

“Umm…” Big Mac checked the list. “Nnnope.”

“WHAT?!” Rainbow yelled.

“Oh wait… eeyup.” Big Mac said as he looked at the paper on the clipboard bellow the one he was looking at.

“Is that thing in alphabetical order?” Rainbow asked.

“Eeyup.” Big Mac said.

“It should be by last names, because then I’d be near the top!” Rainbow said.

Inside town hall, everypony was gathering around and sitting down in the chairs in front of the stage. Everypony was chatting it up with eachother in concern. “An Anti-Apple club; are you sure this a good idea?” a random pony asked the pony next to him.

“Who are you?” the pony the next seat over asked.

“Hello everypony!” Mayor Mare said on stage. “And welcome to the first meeting of the Anti-Apple club! Please welcome the number one pony that saved Ponyville multiple times and yet everypony seems to like the cross-eyed pony better: AppleJack!” Everypony clops their hooves as AppleJack walks up on stage.

“Howdy everypony!” AppleJack said. “Now we’re all here for reasons. We’re here because apples have become sins in our fine town, and yes, ah know what mah family lives for is apples, but ah’d sacrifice all that for the will of the town and its ponies. That’s what ah live for. Ah’d to anythin’ to assist the town in curin’ everypony’s addiction to apples, and so ah created the Anti-Apple Club.”

Psyche suddenly coughs and says, “Bologna!”

“Gesundheit.” I said.

“I was coughing.” Psyche corrected me.

“Gesundheit.” I said again.

“Ah hope this club won’t be too hard for y’all.” AppleJack said. “Ah promise ah’ll do what ah can to help y’all out. Now to start off our meetin’, we shall testify and talk about how apples made us who we are today. Who will be first?” Engie raised his hoof. “Yes, Engineer!”

“Where’s the food that was promised?” Engie asked.

“We’ll get to that.” AppleJack said. “Now who would like to actually testify?”

“Testify? Why testify? We weren’t forced to come here by law!” one of the ponies complained.

“Well ah’ll tell y’all why ah’m here.” AppleJack said. “Ah’m here because ah realized apples have been makin’ ponies sick. Ah didn’t want that to happen. That’s why ah stopped. Now, will anypony else testify?”

“I’ll testify!” Pinkie Pie volunteered.

“Pinkie Pie! Please, enlighten us!” AppleJack requested.

“Well apples are nice and thick and juicy!” Pinkie said as her mouth started to water. “You can make baked goods from them, they come in all sorts of pretty colors, and you can even turn it into a game that’s so totally FUN! Just dump your head in a tub full of water and picking apples one by one! I have them all the time at my parties!”

“Ummm, thank you, Pinkie Pie, but… err… we’re testifying against apples not with.” AppleJack corrected her.

“Oooooooh!” Pinkie nodded. “Well then I got nothing!”

“C’mon does anypony have any reason why apples are bad?” AppleJack asked. “Huh? Anypony?”

“I once had a rotten apple.” Aqua said.

“Really now?” AppleJack asked.

“But that’s only because I left it outside for too long, not realizin’ it was drawin’ ants.” Aqua said.

“Ok then, umm, thank you, Aqua! Anypony else have anythin’?” AppleJack asked. “No? Nopony? Well good! Because yer right! There is no reason to think apples are bad!” Everypony in the room got confused. “Do y’all really wanna know why ah made this club? Ah never thought apples would get ponies sick! It’s all a lie! The real reason ah made this club was to serve our delicious apple family products to all of you without the cops noticin’. Ah know it seems wrong, but how would Ponyville do without apples?”

“She makes a very good point.” Crystal said.

“Exactly!” AppleJack said. “Now please, everypony… help yourselves!” Big Mac then suddenly pushes out some sort of very wide cart with a giant rag covering. Afterwards, Apple Bloom removes the giant rag covering the buffet revealing all the different apple products that the Apple family wants to serve to the ponies in the club. “Just don’t tell ANYPONY outside this club about all this and it’s all yours!” Everypony in the room cheered in excitement and then everypony was helping themselves into some hor d’oeurves, and by that I mean apple products. Everypony was having a real good time and are finally settling down, not wanting to riot anymore. “This Anti-Apple Club was certainly not what I expected!” Berry Punch said. “I can enjoy all the apple products I want!”

“It’s not an Anti-Apple club, it’s an Amazing-Apple club!” Sassaflash said excitedly.

“I hate it when posters lie to me.” Lightning Bolt complained.

“But hey, this was a good lie, right?” Berry Punch asked.

“Still a lie; I don’t trust this club.” Lightning Bolt said suspiciously as she starts scoffing herself at the buffet.

“It’s workin’!” AppleJack said excitedly. “This place is gettin’ packed and everypony seems either confused or really happy, but still… at least they’re not rioting!”

“You lied to us, AppleJack.” Lightning Bolt said angrily as she talks with her mouth full. “Why do they call you the Element of Honesty if- oh GOODNESS this apple turnover is good! Why do they call you the Element of Honesty if-“ she suddenly burps. “Excuse me. Why do they call you the Element of- ah forget it. I’m eating apples again and that’s all that matters! Well done, AppleJack!”

“Much appreciated!” AppleJack said.

“Ah’m proud of you, dear!” Granny Smith said as she lays her hoof on AppleJack’s face. “You brought back confidence to these ponies and we’re finally back in business!”

“Ah couldn’t have done it without mah friends, Granny Smith.” AppleJack said. “Even though we’re breakin’ the law right now, ah gotta admit… it feels good to be bad!”

“You got that right, sister!” Rainbow Dash said excitedly as she sister-hooves her.

“Also, Granny, ah think it’s safe for you to put yer hoof off mah face now.” AppleJack requested.

“Ah was tryin’ to, but it’s stuck.” Granny Smith said as her hoof sticks onto AppleJack’s face. “Note to self: never eat apple pie with yer hooves. Always eat pie properly: stuffin’ yer face inside it.”

“Hey AppleJack, good job with the club, but I’m getting a little worried about Officer Nickels. What if he finds out?” Psyche asked.

“Ah’m sure he won’t.” AppleJack said. “Like you said, at this time he’s always on his donut ‘n coffee break.”

“AppleJack, everypony knows cops don’t eat donuts and coffee anymore unless they’re fat.” Psyche corrected her.

“But ah thought you said-“ AppleJack started.

“I did say, and he is!” Psyche said.

“Is what?” AppleJack asked.

“Eating donuts and coffee.” Psyche said.

“But didn’t you just say-“ AppleJack started.

“Yeah I did, but Officer Nickels is kinda chubby, isn’t he?” Psyche asked.

“How should ah know? You Noble Six fellas know him better than we do.” AppleJack reminded him.

“Uh, AppleJack? What about the smells?” Blaze asked. “You think anypony outside the town hall would smell the sweet apple stuff we make?”

“Look, ah can assure y’all that nopony’s goin’ to catch us doin’ anythin’.” AppleJack said. “The mayor has dismissed all town police for the evening. If they know best, they wouldn’t break her rule. Mayor, you DID dismiss all police officers, right?”

“I wouldn’t be a pony of my word if I didn’t.” the mayor said.

Meanwhile outside town hall, Officer Nickels was loitering in front of the Hayburger joint, making sure ponies don’t sneak out with hooves full of napkins. “HEY!” Officer Nickels stopped Lucky Clover. “Those aren’t yours! Those are the restaurant’s napkins! Put them back!” Lucky Clover just gave him an embarrassing smile and walked back inside, putting the napkins back. “And don’t let me catch you stealing straws either!”

“Excuse me, officer?” Boorlie asked Officer Nickels. “Does this place sell crumpets?”

“You’re a long way from home, buddy.” Officer Nickels said.

“Where I’m from, police officers had cool helmets.” Boorlie said.

“Am I not cool enough?” Officer Nickels asked. “I say you’d look cooler with twin bracelets chained together!”

“Whoa, no need to go all defensive on me!” Boorlie complained. “I’m just looking for a place that sells bloody crumpets. That Anti-Apple club hasn’t been serving any, but they obviously have something good in there.”

“Really now?” Officer Nickels asked curiously.

“Smells like they have delicious sweets in there, but nowhere as good as the crumpet.” Boorlie said.

Officer Nickels starts to chuckle and nod mischievously; “Thanks for your info, citizen! I’ll be sure to check that place out!”

“Hey have we met before?” Boorlie asked.

“I don’t think so.” Officer Nickels said.

“Alright then… tally ho, good chap!” Boorlie said as he walks away.

“Oh yes, good chap! Tally-ho!” Officer Nickels said mischievously. “I wish you luck in finding your crumpets. I have a club to crash! I hope they know whom they’re dealing with! Ponies who say that always gets poor saps to listen to them!”

A cutaway shows a random pony walking into a restaurant. The server said, “Hello, sir, and welcome! It’s about a 15-20 minute wait. May I have your name?”

“Do you know who I am?” the customer asked.

“O-of course, sir, w-we’ll sit you down right away.” The server said nervously. After the customer was done eating, the same server gives the customer a bill and said, “I hope you enjoyed your meal, sir. Here’s your check.”

“Do you know who I am?” the customer asked again.

“O-of course, sir, i-it’s on the house.” The server insisted as he nervously takes the check and walks away.

“Will anypony not help me out with my amnesia?” the customer asked upsettingly. The cutaway ends.

Back at town hall, Spike was stuffing his face over at the buffet. Does anypony bother pointing that out? Of course, Rainbow Dash does! “Uh, Spike? What are you doing?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Nothing.” Spike said with his mouth full.

“Save some for the rest of us, buddy.” Rainbow instructed him.

“But they’re good! Please don’t tell me you don’t agree!” Spike complained.

“But even as awesome individuals like ourselves, we do have standards.” Rainbow said.

“Really?” Spike asked.

“Yes, really!” Rainbow said as she turns the valve on top of the apple cider faucet and she starts gulping down the cider from the faucet. “We do have standards.” She said as she continues gulping down all the cider from the barrel. “GOSH! This cider is so good! Now, Spike, quit hogging all the buffet food, alright?”

Spike sighs and shakes his head. “And I still can’t believe I became you in the past.”

“Any trouble, deary?” Granny Smith asked her favorite granddaughter.

“Nope! Everythin’ still a-okay!” AppleJack said.

“Ah was actually talkin’ to Apple Bloom, but ehh.” Granny Smith shrugged.

“Bein’ criminals are fun!” Apple Bloom said excitedly.

“No yer not gettin’ a cutie mark in bein’ a criminal.” AppleJack said. “In fact, this whole ordeal is a bad influence on you.”

“Uhh, ah know that.” Apple Bloom said. “Ah just said this was fun; ah didn’t say ah wanted this to be mah destiny. Ah’m desperate, but not THAT desperate!”

“Ah’m proud of yer positive outlook, Apple Bloom!” AppleJack said. Just then, Big Mac shows up and whispers in AppleJack’s ear. “Huh? Really now? Ok, we’ll get ready.”

“What’s going on, AppleJack?” I asked. “Did Big Mac tell you that it’s annoying when other ponies keep calling cinnamon rolls ‘orange danishes’?”

“No he told me that this morning, and ah agree it is annoyin’.” AppleJack said. “Big Mac said he saw Officer Penny Nickels heading this way.” Everypony in the room immediately stops talking, eating, and stuffing faces in cider barrels and letting the cider just spray on top of their heads, and pretty much just stops everything they’re doing.

“Well there’s nothing to worry about! We know the drill!” I said.

“We do?” a random pony in the crowd asked.

“Yeah don’t you?” I asked.

“We didn’t tell them the drill.” Psyche reminded me.

“Well this isn’t a drill, brah; somepony uninvited is coming and all we need to do is hide everything. Fellow AA Club members – TRANSFORM!” I yelled as I flipped a giant switch on the wall which made the floor below the buffet table descended into underground and then another floor closed and took its place. All the posters on the wall that showed positive apple related enthusiasm, and the wall the posters were on turn around and showed anti-apple related banners, as well as a giant cross with our lord and savoir Queen Faust on them. I quickly put on a priest robe and ran up to the speech table on the stage. All the Apple family members hid in a back room, and then Blaze and Crystal started spraying the room with fresh scent to get the apple scent out of the air, and Engie was throwing garbage everywhere to remove the scent even more. It did help hide the apple smell, but… well you know.

Officer Nickels bursts through the town hall doors and yelled, “Alright! You’re busted now! What’s going on here?!”

“Shhh!” Psyche shushed Officer Nickels. “Flare is about to start.”

“We are gathered here tonight fellow AA members to talk about the greatest temptation disharmony ever created.....” I started as I placed an apple on the speech table and then I smash it with a giant mallet. “APPLES!”

“Oooooo.” The crowd starts singing in a choir style.

“Ms. Apple.” I sang.

“Ms. Apple.” The crowd sang.

“Ms. Apple.” I sang. “Ms. A-double P-L-Eeeeeee…”

Rainbow Dash and Spike both suddenly sing, “That spells A-PPLLLLE!” Spike starts playing a piano and Rainbow starts pounding on a tambourine as we start to get a little upbeat.

I start to sing, “You will wind up pitied, by the fool if you mess with Ms. Apple!”

“Don’t mess with Ms. Apple!” Rainbow and Spike both sang.

“Don’t mess with Ms. Apple!” the crowd sang out of Officer Nickels’ curiosity.

Just then a couple of ponies stood behind me carrying posters with letters on them, and then they raise them in the air as I spell ‘apple’. “Don’t mess with A-double P-L-E. If you feel so big they thought you died!” Blaze wanders up stage when the letter poster ponies dance off, and Blaze starts shaking around pretending to have a heart attack and then he falls into my arms. “You’ll feel better once you, testified!”

“Testified!” the crowd sang.

“Ooooh yeah!” Rainbow sang.

“Testified!” the crowd sang.

“I wanna testify! I wanna testify!” Rainbow volunteered.

“Well then cleanse yourself, my child! Cleanse yourself!” I instructed her.

“One time I was doing spins and tricks up in the sky, and the Wonderbolt Captain Spitfire was pretty impressed by then.” Rainbow Dash explained. “She said she was going to give me an invitation to the Wonderbolt Academy the week after, but the week after I took a bite of apple pie and I was so sick I never made it out of the ground.”

“Who’s to blame?” I sang.

“Who’s to blame?” the crowd sang.

“What’s her name?” I sang.

“We know her name,” the crowd sang, “her name is: Ms. Apple, Ms. Apple! Ms. A-double P-L-E, don’t be a fool!” the crowd started to come up and dance. “It will corrupt you down, to your soul if you, mess with Ms. Apple!”

I played a trumpet and continued to sing; “If your gut feels like it’s, two miles wide!”

“Two miles wide!” the crowd sang.

“You’ll feel better once you, testified!” I sang.

“Testified!” the crowd sang.

“Oooh yeah!” Spike sang.

“Testified!” the crowd sang.

“Ah wanna testify! Ah wanna testify!” Engie volunteered.

“Well come forward dear brother and testify!” I instructed him.

“Ah used to be an orange pony, then ah switched to the apple.” Engie explained. “Now ah don’t leave my house and ah watched every TV show ever. You name a show, ah seen it.”

“Battletoads!” a pony in the crowd shouted.

“Seen it.” Engie said.

“Game of Thrones!” another pony in the crowd shouted.

“Seen it.” Engie said.

“Sam and Cat!” yet another pony in the crowd shouted.

“Seen it.” Engie said.

“The new SpongeBobs!” yet, yet another pony in the crowd shouted.

“Definitely seen it.” Engie said.

“That’s a shame!” I sang.

“What a shame!” the crowd sang.

“Who’s to blame?” I sang.

“We know her name,” the crowd sang, “her name is: Ms. Apple, Ms. Apple! Ms. A-double P-L-E, don’t be a fool! You will lose your focus on, a game of pool if you, mess with Ms. Apple! If you feel so big they, thought you died. You’ll feel better once you testify! Testify! Testify! Testify!”

“This mare wants to testify!” Mayor Mare volunteers Derpy.

“Very well, my child! Let us put her on the path to righteousness!” I instructed her.

“This poor mare used to have eyes looking straight ahead,” the mayor explained, “but after years of eating she can only move her eyelids farther away from eachother. Like at one time she used to read sentences in order, fly south to retrieve the birds, and be able to tell marshmallows from white lighters, but thanks to that poison fruit, it's all changed! Which way to the bathroom, Ditzy?”

“Over there!” Derpy points left.

“We don’t even have a bathroom here!” the mayor added.

Next, Spike shows everypony a flip chart containing a mcintosh apple, and then a pony choking on seeds, and finally, the pony wears a ski-mask and robs a store. Spike then sang, “Now mcintosh makes a pony cough, and leads to a life of crime!”

“YEAH!” the crowd shouted.

“Golden delicious makes you smell like fish, and you cash in before your time!” Rainbow sings as Derpy as eats a golden delicious apple and then suddenly a gravestone falls on her.

“YEAH!” the crowd (mainly including Bulk Biceps) shouted.

“Granny Smith put you in a spin, till you don’t even know your name!” Blaze sang as he spins a torture wheel with Engie strapped on it as he eats a granny smith apple.

“YEAH!” the crowd shouts.

“You’re a basket case, flat on your face, and there’s only one pony to blame!” I sang. “Ms. Apple!”

“A-double P-L-E!” the crowd sang.

“Ms. Apple!” I sang as the crowd sang with me. “Ms. A double-P-L-E, don’t be a fool! You will wind up pitied, by the fool if you mess with Ms. Apple!”

“Don’t mess with Ms. Apple!” the crowd sang.

“Oh Ms. Apple!” I sang.

“Don’t mess with Ms. Apple!” the crowd sang.

“Oh Ms. Apple!” I sang.

“Don’t mess with Ms. Appllllllle!” the crowd sang.

The instrumental stopped as Spike walked up stage with a microphone on his grip and he sang in a deep voice, “Don’t mess with A double-P-L-E, cause that spells apple, and you’re gonna be fooled by Mi-is Appllllllle!”

“Ooooooo yeeeeeeeah!” the crowd sang.

“Don’t mess around with Ms. Apple!” Spike sang.

The instrumental starts again as the crowd sings, “Don’t mess with Ms. Apple!”

“That’s what we said now!” Rainbow Dash sang.

“Don’t mess with Ms. Apple!” the crowd sang.

“Oh Ms. Apple!” I sang.

“Don’t mess with Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiss Aaaaaaaaaaaaa-ppppppppple!” the crowd sang. “Oh Ms. Apple! Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, aah-aah-aah-aah-aah-aaaaaah, oh Ms. Applllllle! Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, aah-aah-aah-aah-aah- YEAH!” the song concludes there.

“Well then,” Officer Nickels said surprisingly, “I am quite surprised to see what has happened here. It turns out there’s no crime here… unfortunately.” Officer Nickels glares at Psyche. “I am glad all of you are taking this club seriously. I am quite impressed, but… looks aren’t everything.” Officer Nickels then suddenly turns around and exits town hall. Once he left, everypony starts cheering and I flip the giant switch again, and all the apple lovin’ is back in the building!

“Let’s hope we don’t see Mr. Money come here again.” I teased.

“You got that right!” Psyche said excitedly.

“Well done, sugarcubes! You sure fooled him!” AppleJack said. “Just as soon as Twilight finds proof of nothin’ wrong within our apples, we’ll have them legalized again in no time!”

“Oh that’s where Twilight is?” Spike asked. “I was wondering where she was, and it’s funny because I’m usually the first one to know what Twilight’s doing.”

“She’s lookin’ for proof of there bein’ nothin’ wrong with our apples.” AppleJack said. “Give her a couple of days, and by then, Sweet Apple Acres will be back in business!”

“Since when was it out of business in the first place?” I asked. “They just banned apples; they didn’t shut down your business.” And so, for the rest of the meet, we ate apple-related foods, and after an hour or so, everything was finished so there was no other reason for being there. I had to get out of there quickly because I didn’t want to volunteer to help clean up. Besides, Crèmey and Water need me at home. Perhaps I should’ve gone to the cider bar after because I had to clean up my kitchen anyway after they tried to make a cake for me. It was a delicious cake, and I was touched, but me cleaning up after them takes it away.

The next day came and Crèmepop made me a nice big breakfast! She learned all she knows from me! I was quite impressed! “Flareeeey! Breakfast is readyyyyy!” Crème called out. Now usually I head out there and eat with no problem, but today was different. I didn’t come out at all. “Flare! C’mon! Your breakfast is getting cold!” I still didn’t respond. So Crème walked over to my room to check on me. When she got inside, I was moaning and groaning as I just laid there. “Flare, what’s wrong?”

“I’m feeling a little under the weather today, Crèmey.” I admitted. “I think I have to take today off.”

Crème feels my forehead, but then she takes it away quickly in pain. “Ouch! Your head is burning!”

“Can you sing me Soft Dalek?” I asked.

“Sure, but I made you a nice big breakfast.” Crème said.

“What?!” I shouted. “Well why didn’t you say so?” I painfully climbed out of bed and started limping to the kitchen as I held my stomach.

“Wait, Flare! You can’t eat the breakfast!” Crème stopped me. “You’re sick.”

“I know, but I hate wasting food even more.” I said.

“Don’t make yourself even sicker, please?” Crème begged.

“But I hate wasting food! Besides, YOU made it, so it shouldn’t make me sicker.” I said.

“Awww.” Crème said as she blushed. “That is so sweet! I mean I know it’s untrue and you’re probably going to be doing number four all over the kitchen table, but I’m lucky to have you Flarey!”

Meanwhile at Aqua’s house, Aqua was doing number four all over his bathroom. “Bro, you alright?” Wind Racer asked as she knocked on the door.

“No, I feel like complete garbage.” Aqua said.

“You want me to get you a gingle ale?” Wind Racer asked.

“Please.” Aqua requested.

“Which kind; Canada Dry, Seagrams, or Schwepps?” Wind Racer asked. “Heh! Schwepps! Such a funny word!”

“Does it matter what kind ya get me?” Aqua asked. “They’re all the same.”

“I’ll just get Schwepps because it’s like a… such a funny word to say! Schwepps! Schwepps! Schwepps!” Wind Racer said as she skips off to get it.

“Great. She’s gonna say ‘Schwepps’ all day.” Aqua complained. “Actually… she’s right, it is a funny word.”

Meanwhile outside Ponyville, almost everypony was feeling ill. Crystal was crawling on the ground mumbling to herself, “So… ill… gotta… get… crackers! Oh how long until I get to the local shop?”

“You’re inside it right now.” the store owner with an Indian accent corrected her. “In fact, you came here twice earlier today to get crackers. Where do they keep going?”

“Crackers just so GOOD!” Crystal said. “Also I love sliding myself on this floor, you clean it up so well!”

“I’m glad you like it; my pet camel does a great job!” the Indianan store owner said as Crystal sees a camel using it’s tongue to clean the floors of the shop as it slides from isle to isle.

“They say camel salvia has fewer germs than ponies, and yet camels live the ground more.” Crystal said.

“I think you’re thinking of dogs.” The store owner corrected her.

“I thought the ones that spit were the dogs?” Crystal asked.

“Actually, it is a fact that camels do not spit out of abuse. Many are trained not to spit.” The store owner explained.

“I wasn’t talking about camels, I was talking about dogs.” Crystal corrected him.

“Well you better get out of here while you can.” The store owner suggested. “Once my camel finds out that it’s Wednesday, you’ll be- wait, NO!”

“WOO WOOP!” the camel chanted. “Guess what day it is?!”

Out in the streets of Ponyville, a lot of ponies were sick, and by that I mean, the streets are nearly empty. There were a few ponies outside today and feeling well; those who didn’t make it to the AA club that is. Over at Twilight’s library, she awakes from her slumber and was about to head downstairs. “Hey Spike, what’s for breakfast today?!” Twilight shouted.

“BLEH!” Spike vomits downstairs. “Burnt up vomit?!”

Twilight chuckles a bit. “Spike you’re silly!” she walks downstairs. “C’mon, Spike, what’s actually for break- SWEET MOTHER OF CELESTIA, what has happened?!”

“Burnt up vomit.” Spike said as he pukes up ashes out of his mouth. “Ugh! I haven’t felt this bad since Celestia spammed me all those friendship letters when Discord attacked Ponyville, which is why Zecora made me an anti-spam potion. Now I won’t get ton of mail from the princess at once.”

“I hope that was a good idea.” Twilight said worryingly.

“Trust me, it is.” Spike said as he pukes up some ashes again.

“Are you ok, Spike?” Twilight asked.

“I keep puking up ashes so… yeah, I’m feeling pretty great, Twilight!” Spike said sarcastically.

“You have to stop hanging out with Psyche so much. His sarcasm is really getting the best of you.” Twilight suggested.

“Are you seriously worried about my sarcasm more than my illness?” Spike asked. “I’m sick, Twilight! But… umm… I think I might still be well enough to do your chores and all.”

“No can do, Spike! You’re taking the day off.” Twilight insisted as she patted his head.

“Awww.” Spike whined as he burps. “Oooooh… my tummy!”

“You must’ve eaten too much at the AA Club.” Twilight assumed.

“No I didn’t, but I could’ve if Rainbow Dash hasn’t stopped me.” Spike said.

“Really?” Twilight asked curiously. “Then… did you get… no, you couldn’t have!”

“What?” Spike asked.

“I was actually thinking you have food poisoning, but that’s impossible. Apple family apple products are 100% freshly made without any processed ingredients.” Twilight said. “How could this be?”

“Now that you mention it, the food did taste a little…” Spike was about to puke again but he swallows before it came out. “AH! Yuck! Ash! The food did taste a little different.”

“How different?” Twilight asked.

“What do you mean ‘how different’? How could I explain it even more?” Spike asked. “It tasted not like Apple family pastries, alright? Is that detailed enough for you?”

“But I did research on some of the Apple foods last night. I have proof that the chemical inside the Apple family apples isn’t poisonous!” Twilight said with a written up scroll.

“You might want to look at them again.” Spike suggested. “Now, Twilight, I know I don’t normally ask you to assist me anything, but I could really use some ginger ale. Maybe Schwepps would do the trick.” He then starts to chuckle. “Schwepps! Shoo-waa-epps!”

“I have to see AppleJack as soon as possible!” Twilight said as she runs out of the library to see AppleJack.

“Ok, don’t worry, Twilight.” Spike said. “I’ll just stay here… without my shoo-waa-epps.” He then pukes up some ashes again. “Oh hey look; this pile of puke has a scroll in it.”

Twilight quickly runs over to Sweet Apple Acres to see what’s going on. On the way there, she saw that many ponies were ill, and she has yet to know why. She asks a couple of ponies and they kept saying it was food poisoning, or that they didn’t know. One of the ponies was pregnant so for her it was morning sickness. Once Twilight arrives at the farm, she runs over to the farmhouse and she knocks on the door, and Granny Smith answers it. “We have a doorbell, y’know.” Granny Smith reminded her. Twilight suddenly sighs and rings the doorbell. On the doorbell played a chime of Raise This Barn.

“Nice doorbell chime, Granny Smith!” Twilight said.

“Oh thank you, Twilight!” Granny Smith excitedly. So, what brings you in these parts?”

“I came here on behalf of the research I found in your apples.” Twilight said with a folder filled with the data she collected. “I analyzed your apples and it turns out that the chemical inside the apples isn’t poisonous after all. In fact, it’s the same type of chemical that triggers magic in unicorns like myself, which is completely healthy.”

“Really?” Granny Smith asked. “Because the news ah collected, the whole town has been food poisoned by our apples!”

“I heard that too.” Twilight said.

“Well except for one pony I heard she was pregnant, so it was just mornin’ sickness.” Granny Smith said.

“Yeah, but I don’t understand how these ponies would get food poisoned.” Twilight thought as she walked inside the farmhouse and sits down. “Your apple products are 100% natural and clean. No hormones or steroids, it doesn’t make any sense.”

“Did ah say you can come in?” Granny Smith asked.

“Hey where’s the rest of the family?” Twilight asked.

“All sick from food poisonin’.” Granny Smith said.

“Then why aren’t you sick?” Twilight asked.

“Ah’m always sick, deary.” Granny Smith said as she sits down across from her. “Ah’m just so used to it that it doesn’t bother me anymore.”

“Interesting.” Twilight nodded. “But I’m a bit confused right now. How would your apples cause food poisoning?”

“Oh dear, ah never thought this day would go.” Granny Smith said upsettingly. “Perhaps the law was right. Apples are pretty much… poisonous to ponies, and ah think it’s time to throw in the towel.”

“Now hold on, Granny Smith, let’s not go straight to conclusions.” Twilight stopped her.

“Twilight… its over.” Granny Smith said. “There’s nothin’ more we could do. We’re just goin’ to have to…” she gulps. “… sell oranges.”

<Insert dramatic squirrel video here>

“But you can’t give up now!” Twilight begged.

“Ah just did.” Granny Smith as she smashes the ‘in case of new leaf emergency, break glass’ and takes out a package of orange seeds. I’d give you a giant bold ‘tree puns’ text, but I don’t think you get the joke, so I won’t bother.

“No, Granny!” AppleJack begged as she limped inside the kitchen before number fouring in a bucket. “Don’t give up! We’re the Apple family!”

“She’s right.” Twilight said to Granny Smith. “You can’t just give up after this simple mistake. Maybe the food went bad, or maybe… wait… was the food at the meet tempered with at all?”

“Not that ah’ve seen, no.” AppleJack said.

“Nnnno-“ Big Mac said as he cuts off number fours in a bucket in front of him.

“Come to think of it. Ah did see two suspicious figures at the buffet table before we bought it in.” Apple Bloom said as she was wrapped around in a blanket and wore an ice pack on her head. “Ah would’ve thought they just wanted a sample before the meeting started.”

“A couple of suspicious figures?” Twilight asked.

Just then, there was suddenly a knock on the door. Granny Smith walked over to the door to open it, but AppleJack beat her to it because she was faster. “Howdy, Psyche!”

“Sorry to bother you all, but I have some info that has something to do with why everypony is sick.” Psyche said.

“Oh yeah? Do tell.” AppleJack requested.

“Follow me to town hall.” Psyche requested. Sounds like a dumb request. AppleJack should know where town hall is by now!

So AppleJack, Twilight, and Psyche were on the way to town hall, and on their way there, ponies were still sick. Rainbow Dash, Blaze, and Candy Cotton were all coughing together in the order of the Final Fantasy victory song. Now that there is something I like to call: a cough chorus. That’s the advantage of when more than two ponies are sick at once, they can create a cough chorus, and that’s what the three of them did. Engie joined along too, but his coughing was out of key, so it kind of ruined it. When AppleJack, Twilight, and Psyche got to town hall, I was over there too, about to eat one of the pastries that were on the buffet table. “FLARE! What are you doing?!” Psyche yelled as he smacks the apple pastry off my unicorn magic range.

“Eating.” I said.

“This stuff made you sick in the first place!” Psyche reminded me. “Don’t you remember?”

“I know. I’m already sick, so eating more won’t change a thing. Might as well enjoy it.” I said.

“No it’ll get you even MORE sick.” Psyche corrected me.

“Oh what do you know about sick? You sound fine.” I said.

“He’s right. You don’t sound sick at all, Psyche. What’s your story?” AppleJack asked.

“I bought my own apple products from home.” Psyche admitted. “I don’t trust buffet food. Other ponies might’ve touched them with their dirty hooves.”

“So is that the reason everypony is sick?” Twilight asked.

“Either that, or this strange new ingredient I found inside the pastries.” Psyche said as he takes out a microscope and places an apple pastry under it. “Take a look.” Twilight takes a look inside the microscope and she gasps.

“You’re right, Psyche. This pastry is filled with a poisonous ailment.” Twilight said. “It’s only minor though so everypony should be fine. So whoever did this wasn’t an intention of killing anypony. Perhaps somepony wants to keep the new Ponyville law final.”

“But the question is: who?” I asked.

“Whom, not who.” Twilight corrected me.

“Go back and troll the internet you grammar nazi!” I advised her angrily. “Just because you’re smarter than everypony else doesn’t mean you have to show it off! You say your way and I’ll say it my way!”

“Fine whatever.” Twilight said.

“I know who it was, it was Officer Penny Nickels!” Psyche said.

“Yes, you called?” Officer Nickels asked mischievously.

“Why did you do it, Penny?” Psyche asked. “Was it to get to me?”

“Ok first of all, don’t call me Penny; Penny’s a girl’s name.” Officer Nickels instructed him.

“You shouldn’t tell ponies you have a rivalry with to not do something, because it’s just going to provoke them to do it more, PEN-NEY!” Psyche said.

“UGH!” Officers Nickels groaned. “I guess I had that coming. Also, second of all, if I would’ve gone to you, I would’ve ANYWAY. Why would I poison innocent ponies to keep a law going? The law is already going, and plus, I just caught you breaking it. You just admitted that you were eating apple products, so now it’s time to turn you in, as I always wanted!” Officer Nickels explained as he hoof-cuffs Psyche.

“Aw c’mon!” Psyche complained. “That’s not fair!”

“Life ain’t fair, pal. Get used to it.” Officer Nickels reminded him.

“Life ‘isn’t’ fair.” Twilight corrected him.

“Yeah I could arrest you too you know for being a grammar NAZI.” Officer Nickels informed her.

“Never pays to correct other pony’s grammar mistakes, Twilight.” I reminded her.

“Yeah, I got it.” Twilight said in an irritated tone.

“Wait, you can’t arrest him!” I stopped him.

“Oh yeah? Why not?” Officer Nickels asked.

“Because I ate apples too.” I said.

“Which means I can arrest both of you.” Officer Nickels said.

I stopped and thought it over for a second. “Ok this isn’t what I planned.” I admitted.

“What’s wrong, Flare?” Psyche asked in a teasing tone. “Don’t want to be cell buddies again?”

“C’mon, Psyche, time to go to jail, where you belong!” Officer Nickels said mischievously as he was about to take him away.

“Wait!” AppleJack stopped him.

“What now? I have duties to perform.” Officer Nickels complained.

I started to chuckle. “He said duty!”

“It wasn’t his fault. I served apples at the AA meetin’.” AppleJack admitted. “If anypony should go to jail right now, it’s me. Let me take Psyche’s place.”

“AppleJack, no. I’ve been in prison many times before, I’m used to it. I’ll be fine. You won’t survive, however.” Psyche stopped her.

“What prisoners do in prisons mostly is hard labor and outdoor activities. I think AppleJack will be fine.” I informed him.

“Not helping, Flare!” Psyche complained.

“Hmm.” Officer Nickels thought it over. “Well it wouldn’t be wise to put the whole town in prison, counting most of them went to that meeting and ate apples, judging by the results I’ve discovered.”

“You wouldn’t do that, would you?” AppleJack asked.

“Maybe. Most of the town broke the anti-apple law, so I should.” Officer Nickels said.

“What’s stopping you?” Psyche asked.

“Listen to you, Psyche. Blabber, blabbler, blabber! No wonder Officer Nickels wants to arrest you!” I complained.

“Twilight!” Spike called out as he ran inside town hall with a scroll in his hand.

“Spike? What’s going on?” Twilight asked.

“I have your response from the princess! They did not issue an anti-apple law.” Spike said.

“What?” AppleJack asked.

“I figured they wouldn’t.” Twilight said. “Looks like Psyche did not break the law after all. There was never an anti-apple law in the first place.”

“Aww, but ah already called dibs on his research.” Engie complained as he and the Noble Six walked inside Town Hall.

“And I was going to take his bath supplies and keep them for myself.” Crystal said.

“Wow, way to sell me out, guys.” Psyche complained.

“I wouldn’t take anything of his.” I admitted.

“Thank you, Flare!” Psyche yelled in relief.

“No prob. I mean, counting that you have nothing I want anyway, so you being arrested wouldn’t make much of a difference to me.” I shrugged.

“Of course.” Psyche said in an irritated tone.

“Well then… you got out of this one, Psyche Illusion.” Officer Nickels complained as he removes his hoof-cuffs. “But don’t think you’re out of the woods yet. Your mother’s death was in no consequence.”

“SHUT UP, PENNY!” Psyche yelled at him.

“Wow, I taught him well!” I smiled and nodded.

“You think your mother was innocent?” Officer Nickels asked. “She died for a purpose, you know.”

“My mom’s death was no purpose whatsoever! She was murdered!” Psyche said.

“You may think so, or she might’ve died to keep her secrets hidden forever.” Officer Nickels said.

“What are you talking about?” Psyche asked.

“You’ll find out when time comes, but for now, you’re free to go.” Officer Nickels said. “Enjoy your freedom while you still have it, Psyche.” Officer Nickels then turns around and walks out of town hall.

“Don’t listen to him, Psyche.” I advised him. “He’s not worth listening to, much like yourself.”

“Thanks, Flare!” Psyche nodded and smiled. “I never trusted Penny Nickels, and I think what he said was nothing.” Psyche’s smile then went away. “Wait WHAT?!”

“But wait, if Officer Nickels didn’t do it… who did?” Twilight asked.

“Wait a minute… Apple Bloom said there were two mysterious figures at the buffet table.” AppleJack said.

“Two ‘suspicious’ figures she said, actually.” Twilight corrected her.

“Twilight, ah love you, yer mah best friend, but seriously, Flare has a point with your grammar corrections.” AppleJack complained.

“That wasn’t actually a ‘grammar’ correction, but yeah, you have a point there, AppleJack, I apologize.” Twilight said.

“So who do you think it was that sabotaged the buffet?” Blaze asked.

“Ah think ah might have a clue.” AppleJack said. “But before we travel, we need to pay a visit with Zecora so she could whip us up a food poisonin’ cure.” And so they did, and AppleJack and I were both the first ones better, because the two of us, along with Twilight and Psyche, all headed over to the small highway outside of Ponyville where we met a couple of familiar faces. Well, not familiar to Psyche and me, but familiar to Twilight and AppleJack.

“Nice to see you two again at the outskirts of town, Flim and Flam!” AppleJack said.

“Why if it isn’t our dear rival, AppleJack?” Flim asked.

“What brings you here to these parts?” Flam asked.

“Ah was about to ask you the same thing.” AppleJack said.

“We’re just here thinking of a new plan to get us business!” Flim said.

“It would seem the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 was beginning to be old news.” Flam said.

“So we’re whipping up something new to sell to the poor souls around Equestria.” Flim said.

“Alright, sorry to interrupt the conversation, but I have a question.” I said.

“These two are the Flim-Flam Brothers.” AppleJack said. “They’ve been tryin’ to take over as the best apple product sellers in all of Equestria, but us Apples proved them wrong.”

“Think of them as the Boorlie Pomodoro to AppleJack.” Twilight added.

“Yeeeeeeah, I don’t care who they are. I was just going to ask them if they want to trade pins.” I corrected her as I took out my pin collection.

“But before you were able to sell a new product, you wanted to get Sweet Apple Acres out of business first, didn’t you?” AppleJack asked.

“Did we? Did we?” Flim asked.

“Now how are you supposed to prove that?” Flam asked.

“Simple! Apple Bloom told us everythin’.” AppleJack said. “Apple Bloom said she saw you. Both of you!”

“Oh did she now?” Flim asked.

“She’s a smart filly isn’t she?” Flam asked. “Nice of her to discover us.”

“Flam!” Flim yelled. “They had no proof of that!”

“Oh they didn’t?” Flam asked.

“Thanks for tellin’ us the truth, Flim Flam Brothers!” AppleJack said. “Luckily for us, the ban has been lifted, and can sell apples once again in peace.”

“Well don’t think this is over, AppleJack.” Flim said. “We’re still going to prove to everypony that a product such as the one we’re working will be in bigger business than you apples would ever dream of!”

“Count on it!” Flam said.

“Yeah, please don’t talk, brother. I’m upset with you right now.” Flim said angrily.

“Oh you always thought you were the smarter one of the bunch! You always thought mom liked you more!” Flam complained.

“I’m the brains in this operation, if you haven’t noticed.” Flim reminded him.

“You think you’re in charge, but I’m the older brother. I have most of the apple in my cutie mark, and you just have an eighth of it!” Flam yelled at him.

“How dare you raise your voice at me?!” Flim yelled at him. “This will come out of your paycheck!”

“I think we’re done here.” AppleJack said.

“Why did the rest of us come anyway?” I asked. “Makes no sense.”

“It was quite entertaining.” Psyche said as the four of us all walked back to Ponyville, leaving the Flim-Flam Brothers in their argument.

“So if you think I’m not the smart one, let me prove to you that I am!” Flam yelled at his brother. “Hey, buddy!” he then yelled at a random gray pony pulling a carriage on the highway. “Want to be rich and powerful?”

“Are you kidding?” the gray pony asked. “I’ve been looking for a job for ages!”

“Well, my boy, we have a great deal for you!” Flam offered.

“Are you sure this is a good idea, brother?” Flim asked.

“We have ourselves an unpaid intern to test everything for us and to prove to other ponies that the Flim-Flam Brothers are the best apple merchants in all of Equestria!” Flam said.

“For our sake, I hope you’re right.” Flim said worryingly.

Back in Ponyville, Zecora was just giving out some food poisoning cure to everypony in town, and after a couple of hours, the whole town was better. “We did it. We cured the town, and apples are no longer banned.” Aqua said.

“Why do you get to talk, Aqua? You barely did anything at all.” Crystal reminded him.

“And it’s all thanks to AppleJack for curing the town! Good job!” Rainbow Dash said excitedly. “I can enjoy my cider in peace.”

“Don’t drink too much, Dashie. You know how drinking too much cider can really slow down a pony’s central nervous system.” Blaze reminded him.

“Hey everypony has their limits.” Rainbow said.

“She’s right.” AppleJack said. “Ah mean, our apples are really good, but the whole town should know that there are limits. Don’t stick to apples all the time. Ah wouldn’t judge y’all any other way. Just give other foods a try, we don’t mind.”

“We don’t?” Granny Smith asked.

“No… we don’t.” AppleJack repeated as she smirks at Granny Smith.

“If ya say so, deary.” Granny Smith said.

“Yeah, try some of my pizza more often!” I suggested as my mouth was full.

“Flare are you… are you eatin’ an apple?” AppleJack asked.

“No.” I lied.

“Yer eatin’ a plain apple!” AppleJack said excitedly.

“No I’m not.” I lied.

“Ah knew you’d come around, sugarcube!” AppleJack said.

“Come around to what? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I fibbed again. “Hey you know what’s a funny word? Schwepps!”

“Shoo-wa-epps!” Spike said.

“You got it, bro! Sho-wa-epps!” I said.

“Well you did a good deed to us, Flare.” AppleJack said as she places her hoof on my Blessings of the Night necklace and it started to glow.

“Eeyup!” Big Mac agreed as he too places his hoof on my necklace.

“Ah’m only placin’ mah hoof here cause everypony else is.” Granny Smith said as she also places her hoof on my necklace.

“Can ah touch it?” Apple Bloom asked. “Ah’d give Flare mah blessings.”

“Nah, not you yet, Apple Bloom. I’ll let you wait until the rest of the crusaders charge it.” I suggested.

“Stupendous idea!” Apple Bloom said excitedly. “Wow, that’s a big word!”

“HEY! Why are you all congratulating Flare on this accomplishment?!” Psyche complained. “I suggested the AA Club, I helped out on finding the one with responsible!”

“And yet you were wrong.” I reminded him.

“So why are you giving him all the credit?!” Psyche complained. “All he did was lead the song!”

“He’s got the sparkly necklace.” Granny Smith said.

“UGH!” Psyche groaned. “I don’t why I even bother then!”

“Hey, Psyche, please don’t take it the wrong way, sugarcube.” AppleJack begged. “You did very good for us.”

“Well.” Twilight corrected her.

“Like ah was sayin’…” AppleJack said as she glares at Twilight. “If it weren’t for you, Psyche, we wouldn’ve made this club in the first place. You helped save the town by givin’ them what they wanted, and the town is incredibly grateful to you.”

“Eeyup!” Big Mac nodded.

“Wow… I… thanks, AppleJack.” Psyche smiled. “I’m glad I was there to help.”

“Oh shut up, Psyche. She’s just pitying you.” I teased.

“UGH!” Psyche groaned.

“No ah’m not, sugarcube. Don’t listen to him. You know how Flare is.” AppleJack reminded him.

“I do.” Psyche nodded and smiled. “But hey, even though your business is saved, I have a new problem of my own.”

“What’s that, Psyche?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Officer Nickels mentioned something about my mom holding a secret, and saying she died for a purpose.” Psyche said.

“I thought you weren’t listening to him, brah?” I asked.

“I’m not listening to YOU right now, ‘brah’.” Psyche said angrily.

“Woo, fussy, are we?” I asked.

“It’s just his time of the month again, he’ll get over it.” Crystal said.

“My friends drive me crazy.” Psyche said.

“Look, Psyche, don’t worry about them.” Twilight assisted. “But I’ll help you with your situation. If your mother was holding a secret to her grave, then perhaps it is time for you to find out what it is.”

“And that’s what I’m going to do.” Psyche said.

“So there wasn’t an apple ban all along! I WAS LIED TO AGAIN!” Lightning Bolt yelled. “You just officially lost my trust, AppleJack!”

Author's Note:

This chapter marks the Apple family (AppleJack, Big Mac, and Granny Smith), the next three characters to be added to the Blessings of the Night, but unlike the other chapters, Flare doesn't play a major part in this one. Book 3 is going to be a big season for Psyche. I wanted it to be a big season later in the story, but I decided to do it now so that Flare doesn't have to take most of the spotlight like in the first two books.

This chapter is a chapter I suddenly thought of when making the teaser blog that's located on my user on Fimfiction when I thought of making a parody of Mr. Booze. Since this is gonna be a big story for Psyche, I wanted his antagonist to have more appearances, so now he's a cop in Ponyville.