The third season of the Friendship is Epic series. The continuing adventures of the red unicorn from Mareami, and his new treasure given to him from Princess Luna known as the Blessings of the Night.
The Friendship is Epic series has reached it's third season. Crimson Flare Gun has gained many friends over the years, and many enemies too. He spreaded some lulz, some pizzas, some cutaway gags, the power of polka, and now it is time to continue where we left off! This part of the series ties up with MLP Season 4. In this part of the series, Princess Luna gives Flare a new necklace, but not just any ordinary necklace, it's known as the Blessings of the Night. Throughout the chapters of Book 3, Flare must give his friends assistance, so they can charge up the Blessings, and Flare can become stronger willed with the power of friendship from all his friends inside that necklace. During so, he's going to have to overcome some obstacles in his path. His arch-nemesis, Dr. Swinebutt, still won't give up on his mission to gain his revenge on Flare; not to mention his business rival, Boorlie Pomodoro, whom tries to steal Flare's secret formula for his pizzas; and who could forget the newest foe of the bunch: Darth Flare, Flare's evil clone that Swinebutt created. Alone, Flare won't stand a chance, but the help of his friends in the Noble Six, the Mane Six, and some of his other friends in Ponyville, Canterlot, and Mareami, he might just be able to pull through and save the day.
WARNING: For those of you who don't like the story, I don't mind it, your opinion is your own, but if you start making comments that I find offensive, I will delete them. I'm sorry, but I'm getting pretty tired of seeing just details on the flaws of this story, instead of both negatives and positives to the story itself. Every story has positives and negatives, ALL OF THEM. I don't mind if you say you don't like it, but you don't need to write an essay about just ALL the flaws and NONE of the positives. I will not ask twice. Thank you, brahs.
FANFIC INSTRUCTIONS:
This story contains random moments and cutaway gags that have nothing to do with the story, but are just for humor. Try not to lose track. ;)
This fanfic contains singing. Most of the singing in here includes parodies, the song themselves, or polka.
Characters you should know about:
If you're new to the FiE series, and you don't know the characters, or you forgot about them, and are too lazy to go back and read, allow me to re-introduce them.
Crimson Flare Gun: Main character of the story, also the narrator. He moved to Ponyville to get away from the bullies and jerks in his hometown, and to make new friends. He opens a pizza shop known as Flare's Pizza Parlor. Flare is very humorous, random, loyal, but sensitive in certain ways and doesn't always think before he does. He likes to make others laugh, help them up, play video games, eat pizza, his fish, show off his magic, and he doesn't like to betrayed, lied to, being called by his first name, or anyone hurting his friends or family. He's also the founder of the Noble Six group.
Water Gun: Flare's older sister that works in a nearby bistro. Very nice, very helpful to Flare in his time of need, even though they argue alot but that's how siblings are. Water's main problems is finding the right stallion, she's despite, and Flare keeps hoping the day she moves out of his trailer.
Blaze Goldheart: A draconian (half-pony, half-dragon) with phoenix powers, and is also Flare's best friend. He's a member of the Wonderbolts, but ironically he's married to Rainbow Dash and has a daughter named Rose. Blaze is very loyal to all his friends. He's also a member of the Noble Six.
Crystal Iceblast: A very silly pony in the Noble Six that makes them laugh, no matter how circumstances are.
Red Engineer: A replica of the Engineer from TF2, sentry and dispenser included. He's very generous, like if there's one last cookie in the cookie jar that accidentally falls in the toilet, then he'll be there to give it up! He also talks alot, and has a creative imagination.
Psyche Illusion: An astronomer, and also the Meg Griffin in their group; like for example: every group needs a particular somepony to tease more than anypony else, and say shut up to alot. Well, that's him! At least he's very honest all the time, no doubt about it, we can always trust him.
Aquatic Armor: A pony from a far-away land, and always wears blue armor, because that's his family heirloom, and it's all of his family that he's got left; that and his sister. Aqua is very kind, and will almost never say no, and doesn't continue an argument.
Crèmepop: Flare's special somepony, also from Mareami, and had the same problems he had. She's got alot of social problems, but she's very kind, but gets stressed out easily.
Black Thunder: Formerly just Crystal's special somepony, now her husband, who's a fantastic skateboarder, but he's normally the one that takes the pain more than anypony else, if you know what I mean.
Wind Racer: Aqua's sister, that is very playful, and very strong hearted. She always shows her aggressive side, like she never admits if she's wrong or sad or defeated.
Candy Cotton: Rainbow Dash's little sister that moved in with her after their parents don't bother listening to her. She's like her older sister; athletic, show-off, loyal, but gets angry is she lacks attention.
Herb Leafhorn, Jr.: Formally Flare's primary bully. Like most bullies, he was unintelligent, but he didn't want to bully Flare, he just had to so his father, Herb Leafhorn Senior, can graduate him, since he's the principle. Herb started to rebel against his father, and join the Friendship Mafia, runned by the don Poni Cipriani. Once Flare came back to Mareami and made peace with Herb, he promised to help Flare any way he can, and use the mafia's help anytime.
Jerry Jam: An undercover agent that's part of an elite organization founded by Princess Celestia after the Disharmony Wars known as the FDA (Friendship Detection Agency). Jerry is both a field commander and he works undercover. If the FDA is around, Jerry is pretty much nearby to help out Flare and his friends in their time of need.
Adventure Blade "Keith": Or Addie for short, is Flare's Facebook poking buddy. Sometimes when they meet, they go KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEITH and Flaaaaaaaaaaaaare to eachother when they're happy to see eachother; also, there is one thing unexpecting about Addie and Flare's relationship that they never knew about, which is going to be in a later chapter.
Dr. Porker Swinebutt: The main antagonist of the series, and is a pig. No seriously, he ain't a pony, he's actually a pig. He's a scientist, very smart, smarter than most other scientists, probably Jimmy Neutron or Dexter smart. He used to be teased alot for his name until Flare came, and Swinebutt used a device to get all the attention to Flare, and make himself popular, but it all changed after Flare left. Flare and Swinebutt use to be best friends until Swinebutt betrayed him. After that, Flare got so angry, destoryed his lab, and stole his trailer (which is what Flare currently lives in). After that, Swinebutt swore revenge to Flare, and make sure he ruins his life, same way Flare ruined his. Swinebutt's main source of weaponery is his mechanical unicorn horn he invented.
Darth Flare: An evil clone of Flare created by Swinebutt. He has all of Flare's magical abilities and his intelligence. He betrays Swinebutt, because he knows Swinebutt betrayed Flare, and he doesn't trust him. But still, Darth's primary objective is to eliminate Flare, and take over as the real Flare.
Boorlie Pomodoro: Flare's business rival that runs a BBQ restaurant across the street from his shop. Since Flare's shop has so much more costumers than him, he tries to steal his secret recipe, and have one of the best shops in all of Equestria, instead of him.
Dr. Steelhoof: Another scientist pony that researches endangered creatures. He has a cybernetic eye, front hoof, and hind hoof. He also talks like Elmer Fudd, using the W in most of the words he says. He tries his very best to capture Blaze so Steelhoof can preform dangerous scientific research on him, since Blaze is a draconian, which is an endangered species in Equestria.
Officer Penny Nickels: Formally a police officer in Trottingham. He used to harass Psyche, and prove him guilty to the crimes he commited in Trottingham. Now he's the Ponyville's police chief, dictating order throughout the town, and proving Psyche is guilty.
Herb Leafhorn, Sr.: Herb Leafhorn, Jr.'s father, and former principles of Flare's old schools. He has a grudge against the Gun family, because of family history. He now runs the Leafhorn Family mafia in Mareami, and fights against Cipriani's mafia and try to gain order and justice to those who cross him.
Flare's Fish: Darrel, a black molly that's high-spirited, and loves to have fun. Rainbow, a rainbow fish that leads the other fish, and knows what's best for everyone. Dorthey, another rainbow that wants to take Rainbow's job; she also likes to tease. Yoyo, a yoyo loach that loves to eat. Piddles, an albino catfish that complains and sleeps alot. The fish can communicate with eachother and other animals, but Flare cannot understand them.
Apollo: Blaze's pet phoenix, and a good friend of Flare's fish. Blaze can communicate with Apollo.
That's pretty much all you need to know! You got any questions, let me know! Hope you enjoy the story! :D Bro-hoof! /)
HA! I did it! Beat that Valve Software! Doesn't take me forever to count to three like you! Better luck next time, brahs! What's up, bronies? The name is Crimson Flare Gun, and I'll be narrating the story! I've been through so much since I moved to Ponyville, and it is time for 30 more chapters of non-stop leet magic of friendship and lulz! Please enjoy your stay as you pay close attention to the story, and not to the little parasprites that are NOT trying to raid your refridgerator right now. Stay in your seats.... please ignore that crash in the kitchen...... and that blender..... and that microwave beeping..... and that.... elephant? Why do you guys have an elephant in your kitchen- Errr, what I meant was; please enjoy the story! Thank you for your attention!
Our story starts off in the Changeking kingdom, at Queen Chrysalis's palace. Queen Chrysalis was inside some sort of research tube with some sort of mask on her mouth. She awakens from her slumber, and notices her imprisonment. "What?! What is going on here?" Chrysalis asked.
"No idea, but I'm pretty much in the mood for an omelette right now." Discord said, in another research tube next to her. Discord snaps his fingers, hoping for an omelette to appear in front of him, but his magic didn't work. "Hey! I asked for an omelette! Where is my omelette?"
"Forget about your omelette! I'm still wondering how we got here." King Sombra said, in another research tube.
"Ah! My old friend Sombra! How are you feeling?" Discord asked.
"Had better days, Discord. Had better days." Sombra said.
"Umm, what are you two doing in my castle?" Chrysalis asked.
"Oh this is your castle? Well I must admit it does look pretty slimy in here to be Sombra's castle." Discord said.
"Oh ha ha, very funny!" Chrysalis said sarcastically.
"Seriously, I'm in the mood for an omelette. I get really cranky when I'm hungry." Discord said.
"Then eat a snickers, it'll help." Sombra suggested.
"Candy in the morning?!" Discord asked surprisingly. "I like your style!"
"Seriously guys, what is going on here?" Chrysalis asked.
"You are the next step in my plan!" a pig scientist by the name of Dr. Swinebutt said, as he entered the room.
"Who in my name are you?" Chrysalis asked.
"Doctor Porker Swinebutt, at your service!" Swinebutt greeted himself, bowing to them, and snorting.
"Ah, I remember you! You're that pig from Twilight Sparkle's princess coordination!" Discord said.
"The one and only!" Swinebutt said.
"Wow, a scientist pig, huh? Never thought I'd see one of those around here." Chrysalis said. Discord started giggling softly to himself, but then he started laughing real hard.
"What is so funny?" Sombra asked.
"His name! Swinebutt! What kind of name is that? That's hilarious!" Discord continued laughing really hard. Swinebutt just glared at him, and pressed a button on his remote, which gave Discord an electric shock; and since Discord was inside a tube full of liquid, it is pretty easy to get shocked.
"I had enough of you ponies and creatures teasing me about my name, or the fact that I am a pig. My childhood was so easy because since this pony Crimson Flare Gun came into the picture, everypony started teasing him instead of me! Now he's a big shot, and I must ruin his life to make sure I'm never teased again!" Swinebutt said.
"Crimson Flare Gun? Why would you do that to him? He's hilarious!" Discord said.
"Not to mention, he feeds my people with the love that's inside his pizzas. It's the only thing that keeps us alive." Chrysalis said.
"I have no idea who he is." Sombra said.
"He's a unicorn pony from Mareami that moved to Ponyville to make new friends. He made more than he predicted, and he's a big-shot pizza shop owner." Discord explained.
"Precisely; and with your help, I can finally ruin him, and then we can take over Equestria together!" Swinebutt said.
"Sorry, Porky Pig! I'm done with trying to take over Equestria. I use my magic for good now, and for my own amusement." Discord said.
"As long as I have enough love to feed my people, I don't need to take over Equestria anymore." Chrysalis said.
"All I want is the Crystal Empire." Sombra said.
"Help me out with my problems, and you can do all that! Sombra will get his crystals, Chrysalis will get more love than she ever needs, and Discord can use amusement however way he wants!" Swinebutt offered.
"Look, I don't know why you're focusing on just one pony. He's not really worth ruining." Chrysalis said.
"Yes he is! He's spoiled my plans for too long! Observe all my failures." Swinebutt instructed them. He takes out a projector camera, and turns it on, which shows a montage of all the plans that I spoiled in his past, in a black and white old-fim style, along with silent movie piano music playing in the background. It starts off with the title 'List of Spoiled Plans, By: Dr. Swinebutt'. PLAN A: Jet-Pack. It starts off with Swinebutt putting on a rocket jetpack, and taking out a case of matches. I run pass him in Road-Runner speed, and he lights the fuse on his rocket so he can chase me down; but the jetpack backfires on him and explodes, leaving Swinebutt standing there with a surpise look on his, and all burnt up. PLAN B: Anvil. Swinebutt stands on top of a canyon cliff, with an anvil in front of him. I start running by down below, and so Swinebutt pushes the anvil off the cliff so it would land on me, but he didn't get the timing right, and a semi-truck drives by carrying a trampoline behind it's cab. The anvil falls on the trampoline and it flies back up to Swinebutt, smashing him in the head, and Swinebutt just looks at the camera awkwardly with his flat face. PLAN C: Swinebutt pushed out a big cannon in the middle of the road, and got it in position. As he loaded the cannon, I started running towards him and the cannon, but I didn't even notice they were there. Swinebutt fires the cannon, and a raccoon with rabies was fired out, unleashed it's claws, and started flying towards me; but just like that the projector broke, and the film started spreading all over the place. "Oh, no! No, no, no!" Swinebutt whined, as he tried to put the film back inside the projector, but it already got tangled all around him. "Ugh! Intermission."
"So what we saw was a Willie E. Coyote cartoon, but you were playing the coyote, and Flare was the road-runner. Am I correct?" Discord asked.
"Look, my point is, he's more dangerous than he looks, and I need some extra help in order to take him down!" Swinebutt said as he snorted.
"So why do you need us?" Sombra asked.
"Because you three are the most powerful foes in Equestria, and I'll need you to work together. Not even the Elements of Harmony will stop you this time!" Swinebutt said.
"Discord was the only one who got stopped by the Elements of Harmony. I was defeated by the power of love, and Sombra was defeated by the crystal ponies." Chrysalis reminded him.
"It was the most humiliating day of my life!" Sombra said.
"Well it's time to fix that! With you three working together, that will create a most powerful weapon that has ever hit pony kind!" Swinebutt said, as he started walking towards a control system, and started pushing buttons.
"So what are you planning to do?" Chrysalis asked.
"I'm going to combine your powers, and then we'll start advancing to Equestria, and destroy Flare and take over Equestria!" Swinebutt said.
"I understand about the 'taking over Equestria' thing, but seriously, we can't do much just by destroying one pony!" Chrysalis complained.
"Hey, lighten up, Chrysalis! It'll be fun!" Discord said.
"This idea is stupid, and I only work alone." Sombra complained.
"I was worried that some of you would complain about this plan! That's why, once I combined your powers, it'll also increase your disharmony, and you'll want to do anything to take over the kingdom!" Swinebutt said.
"As long as one of them is the Crystal kingdom, I'm good." Sombra said.
"I dunno, I mean, I like this plan and all, I'd want to use my powers more freely, I really do! It's just... I changed. I don't want to upset Fluttershy again." Discord said.
"Wow, you really have changed Discord." Chrysalis noticed.
"Hey, ever since I became good guy, ponies have been giving a positive attitude towards me! One time, Fluttershy took me to see Disney on Ice!" Discord said. A cutaway gag shows Fluttershy and Discord walking to their seats while carrying popcorn and sodas. "Fluttershy, thank you for taking me to see Disney on Ice!"
"You're quite welcome, Discord! You deserved it!" Flutters said, patting him on the back.
"Fillies and gentlecolts! We now present to you: DISNEY ON ICE!" The announcer said. Just then, a couple of ponies pushed out a casket with Walt Disney's corpse inside, while he's laying on a giant ice cube.
"You know, this isn't what I expected when I bought the tickets." Fluttershy said, with an awkward look on her face. The cutaway gag ends.
"Now each of you hold still, while I perform the procedure.” Swinebutt instructed them as he types on his computer, getting the machine ready.
“You tested this, right?” Sombra asked.
“Of course I had it tested. I tested it on a few random ponies that attacked Equestria, little did I know the Elements of Harmony could defeat it, but this time, you’ll be immune to them!” Swinebutt explained.
“Excellent! So what’s it going to be like? It’s not gonna hurt is it?” Discord asked.
“Oh, it won’t hurt a bit.” Swinebutt said, as he pushes down the lever. “Well, maybe just a little.” Swinebutt snorted and turns the knob to full strength and says finally, “It’s gonna hurt a lot!” Swinebutt turns on the machine, and Discord, Sombra, and Chrysalis start screaming as the machine works its magic on combining the powers of the three power foes; and Swinebutt laughs evilly as it happens. After around 20 seconds, the machine shuts down, and sound of shattered glass was heard. “Yes! YES! I did it! The machine worked I combined the powers of the three most powerful foes in all of Equestria!”
“What do we look like?” Sombra asked.
“Freaks, we look like freaks.” Chrysalis said.
“I disagree! I think we look rather spooky!” Discord said. “I like it!”
“Oh great! The three of us are stuck together! You two have an arm and a leg, why do I have to be in the middle?” Sombra complained.
“Well, I’m feeling rather thirsty right now.” Discord said, as he snapped his fingers to create a smoothie. “Hey my magic works again!”
“Wow I can still use my changeling powers!” Chrysalis said.
Sombra creates a giant black crystal behind Swinebutt. “Whoa!” Sombra said.
“Amazing! With you as my ultimate weapon, we can end Flare’s life, and take over Equestria!” Swinebutt said.
“Yeah, but may I ask one question first?” Discord asked.
“I’m listening.” Swinebutt said.
“Do we have any shock collars or anything for you to be in control of us, or punish us if we do anything wrong?” Discord asked.
“Well….. no, I didn’t think I needed to.” Swinebutt said.
“Interesting…. you boys thinking what I’m thinking?” Chrysalis asked mischievously
“We watch Disney on Ice the right way?” Discord asked.
“No! It means we don’t have to do what this little piggy says!” Chrysalis said.
“Ahhh! We can take over Equestria ourselves!” Sombra nodded.
“HEY! You can’t take over Equestria yet! What about Flare?” Swinebutt reminded them.
“Yeah I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Discord said.
“I MADE YOU THIS WAY!” Swinebutt yelled. “I AM YOUR MASTER, AND YOU MUST DO WHAT I SAY!”
“Hey, little piggy? Why don’t you go wee wee wee all the way home?” Discord teased him as he snapped his fingers, and a giant rocket appeared right behind Swinebutt, and he crashes through the ceiling, and flies up into the sky.
“Looks like Team Piggy’s blasting off agaaaaaaaiiin!” Swinebutt yelled as he blasted so far in the sky, and a twinkle of light shined up there.
“Well that takes care of him!” Discord said.
“You said it! He started to annoy me!” Sombra said.
“So, what shall we do first?” Discord asked.
“If we’re to take over the kingdom, let’s take down Canterlot!” Chrysalis suggested.
“Ah yes! After that we go to the Crystal Empire, and assume my right rule as king!” Sombra suggested.
“HA! Let’s do this! Time to reclaim what is rightfully ours!” Discord yelled. All three of them laughed evilly, and then they started marching to Equestria, and start their mission.
Somewhere outside the Changeling kingdom, Swinebutt crash lands in a lake nearby. He swims ashore and uses his automatic dryer function on his labcoat to dry himself off. “UGH! That’s the second time my own creations double-crossed me!” he said angrily. “Those three will pay for this, but without my lab or my supplies, or my research, I can’t find a way to stop them! Wherever they’re going, I hope somepony will be able to stop them; but the question is: Who? Who will be able to stop someone invulnerable like them? WHO?!”
“ME!” I yelled as I stepped out of the kitchen at my pizza shop, carrying a tray of bowls filled with pastas.
“You what?” one of my employees Bon Bon asked.
“ME! I made pasta!” I yelled.
“That’s nice, Flare.” Bonnie said sarcastically. “It goes to Table 5.”
“Table Five, yes! Tabella Cinque!” I said in Italian. I ran over to Table Five, over where my friends Spark Note and Mynx were sitting at.
“Here you are, my friends! Who ordered the fettuccine alfredo, and who ordered the fettuccine alfredo?” I asked.
“I definitely ordered the fettuccine alfredo!” Spark Note said.
“Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure I ordered the fettuccine alfredo!” Mynx reminded her.
“Look, if you want, I can trade you my fettuccine alfredo for your fettuccine alfredo.” Spark Note offered.
“Why would I trade in my fettuccine alfredo for your fettuccine alfredo? I’m ok with my fettuccine alfredo.” Mynx asked.
“Because you’re complaining that you want fettuccine alfredo. So you can give me your fettuccine alfredo and I’ll give you my fettuccine alfredo.” Spark Note suggested.
”How I suppose to know if that’s actually fettuccine alfredo in that bowl?” Mynx asked.
”Because they’re both fettuccine alfredo and they look exactly the same.” Spark Note said.
“Looks can be deceiving.” Mynx said.
“I’ll…. I’ll just let you two think it over.” I said as I awkwardly placed the bowls in front of them and walked away. “Ah, look at those happy faces, Bonnie!”
“Mhm.” Bonnie nodded, not really paying attention, and just reading her magazine.
“They just love the pizza! They just taking small bites and chewing very slowly!” I said.
“Uh huh.” Bonnie said.
“I mean my shop looks good and all…..” I started
“I see.” Bonnie said.
“… But nopony seems to be paying attention to the décor or atmosphere.” I said.
“Yeah, yeah.” Bonnie said.
“They just seem to just enjoying my food!” I said.
“Uh huh.” Bonnie said.
“Delicious meals cooked with love!” I said.
“I see.” Bonnie said. I looked over at Bonnie, and I can tell she wasn’t paying attention to me at all, just looking at her magazine. So I decided to bring her attention to the test!
“By the way, Bonnie, I had a dentist appointment earlier today, and I feel a little light-headed, so much I forgotten stuff. So can you tell Lyra the secret recipe again?” I asked.
“Sure.” Bonnie said.
“HA! I got you, sista! You weren’t paying attention!” I yelled.
“I’m sorry what?” Bonnie asked, lowering her magazine and looking at me.
“You don’t even know the secret recipe, and even if you did, you’d know not to tell ANYPONY the recipe. I got you good, Bonnie! HA I got you good!” I teased, and then I stuck my tongue at her.
My other employee Lyra Heartstrings laughed along with me. “Yeah Bonnie, he got you good!”
“Did I say you could laugh along, Lyra? GET BACK TO WORK!” I ordered her. Lyra nodded and returned to the kitchen.
“Hey bro, turn on the TV!” my sister Water Gun said as she entered the shop.
“Uhh, my TV is on, Water. Look!” I reminded her as I pointed to the TV hanging on the wall.
“We now return to: Average Teenage Fillies vs. Anime Teenage Fillies on PNT.” The TV announcer said.
“Oh my gosh! These shoes are so pretty!” one of the average teenage fillies said.
“Totally, but too bad they cost a fortune to get!” the other average filly said.
“Hey who cares! I got my dad’s credit card! Ooooo! I’m so bad!” the first average filly said.
“WHAT?! THESE SHOES COST THAT MUCH MONEY!? HOW CAN THIS BE?! THIS SHOP IS A TOTAL RIP-OFF!” the anime teenage filly shouted, while doing their average anime meltdowns with their cheeks all red, and zig-zaggy lines moving around on top of their heads, and their eyes look like this > < .
“Oooo, some girls have issues!” one of the average fillies said.
“Yeah totally!” the other average filly said.
“WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!” the anime filly shouted at the average fillies. “Kao kōgeki megakikku!” the anime filly yelled as she jumps in the air, as the background gets all flashy with pretty colors, and she takes out her leg and was about to kick the average fillies in the face.
I started laughing as I watched the show. “The main reason I love watching anime is that I love the way the fillies meltdown, and the stallions are either crybaby wimps or they’re just emo.” I said.
“Flare, I want you to turn on channel 6.” Water said.
“Hang on, I’m not finished yet; and then there’s Goku!” I added.
“Flare, turn on channel 6!” Water demanded.
“Alright fine!” I said, and just to shut her up, I turned on channel 6 – Ox News.
“Good morning, and welcome to channel 6 Ox news! My name is Grass Marks and we’re standing in front of Canterlot castle to witness what is an amazing sight!” Grass Marks, the newspony said.
“It’s a good thing this is channel 6, and not channel 7. Channel 7 is full of depressing news, deaths, and stuff not worth talking about. Channel 6! Now that’s different! Same goes to channel 4.” I explained.
“Shhh!” Water shushed me.
“Don’t shush me in my own shop!” I complained.
“Shhh, just listen to this!” Water demanded as she turned up the volume.
“We’re here inside Canterlot castle with the six ponies who saved Equestria once again by using the Elements of Harmony against the corrupted Body of Evil; Princess Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, AppleJack, Fluttershy, and Rarity. Tell us, what did this body look like?” Grass asked them.
”Well…. It’s pretty difficult to explain.” Twilight started. “You see….”
Just then Pinkie popped out of nowhere, cut Twilight off in mid-sentence, and started explaining really fast; “The Body of Evil was a combination of several ponies that had corrupted minds and started causing havoc throughout the whole city of Canterlot- pew pew pew, and everypony was soooo scared-“ Pinkie started screaming. “But then the six of us swooped in- dah-dahdah-daaaah, and we combined our elements and defeated the freak of nature!” Pinkie smiled and squeed. Everypony just looked at her in shock.
“Ah really can’t believe you can think of a whole sentence like that.” AppleJack said.
Pinkie suddenly leaned close to AppleJack’s face and said in a creepy voice, “Do not underestimate my powers!”
”Uhhh…. ok.” AppleJack said feeling freaked out.
“Uh huh, so all of Equestria would like to know, how do the Elements of Harmony work?” Grass asked.
“We told you in our first interview, Mr. Marks, the power of friendship.” Twilight reminded him.
“I know, I know, but how do we use it?” Grass asked.
“You don’t. Only the ones that are connected to the elements, like the six of us can use them.” Twilight explained.
“Exactly! They don’t just let anypony use these magical devices to protect all of Equestria, you have to be chosen, like us for example, because we’re awesome and we know friendship better than everypony else!” Rainbow Dash explained.
“I wouldn’t go that far, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity said. “I mean, we do represent friendship, but I wouldn’t say we’d know it better than anypony else.”
“Exactly!” Twilight said.
“I see. So now that you saved Equestria once again, what are you going to do now?” Grass asked.
“W-we do what we always do.” Fluttershy said hiding behind her chair.
”Please excuse her, she’s camera shy.” Rainbow said.
“You shouldn’ve told me there’d be thousands of ponies watching.” Flutters whispered to her.
“What we’re exactly doin’ is just goin’ on with our lives, Grass. Except for Twilight here. Since she’s a princess now, she has to perform her royal duties in Canterlot.” AppleJack said smacking Twilight in the back.
“Ow!” Twilight yelled. “Yeah.”
“How can that hurt you, Twilight? You’re a princess now, you shouldn’t feel pain.” Pinkie said punched her in the shoulder.
“Ow! Yes I can. I’m not immortal you know.” Twilight reminded her.
“Ok, thank you, ladies.” Grass said as he looked back at the camera. “Coming up next: Have drug rates gone up after the Crystal Empire returned?”
“You see that there, bro? You see that there, bro?” Water asked me.
“Yeah, an interview with a pony that hasn’t told me his secrets yet.” I said.
“True, but not just that, just check out the Mane Six. They’ve saved Equestria since Faust knows how long.” Water said.
“Yeah, and?” I asked.
“Aren’t you proud of them, Flare?” Water asked.
“Of course I am.” I said.
“Then why do you sound like you’re in a bad mood?” Water asked.
“Bad mooooooood! Listen to me, Water, I’m a cow. Moooooood.” I teased and laughed. Just then, a cow who was visiting by the name of Daisy-Jo just glared at me. “Sorry, was that an offensive racist stereotype?”
“No, you just sound like my in-law, don’t you know?” Daisy-Jo said.
“I know how that feels.” Water said. “Meeting my coltfriend’s parents are normally the reasons why I keep breaking up with them.”
“Hey, bossman? Having fun flirting with your sister and a cow? C’mon we got more orders to fill!” Bonnie yelled out.
“Well that’s my que and R and S! Better head back to the kitchen and cook up some pizzas, and sing a copyrighted musical number randomly out of nowhere, then the whole town follows along like we rehearsed it before. Ciao!” I said as I ran into the kitchen to start making pizzas while singing Don’t Look Back by Boston. Since I’m not good at making my own music, I have to take them, but Boston takes full credit, so I’m not stealing. So if you feel like suing me, you’ll be hearing from my lawyer: Tom Rockberg! Yes, Tom Rockberg, that’s what I said. We all should know whom I’m talking about.
To start off the musical number, I start juggling pizza dough and sing. “Don’t look back, a new day’s breakin’, it’s been too loooong since I felt this way.” I toss the pizza dough on the counter and start pouring sauce on them. “I don’t mind where I get taken-“ I sprinkle in some cheese, and then throw the cheese in the air like confetti. “The road is callin’, today is the da-yay!” After that, I’m seen in a casino outfit on, and start shuffling the fixings that go on top of the pizza, and I start dealing them, one fixing at a time, one pizza at a time. “I can see, it took so long just to realize, I’m much too strong not to compromise, now I see what I am…. Is holding me doooooown-“ I place the pizzas in the oven on and slammed the door shut, and spun around. “I’ll turn it around! Oh yes I will!”
I just leaned onto the oven for a few, waiting for the oven to go DING, so I can use my magic to carry all the trays of pizza I have in the oven, and set them on the tables of my customers, which by the way, I did. Wink, wink. “I…. see the dawn arrivin’.” After that, I threw garlic rolls at everypony, and they all caught them, except for Caramel, hit him in the head. “I…. see beyond the road I’m drivin’.” I walked over to my sister and stuffed a garlic roll in her mouth, and smirked at her, and she just rolled her eyes.
“Flare, we have an order from Cheerilee!” Lyra called out. “A pineapple, eggplant pizza with four garlic rolls, and a Polka-Cola.”
“On it! B-R-B!” I pulled the delivery items towards me with my magic and bursted outside. “It’s a bright horizon and I’m awakin’ now, oh I see myself in a brand new way...” I sang while looking at myself through a mirror I so happened to have with me. “The sun is shinin’, the clouds are breakin’-“ I looked up into the sky, feeling the sun on my face, and Derpy was up there kicking a cloud, and it shattered into pieces like glass. I dodged, and Derpy just embarrassedly shrugged. “Cause I can’t lose now, there’s no game to pla-yay!”
I ran into town, jumping around, spinning, swinging on poles, and the town sang with me in the background. “I can tell, there’s no more time left to criticize-“ I gave the pizza and stuff to Cheerilee at her place, and she waved. “I’ve seen what I could not recognize, everything in my life…. Was leading me oooooon, but I can’t describe, oh yes I can!” After that, I saw my friends from the Noble Six all together in one area. Red Engineer was playing an electric guitar that can be heard during the song. I went over to him, Crystal Iceblast, Blaze Goldheart, and Aquatic Armor and side-hoofed them, but when I got to Psyche Illusion, I just shoved his face, and he fell over.
“I…. finally see the dawn arrivin’. I…. see beyond the road I’m divin’, far away and left behiiiiiiiind, left behind!” I sang.
“Yeah, that was completely unnecessary, Flare.” Psyche said as he rubbed his head after he fell.
“C’mon, you know I less then three you, Psyche. But we need somepony in our group to pick on.” I winked.
“He’s right, you know.” Crystal said.
“Of course you’d agree with that circumstance, Crystal.” Engie chuckled.
“Of course I would, Engineer! Of course I would!” Crystal said, patting his head.
“Yeah, but what are ya singin’ for anyway, Flare?” Aqua asked.
”Aqua, my friend, when I’m in a good mood, that’s when I always sing!” I said. “That’s the tradition is around here, right Blaze?”
“I suppose so.” Blaze said.
“But one thing’s for sure: the sun is shinin’ and I wanna go!” I sang.
“Go where, Flare?” Crystal asked. “Ooo rhyme!”
“Anywhere my hooves take me, sista! There are so many awesome possum possibilities out there, and we’re going to experience them all…. after I collect money from Cheerilee, she forgot to pay.” I said.
During the guitar solo in the song, meanwhile in Canterlot, the fancy-smancy Canterlot ponies were just minding their own businesses, going about their day, when suddenly, their teas started moving, and the ground started shaking. Out in the distance was a monster of some sort. Everypony screamed, ran around like maniacs, some slammed into eachother, and then Changelings started attacking the ponies. It felt like deja-vu to them, but they were meaner than ever; but that was not all, black crystals started growing in a few places, and there were chicken legs with wings flying by (chaotic magic), but while the attack was going on, one of the Changelings felt confused and started flying away. From the castle throne room, Princess Luna was witnessing the terror and havoc going on outside. She turned to her sister, nodded, and then Celestia started writing a letter (without Clippy’s help).
Back in Ponyville, while Canterlot was smoking in the distance, I ran over to Twilight’s library, barged inside, grabbed her hooves and we spun around as I continued singing; “Don’t look back, a new day’s breakin’, it’s been too long since I felt this way.” I lifted her in the air like in a ballroom dance, spun her around, and then made her lean on my arm. “I don’t mind where I get taken, the road is callin’, today is the day-yay.” We both walked outside and started singing together, and then her friends and my friends all joined in. “I can see, it took so long just to realize, I’m much too strong not to compromise, now I see what I am, is holding me dooooown. I turn it around.” We all turn around. “Oh yes I will! I…. can finally see the dawn arriving. I…. see beyond the road I’m driving- Far away and left behiiiiiiiiiiiiiind!”
The camera zooms away from me, away from town, and gives another view of Canterlot being attacked, but as the guitar solo came on, the camera zoomed back fast on Engie playing the electric guitar, then we all danced and sang the words “Don’t look back!” four times until the song finally ended.
“Phew! That was sure fun, wasn’t it?” Engie asked.
“It was super-dooper fun! So nervouscited, but the thing is, I’m not nervous, I’m just cited!” Pinkie said excitedly. “But I could be nervouscited if there was a really good reason, for example, what’s that smell?” We all sniffed the air, and it smelled pretty unnatural.
“Smells like somethin’s burnin’.” AppleJack said.
“I think its Spike’s breath.” Crystal teased.
“Yeah, nice Crystal, very nice.” Spike said sarcastically. Just then, Spike burped a scroll from Canterlot.
“Called it!” Crystal cried.
“What’s this?” Blaze asked.
“Looks like a letter from Canterlot.” Twilight said.
“Yeah, it’s a letter from Canterlot, Blaze. It’s so obvious!” I said to him.
“I get it.” Blaze said as he rolled his eyes.
The letter reads: “Dear Princess Twilight, You and your friends are needed in Canterlot right away. Bring the Elements of Harmony with you. Sincerely, Princess Celestia.”
“What’s goin’ on? More trouble?” Aqua asked.
“I dunno, maybe.” Twilight said.
“I think it might have something to do with the smoke coming out of Canterlot.” Psyche said.
“S-s-s-s-smoke?! In Canterlot?!” Fluttershy frightenly cried in a squeaky voice.
“What’s this all about? Who in the right mind would attack Canterlot?” AppleJack asked.
“Now hold on, AppleJack, we don’t know if it’s an attack.” Rainbow Dash reminded her.
“Why not?” AppleJack asked.
“The smoke could mean anything! It could mean there’s an attack, it could mean there’s just an accident going on, it could be a drill…“ Rainbow explained.
“Could be a party….” Pinkie added.
“A party?” Blaze asked.
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s it.” Rainbow said.
“Cool! A nice little BBQ party at Canterlot! Sounds like fun! I better go get my things.” I said as I was just about to walk to my trailer to get my stuff, but Twilight stopped me.
“Hang on a second, Flare. This could be a dangerous mission. I don’t think you guys should go.” Twilight said.
”What? Why not?” I asked.
“Ah think the princess was askin’ for the six of us.” AppleJack said.
“And Spike, right? Don’t forget Spike.” I added.
“Yeah, and Spike too.” AppleJack said.
“Yes!” Spike whispered in excitement.
“Oh so that’s how it does gonna be, huh?” I complained. “Throw a possum grade awesome BBQ party, and the princess don’t even invite us. What do they have against us?”
“Nothing, the princesses have nothing against any of you. It’s just that…. Well…. I don’t think it’s a party, and this is the job for the Elements of Harmony.” Twilight said.
“Trust me, if they were more specific on whom they wanted to come then we’d know if they’d want you to come or not.” Rainbow said.
“But Dashie, this a super-dooper awesome party! Flare and his friends have to go!” Pinkie said.
“At least somepony is aware of my feelings.” I said. “Thank you, Pinkie.”
“Look, sugarcube. It’s nothin’ personal, and I’m pretty sure this ain’t a party.” AppleJack said.
“Mama Fluttershy, you’re with me, right?” I asked.
“I… I don’t like picking sides.” Flutters whispered cowarding in fear.
“Ok, she’s an exception. How about you, brahs?” I asked my friends.
“I don’t think this is a big deal, and this isn’t a party.” Blaze said.
“As I expected from you. Engie?” I asked.
“What they can do, we can do better!” Engie said.
“I like your attitude! Aqua?” I asked.
“Yeah I’m with Fluttershy this one. I ain’t pickin’ sides.” Aqua said.
“Psyche?” I asked.
“Well, I-“ Psyche started but I cutted him off.
“He agrees. So why can’t we go?” I asked again.
“I’m sorry, Flare. But this is the way it has to be.” AppleJack said.
“But hey, you can do something. You six get to watch over Ponyville if whatever’s attacking comes here.” Twilight suggested.
“Sounds like an awesome idea, Twilight!” Blaze said.
“See? Blaze gets the idea. Don’t worry; we’ll be back in no time.” Twilight said.
“Then we can throw a better party here! I’ll bring my SUPER party cannon with me!” Pinkie said, pulling out a party cannon that’s bigger than her normal one.
Crystal cleared her throat, took out a rocket launcher of some sort and said, “Party Rocket Launcher.”
“Ooooo! Can I have it?” Pinkie asked.
“No! It’s mine!” Crystal said, leaning the launcher away from her.
“Exactly! So we’ll be back later, and we can throw a party here.” Twilight suggested.
“Well, I hope ya all will stay safe.” Aqua said.
“You guys too! C’mon, girls. We have a train to catch!” Rainbow said.
“Sorry, dude.” Spike said, patting me on the leg and ran off with the Mane Six to the trainstation.
“I can’t believe this.” I said.
“Sorry, brah, but they do weld the Elements of Harmony. They’re the guardians of Equestria. They’re the ones that have to go on these dangerous missions.” Blaze said.
“I know, but it wouldn’t hurt if we were invited to the party too.” I said.
“For the last time Flare, it isn’t a party!” Psyche reminded me. “Canterlot’s in trouble up there, see?”
“Yeah, that’s smoke coming from the BBQ grills. Those delicious…. BBQ….. you know what? I think I have an idea!” I said.
“What’s ya idea, mate?” Aqua asked.
“Engie’s right, whatever they can do, we can do better! We can throw our own party, right here in Ponyville, and nopony up in Canterlot is invited. The whole town, all celebrating!” I said.
“Dibs on that!” Engie said.
“But still, this isn’t fair that we can’t go to the Canterlot party.” Crystal said.
“Fair… fair…. FAIR! That’s it! We’ll host another fall festival!” I suggested.
“But it’s summer.” Psyche corrected me.
“Really? Last I checked it was spring. Wow, spring went by pretty fast.” Aqua said.
“Then we’ll host a Summer Festival! The Summer Sun Celebration is going to be on next week, so we might as well get ready for that!” I said.
“Look, I have to be honest, this does sound like a good idea, but is there an actual reason why we’re doing this?” Psyche asked.
“Thanks for your honesty, Psyche.” I said.
“Anythin’ is alright with me.” Aqua said.
“Your kindness is worth a thousand words, Aqua!” I said.
“No matter what happens, I’ll by your side, dude.” Blaze said.
“Love your loyalty, Blaze! Love it! L-U-V!” I said.
“Ah should donate some of mah inventions for the festival! This is gonna be fun!” Engie said.
“Generous offer, Engie!” I said.
Just then Crystal hiccups some chicken feather and says, “Excuse me.” And we all laughed.
“Crystal you crack us up! Well then! As long as we’re all together, and I have my awesome possum magic by my side-“ I said as I used my rail-blast spell to shoot a tree, and all left standing was a sign-shaped object, then I used my laser blast to trace letters on the sign that says ‘Summer Festival’, then I used my flare spell to shoot flares in the air to make it look like fireworks. “The Summer Festival…. Has begun!” I said.
Meanwhile, the Mane Six made it to Canterlot. They got out of the train, and saw the town heavily damaged, and all the townfolk were either hiding, or going through the rubble. “For the love of Celestia, what happened here?” Twilight asked.
“What could’ve caused all this?” Flutters asked.
“I don’t know, but we better go see the princesses and see if everythin’s ok.” AppleJack said.
“HALT!” one of the royal guards yelled.
“What in tarnation?” AppleJack asked.
“What are you doing?” a second royal guard asked the first one. “That’s Princess Twilight!”
“It looks like Princess Twilight, but it could be a Changeling in disguise.” The other guard said.
“What? Changelings?” Twilight asked.
“I didn’t think they would cause this much damage.” Flutters said.
“Well that does explain all the Changeling goo, but what’s with the black crystals, walking pies, giant rats on unicycles, and this weird old pony standing in front of us that looks like a shark hunter?” Rainbow asked.
“Farewell and adieu to your fair Spanish ladies.” The shark hunter said.
“Well, all this does look familiar, but I can’t really put my hoof on it.” Twilight said. “I kinda have the reason that Queen Chrysalis is responsible for the Changelings, but everything else doesn’t make much sense.”
“Hey, doesn’t these black crystals look like King Sombra’s?” Spike asked.
“Yeah, they do, don’t they?” Twilight asked.
“CHOCOLATE MILK RAIN!” Pinkie yelled in excitement, drinking the rain from a cotton candy rain cloud.
“Chocolate rain.” A pony sang beside Pinkie while carrying a microphone. “Some stay dry and the others feel the pain. Chocolate rain.”
AppleJack bucks Tay Zonday away and says, “Ah dunno how many times that jokes was used already.”
Meanwhile back in Ponyville, we were all getting the Summer Festival all ready to go. Aqua, Engie, Big Mac, and Caramel were getting some of the tents up, Crystal was stacking cups really fast, and Psyche was putting up some posters. “Ah! Everything looks great! The Fall Festival is going to be a success!” I said.
“Summer Festival.” Engie corrected me.
“Oh, whatever!” I said.
“Howdy, Flare! What’s going on here?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Ah! Just the fillies I needed to see!” I said.
“Looks like you’re setting up another festival I see!” Sweetie Belle assumed.
“Looks awesome! I didn’t think you’d be building another festival without saying anything. Is it a surprise?” Scootaloo asked.
“Yeah, kinda. This was sorta last minute. It was sure nice of Mayor Mare to allow me to make one. This will totally beat Canterlot’s party!” I said.
“Oooooh, so that’s why Canterlot is smoking. See, Scootaloo? I told you!” Sweetie Belle said.
“No you didn’t. You said Canterlot was smoking because they were having a barbeque, not a party. Totally different things.” Scoots reminded her.
“Ah would’ve thought Canterlot was in trouble. By the way, where’s mah sister?” Apple Bloom asked.
“She got invited to the Canterlot party, but we weren’t.” I said angrily.
“Oh…. well that’s upsettin’.” Apple Bloom said.
“UPSETTING?! That’s down right unfair!” Scoots yelled.
“Unfair indeed. That’s why I’m making refair!” I said.
The CMCs all looked at eachother confusingly. “What?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Refair. Because Canterlot is UNfair, I’m making REfair. It’s like redoing a fair- you know what? Nevermind.” I said.
“Is there anything we can do to help?” Sweetie asked.
“Yeah, maybe we can get some sort of cutie mark by doing hosting an activity.” Scoots suggested.
“Yeah, I was sorta thinking that, and you know what? You’d be perfect for this activity I want you girls to do.” I said.
“Well, I hope it’s more fun than the time you made me look after the sign-up booth.” Scoots said.
A cutaway shows me at the last Fall Festival at a sign-up booth, I was shouting, “Come one, come all! Wanna reveal your special talents and show them to the whole city of Ponyville? Sign-up now for the Fall Festival’s annual talent show! Those who don’t have your flank tattoos yet, this is your chance to get them!”
“Hi, I’d like to sign up for the talent show.” My friend Woodenshy said as we walked up to the booth.
“Excellent choice! Just sign here please, and write down which talent you’re going to show-off.” I instructed him as I gave the clipboard.
“But there’s no pen.” Woodenshy pointed out.
“On it!” I said as I pulled one of Scootaloo’s feathers.
“OW!” Scoots yelled.
“Here you go!” I said to Wood, giving him the feather. “The ink is right there.”
“Hi, I’d like to also sign up for the talent show.” Merry May asked.
“Right on it!” I said as I pulled another one of Scootaloo’s feathers and gave it to Merry.
“OW!” Scoots yelled. “I think I’m starting to know the reason why I can’t fly well.” The cutaway ends.
“Don’t worry, Scoots. Where you’re going, there won’t need any feathers being pulled.” I said.
“Oh yeah? What are we going to do? Me performing scooter stunts in a circus?” Scoots asked.
“Noooo.” I shook my head with a mischievous look on my face.
“Watching over a food stand and make delicious apple baked goods?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Nooooo.” I said with a squeakier voice.
“Sorry, younglin’. That’s mah department.” Granny Smith said watching over the food stand.
“Are we going to be making popsicle stick art?” Sweetie asked.
“Nooooo.” I said with my voice getting squeakier.
“Well, are we are gonna do then?” Apple Bloom asked.
Just then, Sweetie Belle was standing up on a stage saying, “Step right up, and see something never seen before by pony eyes! Only 3 bits, see the world’s first ever half-pony, half-dodo! Fillies and gentlecolts, I give you….” Apple Bloom pulls a string which opens the curton, revealing Scootaloo in a dodo outfit. “Podo!” Sweetie yelled.
“I knew I should’ve just watched over the sign-up booth.” Scoots said angrily to herself.
Back in Canterlot, the Mane Six made it to the castle throne room and met up with the princesses. The princesses were just watching the aftermath of the chaos that went on outside. “Princesses Celestia and Luna, we came as quickly as we could.” Twilight said, running in the room with her friends.
“Oh thank me you’re here.” Celestia said, feeling relieved. “You don’t know what chaos we’ve seen that’s been going out there.”
“What happened out there? It looked it got hit by a twister.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Ah think it would’ve made more sense if ah said that.” AppleJack corrected her.
“I never thought this same problem would happen twice.” Celestia said.
“You never thought what would happen twice?” Twilight asked.
“You talking about getting a piece of popcorn stuck in your teeth? Yeah, I hate that too.” Pinkie said.
Celestia just paused and looked at Pinkie. “No. It’s the Body of Evil, it’s returned.”
“The Body of Evil?” all the Mane Six said at the same time.
“I SAID IT FIRST!” Pinkie yelled.
“Except this time the body isn’t in a form of local ponies.” Luna said.
“Th-then what’s it in the… f-form of?” Fluttershy asked cowarding.
“Let’s just say it’s in the form of the three most disharmony foes in all of Equestria.” Luna said. All of the Mane Six gasped.
“The three most disharmony foes in all of Equestria? I don’t get it.” Spike said. “I mean, Discord’s one, but I don’t know the other two.”
“King Sombra and Queen Chrysalis.” Luna said. The Mane Six all gasped again.
“Oh. Well you should’ve said all of the world, not all of Equestria, counting Chrysalis is in the Changeling kingdom, and King Sombra has blown into a million pieces.” Spike explained. Twilight smacks Spike in the back of the head. “OW! Oh, yeah, I mean… your highnesses.” He bowed.
“It’s quite alright, Spike.” Celestia said. “But yes, the Body of Evil is in the form of Discord, Queen Chrysalis, and King Sombra.”
“But why is Discord with them? Isn’t he reformed?” Fluttershy asked.
“Apparently, he either changed back to evil, or maybe he’s been brainwashed.” Luna said.
“For all do respect, your highness, I don’t think Discord could be brainwashed. He’s the one that brainwashes others.” Rarity reminded her.
“We have some calculations here from Professor Bill Neigh.” Celestia said, reading the calculations. “It would seem that the Body of Evil wasn’t created by magic, but with technology.”
“Technology? Well, then this is obviously not their work in general. This body would have to be created by some sort of scientist, but the question is….. who?” Twilight asked.
“Heck if I know.” Rainbow shrugged. Seriously? Did they just forget about Swinebutt that fast? THEY KNOW him. They knew he was trouble! I told them all about him!
“Technology or no technology, there’s nothing that can beat your Elements of Harmony.” Celestia said. “You can use them to defeat the Body of Evil and find out the reason why they became that way.”
“Have the Elements ever been used to beat technology?” AppleJack asked.
“If the elements can defeat the Body of Evil once, they can do it again.” Luna said.
Twilight took a deep breath and said, “You can count on us, princesses!”
“So where is this Body of Evil?” Rainbow asked.
“It fled after it took its damage to Canterlot. We heard King Sombra yelling out that this kingdom will be theirs.” Celestia said.
“Not if we can stop ‘em!” AppleJack yelled.
“Yeah, nopony messes with Equestria and gets away with it!” Pinkie yelled.
“Well…. maybe except them.” Flutters said.
“C’mon, Fluttershy! We used the Elements to defeat them before, we can do it again.” Twilight said.
“Actually, it was only Discord you used the Elements to defeat.” Spike corrected her. Twilight glared at him. “What?” he asked. “Seriously. I’m trying to help and you always glare at me. I’m gonna throw a shoe at you one day and not be sorry.”
“Go now; there is no time to waste.” Luna instructed them.
“Princess Celestia! Princess Luna!” a guard yelled out.
“What’s wrong?” Celestia asked.
“We got word from Princess Cadance. The Body of Evil is…. attacking the Crystal Empire!” the guard said.
“OH NO!” Twilight gasped.
“There is no time to waste!” Celestia said. “Sergeant, tell your stallions to give Princess Twilight and her friends a ride to the Crystal Empire, as quick as you can!”
“Yes, your highness!” the guard bowed and ran off.
“This isn’t good. The Crystal ponies can’t afford to be attacked like that again!” Rarity said. “Their crystaley, shinny looks will dissolve!”
“Cadance, my brother, we have to stop that body, by any means necessary!” Twilight said.
“She’s right; we all know what to do right?” AppleJack asked.
“Mhm!” everypony said.
“Well… maybe.” Flutters said.
“Let’s go!” Twilight said. So the seven friends ran outside to get to their ride to the Crystal Empire, but unaware that there were leftover Changelings still attacking.
“Aw hay no! Leftover Changelings!” AppleJack complained.
“We know what to do girls.” Twilight said.
“Just run to the carriage and not worry about them?” Spike suggested cowardly.
“She said ‘girls’, are you ‘girls’?” Rainbow asked Spike.
“No, he’s right. You have to get to the Crystal Empire and stop the Body of Evil! We’ll handle things here.” A guard said as he took out a rocket launcher of some sort and started firing at the changelings in the air, but missed them completely. “GO!” the guard yelled. The Mane Six all started running to the carriage where a couple of Pegasus guards were waiting to take them to the Crystal Empire.
Back in Ponyville, the Summer Festival has already begun, and we were having a great time. “Well, Flare, you’ve really outdone yourself. Now I know it doesn’t make sense when ya made a party only to beat Canterlot’s because ya were never invited to a party that doesn’t exist, but I gotta say, ya did a really good job!” Aqua said.
“Thanks, Aquaman! You really know how to make a stallion blush!” I said as I looked at him seductively.
“Ok, let’s not go that far, mate.” Aqua said awkwardly, leaning back.
“Hey, check out Canterlot.” Psyche said, pointing at Canterlot which is showing the rockets that were being fired to take out the changelings.
I got angry. “So Canterlot thinks they can beat our party by shooting fireworks, huh? ENGINEER! Go get the fireworks!”
“But it’s in the middle of daytime.” Engie reminded me.
“Engie, go… get…. The fireworks.” I repeated angrily with my teeth shut.
Engie sighed. “Alright, fine.” He ran off to get them.
“Flare, I must be honest with you, but this party is really a success. Everypony is having a good time!” Psyche said.
“Thanks, brah! I know it’s silly that I’m trying to beat Canterlot’s party, but hey, nothing like a friendly competition right?” I asked.
“If you say so.” Psyche chuckled and said.
“So.” I said.
“Alright, Thundy! You can do it!” Crystal said to her coltfriend Black Thunder while he was wearing a blind-fold and holding a tail.
“I don’t wanna do this.” Thunder said.
”C’mon, Thundy! We just got married a little while ago.” Crystal said. “I need a little humor from you if this spark’s gonna stay up. After marriage, you know the spark is always on the path of running out.”
“I know, but this is too much.” Thundy said.
“Why? This is only a classic game of Pin the Tail on the Pony with a few modifications.” Crystal said.
“Yeah, only this time….. I’m pinning a tail on a bear.” Thunder said, as it reveals Fluttershy’s bear friend right in front of him, licking honey from his paw from the honey stand.
“Hey Flare, I found Boorlie trying to bribe one of your employees for your secret recipe.” Blaze flew in and said. “But don’t worry, I took care of him.”
“You never seize to amaze me, brah!” I said, patting him on the head.
“Why you patting me on the head? I’m not a dog.” Blaze said.
“I know you’re not, Blaze. Here, let me feed you some sesame seeds and rub your head.” I offered.
“Well…. I do like sesame seeds.” Blaze said as he started eating the seeds from my hoof and I was rubbing his head like a dog until he finished them. “Good boy! Now keep an eye out for Boorlie doing anymore bribes.”
“Sure thing, man!” Blaze said and flew off.
“Alright, Flare, I got the fireworks.” Engie said with a bunch of boxes.
“Awesome! This will show those Canterlot ponies that we Ponyville folk now how to party, Mareami heat style!” I said mischievously, rubbing my hooves together.
“Why are you rubbin’ your hooves together?” Engie asked.
“Mainly because my hooves are just so soft. Wanna feel them?” I asked, sticking my hoof in front of Engie’s face.
“Uhh, no thanks. Hey, ya want some lemonade? My treat.” Engie offered.
“Oh that sounds lovely! Thanks, brah!” I said as I followed him to the lemonade stand.
Meanwhile, over at the cotton candy stand, my special somepony, Crèmepop, was chatting with Lyra and Bon Bon.
“You know something, Crèmepop? You’re lucky to have a pony like Flare that can afford all this.” Lyra said.
“I’m surprised he has the guts to steal from his shop’s funding.” Crème said.
“Wait, that’s how he got the money for all this?” Bonnie asked.
“Well that, and most of these stands were leftovers from the Fall Festival.” Crème said.
“Still though, I dunno why he steals from his shop funding when should be giving us a raise.” Bonnie said.
“A raise? C’mon Bonnie, he pays fairly well.” Crème said.
“Yeah, to you, since you two are in a relationship. He goes easy on you. Lyra and I keep doing the impossible jobs!” Bonnie said.
“Oh yeah, like what?” Crème asked.
“Like that one time Flare got us to work the garlic roll, cinnamon roll conveyer belt.” Bonnie said.
A cutaway shows me working the cash register, and one of the customers was complaining; “Excuse me, I ordered a half-dozen garlic rolls 10 minutes ago, what the hay is taking so long?” she asked.
“I apologize deeply. The garlic rolls will be out momentarily.” I said. I walked to the back room of my shop and told Bonnie and Lyra who were standing near a conveyer belt and said to them, “What’s going on back here? Remember: Each of the rolls has to go into the correct bag. White bags for garlic rolls, brown bags for cinnamon rolls.”
“Got it!” Lyra said. I went back up front and the two employees started up the machine, and the rolls were slowly going with the conveyer belt, and they were stuffing the rolls in the correct bags and placed them back on the belt. “Hey, this isn’t so hard.” Lyra said happily. As moments went by, Lyra and Bonnie were having a swell time putting the rolls in the bags, but as seconds went by, the conveyer belt started going a wee-bit faster, and went from a wee-bit faster to A LOT faster. Lyra and Bonnie were having a rough time keeping up with the conveyer belt, and they couldn’t get them all in the bags in time, so they started stuffing the rolls in their aprons and airnets, and they started eating a few, and then a few to A LOT. Just then, Bonnie threw up inside one of the bags, and Lyra was shaking around all dizzy saying, “Uhh… I’m a roll.” Then she fainted on the conveyer belt, and rode it and bumped her head on the wall, and fell down. The cutaway ends.
“Hey, Crèmepop! My special somepony!” I said excitedly as I walked to her while carrying some lemonade that Engie got me, and I nuzzled her.
“Hey, Flarey! How’s the festival coming along?” Crème asked.
“How ironic, I was going to ask you the same thing!” I said and chuckled.
“It’s going great so far! That’ll teach those Canterlot ponies not to mess with us!” Crème said.
“Yeah, that’s the Crèmepop I know and love!” I said, as I head-locked her and gave her noogies. “Where are those noogies I promised you?”
Crème started laughing and said, “Stop that!”
“Why you saying stop that? You’re laughing, that means you like it.” I said as I continued.
“You know relationships these days so weird.” Bonnie said.
”If Flare is strong enough, and noogies long enough, he could reach her skull.” Lyra said.
“I’m not that strong, Lyra. I’m a unicorn. Unicorns are never strong; well, normally. But you know how hard it is to carry a feather?” I asked.
“Totally.” Lyra nodded.
“Not really.” Bonnie said.
”Well you’re earth pony, what do you know. I bet you don’t know what the word ‘weak’ means.” Lyra teased.
“Ooo, ooo! I know!” Crystal yelled out, raising her hoof. “It means seven days.”
“Wow, Crystal’s smart.” I said.
Meanwhile, back with the Mane Six, they were almost to the Crystal Empire. The carriage was small, but they could fit, hardly though. “Are we there yet?” Spike asked.
“Look who’s complaining. You got the best seat in the house.” Twilight said, glaring at Spike.
“Nah, it would be the best seat if your head wasn’t in the way, and there was a shoffer offering me gems.” Spike said. Twilight rolled her eyes.
“There it is.” Rainbow Dash pointed out. “The Crystal Empire.”
“The Crystal Empire doesn’t look too bad. Doesn’t look like it’s been hit yet, thank goodness.” Rarity said. “Wow, it sure looks like tiny from up here.”
“Actually, Rarity, we already landed.” AppleJack corrected her.
”Then why is Crystal Empire so tiny?” Rarity asked.
“That’s not the Crystal Empire. That’s just a display.” AppleJack corrected her. “THAT’S the Crystal Empire.” She pointed out the real Crystal Empire, which is nearly in ruin like Canterlot.
“Oh no! We’re too late!” Twilight freaked out.
“The Body of Evil sure is fast.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Either that or these guards are too slow.” Spike added.
“You think its easy pulling all seven of you?” the guard asked.
“I told Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy to fly.” Rarity complained.
“I was, until I found out the guards were flying so slow.” Rainbow complained. “I got bored and just wanted to sit down.”
Twilight sighed. “Cadance, Shining Armor, I hope they’re ok.” She said worryingly.
“Don’t worry, Twilight.” AppleJack said, holding her shoulder. “Ah’m sure those two can take care of themselves. We should go look for them.” Just then, they all heard a noise that sounded like a ringtone of some sort. “Uhh, who’s phone is that?” All of the Mane Six checked themselves.
“It’s mine.” Spike said, picking it up. “Hello?”
“Spike, brah! How’s the Canterlot party?” I asked on the other line.
“It’s going great! But we heard there’s another party going on in the Crystal Empire, so we’re there now.” Spike said.
“Crystal Empire’s joining in, huh?” I asked. “Well nothing like more competition. We’re gonna need something shinny so this party can beat the Crystal Empire too.”
“I think there’s some gems in Rarity’s trunk you can use.” Spike suggested.
“Say what now?” Rarity asked.
“Thanks, dude! I owe you one! I’ll try to save you some cotton candy.” I offered.
“You do that; talk to you later.” Spike said and he hung up.
“Flare I assume?” Rainbow asked.
“Who else? Does anypony else ever call me?” Spike asked. The Mane Six all looked at eachother and smiled to him embarrassingly. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Let’s just go find Cadance and Shining Armor, and get this quest done already.”
Meanwhile, back at the Summer Festival, I went over to Granny Smith’s booth and decided to chat with her. “So that’s why you shouldn’t mess with the Friendship Mafia. You have no idea how many heroic deeds they’ve done.” I said to her.
“Back in my day, mobsters didn’t know the first meanin’ of friendship. Not just that, they also wore these funny tuxedos and silly hats, and they try to take over cities. Ah remember when a mob used to take over Manehatten. Ah was 16 years old.” Granny Smith said.
“Wow, you certainly been through a lot. I said.
“Here’s your fritter, dear.” Granny Smith said, giving me one.
“Thank you, Granny Smith. Hey, one more question. When do you plan on retiring?” I asked.
”What? Ya think these old bones can’t buck up a tree no more?” Granny Smith asked.
“I didn’t say that, but…. perhaps if you put it that way.” I said.
Granny Smith glared at me, and I got pretty nervous. Just then she sadly said, “Yer right, ah need to retire. Ah ain’t the apple bucker ah used to be.”
“Well, thanks again for the fritter.” I smiled and said.
Granny Smith whacked me on the head with a cane and yelled, “Now get outta here ya little whippier snapper!”
“Ah, yes ma’am!” I said nervously and ran away, but then I ran back and said, “B-T-W, I’m a BIG whippier snapper, not a little one.” Then I ran away again.
“Hey Blaze, ah got a chocolate chip cookie, and ah was wonderin’ if ya wanted one?” Engie asked Blaze, as Blaze was stretching out.
“Oh thank you, Engie!” Blaze said as he took the cookie and ate it.
“He found it near a sewage drain.” Psyche said as he walked by. Blaze spat it out quickly and wiped out his tongue.
“Yer welcome.” Engie said, feeling insulted. “You have no idea how hard it was to get that.” Blaze ran over to the drink stand and started sipping right out of the soda fountains. The drinks booth merchant kinda stood there and just watched, feeling pretty confused.
I bet you’re wondering what I’m doing right now. No? Well too bad, you’re gonna know. I was walking over to Peppermint Twist’s house and knocked on her door three times and said, “Twist?” then I knocked three times again and said, “Twist?” then I knocked three times again again, and.... well what do you think I said?
Twist opened the door and smiled. “Hey, Flare!”
“Hello, Twist. I’m here to ask for the candy canes. Are you done making them yet?” I asked.
“I told you. I keep a special stash over near the Zap Apple Trees at Sweet Apple Acres.” Twist said.
“Those I’m saving for Hearth’s Warming. Where are the ones I ordered?” I asked.
“You want me to make candy canes for the whole town?” Twist asked.
“Of course I do. I’ll pay handsomely!” I offered. “Oh and can you make some of those sticky candy canes too? You know, the ones that when you lick, your tongue would get stuck?”
“Frozen ones?” Twist asked.
“They’re frozen?” I asked.
“Why else would they be stuck?” Twist asked.
“I dunno, glue? Isn’t that why when you lick candy poles it gets stuck on?” I asked.
“No, it’s because they’re frozen.” Twist said.
“Oh that’s a relief. But I have to let you know, licking frozen poles and your tongue getting stuck is the least of your concerns. Lots of poles are full of germs, and you’ll get sick.” I said.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Twist said, rolling her eyes.
“Alright, I forgot why I was here.” I said.
“Me too.” Twist said.
“You coming to the festival soon?” I asked.
“Yeah in a bit.” Twist said.
“Alright, talk to you later.” I said and I walked away. As I was walking I started talking to myself. “Ah, Flare Gun, you’ve really turned into a success! This party totally beats Canterlot party, and probably the Crystal Empire party too. We got the whole town celebrating; we got lots of delicious food, oh and look, lots of Canterlot ponies just got here at the trainstation.” I looked at the Canterlot ponies at the trainstation that had very frightened looks on their faces after the chaos that went on earlier today. “Wow, look at their faces. Canterlot party must be a disaster! I better give them a warm welcome.” I walked on over to the trainstation so I can welcome the Canterlot ponies to our fair town, and party.
Back with the Mane Six at the Crystal Empire, the girls were looking around the town, and they were all scared; so scared, their crystal glows are gone. “Wow, the Body of Evil must be more hostile than I thought.” Twilight said.
“Oh you poor Crystal ponies. As if King Sombra himself wasn’t bad enough.” Rarity said.
“I can’t believe Discord would do this though.” Fluttershy said sadly.
“Hey, c’mon, the princess told us he could be brainwashed. He may not be aware of his actions. But if he is, it would be a great excuse to turn him back into a statue.” AppleJack said.
“All the fun we had. All we’ve been through together.” Fluttershy said upsettingly
“Suck it up, Fluttershy! It isn’t over yet. We have to find the Body of Evil, and then we’ll find the one who made them like this and give them a piece of our minds!” Rainbow yelled, punching her hooves together.
“I dunno if that’s a good idea, Dashie. If we gave them a piece of our minds, wouldn’t we be brain damaged?” Pinkie asked. Rainbow rolled her eyes, and they all walked inside the castle, where many of the crystal ponies were gathered together inside. Shining Armor and Cadance were trying to comfort them.
“Shining Armor, you’re okay!” Twilight yelled excitedly and gave him a hug.
“Twilie! What are you doing here? This isn’t safe for you.” Shining asked.
“By orders of the princesses, we’re here to stop the Body of Evil.” Twilight said.
“Are you sure you’re up to the task?” Shining asked.
“Of course we are. We encounted all three of them before, no doubt we can do it again. Besides, it was the six of us that defeated Discord, you and Cadance stopped Chrysalis, and the crystal ponies stopped King Sombra using the crystal heart.” Twilight explained.
“We tried our best, Twilight, but even the crystal ponies couldn’t stop the Body of Evil from attacking. It weakened them, but didn’t stop them.” Cadance explained. “This creature is far worse than any of us can imagine.”
“C’mon ponies! I wanna see you glow again!” Pinkie said as she was juggling on a unicycle while twirling plates on her head and telling jokes. “Hey, how many haters does it take to screw in a light bulb? None! Haters hate change!” Bu-boom boom psssssh! Shining, Cadance, Spike, and the Mane Five just stared at her.
“Trust me, even I tried to cheer them up, but no such luck.” Willow Iceblast said. Willow is Crystal’s ancestor, and the only one that stayed glowing when King Sombra attacked.
“Willow Iceblast. You’re still glowing.” Fluttershy said.
“Huh?” Willow asked as he looked back at her body. “Oh yeah, what do you know!”
“Willow is pretty much the only crystal pony right now that stayed glowing, like when King Sombra attacked the Empire the first time. She’s trying to help me to keep the crystal ponies from being scared, and she was only successful with four of them.” Cadance said. “This is getting more frustrating than the time Shining Armor started playing Hoofball.”
A cutaway shows a Hoofball Game going on in a stadium. An announcer says, “Ok the points are now with the Canterlot Wondercolts with 12 points, and the Manehatten Giants with 8. With only 20 seconds remaining, the Giants have to score one more fieldgoal touchdown to win the game. Our quarterback, Shining Armor has the Cadance ball, and both teams are heading into their positions.”
“23! 42! 98! HIKE!” Shining yelled as he threw Cadance across the field to his teammates, and while Cadance was being thrown again, one of teammates got tackled. Cadance just laid there, but out of the flash, a bunch of players dogpile on Cadance, and a buzzard goes off in the background, and the sports fans started cheering.
“Shining Armor throws me once to save the Crystal Empire, and now he’s treating me like a Hoofball.” The Cadance ball said with an annoyed tone. The cutaway ends.
Just then the ground started to rumble. “Wait a second.” Pinkie said with a concerned tone, then she shot the ground with her blaster and the ground started to rumble again. “Ok now this is the part somepony says the cave is collapsing.
“The cave is collapsing!” Willow yelled.
“This is no cave!” Pinkie said.
“Will be both be quiet, please?” Flutters asked frightenly with a squeaky voice.
Just then the roof of the castle gets grabbed on by giant bear fingers, and the roof gets removed completely, as the Body of Evil is up there and they all laugh evilly. The crystal ponies all either scream or faint.
“Oh…. My….. Celestia AND Luna! Both of them!” Spike yelled in shock.
“My most worthy subjects! So nice to see you, after all these moons.” Sombra said.
“Wow, so this is what they look like. They don’t seem that crystaly to me.” Chrysalis said.
“They all seem down at the dumps.” Discord said as he snapped up a giant dumpster and dumped garbage on the crystal ponies.
“STOP THAT AT ONCE YOU FEINDS!” Twilight yelled.
“Ah, Twilight! Never thought of seeing you and your friends here. We were just about to head to Ponyville next.” Discord said.
“Ponyville?!” Flutters asked.
“Yes, because Chrysalis here wanted Canterlot, and Sombra wanted Crystal Empire, and I want Ponyville.” Discord said.
“We couldn’t decide what to do first, so we played Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock, a game Discord liked to play, but we only have two arms, and only one of them has fingers.” Chrysalis explained.
“So we decided to take down the towns in alphabetical order.” Sombra said.
“Chrysalis, Sombra, and Discord? That’s not alphabetical order.” Pinkie corrected them.
“No, alphabetical order by towns.” Sombra said.
“Quick girls! We need to use the Elements of Harmony to stop them!” Twilight said.
“Oh now now, let’s not be too hasty! How about we meet back in Ponyville and we’ll fight there, hmm?” Discord suggested.
“Ok! See you in Ponyville.” Pinkie smiled and waved. The Body of Evil let out once last evil laugh, and they flew away.
“We have to go back to Ponyville!” AppleJack said.
“Well, this was certainly a waste of time. We should’ve just stayed there and waited for them.” Rarity pointed out.
“Good luck, Twilight. You and your friends will need it.” Shining said.
“I won’t need it, big bro. We’re going to succeed, like we always do, right girls?” Twilight asked them with a heroic emotion.
“Mhm!” the girls and Spike nodded.
“Spike, I told you, you’re not one of the ‘girls’.” Rainbow Dash corrected him again.
“I really don’t like being left out.” Spike said.
“Quick! There’s no time to waste! We have to get back to Ponyville!” AppleJack said and they all ran back to the carriage so the guards can take them to Ponyville.
“Oh no! We’re not taking this again. After the speed we went, we’re taking the train back.” Rainbow Dash complained.
“Yeah, I suppose that makes sense. Besides, riding a train goes easier on my hair.” Rarity said.
Back in Ponyville, we were trying to cheer up the Canterlot ponies by getting them to play some of the festival activities. “There we go. Ya’re getting the hang of it now, Cesar.” Aqua said.
“My hat collection was destroyed in the attack.” Cesar said.
“Ya can always buy more hats. Now c’mon, let’s forget about all that, and let’s continue throwin’ some balls.” Aqua said.
“Hey Aqua, how are things going?” Blaze asked.
“Exhaustin’. These Canterlot ponies are as spoiled as a diaper.” Aqua said.
A cutaway shows a foal crying because his diaper is spoiled. “WAAAAH! WAAAAH!” the diaper yelled at the foal. “WAAAAH! WAAAAH! I don’t know why you’re having such a bad day. I’m the one that’s full of poo! I’m the one that should be crying! I’m going to be thrown away soon and get replaced, and it’s all your fault! So how about you stop being so stubborn and just feel sorry for me?” The foal just sat there in silence. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” The cutaway ends.
“How about ya, Blaze?” Aqua asked.
“Well, I did promise my niece to take her mini-golfing.” Blaze said.
“But instead she wanted to do the festival activates?” Aqua asked.
“No, she keeps bragging on me taking her mini-golfing.” Blaze said.
“Then why don’t ya take her?” Aqua asked.
“I can’t. Flare’s making me watch over the festival while he’s in the porter potty next to his shop, and Rainbow isn’t here to take her, so she’s out of luck.” Blaze said.
“Wait a second, there’s a porter potty next to Flare’s shop?” Aqua asked.
“Yeah.” Blaze said.
“Why doesn’t he just use the restrooms in his shop then?” Aqua asked.
“I dunno man. I just promised him to do this, and I hate to break a promise.” Blaze said.
“Well maybe I can-“ Aqua was about to stay, but then Crèmepop appeared and talked over him.
“I’ll take her. I don’t have anything better to do.” Crème offered.
“Oh thank you, Crèmepop! But you don’t need to do that.” Blaze said.
“Of course I do! Candy Cotton is just a little angel! I’d be glad to help!” Crème said.
“Well in that case, thank you!” Blaze said.
“It’s no trouble!” Crème said as she walked over to her to take her mini-golfing.
Over at the porter potty, I just finished up in there and got out. “Ahh, much better!” I said to myself.
“You could’ve just gone to the bathroom in your shop, Flare.” Water reminded me.
“Yeah, I know, I’m not stupid.” I said.
“Then why didn’t you go?” Water asked.
“Have you ever competed in a bean burrito, turnip greens, grapes, hot dogs with chili, peanut butter and banana sandwiches with a galloon of cranberry juice eating contest?” I asked.
“Point taken.” Water said. “You could’ve just said cranberry juice, and I would’ve gotten it instantly.”
I took it out of my vest and looked at it. “Oh it’s Spike. Gimmie a sec, Water.” I picked up the phone and said, “Flare Gun, party animal!”
“Hey, Flare, how’s the party?” Spike asked.
“It’s going better than ever, brah! Praise the Wizards!” I yelled. “The ponies from Canterlot joined this party! This proves that the Ponyville Summer Festival is a lot more better than whatever party Canterlot hosted.”
“I see.” Spike said. “Hey, not to be a party pooper, but the Body of Evil is heading to Ponyville right now.”
“The what?” I asked.
“The Body of Evil! A combination of Discord, Queen Chrysalis, and King Sombra! You have to get the ponies to shelter, or make a defensive force field, and quick!” Spike yelled.
“A combination of Discord, Queen Chrysalis, and King Sombra? That’s has got to be the best mascot I’ve ever heard of!” I said excitedly.
“Wait, what? No! Dude, you have to get prepared! They could arrive there at any moment!” Spike yelled.
“You’re right, Spike, and I will! Thanks for the heads-up!” I said.
“Dude, don’t get the wrong idea!” Spike yelled.
“I’ll get the townsfolk ready for them! Talk to you later, brah!” I said.
“No, Flare, WAI-“ Spike yelled, but I cut him off and hung up. “I better get the mayor and tell her to good news! We’re gonna have the best mascot in all of Equestria coming to this Festival! I’m so psyed!” I then ran over to Town Hall to tell her the good news.
“Somepony say my name?” Psyche asked as he walked over.
Back with the Mane Six and Spike on the train, Spike hung up the phone and sighed.
“Did he listen?” Twilight asked.
“What do you think?!” Spike asked sarcastically.
“You got anypony else’s phone numbers in there?” Twilight asked.
“Well I got yours and Rarity’s, but that’s it.” Spike said.
“What are we gonna do? We left in such a hurry we left our cell phones at home.” Rarity said.
“I got paper!” Pinkie offered.
“Ah, good idea, Pinkie! We can use this to send a letter to Princess Celestia, and she’ll protect Ponyville.” Twilight said.
“Actually, I was thinking of making paper airplanes with them.” Pinkie said.
“Spike, take a letter.” Twilght instructed him.
“On it!” Spike took the paper and a feather from Rainbow Dash’s wing.
”OW! Keep pulling out my feathers, I might become flightless.” Rainbow complained.
Back in Ponyville, the whole town was gathered around in front of Town Hall, and the mayor was up at stage about to stage her announcement. Engie was talking with Big McIntosh about hosting a pre-show with him before the Body of Evil shows up. “C’mon, Big Mac, we both have one of them western accents. We’d sound great singin’ a duet!” Engie offered.
“Nnnope.” Big Mac said.
“Are you sure? It’ll be fun!” Engie said.
“Eeeyup.” Big Mac said.
“Oh you said ‘eeyup’, that means yes! Yee-haw! So what we gonna sing?” Engie asked.
“Nnnnope.” Big Mac said.
“Nnnope? Never heard of a song like that.” Engie said.
“Nnnnope.” Big Mac said.
“Eeeyup.” Engie argued with him.
“Nnnnope.” Big Mac argued back.
“Eeeyup.”
“Nnnnope.”
“EEEE…. YUP!” Engie yelled in Big Mac’s face.
“EEEE….. NOPE!” Big Mac yelled in Engie’s face.
“Will you two be quiet? C’mon, the Mayor is about to make her announcement.” Psyche reminded them.
“Fillies and gentlecolts.” The mayor started. “I am pleased to announce that we are about to have a special guest coming to town!” she said.
“Oh no!” one of the Canterlot ponies panicked.
“No, no, this is a good thing, or so I heard.” Mayor Mare said. “In a few moments we will be getting a special visit by a creature so fierce, so terrible, so incredibly creepy, it is with great pleasure that I introduce you to-“
“Stop everything!” Celestia yelled.
“Oh, Princesses Celestia and Luna.” The mayor gasped as everypony in town bowed to them. “This is…. An unexpected surprise.”
“On the contrary, we’d thought you would expect us after the unfortunate incident that happened in Canterlot.” Celestia said.
“Unfortunate incident? I don’t understand.” The mayor said. “We were told you having a party up there.”
“A party? Who told you that?” Celestia asked. Luna poked her sister’s shoulder and pointed with her head towards me. I just stood there, waving.
“Princess Celestia poked you.” I said to Luna. “You gonna poke her back?”
“Not that surprising.” Celestia said. “My most faithful subjects, I am sorry to put you all to receive some false news, but the Body of Evil is NOT a mascot. He is a combination between Discord, a god of disharmony, Chrysalis, queen of the Changelings, and King Sombra, former evil ruler of the Crystal Empire.” Celestia explained.
“Wait, so… does that mean…. WE’RE IN TROUBLE?!” one of the townfolk panicked.
“Don’t panic everypony.” Luna said. “We have-“ But everypony just cut Luna off in mid-sentence and they all started screaming and running around like maniacs.
“Everypony! Remain calm!” the mayor yelled out, but nopony listened to her.
“I don’t believe you Flare!” Crystal yelled at me. “You lied to the entire town! How could you?!”
“Crystal, don’t blame him, he didn’t know.” Blaze said. “And we all knew Canterlot was attacked. We’ve all seen the smoke.”
“I thought that was a BBQ!” I yelled. “I didn’t know! Besides, if we told everypony Canterlot was attacked, everypony would’ve panicked. See the results? This Summer Festival has made everypony happy, and not worry about what happened in Canterlot. You should be thanking me!”
“Well there’s no use for that anymore. Everypony discovered the truth.” Psyche said. “But the good news is: the princesses have everything under controlled.”
The princesses stood by eachother’s side, and they looked at eachother. “You know what to do, dear sister.” Celestia said to Luna. Luna nodded, then they both closed their eyes, and their horns started glowing. They started using a defensive spell to create a shield to protect all of Ponyville. Everypony in town stopped panicking and watched the princesses doing what they needed to do: to protect their subjects.
Just as they thought they were succeeding, it was too late. The Body of Evil blasted both princesses right off the stage, and their spell failed. The Body of Evil flew up in the sky, and let out a big roar. “Wow that was amazing!” Discord cried in excitement. “I never bothered roaring before. I should do that more often!”
Everypony started to panic and run again. But luckily, at the trainstation, the Mane Six came just in time. “PRINCESS CELESTIA!” Twilight yelled as she ran towards her.
“Hey, what about me? Don’t I matter?” Luna complained.
“I’m fine, Twilight. You must use the Elements of Harmony against the Body of Evil, now!” Celestia ordered.
Twilight nodded and said, “C’mon girls! We have one shot at this!”
“Oh, we’re gonna need a little privacy for this.” Discord said as he snapped his fingers, and they all teleported inside Town Hall.
“TWILIGHT!” Spike yelled.
“Aw man, I wanted to see an epic battle!” Crystal complained. “I never saw the Elements of Harmony in action. Have you?”
“Yeah, three times.” Spike said.
“Lucky.” Crystal said enviously.
Meanwhile, inside Town Hall, the Body of Evil laughed evilly. “Looks like it’s time we did our final battle.” Sombra said mischievously.
“Yes. It is time we got rid of the guardians of Equestria.” Chrysalis said.
“Oh we don’t think so!” Rainbow Dash yelled at them.
“My, my, we’ve seem to got ourselves in an impasse here.” Sombra said.
“I have an idea! How about we allow to give these six ponies the first shot?” Discord suggested.
“Discord, snap out of it! We’re friends!” Fluttershy cried.
“Fool! The only friends I ever need is me, and my chaos!” Discord said.
“This isn’t you, Discord! I know it! You’re better than this!” Flutters cried.
“Snap out of it, Fluttershy! It is time we got rid of these freaks of nature!” Rarity yelled.
“See? Told you.” Chrysalis reminded Sombra and Discord.
“C’mon, girls! It’s time we finished this! Elements ready!” Twilight yelled.
“Ready!” they all yelled. Twilight closed her eyes, and used her magic to activate all the Elements. The Body of Evil just stood there. Discord yawned, Sombra rolled his eyes, and Chrysalis scratched her nose with Sombra’s hoof.
“Hey!” Sombra cried.
Just then, a rainbow connected all of the elements, and finally a giant rainbow popped out and slammed right into the Body of Evil. The three evil foes screamed, making it look like they were defeated. The Mane Six deactivated their elements, and slammed tirelessly on the ground.
“I… I think we did it.” AppleJack said as she was catching her breath.
“Wasn’t so hard.” Rarity said. “Nothing we haven’t done before.”
“Discord? Are you ok?” Fluttershy asked, looking at the all the smoke in front of her where the Body of Evil was. There was silence in the whole room, but just then, the Body of Evil popped right out again and roared. The Mane Six all gasped.
“You should’ve seen the looks on your faces!” Discord laughed. “We were like ‘NOOOOO!’, and you were like, ‘We did it!’, but then we popped out and scared you all half to death!”
Pinkie giggled. “That was a good one! You really got us!”
“I… I don’t understand. The Elements were supposed to work. Why didn’t they work?” Twilight asked.
”Foolish, Twilight Sparkle, thought using the same powers of friendship would actually defeat us.” Chrysalis said.
“HA! When we were modified, we also came with a defensive magnesium! We’re now immune against the Elements of Harmony, puny ponies!” Sombra said.
“No! Then how are we supposed to defeat you?” AppleJack asked.
“Looks like you’ll have to find another way. Until then…. We must put you six out of the way, so you don’t try anything funny.” Sombra said.
“What do you mean? You’re not gonna ruin my hair, are you?” Rarity asked cowardly.
“No, of course not! You think we’re monsters, Rarity?” Chrysalis asked.
“So what are y’all gonna do then?” AppleJack asked.
“Put you all on a curse. You’ll all be in a coma, and it won’t wear off until somepony defeats us, which will by the way not happen without the Elements of Harmony.” Discord said.
“Brace yourself, girls!” Twilight said.
“But if I’m in a coma, I won’t be able to host that party I promised Flare!” Pinkie whined. “I never break a pinkie promise!”
“You didn’t even pinkie promise him, Pinkie.” AppleJack corrected her.
“Oh phew! That’s a relief.” Pinkie said, wiping her sweat.
“Goodbye, Elements of Harmony!” Sombra said as his magic, combined with Chrysalis’s and Discord’s, they created a huge curse to put the Mane Six in a coma. The six friends all hugged eachother in fear.
“No matter what happens, we’ll always be together. Our friendship will keep us alive, no matter what!” Twilight said.
“Twilight, I’m scared.” Flutters said.
“Well…. you should be.” Rainbow said.
“Rainbow!” AppleJack yelled at her.
“What? If we’re all gonna be honest here, if we’re not gonna be awake ever again, we might as well get things off our chest. I’m scared too.” Rainbow said.
“Well, if we’re all gonna tell eachother the truth, I-“ Pinkie started, but got cut-off.
“Too late!” Discord said as they fired their curse at the Mane Six. Me, Spike, and the Noble Six were outside.
“Would anypony like a jelly-baby?” Psyche offered.
“Sure, why not?” Aqua asked as he takes one.
“Being in danger does make me hungry.” Engie said as he also takes one. Just then, we all suddenly saw an explosion blow up all the windows in Town Hall.
“OH NO!” Spike yelled as he ran inside Town Hall to check on his friends. “TWILIGHT!” Twilight, and her friends were all scattered on the ground, not moving a muscle.
The faces of the Body of Evil all looked down at Spike, and whispered, “Boo.” Spike screamed and ran away. The Body of Evil flew right through the Town Hall roof.
“Hear us, Equestria!” Sombra started. “Your precious kingdom has fallen. Your carriers of the Elements of Harmony are now in a coma!”
“Don’t bother trying to wake them, because the only way you can wake them is if we’re defeated, which we can’t without the Elements of Harmony!” Chrysalis yelled.
“As long as we pay attention to what’s going on, no power of friendship can ever take us down! NEVER! Surrender your kingdom to us, princesses, and your kingdom will be spared! We’ll be back in 24 hours.” Discord yelled.
“If this kingdom is not ours, we’ll destroy it, city by city!” Sombra yelled. The Body of Evil flies away, leaving behind the aftermath of their attack.
“Aren’t you scared, brah?” I asked him.
“Oh no!” Spike yelled as he ran back to the Mane Six, with the princesses, and us with him. “This is terrible! What are we gonna do?”
“We have to take them to the hospital.” Luna said. “We have to find a way to defeat the Body of Evil.”
“But without the Elements of Harmony, we’re defenseless.” Aqua said.
“Holy Wizard of Feelings!” I cried. “This is more upsetting than-“
“Is now really the right time for cutaways?!” Psyche yelled at me.
“Jeez, there’s too much drama in this moment. We really need to cheer up.” I said.
“I haven’t said this yet; it’s about time I said this… OH SNAP!” Crystal said.
After the Body of Evil attacked Ponyville, lots of the ponies around town were taking shelter inside my trailer. It was really tight in there, despite it being like a TARDIS, if you know what I mean. My fish were even feeling uncomfortable with the whole situation.
“Hey look!” Darrel pointed out. “A pony’s bum is leaning on our tank.”
“That looks more disturbing than funny, Darrel.” Dorthey said.
“Why are they all here anyway?” Pearl asked.
“Is Pinkie Pie throwing one of her parties here?” Yoyo asked.
“Yeah, I doubt that, Yoyo.” Rainbow said.
“Where’s Apollo when you really need him?” Dorthey asked.
“I’m here.” Apollo said, hanging on top of the tank. “I’ve been here for 10 whole minutes. You didn’t see me?”
“You’re right on top of the tank. We only look up there if somepony is giving us food.” Yoyo said.
“Right. Hey, where’s Piddles?” Apollo asked.
“Oh, Piddles is sleeping.” Rainbow said.
“Yes, I’m sleeping. Don’t bother me.” Piddles demanded as he was lying down on the rocks at the bottom.
“Hey, Apollo? What do you think is going on outside?” Dorthey asked.
“Oh, it’s just a bit of chaos roaming about out there. Something called the Body of Evil is attacking.” Apollo said.
“The Body of Evil?” Dorthey asked.
“A combination of the three most powerful foes in Equestria.” Apollo said.
“Oh no. Somepony is trying to get in Flare’s personal chest.” Pearl pointed out. “Apollo, can you stop them?”
“Sure.” Apollo said as he flew over to the pony at my personal chest, and started flapping his wings on the pony’s face.
“Oh… ok.” My Facebook poking buddy Adventure Blade, or Keith as most of you may know him as said as Apollo flapped his wings on his face.
“Excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, coming through.” I said, as I was going through the crowd of my trailer to get to Water. “Water, what’s going on here?”
“What do you mean?” Water asked.
“I mean where’s my can opener.” I said sarcastically. “What do you think I mean?! Why are all these ponies in my trailer?”
“What? It’s nice having company. You said you liked company, didn’t you? The more the merrier.” Water said.
“That’s not true, more doesn’t equal merrier. If there were 2,000 ponies in this trailer right now, would we be celebrating? No, we’d be suffocating.” I corrected her. “Now why are all these ponies here?”
“Well, I might’ve said your trailer and your shop is indestructible from the outside, so everypony in town started going inside them.” Water said.
“Water, this is my home, not a storm shelter.” I reminded her.
“But these ponies were so afraid of what’s going on out there.” Water said.
“The Body of Evil is gone, sista, they can return home.” I said.
“No, the Body of Evil left town. It’s not gone yet.” Water corrected me.
“Whatever. I gotta get to my fish. They need to be feeded.” I started going through the crowd again until I got to my fish. “Hey, fishies. You won’t believe the problems I’ve been having.”
“Oh trust me, we believe you.” Dorthey nodded.
“Where’s Piddles?” I asked them. “Piddles is sleeping!”
“You feeling happy to have so much company?” Darrel asked me.
“No, he’s saying this is a waste of space and ponies keep touching his stuff.” Rainbow corrected him.
“Alright, let me feed you guy- HEY! Button Mash! STAY OFF MY COMPUTER!” I yelled at him. “You want to play on something? Go play in the Lounge. That there is my personal computer!”
“Wow, I haven’t seen Flare this angry since the time Fox announced the depressing news.” Yoyo said.
A cutaway shows me in my Lounge (by myself) watching Fox. “Well this is great! After all these lonely months, I get to finally see Animation Domination again!” I said.
“Fellow Fox viewers, this is Animation Domination.” The announcer said.
“YAAAAAY!” I cheered.
“We have four new episodes for four awesome shows!” the announcer said.
“Oh, looks like they finally canceled Bob’s Burgers. Thank Wizard of Hope for that.” I wiped the sweat off my forehead feeling relieved.
“First we have a new episode of the Simpsons.” The announcer said.
“As expected.” I shrugged.
“Followed by a new episode of Bob’s Burgers.” The announcer said.
“Oh…. It wasn’t Bob’s Burgers.” I said upsettingly.
“Followed by a new episode of Family Guy.” The announcer said. “Then finally a new episode of American Dad.”
“Wait a second, where’s Cleveland Show?” I complained.
“We’re sad to say fellow viewers that the Cleveland Show has been cancelled.” The announcer said.
“WHAT?! NO! I’m about to go on a berserk rampage if you don’t tell me you’re joking!” I yelled at the TV.
“We are not joking.” The announcer said. After that I started screaming, and running around, breaking everything in my path, as heavy metal was playing in the background. I ran outside, still screaming, and then I started punching Lucky Clover in the chest multiple times REALLY fast, but as I was doing so, the announcer on the TV said, “But good news! Cleveland is returning to Family Guy, WITH his family!”
Just then, I stopped punching Clover and berserking, and I said happily, “Oh YAAAAY!”
After that Lucky Clover fell to the ground, and the Mortal Kombat voice in the background yelled, “K.O.” and the Mortal Kombat victory theme played in the background. The cutaway ends.
“HEY! Keep away from my personal chest!” I yelled at Keith.
“Sorry.” He said.
“Oh Addie, I didn’t know it was you! You’re cool, bro.” I said.
“Ok.” He said.
“Wait, why is Addie allowed near it, but I’m not?” Water complained.
“Cause you’re my sister, and he’s someone I’m having poke war with. Major difference, sis.” I corrected her. “Oh, hey Addie, before I forget… KEEEEEEEEEEEEEITH!”
“Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare!” he said excitedly.
“We haven’t said that in a while.” I said to Water.
“Flare! Hey Flare!” Crèmepop yelled in the crowd.
“Crèmepop! Don’t worry, Flarey’s coming!” I yelled as I went through the crowd again, found my way to her, and pulled her into the bathroom with me.
“Excuse me? A little privacy, please?” a pony asked while sitting on my toilet.
“You know, nopony even invited you here but my sister, and she’s freeloading me!” I yelled at the pony as I took him and threw him outside.
“But I still need to go!” the pony whined.
“You’re a horse; you can use the bathroom wherever you want. I need a minute.” I demanded as I closed the door and locked it.
“Flare this is getting way out of control!” Crème complained.
“Why are you complaining? This is my trailer, and Water invited everypony in without my permission.” I complained.
“It’s not that, it’s the Body of Evil. Twilight and her friends are the only ones who can weld the Elements of Harmony and stop them.” Crème said.
“You know what’s weird? I can’t figure out if the Body of Evil is a boy or a girl. There are two guys, but one girl, but one body.” I said.
“That’s not the point. The Mane Six are at the hospital right now, in a coma, and the princesses are really worried. You should head over there and see if you can help in anyway.” Crème ordered me.
“Awww, but I don’t wanna!” I whined.
“I’m not asking you to do this, I’m telling you! Water and I will keep this crowd at bay for you, while you should go to the hospital with the Noble Six. I mean, you and your friends are the backups after all, right?” Crème reminded me.
“Yeah, that’s true. But Celestia’s there.” I whined.
“What do you have against her?” Crème asked.
“I don’t. I’m just afraid of seeing her. In the past, I kept asking for Luna, trying to give her more attention, but at the same time, I was probably hurting Celestia’s feelings, and now I’m too nervous to go near her.” I said.
“Flare, if you don’t go to the hospital right now, I’ll take away your XBUCKS privileges for a week!” Crème threatened me.
“YOU WOULDN’T!” I yelled.
“TRY ME!” Crème looked me mischievously.
We just stared at eachother in silence for a few seconds; until I figured out she was being serious. “Kay kay, you win, babe. I’ll go to the hospital and see if I can help.”
“And no, don’t go to the Cider Bar on the way. Go straight there!” Crème ordered me.
“Awww man! Why do you know me so well?” I complained.
“I’m your special somepony. I know everything about you.” Crème said, and gave me a kiss. “Now go!”
“Alright, alright, I’m going!” I complained as I opened the door and was about to head out. “Hey, who spilled lemonade on the floor?!”
Over at the hospital, the Mane Six were all sleeping on their hospital beds, still in a coma, with their friends and family there to support them. Zecora was also there, trying to figure out the problem. She shook her head.
“Did you get anything?” Luna asked.
“I checked them all real good, but I do not have a clue.” Zecora said. “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.”
“Thank you, Zecora. You did your best.” Celestia said.
“Oh, Rainbow.” Rainbow Dash’s sister Candy Cotton moaned next to her bed in tears. “No matter what happens, dear sis, we’re always here to support you.” After her moaning, she started complaining to Blaze, “Ok, I grieved Rainbow Dash, NOW TAKE ME GOLFING!”
“Didn’t Crèmepop take you golfing already?” Blaze asked her.
“She did, but it got interrupted, we were almost at the eighth hole! I was winning!” Candy complained.
“Candy! This is your sister, Rainbow Dash! Show some respect!” Scootaloo yelled at her.
“If you like her so much, why don’t you be her sister?!” Candy yelled at Scoots.
“I wish I would!” Scoots yelled back.
“Will you two calm down?! Rainbow Dash wouldn’t want you two to be arguing right now!” Blaze yelled.
“You’re right, Blaze. Sorry, Candy.” Scoots said to her.
“Yeah, sorry, Scoots.” Candy said back. She turned to Blaze and demanded, “Now take me golfing!”
“I really can’t believe this. How can the Body of Evil work with this type of ancient magic?” Aqua asked.
“Ancient magic?” Wind Racer asked her brother.
“These types of curses that takes ponies in a coma has died out centuries ago. Only the most powerful magic-welders can perform curses like these.” Aqua explained.
“Not even Princess Twilight here knows a magic spell like that.” Celestia said. “It should’ve stayed died out.
“Ooooh, AppleJack! It’s too soon! Don’t leave us. We need you!” Apple Bloom cried.
“Eeeyup.” Big Mac said sadly.
“Why does she have to be in a coma now? She was sooo innocent!” Sweetie Belle cried.
“Hey, we should look on the bright side of things. This Body of Evil isn’t as bad as our last town guest.” Crystal reminded them.
A cutaway shows Mayor Mare at her desk, crumbling up a piece of paper and throwing it at the trash bin, but a basket ball player was right in front of the bin, and blocks it, and the paper flies right back towards her. “Not in my house!” the player teased, then he ran away laughing. Over at the Laundry place, Shoeshine was folding some clothes and throwing them at her basket, but the basketball player blocked the clothes, and wiggling his hoof at her, and ran away laughing. After that, a taxi carriage driver was riding along the highway, throwing his change at a toll booth, but the player blocks the throw and says, “No, no, no!” Then after Big McIntosh bucked some apples, he threw some at his cart, but the player blocks them and says, “Not today! HA HA HA!” Then finally, at the supermarket, Featherweight picked out a cereal and threw it at his shopping cart, but the player blocked it, and ran away laughing again.
Just then, two guitar players were playing on a stage in the middle of the supermarket, and one them asked the other; “Jimmy, how happy are folks when they save hundreds of bits by switching to Geico?”
“Happy than Dikembe Mutombo blocking a shot.” Jimmy said.
“Get happy, get Geico.” A TV announcer said in the background, as the Geico logo popped out, then Dikembe slaps the G down and runs away laughing again. “15 minutes can save you 15% or more.” The cutaway ends.
As they were all moaning to the Mane Six in a coma, maybe nopony would notice me coming in, or that’s what I thought, I tip-hooved in, and Crystal was the first one to notice me. “Flare! Hey, we were wondering when you’d show up!”
“Shhhh!” I shushed her.
“Oh, I’m sorry, were you gonna try to surprise somepony?” Crystal asked.
“Flare Gun, nice of you to join us.” Celestia greeted.
“Please, Celestia! I’m sorry, alright?” I begged.
“Sorry? What are you sorry about?” Celestia asked.
“He’s probably sorry because of telling everypony there was a party in Canterlot, not an attack, so he decided to make a festival here.” Luna assumed.
“Well…. that’s one of them.” I said.
“It’s ok. By doing that, you distracted the townsfolk on what’s really going on. Fear is something we cannot have in our fair town.” Celestia said.
“I appreciate it, but that’s not what I was apologizing about.” I said.
“Oh? Why were you apologizing then?” Celestia asked.
“Because in the past, I keep asking for Luna, because after she’s been gone for a millennium, and I felt bad that she hasn’t been getting much attention.” I explained. “I mean, Luna is an awesome princess, but by saying that, it’s like I’m saying you’re not. I’ve been trying so hard to give Luna all the attention, and not giving you the respect you deserve. I thought I might’ve hurt your feelings.”
“You didn’t hurt my feelings.” Celestia said.
“You say that now, but inside you still might be. I’ll do anything to make it up to you!” I begged. “I’ll get you present. A little something to show it.”
“Flare Gun, it’s ok.” Celestia chuckled.
“No, it’s not ok, I have to give you something to show my apologies.” I said.
“I’m afraid now is not the best time for that.” Luna said. “With the ponies that weld the Elements of Harmony are in a coma, there’s nothing we can do to stop the Body of Evil.”
“It’s too bad. Ah’ve always thought we’d be protected by these, and it’s too bad these are the only ponies that can weld them.” Engie said.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure the princesses have somethin’ else we can use.” Aqua said.
“I’m afraid there’s not, Aquatic Armor; none that I know that is.” Celestia said.
“C’mon, let’s be honest here.” Psyche started. “I’m sure we’ll think of something. There’s always a way, there’s always a weakness. I’ve never seen a mighty foe that doesn’t have a weakness.”
“Hey, no matter what happens, we’re all together no matter what. I’ll stick by your side no matter what.” Blaze said. “Unless it has something to do with Mountain Dew, I cannot drink Mountain Dew. Too spicy for us draconians.”
“Oh yeah, I second that.” Spike said.
“That is some loyalty you have, Blaze Goldheart. Probably just as much loyalty as your wife here.” Celestia said.
“Hey, if it makes y’all feel better. Ah got us all some cake at the hospital cafeteria.” Engie said. “The most delicious kind, the most expensive!”
“Oh how generous, Engie.” Psyche said, taking a piece.
“Yeah, for sure.” Wind Racer said, also taking one.
“Hmm… wait a second.” Luna thought to herself and just watched us.
“Hey, Candy. Don’t worry about a thing.” Aqua said, trying to comfort Candy. “Rainbow Dash didn’t know what she was up against. It’s not her fault.”
“But I want her back!” Candy whined. “Who’s gonna take me golfing?”
“When this is all over, we’ll all play some mini-golf together, I promise. But for now, let’s just hope we can find a way to stop this monster.” Aqua said.
Candy smiled at hugged Aqua. “Thanks, Aqua. You’re too kind!”
“Wow, I’m getting more confused right now than the time I watched The Dark Knight: The Secret of Batman’s Bat Logo.” Crystal said.
A cutaway shows Batman going back to his mansion after a day of fighting crime. “Well, this is city is safe once again. Your shift is over now.” Batman said to his outfit.
“Good.” The bat on his outfit said as he flew off his outfit. “I dunno why you use me as a logo when you can just paint a bat on the outfit yourself.”
“I’m not good at painting.” Batman said.
“Well, then I expect a raise. Either that or stop the villains from punching you in the stomach.” The bat demanded.
“I have a sensitive face.” Batman said. “Why else do you think I wear this mask?” The cutaway ends.
We all laughed. “That’s pretty funny, Crystal. You really know how to make us laugh, even at the darkest of times.” Blaze said.
“It’s not dark in here though.” Crystal said. We all laughed again.
“ARMOR LOCK! ARMOR LOCK! ARMOR LOCK! ARMOR LOCK!” I repeated myself as I kept doing my armor lock spell.
“Why do you keep doing that magic spell?” Psyche asked.
“It’s fun! Armor lock! Armor lock!” I said as I continued.
Luna saw everything that was going on, and knew what had to be done. “I got it!” she yelled. “Celestia, dear sister, I have the solution to our problems!”
“What is it?” Celestia asked.
“The Elements of Harmony are powered by Magic, Laughter, Honesty, Loyalty, Kindness, and Generosity.” Luna explained.
“What are ya gettin’ at Luna?” Engie asked.
“You six!” Luna said.
“You gotta be more specific. There are more than six of us in here.” Psyche reminded her.
“You, Aquatic, Flare, Crystal Iceblast, Red Engineer, and Blaze Goldheart.” Luna explained.
“Us?!” we all said at the same time. “Jinx!”
“What do you mean? Only these six can use the Elements of Harmony.” Spike reminded her as he pointed to the Mane Six.
“Too right, but nopony can use the elements forever. My sister and I used to wield them once, then Princess Twilight and her friends welded them, maybe it’s now time for another group of ponies to weld them.” Luna suggested.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don’t think the Scooby-Doo gang should wield them.” Crystal suggested.
“I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about you.” Luna said.
“Us? But…. We don’t represent the magic of friendship.” Aqua said.
“In a way, you somewhat do.” Luna said, using her magic to take off Rainbow Dash’s necklace and giving it to Blaze. “Blaze Goldheart, you show loyalty better than any other I seen. No matter what, you’ve always stuck by your friends in their time of need; even at their worse.”
Blaze looks at the loyalty necklace around his neck and says, “Wow. I guess you’re right, Luna.”
Luna takes off Rarity’s necklace and gives it to Engie. “Red Engineer, your generosity I’ve seen is certainly uncanny. I’ve never thought there’d be another who can represent that same element.”
“Out all of mah days defendin’ the base against the blue team, ah never even thought of the generosity ah didn’t know ah had.” Engie said, looking at the necklace.
Luna takes off AppleJack necklace and gives it to Psyche. “Psyche Illusion, despite being the one that’s always being teased in your group, your friends respected you for an important reason: Your honesty. If you’ve looked up ‘liar’ in the dictionary, your face wouldn’t be there.”
“Actually, we don’t use dictionaries anymore. We use Wikipedia.” Psyche corrected her.
“I can see why you’re the one who always gets teased.” Luna said as she then removes Fluttershy’s necklace and gives it to Aqua. “Aquatic Armor, your kindness is not as visible as Fluttershy’s here, but it’s still there. Despite your past, you’ve always shown true kindness more than many other ponies out there.”
“Wow. Thank ya, princess. This was really unexpectin’.” Aqua said shockingly. “I didn’t think ah was THAT kind.”
“You are.” Luna nodded. She then removed Pinkie Pie’s necklace and gave it to Crystal. “Crystal Iceblast, even at the darkest of times-“
“Wait a minute.” Crystal said cutting her off. “Can I get this in green?”
“No.” Luna said. “Even at the darkest of times, you, like your ancestor, Willow Iceblast, has made ponies feel joy and laughter in their lives. You certainly have proved yourself to be a true bringer of happiness.”
“Are you sure you don’t have these in a different color?” Crystal asked.
“I’m sure.” Luna said. She turns around, and walks towards Twilight. “Flare Gun, a personal friend of mine; you, like Twilight Sparkle here, never knew what friendship was until you moved here. After all that’s happened in your old town, you’ve never given up hope. You learned quite a lot since you’ve moved here, and despite all your flaws, you know, I guarantee you know the magic…. Of friendship.” Luna removed Twilight’s crown and set it on top of my head. “Do you have anything to say, Flare Gun?”
“Yes I do. I wanted to be laughter!” I complained.
“Too bad, Jack! That part is mine!” Crystal teased, sticking out her tongue. “I get to be laughter, and you don’t! HA HA HA!”
“Aqua, you wanna trade with Crystal so I can trade with you? Since you’re a unicorn, you can do magic.” I asked.
“Nope, sorry, Princess Luna said I’m kindness. I don’t think it’ll work the other way ‘round.” Aqua said.
“Twilight! Is she ok?” Cadance asked as she entered the room.
“Cadance, hi!” I said excitedly.
“Hey, Flare! Good to see you again!” Cadance said.
“I’m still mad at you though.” I added.
“I know.” Cadance said, rolling her eyes and chuckling.
Shining Armor ran to Twilight quickly to check up on her. “Is she gonna be ok?”
“She’ll be fine; once the Noble Six here will defeat the Body of Evil.” Celestia said.
“Hey cool, both Shining Armor and Big Mac are here! Hey, can you two hoof-wrestle? I wanna see which one of you is stronger.” I requested.
“Princess, how are you supposed to know that we can handle this task?” Blaze asked.
“We wouldn’ve given it to you if we didn’t think you can do it.” Celestia said.
“But the elements failed to defeat the body the first time. What makes you think they’ll do it this time?” Psyche asked.
“If you listened to what the body said, they said….” Celestia used her magic to show a flashback on what the body said as it was flying above Town Hall; “As long as we pay attention to what’s going on, no power of friendship can ever take us down! NEVER!”
“But we still don’t understand.” Engie said.
“You’ll know what to do soon enough.” Celestia said, smiling at them. “Now go, there’s no time to waste!”
“We’ll do our best, your highness!” Blaze said as we all ran out of the hospital, and back home to pack up our stuff for the road.
“Be careful, Aqua! Make sure you remember your spells.” Wind Racer reminded him.
“I won’t, sis. Thank ya.” Aqua said as he was packing.
“And don’t forget to pack all the food you need, including fruits and veggies.” Wind Racer reminded him.
“Thank you, mom.” Aqua teased with an annoyed tone. He put on his satchel and ran to his front door.
“AQUA!” Wind yelled.
“What?” Aqua asked.
“I only do this because I care. You’re all the family I have left.” Wind Racer said.
“I know, and I’ll be back; don’t worry, Wind Racer.” Aqua said as he opened the door and ran outside. Wind Racer just stood there, watching her brother run out to save Equestria. She looked down in worry.
Over at Blaze’s house, he was getting all the stuff he needed for the road. “Blaze, are you gonna be ok?” Candy asked.
“I’ll be fine, Candy. You’ll be staying with Crèmepop. She’ll look after you.” Blaze said.
“Is she gonna take me golfing?” Candy asked.
“I dunno.” Blaze said.
“Blaze, I WANNA GO GOLFING!” she yelled.
“Candy, I wish I can take you golfing, I really do! But this entire kingdom is at stake right now! If I don’t go, the Body of Evil would take off Equestria, and we’ll never see your sister awake again! Is that what you want?!” Blaze asked.
Candy started to tear up. “No.”
Blaze sighed. “I’m sorry I yelled, but this is important. I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t so important. Believe me on that.”
“I know, Blaze. You represent the Element of Loyality now. You must do your duty to make sure the kingdom is safe.” Candy said.
“I knew you’d understand, and don’t worry, I’ll make sure Crèmepop takes you golfing.” Blaze promised.
“Actually, I kinda feel like pool now.” Candy said. Blaze facehooved himself as he continued packing.
Over at Crystal’s house, she was having a rough time getting packed, because she wanted to pack EVERYTHING, but she was getting her husband Thunder to pack for her. “Ok, I found your emergency stash of ranch dressing. Is there anything else you need?” he asked.
“Come to think of it, I think I’ll need my special comb.” Crystal said.
“Got it!” Thunder said as he ran as quickly as the Flash to get it, and placed it in her satchel.
“My special collection of bowties; I need those!” Crystal said.
“Right on it!” Thunder said as he got the bowties and placed them in the satchel. “Are you sure you can fit anything else in here?”
Crystal looks inside her bag that looks like it’s about explode; it has so many things in there. “Nah, I think there’s plenty of room. Just move the bowling ball to the bottom, and the tennis racket to the side, I think we’ll have plenty of room.”
“Why do you need a bowling ball and a tennis racket again?” Thunder asked.
“In case of bowling ball and tennis racket emergencies of course!” Crystal reminded him.
“Of course! What was I thinking?” Thunder asked himself, bopping his head. “Is there anything else you need?”
“My trendy sunglasses.” Crystal said.
“Got it!” Thunder said as he took the sunglasses and was about to place them in the bag.
“No! Don’t put them in the bag.” Crystal stopped him. “I wanna wear them now.” Thunder gave Crystal the sunglasses and putted them on. “Wow, look at me. I look like Katy Perry in these!”
“Anything else you need, Katy?” Thunder asked.
“One more thing: my lucky penny.” Crystal requested.
“Got it!” Thunder said as he took her lucky penny and placed it in the bag. Just then, the ground started shaking and everything in the bag just exploded, leaving hundreds of knit-knacks, clothes, and other items all over the room.
“Ok, maybe I shouldn’ve packed the washing machine. I’m sure there’ll be a laundry place on the way.” Crystal said. “Besides, I can’t bring a washing machine without a dryer too.”
Meanwhile, over at my trailer, I was almost done getting my stuff packed. “Wow! Another adventure!” Darrel complained. “When is he gonna bring us with him?”
“I have no idea.” Dorthey said. “I also have no idea when he’s going to kick out all these ponies?”
“Flare, are you sure we can’t come with you?” Water asked.
“As much as I’d love you to, this will be too dangerous.” I said.
“But we’ve done lots of heroic deeds. I saved you from my abusing coltfriend, remember?” Water asked.
“Yeah, and I handled myself when Swinebutt’s goons captured me.” Crèmepop reminded me.
“So why can’t we come with you now?” Water asked.
I inhaled, and then said, “Sigh.” I shook my head. “Water, Crèmepop, you two are the most important ponies in my life. If I lost you during the mission, how could I live with myself?”
“What if you die?” Water asked. Crèmepop then smacks Water on the back of the head. “OW!”
“If I do, then Crèmepop, you’re in charge of the pizza shop. You take control of all the funding, and this trailer will be yours. Everything I have will be yours.” I said.
“Oh… that means a lot to me, really.” Crème said, smiling and tears in her eyes.
“What do I get?” Water asked.
“You? You’ll get a good kick in the flank from Crème, and tell you to move out of my trailer already.” I said.
“HA!” Crème pointed and laughed at Water.
“Aw c’mon, bro!” Water complained.
“You need to learn to take care of yourself. Even if I don’t make it, you’re still a Gun, and Guns take care of themselves.” I said.
Water started to tear up and hugged me along with Crème. “Don’t ever say ‘if you don’t make it’. You will!” Water said.
“You’re right; I will! I will be back! I will take down the Body of Evil, and I won’t end up in a coma like the Mane Six, because…. I HAVE…. THE POWER!” I yelled as I took out a sword and aimed it towards the air, and lightning struck it.
“HE-MAN!” a chorus sang in the background.
Afterwards, we all met outside and started walking outside of town, where some royal guards were waiting for us. “We were ordered to give you a ride.” A guard said.
“Nuh uh. I know how slow you guards can fly; we’d rather take the coach.” Blaze said, pointing to another carriage in front of the guard’s carriage. We all walked to the other carriage, and the guards just looked down at the ground, upsettingly.
“I wanna drive!” I yelled.
“Oh no, you’re not driving again.” Blaze demanded. “Remember what happened in our last road trip?”
A cutaway shows me driving a carriage on a highway in the middle of the night, while Blaze is fast asleep on the passenger’s seat, and I turn up the radio real loud to the Mess Around by Ray Charles. I was dancing to the music while I was driving the carriage; I pretended I was playing a piano, and I waved my arms across from me like an ocean wave, and even placing my hoof near my mouth making it look like I was playing a trumpet. I did lose track on my driving a couple of times though. As I was doing all that, Blaze was moving around his seat, trying to get comfortable. As the song ended, I tooted the horn, matching the beat. The cutaway ends.
Time went by. I was the one pulling the carriage along with Engie, while the other four were sitting in the passenger seats. “Hey, Engie, talk to me. How do I look with Twilight’s crown on my head?” I asked.
“Like a girl.” Engie teased and chuckled.
“Really? This crown makes me look like a girl?” I asked. I turned around to the others and asked them, “Does this crown make me look like a girl?”
“Oh yeah, totally.” Psyche nodded.
“Listen to you talk, Psyche! Look at your mane style and everything. I think you are a girl.” I said.
“I’m not a girl, dude.” Psyche corrected me.
“No, he’s right. I bet you’ve been mistaken as a girl a couple of times, Psyche.” Blaze said.
“NO!” Psyche yelled. “Well… yeah, maybe…. A little….. so?”
“Hey, maybe after we save Equestria and all that, we’ll be getting our own little window art at the castle like the princesses do to all who saves the kingdom.” Crystal assumed.
“Oh yeah, I’ve been dreaming to get myself to be in one of those windows! Wouldn’t that be awesome?” I asked.
“It would.” Blaze said.
“Hey, dudes, what would you rather do? Get some artwork of yourself on a Canterlot window with the Body of Evil puppeteering you using strings, or get statue of yourself in an embarrassing outfit, but standing on top of King Sombra’s head?” I asked.
“I’d totally pick the embarrassing outfit. At least I’d be heroic.” Crystal said.
“I second that.” Blaze said.
“On the contrary, being in an embarrassin’ outfit can be a bit…. Embarrassin’. Being a puppet would be pretty funny.” Engie said.
“Oh yeah, can I change mine to that?” Crystal asked.
“Here, I got a better one.” Psyche started.
“Why ya gonna start one on yer own when ya didn’t even answer Flare’s question yet?” Engie asked.
“Ok fine, I pick the embarrassing outfit, heroic.” Psyche said. “Now how about this one? Would you rather wear a dress to a bar, or walk around a mall wearing make-up?”
“I dunno how that affects me. I’m mare, so either is fine.” Crystal said.
“Well, this one isn’t for you, Crystal. It’s for them.” Psyche corrected her.
“Ah’d wear the dress.” Engie said. “It would make a good disguise is nopony would recognize who ah am. Besides, everypony would be drunk on cider anyway.”
“Yeah I pick the dress one too.” Aqua said.
“I’d go with the make-up, but I’d be carrying an electric guitar or drums or something, so it won’t look like I’m being weird, it would look like I’m in a 70s rock band.” I said.
“Ok, it would seem that one was a little too easy.” Psyche said.
“Hey look up ahead.” Engie pointed out.
“What?” I asked.
“Over there. Ah think that’s a Changeling.” Engie said.
“Oh no, not more of those Changelings. Quick, we must defend ourselves!” Blaze yelled getting himself in a fighting pose.
“No, wait. Changelings are normally not alone without good reason. Maybe he or she needs help.” I suggested.
“For our energy’s sake, I hope ya’re right.” Aqua said.
“Excuse us?” Engie called out at the Changeling.
“What?” the changeling asked grouchy.
“We’re lookin’ for where we can find the Body of Evil.” Engie said.
“That stupid Body of Evil! I thought Queen Chrysalis was reformed. I was at the attack in Canterlot, but it didn’t feel right, so I fled the battle.” The changeling said. “Wait a minute, you guys look familiar.”
“Well, all you changelings look the same to me.” Blaze said.
“BLAZE! That’s racist!” Crystal yelled.
“Wait, I remember you.” The changeling said, pointing at me. “Flare Gun, isn’t it?”
“Maybe; who are you?” I asked.
“Flare, it’s me, Silver Link! Remember?” he asked.
“Wait, Silver Link?” I asked.
“Who’s Silver Link?” Aqua asked.
“Remember the time I had to work overtime at my shop because the changelings wanted my pizza because it was full of love, and I was a changeling temporarily?” I asked.
“Yeah, unfortunately.” Blaze said.
“This is that same changeling that collected the pizzas to take back to the kingdom.” I said.
“You mean the one we captured because we thought it’s been causing pranks throughout Ponyville, but it turned out to be you?” Psyche asked.
“Affirmative! This is him.” I said.
“Wow, it’s been a while!” Silver Link said.
“It sure is! What are you doing out here all alone, brah?” I asked.
“I had to flee the Canterlot battle. It didn’t feel right. I thought Queen Chrysalis was reformed, but boy were we wrong!” Silver Link said.
“It’s not her fault. Whatever has caused her to be combined with Discord and King Sombra, it must’ve raised her anger at attitude. That’s what the princesses told us.” Aqua said.
“Well, I guess that explains it. The Body of Evil has returned to Chrysalis’s castle, that’s where they’re HQing.” Silver Link said.
“Well, whatever is in that HQ, we might be able to find out the one responsible for creating the Body of Evil in the first place.” Psyche assumed.
“Can you lead us to yer kingdom?” Engie asked.
“You bet! Let’s go!” Silver Link said, climbing inside the carriage.
“Don’t go anywhere near me, you freak.” Blaze ordered him.
“Blaze Goldheart, right? I remember you.” Silver Link said, glaring at him. “By the way, Flare, nice girly hat you got!”
“Oh shut up, Psyche!” I said feeling annoyed.
“I didn’t say that.” Psyche said.
“I know, but you know I like blaming you. Winky face.” I said and winked at him.
Back in Ponyville, Crèmepop, Water, and many other pony folk were inside my lounge, playing my XBUCKS without permission. The ponies were chanting; “Crèmepop! Crèmepop! Crèmepop! Crèmepop!” then they all cheered as Crèmepop beat Water at the game they were playing.
“In yo face, Water Gun!” Crèmepop yelled in Water’s face.
“Alright, you don’t need to be all in my face about it.” Water said with an annoyed tone.
“Phew! Well, that was a nice rush, you know?” Crème asked.
“Sure was!” Water said.
“Hey, do you miss Flare at all?” Crème asked.
“Of course I do, but not as much as I don’t miss him and his silly Roomate Agreement rules.” Water chuckled and said.
“What do you mean?” Crème asked.
“Oh, Flare didn’t tell you?” Spike asked.
“Didn’t Flare tell me what?” Crème asked.
“Yeah, it turns out if you live with Flare, he sets up a contract. There are things you should do, what not to do, what to put in your mouth, and what not to put in your mouth, what to touch, what not to touch, etc.” Water explained.
“Ooooh, it’s like his silly Friendship Agreement, right?” Crème asked.
“More or less, except this one’s worse.” Water said.
“When Flare has one of his sleep overs, he always makes contracts for those.” Spike said.
“Well, contract or not, this sure is a comfee couch!” Thunder said as he was leaning on my spot of the couch.
“NO!” Water, Crème, and Spike yelled at the same time.
“What’s wrong?” Thunder asked.
“Yeah, you can’t sit there.” Water said.
“Why not?” Thunder asked.
“That’s where Flare sits.” Spike said with an annoyed tone.
“Flare isn’t even here.” Thunder said.
“Yeah, but he’s got security cameras all around. If he sees you, well…. there will be consequences.” Water said, pointing to the camera.
“Why does Flare like this spot so much?” Thunder asked.
“Well, you see, in the winter that spot is close to the radiator to keep it warm, yet not so close where he sweats; in the summer that spot has a cross-breeze by opening windows there, and there; it faces the TV where it’s not direct so he can talk to everypony, yet not so wide that it looks distorted, I’d go on, but I believe I made my point.” Water explained.
“Wow. If Flare were here, he’d be impressed.” Spike said.
“Yeeeeeaaaaah, no. I’ll move from this spot when he gets here. What bad is gonna happen?” Thunder asked in denial.
“Well, don’t say we didn’t warn you, dude. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.” Water said.
Back with the seven of us in the carriage, it was Blaze and Psyche’s turn to drive the carriage because Engie and I wanted to take a break, and we drank some cider together, having a great road trip so far. We were all laughing. “Alright, alright, I got one now!” Silver Link started. “Would you rather have a mop for a mane, or a huge amounts of chest hair?”
“Huge amounts of chest hair. Ah wear a shirt.” Engie said.
“Yeah I second that with my armor.” Aqua said.
“I’d choose the mop hair if mops weren’t so stinky.” I said.
“For sure, man, for sure!” Silver Link said.
“Hey, are we almost at your kingdom yet, Silver Link?” Psyche asked.
“Almost there, dude. Almost there.” Silver Link said.
“I’m in no rush.” Blaze said.
“Uh oh.” Psyche said.
“What’s wrong?” Blaze asked.
“Flare, you might wanna see who’s up ahead.” Psyche said, pointing over to the side of the road, showing Dr. Swinebutt with his thumb out, wanting a ride.
“Hey, do you guys mind I- oh no!” Swinebutt said with an attitude as he facehooved himself.
“Hello, Dr. Swinebutt.” Psyche said.
“I was hoping for somepony to give me a ride to the nearest airport, but I never imagined it would be you guys.” Swinebutt said with an annoyed tone and he snorted.
“What are you doing here, brah?” I asked.
“I was, uhh…. working on an invention, but the experiment gone terribly wrong, and I need a ride.” Swinebutt said.
“You sure ya wanna do this, Flare?” Aqua asked.
“Yeah, I mean, this is Swinebutt, the only friend you used to have that stabbed you in the back.” Engie reminded me.
“I know, and I’ll allow him to ride with us, under one condition.” I said.
Swinebutt rolled his eyes, snorted, and said, “Alright, what do you want?”
“You heard of the Body of Evil, right?” I asked.
“Well, I did hear some rumors on my portable radio, but I never heard of such beast in my life.” Swinebutt said.
“We’ll give you a ride to wherever you need to go; in return of helping us beat the Body of Evil. What do you say, Porky?” I offered.
“Normally, I’d say I would rather use a mop as a mane than work with you.” Swinebutt said.
“How ironic, I just made a joke like that not 5 minutes ago.” Silver Link said.
“But since I have some lose ends to tie up…. I’ll work with you, but just this once.” Swinebutt said.
“You’re not gonna stab me in the back again, right?” I asked.
“Crimson, I stabbed you in the back already. Why would I do it again?” Swinebutt asked as he hoped onto the carriage.
“Ooooh, just precautionary measures.” I said in a high-pitched voice.
“Uhhh, partner?” Engie whispered. “Ah can’t believe y’all have agreed to have this pig work along side us?”
“I know what I’m doing, brah. We have the Elements of Harmony. If so happens we’d have to use it against him, then we should be willing to take that chance.” I whispered back.
“I have snow cones in my portable freezer if anypony wants some.” Crystal whispered.
“Oh yeah? What flavors do ya have?” Engie whispered.
“Cherry and Grape.” Crystal whispered.
“Ah’ll take grape.” Engie whispered.
“I’ll take mixture.” I whispered.
“Wait…. why are we still whispering?” Crystal whispered.
“I dunno.” I whispered.
“It’s no use whispering. I can hear every word you’re saying.” Swinebutt whispered.
“Quick! Our mission has been compromised, I repeat, our mission has been compromised.” I whispered. Just then, Crystal started whispering alarm sound effects. As time went by we made it to the main Changeling Hive and got out of the carriage.
“This is it; this is where the Body of Evil is holding up right now.” Silver Link said.
“This place looks creepy.” Blaze said.
“Hey, thank ya for your help on gettin’ us here, Silver Link.” Aqua said.
“My pleasure. Good luck on freeing Chrysalis from this evil curse.” Silver Link said.
“Technology, actually.” Swinebutt corrected him.
“How did you know it was technology?” Psyche asked.
“Trust me, I can tell technology when I see it.” Swinebutt said.
“But you said ya heard it on the radio.” Engie reminded him.
“Are you gonna keep pestering me, or are we going to get rid of this monster?” Swinebutt asked as he snorted.
“Are you coming with us, brah?” I asked Silver Link.
“Sorry, but there some loyal changelings inside that hive that’ll do anything Chrysalis says, even if she has been brainwashed. Only a few several of us are breaking her new brainwashed laws.” Silver Link said.
“So I take that as you’re not coming?” I asked.
“Obviously.” Silver Link said. “But I’ll give you some tips. Once you head inside that hive, the way to Chrysalis’s throne room is left every five.”
“Oh cool, you know poetry!” Crystal commented.
“It’s not really poetry, it’s a hint. I can’t tell you too much. I swore an oath.” Silver Link said.
“You swore an oat? Well I hope there’s a Hall with that Oat.” I teased.
“Not an oat, an oath.” Silver Link corrected me. “Now good luck on freeing our queen, and getting rid of the awful tragedy her inner self is experiencing right now. So long, Noble Six.” Silver Link flies away.
“You know, Flare, he’s right. That crown does make you look like a girl.” Crystal said.
“Will you shut it with the crown thing? It’s not even mine!” I demanded.
“It’s yours now, partner. All of these Elements are ours now.” Engie said.
“Yeah, but… I wanted to save Equestria, but not like this. I don’t wanna take the Mane Six’s jobs.” I complained.
“Well, we can always talk it over with the princesses later. For now, we gotta get inside that cave and find the Body of Evil.” Psyche reminded us. The seven of us walked on inside the hive to look for the Body.
“Ew! Looks even more disgusting from the inside.” Blaze commented.
“Meh, it’s nothing we haven’t seen before.” Engie said.
“Maybe with this stuff I can clone my own changeling army…. Hm.” Swinebutt thought to himself.
“Yeah, good luck with that. Remember last time you made a clone? It went against you, brah.” I reminded him.
“Yeah, no need to remind me of that.” Swinebutt said and snorted. “Maybe I made a few duds though. I really should’ve tested out the clone first.”
“Maybe you should stick to what you’re best at, partner: Makin’ robots. Like what ah do for example.” Engie suggested.
“I got all the robots I need, ‘partner’.” Swinebutt said.
“Ok, is it me, or do we keep goin’ in circles?” Aqua asked.
“No, really. I think all we’ve been doin’ is walkin’ around in a circle.” Aqua said.
“What makes you say that?” Blaze asked.
“First off, I keep our same hoof prints every 20 seconds or so; second, we keep going left, and third, we keep running into Ron Burgundy.” Aqua explained.
“On my right is the new Dodge Durango, with up to 360 horsepower.” Ron Burgundy said. “On my left.... are six horses, with six horsepower. That makes you feel pretty dumb, doesn’t it? All six of you can’t even come close to what this fine machinery has to offer!”
”This idiot is really racist against horses, let’s get outta here.” Engie said with an attitude as we all walked away from him, feeling offended.
“The only advantage you have is that you come with bacon!” Ron teased as they were walking. Just then Swinebutt used his mechanical horn to light Ron’s bum on fire. He started screaming and running around. “THESE HORSES ARE INSANE!” he yelled.
“I really hate it when I’m called ‘bacon’.” Swinebutt said.
“You won’t get that from me, brah. I may not like you, but I wouldn’t go that far.” I lied.
“And let’s keep it that way.” Swinebutt said while leaning close to my face. If you seen past chapters, you know I called him that like… a bazillion times… give or take.
“Alright, so how do we do this? We gotta stop getting lost.” Blaze suggested.
“Wait, I got an idea.” Psyche said. “What did Silver Link say?”
“Heck if ah know. Silver Link said a bunch of things.” Engie said.
“No, I mean what was that last thing he said?” Psyche asked.
“Make sure our queen gets freed?” Aqua asked.
“No! The poetry!” Psyche said.
“Oh right the poetry, but what did he say?” Engie asked.
“He said: ‘Once you head inside that hive, the way to Chrysalis’s throne room is left every five.’ Now each of these caves has two tunnels, a left one and a right one, which can only mean one thing.” I explained.
“What is it?” Aqua asked.
“You think I know? I’m not good at riddles.” I said.
“The way to Chrysalis’s throne is left every five.” Swinebutt said. “That means we have to keep going right until we reached the fifth tunnel, then we go left. Then we keep going right again until we reached the fifth tunnel, etc. etc.”
“Wow, that was genius!” Crystal said impressively.
“It’s child’s play.” Swinebutt said and snorted. So we did what Swinebutt said; we kept going right until the fifth tunnel. We kept on going until we reached a staircase room.
“Well, it looks like we’ve taken a wrong turn.” I said.
“What do you mean? We’re doing fine.” Blaze said.
“No, we’ve reached one of the fifth tunnels, and now look where we are. There’s a staircase. The riddle didn’t say anything about going up.” I said.
“If there’s a staircase here, Flare, then that means we’ve past that riddle and going on to the next one.” Psyche corrected me.
“But there’s no riddle here. Just…. SHTAIRS! SHTAIRS, SHTAIRS, SHTAIRS!” I said.
“Oh yeah, that reminds me, remember when the Cutie Mark Crusaders called Fluttershy the Stare Master?” Crystal asked.
“Yeah.” Blaze said.
“Well, Donkey from Shrek, is the STAIR master.” Crystal said.
“Okaaaaaay, what does that have to do with anything?” Blaze asked.
“Nothing, I just wanted to point it out.” Crystal said. The seven of us then climbed the stairs and we’ve reached a tunnel that’s collapsed.
“See? Told you we’ve reached a dead end.” I said.
“Well, there’s another riddle here.” Swinebutt said. “For giant lasers that go shoop, it’s from a YouTube video that’s a big whoop.”
“Hmm…. Shoop and whoop.” I thought to myself. “Nah, I got nothing.”
“Really, Flare? How can you not know?” Psyche asked.
“I don’t have to know anything now that our brains are over here, Swinebutt, has things under control.” I said.
“Flare, you have a spell like that. Your shoop spell.” Aqua said.
“Oooooh, that.” I nodded.
“So go ahead, partner! Do your stuff.” Engie said.
“Yeaaaaaaah, no.” I said.
“Why not?” Blaze asked.
“I don’t do that type of magic anymore. I keep being called ‘God-like’, or ‘mary-sue’. I don’t know what that means, but I know it can’t be good. What others don’t understand is how hard that spell really is!” I said. “I get exhausted everytime I perform it! I sometimes I regret even discovering that spell in the first place.”
“Flare, that spell is ya favorite spell.” Aqua reminded me.
“Yeah, so?” I asked.
“So you should use it to break down this collapsed tunnel, so we can get to the Body of Evil.” Psyche said.
“Magic laws!” I said. “You must obey the magic laws! Magic laws, magic laws!”
“Flare, nopony will judge you any different if you just perform that spell.” Blaze demanded.
“I said I’m not going to!” I yelled.
“If you don’t, then Equestria is going to be destroyed, and Rainbow Dash will never awaken!” Blaze yelled.
“Oh, Rainbow Dash; is that all you care about?” I asked.
“Flare, you’re being very stubborn right now. Now perform your stupid shoop spell so we can get outta here!” Psyche demanded.
“FINE!” I yelled. “But if I’m going to be hated because of my overpowering magic, I’ll surgically remove my horn entirely!”
“But Flare, this magic is who you are. If others don’t like it, forget about them.” Blaze said. “You know how hard it is to perform it. Maybe they’re just jealous. Look at Twilight. Look how many magic spells she can do that you can’t!”
“Well… I’ve always wanted to perform the ‘walk on clouds’ spell, but no matter how much I try, I can’t do it.” I said. “I’m just able to turn that cloud into a Lakitu from Mario.”
“See? There you go. You admitted you’re not as strong as Twilight. Now just blow up this debris and we can continue with our mission!” Psyche demanded.
“Alright, alright! MOVE!” I demanded. So I got myself into position, stretched out my legs and my neck. I got my horn to aim towards the debris, and I said, “Imma firin’- I don’t wanna say that phrase, I’m just gonna do it.” I activated my horn, and it started glowing. I was charging it up and was about to fire at the debris.
“WAIT!” Swinebutt yelled, and I stopped.
“What?!” I yelled. “I was in the middle of something!” But then I accidentally activated the spell, shot the laser at the roof and a giant rock ALMOST fell on us. “Swinebutt, you idiot! That was a waste of energy! Now I need to drink a lot of iced tea to get my energy to come back!”
“Sorry to burst your bubble, Crimson, but I found a secret passageway around the collapsed tunnel.” Swinebutt said pushing a button on the cave wall and a secret passageway opens.
“Well then, it would cause a little less attention that way.” Aqua said. We all started to walk over near the passageway, but I was feeling a little dizzy.
“You alright, man?” Blaze asked.
“I haven’t done that shoop spell in a LONG TIME. Normally I’m used to it, but right now I’m feeling pretty dizzy.” I said.
“Here, just lean on me, I’ll help you.” Blaze offered.
”Lean on you?” I asked in a creeped out voice. “Yeaaaah, I think you should take me out to dinner first.”
“Quit being a wiseguy.” Blaze said as he took my left front hoof and laid it on his back, and we started walking again. We’ve been walking for a while, but after all the walking, we’ve made it to a couple of giant doors.
“This is it. This is Chrysalis’s lair, just past these doors.” Engie said.
“How you suppose to know that, Engie? Have you ever been here before?” Crystal asked.
“I think I can walk on my own now, brah.” I said as I leaned away from Blaze.
“Alright good.” Blaze said. But just then, I fell, face down to the ground. Too bad the ‘do the flop’ guy wasn’t here.
“I hope you all have a better idea than just using the Elements of Harmony against the Body of Evil.” Swinebutt said. “You told me when the Mane Six used the Elements against them, they failed.”
“Right, the princesses said what the Body said, with the ‘as long as we’re paying attention’ thing.” Aqua said. “That probably would have to mean we have to distract them.”
“Distract them, huh? Well since I’m the Element of Laughter, I can do it!” Crystal said.
“Nah, it’s gonna take a lot more than that to distract them, especially Discord.” Engie said.
“Brahs, I think I know just what to do!” I said.
“Oh yeah, what is it?” Blaze asked.
“Oh man, Blaze. I’m totally afraid of the answer of that question.” Psyche said.
“It’s time to bring out the bag!” I said.
“What bag?” Crystal asked.
“I think I know of the bag he’s talking about.” Aqua said.
“You dudes and dudet ready? It’s time to finally defeat the Body of Evil! Mischievous face.” I said mischievously.
“I would’ve never thought we’d be using these again.” Psyche said.
But just then, out of the flash, a swarm of Changelings ambushed us. “Ambush!” Aqua yelled.
“What are we gonna do?!” Blaze yelled.
Just then, I started singing, “Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there.” I snapped my hooves and a Statefarm agent appeared. “Hey, Steve! We’re ambushed by Changelings, and we acquire assistance.”
“No problem.” Steve said. “When you switch to Statefarm, you get over 5% of discounts right after you enroll, from automobile, house, health, and even Changeling attacks. We got just what you need! All you need to do is sing the jingle again and say what you need.”
“Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there.” I sang.
“With a tranquilizer gun!” Aqua said as a tranquilizer gun appeared on his hooves. “Oh yeah, this will do nicely.” Aqua started firing poison darts at the changelings which paralyze them.
“With a bunch of banana cream pies!” Crystal said as pies appeared on her hooves. “Alright! Somepony play Afro Circus in the background.” She said as she threw the pies at some of the changeling’s faces.
“With a magnify glass!” Psyche said as one appeared on his hoof.
“LAWL! What are you gonna do with a magnify glass, Psyche?” I asked.
“This!” Psyche said as he aimed the magnify glass towards the sun on a hole on the hive that shows outside, then he tries to aim the rays on the changelings, burning their eyes.
Engie build himself a sentry. “Ah don’t need anything from Statefarm, thank ya.”
“I don’t have Statefarm, but insurance please assist me.” Swinebutt sang as Droopy from Looney Tunes appeared with an insurance outfit.
“Peek-a-boo.” Droopy said.
“I need some help.” Swinebutt said and snorted.
“If you need help, you’re going to have to catch me.” Droopy said in a low-attitude tone. Swinebutt started chasing Droopy throughout the cave until Droopy jumped in a hole. Swinebutt peeked through the hole, and then Droopy appeared in the hole behind him and said, “Here we go again. Boo.” Swinebutt turned around and tried to catch him, but Droopy disappeared and appeared in another hole. “Now let’s not get nosy, bub.”
“And now for the finishing touch.” I said carrying a bowling ball, and a bunch of changelings were swarming in front of me. I spat on the bowling ball, wiped it, and I concentrated on the changelings up ahead, about to take my shot.
“Don’t try anything stupid, cousin!” Roman yelled next to me. I started rolling my ball towards the changelings and knocked them all down, except one whom was tilting from side to side. I got really nervous, hoping I’d get a strike.
Swinebutt was still chasing Droopy. He looked through one of the holes, and Droopy appeared behind him and said, “And this little piggy went wee-wee-wee all the way home.” Then he gave Swinebutt a big kick in the behind. Swinebutt started flying across the cave, and he fell on the ground next to the Changeling pin that was still standing, and the impact of Swinebutt’s fall knocked it over, and a giant X appeared on the side of the screen.
“YES! STRRRRIKE!” I yelled.
“It’s pretty ironic that strikes in bowlin’ are a good thing, but strikes in baseball are a bad thing.” Engie said.
“Yeah…. very.” Swinebutt said as he was rubbing his head, and stars were flying around it.
“Sorry, brahs, I have to pick this up.” I answered the call. “Sup brah?”
“Dude, how are things with the Body of Evil?” Spike asked.
“We’re just about to face it. How’s Twilight and the others doing?” I asked.
“Still in a coma.” Spike said. “Flare, I’m getting really worried. I’m afraid these conditions can be critical. I can’t bear on losing Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie…. or even Rarity.” Spike walked over to Rarity and started playing with her hair. “But I suppose being in a coma has its advantages.”
“That’s the spirit, brah!” I said. “But don’t worry; they won’t be in a coma for much longer. We’re just about done with our mission.”
“Hurry.” Spike said. “Oh, also, I have this funny picture of your friend Keith; I’ll text it to you later.”
“Sounds good. Talk to you later, brah.” I said, and then I hung up. “C’mon, my friends; it’s about time we finished this.”
As we were about to head inside the throne room, Spike hung up his phone and checked up on his friends again. “Your highness, are you sure this will help?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“It has to.” Luna said. “Flare and his friends are the only hope we have.”
“I wasn’t actually talking about that.” Sweetie Belle said. “I was talking about, are you sure putting them in these weird breathing masks are necessary?”
“No. They can breathe just fine. I don’t know why they’re there.” Luna took a look at them and placed her hoof under her chin.
Spike saw Apple Bloom sobbing on AppleJack’s chest, and he decided to comfort her. “C’mon, Flare. I don’t know how much we can take.” Spike said.
“Are you talking to yourself?” Scoots asked.
Meanwhile in Chrysalis’s throne room, the Body of Evil was right there, sitting on her throne, and Discord was jugging down cream soda. “JUG! JUG! JUG! JUG!” King Sombra chanted.
Discord finished the whole 2-liter plastic bottle of cream soda, burped so loud that it caused an earthquake, then threw the bottle to the other side of the room and it shattered like glass. “Now I normally like to work alone, but it’s been an honor taking over with you two.”
“Yeah, but I don’t feel comfortable with all of us sitting on MY throne.” Chrysalis said as the throne couldn’t take the weight of the Body of Evil, and it breaks.
“I’ll fix that.” Discord said as he snapped his fingers and created a newer, better throne, that’s red, with three of their heads on the top of the back piece of the chair.
“Not bad, Discord.” Chrysalis said. “I never liked your magic at first, but I’m starting to get used to it.
“Aww, Chrysalis.” Discord said with a high-pitched voice and popping out eyelashes on his eyes, and his eye pupil grows to cute puppy-dog size. “That is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever said to me. Almost as beautiful as the time I watched Cloverfield.”
A cutaway shows Discord watching the movie Cloverfield, seeing all the destruction this beast is creating. Discord just watched the movie with tears in his eyes. “This…. This movie…. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life!” Discord blows his nose. “Who’s the celebrity who plays Cloverfield? I must meet them!” The cutaway ends.
“Umm, excuse me?” Crystal asked, getting the Body of Evil’s attention. “We’re looking for the Body of Evil, have you seen it?”
Discord uses his magic to create an Information Booth. “We may know where he is. I’ll just have to ask for your name and phone number, and tell me what he looks like.” Discord said coughing up a notepad and a pencil out of his mouth.
“My name is Crystal Iceblast, and my number is-“ before she could finish, Psyche covers her mouth.
“We don’t have any time for this.” Psyche said. Just then as Psyche was laying his hoof over Crystal’s mouth, he moved it away quickly, wiped it on his side and said, “Ew! Hooflicker!”
“Well, well, well, who do we have here?” Chrysalis asked.
“Who dare disturbs our little bonding?!” Sombra asked in a deep voice.
“Inserts answer here!” I yelled heroically.
“Ah, I see.” Sombra nodded. “Well, I don’t know what your precious princesses are thinking, sending you six here to stop us. The Elements of Harmony couldn’t defeat us at first. What makes you think it’ll work this time?”
“Ahhh, Dr. Swinebutt, our good friend!” Discord said excitedly. “How are you?”
“Swinebutt, you know them?” I asked.
“Y-yeah, funny story about that actually.” Swinebutt said embarrassingly and snorted.
“I don’t know how you six didn’t notice it at first. He’s the one who made us like this.” Discord said.
“OF COURSE! Why couldn’t we see that before?!” Blaze yelled, bopping himself on the head.
“I knew that.” I said.
“You did?” all my friends asked at the same time. “Jinx!”
“You think I’m stupid, Swinebutt? I know I’m not the brightest pony in Equestria, but I do know you, brah.” I explained, winking at him.
“Can’t argue with you there.” Swinebutt said.
“But we’ll deal with you later. We have some unfinished business to take care of first.” I said.
“The time has come for the Body of Evil to reach its end.” Aqua said.
“Yeah, I highly doubt that.” Chrysalis said, rolling her eyes.
“It’s true! The princesses wouldn’t given this job to us if it wasn’t important.” Engie said. “We got the Elements of Harmony by our side.”
“Oh, what are you gonna do? Use the power of friendship against us?” Discord asked.
“The last six ponies that tried that failed…. epicly.” Sombra said.
“The power of friendship?” Psyche asked. “HA! Yeah, right.”
“We aren’t using the power of friendship this time.” I said.
“Y-you’re not?” Chrysalis asked.
“Nope! We’re using the power….. of POLKA!” I said as I took out my accordion.
“Polka?!” the Body of Evil all asked at the same time.
“Please tell me he’s joking.” Sombra begged.
“Out of all other times, I wish he was.” Swinebutt said.
“HIT IT!” I yelled as I started playing my accordion, Engie played a tuba, Blaze played a clarinet, and Crystal was playing the drums, Aqua played the banjo, and Psyche got his sound effects ready to go, and we started playing Polka Power.
Swinebutt facehoofed himself and said, “Not this again.”
“What the?!” Sombra said, not knowing what’s going on, then Discord’s jaw dropped to the ground as we began our song.
“Yeah, I’ll tell ya what I want, what I really really want.” I sang.
“So tell us what you want, what you really really want.” Aqua and Blaze sang, sticking their heads out, then back in when they finished.
“I’ll tell ya what I want, what I really really want.” I sang.
“So tell us what you want, what you really really want.” Engie and Psyche sang, doing the same thing.
“I wanna-“ I sang.
“HA!” the others shouted in the background.
“I wanna-“
“HA!”
“I wanna-”
“HA!”
“I wanna really really really wanna zigga zigga ah!” I sang. On the next part, I sang like there was multiple of me, and it showed multiple of me’s on different boxes, multiplying more and more each second I sang this part. “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends).” After that, two of me looked at eachother, and then hugged. “Make it last forever, friendship never eeeeends!” I’m back with the others, playing the instruments, and using my magic to give the Body of Evil a present. “If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give (you have got to give).” All the faces on the Body smiled when they saw the present, but then Crystal snatches it away from then, and they gasp. “Taking is too easy-“
“But that’s the way it is. HEY!” we all shouted.
The next part of the song, Psyche and I were at a hospital, moving a hospital bed real fast down a hallway with Aqua laying down In it, and we all went ‘ahhhhhh’ in the background.
“I’m not sick, but I’m not weeeeeell.” Aqua sang. “And I’m so hoo-oooo-ooot, can’t ya not teeeeeeeell?” I stuffed a spoon-full of medicine in Aqua’s mouth and he spat it out. “I’m not sick, but I’m not weeeeeeell.” Aqua stood up on his bed. “And it’s a siiiiiin-“
“Yes, it’s a sin!” Psyche and I sang.
“To live so wee-eeee-ell-“ Aqua sang, but got cut off after he bumped his head on the lower ceiling of the hospital.
Crystal popped out from behind Aqua’s bed, and slid towards the screen, pointing to it. “Ghetto superstar, that is what you are-“ she sang. After that, she from far away then leans up to the sky. ”Coming from afar, reaching for the stars.” She then tangles her hoof around King Sombra’s head and points to the sky. “Run away with me-“ she then starts squeezing his cheeks, “To another place-“ She then hugs King Sombra’s head, “We can rely on eachother, uh huh!” King Sombra uses Discord’s fingers to flick her away, and then she flies in barrel rolls from one place to another. “From one corner to another, uh huh!”
We all did a little instrumental part on the song (my favorite WAY Moby polka part) and while that was going on, Swinebutt takes off his glasses, wipes them on his labcoat, and puts them back on, still confused on what’s going on. “Everypony…” Engie sang.
“Yea-ah.” Aqua and I sang.
“Rock yer body.” Engie sang dancing out wearing a rock suit.
“Yea-ah.” Aqua and I sang.
“Everypony.” Engie sang.
“Rock your body right.” The three of us sang. “Friendship’s back, ALRIGHT!”
“I find this quite entertaining.” Discord said to his partners while eating popcorn, but then a rock gets thrown on his head.
“Alright!” we sang.
In this next part (pay close attention), Blaze started running fast, then was reading a checklist to the number of crates in the room; he then pops out from a grave, then holds a calendar, turning the pages down; he then walks towards the screen in an open field as day turned into night, then night turned into day. Blaze started singing his part as they matched what he did; “So don’t delay, act now, supplies are running out, but now if you’re still alive, six to eight years to arrive, and if you follow there may, be a tomorrow but if, the offer’s shun, you might as well be walking on the sun!” Then as Blaze sang his next part, he was trampling on Celestia (not really though, but that’s what it’s shown); “Might as well be walking on the sun!”
Our next little instrumental part involved Psyche using a slide-whistle and a dentist drill, and the background shown a happy, dancing field, with flowers, plants, the sun, and the clouds moving from side to side as they were dancing with the song, while we were in the field using our instruments. Psyche’s part involved him skipping on top of the Earth as it spins around, and he sang, “Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic. Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic.” Then four boxes covered the screen one by one showing Psyche doing the same thing, but the voices and pictures are doubled, then tripled, then quadrupled. “Intergalactic planetary, Planetary intergalactic.” All the screens got replaced by one big screen, still showing the lines of the boxes in between though, and it showed Engie playing the trumpet.
“I get knocked down but I get up again-“ I sang while dancing and playing my accordion.
“You’re never gonna keep me down!” the others added in the background.
“I get knocked down, but I get up again (you’re never gonna keep me down)!” I sang as Crystal knocked me down, and got up quickly.
“I get knocked down, but I get up again (you’re never gonna keep me down)!” I sang as I started pushing on, and tackling Discord’s leg, trying to knock him down. “I get knocked down, but I get up again (you’re never gonna keep me down)!” Discord moved his leg over, and I get knocked down again.
Blaze started flying back and fourth really faster and sang the next part; “Quicker than a ray of light!” He then flew around the three faces, tricking them into getting their necks tangled together. “Quicker than a ray of light!” Blaze then hovered in one place, glowing his Element of Harmony on all the faces, blinding them. “Quicker than a ray of li-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yight!”
Crystal ran over to Aqua, pushed him over and sang; “I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will!” She then ran over to Psyche and pushed him down. “I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will!”
Blaze flew down next to me and we provided an ‘Ooooooo’ in the background.
“I wanna take you for granted.” Crystal sang as she saw her Element of Harmony glowed. “I wanna take you for granted, yeah, yeah, well I will!” Psyche then was able to get up, playfully push Crystal back, but then she loses balance and falls on Aqua, whom was also trying to get up.
“I want something else, to get me through this, semi-charmed kinda life, baby baby-“ Aqua sang as he got up slowly and started walking towards us, and his Element started glowing as well. “I want something else, not listen’ when ya say: Good-BYYYYYYYE!” Aqua sang in a really high-pitched voice; so high-pitched that it shattered Swinebutt’s glasses.
Aqua, Engie, and I started dancing on a stage while wearing medieval Polish skirts, and started kicking around singing; “Doot doot doot, doot do do do. Doot doot doot, doot do do do. Doot doot doot, doot do do do, do do do - do do do do do do!” But while we were doing the dance, Swinebutt started to sneak out of the room, and escape our custody, but no one in the room even noticed.
“There’s lots of pretty, pretty ones-“ Engie started as Psyche and Crystal each grabbed one of Engie’s front hooves and pull him up to the air. “That want to getchya high. But all the pretty, pretty ones-“ Engie’s Element started glowing, then they both released Engie and he started falling to the ground, creating a hole on the floor. “Will leave you low, and blow your mi-ind.” Engie took off his hat, showing the top of his head exploding. Right after, him, Blaze, and I were dancing on stage wearing top hats and canes. “We’re all stars now, (in the dope show).” Blaze and I rolled our eyes around like ‘derp’, and stars shined on Engie’s goggles. “We’re all stars now, (in the dope show)!”
All six of us were dancing on that stage with top hats and canes, twirling our canes around, and kicking; then we all sang, “Mmmbop, do floppa do wop, do be dop ah, do wap, do zap ah dooo.”
“Yeah, yeah!” I sang.
One by one, we all moved our bodies upwards and downwards while holding our canes, and jumped out of the way making way for the next one of us to do the same thing, in the order of me, Engie, Crystal, Blaze, and Aqua, then it all ended when Psyche was revealed, and we sang while we were doing so, “Mmmbop, do floppa do wop, do be dop ah, do wap, do zap ah dooo.”
“I smell lotsa candy here!” Psyche sang. “Who’s that lounging, in my chair?” Psyche ran over to an office chair, whom Crystal was sitting in it, and Psyche spun the chair around getting her to come off, then he jumped on and sat on it while it was still spinning. “Who’s that casting, devious stares in my direction, mama this surely is a dream.” Just then, Psyche’s dream bubble of what he was doing before popped, and it was revealed he was laying on a cloud that started floating down to the ground, and then his Element glowed as well. “Yeah, mama, this surely is a dream – dig it – yeah mama this surely is-“
“Closing time!” I sang, as I slid out of nowhere to the spot Psyche and his cloud were at, and when I slid there, Psyche and his cloud slid away from where I’m at, really fast. After that, I was shown in a tavern of some sort, pouring cider in Engie and Aqua’s cups. “One last chance for cider now, so finish your apple or peer.” I went over to the front door, and changed the open sign to close. “Closing time, you don’t have to go home, but you can’t…. stay…. Heeee-eeeere.” I sang as I pushed Engie and Aqua out of the tavern.
Right after, we all closed our eyes and started floating, and all our Elements started getting connected with eachother with a rainbow, and I continued to sing, “I know who I wanna take me home. I know who I wanna take me home. I know who I wanna take me home.”
“Take us home.” The others all sang.
“Oh, this doesn’t look good.” Chrysalis said worryingly.
We all sang our final epic part of the song, as we all appeared on the screen two by two, starting with Engie and Crystal, “CAUUUUUUSE-“ then Psyche and Blaze, “IIIIIIIT’S-“ then finally Aqua and me. “CLOOOOO-SIIIIIIIING-“ and in the next part, we all shot a rainbow out of our elements and it charged right at the Body of Evil. “TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME (Yeah, it’s closing time! We’re talking about closing time! It’s really closing time!)!” we all sang as the rainbow finally hits the Body of Evil, then a duh-duh-duh-duhduh, duh duh!
“HEY!” we all shouted, then what showed on the screen was Crystal, wearing sunglasses, and beaded the drums, then spat in one of those spitting cups. The final part of the polka song played as a sonic rainboom-like explosion exploded out of the Changeling hive, and spreaded throughout all of Equestria, making all the Changelings, chaos, and dark crystals disappear, and repairing all damage to all the damaged buildings in Ponyville, Canterlot, Crystal Empire, and wherever else the Body of Evil has gone.
In all of the towns, the pony folk saw the damage being fixed, and they all cheered. Water and Crèmepop opened my trailer doors and saw what happened. “Our Flarey did it!” Crème said excitedly.
“I knew he wou-“ Water said, but got cut off as everypony inside my trailer ran outside, trampling Water and Crème in the process. They both stood up, cross-eyed, and full of dirt. “Uhhh, we’re ok. My manicure looks ok.” Water said as her and Crème moved around wobbly, and then fell back on the ground.
Over at the hospital, Celestia and Luna witnessed the explosion, smiled then looked back and saw the Mane Six waking up. “Uggh! What happened?” Rainbow Dash asked as she woke up all woozy.
“Rainbow Dash! You’re okay!” Scootaloo cheered in excitement and gave her a big hug.
“Huh? Oh, right. Of course I’m ok, Scoots! I’m awesome!” Rainbow said. “Now where’s that Candy Cotton?”
“Over here.” Candy said. “And somepony still needs to take me bowling.”
AppleJack woke up next. “Did ah miss somethin’? Ah don’t remember ever wakin’ up in a hospital bed.” She looked over and saw Apple Bloom, Big Mac, and Granny Smith smiling at her with puppy dog eyes. “Why y’all lookin’ at me like- OOF!” AppleJack’s family all hugged her tight.
“Please, AppleJack, not another word.” Apple Bloom said excitedly.
Fluttershy woke up after her. All her critter friends cheered all given her different gifts. “Huh? Oh, this is odd.” Angel hopped on her stomach and served her Angel’s favorite dish. “Oh, Angel; this is your favorite food. Did you make it all by yourself?” Angel shrugged then giggled. “Oh, Angel. This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten.” She said, giving Angel a hug. All the other critters all just glared at Angel in jealousy.
After that, Shining Armor was waiting for Twilight to get up, but heard Rarity moaning his name. Shining Armor walked over to her to see what she wanted. “Uhh, Rarity?” he said.
“You gotta kiss her to wake her up.” Rarity said using the side of her mouth in a high-pitched voice.
“What? No I’m not gonna kiss you.” Shining said.
“You gotta kiss her to wake her up. She can’t wake up unless she’s kissed.” Rarity said.
“Hmm, maybe I’ll go get Sweetie Belle to do it.” Shining said.
Rarity woke up quickly and said in her regular voice, “Huh? What? Oh, it’s a miracle! I’m alive, and thank goodness my hair is okay!”
Sweetie Belle excitedly ran over to Rarity and gave her a big hug. “Rarity! You’re alive, and thank goodness you’re hair is okay!” she then started messing it up.
“AAAH! Sweetie Belle!” Rarity whined.
Twilight moaned and rubbed her eyes. Shining looked over and saw her waking up. “TWILIGHT!” Spike, Shining, and Cadance all yelled in excitement, giving her a big hug.
“Wait a minute? Where’s Pinkie Pie?” Fluttershy asked as she saw her bed was empty.
“Uhh, I’m right here.” Pinkie said as she was leaning on the wall, eating an apple. “I wanted to wake up, but I was hungry, so I decided to take a little break before I do so.”
“Whoa. After the Body of Evil has knocked us in a coma, ah would’ve thought we’d never wake up.” AppleJack said.
“Yeah, I’m kinda confused right now.” Rainbow said.
“It doesn’t matter!” Pinkie yelled. “We’re all fine, and that’s what matters!”
“She’s right. We are all fine.” Fluttershy said. Twilight used her magic to pull all her friends towards her so she can hug them all.
“It worked, I can’t believe it worked!” Twilight said.
“Did what work?” AppleJack asked.
“Oh thank goodness you’re all ok!” Celestia said feeling relieved.
“We never lost hope on ever seeing you again, but they did it, they were a success.” Luna said.
“Who was a success? What happened?” Rainbow asked. “Where’s Blaze?”
“It was them who saved you, and defeated the Body of Evil.” Celestia said.
“T-they did? But how?” Twilight asked.
“The Elements of Harmony, of course.” Celestia said.
“But I don’t understand. I thought we were the only ones connected to them now?” Twilight asked.
“It has seemed that we found another.” Celestia said.
“B-but, it was the Elements of Harmony that made us friends in the first place. How can we not control them anymore?” AppleJack asked.
“Yeah! They were nice and sparkly, and fun to lick!” Pinkie said as she started licking the air.
“I know the Elements did mean a lot to you, but you must know, you’re not the only ones that can represent friendship. Anypony can.” Celestia said.
“It’s in Equestria’s nature for friendship to spread.” Luna said.
“But what am I gonna use to represent my looks?” Rarity asked.
“You mean our friendship?” AppleJack asked.
“Yeah, of course.” Rarity said embarrassingly.
“Perhaps maybe you didn’t actually lose them, but let’s not worry about that right now.” Celestia said. “It is time to welcome back our heroes, once they’ve returned.” The Mane Six all looked down sadly thinking they lost the Elements of Harmony to us. Well, this chapter is not over yet.
Back at the hive, the six of us were exhausted, and out of breath, but happy. “We… we did it! We did it, guys!” Engie said.
“Yes, yes we did. I didn’t think it was possible though, but we did.” Aqua said.
“But Flare, how did you do that?” Blaze asked.
“What? The power of polka? Well, as it turns out, you never mess with the power of polka.” I said as I turned around and saw Discord, Chrysalis, and King Sombra regaining their senses after they’ve separated, and didn’t have as much power as they did when they were the Body. “My friends, Discord, Chrysalis, and Sombra, even though we’ve have our differences, I thought I’d let you know….. nopony messes with the power of polka! The power of polka compels you, brahs! THE POWER OF POLKA COMPELS YOU!”
“The power of polka compels you, huh? That’s a pretty good phrase! I’m adding that on my Twitter!” Discord said as he took out his phone and updated his Twitter. Chrysalis’s and Sombra’s phones both vibrated, and they saw Discord’s post. “This is probably the best phrase I’ve heard all day!” he said.
“Unfollow.” Chrysalis said as she presses the unfollow button on Discord’s Twitter.
“Oh no.” Sombra said in worry.
”What’s wrong?” Chrysalis asked.
“My life bracelet that the pig doctor gave me has been damaged.” Sombra said, checking on the bracelet on his leg. “It was the only thing keeping me around after the incident in the Crystal Empire.”
“What? Nooo!” Discord whined. “You can’t go! We were gonna have so much fun together. We were gonna make crystal cotton candy clouds, crystal flying chicken legs, crystal giant smiley face balloons….”
“Actually, you know what? I’m glad to be back at the grave. Farewell.” Sombra said as he vanished in mid-air.
“Meh. I have to get this place cleaned up.” Chrysalis said as she kicks a piece of debris from one of Swinebutt’s inventions. I caught the debris and took a look at the logo on it, which is a black circle with a red ‘S’, and underneath it wrote ‘Swinebutt Industries’.
“Swinebutt Industries.” I said.
“Swinebutt what?” Crystal asked.
“Swinebutt Industries. I’ve seen this name many times before.” I said. “I’ve seen on all of Swinebutt’s inventions: The Trixie bot from the Unicorn Games, the brainwashing devices from Chaos Mountains, all of Swinebutt’s robots, the giant billboard on the interstate when Blaze, Rainbow and I went to rescue Candy Cotton, and I’ve seen a couple of giant logos with that name when we went to Magic World to rescue Crèmepop.”
“Swinebutt Industries must be the name of the company that Swinebutt makes his inventions from.” Psyche assumed.
“Speaking of which, where is Swinebutt anyway?” Engie asked.
“He must’ve escaped during our song.” Aqua assumed.
“We have to go and find him! We cannot allow him to create anymore disasters!” Blaze suggested as he was about to fly out of the room, but I stopped him.
“I doubt he’ll be causing a disaster like that again.” I assumed. “After the incident with the clones, and now the incident with three powerful disharmony foes, I think from here on out he’s sticking to robots, and even if Swinebutt causes another disaster, it’ll take him a long time to build a disastrous robot maybe, and we’ll see him again long before that happens – IF that happens.”
“Whatever. I’m exhausted. We should head home now.” Blaze suggested.
“Allow me to help.” Discord offered.
“After what you do to Equestria? No way!” Engie said.
“But hey, I was brainwashed, remember? I didn’t know better.” Discord acted as a halo appeared over his head.
“I don’t feel like walking. Let’s just take the chaotic way home.” Crystal said.
“Excellent choice! Take my paw.” Discord let out his paw and everypony but me grabbed onto it.
“I think you should ask me out to dinner first.” I suggested.
“Let’s go, man!” Blaze grabbed my hoof and laid it on Discord’s paw, and we launched into the sky away from the Changeling Kingdom, as Discord left behind a rainbow trail. Outside the hive, Silver Link saluted to us as he saw us flying away.
Back in Ponyville, we were teleported right in the middle of town. We fell on the ground after the teleportation impact. “Wow, that was some ride.” Crystal said, rubbing her head and rolling her eyes.
“Well, we’ve come back to Ponyville, safe and sound.” Aqua said.
“And it looks like the princesses offered a welcome back party for us!” Blaze pointed out. A crowd of ponies was gathered around Town Hall, and the princesses were up on stage with the Mane Six.
“Fillies and gentlecolts: The Noble Six!” Celestia said as the crowd cheered for us.
“Whoa! This was certainly unexpectin’!” Engie said.
“I expected it.” Crystal said waving at everypony. The six of us walked over the stage through the opening center of the crowd, and we all walked up and saw the Mane Six smiling at us.
“Congratulations, Flare Gun, Crystal Iceblast, Red Engineer, Blaze Goldheart, Psyche Illusion, and Aquatic Armor!” Celestia started. “You have done what nopony has ever done before! You’ve not defeated one, not two, but three foes in one battle! For your bravery, you are now the new guardians of Equestria! With the Elements of Harmony by your side, you now represent the power of friendship to keep our kingdom safe, and for that we are greatful!”
“Good job, guys!” Pinkie cheered.
“For anypony in the world that could replace us as keeper of the Elements of Harmony, we were glad it was you!” Rainbow said.
“Never doubted y’all for a second!” AppleJack said.
“Thank you!” Blaze said.
”Yeah they look pretty good on us don’t they?” Crystal asked.
“Looks like we do represent the power of friendship after all!” Psyche said.
“You sure do!” Twilight said smiling at us. All of us were happy, well… all except me. Something didn’t feel right. Something felt out of bounds.
“And, I know you’ve always wanted this, but while you were gone we got your new window ready!” Celestia added.
“NEW WINDOW?!” we all gasped. One of the royal guards opens some curtons, and reveals the new window of the six of us using the elements and our instruments to defeat the Body of Evil, and everypony cheered. I was still not happy though. I should feel excited, but I really can’t. I mean, I got the new window like I wanted, the Noble Six became famous, and everypony loves us, the Mane Six were right there cheering along side us, but we stole their Elements of Harmony, the very thing that connected them in the first place. This didn’t make sense to me. I knew what I had to do now.
“Stop! Brahs and sistas, STOP!” I yelled. Everypony continued to cheer, so I took out my megaphone and yelled, “QUIEEEEEEEEEEEET!” everypony stopped cheering immeditaly.
“Ow! Right in my ear!” Psyche complained.
“Sorry, Psyche!” I said still using the megaphone on his ear. He took the megaphone away from me.
“Flare, is everything ok?” Twilight asked.
“No. For once in Flare’s life, everything is not ok.” I said.
“Right, it’s GREAT!” Pinkie cheered. “I know you Flare, I know your tricks!” she winked at me.
“No, everything is not great either.” I said.
“Excellent?” Pinkie asked.
“No.” I said.
“Fenomenal?” Pinkie asked.
“Will you let me speak!?” I yelled at Pinkie.
“Jeez, what has gotten your shoes in a wad?” Engie asked with an attitude.
“My shoes are not in a wad, I’m upset!” I said.
“What is there to be upset about, Flare? You’ve saved Equestria.” Twilight said.
“Yeah, and you got your own window.” Rarity added. “I wish I had my own window.
“You’re already in two of them.” AppleJack reminded her.
“Oh…. but still. This one’s newer and cleaner.” Rarity said.
“I’m flattered that we’re respected because of this, really I do; it’s just….. I didn’t feel like we did anything.” I said.
“What do you mean, dude? We all did plenty of work.” Blaze said. “Besides, you’re the Element of Magic, the main one.”
“But I don’t deserve it.” I said.
“Of course you do, man.” Blaze said.
“Yeah, after you kicked that Body of Evil’s behind, you knew what you had to do to make an awesome success at a task we couldn’t do.” Rainbow said as she hovered in the sky to say what she needed to say.
“But we don’t deserve it because it wasn’t us that defeated the Body of Evil.” I said.
“Huh?” the Mane Six and the Noble Six said at the same time.
“Ooo jinx again!” Crystal said.
“I’m sorry; I’m a bit confused right now.” Aqua said checking his ear.
“How do you know we didn’t do anything?” Psyche asked. “The Elements glowed when we knew the time was ready.”
“Yeah, we used the power of friendship to defeat the Body.” Engie said.
“We didn’t use the power of friendship, remember? We used the power of polka.” I reminded him.
“Really? I thought ya were jokin’ about that?” Aqua asked.
“I don’t joke.” I said.
“Uhh, yeah you do, all the time. In fact I think you’re joking right now.” Blaze said.
“I’m not, brah. It wasn’t us that activated the Elements.” I said.
“Oh snap! If it wasn’t us, then who was it?” Crystal asked.
“It was them.” I said as I pointed to the Mane Six.
“Huh?” the Mane Six said at the same time.
“Jinx!” Pinkie said.
“Wow, there’s been a lot of jinxing today. Is it a coincidence, or are we all connected like the Delightful Children from down the Lane?” Crystal asked.
A cutaway shows the Delightful Children from Down the Lane at a job conference. “Ok, Delightful Children from down the Lane. That’s your group name right?” the manager asked.
“Yes, it’s been our name that has been chosen by our Father.” The Delightful Children said.
“Well if you want this job then I’m going to have to ask for your individual names. Delightful Children from down the Lane won’t cut it.” The manager requested.
“My name is…. No, my name is….” The Delightful Children said at the same time. “My name is…. Will you let me speak? No, let me speak! She asked me first! No, she asked me first! GAAAH! Why do we all have to share the same mind?! How do we talk individually?!”
“Yeah, this is creepy. I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.” The manager asked.
“Well this is just great!” the Delightful Children complained as they exited the building. “Father’s going to kill us when he hears we can’t hold down on a job. I’m starting to think this was a bad idea to share one mind. I heard that!” they said angrily at eachother. The cutaway ends.
“How can we use the Elements of Harmony when we were all in a coma?” AppleJack asked.
“Actually, I think I may have an answer to that.” Twilight started. “I performed a spiritual spell on us. While our bodies were out-cold, this spell sends our spirits inside the Elements of Harmony. All we needed was somepony to deliver us to where we needed to be so we can perform them.” Twilight looked over at us. “But we knew the answer; Discord yelled us the answer: As long as they couldn’t pay attention to what’s going on, the Elements would be able to defeat them. Then we activate the Elements and we defeated the Body of Evil.”
“Wow…. how did you know that, Flare?” Psyche asked.
“You think we know how to use these things?” I asked. “We may represent the same types of friendships as them, but we’ll never have the honor to actually use them.” I removed Twilight’s crown from my head and walked over to Twilight. “I knew it was you that activated this element. I only know computer or video game related magics. It’s impossible for me to perform the magic spell that is used to activated this crown. Only you know how to use it, Twilight. It’s not just that though, I felt you were there. I felt that you were the one that activated it. I dunno how though, but I felt it.” I placed the Element on Twilight’s head.
“Yeah, me too.” Blaze said as he took off his necklace and walked over to Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow Dash, you were there with me. I felt it. Even though we are married, and I should be saying that anyway, but you know what I mean.”
“I sure do, Blaze.” Rainbow smiled and said.
“Yeah, Fluttershy. I don’t deserve usin’ this old thing. Ya’re much kinder than I am.” Aqua said, giving the Element to her.
“Thank you, Aqua, but I don’t think I deserve it either.” Flutters said.
“Just shut up and take it.” Aqua said.
“Ok now I agree.” Flutters said, putting on her element.
“Rarity, ah never knew ah was that generous until ah was told that. Y’all knew it all along.” Engie said giving the element to her.
“Well, even though my generosity is nothing compared to my looks, I somewhat agree.” Rarity said.
“AppleJack, I’m way too busy to use this Element. How about you take over?” Psyche asked.
“Ya think ah’m not busy too, Psyche?” AppleJack chuckled along with Psyche, and AppleJack laid her arm around him.
“Awww, but this is so shinny and lickable.” Crystal complained.
“Sorry, Crystal, it’s mine.” Pinkie smiled and squeed. “But I think I’ll have an alternative for you.”
“I can’t wait!” Crystal said excitedly as she gave Pinkie her element back.
“So yeah, I don’t know why you set up congratulations for us, when you should be congratulating your student, Celestia.” I complained.
“Flare, I thought ya apologized to her?” Aqua asked.
“I know, and I am sorry for that, but I’m not sorry for this; and this time, I’m also disappointed at you Luna.” I said. Luna was shocked to hear me say that. “Luna, you knew well I don’t like to be lied to. The girls deserve these congratulations, not us.”
“Flare, calm down, you think the princesses new?” Blaze asked.
“We did.” Luna said.
“Yes, it was us that given Twilight that emergency spell in case things went wrong.” Celestia said. “But how did you know?” Luna started whistling and Celestia glared at her.
“I don’t offer any disrespect whatsoever, your highnesses.” I bowed. “I’m really thankful for this, really. It’s just….. I don’t know why you’d give us these rewards without giving Twilight and her friends some too. Thank you both very much, your highnesses, but no thank you.” I turned my back and walked off stage and away from the ceremony. My friends all looked at eachother, and then they did the same thing. Twilight went over to Celestia to comfort her.
Over at my trailer, I was laying down on my bed, facedown. “Is he sleeping?” Dorthey asked.
“No, I think he’s just grieving.” Rainbow said.
“I was talking about Piddles.” Dorthey corrected him.
“Ugh! Yes I am!” Piddles said with an attitude.
Water and Crèmepop were watching me outside my room. “You talk to him first.” Water whispered to Crème.
“I’m not talking to him first, you talk to him first.” Crème argued with her.
“I’m not talking to first, you talk to him first.” Water said.
“I’m not talk-“
“You do realize I can hear you, right?” I asked them while still facedown on my bed.
“Flare are you ok?” Water asked.
“What do you think? I feel betrayed…. Again.” I said.
“That’s no reason to talk to the princesses that way.” Water said.
“I didn’t offer any disrespect, I just told them how I felt. But…. Yeah, maybe I did get carried away.” I said as I sat up on my bed.
“I thought you walked away, not get carried away?” Crème asked. Water glared at her. “What?”
“It’s ok, Flare. Everypony gets these guilts sometimes. When ponies done something and they get rewarded, and they feel like they don’t deserve it, it happens to others a lot.” Water said.
“They do?” I asked.
“Sure! All the time.” Water said. “Like, you remember when I won first prize at the science fair?”
“Yeah.” I said.
“Well, when I found out that my friend Cheese Cake actually made the same type of science project, she felt betrayed and thought I stole the idea from her. I felt so bad that I felt like I didn’t deserve the award, so I gave it back.” Water explained.
“And what happened next? Did you get a good reputation after that?” Crème asked.
“No. Everypony in the school laughed at me, and called me a quitter. I then found out Cheese Cake didn’t actually feel betrayed, she said there was something in her nose. That’s why she was making the face.” Water explained.
“But I suppose your reputation won’t change with us, Flare Gun.” Luna said as her and Celestia walked inside my room.
“Your highnesses?! What are you doing here? How did you get in?” I asked.
“Guilty!” Crème said, raising her hoof.
“I know how you felt. I’ve had other ponies feel that way too over the years.” Celestia said. “And I have to say, I don’t blame you.”
“I apologize for saying those things. I really feel bad.” I said.
“Don’t, it’s ok. We rewarded Twilight and her friends properly, as well as you and your friends. You equally saved Equestria, together.” Celestia said.
“Yeah, it feels nice being a hero. But I don’t feel like a proper hero. I felt like a delivery boy.” I said.
“Well, maybe someday your actual heroic days will come.” Celestia said.
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Hey, I got something for you, Princess Celestia.” I said as I went inside my pocket and took out a rock of some sort.
“A rock? That’s what you’re giving the princess?” Water asked.
“It’s no ordinary rock. This one has carvings in it from prehistoric times.” I said. “I think if you translate the language, it says ‘Buttscratchers are made of wood’.”
“All is forgiven.” Celestia said. “Now I have some unfinished business right now, but my sister here has something for you.” Celestia walks out of my trailer and Luna walks over to me.
“I have a present for you, Flare Gun.” Luna said.
“Did you wrap it up and put a little bow on it?” I asked.
Luna giggled. “No, but it may not look like much, but it’s something I’ve never given to anypony else before.” I hold out my hoof, and Luna places a necklace over my neck.
“I was holding out my hoof, I didn’t ask for this to be around my neck.” I complained.
“Apologies, but once you hear this, you’d never wanna take it off.” Luna said.
“What is this anyway?” I asked.
“Looks like a necklace of Luna’s cutie mark.” Crème said.
“It also has stars on it.” Water added.
“This thing may not be as powerful as the Elements of Harmony, but this is something that may save your life.” Luna said. “It’s called: The Blessings of the Night.”
“Blessings of the Night?” I asked.
“Mhm.” Luna nodded. “I was given this to me when I was a foal, but since I’m far too busy in Canterlot right now, and I’ve been gone a thousand years, I’ve never had the chance to actually use it. Now, since you’ve been such a good friend in helping me redeem my name, I’m giving it to you.”
“Wow! Thank you, Luna! But what does this thing suppose to do, and how do I charge it up? I don’t see a cord or anything.” I asked.
“This necklace does not get charged by power, it gets charged by friendship.” Luna said.
“Just like everything else around here.” Crème said.
“So friends have to charge it up, huh? That should be easy. How do I charge it?” Water asked.
“You touch it.” Luna said.
Both Crème and Water grab it at the same time and started arguing over it. “I’m charging it first!” Crème yelled, pulling it towards her.
“No, I am!” Water argued, pulling it towards her.
“No, I am!” Crème argued.
“No, I am!” Water argued.
“You both aren’t.” Luna said. “Not yet that is. Flare has to do a special deed for each of his friends; then they have to say a good deed that Flare has done for them. While they explain, they touch it, and all of the friendship that Flare has given them in the past, and what they have given him, it all gets stored in here. The more friendships Flare collects, the more powerful the Blessings will get.”
“So what’s the reason for this?” Crème asked.
“Like I said, it may save his life.” Luna said.
“This is awesome, Luna. Thank you, but you didn’t have to do this.” I said happily with tears in my eyes.
“Don’t get any ideas, Luna. He’s taken.” Crème informed her.
“I’m giving this to him because Flare will need it more than I.” Luna said. I went up to Luna and gave her a hug, and Water and Crème joined in.
Just then, Spike opened my trailer door and said, “Flare, you here?”
“I’m here, brah. What is it?” I asked.
“You have to come to Canterlot! There’s something you need to see.” Spike said. So we all went over to Canterlot, and when we got there, the window was modified. The Mane Six was included in the art. Their heads were just above the Elements of Harmony that me and the Noble Six were wearing, and we were using our instruments to defeat the Body of Evil.
“Wow! We look amazing!” Aqua said.
“Yeah, ah’m really glad we finally get our own window!” Engie said.
“And they included Twilight and the others.” Psyche added.
“I think I look kinda fat in it.” Crystal said.
“Well, Flare? What do you think, brah?” Blaze asked.
“I less then three it so much!” I said. “Only one problem though.”
“What’s that?” Blaze asked.
”Why did they have to put the picture in the Royal Guard Mess Hall?” I asked.
Well, that’s our premiere of our story. But wait! This new season has only just begun! We still have another 28 new awesome possum chapters to go, and I gotta say, it’s gonna blow your mind! I’m gonna put some TNT in your minds, and it’ll blow up! Oh, there’s only one more issue I had to solve. Later that night, Thunder returned home from the celebration with Crystal.
“Babe, I’m gonna use the hot tub for a little while.” Thunder said.
“Okie doki! I’ll see you upstairs in a few minutes!” Crystal said as she gave Thunder a kiss on the cheek.
When Thunder went to the backyard to his hot tub, he gasped because the hot tub was missing. “WHERE’S MY HOT TUB?!” he yelled. Just then he saw a note on the ground where the hot tub used to be; it reads: “Dear Thunder, I stole your hot tub. Next time, don’t steal my spot on the couch, you jerk. Love, Flare.” Thunder smiled and said, “Aww, love you too, Flare!”
It’s been a week since our big moment, and a couple of days after the Summer Sun Celebration, but it looks like that moment maybe coming to an end, because we’re in big big trouble now! The trouble all started last night at Sugarcube Corner. Mr. and Mrs. Cake were getting all cleaned up for the night, when suddenly their babies started crying….. again! They started playing rock, paper, scissors to see who should be the one to comfort them. They both kept picking rock, and since it was a tie, they both decided to go up to calm them down together. While they were upstairs to calm down their babies, somepony mysterious appeared from under one of the tables, and started stealing the candies and the baked goods, but the thief wasn’t quiet about it, and the Cakes ran downstairs to find the thief. The mysterious thief jumped out of nowhere, and stares at them mischievously. The Cakes start screaming, and the thief runs away. They got really upset, and called the town police; the ones that were never seen by human eyes before.
But the Cakes weren't the only ones that experienced thievery. Over at Sweet Apple Acres, there was a thief inside the farm, stealing some cider barrels, and crates with other apple products inside; plus Big Mac's plow. Somehow the thief was trying to get noticed, because it was making so much noise, and it woke up the family. AppleJack, Big McIntosh, Winona, and Granny Smith bursted into the barn, wanting to defend their products. AppleJack was carrying a rake, Big Mac was carrying a spade, and Granny Smith still had her blind fold on, and was carrying spoon to defend. "Y'all get off my lawn ya wipper snappers!" Granny Smith cried.
"Granny, there's only one of them." AppleJack said. The thief showed his face, and ran off. AppleJack was in shock after she saw the face of that pony. "It can't be!" she said. Winona chased the thief out of the Apple property, and the thief got away.
Another thief snuck into Carousel Boutique and started stealing the gems, the sewing machines, and the dummies. I can understand why a thief would want a sewing machine and dummies, but why the gems? Unless the thief was a dragon, that would probably be the case; although the thief wasn't a dragon, I can tell you that much. The thief was making so much noise, but Rarity sleeps with ear plugs on, and a blind fold, which seems to be a pretty riskful move when you're trying to sleep. You may get peaceful sleep, but what if thieves break into your home? Opal woke up though, and saw the thief, and then she hid in a pile of clothes on the floor in fear. I don't know what the big deal was for the thief, because the thief TRIED to get Rarity's attention. The thief tried to wake her up by playing trumpet, a drum, an air horn, and even an obnoxious cell phone ringtone. The thief was concerned to why Rarity didn't wake up, but then she saw the ear plugs on her ears. The thief removed the plugs, and made noise which woke Rarity up. Rarity got frightened and screamed. The thief showed thier face at her, which made her faint in shock. The thief left the shop shortly after.
The next day came, and Psyche just got up and drank some coffee, but then there was a knock on his door. He sighed and said; “Oh that better not be Twisted Sister again!” He complained.
A cutaway gag shows Psyche a few weeks ago, answering to a knock on the door, who was Dee Snider and his band on the other side, and he yells; “YOU WON THE DEE SNIDER WEEKEND!”
“WOOOOOO!” Another pony yelled from behind Psyche. The entire band runs inside, turning up the volume of the stereo, and started dancing in his living room, knocking everything over, and throwing food on the ground. One of the ponies stands on top of a speaker and shouts; “I WANNA ROOOOOCK!” He jumps off the speaker and fellyflops on the floor.
“What is going on here?!” Psyche asked.
“Call 1-800-STEAMER!” Dee Snider sang.
“I’m good!” The pony that bellyflopped off the speaker said in pain.
Just then a pony that works at Stanley Steamer comes in, and cleans up Psyche’s carpet, and the TV announcer says in the background; “No one cleans the rock ‘n’ roll out of your carpet like Stanley Steamer; for carpet, wood, and tile!”
“Stanley Steamer gets YOUR HOME CLEANER!” Dee Snider sang, as the Stanley Steamer van drives by. The gag ends.
Psyche opens his front door, and a couple of Royal Guards were standing outside. “Can I help you with something?” Psyche asked.
“You Psyche Illusion?” one of the guards asked.
“We represent the Canterlot Royal Guard.” The guard said.
“Duh! It’s pretty obvious, bro! He can tell by our armor!” the other guard reminded his partner.
“Y-yeah, can I help you with something?” Psyche asked.
“Sorry, Mr. Illusion, but you’ll have to come with us.” The first guard said.
“Going where?” Psyche asked.
“Canterlot prison, awaiting your trail.” The guard said.
“TRIAL?! For what?!” Psyche asked.
“For attempted robbery.” The guard said.
“But I didn’t attempt any robbery!” Psyche confusingly said.
“Yeah, we have many reports saying you did. Come along quietly, sir.” The guard said, as they led Psyche to their carriage.
Wasn’t just Psyche that was arrested. Aqua was taking a shower when suddenly, the guards bursted through his bathroom door and yelled; “FREEZE, AQUATIC ARMOR!”
“Do ya mind?! Have any of ya heard of knockin?!” Aqua complained. The guards just stood there, looking at eachother, and one of them knocked on the door that was already kicked opened. “Come in.” Aqua said in a disturbed tone.
After Aqua was arrested, they arrived at Engie’s house and knocked on his door. Engie opened the door and said; “Yes?”
“Red Engineer? Please come with us.” One of the guards asked.
“Ya have a warrant?” Engie asked. The guard showed the warrant to Engie, and he said; “Oh…. Ah see…. Well, if that’s the case; ah hope ya realize y’all are at a house with- A BUNCH OF SENTRY GUNS IN HIS LAWN!” Engie pushes a button on his remote, and a bunch of sentries pop up, and aimed their sights at the guards.
“Sir, it’s going to take a lot more than a bunch of turrets to hold us hostage.” One of the guards said.
“What do ya mean?” Engie asked.
“You hold us hostage, a bunch of reinforcements will show up and take you by force.” The other guards said.
“Ya sure ‘bout that? Not if ah just shoot ya now!” Engie smirked.
“You wouldn’t dare!” the first guard stood up to Engie.
“Oh yeah? TRY ME!” Engie shouted, and pressed another button on his remote to signal the guns to fire at the guards, but only water squirted out of the guns, and spun around Engie’s lawn. Engie felt really embarrassed. “Oh would ya look at that! Ah accidentally activated mah sprinklers.” Engie said embarrassedly.
After Engie was arrested, Blaze was next. Blaze was flying high in the sky with speeds over 120 mph, and that was his cruise speed! He’s probably going as fast as Comcast internet service! Well…. I dunno about you, but that connection is fast for me. I dunno, I never tried AT&T, so I can’t explain if that speed is even faster. Hey, any speed is better than Dial-Up on a Windows 98 computer! Now as Blaze was flying by, some royal guards were flying just as fast as him. “You Blaze Goldheart?” one of the guards asked.
”I could be.” Blaze said.
“You’ll need to come with us.” The other guard said.
“Oh? And why is that?” Blaze asked.
“Attempted robbery. Please come along quietly.” The first guard asked.
“Sure, I’ll do it…. If you can beat me in a race to Cloudsdale power plant! Ready, set, go!” Blaze yelled as he flew really fast. One of the guards takes out a tazer and just electrocutes Blaze.
“We don’t have time to race with criminals.” One of the guards said.
“I didn’t even do anything!” Blaze yelled as he was getting tazed.
“Don’t say ‘I didn’t do anything’, it’s no use saying that. It never works.” The guard explained.
Blaze was done for, now all that’s left was Crystal Iceblast, whom was sharing a chocolate shake with Thunder. “Crystal Iceblast?” the guard asked Thundy.
“No, I’m Black Thunder. That’s Crystal Iceblast.” Thunder said, pointing at her.
“Good job, Thunder. You just got your marefriend arrested, and ruined her trust.” The guard teased as he hoofcuffed Crystal.
“THUNDY?! HOW COULD YOU?!” Crystal cried.
“I didn’t know! What did you do wrong?” Thunder asked.
“NOTHING! But one thing’s for sure, Thundy…. I blame you for whatever is going on here.” Crystal said, as the guards took her away. Each of my five closest friends have each been arrested, and taken to the prison in Canterlot, but the thing was, I wasn’t arrested unlike them, and I didn’t even notice until I was told. Rainbow Dash was flying through town, kicking some of the clouds away, when suddenly her cell phone rang. Her ringtone was ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ from Wizard of Oz. Wow, that’s pretty embarrassing! I would’ve thought she had a rock ‘n’ roll song?
“This is Rainbow Dash! Your day just got 20% cooler!” Rainbow Dash said, as she answered her phone.
“Dashie…. I…. I have a bit of a problem.” Blaze said. As soon as Blaze explained his situation, one of the only ponies she can turn to was me. She flew to my shop, and flew inside fast. “Flare? We have a big problem here! It turns out some friends of yours have been- are you reading?”
She was right, I was reading a book. I held up a hoof signal, telling her to wait a second, and after a few seconds, I turned over to get her attention. “Hmm?”
“Well, this is certainly a change. I didn’t know you started reading on your free time.” Dash said, feeling impressed. “Welcome to the egghead club, Flare!”
“I didn’t read this by choice, the magic 8-Ball told me to.” I said, showing her my 8-Ball.
“Magic 8-Ball?” Dash asked.
“Yeah, I was going through my personal chest, to check on my old stuff, and I found my old 8-Ball! Instead of making my own decisions, the 8-Ball is going to make my decisions for me, Dashie!” I said.
“Cool! Anyways, did you hear the news about the Noble Six being arrested?” Dash asked.
“I dunno, let me ask the magic 8-Ball! Oh magic 8-Ball, did I hear that the Noble Six got arrested?” I asked it, and then I started shaking it, and it gave me my answer. “No, I didn’t.”
“Seriously?” Dash asked.
“Well the 8-Ball actually said, ‘How about asking someone that’ll actually know the answer?’ But I knew what it meant.” I said.
“Flare, FOCUS for a second! Your friends got arrested by the Canterlot royal guard, and are now being taken to the Canterlot prison! You need to go and see them!” Dash said.
“Alright, sure. Magic 8-Ball, should I go see my friends at the prison?” I asked it, and shook it and it gave me my answer. “It says; ‘Ask me again tomorrow.’ Alright then, maybe I’ll see them tomorrow.”
“UGH! C’mon, Flare!” Dash groaned, picking me up, and started flying me all the way to Canterlot so I can see the Noble Six. Before we were there, each of the Noble Six were talking to their most beloved companion.
“Blaze, how can this happen to you?!” Candy Cotton asked Blaze in a worried tone, chatting with him behind a glass.
“I don’t know, Candy. I just don’t know! Something is definitely up.” Blaze said.
“Well, when you finally get out, I have an awesome new trick to show you! Rainbow taught me how to barrel-roll while holding a barrel of water, without spilling a drop!” Candy said.
“A barrel of water? Isn’t that pretty heavy?” Blaze asked.
“Unfortunately, Rainbow is only making me hold a BOTTLE of water while I’m doing the trick.” Candy complained.
“Really?” Blaze asked.
“Yeah, it sucks, doesn’t it?” Candy asked.
“Umm…. Yeah, I guess so.” Blaze said.
“Aqua, I don’t understand. How is it that they don’t allow armor polishers inside prisoners?” Wind Racer asked.
“Ah’ve been tryin to find that out, but they think it’s a prisoner escape tool. Really? How can a polishers be considered a prisoner escape tool?!” Aqua complained.
“Somepony used one to clean the steel bars, and he cleaned them so good, they’re as clear as glass, and were more breakable.” One of the guards said.
“Ah don’t know how that is possible.” Aqua said with a derp-look on his face.
“Oooo, Psyche! Why are you in here?! They won’t let me come in and hug you!” Pinkie complained.
“It’s ok, Pinkie. You can try hugging me on the glass.” Psyche suggested.
“That won’t be the same at all! I tried hugging the bronies through the glass, but it never seems to work.” Pinkie explained.
Psyche started to chuckle. “Yeah, bronies. Yeah, those, ummm….. they’re a type of bird, right?”
Pinkie giggled. “Psyche, you’re so silly!”
“Says the sillier one.” Psyche teased.
“So I got 294 bits with me. You think that’s enough to bail you out?” Thunder asked.
“Thundy, don’t waste our money on getting me out.” Crystal said.
“You think I can survive out there all by myself, Crystal?! You know how hard it is to find another special somepony?! I’m gonna be miserable and alone for the rest of my life!” Thunder panicked.
“Well that isn’t good at all. Quick, Thundy! Bail me out of here! NOW!” Crystal demanded.
“Will you two relax?” Engie asked. “Thunder, Crystal bein in prison won’t affect yer relationship at anyway.”
“Oh…. That’s a relief!” Thunder said, wiping the sweat off his forehead.
“Sure is! Can’t be stuck in this filthy place alone! They expect us to share a toilet in here!” Crystal noted.
“Oh that is disgusting!” Thunder said.
“Well, your relationship won’t change, as long as Thundy doesn’t forget you, and leaves you in here.” Engie noted.
Crystal gasped. “Thundy, you better come and visit!” she demanded.
“Don’t worry, Crystal! I’ll be here every day! I ain’t leaving you here alone. I love you, Crystal!” Thunder said, holding his hoof against the glass.
“Awww, Thundy!” Crystal smiled, and placed her hoof on the glass with his.
“Hey, just be lucky y’all have somepony to visit ya, Crystal. Nopony came to visit me!” Engie complained.
“Wow, this is very shocking.” I said to Rainbow. “Seeing all my friends in jail! Oh, look, even Consuela’s son is doing time.” I pointed out.
“I see you soon, Rodrico.” The Hispanic maid said to her imprisoned son.
“Si, mama.” Her son said, and they both hung up their phones, and Consuela sprays Windex on the glass, and cleans it. So I went over, and I sat down with Blaze to see what went on with him.
“Sup brah?” I asked him.
“Terrible, man. I can’t fly in jail, you know.” Blaze complained.
“Ok, why is it that you always talk to Blaze first?” Engie complained.
“What happened, brah? It’s not like you to commit a crime.” I said.
“I don’t remember doing a crime at all.” Blaze said. “I guess, that was some heck of a party, huh Flare?”
“You were at a party last night?” I asked.
“No, I wasn’t really. I was making a joke. If you don’t remember commiting a crime it must mean you drank a lot of cider at a party or something. You know what happens when you drink too much cider, right Flare?” Blaze asked. I just stared at Blaze, and made a sarcastic laugh, which sounded like two quick in-hales. Blaze just sighed and facehoofed himself, shaking his head. “Can’t you let me have anything, brah?”
“Hey, you’re the one that’s in the Wonderbolts! I’ve been trying to get in that group for ages, but for some reason, Spitfire won’t let in.” I complained. A cutaway gag shows me in the Wonderbolts Academy, in Spitfire’s office.
“I’m sorry, Flare. But you’re really not Wonderbolt material, so I’m going to have to ask you to go.” Spitfire said.
“Why not?!” I asked.
“First of all, you’re not a Pegasus, you’re a unicorn.” Spitfire said.
“But I do have a jet-pack.” I said.
“That was the second thing I was going to say, the academy isn’t the wealthiest organization in Equestria. We can’t afford gas.” Spitfire said.
“Oh…. Well, I guess that explains it.” I said, turning in my badge.
“I can’t believe Flare got to be lead pony as well!” Rainbow Dash complained. The cutaway ends. Soon after, I went to Aqua and had a talk with him.
“So they wouldn’t let you have an armor Polisher in there?” I asked him.
“A what?” Aqua asked.
“A Polisher.” I said. You see, he was confused because instead of ‘polisher’, like nail polish, I said ‘Polisher’, like Poland Polish.
“Umm…. Ah dunno, Flare.” Aqua said.
“So what happened? Why are you in here?” I asked.
“Ah dunno! Ah was takin a shower, then the guards bursted in and arrested me!” Aqua explained.
“Did they have a warrant?” I asked.
“Yes they did.” Aqua nodded.
“Maybe you were using up all the hot water. If that was the case, it explains it.” I said.
“Um, yeeeeah, I doubt that.” Aqua said.
“Well what could the reason be? That would pretty much be your crime. Using up all the hot water.” I said.
“Ah was arrested for stealin.” Aqua said.
“So yeah, I was right. You were stealing all the hot water in town for yourself!” I said.
“Sure, whatever ya say, mate.” Aqua said, wanting to end the conversation.
“Of course whatever I say! I’m so smart!” I said. After that, I went over to talk with Psyche next. “Psyche, brah, what are you doing in there without me?”
“I was wondering the same thing. How can we be arrested, but not you?” Psyche asked.
“You’re not suppose to go to prison without me, man! We’re cell buddies, remember?” I asked.
“Well, it doesn’t seem that way right now. It sure is quiet without you though at least.” Psyche smiled.
“Aww, Psyche! All the quietness in there, you must really miss me don’t you?” I asked. “Don’t worry, brah! If I can’t get you out, I’ll get myself arrested, so you won’t have to decent into madness with all the silence!”
“Oh I can hardly wait.” Psyche said sarcastically.
“So how did you get arrested?” I asked.
“I just woke up this morning, had some coffee, then the guards knocked on the door and arrested me.” Psyche said.
“Did you make that Stanley Steamer cutaway like I told you?” I asked.
“Yes I did.” Psyche nodded.
“Alright good! That’s another gold star on your chart! One more, and you get that free keychain!” I said, placing a star sticker on a ‘Favor chart’ with each of my friend’s names on them. I have the most stars, because I do most of my own favors more than anypony.
“Huzzah!” Psyche said.
“You’re not Luna. That’s minus one gold star.” I said, removing the star from his name. After that, I went over to Crystal, but she was too busy nuzzling on the glass with Thunder. I just awkwardly went over to Engie to talk with him.
“Ah know, ah find that pretty awkward too.” Engie said.
“So what are you charged for?” I asked.
“Well ah was charged for thievery, but then ah was charged for attempted hostage situation.” Engie said.
“Let me guess, you tried using your security to stop the guards, but you ended up using your sprinklers.” I assumed.
“NO….. maybe…..” Engie said.
I just glared at Engie, then I took out my Magic 8-Ball and asked it; “Magic 8-Ball, how should I respond to this?” I shook the ball, read it, and then I took out a garlic roll and smashed it on the glass.
“What was that?” Engie asked.
“I tried to stuff a garlic roll in your mouth, but it seems this force field is in the way.” I said.
“Ya mean the glass?” Engie asked.
“No if it was glass then I would either be seeing blurry, or drinking a nice cool iced tea right now.” I said, as I started to stare into space, thinking about that iced tea. “Hmmm!”
“Uhh…. Are you alright, partner?” Engie asked.
“I’m doing great, why?” I asked.
“So are ya gonna find a way to help us out of here?” Engie asked.
“But of course! But first, I’m going to get myself some iced tea! Not like one of those fruit-flavored iced teas! Freshly brewed! Mmm, mmm!” So I just turned around, and I walked out of the jail so I can get that iced tea.
“I hope Flare helps us out of here, and finds the real criminals behind this.” Aqua said.
“Just him?” Psyche asked.
“No, by himself he ain’t gonna do well, but if the Mane Six go on and help him, that might be our only solution.” Blaze said. So I came back eventually with some iced tea, and a snow-cone, because I wanted a snow-cone too. Mixture flavors!
“Where have ya been?” Engie asked.
“Me? I told you, I was getting some iced tea, but at the same time I wanted some snow cones.” I said.
“Flare, we need ya to go to the Mane Six.” Engie requested.
“Look, I can’t always keep going to them for help. We can take care of ourselves!” I said.
”Ya think we can take care of ourselves while we’re in here?” Aqua asked.
“Flare, you gotta go to them. They’re our only hope if we’re to get out of this dreadful place!” Blaze said.
“Perhaps I could, perhaps not. Let me ask the magic 8-Ball!” I said as I took out my 8-Ball and asked it if I should go to the Mane Six for advise.
“Ugh!” Psyche groaned and facehoofed himself.
“Alright, I’ll go!” I said. “The ball said, ‘I wouldn’t bet on you’, but I knew what it meant.
It meant you couldn’t do this by myself, and right now, the Mane Six are pretty much the only ones that can help?” Aqua asked.
“Actually, I thought it meant I should go play Roulette while wearing red and white polka-dotted bowtie while gnawing on a pretzel stick looking like it’s a cigar, but your idea sounds better!” I said.
“Good. Now, we’re going to be on trial tomorrow morning at 10. You think you can get this done by then, brah?” Blaze asked.
“Hey you rhymed! Alright, I’ll do my best. But I should really do that bowtie and pretzel stick thing.” I thought.
So I went back to Ponyville, and went over to Golden Oak Library to ask for the Mane Six's help. "Twilight, you've been reading that book for days now, I think you should take a break." Rarity suggested.
"I can't take a break right now, Rarity." Twilight said. "I have to find out about this chest from the Tree of Harmony, and where to find the keys. I'll look all week without break if I have to."
"I dunno, maybe you're just reading it upside down." Pinkie said from behind Twilight's desk. "Here, let me help." Pinkie flips the book over to her direction and says, "There we go, that's better!" Twilight rolled her eyes and used her magic to flip the book back over to her direction.
"Twilight, Celestia and Luna said that finding these keys will take time." Spike said.
"Exactly! They'll obviously show up at a random time during our adventures." Rainbow Dash said.
"And I believe we'll find out what's in that box during the season finale." Pinkie said.
"Pinkie, you just get weirder and weirder each day." Rainbow commented.
"Maybe, or maybe you're getting less weirder and weirder each day. Ever thought of that, Dashie?" Pinkie asked while leaning close to Rainbow Dash's face.
Meanwhile, I started knocking on Twilight's door. Knock, knock, knock; "Twilight?" Knock, knock, knock; "Spike?" Knock, knock, knock; "The other five?"
"Awww, why did Flare have to put me in 'other'?" Pinkie whined.
Spike walked over to the door and opened it. "Hey, Flare! What are you doing here?"
"Oh I'm sorry. Do you not want me here?" I asked offendedly.
"No, of course not!" Spike said. "I mean.... yes? Wait, how am I suppose to answer that question? Is it yes or no?"
"Come in, Flare." Twilight said.
"Thank you, princess." I said as I walked inside.
"Flare, you don't have to call me that. I don't like it when my friends call me that." Twilight said.
"Exactly. That's why I did." I said.
Twilight rolled her eyes and asked, "What do you need?"
"I know you girls are obviously busy with your six-key chest that's obviously going to open in the season finale after the Equestria Games episode." I said.
"Well, shoot, sugarcube; y'all can always ask help from us." AppleJack said, placing her hoof around me. "After findin' out yer friends turned out to be trespassin' criminals, it must be really hard bein' alone."
"You see, that's the thing. They're not trespassing criminals." I said.
"Don't be in denial, partner. It's ok." AppleJack said.
I moved AppleJack's hoof off my back and said, "What you don't understand is, it's not their faults. I never told you girls this story, but when I went to Mareami to rescue Crèmepop from Dr. Swinebutt, there was actually a reason why he kidnapped her. He was doing cloning experiments of me and my friends. He needed hair or blood samples to make them. He was able to make the clone of me. His name is Darth Flare."
"Wait, wasn't that your name when Discord cursed you back in Chaos Mountain?" Rarity asked.
"Ok, first of all: it wasn't a curse, it was one of Swinebutt's mind controlling devices." I said.
"And the second of all?" AppleJack asked.
I paused for a second and thought. "Oh. There is no second of all. I don't know why I said that."
"Flare, sometimes I don't get a word you say. You're confusing me more than the time Twilight and I went to go find the crystal heart and had to walk up that hundred story staircase." Spike mentioned. A cutaway shows him and Twilight climbing the stairs to the tower where the crystal heart is when King Sombra was attacking, and Spike tiredly asked; "Who the hay..... puts a crystal heart.... on hundred flights of Luna-damned stairs?"
"C'mon, Spike. Maybe the crystal heart.... maybe it's made of chocolate." Twilight teased and tiredly chuckled, and Spike glares at her. The cutaway ends.
"So yer sayin' Swinebutt made an evil clone of you?" AppleJack asked.
"Yes." I said. "Later on, Darth Flare betrayed Swinebutt, and stole the clone samples from him; and now, I believe he created the clones of my friends himself, and are now ruining my friend's lives."
"Flare, I'm sorry, but.... Princess Celestia told me that cloning yourself is only a myth." Twilight said.
"Yeah, unless you use the Mirror Pond which has been sealed up after an 'unfortunate innocent'." Rainbow said, glaring at Pinkie.
"What are you looking at me for?" Pinkie asked.
"What we're trying to say is: Cloning evil versions of somepony cannot be done." Twilight said.
"You're bluffing. Please tell me you're joking with me, Twilight." I begged.
"I wish I was." Twilight said upsettingly.
"Seriously? C'mon, any of you believe me?" I asked.
"Oh, I can believe you if you want me to." Fluttershy offered.
"But do you believe me though?" I asked curiously.
"Well.... I.... no." Flutters said sadly. "You're not mad are you?"
"Of course not. Alright fine, I don't need your help. These clones maybe too dangerous for you to handle anyway. Sorry, I even came to you." I said upsettingly.
"We're sorry, darling." Rarity said.
"It's ok." I said. "I know you have your own affairs to deal with, and I won't keep you from it."
"'Ey, Flare? Quick a question: Umm..... we didn't see you when the Everfree Forest was attackin'. Where were you durin' that time?" AppleJack asked.
"Oh that time? I didn't really care for the vines attacking the town. My friends and I were too busy planning Doctor Whooves' birthday party." I said. A cutaway shows the my friends and I decorating my shop with birthday decorations.
"Oh this party we have in plan for the Doctor is going to be really fun!" Engie said.
"Yeah, I was looking forward for this for a long time." Psyche said.
"Hey, did any of ya even notice what's goin' on outside?" Aqua asked.
"What? Those spikey things? Relax, the Mane Six will take care of them. They always do." Crystal said.
"Alright! Everything looks perfect!" Blaze said. "Alright, let's go pick up the Doctor. Can't have the party without the guest of honor!" When we got outside, the vines from Everfree were attacking the town, but we didn't care about them, despite all the ponies screaming and being tangled by them.
"Alright, so the Doctor should be right oveeeeeeeeeer.... here!" Engie said, pointing to an empty spot on the ground.
"Hey, where is he?" Blaze asked. "The Doctor always parks his TARDIS here."
"Wait, there's a note." I said as I picked it up from the ground and read it. It reads: "Gone for the 50th Anniversary Special. Please leave me some cake."
"Awww, but we got the party set up for him already!" Blaze whined.
"Hey look what I found!" Crystal said, holding up a cane of some sort with a ruby on the bottom and Twilight's head on the top.
"Oh my Faust!" Blaze complained as he facehoofed himself. "I am so tired of seeing references to that cane. If I see that cane again, I'm going to punch somepony in the face."
"Whatever. I'm gonna keep it!" Crystal said.
"Ah dunno why everyone cares about that cane so much. Ah love this princess robe." Engie said as he was wearing Twilight's robe that Discord made for her. The cutaway ends.
So as I failed to gain help from the Mane Six, I lost hope of gaining help of finding the source of these shenanigans. I decided to just go and find the source by myself. I'd rather not, but the magic 8-Ball told me to. I started off by going to Sweet Apple Acres to gain information of what the apples saw. Unfortunately, the apples couldn't tell me what they saw, counting they can't communicate with me in anyway other than falling on my head, or choking me after the juice inside goes down the wrong pipe, so instead I had to talk to the Apples who ran the farm.
I went up to the door, ran the doorbell many times until Granny Smith answered the door. "Yeah, yeah! Ah hear ya, ah hear ya!" Granny said as she opened the door. "Hello, dear! Ah'm so glad y'all have come! Come in, come in, ah made pie!"
"Thanks, sista! I could use a little pie to help my thinking! What kind of pie did you make?" I asked an obvious question, as I followed her in.
Just then, Granny starts hitting me in the head with her cane saying, "Hello? Hello? Anypony home? Think, Aqua! Think!"
"Ow! Ow! I'm not Aqua! I'm Flare!" I corrected her.
"Eh? Ya unicorns always look the same to me." Granny said, as she walked into the kitchen to get the pie.
"What is that suppose to mean?" I asked her with an offended tone. Don't worry, I wasn't really offended, this stuff doesn't really bother me. Besides, all senior citizens are racist.
"Don't worry, dear! Sit, sit! Have some pie, and ah'll tell you of the time ah met mah husband." Granny said, as we both sat on the table, and she started cutting me a piece of apple pie.
"Actually, Granny, I need to ask-" I was about to say, but she interrupted me.
"Celestia rests his soul, that stallion was a true gentlecolt! Ah sure do miss him a bunch!" she said.
"That's great, but I got something to-"
"Aww, ah remember when he asked me to go to the Grand Gallopin Gala with him. It was the most romantic night of our lives!" Granny said, interrupting me again.
"Granny, I-"
"Oh hush now, Aqua, let me finish mah story!" Granny said. So I just let Granny Smith tell the rest of her story, but she kept blabbering on for hours and hours, and I started to really get bored and tired. I'm quite surprised she didn't notice that my mind was somewhere else because I had that obvious look on my face that I wasn't really listening to her. My mind was so into space (SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE! Heh! I had to do that!), Winona came up to my face and started licking my nose. I don't feel comfortable around dogs, but my mind was nowhere right now. Oh.... wait, did I just say it was in space? Well, space and nowhere are kinda the same.
After a while went by, I looked up to the clock which said 3:49, I used my magic to change the clock to 7:00. "Oh would you look at the time, Granny Smith! I'm so sorry to interrupt your story, but this is the time I normally feed my fish, so I really better get going now." I lied.
"Well then! Time really does fly when yer havin fun! Have a good night, Aqua!" Granny said.
"You too!" I said, as I ran off as quickily as I can out of the orchard, and I headed over to Sugarcube Corner to ask the Cakes their side of the story. I went inside, and I almost stepped on Pound Cake. "Well, I'm pretty ashamed!" I said.
"Good afternoon, dear! What can I do for you?" Mrs. Cake asked.
"Well first, you should keep a closer eye on your kids. I almost stepped on ol Poundy here." I complained.
"Goodness! I am so sorry! He wanders off pretty good for his age!" Mrs. Cake said as she picked him up.
"I envy Pumpkin. When I was a baby, I only knew one spell. She knows alot! I wouldn't be surprised if you put her in Celestia's school." I said.
"Well, Carrot and I have been thinking that, and putting ol Poundy here to Flight Camp." Mrs. Cake said.
"Possum grade awesome!" I said. "Anyways, I need to axe you a few questions."
"Axe away, but be careful how you swing!" Mrs. Cake teased.
"Funny. So, about the robbers from last night." I started.
"How did you know about the robbers?" Mrs. Cake asked.
"Are the robbers back, honey?" Mr. Cake asked, jumping out of nowhere with a big spoon.
"Really, Mr. Cake? You use a spoon as a weapon?" I asked.
"Oh it's pretty effective, trust me." Mr. Cake said, lowing his guard.
"Your microwave is pretty effective too; it helped Spike and I travel in time once. So, do you two have any information about the robbers from last night?" I asked.
"Well...." Mrs. Cake started, but got interrupted by her husband.
"Oh you would love that, wouldn't you?" Mr. Cake asked.
"Lawl what?" I asked.
"It's always questions, questions, questions with the cops! Why don't you all just mind your own business? Ask the criminals questions, and leave us be!" Mr. Cake yelled as he grumpily walked upstairs.
"What was that about?" I asked Mrs. Cake.
"I am so sorry, Flare. My husband has been so grumpy after the robbers broke in. What's ironic is, they didn't steal anything." she said.
"It's understandable, and- wait, what? Did you say 'didn't steal anything'?" I asked.
"Yes, why?" Mrs. Cake asked.
"Rarity said the same thing to me. A robber broke inside her shop, but didn't steal anything." I said.
"Could it be, Engineer again?" Mrs. Cake asked.
"No, she said it was Aqua, but I'm telling you, it wasn't them! They're innocent!" I said.
"I know they're your friends, Flare, and you're really upset and wanting to help them get out, but we just have to face the facts that it was them that trespassed." Mrs. Cake said.
"NO! I keep saying, no! It was evil clones of them!" I yelled. "When I was rescuing my marefriend, Cremepop over at Mareami, Dr. Swinebutt made an evil clone of me, and now the evil clone of me has made evil clones of my friends, and they're trying to ruin them!"
Mrs. Cake sighed, and held me close to her. "Flare, dear, I know you feel in doubt right now. Why don't I make you a nice cup of hot tea? My treat!"
"UGH! SUPER GROANS!" I yelled. "Tea isn't going to help solve my problem! Tea is for when I'm upset, I'm not upset! I'm outraged!"
"So..... hot cocoa?" Mrs. Cake asked.
"YES!" I yelled and slamed on a table. "With marshmallows!" So, Mrs. Cake made me a hot cocoa on the house, and after all the outrage I experienced today, I just wanted to go home.
Meanwhile, Water and Crèmepop walked on over to my trailer, carrying a bunch of shopping bags and giggling. "You think Flare will love these ear rings?" Crèmepop asked.
"Of course he will!" Water said.
"I'm just so glad that I made myself even prettier than before." Crèmepop said.
"Crème, Flare would always think you're pretty." Water said.
"That is true." Crèmepop said.
"Regardless, it's a fact! You're beautiful!" Water said.
Crèmepop giggled. "Thank you, Water!"
"I'm dead serious, you're gorgeous! Flare is lucky to have a mare like you." Water said.
"Water, stop! I'm sure there are many other mares that Flare would think are more attractive than me." Crèmepop said.
"Are you kidding? I'm surprised the whole town didn't hit on you!" Water said.
"Flare thought Pinkie was prettier than me when he went out with her." Crèmepop said.
"Flare doesn't care about looks; he cares about the humor the most. Flare kept saying how awesome you were, but he thought you were just too good for him." Water said.
"You really mean it, Water?" Crème asked.
"If I didn't mean it, I would've said 'kidding' after I said that. Duh! Don't be a dummy!" Water said in an obvious tone.
"Hey! Who you calling a window model?" Crème complained.
As Water and Crème approched my trailer and went inside, they both heard Imperial March playing really loud in my bedroom.
"That's Flare's 'I'm angry, and I'm about to destroy the planet' music." Water said in an annoyed tone. "C'mon, let's just hang in the Lounge for now."
"Wait, if he's upset, shouldn't we talk to him?" Crème asked.
"Shouldn't we talk to him? Have you learned nothing in this past year you've known him for? You know most of his anger is nonsense." Water said. Regardless, Crème just turned around and walked over to my door and opened it. I was sitting on my desk, using my computer wearing an afghan. By that, I didn't mean the computer was wearing the afghan, I was wearing it.
"You ok, sweetie?" Crème asked me.
I just turned around and glared at her. "There's ominous music playing, and there's an afghan over my head. I dunno where you're from, but where I'm from, that means I'm not doing ok." I said.
"You want me to make some tea?" Water asked.
"Tea is for when I'm upset, I'm not upset. The Noble Six were framed and sent to prison. I'm outraged!" I said.
"So.... cocoa?" Water asked.
"Mrs. Cake made me cocoa already." I said.
"Wow, normally cocoa cheers you up this must be serious." Water said.
"UH, YOU THINK?!" I yelled at her sarcastically, then I jumped on my bed with my head on my pillow.
"Yeah, this is serious. He never puts his head on the pillow he keeps his hind hooves on." Water said as she turned off the music. She and Crèmepop both sat down on the sides of my bed to help cheer me up.
"What's wrong, baby?" Crème asked as she started rubbing my back.
"No! Don't rub up, my fur will be all messed up! Rub downwards." I demanded.
"Sorry." Crème said, and started rubbing the opposite direction. "So what happened to the Noble Six? Why did they go to prison?"
"Because of the evil clones Darth Flare made!" I said.
"What did they do?" Crème asked.
"They broke into certain places around Ponyville, didn't steal anything, and just revealed who they were, and ran away. Now the Canterlot Guard arrested all my friends and took them to prison." I explained.
"Why would they do that?" Water asked.
"Probably to ruin the lives of my friends, and I think I'm next!" I said.
"Why don't you ask for help?" Water asked.
"Nopony believes me, sis! I tried reasoning with the guard, the Mane Six, other ponies around town, but nopony believes me! They think this whole 'clone' thing is a bunch of nonsense!" I complained.
"We believe you. Don't we, Crème?" Water asked.
"Yeah, we saw Darth Flare with our own eyes!" Creme said.
"You guys were there, of course you believe me. Nopony else believes me because they never seen a clone before. Dr. Swinebutt was the first to ever successfully make them, or so I know of." I said.
"Then get Swinebutt to help you." Water suggested.
"Are you mad?!" I yelled at Water.
"I'm not mad, I'm just concerned." Water said. "Why would I be mad?"
"No, I mean are you insane?!" I yelled. "Swinebutt's not going to want to help me! Even though Darth Flare did betray Swinebutt, Darth Flare is still doing what he wants, to ruin the lives of me and my friends!"
"If nopony else will help, we'll do this ourselves then!" Crème suggested.
"That's the plan. I've been doing it myself, but nopony is cooperating with me in giving me enough information." I said.
"We'll just have to try harder then." Water said.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's with this 'we' business?" I asked as I sat up on my bed.
“Aren’t we going to help?” Crème asked.
“Negetive.” I said.
“Can you at least think about it?” Water asked.
“Uhhh- No!” I said.
“Why not?!” Water whined.
“Because, like I said during the disharmony beast crisis, it’s not safe for you!” I said.
“Oh phoey, Flare!” Water whined. “Oh! Phoey Flare, that sounds pretty good.”
“Come on! We’ve been through these situations before. Remember when Swinebutt captured me?” Crème asked.
“Yeah, and remember when I saved your flank when Fonz was totally owning you?” Water asked.
“Those were different. We’re talking about SIX evil clones right now! We’re not talking about an abusing stallionfriend, or a psycho pig!” I said.
“And what makes the clones any different?” Crème asked.
“You know that my friends and I can take care of ourselves, well these clones have the same exact powers and intelligents as us, but just evil! If they get a hold of you, you won’t stand a chance.” I explained.
“Like it or not, we’re coming with you, and that’s final!” Crème demanded.
“That’s right, Flarey! We know we mean the world to you, but at the same time, you mean the world to us, and it’s our duty to keep you safe just as much as it’s your duty to keep us safe.” Water said.
“Sigh.” I said. “Alright, fine. You two can come, but you must follow my lead and all times! Do whatever I say, and don’t wander off.” I demanded.
“We read you loud and clear, Mr. Bossman!” Water said.
“Just so we’re clear, I’m only letting you go because the magic 8-Ball here told me to.” I said.
“Fair enough! Now where shall we start?” Crème asked.
“Because they need to keep clear of the Noble Six during their arrest, I doubt they’re still in town.” I said.
“So I guess we start off at the transportation centers. Bus station, trainstation, or airport.” Water said.
“Not airport, too risky. Airport’s got so much security, and I know these clones aren’t stupid enough to enter a place full of feds.” I said.
“So it’s either the bus station or trainstation.” Water said.
“Most likely trainstation. Let’s start over there.” Crème recommended. So the three of us went over to the trainstation, and walked on over to the conductor whom was standing there with his pocket watch.
“Excuse me, sir? We need some information.” Water asked him.
“Water, please. I told you, I wanted to do all the talking.” I demanded.
“But of course! What can I do for you ponies?” the conductor asked.
“First, mind I ask, why are you looking at a pocket watch?” I asked.
“To keep a close eye on the time. Next train arrives in 3 minutes.” The conductor said.
“Alright, but do you think you need to look at that watch, when there’s a clock right there on the wall already?” I asked. “Not to mention, the clock tower is just right over there?” I pointed to the south.
“Look, I’m just here to do my job. Is that all you need?” the conductor asked.
“Yeah, pretty much! Thanks for your time!” I said as I was about to walk away, but Water stopped me.
“Wait, Flare! What about the clones?” she asked.
“Oh yeah, right!” I said as I finally remembered the main reason why we were there. “Have you seen any ponies come by here that looks like this?” I asked the conductor as I showed him a picture of Twilight, Spike and his former pet phoenix.
“Well I know that one is Princess Twilight Sparkle before she was princess, the dragon looks familiar, the phoenix, never seen an actual phoenix before in my life.” The conductor said.
“No, I’m talking about their species. One of my friends is a pony, a dragon, and a phoenix. I was wondering if you seen one of them come by here.” I asked.
“Uhhh…. Ok, what were you saying again?” the conductor asked.
“A pony that’s part dragon, and he has phoenix powers. Have you seen that pony?” I asked, still holding the picture up.
“Flare, I think you’ll need to give more details than that. Not everypony knows who Blaze is.” Crème said.
“Alright, fine.” I said, as I put away the picture and took out another one that showed an ice machine with the word BLAST on, and it’s located at the Crystal Empire.
“Ok, that’s the Crystal Empire, an ice machine, and it has the word blast on it.” The conductor said, observing the picture. “So one of your friends is an ice machine that transported to the Crystal Empire?”
“NO! This is my friend’s name! Crystal Empire, ice machine, the word BLAST!” I explained.
“That seems like a long name for an ice machine, wouldn’t you think?” the conductor asked.
“Flare, you’re really making it hard for this conductor. That is NOT Crystal Iceblast. Not show the friendly conductor an actual picture of one of the Noble Six.” Water ordered.
“Alright, alright! This one is pretty obvious!” I said, as I took out a picture of a bull sitting on a toilet.
“I don’t know!” the conductor observed it, starting to get even more confused than usual. “I haven’t seen a bull around here in ages.
“NOOOOO! Psyche’s not a bull! I’m talking about what’s inside the toilet!” I said.
“Alright that’s enough!” Crème said, pushing me aside. “We’re looking for five ponies by the names of Crystal Iceblast, Red Engineer, Aquatic Armor, Psyche Illusion, and Blaze Goldheart! Have you seen them?”
“Well, I don’t normally remember names right off the bat. Let me go check the archives.” The conductor said, as he walked inside the station to check his files.
“And that is how you do it.” Crème said, winking at me.
“I didn’t think saying the names would be enough. Not everypony remembers everypony’s names.” I said.
“Well it seemed to give more information than those stupid pictures you showed him.” Water said.
“Are you sure? First time I saw those pictures, I automatically knew what they were talking about.” I said.
The conductor came back with a file and said; “Ok, I found the names of the ponies you were looking for. They took a train to Canterlot.”
“Then it’s settled! We’re going to Canterlot!” Crème said.
“Now hang on! For all we know, he could be talking about the real Noble Six that were transported there by guards.” I corrected her.
“I didn’t see any guards with them, although they did all have strange looks on their eyes. I didn’t like it. Kinda worried me.” The conductor explained.
“That is them! So they went to Canterlot too! That must be where they’re basing.” I said.
“In that case, three tickets to Canterlot, please!” Water asked. The conductor gave us the tickets, and we waited for the next train to Canterlot.
“So once you see Darth Flare again, aren’t you gonna teach him a lesson? Gonna give him a great big POW and KICK, not to mention a KEE-YAH?!” Crème yelled, doing some fighting movements.
“No! Last time I he tried to hurt me, he got himself hurt in the process! The strange thing about clones is, it turns out the nerves are connected. I feel what he’s feeling. That’s probably why he tries to stay away from me.” I explained.
“Science works in so many mysterious ways, doesn’t it?” Water asked.
“Well, we’ll find out what’ll actually happen once we actually find them.” I said. So the three of us finally made it to Canterlot by nightfall, and the streets were deserted. I mean, I knew there wouldn’t be many ponies around, but I would think there would be at least a few. We were walking through the empty streets to see if we can find anything that’ll prove useful for hunt. “Anything yet?” I asked.
“Not yet, Flarey.” Crème said.
“I think I stepped in some gum.” Water said.
“Canterlot’s a pretty big city, they could be anywhere!” Crème said.
“My legs are really tired.” Water said.
“We’ve only started walking 5 minutes ago.” Crème said to her.
“But it doesn’t help doing this in the middle of the night. I need my beauty sleep.” Water said.
“You calling having a mud mask on your face ‘beauty’ sleep?” I teased, and Crème giggled.
“Rarity says it really helps the face.” Water said.
“Oh yeah? Normally when I get mud on my face, I get pimples.” I said.
“HALT!” a voice yelled as they shined their flashlights on us.
“GAH! Looks like Darth Flare done his duty! The guards are gonna arrest me now! Oh well, at least I tried.” I said.
“Flare?” Wind Racer said.
“Wind Racer? Thundy? Am I glad to see you!” I said feeling relieved.
“What are you three doing out here?” Thunder asked.
“We’re looking for the clones.” Crème said.
“Don’t tell them that! They won’t believe us!” I said to Crème.
“Don’t worry, we believe you completely!” Wind Racer said.
“What?” I asked.
“Aqua never talks crazy. For what he saw at the time Crèmepop got captured by Dr. Swinebutt, I never doubt him.” Wind said.
“Crystal talks crazy, but I believe her.” Thunder said.
“Awesome! See that Flare? I believe these two want to join us on our adventure!” Water said.
“It’s bad enough you two are at risk staying with me, but now these two want to share the risk?” I asked.
“I’d do anything to get my baby out of jail!” Thunder said.
“Prison’s no place for a pony like Aqua! I have to do all I can to get him out! We can totally take down the ones who are responsible! We can take care of anything! We’re a team!” Wind Racer yelled as she stuck her hoof out in the middle, and Thunder joined along, as well as Water and Crème.
I just stood there and said, “Really? We’re doing this? We’re doing this hoof all together thing?” I asked.
“C’mon, Flare! Join the party!” Water said.
“Uhhh…. Magic 8-Ball? Should I?” I asked it, then I shook it. “Done and done!” I was about to stick my hoof on top of everypony else’s, but before I did that, I placed a wet-wipe on top of the pack, and stuck my hoof on it. “LET’S DO THIS!”
“Why did you place a wet wipe on top?” Thundy asked.
“I have no idea where your hooves have been. Besides, Water said she stepped on gum.” I said.
“With my hind hooves, not my front hooves!” Water corrected me.
“So you guys have any ideas of where to go?” Crème asked.
“Think about it! If there were evil masterminds in Canterlot, where’s the number 1 hiding place where nopony will ever go to?” Wind Racer asked.
“The castle?” Water guessed.
“Really, Water? The castle?” Crème asked.
“It’s where the Cadance imposter was.” Water said.
“I assume it’s Donut Joe’s shop.” Crème said.
“No, no, no! The stadium is where it’s at!” Thunder said.
“Those are all stupid! C’mon! The hidden base is obviously at the Ponyville Express building.” I said.
“Ponyville Express? Flare you’re a moron.” Water said.
“You guys took all the good places in Canterlot.” I complained.
“No we didn’t, you forgot the Canterlot Garden.” Water corrected me.
“That’s a convention in Strongsville, Ohio.” I said.
“That’s also part of the castle, and you said castle already.” Thundy said. As we were all arguing, Wind Racer started to lose her patience.
“Yeah, he’s right, sis.” I said.
“Why you taking his side?” Water asked.
”That’s not taking his side! THIS is taking his side!” I grabbed Thundy’s side and tried to rip it off him.
“OW! OW! What are you doing?!” Thundy yelled.
“Will you all quit it?!” Racer yelled. “I was talking about the Canterlot mines!”
“Canterlot’s got mines?” Crème asked.
“Where did you think all the explosions came from?” Thundy added.
“The caves, guys! The caves! That’s where Queen Chrysalis hidden her prisoners during the royal wedding, and since she’s not there now the clones should be down there!” Racer explained.
“Right! That’s where we’ll find the Anti-Noble Six!” Thundy said.
“Oooo I like that name! Anti-Noble Six!” I said.
“But where we gonna find these caves, Wind Racer?” Crème asked.
“Uhh, they’re right here.” Racer said, pointing to the boarded up entrance.
“I still don’t know why they decided to abandon them.” Thundy said.
“So let’s go in, Flare would you please do the honors?” Water asked. I knew what she was saying, so of course I had to do my super tiresome Shoop spell to break the boards. “Thank you, bro!”
“If you call me mary-sue, I’m kicking you out of my trailer before you’re ready, because I’m telling, that spell is ALWAYS hard to do. COUNT ON IT!” I yelled at her.
“I wasn’t gonna say anything.” Water said.
“Let’s go in, c’mon.” Racer said, leading the way into the cave. We trotted along inside the mines. It was dark, wet, there were the sound of bats and dripping, and lots of rusted mine carts, and I was also in the mood for some cottage cheese, but no time for that now. On the way to finding the clones, I stepped into some sticky goo and got myself stuck.
“Ew, I think I stepped in something!” I said.
“Argh! That’s changeling goo! I can recognize that goo from anywhere!” Crème said.
“Since when was there changeling goo down here?” I asked.
“Didn’t I just say that the changelings used these caves once?” Racer reminded me.
“Right.” I said.
“Don’t worry, bro! I’ll help get you out!” Thundy said.
“No, no, no! I ask the 8-Ball to help me!” I said, taking out the 8-Ball.
“Flare, will you give that 8-Ball a rest?” Water asked.
“The 8-Ball was the one that recommended me to get you two to spend more time together, if you haven’t noticed.” I said. “Oh magic 8-Ball, how do I get out of this sticky goo?” I shook it up, then I took off my shoes and jumped out.
“What did it say?” Crème asked.
“It said: ‘I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes’, that means it recommended me take off my shoes and I’m free, and it worked!” I said.
“Awesome!” Thundy said, bro-hoofing me.
“Oh you poor shoes!” Water said, pitying my shoes that are stuck in the goo. The five of us continued on until we saw five familiar looking ponies up ahead there.
“Look, up ahead!” Crème pointed out.
“Is it a bird? Is it a plane?” Water asked.
“No! It’s, Aquaman!” I yelled. Just then, one of the ponies came out of the shadows, and he looked exactly like Aquatic Armor.
“Well, technically that IS Aquaman.” Thundy teased.
“Aqua?! What are you doing here?” Water asked.
“No! That’s not Aqua! Aqua doesn’t have those….. those eyes!” Racer said, feeling creeped out.
“What’s wrong, Wind Racer? Scared?” Water teased.
“I’m not never scared, Water! You know that!” Racer said. The clone of Aqua’s horn started to glow in the color red, and so did his eyes.
“Oh dear Faust!” Water said. Just then, the other four clones popped up from behind us, and were about to attack.
“C’mon! Let’s give ‘em all we got!” Racer yelled.
“NO! If we attack them, they’ll hurt the real Noble Six!” I said.
“What do you mean?!” Thundy yelled.
“Darth Flare tried to hurt me once, and it backfired on him. Clones share the same nerve as the host, if we want to make sure our friends don’t get in harms way, we have to retreat!” I explained.
“There’s no way we’re backing out of this!” Wind Racer said.
“Yes we are! You punch that Aqua in the nose, real Aqua will end up with a bloody nose. C’mon! We have to get moving!” I yelled. So we all started to run away as Who Let The Dogs Out played in the background. We all ran in circles, from top to bottom. We tried to barricade ourselves in a cave, so we all past rocks to eachother to try to block the cave, but unaware that clone Blaze and clone Engie were also helping in the barricade, and once we found out, we dug out faster than the speed of Flash to get away from them. Thundy even tried the mustache and newspaper trick when clone Crystal came by, and it worked, but when he took off the mustache to try to sneak away, clone Blaze spotted him and chased him.
After all that chasing, just as we thought we were almost in the clear, Crèmepop tripped over a rock and landed on Thundy and both fell on the hard cave ground. The clones were almost on top of those two. Water popped out from the blue, which was also the color of her skin, and used her tidal wave spell to wash the clones away, like the Eensy Weensy Spider. The thing that confuses me about that song is: if a spider goes up a water spout, which is an ocean tornado, how can rain wash it out?
I went to help Crèmepop up and asked, “You alright, babe?”
“I’m fine, Flare! Thank you!” she said and smiled.
“Uhhh, what about me? Aren’t you concerned of my well-being?” Thundy asked.
“Oh, right. How you feeling, Thundy?” I asked him.
“Well I’m feeling-“ he said, but I interrupted him.
“That’s nice, brah. Now, I know you four helped me great, and I really appreciated it, but I think it’s best that I encounter the clones on my own.”
“C’mon Flare, we did great! We didn’t hurt ourselves at all!” Water said.
“Y-yeah…. We didn’t!” Crème said, faking a smile and holding her knee.
“What’s wrong, Crème?” I asked worriedly.
“I’m fine, Flare.” Crème said.
“Don’t lie to me, Crèmey, show me your knee.” I demanded.
“No, I’m fine! It’s…. just a scratch.” She said.
“Oh, I thought it was an arrow.” Thundy teased. I moved Crème’s front hooves, and I saw the scrape on her leg.
“Oh what do you know! I didn’t notice that before!” Crème lied and chuckled embarrassedly.
“You see, this is why I didn’t want you guys to come! I didn’t want four of my closest backup friends getting hurt like this!” I complained.
“Flare, it’s fine! It’s just a little scrape! I’ll survive!” Crème said.
“If that’s the damage tripping a rock can do, you guys obviously aren’t fit to fighting these clones.” I said.
“Backup friends?” Racer asked feeling offended.
“Flare, you see how many scrapes I have? I got more scrapes then her! Why aren’t you worried about me?” Thundy complained.
“You’re a skateboarder, brah. You’re used to it.” I said to him. “Now listen, I put you all in danger too much already. You gotta trust me on this! These clones are no laughing matter. You all did a fantastic job, I admit, but I don’t want you all getting hurt. Now I want you all to leave this cave at once, wait for me outside, and you can try to make sure nopony escapes. It’s the least you can do for me.”
“Flare, we can do more than that! We’re not the Noble Six, yes, but we can handle ourselves! You remember in Hoofture, when all those paranoid seaponies were coming after us? We made a pretty good team there!” Racer explained.
“Yeah, and you seen me tackling Cheerliee after she was about to do something she would regret when you accidently released her wild side.” Thundy said.
“And let’s not forget when Fonz-“ Water was about to explain.
“I heard you and Crème’s already a few hours ago, Water.” I interrupted.
“What we’re saying is, we can take care of ourselves, and if you go in there alone, you’re screwed.” Racer explained.
“Racer, these clones are replicas of my friends, I know what they’re like, and I can take them. Now all you, GO! If I catch you following me, no ice cream after this!” I demanded.
“WHOA! We gotta have the ice cream!” Water panicked. “Ok, Flare, we’re leaving!” Water picked everypony up with her magic and started running out of the cave. That’s a good girl, Water Gun. So I went deeper into the caves to see what I can find.
After a while went by, I entered a cave that was really steamy, I was coughing and wheezing and said, “Dang! I haven’t been through this much steam since the time I went to the sauna with Ditzy!” A cutaway shows me sitting in a sauna with a towel around my waste, when suddenly Derpy comes in, sits down, and starts reading. As she was reading, smoke started coming out of her ears. I held my nose and asked, “Pee-you! Are you thinking again, sista?” The cutaway ends.
As I continued walking through the steam, I knocked myself into a large medal machine, I couldn’t get a good look at the machine counting all the steam (ooo rhyme), so I used my flares to light up the machine and I saw a black circle with a red ‘S’ on it, and on the bottom laid the words ‘Swinebutt Industries’. So this was one of Swinebutt’s machines, I didn’t know for sure what it was, but if I had to guess, it’s the cloning machine. After some of the steam cleared off, I got a better look at the machine, and I do recognize it. It was the same cloning machine I saw back in Mareami, the one that created Darth Flare. I gasped.
“Well, you sure know your way around the caves, don’t you Crimson?” a voice said from behind me.
I turned around fast and I saw it was me, but not me, it was my clone. “Holy Wizard of Hope! Darth Flare!” I said.
“We meet again, at last!” Darth Flare said evilly.
“We sure do, brah! I was wondering when I’d see you again. Knowing me, I thought I would’ve just forgotten about it and moved on with life?” I assumed.
“You thought, replica! You see, even though I left Swinebutt, we still share the same idea. I get rid of you, and take over as Crimson Flare Gun!” Darth Flare said.
“Of course clones would think that, we all watched that episode of Doctor Who.” I said.
“Oh, and check this out!” Darth Flare said as he punched me in the shoulder.
“OW!” I yelled. “That hurt! Wait…. Aren’t you hurt?”
”Nope! I found an antidote! We no longer share the same pains. After using Swinebutt’s blood-changing machine, I changed my blood, hoof-prints, whatever, that’s how we share the same pain, so it’s now like we’re two different ponies!” Darth Flare explained.
“Well I’m glad that’s settled, but you’re not totally like me, you have that dark outfit, those yellow and red eyes, and that red ‘S’ scar on your eye representing Swinebutt!” I said.
“This S I’ve been trying to get rid of since Faust knows how long. I tried everything, but the strange thing is, it’s not a normal scar. No matter what I try it never seems to go away, and if you touch it, it doesn’t even seem like a scar, you can’t feel it. It’s like it’s not even there.” Darth Flare explained.
“Did you try peeling off your skin?” I asked.
“Oooo! That’s really painful! Trust me, I tried without blinding myself, but it seems the scar just comes back. This isn’t everyday technology, Flare, this is a type of magic, a very advanced type of magic that not even Twilight knows!” Darth explained.
“Wait, how do you know about Twilight?” I asked.
“I have all your memories from before I was made, duh!” Darth said.
“Something else confuses me, it’s been months since I last saw you, and you look the exactly the same. You were suppose to be a foal when you were made and age quickly, what happened?” I asked.
“The cloning machine has an aging device on it. I must say, Swinebutt is indeed a genius when it comes to creating stuff, and math, but he’s a fool in his social life, and plans. He should always think twice before creating a replica of somepony he betrayed.” Darth explained.
“Yeah, same goes with that Discord-Chrysalis-Sombra monster from a little while ago.” I said.
“Ah, yes! I heard of that! You used the same method to defeat them the same way you defeated Swinebutt and his goons. I must say, I am rather impressed of how music works.” Darth said.
“The power of polka compels you, brah!” I said.
“Indeed, and now that we have you here, time to end this!” Darth said, activating his hornsaber.
“Wait, just to ask, why did your other clones get my friends in prison, but you left me free?” I asked.
“I was going to do it, but I figured you’d find out where I was, and I can end you myself!” Darth said.
“Fair enough!” I said, activating my hornsaber. “Let’s do this thang!” So I had a little hornsaber battle with Darth, but no need to go into details, you’ve seen me do them before. Just then, the other clones showed up as we were battling and started to tackle me.
“NO! NO!” Darth yelled.
“We got him! You can defeat him now!” clone Blaze said.
“No, Traehdlog Ezalb!” Darth yelled. “I was suppose to defeat him fairly! You ruined everything!”
“Wait, what did you just call him?” I asked.
“My name is Traehlog Ezalb.” Clone Blaze said.
“That’s Blaze Goldheart in reverse.” Darth said.
“Don’t tell him that you, idiot!” Traehlog yelled at him.
“If y’all won’t end him, WE WILL!” clone Engie said.
“Don’t you dare, Blue Engineer!” Darth yelled at him.
“Yes! Don’t you dare!” Wind Racer said as she popped out of nowhere, kicking all the clones off of me and spreading them across the room. The others also pop out of nowhere hoof-cuff the other clones while the clones were trying to regain their senses after being spreaded across the room.
“Need a hoof…. Cuff?” Thundy asked.
“See, Flare? You did need our help after all!” Water said, giving me a wink.
“No I didn’t! This isn’t safe! All of you leave before you get yourselves hurt!” I ordered them.
“Flare, we just took out Darth Flare’s entire clone support.” Crème said.
“I knew this was just too suspicious for Flare coming in by himself.” Clone Crystal said.
“Ya think ya will hold us for long?” clone Aqua asked.
“Actually, yes!” Wind Racer said. “You impostered my brother, got him into trouble and sent him to jail! Now I think it’s time for a prisoner switch!”
“Isn’t it prisoner ‘exchange’?” clone Psyche corrected her.
“Shut up, Psyche!” Water said to him.
“WHAT?!” Psyche clone yelled.
“Oooo, tough move, Water. You shouldn’t say shut up to clone Psyche. He’ll end you when he gets the chance.” Clone Crystal warned her.
“Well, it looks everything is going to be ok!” I said.
“Not quite.” Water said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You just let Darth Flare get away while you were talking to us.” Crème said.
“WHAT?!” I panicked. I looked in front of me, and he wasn’t there. “Oh for Wizard of Hope’s sake! I was this close! I made the replica of me get away!”
“It’s alright, Flare. We captured the Anti-Noble Six, this should be just enough proof to convince the regular Noble Six that they are innocent!” Water said.
“Anti-Noble Six, huh? Ah like that name!” clone Engie nodded. So we all took the Anti-Noble Six over to the courthouse at the last second. Phoenix Wright was already doing a great job in proving their innocence, but just to be safe, we turned in the clones, and the trial was a success. The Noble Six were finally free. We all felt so relieved of their return. We all walked outside the jail and hugged them and had a little chat with them.
“It’s about time you got us out!” Crystal complained.
”Hey, no need to complain! We helped you get out!” Thundy said.
“Yeah, that’s true. Thanks, Thundy!” Crystal said giving him a kiss on the cheek and hugging him tight, but after a few moments she pushes him away and says, “I’m still mad that you tattled on me.”
“Blaze, what was prison like? Did they torture you?” Candy asked.
“No, no they didn’t.” Blaze said.
“Did they stuff your head in the toilets?” Candy asked.
“No! This wasn’t even prison, this was just jail!” Blaze said.
“Did you have the ‘fun in the showers’, whatever that means?” Candy asked.
“CANDY! Who told you about that?!” Blaze asked.
“Shame on you, Aqua! You had me worried sick!” Wind Racer yelled at him.
“Wasn’t my fault! Ya know ah was impostered!” Aqua said.
“Well, you should be more careful next time!” Wind Racer said.
“What are ya, my mom?” Aqua complained.
“Oh, I’m so glad you all are safe!” Water said.
“Well, if it wasn’t for y’all, we would still be in there!” Engie said.
“That’s for sure! It was really a good idea for them to send Phoenix Wright to help us out in the trial! That dude’s a genius!” Psyche said.
“Yeah, but even though we captured the clones, Darth Flare got away.” I said.
“Look on the bright side! At least he’s alone, and the guards captured that cloning machine so Darth Flare won’t be able to make any more clones.” Engie said.
“And it’s all because of our help, Flare!” Crème said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Flare, if you were just in there alone, you wouldn’ve never stood a chance. I know you want us to be safe and unharmed, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the good. If we were harmed, which we weren’t, at least it wasn’t in vein.” Crème explained. "So how about we charge up that Blessings of the Night?”
“Yeah, you helped us all out at once! I think we should all charge it up!” Psyche suggested.
“NO! That’s too much! I’d rather you all charge it up one at a time. I promise, next time I help you dudes and dudets out, you can all charge it up then, but for now, I think I should be the one to charge it up.” I said, as I took the Luna Blessings out of my pocket, leaned it against my heart, and charged it up. The Blessings started to glow, and I felt the friendship going inside me, the friendship…… of self. Once I was done, I put it back in my pocket.
“Why did you just it up yourself?” Water asked.
“Because I think I did great. I asked for your help, and I had complete faith in myself. It is always good to be your own friend, so the third pony that charged up the Blessings waaaaaaaaaas me!” I said.
“Ah guess that makes sense.” Engie said.
“And you didn’t ask for our help, we came to the rescue ourselves!” Water corrected me.
“But it was my instincts that told you to help me!” I said.
“Yeah, heh, sure!” Water said sarcastically, and we all laughed, except me.
“Wait, should we laugh?” I asked the magic 8-Ball, shook it, and read it. “Buddy, maybe you should ask somepony else for advise.”
“Why do you bother using this thing still?” Crème asked.
“HEY! Don’t talk about the magic 8-Ball that way! It was actually the one to tell me to leave you behind!” I said.
“Oh in that case.” Water grabs my magic 8-Ball and throws it over the Canterlot cliffs.
“HEY, sis! NOT COOL!” I said angrily.
Later that day after we all went on home, I went over to the prison visiting area wearing some big trendy sunglasses, as the guards went by I said, “Sup brah?” in a creepy voice. The guards didn’t seem to care and just walked by. I went on over to a visiting booth with the clones.
“Flare Gun, what brings ya here?” clone Aqua asked.
“I just feel so bad for bringing you too in this dreadful place, and I want to make it up to you by giving you a gift!” I said, as I placed little box in the slot, and clone Engie took it.
“Oh, what is this?” clone Engie asked.
“Just a little gift. I recommend opening it later.” I said.
“Well, I must say, thank you, Flare Gun!” Traehdlog said with a creepily smile
“It is my pleasure, brahs!” I said, as I lifted my shades revealing my yellow and red eyes and scar. Oops, this wasn’t me, it was Darth Flare in disguise! Nice twist, huh? So Darth Flare chuckled evilly and winked at the clones.
One faithful day in Los Pegasus- wait, hang on a second. They’re calling in Las Pegasus again? Make up your mind, Hasbro! I mean it’s where Applewood is, it should be Los! Whatever. One faithful day in LAS Pegasus- mmh- Galactic Studios was having a meeting to think about their next movie.
“Filles and gentlecolts.” The head of the company started the conversation. “Welcome to Galactic Studios! Now we’re here to discuss what shall our next movie be. As you may realize, our last movie was quite success, a true comedy! But now, it’s time to create an adventurous new movie, and this movie is from a famous storybook. Jerry Jam, take over.”
A purple stallion with a smooth hair-style stood up and said in an Australian accent, “Oi! Good afternoon! My name is Jerry Jam!”
”I told them that already.” The boss interrupted him.
“Of course, mah mistake, sir.” Jerry Jam corrected himself. “This new movie I have in store comes from the famous storybook series known as Daring Do. As you know, I am a huge fan of the Daring Do stories, so I have decided to write up a new movie series based on the famous stories! It’ll be just like the Daring Do series. We start off with the Sapphire Stone story, Daring Do breaks her wing and crash lands in the jungle. She finds the temple, takes the stone, gets hit by traps and escapes. But now this time will be different. I mean yes, they all will happen, but there will be more story that takes place before Daring arrives at the jungle. It would turn out that Ahuizotl and Daring actually meet before the events of the Daring Do story.”
Jerry passes out the script to everypony in the room, and they all seemed rather impressed of the unique storyline that Jerry added to the story. They all commented on the fascinating job that Jerry did to the story and all agreed that they should give it a try. “So, it seems the crew seemed to like your story, Jerry Jam. For all in favor of making this movie, say I.” the boss requested.
“I!” almost everypony in the room said.
“Eye!” one of the other ponies in the room yelled out, holding a plastic eyeball.
“For those who decline.” The boss added.
“NEIGH!” one of the ponies that looked more horse-like said.
“The eyes have it! It’s settled! The time has come to create Daring Do: The Movie!” the boss said.
“Thank ya, sir! Really, ya don’t know how thankful ah am of this!” Jerry said excitedly.
“It’s no problem at all, my boy!” the boss said. “Now, if you would be so kind, I have a director that’ll fit perfectly for the job. He’s new, but he’s good!” the boss said.
“And who might this director be, if ya don’t mind me askin.” Jerry requested.
“That would be we!” a pony said in an Elmer Fudd accent as he stepped into the room.
“Who might you be?” Jerry asked.
“This is Director Hellman Mayo. I have seen some director work he did, and I must say I am quite impressed with his directing skills.” The boss said.
“I am wonfidant that we will be a wery weffective team, Wister Wam.” Hellman said.
“I know he has a funny accent.” The boss whispered to Jerry’s ear. “But don’t worry about it. If he says ‘wut’, it actually means ‘cut’, if he says ‘waction’ he means ‘action’, just follow the W’s.”
“Got it, sir!” Jerry whispered back.
“Now go out there and make a work of art, my boy! Make us proud!” the boss said, patting Jerry on the back.
“Ah won’t let you down, boss!” Jerry said as he stepped outside with Hellman. “So, Mr. Mayo.”
“Wease, call me Wellman.” Hellman requested.
“Ok….. Wellman.” Jerry teased.
“You know what I wean.” Hellman said grumply.
“Right, right, sorry. Now, I’ll need ya to study this script. We also need a good cast. I’m sure our producer can whip up a great cast!” Jerry said.
“Mind if I find the actor for Waring Wo?” Hellman asked.
“Not a problem at all, mate! Be sure ya email the producer saying so. Ah also hope ya know what you’re doing.” Jerry said.
“Won’t worry, Jer! Ol Wellman knows wexactly what he’s dwoing!” Hellman said smiling at him.
“If ya say so!” Jerry said as he walked off to get to work on the movie. Hellman lifts his eyepatch revealing his cybernetic eye and he chuckles evilly. “Wext stop: Wonyville!”
Meanwhile in ‘Wonyville’, heh, I was sitting in my trailer watching TV with Crèmepop, who is cuddling on my shoulder as we watched. “We now return to the Adam’s Family on PNT.” The TV announcer said. Adam Sandler was watching TV in his house in the movie as the doorbell rang.
“HONEY?! CAN YOU GET THE DOOR?!” his wife yelled.
“I’M BUSY!” Adam yelled back.
“Oh, shoot, dear!” his wife said fussily as she (who also played as Adam Sandler wearing a dress) walked over to the door to open it. She opens the door, and a cop stands outside with the son of the family who was played by Adam Sandler, who was wearing a leather jacket and a hat was leaning against the cop.
“This your son?” the cop asked.
“Oh no! What happened?” the wife asked.
“He was caught putting gum underneath the tables at Chuckie Cheeses.” The cop said.
“Again?!” the wife complained.
“The trash bins were full!” the son whined.
“Oh good grief! I am so sorry about this, officer!” the wife said, taking the son.
"Hey, no matter. It's not every day you see a whole family played by one comedian that plays in alot of movies with David Spade! You take care of yourselves now!" the officer said as he walked off.
“Hey dad, can I borrow 40 bits?” another girl played by Adam Sandler asked.
“I told you, you’re not going to that concert! I don’t want you to throw away your thongs to a bunch to a teen band that are not going to treasure them.” The dad said.
“Relax, dad! I’m throwing out my blouses.” The daughter said.
“Oh, in that case…. Have fun!” the dad said, giving her a 40-bit bill.
“Thank you, daddy!” the daughter said excitedly, giving him a hug.
“How do they do that?” I asked.
“How do they what?” Crème asked.
“How do they get the same actor to play as multiple characters?” I asked.
”Simple: They’re changelings!” Crème said.
“No, that’s crazy! Everypony knows they used the magic mirror pond at Everfree.” I said. Just then, the doorbell rang. “WATER, CAN YOU GET THAT?!”
“WHAT AM I, YOUR SERVANT?!” Water yelled back.
“AS LONG AS YOU’RE LIVING IN MY TRAILER, YES!” I yelled.
“I’M POLISHING MY HOOF-NAILS RIGHT NOW!” Water yelled.
“LIKE THAT’S SO IMPORTANT!” I yelled sarcastically.
“YOU’RE WATCHING A MOVIE, THAT’S LEAST IMPORTANT!” Water yelled.
“YOUR MAKE-UP WILL BE THERE WHEN YOU GET BACK! I DON’T WANT TO MISS THE MOVIE!” I yelled.
Water groaned. “FINE!”
“You know, this movie is actually on Netflix, you can pause it.” Crème said to me.
“Shhhh.” I shushed her, winked at her, and then we both chuckled mischievously.
Water went over to the door and used the security camera eyeball outside to see who it is, and it was Blaze. Water then opened the door for him and said, “Hey, Blaze! What’s up?”
“Hey, Water! Not much, I just got back from training a few Wonderbolt cadets. Is Flare home?” Blaze asked.
“Of course you ask for Flare, nopony cares about poor little ol Water Gun.” Water complained.
“No, no! It ain’t like that at all!” Blaze said.
“No, I understand, Flare is big reputation around here, and I’m just his sister who so happens to live with him.” Water said grumpily.
“Don’t take it the wrong way, Water.” Blaze asked.
“Just get your plot inside and go see him.” Water demanded, feeling offended still.
“Uhh, ok.” Blaze said as he walked inside and into the lounge.
“Hey, Flare! Hey, Crèmepop!” Blaze greeted.
“Hey, Blaze!” Crème said.
“Sup brah?” I asked.
“Just came back from training cadets. What are you up to?” Blaze asked.
“Watching Adam’s Family!” Crème said.
“Yeah, we were actually looking for Addam’s Family, you know with buh-duh-duh-dum.” Snap, snap. “Buh-duh-duh-dum!” Snap, snap. “Buh-duh-duh-dum, buh-duh-duh-dum, buh-duh-duh-dum!” Snap, snap. “But instead we found this, and it’s hilarious!” I said.
“I see! Anyways, I was asking if you two have any plans tonight?” Blaze asked.
“NO! I DON’T HAVE ANY PLANS, THANKS FOR ASKING!” Water yelled from the bedroom.
I just rolled my eyes and said, “No we don’t, brah. Why?”
“Well, since Candy Cotton went to go hang out with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and Pinkie offered to look after Rose so she can spend time with the Cake’s kids, Rainbow and I thought we could hang out here tonight and have some fun!” Blaze suggested.
“That’s a great idea, Blaze! Crème and I never been on a double-date with you and Rainbow before!” I said.
“That’s because the only double-dates you’ve been in with us was with Pinkie.” Blaze said.
“Right. You in, Crèmey?” I asked.
“Sounds like fun! I’m in!” Crème said.
“AND OF COURSE NOPONY INVITES ME!” Water yelled.
“IF YOU HAVE A DATE YOU CAN JOIN US! DO YOU HAVE A DATE?!” I yelled.
“YES!” Water yelled.
“WHAT’S HIS NAME?!” I yelled.
“MEADOW SONG!” Water yelled.
“I THOUGHT YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM?!” I yelled.
“I DID! BUT I CAN TRY TO GO BACK WITH HIM!” Water yelled.
“THEN DO SO!” I yelled.
“UHHH…. ON SECOND THOUGHT, I THINK I HAVE PLANS WITH WIND RACER!” Water yelled.
“Well, regardless, Crème and I would be happy for you and Rainbow to come over!” I said.
“Awesome! I’ll see you tonight! 6?” Blaze asked.
“AM or PM?” I asked.
“I said ‘tonight’, what do you think that means?” Blaze asked sarcastically.
“How am I supposed to know? You didn’t say AM or PM.” I said. That night finally came, and Rainbow Dash and Blaze were standing outside waiting for us to open up. Crèmepop does the honors in answering the door.
“Blaze, Rainbow! Good to have you both here!” Crème said.
“You said it! This night is going to be awesome!” Rainbow said.
”You can say that again!” Blaze said.
“Nah, once is good enough. I want to give myself energy to beat any of you in all the games that Flare’s giving us tonight!” Rainbow said, smirking at Blaze.
“Oh yeah? We’ll see about that!” Blaze said.
“Looks like we’re going to have come competition! Come in! Come in!” Crème said, letting them in. “Flare’s in his bedroom getting ready.”
“I didn’t know he’d be like his sister of getting ready.” Blaze teased.
“The saddest thing about it is: All he’s trying to do is find the right vest.” Crème said.
“I dunno, guys! Which vest do you think I should wear tonight? I am so nervous! You think they’ll like my choice?” I asked my fish.
“You think they’ll care?” Piddles asked.
“Of course they’ll care, Piddles! If you are to have a great night, you have to look the part!” Pearl said.
“I dunno why he’s having such a fuss of this. All his vests look exactly the same.” Rainbow said.
“No! What about the one that we saw before with the dark spot?” Darrel asked.
“That was a grease spot, it doesn’t come with the fashion. He just spilled something on it and now it’s stained.” Rainbow said.
“Poor vest.” Pearl said.
“How about this one? This one make me look fat?” I asked, as I leaned a vest against my chest.
“They all look the same! What’s his problem?” Dorthey asked.
“Nah, I can see this one has a little sauce stain on it.” Pearl said.
“Wow, you really have good eye sight, Pearl.” Yoyo said.
“When you’re a fashion lover like me, you’d understand.” Pearl said.
“C’mon, Flare! Hurry up! We’re waiting for you!” Crème yelled from the other side of the trailer.
“Be there in a minute, babe!” I yelled. I put on the vest I had in my hooves and zoomed out of my room.
“And he took the stained one.” Pearl complained.
“Why you complaining? Stains may look my fashionable than those blank vests with nothing on it.” Piddles assumed.
“Maybe it won’t matter. Maybe nopony will notice.” Rainbow assumed. I joined up with the others in the lounge, and I took out two white boards because the game we’re going to play is Pictionary, a game where ponies have to guess what the drawer is drawing.
“You know, I am disappointed that I won’t be able to celebrate my Aunt Beretta Gun’s birthday tonight. The shop has been so exhausting today!” I said.
“I know, but at least you can call her on the phone!” Crème said, trying to comfort me.
“Yes, it’s just that in all the years I’ve known her, she’s never had the opportunity to receive my admiration. I was excited to see the look on her face when it finally happened.” I said.
“You’re unbelievable.” Rainbow Dash said to me.
“I know.” I said.
“Alright, Pictionary! What are the teams?” Blaze asked.
“How about boys vs. girls?” Rainbow suggested.
“Oooooh that hardly seems fair, but whatever team I’m not on has the decided disadvantage.” I said.
“Once again, unbelievable.” Rainbow said in an annoyed tone.
“Once again, I know.” I said.
“Alright, round one.” Rainbow said as she showed me the card that says what we have to draw.
“Got it.” I said as I looked at it.
“Ok. Ready? Go!” Rainbow yelled as she started drawing a cube of some sort.
“Uhh, box?” Crème guessed. “A window?” As for me I was drawing a bunch of circles on sticks with rectangles in the background.
“Batman!” Blaze guessed. “Batman and Robin! Uh, Wonder Twins plus the monkey. Wonder Twins plus the monkey and Batman!”
“Uh, gift? Uh, present?” Crème guessed.
“Present! Yeah!” Rainbow yelled as her and Crème both cheered.
“Ooooh, Blaze! Now how can you not get that?” I asked him.
“Uhh, how in the universe is that a present?” Blaze asked.
“It’s not A present, it’s THE present! Look, there’s you, me, there’s Rainbow, Crème. We’re playing Pictionary – in THE PRESENT!” I explained to him.
“Oh my Celestia we’re gonna kill them!” Rainbow said to Crème. So it was Blaze and Crème’s turn to draw while Rainbow and I tried to guess. They both started drawing some circle figures with dots inside the circle.
“It’s an olive pizza with extra cheese, thin crust, along with Rao’s Homemade Spaghetti sauce!” I guessed.
Blaze turned around with an awkward face and said, “No.”
“It’s olive pizza with extra cheese, thin crust, along with Rao’s Homemade Spaghetti sauce WITH diced up veggies inside!” I guessed.
“It’s not a type of pizza.” Blaze said.
“It’s an open burrito with little chunks of corn inside along with a hint of Tabasco Hot Sauce, cheese, lettuce, sour cream, and fresh homemade guacamole made of fresh avocados from the market.” I guessed.
“No!” Blaze said in an annoyed tone.
“It’s a chocolate chip cookie!” Rainbow guessed.
“YES!” Crème yelled as the two mares cheered.
“How can you miss that?!” Blaze complained.
“HEY! If you want somepony to guess chocolate chip cookie, you draw a glass of milk next to it.” I corrected him.
"Rainbow got it!" Blaze complained.
"Yeah, only because I eliminated all the obvious answers." I said to Blaze, then I turned to Rainbow and said, "You're welcome!"
Round 3, it was Rainbow and mine’s turn up at the boards again; I started drawing some sausages first and showed it to Blaze. “Uhh, sausage?” Blaze guessed. I started giving hoof signals showing that he was close and he kept guessing. “Bratwust? Oh, a hot dog!” I just facehoofed because he was getting colder to the answer.
Rainbow Dash however was just watching; she wasn’t drawing. “Dashie, you gonna draw something?” Crème asked her.
“Relax, we got time, this is so fun!” Rainbow said and chuckled. Next, I drew a bowl of soup right under the sausage and showed it to Blaze.
”An alien spaceship?” Blaze guessed. I smirked at him, because he was nowhere close. “I dunno, an unidentified flying liverwurst?”
“Now?” Crème asked Rainbow who was still not drawing.
“Soon.” Rainbow said.
Just then I drew ovals right below the bowl. ”C’mon, brah! I am spoon feeding this to you!”
“I dunno, a squished parasprite?” Blaze guessed giving up hope on ever getting the answer.
“Alright, I had enough.” Rainbow said as she started drawing a hoof and scribbled at the end of it.
“Hoof…. nail….. polish?” Crème guessed.
“Yep!” Rainbow said as the mares cheered.
“NO! NO! The word is Polish!” I corrected them, and by Polish I meant the country not ‘polish’ as in nail polish. I started explaining my drawing. “See? POLISH sausage, and the Flaki tripe soup created in the Middle Ages of POLISH cuisine, and finally if that wasn’t enough, which it should’ve been, these ovals are Traditional POLISH smoked cheese.
“Excuse me, Flare, but the word is ‘polish’. See? Small P.” Rainbow corrected me as she showed me the card.
“Oh. So it is. I guess we both share the blame on this one.” I said to Blaze.
Meanwhile, outside, Spike was just getting some sending some scrolls over to town hall when suddenly he runs into the CMCs. "Hey, watch it!" Spike yelled, unaware that it's them.
"You watch it, bud!" Scoots yelled.
"Scootaloo?" Spike asked as he puts down the scrolls. "Oh, hey girls!"
"Howdy, Spike! Whatcha been up to?" Apple Bloom asked.
"Just delivering these scrolls to Mayor Mare. What are you girls up to?" Spike asked.
"We're just about to go get some dinner." Sweetie Belle said.
"Can't go crusading on an empty stomach, would we?" Scoots asked.
"Hey! What are you girls taking so long?!" Candy Cotton yelled.
"Just talking to Spike!" Sweetie yelled.
"Well hurry it up!" Candy yelled.
"Since when was Candy Cotton a part of the crusaders?" Spike asked.
"Oh she isn't part of the crusaders, she just likes to hang with us for fun." Scoots said.
"I thought ya said ya wanted her to hang with us because ya requested Rainbow Dash to have her hang with us?" Apple Bloom asked her.
"Shhhh! Don't tell him that!" Scoots whispered.
"Well, I can see you girls are a bit busy right now, so I'll just be on my way." Spike said.
"Wait, Spike, look at that!" Scoots pointed out.
"At what?" Spike asked.
"Over at the wall, the poster." Scoots said, pointing on a poster on the building.
"Actress wanted for the staring character of the new movie: Daring Do: And the Quest for the Sapphire Stone." Spike read. "Hey, isn't this Rainbow Dash's favorite book?"
"Sure is!" Scoots said.
"Rainbow reads it to Rose and I all the time before we head to sleep!" Candy said.
"Hey! Maybe Rainbow Dash can go sign her up to play as her!" Apple Bloom suggested.
"That's a great idea, Apple Bloom! Rainbow Dash would be an awesome Daring Do! If you can compare them, they actually look alike!" Scoots said.
"Now that you mention it, Rainbow Dash does look like Daring Do a bit." Sweetie said, looking at the poster.
"You should go show this to Rainbow Dash right away!" Scoots said, giving Spike the poster.
"You're right! But she's right now having a double-date with Flare and Crèmepop." Spike said.
"You gotta show this Rainbow Dash!" Scoots yelled at Spike shaking his shoulders. "She'll be famous, she'll become the legendary Daring Do! YOU HAVE TO SHOW THIS TO HER!"
"Ok, Scoots, ok!" Spike said, feeling a little disturbed from Scootaloo's yelling.
"Run, Spike! Run as fast as you can!" Scoots yelled. Spike started running over to my trailer like what Charlie did on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the old one, not the newer one with Johnny Depp).
Once he got to my trailer, he falls on the ground, holds his knee and painfully moans, "Sssssss! Ahhhhh! Sssssss! Ahhhhhh!"
Meanwhile back inside our trailer, the four of us were about to start our next game. "Alright, glasses on." Rainbow said to Crème and Blaze as they took out their Where's Waldo books, so it would be more difficult to find him. "Find Waldo!" she said, starting the race, and they both started.
"Hurry up! Find him! Find him!" I yelled at Blaze.
"I'm trying! Don't yell at me!" Blaze yelled.
"For Wizard of Hope's sake! He's wearing a hat, glasses, and a red stripe shirt!" I reminded him.
"I know what he looks like!" Blaze yelled at me.
"Oh there he is! I found him!" Crème yelled in excitement.
"YES! We win again!" Rainbow cheered.
"How can you not find him?!" I asked.
"Because he's hard to find!" Blaze yelled. "If he was easy to find, the books would be called THERE'S WALDO!"
Time to start our next game. Rainbow and I spun around on two toy lightsabers. "57.... 58.... 59..... that's 1 minute!" Blaze said. Both Rainbow and I got up, Rainbow fell over and Crème helped her up, and we both walked to our white boards to do long-division.
"Long division! Long division! Go, go, go!" Crème said.
"Remember, show your work." Blaze reminded us.
On my board I tried to write a 2, but it got all scribblely out of my dizziness. "I'm ok! I'm ok!" I said as I fell on the ground pulling the white board with me. "Not ok."
"C'mon, get up! We can't lose at math!" Blaze yelled.
"57!" Rainbow yelled.
"YES!" Crème cheered as they both hoof-bumped. For our next challenge, Rainbow and I were about to wrestle.
"Ready.... set.... WRESTLE!" Crème yelled as Rainbow flipped me over at the first second and won instantly.
"1, 2, 3, Rainbow wins!" Crème yelled.
"If this game included magic, I would've kicked your flank already!" I pouted at Rainbow.
"Welcome to Ponyville, 'brah'." Rainbow smirked at me.
"Don't use my own slangs against me, sista!" I glared at her.
Now for our final round we all placed our hooves behind our backs, and had four blueberry pies in front of us. Rainbow discussed the rules. "Standard state fair pie eating contest rules are: No hooves, or magic-"
"Or wings." I added. "You know, I just realized I'm the only one here without any wings."
"First one to clean the pan wins." Rainbow said.
"On the count to three." Crème said. "One.... two-"
"Wait!" I interrupted her. "I'm a little concerned. Should I take off my vest before eating this. I don't want to get it stained."
"Dude, your vest is the same color as the pie, I don't think anypony would notice." Blaze said.
"Besides, there's already a sauce stain on it." Crème added.
"What?! I thought nopony would notice!" I complained.
"Brah, we haven't won a game all night, so you either stuff your face in that pie, or I'll stuff that pie in your face!" Blaze threatened me.
"That's rude." I said.
"1.... 2.... 3.... EAT!" Crème started the pie eating contest and we all stuffed our faces in the pie and started eating them all up.
Spike barged into my trailer and said, "Hey guys, I find this movie addition flyer."
"NOT NOW!" we all yelled at him and continued eating up the pie.
"But Rainbow Dash, this is important! Galactic Studios is looking for somepony to play as Daring Do in the new Daring Do movie they're developing." Spike said.
"OH! OH! Blueberry in my nose! Blueberry in my nose!" I yelled.
"Snort it down and keep eating!" Blaze yelled at me. I snorted down the blueberry and I continued eating my pie.
"Wait just a second. Time out." Rainbow said, and we all stopped. "Did you say Daring Do?"
Spike started to laugh really hard. "You should really see your faces right now!"
I looked at us and I laughed along. "Yeah we do look funny, don't we, brah?"
"Let me see that flyer." Rainbow requested as Spike gave her the flyer and read it. "Well what do you know! Somepony is looking for a pony to addition to play as Daring Do in the new Daring Do movie!"
"That's awesome! You should totally addition!" Blaze suggested.
"Me? Nah! I'm in Wonderbolts Academy right now." Rainbow said. "Besides, I'm probably not as awesome as Daring Do."
"Oh yeah? Well you do look alot like her." Spike said.
"I do?" Rainbow asked as she looked on the picture of Daring on the flyer, then taking a mirror and looking at herself. "I don't see the difference."
"Here." Crème gave Rainbow a napkin so she wiped the blueberry pie mush out of her face.
"Oh now I see it!" Rainbow said. "Wow! I never noticed that before!"
"So if you do a little recolor, dye your hair and your coat, put on Daring's outfit, and you'd look exactly like her!" Blaze said.
"That's awesome!" Rainbow cheered. "I'm gonna go addition right away! I'm gonna be a star!" Rainbow had stars on her eyelids, cheered in excitement, and ran out of the trailer to go addition.
"You're leaving in the middle of a contest, that means you forfeit and we win!" I yelled at her. "Woo hoo! We won, Blaze!"
"Not just that, Rainbow is gonna be a star!" Blaze said.
"Shouldn't she be in outer space to be a star?" I asked.
"Typical Flare." Crème said and giggled.
"Wow! Rainbow Dash a main character on the big screen! Now that is news to share with the others!" Spike said as he too ran out of my trailer to tell his friends.
"Flare, I think I can see a bright future within my wife! Not only is she close to being a wonderbolt, but she's gonna be an actress!" Blaze said excitedly. “What puzzles me is, why couldn’t get they get the actual Daring Do to play the part?”
“Aw c’mon, Blaze, you think she actually exists?” I asked.
“Rainbow said she does.” Blaze said.
“Oh yeah? Does she have any proof?” I asked.
“Rainbow was on the cover of the last book.” Blaze said.
“Yeah, and?” I asked.
“I guess I never thought of it that well.” Blaze said.
“Exactly! Daring Do is just an urban legend. Or as I call the story: a Wonderbolt ad.” I said.
"I'm so proud, Blaze! Rainbow is certainly living the dream she never thought of actually doing!" Crème said.
"I know, it's amazing!" Blaze said.
"And what makes an amazing actress?" I asked.
"Practice?" Blaze asked.
"Noooo." I said as I winked at him.
"I dunno, what?" Blaze asked.
"An amazing agent!" I said.
"Now, Flare, I don't know if that's correct." Blaze said.
"But Rainbow cannot be accepted in a movie without a possum grade awesome agent, and you know who'll make a great agent?" I asked.
"Photo Finish?" Crème asked.
"No! Me!" I corrected her.
"That sounds like a great idea!" Blaze said.
"So you're leaving town AGAIN, huh? And leaving me in charge of your shop, all alone?" Crème asked upsettingly.
"That's not true, Cremey! You got Lyra and Bonnie!" I said, trying to comfort her.
"Yeah, but they're not you." Crème said, snuggling me.
"I'm sorry, Crèmey." I said.
"No, no, you obviously aren't interested in me that much, you just wander off leaving me behind." Crème said in denial.
"That's not true! Look, being an agent, I'll get alot of money for us!" I said.
Crème started to groan upsettingly.
"Don't worry! I'll call you every day!" I promised.
"Sure, that's what they all say." Crème said angrily as she marched over to one of the bean bag chairs and sat on it, pouting.
"You wanna come with me then?" I asked her.
"No... somepony's gotta look after the shop." she said.
"I'm serious, you can come!" I said.
"No, no. It's fine." she lied.
"You sure?" I asked.
"Of course I'm sure." she said.
"You know when mares say that, I know it's not true. You can never impress them, like my first marefriend." I said. A cutaway shows me with the most popular mare at my school Blueberry Pie; as well as my ex-marefriend.
"You're so beautiful!" I said to her.
"No I'm not, I'm ugly!" she said.
"Ok fine, you're ugly then." I said.
Blueberry slapped me and yelled, "HOW RUDE!" then she runs away crying.
I look at the screen and a TV announcer said, "The following joke was brought to you by: Mares!"
"MARES: We can't understand them." a choir sang in the background. The cutaway ends.
"Well, let's get going! WAIT! I can't take Rose with me on this trip! It could be dangerous! You know how towns like L.P. are. I need a foal-sitter." Blaze said.
"Maybe you can just stay with her." I suggested.
"But I can't leave Rainbow! I have to go to provide support." Blaze said.
"I'll be with her, don't worry! Besides, don't you have Wonderbolt cadets to look after?" I asked.
"Flare, I'm going." Blaze said.
"I'll look after Rose and Candy for you." Crème offered.
"Thanks, Crème, but you don't have to." Blaze said.
"Really, it'll be an honor!" Crème said then glares at me.
"Alright, well.... thank you!" Blaze said.
"Alright! C'mon, Blaze! Let's head over to the audition to wish Rainbow luck!" I said. So the two of us went with Rainbow to the place where the auditions are taking place.
Once we got there, Snips and Snails were over there singing a duet of Summer Nights by Grease. The director Mayo Hellman facehoofed himself and said, "Uhh.... good.... WEXT!"
"Did we get the part?" Snips asked.
"Yeah did we get it?" Snails asked.
"Uhh.... don't call us, we'll call you. WEXT!" Mayo yelled.
"Alright! We're gonna be on Equestrian Idol!" Snips whispered excitedly at Snails.
"Our singing was hooooot!" Snails said in a high-pitched voice.
"Ugh! Winally! The only weason I wasted out all these bits and dyed my wair!" Mayo said to himself. Just then Rainbow zooms in posing for the director. "Name and woll you're auditioning for."
"My name is Rainbow Dash, and the roll I'm playing as is Daring Do! It's my chance to re-inact her awesomness, coolness, radicalness, and not to mention my friends thought I'd do a pretty awesome job with knowing I got her stunts, and her looks!" Rainbow said, showing off to the director.
The director chuckles suspiciously. "W’of course you do! Now, show we what you got!" the director requested.
Rainbow stretched out her legs, and crouched down walking across the room and said, "As I made it inside the temple, and nearing the Sapphire Stone, I thought I would be in the clear, but suddenly I STOPPED and saw some dart traps on the walls. I knew I wouldn't let this lone obstacle get in the way of me retrieving the Sapphire Stone, because someone within the jungle, there is an entity that wants to use it to gain power. So in my efforts of getting the stone, I decided to dare my do and WHY-YA!" Rainbow cried as she done a punch of daring stunts without her wings, some dodges (not the vehicle-kind, the physical-kind), some spins and landed on her hooves looking up ahead. "As I breached the obstacle, I sighted up ahead - the Sapphire-"
"That’s pwerfect!" Mayo interrupted her.
"Excuse me?" Rainbow asked, stopping her acting.
"Well done. I seen wenough. Don't call us, we'll call you." the director said.
"What, that's it? I hardly did anything!" Rainbow complained.
"Wi've seen wenough, wet out." the director demanded.
"GET OUT?! Why I outta-" Rainbow said angrily, but Blaze came in and stopped her.
"Rainbow! Calm down! This director just said he'll call you. You did very good!" Blaze said.
"Just to be clear, I thought it's the producer that hires the actors, not the director?" I asked.
"R-right, Blaze. I'm sorry." Rainbow said.
"It's ok, let's just go home and get some rest." Blaze said.
"Don't worry about a thing! Wauditions are always this short." Mayo said.
Blaze stopped and looked at the director suspiciously for a second. "That voice. I heard it somewhere before."
"What are you weaf? Wet out before I wall security!" Mayo yelled.
"C'mon, Blaze." Rainbow said, taking his hoof and walking out. Blaze just looked at the director, and saw his eyepatch move a bit, and he heard it make a mechanical sound.
Later on, Blaze met me and the Noble Six over at the Bistro to get something to eat. "Did anypony see that post for that prototype water fresher?" Aqua asked us, "It's pretty great, the scientists at Clintwood Corporation said-"
"Don't ruin it for me, partner! Ah printed out a PDF to read on the potty!" Engie said.
"On the 'potty', what are you five?" Psyche asked.
"It's a potty, what do you call it?" Engie asked.
"Toilet!" Psyche said.
"That seems a little vulgar for the dinner table, doncha think?" Engie asked.
"Oh, and 'potty' is ok?" Psyche asked in a country accent.
"Potty's innocent! Potty's adorable!" Engie said.
"What do you do on the potty, wee-wee?" Psyche teased.
"If ah don't have to boom-boom." Engie said.
"Guys! Not while I'm eating!" Blaze yelled.
"Uh oh, Blaze is having attitude issues again!" Crystal said in a teasing voice.
"Ya alright, mate? Ya seem a little tense." Aqua said.
"Well, first I lost my appetite, thank you Psyche and Engie." Blaze said.
"No problem, partner!" Engie said happily, saluting to him.
"And second, I'm worried about Rainbow." Blaze said.
"Tell me days you're NOT worried about Rainbow." Crystal said.
"Dude, don't worry about her! She's gonna do great on her act!" I said.
"Wait, what act?" Crystal asked.
"Ponies are auditioning for the Daring Do movie, and Rainbow just auditioned for it." I said.
"Oh sweet! I love Daring Do!" Crystal said excitedly. "I'd play the part, but I already got a part as a spokes pony for a documentary about background ponies."
A cutaway shows Crystal recording herself making a documentary about background ponies. "Hi, I'm Crystal Iceblast! You may have heard of me as the pony that caused winter in Ponyville in the middle of summer after leaving my freezer open after leaving it outside plugged in, but there are things you might need to know about background ponies. First off, background ponies are somewhat OCs created by a development crew. Some of them have names, and some don't, but there's no need to complain about the names of those simple ponies. You may know Bon Bon as Bon Bon, but her merchandise says she's Sweetie Drops, and Berry Punch, they call her Berryshine, and let's not forget about Caramel who is called Caramel here but his merchandise says Chance-a-Lot, and who could forget Sapphire Shores having merchandise that makes her look like a re-color of Twilight Sparkle?"
"What I'm saying is, sometimes minds are changed, and sometimes the developers just follow along, like Lyra is still named Lyra, but the thing is, everypony is very creative in finding names and personalities for the unnamed ponies, but that decision stands with the developers and the developers alone, since it's their world, then they make the rules, and there's nothing you can do about it. Just be happy for what Hasbro gives you, they work so hard on making sure the fans are happy. They even adopt some of the fandom at times. Don't expect everything to go your way, bronies. Be happy for what you got, I mean if it wasn't for you, this world would've ended after Twilight's coronation. Just be happy, and love and tolerance, my friends! Don't forget about that phrase. I know alot of you did, and I quite ashamed. Good night, everypony!" The cutaway ends.
"No, it's the director. I don't trust him." Blaze said.
"Blaze mah friend, directors are supposed to look suspicious. It's who they are. Ever met Alfred Hitchcock?" Engie asked.
"Engie, he just directed a movie called Suspicion. Does that automatically mean he's suspicious?" Psyche asked.
"It could. With a movie name like that, anything is possible!" Engie said. "How about that movie they named 'A Space Odyssey'? That movie had nothing to do with a Honda van."
"It's his voice, I heard his voice before, and I don't like it." Blaze said.
"So his voice sounds like Elmer Fudd? Big deal! Are there any other ponies that make that voice?" I asked.
"Uhhh, Dr. Steelhoof, remember?" Blaze asked me obviously.
"Sounds like Steelhoof? Ya mean that cybernetic pony we met at Mareami, one of Swinebutt's goons?" Aqua asked.
"Yes! The crazy scientist that wants to cut me open because my species is very rare." Blaze said.
I" dunno, brah. I don't see much of Swinebutt in Steelhoof." I explained. "He'd have a red 'S' scar on his eye if he were working for him, unless he's Darth Flare."
"None of Swinebutt's goons had the 'S' on their eyes." Aqua corrected me.
"Maybe they do, they just blocked it." I thought.
"Nah, ah don't think so." Aqua thought.
"I'm just worried." Blaze said.
"Here's what you should do, Blaze. I think you should tell Rainbow about this. Maybe Steelhoof might be trying to use Rainbow to get to you if you think this director is him." Psyche suggested.
"Exactly! Rainbow isn't safe in his hooves. Ya gotta warn her, and make sure she doesn't go!" Aqua said.
"And miss out on an opportunity like that?!" Crystal reminded us.
"What other choice does she have?" Aqua asked.
"Dude, we're gonna be there with her. She should be safe!" I said.
"I dunno." Blaze said.
"Tell her, Blaze. Ya gotta do it. Steelhoof might be leadin ya into a trap. Ya can't risk that chance." Aqua said.
"Now hold on, Aqua. What makes all of ya believe that this director is actually him?" Engie asked.
"Because he sounds like him, that's his only reason!" Crystal said.
"I suppose I shouldn't make accusations without proof." Blaze said.
"Ya going with her right? I believe ya can keep her safe." Aqua said.
"Yeah, brah! With the two of us, nothing can stop us!" I said.
"I'd die before I let harm come to her!" Blaze swore.
"Well, ah wish ya all the best of lucks! Ah have to stay home and clean up the basement." Engie said. A cutaway shows Engie sitting on his couch at home playing some games on his console while his robot cleans up his basement.
"Will ya keep it down?! Ah'm nearly done beatin the final boss!" Engie yelled.
"Gasoline detected on the floor, commence match-lighting protocol." the robot said.
"Aww sick! That is some painful cry!" Engie said, commenting on the final boss on his game. Then Engie's basement suddenly explodes.
"Wow! That grenade explosion sounded pretty realistic!" Engie said. The cutaway ends.
Later that night at Rainbow's house, Rainbow Dash was reading the third Daring Do story to Rose and Candy. Rose and Candy fell fast asleep in the middle of the story. Rainbow smiles at them, gets up with Blaze and was about to walk out, but suddenly the phone rings and wakes them both up. Rose starts crying, and Candy groans. "UGGGHHH! STUPID PHONE!" she yelled and throws a pillow at it, but misses.
"You answer the phone, Rainbow. I'll calm Rose down." Blaze said, picking her up and starts rocking her.
Rainbow goes over to the phone and answers it. "Sup?"
"Wello? Wis is Wayo Wellman." the director on the phone said.
"Who?" Rainbow asked.
"Wayo Wellman? The director for Waring Wo?" Mayo reminded her.
"Ah! What's up Wayo Wellman?" Rainbow teased.
"Pwease don't do that!" Mayo complained.
Rainbow chuckled. "Sorry, dude. What's up?"
"I have made my deciswion. I would wike to for you to pway as Waring Wo for the new wovie!" Mayo said.
"Really? Is this a prank call?" Rainbow asked.
"No! W’of course wot!" Mayo said.
"Really now? Hmmm. Where should we meet then?" Rainbow asked.
"We begin fwilming at Galwatic Studios in Was Wegasus tomorrow!" Mayo said.
"I see, well..... I can't afford a ticket." Rainbow lied.
"Won't worry, we're paywing for weverything!" Mayo said.
"Alright, dude you got a deal! But hold on, I can't go without my 'agent' or 'lawyer'." she said winking at Blaze.
"We'll let them covered too!" Mayo said.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then! Bye!" Rainbow said as she hangs up.
"So did you get the part?" Blaze asked.
"Of course not!" Rainbow said angrily.
"Oh..... I see." Blaze said. Rainbow just glares at Blaze, but then she smiles and says, "Just kidding! Of course I did! We're going to Las Pegasus tomorrow to start filming!"
"I'm so proud of you, Rainbow!" Blaze said excitedly as he hugged her.
"And I'm bringing my agent and LAWYER with me!" Rainbow said winking at him.
"So Flare's the agent, but.... the way you said lawyer. Wait, I'm gonna be your lawyer?" Blaze asked.
"BINGO!" Rainbow said.
"Why can't I go as your husband?" Blaze asked.
"Filming companies don't normally like to pay for the family, because they're not really worth to them, so if I say you're my lawyer, and Flare as my agent they won't have any problems, or suspicions!" Rainbow explained.
"Makes sense to me!" Blaze said. "Who told you that though?"
"Twilight, who else?" Rainbow said, chuckling and rolling her eyes.
"Of course we are! But where we're going is super important!" Rainbow said.
"More important than Rose and me?" Candy asked, glaring at her.
"Well, I...." Rainbow stuttered.
"We're supposed to stay together, because we're family!" Candy yelled with tears in her eyes.
"But, Candy, Rainbow got a job as an actress." Blaze said.
"AND YOU THINK THAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN US?! TAKE US WITH YOU!" Candy yelled.
"I'm sorry, Candy, we can't. Las Pegasus isn't really the safest town in Equestria. Not a town for you and Rose." Blaze said, kneeling down, putting his arm around her.
Candy slaps his hoof away and yells, "YOU BOTH NEVER SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH ROSE AND ME! IT'S LIKE JUST THE TWO OF US AGAINST THE WORLD, RIGHT ROSE?!" Rose just sits there in her crib, sucking on her hoof. "See? Look how nervous she is!"
"Please, Candy, just listen!" Blaze said, but Candy just gave Blaze an ugly look with tears in her eyes. Blaze turned to radio and said, "Well, we just can't leave them here alone."
"But Crèmepop already promised to look after them!" Rainbow reminded him.
"Wait, Auntie Crèmepop?!" Candy asked.
"Yeah." Rainbow said.
Candy smiled and said, "Actually, on second thought, you guys have fun! We'll be fine, right Rose?" Rose just sat that continued sucking on her hoof, then takes it out and wipes her mane back like a cool pony. Then she smiles at Rainbow, Blaze, and Candy and puts on sunglasses.
"Well then, I guess that solves that problem!" Blaze said.
"I can't wait to tell my friends!" Rainbow said excitedly, picking up the phone again.
"This will be a fun trip, Rainbow! I can guarantee it! I just hope..... that.... director..... hm." Blaze said, but he stopped talking and just walked into his room.
The next morning came; the three of us were packing up the taxi carriage so we can be on our way to airport, but first we were saying our goodbyes.
“Listen, Candy. Do everything Crèmepop says, alright?” Rainbow told her lil sister.
“Don’t worry, Dashie! I will!” Candy said, as she hugged Crèmepop’s leg.
“I dunno why you said those things about Candy being trouble, she’s an angel!” Crèmepop said to Rainbow as a halo was floating on Candy’s head. Rainbow was confused for a sec, because Candy was never so passionate about her or Blaze, but whenever Crèmepop or I was around, she was very sweet and loving, but that’s a story we’ll get to another time.
“I can’t believe you’re gonna be a star, Rainbow! I know your dream was to be a Wonderbolt, but being Daring Do seems to be an even bigger dream, huh?” Crystal asked.
“Sure is, Crystal! Just wait until the camera sees me doing my awesome stunts! Ponies aren’t gonna know the difference between me and Daring Do.” Rainbow said, flying in the air and does a couple of flips.
“No wonder they picked ya for the part!” Aqua said impressively.
“It’s like you two are long lost sisters.” AppleJack said.
“Dashie!” Pinkie yelled, tackling Rainbow.
Rainbow chuckled and said, “Relax, Pinkie! I’m not going to leave without saying goodbye!”
”Oh, I know that! Just wanted to ask, do you have your phone?” Pinkie asked.
“Yes.” Rainbow said, showing her.
“You have your camera?” Pinkie asked.
“Yes.” Rainbow said, showing it to her.
“You have your tape recorder?”
“Yes.”
”You have your tape recorder camera?”
“Yes.”
“You have your camera phone?”
“Yes.”
“You have your tape recorder phone?”
“Yes.”
”You have your tape recorder camera phone?”
“Do you have your Spitfire plushie?”
”Yes- wait! Shhhhh!” Rainbow quickly covered Pinkie’s mouth and blushed, then she whispered, “I told you we were supposed to never speak of that plush again!”
Pinkie started mumbling, but then Rainbow took her hooves off of Pinkie’s mouth, and Pinkie said, “I know, but you can’t sleep at night without it you told me.”
“I’m never telling you anything again.” Rainbow said, facehoofing herself.
“Hey Fluttershy, thanks for looking after our pets while we’re away.” Blaze said.
“It’s no trouble at all.” Flutters said smiling. “I never took care of a perfectly healthy phoenix before. Any advice you need to give me, Blaze?”
”Nah. Apollo mostly takes care of himself. He just likes somepony giving him orders. I don’t know why though.” Blaze said.
“It’s my duty as a pet, master.” Apollo said to him.
“Not many ponies like it when they feel like you’re their servant or something.” Blaze told him.
“I wish I could speak phoenix like you, Blaze. I mostly can talk to woodland creatures. That’s about it.” Flutters said. “Hey, Flare? You need me to check on your fish from time to time too?”
“Apollo likes to hang out with them. He can handle it.” I said.
“Also, Fluttershy, you know how to take care of ol Tank here, right? I mean, if you need any specific instructions, I can always give you some pro-tips.” Rainbow said. “Actually, maybe I should take him with me.”
“Rainbow, relax. I took care of him before you did. You adopted him from me, remember?” Flutters asked.
“Oh…. Right. Duh!” Rainbow said, bopping herself in the head.
“Rainbow Dash, wait!” Rarity yelled, pushing out her clothes hanger full of outfits.”
“I don’t need any of those outfits, Rarity. I told you that!” Rainbow said.
“I know, I know. Just try on this safari outfit I made. It really suits your inner-adventure!” Rarity said, showing Rainbow the outfit.
“She said she’s fine, Rarity. The studio will provide her the outfit she needs.” AppleJack said.
“Well, be better get going. I have a movie to make!” Rainbow said.
“You’ll do awesome, Rainbow Dash! I can’t wait to see you on the big screen!” Scootaloo cried excitedly.
“I can’t wait to see you in the audience!” Rainbow said to Scoots, winking at her.
I gave Crèmepop a kiss and she said, “Call me when you get to the airport, ok?”
“Don’t worry, Crèmey. I will!” I said.
“And before you take off.” Crème said.
“Well, I can’t do it while I take off. All electronics gotta be off.” I said.
“And when you land.” Crème added.
“Sure.” I said.
“And when you get to the hotel.” Crème said.
“Crèmey, relax! You’re starting to sound like my mom!” I chuckled.
“Isn’t that why you’re with me? Because I’m like your mom?” Crème asked smiling.
“No!” I yelled, but after a few moments I said calmly, “Yes.”
“Love you!” Crème said, giving me another kiss.
“Bye Flare! Don’t stay away too long!” Candy said, hugging my leg.
“I won’t, Candy. Take care of Crèmepop for me, alright? She always likes to get into trouble.” I whispered teasily at her.
“Shut up, Flare!” Crème teased, pushing me.
“C’mon, c’mon! We’re gonna miss our flight.” Blaze reminded us.
“Alright, alright, I’m coming!” I said as I went inside the taxi with Rainbow and Blaze.
“Bye, guys! Stay safe!” Twilight yelled.
“See y’all on the big screen!” Engie yelled.
“Bye, Flare! I’ll miss you!” Candy yelled.
“Bye, Candy!” Rainbow yelled.
“Yeah, bye, Rainbow.” Candy said not very excitedly. So the taxi carriage started pulling us over to the airport.
“Alright! Time to head to Las Pegasus!” I said excitedly. “This would be a great chance to play Applewood Swingin on my Ipod!”
“Ever been to Las Pegasus, Rainbow?” Blaze asked.
“Went there a few times.” Rainbow said. “Once to see a Wonderbolt show, and one to locate trouble for Twilight the time she saw her, how to I put this…. ‘future self’, and the rest of the times I just fly pass it. You ever been there?”
“Yes.” Blaze said. “Once to COMPETE in a Wonderbolt show, once as a model hired by Photo Finish, and the rest… flying with you pass it.”
“Really? I never realize. You’re always behind me everytime we fly there. This is why I am the best flyer in Equestria!” Rainbow said.
“Then why am I a wonderbolt, and you’re not?” Blaze asked mischievously.
“I’m still a cadet. Don’t worry, Blaze. I’ll be a Wonderbolt soon. I may even take Spitfire’s job.” Rainbow said. “Better yet, I’ll be a Wonderbolt GENERAL!”
Blaze chuckled, shaking his head. “I’d love to see the day.”
“Well you guys have fun with your flying, I’m going to enjoy being in the spotlight!” I said. “You know what the three of us should do? We should do a montage of us working out, trying to lose weight while Applause plays in the background, and we drive a Kia Soul to the Xiao Ma Theater.”
A cutaway shows a montage the three of us as Applause by Lady Gaga plays in the background. First it shows the three of us jogging on the beach all chubby, then it shows Rainbow Dash doing sit-ups in a gym, then it shows Blaze lifting weights wearing a T-Shirt that says ‘All Mut, No Gut’. After that it shows another pony on a computer drawing a sketch of the Kia Soul, then it shows the three of us in a Yoga class stretching out our legs and spines, and then it shows Blaze jumping rope real fast, then it shows me on a treadmill checking out the mares exercising beside me, but I lost concentration and I tripped and fell on the treadmill. After that, Rainbow doing sit-ups while holding a ball, and that pony that was drawing the Kia was making a 3-D display of it.
The next part of the montage showed me wearing goggles and a bathing cap, about to do laps in the pool while my trainer keeps track of the time I swim for me. I jump into the pool while the music in the background gets a bit blurry, but the music goes back to normal as the next part shows the Kia maker fixing up the prototype of the vehicle. The next exercises in the montage shows the three of us working really hard to lose weight. Blaze was jump roping faster, and I practiced boxing. After that, the three of us were at the saloon, getting our hairs dried by the big hair dryers. I check my watch and we all nod. We turn on the lights in the room the Kia Soul was held, we all went in and drove to the Xiao Ma Theater while everypony was waiting for us to appear.
“Look! There they are!” a mare cried out as we stopped and we all got out of the car wearing tuxedos and sunglasses. We walked on the red carpet, posed at the crowd, Blaze kissed a mare’s hoof, I took a picture with a group of mares, and as we walked inside the theater, I looked back at the Kia Soul we were driving, and the words ‘Totally Transformed’ appeared above it, All-New Soul, and then the Kia logo appeared. The cutaway ends.
“We better get ourselves fat before the night of the red carpet, then lose the weight fast!” I said to Blaze and Rainbow.
So we finally made it to the Canterlot International Airport, turned in our bags, got checked, but Rainbow seemed to have a problem while getting checked, her saying she’s gonna be a famous movie star, but airport security didn’t care, we almost missed our flight, but we did make it, and we flew all the way to Las Pegasus International and got our bags.
“Ah, Las Pegasus! Not as awesome as Cloudsdale, but it is pretty nice here!” Rainbow said.
“Yeah, well you guys go there, I’m staying in the Earthbound Las Pegasus. I left my jetpack at home, but at least I remembered to go to the pharmacy and get more of those Walk on Clouds pills.” I said.
“It’s gonna take some time to getting used to the time change here. It’s 2-3 hours earlier than Ponyville here.” Blaze said.
“Yeah, at home it’s lunch time, but here, all the fast food joints are still serving breakfast.” I said.
“Excuse me, are you Miss Rainbow Dash?” a pony that looks like a shoffer asked.
“The one and only!” Rainbow said.
“Ah, Director Mayo Hellman sent me to come get you. Welcome to Las Pegasus! I’ll be taking you over to studio so you can sign your contracts and everything.” The shofar said.
“Awesome! This is my lawyer, Phoenix Wing, and my agent, Crimson Blast.” Rainbow said, introducing us to the shofar.
“Aww, what? That’s not the name I chose!” I whined.
“Well, it’s better than Agent 47.” Blaze said.
“Agent 47 is a leet name! It suits me better.” I said.
“So you want everypony to think you’re a hitman?” Blaze asked.
“No, they’ll think I’m an agent! Welcome to Applewood, brah!” I said.
“Please follow me to the limo.” The shofar said.
“Awesome, a limo! I remember when we went to Mareami and got a limo there and sang ‘Welcome to Mareami’. Maybe this time I’ll swing ‘Applewood Singin’.” I said.
“Don’t you mean ‘sing Applewood Swingin’?” Blaze corrected me.
“I thought I said that?” I asked.
“No, you said ‘swing Applewood Singin’.” Blaze said.
I started laughing really hard. “Really? I can’t believe I said that! I did not even notice! That’s funny! This was more unexpecting than when I had dinner with the Three Little Pigs!”
A cutaway shows me eating dinner with the Three Little Pigs in their brick house. “Mmm! This dinner is amazing!”
“It should be. The wood on the fire was actually the debris from my house. I wouldn’t want it to go to waste.” One of the pigs said.
“So you three gonna be living together now?” I asked.
“For the time being. I’m actually thinking of building my new house from the leftovers of London Bridge.” One of the other pigs said.
“Well, I gotta say this food sure tastes really good! What is it?” I asked.
“Well, let’s just say, don’t ever try to destroy the houses that belong to my brothers, or try to pretend to be Santa Paws and climb down the chimney with a lit fire.” The owner of the brick house said.
I just shockingly stopped eating and said, “I think I lost my appetite.” The cutaway ends.
So the limo driver took us to Galactic Studios, and we saw ponies creating sets for the Daring Do Movie. “Wow!” Rainbow said excitedly. “This is going to be so awesome! All the props look so realistic! But who’s going to be playing as Ahuizotl?”
“Oi! We’re actually gettin’ Mike Mares to play as him. He’s goin’ to be computer animated by the time he’s in his Aztec form.” Jerry Jam said, pointing to Mike Mares in his Ahuizotl outfit.
“Mini-me, you complete me!” Mike Mares said, holding a small figurine of Ahuizotl.
“Hello, I’m Jerry Jam. I’m the wrote who wrote this film.” Jerry said to Rainbow Dash, shaking her hoof.
“Well, Jerry, I must say, you are SO AWESOME!” Rainbow said in a high-pitched voice as she placed her hooves on her cheeks, and making a duck face. “I love the Daring Do series!”
“So do I! Can’t stop reading any of the books, ever!” Jerry said.
“Me neither! When I’m finished with a book, I always like to read it over again! I can’t believe you decided to make a movie out of this book!” Rainbow said excitedly. “You know, I actually met Daring Do in person!”
“What? No way!” Jerry gasped.
“Yeah way!” Rainbow said.
“That is amazin’!” Jerry yelled in excitement.
“There she goes again.” I whispered to Blaze. “Showing off, and telling others she met a fictional character from an unrealistic story.
“Have you even read the books yet?” Blaze asked.
“No, but I did see some reviews online.” I said.
“Anyways, I can’t wait to begin filming!” Rainbow said excitedly.
“I know! I’m pretty psyched about it too!” Jerry said.
“Psyche? Where is he?” I asked looking around.
“He means, excited.” Blaze corrected me.
“Ah! Right!” I nodded.
“I’m going to be playing as Daring Do in this movie!” Rainbow said.
“Oh? You must be Rainbow Dash then!” Jerry said.
“What was your first clue?” Rainbow teased.
“Director Hellman was right! You do look a lot like Daring Do! Just dye the hair and the coat, and you’d be an exact replica!” Jerry said, observing Rainbow.
“Thanks, Jer! So, what do we do first?” Rainbow asked.
“We have to go see the head of the company and sign some contracts. I’m taking these two are your agent and your lawyer?” Jerry assumed, checking us out.
“I’m the agent! See me talking on my cell phone? That proves I’m the agent!” I said, holding my cell phone towards my ear.
“I’m her lawyer, Phoenix Wings.” Blaze said, shaking Jerry’s hoof.
“Pleasure, Mr. Wings! Please follow me. The boss is waiting.” Jerry said. So we all followed Jerry upstairs to see the head of the company, whom was waiting for us upstairs. The four of us entered the room, I was mumbling on my cell phone, and the boss was waiting for us. Oops! I forgot to mention, Blaze and I were wearing tuxedos, I was wearing sunglasses, and he was carrying a briefcase. It proves as a disguise for us. Rarity gave them to us yesterday; she has a lot of disguises in her wardrobe! I wonder what else she has in there? Maybe a whole kingdom with a lion as a king, and soldiers that are half-man, half-horses. I’m a horse, and I think that’s creepy.
“Ah, Miss Rainbow Dash! Welcome to Galactic Studios!” the boss said happily.
“Nice to meet you, Mr….” Rainbow said, hinting she wants to know his name.
“My name isn’t important.” The boss said. “Director Hellman really outdone himself this time! You make a great Daring Do! Then again, it turns out our director is also our producer it seems!” the boss said and chuckled.
“A producer and a director as the same cybernetic pony. Interesting.” Blaze said and nodded.
“I do not know what you mean by ‘cybernetic pony’, and frankly, I could care less. What I need you to do Miss Rainbow Dash is to sign this contract.” The boss requested. I know what you’re thinking, why does he keep calling her ‘Miss’ Rainbow Dash? Most ponies think Rainbow Dash is single. Nopony would want a pony to be married to a freak like Blaze. Their words, not mine.
“Hang on, Miss Dash. I should take a close look at this contract. I should see if there are any ‘fine prints’. Trust me, I had to learn that the hard way when I was a model for Photo Finish.” Blaze said, taking the contract and reading it over. I just kept blabbering on my cell phone, but nopony knew I wasn’t actually talking to anypony. I just wanted to look good as an agent.
“See any flaws in there, Phoenix?” Rainbow asked.
“Well, I do see something in here saying putting all your trustings to the Director, and doing ‘whatever he says’. I don’t think that’s right.” Blaze said.
“It’s a fact about movie productions, Mr. Wings. The director is in charge of everything in the set. Unless I’m there, then I’m the big-boss!” the boss said.
“I know, but having the director being the boss as the main point of this contract seems pretty suspicious to me. I don’t think you should do this, Rainbow.” Blaze said.
“Whoa! Who made you the expert in movie production rules?” Rainbow asked.
“I’m your lawyer, remember? I’m supposed to be the expert of contracts. I know what contracts are all about, Rainbow.” Blaze said.
“Miss Dash, may I remind you that this job can only come once in a lifetime? Don’t you want to be a star?” the boss asked.
“Of course I do! Being Daring Do is like a dream! I mean, I’ve always wanted to be a Wonderbolt, but…. I think Daring Do is pretty much of a bigger dream now that I think about it.” Rainbow said, taking a pen.
“Exactly! Who wants to be a Wonderbolt? You never fly alone when you’re a wonderbolt. You always do stunts in a group. But when you’re a star behind the camera, all the attention gets focused on you, sweetheart!” the boss explained.
“Now that you put it that way, I think being Daring Do sounds a lot better than being a stupid wonderbolt!” Rainbow said.
“WHAT?!” Blaze yelled.
“Hold on.” I said while talking on the phone, then I asked, “Rainbow, you want your suite to have a hot tub?”
“Of course I do!” Rainbow said.
“Of course she does. What were you thinking? You stupid or something?” I asked while talking on the phone. “I swear. I am surrounded by a bunch of morons sometimes! This is Rainbow Dash we’re talking about! REMEMBER THE NAME, BRAH!”
“Rainbow, I’m telling you. This is a corrupted contract. You shouldn’t sign it.” Blaze suggested.
“But think about all the fame you’ll get! The Wonderbolts would be envious of YOU, instead of you being envious to them.” The boss said.
”Rainbow, my life may depend on this!” Blaze said.
“Oh, so this is YOUR life we’re talking about, Phoenix? Ha! I made my choice, I’m in!” Rainbow said, signing the contract.
“Excellent! An initial here, and here, and here, NOT HERE, print your name here, the date, and one more initial here.” The boss said. “Ok! Wow, I see you put a little smiley face after your name! I like that! We begin filming tomorrow morning at 8. Enjoy yourself! Welcome to the team, Daring Do!”
“Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh!” Rainbow said excitedly while shaking the boss’s hoof.
Blaze facehoofed himself, then heard a ‘Pssst’ behind him, and he saw Director Mayo behind him, lifting his eyepatch, revealing his cybernetic eye. Blaze was biting his lip, and was about to go after him, but Rainbow stopped him by giving him a hug and she says, “I’m Daring Do now, Phoenix! I’m Daring Do!”
“Huh? Oh, that’s… great! I’m proud of you.” Blaze said, feeling worried. He knows Steelhoof is here playing as the director. He just has to keep a close eye on him. Just then, while I was talking on the phone, it started ringing.
“Wait, Crimson, were just talking on the phone, how can it being ringing?” Rainbow asked.
“You weren’t talking to anyone, were you?” Blaze asked.
I just embarrassedly answered the phone, and talked to Crèmepop who was on the other line. “Hey, gorgeous! Yes, I’m on my way to the hotel now. I actually called them in the airport, but I wanted it to look like I was talking to them now. Makes me look more like a leet agent. No, I did not hear any gunfire. I’m not in those kind of neighborhoods.”
So the three of us went over to the hotel. We stayed at a very nice Hilton hotel suite, showing a view of the Applewood sign. Our room was very big and fancy. It has a hot tub, separate rooms, and it even has those refrigerators full of snacks and soda! Not to mention this room also came with some towels on the bed that were shaped like elephants! This place has everything!
The night I was relaxing in the hot tub still wearing my sunglasses, while Rainbow was reading her script, and Blaze was folding his suit and putting it away. “Rainbow, you know anything about show business?”
“Of course I do, Blaze! It’s easy! Just read the script, remember it, and do it! Simple is that! Get to be paid a lot as well! Great money so we can take care of Candy and Rose!” Rainbow said.
My phone started ringing again and I answered it. “Agent 47, the best agent ever! How can I help you? No, I’m not a hitman! Then call Boba Fett, he’s a hitman! Bounty Hunter, hitman, same thing.”
“Why you so worried about me, Blaze? You think I’m gonna get hurt or something? I’ll be fine!” Rainbow said.
“It’s not that. It’s just that director. I think that director is that scientist pony that wants to dissect me, Dr. Steelhoof.” Blaze said.
“What makes you think he’s him?” Rainbow asked.
“That accent kinda gave it away, but I saw his cybernetic eye under his eyepatch. I think he’s using you to get to me.” Blaze said.
“Don’t be silly, Blaze! A scientist is never that desperate. Besides, you defeated him, you destroyed his lab once!” Rainbow said.
“Actually, Rose destroyed his lab, and not just that, he’s been going after me my whole life after he noticed I’m a draconian.” Blaze said.
“Well, if that’s the case, we better be extra careful. But I already signed a contract. I’m gonna be Daring Do. It’s a dream that nopony else can live! You can’t let me quit this dream, Blaze! I’ll never have a chance like this again!” Rainbow begged.
“How did you get my number anyway? My number is not under the Hitman category, it’s under the restaurant category.” I said to the pony I’m talking to on the phone. “I am an agent! Yes, I am a restaurant owner too. Flare’s Pizza Parlor! My name IS Agent 47! But my name is Fla- you know what, nevermind. Goodbye.” I hung up. “Phew! I almost gave away my disguise.”
“Alright Rainbow, alright. But I’m staying with you the whole time, alright?” Blaze asked.
“If that’s what it takes.” Rainbow said.
“Alright, I know you’ll do good, Dashie! I don’t want to disturb your dream. I am proud that you got this job!” Blaze said.
“Thanks, Blaze!” Rainbow said, giving him a hug. Blaze was still worried of what Steelhoof might do. Regardless, we did have a great breakfast that morning! I know Rainbow is going to spend her time working, and Blaze is keeping an eye on Steelhoof, but me, I’m having the time of my life! This is an awesome vacation! Probably the best I ever had! We went back over to the studio to start our first day of filming! Director Mayo and Jerry Jam were over there waiting for us.
“Ah! Our star has awavied!” the director said.
“Hello, Director Hellman!” Rainbow said.
“Pwease, call me Wayo.” Mayo requested.
“Alright, Wayo. What do we do first?” Rainbow asked.
Mayo sighed and said, “NOT WAYO, WAYO!”
”That’s what I said!” Rainbow said.
Mayo sighed. “Whatever! Our first wart of the wovie takes place in a wungle, not the wungle from the Waring Wo story, a different wone. Wis is a different tweasure. Werry, show them.”
Jerry walked up to us and showed us a vase of some sort with a big red ruby on it. “This here is the Ruby Vessel, a treasure made by the griffons during ancient times. Now this isn’t the real one, it’s just a replica, but Daring Do must go into this temple and try to retrieve it. It’s not as intense as the temple that you’re used to. Daring uses her wings most of the time. In this movie, she realizes that she doesn’t need her wings to be awesome, but she doesn’t realize it until the original story. Not just that, Ahuizotl used to be a pony before he was in his Azetc form, and he’s Daring’s partner.”
“Yeah I know, it was mentioned that in the third story. I never realized that until then.” Rainbow said.
“Exactly! Since this is a movie, the book felt a little short, so we make the movie a bit bigger.
“What does Ahuizotl look like?” Rainbow asked.
“Like this.” Jerry said, showing us a picture of him, and it was a picture of a purple pony that looks like a female version of Psyche.
“That’s a mare, not a ‘him’.” Rainbow said.
“Sorry, that’s my sister, Jelly Jam.” Jerry said, putting up the right picture. “Here he is!”
“Ah that’s much better!” Rainbow said looking at the picture looks like blue earth pony with blonde hair and yellow lines on his face.
“Hey that looks like my friend Rush!” I said looking at it. “Not, not you.” I said to the pony I’m talking to on the phone. “I’m talking about the main antagonist of the story, but that’s beside the point. The game I want in the hotel room is Mancala, not chess. Chess is for nerds.”
“Alwight then! Time to start wilming! Weet us at Wudio 2 so we can get started.” Mayo said.
“Awesome! Well, wish me luck, Phoenix!” Rainbow said, following Mayo to Studio 2, and Blaze followed.
“You’ll need it.” Blaze said. Blaze and I were waiting inside the studio for Rainbow to show up from the Dressing Room.
“Flare I’m worried about Rainbow. You met Steelhoof, can he be trusted?” Blaze asked.
“Hang on, Blaze I’m on the phone.” I said to him, then I said to the pony on the other line, “There needs to be vase on the table next to the fruit. Every table needs a good vase. I got a vase on my table, don’t I? Well of course you don’t know, you don’t know where I live. You don’t even know what town I live in! Umm, consider yourself lucky for that one.”
Blaze sighed and said, “Whatever.”
”Hold yourselves, ponies! Daring Do is in town, ready for action!” Rainbow asked as she walked into the studio, posing, all dressed up like Daring Do.
“Whoa! Who are you? Where is Rainbow Dash?” Blaze teased.
“No Rainbow Dash here! Only Daring Do!” Rainbow said.
“I gotta say, you look incredibly awesome, Rainbow! I don’t even recognize you anymore! You look totally identical to Daring Do!” Blaze said.
“I know I do!” Rainbow said.
“Yeah, the soap in the bathroom, the soap should be carved. Don’t use that soap that gives you dry skin, use the moist kind. I hate it when my skin is dry.” I said on the phone. “Ok, yes, this isn’t about me, this is about Rainbow Dash, but she hates it too.” Blaze punches me in the arm. “Ow! What?”
“Compliment on Rainbow’s new look!” Blaze demanded.
“Huh? Oh Rainbow’s here?” I asked.
“Yes, she’s Daring Do, remember?” Blaze asked.
“Oh right. Lovely outfit, Dashie.” I said, then I went back to talking to the pony on the phone. “Ok, the shampoo. It should be both shampoo and conditioner. I don’t- I mean, Rainbow doesn’t want to waste her time using two separate bottles to wash her hair.”
"Weady to take waction, Wainbow Dash?" Mayo asked.
"Ready as I'll ever be, director! Let's do it!" Rainbow shouted excitedly.
So Rainbow Dash went into the set to get started. Rainbow got a bit of flying insects in her large intestine at the moment, but I'm pretty sure she's ready to do the job. The director yelled "Action!" and we watched as 'Daring Do' done those awesome acrobatic stunts to get inside the temple and take the treasure. It's not as impressive as when you see it in the movie, but it's quite alright. At least Rainbow Dash's stunts aren't fake, and she doesn't need a separate stunts-pony to do the stunts for her. After a whole day of shooting, but not the kind of shooting that gets you killed, we were just about to leave the studio.
"Phew! For a first day of shooting, it can really take alot out of ya!" Rainbow said to us.
“Yeah, even Mike Mares did an awesome job as Ahuizotl!” Blaze said.
Mike Mares, who is still in his Ahuizotl outfit started walking out of the studio screaming; “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?!”
“Jungle, Mr. Mares. It’s what are you doing in my ‘jungle’.” His agent corrected him.
"I'm just so glad we were able to get 34 minutes done in the movie already in one day! If we keep this up, we'll be out of here in no time!" Blaze said.
"B-but I don't wanna leave! Not yet that is. I like it here!" I said.
"Then why don't you move here then?" Rainbow suggested.
"C'mon, I got friends, a marefriend, a business, and fish at home, I can't live here. Besides, I'm afraid of the earthquakes." I said. Just then my phone started ringing again. "Hang on a sec, brahs." I answer the phone. "Terry! Yeah, we finished shooting. We need to get reservations of the most exclusive celebrity restaurant in the whole city! Somewhere that has those fancy Canterlot-like food."
"Wainbow Dash!" Mayo called out and walked towards us.
"What's up, Mayo?" Rainbow asked.
"We were such a wuccess today, weren't we?" Steelhoof asked.
"We sure was!" Rainbow said.
"I wave a reposition for you." Mayo said.
"Alright, let's hear it!" Rainbow listened.
"We have a scene waking place in night time. So we'll weed you to stay late for this wext scene." Mayo requested.
"Oh, well..... I was already planning to have dinner that my agent made reservations for." Rainbow said.
"Well, that'll wave to wait. I weed you tonight!" Mayo demanded.
"Well.... if that's how it has to be, then sure I'll do it!" Rainbow said excitedly.
"Excuse me, Mr. Director, but my client says she needs to head over to dinner. It's quite important." Blaze said.
"Wister Wings, way I remind you that we signed a wontract." Mayo said, showing us the contract. "Wubject 6, subwuction 7, no matter how the wircumstances are the wirector has full wesponsiblily to the wactors. I'm in charge, and whatever I say woes!"
"Sorry, Blaze, he's right. The contract says so." Rainbow said.
"Will you excuse us, Mr. Director?" Blaze asked.
"Go ahead." Mayo said, walking out of Rainbow and Blaze's sight.
"Blaze, what's wrong with you?" Rainbow asked.
"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?" Blaze asked. "You can't let this director tell you what to do."
"He's in charge if the big-boss ain't around. I'm sorry, Blaze." Rainbow said.
"Alright Rainbow, fine. As long as I stay here by your side the whole time!" Blaze demanded.
"Blaze, I can take care of myself, you're not my bodyguard!" Rainbow said angrily.
"Steelhoof is dangerous!" Blaze said.
"This director is not Steelhoof! If he was Steelhoof, why didn't he capture you yet?" Rainbow asked.
"Because he's waiting for the right time. Look, I can't let you do this anymore if this is the way you're gonna act." Blaze said.
"Listen to you! You're trying to pull me away from my dream! I knew that was gonna happen!" Rainbow yelled.
"Your dream is to be a Wonderbolt, Rainbow! Not a silly fictional character!" Blaze corrected her.
"What makes you think Daring Do is fictional?" Rainbow asked.
"Look, my point is, I just want you safe is all." Blaze said.
"Oh yeah? I can prove to you that I can be safe, even if you're not around! So how about you just leave, and I'll prove to you that I can take care of myself!" Rainbow yelled, poking Blaze's chest.
"I'm not going anywhere!" Blaze yelled.
"I'll call security then." Rainbow said.
"You wouldn't dare!" Blaze said.
"Try me!" Rainbow yelled.
"Alright, fine! If I don't see you at the hotel tonight, I'm coming right here to save you! I'm telling you, that director is bad news!" Blaze said.
"I'll take your word on it, but you're not taking me away from my dream! I maybe a movie star now, but I'm still Rainbow Dash, the most talented flier in Equestria!" Rainbow said.
"Fine then. C'mon, Flare!" Blaze said angrily as he started walking out of the studio grounds.
"I'll have to cancel those dinner reservations then." I said, as I followed him and was about to call the restaurant to cancel the reservations.
Blaze turned around and took one last look at Rainbow Dash and the director as they both went inside the studio, Jerry watched as well, and he knew something was up. You know, there was something weird about that Jerry Jam character. He looked really familiar to me. Have I met him before? Hours went by, and we were all at the hotel. I was enjoying some hot cocoa, and I was also on my laptop, searching up some new threads.
"I don't know, Flare. I just don't know." Blaze said.
"Are you blabbering about that director again?" I asked.
"No. I'm talking about my mother." Blaze said sarcastically.
"Was that sarcasm?" I asked.
"No." he said sarcastically.
"Ah, well your mom is a very nice dragon. You have her eyes!" I said.
"Yeah, I get that alot. But that's beside the point. Rainbow is endanger." Blaze said.
"But doesn't Steelhoof only want you?" I asked.
"He might use Rainbow to get to me. Why else would Steelhoof try so hard to keep Rainbow away from me?" Blaze asked.
"I dunno, but Rainbow has an interview with Colt-han Thursday night. He maybe freaky, and always come on after Big Bang on TBS, but at least we're getting Rainbow to be famous! Am I the best agent or what?" I asked.
"You're a great agent, but who knows if this is all just a set-up? I'm going back to the studio to get Rainbow back!" Blaze said as he was about to walk out the door.
"Blaze, wait! C'mon, it's only been 5 hours, and Rainbow hasn't called you, big whoop! This is Las Pegasus we're in right now, brah! Enjoy your stay while it lasts, because it's all gonna go away in time. We'll be going back to boring ol Ponyville soon, and I'd rather enjoy my time here!" I said, leaning back on the chair.
"Well you do that. I'm gonna go look for Rainbow." Blaze said.
"You do that. I think I'll go for a walk in a little while around Rodeo Drive. Row-DAY-Oh! Daaaay-oh! Daylight come and me wan' go home!" I sang. Just as Blaze opened the door, Rainbow was standing outside, about to insert her keycard.
"Oh, Rainbow. You're back. I was just about to go get you." Blaze said.
"Yeah, I'm here in one piece! One of the crewsmen tried to pounce me, but I was able to take care of myself, just like I said, and I gotta say, filming as Daring Do is as awesome as always!" Rainbow said, smiling.
"That's awesome, Rainbow! I dunno what to say!" Blaze said excitedly.
"Hmmm, how about," Rainbow starts teasing Blaze's voice, "Gee, Rainbow! You're tougher than I thought! You may be the one learning filming, but I'm not one that learned a lesson! I'm so stupid, Rainbow! Duhhhhh!" Blaze had a very confused look on his face, and Rainbow pushed him aside and walked into the bathroom. "You make me sick, Blaze! I'm gonna go throw up." Rainbow slams the bathroom door.
Blaze looks over at me as I was laughing really hard. I said, "She sounded exactly like you!"
"Oh shut up, man." Blaze said angrily as he walked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.
"That was really good! Hey, Rainbow!" I shouted out as I was continuing to laugh while I talk. "Can, can you make an impre-impression on me too?"
Blaze walked outside the hotel and walked the Las Pegasus streets, walking the Walk of Fame, showing the names of the greatest celebrities in the world, but I believe you might already know that. If not, where have you been? While Blaze was walking the Walk, seeing all these tourists, and ponies dressed up as mascots and celebrities to either gain attention or money, he started mumbling to himself. "That Rainbow Dash doesn't know what she's getting herself into! She's endangering herself and more importantly HERSELF! Oh, and there's me too. Jeez, she's being more reckless than the time we snuck into Magic World."
A cutaway shows Rainbow, Blaze, Candy, and Rose waiting in line to buy a ticket to get into the Magic World theme park. "Why are we standing here buying a ticket?" Rainbow asked.
"How else are we supposed to get into the park?" Blaze asked.
"Look at these prices! Costs like 100 bits for each of us!" Rainbow complained.
"But it's all worth it once we get inside." Blaze said.
"It's not really worth it right now. What if we get ripped off?" Rainbow asked.
"I say we should sneak inside the park!" Candy suggested.
"Candy, isn't that.... stealing?" Blaze asked.
"It ain't stealing if you ain't taking anything! We're just going inside. This is like paying a toll booth when we're on the interstate. Instead of going through the toll booth, we go to the nearest exit, and find a way around!" Candy suggested.
"That's my sister!" Rainbow said mischievously.
"So how we gonna get inside without any security noticing us?" Blaze asked. Just then, Rainbow, Blaze, and Candy, along with Rose on Blaze's back start stealth flying over security, and nopony even noticed them coming in.
"We did it! We got in before getting caught!" Candy cheered.
"We sure did!" Rainbow said excitedly.
"Well, I suppose it worked this time." Blaze said.
"Ooo, look! Ice cream! Let's get some ice cream!" Candy yelled.
"Right behind you, sis!" Rainbow said as she bought herself and her family four ice creams that costed 25 bits each.
"Ok, so we snuck into the park without paying tickets for 100 bits, but we still buy ice cream that cost like the same amount?" Blaze asked.
"POPCORN!" Candy yelled. Rainbow paid 25 bits for popcorn for her whole family. The cutaway ends.
As Blaze was passing Bugs Bunny's star on the walk of fame, even though I don't get why a cartoon character is on the walk, a strange carriage rides pass him. Blaze doesn't notice it though, and the carriage arrives at the hotel. Some weirdly dressed ponies went out, ambushed a couple of hotel employees and took their uniforms.
Back at the room, Rainbow was watching TV, and I was on the phone with the ponies that run the Queen Haytifah show, because Queen Haytifah is asking for an interview with Rainbow Dash. "So tomorrow morning, you want Queen Haytifah to interview my client Rainbow Dash?" I asked the pony on the phone. "Well it's an honor, but do have to have Tom Cruise come on before us? Well you see, the reason is, Tom Cruise has an authority of the mind, while Queen Haytifah has an authority of the body. Those two don't go together. Having Rainbow Dash come AFTER will just completely mess everything up. We don't want my client's first reputation to the open world to be a bad one. In that case she won't do it, I'm sorry. Oh? You're desperate, huh? Then Rainbow Dash comes on first, got it? Awesome! See you at 9!" I end the call.
"Gotta hand to ya, Flare! You're doing a great job as my agent!" Rainbow said.
"Listen to you, a few months ago when Twilight came back from the human world, you didn't know what the word 'hands' meant, now you think you're expert. You know how long it took me to know what the word 'circumstances' meant? I was 22 years old, Dashie! 22 years old!" I complained.
"Oh just take the stupid compliment!" Dashie demanded.
"Alright, 'thank you', you happy face now?" I asked.
"Very." Rainbow said with a 'not-caring' tone. Suddenly, we heard knocking on the door. Not the type of knocks I was hoping for.
"Who is it?" I yelled.
"Housekeeping." a pony said on the other side with a squeaky voice.
"Nice try, it's the middle of the night, and we did not order housekeeping." I said.
"We have those chocolate mints we put on the pillows." the pony said on the other side.
"CHOCOLATE MINTS!" I shouted in excitement. I stood up quickly and ran towards the door and opened it. There were a couple of strange ponies. One was beige and was wearing an undershirt and headband, and the other was orange and was wearing a black hoodie. "I don't see any chocolate mints. What is this?"
"Move away, agente! We're here for the rainbow pony." one of the pony gangsters with a Mexicolt accent said.
“Yeah, homie! Move!” the orange gangsta pony demanded.
"Rainbow pony's not here at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEEEEEEP!" I said.
"Get this idiota out of our way." the gangster demanded.
"MAGIC LAWS! MAGIC LAWS!" I yelled as one of the gangster ponies were about to knock me out. "THE POWER OF POLKA COMPELS Y-" but before I could finish, I was knocked out by one of the ponies, and the gangsters moved into the room and surrounded Rainbow.
"What the hay is going on?" Rainbow asked.
"Our boss wants to see you, señorita." one of the gangsters said.
“Yeah, we go where nopony can hear you halla!” the orange gangster said.
"Sure, I'll go, but you only can- IF YOU CAN CATCH ME!" Rainbow was about to fly fast out of the hotel from the balcony, but she crashed into the sliding glass door and fell. The gangsters stuff a bag over Rainbow's head, tie her hooves, and carry her out of the hotel. Rainbow struggles and shakes around to get free, but even though she is stronger than me and lots of other ponies I know, the rope knots were too tight, even tighter then AppleJack's knots. The ponies throw Rainbow into their carriage and take her away.
After an hour or so went by, I don't really remember for sure, Blaze returned to the room. He saw the room's door was a crack opened. He got worried and went inside quickly, and saw the hotel room a completely mess. "WHOA! What the?!" Blaze yelled as he looked around the room. "Rainbow?! Flare?!" he called for us. He didn't know I was laying on the ground in front of me, and he trips over one of my legs. I passed out in the closet so I suppose it wasn't easy for him to see me. "Flare? FLARE?!"
I yawned shortly after and sat up. "Sup brah? Nothing like a nice nap, huh?"
"What?" Blaze asked.
"Where are those chocolate mints?" I asked.
"What chocolate mints?" Blaze asked.
"The chocolate mints those gangsters promised me." I said.
"What are you talking abou- GANGSTERS?!" Blaze yelled.
"Yeah, they looked like gangsters." I said.
"WHERE'S RAINBOW?!" Blaze yelled.
"She was lying on the bed last I checked. I can't remember why I'm lying on the ground. I should've napped on the bed." I said. Blaze checked all around the room, also saw some cracks on the sliding glass door.
"Oh no!" Blaze panicked.
"Oh no is right! Where are those chocolate mints?" I asked.
"The sliding glass door here is cracked! It looks like Rainbow tried to escape. STEELHOOF!" Blaze yelled.
"C'mon, man! Always blaming Steelhoof. He's after YOU, man. Not Rainbow." I corrected him.
"I told you. He'll use Rainbow to get to me! I should've kept a closer eye on her! I gotta go save her!" Blaze flew out of the room quickly, leaving me there all alone.
"No thanks, I don't wanna go with you. I'd rather enjoy the time I have left here, but thanks for asking." I said sarcastically. Blaze started flying fast all the way back to the studios to look for Rainbow. Blaze got so worried about her.
"Aw man! I knew this was going to happen! This is more worrying than what Rose does when I play peek-a-boo with her.” Blaze mentioned. A cutaway shows Blaze and Rose in the kitchen, sitting at the table, and Blaze was playing peek-a-boo with her. Rose was teething on her spoon, and Blaze blocks his eyes and says, “Where’s daddy? Where’s daddy?”
“Daddy?” Rose said.
“Nope. Daddy’s gone.” Blaze said. Rose looked around the room suspiciously, and as Blaze says, “HERE HE IS!” Rose was holding the cookie jar, and nearly places a cookie in her mouth, but she then holds the jar and cookie behind her back and smiles embarrassingly. “Ooooook.” Blaze said. He blocks his eyes again and says, “Where’s daddy? Where’s daddy?” and after a few seconds he goes, “HERE HE IS!” and the whole kitchen was a mess. “Wow, you’re a fast little filly.” Blaze said shockingly. “Let’s see what else you can get.” Blaze blocks his eyes a third time and says, “Where is daddy?”
Just then, Rainbow Dash flies into the room and says, “Blaze, I’ve just finished placing the hail storm above Daisy Drive, and- WHAT THE?!” Rainbow sees the kitchen a mess and yells, “BLAZE! Where are you?! I leave the house for five minutes, and you leave Rose unattended!”
“Rainbow, I’m right here.” Blaze said, removing his hooves from his eyes.
“AAAAH!” Rainbow panicked. “How did you do tha- I wasn’t scared!” The cutaway ends.
Blaze flies inside the studio and looks around for Steelhoof. “COME OUT, STEELHOOF!” Blaze yelled. “WHERE ARE YOU?! WHERE IS MY WIFE?!”
Inside Director Hellman’s trailer, Steelhoof was just polishing his cybernetic hooves and said to himself, “Ah, it is weautiful. Wis wovie is going to be a sensation; and soon, I’ll be wable to winally wapture Waze Woldheart.” The Director looks at himself in the mirror and says, “Ah, my dear, with you as bait, Waze will wave no choice, but to wome to you, and I’ll be wable to wapture him, finally!” the director started chuckling to himself, but as that was happening, Blaze kicks down the director’s door and marches inside.
“Alright, Steelhoof! The gig is up!” Blaze yelled.
“What are wou walking wabout, Wister Wings.” The director lied.
“Don’t play dumb with me, bro! I know your secret! I knew it all along! You disguised yourself as a director to get to me!” Blaze yelled.
“Well, Waze Woldheart, you are certainly a smart one.” Steelhoof said, removing his eyepatch, revealing his cybernetic eye.
“Eww! Put the eyepatch back on. That eye always gave me the creeps!” Blaze said.
“Oh, wokay.” Steelhoof said, putting his eyepatch back on. “Wit is too swoon, Waze.”
“Too soon, huh? When did you think you were going to expect me?” Blaze asked.
“I have this lovely twap for you, and you have fallen wight into it!” Steelhoof said as he tilts one of the bottles on the makeup counter, and presses a button, placing a cage over Blaze.
“NO!” Blaze yelled.
Steelhoof laughed evilly and said, “It is a wood wing wat I wave this to wact as wood wait!”
“A ruby?” Blaze asked, looking at a ruby on the floor.
“Yes! As my wesearch went, I heard that wubies are a dwagons best fwiend.” Steelhoof said.
“It’s true, I like rubies. They’re really delicious.” Blaze said.
“Now that I have you, I’ll get to finally cut you open, and see what kind of wesearch I can send to the world, and I: Woctor Weelhwoof, can be the most famous Biologist in all of Equestwea!” Steelhoof yelled and laughed.
“You might have me now, Steelhoof, but I DEMAND you RELEASE MY WIFE!” Blaze yelled.
“Welease your what now?” Steelhoof asked.
“Don’t play dumb with me, Steelhoof. It was bad enough you were playing dumb with that director disguise.” Blaze said. “WHERE IS MY WIFE?!”
“How should I know?” Steelhoof asked, shrugging.
“I saw it from the start, I just didn’t act quick enough. I let my little Dashie down, and now you kidnapped her so you can finally capture me. I am such an idiot!” Blaze said in tears, banging his head on the cage.
“Wait…. What?” Steelhoof asked curiously. He started laughing really hard.
“What’s so funny?” Blaze asked.
“Oh, Woldheart, I find you very amuwsing!” Steelhoof said as he continued to laugh, and wiped a tear from his cybernetic eye which caused it to surge. “Whoa, I gotta be careful on my waughter.”
“This isn’t amusing, Steelhoof! It’s illegal! Release me and Rainbow Dash at once!” Blaze yelled.
“Woldheart, it’s only you that I want. I did NOT widnap your wife.” Steelhoof said.
“What?” Blaze asked.
”The wuby was my bait. I heard about this part for Waring Wo the Wovie, and I would know your wife would want to pway that wart. That’s when I posed as a diwector so I can use her to get to you.” Steelhoof explained.
“But….. that’s impossible. My wife has been kidnapped by gangsters!” Blaze said.
“I don’t like widnapping, wokay? I would nevah do that.” Steelhoof said.
“Oh yeah? You remember kidnapping Crèmepop a few months ago?” Blaze asked.
“That was different. I felt that I wad no choice. I knew that Swinebwutt can welp me finally captuwrue you, so I had to work for him. I wasn’t too fond of the widnapping pwart of the plan.” Steelhoof said.
“So if you didn’t kidnap Rainbow, then….. who did?” Blaze asked.
Meanwhile, inside the main studio building, Rainbow Dash regains consciousness while hoof-cuffed onto a chair. “Ugh…. What happened? Where am I? What’s going on?! Who’s responsible for this?! Show yourself!” Rainbow yelled.
“Ah, Miss Dash! I am pleased that you could join me in this small meeting I have in planned for us.” The big boss said as he walked out of the shadows.
“Big boss?!” Rainbow gasped.
“Yes, and thanks to my wonderful, clients….” The boss said, pointing to the gangsters that kidnapped Rainbow.
“When you gonna pay us, homie?” the orange gangster asked.
“I can finally get you to sign the next part of my plan.” The boss said.
“What plan?” Rainbow asked.
“The plan I have for you, of course!” the boss said. Rainbow tried to pull the cuffs off her hooves, but she wasn’t strong enough.
“Ah, ah, ah!” the boss said in a high-pitched voice. “No escaping until I have discussed my plan.”
“I am sooooo not in the mood for your blather.” Rainbow said.
“Silence!” the boss yelled. “Galactic Studios is running low on profits, so I must take necessary precautions to make sure we stay in business. I’m going to force you to work for the studio for free. Your acting career will last as long as you live.”
“Blaze was right. There was something weird going on here. I should’ve listened to him.” Rainbow said to herself.
“Well, a lesson learned is lesson earned, my dear!” the boss said. “Now, I must contact my client. Since you’re working for this company FOR FREE now, I must take measures that could be….. pretty painful.” The boss said.
“Painful?” Rainbow asked.
“My client, Dr. Steelhoof has this chip he can install into your brain. If you don’t follow your orders, you will receive a nasty shock.” The boss said mischievously.
“Dude, this is illegal! You can’t do this!” Rainbow yelled. “I’LL FIGHT YOU IF I HAVE TO!” Rainbow tries harder to get free from her cuffs, but she was still unsuccessful.
“Foolish rainbow pony, this is Galactic Studios, and I run it all! This is one of the most successful companies in all of Equestria. If this business somehow falls down into the Earth, it’ll be your life you’re throwing away!” the boss yelled. “Daring Do: The Movie is our best bet of keeping this business alive. This movie will be a sensation, and the company will return to it’s rightful glory! Then I will be rich, and there is nothing anypony can do to stop us!”
“Not if I have anything to say about this.” A familiar voice said from outside the room.
“Excuse me? I asked for security not to invite anypony in.” the boss said.
“A pony that relies on other for protection? How pathetic!” the pony said as she walked into the room and it was revealed to be A.K. Yealing.
“Daring D- I mean, A.K. Yealing!” Rainbow said in excitement.
“Miss Yealing? What an unexpected surprise. What are you doing here?” the boss asked.
“I’m here because there is an unfortunate affair I have to deal with.” A.K. said.
“Oh yeah; and what might that be?” the boss asked.
“You, Mr. Boss!” A.K. yelled at him.
“Me? I don’t understand.” The boss said curiously.
“You are the manager of this company, are you not?” A.K. asked.
“No, I-I think you’re mistaken with somepony else.” The boss said nervously.
“A.K. Yearling, it is soooo cool to have you here!” Rainbow said excitedly.
“It’s really good to see you again, Rainbow Dash. How did you enjoy the latest book?” A.K. asked.
“It was to DIE for!” Rainbow said.
“Don’t jinx it!” the boss yelled at Rainbow.
“You have no rights to enslave your actors to save a quick buck, Mr. Boss; and you also have no rights to create movies that you do not have the rights to make!” A.K. yelled at the boss.
“What are you talking about?” the boss asked.
“The copyrighted laws of making this movie. I did not give you permission to make a movie out of MY stories. If you would’ve notified me, maybe we could’ve made a deal, but instead, you go around and steal other stories from hard-working authors!” A.K. explained.
“Ok, you got me. I don’t have the rights to make the certain movies my company makes, but you have no proof of it! I am a powerful stallion, Miss Yearling. There is no force that can arrest me.” The boss said.
“Oh I wouldn’t say that.” Jerry Jam said as he entered the room.
“Jerry Jam?” Rainbow asked.
“JER?!” the two gangster ponies gasped.
“Yes, and- wait…”Jerry stopped as he looked at the gangster ponies. “Orange Swirl? Cesar Salad? What are you doing here, mates?!”
“We do what we’re paid to do, amigo.” Cesar said.
“Yeah, homie. What are you doing?” Orange asked.
“My job.” Jerry said. “I’m also here to finish this case. Mr. Boss, you are under arrest for copyrighted violations, and kidnapping.” Jerry said.
The boss started laughing. “HA! Don’t make me laugh! You’re nothing but a writer.”
“Nope, that is just my undercover job. I’ve been keeping an eye on you ever since I started working here, Mr. Boss. Now I finally caught you right-hoofed, and you’re going to jail.” Jerry said.
“Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?” the boss asked.
“This.” Blaze said, hovering behind him. The boss turns around and sees Blaze with an angry look. “This is for kidnapping my wife, and knocking out my best friend!” Blaze as he throws a punch at the boss’s face, and the boss gets knocked out. Blaze then says, “It’s just been revoked!”
“Speaking of copyrights, I’m going to sue this pony for every bit he has.” A.K. said.
“Oh yeah? For how much, Miss Yealing?” Jerry asked.
Just then, Mike Mares (who is still in his Ahuizotl costume), places his tail pinky near his mouth and says, “For 100 billion dollars!”
“What how about those two?” A.K. asked, pointing to the two gangsters.
“Jerry… since when were you a fed?” Cesar asked.
“It’s a long story, mates. I’ll talk to you about that later. I won’t arrest you two, because you’re my friends, but you two gotta get outta here, now!” Jerry demanded.
“You have a lot of explaining to you, home-boy!” Orange yelled.
“Yeah, Jer. We gotta know how long you’ve been hiding this secret from us.” Cesar said as the pair run away.
Later that morning, the police arrive and arrested the boss. Blaze, Rainbow, A.K., Jerry, and I were chatting it up in the middle of the studio grounds. “Nice work, Rainbow Dash, Blaze Goldheart, and Flare Gun for helping us arrest this boss.” Jerry said. “He’s been in FDA’s most wanted for a long time.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What did Flare do to help?” Blaze asked.
“A.K. Yealing gave me a call, asking for a hitpony. This was certainly the last time I go by the name: Agent 47.” I said.
“Yeah, I needed to hire a hitpony for help for my next adventure.” A.K. said.
”You’re asking ponies to help you?” Rainbow asked.
“I learned that from you, Rainbow Dash.” A.K. said, smiling.
“A.K. I actually like that name. I have a relative with the same first name!” I said.
“Yeah, your agent mentioned something about Galactic Studios making a movie out of my books. I had to see what all the fuss was about. That’s why I’m here.” A.K. said to Rainbow.
“Well, this is a nice place, huh, sista? Las Pegasus. Doesn’t have as much heat as Mareami, but it’s very pretty, and it’s also where you’ll find most of the celebrities that’ll soon go to rehab.” I said.
“Well, now that that’s under control, please allow me to properly introduce myself.” Jerry said as he takes out his badge. “Jerry Jam, FDA.”
“FDA?” I asked.
“Friendship Detection Agency.” Jerry said.
“What kind of organization is that?” Blaze asked.
“It’s Equestria’s primary elite force, fighting against disharmony and hate. Princess Celestia created this organization right after Nightmare Moon was banished.” Jerry explained. “Disharmony and hate have been flowing a lot that year. It was the same year Discord came to power, and when King Sombra enslaved the Crystal Empire. Now, this task force will make sure Equestria stays in peace.”
“Sounds awesome!” Rainbow said.
“It is, mate. It really is!” Jerry said.
“Jerry Jam… wait a minute… it’s starting to come to me.” I said. “You’re a Jam! You settled the war between the Guns and the Leafhorns when they were fighting for Mareami grounds. Aren’t you Blueberry Jam’s descendent?”
“That I am, mate, and you’re actually one of the reasons I joined the FDA.” Jerry said.
“Really? Why?” I asked.
“That one time in fifth grade, I was there, watching you getting beat up by Herb Leafhorn. There was nothing I could do. I just watched you getting beat up.” Jerry said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you, mate.”
“It’s all a thing in the past, brah. Herb and I are friends now.” I said.
“So I figured, counting he’s a part of the Friendship Mafia now. I saw him in action during that bank heist back in Mareami.” Jerry said. “I found this FDA agent, and I discovered the agency, and I joined. I’ve been assigned here in L.P., mainly to watch over night club owner Elusive.”
“That’s Rarity’s cousin, right?” Rainbow asked.
“He talks about a Rarity a lot, so… yeah, pretty much.” Jerry nodded. “I also befriended a couple of gangsters; the duo that kidnapped you, Rainbow Dash, Orange Swirl and Cesar Salad. They were friends of mine back in Mareami. They’re a dangerous pair, but I let them get away with crime… a little too much, might I add.”
“So what’s going to become of the Daring Do movie now?” Rainbow asked.
“Well, this news has already been released all over the internet. I guess we have no other choice but to finish it!” A.K. said.
“AWESOME!” Rainbow yelled in excitement. “I was totally afraid this movie would be cancelled. I’ve always wanted to see this movie on the big screen! Now I don’t have to be an egghead like Twilight anymore.”
“But this time....” A.K. takes off her disguise and she reveals herself as Daring Do. “I’m playing the leading role!”
Blaze and I were in shock. My jaw dropped to the ground. “Daring Do?” Blaze asked.
“The one and only!” Daring posed.
“You’re….. real?!” Blaze asked.
“See? SEE?! I told you, Blaze! I told you!” Rainbow teased.
“You told me, huh? Well…. I certainly told you it wasn’t safe here! But did you listen to me? Nooooo. You just had to go sign that contract, and get yourself kidnapped.” Blaze said.
“You’re right, Blaze. I’m sorry. I guess I got so caught up in the dream, and I was so excited of all the fame I was going to get, that I didn’t think about how dangerous the staff here really were.” Rainbow said.
“Speaking of which, what happened to Steelhoof?” I asked.
“Oh he’s been taken care of.” Blaze said mischievously.
A cutaway shows Steelhoof in his trailer, laughing really hard, and shorting out his cybernetic eye even more. “I… I…. I wan’t wontrol my waughter! WAZE WOLDHEART, I WILL WETURN FOR YOOOOOO- HA HA HA HA! Why wid you wave to be so dwarn fwunny?!” The cutaway ends.
“Well, Rainbow, to also be honest. I was being a little overprotective over you as well.” Blaze said.
“It’s no problem, Blaze.” Rainbow said as she hugged him.
“Well, Rainbow, I just got off the phone with Queen Haytifah, and she wants the world to know your story.” I said. “Aren’t I the best agent ever?”
“You sure are, Flare.” Rainbow said as she places her hoof on the Blessings of the Night that was hanging around my neck, and it started to glow. “Thank you for being there for us. Without your agent skills, we wouldn’t gotten in contact with A.K. Yearling, and I’d probably be dead.”
“Aw c’mon, Rainbow! I’m the one that knocked the boss out epicly.” Blaze complained.
“Meh, anypony could’ve done that.” Rainbow said, winking at him.
“Well, mates, I must be on my way now. Duty calls.” Jerry said.
“The bathroom is over there if you need to go duty.” I said, pointing to where the bathroom is.
Jerry chuckled and said, “I have the feeling we’ll be seeing eachother again soon. You’re Flare Gun, right?”
“No, I’m Crimson Blast.” I said.
“No need to hide your identity anymore, mate.” Jerry said. “Anyways, I must congratulate you and your friends for taking out the Body of Evil. If you ever need the FDA’s help, you can always give us a call.” Jerry hooves me over a card with the FDA’s number.
“Thanks, Jerry. I really appreciate it.” I said.
“This particular moment could go great for my next story.” Daring said.
“Hey, Daring, when do you think your next book is coming out?” Rainbow asked.
Daring chuckles and said, “Be patient. I just published the last one a couple of days ago. Give it time. Besides, the story will only go on if there’s anything to write about.”
“Miss Do, you’ll notice that all the sharks have laser beams attached to their heads. I think that every creature deserves a warm meal.” Mike Mares as Ahuizotl said as he places his tail pinky near his mouth.
“A hush follows the crowd as Flare Gun studies the board.” I said to myself talking like an announcer and observing my white board in my office that contains the ingredients to a new dish I’m making, and I was about to add to the math. “He makes his move. He adds four cups of flour, he divides the number of sea salt, he changes amount of olive oil, he uses the low-fat cheese, adds more veggies in the sauce, and the last but not yeast the least! Crowd goes wild! Master Chef! Master Chef!” I chanted.
“Flare?” Bon Bon said curiously as she stood beside my office door.
“Master Chef- Bonnie.” I responded. I saw she was looking at my work, and I quickly flipped the board over and said, “Hey! Don’t look at my board!”
“What’s that?” Bonnie asked, looking at the picture I drew that was on the other side of the board.
“That’s a drawing of a really cool airplane.” I said. “You can’t look at that either.” I quickly covered the drawing. “What do you want?”
“We just got a call from somepony by the name of… umm…. Lyra what was his name?!” Bonnie yelled from across the pizza shop.
“Who?!” Lyra yelled back.
“The one with the French accent! That chef!” Bonnie yelled.
“Umm… Gu… Gustave…. Gustave le-“ Lyra yelled back but I cut her off.
“Gustave le Grand?!” I gasped.
“Yeah, that’s the name. Why? You know him?” Bonnie asked.
“Know him?! He’s one of the greatest chefs that ever moved here from the Griffin Kingdom.” I said. “He makes some of the greatest fancy dishes in all of Equestria! Lots of Griffin traditions. Not the type of cuisine your average pony makes.”
“Ah… I see. Well he’s coming over tomorrow at noon.” Bonnie said as she was looking over behind my back.
“Stop looking at my board!” I demanded as I covered my board with my whole body.
“Sorry, but that plane is distracting me.” Bonnie said.
“Hisssss!” I hissed at her.
“Alright, alright, I’m leaving now. I just wanted to let you know, alright?” Bonnie said.
”I read you loud and clear, Bonnie. Thank you. Now get out.” I demanded. Bonnie awkwardly leaves my office and shuts the door behind her. I started to talk to myself. “Wow. Gustave le Grand coming to my shop. This is better news than when One Direction went the other direction!”
A cutaway shows the One Direction band walking into Ponyville, and talking with eachother. “Oy, love! I just love to perform for these pony folk.” Zayn said.
“Jolly good, Zayn. I still wonder what shall we sing to them though.” Louis said.
“It’s nice being a young boy band that young teenage fillies are obsessed over, and then shave their heads if they get a rumor of us having cancer.” Liam said.
”I think that was Justin Bieber, Liam.” Zayn corrected him.
“Oh, speaking of which, he’s already in town.” Louis said, pointing out Justin Bieber playing on stage with lots of pony girls screaming.
“Aww man! I hate that guy.” Harry complained.
“Yeah, thinking that one kid can get all the chicks when it takes five of us to do that!” Niall complained.
“I don’t care what our group name is, we’re going the other direction.” Liam said.
“But our contract says-“ Harry was about to say, but Liam cut him off.
“I don’t care what our bloody contract says! To the other direction we go!” Liam yelled as they walked the other direction.
After that, an old pony sitting on a chair while wearing a robe and slippers, and with a pipe in his mouth while inside a library in front of fireplace says to you readers, “And from that day forward, One Direction was never heard from again. Amen.” The cutaway ends.
Meanwhile over at Blaze's house, he was writing down a message to give to Princess Celestia, it reads: "Dear Princess Celestia, I'm filing this report because my daughter Rose is having problems with her phoenix powers. I realized, like unicorn foals, she's been having power surges and she needs to be controlled over it. I don't really know what to do, so I'd like to ask for that potion you sent to my father when I was having the same surges. I already asked Zecora, but she says she doesn't have the recipe with her. I was hoping you still have the recipe somewhere to give to her. My pet phoenix, Apollo, will be glad to send it to her. Thank you for everything. Your faithful subject, Blaze Goldheart." Blaze folds up the letter, places it in an envelope and licks the envelope shut. "Apollo?!" Blaze yelled.
Blaze's phoenix Apollo flies over to Blaze and says, "Yes, Master?"
"Would you kindly send this letter over to Princess Celestia?" Blaze asked, giving him the envelope.
"Yes, master." Apollo said, taking it and about to fly off, but Blaze stopped him.
"Wait!" Blaze yelled.
"Yes, master?" Apollo asked.
"First off, I know you like to call me 'master', and I'll let you, but quit calling me that every time you address me. It's really getting uncomfortable." Blaze said.
"Yes, my owner." Apollo said.
Blaze sighed and said, "Whatever. After you're done giving this letter to the princess, she'll give you a recipe to give to Zecora. Then right after Zecora makes the potion, send it to me. Alright? It's fairly urgent."
"Okie dokie, owner." Apollo said and he flew off.
"That bird is very loyal and honorable. A little too loyal and honorable." Blaze said to himself. "I really don't like it, like that one time he offered to be my pillow."
A cutaway shows Blaze walking over to his bed so he can go to sleep. He lays on his bed, and he shuts the light. Blaze then hears a strange groaning sound in the dark. "Blaze, is that you?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"No. Is it you?" Blaze asked.
"If it was me, why would I be asking if it was you?" Rainbow asked.
"She's got a point there." Apollo said.
"Oh, right, thank you, Apollo." Blaze said. There was silence in the room for a few seconds, but then Blaze yelled, "Wait, Apollo?!" Blaze turned on the light and saw Apollo lying on bed where his pillow is supposed to be.
"Hello, master." Apollo said.
"Apollo, what are you doing? Shouldn't you be on your post?" Blaze asked.
"You said your neck has been hurting lately, so I thought it was your pillow, and I couldn't find another pillow around the house, so I decided to be your pillow." Apollo said.
"Why?" Blaze asked.
"Isn't that my name? A pillow?" Apollo asked.
"No, for the last time, your name is not 'A pillow', it's 'Apollo'." Blaze said.
"I don't see a difference there, master." Apollo said.
"Get back in your post!" Blaze ordered him.
"Yes, master." Apollo said as he flew off the bed and back to his post. Blaze looks at Rainbow that just looks at him with a confused look on her face.
"What?" Blaze asked.
"To you, talking to that bird is like talking to another pony, but with me, it sounds like you both are tweeting at eachother. It's really weird." Rainbow said. The cutaway ends.
Meanwhile, Apollo flies over Canterlot, watching the fancy-smancy Canterlot ponies, doing their fancy-smancy Canterlot pony things, like thinking they're superior to ponies from other towns, such as Ponyville. Really, those Canterlot ponies really are jerks sometimes; but enough of them, let's continue. Apollo flies over to Canterlot castle to Celestia's throne room. Really, I hate those Canterlot ponies sometimes. Oops, sorry, I got off-topic again.
"Ah, hello Apollo!" Celestia said walking over to him and taking the letter and reading it. "Looks like Blaze needs some of that potion again, I see. Well, don't worry, Luna has the recipe right now."
"Here you are." Luna said, giving the recipe to Apollo. "I hope this recipe helps Rose out with her power surges."
"Wait, how did Princess Luna know about this?" Apollo asked himself, or so he thought.
"I did." another phoenix in the room said to him. "I heard about the new draconian daughter Blaze has; I've been keeping an eye on her for a long time." Apollo gasped as he saw the other phoenix in the room. He had this strange feeling, his heart was pounding, and he was feeling cold and nervous.
"Hello... I didn't know there was another phoenix around these parts." Apollo said nervously.
"I did. Being Celestia's pet, I have to know everything she knows." the other phoenix said, and then took out her wing. "My name is Philomena by the way."
"Apil... Apil... Apil..." Apollo was having a hard time saying his name.
"Apollo?" Philomena guessed.
"Ye-yeah... how did you know that?" Apollo asked.
"A little 'birdie' told me." Philomena teased and giggled. Apollo chuckled along. "Yeah, I like to mess with other ponies, and now I like to mess with other phoenixes."
"I see. I have some fish friends that like to tease me as well." Apollo said and continued chuckling.
Philomena giggled and said, "Right. Well, it was great meeting you Apollo. I see you have some things you need to be doing."
"What things?" Apollo asked.
Philomena giggled and said, "What? You getting short-term memory-loss? I think one of your fish friends is starting to get to you." she teased.
"Heh. I see what you did there. Finding Nemo reference." Apollo said.
"What?" Philomena asked confusingly.
"Oh, you never seen that movie?" Apollo asked.
"Of course I am, I'm just messing with you, Apollo!" Philomena teased and laughed even harder.
"Oh... right." Apollo said. Apollo was getting more and more nervous. He didn't know what this feeling was, and started to feel a little uncomfortable. He started to sweat.
"So, yeah, you should take the recipe over to Zecora." Philomena suggested.
"Huh? Oh that's right! Wow, you're right. I am getting short-term memory loss." Apollo chuckled and said.
Philomenia giggled and said, "Well, you be on your way now. I hope to see you again soon!" She then places a piece of paper containing her phone number on Apollo’s wing. Apollo started to sweat nervously.
"Y-yeah... you too." Apollo said as he started to fly away, but as he was flying, he missed the window and hit the wall. Philomena continued to giggle. Apollo just smiled embarrassedly and flew away. Apollo said to himself, "Wow. That was weird. I don't know what's going on with me. My heart is beating, I feel cold and nervous..." but before he could finish speaking, he flew into one of the flags at one of the castle towers, and struggled to get out, but finally did. "And I'm also being clumsy. It's odd... I'm never clumsy. Is there something wrong with me? Am I getting sick? Well, I know who can help me out in this situation. I'll go see them after I deliver this recipe to Zecora."
Meanwhile, at my shop, I had to get the place ready for Gustave le Grand when he arrives. "Thanks for offering to help me out, brahs." I said as I was hanging a banner up on the wall that says 'Accueil (Welcome) Gustave le Grand'.
"It's our pleasure, mate. It's not every day ya get a famous chef comin' to your store to try your food." Aqua said.
"Yeah, I bet you're as excited as I was when Isaac Newtrot came to visit me!” Psyche said. A cutaway shows Psyche sitting at his couch after drinking so much cider, and somepony knocks on his door. Psyche walks over to the door, all dizzily and stuff, and opens it, revealing Aqua on the other side.
“Hey, Psyche. Wind Racer is in need of toilet paper and we’re all out. Can we use a roll?” Aqua asked.
“Isaac Newtrot? Is that you?” Psyche asked.
“Have ya been drinkin’ apple cider with zap apple jam inside again?” Aqua asked.
“No, sir, I do not know why they would name a random bear-type animal in the Everfree Forest as a star system.” Psyche said.
“What?” Aqua asked.
“What are you talking about? Steven Hawkwing is NOTHING compared to you, Mr. Newtrot.” Psyche said.
Aqua thought for a second and then asked, “Hey, Mr. Illusion, have ya seen the Horsehead Nebula lately?”
“Oh you need some toilet paper? Right away!” Psyche said excitedly as he walked over to the bathroom to get some. The cutaway ends.
“Isaac Newtrot? Hey, I saw him at Sweet Apple Acres once!” Crystal said.
Another cutaway shows Crystal at Sweet Apple Acres, and she sees AppleJack sitting on one of her trees, and just then, an apple falls on her head. “OW!” AppleJack cried.
“Nice, AppleJack! You discovered gravity!” Crystal said. The cutaway ends.
“So you saw AppleJack get hit in the head with an apple?” Psyche asked.
“Eeyup!” Crystal said.
“I thought you said you saw Isaac Newtrot there?” Psyche asked.
“Yes I did. He’s the apple, right?” Crystal asked.
“No, he’s a pony that got hit in the head with an apple.” Psyche corrected her.
“But when I was at school, I heard the teacher call this the Isaac Newtrot Theroy.” Crystal said. She took out an apple and glared at it. “What you told me was a lie!”
“Your teacher was an apple?” Engie asked.
“Ok, we got off-topic for too long there.” I said. “Anyways, yes, I’m very excited that Gustave le Grand is coming. I’m getting Bon Bon and Lyra to work extra hard for this occasion.” Bon Bon was sitting on the counter reading a magazine, and Lyra was sleeping on one of the booths. “I said I’M GETTING BON BON AND LYRA TO WORK EXTRA HARD!” I repeated myself.
“We heard you.” Bonnie said.
“That means you have to work harder.” I said.
“We will, but is Gustave le Grand here right now?” Bonnie asked.
“No.” I said.
“Then we don’t have to work extra hard yet.” Bonnie said, continuing to read the magazine.
“Right…. alright.” I said.
“Jeez Flare, yer really soft on your employees, aren’t ya?” Engie asked.
“Do I have a reason to be nasty to them, Engie?” I asked.
“No, not at all. I’m just sayin’.” Engie said.
“Flare, mind if I make a suggestion?” Aqua asked.
“Of course, brah! “ I said.
“Well, what-“ Aqua said but got cut off by Crystal.
“He said ‘of course’, Aqua.” Crystal corrected him.
“Yeah, so?” Aqua asked.
“That means he does mind.” Crystal said.
“Sorry, that actually came out wrong. I meant to say I don’t mind.” I corrected myself.
“Oh.” Crystal said.
“So my suggestion is: for a fancy chef, ya will need a fancy atmosphere.” Aqua said. “Like the silverware ya have isn’t really silver. It’s plastic and painted to look silver.”
“So?” I asked.
“It’s just a suggestion.” Aqua said nervously. “Also these chairs are wooden. Chairs in fancy restaurants are like cotton. Not to mention, you don’t have a chandelier.”
“Chandelier? Isn’t that a little too much?” I asked.
“Ya’re right. I shouldn’ve mentioned that.” Aqua said.
“No, dude, you should totally make this place look fancier.” Crystal agreed.
“Doesn’t it look fancy enough?” I asked.
“Not for a chef like this, it isn’t.” Engie said.
“Well, I’ll keep you in charge of making this place look fancier, Aqua.” I said.
“What?!” Crystal and Engie both asked surprisingly.
“Why?” Crystal asked.
“Well, Aqua was the one that suggested it.” I said.
“It’s true.” Psyche said.
“And you Psyche, I want you to make sure Bonnie and Lyra get everything ready. While I’ll go and get some food for Gustave, somepony needs to make sure they do their jobs.” I said.
“Wow, despite being the one that takes the garbage in your group, it sounds you’re giving me the best job.” Psyche said.
“Shut up, Psyche.” I said as I give him a giant trash bag. “Now take this to the dumpster out back.”
“And there’s the garbage.” Psyche said with an annoyed tone.
“Crystal, Engie, do whatever Aqua says in getting this place ready, alright?” I asked.
“Mmhm.” They both said.
“ALRIGHT?!” I repeated myself, making sure they get the message.
“Yes, we get it!” Engie and Crystal said in an annoyed tone.
“Good. I already got a list of things I need to get. T-T-Y-L.” I said as I walked out of the shop to get some stuff to refill the shop’s pantry.
“Ah don’t call dibs on this.” Engie said.
Meanwhile, over at my trailer, inside the fish tank, Piddles was fast asleep near the barrel. Darrel was swimming around and saw Piddles asleep, and his brain hatched an idea. So Darrel swam inside the castle and went through the pile of junk inside, or what sounded like a pile of junk, and he takes out a cup and swims back to Piddles and places quietly takes his fin, and places it inside the cup. Darrel started giggling, but as it turns out, Piddles wasn’t completely asleep.
“Yeah, this prank doesn’t work when we’re already under water.” Piddles said with his eyes still closed.
“Why? This water already feels warmer. I’d say the prank DID work.” Darrel said.
“Really? Because my bladder didn’t release.” Piddles said.
“Huh? Oh yeah, that was me.” Darrel blushed and swam away quickly.
Just then, while Rainbow and Yoyo were playing cards (yes, the fish have playing cards), they heard a SLAM impact over at the window above the tank. “What was that?” Yoyo asked.
“I don’t know. Sounded like it came from the window.” Rainbow said.
“Really? We’re under water and we heard that? What is logic coming to?” Dorthey asked.
Rainbow swam over to the top of the tank, and looked out the window and saw their friend Apollo that smashed right into it. “It’s Apollo.” he said.
“Wow, what a clumsy ol bird.” Dorthey said as she started swimming over to the bottom of the tank. Once she got to the bottom, she started swimming fast over to the top of the tank so she can jump out and open the window, and jump back inside the tank to breathe.
Apollo flew inside my bedroom, rubbing his bumped head and said, “Thank you, Dorthey.”
“What was that all about?” Rainbow asked.
“Yeah, normally you’re not that clumsy.” Yoyo said.
“I apologize deeply for that clumsy entrance, my aquatic friends, but I think I’m feeling a little ill.” Apollo said.
“And you seriously thought of coming to us?” Dorthey asked.
“I didn’t know where else to go. Since you six are my closest friends, I thought you might know what’s going on with me.” Apollo said.
“We’re not doctors, dude.” Yoyo said.
“I know, but even though I’m feeling ill, it feels like a strange type of illness. All other illnesses I used to have was caused by old age, colds, and feather flu, but I never had this feeling before.” Apollo said.
“Well, how do you know you’re ill? Do you have a stomach ache?” Rainbow asked.
“Not really.” Apollo said.
“How does your head feel?” Rainbow asked.
Apollo feels his head and says, “I don’t know.”
“How can you not know?” Dorthey asked.
“I just don’t, alright?!” Apollo yelled.
“Whoa, what’s with your attitude?” Piddles asked.
“I’m sorry, but this feeling started when I got to Canterlot castle to deliver something for my master.” Apollo said.
“Don’t say ‘your master’, say Blaze.” Darrel instructed him.
“Why does everyone have a problem with me calling him ‘master’?” Apollo asked.
“Because you’re acting like you’re his slave, and slaves are a no-no.” Darrel said.
“Sorry. So when I got to the castle, I met this phoenix named Philomenia.” Apollo said.
“AHHHH! Stop right there, Apollo!” Pearl said.
“What?” Apollo asked.
“I think I may know what your problem is!” Pearl said excitedly.
“You? Please, you don’t even know your own reflection from another fish.” Yoyo teased.
“That was Piddles, not me.” Pearl corrected him.
“And that other fish still bothers me!” Piddles said angrily.
“So, what’s my problem, Pearl?” Apollo asked.
“It’s no problem, it’s a type of happiness.” Pearl said. “You’re in-love!”
“In… ‘love’?” Apollo asked.
“Exactly! In… looooooooove!” Pearl said as she placed her fin over her head and leaned back on Piddles, and Piddles just rolled his eyes.
“So this is what love is? Love feels like a type of illness?” Apollo asked.
“Well, kinda. You see, you’re normally never around other phoenixes. Like Spike, you’re a species that was raised by ponies.” Pearl said.
“Yeah?” Apollo asked.
“So that means you don’t know really how a phoenix feels like what other phoenixes feel. You think your love is wrong, but it’s not. It’s very, very right.” Pearl said.
“I suppose that makes sense.” Apollo said.
“Of course it makes sense, we’re fish!” Darrel said.
“Oooook.” Apollo said confusingly. “So what should I do?”
“You should take this other phoenix you met on a date.” Pearl suggested.
“A… date?” Apollo asked.
“Yes, a date!” Pearl said.
“But I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do.” Apollo said.
“Don’t worry, Apollo. I’ll teach you everything I know to get ready for your date. Before I become Flare’s pet, I used to date this clown fish.” Pearl said.
A cutaway shows Pearl on a date with Marlin from Finding Nemo. “Hey, thanks for taking me out on this date, Marlin. This is very nice.” Pearl said.
“Yeah, well, I did lose my wife recently, and I didn’t ever want to forget her. But I should do what she’d want me to do. Move on.” Marlin said.
“Oooook, an awkward conversation for a first date: talking about your wife.” Pearl said awkwardly.
“Would you care for some hors d'oeuvre?” a waitor fish asked as he placed some coral bits on the table.
“Ah… Coral. That was my last-wife’s name.” Marlin said sadly, looking at the food.
“Uh huuuuuh.” Pearl said awkwardly.
“You know, she used to love eating this stuff. It was her favorite. Well, that and leftover of other fish, like our neighbor, Sandy Plankton’s uncle: Sheldon J. Plankton.” Marlin said.
“I didn’t think clownfish ate plankton.” Pearl said.
“They….. don’t.” Marlin said as he started getting teary eyed and started crying on the table hysterically. “I MISS YOU, CORAL! I CAN’T TAKE CARE OF NEMO WITHOUT YOU!” Just then Marlin stopped crying and said, “Oh no, NEMO! I left him at home! I promised I wouldn’t let anything happen to him!” Marlin got up quickly and swam away back to his home to check up on him.
“Your son lives in a sea anemone!” Pearl yelled out. “He should be safe in- ah, forget it. He’s not my type anyway. Hey, waiter? Can I get my food to go, please?” The cutaway ends.
“How did you meet a clownfish anyway, Pearl?” Yoyo asked her. “Clown fish live in the sea, and you’re a fresh water fish.”
Meanwhile, I was getting my food for the shop. I left the market and started walking to Fluttershy’s house. “Ok, I got most of the stuff I need for Gustave le Grand; now all I need is some of that spice that makes food shrink. Fancy folk love to eat small portions and spend a lot of money buying it. I’m pretty sure Fluttershy has some.” I said to myself as I walked towards her house.
Just before I knocked on her door, I heard her voice yell from inside. “HEEELP!”
Fluttershy sounded like she was in trouble, but I couldn’t be rude, so I had to knock anyway: Knock, knock, knock; “Flutters?” Knock, knock, knock; “Flutters?” Knock, knock, knock; “Flutters?”
“COME IN, HURRY!” Fluttershy yelled.
I opened the door and ran inside. I heard some water running upstairs so I ran upstairs towards her bedroom. I knocked on her bedroom door: Knock, knock, knock; “Flutters?” Knock, knock, knock; “Flutters?” Knock, knock, knock; “Flutters?”
“I’m in the bathroom!” Fluttershy yelled.
“Should I come back in a better time?” I asked.
“Please, get in here!” Fluttershy yelled. “Hurry!” So I opened her bedroom door and ran towards her bathroom door, and was just about to knock again. “Please don’t knock again.” She asked. So I didn’t knock again; I just opened the door and went inside, and saw Fluttershy laying down in her bathtub. Angel was behind her, trying to lift her out of the tub, but she was too heavy for him.
“Hello.” I said awkwardly.
“Flare, I slipped in here, and I think I dislocated my shoulder.” Fluttershy said, holding her right shoulder.
“Hmm, no big surprise there. You don’t have a safety mat or adhesive stickers to help keep balance.” I said.
“Wh-what?” Fluttershy asked confusingly.
“Tubs are slippery.” I said.
“I know, I slipped.” Fluttershy said.
“I have a series of whimsical duck stickers on the bottom of my tub.” I said.
“That’s nice, I’m sorry to interrupt Flare, but can you please help me out of my tub?” Fluttershy asked.
So I went over to Fluttershy’s tub, turned off the shower, and went over to her and helped Angel carry her out. “They’re holding umbrellas.” I said.
“Wh-what?” Fluttershy asked.
“The ducks in my tub; they hold umbrellas.” I said.
“Right.” Fluttershy said. “Flare, I’m really scared right now. I never had broken anything in my body in my entire life.”
“It’s fine, just let me take you to the hospital.” I suggested.
“Wait… th-the HOSPITAL?!” Fluttershy gasped.
“Yeah, the hospital. Don’t you know you go to a hospital when you dislocate your bones, in this case, your shoulder?” I asked.
“Yes, but…. I… hate hospitals.” Fluttershy whimpered.
“I do too, but we have to go.” I said.
“Are you sure? I… I think my shoulder is feeling better already.” Fluttershy faked a smile and said.
“You sure?” I asked.
“Yes. 100%.” Fluttershy faked a smile and squeed.
“Oh yeah? Prove it. Stand on your hoof.” I instructed her.
“Umm… ok.” Fluttershy said nervously. She takes her left hoof, her good hoof, and stands on it. “See? No harm done!”
“Ok, now stand on your right hoof.” I instructed her.
“Oh, you see…. umm… today is natural…. Don’t Stand on Your Right Hoof Day.” Fluttershy lied and nervously squeed.
“Really? I never heard of this holiday.” I said.
“Yeah, this is a brand new holiday.” Fluttershy said.
“I can tell.” I said. “You just made it up. Now, stand on your right hoof.”
“D-do I have to?” Fluttershy asked.
“It’s either your stand on your hoof, or I’m taking you to the hospital.” I said.
“Oh…. well, umm… you see…. umm….” Fluttershy thought. Angel hoped over towards Fluttershy and lightly pokes her right shoulder. “OW!” Fluttershy yelled, but then she fakes a smile and says, “Angel, don’t stab me with a thumb tack; that goes on walls, you silly bunny.”
“Here, I got an idea. Let’s vote.” I suggested. “Who here wants Mama Fluttershy to go to the hospital?” Angel and I both raised our arms. “Ok, now who here objects?” Fluttershy tries to raise her right hoof but yells, “OW!”
“Ok, so that’s 2 points for yes, and 0 points for no.” I said.
“Aw c’mon, that’s not fair!” Fluttershy whined.
“Fluttershy, if we don’t take you to the hospital, you’re gonna live with that dislocated shoulder forever. Do you want to live with a dislocated shoulder forever?” I asked.
“Well…. I….. no.” Fluttershy said sadly.
“Exactly. Now, let’s take you to the hospital and have that shoulder looked at.” I advised her.
“B-but we can’t!” Fluttershy yelled.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because…. because…. I can’t afford it, yeah!” Fluttershy excused.
“I’ll pay for it, don’t worry.” I offered as I held Fluttershy up from her right side and escorted her down the stairs and out the door.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that. Believe me, I can find another way. I-I can try to heal myself. Oh dear….” Fluttershy said frightenedly.
Back at my trailer, Pearl was leaning out of the fish tank and decorated Apollo’s feathers on his head. “So, uhhh, Pearl; you think Philomena would be right for me?” he asked.
“Of course, Apollo! Most phoenixes in the wild are easily to attract, or so I heard, I mean, Flare discovered Crèmepop in the wild, so it makes sense; and you with a phoenix such a Philomena, who’s barely around other phoenixes, she’ll totally dig you.” Pearl said.
“If you’re sure.” Apollo said.
“Of course I’m sure.” Pearl said. “And you need to look your best for her.”
“No, Pearl, it’s not always looking your best.” Dorthey corrected her. “Apollo, the best thing you can do is be yourself, no matter how you look.”
“C’mon, Dorthey. How’s this girl going to be with someone like Apollo here if he doesn’t look nice?” Pearl asked.
“I’m not saying he shouldn’t look nice, I’m just saying: what makes a true relationship take off is if the girl likes him for his soul.” Dorthey said.
“A girl liking him for his soul? Sounds like a relationship for a ghost.” Yoyo teased.
“Well, we’ll see who’s laughing when Apollo gets to go on a date with royalty.” Pearl said, putting the finishing touches on his head feathers.
“Yes, I can already imagine the royal wedding between the two.” Darrel said. “All we’ll need is a rental of the Canterlot castle ballroom, flowers fillies, a reception, a good cake, an in-law being too sensitive of the spouse’s feelings, and for the finishing touches: Changelings!”
“Changelings? How is Changelings going to help for this wedding?” Yoyo asked.
“Isn’t that what made the last royal wedding some amazing?” Darrel asked. “Aren’t all royal weddings like that?”
“Not that I know of.” Yoyo said. “Pearl, do you know?”
“My knowledge of royal weddings is limited.” Pearl said. “Alright, Apollo! There you go! Your hair looks great!”
“I don’t have hair, I have feathers.” Apollo corrected her.
“Well, here, take a look.” Pearl said, offering Apollo a mirror. Apollo took a look at his feathers on his head that’s arranged to look Afro.
Apollo just looked at his hairstyle, and just stared weirdly at it. “Ummm.” He thought it over.
“Soooo, what do you think?” Pearl asked.
“I really don’t know how you arranged my feathers to look like this.” Apollo said.
“Well, do you like it?” Pearl asked.
“Well…..” Apollo tried thinking about what to say without hurting Pearl’s feelings. Apollo looks down at Pearl and sees her with big puppy dog eyes and a big smile. “It’s something alright.” He said.
“Of course it’s something. It’s impossible for it to be nothing.” Yoyo said.
“But what I’m trying to say is: it’s not what I visioned.” Apollo said.
Pearl raspberries and said, “Whatever. You’re just not a big fan of basketball players, are you?”
“I really don’t know how you made my feathers look like this.” Apollo said shockingly.
“It’s all in a day’s work.” Pearl said smiling. “Now what you need is a good amount of powder!” Pearl puffs a lode of powder on Apollo’s face. His whole face was white and Apollo started to cough.
“Are you sure this is really necessary, Pearl?” Apollo asked.
“Absolutely. You look like an angel, Apollo!” Pearl said.
“What?! Is Apollo dead?!” Darrel freaked out.
“Darrel, if he were dead, he would’ve burnt up and then gets reborn.” Dorthey corrected him.
“Oh how the phoenix reproduction cycle is strange. So very strange.” Piddles shook his head and said.
“Yeah, the first time I got burnt up, I didn’t know what was going on. I was getting a little scared. All this resurrection business can really give you a headache.” Apollo said.
“Looks like you could’ve used an Aspirin.” Yoyo said, carrying a container of Aspirin.
“Hold on there, Yoyo. Aspirin may take the pain away for a little while, but did you know Aleve can stop the pain all day long?” Dorthey asked while carrying an Aleve container.
“Wow, that’s 3 times longer than Aspirin!” Yoyo said excitedly while throwing the Aspirin container aside.
“Be sure to ask your doctor first.” Dorthey said.
“Yeah about that, why do commercials always ask the viewers to ask their doctors before taking the medications?” Piddles asked.
“To avoid lawsuits.” Dorthey said.
“Really? Are you sure they’re not just saying that just to make sure the viewers don’t overdose?” Yoyo asked.
“What universe are you in, Yoyo?” Dorthey asked.
“Look, I appreciate your suggestions, but this isn’t getting any closer of me getting ready for my date.” Apollo said.
“Relax, Apollo, we’ll get to that, but for now, let me take off that mask.” Pearl grabs Apollo’s wig and powder and removes it from his face. The powder was pretty sticky, so it pretty much removed some of his feathers.
“OUCH!” Apollo yelled.
“Ok, now that your face is clear with any unwanted pimples and warts, you’re ready to ask that phoenix out!” Pearl said excitedly.
“Wait a minute, what was this powder and hair for?” Apollo asked.
“It was one of my homemade mud masks.” Pearl said.
“Mind if I give that mask and wig a try?” Darrel asked. “I’ll paint some makeup on there, and it’ll look like I’m a basketball player mime.”
A cutaway shows somepony listening to the game on the radio. “We now return to Mime Basketball.”
“Oh cool, the game’s on.” The pony listened to what’s going on in the game, and normally you’d hear the basketball being dribbled across the court with the audience cheering and the announcer commentating everything, but there was no sound. It’s a mime game, everything was muted. “Why is this game even on the radio?” the pony complained. The cutaway ends.
“So you going to fly over to Canterlot to ask her out?” Rainbow asked.
“I don’t know.” Apollo said nervously.
“No, that’ll take too long, he should call her.” Pearl suggested. “Do you have Philomena’s number?”
“Actually, I do.” Apollo said, showing it to her.
“Fabulous! Now, the phone is over there near the computer, you should give her a call.” Pearl suggested.
“You serious?” Apollo asked.
“Is the Cocoa Puffs bird kuku for Cocoa Puffs?” Pearl asked.
“I…. guess so.” Apollo said.
“Then that answers your question. I guess so.” Pearl nodded.
“How can you guess that you’re serious?” Dorthey asked. Apollo looks over to my computer desk and sees the phone laying there; face down right next to the keyboard. Apollo slowly flies over to it and tries to pick it up with his wing, but it keeps sliding off.
“Come on, you stupid thing! Stay…. there!” Apollo started to get impatient while trying to keep hold onto the phone, until eventually it fell on the floor. “I can’t do it. My wings cannot hold the phone.”
“What about your feet? Don’t your feet have fingers?” Rainbow asked.
“Oh…. right.” Apollo said in a ‘duh’ tone. He picks up the phone with one of his feet and tries to dial the number, but he was too nervous to do so.
“What’s wrong, Apollo?” Yoyo asked.
“I can’t do it.” Apollo said.
“Phoey! Don’t give up now. There’s a lovely girl out there, and she’s waiting for you to call.” Dorthey said. “I bet she’s writing in her diary and screeching at her friends about this like a bunch of teenage fillies.”
A cutaway shows a couple of teenage fillies talking on their cell phones. The one we’re looking at right now is laying on her bed on her stomach with her hind hooves in the air. “Oh my gosh! I so totally gave this colt my number, and now I’m like, waiting for him to call. I got my legs shaved just for the occasion!” the filly on the bed said.
“Oh my gosh, no way. Shaving your legs when your entire body is actually fur, that is like, so totally gross.” The filly on the other line said.
“Yeah, totally! That’s why I did it.” The filly on the bed said. The cutaway ends.
“Well, what I’m saying is, I think I’m a little too nervous. I never talked to another phoenix on the phone before.” Apollo said nervously.
“Here, gimmie the phone.” Piddles demanded.
“What? Why?” Apollo asked.
“Just give it to me.” Piddles demanded again.
“Won’t the phone short out when it comes in contact with water?” Apollo asked.
“Relax. Flare accidently dropped his last phone in the tank once, now they’re all water proof.” Piddles said, sticking his fin on top of the tank.
“Well….. ok.” Apollo said, giving the phone to Piddles, and Piddles carries it down to the bottom.
“Whoa, Piddles, you’re strong! How can you carry that heavy phone with your weak little fins?” Darrel asked.
“Ok first off, that was a little uncalled for. Second, we’re under water; physics change.” Piddles said as he started dialing.
“What are you going to do?” Apollo asked.
“You’ll thank me for this.” Piddles said as the phone started ringing. As Philomena reached the other line, Piddles started talking in Apollo’s accent. “Hello, deary, this is Apollo Goldheart.”
“Are you crazy, Piddles?!” Apollo whispered angrily.
“I agree; it’s good to hear from you too!” Piddles said to Philomena. “Sooooo what are you wearing?”
“What sort of question is that, Piddles?” Rainbow asked.
“You’re not wearing anything, huh?” Piddles asked. “Yes, I know you’re a phoenix. No, the question is not important. Hey, listen, I want to meet up with you. What time will you be available? 5 is good for me!” Piddles looked over at Apollo and nodded, and Apollo just glared at him. “I’ll let you know with the time and place, but in the meantime, keep it real, babe!” Piddles hangs up the phone and looks at Apollo and said in his normal voice, “You may thank me now.”
“For what? Making me sound like Nicolas Cage?” Apollo asked.
“I just got you a date with royalty, you should be thanking me. Why aren’t you thanking me? Rude!” Piddles complained.
“Uhh…. thanks?” Apollo said.
“That was weak. I’m going back to sleep.” Piddles said as he swam inside the barrel. “So ungrateful.”
“Well, regardless, you have no choice now. You got yourself a date, and you should look fabulous for it!” Pearl said.
“I dunno, Pearl. I’m still a little nervous.” Apollo said.
“It’s the waiting, dear. The waiting is the worse part.” Pearl said. “But once you finally make eye contact with her, you’ll do just fine.”
“I hope so, my aquatic friends. I really hope so.” Apollo said in a low-tone voice. Meanwhile, in the middle of town, Angel and I were carrying Fluttershy over to the hospital. She was still afraid, but we couldn’t let her injuries be fatal. Angel was getting tired, and he was about to let her down and rest.
“Oh no you don’t, wabbit! There will be no resting until your owner gets safely to the hospital.” I instructed him. Angel started to whine and wipe the sweat from his forehead. “If she doesn’t go to the hospital, her injuries maybe fatal, and she may never be able to feed you again.” Angel sighed and continued to hold her up. Fluttershy was still shivering in fear.
“Wow, Flutters, you look cold.” I said.
“I’m nervous.” She said.
“Well…. tou’re going to be unlucky in the hospital because the hospital is going to be even colder.” I said.
Flutters glared at me and said sarcastically, “Yes, thank you, that really helps.”
“No problemo, sista. That’s what friends are for; they warn eachother about freezing places, in this case: the cold-arctic hospital.” I said. Angel drops Fluttershy, climbs over to my face and slaps it. “Ok, I think I had that one coming.” I said. “Here, I got something that might help. Normally conversation makes a good distraction of making other’s forget their fears, or at least it won’t bother them that much.”
“Ok, what do you want to talk about?” Fluttershy asked.
“Let’s talk about freezing cold doctor’s offices.” I said.
“NO!” she yelled. “I-I thought this was supposed to get me to forget my fear?”
“I am. I’m talking about doctor’s offices, not hospitals.” I reminded her.
“Aren’t they relatively similar?” she asked.
“Kinda, but unlike hospitals, there’s less of a chance of getting a needle.” I said. Fluttershy gasped real deep. “Ok, was that not helping?”
“Not really.” She said in a squeaky voice.
“I apologize for that.” I said. “Angel, slap me again.”
“No, no. That won’t be necessary, Angel.” Fluttershy said to him. “Here, want me to start off the conversation instead?”
“Sounds good. It’ll get our minds off the freezing needles.” I said. Fluttershy then gasped again. “Oh, right…. sorry.”
“Are you teasing me, Flare?” she asked.
“No I am not.” I said.
“You sure you’re not doing this on purpose?” she asked.
“I hate needles too. Really, I cannot take a simple blood test without punching a nurse in the face.” I said.
“Oh…. my.” Fluttershy said shockingly.
“I know.” I said. “I punched the nurse on purpose the time he wouldn’t give me any lollipops.”
“Ok, Flare, this conversation is really making me feel uncomfortable.” Fluttershy said.
“Fair enough. You still have yet to start your own conversation.” I reminded her.
“So why did you come to my house before; oh, if you don’t mind me asking.” She asked.
“I needed to borrow some spices. A famous chef is coming to my shop later, but since he’s a super fancy chef, I thought I should decorate the place a bit.” I said.
“Oh, well, maybe you should go back to that.” Fluttershy suggested with a fake smile and let out a little squee.
“No need. I got my friends to handle that. I wonder how they’re doing right now?” I asked. Back at my shop, Aqua was checking the checklist to see what sort of things they should add to my shop before Gustave le Grand comes.
“Hey, Aqua, check this out; ah got this mini-bar installed in Flare’s office so it looks more like a lounge.” Engie said.
“But there’s a whole bar right there in front of the kitchen, Engie.” Aqua pointed out.
Engie looks over and sees the bar. “Well, regardless, this place is really gonna look fancy by the time we’re done with it.” He said.
“You do realize this is all coming out of Flare’s funding, right?” Psyche asked.
“Yes, he’s trusting us to get this place in tip-top shape, but at the same time, Flare has to keep his funding for what he really needs.” Blaze said.
“Blaze, since when were you here?” Engie asked.
“I was here the whole time. Nopony bothered to notice.” Blaze said.
Suddenly, Crystal starts trotting inside the shop, humming to herself. “Where have ya been, Crystal?” Aqua asked.
“The delivery truck will be here momentarily.” Crystal said.
“Delivery truck? What do we need a delivery truck for?” Aqua asked.
“To deliver stuff, duh!” Crystal said in an obvious tone.
“Hey, have you guys seen Lyra and Bon Bon?” Psyche asked.
“Ah saw them in Flare’s office a little while ago.” Engie said.
“Oh come on! Why do they have to keep slacking off?” Psyche complained as he started marching over to my office.
Aqua looked at the checklist again to see what they have so far. “Ok, so we have the new chairs, the new lined Hearth’s Warming lights going from across the ceiling, we have actual silverware, not the fake kind, we got- bla bla bla, etc. etc. Oh yes, the last thing we need is those foods that Flare is getting from the market. Yep, I think we were a success.” Aqua said as he presses the little button on top of a pen so the lend can pop back inside.
“But we’re not done yet. Crystal and ah ordered a few other stuff, and we’re still waitin’ for the delivery truck.” Engie said.
“But what else is there?” Aqua asked.
“A grand piano, a chandler, a water fountain-“ Crystal explained, but Aqua cuts her off.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa there, Crystal! That seems a little much, doncha think?” Aqua asked.
“But it’s Flare’s money, not ours.” Engie said.
“If Flare finds out how much we’re puttin’ into this place, he’ll freak out, and I’m responsible.” Aqua said.
“Relax, Aqua. Everything will be fine. Flare’s loaded; he runs a very successful pizza shop! Everything will be fine.” Crystal said.
“I hope ya right about this.” Aqua said.
“Yeah, I was in Flare’s office; I found Lyra and Bonnie, I told them to come out, but they just said I’m not the boss of them, and they threw a bit at me and told me to get a manicure.” Psyche said.
“Well ah agree with them there. Ya could use a little manicure, Psyche.” Engie said, looking at one of his hooves.
“How many times do I have to say it though? I’m not a mare!” Psyche yelled.
We return with Fluttershy and I, and we were getting so close to the hospital. Fluttershy was getting more and more nervous by the second. "Are we almost there?" she asked in a shivering voice.
"Yes we are." I said. Fluttershy's eye pupils shrunk and she was shivering, but at the same time sweating. It's really weird how fear works; you sweat and you shiver at the same time, it's like you forget what 'temperature' is; same goes with being sick, but Fluttershy's injury is a type of sickness if you ask me. "Don't worry, Mama Flutters. Your injury will be gone soon. You may need a few stiches here and there, but I think you'll do fine. It's nothing major."
"S-stiches?!" Fluttershy asked.
"Yeah." I said. "It's like you're clothing. Goodbye, Fluttershy the tree; hello, Fluttershy the green mustard-stained sweater."
Fluttershy stopped shivering for a second and asked, "Wait, why green mustard-stained sweater?"
"Huh? Oh that's just part of a failed parody I was going to make. It's a parody of the Ultimate Showdown song: The Ultimate Hugfest, and you were the one that won!" I said excitedly.
"Really?" Fluttershy smiled. "Wow, I didn't know I was that good of a hugger."
"One of the best! Don't tell my marefriend that." I whispered.
"My lips are sealed." Fluttershy said. "Hey, you know-“
“Wait, hold that thought.” I stopped her. “KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEITH!”
“Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare!” Adventure Blade greeted as he walked by me.
“Hey, Addie!” Flutters greeted him. Addie didn’t say a thing. He just gave Fluttershy a weird look and he walks off. “What’s wrong with him?”
“No clue. He’s Addie, that’s what’s wrong with him.” I said.
"Hey, you know what, Flare?” Flutters asked. “I forgotten why I so scared.” She smiled.
"Oh, it was properly because I mentioned stiches before." I reminded her, not really hearing what I'm saying.
Fluttershy gasped again. "FLARE?!"
"What?" I asked.
"I change my mind! I don't wanna go to the hospital! Let go of me!" Fluttershy demanded as she struggled to break free from Angel and I.
"No, Flutters, you're too injured!" I said.
"Flare.... I am so sorry about this." Fluttershy said in a regretting tone. She then faced me, and committed THE STARE on me.
"AAAAAH!" I screamed as I dropped her on Angel and rubbed my eyes. "My eyes! They burn!" I shouted.
"I'm sorry, Angel." Fluttershy whispered and then she flew off really fast, still in pain though.
"Ow! Why did she have to do the stare? It really burns!" I whined as I gained my sight back. Angel started glaring at me. "What? Why you looking at me like that?" Angel started mumbling and moving around. "Do you have to go to the bathroom?" I guessed. Angel shook his head and continued playing charades with me. "Are you having a heart-attack? Do you need to go to the hospital too?" Angel facepalmed himself and then he starts shrieking in fright. "Oh no, it's not a heart attack. It's a stroke!" Angel then started jumping up and down angrily. "Oh, we're jumping now? Jumping on the bed?" I started jumping along with him. “Weeeeeee!”
Meanwhile, back at my trailer, Pearl was just putting the finishing touches on Apollo, so he can look fabulous for his date. "There you go, you look so handsome, Apollo!" Pearl said.
"Well.... Pearl, is it really necessary to wear a tuxedo, a bowtie, a top hat, and a cane?" Apollo asked.
"Yeah, it does seem a little much, doesn't it?" Dorthey asked.
"Oh phoey, Dorthey. Philomena's going to really dig him on this date. Apollo's a true gentlecolt!" Pearl said.
"Well..... if you say so." Dorthey said.
"It's a little hot in this tux though." Apollo said as he started sweating.
"Now THAT kind of talk will get you into court." Darrel said.
"Darrel's right. Saying words together like that can either worse-case scenario: get you into court, best-case scenario: she'll slap you." Pearl said.
"That's seriously the best case scenario?" Apollo asked.
"Stallions get what they deserve sometimes." Pearl winked.
A cutaway shows a stallion watching the game on TV, until suddenly he hears his doorbell ring. “Oh good, my new Enterprise is here!” the stallion said excitedly. He went to open the door, but there was a mail pony standing outside.
“Got a package for a Mister Fillyizing Nerd.” The mail pony said, giving the stallion a box with air holes in it.
“Oh nice! Somepony offered to give me a pet dog! How nice!” Fillyizing Nerd said.
“Yeah, whatever. I need you to sign here.” The mail pony requested, holding out a clipboard. Filly Nerd signs the board and takes the box and opens it, and it revealed to be a crying foal.
“What’s this?” Nerd asked to himself. “Oh hey, there’s a note in here.” The note reads: “Dear Fillyizing Nerd, This is your child. Next time, don’t leave me after I give the good news, you jerk. Now he’s your full responsibility.”
“This sad truth is brought to you in part by: Stallions.” The announcer in the background said.
A chorus in the background started singing; “Stallions: We’re afraid of responsibilities.” The cutaway ends.
“Well, Apollo, it’s almost time. Almost time to impress your date!” Rainbow said.
“I’m still a little nervous.” Apollo said.
“Yeah, I wish I had a bit every time I heard that.” Piddles teased.
“I can’t wear this tuxedo.” Apollo panted and was very close to removing his tux.
“Don’t you dare, mister!” Pearl yelled. “You need that to woo your future spouse.
“Woooooooo.” Darrel said.
“Whoa! Who said anything about ‘future spouses’?” Apollo asked.
“That ain’t the point.” Pearl said. “Look, once you get into the date, you may be a little nervous at first, but you’ll soon get used to it. Alright?”
Apollo took a deep breath and said, “Alright.”
“You good?” Pearl asked.
“Yeah, kinda.” Apollo said, trying to calm down.
“Might I make a suggestion?” Rainbow asked.
“How about we stick this to the pros, Rainbow?” Pearl asked.
“I’m just suggesting something. If you look inside the top right dresser, you’ll find some of Flare’s spy electronics; containing an ear piece, and some water-proof headphones for us.” Rainbow suggested. Apollo flew over to the dresser, opened the top-right drawer and reached inside.
“Did you find it yet?” Dorthey asked.
“I just got in here.” Apollo said, still searching the dresser for it. “Wait, I think I feel something-OW!” Apollo cried, and when he took his claw out, it showed a mouse trap.
“Oh, that’s right, that’s his mouse-trap drawer.” Rainbow chuckled. “Sorry about that.”
“Why does he have a drawer full of mouse-traps?” Apollo asked.
“For the mice, duh!” Yoyo said.
“Obviously.” Apollo said, rolling his eyes.
“Check the one on the left.” Rainbow suggested.
Apollo opened the dresser on the top-left side, and then a bunch of prank snakes popped out and scared the living skeleton out of him. “RAINBOW!” Apollo yelled.
“Ok, I knew that one was the prank snake drawer!” Rainbow laughed.
“Uugh!” Apollo groaned.
“Ok, I’m pretty sure it’s in the-“ Rainbow said, but got cut off by Apollo.
“No, forget it. I’m looking for it myself.” Apollo said impatiently as he started looking in all the drawers for the spy set, setting off all the traps in each part of the dresser, but the spy stuff was in no drawer. “Where is it?!” Apollo asked excitedly.
“I was gonna say it’s on top of the dresser.” Rainbow said. Apollo looked on top of the dresser and saw the spy stuff already there. He glared at the camera in mid-air as a tug-boat horn was heard in the background. Apollo took the ear piece and placed it on the side of his head, inside his feathers, and he throws the headpiece inside the fish tank, and it floats down towards Darrel.
“AAAAAH! I’m being crushed! I’m being crushed!” Darrel cried. “So long world! Please don’t make Yoyo get into my secret food stash!”
“Wait…. WHAT?!” Yoyo gasped in excitement.
“Don’t worry, Darrel. You’re under water, you shouldn’t be crushed with something this light under water.” Dorthey corrected him, holding the headphones with her fin.
“Yay, Dorthey saved me!” Darrel yelled in excitement and hugged her.
“Pearl to Apollo, Pearl to Apollo, do you read me, over?” Pearl asked through the headset.
“I read you loud and clear, over.” Apollo responded.
“Pearl’s a book?” Darrel asked.
“So we all good, Apollo? You ready for this date?” Pearl asked through the headset.
”Yeah, I’m starting to feel a little more confident. Thank you, my aquatic friends.” Apollo responded.
“Have fun on your date, Apollo! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!” Piddles teased.
Apollo started flying out of the room and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll be careful of my-“ but just then the door comes alive, grows an arm, and punches Apollo in the face, and he passes out.
“RING DING DING DING DINGIDINGIDING!” the door said.
“That’s what the fox says, dude.” Dorthey corrected the door.
Meanwhile, back with Angel and I, I was still trying to guess what Angel was trying to say. “You’re a monster?” I asked. Angel started to lose his patience, but since rabbits can’t speak pony, he had to continue doing charades. He should’ve known I’m not good at it. “Wait, you’re afraid of something?” Angel nodded then pointed to the hospital. “You’re afraid of hospitals?” Angel then pointed to the direction where Fluttershy was. “That house is afraid of hospitals? No wait! It’s Fluttershy. Well, yeah, that was pretty obvious.” Angel’s ears flopped down and he just glared in space. “Wait a minute; I think I know what just happened. Maybe I was being a little too….. you know….. what’s that word again?” Angel shrugged. “Sensitive, I suppose? I think that’s the word I’m looking for, but I am not 100% sure.”
After some time, I found out what I did wrong. “Oh right, it’s my fault Fluttershy ran away. I kept bringing up hospitals and all that! Oh what am I gonna do, Angel? She needs to go there, but how can I get her back?” Angel pointed to Twilight and Rarity who were chatting it up around the corner. “Nuh uh! No way! If the Mane Six found out I scared off Fluttershy, they’re going to be really upset with me. Maybe I’ll contact the Noble Six.” But just as I was taking out my phone, it started to ring.
I picked it up and said, “Hello?”
From the other end, it was Aqua. “Flare, where are ya, mate? We got everything ready. Gustave le Grand will be here any minute.”
But just then, the shop doors opened, and Gustave le Grand walked inside. “I…. have arrived.”
“Scratch that, Gustave IS here.” Aqua said.
“Keep him occupied for now. Just give him what we got, and I’ll be there as soon as I get some…. errands done.” I said.
“Just hurry, Flare. Psyche’s still trying to get Bon Bon and Lyra to do their jobs.
“I am not wearing this prom dress to the meet!” Psyche yelled from inside my office. “Well… this does make me look pretty, but still, why do you keep thinking I’m a mare?!”
”Good luck, mate.” Aqua said and hung up.
“Yeah, goodbye! You shouldn’t hang up without saying goodbye!” I yelled at my phone, and then I placed it in my vest pocket. “We have to look for Flutters, and I have no idea where she is. Angel, you’ve known her for years; where does she normally go when she’s scared and has to hide quickly?” Angel hoped over to a tree and pointed to it. “Just to let you know, brah, the Fluttershy tree joke is not funny anymore. Here, I’m gonna call Pinkie Pie a blender now, let’s see those bronies make jokes about that.”
Just then, Angel heard a sneeze from inside the tree. Angel kicked the side of the tree, where Fluttershy’s sore shoulder is, and she jumped out of the tree costume and yelled, “OW! OW, OW, OW, OW!”
“Flutters! You’re ok!” I said in excitement and hugged her.
“Please don’t take me to the hospital, Flare! I’d do anything if you just don’t take me!” Fluttershy cried in fear. “Just please don’t take me!”
“Mama Flutters, I apologize deeply for scaring you. I’m just as afraid as you are when it comes to hospitals, but you know what? I faced my fear, and now my cancer is gone!” I explained.
“Y-you had cancer once?” Flutters asked.
“No, but you get my point. Listen, I’ll be there with you every step of the way. With an injury like this, you won’t even be there for long. All we’re gonna do is go into the emergency room, take a few x-rays, do a little minor sugerical procedure on your shoulder, and you’ll be out of there lickety split!” I said.
“Yeah, you called me?” a pony by the name of Lickety Split asked while bouncing his favorite ball up and down.
“No, no, no, I wasn’t calling for you.” I corrected him.
“Mmm, ok.” He said.
“Look, Flutters, just come with me to the hospital, I’ll stay with you the whole time, and before you take another shower, we’ll get you a safety mat or stickers with those little duckies with the umbrellas.” I suggested.
“Well…. I…. ok.” Fluttershy said, giving in. “Ok, Flare. You can take me to the hospital.”
“Well, at least you don’t have to wait this time. It’s right there.” I said, pointing to it. Fluttershy started to shiver again.
“Don’t worry, Flutters. The hardest part in there will be the X-Rays.” I said.
A cutaway shows a giant X inside the hospital with a ray gun pointing at Fluttershy. “Now, let’s look inside you.” The ‘X-Ray’ said.
“Eww, that sounds perverted.” Fluttershy complained. The cutaway ends.
Meanwhile in front of my shop- ok, before I continue, I just have to say one thing. Isn’t it ironic that most first dates happen at my shop? Remember when I dated Pinkie? That was my shop it took place in. Rainbow and Blaze when they reunited, their first dinner together took place at my shop; and let’s not forget Crystal and Thunder first dating after they got married was at my shop. It seems Flare’s Pizza Parlor seems to be the breading grounds to all relationships. I didn’t really think of that until I keep seeing the first dates coming in; I just make pizzas out of love, that’s why I built it. Alright, let’s continue.
Meanwhile in front of my shop, Apollo was hanging there, waiting for his date to show up. “Pearl to Apollo, Pearl to Apollo, do you read me, over?” Pearl asked from Apollo’s ear piece.
“Pearl, when did you become a book?” Darrel asked.
“You made that joke already.” Pearl corrected him.
“It’s not a joke.” Darrel said.
“This is Apollo, over.” Apollo said through his ear piece.
“Are you at the shop?” Pearl asked.
“Yes, I’m at the shop.” Apollo said.
“Did you check to make sure your bowtie was on correctly?” Pearl asked.
“I’m pretty sure you already did that.” Apollo said.
“It wouldn’t hurt to check.” Pearl advised.
Apollo looked down at his tie to check it. “Oh, no it isn’t. That would’ve been terrible.” He straightened it out.
“I hope you remembered to put on cologne.” Pearl reminded him.
“Of course.” Apollo said.
“Alright, now open the door, and let the lady in first. This is something I like to call: ladies first.” Pearl said.
So Apollo opens the door, and let’s in the first mare he sees. “Oh thank you!” Parasol said as she walked in.
“Wait, is that what Philomena sounds like? I thought she’d sound prettier.” Yoyo asked.
“That wasn’t Philomena.” Apollo said.
“So who was that then?” Yoyo asked.
“No, no, this is good! By holding the door open for other mares, Philomena will see Apollo as a gentlecolt.” Pearl said.
“Either that, or a sucker.” Piddles teased.
”Quiet, Piddles.” Pearl said. “Ok, Apollo. You remember the drill, right? We practiced this date. We simulated everything.”
“Yes of course. I still have the taste of fish lips on my beak.” Apollo said, wiping his face with his feathers.
“Aw c’mon, don’t pretend you didn’t love it.” Pearl giggled.
“Hey, Apollo, if you have leftovers, I hope you’re sharing them.” Yoyo requsted.
“Don’t worry, I will.” Apollo said. “But I dunno if Philomena is a big eater like you, Yoyo.”
“I was actually talking about me.” Yoyo corrected him.
“Hey, Apollo? You gonna talk to her about your future home?” Piddles teased. “Aren't you gonna marry her and stuff? Have alot of kids, have a big house and such?”
“O-one thing at a time, Piddles! I have to take it slow.” Apollo said blushing.
“Piddles? Who's Piddles? Who you talking to, Apollo?” Philomena asked, flying right in front of him.
“P-PHILOMENA!” Apollo gasped as he fell over, and some of his feathers got detached from his body and floated down to him while they were floating in the air as he fell.
Philomena giggles and says, “You don’t have to bow to me. I may be a royal pet, but I’m not a princess.”
“Um… well…. y-yes.” Apollo said nervously, flying back up to Philomena’s level.
“So this is where we’re eating, huh?” Philomena asked, looking at my shop. “Luna talked about this place a couple of times. Every time she eats here, she leaves with bad breath.”
“Y-yeah. This place is a royalty favorite.” Apollo said.
“Nice! Let’s head inside.” Philomena said as she flew towards the door.
“Remember how we rehearsed it.” Pearl reminded Apollo from the ear piece.
Apollo nods and flies over to the door and opens it for Philomena. Philomena blushes and says, “Oh what a gentlecolt!” the blush goes away and then she says, “Either that or a sucker.” She giggles.
“Told you!” Piddles said from the ear piece.
“I’m kidding, Apollo. Come on!” Philomena said from inside the shop. Apollo nods and follows her inside.
“Hello, and welcome to Flare’s Pizza Parlor!” Spike greeting the two phoenixes. “Will that be a table for two?”
“Yes.” Apollo said.
“I’m sorry, I don’t understand ‘screech, screech’.” Spike said.
“Oh… right.” Apollo said. “We’re phoenixes, he can’t understand us. Why are we here again?”
“You picked this place.” Philomena reminded him.
“Apollo!” Blaze cried.
“Master?” Apollo asked.
“What are you doing, man? And who’s this?” Blaze asked.
“This is Philomena. She’s my date for the night.” Apollo said.
“Hiiiii! I’m his vegetable for the night!” Philomena teased. “How about giving me a ‘raisin’ why we’re here!”
“Heh.” Apollo chuckled.
“She’s charming.” Blaze said.
“Ok so what am I doing?” Spike asked.
“Table for two, Spike.” Blaze said.
“Ah! Maybe you can be the translator of these two.” Spike suggested.
“I guess I have to.” Blaze shrugged.
“Hmm…” Gustave le Grand thought to himself as he looked around the shop.
“Everything alright, Mr. Grand?” Psyche asked.
“I must say, mec, I do quite enjoy ze atmosphere.” Gustave said. “A griffin deserves to eat in a restaurant fitted to his or her likings.”
Crystal started to chuckle. “The way he said ‘restaurant’! It’s hilarious!”
“Shhh!” Psyche shushed her.
“Don’t shh me! I love his accent!” Crystal said.
“Ah yes, ze mares do enjoy my accent pretty well.” Gustave said to Crystal. “And I must say, dear, you do have quite the flutters eyelashes.”
“O-oh.” Crystal giggles and flutters her eyelashes. “Thank you!”
“Ze mares are the main reason why I transferred to Equestria. I gotta say, they have the most… MWAH… kissable lips and slippery tongue.” Gustave said.
“Oh snap!” Crystal blushes.
“I think I’m gonna be sick.” Psyche said.
“How about you, Miss?” Gustave asked Psyche. “I must zay, you have the most attractive body and adorable squishy behind that is. You free tonight?”
Psyche started to feel really uncomfortable. “As adorable and attractive I am, you got the wrong gender, dude.”
“Oh my apologies, miser. You have the body of a mare, but you no mare?” Gustave asked.
“No.” Psyche said.
“Ahh, ahhh!” Gustave nodded and he chuckled. “My deepest apologies!”
“The way he chuckles really makes me laugh, and the way he talks makes me feel blushy.” Crystal said.
“You have a coltfriend, Crystal.” Psyche reminded her.
“Really? Who?” Crystal asked.
“It’s part of the griff-on charm.” Gustave said.
“How ‘bout me, partner? Ah look good enough fer you?” Engie asked.
“Voo do look pretty good… for me to barf!” Gustave said.
“Oh… how insultin’.” Engie said upsettingly.
“Barf!” Crystal laughed again. “The way he says ‘barf’!”
“So, Apollo? How about telling me a bit about yourself?” Philomena asked while she and Apollo sat at a booth one away from Gustave’s.
“There’s not really much to say.” Apollo said. “I was discovered by Blaze in Everfree. I was injured. He took me in and nursed me back to health. I owed him my life after that.”
“Really? That’s sweet!” Philomena said.
“It is!” Apollo said.
“I have a relatively similar story.” Philomena said.
“Oh yeah?” Apollo asked.
“Careful, Apollo. This is when she’s going to talk nonstop.” Yoyo advised him from the ear piece. “Just smile and nod and pretend you’re listening. Got it?”
“Got it.” Apollo said.
“Got what?” Philomena asked as she holds up a glass of milk. “Got milk?”
“What?” Apollo asked.
“Nothing. So anyways, Princess Celestia discovered me inside a forest too. It wasn’t Everfree, it was a different one. Some other enchanted forest.” Philomena said.
“There are others?” Apollo asked.
“Yeah, down south of Equestria.” Philomena said.
“You’re not talking about the Gatorglades Swamps, are you?” Apollo asked.
“Wha- ew! It’s nasty there! No not that. It was a different one. I dunno the name though.” Philomena said. “It was even more enchanted than Everfree.”
“In what way?” Apollo asked.
“Excuse me, voo two?” Gustave interrupted them. “I seem to be out of sugar on my table. Can I have some of yours?” Apollo reaches over and takes some sugar packages from the table and gives them to Gustave. “Thank you.”
“In what way?” Apollo asked.
“In what way what?” Philomena asked.
“Umm… I forgot.” Apollo said.
Philomena starts to giggle. “I really like you, Apollo! You’re funny, you’re cute, you’re… the only other phoenix I know so I can’t compare you to others.”
“I like you too, Philomena.” Apollo said. “I hope I’m not too tacky all dressed up like-“
“Pardon me again.” Gustave interrupted them again. “But you gave me pink sugar, and I wanted white sugar.” Apollo sighs and gives him the white sugar. “Many thanks!”
“I hope I’m not too tacky all dressed up like this.” Apollo said. “It’s kinda hot in these.”
“Hey, whoa, buddy!” Philomena stopped him. “Let’s not go that far yet!”
“W-what?” Apollo asked.
“Who dressed you like that anyway? Bleh!” Philomena complained.
“What did that girl just say?” Pearl asked insultingly through the ear-piece.
“Phoenixes shouldn’t wear tuxedos! That just looks ugly!” Philomena complained.
“OH DON’T TELL ME SHE JUST DISSED MY WORK!” Pearl complained.
“Ow, Pearl!” Apollo complained.
“Pearl? Who’s Pearl!” Philomena asked. “Are you seeing someone else? What’s that in your ear?”
“Umm…” Apollo froze as Philomena takes his ear piece and talks through it.
“Hello? Hello? Who’s in there?” Philomena asked.
“Yo mama!” Yoyo said though the ear piece.
“We’re friends of Apollo. We were trying to assist on him his date with you.” Rainbow explained.
“By cheating?” Philomena asked.
“What?!” Apollo yelled.
“What? What happened?” Blaze asked.
“Apollo, you don’t need to have friends of yours tell you what to do! Did they ask you to dress up like that?” Philomena asked.
“I’ll have you know, darling, that it wasn’t easy picking out the right tie for him.” Pearl said from the ear-piece.
“Can I talk through the ear piece now?” Darrel asked. “HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! Also Piddles is sleeping!”
“How many friends are you talking to, Apollo? This is supposed to be a you and me date!” Philomena complained.
“There’s six of them, and I’m sorry!” Apollo said. “I never had a date before, and I got really nervous. My aquatic friends were helping me out in trying to impress you.”
“How good of a job are we doing?” Dorthey asked from the ear piece.
“Apollo, you don’t need a guide to help you through this date. You don’t need to dress up THIS nice for me! I like you for YOU. You’re a very nice phoenix, Apollo.” Philomena said as she placed her wing on his shoulder. “I mean… I can barely find anyone to communicate with. All I do is hang around all day and watch royal subjects of the princesses come by and bow to them and all that. It was very nice going out of the castle for a change. Like that time I teased that pony Fluttershy when I was dying-out; THAT was a fun day! And this…” she leans over to Apollo’s face. “This was too!”
Apollo blushes. “I… I’m glad you liked it.”
“I loved it!” Philomena said.
“Excuse me? But what kind of food is zis?!” Gustave complained.
“It’s pizza.” Engie said.
“It’s not ze food I expected. Doesn’t look all… how you say… fantaisie.” Gustave said.
“Fantasisie… that’s pretty much the only way I know how to say it, probably.” Crystal said.
“Zis is unacceptable!” Gustave complained. “And where is your manager?! I haven’t zeen him at all!”
“Gustave le Grand, I apologize deeply for this.” Aqua said. “I take responsibility for all of this. Flare’s out taking care of errands, and he couldn’t get the fancy food ya wanted in time. I’m sorry, mate…”
“Well… it’s not the fanciest meal I’ve ever zeen, but I’ve zeen worse.” Gustave said.
“If ya can just try it… it’ll really mean a lot to our friend.” Aqua said. “He’s a big fan of yas. Accept it or not, he’ll appreciate this.”
Gustave just looked at the pizza with a blank expression on his face. “Perhaps…” he mumbled. He takes out a knife and fork because that’s how fancy people eat their pizzas, and he cuts the edge of the pizza, picks it up with the fork, places a toothpick on it, releases the fork, and then he wipes the pizza a bit with his napkin, and he wipes his face too, and then he takes another napkin and wipes his face again because the other napkin was dirty from wiping the pizza, and then he places the pizza in his mouth. What happens after that? Well, Gustave was feeling pretty- meanwhile, Fluttershy and I returned from the hospital after she got treated, and I walked her back to her cottage along with Angel assisting me, and I walk Flutters into her room. Flutters was a bit loopy as I helped her walk.
“Now remember, Flutters, you were given powerful pain medication and a muscle relaxer, so… uhhh… don’t operate heavy machinery and try not to choke on your own droll.” I advised her. “Now lemme help you in bed, and… umm… I dunno.
Fluttershy began to giggle. “Flarey you’re so weird… you’re so… you’re so weird! Ha ha! Flare is helping me get into bed! I never thought I’d see the day! Ha ha! If I still had a crush on you… MAN! I’d think of some activities we could do on this bed!”
“Like what?” I asked.
“Like bedtime stories and singing and stuff!” Flutters said. “Singing… at least I don’t get another actress to sing for me! Sucks to be Pinkie, Twilight, and Rarity!”
“Umm… yeah, ok.” I nodded. “So is there anything else you need? Because I have to be on my way.”
“Sing Soft Dalek for me?” Flutters requested.
“Soft Dalek is for when you’re sick, you’re not sick.” I corrected her.
“Injured and drugged is a kind of sick.” Flutters reminded me. She got me there. Looks like the tables have turned in this story.
I began to sing, “Soft Dalek, warm Dalek, little ball of hate…”
“Wait!” Flutters interrupted. “Let’s sing as a round! I’ll start!” she then began to sing, “Soft Dalek, warm Dalek, little ball of hate…” she then stopped and looked at me.
“What?” I asked.
“See, that’s when you come in.” Flutters instructed me. “I’ll start over.” She began to sing again, “Soft Dalek, warm Dalek, little ball of hate…” she then stopped and looked at me. “I got all night, Son Flare!” To be honest, I was quite confused to what a ‘round’ actually meant, but I eventually did figure it out. She wants me to sing over her at the right time. She began to sing again, “Soft Dalek, warm Dalek…” At this part was when I began singing my round from the beginning. “Little ball of hate. Happy dalek, sleepy dalek, EXTERMINATE!”
“Ok, you happy now?” I asked.
“I am!” Flutters said as she cuddled on my arm. “Thank you for taking care of me, Flare! Thank you for helping me get over my fear of hospitals! Well… kinda. I’ll never get over their disgusting food, but you know something? It was a while ago, but we really bonded when you were sick the first time. You thought of me as your Ponyville mom, and it meant a lot to me! I am so lucky to have somepony like you, Flare! I get what you’re saying. It’s as if you’re my parent. Well… this may sound crazy, but what if I called you Papa Flare?”
“I’d say you weren’t the first Fluttershy that thought that.” I said. “But I get what you’re saying. I’m really sorry for reminding you your fear of hospitals. The best thing to do… if you’re taking someone somewhere they don’t like… try to get he or she to get their minds off it, and then… well… everything will be alright.”
“You should write that friendship lesson in our diary!” Flutters suggested.
“Diaries are for fillies.” I said. “Journals are for stallions!”
“But regardless…” Flutters started as she placed her hoof upon my Blessings of the Night necklace and it started to glow. “You returned the favor I gave you so long ago. Thank you, Flare!”
“I hope that’s not the medicine talking.” I said.
“It probably is.” Flutters said. “If it isn’t why do you look so green?” Ok, so a fifth pony has now given me their friendship to store inside the Blessings of the Night. I gave Angel a nice nod before I left Fluttershy’s house and let her sleep. Angel was a bit disappointed though. With his owner asleep, who’s going to feed him? On top of that, who’s looking after the animals making a mess inside her house because nopony is watching them? Not me! I’m not doing it!
Now that I’m done at Fluttershy’s cottage, forgetting the main reason why I was there, I returned to my shop to see how things were going with Gustave, but when I got there, the whole place was a mess, and the Noble Six were all sleeping on the booths or the floor, and Engie was awake singing on my karaoke machine. “And ah see your truuuuue colors, and THAT’S WHY AH LOVE YOOOOOU!” he sang in a squeaky voice as he was also shirtless and had toilet paper around his neck. He then noticed me and said, “DUDE! Everypony left an hour ago! Where have you been?!” As it turns out, I missed everything. I missed Gustave, I missed the phoenix date, all because I was helping a friend out. Helping friends does have its sacrifices, doesn’t it?
Meanwhile, outside Canterlot castle, Apollo was dropping off Philomena at home. “Well… this is it.” Apollo said.
“Thanks for flying all the way here with me!” Philomena said thankfully. “I mean, you still have another half-hour flight home by yourself, but you were such a gentlecolt!”
“I was only doing what I thought was right.” Apollo said.
“As it should be.” Philomena nodded. “No one telling you what to do. You made your own decisions and that’s how a true gentlecolt truly behaves.”
“While the female just teases the male that his only friends are a bunch of fish?” Apollo asked.
“WE CAN STILL HEAR YOU!” Yoyo yelled from the ear piece.
Philomena giggles. “Yeah, I guess it was wrong of me, but no one’s perfect. Celestia taught me to by quite the joker. I mean there’s two of me in every card deck!”
“Heh… yeah.” Apollo chuckled.
“So we going to meet again?” Philomena asked.
“Absolutely!” Apollo said.
“How about coming in for coffee?” Philomena asked as she gave him a seductive look.
“Do you have de-caf?” Apollo asked.
“Awww! You actually think I was actually talking about coffee! How adorable!” Philomena said in a sweet tone as she gave him a kiss on the cheek. Apollo just froze there in surprise. “G’night, Apollo!” she then flies inside the castle, and then Apollo just floats there in mid-air, not moving a muscle. How can he float without flapping? That’s physically impossible! Oh listen to me, I sound like Psyche.
“Apollo? Apollo are you ok?” Rainbow asked from the ear piece. “He’s not responding.”
“Was he kissed?” Pearl asked.
“I believe so.” Rainbow said. “I heard a smooch.”
“He’s just surprised. That means this date was success! Good job, Apollo! Good job!” Pearl said. “How about you invite her to the trailer one day? That way I can SLAP HER IN THE FACE FOR DISSING THAT OUTFIT I PICKED FOR YOU!”
Meanwhile back at the shop, I was just sitting down at one of the booths very upsettingly. I know I did good today, but… was it worth it? “Hey, mate.” Aqua said as he sat down next to me.
“Hey Aqua.” I said.
“Sorry ya missed everything.” Aqua said.
“It’s ok, brah. Did Gustave enjoy everything?” I asked.
“He enjoyed the atmosphere, but the food… he had no comment on.” Aqua said. “He just paid, and then left.”
“He probably liked it.” I said.
“I thought he didn’t.” Aqua said.
“He was just in shock over how good it was. Can’t fool everypony. Everypony knows that trick already. One of the oldest in the book.” I said. “I know any second, now he’s going to burst through the doors and say…
“Zat was the most amazing pizza I ever tasted in my entire life!” Gustave le Grand said excitedly as he walked inside my shop.
“I was actually gonna say that you were going to say that it was an awesome pizza and is worth sharing to the world, but that works too, I guess.” I said.
“You are a truly inspiring chef, Misser Gun!” Gustave said.
“Ooooh.” I blushed. “I know that!”
“I am zerious.” Gustave said. “I am proud to zay that even for a four-star restaurant, your food was… MWAH… something worth kissing a married mare about!”
“Sorry.” Crystal shrugged. “Mares dig French accents. It’s a scientific fact.”
“I really appreciate that, Gustave, thank you!” I said. “You are a truly inspiring chef, and… wait a minute… what do you mean a FOUR star restaurant?”
“I’m just zaying. Your food is stupendous, and I will spread the word of this restaurant’s existence.” Gustave said. “But still… for a four star restaurant, your cookings are truly amazing!”
“GET OUT OF MY SHOP YOU PHONEY!” I demanded. “Call my shop a FOUR star restaurant! How DARE you?!”
“B-but… I just zaid…” Gustave started.
“I don’t care what you said! You insulted me!” I yelled.
“No! Zat’s not true!” Gustave cried. “I only meant-“ just then, I suddenly take out a laser pointer from my vest pocket, activated it and swung it around my shop. “Oooo pretty!” he said as he started chasing the laser pointer. “Hey where iz zat dot going? I’m trying to grab it but it’s pretty fast. Where you going? Come back here!”
Relax! I wasn’t really insulted on what Gustave said to me, but man did you see how freaked? He seems to be begging for my respect! A five-star chef wanting respect from a four-star chef? I know I’m going places, brahs! I’m going places!
It is time once again, my friends! Time for a brand new session of the Friendship is Epic Challenge! Now if you don’t remember in Book 2, I let the fans of this story pick out dares for me to perform throughout a whole chapter; unfortunately, none suggested any, so I had my friends do it instead. I have to do this challenge for this entire chapter, and it may affect what I’m doing in it. For this chapter, I was dared to wear a stack of hats. The hat stack was as big as my trailer from the outside. It may not be that big now, but later on in the chapter, I have to expand. My friend Adventure Blade “Keith” is going to be letting me know when I have to double the hats I’m wearing. Addie is now my FiE Challenge supervisor! I’m so glad in this challenge, it won’t affect my walking. I had to wear a peg leg in the very first challenge, and octopus legs in the second. These hats might be a lucky break for me. Now, if the hats decide to collapse, I can’t continue the story until I stack them up again. So, without further ado, time to start this chapter right up!
We start off this chapter at my trailer in the middle of the night. Water, me, and the fishies (including Piddles) were all sleeping. I had to sleep sitting up so I could wear all these hats. I started off with ten hats, and we’ll see how it goes from there. “Pssst, Rainbow! Rainbow!” Darrel whispered as he tapped Rainbow with his nose. “Rainbow!”
“Hmm? Uh.. wha-what?” Rainbow asked as he woke up.
“Wait, you were sleeping?” Darrel asked. “But you’re floating!”
“Dorthey and I can sleep as we float.” Rainbow said.
“Really? You mean I’ve been awake for no reason these past years?” Dorthey complained.
“Shhhhh! Quiet!” Yoyo shushed them. “Piddles is sleeping!”
“Aren’t you sleeping too?” Piddles asked.
“Yes I am! My own way!” Yoyo said as he sleeps on his back.
“Don’t sleep like that, Yoyo!” Dorthey advised him. “You always scare Flare when you lay like that.”
“Heh, yeah!” Yoyo chuckled. “I remember freaking him out when I slept upside down near the filter! Us loaches like to play dead all the time.”
“Ok but… mind if I interrupt your conversation?” Darrel asked.
“What is it, Darrel?” Rainbow asked.
“Why is there a brain-eating worm alien on Flare’s head?” Darrel asked.
“I don’t know, and I don’t care. Can we go back to sleep please?” Rainbow asked.
“YES!” Dorthey yelled. “Ok, but… how does one sleep floating?”
“It takes a while to master, Dorthey.” Rainbow said. “Just like it’s hard to get used to the fact that Piddles is sleeping.”
“Where did that quote even come from?!” Piddles complained.
Ding-dong! “AAAH!” I yelled as the doorbell rung and it startled me, and it made my hats all jump when I jumped. “I should start wearing ear muffs to bed like Water!” So I walked over to the door and I opened it. It was Crèmepop.
“You didn’t even use your security system this time.” Crème reminded me.
“Mhm.” I nodded in a very tired tone, still half-asleep.
“I could’ve been Swinebutt for all you knew.” Crème said.
“I knew it was you, babe. You’ve been coming here every night. What’s going on?” I asked.
“I can’t sleep.” Crème said.
“Really? Because that’s you kept saying was your problem.” I said. “First you said you had a gas leak at your house.”
A cutaway shows Crèmepop sleeping peacefully in her house, until a fart wakes her up. “Hee hee! Sorry!” Owen from the Total Drama series said embarrassedly. The cutaway ends.
“Then you said your house was swarmed with bees.” I added. Another cutaway shows Crèmepop getting up for a glass of water, but when she turns on the light to her kitchen, she screams once she sees a bunch of letter B’s all round her house, just standing there, swarming the place. The cutaway ends.
“Don’t forget when my house was also full of ques.” Crème added.
A third cutaway shows Crème walking into her bathroom to do ‘business’, but when she gets in there, there was a pony standing right in front of her saying, “On my que! On my que! You have to go on my que! On my que, you go, got it? Wait for my que.” The cutaway ends.
“What’s your excuse this time?” I asked.
“I just had a bad dream. I’m so alone in that pig-stigh of a house, Flarey. Can I stay here for the night again?” Crème asked.
“Sigh… come in, Crème. Come in.” I offered as I moved out of the way for her.
“Thanks!” Crème said as she walked inside.
“Make yourself at home. What’s mine is your- I’m going to bed.” I said as I started walking into my bedroom and Crème was following me in. “What are you doing?” I asked.
“Going to bed, with… you.” Crème blushed.
“Nice try.” I said.
“It was a nice try wasn’t it?” Crème asked as she started walking into the living room so she could sleep on the couch.
“I wonder how many times it’s going to take for Crème to move out that nasty house she lives in now and finds her a better place? I pay her well.” I said.
“Maybe it’s high-time you asked her to move in.” Water suggested.
“AAAAH!” I yelled. “Don’t do that! I thought you were sleeping?!”
“Been there, done that!” Piddles yelled from my bedroom.
“C’mon, Flare, you and Crèmepop have been in a relationship for many months now. Don’t you think it’s time you asked her to move in?” Water asked.
“As if I had enough to deal with trying to get you to move out?” I asked.
“I’ll get there, don’t worry.” Water promised.
“My Faust, sis, you actually might be on to something.” I thought it over.
“I don’t need an adult when I know when I’m actually on to something.” Water said as she winked at me.
“You’re right, Water. I’m going to ask Crèmepop to move in.” I said.
“YAY!” Water cheered. “This is going to be really fun! The three of us are going to have a really fun time together! We can eat popcorn, play board games, give eachother make-overs…”
“Play VIDEO games!” I added.
“Ew! Don’t get Crème hooked onto something that’ll probably persuade her to steal cars and murder innocent aliens!” Water demanded.
“Video games is more than just violent games, sis.” I corrected her.
“Alright well I’m going to bed. Night, Flare!” Water said as she walks back into her room.
“Night.” I said as I walked back into my room too. “AAAAAH!” I yelled.
“What?” Addie asked.
“What are you doing here- ooooooh, right, I remember.” I nodded.
“Yee.” Addie nodded.
“They’re still on.” I said.
“Ok.” Addie said.
“Well night, Addie.” I said.
“Night.” Addie said. So I went back to bed and went back to sleep with Addie just sitting there watching me. I woke up in the middle of the night and found out he was still there.
“Don’t you ever sleep?” I asked.
“I’m always up all night talking to friends on Skype.” Addie said with his laptop out.
“So who’s going to watch me during the day?” I asked.
“Me.” Addie said.
“When are you going to sleep?” I asked.
“Never.” Addie said.
“Is that even healthy?” I asked.
“No.” Addie said.
“But you’re doing it anyway?” I asked.
“Yee.” Addie said.
“Alright, but do you have to just stare at me all night?” I asked. “I feel that you’re going to murder me in my sleep.”
“Yee.” Addie said.
“Yee to staring at me all night, or yee to murdering me?” I asked.
“Yee.” Addie said.
“To what!?” I yelled.
“Yee.” Addie said. I couldn’t argue with him. Keith is just too good at arguing for me. As if Psyche wasn’t bad enough?
The next day came, and over at my shop, Lyra was making up a meatless antipasto for Aqua. “Here you are, Aqua! A meatless antipasto which is fantastico!” Lyra said.
“A meatless antipasto, which is… just a weird looking salad.” Aqua said as he observed the dish.
“Weird but delish!” Lyra said. “MWAH!”
“Ew.” Aqua commented.
“I was kissing the air, gimmie a break!” Lyra complained.
“Don’t do that, Lyra. It always freaks out customers.” Bonnie advised her.
“Look who’s talking! Clipping your hoof-nails where everypony can see you!” Lyra complained. “This is a restaurant, not a nail salon!”
“Then how do you explain Flare’s collection of hoof-nails?” Bonnie asked.
“Wait what?” I asked shockingly. “HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!”
“Woops, busted.” Bonnie said.
Meanwhile, the Noble Six were all sitting down at a table and chatting it up. “So… about vampires and zombies.” Blaze started.
“They don’t exist.” Psyche interrupted him. “No, just… hear me out.” Blaze said. “If a zombie bites you, you become a zombie, and if a vampire bites you, you become a vampire, right?”
“Oh snap!” Crystal gasped. “That’s deep, man.”
“But what if BOTH a zombie and a vampire bites you? Do you become a zombie-vampire half bread?” Blaze asked.
“I never even saw a vampire and a zombie in the same movie before.” Aqua said.
“What about Vampires vs. Zombies?” Crystal reminded him.
“They make something verses something all the time.” Blaze said. “I mean, they made a PLANTS vs. zombies. Zombies and plants just don’t… add up that much.”
“Howdy partners!” Engie said as he joined the party. “Whatcha talkin’ about?”
“Zombies and vampires.” Blaze said.
“What if someone turns into a werewolf-zombie-vampire third bread?” Engie asked.
“THAT would be AWESOME!” Crystal said.
“Well… ah think you might’ve heard the news.” Engie started.
“The news that you smell like you haven’t taken a shower in days?” Psyche asked.
Engie glares at Psyche. “If ah die, ah can just respawn. If you die, it’s permanent. Don’t make me go all rodeo on you now.”
“What’s the news, brutha from another mutha?” Crystal asked. “Or for short I’d call you bro from another mo!” she starts laughing.
“Well ah recently did get mah pilot’s license and ah finally bought mahself that Cub-an 800 fixed wing airplane that ah always wanted.” Engie said.
“Oh snap! An airplane? Really?!” Crystal gasped.
“Nice, man!” Blaze said.
“Yep! Ah’ve been savin’ money for that dog-on thing for a long time!” Engie said.
“What are you going to use it for? Are you going to bomb cities or something?” Crystal asked.
“Goodness no!” Engie cried. “It’s for supply drop purposes! Since ah’m in the buildin’ bots business, ah’m deliverin’ auto bots for whoever is in need of them by air now.”
“Air delivery, huh? Sounds smart!” Psyche said.
“I’m so glad I’m not ya right now.” Aqua said. “I really don’t like air travel.”
“Don’t worry, ah’m goin’ to be ridin’ the plane mahself. This plane could also be used if we need to go places for vacation or for Noble Six purposes.” Engie said.
“Very smart, brah!” I said. “I have no doubt that we’ll be doing business in Mareami one day, or maybe Trottingham.”
“NO! I got what I need there! I’m not going back!” Psyche freaked out.
“What got your panties in a bunch, Psyche?” Crystal asked.
“My panties are fine, Crystal. They have nothing to do with my attitude.” Psyche corrected her.
“Ok good.” Crystal said.
“Wait… what?” Aqua asked.
“What?” Psyche asked as he looked at him with an awkward look and then an awkward silence.
“So Engie, does your plane have that new plane smell?” Blaze asked.
“As long as ah can keep mah robo mom out of it, it should be fine.” Engie said. “Well if any of you want to check out mah plane, it’s over at the airport right now; hanger 14.”
“Wait a minute… hanger 14?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Engie nodded.
“That’s my hanger.” I said. All my friends looked at eachother awkwardly.
“Why do ya have a hanger. Ya don’t have a plane. Ya don’t even fly.” Aqua reminded me.
“I do so fly! What about my breakfast helicopter? My Wafflcopter?” I asked. “Oh B-T-W, it finished upgrading to the OJ fuel. It’s parked outside my trailer.”
“So why don’t ya use ya hanger?” Aqua asked.
“Maybe they reassigned it because you never use it.” Psyche thought.
“Well they don’t see me using my tail at all either; it’s just hanging there looking pretty. Maybe they should reassign that too.” I pointed out.
“Well, Flare, if you want another hanger, you can always rent another one.” Engie suggested.
“I don’t want another hanger! I want my hanger!” I corrected him. “It’s a nice secure hanger with a door, and it has two big beautiful lights posts on the top, and behind the hanger lies a beautiful forest behind that electric fence that I keep seeing squirrels getting shocked from.”
“Ah ha, fun story, Flare.” Engie said sarcastically. “Meanwhile, you still don’t have a plane. You need a plane for a hanger, not a helicopter.”
“Hey, don’t try to change the subject! We’re talking about hangers; it has nothing to do with planes!” I corrected him.
“Are you listenin’ to yerself right now?” Engie asked.
“I always listen to myself! It’s one of the great joys of my life!” I said. “Now if you please, Engineer, get your plane out of my hanger.”
“Nope.” Engie said.
“Very well, you leave me no choice.” I said. Suddenly I rush over to the airport, checked in with security so I can force move the plane myself. “What do you mean you won’t allow me in?!” I complained.
“Umm… I didn’t say anything.” The security guard corrected me. “You just teleported there out of nowhere and complained that.”
“Yeah isn’t the media great?” I asked. “Now please, can I go in and move a plane out of my hanger?”
“May I see some ID?” the guard asked.
“Sure, here.” I showed it to him.
“Which hanger is yours?” the guard asked.
“Hanger 14.” I said.
“Lemme check.” The guard said as he checked his computer. “I’m sorry, buddy. Hanger 14 is under new management.”
“Are you kidding me? I rented that hanger!” I corrected him.
“It would seem that you fell behind on your rents.” The guard said.
“This is an outrage!” I complained. “I should sue you for credit fraud!”
“Actually… I should just arrest YOU for credit fraud.” The guard corrected me.
“Oh you wouldn’t dare. I get along with everypony. I’m way too important for that.” I said.
“Oh yeah?” the guard asked.
“Yeah, NOW WATCH ME SING!” I demanded. “Put down your chainsaw and listen to me! It’s time for us to join in the fight! It’s time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys, it’s time to let the bed bugs bite! DARE TO BE STUPID!”
“Uhh, security? We have a situation over here.” The guard said on his radio.
“I’ll throw a shoe at you.” I insulted him. Airport security began running towards me.
“HEY! YOU THERE!” one of the guards yelled.
“I think it’s time for me to go.” I said. Ok, so I eventually escaped airport security. Why? Because I said I did. Time for a scene change.
Meanwhile back at my trailer, Crèmepop was carrying a cart of luggage and pushing it right in front of my trailer. Water was also there with her. “Well, Water, this is it! I am officially moved out of my house.” Crème said.
“Good! That place was a dump!” Water commented.
“HEY! That’s my house you’re talking about!” Crème yelled at her angrily.
“Well then, welcome ‘home’, Crèmepop!” Water said.
“Thanks, Water!” Crème chuckled as the two of them walk inside my trailer as they both carried some bags inside.
“I still can’t believe Flare allowed me to move in with him!” Crème said excitedly. “I’m really excited!”
“So you want me to set this stuff in Flare’s room?” Water asked.
“Why?” Crème asked.
“You know, because aren’t you sleeping with him? Aren’t you two a couple?” Water asked.
“We are, but… you know… Flare said he doesn’t allow other ponies in his room with him when he’s sleeping.” Crème said.
“Really now?” Water asked.
“It’s in my Roommate Agreement.” Crème said, showing Water her new contract.
“So where are you going to sleep?” Water asked.
“On the couch.” Crème said.
“What kind of stallionfriend is Flare anyway?” Water asked. “What kind stallionfriend forces his marefriend to sleep on his couch?!”
“The best one ever!” Crème said happily.
“How can you be ok with this?” Water complained. “You need to talk to Flare and DEMAND him to move into his room.”
“But that would mean he’d have to sleep on the couch, and I don’t want to do that to him.” Crème said.
“Crème, you’re acting like a huge sucker right now, just like a shopper.” Water said.
A cutaway shows somepony sitting on a table with a giant banner on it that says ‘free high hooves’. A customer comes up to him and asks, “Excuse me, sir? Do you have any down-lows?”
“Sorry, all out.” The seller said.
“Oh…” the customer said upsettingly.
“You were too slow.” The seller said. The cutaway ends.
“If you’re going to get what you desire, you have to stick it to the boss.” Water advised her.
“W-what?” Crème asked. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
“Ok, pretend you’re Flare’s employee at his shop.” Water started.
“I AM one of Flare’s employees at his shop. I’m his assistant manager!” Crème reminded her.
“Ok but pretend you’re treated unfairly there. You’re underpaid and overworked.” Water explained.
“But Water, you’re telling me the exact opposite of what I am.” Crème said. “Flare’s been really good to me. Better than anypony I’ve ever met.”
“Ok but we’re just pretending. If you were underpaid and overworked, what would you do?” Water asked.
“I’d say who cares?” Crème said. “I’m dating my boss.”
“Crème, you’re missing the whole point!” Water raised her voice at her.
“Water, I’m ok with sleeping on the couch! I feel lucky enough just to live under the same roof as him!” Crème said.
“But you’re his special somepony!” Water yelled.
“Yeah tell me something I don’t know.” Crème said. “Listen, I have to unpack my things. If you’re just going to tell me that all Flare is giving me is not enough, I don’t want you helping me.”
“Ok if you’re gonna be that way, FINE! If you’re not going to stand up to Flare for your rights, I WILL!” Water promised. “Just you wait! You’re going to be as happy as a fan meeting her idol!”
A cutaway shows Rainbow Dash stalking Daring Do as Daring searches the woods for the missing ring. “I don’t believe it!” Rainbow said excitedly. “Daring Do is REAL!”
“Look kid,” Daring said in an annoyed tone. “I don’t have time for- WAIT A MINUTE! Oh my gosh! You’re Rainbow Dash!” Daring cried in excitement. “The Element of Loyalty! You helped save Equestria from Nightmare Moon, Discord, and other foes! The only pegasus capable of doing a sonic rainboom! You’re my hero!” Daring then gives her a book and asks, “May I have your autograph, Miss Dash with the text ‘I hope one day you’ll find your rainbow’?!” So Rainbow Dash does so, and then Daring said excitedly as she walks away, “Thank you! Thank you! You made me the happiest mare in the world!”
Rainbow Dash suddenly drops the pencil she was using to write the autograph in shock and she asks herself, “W-who am I?” The cutaway ends, special thanks to Fadri-d6xkrhy1 for the joke! What? You think I’d use people’s jokes without crediting them? Silly readers you are that pretend you’re Gordon Ramzy!
Meanwhile over at my shop inside my office, I was playing with my Iron Man helmet. Blaze was also there hanging out with me. “So you just got away from airport security huh?”
“I’m not sure what their problem was. I wasn’t trespassing inside the airstrip, and I had no weapons; I just got mad and started singing, and then he called security. How does that make sense?” I asked.
“He must’ve thought you were crazy.” Blaze said. “Which, by the way, he has a point on.”
“Blaze, Engie stole my hanger!” I said.
“Hey don’t look at me, man! I heard you were behind on your rent so your rent must’ve expired. Besides, you don’t even have an airplane!” Blaze reminded me.
“I have a Wafflecopter!” I said.
“Hangers are not for helicopters, man; they’re for planes. Helipads for are for helicopters. Why don’t you just rent a helipad then?” Blaze suggested.
“Ok first of all, it’s not a HELIcopter, it’s a WAFFLEcopter.” I corrected him. “Second, that hanger was MINE! Engie had no right in taking it from me! I paid for it with my own money, and then Engie just had to steal it from me!”
“Well this is the battle between you two, man, and Engie’s the one with the plane, alright? Not you.” Blaze said.
“Blaze, I can understand that I’m your best friend and you love and respect me so much, but why don’t you ever take my side?” I asked.
“Because I can never understand YOUR side.” Blaze said.
Just then, Engie bursts inside my office angrily. “Hello, Engie! Thanks for knocking! Please come in.” I said sarcastically.
“Give it back!” Engie demanded.
“Give what back?” I asked.
“My Iron Man helment! Ah know you took it! Crystal told me!” Engie said.
“He gave me a cookie! Sorry for ratting you out!” Crystal called out from the dining room.
“Oh… that.” I nodded as I placed his Iron Man helmet under my desk. “Well, you see, I wanted it, and you weren’t using it. Apparently, those are the rules we live by now. Payback is truly a female-dog isn’t it?”
“Ooooooh snap!” Crystal yelled from the dining room.
“Flare…” Engie started with an angry tone. “That was a 500 bit limited edition collectible, and ah want it back.”
“I’d love to help you out, brah, but…” I started as I placed his Iron Man helmet on my head. “I’m using it right now.”
“Ok, partner, if that’s how yer gonna be, we’ll play your game.” Engie said.
“You started this game, just to let you know.” I reminded him.
“Hmph!” Engie groaned as he takes one of the bean bag chairs in my office and walks out.
“HEY! What are you doing with that?!” I yelled.
“You’re not usin’ this chair, are ya?” Engie asked.
“That’s not even for me it’s for the customers if they have complaints, or my employees if they want to ask for a raise but I decline them epically!” I explained.
“If you want it, ah’m takin’ it.” Engie said as he walks out with the bean bag chair.
“Oh it is SO on now, Red Engineer!” I mumbled angrily.
“Look, man, can you two just talk it out?” Blaze asked.
“No! The talking is over! Time for payback!” I yelled.
“Hey Flare?” Addie asked.
“What is it, Addie?” I asked.
“It’s time to double your hat length.” Addie said.
“Aww, already?” I complained. So now instead of having ten hats stacked on my head, I have 20. The 10 hasn’t been much of a problem for me so far, but now that I have 20, this is going to make this challenge a little more challenging.
Meanwhile, outside my shop, Engie was angrily walking by the BBQ restaurant across the street as he mumbled to himself. “Dag nabbit! Ah never thought a singe hanger would get him to steal mah limited edition helmet! Well ah better tighten my security at home just in case he tries anythin’.” The security camera on the BBQ restaurant listened to Engie throughout the whole conversation.
My business rival Boorlie Pomodoro knows what’s going on now. “So, it would appear that Mr. Crimson Gun has himself in a little pickle right now with friends of his.” Boorlie said to himself as he plays with the tip of the right side of his really cool mustache. “Well, perhaps if these are having themselves a little bit of a stealing treasure war, perhaps I could use Engineer to my advantage! I could get Engineer to steal Flare’s secret recipe and persuade him to give it to me, and then I could back to making pizzas myself, and I, Boorlie Pomodoro, will become the greatest pizza chef ever in Equestria yet again! HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA! I don’t know why I’m laughing, it’s not that funny.”
“Excuse me, Mr. Pomodoro?” one of the employees asked his boss. “Your mustache massager has just arrived.”
“Ah, excellent! Gotta get my mustache in good shape before negotiation!” Boorlie said.
Meanwhile over at my trailer, I came home after a hard day’s work at the shop, and with me, I had a guitar. When I walked inside my trailer, my stack of hats bumped on the top of the door frame and almost toppled over. “Whoa there!” I flinched, but I was able to save the hats from falling to the floor and I stacked them neatly back on my head. “Alright, alright, alriiiiiight! That was a close call!”
“Hey bro! Can we talk?” Water asked as I walked through the door.
“That depends. Shall I sing you a little tune from this guitar first?” I asked.
“You don’t play guitar.” Water reminded me. “Where did you get that?”
“Engie’s. Can you put it somewhere safe for me while I go steal something else of his?” I asked.
“I’m just gonna ignore that because Crème and I have bigger fish to fry.” Water said.
“WHAT?!” Dorthey gasped. Just then, Yoyo’s face starts to get all bloated up as barf was about to come out. He then swims over to Pearl’s castle and does his business in there.
“MY CASTLE!” Pearl cried.
“Relax, Flare will clean it later.” Yoyo informed her.
“What seems to be the problem, sis?” I asked.
“You did ask Crèmepop to move in with us, right?” Water asked.
“Of course! I love her, don’t I?” I asked.
“I know, but if you truly loved her, you’d get her to sleep in your bed.” Water said.
“Water it’s MY bed. Where am I going to sleep?” I asked.
“On your bed. You both are going to be sleeping in your bed.” Water said.
“Really? Is there going to be room for the both of us? I sleep on a double bed.” I reminded her.
“Flare, you’re asking your special somepony to sleep on your couch!” Water yelled.
“Yes, MY couch. This is MY trailer that you take an advantage of.” I reminded her.
“This isn’t about me, it’s about her! If you truly loved her, you’d ask her to sleep in your room.” Water said.
“Look, here’s how things work here: you have to start at the bottom of the ladder to get to the top, and if you’re disabled from the waist down, you’re going to have a very tough time climbing.” I said.
“W-what are you talking about?” Water asked.
“I have no clue, but Crème has to start off somewhere! You think I’m ready for her to sleep in the same room as me? She’s lucky I got her to move in with me! I could’ve left her in her dump of a home!” I explained.
Water gasped. “How could you say that?!”
“Because I’m nice.” I said.
“Nice? NICE?!” Water yelled. “You’re beyond nice! Oh wait… that’s not what I meant. Does ‘beyond’ mean better or worse?”
“Look, when I’m ready for Crème to sleep in my room with me, I’ll allow it, but for now, she’s staying on that couch, capiche?” I asked. “Now if you excuse me, I have to get hitched.” I said as I left my trailer.
“You just wait, Flare Gun! If you’re not going to sleep with your marefriend! You’re going to be sleeping with the fishies!” Water swore.
“He’s not taking MY bed!” Piddles said.
Meanwhile over at Engie’s house, Engie returns home after a hard day’s work. “Phew! Alright, mah first air-line delivery! My ears popped a bit, but ah’m sure it was all worth it.” Engie said. “Lemme just head inside mah house and try to relax. Ah’m in need of a massage.” Engie unlocks the door to his house and he walks inside. “Mama? Mama, ah’m home!” Engie calls out, but there was no answer. “Ma?! Ma where are you?” There was still no answer. So Engie walks over to his living room, sits down, takes his remote control, and presses the power button to turn on the TV. Engie sighs and he yells, “MA! Ah told you to change the batteries in mah remote!” There was still no answer. “MA! Where is that lady?”
Just then, the front door opens and Engie begins to hear robot giggling from the foyer. “And that’s when I said, 01011101001010!” I said as robomom continued laughing.
“That is definitely hilarious!” robomom said.
“Flare? Ma?! Where have you two been?” Engie asked.
“Oh hey Engie! I took your mom hear on a date, I hope you wouldn’t mind!” I said.
“He’s very sweet to me!” robomom said.
“And guess what else?” I asked.
“We got hitched!” robomom said as she showed Engie her diamond ring on her finger.
“Beg yer PARDON?!” Engie cried. “You just married mah robomom?!”
“Noooooo. I’m ABOUT to marry your robomom.” I corrected him.
“I calculate the odds of our kid being a girl are 58 to 1.” Robomom said.
“Whoa, babe! Slow it down! Heh!” I blushed.
“But what about Crèmepop?” Engie asked.
“Relax, I got her- WHOA!” I yelled as I started to lose balance of my hats, but I was able to stop them from toppling over. “Ok, phew! Relax, I got Crème’s permission.”
“Really?” Engie asked.
“Yes reeeeeeally!” I said in a sarcastic tone.
“Well then, partner, since you’re goin’ to marry mah ma, it would appear that you messed with the bull and the horns are comin’ right atchya!” Engie said as he blows air from his nostrils.
“It’s funny how you’re able to blow air from both of your nostrils.” I said. “I can only exhale air from one nostril at a time. Sometimes it switches.”
“Science believes that 85% of equus ferus caballus can only exhale through one nostril at a time.” Robomom said.
“Wha- a equus something cabollous? What does that have to do with horses?” I asked.
“Equus ferus caballus is the scientific term for horse.” Robomom said.
“Your science makes you attractive Mrs. Engineer!” I said.
“So you really gonna do this to me, huh?” Engie asked.
“Yes! Yes we are!” I said as I placed my hoof around her.
“Already then, ah didn’t want to do this, but you left me no choice.” Engie said as he walks away.
“What’s he gonna do? Is he going to marry Crèmepop? She’s going to refuse.” I said. “There’s nothing Engie can do that’ll beat me hitching his own robomom!”
“After you saying that, the calculations of him being this are 400,000 to 1.” Robomom said.
“I hope you realize I’m just marrying you just to tick Engie off.” I reminded her.
I guess I shouldn’ve spoken too soon because the next day over at my shop, Engie was really going to tick me off this time! But first, Bonnie was finishing up with an order. “Pleeeease come again!” Bonnie said to the customer as the customer walks away. “… when I’m not working.”
“What’s wrong with you today, Bonnie? You seem to be in a bad mood today.” Lyra pointed out.
“You of all ponies should know why I’m in a bad mood today.” Bonnie reminded her.
A cutaway shows Lyra sitting on a bench in the park eating little round candies inside some blue and yellow striped candy wrappers. Bonnie walks over to Lyra and asks, “Hey Lyra, what do you want to do for dinner tonight? I feel like-“ just then Bonnie suddenly stops and gasps at Lyra eating those candies. Lyra just looks over at Bonnie, slowly unwraps the candy, I mean very slowly. She unwraps the piece of candy on her hooves by untwisting the left side first, but then she realizes that she was twisting it the wrong way, making it sealed in tighter, and then she starts twisting it the other way. Once that side was done, she started twisting the other side. The two ponies continued to stare at eachother. Lyra was concerned but Bonnie was shocked. Once Lyra unwraps the other side… umm… wait for it, she’s still unwrapping… hang on a second… umm… ok she’s done unwrapping. You may think the wrapper was opened now, or maybe not; if you thought not, you’re smart! If you thought the other way, you’re still smart, but still wrong. Lyra has to now open the wrapper by tearing it. Since she has just hooves, it was very difficult for her to unwrap it.
Ok let’s start a new paragraph now without this sudden wall of text. Lyra had so much trouble tearing the wrapper apart, so she starts using her teeth, at the same time still staring at Bonnie confusingly as Bonnie continued staring at her shockingly. “Ow!” Lyra yelled as she hurt her tooth trying to tear the wrapper, so instead she used her unicorn magic to bring in some scissors, and she used that to cut the wrapper apart. Ah jeez! It’s hard typing W’s on this keyboard, you know? So once Lyra opened the wrapper, she places the candy in her mouth and starts chewing it slowly. “WHAT?!” Lyra complained. “Why are you looking at me like that?!” Wow, I got a better question: why did it take her so long to- for Wizard of Hope’s sake, these W’s! Why did it take her so long to ask that question? Ok, I’m done wasting time, this useless cutaway ends.
“Hey, little did I know you didn’t want me to eat your cutie mark!” Lyra complained.
“Umm, pardon me, everypony? Pardon?” Engie called out from my pizza shop’s stage. “Ah have, umm, a small musical number to share for y’all.”
“What is that guy doing?” I asked as I peeked through the kitchen window.
“Now, ah’m completely volunteerin’ mahself to sing for y’all today, free of charge. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the music.” Engie said.
“Is he trying to tick me off for disturbing my customers out of his terrible entertainment?” I asked. “Because frankly, I find him to be quite entertaining, so I’m not sure what he’s trying to accomplish here.”
Just then, Engie suddenly playing a red accordion up on stage in the style of blues. “Wait a minute… is that MY accordion?” I asked. “Ah whatever. He doesn’t know how to play that thing!” When Engie continues to play my accordion, he is actually doing pretty well. “Oh right, I forgot. My polka instruments are SUPPOSED to play good, no matter how bad the user might be.” I just remembered.
Engie starts playing singing a little tune in a blues style voice as he continues to play my accordion. “Ah got mah alligator boots, ah wear mah pants skin tight, ah wear mah dark sunglasses in the middle of the night. And when ah look in the mirror ah’m-a such an awesome sight; it makes me wanna kneel down and pray! Ah’m so adorable and charmin’, ah’m sure that you can see; and everypony’s always tryin’ to hang around with me. They tell me ah’m the greatest and it’s hard to disagree, cause ah’m so perfect in ever-ey way!”
“And he’s trying to rip-off Cheese Sandwich’s songs!” I yelled. “THAT’S MY JOB! I’m his idol, NOT ENGIE!”
“And ah’m so cute, ah can hardly stand it;” Engie continues, “and ah’m so handsome honey ah could just die! Ah know you’ll never be as wonderful as me but at least you can tryyyyyyy; cause ah’m such a groovy guy!”
“Ok, this has just gotten personal!” I mumbled to myself angrily.
I knew it was already personal at the start, but I like making things a little more dramatic! Looks like it’s my turn to steal something valuable to him, like… his telescope set! Yeah Engie kept saying how much he love, love, loves space! So I went over to his house and I stole his telescope and used it that night. I went over to the Ponyville schoolhouse because I thought that was a nice spot to watch the night sky, and besides, I had Scootaloo there to keep me company!
“Ah would you look at those stars!” I said as I looked into the telescope. “I see Jupiter with its rings!”
“WOO!” Jupiter cried as the planet was hula hooping with its rings.
“And there’s Saturn!” I said.
“You call that hula hooping? THIS is hula hooping!” Saturn said as it was hula hooping with even more rings than Jupiter.
“Saturn please!” Uranus said as it was hula hooping its rings vertically.
“Quit being a show-off, Uranus!” Saturn complained.
“Look who’s talking!” Jupiter complained. “I only hula hoop sometimes! You two hula hoop ALL the time!”
“Yeah what’s up with that, dudes?” Neptune complained.
“I’m not even considered a planet anymore!” Pluto complained.
“Isn’t it nice tonight, Scoots?” I asked.
“Ok, I just have to try, 999,999,999,999,999.99 TIMES AS HARD!” Scoots yelled as she attempts to fly but then she collapses back on the ground of the stage she’s on.
“Hey, I can understand what you’re going through, Scoots.” I admitted.
“How in any way do you understand what I’m going through?” Scoots asked.
“I had a difficult time trying to poop many times.” I said.
“Wait a minute… what do you think I’m doing right now?” Scoots asked.
“Talking to me.” I said.
“UGH!” Scoots groaned. “Well at least you’re company. Can you give me a little confidence?”
“Go Scoots go! Let it all out!” I cheered as Scoots attempts to fly again. “C’mon! Move those bowels!”
“Oof!” Scoots landed back on the ground.
“How about some laxative?” I suggested. Just then, I found Engie walking by down the street. “Oh hey, Engie! Check it out! I’m using your awesome telescope! Yep! I stole your prized telescope from you, brah! How does that feel?!”
“What?” Engie asked as he walked towards me. “What are you talkin’ about? Oh, and hey Scoots!”
“Hey, Engie.” Scoots greeted as she attempted to fly again.
“So how does it feel, partner? I’m using your most prized telescope! I’m probably getting it dirty by spilling some chip crumbs all over the lends; not to mention, the holders are on an ant hill.” I explained.
“So?” Engie asked.
“What do you mean so? I stole your telescope! You keep saying how much you love this thing!” I reminded him.
“Uhh… no. This is Psyche’s telescope and he’s the one who said all that.” Engie corrected me.
“Oh… well then. Ehh, no regrets here.” I said.
“Nice try though, Flarey-moo!” Engie said as he patted me on the head and walked away.
“UGH! Groans! He messed up my hair!” I complained.
“Ok I just gotta try a zillion times hard!” Scoots yelled.
“Zillion’s not a number, sista.” I corrected her. “After trillion comes quadrillion.”
“Oh… well no matter! The crusaders are gonna win that flag carrying contest! We have hearts as strong as horses!” Scoots yelled in excitement.
“Then you should really see a doctor because that sounds unhealthy.” I suggested.
The next day came, and Engie was out on his supply run to drop off a bot supply drop over at a town outside of L.P. But while he was on that, I was inside MY hanger trying to get 100% gold on all of the GTA: BoGT missions, and man was that first Bulgarian mission hard to beat!
“C’mooooooooon!” I complained. “Why does the time have to be impossible in here? Why does time have to be in every single mission? Also why do I have to waste my time shooting seagulls when they don’t do ANYTHING?”
“Flare!” Blaze yelled as he flew down from the sky and landed inside my hanger.
“Blaze? How did you know where I was?” I asked.
“You posted on Facebook.” Blaze reminded me.
“All the cool ponies post on Facebook. Forget Twitter!” I said.
“Flare, you have to leave.” Psyche informed me.
“Psyche? Where did you come from?” I asked. “Blaze was he with you?”
“He was not.” Blaze admitted.
“I was in here the whole time.” Psyche reminded me. “You told me to get some donuts for you.”
“Riiiight.” I nodded. “Also what’s Addie doing here?”
“Giving you ten more hats.” Addie said as he placed ANOTHER stack of hats on the stack I already had, and now I have 29 ½! I have that much because someone ripped the top part of one of the sombreros. I gotta say, this hat stack started to get pretty heavy, but luckily I was in this big hanger, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to fit inside a building.
“What a nice view from up here!” Spike said as he was sitting on the top hat.
“Spike! Get down from there!” I demanded. “You’re gonna make the whole thing topple over!”
“Fine.” Spike said as he slides down the hats and jumps onto Addie’s back. “Weeeee! That was fun!”
“Oh.” Addie said.
“Flare what are you doin’?” Engie asked as he was about to park the plane inside the hanger but I was in the way with my sofa and video game system.
“I’m using my hanger! Now everypony can stop complaining now!” I said.
“Ok, you need to move now.” Engie instructed me.
“Flare, just move.” Psyche instructed me.
“Psyche why do you talk to me like I’m stupid but you act stupid with everypony else?” I asked.
“I treat everypony the same way.” Psyche said. “Ponies that act stupid get treated stupid. It’s how I roll.”
“You must treat Crystal like she’s pretty stupid then, don’t you?” I asked.
“Nope, because she’s a mare and mares get more respect.” Psyche said.
“But you just said you treat everypony the same way!” I complained.
“I did, and I do.” Psyche said.
“You’re not making any sense!” I yelled. “RAAAAH! WHERE’S THE BLAAAAACKSMITH?!”
“Please partner, can you move please? This is MAH spot!” Engie demanded. “If you don’t move, ah’m gonna run you over!”
“NO!” Psyche yelled. “Don’t you dare run over his sweet loving… uhh, I mean… don’t you dare hurt him!”
“Whoa-nelly!” Engie gasped.
“What was that all about, Psyche?” I asked.
“I… umm…” Psyche said nervously.
“Whatever, if he won’t move, ah’ll just force him to move!” Engie yelled as he turns on the plane motors and the propellers start spinning like crazy. It was very windy in this hanger now which made my hats almost blow away, but I was able to catch them all with my magic. “WILL YOU MOVE NOW!” Engie yelled.
“WHAT?!” I yelled.
“WILL YOU MOVE NOW?!” Engie yelled again.
“I CAN’T HEAR YOU! THE PROPELLERS ARE TOO LOUD!” I yelled.
“FINE! AH’LL JUST CUT YOU WITH THE BLADES! SAY YOUR PRAYERS, CRIMSON!” Engie yelled as he starts the plane up in first gear and the plane started rolling towards me.
“WHOA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” I yelled.
“MOVE IT!” Engie yelled. “GET OUT OF MAH HANGER!”
“NEVER!” I yelled.
“AH’M WARNIN’ YOU FLARE, AH WILL RUN YOU OVER!” Engie swore.
“YOUR THREATS MEAN NOTHING! I WILL CALL AIRPORT SECURITY AND THEY’LL BUST YOU!” I yelled. Blaze suddenly flies over to the cockpit of the plane, opens the door and suddenly removes the key from the slot, powering down the plane instantly.
“Hey! What gives, Blaze?” Engie complained.
“YOU TRIED TO KILL FLARE, YOU IDIOT!” Blaze yelled.
“No ah wasn’t! Ah was just goin’ to move close and hope he would get scared and finally run away!” Engie defended himself.
“FLARE!” Psyche runs over and hugs me. “Are you ok?!”
“I’m fine, brah. What’s your problem?” I asked.
“Oh… umm… it’s just…” Psyche releases his grip on me quickly and blushes.
“Are you ok, Psyche?” I asked.
“Are you really that stupid, Flare? You’d kill yourself just to keep this hanger?” Psyche asked.
“This was my hanger first and Engie stole a lot of things from me!” I yelled.
“Yeah well your rent was late! This is mah hanger now! Got that bucko?!” Engie warned me.
“YOU’RE BOTH being ridiculous! It’s JUST a hanger!” Blaze yelled.
“It’s not just a hanger, Blaze! I don’t see any clothes hanging around!” I teased.
“Ok shut up, Flare! We’re being serious right now!” Blaze reminded me.
“Yeah shut up, Psyche! Always putting your ugly face in other pony’s businesses!” I yelled at him as I bonk him on the head with my game controller.
“Ow!” Psyche yelled as he rubbed his head in pain.
“Can you believe this guy, Blaze?” Engie asked him angrily.
“What I can’t believe was that you tried to either run him over or dice him with the propellers!” Blaze reminded him.
“Ah had to do what was necessary, partner! Ah’m complainin’ what’s rightfully mine!” Engie said as he jumps out of his plane and starts walking out. “You just wait, Flare Gun! Ah’m about to pull up one more steal! Ah’m goin’ to steal somethin’ you truly care about!” Engie then angrily marches away.
“See what you started, Flare?” Blaze asked.
“I do see. I turned Engie into a complete psychopath!” I said. “He has to be stopped!”
“It’s not just him, you know.” Psyche pointed out. “It’s not Engie’s fault that your rent was late on this hanger. He just so happened to rent it after you because it was available for purchase. Its first come, first serve, that’s the law of the land, or as you may call it ‘finders keepers, loser’s weepers’.”
“Loser’s crying, not loser’s weepers. How does that make sense? Loser’s weepers?” I asked.
“Whatever, but do you get what I’m saying, dude?” Psyche asked.
“I do, brah, I do.” I nodded. “I have to make things right with Engie. It’s time I returned his stuff to him. It’s time I became the bigger stallion than he is. I’ll let him have this hanger until I so happen to get a waffle jet.”
“I haven’t seen the Wafflecopter since our journey to Chaos Mountain.” Psyche said.
“It’s right there, alright?” I pointed over to the other side of the hanger where my Wafflecopter was just parked there. “Still looks the same, but still an alternate fuel source. I actually used it to get into this airport instead of going through the front gate.”
“Wouldn’t they detect that?” Blaze asked.
“Oh… dang.” I said as I gained a three star wanted level. “We should go.”
“Yeah definitely.” Psyche nodded.
“Right.” Blaze nodded as we all hopped into my Wafflecopter, but wait I had to pack up my sofa and gaming system so I used my magic to carry them inside, but now everything was too heavy and the chopper wouldn’t take off.
“I can hear sirens! We’re too heavy!” Blaze yelled.
“I know what to do!” I yelled as I throw Psyche out of the chopper. “Nothing personal, brah.”
“Ugh! First he messes up my telescope, now he abandons me!” Psyche complained. “I’m so close to losing it.” So I started flying helicopter and I escape the airport, leaving Psyche to get arrested by the co- wait, of course! He can fly! He’s a pegasus! So he was able to escape the airport security by flying off. Wow, we were lucky lately. Haven’t been busted by the cops! Ok to be honest, I did get busted by the cops earlier, and then I get transferred to the nearest police station, I lost all my weapons and lost a little money for bribe, and I had to start the chapter over again. Wasn’t easy, believe me. All I had to do was fly out of the flashing circle on the radar, stay out of it for a few seconds and they’re gone. Simple as that! Yeah I knew that! I knew that all along! You think I’d abandon Psyche like that? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- no.
Meanwhile back in Ponyville, Engie sneaks over to my trailer in hoping for the biggest heist of his life. He sneaks over to the front of my trailer, builds a dispenser in front of the trailer, upgrades it to level 2, then upgrades it to level 3, and then he jumps over and hides behind a rock with his detonator out. Really? He just makes a dispenser just to destroy it? I mean, not only is my trailer indestructible from the outside, but it’s just a waste! Luckily he doesn’t go through with it as he just realizes what he’s doing. “Ah can’t do this!” Engie cried. Just then, Engie builds a level 3 sentry in front of the trailer door as well. “Alrighty then! Now ah can do it!”
“You’re wasting you’re time you know.” Boorlie said as he just appears right next to him.
“WHOA NELLY!” Engie yelled as he presses the detonator, destroying both his dispenser and sentry. “Aw man! Ah wasn’t ready yet!”
“I heard you’re trying to pick off the best heist of your life against Flare, am I right?” Boorlie asked.
“What are you tryin’ to say, partner?” Engie asked.
“I can help you win your fight against him. I can help you pull the biggest heist that’ll definitely make you win the battle against him.” Boorlie suggested.
“What makes you think ah need yer help?” Engie asked.
“Because nopony is workin’ along side Flare. The two of us against him; he’ll be outnumbered.” Boorlie said.
“That is true.” Engie nodded. “Two against one was always unfair to him. So you workin’ along side me will steal his chances of him workin’ along side someone! Perfect!”
“Well… there’s that, and there’s also stealing something very valuable to him.” Boorlie said.
“And what would that be? His special somepony?” Engie asked.
“Nope!” Boorlie said.
“His sister?” Engie asked.
“Try again.” Boorlie said.
“His leftovers?” Engie asked.
“Close, but no.” Boorlie said.
“His hats?” Engie asked.
“We can’t take his hats; he’ll lose the challenge. That’s not what we’re trying to do.” Boorlie said.
“Oh right, but… wait… isn’t that what you want?” Engie asked.
“Does that matter? What matters is that he doesn’t have it. It’ll ruin his business and he’ll have no choice but to surrender the battle to you.” Boorlie explained.
“That makes sense to me, but why should ah help you?” Engie asked. “You and Flare are business rivals.”
“Aren’t you and him rivals now too?” Boorlie asked.
Engie thought it over and nodded. “Alright, Boorlie, you have a deal!” They shook hooves.
“Excellent! Excellent!” Boorlie said.
“Ah was actually here about to steal his fish.” Engie said.
“Well now that we have the idea to have me the greatest chef in Eques- err, I mean, have the idea to help you win this battle, what we’re looking for isn’t here at his trailer; it’s at his shop.” Boorlie explained.
“Ah think ah know exactly where it is.” Engie said. “Alright, you help me out, the recipe is yours!”
“Excellent!” Boorlie said mischievously in a Mr. Burns tone.
“Ah hope that’s not goin’ to be yer new catchphrase because it’s too expectin’.” Engie suggested.
“Whatever, let’s get moving.” Boorlie suggested as he and Engie walk off and head over to my shop, but as they leave, Water opens the trailer door and takes a look around outside.
“What happened?” Crème called out from inside.
“I heard an explosion sound. Probably just firecrackers.” Water said.
“Sounds delicious!” Crème said.
“I wonder what kind of soup it comes with?” Water asked as she closes the door.
So Engie and Boorlie sneak over to my shop. Since its night time, it’s still opened. They both hide inside a van carriage outside my shop and the two of them discuss the plan for the heist. “Alright so you know what you’re doing, right?” Boorlie asked.
“Lay the plan on me again.” Engie requested.
“Alright well, I took the liberty of taking snapshots when I was inside his shop earlier today for lunch.” Boorlie said as he shows Engie a heist planning board hanging on the wall of the van. “There are four security cameras in the dining room, two in the kitchen, and one in his office. The security keypad is located near the side entrance, so now I can hack them from inside this van. It wasn’t easy to breach security system but I was able to do it with some leftover Swinebutt Industries technology at the restaurant. Now the recipe is located in the safe in his office. The safe is indestructible, but the combination shouldn’t be hard to bypass. I have a hacking tool that I’m going to give you that should help you out. Ok so that leaves only one last decision: how to make your move inside the shop.”
Boorlie gives Engie a list of choices now: “Ok, Engineer, we have two strategies of meanings of getting inside. Choice A: I have an employee on the roof of the place that’ll throw in some sleepy-time gas grenades and you’ll go in while everypony’s asleep, but if you do that, it’ll risk if other pony customers are coming inside to eat, they’ll see the sleeping ponies and they’ll call the police, so you’d have to be pretty quick to get through there. Choice B: Go in while everypony’s awake and that way, customers will come and go, but you’d have to be sneaky at the same time not trying to be suspicious. It’ll also risk one of the employees going inside the office to check on things. If you lock the door, it’ll be a bit more suspicious for the employees.”
“Wow, so many choices. Ah wonder what to pick.” Engie thought.
“Take your time in making the decision.” Boorlie said.
Alright, readers! This is where you come in! You get to decide what Engie’s next step of action would be. Is he going to choose Choice A: going inside while everypony’s asleep, or Choice B: going in while everypony’s awake? For the first time ever, you get to pick what’s going to happen! But no matter what’ll happen, the end of the chapter will be the same. Now the first line when you scroll down a bit is choice A. Read the section until you reach the end of the line, because that’s where choice B is going to be. Scroll down pass choice A if you’d rather see B. You can read both if you want, I’m not stopping you. Depending on what website this story is going to be uploaded on, I’ll separate the sections by lines and color text. Choice A will be blue, and choice B will be red, but it just depends on what website you’re reading this on. Ok, after this paragraph starts choice A, but if you wanna see B first, skip the section until you reach the end of the line. Either choices are canon.
“Ah’ll choice the sleepy gas, Boorlie.” Engie said. “Time to sing the customers and employees a little lullaby, but ah hope you mixed the gas correctly, otherwise it might be fatal for the ponies inside.”
“Relax, my good chap; I assure you that the gas is mixed correctly. I wouldn’t dare put lives at risk just for my career.” Boorlie admitted.
“Well that’s good.” Engie said. “So run this by me again.”
“I have an employee on the roof of the building that’s going to throw in the gas. You’re going to be wearing this mask before you go inside so you wouldn’t be affected by the gas too.” Boorlie said as he gives Engie the gas mask. “You have to be quick in there though. Place this hacking device onto the safe and it’ll unlock it for you. Try to be swift though. If somepony alerts the cops, leave out the back door and I’ll pick you up.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Engie nodded. “But ah don’t feel like this is right. This is a big heist we’re dealin’ with.”
“Relax, Engineer, it’s only a secret recipe. This gas won’t even poison the food the ponies are eating, but ponies would act suspicious when they wake up.” Boorlie said. “So are you ready?”
“Let’s do this!” Engie said. “Ah’m more ready than a doctor dismissin’ his patient!”
A cutaway shows a pony visiting a doctor, reporting his condition. “So, doc, ever since I’ve been working at the Candy Kingdom theme park, my oral hygiene hasn’t been… up to par.” The patient reported.
“Hmm… say ahhh.” The doctor requested.
“Ahhhh.” The patient said as he opened his mouth and the doctor checks inside.
“Mhm, yeah, I see a lot of swollen gums in there. I think they might be infected.” The doctor said.
“No! That’s not good!” the patient panicked.
“Well, just see a dentist and he or she will get the job done. Your teeth will be as good as new in no time!” the doctor said.
“Thanks, doc!” the patient said.
“Don’t mention it, slugger! Here, this’ll cheer you up!” the doctor said, offering a lollipop.
“Thanks!” the patient said excitedly as he starts nibbling on it. “OW! This is delicious! I love lemon! OW! Love it! OWIE!” The cutaway ends.
So Engie steps out of the van and sneaks over to the front of the shop. Engie is now wearing a gas mask and an ear piece communicator, and he has the hacking device for my safe. Engie’s now just waiting for the signal. “Engineer, you there, good chap?” Boorlie asked from the communicator.
“Ah read ya loud and clear, Boorlie.” Engie said.
“Ok, my employee is just about to drop the gas grenade into the vents on the roof. Everypony will be asleep. Give them 10 seconds to fall completely asleep, then head on in to Flare’s office and place the hacking device onto his safe. It’ll take about a minute to unlock the safe, so be quick about it, and make sure nopony looks inside.” Boorlie explained
“Ah don’t think that’ll be a problem, Boorlie. Ah have an idea.” Engie said.
“Whatever it is, don’t draw too much attention.” Boorlie said.
“Ah won’t, don’t worry. In fact, it’ll draw attention away.” Engie said as he takes a sign out from behind the bushes and places it in front of the shop. The sign says, ‘2 for 1 sale at Boorlie’s BBQ’. “Nopony can resist a bargain!”
“Bloody good thinking, good chap!” Boorlie said. “This will help me gain business as well as get ponies away from this shop.”
“Ah’m known for mah good thinkin’, partner.” Engie said. Up on the roof, Boorlie’s employee drops the gas grenade inside the vents.
“That’s it… they’re going out.” The employee said.
“Your job is done; I’ll give you your pay-raise as long as you keep this a secret. Now get outta there!” Boorlie ordered him.
Inside the shop, Bonnie was serving some food to some customers. “Here’s your garbage, sir. Dig in!” Bonnie said.
“Thank you very much!” the customer said.
“Is there anything else I can get you?” Bonnie asked as the gas was coming through the vents.
“Nothing more really except for… umf… umm… a blanky?” the customer asked.
“I thought I asked Flare to fix that A/C?!” Bonnie complained as she collapses on the ground along with some customers following her along.
“Theeee son will come oooout… tomorrow!” Lyra sang as she started to feel all woozy. “Bet your bottom. I’M COMING ELIZABETH!” she shouts as she passes out.
“They’re out.” Boorlie said on Engie’s ear piece. “Move in, and quickly!” So Engie runs inside my shop and finds everypony passed out on the floor. Luckily I wasn’t there. I just got away from the cops and I’m returning to Ponyville at this time in my world famous breakfast flying vehicle.
“Alert: somepony is walking towards the shop.” Boorlie said as Engie runs into my office.
“Where’s the safe?” Engie asked.
“It’s behind the picture frame.” Boorlie said.
“Which one? There’s a few of them in here.” Engie asked.
“Just keep searching until you find it.” Boorlie said. So Engie searched behind the picture frames on the wall, and what he mostly found was blank walls. One of the behind the picture frame areas contained a small hole leading to another room.
“What is this?” Engie asked as he looked through it. “It looks like a bathroom of some sort. Why does Flare have a hole looking at a bath- OH MAH FAUST!” Engie quickly puts the frame back into place and blushes. “What is Flare’s problem?”
“Ok it turns out the pony that was coming near the shop was just walking by, don’t worry about it.” Boorlie said. There was one more picture frame hanging on the wall – my signed picture of Jeff Gorspeed. Although little did I know that the signature was fake. Anyways, he checked behind there and there was nothing there.
“Ah can’t find the safe, Boorlie.” Engie said. “Ah looked behind all the photos and it wasn’t there.”
“That’s impossible. The schematics clearly say- oh… hang on. There’s a pony heading near the front. Looks like he’s buying the sign. Good work, Engineer!” Boorlie said.
“But what if the pony’s cravings say otherwise?” Engie asked.
“Oh dear.” Boorlie said. “He’s trying to get inside the shop. Did you lock the door?”
“Ah locked and shut off the lights. Ah also turned off the open sign.” Engie said.
“Smart move!” Boorlie said. “Ok, looks like the pony is leaving. You sure dodged a bullet there! Now all you need to do is fine that safe. I don’t know why the safe isn’t there.”
“Why does Flare still have this thing?” Engie asked as he was about to pick up my Jeff Gorspeed bobble head that Crystal broke back in chapter 10 of Book 2. The part of the wall that was behind the Jeff picture frame opens up and the safe has been revealed. “Ahhh!” Engie nodded. “Jeff bobble head, Jeff autograph! Ah get it!”
“Jolly good job!” Boorlie said. “Now for the hacking device.”
“Ah’m on it.” Engie said as he places the hacking device on the safe, presses a few buttons, and the device activates and starts finding the code.
“Alright, Engineer! In just a minute the safe will be unlocked. Grab the secret recipe and bring it to me. This’ll bring Flare’s Pizza Parlor to an ultimate downfall! Nothing will stop us now!” Boorlie yelled in excitement. “I’d laugh, but I don’t find this that funny.”
“45 seconds! Ah can smell the victory now!” Engie said excitement as he sniffs the air. “Smells like garlic and grease.” As Engie was tasting a sample of his victory, he took a look at one of the pictures hanging on the walls. It showed Engie and me on it. It was a picture of me grabbing Engie by the shirt and punching him in the face, but we were both smiling at the camera while we were at it. The picture right next to it shows Engie giving me a head-lock, which was making me suffocate. “What am ah doin’?” Engie asked himself.
“You’re stealing Flare’s secret recipe. Just 30 more seconds to go!” Boorlie said.
Engie started to gain some flashbacks of him and me, like the time we were fighting for an X-Wing at an auction, but together we found out it was fake. Also the time I had to go through a lot just to make Derpy’s hospital visit perfect by giving her all she wanted, and Engie helped me out so it would be a lot easier for me. Also remember the time Engie and I got sucked into a video game? We really helped eachother out there. Not to mention at Hearth’s Warming that the Noble Six and I helped Engie out with a couple of scammers pretending to be a donation institute for homeless fluffleponies. Engie and I went through a lot together, and Engie knew what he’s doing right now was just plain wrong. HA! I said it!
“Flare is mah best friend. Why am ah doin’ this?” Engie asked as he started to tear up a bit. “Ah’m not gonna do this!”
“You went through a lot already, Engineer! Don’t screw this up!” Boorlie instructed him.
“All this over a stupid hanger? Forget it! Ah’m gonna do what ah should’ve done a long time ago! Ah’m gonna stop this hacking device, and-“ Engie got interrupted as the hacker already did the job. The safe lock was broken, and the safe opens. “Oh shoot!”
“No matter! I’ll just go in there and grab the recipe myself!” Boorlie said. “Don’t try and stop me because imma comin’ in!” Boorlie hops out of his van and starts charging inside my shop, and- oh… yeah the door was locked. I guess he was stopped right there and then. “UGH! All this over a locked door! I can’t believe this!”
”You failed, Boorlie. Flare’s secret recipe is safe from harm!” Engie said.
“For now.” Boorlie said. “But you just wait! It will be mine some day! Boorlie Pomodoro will once again be the most popular pizza chef in all of Equestria!”
“Ah’d like to see you try.” Engie said as he unlocks the door and opens it.
“Wait what?” Boorlie asked.
”Want to give it a try?” Engie asked. “Ah’ll letchya have yer chance!”
”OH BOY!” Boorlie said excitedly as he runs inside. “Secret formula here I…” Boorlie suddenly stops there and passes out on the floor.
“Too bad there was only one gas mask. Heh heh heeeeh!” Engie chuckled. After a few minutes went by, everypony woke up. Everypony but Boorlie though since he fell asleep later. Engie dragged his passed out body out of my shop and he throws him into the dumpster outside. “Is this a little overkill?” Engie thought to himself. “Naaaaah!”
Just then, my Wafflecopter comes by and lands in front of my shop. Blaze, Psyche, and I suddenly noticed that there was a hassle at my shop. “Uhh, what has happened here?” Psyche asked.
"Psyche, who let you back in the chopper?" I asked.
“Flare!” Engie yelled as he ran over to me. “Partner! Am ah glad to see you!”
“Engie, what’s going on here?” I asked.
“Ah have so much to tell you.” Engie said.
“I’ll say! Why is there a van parked outside my shop?” I asked.
I hope you enjoyed the first choice! Now let’s do this again but with a different choice. If you didn’t the first choice and you’re here, then… let’s start back from where Boorlie was giving Engie choices.
“Ah choose just goin’ in. Don’t wanna risk attention.” Engie said.
“My good chap; you are indeed a smart one.” Boorlie said.
“Ah’m known for mah smart thinkin’, partner!” Engie said.
“But I hope you realize that the employees might be suspicious. I hope nopony catches you sneaking inside the manager’s office.” Boorlie said.
“Ah might have some ideas. So can you run by the plan by me again?” Engie asked.
“Well since my employee is on the roof for no reason now, he can leave.” Boorlie said on his walkie-talkie.
“Alright, but you better give me my raise or I’ll the cops this!” the employee threatened him.
Boorlie sighs. “Fine, whatever.” Boorlie then said to Engie, “Ok, so all you need to do is walk inside the restaurant. You need to get into Flare’s office without anypony noticing anything. Since I don’t think Flare’s here right now, his door might be locked, so you’ll need to unlock it but try to make sure the attention isn’t being directed to you. You might need to cause a distraction. Once you get inside the office, you’ll have find the safe and use this hacking device on it. Since his safe indestructible, you’ll have to use this hacking device instead to unlock the safe for you; either that or if you know the code, just put it in.”
“Ah don’t know the code.” Engie said.
“Then you’ll have to rely on the hacker.” Boorlie said.
“Ah hope to trust this hacker more than ah could trust mah own self.” Engie said.
A cutaway shows Engie on one of his matches. He was building his sentry and then he sees another red engineer walk by. “Hey JeffIsCool43!” Engie said to that engineer, and then another engineer runs by and Engie said, “Hey xxXWeeKillerXxx!” And then another red engineer runs by and Engie says, “Hey Red Engineer! Hey, you look like someone ah can trust since we share names. Can you look after mah stuff please?”
“Why certainly.” The other engineer named Engie said in a French accent.
“Thanks!” Engie said as he runs off.
“Gentlemen!” the replica Engie said to a soldier and a pyro as they ran by. The cutaway ends.
So Engie steps out of the van and sneaks over to the front of the shop. Engie is now wearing an ear piece communicator, and he has the hacking device for my safe. Engie’s now just waiting for the signal. “Engineer, you there, good chap?” Boorlie asked from the communicator.
“Ah read ya loud and clear, Boorlie.” Engie said.
“Ok, so what I need you to do is go inside without any suspicions, and try to unlock Flare’s office door when nopony is looking. When you get inside, find the safe and install the hacking device on it.” Boorlie explained. “It’ll take about a minute to unlock, but make sure nopony catches you inside.”
“Ah think ah might have an idea.” Engie said. So Engie looks over and sees Crystal balancing a popsicle stick on her tongue. “Hey Crystal, yer assistance is required!” Engie called out.
“What?” Crystal asked as the popicle stick drops from her tongue and lands on the ground. “Oh snap!”
Inside the shop, Crystal walks up on stage and calls out, “Attention everypony! Attention! Who wants to see me balance a popsicle stick on my tongue?”
“Oooooo! Fancy!” Lyra said. “Can you do a better job than Engie playing an accordion?”
“I can do better than Cheese Sandwich playing an accordion, but I’m not playing an accordion! I’m balancing this popsicle stick on my tongue!” Crystal said. “I’m going to hold a record for the most time of balancing a popsicle stick on my tongue! Who’ll count?”
“I will, I guess.” Bonnie volunteered.
“Ok! Here we go!” Crystal said as she places the popsicle stick on her tongue and everypony in the shop pays attention to what she’s doing. “By the way I dropped this stick on the ground on a cow pile before putting this on my mouth.”
“WHAT?!” Lyra yelled.
“THAT’S JUST SICK!” Bonnie yelled. Just then all the customers all ran into the bathrooms so they could… let it all out.
“What?! I cleaned it first!” Crystal said.
“Nice distraction, Engineer!” Boorlie said on Engie’s ear piece. “With everypony in the bathroom, you can go inside Flare’s office without any bloody trouble!” So Engie walks over to my office, takes out a paper clip, adjusts it a bit, and he starts picking the lock to my office.
“You can do that to a paper clip, Engie?” Crystal asked. “I thought they were just annoying pop ups on computers?”
“Yer work here is done, Crystal. Thank you.” Engie said.
“Ok then.” Crystal said as she starts walking out of the shop. “Maybe I should’ve used a blueberry flavored popsicle stick. I heard blueberries are lighter fruits than any other, so put that on a stick, and you have a very light stick! I guess that explains why I used a watermelon flavored stick, which was why it fell off my tongue before. Too heavy.”
Engie eventually unlocks the office door and heads inside, but once the door opens, he topples over, as he didn’t expect it to happen. He then stands up and runs over to my desk. “Alright ah’m in; where’s the safe?” Engie asked.
“It’s behind the picture frame.” Boorlie said.
“Which one? There’s a few of them in here.” Engie asked.
“Just keep searching until you find it.” Boorlie said. So Engie searched behind the picture frames on the wall, and what he mostly found was blank walls. One of the behind the picture frame areas contained a small hole leading to another room.
“What is this?” Engie asked as he looked through it. “It looks like a bathroom of some sort. Why does Flare have a hole looking at a bath- OH MAH FAUST!” Engie quickly puts the frame back into place and blushes. “What is Flare’s problem?”
“Ok it turns out the pony that was coming near the shop was just walking by, don’t worry about it.” Boorlie said. There was one more picture frame hanging on the wall – my signed picture of Jeff Gorspeed. Although little did I know that the signature was fake. Anyways, he checked behind there and there was nothing there.
“Ah can’t find the safe, Boorlie.” Engie said. “Ah looked behind all the photos and it wasn’t there.”
“That’s impossible. The schematics clearly say the safe should be right there. I don’t know why the safe isn’t there.” Just then, Engie heard a banging sound coming from the ear piece. “Hang on, somepony’s knocking on the door.” Boorlie opens the door and asks, “Yes? Can I help you?”
“Yeah do you have any toothpicks?” Crystal asked. “I think that’s even lighter than blueberry popsicle sticks.”
“Isn’t there toothpicks inside?” Boorlie asked.
“Oh… I guess I should check.” Crystal said. “Nice van, by the way! It’s like from a spy movie or something. I think certain heist movies use vans like these.”
“Are you quite finished?” Boorlie asked.
“Ooo aren’t we pushy?” Crystal complained.
“Good-bye.” Boorlie said as he closes the doors of his van, but then he opens then again and says, “Eat at Boorlie’s BBQ. Unlike Flare’s Pizza Parlor, we give you wet naps after you’re done eating. Save your trip to the bathroom so you don’t have to wash your hooves.”
“But where’s the fun in exercise if you don’t walk to the bathroom?” Crystal asked.
“Ugh! Whatever! Nevermind.” Boorlie sighs as he closes the door again and puts back on his headset so he can continue talking to Engie. “Sorry about that. Alright, so I’m not sure where that safe is.”
“Why does Flare still have this thing?” Engie asked as he was about to pick up my Jeff Gorspeed bobble head that Crystal broke back in chapter 10 of Book 2. The part of the wall that was behind the Jeff picture frame opens up and the safe has been revealed. “Ahhh!” Engie nodded. “Jeff bobble head, Jeff autograph! Ah get it!”
“Jolly good job!” Boorlie said. “Now for the hacking device.”
“Ah’m on it.” Engie said as he places the hacking device on the safe, presses a few buttons, and the device activates and starts finding the code.
“Alright, Engineer! In just a minute the safe will be unlocked. Grab the secret recipe and bring it to me. This’ll bring Flare’s Pizza Parlor to an ultimate downfall! Nothing will stop us now!” Boorlie yelled in excitement. “I’d laugh, but I don’t find this that funny.”
“45 seconds! Ah can smell the victory now!” Engie said excitement as he sniffs the air. “Smells like garlic and grease.” As Engie was tasting a sample of his victory, he took a look at one of the pictures hanging on the walls. It showed Engie and me on it. It was a picture of me grabbing Engie by the shirt and punching him in the face, but we were both smiling at the camera while we were at it. The picture right next to it shows Engie giving me a head-lock, which was making me suffocate. “What am ah doin’?” Engie asked himself.
“You’re stealing Flare’s secret recipe. Just 30 more seconds to go!” Boorlie said.
Engie started to gain some flashbacks of him and me, like the time we were fighting for an X-Wing at an auction, but together we found out it was fake. Also the time I had to go through a lot just to make Derpy’s hospital visit perfect by giving her all she wanted, and Engie helped me out so it would be a lot easier for me. Also remember the time Engie and I got sucked into a video game? We really helped eachother out there. Not to mention at Hearth’s Warming that the Noble Six and I helped Engie out with a couple of scammers pretending to be a donation institute for homeless fluffleponies. Engie and I went through a lot together, and Engie knew what he’s doing right now was just plain wrong. HA! I said it!
“Flare is mah best friend. Why am ah doin’ this?” Engie asked as he started to tear up a bit. “Ah’m not gonna do this!”
“You went through a lot already, Engineer! Don’t screw this up!” Boorlie instructed him.
“All this over a stupid hanger? Forget it! Ah’m gonna do what ah should’ve done a long time ago! Ah’m gonna stop this hacking device, and-“ Engie got interrupted as the hacker already did the job. The safe lock was broken, and the safe opens. “Oh shoot!”
“No matter! I’ll just go in there and grab the recipe myself!” Boorlie said. “Don’t try and stop me because imma comin’ in!” Boorlie hops out of his van and starts charging inside my shop. Once he runs inside, he yells, “OH BOY! Secret formula, here I- WHOA!” Boorlie yelled as he slips and falls on a pile of toothpicks. “OW!”
“Careful, Boorlie, I just spilled all the toothpicks trying to get one.” Crystal said.
“I’LL SUE YA!” Boorlie yelled. “I’ll sue ya for everything you got, and soon there after, Boorlie Pomodoro will be the most famous pizza chef in all of Equestria!”
“No you won’t sue, because you won’t remember anything.” Crystal said as she bucks him on the forehead.
“I’ll sue ya for everything you got, and soon there after, Boorlie Pomodoro will be the most famous pizza chef in all of Equestria!” Boorlie yelled. Crystal than bucks him on the forehead again, hoping he’d pass out. “Are you my mummy?” he asked as Crystal bucks him in the head a third time and he eventually passes out.
“Well then… that was certainly somethin’.” Engie said. “Glad to have you on board, Crystal! Thanks for yer help!”
“Help? With what?” Crystal asked. “I was just minding my own business, and also making sure this pony forgets about me so he doesn’t sue me.”
After a few minutes went by and everypony exits the bathroom after taking care of business. They all sickly walk out of my shop holding their stomachs. “I love this place, but I lost my appetite for this evening.” One of the customers complained. Engie drags Boorlie’s passed out body out of my shop and he throws him into the dumpster outside. Boorlie eventually comes back to his senses, rubbing his head and moaning in pain, but Engie slams the dumpster door back on him and he passes out again. “Is this a little overkill?” Engie thought to himself. “Naaaaah!”
Just then, my Wafflecopter comes by and lands in front of my shop. Blaze, Psyche, and I suddenly noticed that there was a hassle at my shop. “Uhh, what has happened here?” Psyche asked.
"Psyche, who let you in the chopper?" I asked.
“Flare!” Engie yelled as he ran over to me. “Partner! Am ah glad to see you!”
“Engie, what’s going on here?” I asked.
“Ah have so much to tell you.” Engie said.
“I’ll say! Why is there a van parked outside my shop?” I asked.
And so, that was both choices. Whichever choice you chose, they both lead up to this moment. Engie explains all that happened to me and I was quite shocked to hear his side of the story. “Holy Wizard of Feelings, man. I really drove you loco!” I said.
“Yeah well, ah drove you loco first for takin’ yer hanger.” Engie admitted. “Ah apologize, partner.”
“No, no, it’s my fault. It’s first come first serve; that’s the law of the land.” I said. “I should’ve known that before and none of this would’ve happened.”
"Or as ah call it: dibs." Engie said.
"Yeah...... dibs." I nodded.
“Ah sure caused havoc in yer shop.” Engie said.
“Yeah, well… this is going to give me bad reviews on my shop. I’m going to expect dark times ahead.” I said. “Even though Boorlie wasn’t able to steal my secret formula, he did cause my shop to make a downturn on interest rates. It’s going to take a lot to get back on track.”
“And ah’ll help you all that ah can.” Engie said.
“Thanks brah.” I said.
“So that’s it? No more fighting?” Aqua asked.
“No more fighting.” I said.
“Even though Engie took your hanger, you don’t mind?” Blaze asked.
“I do mind, but… I guess I shouldn’t let it bother me.” I said.
“Ah can share the hanger with you, Flare.” Engie said. “We’ll split the rent 50-50. We can store mah plane and your helicopter.”
“Make that rent 45-65, and I’m in!” I said.
“Who gets the 65?” Engie asked.
“You do, of course! 45’s my lucky number!” I said.
“You got point there. Deal!” Engie accepted as we both shake hooves. “Oh and there’s somethin’ else ah should do for you, partner.” Engie places his hoof on my Blessings of the Night, and the necklace begins to glow, but as he presses against it, almost all my hats collapse off my head and land all over the place, leaving only three hats on my head still.
“You can’t continue on without picking up all those hats, Flare.” Addie reminded me.
“I’ll throw a shoe at you!” I yelled at him.
“Rude.” Addie said. So I picked up all my hats, but why though? This chapter is over now! Engie now has his friendship inside my blessings necklace! Oh… well… I have one more scene to show you. Back at my trailer, I return home from work, wearing 15 hats on my head and 15 on my flank so now they’re easier to carry. I didn’t say WHERE I had to wear the hats now, did I? When I got home, Water was waiting for me and she was pretty aggregated.
“There you are, Flare!” Water said angrily.
“Hey sis!” I said. “Are you still mad that Crèmepop is sleeping on the couch?”
“I don’t think I need to answer that question.” Water said.
“Well I gave it some consideration, and you’re right. It seems a little harsh to let my special somepony sleep on my couch after asking her to live with me!” I said. “So I made my decision. Crèmepop is sleeping in my room with me.”
“Really now?” Water asked.
“These kissable lips don’t lie.” I said as I pointed to my lips.
“Well that’s great news, bro! I’m glad you’re finally going to care more about your marefriend’s feelings!” Water said excitedly.
“You got that right, sis!” I said as I winked at her. Later that night, I was in bed and I turn out the light. I then said to Crèmepop who was sleeping in my room with me. “Is this better?”
“MUCH better!” Crème nodded.
“Now you get to hear me snore all night!” I said.
“Really?” Crème asked. “Sounds hot!”
“I’m kidding, I don’t snore.” I teased.
“THANK GOODNESS!” Crème yelled in relief.
“Well, I hope you’re comfortable!” I said.
“I am! Thank you very much, Flarey!” Crème said.
“You’re welcome, Crèmey! Good night!” I said.
“Good night!” Crème said as she falls asleep on her sleeping bag on the floor. Oh, right I forgot to mention; I cancelled the marriage with Engie’s mom and she was pretty upset, but Engie helped me program her to forget, so yay for me! As for Boorlie, however, well... I hope he's not too down at the dumps today!
POW goes AppleJack as she kicks a tree in her farm, emptying the whole tree of apples, filling the buckets. “And that, mah friends, is how ya do it!” AppleJack said to us, the Noble Six.
“That doesn’t answer our question.” Engie said. “What we’re askin’ is, ‘what do you do for a livin’?”
“What do you mean what do ah do for livin’?” AppleJack asked. “It’s this! Applebuckin’ and makin’ sweet apple pies, apple tarts, apple fritters, caramel apples…”
“Caramel apples on a steek.” A caramel apple on a stick puppet added in a Spanish accent as Jeff Dunham was controlling him.
“OH MY GAAAAACKNESS!” Peanut (another puppet that’s purple and is wearing a white coat) cried out. “You and your stick problems! Why are you so obsessed with STIIIIIIIIIICKS? You take stick nightly? HAAAAA-CK!”
“My name is José Caramel Apple….. on a steek.” the caramel apple puppet said.
“José? José?! That’s not how it’s spelled weirdo! It’s Josey! I’m gonna call you Josey because that’s your real name! AAACK!” Peanut corrected him.
“Best puppeteer ever!” Crystal said.
“Si, senorita!” José said.
“Yeah, SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I SEEEEEEEEEEE you!” Peanut said.
“What are y’all doin’ anyway?” AppleJack asked. “You came here askin’ so many questions about mah life. Ah’m not gettin’ it.”
“AppleJack, apples are what makes the world go round, isn’t it?” Engie asked.
“Noooo, the world does not turn. The princesses just turn the moon and the sun around the world.” Psyche corrected him. “It would be heresy to think otherwise.”
“Would it?” Engie asked.
A cutaway shows Engie about to be burnt at the stake by Princess Celestia herself. “IT’S TRUE!” Engie cried. “The Earth travels around an axis to bring day and night! It’s a scientific fact!”
“BURN HIM!” Skyblaze yelled.
“HERCEY!” Twilight yelled.
“BLASPHOMEY!” Woodenshy yelled.
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THOSE WORDS MEAN!” Crystal yelled. The cutaway ends.
“But really, AppleJack. It’s the apple that ties Ponyville together.” Aqua said as he grabs an apple off the ground. “Sweet Apple Acres is the center of Ponyville, which is to say: center of the universe. Without this place, how would Ponyville be held?” Aqua explained as he takes a bite of the apple.
“Ah hope yer gonna pay for that, Aqua.” AppleJack said.
“Even if there’s a rotten spot on this side?” Aqua asked as he showed AppleJack the small rotten spot on the side of the apple.
“We use the rotten apples for compost, y’know.” AppleJack informed him.
“So apples? Why apples though?” Blaze asked. “What’s so special about apples that ties Ponyville together?”
“The apple is the most nutritious and delicious fruit of them all, sugarcube.” AppleJack said. “But it’s not all that. It’s the love and nurturing we put in them. You boys may not-“
“And girl.” Crystal interrupted her.
“And girl,” AppleJack added, “may not know this, but the amount of care we put in these apples is better than anything we ever held dear. Us Apple Family members think there’s magic in the apples that just puts smiles on pony’s faces even in the darkest of times.”
“I think you’re talking about Pinkie Pie.” I said.
“But the amount of care and love we put in these apples… it’s almost like a drug that it brings smiles on pony’s faces.” AppleJack said.
“It’s a drug?” Blaze asked.
“SWEET LUNA, NO!” AppleJack cried. “Ah’m just sayin’… our apples have a secret inside them that just ties all of us together. Ain’t that right, Big Mac?”
“Nnnope.” Big Mac said.
“Nope? Big Mac, you don’t agree? Wait… are you jokin’?” AppleJack asked.
“Eeeyup.” Big Mac nodded and chuckled.
“This ain’t nothin’ to joke about, sugarcube!” AppleJack yelled at him. “These apples are real serious business! Only finest apples are grown by Apple family members! Only we know the secret of the magic of their deliciousness. Well… all of us do.”
“Ah don’t know it yet.” Apple Bloom said.
“That’s cause yer not ready to learn the secret yet, Apple Bloom.” AppleJack said as she patted her head. “But no threat. You will learn the secret when the time has come.”
“But ah believe ah’m ready now!” Apple Bloom said. “Don’t worry, AppleJack, ah’m not one to spoil secrets. Mah lips are totally sealed!”
“Didn’t you tell me about the time you went into the washing machine and you-“ Crystal was about to ask, but Apple Bloom cuts her off by waving her hoof under her neck nervously. AppleJack then quickly turns back to Apple Bloom and Apple Bloom just smiles nervously at her.
“What was that about?” AppleJack asked. “What’s this about a washin’ machine?”
“How should ah know? Girl’s crazy!” Apple Bloom defended herself as she rolls her hoof near her ear while rolling her eyes.
“I sure am!” Crystal nodded. “I’m maybe even crazier than Loco Pommel!”
A cutaway shows Loco Pommel about to advertise her mattress sale. “MATTRESSES! MATTRESSES! MATTRESSES! Hola, I am Loco Pommel of Loco Pommel’s Mattress Psycho-Shack! I am acting so totally crazy right now over the low low prices I have in stock for you, amigos! ARRREBAAA! Check out this mattress with butterflies on them! Hey! Who wouldn’t want a mattress filled with the most peaceful type of animal on the planet? Or how about this mattress made of solid stone? You normal ponies may think it’s bad, but those religious nuts would go CRAAAZY for it! Oh lookie here at this mattress! It’s the mattress of the future! It massages your back, your shoulders, your legs, and it even has a little nose picker device! Something you’ll go SO TOTALLY LOCOOOOOO FOR! Also we’re having a sale on SPIKE mattresses! Perfect for popping unwanted ugliness coming from your back! And I mean this literary, you’d go to the nut house after this baby, cause as you can see… I’m wearing a straight jacket right now! THIS ISN’T EVEN A REAL COMMERICAL! I’m at a mental institution right now about to get my flank stabbed with a needle! AAAAREBAAaaaaa…” she then falls right to sleep after the doctors calm her down.
“Oh I hope my cousin gets mentally healed one day.” Coco Pommel said from outside Loco’s door. Yep! Loco Pommel is actually Coco Pommel’s identical twin cousin! Almost identical. The only difference between the two is that Loco wears a sombrero and she grew herself a mustache. Yeah, pretty loco of her huh? The cutaway ends.
“Howdy y’all!” Granny Smith said as she started walking over to us. “For all yer hard work. How about some delicious apple pie?”
“Thanks, Granny Smith! Ah could use a pie break.” AppleJack said.
“Not you! These six fine ponies!” Granny Smith corrected her.
“Nice!” Blaze said excitedly as he takes one. “Thanks, Granny Smith!”
“Yeah thanks, Granny Smith!” Engie said as he also takes one. “It’s kinda weird how ponies would name their young foal ‘Granny’.”
“Actually when ah was a youngster like y’all is, mah name was just Smith.” Granny Smith said. “But then we figured out that Smith had nothin’ to do with apples; so after Big Mac was born, ah decided to legally change mah name to Granny Smith.”
“That makes more sense to me.” Aqua nodded.
“Yeah for sure.” Psyche nodded.
“I less than three your apple pastry stuff, Granny Smith!” I said. “It makes me tolerate apples more!”
“Excuse me?” AppleJack asked as she glared at me. “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean that I LOVE her apple pastry stuff.” I said. “Sorry, I forgot that you ranch folk don’t know much about leet speak.”
“Not that.” AppleJack corrected me. “What do you mean by ‘toleratin’ our apples’?”
“Oh that. I just don’t like eating apples by themselves. There needs to be something else with it.” I explained.
“Really now?” AppleJack asked. “So if ah gave you a plain apple right now without anythin’ with it, you wouldn’t eat it?”
“Maybe if you sliced it in sixes and had caramel sauce with it then yes.” I said.
“But you wouldn’t eat a whole plain apple just like this?” AppleJack asked as she showed me a red apple on her hoof.
“No I wouldn’t.” I said. AppleJack suddenly gasps. “What?! I just don’t like apples by themselves. I mean they’re too big to bite on, it’s too juicy and sticky, and when you have to eat all the sides before going deeper towards the core, and I have to touch with my dirty hooves on the other ends of the apples, and then I’ll be going back to that end!”
“What about ya magic?” Aqua reminded me.
“My magic is for more important things like eating pizza.” I said.
“Or jelly-babies!” Psyche added.
“Exactly! Or jelly-babies!” I said.
“But, Flare? Maybe you haven’t tried an Apple family apple. Maybe apples were a lot more different back where yer from, but it’s a lot different here in Northern Equestria.” AppleJack said as she slowly moves the apple closer to my face. “Maybe if y’all can just try it, just one bite, then the sweet tasty aroma will finally reach yer taste buds and y’all would be wantin’ more and more until the day yer dust!”
“Ok first of all: AppleJack, I’m not going to turn into dust. I’m not even gonna die. I’m going to reanimate myself as a robot in the future so I can live forever, and the Noble Six are coming with it!” I said as I put my arms around Psyche and Engie.
“Ah like the side of that!” Engie nodded.
“I don’t, I wanna be with my mom.” Psyche said.
“Trust me, Psyche, if you wanted to die, you would’ve done it already.” I informed him.
“Oooooh snap!” Crystal said in shock.
“And second of all, AppleJack: I did have an Apple family apple, because as you may know, you have a relative in Mareami by the name of Applebees.” I corrected her.
“She owns a restaurant, she does not own a farm.” AppleJack corrected me. “Then where did those apples in her desserts come from? Hmm?” I asked.
“They were shipped apples.” AppleJack said. “If apples were shipped across Equestria, the sweet aroma would be gone. They’d be no better than Flim-Flam apples!”
“What-what apples?” Aqua asked.
“Look, that doesn’t matter, but Flare, ah urge you to try this!” AppleJack begged. “Try one of mah apples plain. They’re thick, juicy, and there’s seeds in it, so you know it’s fresh and not processed.”
“I don’t wanna!” I whined.
“C’mon Flare, ya don’t know what yer missin’!” AppleJack begged.
“NnnnnnnnnnNO!” I whined.
“Please, sugarcube?” AppleJack begged.
“NnnnnnnnnNO!” I whined.
“Ah’ll eat a pear if you this eat this.” AppleJack promised.
“NnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnNO!” I whined.
“There’s no use arguin’ with him, AppleJack.” Aqua said. “If ya lead a horse to water, can ya make ‘em drink?”
“Errr… if ah’m thirsty yeah.” AppleJack said. “But a better expression would be: if ya lead a horse to an apple orchard, can you make ‘em eat?”
“Potato chips, yes.” I said.
“Tator chips?!” AppleJack asked. “No, apples!”
“Why are you forcing me to eat something I don’t want to eat?” I asked. “I mean, I could eat almost anything, but an apple is just… too plain for me.”
“Well that’s just plain wrong, huh?” Engie teased.
Plus that was also the name of the last chapter!
“Don’t worry, man. If you don’t want to eat the apple, you don’t have to.” Blaze said.
“THANK YOU, BLAZE! Thank you! You see? This is why I made Blaze my best friend.” I said.
“I stood up to ya though.” Aqua reminded me.
“Yeah but only to get me to shut up.” I reminded him.
“How do ya know Blaze didn’t do that?” Aqua asked.
“I don’t, but I like him more.” I said.
“How about me, Flare?” Crystal asked.
“You’re my second favorite in the group, Crystal!” I said.
“YAY!” Crystal cheered.
AppleJack sighs. “Whatever then. Ah won’t force you to eat somethin’ you don’t want to, but yer really missin’ out, sugarcube.”
“It’s true. The Apple family apples are really something to die for.” Psyche said.
“Psyche, how many times do I have to say it? If you wanted to die, you would’ve done it already.” I reminded him.
“Can you believe this guy?” Psyche asked as Big Mac.
“Eeyup!” Big Mac nodded.
“Eeyup that you don’t believe him or eeyup that you agree with me?” Psyche asked.
“Eeyup.” Big Mac said again.
“Ok fine, whatever.” Psyche said with an attitude.
“Is this really the respect ah deserve?” Big Mac asked in his head. “All ponies do is ask me questions and all they want is some eeyup or nnope answer from me. What am ah, a votin’ machine or a pony? It’s time to stand up to what ah am! The next time somepony asks me a question, ah’m goin’ to give them somethin’ different! They just wait!”
“Hey Big Mac, ya available this afternoon?” Aqua asked. “I kinda need some assistance with a water freshener I’ve been workin’ on.”
“Baaaaaaaaaa!” Big Mac baas like a sheep.
“Huh?” Aqua asked.
“Way to go McIntosh.” Big Mac said in his head. “You made yerself sound like an idiot.”
After a little while went by, the six of us (you know which six of us I’m talking about right?) all went over to our usual hideout, which is the cider bar. Well… that’s one of our three hangouts. The other hangouts are my shop and my trailer. I got the most stuff so that’s why my trailer. Anyways, we were at the cider bar and we just finished watching a random TV show on PNT. If you’ve been wondering what PNT meant since I keep mentioning this channel, it’s called Pony National TV, which is pretty obvious. PNT and Ox are pretty much the only channels that are mentioned in this story. We should try a third one.
“We thank you for watching this TV program on PNT! Here come the end credits.” The TV announcer said. Just then, the end credits start playing on the TV.
“The credits are going way too fast. I can’t read them.” Aqua complained.
“What’s with TV shows that always seem to rush the end credits in TV shows?” Blaze asked. “Why bother having them on there if none of the viewers are barely able to read them?” Just then, the end credits of the show all move to the left and a commercial shows up on the side and a below it, it says what show is coming up next.
“Oh great! Now the credits move to the side which is directin’ our attention away from the credits even more by showin’ a commercial!” Engie complained.
“I feel sorry for those poor saps that worked hard to making this TV program and their names can’t even be known by the viewers.” Crystal said.
“Luckily we’re better than that.” Engie said.
“You know, we never bothered answering AppleJack’s question on why we were there asking about her life.” Psyche pointed out.
“The whole reason we were there was to find out the secrets of what made Apple Family apples so delicious and nitrous.” Engie said.
“But we didn’t learn anything.” Aqua reminded him.
“Actually we did learn somethin’.” Engie corrected him. “We learned that there IS actually a secret inside the apples, and maybe we should find out what.”
“Or maybe its best we don’t find out.” Aqua suggested. “I mean… what if it’s not what we expect?”
“Aqua, if we expected it, it wouldn’t be so much of a secret now, would it?” Psyche asked.
“I suppose not.” Aqua said.
“But whatever’s inside the apples, I’m sure it’s none of our business.” Blaze said. “It’s what makes the secret a secret is what makes it so good. Take Flare’s secret recipe for example.”
“Don’t bring my secret recipe into this, Blaze.” I advised him. “Apple Family apples and Flare’s pizzas are two different things. I have a secret recipe, while they have a secret that’s been grown inside the fruit.”
“You know, man, you could’ve at least tasted the plain apple.” Blaze said.
“WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO ABOUT WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?!” I yelled.
“Whoa, man! Chill, chill! I’m sorry!” Blaze said.
“Sorry about that, brah. I get so upset when other ponies just change the subject into something I don’t want to talk about.” I said.
“You do that all the time.” Engie reminded me.
“Irregardless.” I said.
“Hey what does a cop have to do to get a cider ‘round here, c’mon!” a voice complained.
“Wow, that cop over there is loud.” Crystal commented. “Kinda reminds me of the loud shushing that the librarians give to those who are too loud. SHHHHHHHHH! Shush yourself, lady! Your shushing is louder than my talking!”
“Sir, I can make a report that your bartending license has expired if you’re going to give me that attitude with me!” the cop complained to the bartender. “I am an officer of the law! I maybe new here, but I deserve the same respect!”
“That cop sounds familiar.” Psyche said.
“Yeah well, I think you sound familiar too, Psyche Illusion!” the officer turned his stool around and it was revealed to be…
“Officer Penny Nickels?!” Psyche gasped, interrupting my narration.
“Surprised to see me again?” Nickels asked.
“What are you doing here, man?” Blaze asked. “Why did Swinebutt send you this time?”
“Chill, Goldheart, I’m here on my own free will this time.” Nickels said. “I still work for that pig, but he’s not the reason why I’m here.”
“Why are ya here then?” Aqua asked.
“I need money, and since I was fired from the force at Trottingham, I decided to become an officer here in case Swinebutt wanted me to do something else.” Nickels said. “Ooooh, umm… forget I said that.”
“Yeah I was gonna say. Why tell us that?” Crystal asked.
“Well now that I’m here, I’m in charge of you all now!” Nickels said mischievously. “I can do whatever I want to you… PSYCHE!” he glares at Psyche.
“HA! So he’s joking then!” Crystal laughed.
“What?” Aqua asked.
“He’s joking. He said ‘psyche’ right after he said that, which means he was joking.” Crystal explained.
“He was actually stating my name.” Psyche corrected her.
“Oh… well at least I thought of a new prank to start on you… PSYCHE!” Crystal said.
“Were you joking or were you stating my name?” Psyche asked.
“I really don’t remember.” Crystal admitted.
“Believe me, you six! Things are going to change here majorly while I’m around!” Nickels said. “There’s a new law being cased soon, and with me as an officer of the law, I have to enforce it, and discipline those who disobey… PSYCHE!”
“Why do I have the feeling you’re stating these facts to just me personally?” Psyche asked sarcastically.
“Oh that one was a joke.” Nickels corrected him. “I can’t be too discipline. Ponyville law is much different than Trottingham law, but we have some agents from the princesses that are meeting with the mayor tonight, so starting tomorrow when the mayor makes her speech, if you are caught breaking this law, I can legally turn you in without consequence!”
“PSYCHE!” Psyche yelled.
“I wasn’t gonna say you’re name that time.” Nickels corrected him. “PSYCHE! Now then, I must return to my new officer duties. I’m back, baby! And Psyche… you won’t be able to escape me this time! I live where you live once again, so there’s no escape! Heh heeeh!” Officer Nickels walks out of the bar.
“So he did all that complaining for nothing?” the bartender asked. “I made a cider like he wanted and he just trots on outta here! I think he’s a corrupted cop.”
“You think?” Psyche asked sarcastically. “So… Officer Nickels is back. Yeah this should be interesting.”
“Wait a minute, what was he talkin’ about, a new law?” Aqua asked.
“Agents from the princesses meeting with the mayor about a new law. What new law was he talking about?” Blaze asked.
“Whatever it is, ah have the feelin’ he’s pretty pleased about it.” Engie said.
“You think it might have anything to do with what we did earlier today?” I asked. “You know… out of mere coincidence?”
“What makes you think that, man?” Blaze asked.
“Just saying, brah; whenever’s Swinebutt’s henchmen are up to something, it has something to do with us.” I said.
“Maybe it doesn’t.” Aqua said.
“Or maybe it does.” I said again. “Go ahead, Aqua, I dare you to say ‘maybe it doesn’t’ again. It’s gonna keep going back and forth until one of us stops.”
“I wasn’t goin’ to say it again, mate.” Aqua corrected me.
“Soooo what now? We’re going to wait until tomorrow during the speech meet?” Crystal asked.
“It’s the only thing we can do.” Blaze said.
“What are we going to do until then?” Crystal asked.
Engie shrugs. “Sit here… wait?”
“All night?” Crystal asked.
“Of course not all night. Don’t we sleep?” Blaze asked. Ehhh let’s stop there. I don’t want to boar you with their nonstop chatter.
It’s going to be about 13 hours for them, but for YOU… it’s going to be just a few seconds! So we move on to the next morning where the mayor calls the town to a meet in front of town hall. “I wonder why the mayor called us for this important meeting?” Rainbow Dash wondered.
“I wonder why I had to come.” Candy Cotton complained.
“Citizens of Ponyville!” Mayor Mare called out.
“You know her gray mane was dyed, right?” Spike asked me.
“Yeah sure, make her look older. That’ll help her gain a husband.” I complained.
“I am very disappointed to say that we have a new law in effect.” Mayor Mare said upsettingly. “And… I won’t blame you if you have lots of complaints about it.”
“Yeah I have a complaint. Use your regular colored mane you sell out!” Spike mumbled.
“As you may know, apples is what keeps Ponyville in balance. They are grown and harvested and served with love in baked goods by our very own Apple family.” The mayor said. “It was apples that founded Ponyville in the first place. Although, I do have some sad news about it. Apples are now-“
“THEM DARN TOOTIN, PRINCESSES HAVE LOST THEIR MINDS!” Granny Smith yelled as she marches out of town hall. “They think have the nerve to send agents down here and have them BAN apples from Ponyville?! THAT’S GAH-DOWN RIGHT OUTRAGEOUS!”
“But Granny Smith, as you may know, our scientists have discovered a strange chemical inside your apples.” One of the agents said. “This chemical is severely unhealthy for ponies.”
“What is this so-called chemical called anyway?” AppleJack asked.
“The Appleitis Chemical.” The agent said. “It can create Appleitis disease known as Appleitis. Which would mean everypony in this town would have to get checked on.”
“But what about our farm?” AppleJack asked.
“Isn’t the answer obvious?” Engie whispered to Crystal.
“No.” Crystal whispered back.
“This would mean you cannot sell apples anymore, but this won’t mean we’ll shut down your business.” The agent said. “It just means you have to resort to another type of fruit. Oranges, pears, bananas, tomatoes, and yes a tomato is a fruit.”
“But is a banana a fruit is what ah’m askin’, youngster.” Granny Smith said.
“This… this can’t be! We’ve always been the APPLE family!” AppleJack cried. “Why would the princesses do this?”
“For the sake of pony’s health, y’gotta make sacrifices.” The agent said.
“I am so sorry, Apple family.” The mayor said. “Our decision is final. Apples are now banned from Ponyville.”
“HA! She said it!” I pointed out. Even though the title is Banned IN Ponyville, not Banned FROM Ponyville.
“But mayor deary, didn’t you know that if it weren’t for our apples this town wouldn’t have been made?” Granny Smith smiley reminded her.
“I completely understand what you’re going through but these laws are not up to me.” the mayor admitted. “These agents from the princesses has explained the disastrous news to me and I just have no choice but to follow their word.”
“Without WAR?!” Granny Smith cried. “Bring out the tanks! Bring out the fighter planes! Bring out the portable radio that you carry on your back! We’re goin’ to war!”
“No, Granny, we won’t go to war.” AppleJack said. “Also we use walkie-talkies now, not portable radios.”
“Dag nabbit. Mah knowledge of dem fancy technology these days is still pretty slim to me.” Granny Smith said.
“Apple Bloom, this is no time for jokes!” AppleJack corrected her. “Our business is at risk right now, and we can no longer sell any apple products!”
“I didn’t say that. I just said you couldn’t sell apples anymore.” The mayor corrected her.
“So we can still sell apple related products?” AppleJack asked.
“I… didn’t say that either.” The mayor admitted hesitantly.
“DOES THE INCLUDE NO CIDER?!” Rainbow Dash freaked out.
“Well… no APPLE cider that is.” AppleJack said.
“But APPLE cider is my favorite cider!” Rainbow said. “What are we going to do without it?! It’s the only thing that keeps me calm!”
“Really? You calm?” AppleJack asked in a ‘I don’t believe you’ tone.
“I’m freaking out now!” Rainbow yelled.
Candy shook her head and sighed. “My sister is such a drinker. She might need therapy.”
“So are we done here? Can we go?” Engie complained.
“Oh, uhh… yeah. Meeting dismissed!” the mayor said.
“FINALLY!” Engie yelled. “Ah’ve been dyin’ to thirst for ages! Who’s up for the cider bar?”
“We can’t go to the cider bar now, remember?” Psyche reminded him. “Apples are illegal now.”
“Doesn’t the cider bar sell anythin’ other than apple cider?” Engie asked.
“Yeah but barely.” Psyche said. “We only have an apple orchard in town. It’s going to take a couple of days until another shipment of grapes or pears come in.”
“THINK OF THE CIDER!” Rainbow yelled in Psyche’s face.
“THINK ABOUT BREATH MINTS!” Psyche yelled in her face.
“Ok wow, I wasn’t trying to insult you, Psyche. Jeez louise!” Rainbow complained.
So since the cider bar wasn’t an option, we decided to go to the Ponyville Bistro for lunch. My sister Water works there so I knew for a fact that this place has terrible service. “So would any of you like to order something from our dessert menu?” Water asked.
“Sure, I could use some more transfat in mah system.” Engie said.
“Here you go, Engie!” Water said as she shows him the dessert menu which was just pudding, and nothing else. “Alllllllrighty then, ah guess ah’ll take puddin’.”
“I’m sorry; we’re all out of pudding.” Water said. “Sorry about that.”
“Well at least it’ll give me a chance to stick to mah diet.” Engie said as he takes out a candy bar and takes a bite from it.
“Can I have some apple turnovers please?” Crystal asked.
“We don’t sell those anymore, Crystal. New apple laws.” Water said.
“How about fritters?” Crystal asked.
“That’s still apple.” Water said.
“Can I have some chocolate cake then?” Crystal asked.
“Sorry, but one of the ingredients used to make our cakes is apples.” Water said. “Also didn’t you see the dessert menu? We only sell pudding now.”
“What kind of pudding?” Crystal asked.
“How should I know?” Water asked. “It’s some of sort of leftover slop from the oven grease. If you ask me, it’s more like soup than pudding.”
“Man this stinks!” Blaze complained. “A town without apples? How are we going to survive?”
“Simple! By eating at Flare’s Pizza Parlor!” I said.
“Doesn’t half of ya product have apples in them?” Aqua asked.
“I can take them out, plain and simple.” I said.
“You can do that?” Crystal asked. “You can just take ingredients out of food? It’s that simple?”
“No it’s not that simple.” I said. “I have rearrange ingredients, put in substitutes, or put in more of something or less of something. It might not taste as good, that’s for sure.”
“Well I hope you find a good enough alternative.” Officer Nickels said as he walks over to our table. “Because if you’re caught selling something apple-related, I sure am taking you doooooooown! Down to the grooooooooound! Outta tooooooown! You’ll no longer be aroooooooound! You act like such a clooooo-“
“Officer Nickels, for all do respect because you’re a cop and all, SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!” Psyche demanded.
“Oooo, insulting an officer of the law? I could turn you in for that, Psyche.” Officer Nickels said.
“Yeah, well, I know you won’t.” Psyche said.
“Yeah, I know… stupid freedom of speech laws!” Officer Nickels complained. “But you just wait! I know one of you will be craving apples soon, and when you do… oh yeah… I have some nice piece of jewelry that is chained together just for you!”
“Sounds fancy!” Crystal said.
“Would you like to try them all?” Officer Nickels asked as he shows her his hoof cuffs.
“Hey I have those at home! Thundy and I use those all the time!” Crystal pointed out. “The only difference between those and mine is that mine has fluffy pink fur on it.”
“Excuse me, dude? Are you going to order something?” Water complained to Officer Nickels. “We have a pretty tight schedule today and I don’t you standing in my way.”
“Because of your service, I’ll be giving this place a bad review on Google Reviews.” Officer Nickels said as he walked out of the bistro.
“Whatever, man. One bad review isn’t going to kill this place.” Water said.
Meanwhile over at Twilight’s library, AppleJack wanted to ask Twilight for assistance. “Ah dunno what to do, Twilight! What am ah supposed to do without mah apples?” AppleJack asked.
“I’m not sure, but it doesn’t make sense to me.” Twilight said. “There’s a chemical in your apples that makes ponies sick. Have you ever noticed the chemical?”
“That chemical is put into the soil to make the apples taste better.” AppleJack said. “The chemical is actually from zap apple trees. One day, Granny Smith tried to turn our regular apple trees into zap apples trees, but she wasn’t successful; although, the chemical did cause the regular apples to taste better. That was the magic of the apples that brought Ponyville closer together.”
“But it still doesn’t add up to why it would make ponies sick.” Twilight said. “I don’t see any proof, and until I see proof of a sick pony from apples, there’s no way I’d believe it.”
“Well what is mah family supposed to do?” AppleJack asked. “We’re now allowed to sell apples anymore so we can’t figure it out. The ponies need their apples, Twilight; everypony is gettin’ fussy already. Fussier than the time pony Trixie met human Trixie.”
A cutaway shows human Trixie going through the Universal Transport Mirror from Equestria Girls and turns into pony form. She looks at her hooves and says, “Whoa! Trixie is a strange looking horse. I wonder what other surprises the Great and Powerful Trixie would discover in this world?”
Just then, pony Trixie shows up and picks human Trixie right up. “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!” pony Trixie yelled as she threw human Trixie back into the portal. “Only ONE Great and Powerful Trixie! GOT THAT!?” Trixie warned human Trixie as pony Trixie peeks her head through the mirror. “What’s the supposed to mean? What sort of magic trickery is this?! How did you get the middle part of your... I dunno, claw, I guess, to stick up like that?” The cutaway ends.
“WE WANT APPLES! WE WANT APPLES!” ponies chanted from outside.
“See what ah mean, Twilight?” AppleJack asked. “Ah gotta get ‘em what they want! Apples is what tie us all together! Very soon… there’ll be a complete breakdown of social order! A war with all against all!”
“Don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit, AppleJack?” Twilight asked as a sink gets thrown from outside and smashes through one of Twilight’s windows. “WHOA! Ok you make a point a good point.”
“Ah was actually expectin’ a SpongeBob Movie reference, not a sink.” AppleJack said. “Anyways, ah have to find a way to sell apples again, but that new cop in town has been pretty shifty. If you ask me, ah think it’s time to…” she gulps. “…sell apples illegally.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, AppleJack.” Twilight said. “What if you’re caught? You’ll be arrested!”
“Ah never done anythin’ illegally before. This is goin’ to be pretty tough for me.” AppleJack said.
“I think I know a group of ponies that might be able to help out on your situation.” Spike suggested.
“The Noble Six?” AppleJack assumed.
“I was actually going to say the Sharks mob, but I think its best we do the Noble Six, counting that they’re not fussy over money.” Spike said.
“How do you know all this stuff about mobs?” Twilight asked.
“What do you think Flare and I talk about all the time?” Spike asked.
“I don’t think it’s a good influence on you.” Twilight assumed.
“Relax, Twilight. I’ve seen The Shining once. Nothing can bother me anymore.” Spike said.
“Never heard of that movie.” Twilight said. “Does it have something to do with my brother?”
A cutaway shows Shining Armor chopping an axe through a door as a scared pony was hiding inside the bathroom. “Heeeeeeeere’s Shining!” Shining Armor said as he laughed like a psycho. Once Shining Armor breaks the door down and jumps in front of the pony with axe, the pony screamed. “Ha! I found you!” Shining laughed.
“That was a fun game of Hide and Seek, wasn’t it?” the pony asked.
“It was, very much so!” Shining Armor nodded. The cutaway ends.
Meanwhile over at my trailer, my friends and I were all hanging out having a proper lunch since the bistro wouldn’t give us one. I know Water showed us the dessert menu but she didn’t even ask what we wanted for lunch yet! So we just returned to my trailer, and I made us all sandwiches. “This sandwich is an absolute disaster.” Engie complained. “Ah asked for oats, tomato, lettuce and swiss on whole wheat.”
“And what did you get?” Crystal asked.
“Oats, swiss, tomato, and lettuce on whole wheat.” Engie said. We all started to look at Engie very confusingly. “It’s the right ingredients, but in the wrong order! In a proper sandwich, the cheese is adjacent to the bread to create a moisture barrier against the lettuce. Might as well drag this thing through a car wash.”
“If you won’t eat it, I will.” I offered.
“Be mah guest.” Engie said as he offered the sandwich to me.
“Yippie!” I cheered in excitement as Crystal takes the sandwiches and eats it. “CRYSTAL!”
“What? At least I’m not picky about what’s on my sandwich.” Crystal said with her mouth full of sandwich. “As long as it’s delicious that’s all it matters.”
“Ya might as well take the cookies Wind Racer made.” Aqua said. “It’s delicious, but she made it wrong. She put in too much butter.”
“I heard that Smart Balance isn’t real butter which is healthier for you, and is delicious.” Psyche said.
“How about I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter?” Crystal asked.
“After the way it’s prepped, you might as well call it I Can’t Believe It’s Edible.” Psyche said. Just then the doorbell started ringing.
“I’ll get it!” Crèmepop offered as she went over to the door to open it. “HIIII AppleJack!”
“Howdy, Crèmepop! Is Flare home?” AppleJack asked.
“Lemme get him. FLARE!” Crème yelled out.
“Crème how many times do I have to tell you? I installed that security station for a reason!” I reminded her.
“That eyeball camera always gave me the creeps a bit.” AppleJack said.
“Could’ve at least asked who it was. What if it was Swinebutt?” I asked.
“Flarey, you need to relax.” Crème suggested as she massaged my shoulders. “Swinebutt isn’t ALWAYS trying to ruin your life.”
“No but I don’t know WHEN he’s trying to.” I said.
“Hey Flare, is the rest of yer friends here?” AppleJack asked.
“My friends Blaze, Aqua, Engie, and Crystal are here.” I nodded.
“What about Psyche?” AppleJack asked.
“Oh yeah, he’s here too.” I said.
“I HEARD THAT!” Psyche yelled from the lounge.
“Mind if ah come in?” AppleJack asked. “Ah need to talk to y’all.”
“Were you followed?” I asked.
“Errr… ah’m not sure.” AppleJack said.
“That’s right, you are not sure. For all you know the FDA is watching.” I said.
“It was because of the FDA that ah cannot sell apples anymore.” AppleJack said.
“Wait a minute, which FDA are you talking about?” I asked.
“The Food and Drink Association?” AppleJack asked.
“Oh I was talking about the Friendship Detection Agency.” I said. “I have a new friend that I met recently that’s part of the agency. His name is Jerry Jam.”
“Yeah Rainbow Dash told me about him; can ah come in now?” AppleJack asked.
“Oh of course, please!” I offered as I moved out of the way.
“Thanks, sugarcube.” AppleJack said as she walked into the lounge and I followed her after I closed the door.
“Hey AppleJack’s here!” Crystal said excitedly. “Since you’re not working anymore, I guess you have more free time, huh?”
“Workin’ is mah passion, Crystal.” AppleJack said. “All play and no work makes AppleJack a dull pony.”
“Are you kidding? That’d be a dream come true!” Crystal said excitedly.
“What’s goin’ on, AppleJack? What do ya need to talk to us about?” Aqua asked.
“Well with apples bein’ banned in Ponyville an’ all, ponies are gettin’ antsy.” AppleJack explained. “Apples are a symbol of what makes Ponyville how it is. No apples means no Ponyville. It was apples that founded this town, and if the townfolk can’t have their apples, they’d go on a riot! It has happened before.”
“Really?” Blaze asked.
“Really.” AppleJack nodded.
“You forgot to add a second ‘really’ there.” I pointed out.
“It happened about 10 years ago when Apple Bloom was just a newborn foal.” AppleJack said. “Big Mac an’ ah didn’t work on the farm that much before our parents left, and we didn’t take our job seriously. When Granny Smith was doin’ most of the work, that’s when her hip was still in workin’ condition, the townfolk didn’t get as much apples as they wanted and thus started a riot around the town. It was there and then that Big Mac an’ ah had to do what our destinies wanted us to do. We took our apple buckin’ work seriously, and gave the ponies as much apples as they desired, so Ponyville wouldn’t have to go through another riot ever again.” Oh I forgot to mention, when AppleJack was explaining that story, there were little drawings of the flashback. So read that again but imagine crayon drawings of all that AppleJack explained. “So you see why we need apples in this town?”
“If it weren’t for apples, we wouldn’t be eatin’ these sloppy sandwiches.” Engie complained.
“So now ah kinda need yer help.” AppleJack said. “Since y’all are pretty good at preformin’ illegal duties, ah thought that-“
“WHOA! Where did you get that from?!” I yelled.
“A majority of us barely did anything illegal.” Blaze said. “Well… almost all of us.”
“Are you referencing me, Blaze?” Psyche asked.
“Well, Psyche, if ya done illegal things in yer past, maybe you can help.” AppleJack suggested.
“It was because of illegal things that I ended up here in Ponyville in the first place.” Psyche said. “Since I lost my mom I had to take care of myself, and I could only perform illegal duties to pay for my college education because that’s all I was able to do before I got my PH.D, and Trottingham’s economy wasn’t so good, might I add. Also, not to mention, my old parole officer is now a police officer here in Ponyville! If he catches me doing this, I can go to jail without hesitation!”
“Ah know it’s a lot to ask for, but if you do get caught, ah promise to pay for yer bail.” AppleJack promised as she takes off her hat and leans it on her chest. “Ah just really need yer expertise, sugarcube. Not for me and mah family, but for the citizens of Ponyville. It’s just advice that ah need, ya don’t have to be a part of it.”
Psyche paused for a minute and thought it over. He eventually said, “Well if you want my advice, what if we made up a new club in town?”
“What kind of club?” AppleJack asked.
“The Anti-Apple Club, or AA Club for short.” Psyche said.
“Ok how is that supposed to help me?” AppleJack asked.
“I get what he’s saying, AppleJack.” I said. “We’re going to make a club that rallies against apples, BUT… during the club meets it’ll be nothing BUT eating apples. We can host it in town hall and everypony is invited!”
“As long as they don’t tell on us.” Crystal said.
“Ponyville is a trustworthy community.” Aqua said. “I doubt anypony would go through and tell on it.”
“Well if they do, we’d need a backup.” Engie said. “What if some of us become spies- SPAH WHERE?!”
“I get what yer sayin’, Engie.” AppleJack nodded. “Mah family and ah can keep an eye on things, make sure nopony eavesdrops or reports to the police.”
“And if they do, we can hide all the apple products and disguise it into the AA Club.” I added. “Once the cops leave, we can go back to having apples products.”
“Ah’m really lovin’ this idea.” AppleJack nodded.
“I hear you, sista!” Crystal said. “Sometimes it feels good to be bad, doesn’t it?”
“It’s not that; it’s givin’ the townfolk what they desire most.” AppleJack said. “And if savin’ the town means breakin’ the town law, sometimes you gotta make sacrifices.”
“Exactly!” I said.
“But you think the mayor is going to agree on this?” Blaze asked.
“Ah’m not a hundred percent sure.” AppleJack said. “But the mayor would do anythin’ that’s right.”
“But she could be loyal to the town law, you gotta remember that.” Blaze reminded her.
“That’s why ah’m not goin’ to tell her.” AppleJack said. “Ah’m just goin’ to tell her about the AA Club, and hopefully she’ll leave the office for it.”
“Well as a wise monkey once said to me: if life gives you lemons, make orange juice and then make everypony wonder why!” I said.
“What kind of monkey told you this, man?” Blaze asked.
“Do not question the monkey! The monkey knows all! The power of the monkey compels you!” I yelled. “Also the power of polka does too.”
So AppleJack went over to Town Hall, and Twilight and Spike went with her to help convince the mayor to use town hall for AA meetings. “An Anti-Apple club?” the mayor asked. “I don’t know, are you sure about this, AppleJack?”
“It’s the only way to avoid any riots.” AppleJack said. “It’ll work best for the town. Ah can assure you that.”
“And then we can use the club to eat apple-related foods behind the police’s back.” Spike added.
“Shhh!” Twilight shushed him.
“What? I wasn’t supposed to say it?” Spike asked.
“NO!” AppleJack corrected him.
“Not my fault. You didn’t tell me a thing before this meet.” Spike reminded her.
“So you’re trying to break the town law by using an Anti-Apple Club as a front to eat apples?” the mayor asked.
“Ah know it sounds crazy and not like me, but the ponies in Ponyville need their apples.” AppleJack said. “Ah do not believe this chemical would be able to make ponies sick.”
“That’s what the Cakes said before selling those brownies.” Spike informed her.
“You’re not helping!” Twilight whispered to Spike.
“Neither are you.” Spike reminded her.
“And I do not believe your apples are bad either, AppleJack.” The mayor admitted. “I’ve been craving one of your apples since this morning. I think using an AA Club would be a wonderful idea!”
“You really think so?” AppleJack asked.
“But we’ll need to think of a plan though. If the princesses or the food FDA find out about this, I could be removed from office.” The mayor said.
“Don’t worry, mayor; we’re way ahead of ya!” AppleJack said. “Twilight here has a few strategies on how this would work.”
“Does she now?” the mayor asked.
“So what we’re going to do is host this club once every couple of nights.” Twilight said. “We’re going to be selling some apple-related products during each meet; therefore, everypony will be happy enough, but if there’s any reason any spies would be among us, we’ll be assigning a team to get on that, and if there’s any reason we have to clean up before unwanted visitors arrive, we’ll be notified before they’re even close.”
“Ah know it’s a big risk, but Ponyville needs this!” AppleJack said. “For sake of Ponyville, ah’m willin’ to do whatever it takes.”
“Then I guess we should send out some ‘Anti-Apple Club’ fliers to the town and let them know what’s going down.” The mayor said.
“I’m already right on it!” Spike said with a bunch of fliers.
“Then starting tonight, the Anti-Apple Club shall commence!” the mayor said. So with the help of some volunteers, AppleJack was able to send out some fliers to the town about the new club meet happening tonight. Rainbow Dash throws out fliers all over town.
“Calling all ponies! Anti-Apple Club is commencing tonight! Something you wouldn’t wanna miss!” Rainbow Dash yelled out.
“But isn’t what apples what keeps us together?” Noteworthy asked.
“No, friendship keeps us together, but apples help!” Rainbow said. “And together with the power of friendship, you wouldn’t have to worry about being appleless again!”
“Sounds like fun! I’m in!” Noteworthy said.
“And so am I!” Spark Note said.
“I’d come if there’s food.” Mynx said.
“Oh there will be PLENTY of food, dude! Believe me on that!” Rainbow winks at him.
“HE’S MINE!” Spark Note yelled as she threw shoe at Rainbow.
“Excuse me, miss?” Officer Nickels called out for Rainbow. “Are you responsible for these Anti-Apple Club fliers?”
“I didn’t make them; I’m just passing them out. Impressive, am I right?” Rainbow asked.
“Young mare, littering in the streets is a crime.” Officer Nickels said as he began writing a ticket for her.
“Oh c’mon, man!” Rainbow complained. “I just paid off my last ticket for speeding! I didn’t even think there was a speed limit for flying!”
“Hey, learn something new every day, am I right?” Officer Nickels reminded her as he gives her the ticket.
“He’s got a point there!” Derpy said.
“The AA Club starts tonight if you’re interested.” Psyche said as he gives Adventure Blade a flier.
“Yeah I don’t have a drinking problem.” Addie said.
“Come and join the AA Club! We have cookies!” Crystal offered as she passes out some fliers.
“See, that’s the second time you did that.” Darth Vader complained.
“So what does AA stand for? Antsy astronauts?” Pinkie asked.
“No.” Blaze said.
“Auntie Angie?” Pinkie asked.
Blaze sighs. “No.”
“Anthro art?” Pinkie asked.
“Ew, no!” Blaze said.
“Ew?” Pinkie asked. “Anthro art is super doper exciting! Imagine an animal-pony half-bread! They should call the group of folks that like that sort of thing a name of their own. What kind of name would work in this situation?”
“Ah really appreciate y’all in helpin’ me out.” AppleJack said to me. “You Noble Six folk really know what you’re doin’!”
“This is the very first time we know what we’re doing to be exact.” I said.
“Ah wouldn’t be surprised.” AppleJack said.
“Eeyup.” Big Mac nodded.
“So whatcha writin’ on that notebook?” AppleJack asked as she notices that I’m writing down something on the notebook I was holding.
“Actually I’m drawing something.” I corrected her.
“Can ah see?” AppleJack asked.
“Normally I don’t share, but be my guest.” I said as I showed her what I was drawing.
“It’s nothin’. It’s just a blank sheet of paper.” AppleJack said.
“I know! It’s Apple Bloom’s cutie mark!” I whispered and I chuckled.
“Whoa, sugarcube! That’s just low.” AppleJack said.
“I’m sorry, but everyone else thought it was funny!” I said as I continued laughing.
“What’s so funny?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Oh you know… things.” I shrugged in embarrassment. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
“What kind of things?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Oh you know… things that might be insultin’ to certain ponies?” I said.
“What kind of things?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Don’t do it!” AppleJack whispered to me angrily.
“On how much of a loser Psyche is.” I said.
“Oooooooh!” Apple Bloom nodded. “Ok, ah’m down with that!”
“Nice choice, Bloomie!” I winked at her.
“Hey Psyche!” Apple Bloom called out as she ran over to his direction.
“Umm… that was kind of a bad influence on her, Flare.” AppleJack said.
“Hey it’s better than hurting her feelings right?” I asked.
“That is true.” AppleJack agreed. “But still, ah can’t wait until our first meeting. Ah just hope this whole thing works.”
“Did you know before I moved to Ponyville this was when I took events seriously?” I asked. “Back at home I would’ve just not bothered and just sat around and playing video games all day.”
“Ah mean if it doesn’t work?” AppleJack asked.
“Nothing but video games.” I said.
“But it has to work. The fate of Ponyville is in our hooves.” AppleJack said.
“I wouldn’ve gotten 100% competition on all the 3D Era GTA games unless I sat at home all day playing them.” I said.
“If we didn’t have this club though, mah family business would probably go out of business and Ponyville would be in havoc!” AppleJack freaked out.
“I wouldn’ve finished Oblivion either.” I said.
“Do you two realize you’re talking about two different things?” Psyche asked.
“No ah didn’t. Ah was just too focused on the task at hoof.” AppleJack said.
“I knew; I just wasn’t interested in what AppleJack was talking about.” I said.
“Well all the fliers have been passed out. We’re going to have a lot of ponies tonight, AppleJack. I can tell!” Psyche said.
“Great work, sugarcube! Then we must make preparations.” AppleJack said.
“By preparations do you mean just place chairs around town hall?” I asked.
“Exactly!” AppleJack said.
“Setting up the chairs: the most boring job ever.” I complained.
Later that night it was time for the first meet of the Anti-Apple club. As everypony was coming inside, Big Mac was guarding the door, making sure the ponies coming inside can be trusted. “Hello! Does this club serve any crumpets?” Boorlie Pomodoro asked.
“Nnnope.” Big Mac said.
“Well that’s just silly.” Boorlie said. “All clubs need to serve crumpets! I already don’t like it.”
“Name?” Big Mac asked as the next pony in line.
“Rainbow Dash! You know me.” Rainbow reminded him. “What do I need to be on the list to come inside even though I helped FORM this club?”
“Eeyup.” Big Mac said.
“Ugh!” Rainbow groaned. “Am I on the list though?”
“Umm…” Big Mac checked the list. “Nnnope.”
“WHAT?!” Rainbow yelled.
“Oh wait… eeyup.” Big Mac said as he looked at the paper on the clipboard bellow the one he was looking at.
“Is that thing in alphabetical order?” Rainbow asked.
“Eeyup.” Big Mac said.
“It should be by last names, because then I’d be near the top!” Rainbow said.
Inside town hall, everypony was gathering around and sitting down in the chairs in front of the stage. Everypony was chatting it up with eachother in concern. “An Anti-Apple club; are you sure this a good idea?” a random pony asked the pony next to him.
“Who are you?” the pony the next seat over asked.
“Hello everypony!” Mayor Mare said on stage. “And welcome to the first meeting of the Anti-Apple club! Please welcome the number one pony that saved Ponyville multiple times and yet everypony seems to like the cross-eyed pony better: AppleJack!” Everypony clops their hooves as AppleJack walks up on stage.
“Howdy everypony!” AppleJack said. “Now we’re all here for reasons. We’re here because apples have become sins in our fine town, and yes, ah know what mah family lives for is apples, but ah’d sacrifice all that for the will of the town and its ponies. That’s what ah live for. Ah’d to anythin’ to assist the town in curin’ everypony’s addiction to apples, and so ah created the Anti-Apple Club.”
Psyche suddenly coughs and says, “Bologna!”
“Gesundheit.” I said.
“I was coughing.” Psyche corrected me.
“Gesundheit.” I said again.
“Ah hope this club won’t be too hard for y’all.” AppleJack said. “Ah promise ah’ll do what ah can to help y’all out. Now to start off our meetin’, we shall testify and talk about how apples made us who we are today. Who will be first?” Engie raised his hoof. “Yes, Engineer!”
“Where’s the food that was promised?” Engie asked.
“We’ll get to that.” AppleJack said. “Now who would like to actually testify?”
“Testify? Why testify? We weren’t forced to come here by law!” one of the ponies complained.
“Well ah’ll tell y’all why ah’m here.” AppleJack said. “Ah’m here because ah realized apples have been makin’ ponies sick. Ah didn’t want that to happen. That’s why ah stopped. Now, will anypony else testify?”
“Well apples are nice and thick and juicy!” Pinkie said as her mouth started to water. “You can make baked goods from them, they come in all sorts of pretty colors, and you can even turn it into a game that’s so totally FUN! Just dump your head in a tub full of water and picking apples one by one! I have them all the time at my parties!”
“Ummm, thank you, Pinkie Pie, but… err… we’re testifying against apples not with.” AppleJack corrected her.
“Oooooooh!” Pinkie nodded. “Well then I got nothing!”
“C’mon does anypony have any reason why apples are bad?” AppleJack asked. “Huh? Anypony?”
“I once had a rotten apple.” Aqua said.
“Really now?” AppleJack asked.
“But that’s only because I left it outside for too long, not realizin’ it was drawin’ ants.” Aqua said.
“Ok then, umm, thank you, Aqua! Anypony else have anythin’?” AppleJack asked. “No? Nopony? Well good! Because yer right! There is no reason to think apples are bad!” Everypony in the room got confused. “Do y’all really wanna know why ah made this club? Ah never thought apples would get ponies sick! It’s all a lie! The real reason ah made this club was to serve our delicious apple family products to all of you without the cops noticin’. Ah know it seems wrong, but how would Ponyville do without apples?”
“She makes a very good point.” Crystal said.
“Exactly!” AppleJack said. “Now please, everypony… help yourselves!” Big Mac then suddenly pushes out some sort of very wide cart with a giant rag covering. Afterwards, Apple Bloom removes the giant rag covering the buffet revealing all the different apple products that the Apple family wants to serve to the ponies in the club. “Just don’t tell ANYPONY outside this club about all this and it’s all yours!” Everypony in the room cheered in excitement and then everypony was helping themselves into some hor d’oeurves, and by that I mean apple products. Everypony was having a real good time and are finally settling down, not wanting to riot anymore. “This Anti-Apple Club was certainly not what I expected!” Berry Punch said. “I can enjoy all the apple products I want!”
“It’s not an Anti-Apple club, it’s an Amazing-Apple club!” Sassaflash said excitedly.
“I hate it when posters lie to me.” Lightning Bolt complained.
“But hey, this was a good lie, right?” Berry Punch asked.
“Still a lie; I don’t trust this club.” Lightning Bolt said suspiciously as she starts scoffing herself at the buffet.
“It’s workin’!” AppleJack said excitedly. “This place is gettin’ packed and everypony seems either confused or really happy, but still… at least they’re not rioting!”
“You lied to us, AppleJack.” Lightning Bolt said angrily as she talks with her mouth full. “Why do they call you the Element of Honesty if- oh GOODNESS this apple turnover is good! Why do they call you the Element of Honesty if-“ she suddenly burps. “Excuse me. Why do they call you the Element of- ah forget it. I’m eating apples again and that’s all that matters! Well done, AppleJack!”
“Much appreciated!” AppleJack said.
“Ah’m proud of you, dear!” Granny Smith said as she lays her hoof on AppleJack’s face. “You brought back confidence to these ponies and we’re finally back in business!”
“Ah couldn’t have done it without mah friends, Granny Smith.” AppleJack said. “Even though we’re breakin’ the law right now, ah gotta admit… it feels good to be bad!”
“You got that right, sister!” Rainbow Dash said excitedly as she sister-hooves her.
“Also, Granny, ah think it’s safe for you to put yer hoof off mah face now.” AppleJack requested.
“Ah was tryin’ to, but it’s stuck.” Granny Smith said as her hoof sticks onto AppleJack’s face. “Note to self: never eat apple pie with yer hooves. Always eat pie properly: stuffin’ yer face inside it.”
“Hey AppleJack, good job with the club, but I’m getting a little worried about Officer Nickels. What if he finds out?” Psyche asked.
“Ah’m sure he won’t.” AppleJack said. “Like you said, at this time he’s always on his donut ‘n coffee break.”
“Yeah I did, but Officer Nickels is kinda chubby, isn’t he?” Psyche asked.
“How should ah know? You Noble Six fellas know him better than we do.” AppleJack reminded him.
“Uh, AppleJack? What about the smells?” Blaze asked. “You think anypony outside the town hall would smell the sweet apple stuff we make?”
“Look, ah can assure y’all that nopony’s goin’ to catch us doin’ anythin’.” AppleJack said. “The mayor has dismissed all town police for the evening. If they know best, they wouldn’t break her rule. Mayor, you DID dismiss all police officers, right?”
“I wouldn’t be a pony of my word if I didn’t.” the mayor said.
Meanwhile outside town hall, Officer Nickels was loitering in front of the Hayburger joint, making sure ponies don’t sneak out with hooves full of napkins. “HEY!” Officer Nickels stopped Lucky Clover. “Those aren’t yours! Those are the restaurant’s napkins! Put them back!” Lucky Clover just gave him an embarrassing smile and walked back inside, putting the napkins back. “And don’t let me catch you stealing straws either!”
“Excuse me, officer?” Boorlie asked Officer Nickels. “Does this place sell crumpets?”
“You’re a long way from home, buddy.” Officer Nickels said.
“Where I’m from, police officers had cool helmets.” Boorlie said.
“Am I not cool enough?” Officer Nickels asked. “I say you’d look cooler with twin bracelets chained together!”
“Whoa, no need to go all defensive on me!” Boorlie complained. “I’m just looking for a place that sells bloody crumpets. That Anti-Apple club hasn’t been serving any, but they obviously have something good in there.”
“Really now?” Officer Nickels asked curiously.
“Smells like they have delicious sweets in there, but nowhere as good as the crumpet.” Boorlie said.
Officer Nickels starts to chuckle and nod mischievously; “Thanks for your info, citizen! I’ll be sure to check that place out!”
“Hey have we met before?” Boorlie asked.
“I don’t think so.” Officer Nickels said.
“Alright then… tally ho, good chap!” Boorlie said as he walks away.
“Oh yes, good chap! Tally-ho!” Officer Nickels said mischievously. “I wish you luck in finding your crumpets. I have a club to crash! I hope they know whom they’re dealing with! Ponies who say that always gets poor saps to listen to them!”
A cutaway shows a random pony walking into a restaurant. The server said, “Hello, sir, and welcome! It’s about a 15-20 minute wait. May I have your name?”
“Do you know who I am?” the customer asked.
“O-of course, sir, w-we’ll sit you down right away.” The server said nervously. After the customer was done eating, the same server gives the customer a bill and said, “I hope you enjoyed your meal, sir. Here’s your check.”
“Do you know who I am?” the customer asked again.
“O-of course, sir, i-it’s on the house.” The server insisted as he nervously takes the check and walks away.
“Will anypony not help me out with my amnesia?” the customer asked upsettingly. The cutaway ends.
Back at town hall, Spike was stuffing his face over at the buffet. Does anypony bother pointing that out? Of course, Rainbow Dash does! “Uh, Spike? What are you doing?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Nothing.” Spike said with his mouth full.
“Save some for the rest of us, buddy.” Rainbow instructed him.
“But they’re good! Please don’t tell me you don’t agree!” Spike complained.
“But even as awesome individuals like ourselves, we do have standards.” Rainbow said.
“Really?” Spike asked.
“Yes, really!” Rainbow said as she turns the valve on top of the apple cider faucet and she starts gulping down the cider from the faucet. “We do have standards.” She said as she continues gulping down all the cider from the barrel. “GOSH! This cider is so good! Now, Spike, quit hogging all the buffet food, alright?”
Spike sighs and shakes his head. “And I still can’t believe I became you in the past.”
“Any trouble, deary?” Granny Smith asked her favorite granddaughter.
“Nope! Everythin’ still a-okay!” AppleJack said.
“Ah was actually talkin’ to Apple Bloom, but ehh.” Granny Smith shrugged.
“Bein’ criminals are fun!” Apple Bloom said excitedly.
“No yer not gettin’ a cutie mark in bein’ a criminal.” AppleJack said. “In fact, this whole ordeal is a bad influence on you.”
“Uhh, ah know that.” Apple Bloom said. “Ah just said this was fun; ah didn’t say ah wanted this to be mah destiny. Ah’m desperate, but not THAT desperate!”
“Ah’m proud of yer positive outlook, Apple Bloom!” AppleJack said. Just then, Big Mac shows up and whispers in AppleJack’s ear. “Huh? Really now? Ok, we’ll get ready.”
“What’s going on, AppleJack?” I asked. “Did Big Mac tell you that it’s annoying when other ponies keep calling cinnamon rolls ‘orange danishes’?”
“No he told me that this morning, and ah agree it is annoyin’.” AppleJack said. “Big Mac said he saw Officer Penny Nickels heading this way.” Everypony in the room immediately stops talking, eating, and stuffing faces in cider barrels and letting the cider just spray on top of their heads, and pretty much just stops everything they’re doing.
“Well there’s nothing to worry about! We know the drill!” I said.
“We do?” a random pony in the crowd asked.
“Yeah don’t you?” I asked.
“We didn’t tell them the drill.” Psyche reminded me.
“Well this isn’t a drill, brah; somepony uninvited is coming and all we need to do is hide everything. Fellow AA Club members – TRANSFORM!” I yelled as I flipped a giant switch on the wall which made the floor below the buffet table descended into underground and then another floor closed and took its place. All the posters on the wall that showed positive apple related enthusiasm, and the wall the posters were on turn around and showed anti-apple related banners, as well as a giant cross with our lord and savoir Queen Faust on them. I quickly put on a priest robe and ran up to the speech table on the stage. All the Apple family members hid in a back room, and then Blaze and Crystal started spraying the room with fresh scent to get the apple scent out of the air, and Engie was throwing garbage everywhere to remove the scent even more. It did help hide the apple smell, but… well you know.
Officer Nickels bursts through the town hall doors and yelled, “Alright! You’re busted now! What’s going on here?!”
“Shhh!” Psyche shushed Officer Nickels. “Flare is about to start.”
“We are gathered here tonight fellow AA members to talk about the greatest temptation disharmony ever created.....” I started as I placed an apple on the speech table and then I smash it with a giant mallet. “APPLES!”
“Oooooo.” The crowd starts singing in a choir style.
“Ms. Apple.” I sang.
“Ms. Apple.” The crowd sang.
“Ms. Apple.” I sang. “Ms. A-double P-L-Eeeeeee…”
Rainbow Dash and Spike both suddenly sing, “That spells A-PPLLLLE!” Spike starts playing a piano and Rainbow starts pounding on a tambourine as we start to get a little upbeat.
I start to sing, “You will wind up pitied, by the fool if you mess with Ms. Apple!”
“Don’t mess with Ms. Apple!” Rainbow and Spike both sang.
“Don’t mess with Ms. Apple!” the crowd sang out of Officer Nickels’ curiosity.
Just then a couple of ponies stood behind me carrying posters with letters on them, and then they raise them in the air as I spell ‘apple’. “Don’t mess with A-double P-L-E. If you feel so big they thought you died!” Blaze wanders up stage when the letter poster ponies dance off, and Blaze starts shaking around pretending to have a heart attack and then he falls into my arms. “You’ll feel better once you, testified!”
“Testified!” the crowd sang.
“Ooooh yeah!” Rainbow sang.
“Testified!” the crowd sang.
“I wanna testify! I wanna testify!” Rainbow volunteered.
“Well then cleanse yourself, my child! Cleanse yourself!” I instructed her.
“One time I was doing spins and tricks up in the sky, and the Wonderbolt Captain Spitfire was pretty impressed by then.” Rainbow Dash explained. “She said she was going to give me an invitation to the Wonderbolt Academy the week after, but the week after I took a bite of apple pie and I was so sick I never made it out of the ground.”
“Who’s to blame?” I sang.
“Who’s to blame?” the crowd sang.
“What’s her name?” I sang.
“We know her name,” the crowd sang, “her name is: Ms. Apple, Ms. Apple! Ms. A-double P-L-E, don’t be a fool!” the crowd started to come up and dance. “It will corrupt you down, to your soul if you, mess with Ms. Apple!”
I played a trumpet and continued to sing; “If your gut feels like it’s, two miles wide!”
“Well come forward dear brother and testify!” I instructed him.
“Ah used to be an orange pony, then ah switched to the apple.” Engie explained. “Now ah don’t leave my house and ah watched every TV show ever. You name a show, ah seen it.”
“Battletoads!” a pony in the crowd shouted.
“Seen it.” Engie said.
“Game of Thrones!” another pony in the crowd shouted.
“Seen it.” Engie said.
“Sam and Cat!” yet another pony in the crowd shouted.
“Seen it.” Engie said.
“The new SpongeBobs!” yet, yet another pony in the crowd shouted.
“Definitely seen it.” Engie said.
“That’s a shame!” I sang.
“What a shame!” the crowd sang.
“Who’s to blame?” I sang.
“We know her name,” the crowd sang, “her name is: Ms. Apple, Ms. Apple! Ms. A-double P-L-E, don’t be a fool! You will lose your focus on, a game of pool if you, mess with Ms. Apple! If you feel so big they, thought you died. You’ll feel better once you testify! Testify! Testify! Testify!”
“This mare wants to testify!” Mayor Mare volunteers Derpy.
“Very well, my child! Let us put her on the path to righteousness!” I instructed her.
“This poor mare used to have eyes looking straight ahead,” the mayor explained, “but after years of eating she can only move her eyelids farther away from eachother. Like at one time she used to read sentences in order, fly south to retrieve the birds, and be able to tell marshmallows from white lighters, but thanks to that poison fruit, it's all changed! Which way to the bathroom, Ditzy?”
“Over there!” Derpy points left.
“We don’t even have a bathroom here!” the mayor added.
Next, Spike shows everypony a flip chart containing a mcintosh apple, and then a pony choking on seeds, and finally, the pony wears a ski-mask and robs a store. Spike then sang, “Now mcintosh makes a pony cough, and leads to a life of crime!”
“YEAH!” the crowd shouted.
“Golden delicious makes you smell like fish, and you cash in before your time!” Rainbow sings as Derpy as eats a golden delicious apple and then suddenly a gravestone falls on her.
“YEAH!” the crowd (mainly including Bulk Biceps) shouted.
“Granny Smith put you in a spin, till you don’t even know your name!” Blaze sang as he spins a torture wheel with Engie strapped on it as he eats a granny smith apple.
“YEAH!” the crowd shouts.
“You’re a basket case, flat on your face, and there’s only one pony to blame!” I sang. “Ms. Apple!”
“A-double P-L-E!” the crowd sang.
“Ms. Apple!” I sang as the crowd sang with me. “Ms. A double-P-L-E, don’t be a fool! You will wind up pitied, by the fool if you mess with Ms. Apple!”
“Don’t mess with Ms. Apple!” the crowd sang.
“Oh Ms. Apple!” I sang.
“Don’t mess with Ms. Apple!” the crowd sang.
“Oh Ms. Apple!” I sang.
“Don’t mess with Ms. Appllllllle!” the crowd sang.
The instrumental stopped as Spike walked up stage with a microphone on his grip and he sang in a deep voice, “Don’t mess with A double-P-L-E, cause that spells apple, and you’re gonna be fooled by Mi-is Appllllllle!”
“Ooooooo yeeeeeeeah!” the crowd sang.
“Don’t mess around with Ms. Apple!” Spike sang.
The instrumental starts again as the crowd sings, “Don’t mess with Ms. Apple!”
“That’s what we said now!” Rainbow Dash sang.
“Don’t mess with Ms. Apple!” the crowd sang.
“Oh Ms. Apple!” I sang.
“Don’t mess with Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiss Aaaaaaaaaaaaa-ppppppppple!” the crowd sang. “Oh Ms. Apple! Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, aah-aah-aah-aah-aah-aaaaaah, oh Ms. Applllllle! Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, aah-aah-aah-aah-aah- YEAH!” the song concludes there.
“Well then,” Officer Nickels said surprisingly, “I am quite surprised to see what has happened here. It turns out there’s no crime here… unfortunately.” Officer Nickels glares at Psyche. “I am glad all of you are taking this club seriously. I am quite impressed, but… looks aren’t everything.” Officer Nickels then suddenly turns around and exits town hall. Once he left, everypony starts cheering and I flip the giant switch again, and all the apple lovin’ is back in the building!
“Let’s hope we don’t see Mr. Money come here again.” I teased.
“You got that right!” Psyche said excitedly.
“Well done, sugarcubes! You sure fooled him!” AppleJack said. “Just as soon as Twilight finds proof of nothin’ wrong within our apples, we’ll have them legalized again in no time!”
“Oh that’s where Twilight is?” Spike asked. “I was wondering where she was, and it’s funny because I’m usually the first one to know what Twilight’s doing.”
“She’s lookin’ for proof of there bein’ nothin’ wrong with our apples.” AppleJack said. “Give her a couple of days, and by then, Sweet Apple Acres will be back in business!”
“Since when was it out of business in the first place?” I asked. “They just banned apples; they didn’t shut down your business.” And so, for the rest of the meet, we ate apple-related foods, and after an hour or so, everything was finished so there was no other reason for being there. I had to get out of there quickly because I didn’t want to volunteer to help clean up. Besides, Crèmey and Water need me at home. Perhaps I should’ve gone to the cider bar after because I had to clean up my kitchen anyway after they tried to make a cake for me. It was a delicious cake, and I was touched, but me cleaning up after them takes it away.
The next day came and Crèmepop made me a nice big breakfast! She learned all she knows from me! I was quite impressed! “Flareeeey! Breakfast is readyyyyy!” Crème called out. Now usually I head out there and eat with no problem, but today was different. I didn’t come out at all. “Flare! C’mon! Your breakfast is getting cold!” I still didn’t respond. So Crème walked over to my room to check on me. When she got inside, I was moaning and groaning as I just laid there. “Flare, what’s wrong?”
“I’m feeling a little under the weather today, Crèmey.” I admitted. “I think I have to take today off.”
Crème feels my forehead, but then she takes it away quickly in pain. “Ouch! Your head is burning!”
“Can you sing me Soft Dalek?” I asked.
“Sure, but I made you a nice big breakfast.” Crème said.
“What?!” I shouted. “Well why didn’t you say so?” I painfully climbed out of bed and started limping to the kitchen as I held my stomach.
“Wait, Flare! You can’t eat the breakfast!” Crème stopped me. “You’re sick.”
“I know, but I hate wasting food even more.” I said.
“Don’t make yourself even sicker, please?” Crème begged.
“But I hate wasting food! Besides, YOU made it, so it shouldn’t make me sicker.” I said.
“Awww.” Crème said as she blushed. “That is so sweet! I mean I know it’s untrue and you’re probably going to be doing number four all over the kitchen table, but I’m lucky to have you Flarey!”
Meanwhile at Aqua’s house, Aqua was doing number four all over his bathroom. “Bro, you alright?” Wind Racer asked as she knocked on the door.
“No, I feel like complete garbage.” Aqua said.
“You want me to get you a gingle ale?” Wind Racer asked.
“Please.” Aqua requested.
“Which kind; Canada Dry, Seagrams, or Schwepps?” Wind Racer asked. “Heh! Schwepps! Such a funny word!”
“Does it matter what kind ya get me?” Aqua asked. “They’re all the same.”
“I’ll just get Schwepps because it’s like a… such a funny word to say! Schwepps! Schwepps! Schwepps!” Wind Racer said as she skips off to get it.
“Great. She’s gonna say ‘Schwepps’ all day.” Aqua complained. “Actually… she’s right, it is a funny word.”
Meanwhile outside Ponyville, almost everypony was feeling ill. Crystal was crawling on the ground mumbling to herself, “So… ill… gotta… get… crackers! Oh how long until I get to the local shop?”
“You’re inside it right now.” the store owner with an Indian accent corrected her. “In fact, you came here twice earlier today to get crackers. Where do they keep going?”
“Crackers just so GOOD!” Crystal said. “Also I love sliding myself on this floor, you clean it up so well!”
“I’m glad you like it; my pet camel does a great job!” the Indianan store owner said as Crystal sees a camel using it’s tongue to clean the floors of the shop as it slides from isle to isle.
“They say camel salvia has fewer germs than ponies, and yet camels live the ground more.” Crystal said.
“I think you’re thinking of dogs.” The store owner corrected her.
“I thought the ones that spit were the dogs?” Crystal asked.
“Actually, it is a fact that camels do not spit out of abuse. Many are trained not to spit.” The store owner explained.
“I wasn’t talking about camels, I was talking about dogs.” Crystal corrected him.
“Well you better get out of here while you can.” The store owner suggested. “Once my camel finds out that it’s Wednesday, you’ll be- wait, NO!”
“WOO WOOP!” the camel chanted. “Guess what day it is?!”
Out in the streets of Ponyville, a lot of ponies were sick, and by that I mean, the streets are nearly empty. There were a few ponies outside today and feeling well; those who didn’t make it to the AA club that is. Over at Twilight’s library, she awakes from her slumber and was about to head downstairs. “Hey Spike, what’s for breakfast today?!” Twilight shouted.
“BLEH!” Spike vomits downstairs. “Burnt up vomit?!”
Twilight chuckles a bit. “Spike you’re silly!” she walks downstairs. “C’mon, Spike, what’s actually for break- SWEET MOTHER OF CELESTIA, what has happened?!”
“Burnt up vomit.” Spike said as he pukes up ashes out of his mouth. “Ugh! I haven’t felt this bad since Celestia spammed me all those friendship letters when Discord attacked Ponyville, which is why Zecora made me an anti-spam potion. Now I won’t get ton of mail from the princess at once.”
“I hope that was a good idea.” Twilight said worryingly.
“Trust me, it is.” Spike said as he pukes up some ashes again.
“Are you ok, Spike?” Twilight asked.
“I keep puking up ashes so… yeah, I’m feeling pretty great, Twilight!” Spike said sarcastically.
“You have to stop hanging out with Psyche so much. His sarcasm is really getting the best of you.” Twilight suggested.
“Are you seriously worried about my sarcasm more than my illness?” Spike asked. “I’m sick, Twilight! But… umm… I think I might still be well enough to do your chores and all.”
“No can do, Spike! You’re taking the day off.” Twilight insisted as she patted his head.
“Awww.” Spike whined as he burps. “Oooooh… my tummy!”
“You must’ve eaten too much at the AA Club.” Twilight assumed.
“No I didn’t, but I could’ve if Rainbow Dash hasn’t stopped me.” Spike said.
“Really?” Twilight asked curiously. “Then… did you get… no, you couldn’t have!”
“What?” Spike asked.
“I was actually thinking you have food poisoning, but that’s impossible. Apple family apple products are 100% freshly made without any processed ingredients.” Twilight said. “How could this be?”
“Now that you mention it, the food did taste a little…” Spike was about to puke again but he swallows before it came out. “AH! Yuck! Ash! The food did taste a little different.”
“How different?” Twilight asked.
“What do you mean ‘how different’? How could I explain it even more?” Spike asked. “It tasted not like Apple family pastries, alright? Is that detailed enough for you?”
“But I did research on some of the Apple foods last night. I have proof that the chemical inside the Apple family apples isn’t poisonous!” Twilight said with a written up scroll.
“You might want to look at them again.” Spike suggested. “Now, Twilight, I know I don’t normally ask you to assist me anything, but I could really use some ginger ale. Maybe Schwepps would do the trick.” He then starts to chuckle. “Schwepps! Shoo-waa-epps!”
“I have to see AppleJack as soon as possible!” Twilight said as she runs out of the library to see AppleJack.
“Ok, don’t worry, Twilight.” Spike said. “I’ll just stay here… without my shoo-waa-epps.” He then pukes up some ashes again. “Oh hey look; this pile of puke has a scroll in it.”
Twilight quickly runs over to Sweet Apple Acres to see what’s going on. On the way there, she saw that many ponies were ill, and she has yet to know why. She asks a couple of ponies and they kept saying it was food poisoning, or that they didn’t know. One of the ponies was pregnant so for her it was morning sickness. Once Twilight arrives at the farm, she runs over to the farmhouse and she knocks on the door, and Granny Smith answers it. “We have a doorbell, y’know.” Granny Smith reminded her. Twilight suddenly sighs and rings the doorbell. On the doorbell played a chime of Raise This Barn.
“Oh thank you, Twilight!” Granny Smith excitedly. So, what brings you in these parts?”
“I came here on behalf of the research I found in your apples.” Twilight said with a folder filled with the data she collected. “I analyzed your apples and it turns out that the chemical inside the apples isn’t poisonous after all. In fact, it’s the same type of chemical that triggers magic in unicorns like myself, which is completely healthy.”
“Really?” Granny Smith asked. “Because the news ah collected, the whole town has been food poisoned by our apples!”
“I heard that too.” Twilight said.
“Well except for one pony I heard she was pregnant, so it was just mornin’ sickness.” Granny Smith said.
“Yeah, but I don’t understand how these ponies would get food poisoned.” Twilight thought as she walked inside the farmhouse and sits down. “Your apple products are 100% natural and clean. No hormones or steroids, it doesn’t make any sense.”
“Did ah say you can come in?” Granny Smith asked.
“Hey where’s the rest of the family?” Twilight asked.
“All sick from food poisonin’.” Granny Smith said.
“Then why aren’t you sick?” Twilight asked.
“Ah’m always sick, deary.” Granny Smith said as she sits down across from her. “Ah’m just so used to it that it doesn’t bother me anymore.”
“Interesting.” Twilight nodded. “But I’m a bit confused right now. How would your apples cause food poisoning?”
“Oh dear, ah never thought this day would go.” Granny Smith said upsettingly. “Perhaps the law was right. Apples are pretty much… poisonous to ponies, and ah think it’s time to throw in the towel.”
“Now hold on, Granny Smith, let’s not go straight to conclusions.” Twilight stopped her.
“Twilight… its over.” Granny Smith said. “There’s nothin’ more we could do. We’re just goin’ to have to…” she gulps. “… sell oranges.”
<Insert dramatic squirrel video here>
“But you can’t give up now!” Twilight begged.
“Ah just did.” Granny Smith as she smashes the ‘in case of new leaf emergency, break glass’ and takes out a package of orange seeds. I’d give you a giant bold ‘tree puns’ text, but I don’t think you get the joke, so I won’t bother.
“No, Granny!” AppleJack begged as she limped inside the kitchen before number fouring in a bucket. “Don’t give up! We’re the Apple family!”
“She’s right.” Twilight said to Granny Smith. “You can’t just give up after this simple mistake. Maybe the food went bad, or maybe… wait… was the food at the meet tempered with at all?”
“Not that ah’ve seen, no.” AppleJack said.
“Nnnno-“ Big Mac said as he cuts off number fours in a bucket in front of him.
“Come to think of it. Ah did see two suspicious figures at the buffet table before we bought it in.” Apple Bloom said as she was wrapped around in a blanket and wore an ice pack on her head. “Ah would’ve thought they just wanted a sample before the meeting started.”
“A couple of suspicious figures?” Twilight asked.
Just then, there was suddenly a knock on the door. Granny Smith walked over to the door to open it, but AppleJack beat her to it because she was faster. “Howdy, Psyche!”
“Sorry to bother you all, but I have some info that has something to do with why everypony is sick.” Psyche said.
“Oh yeah? Do tell.” AppleJack requested.
“Follow me to town hall.” Psyche requested. Sounds like a dumb request. AppleJack should know where town hall is by now!
So AppleJack, Twilight, and Psyche were on the way to town hall, and on their way there, ponies were still sick. Rainbow Dash, Blaze, and Candy Cotton were all coughing together in the order of the Final Fantasy victory song. Now that there is something I like to call: a cough chorus. That’s the advantage of when more than two ponies are sick at once, they can create a cough chorus, and that’s what the three of them did. Engie joined along too, but his coughing was out of key, so it kind of ruined it. When AppleJack, Twilight, and Psyche got to town hall, I was over there too, about to eat one of the pastries that were on the buffet table. “FLARE! What are you doing?!” Psyche yelled as he smacks the apple pastry off my unicorn magic range.
“Eating.” I said.
“This stuff made you sick in the first place!” Psyche reminded me. “Don’t you remember?”
“I know. I’m already sick, so eating more won’t change a thing. Might as well enjoy it.” I said.
“No it’ll get you even MORE sick.” Psyche corrected me.
“Oh what do you know about sick? You sound fine.” I said.
“He’s right. You don’t sound sick at all, Psyche. What’s your story?” AppleJack asked.
“I bought my own apple products from home.” Psyche admitted. “I don’t trust buffet food. Other ponies might’ve touched them with their dirty hooves.”
“So is that the reason everypony is sick?” Twilight asked.
“Either that, or this strange new ingredient I found inside the pastries.” Psyche said as he takes out a microscope and places an apple pastry under it. “Take a look.” Twilight takes a look inside the microscope and she gasps.
“You’re right, Psyche. This pastry is filled with a poisonous ailment.” Twilight said. “It’s only minor though so everypony should be fine. So whoever did this wasn’t an intention of killing anypony. Perhaps somepony wants to keep the new Ponyville law final.”
“But the question is: who?” I asked.
“Whom, not who.” Twilight corrected me.
“Go back and troll the internet you grammar nazi!” I advised her angrily. “Just because you’re smarter than everypony else doesn’t mean you have to show it off! You say your way and I’ll say it my way!”
“Fine whatever.” Twilight said.
“I know who it was, it was Officer Penny Nickels!” Psyche said.
“Yes, you called?” Officer Nickels asked mischievously.
“Why did you do it, Penny?” Psyche asked. “Was it to get to me?”
“Ok first of all, don’t call me Penny; Penny’s a girl’s name.” Officer Nickels instructed him.
“You shouldn’t tell ponies you have a rivalry with to not do something, because it’s just going to provoke them to do it more, PEN-NEY!” Psyche said.
“UGH!” Officers Nickels groaned. “I guess I had that coming. Also, second of all, if I would’ve gone to you, I would’ve ANYWAY. Why would I poison innocent ponies to keep a law going? The law is already going, and plus, I just caught you breaking it. You just admitted that you were eating apple products, so now it’s time to turn you in, as I always wanted!” Officer Nickels explained as he hoof-cuffs Psyche.
“Aw c’mon!” Psyche complained. “That’s not fair!”
“Life ain’t fair, pal. Get used to it.” Officer Nickels reminded him.
“Life ‘isn’t’ fair.” Twilight corrected him.
“Yeah I could arrest you too you know for being a grammar NAZI.” Officer Nickels informed her.
“Never pays to correct other pony’s grammar mistakes, Twilight.” I reminded her.
“Yeah, I got it.” Twilight said in an irritated tone.
“Wait, you can’t arrest him!” I stopped him.
“Oh yeah? Why not?” Officer Nickels asked.
“Because I ate apples too.” I said.
“Which means I can arrest both of you.” Officer Nickels said.
I stopped and thought it over for a second. “Ok this isn’t what I planned.” I admitted.
“What’s wrong, Flare?” Psyche asked in a teasing tone. “Don’t want to be cell buddies again?”
“C’mon, Psyche, time to go to jail, where you belong!” Officer Nickels said mischievously as he was about to take him away.
“Wait!” AppleJack stopped him.
“What now? I have duties to perform.” Officer Nickels complained.
I started to chuckle. “He said duty!”
“It wasn’t his fault. I served apples at the AA meetin’.” AppleJack admitted. “If anypony should go to jail right now, it’s me. Let me take Psyche’s place.”
“AppleJack, no. I’ve been in prison many times before, I’m used to it. I’ll be fine. You won’t survive, however.” Psyche stopped her.
“What prisoners do in prisons mostly is hard labor and outdoor activities. I think AppleJack will be fine.” I informed him.
“Not helping, Flare!” Psyche complained.
“Hmm.” Officer Nickels thought it over. “Well it wouldn’t be wise to put the whole town in prison, counting most of them went to that meeting and ate apples, judging by the results I’ve discovered.”
“You wouldn’t do that, would you?” AppleJack asked.
“Maybe. Most of the town broke the anti-apple law, so I should.” Officer Nickels said.
“What’s stopping you?” Psyche asked.
“Listen to you, Psyche. Blabber, blabbler, blabber! No wonder Officer Nickels wants to arrest you!” I complained.
“Twilight!” Spike called out as he ran inside town hall with a scroll in his hand.
“Spike? What’s going on?” Twilight asked.
“I have your response from the princess! They did not issue an anti-apple law.” Spike said.
“What?” AppleJack asked.
“I figured they wouldn’t.” Twilight said. “Looks like Psyche did not break the law after all. There was never an anti-apple law in the first place.”
“Aww, but ah already called dibs on his research.” Engie complained as he and the Noble Six walked inside Town Hall.
“And I was going to take his bath supplies and keep them for myself.” Crystal said.
“Wow, way to sell me out, guys.” Psyche complained.
“I wouldn’t take anything of his.” I admitted.
“Thank you, Flare!” Psyche yelled in relief.
“No prob. I mean, counting that you have nothing I want anyway, so you being arrested wouldn’t make much of a difference to me.” I shrugged.
“Of course.” Psyche said in an irritated tone.
“Well then… you got out of this one, Psyche Illusion.” Officer Nickels complained as he removes his hoof-cuffs. “But don’t think you’re out of the woods yet. Your mother’s death was in no consequence.”
“SHUT UP, PENNY!” Psyche yelled at him.
“Wow, I taught him well!” I smiled and nodded.
“You think your mother was innocent?” Officer Nickels asked. “She died for a purpose, you know.”
“My mom’s death was no purpose whatsoever! She was murdered!” Psyche said.
“You may think so, or she might’ve died to keep her secrets hidden forever.” Officer Nickels said.
“What are you talking about?” Psyche asked.
“You’ll find out when time comes, but for now, you’re free to go.” Officer Nickels said. “Enjoy your freedom while you still have it, Psyche.” Officer Nickels then turns around and walks out of town hall.
“Don’t listen to him, Psyche.” I advised him. “He’s not worth listening to, much like yourself.”
“Thanks, Flare!” Psyche nodded and smiled. “I never trusted Penny Nickels, and I think what he said was nothing.” Psyche’s smile then went away. “Wait WHAT?!”
“But wait, if Officer Nickels didn’t do it… who did?” Twilight asked.
“Wait a minute… Apple Bloom said there were two mysterious figures at the buffet table.” AppleJack said.
“Two ‘suspicious’ figures she said, actually.” Twilight corrected her.
“Twilight, ah love you, yer mah best friend, but seriously, Flare has a point with your grammar corrections.” AppleJack complained.
“That wasn’t actually a ‘grammar’ correction, but yeah, you have a point there, AppleJack, I apologize.” Twilight said.
“So who do you think it was that sabotaged the buffet?” Blaze asked.
“Ah think ah might have a clue.” AppleJack said. “But before we travel, we need to pay a visit with Zecora so she could whip us up a food poisonin’ cure.” And so they did, and AppleJack and I were both the first ones better, because the two of us, along with Twilight and Psyche, all headed over to the small highway outside of Ponyville where we met a couple of familiar faces. Well, not familiar to Psyche and me, but familiar to Twilight and AppleJack.
“Nice to see you two again at the outskirts of town, Flim and Flam!” AppleJack said.
“Why if it isn’t our dear rival, AppleJack?” Flim asked.
“What brings you here to these parts?” Flam asked.
“Ah was about to ask you the same thing.” AppleJack said.
“We’re just here thinking of a new plan to get us business!” Flim said.
“It would seem the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 was beginning to be old news.” Flam said.
“So we’re whipping up something new to sell to the poor souls around Equestria.” Flim said.
“Alright, sorry to interrupt the conversation, but I have a question.” I said.
“These two are the Flim-Flam Brothers.” AppleJack said. “They’ve been tryin’ to take over as the best apple product sellers in all of Equestria, but us Apples proved them wrong.”
“Think of them as the Boorlie Pomodoro to AppleJack.” Twilight added.
“Yeeeeeeah, I don’t care who they are. I was just going to ask them if they want to trade pins.” I corrected her as I took out my pin collection.
“But before you were able to sell a new product, you wanted to get Sweet Apple Acres out of business first, didn’t you?” AppleJack asked.
“Did we? Did we?” Flim asked.
“Now how are you supposed to prove that?” Flam asked.
“Simple! Apple Bloom told us everythin’.” AppleJack said. “Apple Bloom said she saw you. Both of you!”
“Oh did she now?” Flim asked.
“She’s a smart filly isn’t she?” Flam asked. “Nice of her to discover us.”
“Flam!” Flim yelled. “They had no proof of that!”
“Oh they didn’t?” Flam asked.
“Thanks for tellin’ us the truth, Flim Flam Brothers!” AppleJack said. “Luckily for us, the ban has been lifted, and can sell apples once again in peace.”
“Well don’t think this is over, AppleJack.” Flim said. “We’re still going to prove to everypony that a product such as the one we’re working will be in bigger business than you apples would ever dream of!”
“Count on it!” Flam said.
“Yeah, please don’t talk, brother. I’m upset with you right now.” Flim said angrily.
“Oh you always thought you were the smarter one of the bunch! You always thought mom liked you more!” Flam complained.
“I’m the brains in this operation, if you haven’t noticed.” Flim reminded him.
“You think you’re in charge, but I’m the older brother. I have most of the apple in my cutie mark, and you just have an eighth of it!” Flam yelled at him.
“How dare you raise your voice at me?!” Flim yelled at him. “This will come out of your paycheck!”
“I think we’re done here.” AppleJack said.
“Why did the rest of us come anyway?” I asked. “Makes no sense.”
“It was quite entertaining.” Psyche said as the four of us all walked back to Ponyville, leaving the Flim-Flam Brothers in their argument.
“So if you think I’m not the smart one, let me prove to you that I am!” Flam yelled at his brother. “Hey, buddy!” he then yelled at a random gray pony pulling a carriage on the highway. “Want to be rich and powerful?”
“Are you kidding?” the gray pony asked. “I’ve been looking for a job for ages!”
“Well, my boy, we have a great deal for you!” Flam offered.
“Are you sure this is a good idea, brother?” Flim asked.
“We have ourselves an unpaid intern to test everything for us and to prove to other ponies that the Flim-Flam Brothers are the best apple merchants in all of Equestria!” Flam said.
“For our sake, I hope you’re right.” Flim said worryingly.
Back in Ponyville, Zecora was just giving out some food poisoning cure to everypony in town, and after a couple of hours, the whole town was better. “We did it. We cured the town, and apples are no longer banned.” Aqua said.
“Why do you get to talk, Aqua? You barely did anything at all.” Crystal reminded him.
“And it’s all thanks to AppleJack for curing the town! Good job!” Rainbow Dash said excitedly. “I can enjoy my cider in peace.”
“Don’t drink too much, Dashie. You know how drinking too much cider can really slow down a pony’s central nervous system.” Blaze reminded him.
“Hey everypony has their limits.” Rainbow said.
“She’s right.” AppleJack said. “Ah mean, our apples are really good, but the whole town should know that there are limits. Don’t stick to apples all the time. Ah wouldn’t judge y’all any other way. Just give other foods a try, we don’t mind.”
“We don’t?” Granny Smith asked.
“No… we don’t.” AppleJack repeated as she smirks at Granny Smith.
“If ya say so, deary.” Granny Smith said.
“Yeah, try some of my pizza more often!” I suggested as my mouth was full.
“Flare are you… are you eatin’ an apple?” AppleJack asked.
“No.” I lied.
“Yer eatin’ a plain apple!” AppleJack said excitedly.
“No I’m not.” I lied.
“Ah knew you’d come around, sugarcube!” AppleJack said.
“Come around to what? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I fibbed again. “Hey you know what’s a funny word? Schwepps!”
“Shoo-wa-epps!” Spike said.
“You got it, bro! Sho-wa-epps!” I said.
“Well you did a good deed to us, Flare.” AppleJack said as she places her hoof on my Blessings of the Night necklace and it started to glow.
“Eeyup!” Big Mac agreed as he too places his hoof on my necklace.
“Ah’m only placin’ mah hoof here cause everypony else is.” Granny Smith said as she also places her hoof on my necklace.
“Can ah touch it?” Apple Bloom asked. “Ah’d give Flare mah blessings.”
“Nah, not you yet, Apple Bloom. I’ll let you wait until the rest of the crusaders charge it.” I suggested.
“Stupendous idea!” Apple Bloom said excitedly. “Wow, that’s a big word!”
“HEY! Why are you all congratulating Flare on this accomplishment?!” Psyche complained. “I suggested the AA Club, I helped out on finding the one with responsible!”
“And yet you were wrong.” I reminded him.
“So why are you giving him all the credit?!” Psyche complained. “All he did was lead the song!”
“He’s got the sparkly necklace.” Granny Smith said.
“UGH!” Psyche groaned. “I don’t why I even bother then!”
“Hey, Psyche, please don’t take it the wrong way, sugarcube.” AppleJack begged. “You did very good for us.”
“Well.” Twilight corrected her.
“Like ah was sayin’…” AppleJack said as she glares at Twilight. “If it weren’t for you, Psyche, we wouldn’ve made this club in the first place. You helped save the town by givin’ them what they wanted, and the town is incredibly grateful to you.”
“Eeyup!” Big Mac nodded.
“Wow… I… thanks, AppleJack.” Psyche smiled. “I’m glad I was there to help.”
“Oh shut up, Psyche. She’s just pitying you.” I teased.
“UGH!” Psyche groaned.
“No ah’m not, sugarcube. Don’t listen to him. You know how Flare is.” AppleJack reminded him.
“I do.” Psyche nodded and smiled. “But hey, even though your business is saved, I have a new problem of my own.”
“What’s that, Psyche?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Officer Nickels mentioned something about my mom holding a secret, and saying she died for a purpose.” Psyche said.
“I thought you weren’t listening to him, brah?” I asked.
“I’m not listening to YOU right now, ‘brah’.” Psyche said angrily.
“Woo, fussy, are we?” I asked.
“It’s just his time of the month again, he’ll get over it.” Crystal said.
“My friends drive me crazy.” Psyche said.
“Look, Psyche, don’t worry about them.” Twilight assisted. “But I’ll help you with your situation. If your mother was holding a secret to her grave, then perhaps it is time for you to find out what it is.”
“And that’s what I’m going to do.” Psyche said.
“So there wasn’t an apple ban all along! I WAS LIED TO AGAIN!” Lightning Bolt yelled. “You just officially lost my trust, AppleJack!”
“We now return to Celebrity Jeopardy on Ox.” The TV announcer said as Crème and I were watching TV at my trailer. Crèmepop was just laying her head on my lap as I was brushing her hair, because that’s what Equestrian ponies are used for: brushing hairs. Anyways, yeah, Celebrity Jeopardy.
“Hello, and welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy.” Alex Trebek (played as Will Ferrell) said to the audience. “Let us reintroduce our contestants: Trenderhoof, with negative 900000 points.”
“I so adorable farm life!” Trenderhoof said excitedly. “I also sound like Olaf from Frozen!”
“Uhh… that’s nice, Trenderhoof.” Alex said awkwardly. “Next we have Sapphire Shores with only 1 point.”
“You listen to me and you listen to me good, honey! I got a point for you!” Sapphire started. “I’m easily impressed, and I show a tons amount of respect to those who are useful to me. All others can just kiss my-“
“That’s very nice.” Alex interrupted her. “And finally, we have Sean Connery with negative infinity points.”
“No need to be all negative, Trebek!” Sean advised him.
“What is there to be positive about?” Alex asked.
“The fact that no matter how many times I hear my name, I always hear your mother saying it many times, like last night.” Sean teased.
“I’m just going to ignore that.” Alex said awkwardly. “Now then, contestants, now that we’ve officially humiliated ourselves, let’s take a look at the bored. Our categories are: Fishies, Months that end in ‘ber’, How old are you?, I can cereal, What is Equestria called?, and finally ‘Rocks’. Now then, Ms. Shores, since you basically have the most points, we’ll start with you.”
“Just watch yo mouth around me, fool! You know who I am?” Sapphire asked angrily.
“Yes I do.” Alex said. “Now please, pick a category.”
“I’ll take sugar for my lips, sweetheart.” Sapphire said.
“Um… I guess we’ll go with months that end with ‘ber’ for 100.” Alex said. “The question is: this is one of the months of the year that end with ‘ber’.” A buzzard sounds. “Trenderhoof.”
“I just love the fresh air of the country! It makes me feel so… relaxed.” Trender said. “Alex… I think… will you hold me?”
“No I will not. I am quite claustrophobic.” Alex said. Another buzzard sounds. “Mr. Connery.”
“I’ll go with March.” Sean said.
“Wrong answer, Mr. Connery. That month does not end in ‘ber’.” Alex said.
“My mistake.” Sean said. “Marchember.”
“No.” Alex said.
“Any month in winter ends with ‘burrrr’, that’s for gosh darn sure! It’s so freezin’ cold that all I say is ‘burrrrr’!” Sapphire said.
“No.” Alex said. “The answer was either September, October, November, or December.”
“At least three of those months makes me say ‘burrr’.” Sapphire said. “So basically, my answer was correct, fool! Gimmie my points!”
“You didn’t even buzz in.” Alex reminded her. Sapphire buzzes in. “It’s too late now.” Alex said.
“Yeah you foolish stallions are all the same time!” Sapphire complained. “All so jealous of my SENNNNSATION! Y’OW!”
“Are you ok, miss?” Trenderhoof asked. “You said ‘ow’. Did you step on a thorn or something?”
“Let’s go to Mr. Connery.” Alex said. “Please, pick a category.”
“I’ll take ‘I cancer eal’ for 300.” Sean requested.
“That’s ‘I can cereal’, Mr. Connery.” Alex corrected him.
“Not a support for those who are sick, eh Trebek?” Sean asked.
“How insulting!” Trenderhoof said surprisingly.
“Maybe it’s time for final jeopardy.” Alex said. “The answer to this final jeopardy question is: write a word. It couldn’t be simplier than that. All you need to do is write a word. Any word! Even if it’s just ‘I’. Ready? Go!” So the jeopardy theme song plays as the contestants write down their words. “Time’s up, let’s see what you all wrote. Trenderhoof writes.... a number 6.”
“That’s how much I love beefy gals!” Trenderhoof said.
“Oooook then… that’s not a word, it’s a number, so you lose.” Alex said. “Sapphire Shores? You drew… what is that?”
“If I had fingers, you’d be seein’ one right now!” Sapphire said.
“I have no clue what that means.” Alex said. “So now let’s see if Mr. Connery could actually win this game. Sean, what did you writ- why is there a goat on Mr. Connery’s podium? Where’s Mr. Connery?”
“I think he said something about donating to the cancer eel association.” Trenderhoof said.
Alex Trebek suddenly looks to the audience and said, “You see? This is why we’re cancelled off Saturday Night Live.” Yeah so, basically… that was the show.
“Hey Crème?” I asked.
“Yeah?” Crème asked as she looked up at me as she laid on my lap.
“I love you.” I said.
“Of course you do!” Crème said.
“I love you so much, just checking… poke.” I said as I poked her hoof.
“Didn’t you tell me you did that to your mom all the time?” Crème asked.
“What’s it to ya?” I asked.
“Do you think of me as a mom?” Crème asked.
“If I thought of you as a mom, could I do this?” I asked as I started making-out with her.
Once we finished that long she said, “Yeah you probably would.” And then we started making-out again.
“Hey, Crème?” Water bursts into the living room and said. “Were you inside my make-up chest aga- oh. Please excuse me. I didn’t know you two were ‘getting busy’.”
“It’s not time for work yet though, so why would we be getting busy?” I asked.
“Whatever, I was just wondering if Crème was inside my make-up chest again, taking my make-up without permission.” Water said.
“No, and I thought you said ‘what’s mine is yours’?” Crème asked.
“No, I said what’s yours is mine.” Water reminded her. “And if you weren’t in it, who was?”
“Probably the mutant rats from my soda cellar.” I said.
“That’s ridiculous. You don’t have a cellar, you live in a trailer.” Water corrected me.
“Then what is this?” I asked as I used my unicorn magic to opened a hatch on the ceiling and a ladder falls.
“I’m not talking about your attic. Attics and cellars are two different things.” Water said.
“You have to go into the attic to get to the cellar.” I said.
“Really?” Water asked, not believing a word I said.
“It’s a magical trailer, sis!” I reminded her.
“I saw it with my own eyes.” Crème said. “He’s got a soda cellar, Water.”
“I’ve been living here longer than you! How come I never heard of this cellar!?” Water complained.
“Is it wise to trust a sibling?” I asked. “Crèmepop, she’s my special somepony and she’s my everything! Of course I’d show her! I’d show her all!”
“And Flare is my everything too! I show him everything too!” Crème said as she nuzzles me.
“That didn’t sound right at all.” Water said in a disgusted tone.
“It only doesn’t sound right to ponies if they have dirty minds.” I said. “If they didn’t have dirty minds, they wouldn’t think that, so it may not be what you think.”
Just then, my doorbell rang. “I’m not getting that.” Water said.
“Good. I wouldn’t trust you for getting it either.” I said to her. I then kiss Crème’s head and ask her, “Excuse me.”
“Of course!” Crème said as she stops leaning on my lap and sits up so I could stand up and answer the door. Once I answered the door, I noticed that it was Pinkie Pie.
“Hey Pinks!” I said.
Pinkie throws some confetti on my face, blows a party blower at my face too, and then I hear her voice sing, “Oh this is your singing telegram, I hope it finds you well! You’re invited to a party ‘cause we think you’re really swell! Rainbow Dash’s turning 21 years old so help us celebrate! The cake will be delicious, the festivities first-rate!” Pinkie then stops her pre-recorded video tape message and says, “It saves energy if I just pre-record my songs.”
“Awesome, sista!” I said excitedly.
“I KNOW!” Pinkie said excitedly.
“So what brings you here?”
“Uhh, duh! Did you listen to my message?” Pinkie asked as she starts the pre-recorded song again.
“Ok, I know what you’re trying to tell me.” I nodded.
“Oh yeah?” Pinkie asked.
“Yeah, you’re telling me you like using more historical age technology like a tape-recorder, instead of sending me a recorded message via phone.” I said.
“You got it, Flare!” Pinkie said excitedly. “You know me sooooooooooo well! It makes me think dating you wasn’t a waste of time after all!”
“Who is it, Flare?” Crème asked as she walked towards the door.
“NOPONY!” I gasped. “CRÈME! IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! I BROKE UP WITH PINKIE, OK?! Please don’t leave me, Crèmey! I’ll do anything you want! I’ll let you move your sleeping bag closer to my bed! Just please don’t leave me, Cremey!” I begged.
Pinkie giggled. “Relax, silly! I know you’re dating Crèmepop now; it’s o-“
“Shhhh.” Crème shushed. “Ok, Flare, I won’t leave you. Under one condition.”
“Really?” I asked in relief.
“Finish with Pinkie here and I’ll tell you.” Crème said.
“Ok good.” I said in relief and wiped my sweat. “Phew!”
Crème kisses my head and said “Love you, Flarey!” and then she walks back in.
“I dodged a bullet there, Pinks.” I said. “If she thought we were still dating, I’d be a goner!”
“I wouldn’t want you to be a goner, Flare!” Pinkie said nervously. “If you were gone, Ponyville would NEVER be the same! WE NEED YOU!”
“No you don’t.” I corrected her.
“Yeah, you’re right.” Pinkie said cheerfully. “But we still WANT you.”
“No you don’t.” I corrected her.
“Yeah maybe not.” Pinkie agreed. “But we need your pizzas.”
“Yes, you do need that.” I nodded in agreement.
“It’s Rainbow Dash’s birthday today, and it would mean SO MUCH to her if you would make the biggest, juiciest, tastiest pizzas in all of Equestria for this occasion!” Pinkie requested.
“Cool!” I said. “You couldn’t just ask me later when I open my shop?”
“I couldn’t wait! I have to get this party set up! This isn’t just Rainbow Dash’s birthday; it’s also the anniversary of when she moved to Ponyville!” Pinkie explained.
“So what? Did her parents kick her out the exact day she turned 18?” I asked.
“She didn’t say. I always thought her house was a birthday present.” Pinkie said.
“You want me to laugh really hard and immediately say ‘no’ after that? Cause I know how to do that pretty well. I’ve seen it happen before many times.” I said.
“Not really.” Pinkie shrugged. “So will you make the pizzas?”
“Will you make the pizzas? Will you make the pizzas?” I mocked her. “Hi I’m Pinkie, and I like to repeat questions! Will you make the pizzas? I only take yes or no for an answer!”
“Oh… my… Faust!” Pinkie said shockingly. “That was an amazing impression on me! I couldn’t even tell if I was saying it or you were!”
“The ironic thing is: me neither.” I admitted. “Ok Pinks, I’ll give Rainbow her pizzas.”
“And maybe you could even provide music!” Pinkie suggested.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Do I have to spell it out for you? You and the Noble Six could use the polka instruments I gave you to provide entertainment! You could use the power of polka to bring smiles on the town’s faces! Including Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie suggested as she hopped up and down in excitement.
“Pinkie I hope you realize that the power of polka compels you.” I reminded her.
“Does it?” Pinkie asked.
“But seriously, we use them for emergency purposes, not for entertainment. I mean what if the pony who invented these polka songs we sing finds out?” I asked.
“Then we’ll have to deal with him before he deals with us!” Pinkie suggested. “We’ll stuff him into a sack, tie him up, gag him, throw him in a lockup, tickle him nonstop, and finally, force him to play Sorry with us because he’ll have no choice but to apologize for wanting to lawsuit!”
“Or we could just be careful.” I suggested.
“That works too!” Pinkie said.
“Then I’ll see you later today and I’ll give Rainbow Dash the best pizzas and the best polka!” I said.
“Super CRAZY!” Pinkie said excitedly. “Even crazier than a dog looking over a mountain, thinking to himself!”
A cutaway shows a dog sitting on the cliff of a mountain and thinking to himself. He then mumbled to himself, “There are so many questions in life that I have still yet to answer, but what if I never find them out? What if I never find out the biggest question of a dog’s life? What if… what if I never find out who’s a good boy?” The cutaway ends.
So I went over to my shop to work on the pizzas, and I called my friends over so I could tell them the news. “So what did you guys get Rainbow for her birthday?” Blaze asked them.
“I didn’t know her birthday was today.” Aqua said.
“Well you BETTER get her something, and something good! You understand me, Aqua?! Or else!” Blaze threatened him.
“Threats won’t get ya anywhere, mate.” Aqua advised him.
“AAAH!” Psyche gasped as he bursts through the pizza shop doors and catching his breath.
“Psyche, where have you been?!” Blaze yelled. “Did you get a present for Rainbow?!”
“Uhh… you know, funny story; I was searching for one, but… you know… couldn’t find anything perfect enough.” Psyche lied.
“Well keep looking!” Blaze demanded.
“I have so much on my mind right now, alright?! Get off my back!” Psyche complained.
“Like what?” Engie asked.
“None of your concern!” Psyche yelled.
“Whoa, Psyche! You need to chill, man!” Crystal suggested. “I’m tripping out!”
“Crystal, what did ya take earlier today?” Aqua asked.
“Nothing. I’m just tripping out with all this yelling!” Crystal said.
“So what are we doin’ here anyway?” Engie asked.
“Flare called us here for an important meeting. It’s a little somethin’ for Rainbow Dash he said.” Aqua said.
“Well that’s good.” Blaze nodded. “Rainbow deserves the best. I even got Candy Cotton to find her something worth while. I gave her some money and she’s finding something for her right now!”
A cutaway shows Candy over at the movies, using Blaze’s money to buy popcorn. “The largest bucket of popcorn you have, please?” Candy requested. The cutaway ends.
“Thank you all for coming.” I said as I exited the kitchen with a bowl of pasta that I gave to Lyra. “Take this to table four.”
“What did you call us here for, man?” Blaze asked. “You said you have something for Rainbow Dash for her birthday.”
“That I do! I’m making pizzas for her birthday party tonight right now.” I said.
“Ah wonder how big of a party Pinkie is goin’ to make her?” Engie asked.
“As big as she deserves!” Blaze said.
“Which is probably not that much.” Engie teased and chuckled.
“YOU WANT ME TO USE MY PHOENIX POWERS ON YOU, BECAUSE I WILL!” Blaze yelled at him.
“Am ah worth it?” Engie asked.
“For Rainbow Dash’s sake… YES!” Blaze said angrily.
“Yay, ah’m worth somethin’ to someone!” Engie cheered.
“But what do you need us for?” Crystal asked. “You seem to have everything under control with the pizzas. Unless you want us to taste them and make sure they’re not poisonous.”
“Crystal, I made the pizzas. How could they be poisonous?” I asked.
“How do you know that? Maybe you can’t even trust yourself. Maybe you’re trying to kill everypony with your pizzas.” Crystal looked at me mischievously. Just then, all the customers at my shop stopped eating and had surprised looks on their faces.
“Relax, everypony. If the pizzas haven’t killed you already, they’re not poisonous so you all are fine.” I said to everypony. Everypony just shrugged and continued eating.
“What makes you think that?” Crystal asked.
“If I were to kill somepony, it would be quick and painless. Trust me; it would’ve been done already.” I said.
“Are you SURE about that, Flare?” Crystal asked.
“Crystal stop, you’re making my customers uncomfee.” I said. “But no, the pizzas are not what I need help with.”
“So what do you need help with?” Psyche asked.
“Wow, listen to you, Psyche! Teacher’s pet.” Engie complained.
“Perhaps it’s time for the power of polka to rise once again. Who’s up for playing a polka number at Rainbow’s birthday party tonight?” I asked.
“You’re kiddin’ right?” Engie asked.
“This is the power of polka, Engie! It compels you! Why would I kid about that?” I asked.
“But don’t we use these instruments for emergency life-threatin’ situation purposes?” Aqua asked.
“I actually think it’s a good idea!” Blaze said. “I mean, it’s not perfect. She prefers rock, but if this is the best we could do, then we might as well give it a try.”
“That’s right!” I nodded.
“Ok I’m down with some polka!” Crystal said. “What should I do?”
“You’re the drummer, Crystal. You’re always the drummer.” I reminded her. “And Engie’s the tuba player, Blaze is the clarinet player, Aqua is the banjo player, Psyche is in charge of the sound-effects, and as for me… I play the most important instrument in the bunch: the accordion!”
“What kind of sound-effects would you want me to use for this show?” Psyche asked.
“Same effects – slide-whistles, kazoos, whistles, dentist drill…” I said.
“Bird call?” Psyche asked.
“No, actually, save the bird call. I got an idea for another time. I’m gonna make a bird puppet so it could fly by during the instrumental numbers and you could use the bird call as it flies by.” I said.
“Alright.” Psyche nodded.
“Perhaps we should rehearse.” Aqua suggested.
“Rehearse?” Crystal asked. “Pfft! Don’t we use these instruments all the time without rehearse?”
“That’s basically Equestria musicals in nutshells.” Aqua said.
“Crystal’s right. The power of polka is within us. We don’t need to rehearse!” Engie said.
“I dunno, man. I mean did I mention this is Rainbow Dash’s party?” Blaze reminded us.
“Pinkie reminded us first.” Crystal informed him.
“Alright, well, what kind of songs are we going to be playing at the party?” Psyche asked.
“Shall we make something new?” Aqua asked.
“Are we that creative though?” Crystal asked.
“We could try to be.” Aqua said.
“We will be able to! Singing a version of a song that’s already been made has nothing on me!” I said. “We’ll be able to make a song so good that we’d have to invent a new word for better than good.”
“How about ‘gooder’?” Crystal suggested.
“PERFECT!” I yelled as I slammed my hoof on a nearby table. “Our music will be gooder!”
“It’s not even a real word, man!” Blaze reminded me.
“Uh yeah, didn’t I just say we have to make up a new word for something better than ‘good’? Learn to listen, brah!” I reminded him.
“Ugh!” Blaze groaned.
“Then it’s settled! We’ll make the goodest song Equestria has ever known!” I said excitedly.
“Then let’s do it!” Crystal said excitedly.
“Not now though, I still have to make the pizzas.” I said.
“Oh… ok. How about at your 3:00 break?” Crystal suggested.
“Sure! We’ll do it then!” I agreed.
“Or we could just do some song somepony else made without them knowing. I mean, all we’re going to do is sing a song. We’re not getting paid for it.” Blaze suggested.
“Good point. Perhaps we’ll see what our instruments would give us.” I said.
“Guys!” Spike yelled as he bursts inside my shop. “Do you have any idea who’s in town right now?!”
“Discord again?” Crystal asked.
“No. I’ll give you a hint. Its somepony Flare idolizes.” Spike hinted.
“Markipony’s here?!” I yelled in excitement. “Is Tiny Box Tim with him?!”
“No, your OTHER idol – Cheese Sandwich!” Spike corrected me.
“Yes that was my next choice!” I lied.
“Wow the king of parodies himself!” Blaze said excitedly. “With him here, he’d be able to entertain Rainbow Dash at the party in the most elite way possible!”
“Wait a minute… Cheese Sandwich?” I asked.
“Yeah, the pony who inspired you to play the accordion and you memorized nearly all of his music! Am I right?” Spike asked.
“Y-yeah… yeah you are.” I said nervously. “Please excuse me.” I started running out of my shop, and my friends were pretty concerned.
“Not the reaction I expected.” Spike said.
“I wonder what’s his deal?” Engie asked.
“He looked pretty excited to me!” Crystal said. “He must want to go out and meet him!”
“I don’t think so, Crystal. Something’s up. We should go see him.” Blaze suggested. So the Noble Six followed me to my trailer where I was turning my bedroom upside down, looking for something. My fish were pretty concerned about what was happening.
“Hey watch it!” Yoyo yelled as I threw a bowling ball across the room. “You nearly hit us!”
“Whatever he’s looking for, it must be important enough to soak his vests in our water that’s probably full of our own filth.” Rainbow commented as he sees me throw one of my vests into the tank water (unintentionally, that is).
“More important than Pearl stealing make-up from Water’s make-up bag?” Dorthey asked.
“HEY! Makes me look pretty!” Pearl yelled as she has lip stick all over her face. “Look at me! I’m pretty! Don’t I look pretty?!”
“Flare?” Aqua asked as he walks into my bedroom along with the rest of the Noble Six.
“Don’t bother me! I’m BIZ-ZAY!” I demanded. “You won’t like me when I’m interrupted!”
“I don’t like you now.” Water teased from the other room.
“Sigh.” I sighed. “I wish she’ll actually move out.”
“What are you looking for, dude?” Psyche asked.
“The polka instruments. I put them away somewhere after we used them last, and now I can’t find them.” I said.
“But if Cheese Sandwich is here, isn’t he the only entertainment Rainbow’s party needs?” Crystal asked. “He’s amazing, is he not?”
“Exactly.” I said as I finally found the bag full of the polka instruments. “Ah! Here they are!”
“So what are you doing?” Psyche asked.
“It’s only for temporarily.” I said as I opened my personal chest and hung my instruments over it.
“Whoa, dude! Let’s not get too hasty now!” Blaze rushes over and closes the chest.
“Cheese Sandwich is HERE. I think he’s here because he knows we’ve been using HIS music.” I said. “If he finds out, he might sue me.” I then opened my chest again, but then Blaze suddenly closes it again.
“But Cheese Sandwich loves it when fans love his music. I doubt he’ll sue you.” Blaze said.
I then opened the chest again. “I don’t want to take that chance.”
Blaze then closes the chest again. “I guarantee that he won’t mind.”
And I once again open it. “Have you even met the pony? All the music I ever seen is HIS music! I sang Polka Patterns, Happy Birthday, Dare to be Stupid, Polka Face, Polka Your Eyes Out, Polka Power, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to be singing more!” I explained. Blaze then closes my chest again. “Will you quit doing that?”
“Flare if you put those instruments in your personal chest, it’ll probably take ages to find. What if you need them again?” Blaze asked.
“I’ve always loved playing these instruments. You can’t give up on them now!” Crystal begged.
“What else can I do, huh? Cheese Sandwich is my idol! I don’t want to disappoint him.” I said.
“I’m sure you won’t.” Blaze said. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want Cheese Sandwich to think I was stealing his music, but do you think I might impress him by knowing his music? I wasn’t 100% sure what I should do.
“I’ll think about it.” I said as I place the instruments beside the personal chest. “I mean I haven’t even met the pony yet. He’s a very hilarious and inspirational pony, but public looks aren’t everything.”
“I assure you, man. You and he will get along just fine!” Blaze said.
“Hope you’re right, brah.” I said.
“C’mon, man. Let’s go meet Cheese Sandwich.” Blaze suggested as he wrapped his arm around me and walked me outside, and the rest of the Noble Six followed. “Tell him how much of an inspiration he is to you, and it’ll mean a lot to him.”
“You think so?” I asked.
“I know so.” Blaze said as we all walked outside.
“Well then I’m excited! I’m gonna meet Cheese Sandwich!” I said excitedly.
“That’s the spirit, brah!” Blaze said as I shut the door behind me, but the door didn’t shut all the way. A little spiderbot that did not grab any of our attention ran over towards the door, leaving it open a crack.
“Thank you, my little friend!” Swinebutt said to the spiderbot and then snorted. “Let’s see if there’s anything in here worth stealing?” Swinebutt opens the trailer door and walks inside as the spiderbot climbs up his back. “Ooo! That tickles! Maybe there’s something in his bedroom worth stealing.” Swinebutt opens up my bedroom door and looks around.
“I dunno it’s that… umm… I dunno, who is that again?” Darrel asked.
“Probably just another friend of Flare’s.” Rainbow assumed. “He looks ugly!”
“Oh yeah, so ugly!” Dorthey said. “You probably would be able to see his ugliness through a paper bag!”
“Look, I don’t care about what’s going on here. I just want to go back to sleep.” Piddles said. “Wake me up if something interesting happens.”
“Oh c’mon!” Swinebutt complained. “What could be worth stealing in here?!”
“Flare? Is that you?” Water called out from the other room.
Swinebutt clears his throat and makes his voice sound a bit like mine, and then he calls out, “Yeah, it’s me, sis! Praise the wizards! Feel dat Mareami heat!” he then snorts.
“Alright no prob! Can you just tell Crèmepop that if she goes through my make-up box again, I’ll cut her hair in her sleep?!” Water requested.
“Will do!” Swinebutt called out and snorted.
“Also, take a Benadryl to take care of that snorting!” Water requested.
“Fine, whatever!” Swinebutt called out. Just then, something grabs Swinebutt’s eye. “Ah, Flare’s polka instruments! Perfect! He won’t be able to be victorious anymore without these!” Swinebutt said mischievously as he takes my black polka bag. “Time to ruin Flare’s life, one stolen item at a time!” Swinebutt started to chuckle. He then looks over to my fish and says, “You’re next, pretties!”
“Aww, he called us pretty!” Pearl blushed. “I knew this make-up would come in handy!”
“Wow he even talks ugly!” Rainbow commented.
“Is he going to take that Benadryl, or what?” Yoyo asked.
So the six of us headed over to party ground zero where Cheese Sandwich and other ponies were getting prepared for Rainbow Dash’s party. Once I caught my eye on Cheese Sandwich, I immediately stopped in shock. “Oh my Faust, it’s him! It’s really him! I had a theory that Spike was playing a joke on me, but it’s him!”
“Of course it’s him!” Blaze said. “Go and say hello!”
“Hello? HELLO?! Blaze, Cheese Sandwich is the pony that made me who I am today! He deserves better than just a ‘hello’!” I said.
“Give him a ‘sup brah’, like ya always do.” Aqua suggested.
“Wow… for the first time ever, Aqua said ‘brah’.” Crystal commented. “I don’t like it.”
“So I can’t be a part of the group?” Aqua asked.
“It’s just not your thing, partner.” Engie said. “It’s not mine either, so don’t worry.”
“I dunno if I’m ready to go to see him.” I said. “I mean what if I say something that might insult him?”
“Then yer screwed.” Engie teased.
“Shh! Not helping!” Psyche whispered.
“You didn’t say anythin’ yet, so don’t start talkin’ nonsense.” Engie complained.
“How about this? I’ll go talk to him first, and then you all could join along, and then you’ll see there’s nothing to worry about.” Blaze suggested.
“You sure you could handle it?” Crystal asked.
“Crystal, I’m a Wonderbolt. I’m fierce and brave. If I could handle all these tricks, talking to a simple celebrity would be just a walk in the park.” Blaze said.
“Alright, Blaze, let’s see if you could handle it.” I nodded. So Blaze walks over to Cheese Sandwich and gains his attention.
“Um, excuse me? Cheese Sandwich?” Blaze asked.
“Well-el-ell! What do we have here?” Cheese Sandwich asked as he observed Blaze. “Looks like we have a fierce flyer in the house! Or maybe I should say outside since we’re not in a house. Unless we could build a house where we’re standing! Wow that would be simply amazing! All we need is a fat pony with a hard hat with a PH.D in building, and did I mention he had to be fat?”
“I-I… umm…” Blaze stuttered.
“What’s your name, sonny-boy?” Cheese Sandwich asked. Blaze just turned around nervously and walked back to us. “Ok then, let me know if you find somepony that’s fat!”
“Wow… handled it like a pro, Blaze.” Crystal teased.
“Shut up!” Blaze yelled at her.
“See how hard it is? Can’t you see how amazing he is?” I asked. “This is just too much.”
“He’s too good for us, man.” Blaze said.
“I don’t think I have the guts to meet him.” I said. “He’s so cool! He’s like… the god of comedy! Next to Markipony that is.”
“That’s true.” Blaze agreed.
“Even though Cheese Sandwich inspired ya, he’s still an average everyday pony like the rest of us trying to make a living.” Aqua said. “Why would ya be nervous in meeting him?”
“Aqua’s right.” I agreed.
“I’m glad ya understand.” Aqua nodded.
“He’s an average everyday pony like the rest of us. We don’t need to meet him.” I said. “He’s not better than us! We’re awesome! Has he ever saved Equestria? No. We’re better than him!”
“That’s not what I technically said.” Aqua corrected me.
“You’re right, Aqua! He may be an artist, but what has he done to the community besides make ponies lawl?” I asked. “The six of us, we actually made a difference in Equestria!”
“But Flare, just because we saved Equestria at least once doesn’t mean it makes us better than Cheese Sandwich.” Psyche corrected me. “I on the other hoof find him fascinating to think about-“
“Nopony cares what you say Psyche.” I corrected him. “Us, we’re going places!”
Psyche sighs and shakes his head. “Whatever, man.” I know I do look confident in myself, but I’m really not. I was actually feeling pretty ashamed. I went to drown my current misery by stuffing myself in sweet stuff over at Sugarcube Corner.
“More rice pudding, please?” I requested.
“If I told you once, I told you a thousand times that we don’t sell that.” Mr. Cake corrected me.
“Then what have I been eating?” I asked.
“Sand.” He said.
“Sand?” I asked.
“Yeah, sand.” He said.
“Where did the sand come from?” I asked.
“Some jar that my wife has been keeping.” Mr. Cake said.
“Wait a minute, which jar are you talking about, dear?” Mrs. Cake asked.
“The one you’ve had since your dad passed away.” Mr. Cake said.
“PFFFFT!” I started spitting and coughing. “I’VE BEEN EATING, CUP CAKE SENIOR?!”
“Wha- NO!” Mrs. Cake said nervously. “That was just my dad’s prized collection of golden sand.”
I continued coughing and spitting. “YOU MEAN I’VE BEEN EATING PEE?!”
“NO!” Mrs. Cake corrected me. “The golden sand was just pirate treasure he discovered when he was a sailor.”
“YOU MEAN I’VE BEEN EATING OLD, BEYOND EXPIRATION DATE STUFF?!” I yelled.
“You sure were, deary.” Mrs. Cake nodded.
“Oh.” I said. “Well, sorry about your loss.”
“It’s ok.” Mrs. Cake said.
“So he was a sailor, huh?” I asked.
“More like a baker sailor.” Mr. Cake said.
“Ok. Can I have rice pudding now?” I asked.
“Have the rum cake.” Pinkie suggested as she sat down next to me in an upsetting mood. “I have it all the time when I’m depressed. Which reminds me, can I have a rum cake please?”
“Sure, Pinkie!” Mr. Cake nodded.
“So what’s your story?” I asked.
“Cheese Sandwich.” Pinkie said.
“Same.” I said.
“I see.” Pinkie understood.
“What happened?” I asked.
“It turns out that Rainbow Dash would prefer having him host her birthday party instead of me. Perhaps it’s time for me to give up.” Pinkie explained.
“Give up what; that hairstyle?” I asked.
“No. Give up partying.” Pinkie corrected me.
“Ok good because if you gave up that hairstyle and turn it into something straight, I’m never hanging with you again.” I said.
“Got it.” Pinkie said as she poured some of the sugar on the table into her mouth. “That’s right; I poured sugar in my mouth. Go ahead and bop me in the head and say I’m going to get pimples.”
“What?” I asked.
“What?” Pinkie asked.
“Anyways my story is that Cheese Sandwich is so cool that I got too nervous to meet him. He’s what inspired me to do polka in the first place!” I said.
Pinkie tossed the sugar off the table we were sitting at, and then she yelled angrily at me, “ALWAYS! Everypony’s always going Cheese Sandwich this and Cheese Sandwich that! I’m not sure what the big deal is with this pony! He’s just a pony that pops out of nowhere and then-“ Pinkie picks up the sugar container and places it back on the table, and then she suddenly tosses it off again, “-BOOM! He’s the new super doper party planner! What gives?!”
“I’m not sure. I don’t know him as a party planner. I know him as a comedy and parody musical artist.” I said.
“Well I guess he’s many things! He’s a party planner, a singer, a writer, an astronaut, a cowboy, or even the princess of Equestria!” Pinkie yelled.
“Or a party planner-singer-writer-cowboy-astronaut princess!” I added.
“With a mustache!” Pinkie added.
“Exactly!” I said. “Who cares if he’s all of those things? All that matters is that you are one of them!”
“You’re right, and I’m better than him at it!” Pinkie said. “I’m a much better astronaut than him!”
“Were you ever in space?” I asked.
“No but that would be FUN!” Pinkie said excitedly. “And I’d be the first in Ponyville to ever go to space!”
“Sorry, Pinks. Psyche and I already took that title.” I corrected her.
“Ok how about cowboy?” Pinkie asked.
“Big Mac.” I said.
“Princess?” Pinkie asked.
“Twilight AND Big Mac.” I said.
“Writer or singer?” Pinkie asked.
“Everypony in town is a singer, and I think Featherweight has that writer position.” I said.
“So best party planner then!” Pinkie said.
“Definitely Cheese Sandwich!” Mr. Cake said.
“Pumpkin!” Mrs. Cake mumbled at her husband and elbowed him.
“Oh, umm, right. Pinkie I mean!” Mr. Cake corrected himself.
“Oh…” Pinkie said upsettingly.
“Hey Pinks, if it makes you feel any better. You’re the best one-pony band I know.” I said as Gummy started nibbling on my tail like he usually likes to do. “Hey Gummy.” I said to him.
“No I’m not.” Pinkie said upsettingly. “A couple of weirdos took that position already. They were battling it out for a little filly’s coin, but then the little filly lost her coin, took one of the band pony’s violins, played it, and she earned herself a ton of coins. She tossed two of the coins into the top of a fountain, and the two band pony’s haven’t been able to get them ever since. But they’re still better one-pony band ponies than I.”
“Don’t be like that, Pinks.” I suggested. “I mean… look… how about you just sing it out? You’re a better singer than most ponies in town other than your friends. Head upstairs, think about it, maybe you can prove that you’re a better pony than Cheese Sandwich. I mean, don’t take my word for it. He’s amazing! But you’re fun!”
“Maybe.” Pinkie said upsettingly as she places the sugar back on the table. “I mean, it wouldn’t be so hard if-“
“Hey Pinkie, would you like frosting on your rum cake?” Mr. Cake asked.
“DON’T INTERUPT ME!” Pinkie yelled as she tosses the sugar off the table again.
“Sorry, sorry!” Mr. Cake said nervously.
“It wouldn’t be so hard if Cheese asked for my help, but he didn’t.” Pinkie said to me. “All the ponies want him to be the party planner, not me. Perhaps it’s time to give it up.” Pinkie stands up from her seat and starts to walk upstairs. “I gotta go, Flare.”
“Just think about it, Pinks.” I suggested. “This is your ex-stallionfriend talking – the most trustful pony you know. Just think about it.” Pinkie nods sadly and walks back upstairs to her room. Once Pinkie walked up to her room, the Noble Six met with me at Sugarcube Corner.
“There ya are, mate!” Aqua said.
“Yeah we were worried sick about- WHOA!” Engie yelled as he trips and falls on the floor.
“Ya alright, Engie?” Aqua asked.
“No, ah think ah should sue!” Engie said angrily. “Ah tripped on this sugar container! Why was it on the floor anyway?”
“It was my fault, brah. Sorry.” I lied. Pinkie had enough to deal with.
“Alright, ah won’t sue you, partner.” Engie promised. “But pick these up next time, alright?”
“I was about to, but then I saw you all walk in.” I lied again. Hey, I’m not AppleJack, so don’t look at me like that.
“How’s it going, man?” Blaze asked.
“Hanging in there.” I said. “I needed some time to think.”
“And?” Blaze asked.
“And what?” I asked.
“Nevermind.” Blaze said.
“Cheese Sandwich isn’t going to be here forever, Flare.” Aqua said. “If ya want to meet him, now is the time.”
“But I’m too shyyyyyy!” I whined.
“You know, Flare, back at the orphanage, I too was shy at first.” Crystal said.
“You were?” I asked.
“I still am.” Crystal said. “I wouldn’t dare show my face there again!”
“Why would you?” I asked.
“I loved the colors of the walls!” Crystal said. “This type of color you wouldn’t find anywhere else anymore!”
“What color was it?” Aqua asked.
“It’s a type of orange color.” Crystal said. “I think it explains why it was stressing out many of the foals and they couldn’t sleep.”
“Orange is a very stressful color.” Aqua nodded. “The color of… flames… lots and lots of flames.” Aqua sniffled and a tear fell out of his eye.
“You know, Crystal…” I started.
“Yes, I know Crystal. She’s pretty awesome, and awesomely pretty!” Crystal teased.
“I think what you told me is giving me a breakthrough!” I said excitedly. “I think I’m ready, brahs! I think I’m ready to meet Cheese Sandwich!”
“All because of Crystal’s orange story?” Psyche asked.
“All because of Crystal’s orange story.” I nodded.
“Ok then.” Psyche shrugged.
“Time to impress Cheese Sandwich!” I said excitedly.
“OUT OF MY WAY!” Pinkie yelled as she pushes us out of the way as she wears a wacky party outfit.
“What’s going on, Pinkie?” Psyche asked as Pinkie jumps outside and starts singing.
“For I am Pinkie, the bestest party pony aroooooooooooound!” Pinkie sang to the outside world.
“Don’t ponies realize that ‘bestest’ isn’t a real world?” I asked.
“Says the pony that says ‘gooder’.” Psyche teased.
“I made up that word, I admitted that before.” I corrected him.
So my friends and I returned to the party grounds so I could finally meet Cheese Sandwich. I was still feeling a bit nervous, but meeting this dude is a dream to me! I don’t meet him now, I probably never will! It was now or never. “Are you feeling alright, man?” Blaze asked.
“Pretty nervous still, but I have to do this. I have to tell him how much he inspired me.” I said.
“I’m proud of you, Flare.” Psyche said. “Do what you need to do!”
“I will!” I said. So I regaining my confidence and I started walking over to Cheese Sandwich. I was about several feet from him when I was interrupted by Pinkie.
“CHEESE SANDWICH!” Pinkie yelled from the distance. “I challenge you… TO A GOOF OFF!”
“And my confidence is gone again.” I said to myself as I backed away. I walked on back to my friends and they were pretty concerned.
“What happened? You were doing good!” Blaze asked.
“Pinkie happened.” I said.
“I know how you feel.” Psyche said, trying to comfort me.
“So what if Pinkie got in the way?” Crystal asked.
“Well now that Cheese Sandwich is talking to her; it would feel pretty awkward interrupting him.” I said.
“Partner… he’s a pony like everypony else.” Engie reminded me. “Treat him like you treat everypony else.”
“Then may Faust have mercy on his soul.” Aqua commented.
“Look, I dunno what to do, alright? Pinkie got in the way, and I don’t know what to do.” I said.
“The more time you waste talking to him, the more nervous you get.” Psyche said. “You might as well just get it out of the way, and you’ll feel better.”
“Well… I… umm…” I thought.
“Trust me; you know I’m the honest one in the group.” Psyche said.
“No I trust you, Psyche.” I nodded. “I mean that doesn’t make you less of a punching bag, but I trust you.”
“You have to meet him, Flare, before it’s too late.” Engie said.
“Then I shall meet him RIGHT NOW, but… can you dudes and dudet please assist me? I don’t wanna meet him alone.” I said. “Maybe if I had friends there to comfort me, I think I’d feel a lot calmer.”
“And it took you that long to figure it out?” Crystal asked. “I mean we’re Equestria, Flare! Friendship’s the number one thing that keeps this land in balance, and it took you that long to figure that out?”
“How long does it take for the Mane Six to learn something new?” I asked.
“Now that’s a good point.” Engie nodded.
“C’mon, man. We’re all going to meet Cheese Sandwich… together!” Blaze said.
“Then let’s do it!” I said as the six of us all went over to meet Cheese Sandwich.
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“No time to talk, pal! I have to prepare for a Goof Off!” Cheese said as he ran off.
“He doesn’t like me.” I said.
“Don’t talk nonsense, man! He was busy!” Blaze said.
“He doesn’t like me. He avoided me.” I said upsettingly. “He doesn’t want to talk to me. He doesn’t want to know he’s inspired me. He doesn’t want to know that we share the power of polka. Maybe it’s time to give up the instruments. Why did I like him in the first place?”
“DUDE!” Blaze yelled. “It’s not like that at all! He was preparing for a… I dunno, a ‘goof off’? You can talk to him when he’s available next!”
“But what if he’s never available? I’ll never get to talk to him! It was never meant to be, brah. Being the best pizza owner in Equestria is good enough for me.” I said. “But wait! What if it’s all a lie? What if I’m not actually the best pizza owner in Equestria? WHAT IF I’M THE WORST?! I don’t think I could take this! I should just go home and play some Myst to calm me down.”
“If ya think that’s best.” Aqua shrugged.
“But wait!” I yelled. “What if… what if… what if… what if I’m not able to play the game because of how much I know I’m a failure? What if- wow, I wish I had a bit every time I said ‘what if’. WHAT IF Crèmepop’s not even real? Maybe she’s imaginary! What if none of this is real!? It could be all a dream! I’m still in Mareami right now getting picked on and betrayed! What if this is all in my head?! I’m still the same failure I always was!”
“FLARE!” Psyche yelled as he smacked me in the face. “SNAP OUT OF IT!”
“OH SNAP OUT OF IT!” Crystal yelled. “Wow! That was clever!”
“Flare… all of this is real.” Blaze said. “Your life is awesome! You have four awesome best friends and one treasured acquaintance!”
“This again?” Aqua asked.
“You have the best pizza in Equestria, and yes, Crèmepop is real.” Blaze said, trying to calm me down. “You have to relax, bro! You’re worried too much about one celebrity!”
“Besides, even if a celebrity didn’t like ya, who cares?” Aqua asked. “They’re just a simple average pony makin’ a livin’. Somepony famous not likin’ ya doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world for ya. Ya life ain’t less good, mate. What matters is that ya inspired others as well as him. Be proud of that.”
“Wow…” I said surprisingly. “You’re right, Aqua. I’m so worried about Cheese Sandwich not liking me that I’m just forgetting how- wait a minute… I think I just repeated a moral, didn’t I? Didn’t Rainbow Dash have this moral recently?”
“She did, but you never learned it.” Blaze reminded me.
“Ok, I guess me not learning it is an exception.” I said. “But I’m pretty sure I get it now. Cheese Sandwich and I will be great pals! I mean, maybe not close friends since he’s famous and sometimes famous ponies think that some ponies like them just because they’re popular, but that’s not why I respect Cheese Sandwich. I respect his enthusiasm, and it’s one of the things that kept me going in life. He’s not ignoring me. He just has too much on his plate.”
“Yeah it’s like talking to Markipony on his livestream. So many different users are talking at once and he could barely read them all.” Crystal said.
“After Cheese is done, I wanna meet Markipony next!” I said.
“Didn’t we just meet him last Nightmare Night?” Crystal asked.
“That was his alter-ego actually, the Blacksmith Beast.” I corrected her.
“Ah thought his alter-ego was Wilfred Warstache?” Engie asked.
“He’s got a few alter-egos.” I said. “My favorite is his Santa-ego! DELEGH ALRIGHT YOU KIDDIES!”
So we went over to the part of town where Cheese Sandwich and Pinkie were having their goof-off. We really enjoyed it! You could hear some glimpses of the Cheese’s W.A.Y. Moby Polka in it and he was as funny as ever! Oh and Spanish is canon now, yay! I still don’t understand why Pinkie gave up in the end. I guess she’s no match for Cheese’s power of polka! Then again, I don’t think we are either. When Pinkie sadly walked away after her defeat, this was my chance to meet Cheese Sandwich!
“We ready to meet Cheese Sandwich?” Blaze asked.
“Pinkie looks upset though. Shouldn’t we comfort her?” Aqua asked.
“That’s the MANE Six’s job.” Crystal reminded him.
“Wouldn’t hurt to show that we care.” Aqua said. So we walked up to Cheese Sandwich and got his attention.
“Sup brah?” I asked.
“Brah? BRAH!? Are you calling me bearded ladies clothing?” Cheese asked.
“What?” I asked.
“Ooooh, I know you!” Cheese said.
“You do?” I asked.
“YES! You’re the pizza delivery pony, am I right?” Cheese asked.
“That I am!” I nodded.
“Oh… I was actually joking. You really are?” Cheese asked.
“Actually I make the pizzas. I just deliver in my spare time.” I said.
“Well of course you’d SPARE time. You wouldn’t kill time, right buddy?” Cheese asked.
“No, not all, Cheese!” I said.
“What’s your name?” Cheese asked.
“Flare.” I said.
“And I’m Cryst-“ Crystal was about to say but I interrupted her.
“And it is an honor to finally meet you, Cheese!” I said excitedly. “I known you since you had shorter hair, a mustache, and was still wearing glasses!”
“So what do you know me for? My parties or my music?” Cheese asked.
“Your music! Your music is so inspirational to me, dude!” I said excitedly. “Your funny songs, your parodies, your polkas! I memorized nearly all of them!”
“Really? Well that’s surprising. I usually have trouble remembering some of them.” Cheese admitted.
“Really now?” I asked.
“Swear on cranberry!” Cheese said.
“It was your music that kept me going in my life, brah!” I said. “I didn’t have such a healthy past, but your music made it all worth while!”
“But wait! There’s more!” Cheese said excitedly.
“How do you know that?” I asked.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Cheese asked.
“Good point.” I nodded. “Yes, there is more. Pinkie Pie gave me a set of polka instruments and when we were in trouble, we used the music to help us get out of situations. Your music isn’t just entertainment; it helped save Equestria.”
“Well I’d like to hear what you can do for myself!” Cheese said.
“Huh?” I asked.
“Tonight at Rainbow Dash’s party, I want YOU to sing to me one of my songs!” Cheese suggestions.
“Is he serious?” Aqua asked.
“Am I EVER not that serious?” Cheese asked as he stood right behind Aqua.
“Ah’m not sure how to answer that.” Engie said.
“So you want us… to sing one of your polkas… to you?” Psyche asked.
“I was actually saying to the whole town, and any of my music, not just a polka, but do what you like!” Cheese said.
“Oooooh snap!” Crystal said in shock. “We’re going to sing a polka to Cheese Sandwich himself?”
“Are you sure this isn’t a dream, Blaze?” I asked.
“To be honest, at this point, I have no idea.” Blaze admitted.
“You’re an inspiration to me, Cheese! I don’t want to out-fame you.” I said.
“Hey I had an inspiration too who made me who I am today. Just ask Boneless here!” Cheese informed as he points to his rubber chicken whom was sitting on his back. Why did I say ‘whom’ is instead of ‘that’? He’s an object!
“Boneless? I can tell that rubber chicken is possessed, not fresh.” Psyche pointed out.
“Well? What do you six say?” Cheese asked.
“Alright Cheese Sandwich, you have a deal!” I said as I shook his hoof. “We’ll perform a polka tonight!”
“EXCELLENT!” Cheese said excitedly as he lifted me in the air holding only my hoof and shook my hoof real hard that my whole body was vibrating. “You will provide super fun entertainment!”
“Iiiiiii hoooooope soooooo!” I said as my body was still vibrating.
“Tacos and mushrooms, I’ll see you tonight at the party!” Cheese said excitedly as he releases me and then walks away. All that vibrating made me feel a bit dizzy. My eyes were rolling around my sockets, but I’m still pretty psyched over what Cheese offered us.
“THIS IS AWESOME, MAN!” Blaze said excitedly. “See? We met Cheese Sandwich and it was pretty much the best thing that ever happened to us!”
“One of them.” I said. “There are other best things, but meeting Cheese is among the top 5 of best things, I’ll give you that!”
“So what are we going to do now?” Psyche asked.
“I’m glad I didn’t put my instruments in my personal chest after all. Let’s go to my trailer, get the instruments, and prepare for the party!” I suggested.
“Then let’s go!” Crystal said excitedly. So we all rushed to my trailer to get my instruments. Once I got inside, my sister was about to stop me, but I kept going.
“Flare, you have a minute? I have to-“ Water started.
“No time, sis! Are you coming to Rainbow Dash’s party?” I asked.
“Sure! As soon as I find where my missing make-up is.” Water said. “But I gotta tell you something.”
“WHAT IN THE WIZARD OF HOPE?!” I yelled.
“I’ll tell you later.” Water said as she closes her bedroom door.
“WHERE ARE THEY?!” I yelled.
“What do you mean?” Engie asked.
“THE POLKA INSTRUMENTS! THEY’RE GONE!” I yelled.
“Really? Are you sure you didn’t put the instruments in your chest?” Blaze asked.
“YOU KEPT CLOSING IT, YOU FOOL!” I reminded him. “YOU FOOLISH FOOL! You didn’t give me a chance to put them in there!”
“Really? Who would steal our instruments?” Psyche asked.
“WATERRRR!” I yelled.
“No I didn’t do it, Flare, but you should look at your security footage.” Water suggested.
“Oh, right! The security footage! We’ll see who stole my instruments!” I said as I walked over to the exercise room, opened the wall which revealed the security mainframe and I was about to see who stole my instruments. I rewinded the security footage of my bedroom and saw everything that was going on in there.
“Apollo? What’s he doing in your bedroom?” Blaze asked.
“Is that Water’s make-up?” I asked. “Why is he dumping it in the fish tank?”
“And there’s Crèmepop.” Crystal pointed out. “Aww she’s hugging your teddy bear! Now she’s hugging your pillow. Now she’s hugging your bed frame. Now she’s hugging your fish tank. Now she’s hugging… a life-size doll of you?”
“Uhh, I should fast-forward that.” I said as I fast-forwarded through that footage. “Ok there we go, that’s done. THERE!”
“Is that Swinebutt?” Aqua asked.
“So it was him! He took our instruments!” Psyche said.
“But why though?” Aqua asked.
“Perhaps because he saw us use the polka instruments to get out of situations many times, he thinks without us havin’ them, we’d be a bit more defenseless.” Engie assumed.
“Oh great, now he’s looking at my fish! DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH MY FISH, SWINEBUTT!” I yelled.
“He can’t hear you, dude.” Psyche reminded me.
“REALLY?! You think I didn’t know that?” I complained.
“Swinebutt took the instruments. How are we going to perform at the party now?” Blaze asked.
“We’re going to have to find him.” Aqua said. “Perhaps he’s still in town somewhere, hidin’.”
“I think I might know where to find him.” Psyche said.
“I wouldn’t tell you that he’s here even if he was!” Officer Nickels said as we asked him where Swinebutt was when we got to the police station. “Swinebutt didn’t tell me he was on a mission.”
“He didn’t?” Blaze asked.
“No! Sometimes he likes to do things by himself. He’ll say he’ll need my help when he gets it.” Officer Nickels said.
“Alright, well thanks for your help anyway.” I said.
“I’m still watching you, Psyche!” Officer Penny warned him.
“I know.” Psyche said as we walked out.
“Well he wasn’t there. Where else could he be?” Blaze asked.
“You’re not gonna like this one, Blaze.” I said.
“Oh no, please! NO!” Blaze begged. “I don’t wanna go see him!”
And so we went to see ‘him’, who was actually Dr. Steelhoof. “Waze Woldheart! You bwought me him? You actually bwought me him?” he asked.
“We just wanna know where Swinebutt is.” I said.
“Give me, Woldheart, and I’ll tell you.” Steelhoof said.
“Here’s a sample of Blaze’s hair. Take it, or leave it.” I offered.
“Fine.” Steelhoof said as he takes the lock of Blaze’s hair. “I have no clue whaa he is, but I’ll tell you, he is pwannin’ something big pwetty soon.”
“Yeah well, I’d suggest you wall to be pwepared fow what he has pwanned.” Steelhoof said.
“Steelhoof, yer the worst of Swinebutt’s agents.” Engie said. “He’d be upset that yer tellin’ his foes he’s plannin’ somethin’.”
“I think that’s probably why he doesn’t hiwer me to do things for him anymow.” Steelhoof said.
“Who’s at the door, honey?” a female computerized voice asked.
“It’s just a few foes, Clarese!” Steelhoof called out. “They wanna know whaa Swinebutt is.”
“You fixed your wife, huh?” Engie asked.
“Yeah she’s BACK from the wospital!” Steelhoof said angrily and his good-eye twitched.
“Ah know how you feel, partner.” Engie said as he places his hoof on Steelhoof’s shoulder. “Ah have a robotic mom.”
“We ware one of the same.” Steelhoof said.
“Indeed we are.” Engie nodded. So after that, we returned to my trailer, giving up on looking for Swinebutt.
“Well… we looked at all possible places, but Swinebutt is nowhere to be found.” I said. “I guess we’re not going to be performing at Rainbow Dash’s party after all.”
“Ya seem rather calm.” Aqua pointed out.
“I got to meet one of my idols and he’s cool with me. I’m pretty sure he’ll be cool with us not being able to perform.” I said.
“I’m proud of you, Flare!” Blaze said. “You’re no longer freaking out over Cheese Sandwich! Congrats!”
“Thanks, brah!” I said. “Even though it looks like it’ll be a long time before we use the power of polka again, we know that it does compel you.”
“Ooooh, my head!” Swinebutt said as he exits my trailer, rubbing his head.
“THERE HE IS!” Blaze yelled.
“OW! Don’t yell!” Swinebutt complained and snorted. “I have such a bad headache right now!”
“Wait a minute… HE WAS IN MY TRAILER THIS WHOLE TIME?!” I yelled.
“I guess I should pay more attention to where I’m going.” Swinebutt said.
A cutaway shows Swinebutt exiting my bedroom with my polka instruments. “You’re next, pretties!” Swinebutt said mischievously to my fish as he starts laughing and snorting as he walks out of my bedroom. “I FOUND IT!” Water said excitedly as she opens a trap door on my hallway floor, but the trap door hits Swinebutt in the head and he starts falling through the trap door and to wherever is underground. “I FOUND FLARE’S SODA CELLAR, and I didn’t even have to use the attic!” The cutaway ends.
“I didn’t even know that trailer had a cellar!” Swinebutt said and snorted.
“Learn something new every day, eh buddy?” I asked.
“This isn’t over!” Swinebutt warned me as he walked away. “Ow! My head!”
“Ok I’m confused.” Crystal said.
“So am I.” Psyche said.
“I FOUND YOUR POLKA INSTRUMENTS, FLARE!” Pinkie said excitedly as she hops out of my trailer.
“Pinkie?” I asked. “What were you doing in my trailer?”
“Weren’t you listening? I was looking for your polka instruments.” Pinkie reminded me. “I found them in your soda cellar!”
“How did you know about my soda cellar?” I asked.
“We were dating once, duh!” Pinkie reminded me.
“That still doesn’t answer my question.” I said.
“Well I had to return the favor because I wanted to thank you, Flare!” Pinkie said.
“For what?” I asked. “We only socialized like two times today and I didn’t even help you with anything.”
“You did!” Pinkie said. “Don’t you remember? You gave me advice back at Sugarcube Corner. You told me to think about the problems I’ve been going through, maybe even sing it out, and I did! It helped me! It helped me regain confidence in myself! I knew I wouldn’t be better than Cheese Sandwich!”
“Oh that. I completely forgot about that.” I admitted.
“Of course after the goof off, I lost confidence again, but then I regained it again thanks to me thinking about what I’ve done.” Pinkie said. “I had friends to remind me what I’m capable of, and how to share to laughs, and you helped me with that, Flare Gun!”
“Wow… I helped Pinks out today and I didn’t even know it!” I said.
“You did assist me in teaching me a valuable lesson today, Flare!” Pinkie said as she places her hoof on my Blessings of the Night and it began to glow. “You taught me that I should even listen to my ex-stallionfriends because they’re very trustworthy, and very helpful!”
“I don’t think that’s a very good lesson.” Psyche said.
“You’re right, Psyche.” Pinkie said. “It was FANTASTIC lesson! Always listen to your ex-stallionfriends as if they’re still your stallionfriends! No matter how abusive they may be!”
“I wasn’t even abusive to you!” I corrected her.
“You kept cheating in every bowling game, golf game, board game, and pretty much any kind of game when we were dating. If that wasn’t abusive, I dunno what is.” Pinkie said.
“That’s not true; I didn’t cheat on ALL the games! You can’t even cheat on Simon!” I reminded her.
“Flare, if you’ve been hanging with me, let alone dating me for so long, you can make the impossible happen!” Pinkie said as she leans close to my face and we were touching noses.
“You weren’t this close to me since we broke up.” I said.
“Why do they keep bringing that up?” Crystal asked. “I mean they broke up, and they’re ok with it. If I broke up with Thundy, I’d be life would be a complete mess! It would be Hell!”
And so after a couple of hours, it was time for Rainbow Dash’s birthday party! Everypony in town was there! Even Swinebutt, Officer Nickels, and Dr. Steelhoof joined. I saw Addie, Wind Racer, Thunder, and… alright, I don’t need to go into detail. Everypony in town was there. Everypony sure liked my huge pizzas too. Rainbow went all Pac-Man on that thang!
“Thanks for all the birthday wishes, everypony!” Rainbow Dash said. “This is almost the best party ever!”
“Almost?” Blaze asked.
“I didn’t get my present from Candy yet.” Rainbow said.
“Oh… right… about that.” Candy started nervously. “I… umm… sorta didn’t…”
“She didn’t get one herself because she her, me, and little Rosie here all got you a little something!” Blaze said as he was carrying their daughter Rose on his back.
“Aba!” Rose cried out.
“Awww! You all got me something?” Rainbow asked.
“We all got you something?” Candy asked.
“Trying to play stupid with me, squirt?” Rainbow asked as she noogied her little sis.
“Yes… big time.” Candy said in a confused tone.
“YIPPIE!” Pinkie cried as she jumped on my back.
“WHOA SALAMI!” I yelled.
“Both Cheese and I made this party!” Pinkie said.
“You don’t say?” I asked.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Pinkie asked me.
“I gave Rainbow her gift already, I ate some cake, I tried out all the games, what else is there for me to do?” I asked.
“Did you forget?” Pinkie asked.
“No I didn’t forget the polka. I was just waiting for the right time.” I said.
“Is it time now?” Pinkie asked.
“Not yet.” I said.
“How about now?” Pinkie asked immediately after.
“Yes it’s time!” I said excitedly.
“It’s time?” Aqua asked.
“It’s time!” I said.
“It’s time?” Crystal asked.
“It’s time!” I said.
“It’s time?” Psyche asked.
“It’s time!” I said.
“It’s time?” Crystal asked.
“You already had a turn, Crystal.” I reminded her.
“It’s time?” Engie asked.
“Weren’t you listening?” I asked him.
“Then let’s show Cheese Sandwich what we’re made up!” Blaze said mischievously.
“Simple! We’re made of 65% water, 5% fur, and 30% body fat.” Engie said. So the six of us went up on stage with our polka instruments, and we wanted to show Cheese Sandwich how well we can handle the power of polka!
Anyways, readers, the next part is just us singing and doing weird stuff during the song, so if you want to end the chapter here, there is nothing else important after this. Just being a friend and warning you ahead of time, because we’re friends. FRIENDS! FRIEEEEEEEEENDS! Otherwise, here we go!
The six of us all inhaled and began singing in a chorus-style the first part without playing any instruments; “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a land-slide, no escape from reality!”
After a few seconds of silence, we started playing our instruments and started singing Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, but all positive, and happy-happy joytime! Psyche let out a big blow on his kazoo and I started singing, “Open your eyes look up to the skies and seeeeeee… I’m just a poor boy…”
“POOR BOOOOOY!” the others sang.
“I have no sympathy,” I sang, “cause-“
“Easy come, easy go!” the others sang as their bodies started going up high and down low beyond we could ever do. “Little high, little low!”
“Anywhere the wind blows,” I sang as I started flying around like a weightless piece of paper, “doesn’t really matter to meeeeeee, to me!”
So we did a little instrumental in between lines as Engie shouted, “YEEEE HAW!”
“Mama…” Psyche started as he aimed a fake gun on a plastic dummy’s head. “Just killed a stallon… put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he’s dead-“ POW! Goes the gun as it makes the sound of an old western-type pistol, and then the head gets blown off the dummy. Ok, so it wasn’t a fake gun after all.
“Mama,” Engie started, “Life has just begun, but now ah’m gonna throw it all away!” Engie then dives into an office-type trash bin and bumps his head on the bottom. “OW!” he yelled. Hey there was a sign right there that said ‘no diving’.
“Mama, ooo…” Blaze sang. “Didn’t mean to make you cry, if I’m not back again this time tomorrow, carry-on, carry-on, except nothing really matters!” he sang as he was swinging his arms around like one of those ragdolls from Gmod. We did another instrumental part as Engie and I were taking turns hoping up and down like we were in low-gravity (really, there were strings attached to our backs; when Engie was up, I was down; and when I was up, Engie was down) as we played our instruments.
“Too late…” Aqua sang. Waa, waa. “My time has come.” When Aqua sings the next part, he starts holding onto his body and shivers around and then collapses on the ground. “Sends shivers down my spine; body’s aching all the time.” Then Psyche suddenly uses his dentist drill sound-effect to make an ol-shivering feeling.
“Goodbye everybody – I gotta go.” Blaze sang as he waved and then a giant hook appears behind him. “Gotta leave you all behind and face the tr- WHOA!” he yells as the hook pulls him away.
“Mama, ooo!” I sang.
“Anywhere the wind blows!” my friends sang.
“I don’t wanna die!” I sang as I started sinking in quick-stand with my grave next to it. “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t even born at all…” So we started to play a longer instrumental and danced around stage as Psyche took a blow on some slide-whistles for effect. We all clopped and hooves and chanted ‘HEY’ as we kicked around side-by-side and played our instruments.
Just then, Aqua starts playing his ukulele solo as he sang the next part. “I see a little silhouette of a mare.”
“Scaramouch, scaramouche,” the Noble Six sang and jumped every time they said that word, and then they started shaking around like a Gmod ragdoll again, “will you do the Fandango!” The next part shows Blaze, Psyche, and Engie within the shadows, barely seen as thunder rumbles in the background. They all sang in a deep voice, “Thunder-bolts and lightning, very very frightening ME!”
“Galileo!” Crystal sang.
“Galileo!” Engie sang.
“Galileo!” Crystal sang.
“Galileo!” Engie sang.
“Gaileo Figaro!” Engie and Crystal both sang. The next part shows Engie and Crystal singing the next part as two more Engies and Crystals appear, and then they both disappear leaving only one Engie and one Crystal, and then three hay stacks fall from the sky and land beside them, one stack at a time. “Magnifico-oh-oooooh! HEY, HEY, HEY!” That’s when the three hay-stacks come.
“I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me!” Psyche sang.
“He’s just a poor boy from a poor family, spare him his life this monstrosity!” Crystal and Engie sang. Waa-waa, waa-waa.
“Easy come, easy go, will ya let me go?” Aqua sang.
“Bismillah! Noooo, we won’t let you go!” Blaze sang as he pointed to Psyche.
“LET HIM GOOOOOO!” Psyche sang.
“Bismillah! Noooo, we won’t let you go!” Blaze sang as he was now wearing a mustache.
“LET HIM GOOOOOO!” Psyche sang as he wore a sombrero.
“Bismillah! Noooo, we won’t let you go!” Blaze sang as he was now wearing a tuxedo and a hat to go with that mustache.
“LET HIM GO!” Psyche sang as he was wearing a barrel over his body to go with that sombrero. Wait… how do they match?
“Will not let you go!” Engie sang as he and the Noble Six were the moles on a giant wack-a-mole game.
“Let me go!” Crystal sang.
“Will not let you go!” Aqua sang.
“Let me go-whoa-whoa!” Blaze sang.
I then started smashing the Noble Six’s mole heads with a giant mallet because I was the whacker and to each ‘no’ I said, was a Noble Six member whacked. “NO, NO, NO, NO, NONO-NONO-NO!”
“Oh mama-mia, mama-mia!” Psyche sang as the camera zoomed into his mouth.
“Mama-mia let me go!” the Noble Six all sang. “Beelzebub! Has disharmony put aside for me… for me… FOR MEEEEEE!”
“RAH-HA-HA-HAAAA!” I laughed. We all now had our arms over our shoulders and swung back and forth to the instrumental.
“So you think ya can stone me and spit in my eye-ye!” Aqua sang. Just then, Crystal spits in Aqua’s eye. “Ew, Crystal!”
“So you think you can love me and leave me to die-ye!” Crystal sang.
“Oooooooh babyyyyy!” Engie sang.
“Can’t do this to me babyyyy!” Psyche sang as he held a baby in his arms.
“Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here!” Blaze sang as he was behind cage, which of course, he could just walk out of the sides to get out. We all clopped our hooves together again to the music as we were about to reach our last part. Engie played the trumpet as the music started to calm down, I played a short accordion solo, Blaze played a short clarinet solo, and then Engie quickly switched to his tuba and played a solo of that as we were about to reach the last part of the song.
“Ooooooooooooo.” My friends sang while wearing top hats and canes. “Ooo yeah, ooo yeah!”
I then walked up to the front of the stage as I too was wearing a top hat and cane. I then sang, “Nothing really matters, anyone can seeee. Nothing really matters…”
And then we all sang, “Noooothing really maaaaaaatteeeeeeeers to meeeeeeee- (nothing matters) ee-eeeeeee- (nothing matters) ee-eeeeee- (nothing matters)… anywhere the- anywhere the- anywhere the wind blows- HEY!” we concluded the song.
Everypony cheered as I shouted out, “THE POWER OF POLKA COMEPLS YOU!”
“YOU KNOW IT!” Cheese Sandwich yelled as he popped up behind me. “Now there’s only one thing I have yet to know. What happened to that giant cheese wheel I had during the Goof Off?”
A cutaway shows Trixie humming to herself as she was returning to her caravan. Once she got to it, she saw that her caravan was crushed by a giant cheese wheel. “CURSE YOU WEEEEEEELS!” Trixie cried. The cutaway ends.
LAWL! You know what number chapter this is? I mean yes it’s chapter 9 of Book 3, but I mean total chapter! Guess what number it is and you’ll see why I’m laughing. Anyways, welcome to another session of the Friendship is Epic challenge! In this challenge, we’re having a slight crossover with the characters from the Friendship Mafia story! Oh, have you read that yet? It stars Herb Leafhorn, my former school bully, and how he joined the mob and how he dealt with his father. If you haven’t already, you should read it! I strongly suggest reading it before chapter 15, alright? Just warning you ahead of time. So yeah, that brings me to the FiE challenge. You know Angel Heartstrings, right? Herb’s friend and Lyra’s cousin. He says ‘man’ a lot. For every time he says ‘man’, I have to stuff a garlic roll in his mouth. Well finally! A challenge that doesn’t involve walking to be more difficult! Anyways, let’s begin!
We start off the story in, once again, inside my trailer. Don’t worry, I promise we won’t start in my trailer on chapter 11. I can’t promise chapter 10 because I already started it. So I was inside my trailer, just hanging outside my front door, and I was taking deep breaths very nervously. “Flare, are you alright?” Crème asked.
“DON’T KILL ME!” I yelled in fear. I then calmed myself down after I figured out who it was. “Oh, it’s just you, Crème.”
“That a problem?” she asked.
“No! That’s not a problem at all, babe! I swear!” I swore.
“Hmm…” she looked at me suspiciously. “Alright… I believe you.”
“Good.” I said in relief.
“What’s going on, Flare? Isn’t it time for work?” Crème asked.
“I know it’s time for work, I’m just- wait… why aren’t you at work yet?” I asked.
“I go with you, remember?” Crème reminded me.
“Barely.” I said. “Sorry, Crèmey, I’m just too nervous to go outside today. I think I should call in sick.”
“It’s because it’s foggy out right?” Crème asked with an attitude.
“CRÈME?! This is a big deal!” I freaked out. “It’s so foggy out today! Anything could happen out there!” I opened the door slightly and looked outside and there was fog everywhere. I could barely see the houses in front of my trailer. “I mean… it’s not safe anywhere! I’m not sure which way I should go! Should I go,” I faced left, “towards the fog of death,” I faced right, “or towards the fog of oblivion? I’m going to die!”
“You know, you make a very good point.” Crème nodded nervously. “C-can I call in sick today?”
“You’re excused.” I said nervously as I shut the door.
“Let’s sit on the couch with a blanket over us, and cuddle as we comfort eachother and make us less scared.” Crème suggested.
“What are you trying to do, Crème? Make me WANT to go out there?” I asked.
“I’m sorry, Flarey!” Crème said nervously. “Please don’t go out there! I don’t want the fog to kill you!”
“I don’t want the fog to kill me either.” I said. “I’m going to put this trailer on full-lockdown. The fog won’t get in and kill us all.”
“You do that.” Crème agreed.
“No, you both are being ridiculous right now.” Water said. “Both of you are going to work!”
“Shouldn’t you be at work?” I asked her. “I have no problems with you being out there.”
“Don’t worry, Flare. I’m leaving now.” Water said as she leaves the trailer.
“NO, WATER!” Crème yelled. “FLARE?! How could you let your sister go out there?!”
“Because I want her to move out.” I said.
“YOU WANT HER TO DIE?!” Crème yelled.
“Good point.” I nodded. “Time to lockdown my trailer.”
“But she could be in big trouble!” Crème reminded me.
“Look at my face right now, Crème. Look at it.” I instructed her. “Does it look like I care?”
“No but you have a nasty pimple on your lip.” Crème said.
“WHAT?!” I yelled.
“Oh yeah you do.” Crème nodded as she looked at my face, but there was no pimple there.
“I don’t feel a pimple.” I said as I felt my lip.
“It’s one of those pimples that you don’t know it’s there unless you look at it.” Crème said.
“I gotta look at it then!” I panicked.
“No time for that! We have to go out there and rescue Water! She’ll know what to do!” Crème suggested.
“You’re right!” I agreed as I opened the door, and then I shouted, “I’M COMING TO RESCUE YOU, SIS!” and then I charged outside to look for Water. Crème stayed behind because she was too nervous.
“I… I’ll be here if… if you need me!” Crème shouted out nervously.
I bravely ran through the fog and searched every where for Water, but there wasn’t a soul out here. It was spooky. I almost hit a few trees, market stalls, walls, and I did trip over a traffic cone. “A traffic cone? In Ponyville? How?” I asked curiously as I stood back up and continued looking for Water, but I decided to run back to the cone, pick it up, and put on my head because it looks cool. I then continued to look for Water. “WATER?! WATER, WHERE ARE YOU?! WATER- Whoa!”
“OW!” Water yelled as I banged into her. “Watch it, Flare! I’m here, and I’m safe!”
“Good because we have to return to the trailer! It’s not safe out in this fog!” I informed her.
“I walked through the fog and I’m just- Flare, why do you have a cone on your head?” she asked.
“It looks cool.” I said.
“Yeah it does.” Water agreed. “Look, Flare, we’re both out here in the fog, and we’re both fine, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, FOR NOW!” I said nervously. “The fog spirits will catch us any minute now!”
“What’s your reason to hate fog so much?” Water asked.
“I mean think about it, sis. Clouds on the ground? It’s just not natural!” I said. “Why would the pegasi put clouds on the ground? It makes no sense! Not to mention, there are stories about ponies disappearing when they walk into the fog. Poof! All gone! Bye-bye!”
“Flare, those stories are just myths. You and Crèmepop are overreacting.” Water said. “You two are as dumb as a channel changing networks.”
A cutaway shows a modified version of the hospital scene in the Rainbow Falls episode. Fluttershy and Bulk Biceps in a hospital room while the Hub logo is lying down on the hospital bed. Fluttershy says to the Hub, “We just wanted to let you know that we're so sorry you're sold out, but you shouldn't worry a bit about not being able to be the channel we want. We'll be all right. We even have a replacement.” Over at the hospital door walks in the Discovery Family logo. The cutaway ends.
“You know, sis, I don’t know why you’re calling us dumb. I mean, we’re not the ones that are falling in love with the first tough ponies we meet and think us two belong together, and then we get dumped.” I said.
“What are you saying, Flare?” Water asked.
“You know what I’m saying, sis.” I said.
“No I do not.” Water said.
“You’re in denial; it’s not healthy to be in denial.” I informed her.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about; just… just leave me alone!” Water said angrily as she walked away.
“Wait! Water! How do I get rid of the pimple on my face?!” I shouted.
“Crèmepop lied to you; how many times do you have to fall for her tricks?” Water asked from the distance.
“Wait a minute.” I thought to myself. “Why am I asking Water to help me?! She’s no medical expert! What’s wrong with me?!” I then looked around at the fog around me and then I said in an uncaring tone. “Well… I’m gonna die.”
Hey, you readers wouldn’t believe this! After that last sentence, I checked the amount of words I got, and it said 1,337! Wow! Leet words! Ahhhhh! Anyways, I was lost in town. It was too foggy and I couldn’t see. I can’t believe my marefriend, whom I love dearly, tricked me into coming out here! I hate her so much! GROANS! I was really nervous. “I hear hoofclops.” I said nervously. “Hello? Is somepony following me?” I stopped and looked back and I no longer heard the hoofclops. I continued walking and I immediately started hearing the clopping sounds again. I then stopped again and the clopping sounds stopped. “I’M NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING YOU’RE SELLING!” I yelled. I started walking again and then I started hearing the clopping sounds again. “WHY ARE YOU ONLY CLOPPING WHEN I’M WALKING! It’s like you know my every move!” Just then, I heard a shadow run passed me in the background. “What was that!? Hello? Hellooooo? I’m officially scared right now, brah! Whatever you’re doing, STOP! I demand you to stop!” I then saw a shadow up ahead dragging something to the sky. “I SAW THAT! I SAW THAT! RUGHDUHDUH! RUDDAH! RUDDAHAAA!” I started backing away slowly. “NO! GET AWAY! I WANT TO GET AWAY! I WANNA FLY AWAY! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!” Just then, another shadow ran passed me from behind me. “NO! Don’t you dare be sneaky with me! DON’T! Why does my work have to be so far away from my trailer? I could’ve made money at home on the internet!” Just then, I felt a tap on my shoulder. “NO! AYE-YA! I told you not to do that!” I karate chopped whoever was behind me and whoever it was collapsed on the ground.
“Is it dead? I dunno! Maybe I should whack it with a crowbar just in case.” I then heard another shadow swoop pass me, picking up something from the ground, and then flying up to the sky. “Oh no, there’s more?! I can’t take this fog anymore, braaaaah!” Another shadow appeared in front of me which really startled the living bajeebers outta me, so I karate chopped that too. “CRUSE YOU!” I yelled as the shadow collapsed. “Wow… I’m good. I’m usually never that strong. I think I learned in Health class that ponies become stronger when they’re in distress; either that or they just do it unintentionally. Like when I bite my tongue. It only hurts real badly if I bite it unintentionally, but if I bite it on purpose, it doesn’t hurt as much.” I saw another shadow pick something up the ground again and drag it to the sky. “STOP BEING WEIRD, FOG SPIRITS! Wait… not spirits. If they were spirits I wouldn’t be able to karate chop them. STOP BEING WEIRD, FOG GHOSTS! Yeah, that’s better. I mean Danny Phantom is able to punch ghosts, so they should be punchible, but then again, he has ghost powers too, so I’m not 100% sure.” Another shadow bumps into me and I suddenly karate chop that one too. “EH-BEH!” I shouted.
“Oh.” The shadow said as it passes out.
“Yeah ‘oooooooooh’ you should watch where you’re going, Fog Monster!” I criticized it. “Nah, not fog monster. Need to be a little more original than that.”
“Flare…” a voice echoed from the distance.
“WHA-?!” I shouted in fright.
“Fla-are…” the voice echoed again.
“DON’T KILL ME!” I begged. “RUDDAH-RUDDAH! Ruuuuh!”
“Flare… don’t be scared. Everything is ok.” The voice echoed.
“THAT MAKES ME NOT WANT TO TRUST YOU EVEN MORE!” I yelled.
“Don’t be scared, Flare.” The voice echoed again.
“I’LL KARATE CHOP YOU!” I threatened.
“You’re not going to listen, are you?” the voice asked.
“No, not really.” I said calmly.
“Ok then.” The voice said as the shadow of the voice tackles me and starts carrying me away.
“NO! NOOOO! LET GO! DON’T KILL ME, FOG PHANTOMS!” I begged. “Actually… no, that’s like fog spirits.”
“I’m taking you back to your shop.” The shadow said as it kept carrying me away.
“TIZ A LIE! You got the wrong pony! My name isn’t Flare, it’s… umm… Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen. Yeah I’m number one!” I lied. Well, sort of a lie. I am number one, that was the only truth in the sentence. “AAAH! HELP ME! Somepony!? ANYPONY?! HEEEEEEEEELP!”
Meanwhile at my shop, Bonnie and Lyra have been sitting there, wondering where I am. “I hope he isn’t taking another day off.” Bonnie said.
“He wouldn’t do that without telling us first. Would he?” Lyra asked.
“He did that many times.” Bonnie said.
“But all the times he’s been taking days off, he’s helping out his Noble Six friends with something, like this so-called Swinebutt.” Lyra reminded her.
“Lyra, I highly doubt that. All of these stories about ‘Swinebutt’ is just a myth.” Bonnie said. “It sounds like a made-up name, I never met the guy, and what kind of pig builds robots and clones for a living? We ponies are the intelligent ones, not pigs.”
“I met a very smart dog once. He had some sort of human kid with him with weird glasses.” Lyra said. “Actually they both had weird glasses.”
“Ok I might believe the dog thing, but those myths known as humans; that’s gotta stop.” Bonnie complained.
“But that’s not all: the dog had a bowtie on him, so you know he’s cool.” Lyra said.
“WAAAAAAAAH!” I cried as I was carried inside my shop by Blaze. “WAH! I’M A BIG BABBY! I WANT MY MOMMY!”
“There you are, Flare! Where have you been?!” Bonnie complained.
“FOG… SHADOWS… KARATE CHOP… MAKING UP NAMES!” I freaked out.
“Crèmepop called and said that Flare didn’t return with Water.” Blaze explained. “She said he might’ve been taken away by the ‘fog beasts’.”
“FOG BEASTS! That is a good name! My marefriend is such a genius!” I said excitedly.
“Keep an eye on him, will ya?” Blaze asked.
“You got it, Sergeant Goldheart!” Lyra saluted to him.
“I’m a Lieutenant actually.” Blaze corrected her. “I’ll be back on my lunch break, Flare.” Blaze said as he flew away.
“Are you ok, Flare?” Lyra asked as she walked up to me.
“I never felt so scared in my life! I thought I was gonna die out there!” I said.
“By fog?” Bonnie asked.
“Fog is bad news, Bonnie. Baaaaaaad news.” I said.
“That’s not even what we soooooound like!” a sheep complained.
“I’m not even going to ask what happened out there.” Bonnie said. “I can’t believe I’m saying this though, but… what are your orders for today, boss?”
“Same ol, same ol.” I said as I stood up because I was laying on the ground before. “Only this time: keep an eye on the doors. I don’t want any fog spirits coming in.” I then took out a paddle-ball from my vest pocket, started playing it with, and then I said, “I’ll be ready for them!”
“A paddle-ball?” Bonnie asked.
“Deadliest weapon ever.” I said.
“How?” Bonnie asked.
“One small misstep and this thing hits you in the head hard!” I said as the paddle-ball suddenly hits me in the eye. “OW! See? Like that!”
“Wicket.” Lyra said in amazement. And so, I was a bit shaken, but I was able to do my normal work duties. It was getting from home to here that was hard. Lunch break came, and the Noble Six came in to order some food.
“Hey, Flare!” Psyche greeted me.
“GETLOSTFOGBEASTS!” I yelled as I hit Psyche in the eye with the paddle-ball.
“OW!” Psyche yelled as he held his eye in pain. “What’s wrong with you?!”
“Flare, the fog’s been gone for an hour already.” Aqua reminded me.
“That’s what the fog beasts would WANT you to think!” I said. “How do I not know YOU’RE not fog beasts?!”
“Hmm…” Crystal thought. “That’s a good point, Flare. We don’t know! WE MIGHT BE FROG BEASTS!” she freaked out.
“No, not ‘frog beasts’, ‘fog beasts’.” Engie corrected her.
“How do I know? They both sound the same.” Crystal said.
“Yeah, it’s a common mistake. The word ‘frog’ and the word ‘fog’ do sound pretty similar.” Engie said.
“No I meant fog beasts and frog beasts sound the same. They make the same type of rawr.” Crystal said. “Or at least that’s what I found through research.”
“Don’t worry, man. The pegasi carried all the fog back into the sky, as where they should be. So how you holding up, man?” Blaze asked me.
“I’m feeling better, Blaze.” I said. “I’m glad I survived through the fog. Thanks to you, dude!”
“Are you sure there aren’t any fog spirits though?” Engie asked.
“I’m sure, Engie.” Blaze said.
“Because when the fog cleared, ah saw some ponies lying passed-out on the streets.” Engie said.
“Yeah, I did too.” Aqua said. “My sister was helpin’ the other pegasi out in liftin’ the fog back into the sky, but she heard screammin’.”
“Yeah, and my Thundy was one of the victims to get struck by the fog.” Crystal said. “He had a big bump on his head because of it.”
“This is an Ox News special report, with your host, Grass Marks.” The TV announcer said on my TV.
“Good afternoon, this is Grass Marks with a special report.” The news anchor started.
“Yeah, I just said that.” The TV announcer reminded him.
“We’re here on the streets of Ponyville where seven ponies were struck by a blow to the head, and not the way you may think. A lot of ponies with weird minds these days.” Grass Marks said. “We’re here with one of the victims that got struck by whatever was in the fog in the morning.”
“Yeah I was about to head to the skate park to do some stunts, dude!” Black Thunder said on the TV.
“In the fog?” Grass Marks asked.
“I like to live dangerously!” Thunder said.
“That’s my Thundy!” Crystal commented.
“I was walking through town heading to the park, when I tapped on somepony’s shoulder because I needed to ask for directions, but then this pony starts screaming, and before I knew it, I woke up and the fog was cleared, and I had a big bump on my head.” Thunder explained.
“And how do you feel about this situation?” Grass Marks asked.
“I couldn’t care less.” Thunder admitted. “I was probably going to have a bigger bump at the skate park anyway, so I thought of this as a blessing in disguise.”
“See? The fog isn’t safe!” I pointed out. “A lot of ponies passed out on the streets!”
“Just a mere coincidence it would seem.” Psyche assumed. “They probably bumped into something. It was hard to see through that fog.”
“I was just passing through the fog when suddenly, somepony karate chops my head.” My friend Adventure Blade said on TV.
“KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEITH!” I cried out.
“I just said ‘oh’, and then I passed out.” Addie said.
“Why didn’t he respond to me?” I asked. “Come to think of it. He didn’t respond to my last poke.” I checked my phone to see if he poked me but he didn’t.
“He’s on TV, how could he hear you?” Psyche reminded me.
“Wait a minute… Flare? Didn’t you say something about you threatening to karate chop me when I was trying to rescue you from the fog?” Blaze asked.
“I’ve been karate chopping fog beasts before you saved me.” I said. “Don’t worry, brah. I don’t always need magic to protect myself. In fact, I haven’t used my magic in a while. I think I forgot I was even a unicorn.”
“Addie did say on the news that he was karate chopped before he passed out. Do ya know anythin’ about that, mate?” Aqua asked me.
“The fog beasts must’ve been karate chopping too.” I thought.
“When I heard karate chopping through the fog,” Aqua’s sister Wind Racer said on TV, “I think I heard a familiar voice making those ‘aye-ya’ sounds.”
“Did you identify the voice?” Grass Marks asked.
“I think I have a few possible suspects.” Wind Racer said.
“Yeah I think ya should leave town for a while, mate.” Aqua suggested.
“Yeah, I think I should.” I agreed.
“Doesn’t your sister look so adorable on TV, Aqua?” Psyche asked.
“She sure does.” Aqua agreed. So I immediately went home to pack my things for my trip back home.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come, Crèmey?” I asked.
“And risk having the chance to have this whole trailer to myself?” Crème asked. “I’m not going to waste an opportunity on that! I mean don’t get me wrong, Flarey, I love you with all my less than threes, but I mean this is YOUR trailer! I mean… it’s a dream come true!”
“You’re really obsessed over me, aren’t you?” I asked.
“Very!” Crème said. “I never had any friends so being obsessed with a special somepony is a big deal.”
“You do make a good point.” I said. “You were living in Everfree many years. Besides, I’m glad to be going home back to Mareami! It’s my nana’s birthday, you see. I wouldn’t want to miss that for the world!”
“Well I hope you and Water have a great time!” Crème said.
“Don’t worry, we will!” Water said as she entered my room. “It was nana that actually raised us. Mom and dad were too busy at work, and grandma had her shop, so it was just nana that was available.”
“I love nana so much!” I said.
“I love her too!” Water said. “I bet she can’t wait for her to see her little cutie pies!”
“BIG cutie pies.” I corrected her.
“I have no problem with being called little.” Water said. “I still think you being called ‘big’ all the time is what made you big in the first place, both height and weight.”
“Me being a big pony has its advantages.” I said as I put my arm around Crème. “Makes me feel like a teddy bear in bed.”
“It sure does!” Crème agreed.
“How do you know? You never slept with me.” I reminded her.
“Or did I?” Crème asked as she gave me a smirk.
“No you didn’t.” I corrected her.
“You’re right, I didn’t.” Crème agreed.
“Alright, well I’m done packing.” I said as I zipped my suitcase.
“I’m done too!” Water said.
“Already?” I asked. “How is that possible?”
“I never unpacked my suitcase from my last trip.” Water said. “It saves effort and time.”
“Then let’s roll! We’re going back to Mareami!” I said.
“WOO HOO!” Water shouted in excitement.
“RAH-HAHA-HAAAAA!” I laughed.
Crème gives Water a big hug, and she gives me a big kiss. “You two have fun! Call me when you land.”
“I will!” I promised.
“I was actually talking to Water, but ok.” Crème said.
“Bye, Crème! Have fun!” I said as I exited my trailer along with Water. “Take care of the fishies, alright?”
“How about me taking care of myself? Do you care about that?” Crème asked.
“I don’t care what you do to yourself; just take care of the fishies.” I instructed her.
“Wow… why do I love you so much?” Crème shook her head and asked.
“Because I’m Flare Gun, that’s why!” I said.
“That’s what I was thinking!” Crème said.
“Wow… you’re so lucky to have a pony like her, Flare.” Water said upsettingly. “Don’t lose her, bro. She’s a keeper.”
“She is!” I agreed.
“I mean it!” Water said.
“Ok, ok, I hear you, sis! Relax!” I instructed her.
“I MEAN IT!” Water yelled at me. “Don’t break her heart!”
“What’s wrong with you, sis?” I asked.
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?!” Water yelled at me. “You’re the one that believes in fog beasts!”
“Crèmey can you believe this pony, babe?” I asked Crème, but she didn’t respond. “Babe?” I looked back and she was alright inside my trailer alone (well, sorta alone), with the door closed, and she starts going through my clothes, throws them everywhere and she starts making clothes angels.
“Weeee! Now I get to go through Flare’s stuff!” Crème said excitedly. She then sniffs one of my socks real hard; so hard that the front end of the sock gets pulled inside one of her nose nostrils. “Ahhh! This is paradise!” she said in an obsessed fangirl attitude when the fangirl sniffs a piece of celebrity’s clothing.
My fish were all freaked out when they saw that happen. “She needs help.” Piddles commented.
So Water and I flew back home to Mareami to attend our nana’s birthday party. I gotta say, it’s good to be back home! I miss the heat, the palm trees, the soothing sea air, and our poor education! Yep, it’s good to be back! We went over to nana’s retirement community because, hey, when you’re in Mareami, the most things you smell here is old ponies. There was a party going on at the club house of the retirement community, and we both came over along with our parents, and we saw our nana Kar Cannon over at the beautiful, yet smelly, Mareami retirement community known as Prissy Pines. Not the best location though. The only way to get there is either through Seastar Island, which is a gated community, the Gadorglades swamps, and the harbor. Was there no room anywhere else? Regardless, it’s the most beautiful retirement community in all of Equestria!
Once we arrived at the community, Water and I ran over to nana and gave her a hug. “NANAAAAAA!” Water and I both shouted in excitement.
“Heeeeeey!” our nana said excitedly as she hugged back. “Good to see you! Umm…” nana leans over to one of her friends and whispers, “Who are they again?” Her friend shrugs.
“Hey mom!” my mom Bow said to nana and gave her a kiss.
“Ah, I remember you! Hey Beretta!” nana said.
“Beretta?” mom asked.
“I mean… umm… Arrow, right?” nana asked.
“Close enough.” Mom said.
“Hey Kar!” our dad Sub-Machine said to her.
“Ah! There’s the big boy! She still married to you, huh?” nana asked.
“Is that a bad thing?” dad asked.
“I should ask my therapist.” Nana said. She then turned to her friend and asked, “Is it a good thing?” Her friend shrugs again.
“Hey McShrugger! How are you?” mom asked. Nana’s friend smiles and nods. “Doing alright, thanks!”
“So my darling grandchildren,” nana starts, “I got you all something special.”
“But nana, it’s YOUR special day! We should be giving YOU stuff!” Water reminded her.
“Shhh, don’t tell her that!” I instructed Water.
“Hey, I’m old and I don’t really need anything else, other than your kisses and your smiles.” Nana said.
“I’d rather not give you my smiles, nana. Other ponies want them too. It’s always good to share.” I said.
“That is true. I taught you well, didn’t I?” nana asked as she rubs her hoof against one of my (face) cheeks.
“Actually the magic of friendship did, but ok, I guess I could give you credit too.” I said.
“I’m so glad you two are here!” nana said. “I missed you both so very much! My final years wouldn’t be the same without you!”
“My final years wouldn’t be the same without you either, nana!” I said. “We all have final years too, don’t we?”
“It all depends on the quantity.” Water said.
“Call it what you like, but when you get to my age, you’ll understand.” Nana said.
“When I become your age I’ll probably be half-pony, half-robot.” I said.
“And I’d be wearing blue lipstick that glows in the dark! That would be amazing!” Water said.
“But wouldn’t it be hard to sleep?” I asked her.
“I sleep with a blind-fold, remember?” Water reminded me.
“Water, I keep telling you not to sleep in your make-up!” mom reminded her.
“And what proof that you have of me sleeping in my make-up, huh mom?” Water asked. “Hmmmmmm?”
“So nana, we got you some presents!” I said as I gave her a present.
“It’s from the both of us!” Water said.
“Yeah only because Water was too greedy to get one for herself.” I said. Water then elbows me in the shoulder. “That didn’t hurt.” I said. She elbows me again. “That one didn’t hurt either.” Water then picks up a chair and hits me in the head with it.
“Did that hurt?” Water asked. I didn’t say anything because… well you know why.
“So what is this?” nana asked as she opens the present.
“Hearing aid!” Water said.
“What?” nana asked.
“I said its hearing aid.” Water said again.
“What?” nana asked again.
“Hang on.” Water said as she places the hearing aid headphones on nana’s ears, activates it, and then she said again, “It’s hearing aid.”
“OW! I hear you! I’m not deaf!” nana complained. “I just don’t hear well is all, and I already have a hearing aid!”
“Which you don’t use.” Mom added.
“They’re very uncomfortable for my ears!” nana said.
“Not these. These are comfee!” Water said.
“And safe to use. No, hearing damage.” I said as I regained consciousness and was rubbing my head.
“It hurt when Water shouted.” Nana informed me.
“I didn’t even shout!” Water yelled.
“OW!” nana yelled.
“Oh… sorry, nana.” Water said.
“Yeah but it hurts, but it doesn’t damage hearing at all!” I said.
“How could it hurt my ears but not damage my hearing, dear?” nana asked.
“Yeah the future is great, isn’t it?” I asked.
“Speaking of time; I wanna show you two something! Follow me!” nana instructed us. So we pushed nana in her wheelchair over to her quarters so she could show us what she wanted to show us.
“How is this following you?” Water asked.
“I bet you two were wondering a bit about pappi’s young life.” Nana assumed.
“No, not at all.” I said. “How did the subject suddenly change to pappi?”
“The life he and I had at our younger days!” nana said as she stands up from her wheelchair, holds her cane and takes us over to one of her rooms. Nana opens the door and shows us a room filled with pictures of her and pappi (he’s our grandpa B-T-W) at their younger years. There were helmets and tools and lots of treasures in this room. There were even banners with skulls on them and the words that say ‘Late Night Riders’. “Welcome, Water and Flare to the memorial of Luger Cannon, otherwise known as your pappi.”
“The nights you were watching over us when we visited this place when we were younger, you made us sleep on the couch, and yet you have a whole room filled with pictures and junk.” Water said.
“JUNK?! How dare you missy?!” nana yelled. “This here ain’t junk! It’s memories of your pappi and I when we were younger. We spent our young lives doing our greatest hobby.”
“Junk collecting?” Water teased.
“That’s strike two, missy.” Nana said.
“Yeah, missy.” I teased Water. “OW!” I yelled as nana hit me with her cane. “How come she gets strikes but I get automatically hit?!”
“You’re a stallion, you’re tough.” Nana said. “Anyways, this is the club that pappi and I used to hang out in all the time. It’s the very place we met many years ago. The bad-boy, hog-ridin’ scooter gang that makes those mob folk seem like sissies: the Late Night Riders.”
“Late Night Riders?” I asked.
“Midnight Riders was already taken.” Nana said.
“How come we never heard of this scooter gang before?” Water asked.
“Oh they were ultimate big-shots back in the days.” Nana said. “They caused trouble, they had fun, they’re strong, they’re fierce, they don’t put toilet paper on public toilet seats when they sit down to go to the bathroom…”
“Wow! THAT’S tough!” I said shockingly.
“And they’re not afraid of anything!” nana said. “Not even their own shadows. Yes the Late Night Riders. I was Luger’s old filly when we were a part of it. Those days made us feel alive! When I gave birth to your mother, it still didn’t stop us from going strong. You’d realize where she gets her tough attitude from.”
“Because she’s Italian.” I said.
“Well… yeah that.” nana said.
“And I heard pappi was Germane.” Water said. “I heard they’re not that tough because they rely on using heavy machinery more than their bare-hooves.”
“Ok you two aren’t making this story very interesting by your non-stop interruption and offensive cultural theories.” Nana said.
“Is Water on strike three yet?” I asked.
“But wait… what happened to the Late Night Riders? Are they still around?” Water asked.
“Yes, but they’re not as big as they once was.” Nana said. “Nopony cares about those old-fashion hog scooter gangs anymore. Now ponies are into more modern machinery. Sometimes I wonder if ponies even listen to their elders anymore and imagine how antique old stuff really is?”
“Perhaps it’s time we took a visit to the Late Night Riders hideout. Maybe we could learn a bit about what they’re all about.” I suggested.
“I’m down with that!” Water agreed.
“Oooooh, I wouldn’t suggest that, you two.” Nana said. “These scooter folk don’t take kindly to strangers. In case you get attacked, I hope you know how to defend yourselves.”
“Perhaps it’s time to give my ol buddy Herb a call.” I said.
“Hey Flare? I have yet to know. How’s your marefriend doing?” nana asked.
“She’s doing awesome! Thanks for asking!” I said.
“What was her name again? Fluttershy, right?” nana asked.
“Wha- Fluttershy?!” I asked.
“No, ma, its Pinkie Pie, remember?” mom reminded her.
“No! I told you I broke up with her! I’m with Crèmepop now!” I reminded her.
“But don’t you ever miss her, pookie?” mom asked.
“I always miss her!” I said. “There are also things I don’t miss about her. I could barely sleep when she’s around.”
A cutaway shows Pinkie Pie playing her one-pony band in the middle of the night. “Pinkie!” I yelled. “Can’t you pick a better time to play your instruments than 3 in the morning?”
“I think it’s the BEST time!” Pinkie said. “Everypony is quiet during this time!” The cutaway ends.
So Water, me, and my ol buddy from the Friendship Mafia, Herb Leafhorn Jr., as well as two of his buddies, Annabelle and Angel Heartstrings all took a ride in a carriage (Angel was driving) to the Late Night Riders bar at the Little Bakey district. While we were riding in the carriage, we chatted it up. “It’s nice to have you back, Flare.” Herb said.
“It’s good to be back, Herb!” I said. “How’s it going?”
“Oh you know, same ol, same ol. Except for this one adventure I had over at Manehatten.” Herb said.
“Yeah you told me about it on your email.” I said. “Poni was kidnapped by a rival gang, and you and the FDA had to go rescue him.”
“Well the FDA was there for a different reason, but we were there for Poni.” Herb said.
“It was intense, ese!” Annabelle said. “Didn’t think we’d make it out alive!”
“Very intense, man. Very intense.” Angel said. I then went over and stuffed two garlic rolls in his mouth. He was pretty surprised and started talking with his mouth full. “Waa waf ‘at for, min?!”
“What was that?” I asked.
After Angel swallowed the garlic rolls, he asked again, “I said, what was that for, man?” Angel asked as I stuffed another garlic roll in his mouth.
“Didn’t you get my email, brah?” I asked.
“What e-ail?”
“I’m not gonna tell then.” I said mischievously.
“How are things with your father, Herb?” Water asked.
“He hasn’t been botherin’ us in a while, but I still think he’s plannin’ somethin’.” Herb said. “We were able to best him in every trick he tried to pull on us.”
“Yeah that’s right, H!” Annabelle said. “Even that classiest trick in the book – the yo mama jokes.”
“I didn’t want to battle him with that because I didn’t want to insult my grandma.” Herb said.
“This is it, men.” Angel pointed out. He said ‘men’ not ‘man’ so it doesn’t count.
“The Late Night Riders bar.” I said. “Look at all those scooters lined up in a row just waiting for somepony to play dominos with them just by leaning on them.” Just then a random scooter pony walks out of the bar to get some fresh air, and he leans over against the scooters as he tries to take his bag of pretzels, but then a bird pooped on one of the scooters.
“I love myself some bad boys! Let’s go in!” Water said excitedly.
“Stay close to us, you two.” Herb instructed us. “We’re here to protect you in case anypony decides to try any funny business.”
“Your mafia-like attitude always makes me smile, Herb!” I said.
“That’s what the Friendship Mob is here for – to spread smiles.” Herb said.
“Well I’m here to spread the lulz.” I said. “Wow… haven’t said that in a while.”
“C’mon! What are you boys waiting for?! Let’s go in!” Water instructed us excitedly as she led us inside the bar. Once we got inside there were scooter ponies playing pool, hoof-wrestling, drinking cider at the bar area, playing pinball, all that stuff.
“Wow! Doesn’t this seem a bit… biker-ish?” I asked.
“Isn’t that the idea, genius?” Water asked.
“They’re scooterers, not bikers.” I corrected her. Just then, everypony suddenly stops what they’re doing and glares at us.
“Oh… I guess we should’ve worn something a little more… black leather so we wouldn’t blend out that much.” I suggested.
“Grrrr.” One of the scooter ponies glared at us from beside us and breathed heavily on us.
“Whatchou lookin’ at, butthead?” Herb asked the pony.
“We don’t take kindly to strangers here.” One of the scooter ponies said.
“Well you’re not gonna like us at all because nopony is stranger than us.” I said.
“Shhh!” Herb shushed me.
“You shush!” I shushed him back.
“Don’t act like a wiseguy to them. We gotta show them we mean no harm.” Herb advised me.
“And this is when I punch them, right?” I asked as I took out a punching glove.
Herb sighs and shakes his head. He then said out loud, “Fellow, scooter ponies, we mean no harm!”
“Look at you, talking to them like we’re aliens or something!” I pointed out.
“Yeah, man, I was gonna say that as well, man.” Angel said. I then shoved two garlic rolls in his mouth.
“These two ponies here, Flare and Water,” Herb started, “are here because they want to learn about the Late Night Riders. Their grandparents were a part of this gang.”
“You like saying our names out loud, Herb?” I asked.
“Yeah serious!” Water agreed.
“Your grandparents were members of the riders, huh?” an old scooter pony asked. “What are their names?”
“Luger and Kar Cannon.” Herb said.
“Cannon!” the old scooter pony gasped. “Well then, it’s good to have decedents of our ol vice president and his girl here! Welcome to the Late Night Riders clubhouse! My name is Steel Wheels, and I’m the leader of the gang, but the brothers call me Wheels of Steel!”
“Nice to meet you Wheels of Steel!” I said with my hoof out.
“YOU may call me Steel Wheels.” Steel Wheels instructed me.
“We’re all brothers at heart, aren’t we?” I asked.
“Wow! It’s nice being at an old-style scooter clubhouse! I’ve always liked tough ponies!” Water said.
“Well we were the toughest ponies around!” Steel Wheels said. “But those were the old days, my friends.”
“We’d like to learn about this gang, brah!” I requested.
“Well I’d love to, but I have to ask you on why you have three mobsters covering your backs?” Steel Wheels asked.
“Trust me, holms, I’m less of a mobster than these two.” Annabelle said.
“We’re the Friendship Mafia.” Herb said. “We keep the peace in the streets of Mareami. We have no interest in ruining your club.”
“It’s a pity that our more honored guests have bodyguards to protect them. I am shocked. If your grandparents trusted us, shouldn’t you too?” Steel Wheels asked.
“We couldn’t be too careful.” I said. “I mean you used to be tough ponies.”
“HEEEEEY!” one of the scooter ponies complained. “We’re STILL tough!”
“Which is why we have the Friendship Mob here.” I said.
“Well if you want to learn about us, I can tell you all about us in my office, but you gotta leave your bodyguards outside.” Steel Wheels said. “I don’t trust you mob types.”
“It is understandable. We’ll wait out here and socialize.” Herb said.
“You do that.” Steel said. “Now then, Flare and Water, follow me to my office.” So Water and I followed Steel Wheels to his office upstairs. I looked back and worriedly looked at Herb.
“Just call for us if you need us. We’ll be right here.” Herb offered. I smiled and nodded as I continued to follow Steel Wheels upstairs. Once we got to his office, he asked us to take a seat, and we did.
“These chairs are uncomfee.” Water complained.
“Want me to put spikes on them?” Steel Wheels asked.
“These are very comfee! Very comfee indeed!” Water nodded.
“I’d like baby dragons on mine, please.” I requested with my hoof in the air.
A cutaway shows Spike glaring at the camera, not saying a word. But after a few seconds, he eventually said to you guys, “I remember when Flare used to defend me against Twilight when he thought Twilight abuses me. Times have changed since then, and I’m just a comic relief character.
“Eeyup!” Big Mac agreed.
“That’s all we’re used for.” Spike said. “Just comic relief.”
“We only do it because Hasbro told us too! They make us male ponies look bad!” Snails complained.
“I was the only other major antagonist that’s a male and I didn’t get much screentime.” King Sombra complained.
“Save the stallions.” They all said.
“I don’t know what you all are talking about!” Discord said as he happily walked by.
“Hasbro seems to love us!” Shining Armor said as he walked beside him. The cutaway ends.
“So pappi used to be the vice president of this club?” Water asked.
“He was a very honored pony and knew how to get the job done. He made me the pony I am today.” Steel Wheels said. “I’ve been living the dream on trying to make this club the best of the best like it used to be! I’m doing it mostly for him. I became president of this club once both Luger and our former leader passed away.” Steel Wheels said and sighed. “Once they left, this club started going downhill. We started losing members fast. Ponies are now more interested in modern machinery, not old hogs like ours. The scooter community wasn’t what it used to be.”
“Uh, head-brother?” one of the young scooter ponies asked as he opens the door slightly.
“I told you not to bother me unless it’s important!” Steel Wheels yelled.
“This is important.” The young scooter pony said.
“What is it then, Hexer?” Steel Wheels asked.
“The bathroom’s out of toilet paper.” Hexer said.
“I thought nana said you ponies don’t use toilet paper?” I asked.
“We just don’t put them on the seats.” Steel Wheels said. “Except for Double T.”
“It’s Double T using the bathroom, head-brother.” Hexer said.
Steel sighs. “Here.” He throws the roll of toilet paper to him. “Tell him to not waste it, alright? We’re in a tight budget.”
“You got it, head-brother!” Hexer said as he winks at Water, and then he walks out.
“Oh my…” Water blushes.
“What?” I asked.
“N-nothing.” Water lied.
“Is Flare ok?” Steel asked.
“I’m fine, why?” I asked.
“Oh YOU’RE Flare. I thought she was Flare.” Steel said.
“What makes you say that?” I asked.
“Your bodyguard told us your names, but he didn’t say who was who.” Steel reminded us.
“Right.” I understood.
“Is Hexer single?” Water asked.
“Very single, why?” Steel asked.
“Oh… just wondering.” Water blushes and giggles.
“Hmm…” I thought to myself.
“So is there anything else you want to learn about us?” Steel asked.
“Actually, maybe we could help you.” I offered. “We could help the Late Night Riders be a big gang again!”
“What?” Steel asked.
“I know a bunch of ponies that love to ride scooters! We could help you get your gang back in shape again!” I offered.
“Really? You would do that?” Steel asked.
“We learned to trust you without our bodyguards; how about giving the Friendship Mob some trust?” I asked. “I guarantee they’ll be able to help you as well as us!”
“Well… I guess it’s worth a try, but I already have someone else claiming that offer.” Steel said.
“Who?” I asked.
“I cannot say. He doesn’t wish to be mentioned by name, but he’s a big shot.” Steel said. “He promised he’d help us, and we already made a deal with him.”
“Oh… well… I was pretty excited with helping my grandparents’ gang rise back to the top.” I said.
“Actually, you can help in a way.” Steel said. “We’re in the need of some hardware.”
“Like tools?” I asked.
“Yeah something like that.” Steel said as he takes out an envelope and gives it to us. “Can you run this down to the hardware store tomorrow morning?”
“What is it?” I asked.
“It’s my lunch.” Steel said sarcastically.
“Funny.” I said.
“It’s a note for the hardware.” Steel said. “Don’t open it. It’s not for you to see.”
“I wasn’t planning on it, but now that you told me not to, I’m kinda curious.” I said.
“Don’t open it!” Steel warned me. “I’m warning you now, boy; if you do open it… you will face the consequences! Our gang is not as big as it used to be but we’ll hunt you down! Got that?”
“You’re no Friendship Mob, but I read you loud and clear.” I nodded.
“Good.” Steel said. “Now go ahead downstairs, have yourself a whale of a time, learn what you want to learn about our gang, and tell your nana we said hi.”
“Sounds like a plan!” I nodded.
“It’s been an honor to get to know this gang!” Water said excitedly. “I really want to learn more about Hexer- err I mean, the gang!”
“Make yourself at home!” Steel offered. “Any family of our former vice president is a friend of ours!” So Water and I walked back downstairs to hang out with the scooterers. We saw that Herb and the others were already socializing with them.
“So what you’re a rebel?” a scooterer asked Herb.
“What do you mean?” Herb asked.
“You’re against your own family, against your own history. Doesn’t that make you a rebel like us?” the scooterer asked.
“A rebel would mean I’m against my kingdom, and I’m not against my kingdom, I’m so with it.” Herb corrected him.
“Wouldn’t that mean you’d have to put up the Equestrian flag, salute to it every morning, sing the pledge, and then pay taxes and be proud of it?” the scooterer teased.
“Oh yeah, I see what you did there, it was pretty clever.” Herb said. “Almost like a joke only, y’know, it ain’t funny.” The scooter ponies started laughing.
“Hey Herb!” I said. “Making friends with the locals?”
“Oh yeah, they’re a blast!” Herb said sarcastically.
“That’s what he says when he pays taxes.” A scooter pony teased.
“These scooter ponies are complete nutcases, Flare!” Herb said.
“I’ve met worse.” I said.
“So how did it go with Steel Wheels?” Herb asked.
“Well I offered to help him with making his gang stronger, but he declined it.” I said. “He said he has somepony else who’s a big shot working with him.”
“Well at least you offered, and that’s the important thing.” Herb said.
“That’s right, brah!” I nodded. Just then, I started to hear Water giggling as she was hanging out with Hexer at the corner. “What the?”
“What’s wrong?” Herb asked as he looked over. “Oh, she’s flirting with one of the scooter ponies… interesting.”
“I hope Water knows what she’s doing.” I said. “Almost all of her ex-stallionfriends were tough ponies. What’s with her and tough ponies?”
“I dunno; every pony has their fantasy.” Herb said.
“Do you have a fantasy?” I asked.
Herb was silent for a moment, but he eventually said, “I did once.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“She broke up with me.” Herb said.
“Aww, why? You’re the nicest pony I know in Mareami!” I said. “I mean, there was a time I thought you weren’t, but now I trust you! You’re like my most trusted ally!”
“Thank you, Flare, it means a lot.” Herb smiled. “But what about the Noble Six?”
“They’re my best friends, but you’re one of my greatest allies. See the difference?” I asked.
“Not really.” Herb said. “You forget, I was cheated through school.” I heard Water continue to flirt with Hexer and it got me pretty worried.
“I’m gonna talk to Water.” I said.
“You sure that’s wise?” Herb asked. “She’s not going to listen.”
“I just want to know what they’re doing; I’m not going to stop her from flirting with him. I know it’s not gonna work.” I said.
“I guess talking wouldn’t hurt; as long as they don’t have sticks and stones that is.” Herb said. So I walked over to Water and Hexer to see what they were up to.
“Hey, sis!” I said.
“Flare! This is Hexer Freeway, my new scooter friend!” Water said.
“Scooter buddy sounds more like it.” I said.
“What?” Water asked.
“Nothing, just referencing.” I said. “What’s going on?”
“Oh we’re just talking!” Water said. “Hexer is a very sweet pony! I know he’s tough, but he has a sensitive type. He visits his grandma every Monday, like what we used to do!”
“I love my family.” Hexer said. “They mean a lot to me. I have to be there for them.”
“Awww!” Water said adorably.
“Cool! He doesn’t hit mares, does he?” I asked.
“What?!” Hexer asked surprisingly.
“FLARE?! How could you say that?!” Water yelled.
“I would never lay my hoof on another mare.” Hexer said as he places his hoof on her shoulder.
“Yeah, Flare!” Water agreed.
“I’m just reminding you, alright?” I asked.
“Flare, the past is the past. This is a whole new chapter for me!” Water said. “I mean I just met Hexer here but I feel like we’re feeling a connection.”
“I didn’t pay for my Wi-Fi.” Hexer said. Water started to giggle again.
“C’mon, Water! Unless he’s wearing Axe, how could you be falling for a pony you just met?” I asked.
“I’m not falling for him! What makes you think that?” Water asked. “I’m not going to make the same mistake I did before. I’m getting to know him first. Every single detail!”
“Really?” I asked.
“Trust me, Flare, I know what I’m doing.” Water said.
“She’s smart!” Hexer said. “Most of the time I don’t even know what I’m doing.”
“Wow, a pony of honesty! We have an Element of Harmony right over here!” I said.
“Ok I got a couple of questions.” Hexer said.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Which Element of Harmony is it, and where over here is it, and who’s the pony of honesty?” Hexer asked.
Water laughed again and I just stood there emotionless. “Actually, I think this pony is perfect for you, Water!”
“Aww thank you, Flare! I’m glad he has your blessing!” Water said.
“Did you sneeze?” Hexer asked me.
“Umm… alright then. I’m feeling pretty tired, Water. I’m gonna head home.” I said.
“Can I stay here with Hexer?” Water asked. “I still want to hang with him some more.”
“Alright, but I’m going to leave you here alone. Uhh, Angel? Can you stay here with my sister and look after her?” I asked him.
“Sure, man!” Angel said as I shoved a garlic roll in his mouth.
“Here, Water, you take over.” I instructed her as I gave her my garlic roll bag.
“Take over what? What am I supposed to do with these?” Water asked.
“C’mon, Herb, let’s go.” I said as him, Annabelle, and I walked out of the bar, and we all got inside of the carriage. “Hey Herb, are you sure Angel can protect Water?”
“He could.” Herb said.
“But would he?” I asked.
“How should I know?” Herb asked as we both stepped into the carriage and buckled our seatbelts. “I don’t even know if I would.”
“Look, F, can you listen to me for a moment?” Annabelle asked. “I know it’s difficult to see your sister with a strange tough-looking pony, but not all tough ponies are bad. I mean, look at us. Look at me, look at Herb; we’re tough ponies and we’re nice.”
“He’s got a point there.” Herb said.
“Everypony makes mistakes,” Annabelle said, but as my pappi once said…”
“Is pappi your dad or your grandpa?” I asked.
“Dad.” Annabelle said. “He once told me that, we’re all one in the same, us ponies. Some are more bad than others, but my pappi collects fine artifacts, and-“
“We’re still talking about dad, right?” I interrupted.
“Si.” Annabelle said. “One of the fine artifacts he collects, one of them represents trust. You gotta learn to trust ponies you might not think you could trust. I mean there is the risk of them being untrustworthy, but as long as you try, at least you know everything is ok. We’re all one. Water may make a mistake again, but then again, she might not. Mistakes happen, but that doesn’t mean you have to lose trust in her, because- SON OF A BISCUIT, THAT PONY JUST DINGED MY CARRIAGE!” Annabelle yelled angrily as one a pony parked next to us opened his carriage door and slammed it against the carriage. “WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, ESE!? You got a lot of nerve to just ding my carriage and then just attach yourself to your carriage and just drive away! You made a BIG mistake, buddy! No me gusta cuando ponis cometen errores! Va a lamentar el día te haces un lío con Annabelle Alejandro Cortez José Martínez!”
“Is that his full name?” I asked Herb.
“He makes up random Spanish names to make him seem more badflank.” Herb said. So Herb and Annabelle drive me back home because I was tired. I wanted to invite them in, but they said they were tired too and drove off. So I walked upstairs to my parents’ apartment and went into my old bedroom so I could get some sleep. A few hours went by and I had trouble getting to sleep. I mean normally I always have trouble getting to sleep in this bed; you know how old this mattress is? I even don’t know, I’ve had it for so long! This night was different though. I kept getting up and going into the kitchen to get some water. Once I went back into my room, I went on my pad because I just wasn’t tired. I watched some of Markipony’s videos, and poked Keith several times. My mom kept hearing me repeatly saying, “Keith Pwni poked you!” and “You poked Keith!”, so she came in to see what was happening.
“Pookie, what are you doing? It’s 2 in the morning.” Mom asked.
“I know; there’s a clock on this pad.” I reminded her.
“What are you doing up?” mom asked.
“What are YOU doing up?” I asked.
“You were talking out loud while you were poking your friend Keith.” Mom said.
“He prefers to be called Addie.” I informed her.
“Whatever. Why are you still up?” mom asked. “I know you brought your computer and gaming systems with you when you moved, so why else would still be up?”
“I’m worried about Water.” I said. “She didn’t come home at all. She’s still with her new stallionfriend, Hexer Freeway.”
“Flarey, you know how she is.” mom reminded me. “She’s a stubborn brat that’s too desperate to find a normal stallion. We just have to learn to accept it.”
“But pook, her other stallionfriends! They were all using her!” I said. “I have no doubt Hexer might use her as well.”
“Maybe this time might be different.” Mom said.
“How could you be so calm?” I asked.
“Because I had a bad day at work today and I’m in no mood to care.” Mom said. “They always say I’m loud! Do I sound loud to you, Flare?!” she yelled.
“Will you two keep it quiet?! I’m trying to sleep!” dad yelled from the other room.
“I’m surprised your loud snoring doesn’t keep you up!” mom yelled. Mom then put her hoof around me and said, “Now let’s not worry about Water. She’ll be home in a bit. You should get some sleep. If you go to sleep, you might see Luna in your dreams!”
“If I stay awake, I might see Luna in real life.” I said.
Mom sighs. “Look do what you want.” She said grouchy. “I really don’t care. Just keep it down. I’m trying to sleep.”
“Alright. I love you so much, just checking! Poke!” I said as I poked her hoof.
“I love you so much, just checking, poke too!” mom said.
“And I’ll see YOU… in the next video!” we both said to eachother. “Buh-bye!”
“Alright good night, Flare!” mom said as she gave me a kiss.
“Night, mom!” I said.
“GOOD night. Don’t forget the good.” Mom reminded me.
“Oh sigh… whatever.” I complained as I laid back down.
“Say it right!” mom instructed me as she was walking out of my room. “You sound stupid when you say it like that.”
“Look who’s talking! You sigh all the time!” I reminded her. Mom sighs as she walks out of my room.
The next morning came, and Water eventually came home from hanging out with Hexer all night. Water was then looking at me quite awkwardly as I was sitting on the chair in the living room, glaring at her. “What are you doing?” Water asked.
“I’m waiting for you to turn on the light, and then get startled by my presence, and then I ask you why you were out all night.” I said.
“I don’t need to turn on the light, bro. It’s daylight out and I could see you.” Water reminded me.
“Kinda ruins the moment that you don’t turn on the light and get startled by my presence.” I said. “I guess I’ll just skip to the question: where were you all night?”
“You know where I was, with Hexer.” Water reminded me.
“Really now?” I asked.
“Yes, really now.” Water said. “I know this might be a little straight-forward, but we became special someponies last night!”
“Why am I not surprised?” I asked.
“I know what you’re thinking, and I sorta agree with you, but Hexer… I believe he’s actually the one for me! He’s very sweet to me!” Water said.
“You said that about all of your past ex-stallionfriends.” I reminded her.
“No but Hexer’s different. He’s so gentle and kind, and funny, and… kind of a low IQ, but who cares?” Water explained.
“All your ex-stallionfriends had a low IQ.” I reminded her.
“You don’t remember the time I dated Swinebutt?” Water reminded me.
“That wasn’t a date; that was you two going to TGI Friday’s, but I was too sick to go, so you both brought me home your leftovers.” I reminded her.
“Then why was it just the two of us going?” Water asked.
“I asked you to go with him because I promised I’d go to Friday’s with him but I was too sick.” I said.
“Theeeeeeen I guess I regret paying the bill for him.” Water said.
“Water, what makes you think Hexer’s the right stallion? He’s a scooter pony! No pony is more abusive than them! They share the marefriends with the whole gang. Is that what you want to be, Water? A property to a scooter gang?” I asked.
“PROPERTY?! That’s harsh, Flare, and very sexist. Nopony is paying any money to buy me! I’m nopony’s property!” Water said angrily.
“Water, look at you! All those ex-stallionfriends you had! They were ALL mistakes!” I said.
“Not all of them.” Water said. “What about that one exchange student that got deported a couple of months later?”
“Ok except him.” I admitted. “He did make delicious tofu.”
“And he taught me how to fight well. I don’t always need my magic to protect myself, unlike you, little bro.” she said as she tapped my horn.
“But, Water, how do you know Hexer is the right pony? You met him last night! It’s the beginning of Frozen all over again!” I said.
“I dunno, Flare, but I just feel like… something tells me I’m into something good!” Water said.
“Wow, what a foreshadow.” I said as music started playing in the background. “My sister is finally gonna have the chance to sing.”
“I woke up this mornin’, feelin’ fine!” Water sang. “Had something special, on my mind! Last night I met a new colt in the neighborhood! Oh yeah!”
“He wasn’t even CLOSE to our neighborhood!” I corrected her.
“Something tells me I’m into something good!” Water sang.
“Something tells me I’m into something good!” Herb, Angel, and Annabelle all popped up and sang as a chorus.
“He’s the kind of colt that’s really fair, and I can tell, I’m his kind of mare. He leaned close to me like I hoped he would!” Water sang as she leaned close to me and was very close to my face. Why was I ok with it? Herb and the guys sang that very part in the background as Water said, “Oh yeah! Something tells me I’m into something good!” Herb and the guys repeated that very part.
“Are you singing the Herman’s Hermits version or the Earl-Jean McCrea version?” I asked.
“We only danced for a minute or two, and then he stuck close to me, the whole night through!” Water sang as she danced with the floor lamp. “Can I be the one in love?”
“Why are you dancing with my former prom-date, Water?” I asked.
“He’s everything I’ve been dreaming of.” The chorus sang.
“He’s everything I’ve been dreaming of!” Water sang.
“Why would you three sing that part?” I asked Herb and them.
“He walked me home and he held my hoof. I knew he wouldn’t just disappear and poof, so he asked to see me next week and I told him I could! Oh yeah!” Water sang as the chorus sang the ‘see next week told I could part’ part. “Something tells me I’m into something good!”
“Something tells me I’m into something- something tells me I’m into something good!” the chorus sang. “Ahhhhhhhhh!”
“Why are you three the chorus?” I asked.
“Nopony else would volunteer.” Herb admitted.
“Understandable.” I nodded.
“You’ve been talking throughout my whole song, Flare. You don’t see me doing that to you, do you?” Water asked.
“The song hasn’t ended yet. I still hear the music in the background.” I corrected her.
“He walked me home and he held my hoof. I knew he wouldn’t just disappear and poof, so he asked to see me next week and I told him I could! Oh yeah!” Water sang as the chorus sang the ‘see next week told I could part’ part. “Something tells me I’m into something good!”
“Something tells me I’m into something- something tells me I’m into something good!” the chorus sang. “Ahhhhhhhhh!”
“You just repeated the last thing you said again.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, so?” Water asked.
“Seems kinda lazy, doncha think?” I asked.
“Well it’s about to get lazier because I’m about to sing that same part again a third time.” Water said mischievously.
“Jeez, even the song ‘Love is an Open Door’ was more original than that!” I complained. “And I hate that song!”
“Why?” Water asked. “It’s a good song!”
“I just don’t like prince charmings.” I said. “They’re untrustworthy and too perfe-“
“Hold on-“ Water interrupted me as she immediately continued singing again. “He walked me home and he held my hoof. I knew he wouldn’t just disappear and poof, so he asked to see me next week and I told him I could! Oh yeah!” the chorus sang their part again. “Something tells me I’m into something good!”
“Something tells me I’m into something good!” the chorus sang.
“I’m into something good, oh yeah, something good!” Water sang as she concluded the song. She then said in a talkative voice, “Woo! My first song! That was amazing! I see what the fuss is about!”
“You have an amazing voice, Water. Don’t waste it on songs that are not original.” Herb suggested.
“Ok your work here is done, Herb.” Water informed him.
“Oh ok; can’t wait to kick us out.” Herb complained as he, Angel, and Annabelle all left the apartment.
“Wait outside for me, Herb. I still need you.” I informed him.
“Ok.” Herb said as he leaves.
“So Water, I hope you know what you’re doing by trusting somepony like Hexer.” I said.
“I trust him with my life!” Water said.
“Can’t you just trust him on Angel’s life?” I asked.
“I HEARD THAT, MAN!” Angel yelled from outside. Just then, I heard Angel gasping as he sounded like he had a mouthful or something.
“Love works in mysterious ways, bro. I’m careful around him, alright? I’m always ready to defend myself if needed.” Water informed me. “But it’s not like I need it.”
“For your sake, and for Wizard of Hope’s sake, I hope you’re right.” I said.
“Anyways Hexer’s waiting for me outside.” Water said.
“YOU JUST GOT HOME!” I yelled.
“I know. I was just here to change my vest.” Water said as she takes off her vest and then immediately puts another one on. “There. Now I’m ready to go!”
“Are you just going to leave that vest on the floor?” mom asked her.
“Moooom! I have to goooooo!” Water whined.
“You’re not a pig, Water. Put that vest in the hamper.” Mom instructed her.
“Thank FAUST she’s not a pig!” I said in relief as I wiped the sweat off my forehead. It’s Mareami, so expect sweat a lot.
“Bro, I know you hate Swinebutt, but don’t blame his entire species for his hatred towards you.” Water advised me as she walks into her bedroom to put her vest in the hamper.
As she was doing that, I got a phone call from my cell phone. I picked it up and said, “Before you say anything, I need more garlic rolls delivered here. I’m running low.”
“If you say so, Flare. I need to ask you something.” Psyche said on the other line.
“What do you need, bro?” I asked.
“Remember my family crest? That Equestrian artifact with tons of magical energy in there?” Psyche asked.
“Yeah, we went to prison because of it.” I reminded him.
“You sure you gave it to Princess Luna, right?” Psyche asked.
“Yeah, why?” I asked.
“Don’t lie to me, Flare. This is real serious business!” Psyche said.
“I’m not getting paid for it, am I?” I asked.
“FLARE!” Psyche yelled.
“What do you want from me, brah? I’m all the way in Mareami right now! My sister has fallen in love with a scooter pony, and I have to deliver a letter to a hardware store! This vacation has turned into a business trip!” I said.
“I thought you were lying low after beating up ponies in town after you thought they were fog monsters?” Psyche asked.
“Fog beasts.” I corrected him.
“Whatever. Princess Luna said the artifact is put into a safe deposit box at the safe in Canterlot. Do you remember the combination?” Psyche asked.
“To the safe?” I asked.
“Yeah, the safe. The very thing that no mortal ponies know the combination for. Yeah, I’m asking you, genius.” Psyche said sarcastically.
“I know you seem desperate right now, but you don’t need to hurt my feelings from your sarcasm.” I advised him.
“I’m sorry, I’m just stressed right now. Can you tell me the combination, please?” Psyche asked.
“I don’t remember it really, but I hid it somewhere safe in my trailer.” I said.
“Where?” Psyche asked.
“I have the feeling my cell phone is being tracked; can we meet on the hard line?” I asked.
“NO TIME! I really need this, Flare!” Psyche yelled.
“Fine. It’s in my middle right dresser. Crèmepop should know where it is.” I said.
“Thank you, man! I appreciate it!” Psyche said.
“What do you need it for anyway?” I asked.
“I’ll explain later, dude. See ya!” Psyche said as he immediately hung up.
“What’s wrong with him?” I asked.
“Talking to Psyche?” mom asked.
“How did you know?” I asked.
“No reason.” Mom lied as she hides her phone tracking equipment behind her back. “Also you said his name.”
“Why say ‘no reason’ and then give me a reason?” I asked.
“It’s done, mom. Can I go?” Water asked.
“Can I meet your new special somepony? I’d like to meet him!” mom requested.
“Sure! I’m not embarrassed!” Water said. Wow, if mom likes him too, nopony will take my side to how bad he could be if I catch him being bad. It’s happened a couple of times before. Dad doesn’t care though, he’s a workaholic. He’s at work now. Mom’s home because today is Saturday, which is the day we visit nana. Perhaps she’ll shed some light to me on if the scooterers could be trusted or not.
Water and mom walked downstairs to go meet Hexer. Hexer was just waiting outside on his scooter while staring at the seagulls up above. “There he is!” Water said excitedly as she gave him a hug.
“Hey babe.” Hexer said as he was still focused on the birds.
“Is everything ok?” Water asked.
“The birds.” Hexer said.
“What about them?” Water asked.
“I don’t trust them.” Hexer said.
“Can we poop on his scooter now?” one of the seagulls asked the other one.
“Shhh… wait for the right time.” The other seagull advised.
“I thought pigeons usually do the pooping on vehicles?” the first seagull asked.
“Ain’t it nice being bad?” the other seagull asked mischievously.
“So this is Hexer Freeway, huh?” mom asked.
“What up, Mrs. G?” Hexer asked. Mom started to chuckle.
“Isn’t he a bad boy, mommy?” Water asked.
“Yep!” mom agreed. “Hey I used to meet a ton of scooterers when I was a foal. You’re the first one I’ve seen in years!”
“We sure have been living under a rock these last several years, huh Hexer?” Water asked.
“Are you starfish?” Hexer asked. Mom and Water both laughed, and Hexer just sat on his scooter in confusion. “What? What’s so funny?”
“YOU!” Water said as she and mom both continued laughing.
“I… I don’t get what I said was so funny.” Hexer said. Hexer felt a little awkward with all the laughing so he decided to try something to get them to stop. “Mind if I turn on some music?” Hexer then turns on his scooter radio and A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton started playing. “Hey, this isn’t the heavy metal station.”
Just then, mom and Water both started singing the song and moving around to the beat. Hexer just sat there awkwardly and watched them. In the middle of their singing, Hexer decided to sing along, but he didn’t know the words, so he just followed along to what he knew. In the middle of the song, Water yelled, “HIT IT, HEXY!”
“Umm…” Hexer said awkwardly as he started following along to the song, but very slowly. “If I rould ‘all… eh-to the… sky… you ehh TIME would let’s have pie. Cause you know I ehh ehsand miles to eh to just… SEE… YOOOOOOU… oh, umm, tonight.”
“Wow.” Mom said awkwardly.
“Yeah, wow.” Water agreed.
“Impressed?” Hexer asked.
“Umm… what kind of music are you actually into?” Water asked. Hexer then changes the station and some death metal starts playing.
After some time went by, I went downstairs to run an errand. When I got down there, I saw Water nuzzling Hexer as she hops onto the back of his scooter and then Hexer drives off into the sunse- err… I mean sunrise. “Huffs… groans… sighs.” I said as I watched them.
“I don’t trust him that much either, Flare, so you’re not alone.” Herb said.
“I know.” I nodded. “Where’s Angel and Annabelle?”
“Wow… you don’t even ask me how I’m doing.” Herb complained.
“How you doing, Herb?” I asked.
“Terrible because you asked where my friends are without knowing how I am.” Herb complained.
“I’m sorry, alright?” I asked.
“No, too late. You hurt my feelings.” Herb said.
“No, brah, don’t be like that!” I begged. “You want me to buy you breakfast?”
“I’m kiddin’, man!” Herb teased. “Don’t be so gullible, Flare Gun! You’ve always been so gullible! Although, breakfast does sound nice. Thanks for the offer!”
“Forty-five degree angle mouth face.” I commented. “Anyways I have a quick errand to run.”
“Where you goin’?” Herb asked.
“To the hardware store to give the manager this envelope.” I said as I showed Herb the envelope.
“Why?” Herb asked suspiciously.
“I offered to help him out, but somepony else that’s a big-shot already offered to help him, but since I insisted, he made do this errand in giving this letter to the manager at the hardware store.” I said.
“Which one?” Herb asked.
“He didn’t say, but judging by the address on the envelope, he wants me to go to the one at Hoof Point.” I said.
“That’s odd.” Herb said.
“Why is that odd?” I asked.
Herb looked around and then he leaned close to me and said, “A while after you left town and right before I joined the Friendship Mob, I was doin’ a favor for Swinebutt. He wanted me to give a letter to the manager at the same hardware store. He gave me some supplies, and Swinebutt eventually told me they were for a device that could make statue prisons have holograms on them.”
“Wait a minute.” I stopped him. “Did you say a device that could make statue prisons have holograms on them?”
“Are you deaf, you moron?” Herb asked.
“Whoa!” I said in surprise.
“Sorry, that what my old instincts talkin’.” Herb said.
“No worries.” I said. “But that device you were talking about, Swinebutt DID actually use it before to get to me.”
“Why am I not surprised?” Herb asked. “What happened?”
“At Chaos Mountains, the ponies who held the Elements of Harmony got captured by a strange force made of technology.” I explained. “The Noble Six and I were sent by the princesses to rescue them, but we were eventually stopped. The device was used on Discord’s stone prison before he was reformed. Swinebutt used him and the Elements of Harmony to ruin my life. It was pretty much his second most intense plan he pulled on me, and you know the first.”
“That’s bad news.” Herb said.
“But Steel Wheels doesn’t work for Swinebutt, does he?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” Herb admitted. “I think we should read the letter first just to be safe.”
“But Herb, that’s invading privacy!” I said. “It’s illegal to read other pony’s mail, isn’t it? Isn’t it also against Friendship Mafia standards?”
“Sometimes you have to break some rules in order to defeat even greater threats.” Herb said.
“But Steel Wheels told me pacificly that I cannot open it.” I said. “He threatened me that I’d face consequences.”
“Then we won’t open it.” Herb said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“X-Ray goggles.” Herb said as he took out a pair of shades and puts them on.
“Where did you get them?” I asked.
“I stole them from Swinebutt back at the Magic World raid.” Herb said.
“Well then, what are you waiting for? Activate them!” I demanded.
“They’re back at the headquarters. We’ll have to go get them.” Herb said.
“Then what about those shades you just put on?” I asked.
“These are my sunglasses. It’s bright out.” Herb said.
Meanwhile when we were heading back to the HQ to get the X-Ray goggles, Water was riding behind Hexer’s scooter as it rides along the streets of Mareami. Water’s hair was blowing into the wind; the wrong way though. “I’ve always wanted to do this, Hexer! I’ve always wanted to be behind my scooter pony stallionfriend and ride along the streets of Mareami, just feeling the wind in my face, yaddie-yaaaah… but I didn’t expect my hair to cover my face though.”
“I’m sorry what?” Hexer asked.
“Was I talking too soft? Do I need to speak louder?” Water asked.
“No, speak slower. You were talking too fast.” Hexer said.
“Long story short, I’m really enjoying this, Hexy!” Water said.
“I’m enjoying this too, babe! Even though I’m just riding along, not knowing where I’m going. I usually just follow the boys. We travel in packs. This is my first time alone.” Hexer said.
“Bet you’re proud of yourself!” Water said.
“I was afraid of being alone before I met you.” Hexer admitted. “If I don’t ride with the brothers, I get lonely and lost. Now that I have you here, I feel I could take on anything!”
“That is so romantic, Hexer, thank you!” Water said.
“You’re welcome!” Hexer said.
“So being your marefriend. Does this make me property of the Late Night Riders?” Water asked.
“No, you’re special. If you were property, I’d have to share you with the boys. I want you all to myself! I’m stubborn like that!” Hexer said mischievously.
“You are! I like it!” Water said as she cuddled onto his back. Just then, a few scooter ponies showed up and joined Hexer. “Hexer? I thought you were going to be alone?”
“I thought so too.” Hexer said. “Brothers, what are you doing here?”
“Time for the next stage of our plans, brother!” another scooter pony said. “Time to bring that mare you have to the club!”
“Hexer, what is this about?” Water asked.
“Uhh… duckies?” Hexer asked. “I hope it’s about duckies. I could use some duckies today.”
“Bring your lady back to HQ now, Hexer.” One of the scooter ponies demanded.
“B-but… it’s our day!” Hexer begged.
“NOW!” the scooterer demanded.
“Yes, brother.” Hexer said upsettingly.
“What’s going on, Hexy?” Water asked.
“Water, I’m… I’m sorry.” Hexer said.
“No… no you’re not doing this!” Water begged. “Please don’t tell me you were using me too!”
“I never wanted to. Believe me.” Hexer said as he and the whole pack made a U-turn to the opposite direction.
“You… you selfish, scooter-riding, SON OF A- oh hey, my hair is blowing in the right direction now!” Water said excitedly. “I guess we just have to face the wind’s direction in order for the hair thing to work.”
Herb and I didn’t know that was happening to be honest. We were just leaving the Friendship Mob HQ at Little Hoovana and heading back to the carriage. “Thanks for the X-Ray goggles!” Herb shouted.
“Kick yourselves some scooter pony flanks, holms!” Annabelle rooted for us.
“Hmmph… hm… hmph… hm!” Angel shouted with a mouthful of garlic rolls.
“So where we goin’ next, kid?” Herb asked me.
“Kid? We’re the same age!” I reminded him. “I think hanging with Poni so much is making you more like him.”
“Could be.” Herb agreed. “So where are we goin’?”
“To my nana’s. She could tell us a bit about what the scooter ponies might be planning.” I said.
“What about readin’ the letter?” Herb asked.
“I’ll read it in the carriage.” I said as I hopped on, and Herb strapped himself onto it, and then he started to walk. As he started driving the carriage, I started reading the letter with the X-Ray goggles. “Uh huh… uh huh… uh huh… interesting.”
“So what does it say?” Herb asked.
“No clue. I dunno how to work these goggles.” I admitted.
“Press the red button on top of the right lends.” Herb said.
And so, I did, but once I did, a little A.I. voice on the glasses said, “Self-destruct sequence activated. Detonation in 5…” just then I pressed the button again. “Self-destruct sequence deactivated.”
“It’s not the red button.” I said.
“Did you press the left lends or the right?” Herb asked.
“RIGHT! Like you said! Wait, my right or your right?” I asked. “
“We’re facing the same direction.” Herb reminded me.
“Wow… for once, you corrected me. Joining the Friendship Mob made you smarter.” I said as I pressed the red button on the other lends. “Ok, THERE WE GO! Wow… your boxers match your shirt. They both have smileys on them.”
“HEY! Quit lookin’ at my underwear!” Herb complained.
“Relax, brah, you’re not wearing any pants.” I reminded him. I then looked down at the letter and read it.
“Well… what does it say?” Herb asked.
“Oh you want me to read out loud?” I asked.
“That question answers itself.” Herb said.
“Ok the letter isn’t really a note. It’s more like a list of things.” I said. “Metals… tools… wires… I dunno, there doesn’t seem to be anything suspicious about it. WAIT! What’s this?”
“What happened?” Herb asked.
“Nuclear magic?!” I gasped.
“Whoa!” Herb gasped as well.
“Isn’t that magic illegal?” I asked.
“You’re the unicorn here, not me.” Herb informed me.
“Holy Wizard of Strength! That’s… wow! Why would a hardware store sell nuclear magic?” I asked.
“The same store that helped put Equestria at risk.” Herb said.
“Why is he still in business?!” I yelled. “RUDDAH RAH!”
“We had no evidence against him, and we still don’t.” Herb said. “But we do have evidence against the scooterers.”
“We have to see nana, and FAST!” I said. “But we’re going to a retirement community, so when we get there… not too fast. Otherwise the ponies there would think we’re ghosts……. fog beasts.”
Meanwhile at the Late Night Riders bar, some of the scooter ponies tie up Water onto a chair, much to her discomfort. “Are you boys enjoying this?” Water asked sarcastically.
“I’ve had better roleplaying than this.” One of the scooter ponies said.
“Roleplaying?” Water asked.
“Yeah, you know, like Dungeons and Dragons.” The one scooterer said.
“Nerd.” The other scooterer said.
“Hexer, are you just going to let these ponies leave me tied up here?” Water asked.
“You want us to move you to the upstairs game room?” Hexer asked.
“HEXY!” Water yelled.
“They’re my brothers! They’ve been here longer than I. I’m still considered the new brother and I have to do what they say. Wheels of Steel’s orders.” Hexer said.
“Just because they’ve been here longer doesn’t always mean they know what’s best for the gang.” Water said.
“And you think I do?” Hexer asked.
“Well… umm…” Water thought.
“See? Hexer’s just a noob!” one of the scooterer ponies said.
“Stop being such a nerd!” the other one instructed him.
“Then why be a part of this gang then anyway?” Hexer asked.
“Because… I… it runs in the family.” Hexer said.
“And that automatically means you should do it?” Water asked.
“What other choice do I have? Steel Wheels is my grandpa.” Hexer said.
“Really?” Water asked. “Why does that not surprise me that much?”
“Because a pony like Hexer here,” Steel Wheels started as he walked into the room, “he has nowhere else to go, but he can handle himself on a scooter. His amazing scooter skills is what makes up for his low IQ.”
“It sure does!” Hexer said.
“Does that not insult you, Hexy?” Water asked.
“Why would it? IQ means I’m not as much of a loser. Low IQ means a low amount of loser in me, am I right, grandpa?” Hexer asked.
“You got it, brother!” Steel Wheels said.
“That’s not true! That is NOT what IQ means!” Water said.
“Of course it does.” Steel Wheels said as he started to glare at her. “And if you say otherwise, I won’t let you go.”
“You were thinking of letting me go?” Water asked.
“It’s not you we want. We want your brother.” Steel Wheels said.
“Why does everypony want my brother so much?!” Water complained. “You kidnapped ME! Why don’t you want me?! Now it makes me want to stay!”
“Our boss wants him, not you.” Steel Wheels said.
“Your boss?” Water asked.
“Yes, the one that offered us power. Like I said, he’s a big shot.” Steel Wheels said. “He’ll help us get the respect we deserve if we give him Crimson Flare Gun.”
“You really want to do this?” Water asked.
“For the sake of our gang, and my brothers… yes.” Steel Wheels said.
“Don’t you know that Swinebutt isn’t a pig to be trusted?” Water asked.
“I never said Swinebutt was our boss.” Steel Wheels reminded her.
“It’s so obvious! Who else would want to capture Flare?” Water asked. “Swinebutt’s been trying to ruin my brother’s life since he moved to Ponyville, and this is TWICE he used me and my desperation for a hot new stallionfriend to get to him! Well you know what?! I’m never dating anypony ever again! I have HAD IT with being used!” Hexer looked pretty upset after she said that.
“Like we care about that!” Steel Wheels said. “Hey look on the bright side, Water; when we finally have Crimson being traded in for you, you’ll be free to date again without regrets! Swinebutt will have Flare, you’ll be free, the Late Night Riders would rise again, and everypony is happy!”
Water sighed and started to tear up. “Not everypony.”
“Right, except Flare.” Steel Wheels said. “Hey Swinebutt did say Flare hated to be left out.”
“It’s not him I was talking about.” Water said to herself.
Hexer sighed and then said to himself, “It’s me you’re talking about, babe.”
“You’re really bad at talking to yourself, brother.” One of the scooterers said to him. “The whole room could hear you.”
“What? What did he say? I wasn’t listening!” Water freaked out.
So when Herb and I got to nana’s house, she opened the door and let me in. “Flare, why didn’t you call me before you showed up?” she complained.
“Oh sorry.” I said.
“You better have a good reason to be here unannounced.” Nana complained. “I could’ve been naked.”
“Yeah good to see you too, nana.” I said as I gave her a kiss and walked inside, and Herb followed behind me.
“Whoa there!” nana stopped Herb. “You have a lot of nerve showing your face around here, Leafhorn!”
“Relax, nana, Herb and I are friends now.” I said. “He seen the error of his ways and now he’s helping me out.”
“Yeah I don’t trust it.” nana said.
“Don’t worry, Flare. I can just wait outside.” Herb offered.
“But I need you here, brah!” I begged. “You’re my partner in crime in this situation! C’mon, nana! I trust Herb completely after all he’s done for me in the past.”
“Why?” nana asked. “Why would you trust a Leafhorn?”
“Because Herb is one of the Leafhorns that knows the truth of the past. Now please nana?” I begged.
“Old ponies,” Herb said to himself. “they always think of the past. They don’t trust race equals and they don’t trust old family feuds. Believe me, you can’t always teach an old dog new tricks.”
“Who are you talking to, brah?” I asked.
“So Flare, what brings you here?” nana asked.
“I need information about the Late Night Riders. What are they all about?” I asked.
“They’re tough, you should know that.” nana said.
“Yeah, I figured. My sister’s dating one of them right now.” I said.
“Water is a reckless one.” Nana shook her head and said. “If she dates one, she ends up as property to the gang.”
“That’s not good! I really need to go rescue her!” I said.
“It’s not going to be easy.” Nana said. “If you mess with one of them, the whole brotherhood would come after you.”
“I have the Friendship Mob by my side! I’ll be fine!” I said.
“Are you sure? I’ve been in that club before.” nana said.
“You’re a former member. What makes you think they’re gonna listen?” I asked. Just then, my phone started to ring; I answered it. “Sup brah? Who’s this?”
“Wheels of Steel.” Steel Wheels said on the online. “We have your sister.”
“Yeah I know. One of your brothers is dating her.” I said.
“So what you gonna do? Train her in the scooter arts, make her clean the club? Lemme tell you something, brah, that place is filthy!” I said.
“I’m going to take that as a compliment.” Steel Wheels said.
“Take it however way you want. It’s still filthy.” I said.
“Wow, you’re no fun.” Steel Wheels said. “Anyways, if you want your sister back, you’ll have to trade us in a ransom.”
“How much money you want?” I asked.
“None.” Steel Wheels said.
“What else do you want then? Is there a treasure I have that you want? Do you want supplies? Do you want information about Princess Luna’s secrets?” I asked.
“No, no, and… wait… Princess Luna’s secrets?” Steel Wheels asked.
“No I didn’t say that.” I said. “WAIT! Is this about that hardware store? If I don’t give you that nuclear magic, you keep my sister?”
“I TOLD YOU NOT TO READ IT!” Steel Wheels yelled.
“You didn’t say I couldn’t read it. You said I couldn’t open it. I didn’t open it though.” I informed him.
“Whatever. Anyways, no; we want you.” Steel Wheels said.
“You want my magic?” I asked.
“No we just want you.” Steel Wheels said.
“To join the army?” I asked.
“No to be our prisoner, in exchange for your sister.” Steel Wheels corrected me.
“Why? You want ME to be your slave?” I asked.
“No we’re just giving you to our boss.” Steel Wheels said. “He’s in need for a pony like you.”
“Swinebutt?” I asked.
“That’s none of your business.” Steel Wheels said.
“If he wants me, it IS my business!” I corrected him.
“Whatever. If you want your sister to be free, you’d come… alone.” Steel Wheels said. “Don’t bring your Friendship Mob buddies with you.”
“Is this a trick?” I asked. “If you say my sister is gonna be ‘free’, are you saying you’re going to let her go, or are you going to… you know… is ‘free’ a figure of speech? How do I know this isn’t a trick?”
“You don’t.” Steel Wheels said. “But do you want to take that risk?” To be honest, I couldn’t. I had to do what he said. For my sister’s sake.
So I hung up on him without saying goodbye and then Herb asked, “What happened? Is Water ok?”
“I… I have to go.” I said as I walked out of nana’s apartment.
“Flare? Flare where are you going?” Herb asked as he started following me out. “Flare? Flare?”
“Don’t follow me, Herb. I have to do this alone.” I said.
“Flare! Whatever you’re planning… DON’T DO IT!” Herb demanded as I then shut the bathroom door on Herb’s face.
“If I gotta go, I gotta go.” I said from the bathroom.
“Oh… ok.” Herb understood.
“And I have a plan to rescue my sister.” I said.
“What is it?” Herb asked.
“Remember to use only two sheets, Flare!” nana yelled out.
“Got it, nana!” I yelled out. I then whispered to Herb, “She’s not even in here; how is she going to know?”
“I HEARD YOU ROLL THAT TOILET PAPER THREE TIMES!” nana yelled.
“Wow! I thought she had bad hearing!” I complained.
Over at the Late Night Riders clubhouse, the scooterers were just waiting around for me to show up… alone. Yeah, right, ‘alone’! Like I actually listen! But in this case, for my sister, I probably should, shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t I, or should I? Should, shouldn’t… should NOT… should YES… should PUDDIN’! RAAAH! RAH! Alright let’s do this.
“I got him!” one of the three scooterer ponies said that captured me.
“Ah excellent work, umm… I’m not sure if I got your names.” Steel Wheels said.
“Oh… umm…” the green scooter pony that captured me thought it out. “I am… Lore… yeah, Herb Lore.”
“And I am… Wilfred Warstache.” The red scooter pony said as he placed a pink mustache on his face. “And I have a lot of criticism and false gossip to spread about this place.”
“And my name is Street Sweeper, man! Cause I sweep the streets, man!” the bluish-green scooter pony said. I then stuffed two garlic rolls into that scooter pony’s mouth.
“I never seen you three before.” Steel Wheels said as he observed the three scooterers that captured me. “How long were you in this club for?”
“For years. We were just part of the background and nopony ever notices us.” Herb Lore said.
“Ah, I see!” Steel Wheels nodded. “Background ponies, huh? Well consider yourselves supporting ponies now!”
“Aw yeah, my friends! This is a bright day for Wilfred Warstache!” Wilfred said.
“Well, Wheels of Steel, I am here. So where’s my sister?” I asked.
“In the back room, but first, let me ask you something.” Steel Wheels started.
“And what is this?” I asked.
“How long did you think this charade would last?” Steel Wheels asked me mischievously, as scooterers began to surround us.
“LET GO OF ME YOU TRECHERIOUS… FLARE, HELP!” Water yelled as Hexer escorted her to the room we’re in.
“YOU FOOL, BROTHER HEXER!” Steel Wheels yelled. “I told you to leave her in the storage room!”
“She said she’d rather be tied up in here.” Hexer said.
“You were always an idiot.” Steel Wheels facehooved himself and said.
“Well it doesn’t matter. I’m here.” I said. “Water can be set free, and you can take me to Swinebutt.”
“I said come ALONE!” Steel Wheels reminded me. “You broke your end of the deal!”
“But I was captured by two of your scooterers.” I reminded him.
“Ok first off: I said come alone, I didn’t ask for any of my brothers to capture you. Second: These are OBVIOUSLY your Friendship Mob friends!” Steel Wheels explained. Yeah, I did make that too obvious, didn’t I?
“Wilfred Warfstache takes no poop from anypony.” Wilfred (who is actually Annabelle) said.
“You broke your end of the deal, Crimson!” Steel Wheels yelled. “Brothers… seize them!” I activated my hornsaber magic spell to protect myself, and Herb and his gang all took out water guns filled with mustard. All the scooterers also took out their weapons which were bee-bee guns.
“We’re outnumbered!” Street Sweeper (who’s actually Angel) yelled.
“IT’S AN AMBUSH!” I yelled.
“No it’s not an ambush. We knew they were here.” Angel corrected me.
“I know, but I just like saying the word ‘ambush’. I like saying that better than saying ‘it’s a trap’. I really prefer ‘ambush’.” I said.
“So… who’s gonna make the first shot?” Herb asked.
“After you!” one of the scooterers offered.
“No, we insist. After you!” Herb insisted.
“Nah man, we need to prove this is self-defense if the cops come. You first.” Another scooterer offered. Three hours went by, and nopony has taken a shot a yet. We were just aiming our semi-harmless guns (and my horn) at eachother without firing a single shot. Most of us were getting bored with this, but we couldn’t let our guard down.
“So scooterers… is it true that you don’t put wash your hooves after you use the bathroom?” Annabelle Warstache asked.
“Ew that’s disgusting! Of course we do that!” one of the scooterers informed him. “We’re tough, but not THAT tough!”
“Gentlecolts, it’s been three hours, and nopony has taken a shot yet.” I said.
“Well whose fault is that?” Steel Wheels asked.
“This is the worse rescue EVER!” Water complained. “What were you trying to plan, bro?”
“Well, Herb, Annabelle, and Angel disguised themselves as scooterers to capture me, and then exchange myself for you, and then once you were safe, the mob was going to help me get out, and then… well… we never planned this far ahead.” I explained.
“Yeah, we didn’t think we’d make it this far, to be honest.” Herb admitted. “I feel that our IQ right now is the way the future of the world is going to be.”
A cutaway shows Squidward Tentacles from SpongeBob just arriving in the future in the episode SB-129. “Welcome to the future!” Spongetron (SpongeBob’s future decedent) said to Squidward.
“Wha… th-the future?” Squidward asked as he looked around very nervously at all the Google Chrome logos everywhere. “Wh-what’s going on? Why is everything… Chrome?”
“Everything is Chrome in the future!” Spongetron said. Squidward nervously ran to the window and saw more Google Chrome logos everywhere.
“Ooooh myyyy… IMPOSSIBLE! He’s lying!” Squidward freaked out. Just then, an Internet Explorer logo suddenly pops up from the ground, and then a van suddenly shows up and a fish guy comes and sprays the Internet Explorer with some spraying, and it suddenly turns into the Google Chrome logo. “HE’S RIGHT!” The cutaway ends.
“Well, I really need an adult now.” Water said.
“And here he is, Water!” Hexer said.
“No, Hexer, you’re not an adult. Not the way you act.” Water said.
“Actually… I think I’m more adult than everypony in this room; mental-wise.” Hexer said.
“Yeah I find that hard to believe, brother.” Steel Wheels said.
“I think what we’re doing is wrong.” Hexer said.
“Noooooo! What was your first clue?” Herb asked sarcastically.
“Old Herb instincts?” I asked.
“No that one was on purpose.” Herb said.
“Head-brother Wheels of Steel. I know you want our gang to become a big name of this town again, but do we have to put other ponies’ lives at risk to do that?” Hexer asked.
“Swinebutt offered us big opportunities, brother Hexer. Now stand down, and quit this munity at once!” Steel Wheels demanded.
“No, brother grandpa.” Hexer said. “I love Water Gun! She’s been through too much, and now she thinks I’m in on this, but I’m not!”
“Wow…” Water said in surprise. “You just saying that out loud to all of your brothers makes me believe you! No suspicions whatsoever!” Water then smiled. “Thanks, Hexy!”
“For what?” Hexer asked. “Oh right, the… thing I said.”
“Well then… that is unfortunate.” Steel Wheels said as he aimed his bee-bee gun at Hexer. “Betrayed by my own grandson.”
“NO! Don’t shoot him!” Water yelled as she covered him.
“You’d take the shot for a pony that betrayed you?” Steel Wheels asked.
“Wha- NO!” Water said as she uses her magic to pick up a table and cover herself and Hexer. “I’d take a shot for nopony! Too risky!”
“You wouldn’t even take a shot for me?” I asked.
“Goodness no!” Water said.
“Would you take a shot for Aqua?” I teased.
“Well… umm… I-I can’t really answer that one.” Water said nervously.
“Lawl!” I laughed.
“Who’s Aqua?” Hexer asked.
“Just a friend.” Water said. “Now quit talking! I’m trying to protect you!” Just then, one of the scooter ponies started to get drowsy from the boredom, and once he was close to falling asleep, he immediately woke back up and took the first shot, which was aimed for the pinball machine. The pinball machine suddenly started glowing in excitement.
“THE FIRST SHOT AS BEEN FIRED, MAN!” Angel yelled as he then stuffed a garlic roll in his own mouth.
“Wow… way to steal the fun, Angel.” I complained as I used my bubble shield spell to protect us from the scooter ponies shooting at us. The Friendship Mob, me, and Water started fighting back once I disengaged my shield. Herb and I ran over and ducked behind the bar as cover. I used my laser blast spell to shoot everywhere, and Herb was doing the same thing with his mustard cannon.
“AAAAAH! MY LEATHER JACKET! IT’S RUINED!” one of the scooterers cried as Herb squirted him with mustard.
“Stop this!” Hexer yelled. “What is violence going to solve?!”
“Hide behind me, Hexy!” Water instructed him as she started using her water blast spell on the scooterers in the room.
“Beware the stache!” Annabelle said as he started tackling one of the scooterer ponies. The scooterer Annabelle was attacking suddenly fought back, freed himself from Annabelle’s tackling, picked him up and threw across the room and right to the floor by the pool table. One of the scooterers tripped over Annabelle and the scooterer landed on the pool table, which moved some of the balls that were on the table. One of the balls was the 8-Ball and was awfully close to the hole.
“NO! NO NO NO NO NO! I didn’t get all my balls in yet!” the scooterer freaked out. “NO! NO, NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO… phew!” the 8-Ball stopped before it was able to get in the hole. Just then, the pool table light falls on him. “OW!” he yelled, but no, the 8-Ball didn’t move still.
Angel was hoof fighting another scooterer, knocking over tables in the process. The scooterer bucks Angel in the face real hard, and then Angel falls on the pinball tabling, tilting it over a bit, which caused a giant ‘TILT’ word to appear on the pinball screen. Herb and I were still taking cover behind the ball to deal with the scooterers. Annabelle and Angel were knocked out, and only a fewof scooterers were either knocked out or too worried about their clothes having mustard on it to fight. There were still many more scooterers left, including Steel Wheels. Steel Wheels was awfully close to Water.
“WATER, LOOK OUT!” Herb yelled.
“What?” Water asked as she lost focus of the battle and then was suddenly shot in the shoulder by a bee-bee gun. “OW! That hurt! That was awfully close to my eye!”
“Oh relax, a blind chick is no use for our gang.” Steel Wheels said.
“In that case, shoot my eyes. I’ll allow it.” Water said with an attitude.
“You think you’d stand a chance?” Steel Wheels asked. “We’re the Late Night Riders! We’re the toughest scooter gang in all of Equestria, nopony can take that away from us!”
“It’s true.” A voice said at the front door. Everypony immediately stopped fighting and saw that nana was at the front door wearing her old Late Night Riders outfit.
“Nana?!” I gasped.
“Sorry I’m late. The buses run pretty poorly in this town.” nana said.
“Old mare Kar Cannon… it’s been too long.” Steel Wheels said.
“It’s not polite to call an old mare old.” Water informed him.
“It’s how they call their scooter marefriends.” Nana said. “Wheels of Steel. When I was here, you were just an enforcer. Now here you are – the president of the Late Night Riders!”
“This gang means a lot to me, sister Kar.” Steel Wheels said. “I’d do anything to make sure it gets on top.”
“But why would fight my grandchildren just to keep this gang afloat?” nana asked.
“Because… Swinebutt offered us power to see Crimson Flare Gun as our prisoner. We had no choice.” Steel Wheels said.
“There’s always a choice, brother Steel.” Nana said. “If you know how a tough scooter gang works is that they don’t need help from anything else. The Late Night Riders looks after their own, and nopony else. You betray the club once you break the rules.”
“But, Kar… don’t you see? The gang is falling apart!” Steel Wheels explained. “I had no other choice! Swinebutt offered us money and power!”
“Swinebutt is not a pig to be trusted, Steel. I tried to tell you that.” I said.
“It’s true.” Herb said. “He’s a liar and a traitor. He is not a pig of his word.”
“I thought you said you betrayed him?” I asked.
“No I didn’t. I was just delayed. He’s not a patient pig. He didn’t give me a chance to give him his equipment. He took it by force.” Herb corrected me.
“Right.” I understood.
“Wow… sister Kar, you’re right!” Steel Wheels said. “I broke the Late Night Riders’ code! If we’re to be the tough ponies we claim to be, then why are we relying our faith to a pig we barely know! I feel so foolish! I’m not qualified to lead this club! I’m sorry.”
“If I may...” Water started. “After seeing all of your efforts, it would seem to be true. Hexer Freeway here is the most mature pony I’ve ever met. He may not be that smart, but his heart is in the right place. Out of all my stallionfriends so far, Hexer here is the SECOND best!”
“YAY!” Hexer cheered.
“Second best?” I asked.
“That pony that got deported?” Water reminded me.
“I miss his tofu so much!” I said upsettingly.
“But I think… because of his maturity,” Water started, “Hexer here should be the one to lead the-“
“NO!” all the scooterers said at the same time.
“It’s ok, Water. Having the maturity title is definitely the best title I could think of.” Hexer said.
“Wow… that’s sad.” Water said. “Maybe we should just be friends.”
“Weren’t we friends at first?” Hexer asked.
“We were a couple at first.” Water reminded him.
“Oh… I forgot.” Hexer said.
“Well it’s too bad.” I said. “I like you Hexer! You were great for Water! I guess even though you look tough, abusive and mean, I guess I should’ve gotten to know you better. Sometimes even tough-looking ponies are sensitive and gentle, and kind, and know exactly what to do.”
“I’m not sure about that last one, but thank you for helping me out, bro!” Water said as she places her hoof on the Blessings of the Night and it started to glow. “This was truly an amazing experience for me!”
“Oooo shinny!” Hexer said as he places his hoof on the blessings as well. Ok, looks like I have both Water and Hexer in the Blessings of the Night. I dunno why Hexer added himself on, but whateves.
“Huh? Wha… what happened?” Annabelle asked as he regained consciousness. “Where’s my warstache?”
“This was tense, man.” Angel said as he too woke up. Just then, Angel got a little curious. “Where’s my garlic roll, man?”
“Sorry, Angel. I’m all out.” I said.
“Oh that reminds me!” nana said as she gave me a package. “Package came in the mail!”
“Neato!” I said as I opened the package. “Yay! My paddle ball is here!” I said excitedly as I played with it.
“Can I play it with it, man?” Angel asked.
“Oh wait a sec, there’s something else in here.” I said as I took out three pieces of garlic rolls from the box and stuff them in his mouth. Angel started to lose his balance and collapse on the pool table, which caused the 8-Ball to go into the hole.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the scooter pony on the pool table with the pool lamp on his chest cried out.
Just then, Steel Wheels, Hexer, Herb, Water, and I all met up outside to talk. “Flare, Water, I give you my sincere apologies for everything.” Steel Wheels said.
“No sweat, brah.” I said. “Also, here’s your letter to the hardware store back.”
“Oh you still had it?” Steel Wheels asked as he took it from me. “Well… I’m kinda glad you didn’t give it to them. It was nice of your nana to come back.”
“I should take her home.” Water said.
“WHERE’S THAT BUS?!” nana yelled.
“You do that.” I said.
Water then gave me a big hug and said, “Thanks again for this awesome trip, Flare!”
“No prob!” I said. Water runs off to take nana back home.
“I’m glad we have an understanding!” Steel Wheels said. “Brother Hexer? You’re not as dumb as I thought. You deserve better than this club.”
“Thanks head-brother grandpa!” Hexer said.
“Now lemme go clean up the clubhouse.” Steel Wheels said as he walked back into his clubhouse.
“So Hexer, what are you going to do now?” I asked him.
“Well it would seem the scooter pony life doesn’t seem to be the best place for me.” Hexer said.
“Well I’m proud that you came to your instincts, brah!” I said.
“That’s why I decided to become a biker pony! They’re even tougher!” Hexer said. “Also they probably have as much of an IQ as me, so it would probably be the best place for me!”
“You do what you think is best.” Herb said.
“How about a little music?” Hexer suggested as he turns on his radio and then A Thousand Miles starts playing again.
“What the hay?” I asked.
“I know… again?” Hexer asked.
“How did you know?” Herb asked shockingly.
“Know what?” Hexer asked.
“WE LOVE THIS SONG!” I said excitedly.
“Huh?” Hexer asked. Just then, Herb and I started singing the song the same way Water and my mom was singing it earlier today. Hexer just awkwardly watched, and then he said to himself, “I was wrong. I could probably do better than be in any gang.”
Meanwhile inside the club house when Steel Wheels went to clean everything up, the door closed behind him, and there revealed a swinebot. “WHAT THE… WHAT THE HAY?! WHAT ARE YOU?!” Steel Wheels yelled.
“Relax, buddy.” Swinebutt said as he snorted.
“Swinebutt?” Steel Wheels asked.
“I kinda figured you weren’t going to go through with it.” Swinebutt said.
“I tried, boss. I tried, believe me.” Steel Wheels said. “But the Friendship Mob got in the way, also… an old gang member came… I couldn’t go through with it. Kar Cannon is really a legend in these parts.”
“Don’t worry, Steel Wheels. I won’t hold it against you.” Swinebutt said and snorted. “I still have other uses for you. So capturing Crimson didn’t work. It nearly did though. Using one your boys to kidnap his sister was a pretty bold move, I’ll give you that. Did you at least get that nuclear magic I asked for?”
“Flare was too smart.” Steel Wheels said.
“No… he wouldn’t be that smart. It looks like both Flare Gun and Herb Leafhorn are a threat to me.” Swinebutt thought and snorted. “I’m gonna have to deal with him as well, but in the mean time… prove your loyalty to me. Out in the ocean, there’s a device. A very powerful device, might I add. It was lost many years ago though. It’s one of the things I need for my ultimate plan to conquest Equestria. After you get me my nuclear magic, I’ll need you to do this for me. Can you do that?”
“I’ll do what I can, boss.” Steel Wheels said.
“Don’t worry, Wheels of Steel.” Swinebutt said as he puts his arm around him. “I know I’m not that trustworthy, but believe me, the most useful you are to me, the less of a chance that I would be betray you. Your efforts will be rewarded. You’d be very useful in my new Swinebutt Empire. Ha! HA HA HA HA HA! HAAAA HA HA HA HA HA!” he laughed and snorted.
“You need a Benadryl, boss?” Steel Wheels asked.
Anyways, the next day, Water and I returned to Ponyville, and Herb and his friends returned to their regular Friendship Mob duties. Also, next time, how about giving me a better FiE Challenge? This one was pretty dull, and not very effective.
*Road to Rupert Theme Song plays in the background*
SHROOM FILMS PRESENTS…..
FLARE THROUGH TIME III
STARTING: MegaSean45 as Flare Gun Cathy Weseluck as Spike Brony with the Bowtie as Doctor Whooves Tara Strong as Twilight Sparkle Ian McKellen as Starswirl the Bearded
BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE FRIENDSHIP IS EPIC FANFIC
CREATED BY: MEGASEAN45
Today was cleaning day! The day to clean out my trailer of all the worthless trash, dust bunnies, dead insects, and other hazardous materials out of my trailer! And they say I’m too lazy to clean out of my trailer more often! I mean, c’mon; I only clean it monthly! How more often can I clean it? Doesn’t really make sense to me. While I was organizing my laundry, my fish were watching me, and are in fear for some reason.
“Ugh! Cleaning day,” Piddles complained.
“What’s wrong with cleaning day, Piddles?” Dorothy asked.
“Yeah c’mon! Every cleaning day, Flare makes the tank nice and clean! All shiney and gets all the unwanted filth and bacteria,” Pearl said.
“Yeah, but every time Flare cleans the tank it’s always the same thing” Piddles said. “For example: Flare opens the tank and Yoyo always dances around, thinking it’s feeding time.”
A cutaway gag shows Yoyo putting a bib on himself and takes out a knife and fork, licking his lips after I open the tank. “Alright, feeding time! It’s not very often that he feeds us in the afternoon!” Yoyo said excitedly; but just then, I place a siphon cleaner in the tank to take out the bacteria from underneath the rocks while I was listening to Spice Girls on my Ipod, singing it out-loud. Wow, come to think of it, I sang this song recently! Wow, does time fly. Anyways, after I place the siphon cleaner inside the tank, Yoyo thought it was food and started sucking on it, like what all bottom-feeders do. “Wow, this is the biggest, strange-tastiest food I ever tasted!” The cutaway ends.
“And then there’s the glass magnet cleaner that Darrel chases all the time.” Piddles added.
Another cutaway shows Darrel chasing the magnet glass cleaner, and talking to it “Hey, I’m Darrel! Don’t I see you come around once a month? It’s the time of the month again, huh? Why don’t you ever talk? I just see you slide around the glass. Teach me to do that! Teach me to slide around the glass!”
“Oh my Luna, Darrel! Would you stop it?! It’s an inanimate object! Grow a brain for once! UGH!” Pearl groaned and swam away.
“Speaking of times of the month.” Darrel said with an awkward tone. The cutaway ends.
“And lastly, it ruins my sleep!” Piddles complained.
“You know, you do sleep a lot.” Dorthey reminded him.
“Yeah, Piddles. Do you actually need it?” Pearl asked.
While my fish were jibber-jabbin, I don’t even know their language, so I can’t be entertained by them. Meanwhile, I was folding my fun t-shirts! Like one of my t-shirts has a shroom and says ‘I’m a fun guy’, get it? Fun guy, sounds like fungi, which is a shroom? Yeah, old joke, I know. I was folding all my shirts on my bed using my shirt folding board, and piling my shirts on my bed. The ironic thing is, I hardly use them; I mostly wear a vest anyway. Meanwhile, my sister Water walks inside with a pile of laundry. “Hi!” she said.
“Oh, hey sis!” I said. “F-Y-I, the hot water is inadequate on the washing machine, so colors only; I’m gonna try to get that thing fixed.”
“Thanks!” Water said, dumping all her clothes in the washing machine at once.
“Holy Wizard of Feelings, sis! Why don’t you take your clothes to the river and beat them with a rock?” I asked. Just then, Water takes the detergent, and just pours nearly the whole thing in there. “I thought you had standards?”
“I do, but right now, I could care less.” Water said.
“Coltfriend problems?” I asked.
“No, worse! Marefriend problems! Spark Note thinks she can gain two tickets to the next Janet Jackson concert, but she ends up inviting Mynx instead of me! Who does she think she is?” Water complained.
“I-D-K, maybe she’s more of a type that likes to spend more time with her coltfriend than her friends.” I assumed.
“Ugh! Why does she have to do this to me?” Water asked.
“I would’ve thought you were familiar by that. You always spend more time with your 20 different coltfriends than your friends, let alone your own family!” I said.
“First of all: 19 coltfriends; second: You’ve seen how my friends were in Mareami! Users, like that pig friend of yours!” Water said.
“I thought we said not to mention that again?” I asked in an anger tone.
“Whoa, mister sensitive over here! Whatever! Hey, Flare, can I ask you a question?” she asked.
“I’d rather you not, but I won’t go as far as to forbid it.” I said, as I continued to fold my clothes.
Water just stared at me with a strange look on her face, and she said; “I heard yes, so I’ll go for it. Have you ever dated a regular mare?”
“I assume you’re not referring to digestive regularity, because I learned such inquiries are inappropriate.” I said.
“Well, something like that. I meant ever dated a mare that doesn’t have any sort of problems, like socially.” Water said.
“I’ll have you know Crèmepop is a wonderful mare, and you know she’s been socially active! She always hangs with you, Bonnie, Lyra, Wind Racer, Spark Note, and Crystal in your mare-time. Or as I call it: gossip time.” I said.
“Oh get over it, Flare! That was ONE time!” she said.
“No, you were CAUGHT one time. I heard so much gossip going on around town; like that one time everypony was laughing at Rarity’s hat, saying it was from the junk yard.” I reminded her.
“Only because it was true!” Water added.
I just stopped folding my shirts, and stood there not saying anything, until I eventually said; “Good point.”
“Exactly! Ain’t your big sis so smart?” Water asked.
“Oh you’re a genius! You should be in PH.D!” I said sarcastically, as I moved to my personal chest, opening it up.
“Yeah, I should shouldn’t I?” Water said to herself happily. “What are you doing now?”
“Going through my personal chest, seeing if there’s any junk I don’t need.” I said, as looked through it.
“How is it so big on the inside?” Water asked.
“I dunno, it was probably a gift from the Time Lords!” I teased. “That same technology is also my stomach!”
“Which is why you need to lose weight.” Water said.
“I’m fine, Water! I ain’t fat!” I said.
“You may say that, but I can see your gut growing every day.” Water said.
“You know, sis, when you say that stuff to me you have no problem with it, but why do you make it such a big deal when I say it to you?” I asked.
“Because my weight actually matters! Unlike you, I always make sure I look good!” Water said.
“So do I, but I don’t make a big deal over it!” I said.
“You don’t understand. You’re a stallion.” Water said.
“Eeyup, and proud of it! I ain’t so emotional like you mares are!” I said.
“Mares are superior in Equestria! Our princesses are both mares!” Water said.
“What makes mares more superior anyway?” I asked.
“Because we know how to flatter others more!” Water said. A cutaway shows mail stallion knocking on a door, holding a package. A stallion wearing nothing but purple and black stripe socks opens the door.
“Yeah?” the stallion asked.
“Eww! Show some respect! I ain’t giving a package to somepony wearing that!” the mail stallion complained.
“Who is it, honey?” a mare wearing nothing but purple and black stripe socks asked her husband, as she walked towards the door.
“Well, aren’t you a cute thing?” the mail stallion said flattering to the mare.
The mare giggled. “Thank you!”
“Hey, what gives? We’re both wearing the same thing!” her husband complained.
A voice in the background started singing, as the exact words appeared on the screen the same time the voice sang them: “Mares! They know how to look good!” The cutaway ends.
So I was going through my personal chest, found a few unique items, some items junk, some I wanna keep, but then I stopped after I found an old radio. “Hey! Look at this, Water!”
“What is that?” Water asked.
“What do you think it is?” I asked.
“Looks like grandma’s radio; or at least a radio for a grandma.” Water said.
“I remember having this! This is the radio I found in the junk yard back in Mareami!” I said.
“It was probably in the junk yard for a reason.” Water said.
“I wonder if it still works?” I asked.
“Uhh, did you not hear what I said?” Water asked.
“I did, but I didn’t want to, so I’m ignoring.” I said.
“What are you going to do with that thing?” Water asked.
“Spike’s gonna wanna see this!” I said.
“What makes you so sure of that?” Water asked.
“I dunno, but right now, I feel like seeing Spike anyway.” I said. So I took the radio, I exited the trailer, and started running to Twilight’s house. Water just stood there in my room.
“What? No goodbye; and you’re just gonna keep your chest open for everypony to take stuff out of?” Water asked. She looked around suspiciously, and looked at my chest. She started walking towards it, but she knew she was doing wrong by walking towards it. “No! I ain’t snoop dogging around in there!” she said, as she turned around and walked out of the room. But as you expected (or at least I assume you expected, it’s pretty obvious), she runs back into my room, looks inside my personal chest and starts singing Snoop Dog raps.
A while later, I went to Twilight’s house to see Spike. Once I did my special knock, he let me in, and I showed him my radio. I placed it on Twilight’s desk near Owlowiscious’ hanging spot. “Wow, an actual old radio! I didn’t think you’d have one of these.” Spike assumed.
“Oh I do, my friend! I do!” I said.
“I would’ve thought you’d stolen this radio from Granny Smith.” Spike said.
“To be honest, the only thing I hear on the radio is country music.” I said.
“That’s all she listens to. That, and brony pop.” Spike said. A cutaway shows Granny Smith wearing a bikini, and boots, singing the fanmade Equestria Girls song, which by the way, looked pretty creepy. So creepy, Big Mac had to cover Apple Bloom’s eyes, and Apple Bloom covered his eyes. The cutaway ends.
So I turned on the old radio, but all I got was static really. I started pounding the top of the radio, but it was still staticy. “Piece of junk! I guess this explains why I never use it, and it also explains why it was in the graveyard.” I said.
“Told ya!” Water said, as her head popped through the window near the desk, and then she ran off.
“You know, Flare, they say you can use these old radios to talk to dead ponies.” Spike said.
“That’s sick, brah! Who would want to talk to a dead pony? The only dead pony I’d talk to would be Billy Neighs. But I’d only hear his voice, I wouldn’t see his thumbs up, that’s what I miss the most.” I said.
“Well, try to find the radio frequency. Go to…. I think it’s 102.7.” Spike assumed.
“Oh cool! 102.7 was the 60s and 70s pop station back at Mareami!” I said, as I moved the radio frequency to 102.7 to see if I can hear any ghosts. I stopped hearing static, but I didn’t hear a thing. “I don’t hear a thing, Spike.”
“Say something then! Don’t be shy.” Spike said.
“Uhh…. hello?” I talked through the radio to see if there was anypony there, but to my surprise, I heard a voice.
“Yeah?” the voice said.
“Holy Wizard of Hope, it worked!” I said shockingly.
“What worked? Who is this?” the voice asked.
“I’m Flare Gun! We’re using this radio to talk to ghosts.” I said.
“Well, you came to the right place! I am surely a free spirit, able to communicate with mortals on old junk yard radios.” The voice said.
“Hey, you sound a lot like Discord.” Spike said.
“Discord? No, you must be mistaken. Discord isn’t dead! I’m Starswirl the Bearded!” the voice said.
“Hello, Starswirl the Bearded! Can you bring Billy Neighs on the line?” I asked.
“Flare, that’s Starswirl the Bearded!” Spike reminded me.
“Yeah, I know, I heard him.” I reminded him.
“This is Twilight’s idol! This is the stallion that got Twilight to be very interested in magic!” Spike said.
“I thought that was Celestia?” I asked.
“Ah, your friend Twilight sounds like a very interesting pony!” Starswirl said.
“She is, but she talks too much.” I said.
“This is amazing!” Starswirl said excitedly. “I haven’t talked to the living in thousands of years! Tell me, what is Equestria like?”
“From your point of view, it sure has changed a lot! You know Princesses Celestia and Luna controlled the Elements of Harmony when you were around, right?” Spike asked.
“They sure did! You may not know it, but I helped out in the process of finding them.” Starswirl said.
“Oh, really now?” Spike asked.
“Sure did! Maybe we can hang, and I’ll tell you more about it!” Starswirl suggested.
“Why that sounds like an awesome idea, brah! Count us in!” I said.
“No doubt! Twilight would love to talk with you!” Spike said. Afterwards, he yells out for Twilight; “Hey, Twilight! We’re talking to Starswirl the Bearded on Flare’s radio!”
“That’s nice!” Twilight yelled back.
“Want to come and talk to him?” Spike yelled.
“No thank you! I’m busy working on this new spell! I need to concentrate!” Twilight yelled.
“But this is Starswirl the Bearded! Your hero!” Spike yelled.
“That’s nice! I’ll come by when I’m done!” she yelled.
“That’s weird. I never thought Twilight would say no to talking to her idol.” Spike said to him.
“She probably doesn’t believe us.” I said.
“Oh well, who needs her? We can have fun time on our own! She’ll just miss out!” Spike said.
“Excellent! Excellent! Take me to your favorite places, and I’ll tell you about the time I made the magic spell that turns ocean water into ink!” Starswirl said. So Spike and I took my radio with Starswirl in it to places where we hung out, and Starswirl told us a bunch of awesome stories! Like when he witnessed the disharmony wars between a cult known as the Zambrocks against the Equestrian military, which was the biggest war in Equestria’s history. We also did a bunch of stuff together, like we took Starswirl to a Karaoke club nearby, and we sang a duet together.
“Ok, next up on stage, let’s give a big karaoke welcome for Flare and Starswirl!” the host said as I took Starswirl up on stage, placed him on a stool, and used my magic to grab the microphone so we can get started. Everypony cheered as we went up on stage.
“Ok, this is one of our favorites; hope it’s one of yours!” I said to the audience as the music started playing in the background, and Starswirl and I sang a duet of ‘Don’t Go Breaking My Heart’ by Elton John. We both took turns singing, starting with me. “Don’t go breaking my heart!” I sang.
I past the microphone to Starswirl so he can sing next. “I couldn’t-“ But that’s all we heard, because the radio was interfering with the microphone, causing a very loud noise causing everypony to scream and hold their ears.
“Oh, honey if I get restless!” I sang.
“Baby, you-“ Another big screeching noise, causing everypony to scream and hold their ears.
“Don’t go breaking my heart!” I sang.
“You ta-“ Big screeching noise, everypony screams.
“Oh, honey when you knock on my door!” I sang, doing a knock impression with my hoof.
“Oh, I gave-“ Ditto. So after the disaster at the karaoke club, I took Starswirl and Spike over to the Bistro, and grab a bite to eat. Even though Starswirl can’t eat since he’s a ghost inside a haunted junk yard radio, I just let him come for the lulz, and awesome stories. Starswirl is pretty good at both.
Starswirl just about to tell us a joke. “So, I was working at a Market stand in Canterlot, and a pony asks me, ‘Are you a unicorn?’ Then I said, ‘You want one corn? On the cob, or without?’”
Spike and I both laughed after he said that joke. “Oh, man! This pony, this pony right here, dude! He’s amazing! No wonder Twilight likes him so much!” Spike said.
“Yeah, it’s great having unexpected idols! For example: people saying My Little Human is a girl’s show, when lots of stallions like it too. There are unexpected idols every day, my friend!” I said.
“Hey, Starswirl, what other stories do you got?” Spike asked.
“Well, I did do a magic spell on Simon Cowell, and he said; ‘It was absolutely terrible!’” Starswirl said, doing an impression on Simon.
“Wow, he does impressions too! That’s amazing! I’ve always wanted to do cool impressions, and do awesome sound effects like the guy on Police Academy!” I said.
“Think that’s amazing, check out my David Letterman laugh!” Starswirl said, and started laughing like a monkey.
“Hey, David Letterman, want a banana?” Spike teased, and we all started laughing. Just then, Water came by, since she works here, with our food, and placed them in front of us.
“Ok, one crystal nuggets for the baby dragon, and one Ranch-House treeburger for the lil bro!” Water said.
“It’s restaurant-brand ranch, right?” I asked.
“Yes.” She said.
“Not like the ones in the store?” I asked.
“Yes.” She said.
“Curly fries, not straight?”
“It’s right in front of you.”
“Sea-salt not regular?”
“Yes.” She places sea-salt shaker on the table.
“Purple onion slices?”
“Yes.”
“Hot mustard?”
“Yes.”
“Poppy-seeded buns?”
“No.” she teased, because it shows the poppy-seeded buns right in front of me. I looked at my burger, and I looked back at her, giving a sarcastic laugh that sounded like two quick inhales.
“Hey, Starswirl, tell my sister that pirate joke you told us before.” I instructed himi.
“Alright! What is a pirate’s favorite letter? You would think its ‘Arrr’, but when you think about it, it’s actually the C.” Starswirl said, and Spike and I laughed really hard. “You gotta- you gotta- you gotta love this pony, sis!”
“You’re talking to somepony on your radio?” Water asked.
“Yeah, it turns out you can talk to ghosts on old joke yard radios, Water. It’s so awesome!” Spike said.
“Oh really? You having a good time talking to Discord?” Water asked.
“What do you mean? That’s not Discord, that’s Starswirl the Bearded!” Spike corrected her.
“Actually, if you think about it, Starswirl actually being Discord before he was Discord would be an awesome plot twist!” I said to Spike. “Nopony knew magic better than Starswirl, so maybe he created himself a mortal form, and that’s how Discord was made! I mean, it makes sense. Discord knows some of the greatest magic spells, and there are stars when he snaps his fingers.”
“Well, if that’s an actual spoiler, be sure to keep it to yourself, bro.” Spike suggested.
“C’mon, how can you talk to ghosts on an old radio? There could be a plot to this.” Water said.
“Water, since when did you talk smart?” I asked.
“If you don’t believe me, why not talk to Twilight about it?” Water asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, okay! Let’s go see Twilight then!” I said to Spike.
“Good idea!” Spike nodded back. “Hey, Water, can I have a to-go box?” So we collected boxes for our food, but we didn’t actually need them, because by the time she got back we finished our food, and then we left the bistro and went over to Twilight’s house, and placed the radio with Starswirl on her desk while she was working.
“Hey, I was working on a spell! I nearly had it!” Twilight complained.
“Sorry, but we need to ask; is this actually Starswirl?” I asked.
“I highly doubt that Starswirl is a radio, Flare.” Twilight said, giving me a funny look.
“No, not the radio, the voice in the radio. C’mon Starswirl, talk!” I requested.
“I’ya don’t know what you mean. No Starswirl ‘round here!” Starswirl said in an Italian accent.
“He’s right. Starswirl wouldn’t joke around like that, and that voice sounds a lot like Discord.” Twilight said.
“And how do you suppose you know that?” I asked her. “You may know Starswirl’s spells and his history, but you have no idea how he sounds like, or his sense of humor.”
“It’s true, Twilight Sparkle!” Starswirl said.
“Okay, now I know its Discord.” Twilight said with a glare.
“Alright, so you found me out!” Discord complained on the radio. “But you have to admit, that was a pretty fun prank!”
“Oh what?!” Spike complained. “We’re not talking to the spirit of Starswirl the Bearded! It’s just a prank played by Discord!”
“You catch on fast, little dragon!” Discord said.
“Aw man! This was a bigger rip-off than a Nickel-Back concert!” I complained. A cutaway shows me at a Nickel-Back concert, listening to their music, and I was just sat there with a boring look on my face, and I said; “I paid 5 cents for this?!” The cutaway ends.
“I can’t believe Discord played a prank on us!” Spike complained.
“Well, what can you expect from the god of disharmony? All you can expect is funny gags just to entertain himself.” Twilight said.
“Remind you of anypony, Twilight?” I asked her with an obvious question.
“Hey, you have to admit, I did a pretty good job acting like Starswirl! I mean, believe me though, it ain’t easy acting like a pony that discovers magic that can control time and space. You gotta know what he’s capable of, and everything.” Discord said.
“Wait, what did you say?” Twilight asked.
“You gotta know what he’s capable of, and everything.” Discord said.
“Before that.” Twilight said.
“I did a pretty good job acting like Starswirl?” Discord asked.
“No! In the middle!” Twilight corrected him with an attitude.
“It ain’t easy acting like a pony that discovers magic that can control time and space?” Discord asked.
“Yes! That one! Its part of this assignment I’m working so hard on!” Twilight said.
“What assignment?” Spike asked.
“The princess assigned me to discover a magic spell that happened thousands of years ago.” Twilight said.
“No, Twilight. Don’t say ‘the princess’. There’s more than one princess, and you know it. Celestia, Luna, Cadance, not to mention YOU’RE A PRINCESS! You can’t say ‘the princess’ anymore like you did back when you lived in Canterlot, there was only one princess then. Get with the time!” I complained.
“Oooook, but you know I’m talking about Celestia, right?” Twilight asked.
“Of course you are, and it made more sense when you weren’t a princess, but now you’re talking like you don’t include yourself.” I said.
“Whatever. Discord, tell me what you know about this magic.” Twilight instructed him.
“Well, it was all a blur for me. I don’t remember that much, but it happened about….. 1,273 years ago.” Discord said.
“Got anything you DO remember?” Twilight asked.
“Sorry, Twilight Sparkle, but ever since I gained my immortal form I don’t bother thinking about stuff I have no interests in.” Discord said.
Twilight nods. “Ok, Discord. Thank you for your assistance.”
“No problem, Twilight!” Discord said.
“Yeah, and thank you for the lies, brah!” I said sarcastically.
“Need anymore pranks, you know my frequency!” Discord said, and then I turned off the radio.
“What now? Princess Celestia gave me this assignment, saying it was urgent! I have to discover this magic.” Twilight said.
“Why? You know plenty of magic.” I reminded her.
“Besides, you said yourself, you didn’t want to be that powerful of an alicorn.” Twilight said.
“I’m not using this magic for myself, I’m trying to discover it. That particular magic was wiped out the same few minutes as it was first used. It was used to wipe out a powerful army of some sort.” Twilight said.
“Like the Zambrocks? Because Discord was talking about them.” Spike asked.
“Not the Zambrocks. Something else, something much more powerful, but nopony was able to gain influence of this event.” Twilight said.
“Well, maybe we can see for ourselves!” I suggested.
“What do you mean? Like going back in time?” Twilight asked.
“Exactly!” I said.
“I dunno, Flare. I did time travel once before, and it was a waste of time.” Twilight said.
“No, this will be good! This ain’t some spell or nothing, this is an actual time machine I’m talking about we’ll be using, and it’ll be driven by one of the greatest heroes in the universe!” I said.
“Oh no, you’re not saying what I think you’re saying are you?” Spike asked.
“Oh I believe I am, Spike! I believe I am!” I nodded mischievously.
“What are you talking about, Flare?” Twilight asked. So the three of us ran over to the TARDIS to go see the Doctor. Once we got there, I did my famous knock. Knock, knock, knock; “Doctor?” Knock, knock, knock; “Doctor?”
The Doctor opened the door and said, “Yes?”
I knocked on the open door a third time because I wasn’t finished. “Doctor?” I said.
“Ah, Flare! Spike and Twilight too! I just made some tea! Want some?” the Doctor asked.
“No thank you, Doctor. I have a request.” Twilight said.
“Research paper from Princess Celestia?” the Doctor asked.
“Yep!” Twilight nodded. “Need to go to 1,010 years ago from seven weeks ago. Starswirl the Bearded discovered a new magic that’s able to control time and space. She wants me to discover it and bring it back to her.”
“Well what are the odds?” the Doctor asked. “Remind you of anything, Flare and Spike?”
“Not really.” I said.
“Nope.” Spike said.
“Remember the last time we time travelled?” the Doctor asked.
“Yeah, I was shot in the leg by my future self.” I said.
“Oh right, you don’t remember because that time period was erased. By I remember!” the Doctor said. “Princesses Celestia and Luna called you heroes after fighting off an invasion force that occurred 10 years from that point of time.”
“Huh?” I asked.
“We’re going to 10 years before Nightmare Moon’s banishment.” The Doctor said.
“Again… huh?” I asked.
“Honestly, Flare Gun! It can’t get any more obvious than that!” the Doctor complained.
“Wait, Flare? You were around during Nightmare Moon’s banishment?” Twilight asked.
“Barely.” I said. “We were stopped by our future selves. We weren’t even in that time period for even a minute.”
“It’s complicated, Twilight.” The Doctor said. “But no matter! Just think of timey-wimey.”
“Excuse me?” Twilight asked.
“Nevermind.” The Doctor said as he started pressing buttons on his TARDIS console. “Now then… we are on our way to Old Canterlot, 10 years before our last insertion.”
“Doctor you never seize to amaze me.” Twilight said pleasingly.
“Thank you, Twilight! You might be pleased even more to know that we’re already here!” the Doctor said. Twilight excitedly ran over to the door and opened it. There we were… Old Canterlot. It looked exactly the same as the last time we were there, because 10 years isn’t much.
“Wow! Old Canterlot!” Twilight said excitedly. “I’ve seen this place before in visions, but being actually here and seeing the ponies of history wander around, I am so psyched!”
“I feel sorry for you, Twilight.” I said as I patted her shoulder.
“Well I hope you enjoy it here! 1,010 years in Equestria’s past! Give or take a day.” The Doctor said. “Now you know the rules of time travel, right Twilight? Because it took me a while to teach these two.”
“WHAT DID WE DO?!” Spike yelled.
“I am so glad you two don’t remember our last time travel mission.” The Doctor said.
“Every time you say that makes us more and more curious!” Spike said.
“Oh, hang on, Spike. You got something on your ear.” I said as I removed the green fin-like thing from his ear, and then ate it. “Mmm! Lettuce!”
“Way to go, Flare!” Spike complained. “You know how long it took to shape both of these things on my ears to make them exactly identical?!”
“Anyways, you three enjoy yourselves here.” The Doctor said.
“What are you going to do?” Twilight asked.
“I… have some research to do.” The Doctor said as he walked back inside his TARDIS and closed the door behind us.
“He seems to be in a rush.” Spike said. “Hey, where did Twilight go?”
“Judging by the alignment of the planets, I say she’s off to see younger Princesses Celestia and Luna.” I assumed. And I was right. Twilight was running over to the castle to see Princesses Celestia and Luna.
“C’MON, GUYS!” Twilight yelled at us. So Spike and I followed her to the castle to meet the younger princesses.
Meanwhile inside the TARDIS, the Doctor was surveillancing everything that’s going on in this age. The Doctor had monitor holograms all over the interior of the TARDIS, watching everything that’s been going on. “Princess Celestia mentioned the four of us saving this age 10 years ago from Nightmare Moon’s banishment from some sort of tragedy. But the question is… what tragedy is that, and further note, how did we do it? Also, why am I talking to myself? I knew we had to come back here some time, but why?” the Doctor asked himself.
“Need some assistance, master?” K-9, the Doctor’s robotic dog asked.
“K-9? What are you doing here?” the Doctor asked. “You’re supposed to be with Sarah Jane!”
“I am. I’m just a figment of your imagination.” K-9 said. “I’m also the ghost of K-9. I short-circuited after drinking toilet water. I should be back by the time I get fixed.”
“Boy, do I love this TARDIS!” the Doctor said excitedly. “I love it so much that I love this really brilliant, yet so familiar trash bin that I didn’t know I had!” The Doctor wrapped up a piece of paper and threw it inside that particular trash bin, which was bronze and had lumps all over it. “I should switch on the magnetic pull so the trash bin doesn’t get away.” The Doctor said as he turns it on.
So Spike and I continued following Princess Twilight to the castle. On the way, we had a nice tour of Old Canterlot that I completely forgotten in my last visit. “I’ve always found the renaissance to be fascinating!” Spike said.
“I don’t. Too many diseases.” I said. “Not enough cures.”
“Well lookie here! A baker, cooking bread an ol fashion away.” Spike pointed out.
“And look, Spike; a blacksmith! We better tell Markipony we found him.” I said.
“CHECK AND MATE, BUCKO!” a familiar voice shouted in the background.
“You’ll never take me down alive!” another voice shouted.
“Oh we’ll see about that, Leafhorn!” the first voice yelled.
“Well what do you know!” I said in surprise. “If it isn’t my distant ancestor along with Herb’s ancestor? Colonel Machine Tony Salvatore Joey Luigi Gun the First, and a longtime rival, Colonel Weed Leafhorn, and the only one of his line and not such a long middle-name.”
Just then, we saw the two of them laughing as they were playing chess. “Looks like you win again, my friend!” Weed Leafhorn said excitedly.
“You can’t beat my intellect, buddy. I know we’re partners in crime and war, but one of us has to be the superior one!” Colonel Gun said excitedly.
“Wow, your ancestors seem to be buddies in this period.” Spike said in confusion. “I thought you said they hated eachother?”
“Maybe not yet.” I assumed. “I never knew they started out as buddies.”
“What’s next? Blaze’s ancestor hates your ancestor?” Spike asked.
“Sergeant Gun… Sergeant Leafhorn.” Blaze’s ancestor said angrily as he marched towards them.
“Sergeant Goldheart! What is it you need, buddy?” my ancestor asked.
“I guess they were sergeants at this time.” I shrugged.
“Don’t give me that kind of talk, mister!” Sergeant Goldheart yelled angrily. “I know what you were hiding from me!”
“Whatever do you mean?” Sergeant Gun asked.
“You polished my gun last night, didn’t you?!” Sergeant Goldheart asked angrily.
“Have any proof of that?” Weed Leafhorn asked.
“Only you two the magic lock combination in my trunk! You dogs!” Sergeant Goldheart said angrily but the anger turned into a mischievous smile. Just then the three of them started to laugh.
“You were saying, Spike?” I asked him mischievously.
“Huh. I would’ve thought Blaze’s ancestor and your ancestor hated eachother.” Spike assumed.
“What made you think that?” I asked.
“Just a… hunch.” Spike said. “I really don’t know why I thought that. What? You didn’t think that at all?”
“Actually I did a bit, until the three of them all started laughing like they were friends. Gotta learn to listen, brah.” I advised him.
“Look who’s talking.” Spike said sarcastically.
“I’m sorry, what was that?” I asked. “I was gonna check my Ponyhoof until I realized there’s no Wi-Fi in this place.”
“This is 1,010 years in Equestria’s past, dude.” Spike reminded me.
“And yeah?” I asked.
“Internet wasn’t around yet.” Spike said.
“Really now?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Spike said as he then takes out his phone. “I should make a complaint to the management. Hopefully they’ll be able to- OH FRINKLEBERRY!”
“Relax, Spike. This isn’t so bad. There was plenty of stuff to do before cell phones and wi-fi were invented.” I said.
“Yeah…” Spike nodded. “I’ll go search them up.”
“Yes you do that.” I agreed.
“OH FRINKLEBERRY!” Spike yelled in frustration.
“This stinks!” I complained.
“HEY! What’s taking you two slow pokes so long?!” Twilight asked from the distance.
“She said poke.” I said. “I remember doing plenty of that when we still had wi-fi.”
“C’mon, guys. We should follow her.” The Doctor suggested. “Seeing the princesses might help us gain information.”
“Doctor, since when did you follow us?” Spike asked.
“I’ve always been following you.” The Doctor lied.
“No you weren’t.” Spike corrected him. “You kicked us out of your TARDIS and stayed behind to work on something.”
“Don’t underestimate a Time Lord, my boy!” The Doctor said.
I coughed and then I said, “GRAVY!” at the same time I was coughing.
Spike chuckled. “Yeah, it is a load of bologna, isn’t it?”
“No I mean, gravy. Look.” I pointed to a stall.
“Gravy! Get your gravy here!” the merchant called out. “Freshly blended gravy!”
“Wait a minute… what is that?” the Doctor asked as he looked at the gravy stand.
“That’s called gravy.” I said. “Us ponies use that sauce as flavor for certain foods we like to eat.”
“Not the gravy.” The Doctor said as he walks over to the stand.
“Wait a minute. IS THAT PONY AN ALIEN?!” I yelled. “IS IT A ZYGON?! Is it… is it a changeling-type alien?! A ZYGON?!”
“Uhh, wh-what are you talking about?” the merchant asked nervously.
“Don’t play dumb with us ZYGON! We’re onto your little tricks! We already have shape shifters in this kingdom! We don’t need anymore!” I yelled at him angrily.
“Flare, I don’t think that’s a Zygon, or even a shape shifter.” Spike corrected me.
“How do you know? YOU WITH THEM, BRAH?!” I yelled.
“Will you pipe down?!” the Doctor demanded. “It’s not the pony either, it’s THIS!” the Doctor takes the mixing beater from the merchant’s hoof and shows it to us.
“Umm…” I said confusingly.
“A mixing beater?” Spike asked.
“Were these around during this time?” the Doctor asked.
“Yes.” Spike said.
“Ok yes, but… I mean… this particular one! Seems kinda off about it.” the Doctor said.
“Is it a Zygon?” I asked.
“NO, it’s not a Zygon!” the Doctor yelled.
“Then what else could it be? A tracking device? A part to something?” I asked.
“Or maybe it’s just a tool this pony was using because he needs it to make gravy and there’s nothing suspicious about it at all.” Spike added.
The Doctor uses his sonic screwdriver on it and thinks to himself, “Hmm… that can’t be right.”
“Can we just see how Twilight’s doing?” I asked.
“Huh? Oh, yeah… sure!” the Doctor said. So the three of us caught up with Twilight, whom was standing outside the castle, about to walk inside.
“Oh there you guys are!” Twilight said.
“Yeah! Why didn’t you go in yet?” Spike asked.
“I was just admiring how the Castle of the Two Sisters looked from the outside before the ruins. It looks so fascinating and so beautiful! I can’t even talk right now! I literary can’t open my mouth to speak!” Twilight said excitedly.
“Thank Faust.” I mumbled to myself.
“Then how are you talking?” Spike asked her.
“Magic!” I said as I snorted twice.
“I’m sorry, I’m being ridiculous right now, but I’m just… so I excited for this moment! I’m actually at the Castle of the Two Sisters when it was still in one piece!” Twilight said excitedly. “And that’s not all; in just a couple of minutes, we’re going to meeting the past Princesses Celestia and Luna! This opportunity is just… it’s just an exciting sensation!”
“I get some companions that act like that all the time. You’re not the only one, Twilight!” the Doctor said.
“Wait a minute. If we meet Princesses Celestia and Luna right now, will it affect the timeline?” the Doctor asked.
“Not if it’s already happened.” The Doctor said. “10 years into the future, the princesses were thrilled to see us ‘again’, and it was explained that we were actually already here, but it hasn’t really happened yet in our point of view.”
“Wow… I understood that.” I said surprisingly. “I thought you were going to make a complicated statement about ‘our future, their past’ and we’d have all a whole argument about how it makes sense or not.”
“And judging by the timeline… we’re going to be meeting Starswirl the Bearded at one of his finest years! All his best magic spells were invented in this time!” Twilight said.
“Are you sure it’s the real Starswirl the Bearded and not a prank from Discord?” Spike teased.
“Discord wasn’t around yet in this time, Spike. It has to be the real him, and that’s who we’re going to see!” Twilight said excitedly. “We’ll discover the spell of Starswirl’s greatest creation, and present-day Princess Celestia will be pleased!” Twilight said.
“Then I’m sure past-Princess Celestia will be pleased to meet us!” the Doctor said.
“In what way?” I asked.
“Timey-wimey stuff, DUH!” the Doctor reminded me. So the four of us walked inside the castle so we could meet the princesses ‘for the first time’. Twilight was gasping in amazement and squeeing over the fact that she’s here; it looked like she was going to get an aneurism. She observed everything, every inch of the corridor we were walking in. In fact, every atom it would seem by the looks of it.
“OH MY GOSH!” Twilight gasped in excitement. “Look at all this pony armor, all shinny and new, with not a single spec of dust! These paintings… no torn sheets, or any fades whatsoever! No rubble… no sounds of everything falling apart…” just then, we heard an organ play in the distance.
“WHOA!” Spike yelled in surprise as he hopped on my neck.
“HEY!” I yelled and coughed.
“And that was DEFINITALY not Pinkie playing that organ!” Twilight added.
“I have to say, I’m quite fascinated in seeing a medieval castle in this equestrian pony universe. It’s so brilliant!” the Doctor said.
“It’s like any other castle in any other universe.” I reminded him.
“That’s because you don’t see how the world looks in my point of view, Flare.” the Doctor said.
“Like stone age technology?” I asked.
“Just because my people have more advanced technology way beyond anything you’ve ever seen, I don’t really consider it to be stone age technology.” The Doctor said as he started to chuckle. “Nope… couldn’t keep a straight face.” Just then, a flash of wind goes by the castle, weakening the torch lights’ flames a bit, but not putting them out.
“What was that?” Spike asked.
“Magic!” I said as I snorted twice.
“C’mon, let’s be serious.” Spike instructed me.
“Actually, Spike, he’s right.” Twilight said. “When a pony is trying to make a completely new spell, sometimes magic could cause a chain reaction.”
“Not the chains! Anything but chains!” I cried. “How could I react with the chaaaaaaains?!”
“Sometimes I can’t even tell if you’re joking or just don’t know better, dude.” Spike admitted.
The Doctor uses his sonic screwdriver in the air, observes it, and then he said, “It would appear that Swirl is making a spell that involves blueberries.”
“That must be that blueberry fresh scent spell he made!” Twilight assumed. “Star Swirl the Bearded made this spell to help make a better scent for cottages after pony’s fireplaces go out, because of the smell of burning wood and ash intoxicates the air.”
“What happened to opening the window?” Spike asked.
“And let bugs come in?” the Doctor asked. “Such a stone age method!”
“Exactly!” Twilight said. “Just think of the infections ponies get from bug bites! This would help save lives of ponies!”
“Right, if the bugs don’t kill you, the smoky atmosphere will.” I teased.
“Hello there!” Princess Celestia said as she and Luna walk through the corridors and spot us. “Welcome to our castle, travelers!”
“What brings thou here in our admirable little paradise?” Luna asked.
“Oh… my… gosh!” Twilight gasped.
“Becky look at her butt.” I said in a teenage filly’s voice. Twilight runs over to the princesses and quickly bows to them.
“What is this? Another princess?” Luna asked.
“It would appear so, sister.” Celestia said. “What kingdom are you from, Princess….”
“Twilight Sparkle!” Twilight said. “And we’re from…” just then Twilight paused because she didn’t know what to say next.
“It would appear that she doesn’t want to tell the princesses we’re actually time travelers.” The Doctor whispered to Spike and me. “For one, I think it’s a smart move.”
“Yeah, we didn’t really ask, brah.” I reminded him.
“Regardless, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Princess Twilight Sparkle!” Celestia greeted. “I’m Princess Celestia.”
“And I’m Princess Luna.” Luna added. “Welcome to Canterlot!”
“It is always a thrill to meet fellow hierarchy from neighrboring kingdoms. They are always welcome!” Celestia said.
“If they come in peace, that is.” Luna added.
“Now, now, Luna. Let us not be rude to our guest.” Celestia suggested. She then looked at us and said, “Squires of yours, I presume?”
“Actually…” the Doctor started as he took out his psychic paper and showed it to the princesses. “I’m the Doctor. I’m Princess Twilight’s royal adviser. We came here because we heard that Canterlot has some of the finest magic spells Equestria has to offer, and we wanted to check them out for ourselves. You see, we’re making a geographical research paper on neighboring kingdoms.”
“Well it’s a pleasure to meet you, Doctor!” Celestia said.
“Does thou have a surname?” Luna asked.
“Smith. Doctor John Smith.” The Doctor said.
“John Smith?” Luna asked. “Is that a real name, sister?”
“It would appear to be.” Celestia said. “Not all names have to be nouns I’m assuming.”
“And how about you two?” Luna asked Spike and I. “Your clothes are fascinating, red one. What sort of leather do you use?”
“Uhhh… I got them from Walmart.” I said.
“To be honest, I’m quite surprised she isn’t surprised to see a baby dragon.” Spike said.
“Oh thy am not that surprised, dragon youth.” Luna admitted. “Dragons are pretty common around this land. We have a whole library section about them.”
“Really now?” Spike asked.
“I thought Equestria knew very little about dragons?” Twilight asked.
“What makes you think that, Princess Twilight?” Celestia asked.
“Well after… you know what, nevermind.” Twilight said. Just then, another wind gust spreads through the castle, and this time, extinguishing all the torches in the process, leaving us in the dark. Just then, somepony was screaming like a little girl when the lights were out.
“Whoa! What was that?” Spike asked.
“Sorry, that one was me.” the Doctor admitted.
“It’s ok, I got a flashlight.” I said as I turned on the flashlight I was holding with my magic. This flashlight had more of a blue glow to it. “There we go! Let there be light! Um… God. I was quoting God.”
“What was that about?” Twilight asked.
“Starswirl the Bearded, our head-wizard.” Celestia said. “He’s working on a very special project. He says its top secret and he must not be disturbed.”
“So, you don’t even know what it is?” Twilight asked.
“I haven’t the slightest.” Celestia said. “It kind of worries me.”
“And you’re not going to do anything to stop him?” Twilight asked. She then clears her throat and says embarrassedly, “For all do respect.”
“Starswirl is our finest wizard.” Celestia said as Luna uses her magic to relight all the torches. “We trust him completely with any type of project he’s working on.”
“It’s true. Starswirl is a very powerful and very noble wizard.” Luna said.
“I have no doubt for a second.” Twilight said with a smile.
“So, my guess is that Starswirl the Bearded is too busy to be meeting researchers right now.” The Doctor assumed.
“Actually… researchers might be just what he needs.” Celestia said. “Might inspire him a bit. When he comes out of his chambers, I’ll tell him to come see you. In the meantime, just take a seat, and he’ll be with you shortly. Now, please excuse us. We have a meet to get to.”
“Make yourself at home!” Luna insisted as her and Celestia walk out, leaving us alone in the throne room. Oh yeah, that’s right, I forgot to mention. We’re in the throne room now. We were walking in there as we were talking.
Spike yawns and says, “Well if you need me, I’ll be taking one of my mid-afternoon naps.” He then falls asleep on Luna’s throne.
“I envy him.” I said. “I’m never able to fall asleep that quick.”
“Please excuse me for a second, you two.” The Doctor said to us.
“Where are you going, Doctor?” Twilight asked.
“Are you going to find clues to hidden the plot on what the Zygons are up to?” I asked.
“For the last time, Flare! We don’t know that Zygons are responsible for this!” the Doctor corrected me.
“You didn’t even correct me that the first time.” I corrected him.
“Whatever.” The Doctor said.
“Is there some sort of invasion force coming here, Doctor?” Twilight asked.
“Yes, but that’s not why I’m going out.” The Doctor said. “I have to go scrape the prickers off the cactus plant.” Twilight and I just looked at him confusingly. “I have to use the restroom.”
“What kind of metaphor is THAT?!” I asked. “I never heard anything like that before, did you, Twilight?”
“I have to be honest, no I haven’t.” Twilight said.
“It’s a Time Lord metaphor.” The Doctor said.
“No you just made that up.” I argued with him.
“Look, it doesn’t matter! Please excuse me for a few minutes.” The Doctor said as he trots out of the throne room.
“Every time I see the Doctor he’s always off on an adventure somewhere.” Twilight said.
“You travelled with him before?” I asked.
“Of course! Many times!” Twilight said.
“Like when?” I asked.
“Well…” Twilight started. <Inserts Doctor and Twilight Sparkle adventure from fanfic here>
“Wow, interesting!” I nodded. “Any others?”
“Well, there was this one time that…” Twilight started. <Inserts another fanfic story here>
“Any that involve Derpy?” I asked.
“Absolutely!” Twilight said. <Inserts Twilight, Doctor, and Derpy adventure fanfic story here>
“Amazing!” I said. “You seem to have more adventures with the Doctor than Spike and I had with him! We’ve only been on like… two!”
“I know! Spike said.” Twilight informed me.
“Well… more like one in a half.” I said. “One in a quarter actually. We weren’t even there for long, but the Doctor keeps claiming that we did. I don’t remember anything.”
“That the mysterious of time travel, Flare.” Twilight said. “You were on one adventure with the Doctor and next thing you know, you don’t remember a thing the next day.”
“Has it happened to you yet?” I asked.
“Actually…” Twilight started. <Inserts fanfic story here>
“Oh, ok.” I nodded.
“Hey, Flare? Can I ask you something?” Twilight asked. “And don’t say ‘you just did’.”
“I can only do that joke for so long with one pony. You pretty much know most of my most common ones by now.” I informed her.
Twilight chuckles. “That is true!”
“So what do you wanna ask me?” I asked.
“It’s about me being a princess.” Twilight said.
“What about it?” I asked.
“You seemed to not be that happy for me when you found out.” Twilight said.
“Well… don’t get the wrong idea, Light. That doesn’t mean I’m not proud of you.” I said.
“I know a lot of ponies seemed to question about me becoming a princess all of the sudden. I was always assuming it’s because they can’t accept change.” Twilight said. “Is that it, Flare? You’re just so used to me being a unicorn that you can’t accept change?”
“No… that’s not it.” I shooked my head.
“No? Then what is it?” Twilight asked.
“Well… I mean… you and your friends are the Elements of Harmony, right?” I asked.
“We CARRY the Elements of Harmony, we’re not the Elements of Harmony themselves.” Twilight corrected me.
“Ok if there’s one change I’d definitely accept from you is to stop correcting every little error I make.” I admitted. “Lemme say how I wanna say things.”
“Well… it would help all the grammar errors you do.” Twilight said as she looks at you, the readers, and then nods.
“No, Twilight, you don’t do that. Pinkie can do it, the Noble Six can do it, but not you. You can’t do that.” I advised her.
“Do what?” Twilight asked.
“Nevermind.” I said. “Anyways, my point is, you and your friends all hold the Elements of Harmony. You all worked together to get to where you are now, but only you were rewarded. You’re the princess here. It just seems that only you get the credit everything. Next thing we know it, you’re gonna get a huge castle for yourself.”
“I wouldn’t go that far, Flare, but you do have a point there.” Twilight nodded. “But my friends do get rewarded for their efforts. I may be the one with the wings and new title, but that doesn’t make my friends any lower than I. I consider myself an equal to them; an equal to all. I don’t consider myself a dictator or a figurehead. I consider myself a representative to friendship, along with my friends. But I agree with you, Flare. Ponies give me more respect than they do with my friends, and I don’t always feel comfortable with that. At least you understand how I feel in that situation. You’re different from other ponies, Flare.”
“I know. I’ve always been different from other ponies.” I said.
“Not in the way you think.” Twilight said. “Ponies have been giving me more respect ever since I’ve became a princess. But you didn’t. You’ve always treated me the exactly the same.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I asked.
“No! Not at all!” Twilight said. “I mean… when we met, you were questionable, but you always treated me as an equal, and you know what? That’s the number one thing I’m hoping for in being a princess. I’m still Twilight Sparkle. I just have a new title, and new wings, but I’m still the same exact pony, and nothing is going to change that.”
“Wow…” I said shockingly. “That whole speech made me wanna hurl.”
Twilight chuckles and shakes her head. “And there’s no changing you either, Flare Gun.”
“Or Engie, or Blaze, or Crystal, or Psyche, or Aqua.” I added.
“Not them either!” Twilight agreed as she put her arm around me.
“So what kind of reward to your friends get?” I asked.
“A PF Changs gift card.” Twilight said.
“Lucky!” I said jealously. “Wait, all received one, or share one?”
“Each received one.” Twilight said.
“Alright good.” I nodded. “Gotta watch out for those tricks, and as Crystal says, ‘Trixie tricks’!”
Meanwhile, the Doctor heads over to the out-house outside to take care of his business, but when he goes in, he holds his nose and says in a disgusted tone, “AH YUCK! What did this pony eat?! Smells like sewer mixed with rotten broccoli and bean ‘n onion breath! ACK!” the Doctor takes the toilet plunger beside the outhouse bucket. “Well someone’s gotta take care of this right now!” So the Doctor tries to unclog the outhouse, but as he’s doing it, he stops. “Wait a minute… why I am unclogging an outhouse bucket with a toilet plunger? Come to think of it, why is there a toilet plunger here? WAIT A MINUTE! Why did Flare have a flashlight before?!” The Doctor suddenly takes out his sonic screwdriver and scans the plunger. Well… it would appear that I have found my suspicions. It’s not reading what this thing is, but something isn’t right here.”
“Hey! What’s taking so long in there, civilian!?” Sergeant Weed Leafhorn complained as he knocked on the door.
“Just about done.” The Doctor said.
“Hurry it up! We have to go again!” Sergeant Machine Gun yelled outside. “Ate too much rotten broccoli!”
“And I ate too much beans and onions.” Weed said.
“Hey do any of you boys have any more sewer water I could drink?” Sergeant Goldheart asked his friends.
Back inside the castle, I was about to play a prank on sleeping Spike, but our little prank was interrupted when the Doctor came in. “We have a problem.” The Doctor said.
“We’re not Houston.” I corrected him.
“What’s wrong, Doctor?” Twilight asked.
“This.” The Doctor said as he throws a toilet plunger on the ground.
“Wow, a toilet plunger. Reeeeeeeally suspicious.” Spike said sarcastically.
“But toilet plungers haven’t even been invented yet.” Twilight said.
“Neither is Flare’s flashlight.” Spike said as he takes the flashlight out of my pocket.
“How did you get that?” I asked.
“It was just sticking out of your vest pocket. Somepony could’ve easily taken it.” Spike informed me. Just then, another shockwave of magic spreads throughout the castle, extinguishing all the torches again.
“GAH! POOPY-POOPY!” I cried. “Poopy-poopy in my pants!”
“Don’t worry, Flare. No need to be scared of the dark.” Spike said as he takes out the flashlight and shines it.
“I’m not so much scared of the dark, as I am scared of what’s IN the dark!” I said. “The darkness comes, and we’re all going to die!”
“Flare, relax.” Spike suggested. “We’re nice and safe in the castle, there’s nothing in here to… I’m gonna stop there before I jinx it.” Just then, a loud slamming noise erupts the whole room. “AAH! POOPY-POOPY!”
“Poopy-poopy in our pants!” I yelled.
“Stay on the alert.” The Doctor instructed us as he takes out his sonic screwdriver and Twilight’s horn begins to glow. “This might be it… the invading force.”
“How are you so sure?” Twilight asked.
“I’m not, but it’s never a bad idea to assume the worse, but at the same time, you should assume the best too!” the Doctor said. “For all we know, it could be the ice cream pony!”
“ICE CREAM!” Spike and I yelled in excitement.
“Ice cream wasn’t around yet.” Twilight corrected him.
“I know, but I always like to humor myself before the possibility of dying.” The Doctor said. Just then, another light glows within the middle of the throne room.
“BRACE FOR IMPACT!” the Doctor cried. Just then, all the torches in the room suddenly lights up again by this one wizard that appeared in the room.
“What seems to be the trouble here, our most honorable guests?” the wizard asked. “Looks like you’ve seen a ghost!”
“Oh… my… gosh!” Twilight said in amazement. “Starswirl the Bearded!”
“Where?” Starswirl asked as he looked around. “I wanna meet him!”
“Wha?” Twilight asked.
Starswirl started to laugh. “I’m only kidding! If you really want to get to know a powerful wizard like myself, you gotta admire my sense of humor!”
“He’s got a point there!” the Doctor agreed.
“Starswirl the Bearded it is a true honor to finally meet you!” Twilight said in excitement. “I’m like… one of your biggest fans!”
“Really? You don’t like paper to me.” Starswirl teased as he creates a Chinese fan and waves it on Twilight’s face.
Twilight chuckles a bit. “Good one, Starswirl!”
“That wasn’t even that funny. Why would she laugh at that?” I asked.
“Starswirl I have soooooo many questions to ask you!” Twilight said.
“I might have even more answers to give you!” Starswirl teased. Twilight chuckles again.
“He’s my pony!” I said.
“Nope. He’s my pony!” the Doctor said.
“He’s not my pony.” Spike said.
“I’ve learned so much from your research, Starswirl!” Twilight said excitedly. “The amniomorphic spell, the temporary time travel spell, and even the fail-save spell!”
“I believe the latter was dud though.” Starswirl admitted.
“Yeah… I kinda figured that.” Twilight said.
“Well it is fascinating to see a pony who loves my books!” Starswirl said. “A lot of ponies do! But some feel that my spells are, how you say, reckless.”
“I would NEVER think that!” Twilight said. “I use your spells all the time with barely any problems whatsoever! You’re an idol to me!”
“Well thank you, Miss… umm…” Starswirl started.
“Sparkle! Twilight Sparkle!” Twilight said.
“Well, Sparkle Twilight Sparkle. It is nice to make your acquaintance!” Starswirl said as flowers just suddenly appear right in front of her. “For you!”
“Really? Thanks!” Twilight said as she takes the flowers and sniffs them.
“Watch how the flowers squirt on her.” I whispered to Spike. Just then, some pink powdery stuff gets stuck on Twilight’s nose and then she starts sneezing rapidly.
“Oh yeah! I remember that prank! Pinkie and Rainbow Dash did that once!” Spike pointed out.
“Seems less funny than the water squirting joke.” I said as I too sniffed the flowers, but then a boxing glove pops out of the flowers and punches me right in the face. “Ok that one was funnier.” I admitted as I collapse on the ground.
“Much funnier.” Spike said.
“Excuse me, Mr. Starswirl? Hi, I’m the Doctor.” The Doctor said as he shows Starswirl the psychic paper. “I’m an adviser of Princess Twilight here.”
“Oh a princess?” Starswirl asked. “How fascinating!” Twilight giggles again.
“Yeah we’re here for the finest magic spells Equestria has to offer, and we wanted to check them out for ourselves. We’re making a geographical research paper on neighboring kingdoms.” The Doctor explained.
“Well I have a lot of magic that share with you!” Starswirl said.
“How about the one you’re currently working on?” the Doctor asked.
“NO!” Starswirl yelled. “Err, I mean… no. No. Top secret stuff. Not even Princesses Celestia and Luna must know about this. It’s a very delicate magic spell I’m working on.”
“Is there a reason why you’re working on it?” the Doctor asked.
“For emergency purposes only. It’s pretty much a last resort if the kingdom has no other alternative of an ultimate defense weapon against any kind of powerful invading force.” Starswirl said.
“Invading force?” the Doctor asked.
“Yes.” Starswirl said.
“What makes you so sure of an invading force appearing?” the Doctor asked.
“Even though I cannot show you the spell I’m working on, there is something I’ll allow you to see.” Starswirl said. So Starswirl the Bearded led us all down into the dungeon where there was a huge metal box, shaking around.
“WHOA!” Spike cried.
“Just as I thought! The invasion of the boxes!” I said.
“It’s not so much of the box, Flare.” Twilight said. “I think it’s more of what’s inside the box. What does this creature inside this metal box have to do with this invasion?”
“Inside this box is a fierce creature. So fierce that I cannot describe its looks!” Starswirl said.
“What’s it called?” Twilight asked.
“A rockdog!” Starswirl said.
“A rockdog?” Twilight asked. “A rockdog isn’t really that fierce.”
“Yeah, I know, I was just getting into the moment.” Starswirl said as he opens the box and a giant bulldog made of stone comes out and pants. Starswirl whistles at the dog and says, “Crunch! Down here, boy!” Crunch the Rockdog crouches down to Starswirl and licks his face. Starswirl starts laughing and says, “Ok, Crunch, ok! That’s enough! That really hurts me.”
“He looks like a cool dog, ain’t he, Flare?” Spike asked, but I didn’t answer. In fact, I wasn’t even there. “Flare? Oh… right. He’s afraid of dogs.”
“WHY COULDN’T IT BE A ROCK-KITTY?!” I yelled from the other side of the room in fear.
“Now hang on a minute. I thought rockdogs didn’t have the sense of emotion? Other than hate that is?” Twilight asked.
“I’ve been doing research on creating a spell that gives emotionless beings emotion. I was successfully able to turn this ancient creature into a playful, loyal companion.” Starswirl said as he uses his magic to throw a giant rock across the dungeon and Crunch runs over to chase it.
“That is incredible!” Twilight said in amazement. “But why would rockdogs want to come to invade Canterlot?”
“No reason, because rockdogs weren’t the invaders I was talking about.” Starswirl said.
“Then… who’s the invading force?” Twilight asked.
“Whatever’s in that box over there.” Starswirl pointed to an even smaller metal box with a magical force field over it. Twilight started walking over to it, but Starswirl blocks Twilight’s path with his giant staff. “Not so fast, your highness. This creature too has no emotion whatsoever other than hate. Too dangerous. Too risky for a hierarch like yourself.”
“May I see it then?” the Doctor asked. “I’m only her royal adviser.”
“Yeah, and Spike and I are her jokers!” I added.
“I can play any musical instrument whatsoever.” Spike said.
“I am sorry, but this creature is still being tested with this new emotion spell I’m working on.” Starswirl said.
“Can you describe the creature?” the Doctor asked.
“It’s more of a squid-type creature.” Starswirl said.
“You don’t say?” the Doctor asked curiously.
“I do say.” Starswirl nodded.
“I respect the fact that you care for our safety, Mr. the Bearded.” The Doctor said.
“Please, friend, call me Starswirl the Bearded. I didn’t go to magic school just so I could be called ‘mister’.” Starswirl insisted.
“I know how you feel.” The Doctor nodded. “But it is imperative that I check out this creature. The clues you’re giving me about this creature is leading me to a result of a dangerous creature.”
“So you know about the krakens, huh?” Starswirl asked.
“The krakens?” the Doctor asked.
“Yes. This creature is an emotionless squid. It’s obviously a baby kraken.” Starswirl said.
“Octopus. For all do respect, Starswirl.” Twilight said. “Krakens have eight legs, not six, so it’s an octopus-creature, not a squid.”
“Niiiiiiiiiiice, Twilight!” I nodded sarcastically. “You put down your favorite idol. I wonder how you’re going to live with yourself, sista.”
“Are you 100% sure it’s a kraken?” the Doctor asked.
“It keeps stating it wants to cause distruction. What else could they be?” Starswirl asked.
“They?!” the Doctor yelled.
“Yeah, there are four of them in there. Four little baby krakens sitting inside a crate.” Starswirl said.
“One fell off and bumped his head.” I teased. “Or her.”
“I’m sorry, Starswirl, but I really need to see.” The Doctor insisted as he started walking over to the crate, but Starswirl picks him up with his magic and places him back next to Twilight.
“What part of ‘too dangerous’ do you not understand?” Starswirl asked.
“I live dangerously.” The Doctor said.
“You’re lucky I let you in this far.” Starswirl said as Crunch comes back with the giant rock and places it next to Starswirl. “Good boy, Crunch!” Starswirl pats his head. “Now, Doctor, your highness, I think you’ve seen enough. I believe it’s time to go back to the throne room to meet with Celestia and Luna, yes?”
The Doctor took a deep breath to calm himself down, and then he said, “Fine.” Just then, the Doctor looked over and saw a couple of light bulbs on Starswirl’s desk. “Are those light bulbs?!”
“No clue what they are, but they work.” Starswirl said. “Now please, I need some time alone for my research.” The Doctor groaned and then angrily turned around and the four of us left the dungeon and walked back to the throne room so we could meet with Celestia and Luna. Starswirl, however, stayed down there and took out some equipment.
“I will give you emotion, little kraken! My spells WILL work! They always work!” Starswirl said. “Except for that fail-save one, but I’m not that desperate for that one.”
“Aaaah… AAAAAAAH!” the kraken cried from inside the crate. Starswirl uses his magic to disable the magic energy surrounding the crate, and he opens it up, very dramatically, and inside the crate contains a little octopus-like creature with a very ugly face. Looks awfully familiar if you actually think about it. Three more of the same creatures crawl out from within the shadows.
Meanwhile back in the throne room, Celestia and Luna eventually come back and noticed we were still here. “Thank you for waiting, Princess Twilight.”
“It was no trouble at all, Princess Celestia!” Twilight said.
“Yeah we never told them our names yet.” I said. “Hello, princesses! My name is Flare Gun!”
“And I’m Spike!” Spike said.
“Nice to meet you both.” Celestia said. “Now then, Princess Twilight; while we were gone, did you happen to talk to Starswirl?”
“We did.” Twilight nodded. “But no such luck on the magic. He did, however, show us pet rockdog.”
“Starswirl also wouldn’t tell show us the other creature he had with him. Some sort of kraken creature. Do you know anything about that?” the Doctor asked.
“You know as much as we do, Doctor.” Celestia said.
“It’s pretty odd though. Why would a pony like Starswirl the Bearded hide some brilliant discoveries from even the leaders of this land?” the Doctor asked.
“We don’t look at ourselves as ‘leaders’. We look to ourselves as wise mentors and guardians of Equestria.” Celestia said.
“I look at thyself as a leader.” Luna said.
“I love you, Luna!” I said.
“I have the feeling that Starswirl the Bearded might be hiding something.” The Doctor said.
“And we respect his privacy.” Celestia said. “Starswirl is a stupendous wizard. He’s always been right for everything, and we trust him to do his research in peace.”
“Are you sure about that, Princess Celestia?” Twilight asked.
“I am positive.” Celestia said.
“Then I am willing to respect that.” Twilight said and bows.
“You are a very respectful princess, Twilight Sparkle.” Luna said.
“I agree.” Celestia said. “You are a much honored guest of ours. Please, if you and your squires could take our request of joining us for a banquet.”
“My gosh, I’d be honored!” Twilight said.
“If it has something to do with food, then I’m so in it!” Spike said.
“Oh that’s what a banquet is? I thought it had something to do with money?” I asked.
“Then please, meet us at the dining hall at 6. In the mean time, feel free to look around!” Celestia offered.
“Just be sure to watch your step.” Luna suggested. “Lots of trap doors in this castle. I’d be careful if I were you.”
“Oh don’t worry! We pretty much know this castle like the back of our arms by now!” Spike said.
“Since when did I have a pimple there?” I asked as I checked my arm. So time went by, and it was eventually dinner time. I was graving a lust for lasagna. Come to think of it, I feel like a fat cat right now. So we went to the dining hall. I wanted to sit in the end, but Celestia already beat me to it. I went over to sit on the other side, but Sergeant Machine Gun, my ancestor, already beat me to that spot.
“Snooze you lose, friend.” Machine said to me mischievously.
“Groans!” I groaned.
“Relax, friend. It’s who he is.” Weed Leafhorn said to me. “Took me a while to get used to it.”
“Didn’t give me a problem at all!” Sergeant Goldheart said. “I knew we’d be friends since the day we went!”
“Actually, Blaze; the first moment he opened his mouth you requested to the guillotine.” Leafhorn reminded Goldheart.
“Because I had giant veggies to cut! I was making soup for a giant so he wouldn’t terrorize the kingdom!” Goldheart corrected him.
“Goldheart and I are like brothers!” Sergeant Gun said.
“GROANS!” I yelled. “There’s nowhere for me to sit!”
“There’s a seat here next to me.” Spike said. “Also there’s one by that guard, and another one over there by the Joker.”
“Why so serious?” the Joker asked mischievously. “Also why so bland? This table cloth has no art on it with little teddy bears or hearts or even evil skulls. It’s just a faded white table cloth. It bores me to DEATH! I should invite Batman here one day.”
“I guess I’ll sit next to you.” I said as I sat down next to Spike. “Might as well sit cozy next to my brotha from another species.”
“You got it, bro!” Spike said as we bro-hooved / fisted.
“So Doctor, lemme ask you something.” Twilight requested. “If you don’t think a kraken is in the steel box Starswirl is keeping. What do you think it is?”
“Well… it’s complicated, Twilight.” The Doctor said.
“Does it have something to do with your past?” Twilight asked.
“Big time.” The Doctor said.
“You can’t tell me?” Twilight asked.
“Oh I can.” The Doctor nodded. “I just choose not to. I don’t want to think about it.”
“Understandable.” Twilight said. “But at least tell me this; this new spell Starswirl is working on. Would it make the universe at risk?”
“An emotion spell? Oh no! Pffft! The universe will be just fine!” the Doctor said.
“I meant the control time and space spell.” Twilight corrected him.
“Oooooh, right.” The Doctor nodded. “Well… you do know I am an expert at these things.”
“Why else would I ask you?” Twilight asked.
“Good point.” The Doctor said. “Well, a spell like that could possibly make a crack in time and space. Doesn’t seem to be very safe to use unless you know exactly what you’re doing that is.”
“Do you always know what you’re doing?” Twilight asked.
“Most of the time, yes.” The Doctor said as he takes a sip of his drinks. “I must admit though, I wasn’t always as brilliant as I claim to be. I made a lot of stupid choices. Some of which made the universe out of balance. No one knows exactly what he or she’re supposed to be doing all the time, but you know what, Twilight? I always know how to fix it.”
“Always?” Twilight asked.
“So far.” the Doctor said. “But I wouldn’t want to take any risks. Starswirl the Bearded better know what he’s doing because a spell like this could create a crack in space and time.”
“But Princesses Celestia and Luna trust him completely.” Twilight said. “I don’t want to put down my mentor like this, but… is she right?”
“She’s younger than when you saw her last, Twilight.” The Doctor said. “She wasn’t always very wise. A thousand-ten years, a pony would learn SO MUCH to carry down to the future of Equestria, like ponies like yourself, BUT… there’s a but there; she wouldn’t be who she is in the future if she hasn’t made mistakes in her past.”
“If that’s the case… shouldn’t we stop Starswirl?” Twilight asked. “I mean… maybe his spell vanished for a reason. It’s much too dangerous to handle, and therefore, must be expunged.”
“Bingo!” the Doctor said.
“Sweet Celestia! I never thought of it that way!” Twilight said in surprise.
“Starswirl the Bearded is a brilliant wizard, Twilight, but he’s not perfect.” The Doctor said.
“I know.” Twilight said. “He’s… very brilliant. He’s probably more than even I could ever be, but… wait a minute. Princess Celestia told me right before I turned into a princess that Starswirl the Bearded didn’t know friendship like I do, and he never asked for help for anything. He doesn’t share his untested magic spells. He just creates the spells by himself, tests them by themselves, and then publishes them to the public, but nopony was ever around to give him a second opinion.”
“Then it’s about time we did.” The Doctor said.
“So we have to destroy his spell?” Twilight asked.
“It’s for the best.” The Doctor said. Twilight didn’t feel comfortable with this. She knew that she might disappoint present-day Princess Celestia by not giving her what she wanted, but Twilight knew she had to do what she had to do for the sake of the space-time continuum.
“Hey, Twilight. Are you going to eat that?” Spike asked as he pointed to Twlight’s plate.
“You could have it, Spike.” Twilight said as she gives her dinner to him.
“OH BOY!” Spike said excitedly as he was about to eat it, but I beat him to it.
“Meh heh heeeeh!” I chuckled mischievously.
“Joke’s on you.” Spike said to me. “She might be sick which might be the reason she’s not eating.”
“I’ll take that risk.” I said. “This tree bark brisket is so delicious! Everything in medieval times tasted so good! It’s too bad everypony dies at the age of 40, and if you get a cut anywhere, you’re DONE! Finished! Adios amigo!”
“Then I should probably be worried after I cut my finger while cutting my brisket.” Spike said as he showed me his cut finger.
“I hope you put me in your will.” I said.
“Not in a million years, Flare.” Spike said.
“Awwww.” I whined.
Meanwhile, back down at the dungeon, Starswirl opens the crates the ‘krakens’ are in, places them in jars with liquid in them, and he starts running tests. “Don’t worry, my little friends! Soon you will have tons of emotion! You’ll probably even feel it all at the same time!” Starswirl said to the creatures. The creatures just stared at Starswirl, emotionless, blinking their uneven eyes at him. “Well then… let us see how this magic spell works!”
Starswirl takes a few steps back, cracks his neck and his hooves (not necessarily in that order), spits on his hooves and then rubs his hooves against his horn, then he takes a couple of Tic-Tacs. I guess if he’s going to be shouting out his spell, he has to have good breath while doing it. I usually take a mint before shouting out before enchanting my Shoop Da Whoop spell. So, Starswirl’s horn starts to glow and the whole dungeon starts to get windy as Starswirl begins to shout out his spell, “From all of us together, in a not-so-boring way. Lemme give you emotions, and it’ll be OKAY!” Starswirl yelled as magic get shot out of his horn and aimed right towards the krakens, but… he missed. He actually aimed for the glass vial right next to them. The vial starts jumping up and down in joy.
“Ok,” Starswirl said awkwardly. “I guess I still have to work on my aim. That wasn’t supposed to happen.” Just then, the vial starts filling up with water. “Oh, oh! Please don’t take it that way! You were more of a… a… test subject! Yeah! I was aiming for you this whole time!” Just then the water in the vial turned into fire, and then it beat Starswirl in the head in anger. “Well, I say, that was incredibly rude! And yet… lovely. I guess I deserved that. You did a good deed for me, little vial!” Just then, the vial blushes. “Ok then. That was just a test run. Now for you, krakens!” Starswirl’s horn begins to glow again and the room yet again gets windy as Starswirl resets the spell. “From all of us together, in a not-so-boring way. Lemme give you emotions, and it’ll be OKAY!” Starswirl shoots the magic spell right at the krakens. Another major shockwave spreads throughout the castle. The Doctor and Twilight felt it when they were walking down the castle corridors.
“We better hurry.” The Doctor said as the two of them started running as fast as they could to get to the dungeon where Starswirl was performing his experiment. Downstairs at the dungeon, the spell eventually starts to sink in to the creatures. Once all the effects wear off. Starswirl rubs his head after falling on the floor, and he immediately stands up and runs over to the creatures.
“Did it work?” Starswirl asked the creatures. “Umm… I find you to be quite lovely today.” The creatures just stared at him emotionless. “Ok, umm… hey, I found a treasure worth millions of bits! I’m willing to give it all to you!” the creatures still don’t do a thing. “Ok, that didn’t work. Umm… in the future, there’s going to be hundreds of recorded images on a black box! Even thousands!” The creatures still stare at him with a blank expression on their faces. “But nothing entertaining!” he added. “What? Wow, that one usually works. Maybe this spell is just a dud.” Just then, Crunch pants over to Starswirl and licks his face. Starswirl chuckles a bit and says, “Ok maybe it’s not dud.” He pats Crunch’s head. “Maybe these creatures are just immune to this sort of magic. I guess I’ll have to cancel it here. I’ll release four back into the wild tomorrow. I’ll try to put it in my schedule, hoping I won’t delay my arrival to Cerberus’ tea party, but in the meantime; c’mon, Crunch, it’s time for a walk. You know why you’re better than other dogs, Crunch? If I see rocks on the ground that weren’t there before after you ‘did your business’, I won’t have to pick them up!” So Starswirl and Crunch both walk out of the dungeon, leaving the four creatures behind, but when he leaves, the creatures start to glow.
“It is complete!” one of the creatures said in a familiar robotic voice. “We now have absorbed enough magic to take over this puny pony world! Now we can reunite with our spare parts!” Just then, the light bulbs on top of Starswirl’s desk begin to glow and they get removed from their sockets, but at the same time, over by the merchant we met before…
“Gravy! Get your gravy here! Buy yourself some gravy and put it on… umm… I’m not sure what type of food we use gravy for, but still, get your gravy!” the merchant calls out, but as he was shouting, the mixing beaters that the merchant had that the Doctor was suspicious about before start floating out of his cart and on its way to the castle.
Meanwhile over at the outhouse, Sergeant Blaze, whom was handling his business inside of it said, “That is the last time I drink sewer water. Hey, wait… what’s that thing next to the hole? Why is it floating? HEY!” Just then the door opens and the toilet plunger that was inside starts floating out. “HEY! Don’t open that door! Everypony will see me!” Sergeant Blaze yelled as he immediately closes the door after the plunger floats out. “Ah great! The door lock is broken now! That’s not all! I’m out of leaves! Umm… weird stick-laddle thing?!” Sergeant Goldheart cried out. “Can you bring me back some leaves?!”
Meanwhile at the dining room while I was eating next to Spike, I said to him, “Hey Spike?”
“Yeah, Flare?” Spike asked.
“Have you ever had a pot pie?” I asked.
“Yeah! That stuff is delicious!” Spike said.
“Did you start to feel weird after eating it?” I asked.
“If you count my taste buds having a nice feel of heaven, then yes, I did feel weird!” Spike said.
“Really? Cause when I had one of those pot pies, I started seeing rainbows, and I felt really relaxed. Next thing I knew, I woke up next to the Celestia statue at Ponyville and the ponies that sold me that pot pie was arrested for some reason. I wasn’t sure why.” I explained.
“That is weird.” Spike said. “Perhaps the veggies they used were stolen?”
“Probably.” I said. Just as I was talking to Spike, the weird flashlight thing I found and used when the castle was in darkness started floating out of my vest pocket. I didn’t notice though, but I did feel my pocket move. “Oh hey I think my phone is vibrating.” I said.
“How?” Spike asked.
“I dunno, let me check if I have any missed calls.” I said as I took my phone out. “No. Maybe it’s Facebook. I’ll check it real quick and- OH FRINKLEBERRY!”
“No, dude. You have your personal catch phrases, and I have mine. You have plenty.” Spike said.
“You can never have enough catch phrases, brah!” I said.
Meanwhile at the castle corridors as Starswirl was about to take Crunch for a walk, Twilight and the Doctor run into him. “Whoa, your highness! What seems to be the hurry?” Starswirl asked.
“That time and space spell you’re working on, I am regrettable to stay that you cannot work on it any longer.” Twilight said.
“What do you mean, your highness?” Starswirl asked.
“Time and space!” Twilight said. “A spell like that could destroy the whole universe?”
“That’s not what I said.” The Doctor said. “I said it could rip a hole in time and space, not completely destroy it. It will, however, temper it, big time.”
“Really now?” Starswirl asked. “Have you been looking at my plans?”
“Wha- NO!” Twilight said. “I mean… I do know a lot of your spells. I use them all the time.”
“You read my books.” Starswirl said. “All your magic isn’t original, Princess Twilight. You got your magic from me.”
“I know I did!” Twilight said. “But what does that have to do with anything?”
“You think you’re expert in making magic, but you’re not.” Starswirl said. “I’ve been making magic spells for many years! I am quite experienced in this procedure. You think a spell that I AM making, could rip a hole in the universe, but you forget who you’re talking to. I am Starswirl the Bearded! I am the most powerful unicorn in the history of the world! You cannot criticize my creations before even knowing what I’m trying to make!” Crunch then starts growling at Twilight and the Doctor.
“Starswirl the Bearded, may I interrupt for a second?” the Doctor asked.
“YOU are an earth pony! What do you know about magic, my boy?” Starswirl asked.
“It’s not the magic, more like the facts of time and space is what my expertize is.” The Doctor said. “This spell you’re working on, it could cause jeopardy in the universe. Research like this could only be used if only handled carefully.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Starswirl asked. “I use all my magic spells carefully. That’s why I always test them. The emotion spell I worked on turned out to be a dud on the krakens I was researching. I’m going to be returning them to the wild tomorrow.”
“Those krakens… I still need to see them.” The Doctor said. “It is a very personal matter I must attend to.”
“Ok it’s one thing for you to worry about time and space, but my krakens are harmless! They’re only baby krakens after all.” Starswirl said.
“Uhh, Doctor?” Twilight asked as a toilet plunger floated over her.
“The toilet plunger?” the Doctor asked. “What in the… OH NO!”
“What’s wrong?” Twilight asked.
“I have to see the krakens, NOW!” the Doctor demanded.
“I’m afraid I cannot allow that.” Starswirl said as he blocked the Doctor’s path with his staff.
“Let me through… NOW!” the Doctor demanded. “What are you doing with a staff anyway?! You’re a unicorn! Your magic comes from your horn!”
“A staff?” Starswirl asked. “No! This is my walking stick! I’m old!”
“How old are you?” the Doctor asked.
“42! I’m surprised to still even be alive!” Starswirl said. “Luckily with diet and exercise, and no wife whatsoever, I’m as healthy as rockdog!” Just then, Crunch’s belly starts to rumble, and then he starts pulling on his master’s cape. “Yes, yes, Crunch. I know you have to go. We’ll be heading out now, but first…” Starswirl uses his magic and blasted the dungeon door. “Now the door is completely sealed, and there is no weapon that’s invented that could penetrate it! You will not interfere in my work! If you start questioning my work again, I’ll report you to the princesses. You should know your place, Princess Twilight Sparkle. You may be a magic caster, but you’re not a magic inventor.” Starswirl said as he walks out of the castle with Crunch.
“Why didn’t you tell him you did invent magic once before?” the Doctor asked. “That’s how you became a princess, am I not wrong? Am I not clever and handsome enough to know that?”
“I’m not sure how you being handsome as anything to do with it.” Twilight said.
“Trust me, it is.” The Doctor nodded.
“Anyways, I didn’t tell him because the only magic I invented was actually started by Starswirl himself. If I told him all I did was finish a magic spell he made, he’ll think I stole from him, and it might cause a time paradox. Am I right?” Twilight asked.
“I… umm… I knew that all along!” the Doctor fibbed. “Yep, and you’re absolutely right, and I also knew it the whole time. I was just testing you.”
“Yeah, right.” Twilight chuckled. “So what are we doing to do? I don’t know any magic that could unseal Starswirl’s magic locks.”
“Hmm…” the Doctor wondered. He walked up to the door and he took out his sonic screwdriver.
“Uhh, Doctor?” Twilight asked, but the Doctor didn’t listen. He just used his sonic screwdriver on the door, but then the magic field backfires and electrocutes the Doctor.
“Vvvvvvvv!” the Doctor shivered in shock. “Twilight! Why didn’t you tell me the door had anti-sonic protection on it?!”
“You didn’t give me a chance to!” Twilight yelled.
“I’m the Doctor. I always work fast.” The Doctor said. “You have to catch up to me if you outta warn me about something.”
“Right.” Twilight said with an attitude. The futuristic tools that the krakens were levitating towards them became intangible as they went through the walls and into the dungeon.
“Those kraken-like creatures are doing that!” the Doctor said.
“How do you know?” Twilight asked.
“Because… they’re no ordinary krakens… they’re an alien race that’s been following me for eons.” The Doctor said.
“And who are they?” Twilight asked.
The Doctor paused for a moment, and then he whispered nervously, “The Daleks.”
“Do you have to do that in that tone?” Twilight asked.
“It brings drama.” The Doctor said. “Can’t have a cool time adventure without drama!”
Meanwhile, downstairs in the dungeon, the Daleks were taking the random futuristic objects from around Old Canterlot, like the beater, the flashlight, the toilet plunger, and the light bulbs, and they all started coming together to rebuild their dalek suits. The flashlight on their head as their eye, the beater as their laser cannon arm, the toilet plunger as their other arm, and the light bulbs that go on top of their head that light up when a dalek is talking. Once all the pieces come together, as well as the dalek creatures themselves, the dalek pieces and the daleks all collapse on the ground after the magic wears off. “ALERT! ALERT!” one of the daleks cried. “ARMORED BODY NOT DETECTED!”
“WHERE IS OUR BODIES?!” one of the daleks yelled.
“SEARCHING FOR OUR BODIES USING MAGIC COMMUNICATIONS!” one of the daleks said as that particular dalek uses its magic to send a little cloud of smoke to hover through the corridors of the castle, and along the streets of Old Canterlot.
The smoke glides passed two ponies and one of the ponies start sniffing. “PEE YOU!” the pony yelled as he held his nose.
“That wasn’t me this time.” The other pony admitted. The cloud of smoke continues to glide through the air until it reaches the Doctor’s TARDIS.
“TARGET SPOTTED!” the dalek said. “OUR BODIES ARE INSIDE A BLUE BOX, WHICH IS A TIME MACHINE KNOWN AS THE TARDIS!”
“BLUE BOX?!” one of the daleks cried. “THE DOCTOR IS HERE!”
“HE WILL BE EXTERIMATED!” one of the daleks yelled.
“NOT YET!” one of the daleks said. “FIRST WE MUST INFILTRATE THE TARDIS AND TAKE BACK OUR BODIES! IT IS WEIGHED DOWN BY A MAGNETIC FIELD. ONCE WE INFILTRATE THE TARDIS, WE WILL DEACTIVATE THE FIELD, ATTACH OURSELVES ONTO OUR BODIES, AND THEN WE WILL DESTROY ALL!”
“BUT WE NEED TEMPORARY BODIES, DALEK LEADER!” one of the daleks said. The dalek leader looks around the dungeon and finds a couple of barrels right next to some pile of hay.
“THERE!” the dalek leader said. “WE WILL USE THAT PILE OF HAY AS OUR TEMPORARY BODIES!”
“BUT DALEK LEADER, IT WOULD BE EASIER TO USE THE BARRELS NEXT TO THE HAY!” one of the daleks suggested.
“ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY ORDERS?!” dalek leader asked angrily.
“NO, DALEK LEADER! WE OBEY!” the dalek said.
“THEN LET’S USE THE HAY STACKS!” the dalek leader said.
“WE OBEY!” the daleks said. Outside the dungeon, the Doctor uses his sonic screwdriver to scan the magic smoke coming out of the dungeon.
“Wow, that has never happened before!” the Doctor said surprisingly.
“What hasn’t happened?” Twilight asked.
“First off, you asking so many questions in one day. You usually have all the answers, Twilight Sparkle.” The Doctor said.
“I’m not a super genius like you, Doctor. Even then, you probably have so many questions to ask as well.” Twilight said.
“Indeed I do.” The Doctor said. “This magic smoke. The daleks are using magic.”
“Can they do that?” Twilight asked.
“They’re super geniuses, much like me, but they’re usually one step ahead of their plans. For the first time ever, the Daleks have learned to use magic.” The Doctor said. “And it’s bad, very very bad!”
“The Daleks don’t seem to be a very nice species.” Twilight said.
“All the emotions they have is hate. The Daleks are also kraken-like creatures. They were pretty much… evolved. They used to be more humanoid in the past before turning into these freaks of nature.” The Doctor explained.
“Ok, but one question.” Twilight said.
“Yes?” the Doctor asked.
“What does ‘humanoid’ mean?” Twilight asked.
“Did I say humanoid? I mean equestrian.” The Doctor said.
“Oh ok! I get it now! So they were pony-like creatures before turning these octopi?” Twilight asked.
“Umm… sure! Yes, that’s exactly right!” the Doctor lied. “Also, brilliant job using the plural to octopus in the right context.”
“I get annoyed when ponies use the wrong context all the time.” Twilight said. “OCD at it’s finest!”
“You remind me of myself when I was younger, Twilight!” the Doctor said. Just then, the Doctor and Twilight started hearing a strange laser sound coming from the other side of the dungeon door.
“HIDE!” the Doctor whispered as he grabs Twilight and pulls her against the wall next to the door with him. Just then, the door turns into ashes and the hay-stack daleks start rolling out of the dungeon.
“Those are the daleks?” Twilight whispered.
“Shhh!” the Doctor shushed her. “Wait… what the?”
“Shhh!” Twilight shushed him back.
“WE MUST GET TO THE TARDIS TO LOCATE OUR BODIES!” dalek leader said. “EXTERMINATE IN SIGHT!”
“EXTERMINATE!” the daleks yelled. “EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!” The Daleks kept repeating themselves as they rode through the corridors of the castle.
“We have to stop them!” Twilight said. “They’re heading to your time machine!”
“Relax. No one goes into my TARDIS without a key!” the Doctor said as he showed her his key. “They’ll never be able to go in.”
“What about the poor ponies that’ll be ‘exterminated’ by these things?” Twilight asked.
“I’ll handle that.” the Doctor said.
“But is there any way to stop them?” Twilight asked.
“There’s one way I know best of how to.” the Doctor said.
“And what’s that?” Twilight asked.
“They’re made of hay, right?” the Doctor asked.
“Yes.” Twilight said.
“Just light them on fire.” The Doctor said. “It’s kind of a foolish move for them to be using hay instead of something not so flammable. Barrels don’t light on fire as fast as hay does. Now then, Twilight, you go and use some sort of fire-spell or whatever to light the Daleks on fire. I’m going to warn the town.”
“There’s a bell tower outside if that’ll help alert the town.” Twilight said.
“Then there’s no time to lose!” the Doctor said as he started running through the corridors and on his way outside. “ALLONS-Y!” Twilight was about to do what the Doctor said, but you know how it is; Twilight never listens to anypony that’s not Princess Celestia, so she ran down to Starswirl’s dungeon. What a naughty little devil Twilight is!
So the Daleks were going through the corridors, and they started shooting the soldiers, but missing completely cause they were out of range. “ALERT! We have intruders!” one of the soldiers called out. More soldiers showed up and they started using bow and arrows to defeat the Daleks, but once the Daleks were hit by arrows, it did no damage. “THIS IS WHY I CHOSE THE HAYSTACKS! ARROWS PENETRATE BARRELS!” the Dalek leader said.
“I FEEL SOMETHING POKING ME INSIDE THIS HAYSTACK!” one of the Daleks cried out.
“SILENCE! WE MUST EXTERMINATE!” the Dalek leader yelled. “EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!” the Daleks continued shooting the soldiers, hitting a couple of them while they were at it.
“Well… this seems like a critical shot.” One of the soldiers said before he collapsed on the ground.
“EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!” the Daleks cried out as the guards and the Daleks continued fighting. The Daleks outnumbered the soldiers, not by quantities, but by qualities. Did I say it right? Ok, good.
“FALL BACK!” one of the soldiers ordered the others as they fell back.
“EXTERMINATE ALL IN OUR PATH! RUN AWAY IF YOU WANT TO LIVE LONGER!” one of the Daleks yelled.
“5 MINUTES LONGER TO BE EXACT!” another Dalek yelled.
Meanwhile, the Doctor runs outside and cries out, “RUN! EVERYPONY RUN! GET THE THINGS YOU NEED AND RUN!” One of the ponies runs inside his house to get a tray of tea cups and a tea pot, and then he runs away. Most of the ponies did actually listen to him. I mean, a lot of ponies back then were pretty gullible, that’s why TV was invented. The Doctor eventually made it to the bell tower, but when he tried to open the door, it was locked. He took out his sonic screwdriver and tried to break it, but it wouldn’t break. “A wooden lock?! Are you kidding me?!”
“We here in Canterlot love our wood!” one of the ponies said. I don’t think I really had to add that quote in. There are a lot of quotes that the characters of this story say that I forget to mention. I usually take out most that I don’t find that funny and replace them with something funnier, but these stories are true stories, very true.
Inside the castle, Twilight was looking all over Starswirl’s desk area. “Where is it? WHERE IS IT?!” she yelled. “Where’s the time and space spell? Did Starswirl hide it or something? I really hope the ponies upstairs don’t use fire against those Daleks.”
“What is with you dudes?” I asked the soldiers upstairs as they were holding off the Daleks.
“This place isn’t safe for you.” Sergeant Leafhorn said. “We’ll help you find Princess Twilight, and we’ll get you to safety.”
“Relax, Leafhorn! They could take care of themselves! Right, Flare?” Sergeant Gun asked.
“How did you know my name?” I asked. “I mean I know we were here before, but… we met in your future.”
“What?” Sergeant Gun asked. “Oh right, that… thing you said.”
“Yeah, we get it.” Leafhorn nodded.
“They get it?” Spike asked.
“Look, dudes, I don’t care about the jibberish you’re saying, but if you want to take down Daleks using haystacks for bodies, why don’t you use fire on them?” I asked.
“Tried it. Didn’t work so well.” Sergeant Gun said. A cutaway flashback shows the Daleks shouting ‘EXTERMINATE’ as they were attacking the guards, and then suddenly, behind one of the Daleks, an Olympics torch pony runs over to the Dalek and lights it on fire.
“LET THE GAMES BEGIN!” the torcher cried, but then the fire gets extinguished very suddenly. “Aaaaaaand the games are over now.” The cutaway ends. I didn’t want to show the part with him being exterminated… umm, which he wasn’t! Heeh-heh-heeeh!
“I remember Twilight saying something about Starswirl the Bearded creating a fire retardant spell and tested it on haystacks. Perhaps these are the ones she was talking about.” Spike assumed.
“They make great body armor for these guys! Perhaps the soldiers should use them too.” I suggested.
“Flare and his bright ideas, huh Weed?” Sergeant Gun asked.
“You got that right!” Weed agreed.
“What are they talking about?” I asked.
“How are those little fillies doing, huh?” Weed asked.
“I’m freaking out right now. I’m walking away.” I said as I walked away.
“How about you, Spike?” Sergeant Gun asked. “You too freaked to talk to us either?”
“I’m less freaked and more confused.” Spike said as he too walked away. “FLARE! Wait up!”
“EXTERMINATE!” the Daleks yelled as Weed and Machine and one other soldier were the only ones left, and- woops, too late. The other soldier got shot and collapsed on the ground.
“Bloody H! I was two days from retirement!” the soldier complained. As the Daleks continued firing, some of the shots went through the doors and some of the books in the library were burning up. In fact, he entire dragons section was burning up.
“NO! Our entire collection of the knowledge of dragons! It’s destroyed!” the librarian cried.
”Not all of it. There’s still one dragon book here.” I said as I picked up the last surviving dragon book. “Oooo! 50 Shades of Dragon! Sounds interesting!” I started reading the book, and I nodded when I read through it. I was pretty interested in it… that is, after I got further in the story. “Whoa! WHOA! Holy Wizard of- what?! Whoa! NO! NO! NO!” I started blushing as I threw the book on the ground, and then I took a torch and lit the book on fire. “NO! BURN IT! BURN IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!” I cried; and now the entire collection of dragon knowledge has been destroyed.
Outside at the bell tower, the Doctor uses a shovel to break the lock, and then he runs upstairs as fast as could (getting a splinter on the way since the hoof-rails were made of wood as well), and once he got up there, he started pulling the string which rang the bell. “Ow! Rope burn! Ow! Rope burn! Ow! Rope burn!”
“Hey, Doctor? What are you doing up there?” Spike called out.
“Ringing this bell!” the Doctor said. “We have to warn everypony that enemies are coming, and we must evacuate!”
“Why? The village is already deserted.” I said.
“Really?” the Doctor asked. “Hmm… I guess I was screaming so loud that it was pretty much alarming enough for the whole village to hear. Ok then. Coming in here was a waste of time. By the way, the Doctor is not responsible for any property damage whatsoever.”
“DOCTOR!” Twilight cried as she ran over to us once the Doctor walked back downstairs and out of the bell tower.
“And Spike and Flare.” Spike added.
“Relax, brah. We’re pretty much part of the background at this point.” I said. “All the attention is being directed on the Doctor and Twilight now.”
“Did you do what I asked?” the Doctor asked.
“Umm… yeah, about that.” I said nervously.
“The haystacks are fire retardant.” I said.
“Uhh, Flare. Have you tried using your magic at all?” the Doctor asked. I just stood there with a blank expression on my face.
“I forgot I was unicorn.” I said.
“I think I might know a spell that could do the trick.” Twilight said. Just then, an earthquake begins at this exact moment, and the sky begins to turn orange; not because the sun is setting, but cracks in the sky also appeared. “What is happening?!”
“TWILIGHT!” the Doctor yelled. “Did you use the time and space spell?!”
“NO!” Twilight said.
“Have you tried looking for it?” Spike asked mischievously.
“Well, I... umm… maybe?” Twilight asked.
“’Maybe’ always means the opposite of what we want to hear.” I said. “If you were more enthusiastic, we would’ve believed you.”
“So if Twilight isn’t causing this apocalypse, who is?” Spike asked. “Actually, on second thought, forget I asked that. It was a stupid question.”
“DOCTOR!” one of the Daleks said as three of them were standing in front of us.
“Hello, old friends! What brings you here?” the Doctor asked.
“SILENCE!” the Dalek demanded.
“I KEEL YOU!” I yelled in an Arabian accent.
“OUR DALEK LEADER HAS THE TIME AND SPACE SPELL! WE WILL DESTROY THIS WORLD INSTANTLY IF YOU DO NOT MEET TO OUR DEMANDS!” the Dalek explained.
“Destroy it instantly? You mean you’ll destroy it slower if we do what you say?” Twilight asked.
“AFFIRMATIVE!” the Dalek said.
“What is it you need?” the Doctor asked.
“THE KEY TO YOUR TARDIS!” the Dalek said. “YOU WILL OPEN IT FOR US, SO WE CAN GET TO OUR BODIES! THEY’RE MAGNETICLY SEALED IN YOUR TARDIS!”
“Ooooooh!” the Doctor nodded. “That’s what those strange-looking trash bins in my TARDIS were! I knew they seemed familiar! As well as those light bulbs, that mixer, that toilet plunger, and that flashlight! Of course! They were all pieces of Dalek armor! But ooooooh, you cannot start your mission without the final piece! The most important piece: your bodies!”
“AFFIRMATIVE!” the Dalek said.
“How would we know you’re not going to just destroy the universe once you’re done?” Twilight asked.
“WE DON’T CARE HOW WE DESTROY THIS WORLD! WE JUST WANT IT DESTROYED!” the Dalek said.
“For what reason, huh?” Twilight asked. “What have we ever done to you?”
“THE DALEKS ARE THE SUPREME OVERLORDS OF THE UNIVERSE! ANYTHING THAT IS NOT A DALEK MUST BE EXTERMINATED!” the Dalek said.
“Communism in a nutshell.” I said. “We’re all equal, but some are more equal than others. Like the Daleks for example!”
“We can stop you!” Twilight said as she activated her magic and shot the Dalek with some sort of laser blast; kinda similar to mine, but not that much.
“THIS HAY IS IMPENETRABLE! NOTHING WILL STOP US! NO MAGIC, NO SORT OF WEAPONRY WHATSOEVER!” the Dalek said.
“Right. The hay isn’t just fire retardant.” Twilight remembered. “It’s impenetrable from any kind of magic whatsoever.”
“THAT’S WHAT WE JUST SAID! STOP BEING STUPID!” the Dalek demanded. “NOW, DOCTOR, IF YOU WANT TO BUY YOUR WORLD TIME, YOU WILL GIVE US ACCESS TO YOUR TARDIS! NOOOOOOOW!”
“Then… then that’s it. There’s nothing I can do.” The Doctor said.
“You’re just going to give up like that?!” Twilight yelled.
“The Daleks are destroying the universe! They have the most powerful spell there is!” the Doctor said. “Look around, Twilight. If I am to save your world, I must give them what they want. If you’re really the smartest and most responsible pony you claim to be, you’d know what to do.”
“LET’S GO!” the Dalek demanded. “DALEK CROW, DALEK PIGEON! WAIT HERE AND GUARD THE PRISONERS! I WILL TAKE THE DOCTOR TO OUR LEADER!”
“WE OBEY!” the two Daleks said. So the Doctor and one of the Daleks were on their way to the leader so the Doctor could surrender his key. Twilight, Spike, and I were just being held there as hostages until the Doctor does his deed. Then again, I doubt we’ll be surviving after this. I know the Daleks can’t be trusted.
“Twilight, is this the end?” Spike asked.
“No, Spike. We’ll be able to get through this. I know we will!” Twilight said.
“Twilight, do you know who we’re dealing with right now? These are the Daleks!” I said. “They don’t care if they break their promise to the Doctor. They’ll wind up killing us once the Doctor has done what they wanted.
“SILENCE!” one of the Daleks demanded.
“I KEEL YOU!” I yelled in an Arabian accent.
“IF YOU KEEP ANNOYING US, WE WILL NOT HESITATE TO EXTERMINATE YOU!” the Dalek said.
“As if annoyance is a crime.” I said.
“ANYTHING THAT IS NOT A DALEK IS A CRIME!” the Dalek said.
“And listen to you and your stubbornness. Listen to you with ‘anything that’s not a Dalek’ is a crime. You should be arrested for hate crime, you know that, brah? It isn’t nice.” I said. The Daleks just looked at me, not saying a thing. “You know what you are? You know how you were made? You all are just spare utility parts! A trash bin, two light bulbs, a toilet plunger, a mixer, a flashlight! That’s all you are – spare parts! Even the cyberponies look cooler than you! They used to look like just a bunch of tin platings and rubber hoses they use on dryers, but at least they improved their looks! You, my friends, have not changed a bit! You think you look cool, but you’re just a junky sculpture from parts you can find from Home Depot! What makes you think much effort was put into you, HUH?! ANSWER ME!”
Just then, a couple of sacks were placed on the Daleks’ faces, and they started to freak out. “ALERT! ALERT! VISION ALTERED! CANNOT SEE! CANNOT SEE! CANNOT SEE!” the Daleks cried.
“Hello, Flare! Miss us?” Machine asked.
“You do look like you could’ve used our help!” Weed said cheerfully.
“And Sergeant Blaze Goldheart.” Sergeant Goldheart said as he joined the party. “Sorry it took me so long. NOPONY was around to give me any leaves!”
“Well you’re lucky we found ya, boy-o.” Weed said. “You should give us your thanks.”
“I guess.” Goldheart shrugged.
“Wow, Flare! That was amazing!” Spike said.
“What was?” I asked.
“You were able to distract the Daleks pretty well so Sergeants Gun and Leafhorn could save us from them.” Twilight said. “Do the Daleks lose focus that easily?”
“Oh sure! All they do is just sit there and stare at the Doctor when he’s talking. They don’t do a thing!” I said. “You just have to talk like you’re smarter than them, maybe sing, and then they’ll slow down. BIG TIME!”
“Hmm.” Twilight thought. “I think I have an idea on how we could defeat the Daleks, but I’ll need you two to help me.”
“Us?” Machine asked.
“No, Flare and Spike.” Twilight corrected him.
“Oh.” Machine said upsettingly.
“How unfortunate.” Weed said.
“Such a pity.” Sergeant Goldheart shook his head.
“EXTERMINAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!” the two blind Daleks cried out as they both slammed right into eachother. “OW!”
“If you three want to help; go protect Princesses Celestia and Luna. They may need your help.” Twilight instructed them.
“That’s right! Where are they?” Spike asked. “Shouldn’t they be protecting the kingdom?” A cutaway shows the princesses stuffing their faces at the banquet still.
“You think we should help the soldiers outside with those intruders?” Luna asked.
“Not to worry, Luna. I heard great things from these newcomers. They were pretty successful during World Party II.” Celestia said. Wow, if only we heard that. The cutaway ends.
“Anyways, Flare, Spike? Here’s what I want you to do…” Twilight started.
“Mind if I make a suggestion?” I asked.
“Here I have an idea!” Spike said. So the three of talked out our plan, but I won’t say whose plan we used though. I’ll just say, let’s go with it!
Meanwhile with the Doctor and the Dalek escorting him. The Dalek leader was using it’s magic to destroy the world. It’s nothing that the Doctor ever seen before. He was pretty amazed. Not in a good way though, believe me. “You must be the Dalek leader. What gave it away you might ask? I dunno. Daleks aren’t supposed to glow like that.”
“SILENCE!” the Dalek yelled. “YOU WILL OBEY MY COMMAND! OPEN YOUR TARDIS DOOR AND LET US BE REUNITED WITH OUR BODIES!”
“Now if I must, I have several keys with me, and they all look exactly the same.” The Doctor said as he took out his keychain that had like 20 keys on it. “It might take me a while to find out which one is the one to open the TARDIS.”
“THEY’RE ALL THE SAME KEY!” the Dalek leader said.
“Wow, you Daleks are geniuses.” The Doctor said impressively. “I must say, I am quite impressed. Hey how about you tell me, Dalek Leader, how did you obtain this magic?”
“WE ABSORBED THE MAGIC ENERGY THAT STARSWIRL THE BEARDED HAS BEEN USING ON US TO GIVE US EMOTION, BUT LUCKILY WE WERE ABLE TO ABSORB HIS MAGIC BEFORE IT KICKED IN.” the Dalek leader said. “EVENTUALLY, WE ABSORBED ENOUGH MAGIC TO MAKE US EVEN MORE POWERFUL! NOW DOCTOR, OPEN YOUR TARDIS DOOR, OR WE WILL EXTERMINATE YOUR FRIENDS!”
“Aren’t my friends really interesting?” the Doctor asked. “There’s Princess Twilight Sparkle whose-“
“QUIT STALLING!” the Dalek leader interrupted. “ONE WORD OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND I WILL CONTACT THE OTHER DALEKS TO EXTERMINATE YOUR FRIENDS ONE BY ONE! NOW DOCTOR, OPEN YOUR TARDIS DOOR IMMEDITALY!” The Doctor just stood there silently. He knew he couldn’t stall them any longer, so he took out his key, placed it in the lock, and was about to turn it when suddenly, music started playing in the background. Something similar to a certain American song, and by American, I mean the music group.
The Daleks stared at darkness up ahead, as two shadows emerged, looking like they were descending from underground (ok this whole scene is being staged; all this for just a distraction). A light lit up on top of me and I started to sing one of my Flare Through Time duets with Spike. We chose ‘You Can Do Magic’ by America because it seemed to fit. Spike and I were dressed VERY similar to Elvis. I sang the first part in a microphone as Spike was right next to me as we stood back and back; Spike had his head down, until he sings his part, but in this case, I was first; “I never believed in things, that I couldn’t see. I said if I can’t feel it, then how could it be? No, no magic could happen to me; and then-“
Spike and I suddenly looked at eachother and we both sang, “I saw you!”
“I couldn’t believe it.” Spike sang.
“You took my heart!” we both sang as I was holding some lungs on my hoof (relax, they were props).
“I couldn’t retrieve it!” Spike sang.
“Said to myself-“ we both sang.
“What’s it all aboooout?” Spike sang.
“Now I know there could be no doooubt!” we both sang. “You can do MAGIC!” I shot a flare out of my horn and into the sky, and then the flare exploded like a firework. “You can have anything… that you desire! Magic!” I squirted water on one of the Daleks’ faces.
“ALERT! UNDER ATTACK!” the Dalek yelled, but they were still distracted over our musical number.
“And you know that you’re the one who can put out the fire!” we sang as Spike used a fire extinguisher to extinguish the fire on a burning building. “You know darn well, when you cast your spell!” I waved a stick around like it was a magic wand, and then a bang it on a Dalek’s head. “You can get your way when you hypnotize!” Spike and I then stared at the Daleks with hypnotizing Discord eyes. “With your eyes! A heart of stone can turn to clay!” I was standing next to a heart-shaped rock until it melted into… that’s not clay, that’s just molted rock. Oh well, what’s done is done. Just then, Spike and I started dancing with top hats and canes as we sang the ‘do-do do-do’ part of the song.
While we were distracting the Daleks, Twilight sneaks behind the Dalek leader and takes the time and space magic spell while it wasn’t looking. Twilight then runs behind the TARDIS with the scroll held with in her magical grasp. “Ok, Twilight; this is it! This is the ultimate spell you’ve always wanted to cast! It may take some getting used to, but I have to do this! For my friends, for Equestria, and for the universe itself!” Or maybe DHX could just draw another world to take this one’s place. Just a suggestion. Twilight suddenly opens the scroll and begins to read it. “From all of us together- why does all of Starswirl’s spells start with ‘from all of us together’? Ahem. From all of us together, I call for an emergency, let me control time, and time you shall see!” Just then, the color of Twilight’s magic glow on her horn begins to change.
Back with the Daleks and us, we were still attempting to distract the Daleks with our song. “And if I wanted toooo,” I sang, “I could never be freeee!”
“I never believed it was true!” Spike sang. “But now it’s so clear to meeeeeee!”
“THEY ARE TRYING TO OUTSMART US! EXTERMINATE THEM!” the Dalek leader ordered the other Dalek, and then the other Dalek started shooting at us, but missing every time because Spike and I were dancing around too much.
“You can do MAGIC!” Spike and I sang. “You can have anything… that you desire! Magic! And you know that you’re the one who can put out the fire! You know darn well, when you cast your spell!” I was now dressed as a magician, tapping on my hat on the counter, and then pulling out Spike wearing a bunny suit (a grey bunny suit, I couldn’t find a white one anywhere). “You can get your way when you hypnotize!” I was now wearing a some green hypnotizing glasses with a red nose and mustache (looks exactly like the one Pinkie wore from Griffon the Brush Off), and then Spike shows up with a swinging therapy watch. “With your eyes! A heart of stone can turn to clay!” Spike and I continued dancing as the Daleks were getting less and less distracted, and more and more angry. “You’re the one who can put on the fiiire!”
“I HAD ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE! RED EQUESTRIAN, AND PURPLE REPTILE SHALL BE EXTERMINATED IMMEDITALY!” the leader Dalek demanded.
“NO!” the Doctor begged. “Please! Not them!”
“HEEEEEY!” I complained in an insulted tone. “These straw-bodied freaks called me a purple reptile! How rude!”
“Well, we’re dead.” Spike said.
“EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINAAAAAATE!” the second Dalek yelled as it fired it’s cannon right at us and it was just about to hit my nose.
“NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!” I yelled, but then the laser the Dalek fires freezes in place. “NONONONONONONONONO!” I kept yelling.
“FLARE!” Spike yelled as I stopped.
“Am I dead?” I asked.
“Don’t ask me. I never tried it.” Spike said.
“Wh-what?!” the Doctor gasped and then looks behind him, and right on top of the TARDIS was Twilight, and she was glowing. She had a bright glow in her eyes, her horn, and her mouth when she talked. Her hair and tail was blowing in the wind. “Oh no! Twilight, please don’t tell me you did it!”
“I did, Doctor.” Twilight said in an echoy voice. “I have learned the magic spell that could control space and time. The ultimate spell I’ve wanted to cast for years.”
“But Twilight! It’s a very unstable spell!” the Doctor yelled.
“Like you said, Doctor, if I’m the smartest and most responsible pony I claim to be, I’d know what to do; and I know what I’m doing.” Twilight said. She then uses her magic to fix the sky, the ground, and all the burning buildings. All the soldiers that were shot back in the castle had their wounds healed, and were very much alive and walking.
“I’m a zombie!” one of the soldiers cried out. “I must be burned! This is witchcraft!”
“WE ARE SINS!” another soldier cried out. Yeah, ponies were very religious back then, weren’t they? Twilight then removes all of the Daleks from existence in this universe. All five of them. Yeah there was a fifth one somewhere in the future. Don’t ask me how I know. Princesses Celestia and Luna witness Twilight’s heroic actions, and they were pretty impressed.
“Princess Twilight Sparkle… that is… amazing.” Luna said.
“It takes true friendship to make Twilight who she is today!” I said. “She’s gonna be your student in the future, Celestia!”
“Is she now?” Celestia asked.
“She learned magic and friendship from you and her friends in Ponyville!” I said.
“Ponyville? Never heard of a town like that like.” Celestia said.
“Yeah the Apple family founded it.” I said. “Also you’ll be meeting Spike, the Doctor, and me in ten years in the future it seems.”
“Oh?” Luna asked.
“Oh!” I nodded.
“Well all four of you are very noble heroes.” Celestia said. “For this, you have our thanks.”
“Twilight, stop!” the Doctor cried. “We won! You fixed everything!”
“I can’t… I can’t stop!” Twilight cried. “Help me! I feel like… I feel like…”
“It’s too much for her!” the Doctor said.
“HELP ME!” Twilight yelled.
“Looks like you need a Doctor.” The Doctor said mischievously as he takes Twilight’s hooves, pulls her down towards him, and gives her a big kiss. Shippers be damned. Once the Doctor finished kissing her, all of the magic was taken out of her and put inside the Doctor, and then, Twilight passes out on the Doctor’s hooves.
“Wow… that was amazing!” Spike said excitedly.
“That’s gonna bring a lot of angry emails.” I said.
“Relax, Flare.” the Doctor said. “I didn’t do it because ‘I love her’ or anything.”
“HA! You admitted!” I teased. “LAWL! Doctor loves Twilight!”
The Doctor sighs. “I did this once before with one of my past companions. Kissing Twilight was the only way for me to erase her memories.”
“Erase her memories?” Spike asked.
“Yeah, you know. She forgets everything, or… something, or… most things, or… just a little bit of things.” I explained.
“I know what it means, Flare.” Spike said with an attitude.
“I had to erase her memories of everything we did during this trip.” The Doctor said. “It’s as if Twilight was never here. I’m only doing this for her own safety. Her remembering this trip could… be too much for her. We have to go back to the present as soon as possible. It would appear that our work here is done.”
“Canterlot is safe thanks to you four.” Celestia said. “You did a great deal for us all. Thank you.”
“Ah pshaw! It was nothing!” Spike blushed. “Ok, it was something. A LOT of something!”
“WHAT’S THE MEANING OF THIS?!” Starswirl yelled angrily as he joined the party along with Crunch, whom was growling at us. “I saw everything! She used my time and space spell without my permission! She should be put into custody!”
“Wow… some help you were in this battle, Starswirl.” Spike complained.
“I was taking my dog for a walk!” Starswirl yelled.
“You know, Starswirl. There is a lesson to be learned here.” I said. “You think you’re all powerful and great and think you’re the best unicorn in the world, but you’re not. If it weren’t for Twilight here, this world would’ve been doomed! You may know great magic spells, Starswirl, but it wouldn’t hurt to get a second opinion every now and again.”
“He’s right.” Celestia said. “Starswirl the Bearded, you are a great wizard, but it would seem you keeping your projects from us has brought Canterlot into jeopardy. From this point forward, you are to supervised, and must bring forward to us all your research before even testing them. You have become reckless over the years, old friend.”
“Well, I, uhh… yeah.” Starswirl admitted as he takes off his hat. “You’re probably right, princess. I have become reckless. It was wrong of me to keep my research a secret. I guess everypony should have a second opinion for everything they do, because… to be honest, I wasn’t 100% sure of my spells all the time. I’ve been keeping them a secret for so long because since they’re not perfect, I thought I’d be rejected.”
“Nopony is perfect, old friend.” Celestia said as she smiled at him. “Now then, Starswirl, I believe there is one last spell you should do after our visitors from the future leave.”
“It’s for the best.” Starswirl agreed. “I will erase everypony’s memories of everything that went on today… including mine, but the lessons I learned today will stay in there. Thank you, our most honored guests.” Starswirl said to us. “You, especially Princess Twilight here, saved our kingdom, and taught me a great deal. Although, I think it’s best that… we all forget this day.”
“I couldn’t agree more.” The Doctor said. “C’mon Flare, Spike. Let’s go before Twilight here wakes up.”
“I’ll be but a moment.” I said.
“Don’t take too long.” The Doctor said as he returns into the TARDIS.
“Sergeant Machine Gun, Sergeant Weed Leafhorn, and Sergeant Blaze Goldheart-” I started.
“Oh that reminds me,” Celestia interrupted, “the three of you sergeants were truly brave in this battle. You helped everypony in town get to safety, and we are in your debt!”
“We were just doing our jobs, princess.” Sergeant Gun said.
“You would’ve done the same!” Sergeant Leafhorn said.
“It’s true!” Sergeant Goldheart agreed.
“Sergeant Machine Gun, you are now being promoted to colonel! Same goes for you Sergeant Weed Leafhorn!” Celestia said.
“ALL RIGHT!” Colonel Gun cheered.
“It’s like skipping 16 school levels!” Weed Leafhorn too cheered.
“And Sergeant Blaze Goldheart, I hereby promote you to… Captain!” Celestia said.
“CAPTAIN?!” Sergeant Goldheart complained. “They get to be colonel, but I’m only a captain?!”
“You were in the outhouse for half the battle.” Colonel Gun reminded me. “Remember? HA-HA-HA remember Goldheart?”
“I hate you and Leafhorn so much now.” Sergeant Goldheart said angrily.
“Well that answers THAT question.” I said. “But my other question – how do you know us?”
“You were fighting along side us during World Party II. Remember? The Battle of Hoofington? It was five years ago. You had three fillies with you.” Colonel Gun reminded me.
“No I don’t.” I said.
“I guess that means we’re coming back here again, even further into the past.” Spike said.
“I guess so.” I shrugged. “So anyways, expect us ten years into the future, princesses! See you then, or… in this case… we already did. It was pretty much our past, but your future.”
“Our future?” Luna asked. “You were… wait… thou has confusued your princess.” And so, we left shortly after. Spike and I went inside the TARDIS along with the Doctor and a passed-out Twilight, and we travelled back to our present.
“Twilight Sparkle.” Celestia from the past said curiously. “I have to remember that name. Now then, Starswirl. These ponies must not remember this day. Too much for mortal pony eyes.”
“Then it shall be done, your highness.” Starswirl bowed.
“I’ll never get tired on ponies bowing to us.” Luna said with a smile. HA! Yeah right!
Anyways, we returned back to present-day Ponyville. Twilight eventually woke up from her ‘nap’, and was pretty curious. “Huh? What?”
“Twilight! Are you ok?” Spike asked.
“I’m fine. Where are we?” Twilight asked. “I was just in my library doing research on where I could find the time and space spell that Princess Celestia wanted me to research on.”
“I have a confession to make, Twilight.” The Doctor started. “It was me that sent that letter. It was just a… y’know… a foul prank.”
“Really now?” Twilight asked. “I knew there was something suspicious about that hoof-writing. Didn’t look anything like Celestia’s. I know her hoof-writing.”
The Doctor chuckles. “I know you do, Twilight.”
“But what about the missing time and space spell?” Twilight asked.
“Do you ever get the feeling, Twilight, that spells are missing for a reason?” Spike asked. “Perhaps some things aren’t worth discovering.”
Twilight sighs and then smiles, “You’re right, Spike. I guess there’s no such thing as a time and space spell.”
“Bingo!” Spike said.
“Why are we in your TARDIS anyway?” Twilight asked.
“You were… y’know… passed out from working so hard.” The Doctor lied. “I took you in to see if you were healthy enough.”
“Oh… ok.” Twilight said as the Doctor and I help her back on her hooves. “Well… at least that’s taken care of. There was no research paper after all.”
“I guess not.” the Doctor shrugged.
“Well then, back to finding the source of the keys for the chest! Let’s go, Spike!” Twilight said with a smile as she leaves the TARDIS.
“Right behind you!” Spike said as he follows along, but right after Twilight leaves, and right before he does, Spike turns around and says to the Doctor and I, “That was a fun trip! Hope to have even more fun next time!” he then runs out. The Doctor and I, afterwards, both walk out of the TARDIS ourselves.
“It’s too bad.” I said upsettingly.
“What’s too bad, Flare?” the Doctor asked.
“I was hoping for Twilight to charge up my Blessings of the Night, but… I guess not.” I said as I showed the Doctor my necklace.
“Maybe I can take care of that for you.” The Doctor said.
“Really? Thanks, Doctor!” I said happily.
“You’re welcome!” the Doctor said as he takes out his sonic screwdriver. “Ok… umm… so do I use this on that thing, or… what am I supposed to do? What’s the use of that thing anyway?”
“You just touch it.” I said.
“Touch it?” the Doctor asked.
“Yeah.” I said.
“Umm… ok.” The Doctor said as he touches my Blessings of the Night with his right hoof and it starts glowing. “I… umm… I’m not sure what the point of this is.”
“Magic!” I said then snorted twice.
“Well, well, well. Look who decided to show his face around here!” Derpy said angrily to the Doctor.
“Ditzy! What’s up?” the Doctor asked. “You would never believe on the adventure we just had!”
“I know you kissed Twilight!” Derpy said angrily. “You have some explaining to do, MISTER!”
“What? How- how did you know about that?!” the Doctor yelled. “Ditzy, please, I can explain everything! You see, it was the only way to- OW!” Derpy bites the Doctor’s ear and then walks away while pulling on it. “OW! Not the ear! I use that to listen with- OW! Why use your teeth?! I miss hands so much!”
“Isn’t it marvelous, Opal?” Rarity asked her cat as she arrives in Canterlot. “I’ve always adored Canterlot! Just look at how divine this place looks! I know I seem to repeat myself sometimes, but I just can’t help myself! Besides, I am well respected around here. Isn’t that right, Lyrica Lilac?”
“Do I know you?” she asked as she walks away.
“Stop pretending I don’t exist!” Rarity yelled. So as Rarity walks out of the trainstation area and starts walking on the streets of Canterlot, she kept on admiring the scenery. “Ahhh! I can’t think of a finer city than this! I mean Manehatten is nice too, but… ehh… crime happens commonly around there, but not here! This city is just so peaceful!” Rarity said as two royal guards were beating up a changeling in the background.
“What did I do wrong?!” the changeling yelled in the background.
“We don’t need you in this town!” a royal guard yelled.
“I do! I get paid more for this!” the other guard yelled.
“Yep! So peaceful!” Rarity said because she didn’t notice what was happening. Just then, two more changelings dropped goo on the two royal guards so they can rescue their friend.
“Ah, hello Rarity!” Swan Dive said as she walked over to her.
“Swan Dive! So delightful to see you again!” Rarity said.
“Such a delightful to see you as well, Miss Rarity.” Swan Dive said. “I am assuming you’re here for the 23rd annual Canterlot Art Convention?”
“Oh most definitely!” Rarity nodded.
“I say, where are those pony friends of yours?” Swan Dive asked.
“Since when did you take interest in them? You kept saying bad things about them last time we met, and for that matter, I have no idea why I’m talking to you.” Rarity said.
“Oh my apologies, Miss Rarity.” Swan Dive said. “I keep forgetting that you six ponies hold the Elements of Harmony and saved Equestria many times. Plus, one of your friends is a princess. Ponies would have to be complete nuts not to respect the six of you after all you’ve done for us.”
“Well thank you, Swan Dive!” Rarity said. “Unfortunately for us, we don’t hold the Elements of Harmony anymore. We had to save Equestria by giving them up to the Tree of Harmony.”
“Oh…” Swan Dive said. “Well in that case your friends’ popularity has now plummeted.”
Rarity glares at Swan Dive and said, “Have a nice day.” Rarity then walks away insultingly.
“You still matter, Miss Rarity!” Swan Dive said. “You’re friends with Fancypants. That’s pretty much the only reason why I respect you still.”
“My goodness gracious, Opal! Some ponies seem to only care about popularity and money around here! It makes me remember why I never bothered moving here in the first place.” Rarity complained. Opal wasn’t really paying attention. She was just playing with her toy mouse on her back. “If there was only one pony that had a sense of true respect around here.”
“Ah, Miss Rarity! Welcome back to Canterlot!” Fancypants said to her.
“Fancypants!” Rarity said excitedly as the two of them shook hooves. “Now there’s a true gentlecolt! A Canterlot pony that knows exactly how to respect a common outcast! Ew… did I actually say that?”
Fancypants chuckles. “Good to have you back! I reckon you’ll be staying at the castle again?”
“Different suite this time.” Rarity said. “Princess Celestia really knows how to please a mare like myself. Oh… umm… not in that way if you’re wondering that.” she blushed in embarrassed.
Fancypants chuckles again. “Oh relax, Rarity. I don’t believe in that Princess Molestia nonsense. That alternate ego is just a myth.”
“And thank goodness for that. Some individuals and their weird minds.” Rarity chuckles. “But hey, too each their own right?”
“Exactly!” Fancypants said. “Mind if I walk with you to the castle?”
“Not at all!” Rarity said as the two of them started walking. “So, Fancypants, what’s new?”
“I just bought some VIP tickets for Fleur Dis Lee and myself for the Equestria Games in a few months. It would be a shame if you weren’t there.” Fancypants said.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Rarity said. “I didn’t tell anypony around here this yet, but with my help, and of course my friends, we pitched in at helping the Crystal Empire get chosen to be the location for the Equestria Games!”
“Splendid, Rarity! Splendid!” Fancypants said excitedly. “I’ve always wondered what the Crystal Empire would be like. I find the Crystal ponies to be quite rustic! I’ve seen a few of them around here, and I thought it would be quite nice to see the heart of it all!”
“You’ll love the Crystal Empire, darling! I’ve seen it at its worse and I’ve seen it at its best.” Rarity said.
“I’d love to hear all about it!” Fancypants said. “Why don’t we meet later and you could tell me all about it?”
“Well I did have quite a long train ride. I feel I need to rest up, but you will be at the Canterlot Art Show tomorrow, would you?” Rarity asked.
“Have you just met me, Rarity?” Fancypants teased. “Whenever there’s a special event happening in Canterlot, I am there!”
“But perhaps we should meet later for a delightful linner, right?” Rarity asked.
“Ah yes! The combination of lunch and dinner! I’m having a feast at my manor today at 4. I’d be delighted if you would attend to that, as well as your friends if they’re coming.” Fancypants offered.
“Unfortunately, my friends are all busy this weekend. Twilight is reshelving her library… again, Pinkie Pie and AppleJack are going on some… ‘family discovery’ trip, and Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are busy practicing for the Equestria Games qualifications next weekend.” Rarity explained.
“How about your little dragon friend?” Fancypants asked.
“Oh Spike? He’s just looking after the Boutique while I’m gone!” Rarity said.
A cutaway shows Spike watching over the Boutique for Rarity. When Parasol was walking over to the shop wanting to buy a dress, the door was locked. She then knocked on the door. “GO AWAY! We’re closed!” Spike yelled from the other side. Parasol just awkwardly backed away from the shop. Inside the shop, Spike was eating all of Rarity’s gems. He seemed very paranoid, especially when there was none left. “I GOTTA HAVE MORE! I gotta have more!” Spike’s mouth was drooling. “I know there’s more! How about that picture Sweetie Belle made for her? No wait! The fire ruby I gave her! She never wears THAT. Perhaps I should take advantage over there. Heh heh heeeeh!” Spike chuckled mischievously. The cutaway ends. Rarity’s cutaways are just so innocent, aren’t they? She wouldn’t tease a celebrity or a TV show or something.
So Rarity drops her stuff and Opal off at her room. She then tips the porter a gem. “Here you go, darling! Get yourself a nice haircut!”
“I’m not sure if I’m insulted or complimented.” The porter said as Rarity walked away. “Well I have myself some time before Fancypants’ banquet. I wonder what I should do?”
“You can try having a meal over at Flare’s Pizza Parlor’s Canterlot branch!” I suggested as I was walking next to her. “But then again, it’s more expensive, and the food isn’t as good as the food from the Ponyville shop because I work at the other one, but hey, it’s better than nothing, right?”
“Flare?” Rarity said surprisingly.
“Took you that long to notice me?” I asked. “Took you long enough to notice me, senpai. Well I know noticed you, senpai. What’s a senpai anyway? I never got that.”
“Flare what are you doing here, darling?” Rarity asked.
“What? Am I not allowed to be here in Canterlot?” I asked. “Really, Rarity. I dunno why you’d be surprised that I’m here. Unicorns are the most common race here and I’m a unicorn so I belong here.” Just then, Jet Set and Upper Crust started chuckling behind me.
“YOU belong here?” Upper Crust asked.
“My boy, that’s just complete rubbish for a child like yourself.” Jet Set teased.
“Really? You’re bringing THAT up again?” I complained. “So what I’m a child? I made the best of it! SO SHUT YOUR FACES! You know what you are? Complete jerks! You will never have what I have, and that is the will to be myself! So you think it’s funny to tease other ponies like that?!”
“Don’t give us an attitude, young stallion.” Jet Set instructed me.
“BANG! BANG! BANG!” I yelled at their faces. “Your words are gunshots! Your words hurt ponies! You think you’re better than everypony else but you are not! So why don’t you do me a favor and go and read the rest of the story before criticizing insults on something that ponies worked so hard for, or SHUT UP!” Jet Set and Upper Crust just then backed away from me nervously. “That’s right! GO! Scram!” I then looked back at Rarity and yelled, “What are you looking at?!”
“I’m… I’m sorry.” I said calmly. “These Canterlot ponies just get on my nerves! No wonder business isn’t going so well at my Canterlot shop! These ponies think they’re better than me, but they’re not!”
“I adore your enthusiasm, darling, and sticking up to yourself, really I do!” Rarity admitted. “But those anger issues you have. They should be worked on.”
“Hey, I don’t blame him sometimes.” Psyche said as he joined us. “These Canterlot ponies are so nerve wrecking they make Flare here look good!”
“Psyche, are you win me or again me?” I asked.
“What or what now?” Rarity asked.
“He means ‘with me or against me’, and Flare I took your side on this. Shouldn’t you be thanking me?” Psyche asked.
“Ah, Psyche! You’re here too, huh?” Rarity asked.
“Yep, I’m here!” Psyche said.
“Why are you so surprised, Rare? Psyche’s here all the time.” I reminded her.
“I really did not know that.” Rarity admitted.
“Yeah I’m here all the time. I borrow Luna’s observatory sometimes for my research.” Psyche said.
“And how’s your research coming along?” Rarity asked.
“Pretty well!” Psyche nodded. “Flare wanted to come along with me because he wanted to help out his Canterlot shop because it isn’t doing so well.”
“I thought you came with me?” I asked him.
“I told you I was coming to Canterlot.” Psyche reminded me.
“And I said I wanted to come too.” I said.
“That means you’re coming with me.” Psyche said.
“No it doesn’t. It means I liked your idea and wanted to come along to check on my shop. If I was coming here with you I would’ve stuck with you this entire trip.” I explained.
“We share a hotel room, and the only time we’re apart is when we’re going to the bathroom.” Psyche said.
“That’s not true.” I said.
“Of course not, you wait outside of the bathroom for me.” Psyche chuckled.
“Nooooo. Well, yes that, but I mean, we’re apart when you’re at your observatory most of the time because being there bores me.” I said.
“I realized that.” Psyche nodded.
“Well it is nice that you two are here but I have to get ready for a banquet tonight.” Rarity said.
“A banquet, really?” I asked excitedly.
“Y-yeah.” Rarity said.
“What kind of banquet?” I asked.
“The type you eat at.” Psyche teased.
“No, Psyche. Leave the snarky teasing to the professionals, alright?” I asked him.
“Ok, that’s cool, Flare! Know any professionals?” Psyche teased. Oooooo burn! I would’ve said ‘oh snap’, but I don’t think Crystal would like that. Oh woops, I just said it, oh snap. Dang! I just said it again!
“So Rare, what kind of banquet are we talking about?” I asked.
“Oh you know… Fancypants has a banquet linner tonight at 4 at his manor, and why did I just tell you that?” Rarity said.
“Just because he uses the term ‘linner’, I’m in! This would be a great chance to have ponies come over to the shop and try some of my delicious pizza! This will definitely help the business!” I said excitedly.
“Oh, well… umm… I don’t know if… well… does Fancypants even know you?” Rarity asked.
“Are you kidding? He’s the one that inspired me to act childlike whenever I want because, hey… who can control my life, huh? Me, I can control my life.” I said.
“Well… i-if you really want to come… I guess…” Rarity started, but then I interrupted.
“RAH HAHA HAAAAA!” I laughed. “Yeah this banquet is going to be fun! I can already taste those delicious tacos that they serve over there, or… you know… whatever fancy stuff Canterlot folks like to eat. Psyche, you in?”
“No thanks, dude. I have tons of work to do, but we’ll meet back at the room tonight, alright?” Psyche asked.
“That doesn’t mean what you think it means.” I said to Rarity.
“Point taken.” Rarity said. “Are you sure you don’t want to come along, Psyche?”
“I’m sure. This work is really important for me. I’ll be at the castle if you need me.” Psyche said.
“Alright, brah! See ya!” I said.
“You two have fun! Also be good, Flare.” Psyche instructed me.
“I’m GREAT! Who needs to be good when you’re great? Huh?” I asked excitedly. “C’mon Rare, you get me right?”
“I really don’t.” Rarity said. So Psyche walked off.
“I dunno, sista. I wish Psyche would stick around. Doesn’t seem right being the only stallion at the banquet.” I said.
“Flare, what kind of party do you think I’m going to?” Rarity asked.
“I dunno, what do Canterlot ponies like to do for fun?” I asked. “Probably boring stuff like going to art museums, or going to the opera, or go to silent auctions.”
“Flare Gun, Flare Gun, Flare Gun.” Rarity shakes her head.
“Rarity Belle, Rarity Belle, Rarity Belle.” I shook my head.
“My last name isn’t Belle, dear.” Rarity corrected me.
“What is your last name then?” I asked.
“If you want me to teach you all the fascinating things that Canterlot has to offer, I’ll be more than happy to!” Rarity said.
“How can you be more than happy?” I asked. Just then, music started playing in the background because Rarity was about to sing, and unlike most of my songs, her song was complete original.
“Look at this city, isn’t it delightfuuuul?” Rarity sang to me while showing me Canterlot. “Trend and flair, and no I don’t mean your name. The ponies know fashion, it’s like it’s their passion, and they knooooooow great decooooor!” Rarity then said in her normal voice, “You get it now, dear?”
“The only thing I get is that you put ‘fashion’ and ‘passion’ in the same rhyme, just like every other song that uses those words.” I commented.
“Perhaps I should show you more.” Rarity suggested.
“Hey I got nothing better to do.” I said. Rarity then takes me to the Canterlot Gardens and continues to sing. “Out in the garden, fascinating floraaaaa! Pink and blue, and red and white I wouldn’t forget them too. Where a garden party is featured, it gives pony cultured more natured, and they knooooow how to daaaaance!” she then says in her normal voice to me, “Got anything to say about that, Flare Gun?”
“Yeah, what’s the song called?” I asked.
“I’ll get there in but a moment.” Rarity said as she takes me to a fancy clothes store and continues singing, “Clothes of silk, and made of fancy threads. Shoe-shiners, that make things sparkle beyond their heads. Devine hats, and don’t forget the trendy shades.” Rarity uses her magic to put a big nature hat on my head and put some yellow sunglasses with diamonds on them over my eyes. “Canterlot, here we arrrrre to make yoooour daaaaaay!”
“Oh that’s what it’s called?” I asked. Rarity then takes me back outside and she checks out a collection of bowties, because bowties are cool.
“Look at this city, isn’t it delighfuuuul? You have to look your best, if you are to gain popularity. Empty your mind of anything that is not uptight or style. You’ll going beyond a mile, if you just do exactly as I say. Canterlooooooot, here we aaaaaaare toooooooo maaaaaake yoooooour daaaaaaaaaaaaay!” the camera zooms out as the song comes to its conclusion.
“Nice song, Rarity.” I said.
“Thank you, dear!” Rarity said.
“Lip-synch it all?” I asked. “Because your singing voice sounds really different from your-“ Rarity then quickly puts her hoof over my mouth.
“Shhhh!” she shushed me, and then she whispered, “It’s supposed to be a secret!”
Meanwhile, at the observatory, Psyche was reading a Fancy Cat magazine while sitting down on a recliner chair. “Wow… that cat really is fancy.” Psyche said. Just then, Psyche heard a knock on the door. Psyche quickly put an astronomy book over his Fancy Cat magazine and then he yelled out, “Come in!” The door opens, and it was revealed to be Princess Luna. “Oh, Princess Luna! What a pleasant surprise!”
“Likewise, Psyche Illusion.” Luna said. “Enjoying your Fancy Cat magazine?”
“Wh-what are you talking about?” Psyche asked nervously. “I’m reading this astronomy book here, see?” Just then, the Fancy Cat magazine falls on the floor.
“Did you know that 12% of the internet is filled with cat pictures?” Luna asked.
“I like to go ol-fashion sometimes.” Psyche said. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”
“I sleep at night just like everypony else.” Luna said.
“I thought you’re up all night going into ponies’ dreams?” Psyche asked.
“How do you think I visit their dreams?” Luna asked. “I can’t do it without sleeping, Psyche.”
“Point taken.” Psyche understood as he puts the astronomy book down and picks up the cat magazine from the ground and puts it on top of the book. “What do you need, Luna?”
“I got your message.” Luna said. “I know why you’re here.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Psyche said. “I need your help, princess. It is very, VERY important!”
“So I understood.” Luna said. “Officer Penny Nickels getting to you again?”
“He said something about my mom dying for a purpose. I want to know what.” Psyche said.
“You shouldn’t let these little things bother you, Psyche Illusion.” Luna said. “For all you know, he could be pulling your leg.”
“Wow, pulling your leg!” Psyche chuckled. “You’re really getting with the kids these days, huh Luna?”
“Hashtag cop troubles.” Luna said.
“Ok let’s not go too far.” Psyche said. “Now then, my mom has secrets; secrets that are pretty much lost forever in her mind that died out with her; I know that much, but I kinda have a bad feeling that it may not have been lost forever. This is something Officer Nickels really wants it would seem. I want to know what he wants so I can look for it, and make sure he doesn’t get to it. Do you know anything about this?”
“No, but there was one thing certain.” Luna said. “Officer Nickels obviously doesn’t want anypony to know.”
“Of course he doesn’t. That’s obvious.” Psyche said. “Can’t you go inside his dream and maybe try to figure it out?”
“You didn’t let me finish.” Luna complained.
“Nopony ever let’s me finish sentences. Try hanging out with ponies such as the Noble Six.” Psyche complained.
“Anyways, like I was saying, I’m not able to enter his dream because there is a blockade; a tumor if you will.” Luna said.
“A tumor?” Psyche asked.
“Yes, a tumor.” Luna said.
“Is Officer Nickels infected with a sickness?” Psyche asked.
“If you call greed and evil a sickness then yes.” Luna said. “This tumor is rarely used, but when it is, it’s pretty much my only weakness that I cannot enter these ponies’ dreams. It’s not a natural tumor; it was put there.”
“I have the feeling that it has Dr. Swinebutt’s name all over it.” Psyche assumed.
“No, it’s impossible for names to be put on tumors; you should know that, Psyche Illusion.” Luna corrected him.
“It’s a figure of speech, princess.” Psyche said.
“Sorry, I’ve only been back from the moon for only a few years.” Luna said.
“But you should get what I’m saying. It’s probable that Dr. Swinebutt is responsible for the tumor. Officer Nickels works with him.” Psyche said.
“For.” Luna said. “Nopony works WITH Dr. Swinebutt, they only FOR him.”
“You’re just as bad as my friends.” Psyche said.
“You correct them all the time, don’t you?” Luna asked.
“I guess I had it coming.” Psyche admitted. “So princess, please, I really need your help on this. Officer Nickels, and probably Swinebutt are after something that my mom’s been hiding for so many years. I need to find out what.”
“Then we shall start with the family crest.” Luna said.
“Yes, the crest!” Psyche nodded.
“Yes, indeed, the one you and Flare got from when we visited Trottingham.” Luna said.
“No the one Discord and I got from Tatarus.” Psyche said sarcastically.
“No need to get all snippy with me, Psyche Illusion! I was only trying to help!” Luna said.
“Sorry about that. Bad habit.” Psyche said.
“Hmm.” Luna glares at him. “We should head to the Canterlot vaults at once.”
“Ok sounds good, but first, I need to show you something.” Psyche requested.
“What would you like to show me?” Luna asked.
Psyche takes out his Fancy Cat magazine and shows a page to Luna. “Does this look like a cat dressed as Garfield, or is it just what Garfield looks like in real life?” he asked.
“I think that’s more of a ‘dressed as a tiger’, not Garfield, because I don’t see any lasagna, I just see that cat eating a mouse.” Luna said. “If it’s truly Garfield, they did it wrong.”
“Hey at least if something is put on the internet, it can be deleted and fixed. Once put in a magazine, it’s there forever.” Psyche said.
“Indeed.” Luna agreed.
Meanwhile with Rarity and I, we both went to her hotel room so she can help fit in with the Canterlot folk. Yeah, see, I had to put in ‘so she can help me fit in with the Canterlot folk’ after ‘we both went to her hotel room’ just so you won’t think otherwise. Hey, don’t blame me, blame the internet.
“Now then, Flare, if you want more ponies to be visiting your Canterlot shop, they’re going to have to make sure you fit in.” Rarity said.
“I don’t want to fit in though.” I said. “I want to be myself. Don’t change me for who I am, Rare.”
“Flare, do you want ponies to visit your shop?” Rarity asked. “I want to help you, darling. There’s no way I’m going to let a friend of mine waste his money on an expansion that nopony even goes to. I must do this! I must, I must, I must!”
“Well if you’re really going to go out of your way to help me out, then I’ll listen.” I said. “Don’t expect much from me. I tried not being myself once.”
A cutaway shows me in Amish country making an Amish doll in an Amish hotel. Just then, a couple of outside guests walk inside, a family if you will. The mom says to me, “Hello there. Our carriage broke down on the highway and we need to stay here for the night.”
“Your husband’s leg broken?” I asked.
“Yep, and I left my license at home by accident.” The mom said.
“Ok, well, welcome to Amish country! I own this hotel, and I make Amish dolls for a living.” I said as I give one to the daughter.
“YAY!” the daughter cheered but her happiness fades away real quick. “There’s no face on this doll.”
“Amish dolls don’t allow faces, and that’s good because I can never draw the eyes right.” I said. “It’s like Cobra from GI-Joe.”
“Anywhere I can charge my phone?” the other daughter asked.
“We’re expecting a storm later. Maybe that’ll help.” I said.
“How do you know?” the mom asked.
“We have one of those wind things that tell us.” I said.
“I don’t suppose you have video games here, do you?” the son asked me. I didn’t say a thing. In fact, I was silent for the rest of the conversation. I was never heard from at the Amish country again. The cutaway ends.
“Alright, Flare, now the first thing you need to know about fitting in with Canterlot ponies is dressing up.” Rarity said.
“What’s wrong with the clothes I’m wearing?” I asked.
“Well… errrr… no offense, but…. Umm…. well…” Rarity stuttered.
“Spit it out, Rare. I won’t be insulted.” I promised.
“Ok… well… I mean… I like your style of clothing, so this is not my opinion.” Rarity said.
“Sista, if your opinion is that you like my choice of clothing, then you wouldn’t think there’s a problem at all.” I pointed out.
“Well, slangs, Canterlot ponies don’t like slangs, I’ll give you that.” Rarity said.
“But ‘darling’ is ok?” I asked.
“Yes.” Rarity said. “Now… what was I saying?”
“My clothes.” I said.
“Right, your clothes. I think… that the Canterlot ponies would think… that it’s a bit too… how you say… street?” Rarity said.
“Street?” I asked. “Explain.”
“You know… they’d think it would look… look to… delinquent.” Rarity said.
“Rare, the only reason I’m insulted right now is that you’re giving me your opinion on my clothes, but you’re lying and saying the Canterlot ponies wouldn’t like it.” I said.
“Look… how about we go shopping later? I’ll buy you something a little more… causal!” Rarity said.
“Hey you’re the expert on Canterlot ponies, not me.” I said.
“Don’t worry, Flare. I know this may seem hard for you, and for me, but I’m only doing what’s best for you.” Rarity said.
“We barely hang out. Why are you so desperate in helping me?” I asked.
“It’s my thing, darling. I’m always there to help out ponies in need.” Rarity said. “You forget, I’m the Element of Generosity!”
“Not anymore you’re not.” I reminded her.
“Well I- just because I don’t have the necklace doesn’t mean I still don’t represent it!” Rarity said.
“Oh you still have the necklace. You just don’t have the gem representing your CM on it anymore.” I reminded her. “You can use the necklace itself for… other things.”
“That’s true, I’m already planning on making something special with it.” Rarity said. “But we’re going off topic here. How about we try a simple conversation exercise?”
“I can only do one or the other. If I talk while I do jumping jacks, all you’ll be hearing is…” I suddenly start breathing really hard.
Rarity wipes the spit off her face, and she said, “Not like that. I mean, talk how Canterlot ponies talk.”
“Hey where did you get that eyeliner from? Walmart? It looks hideous!” I laughed.
“WELL I NEVE…” Rarity shouted insultingly but then she stopped and nodded. “Perfect! Well, I mean, not perfect. It’s something they say, but they’re more than just criticizing pony’s looks.”
“Yeah tell that to the fandom.” I mumbled to myself.
“Now how about we improvise a bit, shall we?” Rarity suggested. “I’ll start.” She clears her throat and then she said, “Good evening, good sir. How are you on this fine evening?”
“It’s afternoon.” I corrected her.
“No, no. We don’t correct ponies during conversations, Flare.” Rarity said. “Let’s start over. Good afternoon, good sir! How are you on this fine day?”
“Time out for a second. I don’t like to be called ‘sir’, and I don’t like calling other ponies it. It makes me feel superior, and it makes me think other ponies want to be superior and I don’t like either.” I said.
“I’m sorry, Flare, but that’s the way things work here.” Rarity said.
“Fine.” I said.
“Good afternoon, good sir! How are you on this fine eveni- I mean, on this fine day!” Rarity said.
“So you’re telling me we can purposely mess up our conversations?” I teased and I began to chuckle.
“No, Flare; that was a simple mistake.” Rarity said.
“I know but it was funny!” I laughed. Rarity glared at me.
“Let’s try something else.” Rarity said. “Pretend I’m a clothes shop owner selling you something fashionable.”
“Why pretend? You already are.” I reminded her.
“Ok, pretend I’m a DIFFERENT clothes shop owner selling you something fashionable.” Rarity said. “Hello, sir, and welcome to my shop! Can I interest you into something fashionable?”
“No thanks, I’m just browsing.” I said.
“Ok… that’s… better.” Rarity said.
“What did I do wrong that time?” I asked.
“Nothing, it was perfect!” Rarity said. “I just… expected you to buy something.”
“But I told you, I’m good with what I’m wearing.” I said.
Rarity sighs. “Alright, I got something easier. Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?”
“You could just look on that digital clock over there.” I pointed out.
“No, Flare, I’m asking YOU for the time.” Rarity said.
“It’s a quarter after 1.” I said, and then I sang, “I’m all alone and I need you no-ow.”
“No, no, Flare, don’t add anything else to that. Ok, we’re not joking around, dear.” Rarity said.
“You’re not, but I am.” I said. Rarity sighs and shakes her head. Alright, we’ll come back to us in a bit. Let’s see how Luna and Psyche are doing.
Psyche heads to the vaults below Canterlot castle along side Princess Luna. The vault was HUGE. It’s so big, you can fit a Scarab from Halo inside. Probably five of them. “Wow… look at the size of that thing!” Psyche said surprisingly. That’s what she said! HA HA HA! I couldn’t resist!
“Indeed it is, Psyche.” Luna said. “The most valuable treasures in all of Equestria are put in here. Only a pony with princess magic can open them.”
“So basically, any alicorn can open it.” Psyche said.
“Not quite.” Luna said. “I mean any member of Equestrian royalty can open it. Not just any alicorn. If it was any alicorn that could open these vaults, we’d be having more alicorn OCs flooding the nation.”
“Good point.” Psyche said. “So the family crest I gave you is in here?”
“It is.” Luna nodded. “Do you remember the passcode to open your safe deposit box?”
“Flare wrote it down. I picked it up from his trailer. He was ok with me having it.” Psyche said as he takes out a piece of paper from his satchel showing the passcode.
“Splendid!” Luna said. “Now then, Psyche Illusion, please stand back. I’m going to be opening this vault.” Luna walks over to the vault, spits on her hoof, presses her hoof against the vault’s keylock, and then the vault starts to rumble. All the mechanisms securing the vault door become unsecured, and then the vault’s wheel in the center of it turns; think of this vault as like the vault in Portal 2. The vault door then suddenly slowly opens, revealing the HUGE collection of safe deposit boxes inside. Everything in the vault was so shinny and metaly.
Psyche was pretty impressed to how the room looked, but the only thing he asked about it was, “Why do you spit on your hoof to open the vault?”
“My sister has adopted the ways of certain pony folks over the years I was gone.” Luna said. “I never liked that way, but luckily she’s usually down here to open the vault every Tuesday at 4 PM for inspection.”
“Why would you tell me that?” Psyche asked.
“My apologies, Psyche Illusion. It just slipped out. I usually overshare with the ponies I’m close with.” Luna explained. “You should hear how much information I gave to Flare that I was embarrassed about.”
“Point taken.” Psyche nodded. Luna and Psyche walk inside the vault, and they hop onto one of those elevator things. You know, the ones with the lever on it, and it goes up and down and side to side? Yeah those things.
Psyche and Luna hop on one of those things, and then Luna asked, “What’s the deposit box number?”
“Uhh…” Psyche checks the piece of paper. “It’s number 4,545.”
“How expecting.” Luna said as she types the number on the elevator thing, and then the elevator thing suddenly slides around the room really fast to another part of the room.
“Wow that was trippy!” Psyche said.
“It’s not over yet.” Luna said as the elevator thing suddenly goes up and up and up really fast, and then suddenly stops right in the middle.
“Whoa! Ok… I think I’m having an asthma attack.” Psyche said as he takes out his inhaler, but before he’s able to use it, the elevator thing suddenly slides around the room again until they finally reached deposit box 4,454.
“We’re here.” Luna said.
“Wait hang on.” Psyche said as he was about to use his inhaler, but before he was able to use it, Luna checks the box number.
“Wait, sorry. This is box 4,455. We’re meant to be at 4,545.” Luna said as she types the number on the keypad again.
“NO WAIT!” Psyche cried, but the elevator thing already was moving around the room really fast and stops real hard, but when they left the other box, Psyche dropped his inhaler.
“Here we are, Psyche. Deposit box 4,545!” Luna said.
“WAIT!” Psyche yelled as his asthma attack was still affecting him. “I dropped my inhaler!”
“Oh… no worries, we’ll get it.” Luna said as she presses a button on the keypad and the elevator things start going around the room really fast again and back down to the bottom floor. “Here we are!” Luna said. That ride made Psyche collapse on the ground. “Maybe I’ll get it.” she said as she uses her magic to levitate Psyche’s inhaler to her, and she brings it to Psyche. Psyche immediately takes the inhaler and uses it.
“Ok… ok… I’m better now.” Psyche said as he takes deep breaths.
“Ready to go back up?” Luna asked.
“NO!” Psyche cried. “No. Just… how about you go up and I’ll just fly up to you?”
“Are you sure, Psyche Illusion? It’s pretty high up.” Luna asked.
“I’m positive.” Psyche said.
Luna shrugs. “Suit yourself.” Luna presses the numbers on the keypad again and quickly rides the elevator thing back up to the safe deposit box. Luna obviously has a lot of fun riding that thing, but it’s too much for Psyche to handle, so he starts flying up to catch up to her.
Meanwhile back with Rarity and I, Rarity takes me to the clothing store to find something suitable to wear to impress the Canterlot ponies. “Ok, Flare. If you’re going to impress ponies here in Canterlot. You need to get yourself something suitable to wear, and believe me, this will be for a good cause!”
“But this isn’t a Good Will store.” I reminded her.
“By ‘good cause’, I mean good for your business.” Rarity said as she walks me over to the tuxedos. “Now we need to get yourself some causal, something that will delight these ponies.”
“700 bits for a tuxedo?!” I cried out in surprise as I looked at the price tag. “I could just buy a 2-way ticket back to Ponyville, get my tux from home, and come back for cheaper than that!”
“Not to worry, Flare. I’ll buy a tux for you!” Rarity said.
“Rare, I appreciate all you’re doing, really I do. I am ever so grateful!” I said.
“But…” Rarity started.
“But what?” I asked.
“But you feel bad about me going out of my way just to make sure your Canterlot business stays successful?” Rarity asked.
“No that’s it. I just appreciate all you’re doing.” I said. “I like it when you buy things for me!”
“Oh… well then.” Rarity said. “Anyways, let’s pick out a tux for you? How about this one? It matches your eyes!” Rarity shows me a tux that has a blue blouse that matches my eyes, a black tie and a black jacket.
“You think my eyes are THAT black?” I asked.
“I’m talking about the blue, dear.” Rarity corrected me.
“Ehhh… it’s ok, but I’d rather have the blue match my vest then my eyes.” I said.
“You know what? That is a good idea!” Rarity agreed as she picked out another tux for me. “How about this one? It matches the color your vest!”
“A bowtie?” I complained. “What am I, a Time Lord? I like tongue ties better!”
“Ooooh… are you sure?” Rarity asked.
“You’re the one that wants me to gain business right? You want me to change for the better, then I should be the one to pick what way.” I said. “It’s like studying for a driving test. If you can’t study THEIR way, you won’t get your learners permit. I don’t read books! That’s why I did the online test and cheated.”
“You cheated on your driving permit test?” Rarity asked.
“Let’s worry about one thing at a time, shall we?” I suggested.
“Right, the clothes.” Rarity nodded as she went to check on the clothes to see if there was something I wanted. “Well… I did find the tux you were looking for, but it’s smaller. They don’t have your size.”
“Are you calling me fat?!” I complained.
“Wha- NO!” Rarity said.
“Oh… I’d rather you call me fat. I like being called that. Makes me feel like I’m in a Cheese Sandwich parody.” I said.
“Ok, well then dear, I am sorry to say, they don’t have your size of the tux you want.” Rarity said.
“Really? Did they check the back?” I asked.
“This is a Canterlot shop. Either everything is out for display or they’re in a warehouse kept nicely. There is no ‘back’.” Rarity said.
“I can’t accept any other tux! This is the one I want!” I said.
“I’m sorry, Flare, but they don’t have your size.” Rarity said. “I got an idea! How about you take the one with the bowtie on it, but we don’t buy the bowtie, we just take the tongue tie from the smaller one? One small tie won’t make a difference. It’s mainly blocked by the jacket anyway. Nopony needs to know.”
“NO!” I yelled. “For Wizard of Hope’s sake, NO! The bowtie COMES with the bigger one, and the tongue tie comes with the smaller one! Switching them over, would… it… it just doesn’t make sense!”
“It’s no big deal, Flare.” Rarity said.
“No big deal?!” I yelled. “What if the tongue tie from the smaller one misses the smaller tux? They’ve been together since they were made! I can’t just split them apart! Also, what if the bowtie misses the bigger tux? It’s like parents switching their foals! That won’t feel right at all!”
“Flare, darling, it’s really no big deal.” Rarity said.
“Well it is to me!” I said.
“How about I buy you both?” Rarity suggested.
“And what am I supposed to do with the smaller one with the bowtie? It won’t be used.” I said. “If I don’t use it, I’ll be selling it or donating it. No I’m not throwing it away, I hate throwing stuff away.”
“You can save it for your own foal.” Rarity suggested.
“Rare, Crèmepop and I have just been together for almost a year. You think we’re even ready to get married?” I asked as I gave her a look.
Rarity started to get really annoyed, and was about to blow a fuse, but she kept her cool and took a deep breath, and then she faked a smile and started walking. “Fine. We’ll just go to another boutique.”
“I like that one.” I pointed to a purple tux.
“Which one?” Rarity asked as she stopped and turned around.
“That one.” I repeated.
“A purple one?” Rarity asked.
“Yeah, a purple one!” I said. “Won’t it look stylish on me? Besides, you like purple! I know you’ll like it!”
“No, you’re absolutely right, Flare! The purple one would look very stylish on you!” Rarity agreed. “Except… won’t that give you a bad impression? Stallions don’t normally wear purple.”
“Stallions don’t normally wear purple?” I asked. “Then why is there a purple tux? Mares don’t wear tuxedos. Why else is there a purple tux there? For a stallion to buy and wear. Am I right?”
“Well… errrm… you do have a point there.” Rarity thought. “But… I mean… don’t get me wrong, I KNOW for a fact you’ll look divine in it! I just don’t want ponies to think you’re… you know… like my cousin.”
“Which one?” I asked.
“The one that owns The Jam club in Las Pegasus. He’s kind of… you know… he likes stallions.” Rarity said.
“I like stallions too. Stallions make great bros!” I said.
“That’s not what I- actually… ok then. You know what? I’ll get you the purple tux! I know you’ll look divine in it, dear! You’ll impress these ponies yet!” Rarity said excitedly.
“I know I will!” I said excitedly. “I’m learning from the best! You know how to be… umm… divine, so I might as well learn from the best. You know what these ponies like, and you’re teaching me everything I need to know!” I take the tuxedo and walk over to the checkout desk. “Good day, sir. I’d like to buy this tuxedo if you please?”
“Wow, such a gentlecolt!” the store owner said impressively. “I’d do business with you, any day!” I turn to Rarity, and she nods and smiles at me, but the kind of look that she’s giving me… if this were an animated series, you’d probably ship us. “That’ll be 560 bits please?”
Rarity was about take out her pocket book and get some money out, but then I took my wallet out and said, “Allow me, Rare. This is, of course, my tuxedo. It wouldn’t be very gentlecoltly of me to let a lady pay.”
“Why thank you, Flare Gun!” Rarity said. “I must say, I am impressed!” Once I paid the cashier and bought my tux, I ran over to the front door and held it open for Rarity. “Why thank you once again, darling! You sure are proving yourself to be a delightful gentlecolt!”
“You’re welcome, Miss Rarity.” I said as I followed her out.
“You are ready for that linner party!” Rarity said.
“How delightful!” I said. “Hey can I ask you something real quick?”
“Of course, dear, anything!” Rarity said.
“We’re not going to Chili’s or Applebees, are we?” I asked.
“No, why?” Rarity asked.
“Because holding two sets of doors open for you is going to be quite a challenge.” I said.
Meanwhile back down at the vaults, Luna was waiting for Psyche to fly up to the safe deposit box with her. Psyche was taking deep breaths as he was flying up. “Took you soon enough, Psyche Illusion.” Luna said.
“Don’t test me, your highness.” Psyche said as he lands on the elevator thing Luna rode on and then he inhaled his inhaler.
“You could’ve just ridden on this with me if you were going to use your inhaler anyway.” Luna suggested.
“Whatever, let me just punch in the code.” Psyche said as he punches in the code to the safe deposit box, and once the code was granted, a key slot opens. “Oh you are kidding me! This paper doesn’t mention a key! It just shows the code!”
“I am truly sorry about this, Psyche Illusion. I would assume you’re having a bad day right now.” Luna said.
“You think?” Psyche asked sarcastically.
“You know, it takes guts to act sarcastic towards a princess.” Luna complained.
“I wouldn’t say ‘guts’. I’m pretty skinny.” Psyche said.
“It was just an expression.” Luna said.
“I know.” Psyche said. “Sometimes expressions give the wrong signals.”
A cutaway shows a pony at the doctor’s office getting checked up. The doctor says, “Mmhm.” He nodded while looking at some x-rays. He then turns to his patient and said, “Yep. It looks like the accident has made you as blind as a bat.”
“Oh well, at least bats can see a little bit.” The patient said positively.
“I meant a baseball bat.” The doctor said as he throws a baseball at him.
“Ow!” the patient yelled while rubbing his head.
“Yep. See what I mean?” the doctor asked.
“Not really.” The patient said.
“Exactly.” The doctor said in a comforting tone. The cutaway ends.
So Psyche immediately takes out his phone and attempts to call me, but then his phone starts making a beeping sound, like when a line is busy or something, or in this case, “Hmm, no signal.” He said.
“Communication reception on any device gets cut off down here. In fact, all type of connection is cut off in this vault, to avoid hacking.” Luna said.
“You sure learned a lot about modern technology since you’ve been gone.” Psyche said.
“I fell in love with technology pretty fast.” Luna said. “It turns out I’m a geek.”
“Nerd actually.” Psyche corrected her. “Nerds are considered smart and know a lot about technology and sci-fis, while geeks are just obsessed with sci-fis.”
“And what do you call a pony that cares about what it’s called?” Luna asked.
“I believe that’s considered a ‘dork’.” Psyche said.
“I see.” Luna said.
“So what am I going to do, Luna? How am I going to open it without a key?” Psyche asked.
Luna sighs and said, “Normally, I’m not obliged to do this if ponies aren’t able to access their safe deposit boxes in case that particular pony is a fraud, but I’ve known you long enough, Psyche Illusion, and I know how important this is to you, so…” Luna uses her magic to create a master key to unlock the safe deposit box for Psyche, and then it opens.
“Luna, thank you!” Psyche said excitedly.
“Don’t mention it.” Luna said. Psyche reaches inside the safe deposit box to search for his family crest.
“Wow this deposit box is bigger than I thought.” Psyche said.
“I know.” Luna said. “The deposit boxes are all-“
“-Bigger on the inside.” Psyche interrupted. “Yeah, we’ve all heard THAT before. It’s referenced A LOT.” Psyche then takes a jar full of… “What’s this?” he asked.
“That’s Flare Gun’s collection of hoof-nails.” Luna said.
“GROSS! I thought he put this in his office?” Psyche asked.
“I know. He has multiple jars. He’s been collecting hoof-nails for years.” Luna said.
“Why though?!” Psyche yelled.
“He’s pretty sentimental.” Luna said.
“No kidding!” Psyche said. “Where’s my family crest? Also…” Psyche takes out a rubber duck from the box. “I won’t even ask.”
A cutaway shows me back at my hotel room getting dressed for the linner party, but then I started to have a strange feeling as I was trying to put on my tie. “Somepony’s touching my special rubber duck!” I panicked. “Also I don’t know how to put on a tie.” The cutaway ends.
“Ah!” Psyche said as he takes his family crest out of the box. “This is it! This is the Illusion family crest! The very same one that Officer Nickels was looking for!”
“Unless this is a decoy and the true one’s been stolen.” Luna teased.
“Oh no, Luna, I’m not falling for that. It takes a true Illusion to know that this is the family crest!” Psyche said. “Wow… that sounded odd in so many different levels.”
“Yeah, I was about to say.” Luna said.
“Anyways, I got it!” Psyche said excitedly.
“What are you going to do with it?” Luna asked.
“I have to take a close look at it. I need to see what’s in here. I need to know what the fuss is about. This is a rare piece of treasure my family has been holding, Princess Luna, but there’s more in here that meets the eye.” Psyche said. “It may look valuable, but it may seem even more valuable on the inside.
“Are you sure about that, Psyche Illusion? It’s made of platinum gold. I’m pretty sure it’s more expensive on the outside.” Luna thought.
“Yeah, pretty much.” Psyche agreed. “But it’s what’s inside that’s important to me.”
“You sure about that?” Luna asked.
“No I’m not sure! Look how shinny this thing is!” Psyche panicked. “You have to be a complete lunatic to not like its texture and looks! As a matter of fact, not even a lunatic! A complete and total moron!”
“I take offense to the word ‘lunatic’, Psyche Illusion.” Luna said.
“Why would take offense to that- oh… I see. Alright then. My apologizes for that. I’m heading back to my hotel room to look at this. Thank you very much for your help, princess!” Psyche said with his hoof out.
“The pleasure is all mine!” Luna said as she hugged Psyche.
“TOO TIGHT! I have a fragile body!” Psyche freaked out in a struggling tone.
A while later, back at the hotel room, Rarity was adjusting my tie for me with her magic, while wearing her red glasses. “Hmm… over and under, grab the end, pull it through here, up and around, round the horn, bring it back home.” Rarity said. “There you go, darling! You look divine!”
“Thanks! I think purple really suits me!” I said.
“Speaking of purple, how is Psyche doing with his research?” Rarity asked.
“I dunno. I’ve been trying to call him, but he hasn’t answered his phone.” I said.
“Probably REALLY busy.” Rarity assumed. “I usually don’t answer my cell phone when I’m busy with work.”
“Hey, Rare?” I asked.
“Yes, Flare?” Rarity asked.
“Since when did you wear glasses?” I asked.
“I wore them when you first met, dear! Don’t you remember?” Rarity asked. Yeah, she wore her glasses on the very first chapter of FiE. I forgot to mention that. She wore her glasses a few times in the story. Not much though because I barely write down Rarity working at her Boutique.
“Barely.” I said. “You don’t need to wear glasses! You look pretty just the way you are!”
Rarity blushes. “You are such a flatterer, darling, and I agree! I do look more divine without glasses on, but you know how it is; sometimes I need them to look at close spaces.”
“Well, you see, I’m the opposite. While you can’t see well in close spaces, I can’t see well in far places. Well… when it comes to reading that is.” I said.
“You think you can get yourself a pair of glasses?” Rarity asked.
“No thanks, sista. The only glasses I’m ever wearing are sunglasses, or goggles for swimming.” I said. Just then, Psyche joins us in the room with his family crest. “Oh, Psyche! There you are!”
“Flare! What are… what are you doing here?” Psyche asked nervously as he hid his family crest behind his back.
“I’m staying here for the weekend! You know that!” I reminded him.
“Of… of course I did! Heheheheh!” Psyche chuckled nervously.
“Yeah I did too. I knew the whole time we were staying here! I was just testing you!” I said nervously.
“R-right.” Psyche said.
“Well since Flare isn’t going to say it, I am. Psyche, what are you hiding behind your back?” Rarity asked.
“Nothing important.” Psyche lied.
“Rare, I wasn’t going to ask him that because I don’t care. Whatever Psyche is up to is none of our business, and is pretty much just a waste of time.” I said.
“Now normally I’d be insulted by that comment, but in this case, you did say ‘none of your business’, so I’ll let it slide.” Psyche said.
“Well, brah, if you have nothing better to do, why don’t you join us for Fancypants’ linner party?” I requested.
“Oh great! Two of you! Yay!” Rarity said sarcastically, but Psyche’s type of sarcasm, Rarity’s sarcasm wasn’t really obvious, not even to Psyche.
“Oh thanks for the offer, you two! But I have a lot to do tonight; very important work. I’m sorry.” Psyche said.
“C’mon, dude! Please?” I begged. “All you need to do is act like a Canterlot pony, get yourself a nice tux and we’ll blend in great!”
“I didn’t really bring my tux with me, and I thought you said you said ‘if I have nothing better to do, I can go’?” Psyche asked.
“I was being… umm… what’s that word again?” I asked.
“Theatrical?” Psyche asked.
“I don’t steal stuff, brah.” I reminded him.
“What?” Psyche asked.
“What?” I asked.
“Actually, you know what? After all that’s happened today, I could use a good meal. All I’ve been eating today is Jelly Babies and the medication inside my inhaler, so sure, I’ll go.” Psyche said.
“Nice! Collin-D happy face!” I said excitedly.
“But I didn’t bring a tux, can I just bring my robe? It’s a very fancy red robe. One that rich ponies wear.” Psyche suggested.
“Sounds perfect!” Rarity said.
“Oh this is going to be an amazing linner party!” I said excitedly. “Way more amazing than forced advertising!”
A cutaway shows a pony in a tuxedo walking by, and a crystal pony walking by in the opposite direction. They both walk pass eachother, but then the crystal pony squirts mustard on the other pony’s tux. “HEY! What did you do that for?!” the pony in the tux complained.
“Have a stained tux? Come down to Rook Ramparts’ Tux 2 Clean Dry Cleaning, only at the Crystal Emprie!” the crystal pony known as Rook Ramparts said as he gave the tux pony a business card, and then walks away.
“The what empire?” the tux pony asked. The cutaway ends.
So we waited for Psyche to get ready and we were on our way to Fancypants’ manor for his linner party. Once we went towards his house, Rarity rings the doorbell. “Interesting. Flare didn’t complain that he didn’t ring the doorbell this time!” Psyche said impressively.
“Because I’m temporarily a gentlecolt right now. Also, Psyche, if you’re going to keep talking about me making me feel like a jerk, I’ll just tie your robe knot so tight that your-“ I decided to stop there because Fancypants answers the door. I really wasn’t finished talking to him, but I believe I made my point.
“Ah, Miss Rarity! Glad you can make it!” Fancypants said. “And… who are these two friends of yours?”
“You’re kidding right?” I asked. “We met before. I made a scene at Canterlot Square, and you gave me advice.”
“I don’t think I ever met him though.” Psyche said.
“Ah yes, I remember you, good sir!” Fancypants said.
“Me or him?” I asked as I pointed to Psyche.
“You of course! What was your name again?” Fancypants asked.
“Sir Flare Gun of dat Mareami heat, at your service!” I bowed.
“Ah yes, a pleasure to see you again! And who might you be, beautiful?” Fancypants asked Psyche.
“My name is Psyche Illusion, gorgeous. Sweetheart. Honey-bunny. Shnukum-lukums.” Psyche teased.
“I beg your pardon?” Fancypants asked.
“He doesn’t like being called a mare, please excuse our dearest apologies.” I said.
“And I thought Flare was going to mess this up.” Rarity mumbled to herself.
“Oh my apologies, sir! Please excuse me! I am terribly sorry about that! Please, make yourself at home!” Fancypants insisted as he moves out of the way and lets us in. We approach the dining room and there were a bunch more Canterlot ponies in there already sitting down having appetizers.
“Ah, Miss Rarity! Good to see you again, my dear!” Swan Dive said.
“Yes, quite!” Caesar agreed.
“I say, Fancy Pants, dear, who are those two ponies accompanied by Rarity?” Fleur asked.
“Is that one royalty?” Psyche whispered to me while pointing to Fleur.
“I have no clue.” I whispered back. “She’s got the body and horn, but she doesn’t have wings, so it’s hard to tell.”
“This here Sir Flare Gun of dat Mareami heat, and this here is a lovely femcolt by the name of Psyche Illusion.” Fancypants said.
“I don’t care if this is a fancy linner party; I’m going to rip his eyeballs out.” Psyche whispered to me.
“Shhh.” I comforted him and patted him on the back. “Leave it to Rarity. She’s the expert.”
Rarity clears her throat and says, “Yes. These here are some dear friends of mine from Ponyville, and just in case you’re going to ask, they’re not… how you say… redneck.”
“Pun intended?” I asked.
“Hmm, friends of Ponyville you say?” Royal Ribbon asked. “By the looks of it, they do look Canterlot material, but I say, that red one looks awfully familiar.”
“Madam, I assure you, ponies shouldn’t be judged by the color of their coat. This is a free land, if I do say so myself.” I said.
“Excuse me?” Royal Ribbon asked.
“Umm… heheh,” Rarity chuckled nervously. “Have I mentioned that these two are friends of Princess Luna?”
“Friends of Princess Luna you say?” Jet Set asked.
“Hmm. Not as fancy as being friends with Princess Celestia, but I guess it’ll do.” Upper Crust said. For Wizard of Hope’s sake! These ponies are so uptight, it’s annoying! And ponies say I’m the annoying one!
“Why you three come and sit down?” Fleur offered. “We are very delighted to meet some new ponies. We always have room for new companions!” The three of us were finding chairs to sit in, but only single chairs were available, not numerous chairs in a row.
“Excuse me, miss? I’d like to reserve a seat for my companion Psyche? I like sitting next to ponies I’m close with.” I requested from Lyrica.
“Sounds romantic! Two life-long partners would do anything to sit next to eachother! It is so divine!” Lyrica said. Psyche and I both blushed in embarrassment. “And they even wear clothes to match their partner’s coat!”
“On second thought, I’ll be seeing him later tonight anyway.” I said. Psyche embarrassingly facehooves himself after I said that. “Did I mention we have two double beds in our hotel room?”
“HA HA HA!” Rarity laughed embarrassingly and clears her throat. “Yes, Flare here is a joker, but he’s such a gentlecolt when you get to know him.”
“I agree! I’m starting to like our new companions already!” Fancypants said.
“So, Sir Flare…” Royal Riff started.
“Please. Sir Flare is my father. I prefer to be called… Sir Flare of dat Mareami heat.” I insisted.
“Very well, Sir Flare of dat Mareami heat. What do you do for a living?” Royal Riff asked.
“I work at a fine pizza joint. The classiest dining in all of Equestria. Princess Luna herself says so.” I said. “Flare’s Pizza Parlor, it is called.”
“Flare’s Pizza Parlor? My, my, sounds like a delightful little business.” Royal Riff said.
“It’s the best it could be!” I said. While I was talking, Psyche reaches inside his robe, takes out his family crest, and hides it under the table. He takes a look at it, and try to find out what’s so special about it. “I serve only the finest ingredients I could fine. Apple family apples for example. The classiest apples in all of Equestria! I only use the fanciest, most expensive, and classiest supplies for my shop. My silverware is actually made from real silver, and after every meal, I throw them away, and new ones take their place.”
“You don’t say?” Caesar asked.
“Well, I don’t really ‘throw them away’, as you can see I like to recycle. I donate them to the poor soup kitchens for the homeless. They may not be that classy, but they are still ponies, and I must do what I can to make sure everypony stays strong and fit for the dangers of life ahead.” I explained dramatically.
“Such a rustic pony! I am very impressed!” Fancypants said. “Miss Rarity, you outdone yourself this time!”
“I am very pleased to hear you say that, Fancypants! All my friends are the best ponies they could be!” Rarity said.
“How about you, Mr. Illusion?” Upper Crust asked.
“Wha-?” Psyche asked surprisingly as he hides his family crest.
“Can you tell us a bit about yourself, good sir?” Upper Crust asked.
“Oh there’s nothing much really to say about my life.” Psyche said. “I’m only an astronomer. I study space, I research it, and whatever I discover, I send it in, and I get awarded in science awards for my fascinating discoveries! I must say, the cosmos really fascinate me!”
“That’s real nice, Mr. Illusion, but tell us how you met your life-long partner, Sir Flare Gun of dat Mareami heat?” Upper Crust requests.
“Ok, we’re not life-long partners, alright? We’re just close friends.” Psyche said.
“Too embarrassed to admit your true feelings? It is a shame really, but I wouldn’t blame you whatsoever.” Lyrica said. “We all find your ways very divine!”
“What?” Psyche asked.
“Yes! Yes! Flare and Psyche here really adore eachother as a couple!” Rarity said. I looked over at Psyche and pointed to Rarity, and moved my mouth like I was saying ‘what?’ and Psyche shrugs and shakes his head. “I mean, it’s a pretty romantic story! They both met at the royal wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Prince Shining Armor, and even though they had their differences, things escalated pretty quick. They knew they were made for eachother, but no matter what happens, they always supported eachother, and Flare here… he can really cook himself a divine looking pizza! Business has been really going up for him at his pizza shop at Ponyville, but Flare here cries himself to sleep every night because of the fact that not many ponies have been going to his Canterlot shop! It is so dreadful! So horrible!” Rarity started talking dramatically. “He needs to pay the bills somehow! Did you know he lives in a trailer?”
“My goodness! How horrifying!” Swan Dive gasped.
“I say, Sir Flare, if it really helps you, we’ll all eat at your pizza shop.” Perfect Pace said. “I assure you that, as a matter of fact, we’ll go there every day for lunch or for dinner, or for linner. We’ll help your business big time, so you and your stallionfriend can move out of that disgusting trailer!”
“Disgusting trailer?” I asked insultingly. “Ok first off-“ just then, Rarity shakes her head at me nervously. I know she’s trying to help me out, but saying lies about me doesn’t make me feel good inside, and by the looks of it, this is bothering Psyche just as much as it’s bothering me. “Miss Rarity is absolutely right.” I said. “I’ll do anything to keep my business afloat for me, and for my…. Errr….” I looked over at Psyche as he was putting his head under the tablecloth. I didn’t know at the time that he was working on his family crest, because I thought he was putting his head under the tablecloth because he’s embarrassed, and I didn’t blame him. “For me and for my… good friends.” I said.
“And your stallionfriend.” Perfect Pace added.
“Groans.” I mumbled to myself.
“I beg your pardon?” Perfect Pace asked.
“If you please excuse me, I have to… powder my nose.” I said.
“But aren’t you a stallion?” Masquerade asked.
“I thought ‘powder your nose’ meant ‘going to the bathroom’ in fancy talk?” I asked.
“That’s how a mare says it.” Masquerade said.
“Well what can you expect?” Rarity asked embarrassingly. “Ironically, Flare here is the mare in the relationship.” I was really doing my best to hold my temper, and I know Rarity’s going out of her way to help my business, but this is going WAAAY out of proportion!
“Please, excuse me.” I said as I was about to walk out.
“Linner is served!” Fancypants’ butler said as a bunch of chefs started walking out of the kitchen with a bunch of platters.
“Actually, come to think of it, I’ll wait till after I eat.” I said as I smiled and sat back down. “I can never interrupt anything for a nitrous meal!”
“I couldn’t agree more!” Masquerade said. “Wouldn’t you agree, Mr. Illusion?”
“Sure.” Psyche said as he was concentrated on his crest.
“Mr. Illusion, are you working on something?” Masquerade asked.
“No.” Psyche lied as he looked back up at her. “No I’m just… you know… I get a little hyper when I’m hungry.”
“Ah, I wouldn’t blame you!” Masquerade agreed.
“Bon appetite!” the butler said as he removes the cover of my platter, and on the platter was just a little piece of… something. Looked like it was made from oats and a few other ingredients, but it was only 3 inches. Tall or long you may ask. 3 inches is the total measurement. It’s 1 ½ inch tall, and 1 ½ inch long.
“Oh how delightful! The appetizer is here!” I said. “I could use a nice appetizer before the main course!”
“Beg your pardon, Sir Flare, but this IS the main course.” Caesar corrected me.
“This is the main course?” I asked. “How many calories does it have? At least it might not cost much.”
“Actually, in a normal restaurant, these little bites are worth 30 bits each!”
“30 bits for this little thing?” I complained. “Is this all you Canterlot ponies eat? Why are some of you so fat then?!” Everypony immediately freezes after I said that. Now I’ve been holding in my tongue for a while, and I might be able to take some of the uber garbage gossip that Rarity’s been spreading around, but NOPONY gets between me and food!
“Fat? I beg your pardon, good sir?” a fat mare complained. “But this is what us ‘Canterlot ponies’ you call us eat all the time. It has much more calories that you think.”
A cutaway shows the fat mare in her bedroom at her house eating a bunch of brownies in a paranoid fashion. “They must NEVER know!” she said nervously. The cutaway ends.
“Please excuse Flare here for his temper. He barely has anything to eat sometimes.” Rarity said as she walked over to me and placed her hooves on my shoulders.
“I own a pizza shop. How can I have barely anything to eat?” I asked.
“You wouldn’t eat your inventory, would you?” Rarity asked.
“Perhaps, if I have no choice.” I said.
“Please, think of your business, Flare!” Rarity whispered. “I’m helping you get business! You need it!”
“Sigh.” I said. “Yes, I’m a starving young pony that doesn’t even eat his inventory. I think of all other ponies before myself.”
“It’s ok, Flare. We’ll give you something better to eat!” Fancypants offered. “We’ll just take that plate from you, and-“
“Oh no that won’t be necessary.” I insited. “I mean, I do want another meal, but I’ll just keep this as an appetizer. I hate to waste food.”
“Ok if you say so.” Fancypants shrugged. Later that night after the linner party ended, everypony was leaving Fancypants’ manor. “Goodbye everypony! Thank you for joining on this wonderful occasion! You have a great night, Rarity! I’ll see you at the art show tomorrow!”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Rarity said.
“Oh and bring Flare and Psyche along with you. I find them incredibly rustic!” Fancypants said.
“They’ll be delighted!” Rarity said.
“Then I must wish you a good night, Miss Rarity!” Fancypants said and bows. “See you tomorrow!” he closes the door.
“Flare? Psyche? I know what you’re going to say, and-“ Rarity was about to say, but we both just ignored her and walked away.
“Psyche, I am so sorry for dragging you into this. I had NO clue this was going to happen.” I said to him.
“It’s not YOUR fault, Flare!” Psyche said angrily as he glared at Rarity.
“Are you talking to me or Rarity?” I asked. “Because you said my name but you’re looking at Rarity.”
“I’m in no mood right now for this, Flare. Let’s just get to the hotel room.” Psyche said.
“I’m not even so sure if I want to be in the same room with you after tonight!” I admitted.
“I wouldn’t blame you.” Psyche said as we continued walking.
“Flare, Psyche, please! I am so sorry about tonight! I really am!” Rarity said as she followed us. “But can you please hear me out?”
“I’m sorry, do you hear something, Flare?” Psyche asked.
“Yeah, I hear Rarity talking to us, but we’re ignoring her, and- oh, I see what you’re doing.” I understood.
“I’m only thinking of your business, Flare! Don’t you want me to get you business at your Canterlot shop? You kept saying you did!” Rarity said.
“Yes I did.” I said as I turned to her. “But I didn’t even ask for your help to help me change who I am! You keep lying about me-“
“And me.” Psyche added.
“Yeah, no one cares, Psyche.” I said, then I said to Rarity, “Not to mention you keep giving me advice to be a Canterlot pony? I don’t even LIKE them!”
“Oh.” My friend Adventure Blade said as he walked away.
“Not you, Addie! You’re cool! It’s the uptight ones I can’t stand!” I said.
“Addie’s from Canterlot, huh?” Psyche asked.
“He comes here to see his dad once every other weekend.” I said.
“I’m sorry, Flare. I’m just thinking about your business.” Rarity said.
“Next time you want to help me with my business, how about you ask me first, huh?” I asked as Psyche and I both walked away, leaving Rarity alone in front of Fancypants’ house.
“And I thought Psyche was going to mess this up.” Rarity said sadly. “Heh. Then when Flare messes up, I’m going to say ‘I thought I was going to mess this up’.” She chuckled awkwardly. “Oh, but what have I done?” She’s really asking herself that? She KNOWS what she did! She doesn’t have to ask herself that question! So Psyche and I returned to our hotel and turned in for the night. Psyche, however, didn’t go to sleep. He was too busy with his family crest. He kept working on it in the bathroom. At the time, I thought he just had a stomach ache. I sure did! That little thing I thought was an appetizer had more calories than I thought. That fat mare was right. Guess I can’t underestimate food sometimes, huh?
The next day came, and Rarity was getting ready to go to the art show. She puts on a ‘divine’ dress as well as some shades and a sunhat, and then she sighs and said, “Don’t let yesterday bother you, Rarity. You still have an art show to go to.” She then smiles and says to her cat, “I’ll be back here tonight, Opal! Don’t wait up!” Rarity then walks out of her hotel room and is on her way to the art show. Back at the room, Opal takes out a cell phone calls another cat. “Meow, meowmeow, meowmeowmeow, meow.” Opal said on the phone.
A cutaway shows the other cat wearing a black leather jacket and black sunglasses which says, “Meow meow, meowmeow, meow.” The black leather jacket cat then hangs up his phone, takes out a sniper rifle since it’s a hitcat, and then he aims his rifle at the mouse hole outside of Rarity’s boutique. The cat then shoots the rifle at a mouse trap by the hole, and out of the gun came a piece of cheese that landed on the trap. The cat then throws his rifle aside and waits.
“Oh boy! Cheese! Eating gems nonstop sure is making me hungry!” Spike said excitedly as he pops out of the shop and was just about to grab it, but then he triggers the trap on his finger, which didn’t hurt him a bit. “Armored scales. Gotta love ‘em!” He then eats the cheese, but then he spits it out quickly. “Yuck! Provolone!” The cutaway ends.
A while later over at the Canterlot Convention Center, Rarity shows her ticket to the guard and the guard allows her in, and that’s when she met up with Fancypants. “Ah, Miss Rarity! Good to see you; and I think I need to make up a new greeting for you because that one’s getting old.” Fancypants said.
“Hello Fancypants, darling!” Rarity said.
“I say, where are those two friends of yours?” Fancypants asked.
“Oh, I’m… I’m sorry, Fancypants, but… they won’t be joining us today.” Rarity said upsettingly.
“Oh… I’m so sorry for your loss, Miss Rarity. They were truly rustic ponies. It’s a shame that they’re not with us anymore.” Fancypants said upsettingly.
“What are you talking about?” Rarity asked.
“Didn’t they pass away?” Fancypants asked.
“No!” Rarity corrected him. “I just seemed to humiliate them a bit last night, so they didn’t want to come.”
“Oh.” Fancypants understood. “Hey it’s quite alright, Rarity. I understand what they’re going through. Hey if they decide to ever join us again, my companions and I will give them the incredible day they desire.”
“Why don’t we start with today, my good chap?” I asked as I walked in wearing my fancy tuxedo again but this time with a purple hat and a cane, making me look like Willie Wonka.
“Ah! Sir Flare Gun of dat Mareami heat! Good to see you again, lad! Where’s that…” Fancypants clears his throat, “friend of yours?”
“He’s got work to do today so he won’t be joining us, but I will!” I said.
“Flare! I am so glad you’re here, darling!” Rarity said.
“I’m glad to be here too, Miss Rarity!” I said. “I am quite surprised you’re here today though.”
“What do you mean, dear?” Rarity asked.
“I mean doesn’t your cat have to get that mad cat disease shot?” I asked.
“The what now?” Rarity asked.
“Mad Cat Disease shot. You know, the shot that cures mad cat disease? I mean if you don’t do that, your cat will be going around town, scratching ponies, and affecting them with…” dramatic music plays in the background as the camera zooms to my face. “Mad Cat Disease.” Once I was done saying that, my friend Addie turns off the stereo playing the music and then he runs off. “That was Addie.” I said.
“Flare,” Rarity clears her throat, “my cat doesn’t have-“
“Oh Rarity, you obviously don’t have the money for the shot, do you?” I asked dramatically. “Oh Rarity, you really need more ponies to buy some dresses at your shop so you can raise money for the cure!”
“Oh my!” Fleur Dis Lee gasped. “Oh I must buy a dress from you in advance right away! Anything for your poor cat!”
After a short silence, Rarity asks, “Say what now?”
“Miss Rarity, have I ever told you that I have connections to various fashion artists? Perhaps I could set you up with one of my business associates, Hoity Toity and he could set you up with tons of appointments! Anyway, before we discuss details, how about we go enjoy the Canterlot art show, hmm?” Fancypants suggested as he walks away with Fleur.
“I know what you’re trying to do, Flare.” Rarity said to me.
“Why, whatever are you talking about, madam?” I asked as I fixed my tie.
“Drop the charade, mister. What you’re doing isn’t funny.” Rarity said.
“I say, I seem to be having a blast!” I said.
Rarity pouts and says, “Go ahead, Flare. Do your worse. This doesn’t bother me one bit. I did the same to you last night, I could do it again tonight.”
“Do what, my dear?” I asked mischievously, like a sir.
“Just watch your back, mister. You’re going to need it.” Rarity said as she walks away.
“You better watch your back too, Miss Rarity, because there seems to be something on it.” I said.
“What are you talking abou- AAAAH! SPIDER! GROSS!” Rarity panicked as there was a spider on her back and she started running.
So after a while at the Canterlot art show, I was hanging out with some of Fancypants’ companions as they were drinking some cider out of little cocktail glasses. Upper Crust was in the middle of telling a joke to everypony, “And so I said, are you sure that’s scarf, or is it a dirty raddle snake that somehow landed on your neck?” And then everypony in the group started laughing with those weird uptight laughs of theirs.
“I… I don’t get it.” I said.
“It’s funny because it’s such an ugly, most hideous scarf! UGH!” Jet Set explained hesitantly.
“How in any way is that funny?” I asked.
“Oh? Then let’s hear you make up a clever and funny joke, good sir.” Sealed Scroll suggested.
“With pleasure! Humiliating jokes are my specialties!” I said. “Did you know Rarity is actually an evolved marshmallow?”
“Everypony knows that.” Sealed Scroll said.
“Oh… well… did you know 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on carriage insurance?” I asked.
“Hmm… I haven’t thought of that. Pretty clever.” Sealed Scroll nodded. Everypony else nodded in agreement.
“Well did you also know that Rarity uses the leading brand of insurance companies?” I asked. Everypony then gasped.
“How could she do that?!” Royal Ribbon panicked. “Only the poor use the leading brand insurance companies! Like only the poor use DSL!”
“Or Dial-Up.” I added as I started making the Dial-Up noise.
“What an absurd noise that is!” Caesar said.
“Only 90s ponies would know that sound. Hello! I’m trying to talk to somepony on the phone! Can’t you shut down the internet?” I asked in my normal voice, and then I said in a lady voice, “I can’t, dear. I’m paying bills. Your friends are going to have to wait!” then I said in my normal voice, “What have those companies ever done for you?” The Canterlot ponies started to laugh, but not one of their snoofy laughs. Their laughs sounded real. It would seem I made an actual funny.
“You like that one, huh?” I asked. “Ok this is something I’d like to call the overwhelming clothing designer. This clothes designer I know I was like ‘hello darling, what can I do for you?’ and I was like ‘Can you show me where the bathroom is?’ and she was like ‘You have to buy something first dearie, store policy.’ I HAVE to use the bathroom! So you know what I did?”
“What?” Caesar asked.
“I peed on the building!” I said.
“UGH!” Rarity gasped insultingly. “Well I never!”
“Did you get caught?” Lyrica asked.
“Nope! She just blamed her cat.” I said.
“What?! I never did- ugh! I was trying to help him with business! This is just insulting!” Rarity said angrily. “Well… two can play at this game!”
Anyways, let’s check on Psyche for a moment. Back at the observatory, Psyche was using some of the tools in his lab to find out what’s inside his family crest. He was using a screwdriver, a wrench, a hammer, a pickaxe, a jackhammer, a blowtorch, but nothing was working. “Hmm… what else is pretty sharp and intimidating?” Psyche leans over to his family crest and said to it, “I’m taking away your dessert for a week!” but nothing happened. “Well, I tried. How am I going to get this darn thing opened?”
Just then, behind Psyche, the observatory door opens and Princess Luna as well as my friend Addie starts walking inside. “Really now? I find that hard to believe.” Luna said.
“It’s true though. Noodles are actually a liquid, not a solid.” Addie said.
“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.” Luna said. “Noodles are a solid, you can actually pick it up.”
“But it’s soggy like a liquid.” Addie said. “In short, noodles are actually a liquid.”
“Hey if that’s your opinion, I’m not one to judge.” Luna said.
“It’s a fact.” Addie said.
“Uh huh. Anyways, I have to talk to a sane pony right now. How about we meet up later, Adventure Blade?” Luna suggested.
“Oh, ok. Bye.” Addie said as he walks away.
Luna then turned to Psyche and said, “Psyche Illusion. What’s the status with the family crest?”
“I don’t talk military-speak, your highness.” Psyche said.
“Hmm… charming as always.” Luna said.
“I can’t seem to open this thing, princess!” Psyche explained in a temper-tone. “I tried everything! I tried every type of tool I can think of! There’s obviously something inside and I have to find out what it is! This is suspense is killing me!”
“First of all, Psyche…. Hello, good to see you.” Luna started.
“Hi, Luna.” Psyche said.
“Second of all, the first thing you should do is calm down. Losing your temper will never solve your problem.” Luna suggested.
“You’re right, princess. I apologize.” Psyche said.
“No matter.” Luna said. “You say there’s something inside of the crest?”
“Yes. Officer Nickels wanted this crest for a reason. We know it’s not to sell. There’s something more valuable about it then it seems.” Psyche said.
“Didn’t we go through that already?” Luna asked.
“Right, of course.” Psyche nodded. “But what doesn’t make sense to me is that I know, I guarantee that there’s something inside, and yet there’s no opening. Whatever was put inside the crest must’ve been in there when it was built, but what?”
“Perhaps we should take a look at what’s inside without opening it.” Luna suggested.
“And how are we going to do that? X-Ray vision?” Psyche asked. “You have a spell for that?”
“No I do not.” Luna said.
“Oh… then how are we going to see what’s inside?” Psyche asked.
“X-Ray goggles, of course.” Luna said as she takes out some X-Ray goggles and gives them to Psyche.
“Where in Equestria did you get these?” Psyche asked. “How can you find something as advanced as this? Did you find it in some experimental high security lab, or something?”
“No. I got it from Red Engineer’s house. He offered it.” Luna said.
“Oh… right. Of course, he… he has a pair of these goggles.” Psyche remembered. Just then there was a moment of awkward silence. “Have I ever told you that I have a crush on Octavia?”
“No I haven’t.” Luna said.
“Ok.” Psyche said as he puts on the X-Ray goggles and looks over at his family crest. “Hmm.”
“What do you see?” Luna asked.
“So far, nothing. I didn’t activate these yet.” Psyche said as he activates the X-Ray goggles.
“Then what were you hmmming about?” Luna asked.
“Huh? Oh nothing. Just figuring out why I like Octavia. Maybe it’s the eyes. We do share the same color eyes.” Psyche said.
“You see anything yet?” Luna asked.
“No I don’t, it’s really weird.” Psyche said as he looks over at Luna. “The family crest is completely- WHOA, GOODNESS!”
“What? What’s wrong?” Luna asked.
“That is just scary.” Psyche said as he looks down at Luna’s stomach. “Are those burritos in your stomach? Isn’t it a little too early for that?”
“I’m a princess. I don’t live by mortal pony rules. That includes mortal pony diets.” Luna said. Psyche continued staring at Luna’s stomach. Luna snaps her hooves on Psyche’s face. “Eyes up here.”
“Sorry, I’m just looking at there is some bacteria in the burritos.” Psyche said.
“Did I mention I don’t live by mortal pony rules? That means I don’t live by mortal pony diseases.” Luna said. “Anyways, we’re getting off topic. What were you saying, Psyche Illusion?”
“I was just saying that my family crest… it’s… it’s completely empty. There’s nothing in there at all.” Psyche said as he takes off the goggles. “I don’t get it. What could Officer Nickels possibly want with this crest? Does he want to sell it for money or something? I don’t know. Maybe Flare’s right. Maybe Officer Nickels was just giving me a lot of bologna.” Hey, real quick, before I continue, I wanted to point out that the only reason I can spell ‘bologna’ is if I sing the Oscar Myer song. It’s weird, ain’t it? Alright, continue.
“Are you sure about that, Psyche Illusion?” Luna asked.
“No I’m not sure.” Psyche said. “I really think there’s something in here, but… ugh! It’s complicated, Princess Luna.”
“Psyche Illusion, if we truly want to get something done, we wouldn’t give up, or force it. Using plain tools to force it open will not help you find your answer. Sometimes taking a step forward is taking two steps back.” Luna said.
“What are you trying to say?” Psyche asked.
“Just think about it for a minute. Why do you want to open this family crest?” Luna asked.
“Because… what Officer Nickels said has been bothering me for days. My mother… she left for a purpose.” Psyche said. “I have a hard time believing that, but…”
“But what?” Luna asked.
“But… somewhere in my brain is telling me otherwise. Something is really telling me Officer Nickels is right.” Psyche said as he takes out his locket with the picture of his mother on it. You remember the locket, right? The one Psyche lost a long time ago in the sewer but I brought it back? Yep! That was definitely a good vacation despite the circumstances! “My mother.” Psyche said upsettingly. “My only family I ever had. Princess Luna, you probably don’t understand how I feel. Most ponies are there are lucky to have what they got.”
“As am I, Psyche, but as a princess, I live… a very long time.” Luna said. “The friends I had thousands of years ago, I…” Luna starts to tear up. “I never… I nev- I never got to… say goodbye.”
“Oh… please… I apologize, Luna! I didn’t… I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Psyche said.
“No its ok, Psyche Illusion.” Luna said. “It’s actually been bothering me since even after I got…” she sniffles, “…after I got banished to the moon. But it won’t end there. I’m going to lose more friends in the future.” Psyche gives Luna a box of tissues. “Thank you.” She said and blows her nose. “But I learned not to… not to let it bother me that much. I expected as much, and I’ll get over it, but I’ll never get used to it.”
“C’mere.” Psyche insisted as he hugged her. “For every loss of one friend, there will be a gain for another. I just… I just hope those I love will notice it when the time comes.”
“What?” Luna asked.
“Umm… nothing.” Psyche said as he releases his hug. “That was just gibberish talk. I’m just saying those I love will also experience it sooner or later if they haven’t before. Blaze did, I know that. Definitely Aqua. Crystal, Engie, and Flare, I’m not too sure about.”
“Well, like you said from one loss comes a new gain. Perhaps if you lose something, it might be an answer to the gain.” Luna said.
“Yeah.” Psyche nodded. Just then, something popped up in his brain. He had an idea so good that he knew it would work. “Wait a minute… WAIT A MINUTE! That’s it! Luna, you’re a genius!”
“I’ve been around for over a thousand years. I know my education.” Luna teased.
“My mother gave me this locket of her when I was just a foal, and she’s been protecting our family crest for years. What if…” Psyche takes his locket off of his neck and he places it on top of the family crest. Just then, both of them started glowing. The family crest combined with Psyche’s necklace creates a particular magic that is making the crest activate.
Just then, when the crest was activating, something unparticular happened. The necklace had a strange glow that made- Meanwhile back with Rarity and I, I was still telling those jokes to the Canterlot ponies, and I gotta say, they were having a great time! “There are a lot of ponies that think this stylist is wasting her magic on something like this! Where are the lasers? I got plenty of laser magic, but this stylist, she has no cool lasers!”
The other ponies laughed. “It’s true, lasers are indeed a fabulous type of magic.” Caesar said.
“I sure feel bad for this stylist, Sir Flare.” Swan Dive said. “I would never get my clothes from her! She sounds awful!”
”She is!” I said.
“I’m sorry, who’s awful?” Rarity asked angrily at me as she joined us.
“Just this one stylist. You might know her, Rare. I’m not sure.” I said.
“Perhaps some day in the future she might be a crazy cat lady!” Royal Ribbon said. “Ugh! Tragic!” the other ponies laughed.
“Hey just like some of this art. Ugh! Such a disgrace to art everywhere!” Jet Set said.
“Ok that’s enough!” Rarity said angrily. “I have a confession to make. Sir Flare Gun of dat Mareami heat is not who you think he is.”
”I disagree.” Upper Crust said. “We realized we were wrong to judge this poor pony by his personality. We never had this much… how you say… fun, in an art show in our entire lives!”
”Sir Flare Gun of dat Mareami heat, we apologize for judging you and calling you a child.” Jet Set said. “If we only realized how hard you’ve been working to get your poor business up in shape. Stress gets the better of all of us.”
”No worries, Jet Set!” I said.
”He’s nothing like that stylist pony THAT’S for sure.” Upper Crust said.
“I lied.” Rarity said. “This pony here is not called Sir Flare Gun of dat Mareami heat. His name is just Flare Gun, and he’s not poor. His business in Ponyville is in great shape, and he can afford food. In fact he can afford a whole warehouse full of it.”
”I wouldn’t say that.” I said.
“Also he doesn’t have a stallionfriend. That purple pony, Psyche Illusion, he’s just a friend.” Rarity said.
“Don’t call ponies by their colors, Rare.” I informed her.
“And Flare here is DEFINITALY NOT a gentlecolt! He’s a big weirdo that thinks everything is a joke! He hates the word ‘sir’, he uses slangs, and he doesn’t think before he speaks, because he forgets that I lied and covered his back just to help him with his business, but the thanks he gives me is that he puts me down right in front of the most important ponies in Canterlot! So yeah, I’m sorry I lied. I was wrong to cover him for this.” Rarity said.
Everypony looked over at me. “Is it true?” Upper Crust asked.
“You know it to be true, sista! And you know what? I never wanted to be a gentlecolt in the first place!” I said. “It’s not who I am! Yes, Rarity covered for me for my business, but she’s a good pony for doing so! I mean yes she did lie to you… again, but for a good purpose! It was embarrassing, yes, and she probably used the wrong lies, but she was doing what was best for me! I wanted business in Canterlot, but I don’t need YOUR business! You know why? Because the bunch of you are uptight jerks that think they’re soooooo cool! Think you’re better than everypony else! Your jokes are unfunny, and you judge ponies by the way they look, act, and even their art! OH like you can even do better! I’ve never seen YOUR art! You think you can beat these ponies? No of course not. Canterlot, a city full of miserable, uptight idiots! So I’m sorry if you think I’m a child, but me being myself is all I got here! Being myself…. And a room full of you losers!”
All of the ponies were in shock after I said that. “Nopony has ever stood up to us like that before.” Sealed Scroll said surprisingly.
“That’s because most ponies are NICE! But I’m not always nice. I admit that.” I said. “But at least I admit it. I don’t think I’m better than everypony else! Anyways, I’d go on, but I believe I made my point.” I then turned to Rarity. “And Rarity, I’m really sorry, but I didn’t ask for you to help me with my business. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all you did, but you embarrassed me, and Psyche. Only I embarrass Psyche. Also, B-T-W, I wasn’t talking about you. There’s a pony that owns a boutique here in Canterlot that’s such a witch to other ponies! That’s right I said ‘witch’! Sue me for hate crime! I would never hate on you Rarity. You’re one of the most fabulous ponies I know, don’t forget that. I thank you for your generosity in helping me, but don’t change who I am. I want business in Canterlot, but not if it means turning me into the type of pony I’m not!” I then walked away angrily.
“Flare, wait!” Rarity called out. She started to feel bad, because what I said made her learn something. She then got angry and looked back at the ponies I was hanging out with. “Flare’s right! Why do I have to make him a gentlecolt just to impress you! It’s like what I did in the past! I lied about myself just so I can be popular! But now I see the error of my ways, and he’s right, you all are a bunch of uptight jerks that judge ponies by the way they look and do! Not everypony is like you, you know! Everypony is different, and you have to accept it.”
”She is right.” Fancypants said. “Most of you only like her because I like her. I find her pretty divine, but that doesn’t mean you have to think so too. I’m rich, I’m handsome, but I’m not your mentor.” Fancypants then looked over to Rarity and said, “Please, Miss Rarity, allow me to apologize for all of this nonsense my companions have been giving you. Me having dearest respects for you has been giving you false business.”
”I wouldn’t say that, Fancypants. I do everything I could for my business, but my self-esteem, and for the will of my friends, I forgot about what was truly important.” Rarity said.
“Like what you thought about me, right? You only respect me because I’m an important pony, right?” Fancypants asked.
“At first, yes, but now I know you personally, and I think you were simply…” Rarity giggles a bit, “…rustic!”
Fancypants chuckles along. “Much appreciated, Miss Rarity! Now I believe you have a friend to apologize to.”
“I do!” Rarity nodded in agreement as she ran off.
“Fancypants, did you mean everything you said?” Fleur Dis Lee asked.
“Pfft! Not everything! I still pay you all to listen to me to have the same opinions as me!” Fancypants said.
A little while later, at my Canterlot shop, I removed my tux and fancy clothing and went back to wearing my vest, and I was watching some TV while eating a sundae.
“Tonight, on Ox.” The TV announcer started. “Is your hayburgers made from processed hay? Also what’s the difference between hayburgers and oatburgers? Plus, if pegasi are in control of the weather, why does it snow in April? CEO of the Cloudsdale Weather Factory gives us details.”
“Sometimes we need to bring out surprises to our fellow ponies. It makes nature interesting, and it gives us more money because we are a huge corporation that doesn’t seem to ever have enough.” The CEO said.
“With the Elements of Harmony gone, does that mean more disharmony would spread throughout Equestria?” the TV announcer asked.
”Don’t ask me!” Discord said on the TV. “I was the first to know about this, and do you see any chaos anywhere?”
”HELP! A smiley is slashing all of my prices!” a pony in the background cried out.
“All these questions will be answered tonight, only on Ox!” the TV announcer said. “Ox News, we give you stories that you already know about!”
Just then, Rarity walked into my shop, looked around for me, and when she found me, she walked to me and asked, “Mind if I sit with you?”
”Sure.” I said. Just then, Rarity sat down across from me. “I said sure I do mind. But, meh, whatever. You’re here. I guess I owe you a-“
”Flare, I wanted to-“ Rarity interrupted, but before she could continue, she realized she was talking over me. “You first.”
”No you first. It’s lady’s first, right?” I asked.
”A true gentlecolt!” Rarity said. “Flare, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you last night and then telling the truth about you after.”
”You were only thinking about my business, Rare.” I said as one of my employees, the crystal pony one, went over to our table and asked Rarity for a drink.
“Can I get you something, miss?” the employee asked.
“Just a glass of water, no lemon, please?” Rarity asked.
“Coming right up.” The employee said as he walks off.
“You’re just like my grandma.” I said.
”I’m not sure how I should take that.” Rarity said in a disturbed tone.
“Sorry, was that insulting?” I asked.
”Yeah a bit.” Rarity said.
“Oh, my bad.” I said. “Anyways, you were only thinking about my business.”
”Hey, us business ponies need to stick together, right?” Rarity asked. “I’ve been through where you are. I have to be honest with you, when I first started Carousel Boutique, I kinda… told some lies to gain business.”
”You did?” I asked.
”Yes. These ponies pitied me, and that’s how I gained business at first. I mean, I’m an honest worker now.” Rarity explained.
“So you thought lying for me is how you give me business?” I asked.
“It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I guess I was wrong.” Rarity said.
“I really do appreciate your help, Rare. I really do, but would it hurt to talk it through me first before doing it?” I asked.
“I guess the lying idea doesn’t work on everypony, does it?” Rarity chuckled.
“Hey, you’re the Element of Generosity, not Honesty, so I wouldn’t blame you.” I said. “At least your prices are pretty short at your shop!”
”Heh! Yeah.” Rarity nodded as she received her drink. “But Flare, what you told me what you needed to tell me back at the art show, I learned that- excuse me, I asked for NO lemon!”
”My apologies, madam.” The employee said as he takes her drink.
“What part of ‘no lemon’ do you not understand?” Rarity mumbled; she then continued. “What you told me back at the art show, I learned something. I’ve been trying so hard to impress these ponies that I forgot about how uptight and judgmental they are.”
”No offense, Rare, but aren’t you the same way?” I asked.
“I keep the comments to myself, Flare.” Rarity said. “It’s ok if they think that, but just don’t be so rude about it. That’s all I’m saying, darling.”
”It’s true.” I agreed.
“But once again, Flare. I apologize and I thank you for everything.” Rarity said as she places her hoof on my Blessings of the Night, and it starts glowing.
“Hey I should be thanking you for helping me, Rare! You took your time to help me! I mean I had to go through some embarrassment, but you tried, and that’s what matters right?” I asked.
“Hey, what can I say, darling? I’m the type of pony, eveypony, everypony should know!” Rarity said.
“Yep, and I’m the type of phoney, everyphoney, everyphoney should know!” I said.
Rarity chuckled. “No doubt about it!”
”Excuse me, Sir Flare?” Fancypants asked as he walks inside my shop along with the other Canterlot ponies. “Mind if we order something from this brilliant establishment?”
”That depends. Why are you here?” I asked.
“The lies don’t matter. We are thrilled to be customers on this divine atmospheric restaurant you have!” Caesar said.
“Really?” I asked.
“Indeed, that, and also Princess Celestia is here.” Lyrica added. Over at the other end of the shop, Princess Celestia was eating some pasta. I then glared at the ponies.
“Who cares if it’s false business, Flare?” Rarity asked me.
”I don’t!” I said excitedly. “Time to fill these ponies with food full of love! I’m making money after all, right?” Rarity smiled at me and agreed.
Ok, my story is over, let’s finish Psyche’s! Back at the hotel room, after all of the glowing, Princess Luna and Psyche were just gaining back their sights after seeing nothing but huge blurs. “What has happened, princess?” Psyche asked.
“We are about to find out.” Luna said.
“Hello, Psyche!” a holographic pony said while shining on top of the connected family crest and locket.
“Wait a minute…” Psyche said surprisingly. “No! It can’t be! You are… you are…”
”I’m your mother, Psyche.” The pony hologram said.
“Really?” Psyche asked.
“Well… a holographic A.I. of your mother to be exact. See, before… I left you, I put my memories and personality into this rare magic artifact I discovered.”
”Mom, I… I…” Psyche stuttered.
“I’m sure you have a lot of questions, Psyche, but I’ve been waiting to speak to you.” Psyche’s mom said. “Now that you’ve finally discovered the secrets within the necklace I gave you, and our family crest, there are things you are now ready to hear.”
”What kind of things? Mom, what’s going on? Did you leave me for a reason? I am so confused right now!” Psyche freaked out.
”Patience, son. I will give you every answer you need to know when the time comes; but for now, I want you to listen to me… very carefully.” Psyche’s mom said.
Ooooo, this is getting interesting now! I’ll just end it here before things get TOO interesting. Anyways, once Psyche’s mom gave Psyche the information he needed to know, and after everything was done here in Canterlot, he, Rarity, and I all went back to Ponyville, but before we returned, I bucked Psyche on the shoulder, and threatened to break his telescope if he ever touches my sacred rubber duck again.
Ok, what other stories do I have on my plate? I dunno why they’re on my plate though; I don’t think these stories are edible. Anyways, I haven’t said a story about the Cutie Mark Crusaders in a long time, so how about a story about them? Well, actually, this chapter is mostly about the whole Ponyville Schoolhouse. Allow me to explain why. We start off our story at Filthy Rich’s mansion, and Diamond Tiara just got finished with breakfast, and after she finishes, she yells out, “Dad!” she gets up from her chair and continues yelling, “Dad, where are you?”
“Diamond Tiara, how many times do I have to ask you not to yell in the house? The voice echoes through the whole place, and it really ruins my concentration.” Filthy Rich said as he peeked out of his study to tell his daughter.
“See? All you ever do is work, work, work. When are we going to spend some quality time together?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“Sweetie, being a successful business pony has its ups and downs. I’m far too busy to socialize with my loving daughter. I’m even sacrificing a tight schedule talking to you right now, my dear.” Filthy Rich said as he returned to his study.
“No wonder mom left you. You always think about yourself!” Diamond Tiara yelled.
“Diamond, I told you a thousand times that she did not leave me.” Filthy Rich said. “We just… don’t live together right now since she has that deal in Manehatten.”
“I think that still counts as leaving you.” Diamond said.
“But, my dear, this next project I have in store is mostly for you.” Filthy Rich corrected her, walking over and placing his hoof on one of her shoulders.
“What are you talking about, dad?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“I have some plans for your school.” Filthy Rich said.
“Plans? You mean you’re getting rid of the dorks?” Diamond asked excitedly.
“No, and we never use that word in this household.” Filthy Rich reminded her.
“Sorry, dad.” Diamond Tiara said.
“No, I have far greater plans for that little schoolhouse of yours. Ponyville’s population has grown 10-fold over the years. More and more fillies and colts have been moving into town.” Filthy Rich explained.
“So what are you saying?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“My dear, I am far too busy to explain the whole thing to you right now. I’ll be at your school later today; you can hear it all then.” Filthy Rich said. “Now run along dear. Go out and play with your friend, umm…. Gray Silverware, right?”
Diamond Tiara groaned, turned around and walked out of his study. “My dad is the biggest jerk in the entire world! It’s bad enough I have to put up with dorks and blank flanks at school.”
Just then, the mansion doorbell started to ring, and it played the Westminster Chime; you know, the one that goes, ‘Do-do do-do, do-do do-do’. The maid opens the door and Silver Spoon was on the other side. “Mister Rich no home.” The maid whose name is Consuela says to her.
“Hey, Consuela. I’m not here for Rich, I’m here for Diamond Tiara.” Silver Spoon corrected her.
“No, no. Mister Tiara no home.” Consuela said.
“’Mister’ Tiara?” Silver Spoon asked and then started to laugh.
Diamond Tiara groaned and walked out of her mansion to join with Silver Spoon, and Consuela shuts the door. “Hey, Silver Spoon.” Diamond Tiara said to her friend.
“Wow, where did you get that maid from? Maidbuster?” Silver Spoon asked.
“No, we got her on Maidflix. Maidbuster went out of business.” Diamond Tiara corrected her.
“You alright, marefriend? You seem to like, be down at the dumps right now.” Silver Spoon asked.
“It’s my dad.” Diamond Tiara said.
“What’s going on with him?” Silver Spoon asked.
“He like, totally doesn’t ever listen to me, nor spend time with me. He seems to love his job better than his own family.” Diamond Tiara said angrily.
“I can tell. You said that’s the main reason your mom totally left him, right?” Silver Spoon asked.
“I say she’s the lucky one. She’s living the good life in Manehatten, leaving me here with my idiot dad, and dorks and blank flanks at our school. How can life in Ponyville get any worse?” Diamond Tiara complained.
“Hey, turn that frown upside down.” Silver Spoon said as she forces a smile on Diamond Tiara’s face with her hooves.
Diamond Tiara slaps her hooves away and says, “This is serious! Every time my dad turns me down, I feel like a loser, like those cutie mark crybabies.” Diamond Tiara said sadly.
“Hey, don’t be like that. Maybe Snips and Snails are looking for leftovers at the Bistro again. Let’s show them whose boss!” Silver Spoon suggested.
“Yeah…. yeah, you’re right.” Diamond Tiara said smiling.
“Have I ever not been right?” Silver Spoon asked. A cutaway shows random snapshots of the two fillies doing random things, like Diamond Tiara trying to shoot Silver Spoon out of a circus cannon, Silver Spoon trying to stuff a giant pumpkin down a funnel that leads to Diamond Tiara’s throat, and even the two fillies wearing clown outfits. The cutaway ends.
The next day came, and over at the school, Cheerilee’s class is getting all settled in their desks. “Ok, class. Quiet, quiet.” Cheerilee said to her class. “Now, take out your pencils and paper, and write down the assignment.”
The whole class groans, but Snails yells at Snips’ face in excitement, “Did you hear that?! We get an assignment!”
“Everypony must write an essay on what ‘Not to do when you witness a manticore’.” Cheerilee said as she pulls down her projector screen, showing a manticore, hanging out its claw, beginning to attack.
The whole class groans again. “Did you hear that?! What not to do when you witness a manticore!” Snips yells at Snails’ face excitedly. The other ponies were getting annoyed at the two colts yelling at eachother.
“In no less than 800 words!” Cheerilee said and giggled.
The whole class groaned even louder. “Did you hear that?! 800 words!” Diamond Tiara yelled in a red-neck tone sarcastically.
“Yeah, we know!” the two colts said excitedly at the same time, and Diamond Tiara just glared at them.
“Due tomorrow.” Cheerilee added. “And remember class, work hard, and no goofing off.” Diamond Tiara starts groaning in anger.
“Yeah, sort of, but just you wait though.” Diamond Tiara said mischievously.
“Wait? Wait for what?” Silver Spoon asked.
“Oh you’ll find out because, in a few moments, this school’s destiny will change completely, after the next pony comes through that door.” Diamond Tiara explained as she pointed to the door that leads outside.
Although, just then, two yellow minions with overalls bursted inside the classroom; one had a fire axe and was swinging it around, causing a hole at the door they came in, and the minion just kept swinging it until he reached the other side of the class room, and used the axe to make a hole in the wall, and starts swinging himself out of the building; the other minion had flashing police lights on his ears, and had a megaphone and yelled, “Bee-do! Bee-do! Bee-do! Bee-do!” The whole class was confused on what’s going on.
Just then, I came into the class yelling, “Fire drill! Fire drill! Fire, fire, fire drill! THE POWER OF THE INTERINAL FLAMES COMEPLS YOU- as well as the power of polka.”
“Oh, Flare, I’m sorry, but did you not get my email? I cancelled the fire drill for today.” Cheerilee said.
“NO!” I yelled in a Spanish accent. “Nopony cancels the-“ But then I got cut off because the ‘BEE-DO’ the minion was yelling was starting to annoy me, so I took his megaphone and he stopped. “Now, as was saying-“ but before I could continue, the minion continued going ‘BEE-DO’ without the megaphone. Another minion came and slapped the annoying minion on the back of the head. “Now as I was saying… nopony cancels the fire drill!” I said. “We had a deal in our contract: Always perform the fire drill every Thursday of the fourth week, and every Monday of the second week to every month.”
“I don’t ever recall signing a contract with you.” Cheerilee said confusingly.
“Yeah, it’s right here.” Crystal said as she popped in between Cheerilee and I with the contract.
“Crystal what are you doing here?” I asked. “Cheer, did you hire her too?”
“No, I did- Crystal, what are you doing here, dear?” Cheerilee asked.
“I don’t want Flare getting rid of my fun!” Crystal complained. “Flare you have fun with the school colts and filles, and me, what do I do all day? I sell snow cones. I only see the foals in the after school hours, not the during school hours.”
“Did you sign the contract, Crystal?” I asked.
“Oh c’mon that’s not fair!” Crystal complained.
“Well, I’m not going to waste my time coming here. If we’re not doing a fire drill, then….” I cleared my throat and read the contract to Cheerilee. “Then I must teach the class one thing about something.”
“But I’m right now giving the class an assignment.” Cheerilee said.
“Hey, this is your contract, you signed it.” I said.
“I told you, I don’t ever recall ever signing any contract with you.” Cheerilee corrected me.
A cutaway shows Cheerilee sitting on her desk, signing her name on reports from Town Hall. I peeped my head through on the other side of her desk, and carefully slid my contract in between the reports she was signing, and I got her to sign it without her even noticing. The cutaway ends.
“You’ll be hearing from my lawyer, Flare.” Cheerilee said upsettingly.
“And Crystal too, right?” I asked. “I don’t wanna be the only one.”
“So, those two are the reason the school is changing?” Silver Spoon asked Diamond Tiara.
“No.” she said. “The next pony coming through the door will change the school’s destiny.”
Just then, somepony started knocking on the door, but the door gets knocked over, counting the axe damage it experienced. It was revealed to be Filthy Rich who was knocking. “Pardon me, Miss Cheerilee, might I have a word?”
“Mr. Filthy, how nice to see you!” Cheerilee said. Filthy Rich then glared at her. “I mean, Mr. Rich. Please, come in.”
“Well, if it isn’t my second business rival: Filthy Rich.” I said, glaring at him.
“Mr. Gun, I have yet to hear from your response with that business opportunity I have in stock for us.” Filthy Rich said.
“I already told you, brah. The answer was no.” I said.
“WAS no?” Filthy Rich asked mischievously.
“YES, I mean- dang that didn’t come out right.” I mumbled.
“Wait a minute, what deal?” Apple Bloom asked.
“He wants to buy my pizza shop as an investment to his corporation. I build my shop from the ground up with my own two hooves, and I will not lose it to another poor son of gun that tries to sell me out.” I explained.
“Son of a gun? Is Filthy Rich Flare’s son?” Snips asked.
“No, you idiot, that’s a phrase.” Scootaloo corrected him. “And Flare, as I recalled correctly, you used Swinebots to build your shop.”
“Swinebots? Who told you about the Swinebots?” I asked. “I never told you fillies about Dr. Swinebutt!”
“You didn’t, but Rainbow Dash did.” Scoots said.
“Yeah, and AppleJack.” Apple Bloom added.
“RARITY DIDN’T TELL ME A THING!” Sweetie Belle cried.
“Whatever! I don’t really care about that. I’m not going to sell my shop to you Filthy Rich.” I said. “The minute I sell it to you, you’re going to take away the innocent love I put into the place, and change it into something that involves money. If you wanna buy something, buy Microsoft.”
“Yeah and then change it so XBOX Live doesn’t cost money.” Crystal added. “We’re already paying for internet.” Crystal then turns to me and says, “See, Flare? I’m helping!”
“But still, you are not the reason why I am here, Mr. Gun. I’m here to discuss a deal with Miss Cheerilee.” Filthy Rich said, moving me aside and walking over to Cheerilee.
“Mr. Rich, I am terribly sorry, but my schoolhouse is not for sale.” Cheerilee said.
“No need, Miss Cheerilee, I just wish to make an investment.” Filthy Rich said.
“An investment?” Cheerilee asked.
“Yes; we can work together to run this school, but before we do so, we’ll need to make some slight changes to this place.” Filthy Rich said.
“Well, yeah, I agree; we should patch up that hole in the wall, and fix that door.” Cheerilee said.
“I’m not talking about the damages, I’m talking about expanding.” Filthy Rich said.
“Expanding; the school?” Cheerilee asked.
“Well, something like that; by expanding, I mean…. tear down the school, and replace it with a bigger one.” Filthy Rich said.
“What?!” Cheerilee gasped.
“Tear down the…. school?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“But this school is a Ponyville landmark. Ya can’t tear down this place!” Apple Bloom whined.
“I apologize for making this deal in the middle of a class, Miss Cheerilee. Mind if we discuss this… after class?” Filthy Rich asked.
“Of course, Mr. Fil- I mean, Rich.” Cheerilee said.
“You didn’t have to put down an ‘I mean’ in there.” Crystal corrected her. “You could’ve just said, ‘Mr. Filthy Rich’. Just a little suggestion if you ever mess up his name again.”
“Crystal, you’re not helping.” Cheerilee said impatiently.
“YES I AM!” Crystal yelled. “I’m very helpful in every way!”
Cheerilee sighs and then turns over to the class and says, “Class dismissed. Remember your assignment.” So the whole class got out of their seats and walked outside so they can head home, all except the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but Cheerilee and Rich didn’t seem to notice.
“So, Mr. Rich, why do you want to replace our school?” Cheerilee asked.
“The population of young ponies in Ponyville seems to be, how you say…. increasing. We need to take down the school and create a bigger one.” Filthy Rich explained.
“I appreciate the offer, really I do; but the thing is, is Ponyville actually ready for a bigger school?” Cheerilee asked.
“Times are changing. Not many towns in Equestria have school houses anymore. They now have full-growth schools with over 50 classrooms, 100 staff members, a cafeteria, a gym, a computer lab, you know name, they have it.” Filthy Rich explained. “This new school will also be good for our funding in this town. We can also increase the town’s population in a bigger way that way.”
“I don’t know about this, Mr. Rich. What about teachers?” Cheerilee asked.
“There are plenty of ponies around Equestria that wish to be teachers. Not just that, but you…. you, Miss Cheerilee, can be the one in charge of everything. You’d be the principle, the director, or maybe even the leader of a new school board that you and I can create.” Filthy Rich explained.
“Outrages!” Apple Bloom yelled.
“Apple Bloom? What are you girls still doing here? I dismissed the class a few minutes ago.” Cheerilee said.
“We’re not leaving until we have a say to this!” Sweetie Belle said.
“We are?” Scootaloo asked.
“YES, we are.” Sweetie Belle said to Scootaloo’s face.
“This is our school, Miss Cheerilee, and the students should also have a say in this.” Apple Bloom said as all three fillies just sat there, crossing their hooves.
“Yeah! BOOOOO!” Crystal yelled as she sat at the desk next to the Crusaders, also folding her arms.
“Crystal, you’re not a student.” Sweetie Belle reminded her.
“But I’m HELPING!” Crystal yelled.
“I WAS a student here one time, and I should also have a say in it too. This is a democracy!” I yelled and slammed my hoof on Cheerilee’s desk.
“Wait… what?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“They’re right. If I’m going to accept this investment, I’ll need to ask my students for their opinions.” Cheerilee said. “Having a new school would be a big change for them.”
“Hm, so be it.” Filthy Rich stood up and said. “I’ll be back here tomorrow if you change your mind. Ta ta.” Filthy Rich steps out of the room.
Cheerilee gets up from her desk and walks over to us. “Girls, I don’t know why you had to get yourselves a part of this.”
“But, Miss Cheerilee, he’s going to bring down our beloved school.” Apple Bloom whined.
“And he’s going to replace it with a bigger school. This may be a great opportunity for us all.” Cheerilee said.
“By how? Making a place for it to be easier to get bullied and stuffed into a locker?” Scootaloo asked.
“No, because with the new classes, it’ll be easier to teach the new young ponies throughout the day. You may not know it girls, but you’re not the only class I teach. I teach several classes per day, and even though I adore every single one of you, it gets exhausting to teach a whole town of young ponies.” Cheerilee explained.
The girls look at eachother in worry. “But Miss Cheerilee-“ Apple Bloom whined.
“I don’t want to hear another word of this matter. Now, you three should head home now. You have an assignment to work on.” Cheerilee said as she walked back to her desk, but when she got there, a minion popped out and shouted out ‘BEE-DO’ again.
I grabbed the minion quickly, covered its mouth and said, “Sorry ‘bout that, sista.”
“What are we going to do, girls?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“I don’t know. I mean, I feel connected to this school. We’ve been coming here for years, and with it being replaced by a bigger school, it just won’t feel right.” Scootaloo said.
“Don’t worry, we’re gonna find a way outta this. No matter what Cheerilee says, we’re going to stand up for our school!” Apple Bloom said.
“I dunno how you can stand up for your school if you girls are just sitting down still.” I teased as I was leaning back on the desk chair I was sitting on.
“Flare, you wanna help us out?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Sure.” I said. Suddenly, I picked up the fillies and walked them outside. “There we go, I helped you OUT.” I then did a laugh that sounded like a dog panting, and yes that was not a typo, I said ‘panting’, not ‘painting’, in case you were wondering.
“That’s not what we meant.” Scootaloo said annoyingly.
“I know what you meant, and I’m totally in.” I said.
“You will?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Of course, it was big cities and big schools that created the bullies that kicked me out of my old town, and I will not let the same thing happen here.” I said.
“This is great! With Flare’s help, we can totally save our school!” Sweetie Belle said.
“But wait, you think HE will be able to help us?” Scootaloo asked as she pointed to me while I was picking my nose. I was picking so deep that the hoof I was picking it with came out of my ear.
The girls all looked at me weirdly, and then Sweetie Belle said, “Totally.”
“I hope you’re right about this.” Scootaloo said, rolling her eyes.
“Oh cool!” I said excitedly. “This is going to be more fun than when I discovered Internet Ads!”
A cutaway shows me on my computer checking out the ads. “WOW! I thought Internet Ads were annoying, but this is awesome! All the single mares in my area want to meet me! Must be because of all the iPads I won!” I said excitedly. The cutaway ends.
“Ah yeah, I went through the same thing!” Crystal said. “It’s how I met my Thundy-Wundy!”
“Please, Crystal, we had enough of that baby-talk in the past.” Scoots requested.
“So what are we gonna do?” Crystal asked. “Huh? We gonna save the school or what?”
“Actually, Crystal… umm… it’s not that we don’t want you your help… it’s just… we don’t want your help.” I said.
“What?” Crystal asked.
“I’m sorry, Crystal, but I think Flare’s all the help we need.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Now hold on!” Apple Bloom stopped her. “You know, the more ponies that help us, the more of a chance we’ll have at succeeding in our mission to save the Ponyville School! Hey, Flare? You think you can ask the Noble Six to help us?”
“If they’re not busy, sure! I mean Blaze just came back from a Wonderbolts Derby at Canterlot, so he’s pretty exhausted, and Psyche’s been acting weird lately.” I said.
“Any help is better than no help.” Apple Bloom said. “Is Engie and Aqua available?”
“Oh they’re definitely available! It’s against the Friendship Agreement for them to cancel out on their free-time in their schedule without telling me ahead of time.” I said.
“Then it’s settled! Let’s all meet at Sweet Apple Acres tonight, and we’ll discuss our plan to save the school!” Apple Bloom suggested.
“Snippy-Snap, how about that? We’re all going to work together as a team to get through this!” Crystal said excitedly.
“Hopefully better than the last many times you wanted to help on us a project.” I said.
“Flare, don’t worry! I learned about my past mistakes! I mean, we’re not using space satellites this time, I’m pretty sure!” Crystal said.
“I still don’t know how you got that space satellite.” I said.
“How did I know a space satellite wouldn’t be useful to clean the Ponyville Lake?” Crystal asked.
Later that evening, Crystal, Blaze, Aqua, Psyche, Engie, and I went over to Sweet Apple Acres to help out the CMCs with their project. We were in the living room discussing things. “Ah’m glad y’all can join us.” Apple Bloom started. “Now ah’m sure we all can agree we’re all here for a good purpose.”
“I’m here because I don’t want to ‘violate’ Flare’s Friendship Agreement.” Blaze complained.
“Well I believe this is a pretty impressive deal.” Aqua said. “These three fillies like to keep their old school exactly the way it is because they believe it’s traditional to keep it there. I am pretty proud of their ways, I am indeed!”
“You sure like to keep things classical, huh Aqua?” Blaze asked.
“I remembered growin’ up that way. If only I could say the same for my sister.” Aqua said.
“Ok, so before we begin our first meeting of Saving the Ponyville Schoolhouse, how about we begin with role-call?” Sweetie Belle suggested.
“But we know who we all are already.” Scoots reminded her.
“But it’s traditional for a first club meet to start with role call! I mean, tradition is the purpose here, isn’t it?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Ah’m glad that’s the case, instead of them saying this is the way to get their CMs.” Engie whispered to Psyche.
“Mhm.” Psyche agreed, sounding like he didn’t care.
“I’ll start! My name is Sweetie Belle!” she started. “I like to sing, hang out with my sister, do things my sister doesn’t like, and even attempt to hunt for my cutie mark!” Just then she gasped in excitement. “WAIT A MINUTE!”
“She’s gonna say it!” Engie said.
“Maybe what we’re doing right now, I might be able to impress my sister! Rarity loves it with friends work together on projects for a good cause! I bet this will impress her!” Sweetie Belle said excitedly.
“Is that what you were looking for, Engie?” Psyche asked teasingly.
“Shut up.” Engie said annoyingly.
“It’s worth aggravating you!” Psyche said as he chuckled.
“Ok, so as I was saying,” Sweetie Belle continued, “after a pony does role call, you all say hello to them.”
“Hello, Sweetie!” everypony said.
“Hello, Sweetie!” River Song said.
“We used that joke already.” Blaze pointed out.
“Alright, mah turn!” Apple Bloom said. “Howdy! Ah’m Apple Bloom! Ah like to create with arts and crafts, get good grades at school, help out at the farm, and just like Sweetie Belle, hunt for mah cutie mark!”
“Hello, Apple Bloom!” everypony said.
“Alright, my turn!” Scoots said excitedly as she started running around the room, jumping on top of furniture. “Sup ladies? I’m Scootaloo! Super fast, super strong, and super awesome!”
“Hello, Scootaloo!” everypony said. Just then, the doorbell rang.
“Huh, who could that be?” Scoots asked. Just then, Rainbow Dash opens the door and flies inside.
“Scoots, I mean this out of love, but if you steal my lines again, I’ll disown you.” Rainbow warned her.
“NO!” Scoots yelled. “Don’t disown me! We’re still sisters, right?!”
“Hey, if things don’t work out, I could be her sister!” Crystal offered.
“Pfft! You may have Rainbow’s similar looks, but you don’t have her awesomeness, Crystal!” Scoots said.
“It’s true.” Rainbow said as she flies out of the farmhouse.
“Wow, ah’m thirsty.” Engie said. He then yells out, “HEY! Grandma?! How about some drinks over here will ya?!”
“Hey, don’t talk to mah granny that way, Engie! Show her some respect!” Apple Bloom instructed him.
“What was that dearie?” Granny Smith asked as she peeks her head in the living room.
“Are you deaf, Granny?! How about some drinks, huh?! Sheesh!” Apple Bloom instructed her.
“Right away, dear!” Granny Smith said with a smile.
“And you said ah didn’t respect her.” Engie said.
“You called her grandma, and she finds that rude. She’s called Granny.” Apple Bloom corrected him.
“Got it.” Engie said.
“How about you, Aqua?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Role call?” Aqua asked. “Ok, umm… my name is Aquatic Armor, and… well… there’s not really much to say about me. I just make sure the town is well-supplied with water, make sure it doesn’t leak or overflow, and I make sure it isn’t poisonous.”
“He’s a plumber.” I said.
“No, I’m not a plumber.” Aqua corrected me. “I just… I just make sure the water’s in good shape in Ponyville. I have a masters degree in aquatic engineering so I believe-“
“Believe all you want.” I interrupted. “No matter what you’re gonna say, you’re a plumber. Just face the facts, brah.”
“Ok.” Aqua said. “I’m a plumber.”
“Where’s your mustache and your Italian accent, and your brother, huh?” Engie teased.
“Super Mario isn’t even a real plumber. He’s just some video game character that squishes mushrooms and turtles.” Aqua explained. “He doesn’t unclog toilets, he doesn’t check leaks. He just takes shrooms and kills innocent creatures just walking by. Some of them just jump off cliffs, they’re so depressed.” Everypony was so surprised when Aqua explained that.
“Whoa snap!” Crystal said surprisingly.
“What? It’s true.” Aqua said. “I mean my knowledge of video games is limited, but I know what I see.”
“Yeah, yap-yap-yap! Whatever you say, Aqua.” I said. “My name is Flare Gun, and I’m here to ruin your day. Blaze?”
“Yeah, I’m Blaze Goldheart, and you pretty much know why I’m here.” Blaze said.
“Cause you want to save the school!” I said.
“No, because of the Friendship Agreement thing.” Blaze reminded me.
“Howdy!” Engie said. “Ah’m Red Engineer, and ah like to build things, fix things, or do things that involve with-“
“Here are your drinks, dearies!” Granny Smith offered with a tray full of apple juice.
“AH’M TALKIN’!” Engie yelled.
“And ah’m not listenin’.” Granny Smith said as she throws her apple juice at Engie.
“OW!” Engie yelled.
“Talk to me like that in mah house! Nopony calls me ‘grandma’!” Granny Smith said angrily.
“Granny Smith’s sassy!” I said.
“Boy, you got that right! How ‘bout showin’ some respect, fool?” Granny Smith asked Engie.
“Of course, ah apologize for that.” Engie said, as he then mumbles, “Ah get a concussion, yer hearin’ from mah lawyer.”
“My turn? Ok.” Psyche said. “My name is Psyche Illusion, and I have-“
“CRYSTAL! Introduce yourself!” I interrupted him.
“Yeah I’m Crystal Iceblast, and… umm… umm… well, I just like helping, and that’s why I’m here.” Crystal said.
“Ok! Role call is completed! We all know eachother! Awesome!” Scootaloo said.
“Nopony ever listens to me!” Sweetie Belle complained.
“What’s wrong now, Sweetie Belle?” Scoots asked.
“After Aqua said his role call, everypony stopped saying hello to eachother!” Sweetie Belle complained. “I think we have to start over.”
“I agree.” I said.
“Now hold on! Why do we need to start over?” Blaze asked. “We did role call, we know eachother. I don’t think it really matters.”
“Hello, sweetie! You forgot me. I didn’t do role call yet.” River Song said.
“Yeah, you’re not needed anymore, River.” I said. “We’ll… we’ll use you again another time, just… yeah.”
“Ok, so Aqua introduced himself. Hello, Aqua!” Sweetie Belle said. “C’mon, everypony. Hello, Aqua!”
“Yeah hey, Aqua.” Blaze said.
“Howdy, Aquaman!” Engie said.
“AQUAAAAAAAAA!” Crystal cried out in excitement.
“Ok now we say hi to Blaze.” Sweetie Belle said. “Hi, Blaze!”
“Howdy, Blazer.” Engie said.
“BLAAAAAAAAAZE!” Crystal cried out in excitement.
“HEY! Am I part of the background or something?” I complained. “You forgot me!”
“He’s right, he was next.” Apple Bloom said.
“Ok, um… hi, Flare!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Oh shush, it’s too late now.” I said with an attitude.
“Hey, pardon the interruption,” Psyche said as he raised his hoof, “but I didn’t even get to say role call.”
“When we say hi to the others, Psyche, we say hi to you. Capiche?” Sweetie Belle said.
“Say hi- what? I didn’t say role call yet!” Psyche complained. “Flare interrupted me and went straight to Crystal!”
“UGH! This is pointless!” Scoots complained. “Can we just talk about saving the school already?”
“No, because we’re not done with role call yet.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Sweetie Belle, I deeply apologize, but role call isn’t always necessary. Don’t worry about it, we all are friends here.” Blaze explained.
“Yeah, c’mon, Sweetie Belle! We can just do role call again next time.” Apple Bloom promised. “Let’s just bring this meeting to order! It’s time to discuss Operation: Save the School!”
“Yeah younglins!” AppleJack said. “Time for bed!”
“WHAT?!” Sweetie Belle yelled.
“Weee should’ve scheduled this meeting earlier.” Scoots said. “8:55 just doesn’t seem like the best time.”
“Fine, we’ll do 6 next time.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Can’t. Dinner time’s at 6.” Apple Bloom said.
“6:30 then?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“I have to take my asthma medication at that time.” Psyche said.
“7?” Sweetie asked. “Any objections?”
“Well I have to go back home by 8 to feed my fish.” I said.
“Can’t Water do it?” Aqua asked.
“YEAH! Only YOU would bring up my sister, Aqua! If you love her so much just ask her out!” I suggested.
“I… I wasn’t saying anything about that.” Aqua said awkwardly.
“C’mon, fillies. You have school tomorrow.” AppleJack said to the crusaders. “Did y’all do your assignments?”
“Eeyup!” Apple Bloom said.
“Good! Now don’t forget to brush.” AppleJack reminded them as she walked out.
The crusaders then turned to Aqua and Apple Bloom asked, “You did get our assignments done, right Aqua?”
“They’re right here.” Aqua said as he gives the crusaders their assignments.
“Thanks, Aqua!” Apple Bloom said.
“You’re the best, Aqua!” Sweetie Belle said.
“The most amazing pony ever, Aqua!” Scoots said as all three of the crusaders went to hug him. Aqua then felt awkward.
“Umm… yeah, ok.” Aqua said.
“HEY!” Crystal whined. “You didn’t ask me if I wanted to do your homework! I’m great help! After I’m done, you’d think I’m better than the best pony ever, I assure you!”
“Oh, sorry Crystal. We didn’t think to ask anypony else.” Apple Bloom said.
“You asked me, but I said no. Fillies should do their own homework.” Psyche reminded her.
“You… you lied to me!” Crystal said with tears in her eyes.
“Yeeeeah, mah sister is the honest one in the family, but nothin’ said the whole family is.” Apple Bloom said. Just then, AppleJack slips on a banana peel lying on the floor in the kitchen.
“BIG MAC?! Did you leave this banana peel on the floor?!” AppleJack yelled angrily.
“Uhhh… nnope.” Big Mac fibbed. You can tell because he did the liar face.
“Ah know that face anywhere!” AppleJack said. “Dispose your trash, big brother! Don’t be a liter bug!”
“See what ah mean?” Apple Bloom said to us.
“Why did you do their homework for them, Aqua?” Blaze asked.
“I’m not one to say ‘no’ all the time.” Aqua said. “That includes that time I just said it.”
“Well, ah…” Apple Bloom yawns, “guess it’s time to hit the hay.”
“Heh, horse-puns. Equestria at it’s finest!” Engie said.
“Well… good night, everypony!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Now hold on, why don’t… why don’t we come up and tuck you in?” Blaze suggested.
“Good idea!” Crystal said.
“Yeah, I’m down with that.” Aqua said.
“A bunch of adult ponies tucking in three young fillies?” Engie asked. “Yeah that won’t lead to any suspicion at all.” So the six of us all went up to Apple Bloom’s room so we can tuck the crusaders in for the night. Engie does have a point though. Why are we tucking them in?
“Ok! All tucked in!” I said as I put the covers on them. “Is there anything you fillies want?”
“We can stare at you until you fall asleep, if that’s convenient!” Engie suggested.
“What sort of suggestion is that, Engie?” Psyche asked.
“A good one!” Engie said.
“Nah, that’s ok, Engie.” Apple Bloom said. “But if you want, you can tell us a bedtime story.”
“How about ah tell y’all about the time ah threw a lemon party?” Engie asked.
“NO!” Blaze, Psyche, Aqua, Crystal, and I all yelled at the same time.
“A simple ‘no’ would do.” Engie said.
“Lemon party? What’s that?” Scoots asked.
“Nothing you need to know, believe me!” Blaze said.
“Blaze, I’ve always wondered. How does it feel to be married to the greatest flier in all of Equestria?” Scoots asked.
“It’s actually kinda like we’re not married at all to be honest, Scootaloo.” Blaze said. “Most of the time I’m either at the Wonderbolt camp, or I’m hanging out with my friends, but whenever I am home, Rainbow is going on other adventures. It’s like… something is… forcing us apart.”
“Candy?” Scoots asked.
“NO! Not Candy!” Blaze said.
“Rose?” Scoots asked. “Who babysits Rose and Candy while you’re not home?”
“The Cakes do, and sometimes Pinkie.” Blaze said. “But you know… it gets kinda lonesome when I’m not with my little Dashie.”
“Reference, reference!” I said.
“I don’t know, Scoots. It ain’t easy. Rainbow is normally by herself, and Candy and Rose aren’t home most of the time either. It’s pretty much a shame really.” Blaze said.
“Sounds awfully sad.” Scoots said. “But hey, I consider you the lucky one. If I was married to Rainbow Dash, we’d never be apart!”
“Are you even listening to yerself, Scoots?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Of course I listen to myself! It’s one of the great joys of my life!” Scoots said.
“Now you’re talking!” I said.
“Hey Aqua, you have a good story, don’t you?” Sweetie Belle asked. “You know, how you and Wind Racer’s life was before you move to Ponyville?”
“I’d rather not.” Aqua said. “That story isn’t really foal-friendly.”
“Relax! Really violent movies are PG rated anyway! I think we’ll take it.” Scoots said.
“This is more PG-13 rated actually.” Aqua said.
“Well we’re not 13 yet.” Sweetie Belle said.
“I don’t care! Let’s hear it!” Scoots said excitedly.
“When ya are older.” Aqua said.
“How about you, Psyche?” Apple Bloom asked. “Ah know yer hidin’ somethin’!”
“What makes you think that?” Psyche asked.
“A little birdie told us!” Apple Bloom said.
“BIG birdie!” I corrected her.
“Flare’s wrong. I’m not hiding anything.” Psyche said.
“Ah wouldn’t be too sure, partner. You’ve been actin’ pretty dog-on suspicious lately!” Engie said.
“Ok I’ll tell you.” Psyche said. “You see, when I first got my-“
“BOOOOOORIIIIIIIIING!” I yelled. Psyche knew I’d say that the moment he started talking. So yeah, if you want Psyche to tell you something, and I’m around, you probably won’t get anything useful.
“What a shame.” Psyche said.
“Another time.” Blaze said.
“Maybe.” Psyche said.
“Here, let me help!” Crystal suggested as she runs into the closet and takes out some of Apple Bloom’s toys and throws them on the bed. “There! I didn’t know which stuffed animal you wanted so I gave you them all and let you pick one yourself.”
“CRYSTAL!?” Apple Bloom yelled and blushed. Scoots and Sweetie Belle both started laughing.
“Even I don’t have this many toys!” Sweetie said.
“I do! I just don’t have any stuffed bears or cuddly animals!” Scoots said.
“Then what do you have?” Sweetie asked.
“A bunch of Rainbow Dash plushies. I’m not a baby for having that many plushies, I’m just a crazed fangirl! AB here on the other hoof…” Scoots said.
“Ah hate bein’ called a baby!” Apple Bloom whined.
“Is that why you’re always afraid to cry?” Scoots teased.
“Yeah, Apple Bloom never cried before. Or at least ah never seen it.” Engie said.
“The Apple family is more of a… let-it-all-in type of family.” Apple Bloom said.
“I’ve seen them all cry before. I’ve never seen YOU though.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Pardon the interruption, but I thought we were tucking in the fillies?” Aqua asked. “I mean, we seem to be keeping them awake more than we’re trying to help them sleep.”
“That’s why I let them pick their own plushie!” Crystal said.
“No offense, Crystal, but this isn’t helpin’ by a long shot.” Apple Bloom said.
“I am TOO good help! I am very good help!” Crystal yelled.
“Nah, not really.” Engie said.
“Hey don’t be rude to her! Even though it’s true, do we have to keep letting her know that?” Blaze asked.
“FORGET YOU ALL!” Crystal yelled. “I’ll show you! I’ll show you all that I am the best help! When tomorrow comes and we try to save the schoolhouse, you’ll see! You’ll all see!” So Crystal steps out of the bedroom and slams the door behind her.
“What’s her problem?” Aqua asked.
“She probably discovered that I gave her one less piece of garlic on her garlic rolls at lunch today. I knew she’d figure it out!” I assumed.
“But we’re still not feeling the slightest bit tired.” Apple Bloom said.
“Want me to sing Fluttershy’s lullaby again?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Here I got something for you girls!” Psyche said. “Have you fillies ever encountered…” Psyche looks around suspiciously and then he whispers to them, “… the Boogie Mare?!”
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom both gasped, but not Scootaloo, who eventually said, “Of course I have. We went to summer camp together. She always takes a long time in the showers.”
“T-the B-Boogie Mare?!” Sweetie Belle asked in fear.
“Ah heard Granny Smith say some legends about her.” Apple Bloom said. “She hides in your closet, crawls out, and when you least expect it… BOO!”
“AAAH!” Sweetie Belle yelled.
“Oh c’mon! I expected that boo!” Scoots said.
“Wait a second.” I interrupted. “Did you just say she comes out of closets?”
“Yeah, why?” Apple Bloom asked.
I chuckled. “Nothing.” Blaze then punches me in the shoulder. “OW!”
“Not appropriate, man.” Blaze said.
“They don’t even know what I’m saying! You hitting me will raise some suspicions!” I whispered.
“You think the Boogie Mare would… would attack us tonight, Psyche?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Not if you’re prepared for it!” Psyche said.
“Psyche,” Blaze started, “don’t you know that the Boogie Mare is only a-“
“Shhh.” Engie elbowed him. “This is gettin’ interestin’!”
Just then, a creepy saxophone plays in the background as Apple Bloom asks, “What do we do if the Boogie Mare comes?”
“Listen and you’ll learn!” Psyche said as he started to sing, “Children have you ever met the Boogie Mare before? No of course you haven’t for you’re much to good I’m sure! Don’t you be afraid of her if she should visit yoooou. She’s a great big coward so I’ll tell you what to do. Hush, hush, hush, here comes the Boogie Mare! Don’t let her come too close to you she’ll catch you if she can. Just pretend… that you’re a cragadile, and you will find that Boogie Mare will run away a mile! Say shoo-shoo, and stick her with a pin; Boogie Mare will very nearly jump out of her skin. Say buzz-buzz, just like the wasp that stings. Boogie Mare will think you are an elephant with wings. Hush, hush, hush, here comes the Boogie Mare!”
“Sounds like useful advice, Psyche! Anything else we need to know?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Ah didn’t get the elephant with wings part.” Apple Bloom said.
“Tell her you, have soldiers in your bed,” Psyche continued to sing, “for she will never guess that they are only made of lead.”
“Lead?” Apple Bloom asked. “My toy soldiers are made of plastic.”
“This is an old song I’m singing. Plastic soldiers weren’t around then.” Psyche said as he continued to sing, “Say hush hush, she’ll think that you’re asleep. If you make a lovely snore away she’ll softly creep. Sing this tune, you children all alike! Boogie Mare will run away, she’ll think it’s Uncle Psyche!” The Noble Six and I were trying to hold in our laughter after he said that. “When the shadows of the evening creep across the sky, and your mommy comes upstairs to sing a lullaby…”
“Ah take offense to that.” Apple Bloom said.
“Tell her that the Boogie Mare no longer frightens you,” Psyche continued, “Uncle Psyche is very kind, he told you what to do. Hush, hush, hush, here comes the Boogie Mare. Don’t let her come too close to you, she’ll catch you if she can. Just pretend, your teddy bear’s a dog, then shout out ‘Fetch her, Teddy!’ and she’ll hop off like a frog!”
“We have plenty of stuffed animals here, so we’re pretty much safe in that regard!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Yeah, if Apple Bloom’s ok with using her many baby toys against the Boogie Mare!” Scoots teased as she and Sweetie laughed again. Apple Bloom scrunched at them.
“Say ‘meow!’ she’ll think that you’re a cat,” Psyche continued, “she’ll think you may scratch her that make her fall down flat. Just pretend… she isn’t really there; you will find that Boogie Mare will vanish in mid air!”
The three fillies began to yawn. “Eeyup.” Apple Bloom said.
“Boogie Mare won’t get us tonight!” Scoots said.
Psyche then sang softly, “Here’s one way to catch her without fail. Just keep a little salt with you,” Psyche then whispered, “and put it on her tail.” The song ends there as the three fillies eventually fell asleep. Psyche leaned over to the fillies and gave them kisses on their forehead. He smiled afterwards. “I did it guys!” he whispered. “I helped the fillies fall asleep! I must have a gift for doing that! I help fillies fall asleep, and I also help my colleagues at my speeches fall asleep too. I have the natural gift! Just call me the Sandpony!” Psyche then turned around and saw the rest of us have fallen asleep as well. “Yep. Like I said, the natural gift!”
“Hey are we goin’ to get kisses too?” Engie asked. Anyways, later that night, Psyche sneaks out of Apple Bloom’s room as we all were sleeping in there, and Psyche takes a look around the upstairs hallway of Sweet Apple Acres, and all the lights were off. The entire Apple family was already asleep. Psyche then sneaks downstairs into the kitchen, and was about to sit down on a bar stool, but felt that it was about to break so he immediately steps off and takes another seat at the bar stool next to it, and then he takes out his family crest from his satchel, and then he activates it.
The A.I. hologram of Psyche’s mom appears on the family crest, and she says, “Good evening, son!”
“Evening, mom!” Psyche said. “How was your day?”
“Ah, you know, went to the hoof salon today to make them all sparkly, and- what do you think I did, Psyche?” she asked sarcastically. “I’m a hologram. This is the first time I was awake today!”
“I guess I know where I get my sarcastic charms from.” Psyche said.
“Anyways, son, do you have any more questions you’d like to ask?” mom asked.
“Well, first off, the song you sang to me when I was a foal to put me to sleep, I slammed dunk it when I helped three fillies, as well as my friends, fall asleep!” Psyche said.
“Yep! Anyways, I need to know a few things, mom.” Psyche said. “I was doing some research today on that artifact you told me about. What’s it for anyway?”
“I’m not too sure about it, but I knew this artifact I told you about was a pretty big deal centuries ago.” Holo mom said. Yeah I’m gonna call her that for now until I remember what her name is. “When I discovered it during my younger years as an archaeologist, there was limited information about it. I was only able to catch enough information until the monks found me. All I knew was there was five pieces to a larger puzzle.”
“Pieces for what?” Psyche asked.
“I don’t know exactly.” Holo mom said. “I was trying to research the information down at the Zambrock Caves. Originally the pieces were stored into that tomb, sealed in there, hoping that the pieces would never leave, but when I looked to see what they looked like, all the pieces were missing.”
“What do you think happened to them?” Psyche asked.
“I eavesdropped on the monks talking, and five of the pieces were stolen by another archaeologist.” Holo mom said.
“Do you know his name?” Psyche asked.
“I don’t know for sure, Psyche,” holo mom said, “but I know for sure that-“ Just then, Psyche heard some hoof steps up ahead.
“Shhh! Wait, somepony’s coming!” Psyche whispered as he deactivates his crest and hides it back in his satchel. Just then, it was Crystal that was walking downstairs.
“Psyche? What are you doing in here?” Crystal asked.
“I was about to ask you the same thing.” Psyche said.
“Hey, Psyche? Can I ask you something?” Crystal asked.
“My answer might bore you, but go ahead.” Psyche said.
“Trust me, dude, you already bore me.” Crystal said. “Anyways, what I have to ask is… am I… helpful?”
“You try, and that’s the important thing, right?” Psyche asked as he takes his satchel and starts walking out of the kitchen.
“That doesn’t answer my question.” Crystal said. “Psyche, am I helpful?”
“I don’t know, alright?” Psyche asked with an attitude. “I had a long day. There’s so much going on in my head right now. Maybe you’re not a very helpful pony, but you try at least, right? Doesn’t that matter? Anyways, I have to get some sleep. We’ll tomorrow morning.”
“It’s after 12 so technically it’s tomorrow morning already. Unless you actually mean ‘tomorrow-tomorrow morning’.” Crystal corrected him.
“I’m supposed to be the smart one in this group, Crystal. Don’t take that away from me. It’s bad enough I’m the punching bag in the group.” Psyche complained.
“I’m only trying to help!” Crystal whined.
“Then help some other way! I’m not in the mood right now! Good night, Crystal.” Psyche said with an attitude as he walks back upstairs so he can get some sleep.
“Grrr!” Crystal groaned. “I’ll show ‘em all that I’m great help!” Crystal then sits down on a bar stool and then it collapses under her. “OW!” she cried. “Starting with this bar stool.”
The next day at the school, the CMCs head over for class, hoping they could make a difference to Cheerilee’s decision to expand the school. She hasn’t arrived in class yet though, so the students were talking to eachother, but the only students that were heard talking clearly were the students that actually mattered. Everypony else was just going ‘bla-bla-bla-bla-bla, did you see Lost last night?’ and all that. “Just you all wait! This school is going down soon, and my daddy is going to make it happen!” Diamond Tiara said.
“Oh that’s still going on?” Peachy Pie asked. “I thought it was forgotten?”
”I kinda thought that too.” Scoots said.
“I thought we were going to talk about how your dad drives you nuts?” Silver Spoon asked Diamond.
“Actually, my dad has been totally reasonable with me!” Diamond Tiara said. “Like, he said if I help persuade Miss Cheerilee to agree to his terms, he’ll buy me a pony!”
”Don’t you mean a slave?” Silver Spoon asked.
”Exactly!” Diamond Tiara said mischievously.
”Ooo you’re bad!” Silver Spoon chuckled evilly.
”Wow, you really took me serious, huh?” Diamond Tiara asked her.
“Good morning, class!” Cheerilee said as she walks into her class. “I hope you had fun filled night! Are your essays done?”
”Luckily we came prepared.” Scoots said.
“Eeyup!” Apple Bloom said. “So, Miss Cheerilee, we were wondering, did you make your decision on what you’re doin’ with the school?”
”Not yet.” Cheerilee said as she started collecting everypony’s essays. “I’m not the one to make these major decisions for our school. This is what I wanted to talk to everypony about today. I want to see what you all think about it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, this is our school, and the school isn’t successful without both the teacher and the students.”
”We like this school though!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Yeah, it’s nice little school!” Aura said. “We wouldn’t be as smart as we are now without it!”
”Plus, it’s conveniently close to my house!” Twist said.
“And Cheerilee works here!” Truffle Shuffle said excitedly.
“Well if that’s your decision, perhaps the school will stay exactly the same!” Cheerilee said.
“So you don’t want me to fix this hole on the wall?” a construction pony with a deep grumpy accent asked.
“Besides the small repairs.” Cheerilee added.
“Was this part of the plan?” Silver Spoon whispered to Diamond.
“Don’t worry, I know exactly what to say!” Diamond Tiara whispered back. Just then, she said out loud, “But perhaps making the school bigger would be pretty good for the school!” The entire class was confused.
“Like, what do you mean, Diamond Tiara?” Cheerilee asked.
“Just think about it! Have you ever been to an actual school?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“I have. I went to Canterlot High School when I was younger, but what about everypony else?” Cheerilee asked.
“We never went to high school.” Snips said.
“She means a public school, nit-wit.” Silver Spoon corrected him.
“Public school is much bigger and much better than a school house!” Diamond Tiara said as she stepped out of her desk, walked up to the teacher’s desk, and asked Cheerilee, “May I?”
”Oh, umm, sure!” Cheerilee said.
Just then, Diamond bucks her hind legs on the wall and the projector screen pops down. “Fillies and gentlecolts, fellow classmates, when I was in Manehatten for a semester to visit my mom, I experienced something I never felt before! Schools have changed since you first knew them. They don’t have just one classroom and a basement. No, there are tens, maybe hundreds of classrooms in a school, and that’s only the beginning!” Snails raises his hoof. “Yes, Snails?”
“How did you put the projector screen down just by bucking the wall?” he asked.
“Like I was saying,” she continued, “fellow classmates, may I present to you, the magic of public schools!” and so, Diamond Tiara shows her classmates a Powerpoint slideshow of the public school speech she has in stock for the class. “Public school, more of a chance to make friends as more and more ponies would be participating in the school, plus the possibilities are endless!” Diamond changes the slide, and the next slide shows some bouncing text and bouncing pictures.
Twist chuckled and said, “Look! The Start logo and all the little icons below the desktop are on Diamond’s face!”
”Now then, public schools contain gyms to provide physical education!” Diamond continued. “It’s exhausting, yes, but at least you won’t have any boring sessions to make you fall asleep during class. That is, unless the couch is a former military sergeant, then you’re going to hear nonstop stories about his war life.”
“A gym! YEAH!” Featherweight cried out.
“YEAH! YOU GOT IT BRO!” Bulk Biceps yells as he breaks through the school door and flexes his muscles.
“YEAH!” Featherweight yelled.
“YEAH!” Bulk Biceps yelled.
”NO!” Cheerilee yelled. “I just had that door fixed!” Bulk Biceps then embarrassingly backs away.
Diamond changes the slide and then food pops out on the next slide as a bell sound effect dings on the slide. “FOOOOOOD!” Snips and Snails both said as their mouths started foaming.
”I dedicated this one to Snips and Snails!” Diamond Tiara said.
”What about me? I like food too!” Truffle Shuffle whined.
“Can you MAKE food though?” Snips asked mischievously to him. “Snails here, he can whip up some tasty French food! That’s how he got his cutie mark!”
”Yeah because I like to cook slow!” Snails said.
“Every school has a cafeteria!” Diamond Tiara said. “You can’t go wrong with cafeteria food! In a cheap price with so much tasty treats, you’ll never need to pack your lunch again!”
”8 out 10 parents say cafeteria food is unhealthier than fast food.” Twist pointed out.
”That’s a rumor and you know it!” Diamond Tiara said angrily at her.
”It’s not a rumor!” Twist said.
“Ok I had enough of this.” Scoots said in a boring tone as she takes out a remote and fast-forwards the whole speech. “Let’s just cut to the chase.”
Once the fast-forwarding was complete, Diamond Tiara concluded, “And that, my friends is why we need a public school.”
Cotton Cloudy sniffled, wiped a tear and said, “So beautiful!” as the entire class cheered to her speech.
“Let’s do it! Let’s tear down this school and make a bigger and better one!” Dinky cried out in excitement.
“For the cafeteria!” Snips, Snails, and Truffle Shuffle all yelled out.
“For the gym!” Featherweight yelled.
”For the nurse’s office!” Pipsqueak yelled.
“For the playground!” Crystal yelled.
“Playground? We already have a playground.” Sweetie Belle said as she figures it was Crystal that yelled that. Crystal was once again sitting on a desk too small for her.
“Crystal? What are you doing here, dear?” Cheerilee asked.
“I wanna help bring down the school!” Crystal yelled. “WOO! Schoooool’s out for summer! Schooool’s out forever!”
”Crystal, don’t get me wrong, I love that song but I thought you were helping us with our project?” Scoots asked.
“I really don’t care what I help with. I just want to help with SOMETHING!” Crystal said. “I’m tired of ponies thinking I’m useless and unhelpful!”
”We don’t think that, Crystal!” Apple Bloom said.
”We kinda do.” Scoots said. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle both glared at her. “What?! Mama never raised a liar! Or whoever raised me, it’s unconfirmed right now.”
“What is this I hear?” Diamond Tiara asked. “We have three students in this class that object the new school project?”
”Four.” Crystal added. “I changed my mind. Yes, I am a student here before you say anything.”
”Why would we want to tear down this school for a new one?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I explained it.” Diamond Tiara said. “Not to mention, Miss Cheerilee, you won’t have to work as hard as you do now. Didn’t you say you teach other classes and it really tires you out?”
”Well… I… I did say that.” Cheerilee admitted.
“Think about it! There are still so many young ponies around Ponyville that have yet to learn but Miss Cheerilee doesn’t have the time to teach them all!” Diamond Tiara said.
”I have time to teach everypony though, Diamond Tiara.” Cheerilee corrected her. “But yes, it does get a bit tiring. From 8 AM to 1 PM I teach Elementary School students. From 1:30 PM to 5 PM I teach middle school students. From 5:30 PM to 9:30 PM I teach high school students. Oh my goodness, Diamond Tiara, you’re probably right. Perhaps it’s best that we… tear down the school and make way for a bigger one.”
”WHAT?!” the crusaders yelled.
“She said she wants to tear down the school and make-“ Crystal repeated.
“WE HEARD HER!” Sweetie Belle yelled.
”I’m only trying to help!” Crystal said.
“Well stop it!” Sweetie Belle yelled.
“Ok let’s remain calm, everypony.” Cheerilee said. “My decision stands. The votes were outnumbered against you, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. I guess there is no other choice. I’ll be signing the contracts with Filthy Rich and we’ll begin demolition and reconstruction immediately.”
”BUT CHEERILEE!” the crusaders whined.
“Class dismissed.” Cheerilee said.
“It’s not fair!” Apple Bloom whined.
“We love this school!” Sweetie Belle said.
“We should report this to the mayor! She would know what to do!” Scoots suggested.
“The mayor was already ok with it.” Cheerilee corrected her. “I talked to her earlier today.” The crusaders all looked down upsettingly. “Look, girls, I know you love this school. Believe me, I love this school too. It would feel very different having a new school to take this one’s place, but it’s for the best. I promise, you’ll feel right at home with the new school! Now don’t you girls worry; all assignments in this semester have been cancelled. Think of it like this! A nice big vacation. Doesn’t that make you feel swell?”
”I guess.” The crusaders all said at the same time.
“By the way, girls, I can analyze hoof-writing / magic writing, and I know Aquatic Armor’s writing when I see it.” Cheerilee said as she shows the CMCs the F’s she marked on their essays. “Next time, don’t ask another pony to do your work for you.”
“I guess we should’ve just copied these down on another paper to make it believable that we did it.” Sweetie Belle said.
“That would help.” Cheerilee said. “I’m not saying you should do it, but it’s believable I’ll give you that, girls.”
“I don’t care. I’m not a student here.” Crystal said. Yeah, I know, Crystal can’t make up her mind, can she? She’s got a mind of her own. But then again, don’t we all? Anyways, back at Sweet Apple Acres, we started up another club session. You know, come to think of it, this whole chapter went full circle. We started up at the school then at Sweet Apple Acres, then back at the school, and back to Sweet Apple Acres repeating the same thing. Hey, what can you expect? Ponies, just like people, they like to repeat things. They like to repeat things. You know what I’m saying? They like to repeat things, brahs! Get it? They like to repeat things. Alright, anyways, let’s continue.
“There’s no hope!” Sweetie Belle said to us, the Noble Six. “Cheerilee said her decision was final! There’s nothing we can do to stop them from bullozing the school!”
”Hey that’s not true!” Engie said. “For all you know, they could just be wrecking ballin’ the place.” Blaze then elbows him. “Hey! Hooves to yourself!”
”Oh c’mon, Blaze! You elbow him when he says something rude, but you punch me!” I complained.
“Engie’s muscles are as hard as steal. I break my hooves every time I punch him!” Blaze said as he punches Engie and breaks his hoof. “OOOOW-OW-OW-OW!” Blaze yelled as he uses his phoenix powers to heal his wound. “See?”
“Anyways, let’s not give up.” Aqua said.
“I know this sounds like a lot coming from me, but… what if we started a rally?” Sweetie Belle suggested.
”Good idea!” I said. “We start up a rally, get arrested for it, and know we went out with a bang!”
”How does that help us fix our problem?” Apple Bloom asked.
“It makes us heroes, and we know we tried! Isn’t that the important thing?” I asked.
“Flare, sometimes I don’t understand you, like that time you bought that scooter just to follow me around.” Scootaloo said.
A cutaway shows Scootaloo riding her scooter across down, and I was following her around with my scooter. I cried out, “HEY! We are scooter brothers! Scooooooter brotheeeeeers!”
“What?!” Scoots yelled.
“Scooter brother!” I yelled.
“Why are you following me?!” Scootaloo yelled.
“We will go on a journey, a journey of scooters!” I yelled.
“Sounds tempting but another time!” Scootaloo said.
“Scooter brother!” I chanted.
”Stop saying that!” Scootaloo demanded.
“Come ooooon, scooter brother! Let’s go, scooter brother!” I chanted.
“I’m a filly! How can I be a brother?!” Scootaloo asked.
“Where are we going today, scooter brother?” I asked.
“Go away! Stop following me!” Scootaloo yelled as she drove her scooter much faster to get away from me.
“Whoa! Slow down, scooter brother!” I suggested. The cutaway ends.
“That was a fun day!” I said.
“I agree! I saw the whole thing!” Blaze chuckled. “It was awesome!”
”Way to help a fellow Rainbow Dash fan out, Blaze.” Scootaloo complained.
“Hang on a second. We forgot to do role call.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Forget it.” Engie complained.
“Yeah, don’t worry about it, Sweetie Belle. We’re all here.” Apple Bloom said.
“Actually… where’s Psyche?” Aqua asked.
“Didn’t he say he needed to use the bathroom or something?” Blaze asked.
“Nopony asked where I am, and I’ve been quiet this whole time.” Crystal complained. “Am I the new Psyche or something?”
”Ah’m sorry, did you say somethin’, partner?” Engie asked.
“UGH!” Crystal groaned.
“Look let’s calm down and talk about this.” Sweetie Belle suggested.
“Now, ah like Sweetie Belle’s idea. What if we started up a rally?” Apple Bloom asked.
”Yeah, come to think of it, it may not be such a good idea.” Sweetie Belle said.
”What do you mean? It’s perfect!” Scootaloo said. “We’ll stop the deconstruction of the Ponyville school by tying ourselves in chains on the school itself!”
”Whoa, Scootaloo! Let’s not get so carried away.” Apple Bloom said. “We’re not goin’ to kill ourselves for a buildin’.”
”How bad do you want this school to say, Apple Bloom? Huh?” Scootaloo asked as she places her hooves on her shoulders and shook her a bit. “You have to do what it takes to keep it here! The Ponyville School is our friend, and we will not stand by and let it die just for Filthy Rich’s profits!”
“YES! This is why I am here personally!” I said. “I am tired of Filthy Rich buying out small-time hard-working companies just so he can make a profit! There’s more to life than money! He tried to buy out my pizza shop!”
”Come to think of it, he wanted to buy out the Wonderbolts too.” Blaze said. “The Wonderbolts is my life! Having a greedy company like Barn Yard Bargains run a place I love makes me sick to my stomach!” Blaze started to feel something coming up his throat, but before anything came out, he swallowed it back in. “OW! Ugh! Yuck! Oh now my throat hurts!”
“He nearly bought the Canterlot County Water Works. It’s where I work.” Aqua said. “I get paid pretty well there. Having a big-time company buy it out would be a major downfall for the employee’s checks, as well as raising the water bills in every town in this county. I can’t have that.”
”He didn’t do anythin’ to mah personal engineerin’ tradin’ company, but ah just love to see major corporations plummet!” Engie said mischievously.
“Then let’s do it! Let’s bring a downfall to Barn Yard Bargains!” I yelled out. “Let’s heist the Barn Yard Bargains building, steal it’s bonds, Filthy Rich can’t afford to invest in the school!”
“Hang on! We didn’t say that.” Sweetie Belle said. “That idea makes my rally idea seem like a good idea.”
”It’s one or the other, brah.” I said.
“He’s right, man.” Blaze said. “If we want to save the Ponyville School, we have to either spread word that it’s a bad idea, or we do something illegal and steal the bonds of Barn Yard Bargains.”
“What’s it gonna be, Aqua?” Engie asked.
Aqua had to think about it, but as he was thinking, Crystal said, “Don’t I have a say in this?”
”What is it, Crystal?” Blaze asked.
”If we could just go up to space and take a satellite up there-“ Crystal started.
“NO!” Blaze interrupted. “No satellite!”
”Can we just hear her out?” Apple Bloom asked.
“THANK YOU, Apple Bloom! Thank you! At least one of you is listening to me!” Crystal yelled.
“Look, Crystal, we tried the satellite thing before… twice, and it just leads to a disaster.” Blaze reminded her.
“Maybe it’s best she stays out of this.” Engie suggested.
“Now hang on, I didn’t say that.” Blaze said.
”FINE!” Crystal yelled. “I DIDN’T WANT TO HELP IN THIS STUPID PROJECT ANYWAY!” Crystal starts to angrily walk away. When she stomped through the kitchen, passing Big Mac who was sitting on a stool that was put together with glue and office tape, and then what happened during Crystal’s many stomps on the ground, the stool Big Mac was sitting on started to shake and creak, and then a shark popped up from under the floor boards and ate Big Mac as well as the stool with it.
Meanwhile, upstairs, Crystal was angrily walking through the hallways of Sweet Apple Acres. “Stupid, friends! Not letting me help! Maybe it would really help if I stopped complaining about it and actually did something! I’m going to help my friends out with something! I’ll prove that I am helpful! Ah who am I kidding? I feel like every user on a blog, like Ponyhoof. Complain about it without doing anything about it. Well let’s prove I’m better than them! What should I do?”
“What’s this file you talk about?” Psyche asked.
“What file?” Crystal asked. “Make sense, Psyche!”
“It’s the file that’ll give you the location of the Zambrock Caverns.” Psyche’s mom said from another room while talking to Psyche from that other room.
“I thought it was called Zambrock Caves?” Psyche asked.
“Does it really matter?” Psyche’s mom asked as Crystal sneaks over to the door to eavesdrop on the conversation.
“Does it really matter?” Psyche’s mom asked.
“Uh, yeah, mom, it does.” Psyche said.
“What do you have? OCD or something?” Psyche’s mom asked.
“Nah, I was just messing with ya.” Psyche teased.
“Hm, typical.” Psyche’s mom said.
“Whatever, the file.” Psyche reminded her.
“Right, the file to get to the Zambrock Caves.” Psyche’s mom said as Crystal peeks through the crack of the door.
“You know where you put it?” Psyche asked.
“Well, that’s the thing. I don’t exactly… have it with me anymore.” Psyche’s mom said.
“What do you mean you don’t have it?” Psyche asked.
“It’s pretty much self-explanatory.” Psyche’s mom said.
“Uh huh.” Psyche nodded. “But do you know where it is?”
”I have a clue.” Psyche’s mom said. “Before my… passing… I actually gave the file away.”
”I hope it’s not somepony stupid.” Psyche said.
“Oh no, it’s not one pony. I gave it to the FDA, hoping they might be able to solve the case, but from what I hear, no such luck.” Psyche’s mom said.
“The FDA?” Psyche asked. “You actually think they’d help?”
”I was hoping so. I heard the FDA is the finest agency in all of Equestria. I know I couldn’t trust the rival agency the Disharmony Investigation Force.” Psyche’s mom said.
“The DIF.” Psyche said. “Yeah I heard rumors about them too. Force harmony upon ponies, but the FDA, they’re actually reasonable. You made a good call, ma!”
“Thank you!” Psyche’s mom said. Crystal gasped and she ran off.
“What was that?” Psyche asked as he looked over.
“Is somepony there?” Psyche’s mom asked.
“No, I don’t think so. Probably just the wind.” Psyche said.
“Indoors?” Psyche’s mom asked.
“Then maybe it was the A/C! I dunno! Get off my case, mom!” Psyche complained.
“Don’t talk to me like that young colt, or no dessert for you!” Psyche’s mom threatened him.
“Yes, mommy.” Psyche said.
Back downstairs, the rest of us along with the CMCs were discussing our tactics on how our rally should work. Aqua was giving the instructions while showing us the blueprints of his tactics, “Ok, so, we’re goin’ to start a rally at Ponyville School. I think we should all split out in threes. Psyche, Crystal, and Sweetie Belle are going to cover the west side of the school; Blaze, Scootaloo, and I will take the south side of the school; and finally, Flare, Engie, and Apple Bloom will take the east side.”
”What about Crystal?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Oh… I… umm… I haven’t thought about her part yet.” Aqua admitted.
“She’s going to really complain, you know.” Sweetie Belle said.
”I’ll think of somethin’, don’t worry.” Aqua said.
“GUYS! GUYS!” Crystal yells as she runs down the stairs. “I found- WHOA!” Crystal trips on one of the stairs and starts falling. “Ack! Ah! Oh! Ow! Ee! Doo! Da! Ooo! AAH!” and then finally, Crystal hits her head on the wall at the end.
“Hey, Crystal! Nice of you to DROP IN!” Engie teased.
“NO! Shut it, Engie! That was a terrible pun! That was a TERRIBLE pun! You should be ashamed of yourself.” Blaze said.
“Ehhhh, ah’m not shameful for bein’ mahself!” Engie said.
“What seems to be the problem, Crystal?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“It’s Psyche! He’s doing something up there that’s unimaginable!” Crystal freaked out.
“Not in front of the fillies, sista. They’re not old enough to hear.” I said.
“Not old enough to hear what?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Did you not hear what I just said?” I asked.
“Psyche is up there with some strange golden thingy and he’s talking to his mom on it.” Crystal said.
“He’s doing what, and where was I?” I asked.
“Is this what we’re not supposed to hear?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Yes, it’s exactly it!” Blaze lied.
“Now we know it’s not true.” Sweetie Belle said. “Nice try, Blaze.”
“What do ya mean Psyche’s talkin’ to his mom?” Aqua asked.
“He’s talking to his mom on some golden thingy. He was talking about some caves and… umm… and secret agents!” Crystal said as a view of the kitchen is shown and Big Mac was jumping out of the hole the shark popped out of, and he was soaking wet. He also had a live salmon jumping on his head.
“Crystal, let me stop you there.” I interrupted. “Did he say anything about me?”
”No.” Crystal said.
“Then I’m not interested.” I said.
“Look, I’m telling you, it’s true!” Crystal said. “I mean… I feel like I’m actually helping now! Didn’t Flare keep mentioning something weird is happening with Psyche? Well this is it! Psyche is actually talking to his mom on a golden thingy, and talking about caves, and maps, and secret agent ponies that are probably aliens! Also taking away his dessert! Oh the horrors! Do I need to explain everything? No, I guess that dessert thing wasn’t necessary, but think about it! Psyche is acting weird because he’s talking to his mom!” While Crystal was explaining that whole thing, Big Mac was fighting the shark in the other room. The shark ambushed Big Mac again, but this time he was ready. They were really fighting it up in there. Big Mac eventually escaped the shark’s grasp, but the shark grabbed his hind-legs, but Big Mac was able to kick him away, and then the shark bites off half of Big Mac’s tail (don’t worry, it’ll grow back), and then Big Mac started hitting the shark in the head with a golf club until the shark has stars spinning around his head and he passes out. Then Big Mac holds the golf club against one of his shoulders as he stands in a heroic pose and with a proud smile as Big Mac placed one of his legs on top of the knocked out shark’s head.
“Crystal, let me explain something to you.” Engie started. “You tell us somethin’ ya honestly saw, and then ah’ll explain to you why it’s unbelievable.”
“But I’m not making it up! I saw it!” Crystal said.
“Yeah and I saw Blaze’s fly down.” Engie said sarcastically. Blaze then looked down and then he zipped up his zipper on his Wonderbolts suit. “How embarrassing. I hope that doesn’t happen again.”
”It already did.” I said as I gave him a creepy smile.
“Ugh!” Blaze groaned.
“Well… if there’s proof you want, I can easily give you the proof!” Crystal swore.
“Hey, guys!” Psyche said as he walked back downstairs. “What did I miss?”
”You wouldn’t believe this!” Engie chuckled. “Crystal here thinks you were talkin’ to yer mom on some golden thing!”
Psyche froze for a moment in shock. “You don’t say?” he asked nervously.
“But you know, typical Crystal, right?” Engie asked.
“Uhh, yeah! Typical Crystal!” Psyche chuckled.
“Don’t you girls believe me?” Crystal asked the crusaders.
“Our only concern is savin’ the school house. Sorry, Crystal.” Apple Bloom said.
“Well… you obviously don’t need my help then.” Crystal said in an offended tone. “I see the plans and I don’t see my name on it at all!”
”I didn’t think of a plan for ya, alright? I’m deeply apologize.” Aqua said. “I set in groups of 3.”
”Why don’t we have another group of 3 to help out? We can try to get two other ponies to help out.” Blaze suggested.
“Hey Flare, ya think Water could help us?” Aqua asked.
“Yeah I have no comment about that, brah. You know what I’m going to say.” I said.
“Heh. Of course.” Aqua chuckled.
“Yeah, heheheheheh.” I laughed sarcastically. “Keep laughing.”
“Time for bed y’all.” AppleJack said.
“Perfect timin’.” Aqua nodded. “Hey AppleJack, do ya think ya can help us out with our rally in Ponyville School?”
”Well, shoot, ah’d love to help out!” AppleJack said as she takes off her hat and places it on her chest.
“Why is she doing that? Is somepony dead?” I asked.
She then glared at us and said, “Ah hope y’all realize ah was waitin’ forever for an invite to this mission. Ah’ve been goin’ to that school when ah was a filly, except ah was pink. Ah’d defend that school with all of mah honor. Kinda disappointed that you didn’t include me, Aqua.”
“Yeah, heheheheheh.” I laughed sarcastically along with her. “Don’t copy me, AJ.”
The next day came, and a bunch of demolition workers came in with a bulldozer to the Ponyville School. Filthy Rich and Cheerilee were there to witness it. “Alright then, the deal is done. Are you sure you want to do this, Miss Cheerilee?” Filthy Rich asked.
“It’s a shame that we have to bring this place down.” Cheerilee said.
“Yeah, especially that you asked me to fix the wall and the door twice.” One of the workers added.
“But I always grew a bond of that place.” Cheerilee said.
”Oh, Miss Cheerilee, don’t think of it as bringing the school down.” Filthy Rich comforted her. “Think of it as… the school growing up!”
”It’s not the same building though.” Cheerilee said.
”But the thanks of the expenses from Barn Yard Bargains, I was able to find a way to recycle some of the debris and use that as the material to rebuild your classroom!” Filthy Rich said.
“I supposed that might help.” Cheerilee admitted.
“If you don’t want to watch, I’m completely fine with that.” Filthy Rich said. “Need a blind-fold?”
”AH quit it with the talking! Bring it down already!” Diamond Tiara whined.
“Do it! Do it! Do it!” Silver Spoon chanted.
“Now hold on, dear. Let’s not rush things.” Filthy Rich suggested. He then said to his workers, “Ok, stallions! Let’s hurry and bring this place down!”
“Let’s hope this doesn’t turn into a false alarm like the time I was hired to demolish the local pizza shop.” The demolition pony hoped.
“Spare the schoolhouse! Spare the schoolhouse! Spare the schoolhouse!” the crusaders, the Noble Four, and the Apple family all chanted as we walked over to our positions and rallied in front of the demolition pony.
“Oh great! I spoke too soon!” the demolition pony complained. “These same ponies again!”
“Yeah Psyche couldn’t make it, and Crystal… she’s probably trying to prove to us we need her help.” Blaze said.
“Which is kinda ridiculous. She could’ve just proven it just by bein’ here.” Engie said.
“What is this I see? Is this a rally?” Filthy Rich asked.
“UGH! You cutie mark crybabies always ruin everything!” Diamond Tiara whined.
“YEAH! What she said!” Silver Spoon said.
“Can you think of anything more original than that?” Diamond asked her.
“We’re defendin’ our school!” Apple Bloom yelled.
“Yeah!” Scootaloo yelled. “We’re not going to let some liberal take our school away from us!”
“What’s a liberal anyway?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I dunno. It’s something Engie sometimes says.” Scootaloo said.
“Ah never said that! But ah will now! YOU LIBERAL!” Engie yelled. “Note to self, makin’ this mah new catch phrase. Sorry, ‘dibs’.”
“You getting rid of this school is just… it’s just not right!” Sweetie Belle yelled.
“Yeah! This school is our life, Filthy Rich! We’re not gonna let some pony just tear it down!” Apple Bloom explained.
“I’m sorry, my little ponies, but a deal’s a deal. Ask Miss Cheerilee here.” Filthy Rich said.
“Well?” Blaze elbowed me.
“Well what?” I asked.
“Aren’t you gonna get it, man?” Blaze asked.
“Say what?” I asked.
“He said ‘my little ponies’, so you do the Peter Griffin thing, right?” Blaze asked.
“Are you ok, man? You should lie down.” I suggested.
“Ugh! Nevermind!” Blaze groaned.
“You get mad for no reason! If I don’t know something I don’t know something!” I complained.
“I get it.” Blaze said.
“I mean, because if you get mad without me knowing something, then… well, you know. I don’t need to explain myself.” I explained.
“Right, I get it.” Blaze said with an attitude.
“Unless you want me to.” I added.
“No thanks.” Blaze said.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“I’m sure.” Blaze said.
“Positive?” I asked.
“Shut up.” Blaze instructed me.
“Girls, I know you love this school, but rallying to defend it isn’t going to change my mind.” Cheerilee said.
“Don’t you see what you’re doin’, Miss Cheerilee?” Aqua asked. “By takin’ down this school, ya are takin’ away a traditional landmark. Back in my old village, it’s a pretty big deal.”
“Coming from Aqua, that has to be mean something to you.” Scootaloo said.
“I understand completely, and I’m not saying I don’t agree with you…” Cheerilee started.
“Which means you agree with us, right?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Cheerilee said.
“Wow, I’m good.” I said shockingly.
“Miss Cheerilee, surely you could understand what this school means to mah sister and her friends.” AppleJack said. “But don’t you remember that ah used to go to this school? YOU used to go to this school. Filthy Rich, you went to this school! Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon go to it. Surely that has to mean SOMETHING.”
“It gives me a better reason to have it knocked down.” Diamond said.
“Gives me two better reasons!” Silver Spoon added.
“That’s not what I meant by being more original, Silver Spoon.” Diamond informed her.
“Look who’s talkin’! Still callin’ us blank flanks.” Apple Bloom complained. “You’ve been callin’ us that for two years already, at least! Three, countin’ this one!”
“Like it even bothers us anymore!” Scoots said.
“I thought it still does bother us?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Shhh! They don’t need to know that!” Scootaloo whispered.
“Girls, don’t you see much better things will be if we had a bigger school?” Cheerilee asked.
“No, they don’t!” I said. “Don’t you know in bigger schools there’s more bullying? Trust me, I know.”
“I wouldn’t doubt it. He knows, I know.” Blaze said.
“Lockers, man. If you’re small enough you can be stuffed in them.” I said.
“Cafeteria food… much worse than fast food.” Blaze said.
“Not to mention, some of the teachers could be abusive and corrupted! You’re lucky to have a school like this Cheerilee! Private schools are much, much better than regular schools!” I said.
“And you know how much money it’s going to take to keep the school in balance?” Blaze asked. “Electric bills, water bills, fire drills are much more crowded too.”
“Hey, Blaze? Have you ever been whipped by a towel in a locker room?” I asked.
“Are you kidding? Bulk Biceps got me good on one of my hind legs! I’ve had a nasty scar for ages!” Blaze said.
“Ya two don’t really realize what ya sayin’ is high school, not elementary school. Cheerilee teaches elementary school foals.” Aqua corrected us.
“Well SOME of those things are true, Aqua!” I said. “Certain elementary schools don’t have lockers, but they do have trash bins! Stuff a first grader in a trash bin, and see how it feels! I’ve been through every kind bullying there was. Herb Leafhorn really did his research. He did everything by the book.”
“What book?” Aqua asked.
“The natural bullying guidebook.” I said.
“There’s no such thing as a book like that, mate.” Aqua said.
“How should I know? I don’t read.” I said.
“I really don’t think we’re getting anywhere by this.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Actually, Sweetie Belle, there’s something I have to say.” Cheerilee said.
We’ll come back to that later. Meanwhile, with Crystal, she and Spike hide behind some bushes across from Psyche’s house. Crystal and Spike were wearing black stealth outfits. “Ok so what do you need me for?” Spike asked.
“You’re a little guy, so you’re small enough to fit through Psyche’s chimney.” Crystal said.
”That tiny thing?” Spike asked as he looked at his chimney that was no bigger than a few inches. “I’m small but not THAT small!”
“But aren’t you like… a few inches?” Crystal asked.
“What do you take me for? A dragon or a lizard?” Spike asked.
“Well I did see a dragon from Mulan that wasn’t that big.” Crystal said.
“Those dragons are all the way at the other side of the world! You can’t find dragons like those in Equestria!” Spike corrected her.
”Well, whatever. None of my friends are available to help me, so I’ll need your help with this.” Crystal said.
“And what’s in it for me?” Spike asked.
“I got a Steam gift card.” Crystal said.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear the word ‘jewels’ in that offer.” Spike said.
“You can buy the game Be Jeweled.” Crystal said.
“Well I did ask for jewels. Ok, I’m in. What’s the deal?” Spike asked.
“I just gave you a deal.” Crystal said.
“No I mean, what do you need to get from Psyche’s house?” Spike asked.
“Psyche has some thingy he’s using to talk to his deceased mom.” Crystal said.
“Soooo he’s like a fortune teller, right? Talks to beyond the grave and stuff like that?” Spike asked. “It would make sense. Psyche being psychic!”
“I always thought that too.” Crystal said. “So anyways, you sneak inside the house and unlock the door for me. Then, I’ll go inside and locate the thingy.”
“Anything else you need me to do, sarge?” Crystal asked.
“Please… Lieutenant.” Crystal insisted.
“Oh like you were even part of the military. You’re lucky I’m calling you sarge.” Spike said.
“Yeah, you’re right.” Crystal said upsettingly. “Anyways, after I go in, you keep watch for Psyche.”
“Seems simple enough for a Be-Jeweled game.” Spike said as he puts on a clown mask. “Sorry, this is the only mask I got.”
“It’s perfect!” Crystal said. “If you’re going to sneak in, you’ll have to sneak in in style!”
“Got that right, sister!” Spike said. Just then, Psyche’s front door opens. “Wait, he’s coming!” he whispered and they both hid behind the bushes. Coming out of Psyche’s house was Octavia. “Octavia? What was she doing there?”
“Forget her! Why isn’t she carrying her cello with her?” Crystal asked. “That’s just not right. She’s never part with her cello. Seems awfully suspicious.”
“But we’re here for Psyche’s thingy though.” Spike reminded her.
“Right, right.” Crystal nodded. As Octy walked out of Psyche’s house, she accidently left the door opened a crack before she left.
“Well that’s convenient, but unwise.” Spike pointed out.
“Come on!” Crystal said as she and Spike run over to Psyche’s house, and sneak inside. The living room didn’t have a single soul in there at least. Seemed kinda spooky when I said that. Wooo. Nooo soooouls! How creepy is that, huh? When Spike and Crystal were sneaking through Psyche’s living room, Crystal slams the door behind her. Spike cringed.
“Don’t do that!” he whispers. “You’ll jepoarize our task!”
“I didn’t want the bugs to come in.” Crystal whispered. “I’m only trying to help.”
“Bugs only come in because you’re the queen.” Spike whispered as he glared at her.
“Oh… nice!” Crystal nodded pleasingly. “I’ve always wanted to be a queen!” Spike sighed.
“Hello? Octy?” Psyche called out from the other room. Spike and Crystal then suddenly froze in place.
“I told you he’d find out!” Spike whispered.
“I was only trying to be a good friend to him!” Crystal whispered back.
After a few moments of standing around, Spike then said, “Maybe we should’ve hid right after we froze.”
“Yeah, maybe we should’ve.” Crystal agreed, and so they did, pretty quickly. Spike hid inside the sofa while Crystal hid under the see-through glass coffee table.
“Really, Crystal? You think that’s the best place to be?” Spike whispered. Just then, Psyche was walking into the room.
“Well that was an interesting session! I should continue my research when I have the chance though.” Psyche said to himself as he hops onto the sofa and lays down on it.
“UNF!” Spike gasped.
“Wow… I should get this sofa fixed.” Psyche said as he closes his eyes. “Anyways, I’ll continue on my research after a little nap.” After Psyche starts napping, Crystal crawls out from under the coffee table and sneaks passed the sleeping Psyche. Turned out Spike couldn’t help Crystal at all, except for suffocating inside that sofa because of how wrong he was to hide there. Turned out his hiding spot was worse than Crystal’s. Psyche was laying down on his back, facing the opposite direction of Spike, and just then, he blows wind inside one of the sofa cracks. After a half-hour went by, Psyche finally awoken from his nap. He stretched it out and said, “Well that was refreshing. Well, back to work.” After Psyche gets up from his sofa and walks through his hallway and walks down to his basement, Spike jumps out of the sofa and gasps for air.
“I thought I was gonna die in there!” Spike said as he took some deep breaths. Crystal then walked into the living room while eating a bag of pretzels. “Did you get it yet?”
“Get what?” Crystal asked.
“You completely forgot about the thingy, didn’t you?” Spike asked as he glared at her.
“Oh, well… I was hungry. I was looking for some potato chips, but for some reason, Psyche is afraid of them.” Crystal explained. “I did find some pretzels though. Want some?”
Spike sighs and said, “Ok, that wasn’t worth it. Do what you want. I’m not doing this anymore.” He then starts walking away.
“Hey your loss! You’re not getting that reward then!” Crystal said mischievously.
“A game about jewels that I can’t even eat? Yeah, big loss.” Spike said sarcastically as he walks out of the house and closes the door behind him.
“Well at least he remembers to close the door.” Crystal said.
“Aww, but our queen’s in there!” a bug outside whined.
Crystal stealthily walked over to the basement door and was quietly about to open it, but it sounded like Psyche was about to open it. Psyche twisted the knob back and forth, giving Crystal time to hide. Once he opens it, he opens it, he says, “I love playing with my door knob! I just love that magnificent sound it makes when I twist it!” Psyche walks over to his kitchen and walks over to the pantry, giving Crystal a chance to sneak downstairs without him noticing. Once Crystal got downstairs, she saw Psyche’s family crest on the workshop table. “Hey! Where are my pretzels!” Psyche yelled from upstairs.
“Oh woops.” Crystal said as she was holding the bag in her wing. Crystal suddenly spots a folder on the table. The folder reads ‘Artifacts’. “Art… artey… artey… facts? Artifacts. Ooo that must mean this folder has a bunch of facts about art!” Crystal opens the folder and starts reading it. “Hmm… this isn’t art. It’s just a bunch of words that I don’t know what they mean! What a rip-off! I should take a selfie with it.” Crystal takes out her phone and takes a selfie of herself with the opened folder. She does a duck face expression when she takes her selfie.
Upstairs, Psyche finds a pile of crumbs on the floor leading to the basement. Crystal heard Psyche coming so she hides under the workshop table. Psyche continues following the crumbs and walks over to the workshop table. “You’re not a very good hider, Crystal.” He said. Crystal didn’t say anything; instead, she tried to crawl away without Psyche noticing. Psyche looks under the table and said, “I see you. What? When I look down there, you expect to be hiding somewhere else by the time I look? C’mon that’s impossible! You can’t… like… go from under the table to another part of the room without me noticing. This isn’t some secret agent movie that shows impossible things.”
“How did you know it was me?” Crystal asked.
“I saw you under the table from all the way at the staircase.” Psyche said. “This isn’t a cartoon. It’s not like I can’t see you down there from the distance.”
“I see.” Crystal said as she crawls out from under the table and stands up, and then eats some pretzels from the bag.
“You’re not a very clever secret agent, Crystal, but then again…” Psyche said as she takes the bag from her, and then he whispers. “…neither am I.” as he eats some pretzels. “Trying to prove to the others that you’re not crazy?”
“I just wanted to help, alright?” Crystal asked. “Nopony thinks I’m good help. I finally found out what you’ve been hiding, and when I told our friends about it, they didn’t believe me. So I had to break into your house to prove it.”
“To be honest, I knew it was only a matter of time until my secret gets reveled to somepony, but I NEVER would’ve thought you’d be the first one to find out.” Psyche admitted.
“Yeah, I never thought you’d be crazy enough to show a folder full of lies. None of those are facts about art.” Crystal said.
“You know… it might only be a matter of time until somepony takes you seriously. Can I trust you enough, Crystal, to not tell ANYPONY about what you saw me do, and any info you probably contained about these artifacts?” Psyche asked.
“What makes you think they’d believe me?” Crystal asked.
“Like I said, it’ll only be a matter of time.” Psyche said. “Crystal, would you please not tell anypony about this operation I’m doing?”
“I didn’t think you were THAT kind of doctor, Psyche.” Crystal thought.
“Crystal, I’m serious. NOPONY can know about this. Nopony whatsoever! Not even our friends.” Psyche said.
“How about Thundy?” Crystal asked.
“Not him either.” Psyche said.
“But we made a vow to tell eachother everything! We don’t keep secrets from eachother, Psyche! By that I mean him and I.” Crystal said.
“What are you going to do to me? You can’t hit a mare! I can legally sue you!” Crystal said.
“I’m not gonna hurt you, Crystal.” Psyche said. “But please… if you keep this a secret, it would really... REALLY be helpful!”
Just then, Crystal froze in shock. “Me… hel-helpful?”
“This is the most helpful thing anypony could ever do.” Psyche said. “You’d probably be the most helpful pony in Equestria if you keep this a secret between us.”
Crystal smiled and nodded. “Well, snap! Who would’ve thought? I was just about to sabotage Psyche, but it turns out I’m finally getting the respect I deserve! Crystal Iceblast is going to be helpful!”
“Yes she is!” Psyche nodded.
“Well now that I know, will you tell me everything about it?” Crystal asked.
“Let’s not get carried away.” Psyche said.
“Meh, who cares?” Crystal shrugged. “Hey I’m still more excited right now than when I found out girl’s legs are warmer than their bodies!” A cutaway shows Ponyville snowing pretty badly, and Crystal is wearing a very warm hoodie on her body, and wearing some short-shorts on her waist. “Girl power!” she said. The cutaway ends.
The next day at the Ponyville School, the students come in for class and Cheerilee shows her class a slideshow. “And that’s why, my little ponies, is why public schools are not that safe.”
“Whoa! I’m never thinking about cafeteria food again!” Snips yelled.
“Awww, you just got me thinking about cafeteria food now!” Snails whined.
“Awww, you just did the same thing to me!” Snips whined.
“Keep the school exactly how it is!” Aura yelled.
“Showering with other ponies?! YUCK! I’m glad we don’t have a gym here!” Tornado Bolt said.
“Not to mention those towel whips!” Cotton Cloudy added.
“Then we have an agreement.” Cheerilee said. “This school stays exactly how it is. I mean really. After this enlightment, I’ve come to realize… I don’t want another teacher that’s better than me. This is pretty much all I have. So, Mr. Rich, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to cancel our contract.” Cheerilee said to Filthy Rich as she tears up the contact in front of him.
“I really have to learn to hire some lawyers.” Filthy Rich complained as he angrily walks out of the school. Filthy Rich then sticks his head inside one more time and said, “You’re really missing out on a great business opportunity here, Miss Cheerilee. You would’ve made a fortune, and with a lot less work.”
“But this school is my passion.” Cheerilee said. “I just forgot that for a while. I’m not ready for that sort of change yet.”
“Well if you ever want to do business again, you have my number.” Filthy Rich said as he walks away.
“Is he hittin’ on you?” Engie asked her.
“Ah’m really sorry, Diamond Tiara.” Apple Bloom said to Diamond. “Ah know it seems pretty awkward to be doin’ this, but ah know you wanted that bigger school.”
“Actually, Apple Bloom, to be honest, I don’t.” Diamond admitted. “I’m tired of my dad always working. Besides, if there was a bigger school, there’d probably be bigger bullies than Silver Spoon and I. We’re in charge of this school! Nopony else is!”
“If there’s a pony that would over shine our popularity, they have another thing coming!” Silver Spoon said.
“I can actually name three ponies that could do that.” Scoots said mischievously.
“Oh yeah? Who?” Sweetie asked.
“Who do you think?” Scoots asked.
“The Boogie Mare perhaps?” Silver Spoon teased and laughed.
“FETECH ‘EM TEDDY!” Sweetie Belle yelled as she throws her teddy bear at Silver Spoon.
“HA! Who brings their teddy bear to school?” Silver Spoon asked and laughed.
“Psyche lied to me!” Sweetie Belle mumbled to herself.
“That makes both of us, sister.” Crystal whispered. Just then, the school bell rings and all the students start leaving the school.
“Now remember tonight’s assignment, students!” Cheeriliee reminded her students.
“You never gave it to us.” Sweetie Belle reminded her.
“Exactly!” Cheerilee winked at her.
“It’s so good to have our school back!” Apple Bloom said.
“It never left though.” Scootaloo corrected her.
“Ah know, but ah was just talkin’ hypothetically.” Apple Bloom said. Just then, she turned to us and said, “Thank you, Noble Six!”
“Ya welcome, Cutie Mark Crusaders!” Aqua saluted to them.
“Why are you saluting us? We’re not part of the military.” Scoots reminded him.
“I dunno. Just bein’… random, I guess.” Aqua said.
“Hey it was because of you three that the school is saved!” Blaze said. “We might’ve helped, but you three led it! There will be stories in the future about legends that say ‘the Cutie Mark Crusaders saved the Ponyville Schoolhouse’! How would that make you girls feel?”
“Unless it has somethin’ to do with us gettin’ our cutie marks, ah’m not interested.” Apple Bloom said.
“Yeah, me neither.” Scootaloo agreed.
“This felt like a waste of time for me.” Sweetie Belle complained.
“Well, it was only a matter of time before they complained about that.” Psyche said.
“Well, thanks again for yer help!” Apple Bloom said. “Flare, Blaze, Aqua, Psyche, Engie, and Crystal? You all were great help!”
“No need for your compliments, little one. I’m already the greatest help in Equestria!” Crystal said.
Engie then coughed and said, “Bologna.”
“Bless you.” Crystal said.
“That wasn’t even a sneeze.” Engie corrected her.
“Well you all did a great job! I owe you all my thanks!” Cheerilee said as she places her hoof my shoulder. Just then, I used my magic to move her hoof from my shoulder and place it on my Blessings of the Night, and the necklace started glowing. “What are you doing, Flare?”
“I’m not leaving here empty-hooved! It’s payment, sista.” I said.
“Well, see you tomorrow, Miss Cheerilee!” Sweetie Belle said.
“May the school live on!” Apple Bloom said.
“I never thought I’d say it but school ROCKS!” Scoots said excitedly.
“Guess it proves that the negativity of one’s ideas can actually cause second thoughts, and may actually lead to making the right choice!” Cheerilee said. “Public school isn’t THAT bad, but you know, all that responsibility might be too much for me, and my students for that matter. Public school and private school all have its advantages. You just have to find the one that best suits you. Private school is easier, but more expensive. But public school is harder, but free. But then again, public school has more advantages than private school, but private school has more teacher-student interaction to make learning easier. Plus, public school has-“
“HEY! Scooter brother, wait up!” I yelled as I ran outside, hopped on my scooter and started following Scootaloo again as she rode her scooter. “Scooter brother! Slow down, scooter brother! Scoooooteeeeer brotheeee-“ just then, I get shot by a giant laser in the sky, and I collapse on the ground. “…eeeer.” I added as I coughed smoke.
“Space satellite?” Psyche asked Crystal.
“Space satellite.” Crystal said.
“Good girl!” Psyche said as he patted her on the head. “Never doubted that idea for a second!”
“By the way, Psyche. Why was Octavia at your house?” Crystal asked.
STARING MEGASEAN45 AS FLARE GUN, MACHINE GUN, AND WEED LEAFHORN
CATHY WESELUCK AS SPIKE
BRONY WITH THE BOWTIE AS DOCTOR WHOOVES, BLAZE GOLDHEART (the one in the past), AND THE REFUGEE IN THE CLOAK
MICHELLE CREBER AS APPLE BLOOM
CLAIRE CORLETTE AS SWEETIE BELLE
MADELEINE PETERS AS SCOOTALOO
BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE FRIENDSHIP IS EPIC SERIES
CREATED BY MEGASEAN45
That Friday afternoon, Cheerilee was just about to finish her class session for the weekend. “And so class, you must remember one thing if you ever come face to face with a human-being – avoid them at all cost!”
“Oh but my sister’s marefriend loves humans! How can they be bad?” Twist asked.
“Because of THIS!” Cheerilee said as she opens up Powerpoint and shows the class the disasters a human can do. “Humans LOVE ponies, too much might I add! Bellies rubbed beyond repair, ears scratched to the limit, and manes brushed to oblivion!”
“B-but, I don’t want my mane brushed to oblivion!” Aura whined. “I don’t even like purple skies!”
“Well you’re going to have a rough time when I plan to take over.” Discord said while sitting on the desk next to her.
“Discord, how many times do I have to ask you not to interrupt my classes?” Cheerilee complained.
“Probably at least seven more times.” Discord said.
“Get out!” Cheerilee demanded.
“Pfft! Fine!” Discord said with an attitude. “I’m taking all my candy with me then!” he then disappears, and then reappears on the same desk, and he looks over at Rumble and said, “I’m just kidding, I wouldn’t actually do that! Here, have some chocolate!”
“I have theobromine poisoning whenever I eat chocolate, I can’t eat it.” Rumble said.
“Square!” Discord said as he opens the chocolate bar, throws aside the chocolate and eats the wrapper.
“I’ll eat the chocolate!” Truffle Shuffle said.
“Wow, what a square!” Discord said with an attitude as he then disappears.
“Anyways… as I was saying, class,” Cheerilee continued, “your history test on World Party II is going to be tomorrow, so I hope you studied hard for it. This test is going to be worth 150% of your grade,” she started to speak more mischievously and the room started to get darker, except for her face, “and I don’t just mean that theoretically, I mean it’s really worth 150% of your grade. If you fail this test, you may have to stay back TWICE.” Just then the bell rang and then Cheerilee shuts off the flashlight below her face and then she smiles. “Have a wonderful day, class!”
So after class ends, everypony starts running out, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders, they just walk out. “I don’t know about this, you two. I don’t have a very good feeling about this test.” Scootaloo said.
“Me neither!” Sweetie Belle said. “I’ve been studying the book all week, but I’m not able to understand any of it! And Rarity refuses to tutor me because she has a ‘job for her most important customer’, Sapphire Shores!”
“Ah wouldn’t blame her! She’s pretty amazin’!” Apple Bloom said.
“No doubt about it! Pony of pop!” Scootaloo said.
“Anyways, ah’m unable to study that well either.” Apple Bloom said. “Ah’ve been focusin’ lately on your play, Sweetie Belle. All the excitement went through mah head and studyin’ has become a lot harder.”
“How about you, Scootaloo? Any luck?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Who me? Pfft! I don’t read!” Scootaloo said. “Rainbow Dash herself said that reading is for eggheads, like Twilight. Unless it’s an adventurous story like Daring Do. That’s the only exception.”
“Ugh!” Apple Bloom groaned. “Ah dunno what to do! The exam is tomorrow, and we don’t know anything!”
“Well, we’re not getting our historical cutie marks, that’s for sure.” Scootaloo said.
“Ehhh, probably for the best.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Well, maybe we could see Twilight and she could tutor us.” Apple Bloom suggested.
“We can’t. Spike said she was in Canterlot for the weekend.” Scootaloo said. “Princess summit, I think he said.”
“Now what is a princess summit anyway?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Ah dunno, probably… umm… the princesses workin’ together to climb a mountain until they reach the summit?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I’ll say yes to that until I can think of a better reason.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Well, the only ponies left that might help me is Granny Smith, Big Mac, or AppleJack.” Apple Bloom said. “Ah’d go with either Granny Smith or Big Mac, since they’re both smarter than AppleJack pretty much.”
Later that night in Sweet Apple Acres, Apple Bloom started to complain, “Why did Granny Smith have to go to bingo night? Come to think of it, why did Big Mac have to go to bingo night?”
“Well look on the bright side, little sis,” AppleJack started, “you get to study with your BIG sis!”
“Oh yeah, we’re gonna have a blast.” Apple Bloom said sarcastically.
“World Party II! Gosh ah loved that topic!” AppleJack said. “It really had a lot of potential in it! Had a lot of twists, the enemies had their karma go against them, and it had a happy endin’! Well… sort of. Equestria was one of the nations that had a happy endin’, umm… well… anyways, let’s get down to studyin’! Now, Apple Bloom, tell me, ‘The Battle of P-Day took place in what year?’”
“Well, umm… uhh… ah don’t know!” Apple Bloom whined.
“But you just read that chapter last night.” AppleJack reminded her.
“Yeah, but P-Day was a long time ago.” Apple Bloom said.
AppleJack then made a glare. “Oook then, how about this? ‘The Treaty of Alliance was signed by what nations?’”
“Uhh… umm… always with the hard questions!” Apple Bloom whined. “Face it, AppleJack! Ah’m not good at history!”
“Oh yeah?” AppleJack asked as she smiled. “Tell me, Apple Bloom. What did you have for lunch last Wednesday?”
“A daisy sandwich, an apple, and an ice cream sandwich.” Apple Bloom said.
“See? That’s history!” AppleJack said.
“And some Cheetoes and a bag of M&Ms.” Apple Bloom added.
“Ok.” AppleJack nodded.
“Wait, it wasn’t Cheetoes, it was Cheese Its.” Apple Bloom corrected herself.
“Alright. So you get it!” AppleJack said.
“You know what I like?” I asked as I sat next to Apple Bloom on the couch. “I like one of those ice creams with the mini-caramels on it.”
“Oh yeah, those are good!” Apple Bloom agreed.
“Flare?!” AppleJack yelled surprisingly. “How did you get here?”
“Well, I went out of my house to get here, and then I walked over here, and then I opened the door to get here, and then I walked in the front door to get here, and then I get here, and then I got here, and here I am!” I explained. AppleJack then starts to glare at me. “Hey, AppleJack? You got any ice cream with the mini-caramels in it?”
“No we don’t.” AppleJack said.
“Can you get some?” I asked.
“No, ah’m tryin’ to help, Apple Bloom study, so do you mind?” AppleJack asked.
“Not one bit!” I said as I relaxed on her couch.
“Fine.” She said as she continued to test Apple Bloom. “So ‘What was the cake damage total in the city of Stalliongrad’?”
“ACK!” I made a buzzing sound. “$50 million.”
“Uh, that’s correct.” AppleJack said.
“Ah knew that!” Apple Bloom whined.
“Yeah but Flare buzzed first.” I said.
“Bzzzz.” I buzzed. “You know I wonder how ponies first discovered honey? Oh look, let’s randomly go inside a beehive and see what the fuss is about! Look at this sticky goo in the hives, let’s lick it! Oh it’s delicious! Let’s put it on bread or our tea!” Apple Bloom giggled, but AppleJack was annoyed.
“Ok, gimmie another question.” Apple Bloom requested.
“Ok.” AppleJack said. “’The Equality Friendship Movement is another name for…’”
“ACK!” Apple Bloom and I both buzzed.
“Apple Bloom!” AppleJack said.
“Communism!” Apple Bloom said.
“That’s right!” AppleJack said.
“Oh… I was gonna say six!” I chuckled. “What would equal six?”
“Ok, one to one. Next question!” AppleJack said.
“Friendship is a beautiful thing, AppleJack!” I said. “You know what would a good friend do?”
“What?” AppleJack asked.
“Go pick up the caramel ice cream for their friend.” I said.
“And a good friend would quit askin’ that and just go get it himself.” AppleJack said with an attitude.
“Or herself.” I added.
“Next question.” AppleJack said with an attitude. “The invasion of 1889-“
“ACK!” I interrupted. “1889!”
“No.” AppleJack said.
“ACK!” Apple Bloom buzzed. “1890!”
“Let me finish the question!” AppleJack demanded. “The invasion of 1889 was led by what race?”
“ACK!” Apple Bloom buzzed. “The Sphinx!”
“Very good! 2 to 1, Apple Bloom!” AppleJack said excitedly.
“Yes!” Apple Bloom whispered excitedly.
“No fair! My buzzard’s broken!” I whined. “Let me see yours.” I then held Apple Bloom’s hoof and made a buzzing sound. “See? Hers works.”
So after an hour or so of studying, it was time for the final round. “Ok contestants,” AppleJack started, “with a score tied, we move to our final question, and it’s goin’ to be pretty hard.”
“ACK!” I buzzed. “TRUE!”
“Wait for a question!” Apple Bloom reminded me.
“Okaaaaay!” I said with an attitude.
“Name three changes in World Party II that made the life of Equestria so much better.” AppleJack said.
“ACK!” Apple Bloom buzzed. “More alliances, new party favors, and… aaaand… umm…”
“ACK!” I buzzed.
“Flare!” AppleJack said.
“Sorry, I hit it by mistake.” I admitted.
“ACK!” Apple Bloom cried in excitement. “The most trusted nation in all of the world!”
“That’s correct! Apple Bloom is our new champion!” AppleJack said excitedly.
“WOO HOO!” Apple Bloom cheered.
“ACK!” I buzzed. “The most trusted in all of the world!”
“See, Apple Bloom? You know this stuff!” AppleJack said.
“Yeah… yeah ah guess ah do!” Apple Bloom said excitedly.
“You are gonna do great on that test!” AppleJack said.
“WE’RE GOING TO DO AWFUL ON THAT TEST!” Sweetie Belle cried out as she and Scootaloo barged in.
“What’s with everypony bargin’ in?” AppleJack asked.
“We can’t do it! We just can’t!” Scootaloo whined. “We tried everything, but it’s not working! I bet you’re not having as good of luck as us!”
“Well… umm…” Apple Bloom stuttered. “No… no ah’m not.”
“Huh?” AppleJack asked.
“UGH!” Scootaloo groaned. “Well at least you’re no farther than us.”
“Yeah, think if WE were on the bottom and Apple Bloom would be on top of the world.” Sweetie Belle complained.
“Oh I see what’s going I on.” I nodded.
“Well, if y’all want, ah can help y’all study.” AppleJack offered.
“OR… OR… I got something better!” I yelled.
“Oh yeah? What is it?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Who needs dusty old books for anyway?” I asked as I grabbed the book AppleJack was holding and threw it aside. “When we can actually experience it?”
“You mean the World Party II museum? Good idea, sugarcube!” AppleJack said.
“Uhh… yeah, of course.” I played along. “How about you head over there, get us some tickets, and we’ll catch up with you?”
“Sounds like a plan!” AppleJack agreed. “This will really help you girls on your test! Ah’m sure of it!”
“I hope so.” Scootaloo said.
“Alright, see y’all at the museum!” AppleJack said as she walks out of the house and was on her way to the museum.
“Don’t forget the ice cream with the little caramels!” I called out.
“A museum? Really, Flare? That’s the best you got?” Scootaloo complained.
“No that’s just an excuse to get AppleJack out of the way and not worried about us.” I said.
“Worried about what?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I think it’s time to go pick up Spike and go see the Doctor.” I said. “I have a great idea that’s going to help you fillies on your test!”
So after we picked up Spike, we headed over to the Doctor’s TARDIS, but before I knocked on the door I wanted to say something the crusaders, “Ok, crusaders, listen up for a sec. The TARDIS is going to be bigger on the inside.”
“Oh it’s like the opposite of Discord’s time machine!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Right, so when we get inside- wait, Discord has a time machine?” I asked.
“Yeah, it would appear the crusaders travelled through time and space before.” Spike said.
“Oh.” I said. “Alright, well when we get inside it’s going to be bigger on the inside, so here’s what I want you to do – don’t get surprised. Pretend you already knew.”
“Wow that was good poetry there.” Spike pointed out.
“Why don’t you want us to get surprised?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Because… the Doctor doesn’t like it.” I lied. “Yeah he’d rather you already know so it’ll be more of a chance for him to accept us.”
“Ah good call!” Scootaloo agreed. So then Spike knocks on the door.
“You just do that to irriate me, huh?” I asked.
“Your knocks aren’t very original.” Spike said.
“NEITHER WAS YOURS! You just did three taps without saying the Doctor’s name! Then repeating two more times.” I complained.
“Snooze you lose.” Spike said.
“Snooze you lose?” I asked. “Snooze you lose?! It’s like saying sleeping is bad, and you’re one to talk! You fall asleep easier than any of us.”
Just then, the Doctor opens the door. “Ah, Flare, Spike! Good to have you back! I guess you’re here to time travel to World Party II?”
“How did you know?” I asked.
“A true Time Lord never reveals all of his secrets.” The Doctor said. “Ah, you must be the Cutie Mark Crusaders! I’m the Doctor!”
“Yeah, ah know. We met before.” Apple Bloom said. “Very awkwardly.”
“Hmph, right.” The Doctor clears his throat. “Anyways, come on in!” So we did. We all followed him in and the Doctor started dancing around his center console. “Very impressive, wouldn’t you say?”
“Meh.” Apple Bloom shrugged.
“I’ve seen better.” Scootaloo said.
“We already knew it was bigger on the inside.” Sweetie Belle said.
“What?!” the Doctor cried. “You’re not surprised?! I love it when ponies are surprised of my TARDIS! You already seen it?!”
“Uh, Flare, I thought you said he liked it better when we were weren’t surprised?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Nope, I lied!” I laughed. “I just wanted to spoil the Doctor’s moment!”
“Ugh!” the Doctor groaned.
“Worth it!” I said as I high-hooved Spike.
“This place is really cool, Doctor!” Scootaloo said as she looked around. “Hey, what’s this button do?”
“NO!” the Doctor yelled, but it was too late, Scootaloo pressed it, and then a door opens revealing a room with a bunch of bowties.
“What’s that?” Apple Bloom asked.
“It’s my bowtie closet.” The Doctor said as he presses the button again to close the closet. “Don’t touch anything!”
“We’re touching the floor though, aren’t we?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Except for the floor. You can touch that.” the Doctor said. “Though it may depend on where you step-“ just then, some sombreros fall from the ceiling and landed on each of our heads. Sweetie Belle looks down and sees her hoof stepping on a floor switch below her. “Yeah, there are some buttons on the floor. Like that was my sombrero button.”
“You like sombreros?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Of course! I love wearing sombreros!” the Doctor said. “Los sombreros son frescas!”
“What other clothes do you have?” Scootaloo asked as she stepped on another button.
“DUCK!” the Doctor yelled as we all crouched down, and then tranquilizer darts shot out of the walls and shot on the Doctor’s sombrero. “Note to self: take out the floor buttons.”
“Sooo… what are we doing here again?” Spike asked.
“We’re going to travel back in time to World Party II!” I said.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Flare?” the Doctor asked.
“DUUUUUDE! We went back in time together like… twice already! Spike and I know what to do!” I said.
“That’s not what I meant.” The Doctor said. “I mean are you sure it’s a good idea to bring three school-aged fillies with us?” he pointed to the crusaders who were doing childish things right now. Like Scootaloo was making a tongue face, and Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle laughed.
“I know what you mean, Doctor.” I nodded. “Only children would laugh at a tongue face. We’re adults, so we laugh at adult things!”
“Like what?” Spike asked.
“We look at random objects and then we start laughing because it reminds us of something else.” I said.
“Yeeeeah, still not getting it.” Spike said.
“Come on, Spike! How old are you?” I asked.
“Still a child.” Spike said.
“Really? STILL a child? You act more mature than one.” I said.
“Well, if we’re bringing the fillies along in our time travel trip then we need to lay down some rules.” The Doctor said.
“Awwww!” the crusaders whined.
“Aw indeed! We’re rebels!” Spike shouted.
“I like your style, but we have children on board.” The Doctor said.
“Spike’s been on board since I’ve been on board!” I reminded him.
“Children ponies I mean.” The Doctor said.
“Oh so I don’t count? I don’t belong in the same category?” Spike complained.
“Ok, if we’re going to have these three fillies on board, they have to stay with us!” the Doctor said. “As a matter of fact, we’re all staying together! Fillies, you will do exactly what I say when I say it. Don’t listen to Flare or Spike, they’re not qualified to lead.”
“HEY!” Spike and I both whined.
“If we’re going into a warzone, we need to play it safe.” The Doctor said. “Don’t touch anything in the past, and don’t get caught in crossfire. We’re going to stay as far back from the battles as we could. You three got that?”
“YAY!” the crusaders cried out. “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS TIME TRAVELERS!” Their screaming made the Doctor hold his ears.
“Wow! Are they always this loud?” the Doctor asked me.
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! THEY SEEM FINE TO ME!” I shouted at the Doctor’s face, which made him cringe.
“Fine, fine.” The Doctor said. “Just hang on, and we’re going to get going.”
“But way, Doctor, do you even know why we’re bringing the crusaders with us?” I asked.
“Because some old friends from our past, including your ancestor saw us with them back then?” the Doctor asked.
“Really? Machine Gun said that, huh?” I asked. “Well anyways, I’m only here with them because they have an exam tomorrow, and I thought us going back to the source would assist them?”
“I guess that would explain why they were with us.” The Doctor said. “Ok, I know we’re heroes in their books, but Flare, Spike, you two need to help me control these fillies, ok? They cannot go wandering off.”
“They just did.” Spike said as he pointed to the crusaders running through one of the TARDIS doors and started wandering around the corridors of the TARDIS.
“Oh for the love of…” the Doctor facehooves himself. “Whatever, let’s just go.”
“Shouldn’t we look for them?” Spike asked.
“Relax, the TARDIS is the safest place in the universe.” The Doctor said.
“HA! I have so much evidence against that!” I laughed. “I have so much evidence, that you have no idea! I have so much evidence that’ll give you life- no, three of your lives in prison! It’s going to cost… you a third of a cat’s life capacity!”
“Don’t worry, Flare. I turned on the TARDIS’s safe mode.” The Doctor said as he pushes a few buttons. “Through every corridor the crusaders go through, they’re going to end up back here.”
“Cool… so how long is it going to take?” I asked.
“To be honest, they should’ve been back here by now.” The Doctor said.
“Whatever, whatever, let’s go back! I wanna see huge party action!” Spike cried out in excitement. “Wow… you have no idea how much I sound like Pinkie Pie.”
“I should know, I’ve dated her.” I said. “I’ve dated her for so long I’ve got a little bit of Pinkie Pie in me.” Just then my head slowly turned around my neck, all the way, which made Spike freeze in fright.
“Anyways, let’s going get now.” The Doctor said as he started pushing buttons and levers. “And yes, I know how I said that.” So the Doctor teleports the TARDIS out of Ponyville and faster than the speed of light, we went back many years into the past. “Here we are! 1,015 years into Equestria’s past!”
“I said it once, I’ll say it again: give our take a day.” I said. Just then, the CMCs ran through the opposite doorway, still cheering as they entered. Once they realized they were back in here, they all bump into eachother.
“Hey, did we just go through one big circle?” Scootaloo asked.
“I swear we went the other way!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Let’s retrace our steps a bit.” Apple Bloom suggested as they ran through the doorway in front of them, and suddenly going through the opposite doorway again.
“No I swear it, we went straight. We didn’t go full-circle.” Sweetie Belle said.
“I turned on the TARDIS’s safe mode.” The Doctor said. “Now if you want to keep running through the TARDIS corridors and end up back here again, that’s your choice. We don’t have to be here.”
“Oh we travelled back already? That was FAST!” Apple Bloom said impressively.
“It was Rainbow Dash fast!” Scootaloo said as she jumped up and floated a bit before touching back down.
“Hey Scoots? Have I ever told you I was Rainbow Dash once?” Spike asked.
“Well c’mon, crusaders! Time to study for our test!” Apple Bloom said as the three of them cheered.
“Well you have to admire their enthusiasm.” Spike said.
Just as the crusaders were about to run out, the Doctor stops them; “Now hold on, you three!” but with Scootaloo leading, she stops right by the door, and the other crusaders bump into eachother and then onto her, but Scoots is pretty strong not to fall over. She just stood there looking at the Doctor emotionless.
“Remember the rules.” the Doctor reminded them. “We all stick together like glue!”
“Or like caramel on a candy apple!” Apple Bloom suggested.
“Or like sisters!” Scootaloo suggested.
“Or like glue!” Sweetie Belle suggested. “Oh wait, we said that. Like glue STICK! Ah haaaaa!”
“Whatever!” the Doctor said losing his patience. “Just remember how unsafe this is going to be. Now, let’s step out of the TARDIS, and…”
“Doctor, you’re such a square! Flare said you were fun!” Scoots interrupted.
“I did! I did say that!” I said. “Trying to call me a liar, Time Turner?”
“That’s not my name!” the Doctor corrected me. “I’m not related to a kid with a pink hat!”
“Look if you wanna lay on some ground rules, Doctor, that’s fine.” Apple Bloom said. “But if yer gonna be strict just like mah sister, we’re gonna end up wonderin’ off.”
“Speaking of which, I wonder what AppleJack’s doing now?” Spike asked himself.
Meanwhile in present day, AppleJack returns to Sweet Apple Acres saying after she opens the door, “Y’all, ah found out that there is no World Party II museum. Was this some kind of tri… hello? Anypony home?”
“Nnnope.” Big Mac said from the kitchen.
“Ok ah’ll come back later.” AppleJack said as she walks out.
Back with us, with the crusaders leading, we open the TARDIS door and we arrived in… umm… we’ll let the Doctor explain. “Behold!” the Doctor started. “1,016 years ago in Equestria’s past, otherwise known as 16 BB.”
“BB?” Scoots asked.
“Before Banishment.” the Doctor said.
“He’s sayin’ like Nightmare Moon’s banishment.” Apple Bloom said.
“How did you know that, Apple Bloom?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Oh… well…” Apple Bloom started to get nervous. “Uhh… lucky guess? Ah don’t even know. Doctor, what does ‘before banishment’ mean?”
“You had it right, Apple Bloom.” The Doctor nodded. “It was before Nightmare Moon’s banishment.”
“Just so we’re clear, girls,” Apple Bloom said to her friends, “ah did NOT know that for sure. Ah ain’t superior minded. We’re in this together!”
“Well that’s a relief!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Yeah totally!” Scootaloo said.
“Yep, so we’re here in 16 BB, Pololand!” the Doctor said.
“Ok you’re confusing me, brah.” I said to the Doctor. “What does a baby gotta do with this?”
“Pololand!” the Doctor said as we all observed the city. It had a nice medieval architecture and there were minotaurs everywhere. “This is a city in the Minotaur kingdom. It’s also a place where polo shirts were invented!”
“Whoa! Look at those minotaurs fight!” Scootaloo pointed to a couple of minotaurs wrestling.
“Ah yes, Minotaur wrestling.” The Doctor said. “I see you have a keen eye for wrestling, Scootaloo! It’s traditional for minotaurs to-“
“Who said I enjoyed wrestling?” Scootaloo interrupted him.
“Oh, well…” the Doctor said nervous, “you seemed interested, and-“
“Wrestling is SO fake!” Scootaloo said. “That wrestling even looks fake!”
“AAAAH!” one of the wrestling minotaurs cried. “My spleen! My spleen is now up my nose!” The crusaders started to feel uncomfortable after seeing that. I went over and blocked their eyes, and Spike climbed on my back and blocked mine.
“Uhh… moving on now.” the Doctor said awkwardly as we all walked away and decided to look at something else. “And over here we have one of the holy grounds of baptizing water where the minotaurs warship the founders of the species.” The holy art over the holy water shows a marble painting of a bull and an emo human girl.
“Rarity never lets me get that many piercings.” Sweetie Belle said.
“And over here we have minotaur’s finest culinary!” the Doctor said as he showed us one of their restaurants.
“Grass?” Scootaloo asked.
“Not just any grass, but co…” Apple Bloom stopped herself, “…umm… ah dunno, is it a special type of grass?” she asked the Doctor.
“Corn grass! You can’t get it anywhere else but here!” the Doctor said.
“Apple Bloom, I thought you knew this?” Spike asked. “You studied with Twilight on-“
Apple Bloom quickly covers Spike’s mouth and said, “Uhh, what are you talkin’ about? Ah barely know a thing about history! Ah don’t even know the lunch ah had last Wednesday!”
“Really?” I asked. “I do!”
“Yer an adult though, Flare.” Apple Bloom said. “You adults are… more intelligent than us fillies!”
“What?!” Sweetie Belle gasped.
“Really? You’d say that to HIM?!” Scootaloo complained.
“Hey! Don’t call me ‘him’!” I complained. “I’m not some transgender demon!”
“Did ah mean that?” Apple Bloom asked. “Ah mean… you know… ah mean we’re socially more intelligent than… certain adult ponies, but… ah’m talkin’ about… y’know… IQ!”
“You saying we’re stupid?” Scootaloo asked.
“NO!” Apple Bloom yelled. “Ah mean… errr…” Just then, we heard a strange noise echo in the distance.
“Uhh, what was that?” Spike asked. Just then we heard the noise again.
“Pinkie Pie?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Pinkie Pie wasn’t born yet.” Apple Bloom corrected her.
“But it sounds like some kind of streamer.” Sweetie Belle said.
“It is.” the Doctor said. “It would appear the party… is about to begin!” From the distance we’re hearing explosions of confetti, cake frosting covering buildings, and party airships covered the skies while heavy party artillery and tanks started flocking the streets.
“AAH!” Sweetie Belle screamed as she hid behind Scootaloo. “What are they?!”
“Wow… you’d really use me as a meat shield, Sweetie Belle?” Scootaloo asked offendedly.
“Bet she’d look good tender!” Spike teased.
“Is that supposed to be a chicken joke?!” Scootaloo yelled angrily at him.
“Wha- NO! Where did you get that from?” Spike asked. “I’m talking about tenderized pony!”
The crusaders started to slowly and awkwardly back away from Spike. “I actually preferred the chicken joke.” Scootaloo admitted.
“Relax! I don’t even know what pony tastes like!” Spike said. “If I did, then, woo-hoo-hoo, you’d be in trouble!”
“Now you girls don’t have to be like that!” the Doctor said. “Each of you are special the way you are, no matter how your intellect may be!”
“He’s right.” I agreed. “You’re strong and smart independent mares! Nothing can stand in your way!”
“Exactly!” the Doctor agreed. “Like all mares!”
“Whoa, let’s not go that far, Doc!” I stopped him. “I mean I have a sister who’s the complete opposite!”
“Regardless though, just because we’re adults doesn’t make us smarter in every way.” The Doctor said. “I mean you three have been friends longer than I could keep a companion! When it comes to friendship, I’m a complete moron! So don’t doubt yourselves, alright?”
“He’s right!” Apple Bloom agreed.
“Hey as long as the three of us are on the same IQ, it doesn’t bother me!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Me neither!” Scootaloo agreed.
“Oh.” Apple Bloom said upsettingly.
“Bombs away!” Spike pointed up into the sky and saw a giant cake falling from the sky. So we all jumped into the cover under a canopy. The Doctor also took out an umbrella and covered the front of us where the cake suddenly splatters.
“Woo! That was close!” Sweetie Belle said in relief.
“For Wizard of Hope’s sake! These bulls were NOT prepared for this!” I said.
“They don’t call it a surprise party for nothin’.” Apple Bloom said.
“Indeed.” The Doctor said. “September 1st, 13 BB, Parti Germaney attacks Pololand with a surprise party, and you fillies must know that there are party laws. Can’t throw a surprise party for a whole town without warning. The Germaney parties started a party conquest throughout the world, in attempt to throw the biggest party ever known. The biggest messes, the biggest againsts, the biggest jug contests, the biggest pin tails on pony games. This party made World Party I seem like a picnic!”
“Wow!” Scootaloo said in shock. “These even make Pinkie Pie’s party seem like a picnic!”
“It would’ve been really interesting if Pinkie came with us.” I said. “See if she could out-party these party-goers! Party go-go-goers! GO! GO! GO! GOOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOooooooOOOooooooooooOOOoooo!”
“Are you ok, Flare?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“I’m fine, how are you?” I asked.
“Maybe we should have a closer look!” Scootaloo suggested.
“Nuh uh uh.” The Doctor said as he blocks their path. “We’re too close as it is. But don’t you worry your pretty little heads because the real fun hasn’t even started yet!”
“You call war fun?” Spike asked.
“OH HO HO! Trust me, Spike! You Equestrian folk know nothing of war!” the Doctor said. “Now then, to the TARDIS!” So we all returned to the TARDIS for some reason, and the TARDIS disappeared. After we’ve reached our destination, we got out. “Here we are!” the Doctor said as we got out of the TARDIS over a hillside and saw a huge battle going on in the valley below. “One year later. After many of the world’s nations surrendered to the Parti Party, nations began to fight back. It was slow at work, but when the nations formed an alliance, the Partis didn’t stand a chance, despite the allies being outnumbered and outpartied.”
“Where’s Equestria in all this?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Equestria wasn’t a part of the party until later.” The Doctor said. “Equestria wanted to remain as a neutral nation.”
“So what made them join in?” Scootaloo asked.
“Follow me back into the TARDIS and I’ll show you.” The Doctor instructed them. So we all returned into the TARDIS and travelled to a completely different area altogether. Once we got out, we looked around and saw everything was peaceful. “Here we are! Pre-World Party II Equestria! Same year, same time as the last place we were in!”
“Did nopony care that ponies were in trouble in foreign nations?!” Apple Bloom cried out. “Why can’t some of these ponies do somethin’?!”
“Oh they will, Apple Bloom. Believe me, they will!” the Doctor said.
“What is this place?” Spike asked. “It doesn’t look like Old Canterlot. Are we in a different place?”
“Whatever this place is, it still makes Ponyville seem like a nudist colony.” I said. “Every town in Equestria seems that way.”
“So how did Equestria get in the war in the first place?” Scootaloo asked.
“That answer will soon come later today.” The Doctor said. “But for now, how about we enjoy a bit of Equestria’s culture in past times? Perhaps that may help you in a future test!”
“Doctor, don’t forget, they’re just kids.” I reminded him. “If you teach them too much at once, their minds will go ka-blooey. They’re not Time Lords like you, so you don’t understand how young pony minds work. One day, at school, I was getting taught how to draw shadows on pictures that the other students smelled something burning. We pulled the fire alarm, and ran outside, and the fire department came, and they claimed there was no fire in the school, but we still smelled it. Later we realized it was my brain, so the firefighters squirted their hose at me. It didn’t really do anything about the smell though, but they claimed to just do that because I wasted their time.”
“Exactly!” Scootaloo agreed. “Only teach us what’s necessary for the test. Too much learning could lead to that.”
“No it doesn’t.” Apple Bloom corrected her.
“Oh yeah? How do you know?” Scootaloo asked her.
“What does that have to do with anythin’?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Well I dunno about you ladies, but I’m in the mood for some fried plantains! Who’s with me?” I asked.
“I don’t know about fried, but there is a restaurant here that sells grilled plantains.” The Doctor said.
I turned and faced the Doctor very slowly with an angered look on my face, and I said very softly, “Did I say… grilled plantains, Doctor? Hmm? Are you deef or something? Because I don’t remember saying I was in the mood for grilled plantains.”
“What’s the difference?” the Doctor asked.
“What’s the difference?” I repeated. “Substitute one thing to another? Brah, what’s wrong with you?”
“Do you have some sort of OCD or something?” the Doctor asked.
While the Doctor and I argued, the crusaders had a little conversation amongst themselves. Sweetie Belle takes out a notepad and starts writing something down. “What are you doing, Sweetie Belle?” Scootaloo asked.
“Taking notes.” Sweetie Belle said. “I’ve been taking notes since we started this trip.”
“What are you writing down now?” Scootaloo asked.
“Fried plantains are not the same as grilled plantains.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Well this is boring. What do you say we check out the town, whatever this town is?” Scootaloo suggested.
“Good idea!” Sweetie Belle agreed.
“Wait, didn’t the Doctor say we should be stayin’ with them?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Does a zebra live in the woods?” Scootaloo asked.
“What kind of question is that?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Exactly!” Scootaloo said. “We should take a look around and see what kind of awesome stuff we can find!”
“She’s right, Apple Bloom. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!” Sweetie Belle said. “I don’t think we’ll be able to travel back in time again!”
“What about that one time we went back with Discord?” Apple Bloom asked.
“C’mon, you think anything like that actually happened?” Sweetie Belle asked. “If Discord was actually able to go back in time, wouldn’t he stop himself from being captured by the Elements of Harmony? The whole thing was probably staged.”
Apple Bloom thought it over. “Well… ah guess it wouldn’t hurt. But shouldn’t we tell them where we’re goin’?”
“Sure.” Scootaloo said as she turned towards us. “Hey, Doctor, we’re going to look around, are you ok with it?”
“Flare, plantains are NOT bananas!” the Doctor argued with me. “They’re two different fruits. You can’t just fry a banana and get exactly what you want! On another note, how is that different from you not wanting grilled plantains?”
“I just want a fried SOMETHING!” I said. “C’mon, there has to be olive oil during these days. You know how old potato chips are?! I didn’t even know they were around for over 100 years!”
“That’s a good enough answer as any. Let’s do this!” Scootaloo cried out.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS HISTORY WANDERERS!” Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo yelled as they hoof bumped eachother.
“C’mon, Apple Bloom! Join in!” Sweetie Belle instructed her.
“Uh, yeah…” Apple Bloom said awkwardly as her hoof joins in with the others. “Cutie Mark Crusaders history… whatever. Let’s go.”
“Wow, spoil the moment much, AB?” Sweetie Belle complained. So the crusaders wandered off.
As they wandered off, they pass a sign that says ‘Welcome to Pearl Harbor – Home of the Oyster’. Just then, one of the pony residents walks over to the sign and sighs. “Ok, who keeps messing with the sign?” he complained as he switches the words ‘Oyster’ and ‘Pearl’ to their proper places on the sign. “That’s better. I’m getting really tired of this prank!”
As the crusaders walked through town, they look around to see if anything is worth checking out. When they walk up to a tavern, Sweetie Belle suggests going in there for some history lessons, so they do. When they walked into the tavern there was a crowd of ponies eating, drinking, relaxing, and clopping their hooves together for the show on the stage.
“Wow! Who would’ve known that ponies from history could have this much fun?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Fun’s been around for generations, Sweetie Belle!” Apple Bloom said.
“Then how come most old ponies don’t know how to have fun?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Fun’s been different back then.” Apple Bloom said.
“Hey I’m having fun here! Looks like we have a live show!” Sweetie Belle said. “I wonder if anypony could sign up to perform?”
“I’d perform! I’d definitely perform!” a familiar voice said to the crusaders.
“Oh yeah? What can you do, stranger?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Me… a stranger?!” the pony asked them. “My friends, I could never be stranger!” The pony reveals his face, and it turns out to be… well, here, I’ll let you figure it out.
“Flare?!” the crusaders cried.
“Flare? Who’s Flare?” the pony who looked a lot like me asked. “My name is Private Machine Gun.”
“No you’re not, liar!” his friend Weed Leafhorn corrected him as he play punched him in the shoulder. “You’re a long way from being a private! You’re a BUCK private!”
“SO ARE YOU!” Machine corrected him.
“I’m actually between the lines if you catch my drift.” Weed said.
“Herb?!” the crusaders cried out.
“Herb? That sounds like a dumb name.” Weed said. “My name is BUCK Private Weed Leafhorn.”
“Shhhh! Don’t say it too loud!” Machine whispered to him.
“YOU SUCK, BUCK-PRIVATES!” a few military ponies from across the tavern taunted them as stew gets thrown on Machine’s face and apple pie gets thrown on Weed’s.
“I hate those corporals!” Weed said grumpily. “They think they’re so cool!”
“Mmm!” Machine said he licked the stew off his own face. “Joke’s on them. I love soup!”
“That’s stew, moron.” Weed corrected him.
“UGH!” Machine groaned. “Those corporals!”
“Don’t worry, guys! We’ll be able to fight back soon.” Blaze’s ancestor said to Machine and Weed.
“BLAZE?!” the crusaders cried.
“That’s my name; wear it out when you can.” Blaze said.
“Wait… what?” Apple Bloom asked. “Your name is Blaze?”
“Private Blaze Goldheart.” Blaze said. “What can we do for you young fillies?”
“How about the colt? Can we help him too?” Machine asked.
“Sure! How about it, young colt?” Blaze asked.
“I think he’s talking to you, Scootaloo.” Sweetie Belle said to her.
“Really?!” Scootaloo asked with a big smile.
“She’s a filly actually.” Apple Bloom corrected him.
“No, no… it’s fine. You can think I’m a colt if you want!” Scootaloo said.
“Uhh, why?” Apple Bloom asked.
“You know how many times Rainbow Dash was confused as a stallion? Now I’m even more like her!” Scootaloo said happily as she jumped up, hovered a bit, then touched back down.
“Oooooook then.” Apple Bloom said awkwardly.
“Hey, that’s what we wanted to talk to you three about.” Sweetie Belle said.
“About stallions getting confused as mares?” Machine asked. “No wait! I mean, mares getting confused as stallions?” he started to laugh. “I said it backwards!”
“Mares getting confused as stallions and stallions getting confused as mares? What are we? Vikings?” Weed asked.
Sweetie Belle giggled. “No, I mean, signing up for the talent show.”
“Oh the talent show?” Weed asked. “Well feel free to try, but this isn’t just a talent show. It’s for the entertainment of your fellow Equestrian soldiers.”
“Exactly!” Blaze said.
“You’re part of the war?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Are you kidding?! We’re not part of this war that we have nothing to do with!” Blaze said. “We’re a neutral nation. We mind our own business and Equestria stays in peace.”
“The princesses ordered all Equestrian soldiers to stand down.” Weed said. “We are not allowed to be a part of this party war.”
“What if they attack you?” Scootaloo asked. “The Parti Party?”
“They wouldn’t dare!” Weed said.
“That’s right! Equestria’s a powerful nation!” Machine said. “No one has the guts to attack here! I mean WE have the ponies that control day and night! Equestria OWNS this world!”
“So why don’t the princesses help their world?” Apple Bloom asked.
“They thought us minding our own businesses would help.” Blaze said. “It keeps us friends with every other nation. Equestria has no enemies, and there will never again be enemies for us.” Just then a bucket of water gets dumped on the Machine, Weed, and Blaze’s heads by a bunch of bully ponies. The bully ponies laugh and run off. “Except, of course, the corporals.” Blaze said in an annoyed tone.
“Hey! You can fight back!” Scootaloo suggested. “You buck privates outnumber them, don’t you? There’s more of you and less of them?”
“You’d think we could fight back.” Machine said. “Trust me, I’d love for nothing more. Except for a nice tasty apple pie, but that’s it.” Just then, Machine turns over to Weed and said, “Oh that’s right!”
“Lick my face and you’re dead.” Weed threatened him.
“Wooo! Touchy!” Machine commented. He then turns back to the crusaders said, “But the corporals outrank us. They could do whatever they please to us, and we can’t do a thing to them back without getting punished by the sergeants!”
“Ooooo, sorry to hear that.” Sweetie Belle said.
“It’s ok. We tend to get used to it later on.” Blaze said.
Just then, a younger military pony runs over, grabs Blaze’s cider, drinks it, then spits it on his face. “You buck-privates are NOTHING!” the soldier taunted as he laughed and ran off.
“UGH!” Blaze groaned. “Those corporals are rubbing their bad influence on the lance corporals! When they get promoted to corporals, we won’t hear the end of it!”
Back with the Doctor and me, we continued to argue over something he considers stupid but I consider being very important. “Oh, and another thing,” I continued, “I never considered liking cheese chips! I mean I like chips, and I like cheese, but I don’t like cheese chips.”
“Flare, every time we talk, you make less and less sense!” the Doctor said. “Now c’mon, are we here to argue, or are we here teach these fillies some history lessons?”
“Yeah you’re right.” I nodded. “This ain’t economics class, so let’s save the arguing for when we help them study economics.”
“Good idea.” The Doctor agreed. “Alright, crusaders, are you- huh?” the Doctor looked around to search to where the crusaders have gone. “Where did they go?”
“They left.” I said.
“You didn’t even look, how did you know?” the Doctor asked.
“I knew they were gone. You didn’t?” I asked.
“NO!” the Doctor said. “How long did you know? You have any idea where they went?”
“No clue.” I said.
“Well we have to find them!” the Doctor said.
“Hang on, I didn’t answer the first question you asked me!” I reminded him.
“Huh?” the Doctor asked.
“I’ve known they were gone since they said they were wandering off.” I said.
“Oh… ok.” The Doctor said. “Hey Spike, do you know where they went?”
“Wow, you actually remembered I was here.” Spike said sarcastically. “I wasn’t going to say anything and wait how long you would notice. Anyways, I saw them wandering around, and they went to some tavern over there.”
“Ah brilliant!” the Doctor said as he started walking towards the tavern, and the two of us followed.
“Hey Spike, I was wondering,” I started, “how come you act different when you hang out with me than when you hang out with the Mane Six?”
“They like how I act all child-like an innocent around them.” Spike said. “When hanging with you and the Noble Six, you act differently, and perhaps it’s a bad influence on me.”
“Cool!” I said.
“Cool?” Spike asked.
“Don’t worry about it.” I said. So the three of us entered the nearby tavern where the crusaders walked in before. It was a nice tavern, where all the ponies were eating, drinking, and clopping their hooves together for the performances on stage. We looked around to see if we could find them, and by them I mean the crusaders, not the… ponies… clopping their hooves and… yeah. I also just realized I just repeated myself. Boy do I feel like a fool. Then again, I felt like a fool since Book 1.
“Find them yet?” Spike asked me.
“No but I found some soup!” I said as I gave it a taste. Afterwards I spit it out. “AGH! Scratch that, its stew! It’s been in a common threat for my family for generations, brah!”
“I’m not even going to ask.” Spike said.
“Why bother saying it then?” I asked him. “If you don’t want to ask me, then don’t tell me anything!”
“Good point.” Spike said.
“Ah there you girls are!” the Doctor said across the tavern.
“There YOU are, Doctor!” Sweetie Belle said. “Come to see us in the talent show? We just signed up!”
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ENTERTAINERS!” the crusaders cried.
“Sounds interesting.” The Doctor said. “What are you planning to do?”
“Well the thing is…” Apple Bloom said as the crusaders all looked at eachother awkwardly, “…we don’t know yet.”
“I thought we were going to sing.” Sweetie Belle said.
“I thought we were going to do some awesome tricks!” Scootaloo said.
“I thought you girls would actually listen to me and actually stay with me instead of wandering off?” the Doctor asked.
“Yeah its funny how things work doesn’t it?” Spike asked.
“Oooooh… sorry, Doctor.” Apple Bloom said.
“Well we did tell you we were going to wander off since we got bored of you arguing with Flare.” Scootaloo said.
“Well then this is my bad then. I should’ve kept a closer eye on you.” The Doctor said. “From now on, you’re not leaving my sight!”
“What if you have to go to the bathroom?” Scootaloo asked with a smirk.
“I’d like to see you try to make me! A Time Lord can go 60 years without having to use the restroom!” the Doctor said.
“And when was the last time you went to the restroom?” Scootaloo asked mischievously.
“4 years ago.” The Doctor said mischievously. “Can’t try that trick with me!”
“4 years ago from over 1000 years into the future?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I…” the Doctor stops and starts to get a little nervous. “I… umm… excuse me.” the Doctor runs out of the tavern and starts looking for a place to go.
“Nice one, Apple Bloom!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Yeah, how did you think of that?” Scootaloo asked.
“Oh, I… you know… just a guess.” Apple Bloom said nervously.
“Cool! So are we going to sign up for the talent show?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Not so fast!” I stopped them. “You’re not going to sign up for a talent show!”
“Aww, really Flare?” Sweetie Belle complained.
“Yeah, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity!” Scootaloo said.
“Without me!” I added.
“Say what now?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I think you said that at the wrong time, Flare.” Spike pointed out. “You said ‘without me’ after they said ‘once in a lifetime opportunity’. It’s like saying it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity without you.”
“Fine, I have to explain it more then?” I complained. “I don’t even feel like it!”
“You won’t explain it now, but you have no problem with explaining that argument with the Doctor?” Spike asked.
“Forget it!” I yelled as I walked over to the signup sheet. “Let’s just sign up for that talent show and I’ll let you figure out the details!”
“To be honest, I don’t even care.” Scootaloo said.
So as we got ready to perform, across the ocean in between Equestria and some other nation across the way, pegasi were flocking the skies, along with zeppelins, and ships all over the ocean. Some of the ships honked their horns using streamers as their horns. What could this mean? Yes, I’m actually asking you what it means, because I have no clue. Hey, don’t give me that look. Anyways, something’s coming. Equestria wasn’t too far away from the incoming invaders.
Meanwhile, back at the tavern, it was our turn to perform. The Doctor was sitting in the audience with an annoyed expression on his face. “Ugh! Wasting time performing when these fillies should be studying! The least they could’ve done is allowed me to perform with them!”
“Fillies and gentlecolts – may I present – Guns ‘n Dragons!” the host said and the audience cheers. Well that last sentence didn’t seem right. There are two minuses and no equals. What kind of math is this?
“You ready to do this, brah?” I asked Spike behind the curtain.
“We do this every time we time travel, so might as well!” Spike said.
The little orchestra up here on stage starts playing as the curtains open revealing Spike and me wearing military helmets and big rifle-sized sticks, and just holding a pose for the crowd until our moment comes. “Can you tell me why again you didn’t bother having the crusaders up here with us?” Spike asked.
“The little musical number while we time travel? That’s our thing, bro!” I said.
“Hmph! Jerks!” Sweetie Belle complained backstage.
“Let’s prove to them that we can sing twice as good as them!” Apple Bloom said as she took out the sheet with the lyrics we’re going to sing, and read them.
“THREE TIMES!” Sweetie Belle cried out.
“TEN TIMES!” Scootaloo cried out.
“Whoa, Scoots! Let’s not take it too far.” Sweetie Belle suggested.
Spike and I began to dance with our sticks and helmets much like we dance with our top hats and canes, and we began to sing a little something that Glen Miller inspired us to sing. “This song is for the Apple family!” I shouted out. “Any of the Apple family in here (besides the one that came in with us)?”
“Howdy!” a pony waved from the back of the tavern.
“Excellent!” I said. “We have a little something for you! And it goes a little something like this!” Just then Spike and I started singing, “Don’t sit under the apple tree, with anyone else but me!”
“Anyone else but me.” I sang as Spike started ‘oooing’.
“Anyone else but me, no no no!” we both sang. “Don’t sit under the apple tree, with anyone else but me, till I come marching home!”
“Don’t go walking down lover’s lane, with anyone else but me!” I sang as I twirled my stick, and no, let me remind you that this is a child-friendly story, so stop thinking that, you sicko!
“Anyone else but me!” Spike and I both sang as we both started skipping elbow to elbow. “Anyone else but me! No, no, no! Don’t go walking down lover’s lane, with anyone else but me!” Then we both started marching like military soldiers. “Till I come marching home!”
Spike then sang, “Just I got word, from a guy who heard, from the guy next door to me… and the girl he met just loves to pet, and it fits you to a T!” he was dancing on a giant letter T. The top of the T then collapses a quarter down the stick, and Spike was hanging on the two ends of the top of the T with his arms on both ends as we sang the next part, “So don’t sit under the apple tree, with anyone else but me, till I come marching hooooome!”
Spike got unattached of the broken T and we both continued dancing until the next verse of the song came on. Just then, Sweetie Belle dances onto the stage while wearing a pink dress and a pink fluffy featherly neck thing as she sang, “Don’t give up with those lips of yours, to anyone else but me,”
“Sweetie Belle?!” Spike and I both said surprisingly.
“Anyone else but me, anyone else but me. No, no, no!” Sweetie Belle sang. We both just stood there watching her. “Watch the girls on the foreign shores. You have to report to me… when you come marching home!”
“This isn’t your type of song!” I whispered.
“Too bad!” Sweetie Belle whispered back.
“Don’t hold anyone on your knee, you better be true to me!” Apple Bloom sang as she moon walked on stage while wearing a top hat and a black vest. “You better be true to me… you better be true to me!” The trumpets blast three times. “Don’t hold anyone on your knee, or you’ll get a third degree,” Apple Bloom places a thermometer in my mouth showing the temperature only 3 degrees Celsius. Celsius, because that’s more possible. “When you come marching home!”
Scootaloo then dances in while wearing a pilgrim costume and she sings, “You’re on your own; when there is no phone and I can’t keep tabs on you!” I then heard a booping sound nearby.
“What was that?” I freaked out. I swear that sound always gets me when I listen to this song. I always think it’s my headphones.
“Be fair to me, I’ll guarantee, there’s one thing that I’ll do: I won’t sit under the apple tree with anyone else but you, till you come marching home!” Scootaloo sang.
“Why are you wearing a pilgrim outfit?” Apple Bloom asked her as we all continued dancing.
“It was the closest thing I could find to a phone outfit.” Scootaloo said. “Did the one who invent telephones wear this?”
“Hey pilgrim outfit!” I pointed out. “Pilgrims invented Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving has turkey, and the only bird closest to turkey is a chicken!”
“What is that supposed to mean, Flare?” Scootaloo asked offendedly.
“If you don’t know by now, I’m not saying it.” I said.
“That didn’t make any sense.” Spike said.
So we decided to conclude the song before going on. We all started singing, “Don’t sit under the apple tree, with anyone else but me! I know the apple tree… is reserved for you and me… and I’ll be truuuue to yoooou till you come marching hoooooooo-“ Just then our song gets interrupted by an echo in the distance.
“Wha… what was that?” Sweetie Belle asked nervously. Just then, the sound echoes in the distance again.
“It’s… it’s…” Apple Bloom stutters.
“It has interrupted the song!” I complained.
“WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!” a pony cried as he ran inside the tavern. “THE PARTIS ARE COMING! THE PARTIS ARE COMING!” Just then, everypony in the room started screaming and freaking out.
“HEY!” Sweetie Belle yelled. “YOU’RE NOT RUNNING AWAY UNTIL I FINISH MY SONG! THIS IS MY SPECIAL MOMENT!” Just then, everyone stopped freaking out and just froze in place. “SIT DOWN! ALL OF YOU!” Sweetie demanded. So they did. “Thank you.” Sweetie said as she cleared her throat. Just then, the crusaders, Spike, and I concluded the song, “-ooooooooooooome!” Yeah even the instruments were there to conclude the number. Yeah I have a problem with closure so I pretty much agreed with her when it came to finishing the number. “Ok.” Sweetie said. “The song’s over. You can freak out now.” So they did.
Oyster Harbor was now getting attacked by the Partis. If you thought this war wasn’t actually bringing harm to ponies, it actually was. Confetti was falling from the sky and landing in pony’s mouths, choking them, and there weren’t even any choking hazard labels on them. Balloon bombs fell from the sky as well, and popped when they landed, making ponies deaf from their loud noises. Cake frosting was also mushed all over pony’s faces, making the ponies that are lactose intolerant all gassy. To add to that, some of the cakes had nuts in them. So yeah, World Party II was pretty harmful to our fellow ponies.
The Doctor, Spike, the crusaders, and I were all hiding inside a sheep pen as the Partis were close to taking over Oyster Harbor. We see them march right pass us as we hid behind some sheep, some hay, and a feeder. We peeked our heads out to check on everything, and then immediately put our heads back down again.
“See what happens?” the Doctor complained. “You all got distracted and now we lost track on time and we’re trapped here!”
“Forget that! Don’t you crusaders know what you just did?!” I complained.
“We disobeyed the Doctor and now we’re on the risk of gettin’ partied out?” Apple Bloom asked.
“NO!” I said. “I told you three that the musical numbers when we time travel belongs to Spike and me. This is OUR thing.”
“To be honest, I don’t care either way.” Spike admitted. “I’m just glad you actually let me sing. Nopony else does.”
“So why did you let us sing then, Flare?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“You were already on stage. No need to cause a scene.” I said.
“Well, Flare, now that you know what it’s like to be disobeyed, huh?” the Doctor smirked at me.
“Oh shut it, Doctor! You were just being a square! I only demanded the crusaders not sing with Spike and I because what we do is traditional. Tradition and being a square are two different things.” I explained.
“Whatever! But crusaders, you really need to listen to me. Your lives may be at stake here.” The Doctor explained to them. “I’m just looking out for your safety.”
“We know that, Doctor, and we’re sorry.” Apple Bloom said.
“Whoa, Apple Bloom! What gives you the right to talk for all of us? You do that a lot!” Scootaloo complained.
Spike started sniffing some scent in the air. “Do any of you smell something burning?”
“No.” Sweetie Belle said as she sniffed. “Oh wait, I do! It smells like… BBQ tree ribs.”
Just then, an arrow with a rib on fire hanging on it gets shot right at us, but it lands on the wooden column near us. “Muggle juggle tuggle fuggle!” the soldier cried out.
“What?” Scootaloo asked.
“What on Earth did he say?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Did you know the word ‘Earth’ without ‘Art’ is only ‘Eh’?” I asked.
“I did that quote waaaaaaaay before you did, Flare.” Sweetie Belle reminded me. The soldier then suddenly shot another rib arrow at us.
“Delicious, but… RUN!” the Doctor yelled.
So we all started running away from the troopers, but Spike ran back and picked a piece off the rib on the arrow and gave it a taste. “Hmm… I prefer medium-rare.” He commented, and then he ran away again. We all ran until we found a party tank and hid behind that. The soldiers then ran passed the tank, not knowing that we were there.
When they ran by, Apple Bloom took a peek and said, “We need to get outta here!”
“Agreed. We should head back to the Doctor’s… phone booth thingy.” Sweetie Belle suggested.
“Now hang on! You wanna just give up just like that?” the Doctor asked. “You still have some studying to do!”
“He’s right! We’re not going to let some party animals ruin our test for us! Miss Cheerilee is counting on us to pass!” Scootaloo said. “Besides, we don’t have any allergies to these party foods! We’ll be fine!”
Just then, the tank starts driving away, and the soldiers found us and aimed their party guns at us. I was the first one who was shot. “AAAAH!” I yelled as white stuff was splattered all over my face. “AAAH! Super hot marshmallow sauce! It burns! Why do I have to be the first one shot?! Why me out of everyone else?! What’s so special about me!?”
“I stand corrected.” Scootaloo said. We were surrounded by the Parti Troops, but luckily, nopony said we were surrounded, which if they did, they’d be an obvious square as what I call it. So just as we thought we were doomed, we heard party gun shots, but none of us were shot. No… it was help.
“Need some help from some privates like us?” Machine Gun asked.
“BUCK privates.” Weed corrected him.
“Shhhh!” Machine shushed him.
“Relax, these ponies are not with the corporals!” Weed said.
“Machine Gun! Weed Leafhorn! Blaze’s ancestor Blaze! So good to see you again, my friends!” I said excitedly.
“Do we know you?” Blaze asked.
“I might. He looks somewhat familiar, and devilishly handsome!” Machine said as he looked at me. I then posed at him while wearing some devil horns, a tail, and holding a demon fork, whatever it’s called. It’s really big, so I’m sure it’s not a salad fork. It’s DEFINITALY not a lobster fork, that’s for sure!
“Wait a minute, you know these ponies?” Scootaloo asked.
“Yeah. Flare, Doctor, and I met them twice before.” Spike said.
“But now it would seem this is the first time they met us.” The Doctor said.
“Whatever you say, man.” Blaze said. “But we should really get you three to safety. We’re evacuating the town.”
“Why? Shouldn’t we stand and fight?” Scootaloo asked as she stood on her hind-hooves and started punching around with her hooves like a boxer. “Where’s your honor?”
“The corporals took it, I’m afraid.” Blaze said. “They… even the privates are trying to defend Oyster Harbor against the Partis! Us buck privates stay behind to rescue the civilians and take them to safety.”
“I don’t see why that’s so bad. We’re doing a good deed, and a very important one!” Weed said.
“Yeah, Blaze! I mean, this sure beats what we normally do – clean the mess right after.” Machine said.
“I supposed that’s true.” Blaze said. He then cringed and said, “Rrugh! I can still hear the screams… of the rotten deviled eggs causing ponies to lose their lunch. I pity such a fate.”
“We all do, my boy.” Weed said as he comforted Blaze. “We all do.”
“And you’re just goin’ to LET THEM do that to you?!” Apple Bloom yelled.
“Ignore them, buddy.” Weed suggested. “We need to take these civilians to safety before we worry about those corporals. Hey if we’re lucky, the Partis might wipe them out.”
“How can you say that?!” Sweetie Belle shouted.
“Yeah, even though they’ve given you a problem, they’re still your allies.” Apple Bloom said.
“Hey we didn’t start this shenanigan, alright?” Machine asked. “Now c’mon!”
“Will we expect any Parti Soldiers around along the way?” the Doctor asked.
“Doubtful. Our soldiers are trying to retake the post office.” Blaze said. “It’s a very important rally point we need to protect.”
“Is it because it’ll give you the advantage to see in all directions?” the Doctor asked.
“No.” Blaze said.
“Is it because there’s heavy weapons in there?” the Doctor asked.
“No.” Blaze said.
“Is there very useful supplies in there?” the Doctor asked.
“Close, but no.” Blaze said.
“Is it because it’ll provide a shelter for civilians?” the Doctor asked.
“No! You were closer before, now you’re colder!” Blaze said.
“Well… what is it then?” the Doctor asked.
“We’re expecting a very important package.” Machine said.
“A heavy weapon?” the Doctor asked.
“No… we sent in 500 box tops, and we’re waiting for our free novelty telescope to come in the mail.” Machine said.
“Oh that’ll be very useful for the war!” the Doctor said.
“We’re not using it for the war, my friend.” Machine corrected him “We’re going to keep it, and then wait many years until it’s worth a lot of money.”
“Oh… well… I guess that seems… smart too?” The Doctor stuttered awkwardly.
“Smart? It’s genius!” I yelled excitedly as I accidently punch somepony behind me.
“Ow!” the pony that covered his face and body within a cloak yelled. “Oi, mate! Watch it!”
“Sorry, buddy.” I said. “I didn’t know you were behind me.” The pony painfully holds his nose as he walks away. I then looked down and found my wallet lying on the ground. “Oh, my wallet must’ve fallen out of my pocket.” I then picked it up and placed it back on my back vest pocket. “There we go!”
“Since when did you have a back vest pocket?” Spike asked.
“Since I ran out of room to put my stuff in front pockets.” I said.
“Ah.” Spike nodded.
“Now come. We must take you to the evac carriage. We’re heading out.” Weed said. So the buck privates took us over to the carriages so we can evacuate the town as the party in Oyster Harbor went on. The evac carriage was a carriage truck with some cloth covers on it. We climbed onto the back, and Weed and Blaze attached themselves onto the front while Machine was in the back with us.
After we took our seats, Machine banged on the front of the carriage and yelled, “Bang, bang! Time to go!”
“Got it!” Blaze said as he and Weed began pulling the carriage, and just like that, we began leaving town.
“Wait what about your time machine, Doctor?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Relax, it’ll be fine.” The Doctor said. “It’s completely indestructible, and we’re not in space, so the TARDIS will be fine. Just stick by me.”
Just then, behind us, as dramatic music from an awesome trilogy started playing in the background, some Parti soldiers on a volkswagon carriage started charging toward us. “Oh shoot! We have company coming!” Apple Bloom pointed out.
“Good or bad?” Sweetie Belle asked as she peeked out.
“Lemme see.” I said as I peeked out as well. “Oh, Spike, look!”
“What?” Spike asked as he looked out. I then punched him in the shoulder. “Ow!”
“Black one!” I shouted.
“Shoulda seen that coming.” He said as he rubbed his shoulder.
Scootaloo and the Doctor both went over to take a look as well and saw the Partis closing in at us, and they started firing. We all ducked down, except for Scootaloo. “This is so awesome!” she said as she leaned out of the carriage a bit. Just then, the carriage runs over a pebble which bumps the carriage a bit, and then Scootaloo loses balance and falls out.
“SCOOTALOO!” we all shouted.
“STOP THIS THING! TURN AROUND!” the Doctor demanded to Machine as he shook him.
Scootaloo came back to her senses and saw the enemy carriages were closing in from behind her. Scootaloo then eventually finds a fruit cart with a merchant right beside the road. She goes over to the merchant and says, “Can I borrow this?” and she rips off the bottom part of the cart with wheels, jumps on the board and starts skateboarding her way back to us.
“TURN AROUND!” the Doctor shouted.
“No, hang on, Doctor! Look!” Apple Bloom pointed to Scootaloo whom was really catching up to us.
The Doctor peeked over and shouted, “I don’t care! We need to stop this thing! Flare, help me out!”
“Wow! Look at her go!” I said impressively.
Just then, the carriage catches up the Scootaloo, bumps her in the back, but Scootaloo places her front hooves on the carriage, hoping it wouldn’t be able to ram her or run her over. “C’mon, Scoots! C’mon, Scoots!” Sweetie Belle mumbled to herself as she watched.
Scootaloo was pretty much trapped on front of the carriage, trying to make sure the carriage doesn’t run her over. The ponies in the carriage start throwing empty bottles at Scootaloo, but they miss her completely. “Really?!” she yelled. “You’d throw bottles at a filly?! What is wrong with you!?” Scootaloo then looks behind her and sees a manure truck up ahead. The Partis wanted to squish Scootaloo in between their carriage and the truck. Scootaloo then takes a little gold heart locket out of her hair and opens it, revealing a picture of herself and Rainbow Dash on it. “You’re by my side, RD!”
Scootaloo then puts the locket back in her hair and then pushes her skateboard under the Parti carriage, and she jumps right on top of the carriage, runs through it, and then jumps off from the other side and lands on her skateboard. The Partis looked back at Scoots in shock, even the pony pulling the carriage. They all then turn back onto the road, and then they start screaming because they were about to hit the truck up ahead. The Parti soldiers in the carriage began to scream as the pony pulling the carriage tries to stop and turn around, but by turning to the side, the side of the carriage crashes onto the truck and the manure from behind the truck dumps all over the Partis.
“MOO! My collection!” the cattle driving the truck cried.
One of the Parti soldiers spit out the manure from his mouth and yelled, “FRAGGLE BAGGLE MANUAGGLE!”
Scootaloo then smirks at them, and then skateboards her way back to us. She jumps into the carriage and we all cheer for her. “Wow, Scootaloo! That was amazing!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Ah’ll say!” Apple Bloom agreed.
“Yeah, I mean I thought Scootaloo would’ve been doomed when those Parti Soldiers were about to ram her, but that manure truck and climbing on top of the carriage, it really confused them!” Spike said excitedly. “It was amazing!”
“Thanks guys!” Scootaloo said. “Really, it was nothing!”
“Really?” Sweetie Belle asked with a smirk.
“Ok, it was something!” Scootaloo admitted. “It was a whole lot of something!”
“It was dangerous.” The Doctor said.
“Oh quit being a square, Doctor!” I playfully shoved him. “Scoots knows what she’s doing! She’s an expert on the board with wheels! Her name ain’t Scootaloo anymore! It’s Boardonwheelsaloo!”
“I have no idea what that contraption is, but that was very interesting! Well done, young mare!” Machine said.
“Thanks, private!” Scootaloo said.
“Eeeee!” Machine squeed. “She called me private! I’m so in!”
“C’mon, Doctor! You should give her some congratulations! Please?” I asked. “Handsome please with smelly garlic on top?” I even gave the Doctor the puppy dog eyes.
The Doctor sighed and then patted Scootaloo’s head. “Good job. Alright.” Scootaloo also sighed.
“Don’t worry about him, Scootaloo.” Apple Bloom said. “He’s just a square, just like what Flare said.”
“Oh cool! They learned something from me! I taught them something! I feel spewcial!” I said happily and girly. So we rode along the trail for a few miles, but eventually, we made it to the triage camp, where soldiers were taking care of the partied out ponies and soldiers.
“Such a tragedy!” the Doctor said. “You six were lucky to not be around during this time. So many victims in this cruel party. Many have lost their homes.”
“What?! Were their homes destroyed?” Scootaloo asked.
“No, they were so messy that the landlords got angry and kicked out their owners.” The Doctor said.
“That’s awful!” Apple Bloom said.
“Landlord’s… Time Lord’s species from another dimension. Before the Daleks, they were our arch-nemesis.” The Doctor said.
“I can see why.” Spike said.
“Alright, get out you three. We need to go back into town and rescue more civilians.” Weed said.
“You know, we can help you.” Apple Bloom suggested.
“There you go again, Apple Bloom! Talk for yourself!” Scootaloo instructed her.
“Trust me, you had amazing moves, Scootaloo!” Machine said to Scootaloo. “If it was up to me, I’d say yes, but we’re just buck-privates. We don’t have a say. Our superiors wouldn’t allow it. I hope you can understand.”
Scootaloo sighs. “I guess.”
“Hey put us a show when we get back huh?” Blaze suggested.
“Oh we would love to!” Sweetie Belle said excitedly.
“What about me and the Doctor though? We’re old enough to be in the military.” I said.
“No, no, no. I’m way too old to be a part of the military. Mm-mm.” the Doctor said.
“What about me?” I asked.
“Sure.” Weed said as he took out a razor. “You ready for us to shave your hair?”
I just stood there in awkward silence, and then I finally said, “Have fun in the battlefield!”
“Yeah I know how you feel, buddy.” Machine said to me. “It wasn’t easy when I shaved my hair. I still have nightmares.”
“Now all of you just relax, and you’ll be back home before you know it!” Blaze said. “It’s only Oyster Harbor they attacked, and no other part in Equestria. I wonder why?”
“Whatever. Let’s move out, team. We have more civilians to rescue.” Weed said. So the three of them walked away, leaving us six here to relax. A few hours went by, and we got our tent to relax.
“Hey Doctor?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Yes, Apple Bloom?” the Doctor asked.
“If time moves by here, does time move back at home?” Apple Bloom asked.
“What?” Scootaloo asked.
“No, I know what she’s saying.” The Doctor said. “It all depends on when I send you back. I mean yes time is moving back at home, but I can always send you back closer to when you left. It’ll be like you never left in the first place, even though I sometimes had that problem of sending back my companions too far off. Speak to some of my previous companions, you’ll know. Anyhoo… you three learning anything new?”
“We sure ar- uhh, ah mean… ah sure am!” Apple Bloom said. Scootaloo then pats Apple Bloom on the face with a smile on her shoulder. Uh, I mean… the other way around.
“So this is what it’s like, huh?” Sweetie Belle asked. “This is what it’s like to time travel?”
“Sometimes it’s super fun, and sometimes it’s super complicated.” Spike said. “The Doctor time travelled all his life, and as for Flare and me, we’ve time travelled four times, so we’re pretty much used to how things work.”
“Actually I’ve time travelled many other times before!” I said.
“Oh yeah? When?” Spike asked.
“Every time I fly from the East coast of Equestria to the West coast, it’s breakfast time at lunch time.” I said. “When I fly back to the East coast, it’s the exact opposite.”
“Well…” Scootaloo started and then yawned. “I don’t know about you guys, but I am beat! Being a complete pro skater sure would take a lot outta ya!”
“I wouldn’t know that.” The Doctor said.
“Yeah, we’re going to rest it off.” Sweetie Belle said as she hoped onto one of the Coleman military beds. “But one thing’s for sure. I’m learning a lot from this experience.”
“You know, we didn’t have to do this.” I said.
“What? Of course we had to. How else are we supposed to be ready for the test?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Ok first off, Apple Bloom, you know all these things already, you studied with AppleJack. I was there.” I said.
“FLARE!? Shhh!” she shushed me.
“What?” Scootaloo asked.
“Ah don’t know anythin’! We have the same IQ.” Apple Bloom said.
“Apple Bloom, we don’t care if you’re smarter than us.” Scootaloo said.
“Yeah you do, you said so.” Apple Bloom corrected her.
“I was joking! Sheesh, Apple Bloom! You’re as much as a square as the Doctor here!” Scootaloo laughed.
“HEY!” the Doctor yelled offended.
“Can I say my second thing now?” I asked.
“So… you really don’t care?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Of course not!” Scootaloo said.
“Yeah, Apple Bloom!” Sweetie Belle agreed. “We’re proud of you! Plus, if we didn’t except you for being smarter than us, what kind of friends does that make us?”
“Oh… so that wasn’t the moral of this whole trip. I could’ve sworn it was.” Spike said.
“Nah, that’s a stupid moral. Everybody knows THAT moral.” I said. “Now can I say my second thing now?”
“Sure, Flare! Go ahead!” Sweetie Belle accepted.
“Thank you.” I said. Just then, we were all silent for a few moments.
“Well? Are you going to say it?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Say what?” I asked.
“The second thing you were going to say.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Oh… I forgot.” I admitted.
“Whatever. Good night.” Sweetie said as she lays down and instantly falls asleep. Why is everypony a better sleeper than I am? Maybe it’s because my mattress is so uncomfortable. But look at this camp bed she’s sleeping on! That’s gotta be the most uncomfortable thing in the world!
“Well, I guess I’ll join her.” Spike said.
“Ooooooo, Spiiiiiiike!” I said flirtiously.
Spike blushed. “I don’t mean it like that!”
“Surrrrrrre you don’t!” I said sarcastically.
“I DON’T!” Spike yelled.
“Yeah, uhhh huh! I totally believe you, brah!” I said as I gave him a smirk.
“I don’t! Really!” Spike said.
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh!” I said.
“Really!” Spike said again.
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh!” I said.
“Whateve-“ Spike said as I interrupted him.
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh!” I said.
“You all go ahead and rest. I’m going to check out the briefing room and see what they have planning. Perhaps it’ll be useful for my next lecture.” The Doctor said.
“Alright, brah, go ahead. You think you can get us a snack?” I asked.
“I could try, sure.” The Doctor nodded.
“Hey Doctor?” Spike asked. “You think you could find me a-“
“UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HUH!” I interrupted him.
Time went by, and the soldiers guarding the camp were just there…. guarding of course. The watcher was looking out and checking for any intrusion. The watcher’s partner goes up to him and asks, “Sir? Find anything?”
“I don’t know. I lost my binoculars.” The watcher said. “The sarge would kill me if he found out, so I’m just standing here until my relief gets here.”
“Here you are, sir.” The partner said as he gave him a tiny yellow plastic telescope. “Our free novelty telescope has arrived!”
“Ah, excellent! Well done!” the watcher says as he takes the telescope and looks out of it. “Perfect! I could see everything now!”
“Oh yeah? What color is my underwear?” the partner asked.
“You’re not wearing any.” The watcher said.
“Oooo! That thing really does work!” the partner said impressively.
“Wait a minute.” The watcher said. “I’m seeing somepony coming.”
“Parti troops?” the partner asked.
“No, it’s just one pony covered in a cloak. I think it might be a refugee.” The watcher said.
“I’ll go get the medics and bring them in.” the partner said as he does so. A couple of medics head out of the camp just as the refugee collapses on the ground. The medics quickly run over to him to give him aid.
“Sir? Are you ok?” one of the medics asked the refugee.
The refugee coughs and says, “Am I… am I safe?”
“You are.” He medic says. “Let’s bring him inside; give him food.”
The refugee coughs again and says, “Th-than-thank you… m-mates.”
“Shhh, don’t try to talk.” The medic instructed him. “We’ll give you medical treatment, and you’ll be back on your hooves in no time.”
“I… I… really… appreciate it.” The refugee says as he picks the medics’ pockets.
Back inside, I was playing a little app on my phone. The CMCs and Spike were sleeping, and the Doctor was out, but I knew I wouldn’t be alone for long.
“Flare?” Apple Bloom asked as she woke up. “What are you doin’?”
“Playing Be-Jeweled on my phone.” I said. “I got some battery power to spare and there’s no internet, and since nopony is around, I might as well play a futuristic technology game.”
“Why aren’t you restin’?” Apple Bloom asked.
“To be honest, sista, I’m more hungry than tired. Playing games is my way to relax.” I said. “Oh… my battery died. Oh well.”
“So ah guess yer goin’ to rest now?” Apple Bloom asked.
“No. I still got plenty of power on my iPod.” I said.
“Well… ah can’t sleep. Mind if we talk?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Not at all! Sit down with me.” I offered.
“Thank you.” She said as she did. “So… ah guess you and Spike time travel often?”
“Not often, but sometimes.” I said. “First time we time travelled was a microwave accident. We travelled to the time period of Nightmare Moon’s return.”
“Hey, that’s the same day Twilight and Spike moved to Ponyville!” Apple Bloom said.
“Yeah, and then the second trip we went back to stop Nightmare Moon from being a thing, but we changed the future in a bad way so Nightmare Moon had to happen.” I said.
“Wow… ah was always wonderin’ mahself what would happen if Nightmare Moon didn’t exist.” Apple Bloom said.
“Yeah, and that was the time I met my ancestor Machine Gun, Herb’s ancestor Weed, and Blaze’s ancestor that goes by his same name.” I said. “I’m still wondering if I’m going to meet any other ancestor here. I wonder what went on with Jerry’s ancestor before he moved to Mareami.”
“Who’s Jerry?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Wow, you know Herb but not Jerry?” I asked.
“We met Herb with you in Mareami.” Apple Bloom reminded me. “But ah heard you mention Jerry before.”
“Yeah, he’s a friend.” I said. “He’s our friend that works on the inside.”
“Inside? You mean prison?” Apple Bloom asked.
“No… he’s a… well I don’t want to reveal his identity. He works for Princess Celestia though, I can tell you that much.” I said.
“Is he a secret agent or somethin’?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Sure.” I said.
“Well maybe we’ll meet him one day – Jerry, and maybe y’all will meet his ancestor.” Apple Bloom said.
“I hope so.” I nodded. “So… what about you? You having fun in the past?”
“It’s fun!” Apple Bloom said. “The Doctor keeps claiming what we’re doin’ is dangerous, but we haven’t really been in any danger at all.”
“If I’m going to be completely honest with you, my friend, we’re lucky.” I said. “I don’t want to jinx it or anything, but luck can run out. If it was my way, luck would never run out. We’d rule the world, and have lots of pizza, and cheesecake, and kittens! Unfortunately, it’s not my way, so… yeah, you get what I’m saying.”
Apple Bloom giggles. “Yer funny, Flare. Always thought you were funny since we first met. Weird at times, yes, but yer a good pony.”
“Thanks, AB!” I said as I put my arm around her. “Glad to have a friend like you! Cause you got a friend in me! No, wait… you never had a friend like me! Dang, why did I get the songs mixed up?”
“Excuse me?” a medic asked as he peeks his head through the tent. “Am I interrupting anything?”
“Yes.” I said.
“Well we’re saving some tents for bigger families and we heard there was a bed available in here since your friend is eavesdropping on our commanders, so I hope it’s ok if we let this pony sleep in here.” The medic requested as he lets the cloaked refugee inside the tent.
“Sure, why not?” Apple Bloom accepted.
“Hey I know this pony! I accidently hit him back in Oyster Harbor!” I said.
“Right… umm… you take care.” The medic said as he leaves us the refugee. The refugee then silently walks over to one of the empty beds and lays down.
“Uhh… Flare?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“You can get your arm off me now, this is getting creepy.” She requested.
“Oh… sorry.” I said as I removed my arm from off her back.
Meanwhile over in the briefing room, the Doctor was listening to the commanders and what their plans are going to be. “Alright, so we’re going to provide a counterattack to bring back Oyster Harbor.” One of the commanders said.
“Colonel Binky Plug, sir?” one of the soldiers asked.
“Yes, Lieutenant Horse Radish?” the colonel asked.
“I don’t understand though.” The lieutenant said. “Why did these Partis only attack Oyster Harbor and no other part in Equestria? In all other nations they attacked, they took over the whole nation.”
“That’s a very good question, soldier, have a gummy bear!” the colonel offered as he flicks one into the lieutenants mouth, and the lieutenant stands on his hind hooves with his arms forward like a puppy, and he catches the gummy bear with his mouth.
“Mmm! Thank you, sir!” the lieutenant said.
“Now to answer your question, we have stolen some enemy intelligence at an outpost 50 clicks away.” The colonel explained. “It would appear that the Partis are interested in supplies we have over at Oyster Harbor. They’re raiding homes and partying out civilians, but afterwards, they search their houses. They’re looking for something.”
“Do you know what, sir?” the lieutenant asked.
“Not 100%, but we have the feeling they’re looking for our secret oyster stash they have hidden under the floor boards. The pearls are ancient treasures that come from sacred fur oysters.” The colonel explained.
“How much are they worth?” the lieutenant asked.
“Well, hey, we wouldn’t want you to go stealing them now would we?” the colonel asked.
“No… I guess not.” The lieutenant said.
“Let’s just say, they’re worth a lot.” The colonel said with his arm around him. “But we don’t know for sure if that’s what they’re after. Now then, rally the troops. We’re preparing for our counterattack.”
“COLONEL! COLONEL!” a soldier cried out as he ran inside the tent.
“Sergeant Flies. What can I do for you?” the colonel asked.
“Well first off one of the civilians has been eavesdropping on your conversation.” Sergeant Flies said.
“How could you have known without eavesdropping on me as well?” the Doctor asked as he peaked his head in.
“He’s right.” The colonel agreed. “Now what do you need?”
“The Partis… they’re commencing a counterattack to this position!” Sergeant Flies said. “We need to defend this camp!”
“Right, we need to protect the refugees.” The colonel agreed. “Lieutenant, rally the troops.”
“Yes, sir!” the lieutenant salutes as he runs off.
“It’s not just on the ground, sir. It’s in the air!” Flies said.
“Then get the pegasi troops ready. We need to defend the camp!” the colonel said.
“Colonel!” a scientist yelled as he ran inside the tent.
“Dr. Steinburger, what is the status of the new prototype airships?” the colonel asked.
“They’re ready, sir! Ready to be tested out in the field!” Dr. Steinburger said.
“Excellent! We’ll have the camp defended perfectly!” the colonel said. “Now commence battle stations!”
“Should we commence the alarm, sir?” the sergeant asked.
“No. We don’t want to alarm the refugees. Wait until the Partis are close enough.” The colonel said.
“Sir, yes sir!” the sergeant saluted. “Dr. Steinburger, take me to the airships!”
“Oh right away!” Dr. Steinburger said as the two of them run out of the tent. The Doctor stood there to think of what to do next. He then smiles and runs out and is on his way back to our tent.
When the Doctor runs back to our tent, he yells, “Everypony wake up! I got the perfect lecture for- what are you doing, Flare?”
“Checking Apple Bloom’s hair for lice.” I said.
“Mah hair started itchin’ and Flare said his school did it but for some reason ours doesn’t.” Apple Bloom said.
“Yeah, and I didn’t find anything suspicious.” I said as I take a little bug from Apple Bloom’s hair and put it in my mouth.
“Eww! Flare, what did you eat?” Apple Bloom asked.
“It was an ant, don’t worry.” I said. “Ants are full of protein.”
“What is it, Doctor?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“I have a little something to teach you!” the Doctor said. “I want to tell you a bit about what’s going to be happening in a few minutes.”
“What’s going to happen?” Scootaloo asked.
“The enemies are going to counterattack this base.” The Doctor said.
“COUNTERATTACK?!” the crusaders yelled.
“Wait… what’s a counterattack?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“It’s when the allies have gained an area that used to be controlled by the enemies, but the enemies are now trying to get it back by using force.” The Doctor explained.
“Oh. So are we in danger?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“As long as we follow the soldiers’ instructions we should be fine.” The Doctor said. “We are under the protection of Equestria’s-“
“OW!” I yelled.
“Flare, what happened?” the Doctor asked.
“That ant I ate was a fire ant. It bit my throat! Ouch!” I said I rubbed my neck.
“As I was saying,” the Doctor continued, “we are under the protection of Equestria’s finest military soldiers. We’ll be fine! We are protected from the best of the best, and by extension – me.”
“Says the pony that’s too afraid to hold a gun, even if it’s a party gun.” I teased.
“Party gun – real gun – Flare Gun, it doesn’t make a difference to me! One of them may not be so lethal, but it feels that way to me!” the Doctor said. “Besides, you can handle yourself in a fight, don’t you Flare?”
“No I do not.” I said.
“Now hang on, what about your cool magic and all that?” Spike asked.
“You think I like hurting other ponies with my magic? Sorry, brah, they’re not Swinebots, so forget it. End of story. Goodbye. Thank you for playing!” I said.
“What?” Spike asked.
“Nevermind. Anyways, let’s get us a good view of the show.” The Doctor suggested. “Let’s head up those hills and get a great view of the battle, and I’ll tell you a bit about it!”
“Watching ponies fight violently. What a nice way to educate kids.” Spike said sarcastically.
“I know, right?!” Scootaloo said excitedly. “It’s so awesome!”
“Why must we watch from all the way to the hillside?” Apple Bloom asked. “Haven’t we proven ourselves to handle ourselves?”
“Yeah, we handled ourselves in situations many times!” Sweetie Belle said.
“World Party II is much different from your average everyday situations.” The Doctor said. “This goes even beyond your sisters’ battles. Nightmare Moon? Discord? King Sombra? Queen Chrysalis? This is much more dangerous compared to all that! I mean I know this is a party, but lives were ruined in this party! This was a tragic event! The allies were lucky that they won, because the whole world eventually worked together against the enemy alliance. I really hope you little ones can understand what I’m saying.”
The CMCs all looked at eachother upsettingly. The Doctor then says
“You don’t believe me? I’ll show you!” the Doctor said. “The colonel said the allies are going to be counterattacking back at Oyster Harbor as well. They think the Partis are only attacking Oyster Harbor for their rare fur oyster pearls they have hidden under the floor boards in the tavern.”
“Fur oysters?” Spike asked. “Aren’t those creatures, like… dangerously endangered?”
“Very rare those pearls are, very expensive.” The Doctor said. “You see, it’s not just fun and parties these Parti soldiers want. Its wealth and power. That’s the main reason of war – wealth and power. Anyways, follow me, we’ll get a great view of the show! There will be snacks and everything!”
“Cheesecake?” I asked excitedly as we all headed out.
“Uh, sure.” The Doctor said.
“Yay! Cheesecake! Cheesy-cheese-cheesy, caker-waker woo!” I cheered.
After we all left, as we walked out, the heart locket that was in Scootaloo’s hair falls out and lands on the floor. The cloaked refugee picks it up and he chuckles to himself. “Pure gold! This will be worth a fortune!” he then puts the locket in his cloak pocket. “But you know what’s going to be worth more of a fortune? Those fur oyster pearls!” he chuckles again. “Never reveal too much with a stranger in the room, you dope!”
So we were on our way to the hills to watch the show, and as we looked around the camp, the soldiers were running around and getting ready for battle, but as we followed the Doctor, the CMCs were talking amongst themselves. “You know what?” Scootaloo asked her friends. “Why do we have to follow the Doctor’s instructions? He’s wrong! We can take care of ourselves!”
“Ah agree.” Apple Bloom said. “But what if he’s right? What if this is more dangerous than anything us or our sisters’ have ever done in the past?”
“What if he’s wrong?” Scootaloo asked. “Was he even in any of them?”
“He was during the changeling battle during the royal wedding, but that’s all we saw him at.” Sweetie Belle said.
“It’s the only one of those major battles we were in.” Apple Bloom reminded her.
“I know, but still! Rarity never mentioned anything about any familiar pony with them during any of their battles.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Exactly! So how does he know these battles were more intense than this one?” Scootaloo asked. “The way I see it, I think we have an opportuntity here! Let us be a part of World Party II and help save Equestria!”
“You sure that’s a good idea, Scootaloo?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Positive!” Scootaloo said.
“Well ah have no objections, and ah’m the smart one.” Apple Bloom said.
“Ok, Apple Bloom, we did say we didn’t mind you being smarter than us, but you don’t need to go on Diamond Tiara on us.” Sweetie Belle informed her.
“Then it’s settled! Let us help out our ancestor!” Scootaloo said excitedly.
“Hey we’re in. No problem!” I said.
“For sure!” Spike agreed.
“Wait… what about the Doctor?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Oh we taken care of him!” I said.
Up ahead, the Doctor found a cheesecake kiosk to check up on some cheesecake. “Mmm! Flare was right! Cheesecake is a good eatin’ for watching a war show! So many different and delicious choices; it’s uncanny!”
So the five of us ran over to the airship yard, hid from the other soldiers, and I led the CMCs and Spike to an airship so we can participate in battle. “An airship? Are you sure?” Scootaloo asked. “I wanna fight them face to face!”
“Did you know you’ll be flying while we’re in there, Scootaloo?” Spike reminded her.
Scootaloo then smiled and squeed. “SHOTGUN!” So we all ran inside the airship. It was actually pretty small, but the smaller it is, the faster it’ll go. I ran over to the pilot’s seat and started flipping my tongue as Scootaloo jumps over on the co-pilot’s seat and she says on the radio, “Shhfff. Air control, this is RD-0201, are we clear for lift off?”
While Scootaloo and I were messing around in the cockpit, Sweetie Belle, Spike, and Apple Bloom checked out the party guns on the side and the rear. “Wow! Cool cannons!” Spike said impressively.
“Hot sauce… bad for the eyes, they use it for ammo.” Sweetie Belle said.
“On that cannon, but this one they use pigeon poop.” Apple Bloom said.
“Those poor carriages.” Spike shakes his head. “Wonder how many victimized carriages they had to use to collect all this?”
“I know right?!” Sweetie Belle agreed. “You have no idea how mad my parents get at that!”
So, just as we were all having fun in the zeppelin, Sergeant Fly shows up to check in, even though he really doesn’t look in. “Alright, Sergeant Bark? Is your troops ready?”
“Roger that!” I shouted out.
“Alright, you’re clear for take off!” Sergeant Fly said as he walks off.
“Oh yeah, baby! We’re gonna actually being flying these flying things!” I said excitedly.
“Awesome!” Scootaloo yelled in excitement.
“Time to press random buttons until this plane does something!” I said as I started pressing random buttons. The lights started blinking in the zeppelin, the windows opened and closed and so did the door, and then the breather things that dropped from the ceiling, and then the floor flipped over and a hot tub shows up, and then a disco ball along with music starts playing, and all that random junk.
“Ah now this is MY kind of airship!” Spike said.
“HEY!” the Doctor yelled as he walked inside the airship.
“Oh Doctor! I thought… I thought you were getting cheesecake?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“I did.” The Doctor said as he takes out some cheesecake. “I do. But you won’t be getting anyway since you all ran off from me AGAIN!”
“Hey! We were just checkin’ out this airship! We might as well learn about the technology used in World Party II before the big test!” Apple Bloom said.
“That maybe so, but you could’ve told me first!” the Doctor said.
“We didn’t think you would, since yer a square and all.” Apple Bloom said.
“HA HA HA!” Spike laughed.
“Ok… where’s Flare? Where is he? I want to give him a PIECE OF MY MIND!” the Doctor said angrily.
“You gave Donna Noble a piece of your mind, and now look at her!” I teased.
“FLARE! SCOOTALOO! Get away from those controls, right now!” the Doctor ordered.
“No.” I said.
“WHY NOT?!” the Doctor yelled.
“Well first off, this is SO COOL!” Scootaloo said excitedly.
“And second, because we’re already in the air on the way to battle.” I said as the mini-zeppelin we were in was already flying and joined up with the squadron.
“Of course you did.” The Doctor said as he glared at me. He walked over to the cockpit and said to me, “Move over, Flare. I’m driving. I had some flight experience.”
“So do I.” I said.
“Oh yeah? How?” the Doctor asked.
“I got us in the air.” I reminded him.
“No you didn’t! I did!” Scootaloo corrected me. “You were just pressing random buttons.”
“Well I guess I can trust Scootaloo to be my co-pilot. Flare, move!” the Doctor demanded.
“AAGH!” I yelled angrily as I moved over. “AAAHGGHGIGHHHGAEUH!”
“You don’t say? Interesting.” The Doctor commented as he takes over the pilot’s seat.
“Enemy airships and pegasi coming this way.” Scootaloo pointed out.
“Alright then. You all wanted to be a part of the battlefield, so you got it.” The Doctor said. “Flare take the dorsal turret, Spike take rear turret, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle take the side turrets. Take down all enemy blimps! Our lives may depend on it!”
“You got it!” Apple Bloom said as she and the rest of us run over to our positions.
I put on a parachute before I go to my position. “Why are you putting on a parachute?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Safety precaution.” I said.
“Incoming!” Scootaloo pointed out.
“Alriiiiight! Bring it on, animals!” Spike cried.
“You got it, man!” Eric Burdon said as he and his Animals started playing and singing. “We gotta get out of this place! If it’s the last thing we ever do!”
So we all started firing at the incoming enemy pegasi and fighters, and we were doing pretty well for ourselves. I knew all those video games would pay off! “WOO! This is so awesome!” Scootaloo yelled.
“Cut the chatter, Scootaloo! Stay focused!” the Doctor said.
“You got it, Baker!” Scootaloo said.
“Please, don’t call me that.” The Doctor instructed her.
“You’re my eyes, Baker!” Scootaloo said.
“Sweetie Belle! One’s flying over to your side!” Spike called out.
“Got it!” Sweetie Belle responded as she fires bird poop at the pegasus flying by.
“MY UNIFORM!” the Parti pegasus yelled as he faints and starts freefalling, but safely lands into the bushes down below. No, I know ponies can’t survive by freefalling from thousands of feet into bushes, but you know how physics works in Equestria. Spike and Sweetie Belle high-hoof.
“Flare, you’ve been awfully quiet! What’s goin’ on?” Apple Bloom called out.
“I don’t wanna say anything in case I miss something, and I don’t wanna do anything in case I do something.” I called out back. Just then some enemy pegasi started shooting cake frosting at my window, and I got angry. “Ooooh… oh I can’t shoot you but you can shoot me?! Alright, friends, no more mister nice pony!” I then started messing with my hair, messing it up and all that. “Cowlick mode engaged! Let’s do this!” Just then I shot down five enemy pegasi in a row, including the ones that made me upset. “AH HA! Take your cake guns, and ram ‘em UP YOUR BUTT!”
After a bunch of shooting and fighting, there were no more enemy blimps or pegasi. “We did it! We won!” Scootaloo yelled in excitement.
“No…” the Doctor started. “that was-“
“If you dare say that was just the first wave, I’ll murder your face!” I threatened him. “I’ll murder your face so hard!”
“Ok, I won’t.” the Doctor said. “Even though it is true.”
“Crud!” Sweetie Belle yelled in anger.
“Wow… nice tongue, Sweetie Belle.” Spike said sarcastically.
“Really? Thanks! I made it look just like Rarity’s for the occasion!” Sweetie Belle said as she stuck out her tongue and saw her tongue all sparkly and violet.
“Nice!” Apple Bloom said as she looked.
“Here they come!” the Doctor pointed out, and the second wave is now approaching with a bunch more pegasi and blimps than before.
“Hooooooly Wizard of Strength, we’re outnumbered!” I said.
“Well, we’re just going to have to try!” the Doctor said.
“Yeah, either that or die.” Spike said sarcastically.
“Ah don’t be such a snake in the grass, Spike. We can do this!” Apple Bloom said. So we started shooting at the enemies and the Doctor was bracing for impact, but as we were doing so, one of the wings on our tiny airship was shot.
“Engine One, down!” the Doctor yelled. “We need to cut the pressure from the wing!”
“I’ll do it!” Sweetie Belle yelled as she ran over to the valve that connects to the wing and cuts the pressure from it. “Done!”
“Good! But bad.” The Doctor said. “We don’t have as much strength in that wing. We have to be careful!”
I started messing with my hair again and I yelled, “GAAAAAME OOOOON! I really hope this isn’t how I die. I don’t want to die with messy hair.”
“Now you sound like Rarity!” Sweetie Belle said as she shot down some an enemy blimp. “Why is this so easy?”
“Don’t jinx it, Sweetie Belle!” Scootaloo shouted. Just then, another airship starts shooting our ceiling, covering it with strawberry jam. The jam started to slowly poor down over the windows, making it harder to see.
“AAAH! BLOOD!” Sweetie Belle yelled.
“Oh don’t be so afraid of blood! It’s in your body!” Scootaloo said.
Spike takes his finger and takes some of the jam and puts it in his mouth. “That’s not blood. That’s strawberry jam!”
“WOW! We thought it was blood and you gave it a taste?” Apple Bloom asked. “What is wrong with you?!”
“I knew it wasn’t blood.” Spike said. “Know why?”
“No.” Apple Bloom said.
“Because what kind of party would have blood for an activity?” Spike asked.
“A very sick one, that’s for sure.” Scootaloo said. Just then, a few pegasi land on the top of our airship and they started drilling the back of it.
“What’s that noise?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“GIRLS! SPIKE! Get away from the back!” I yelled. I turned my turret around and started shooting the pegasi trying to drill the back. I was able to shoot them off. “This is intense! Someone take over this turret!” I got off the dorsal turret and started running over to the back. “I wanna take control of the rear one!”
“That’s my position!” Spike yelled. Just then, we heard a slight rumbling noise. It would appear the pegasi’s job was done. The whole back of the plane rips open, and I started getting sucked in, but I held on, I held on tight to the opening section that leads from this area to the middle area.
“WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!” I yelled. “WHOA, ok! Holy Wizard of Hope!”
“FLARE! Hold on!” Apple Bloom yelled.
“Thanks for the obvious information.” I said sarcastically.
“Oh c’mon! I’m supposed to be the sarcastic one!” Spike whined. He then takes out his claw and tries to grab hold of me. “Give me your hoof!”
“I can’t detach it, I’m sorry!” I said.
“No! Let me grab your hoof and I’ll pull you in!” Spike corrected me.
“Oh, that sounds better!” I said as I released one of my hooves and tried to pull up towards Spike’s claw and I grabbed on, or more like he grabbed on, but unlikely, I was too heavy and I pulled Spike down with me.
“WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!” Spike cried. “WHOA, ok! Holy royal sisters!”
“I’m having a hard time keeping her together!” the Doctor shouted.
“Are you teasing about my weight?!” I yelled insultingly. “How dare you?! I’m only in the low 100s! I mean that’s heavy compared to the normal pony, but if I was a regular horse, I’m too skinny.” Just then, uh oh, woopsy! I let go of the plane and Spike and I started freefalling.
“FLARE! SPIKE!” Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom both yelled.
“WHAT?!” Scootaloo yelled. “NO!”
“I… I don’t believe this.” Sweetie Belle whimpered a bit. “Flare and Spike, they’re… they’re….”
“Ooooh, Twilight’s goin’ to be so upset about Spike!” Apple Bloom whimpered as well.
“Crèmepop and Water are going to be the same way with Flare!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Especially Crèmepop! She’s goin’ to go on a rampage!” Apple Bloom said. Just then, the Doctor started to laugh.
“Oh I’m sorry, Doctor. We don’t see what’s so funny about this!” Sweetie Belle said angrily.
“Yeah, Doctor, enlighten us.” Apple Bloom agreed.
“Relax! Relax! They should be fine!” the Doctor said.
“HOW?!” Scootaloo yelled. “Flare and Spike are plummeting down to Earth, and here you are LAUGHING AT IT!”
“I guess I’m a bad pony.” The Doctor said.
“You GUESS?!” the CMCs all yelled.
“Do you girls just want to keep arguing about this, or do you wanna live? We lost our back, and we’re losing control!” the Doctor reminded them. They all began screaming as the airship began to twirl out of control. “We need to get outta here!”
“I found something that might help!” Apple Bloom said as she was holding something useful.
“A RAFT?!” Sweetie Belle cried as she yelled in a high-pitched voice. “But we’re not sinking! We’re crashing!” The airship was about to hit a mountain nearby. Epic music started playing as they all jumped off the plane on the raft and started falling as the airship crashes and explodes when it hits the mountain. The CMCs and the Doctor with the raft safely, but harshly, landed in a river down below and were riding out of control and even went down a little waterfall, until eventually they slow down and make it back to dry land, into a forest area, all exhausted and such.
“You know what?” Scootaloo said. “Maybe flying isn’t all that it’s cut out to be.”
“You don’t really mean that, do you, Scootaloo?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Of course not! That was awesome!” Scootaloo yelled in excitement.
“UGH! Not to me!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Well at least we’re ok, that’s all that matters.” The Doctor said.
“Yeah, sure, KEEP TALKING DOCTOR!” Scootaloo yelled angrily at him.
“What?!” the Doctor complained.
“You say we’re ok, but Spike and Flare fell out of the plane and they’re now gone!” Scootaloo yelled as she started to get teary eyed. “This is all your fault, Doctor!”
“Uhh, MY FAULT?!” the Doctor yelled.
“Yeah!” Scootaloo said.
“I’m not the one that disobeyed me!” the Doctor reminded her. “I’m not the one that ran off and jumped onto a fighter and started fighting in a dangerous aerial battle! I had everything planned to complete your studies! We were going to watch the battle safely from a hillside, but nooooo! You wanted to be a part of a deadly battle, and now we’re missing Flare and Spike from our group! This never would’ve happened if you would’ve listened to me!”
The CMCs were shocked and then they started to feel bad. “Doctor, you’re… you’re right!” Apple Bloom said as she started to tear up. “We didn’t listen to you. We wanted to go out and be a part of it all, and now we’re paying the price.”
“Poor Spike… poor Flare… poor Spike.” Sweetie Belle said sadly.
“You said poor Spike twice.” Apple Bloom reminded her.
Sweetie Belle then blushed. “Uhh… no I didn’t.”
“Hey! Who’s that?” Scootaloo pointed.
“Quiet, Scoots! We’re trying to sorrow our loss! It’s more important than anything else!” Sweetie Belle said.
“No I mean that cloaked figure.” Scootaloo said.
“Hey! That looks like the same cloaked figure that was with us back at the triage camp. HEY YOU!” Apple Bloom called out. The cloaked figure started running off.
“Nice, you scared them off.” Scootaloo said.
“Let’s follow them!” Apple Bloom suggested as she was about to run, but then she stopped and looked over at the Doctor. “Unless you don’t want us to.”
“Actually, I agree. He seems suspicious, just like me. Let’s get ‘em!” the Doctor said. The crusaders all cheered as they all started chasing the cloaked figure. Wow, they forgot about Spike and me already. That was quick… a little too quick.
So they chased the figure through the woods they were in until the figure jumped into a tree barrow, thinking he or she would be able to lose the Doctor and them in the process. Even though it fooled most of them, it didn’t fool one of them. “Where did he go? He was just here!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Is he a unicorn?” Scootaloo asked. She then gasped and asked, “Is it Starswirl the Bearded?!”
“No, definitely not.” The Doctor said. “Starswirl was in Old Canterlot at this time. He didn’t participate in the party until P-Day.”
“He went inside this tree barrow. Ah saw him.” Apple Bloom pointed.
“Are you sure?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Ah’m sure.” Apple Bloom said.
“It’s worth a try.” The Doctor said. So the four of them all crawled under the tree and into the barrow. It was pretty filthy and tight in there as the fillies crawled in as the Doctor peeked in and followed along. Oh yeah there was also a spider in there that made some of them uncomfortable, and a snake too, and a clown, so there was pretty much every common scary thing under that tree. After they crawled through there seemed to be inside a hidden underground chamber and that barrow was mainly a passageway. Inside the chamber, there was a lot of gold objects and expensive clothing, and a chest full of bits.
“What is this place?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Did we discover some hidden treasure?” Scootaloo asked. “This would make an epic Daring Do story!”
The Doctor observes the gold and everything in the chamber and began to think. “Hmm…”
“What’s up, Doctor?” Apple Bloom asked.
“This isn’t just hidden treasure, Apple Bloom.” The Doctor said.
“Then what is it?” Apple Bloom asked.
“All this stuff is stolen merchandise and money.” The Doctor said.
“Stolen merchandise? How?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“During chaotic times, whether it’s a war or some catastrophic significant, it gives thieves a reason to break laws and start stealing from other ponies.” The Doctor explained. “While everypony is running to the hills, and the coppers are taking care of the more major threat, thieves think they could get away from stealing, and half of the time, they do.”
“Gosh… who could’ve done such a thing?” Scootaloo asked as she looked around. Just then, she spots something familiar on top of a stolen couch. “Is that… my Rainbow Dash locket?” She picks it up and takes a look inside. “It is! It is my Rainbow Dash locket! This pony stole it from me!”
“Wait a minute. Flare thought he dropped his wallet earlier today back at Oyster Harbor.” Apple Bloom said. “He didn’t actually drop it! That pony that was there tried to steal it!”
“So that cloaked pony isn’t actually a refugee! He’s a thief!” Scootaloo said.
“Very clever, young ponies. Very clever indeed!” the cloaked pony clapped his hooves. “So you found my secret chamber, which means…” just then, he pulls a lever and blocks the exit with a giant bolder. “I can’t let you escape.”
“You thief! You stole my locket! How could you do that?!” Scootaloo yelled.
“Just to let you know, Scootaloo, you didn’t know it was stolen until you found it.” Sweetie Belle reminded her.
“Whatever.” The cloaked pony said. “I’ll deal with you later. For now, I have to head back in town to complete a heist. You stay here. Also, close your eyes for a minute.”
“Why?” Scootaloo asked.
“Just do it, love!” the cloaked pony yelled. I swear though, his voice sounded familiar to me. Oh, that’s right, I wasn’t there. Well I did hear his voice before. So they all covered their eyes.
“Good. I’ll be back.” The cloaked pony said as he pulled a secret statue said and a secret passive opened, and then he walked through, and right before it closed, he yelled, “Ok you can open now.” So they did.
“Well that’s a spot of luck there. We are trapped.” The Doctor said.
“You know, Doctor, Flare said you were much more useful than you are now.” Apple Bloom said.
“He said that? I’m not useful right now?” the Doctor asked.
“No he said you’re usually more useful, and we think yer not now.” Apple Bloom corrected him.
“I’m not… I’m not going to say it anymore, Apple Bloom.” Scootaloo facehooved herself with an attitude.
“So we’re trapped now, huh?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Unless any of you has a plan.” The Doctor said.
“What about you? Do you have a plan?” Scootaloo asked.
“Oh, you said I’m not useful, so forget it. This one’s on you.” The Doctor said.
“UGH!” Scootaloo and Apple Bloom both groaned as Sweetie Belle started walking.
“See that Scootaloo? Yer bein’ me right now.” Apple Bloom pointed out.
“Huh? Oh… darn it.” Scootaloo said defeatedly.
“Hehehe!” Apple Bloom chuckled mischievously. “Ah am good.”
“I wonder why we don’t act this mischievous towards Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon?” Scootaloo asked.
Just then, the three of them start hearing a secret passive open as Sweetie Belle pushes a statue lever. “C’mon, let’s go!” she called out.
“Sweetie Belle?” Scootaloo said curiously. “H-how did…”
“I didn’t REALLY cover my eyes.” Sweetie Belle said. “Well I did, but I peeked out. I kinda cheated!”
“Good work, Sweetie Belle!” the Doctor said excitedly.
“See? Ah wouldn’t call mahself the smart one! The intelligence was in y’all long!” Apple Bloom said.
“Yeah… I guess it is!” Scootaloo said.
“You are the most brilliant pony children I’ve ever met!” the Doctor said.
“Really?” Apple Bloom asked.
“You really know how to get out of a tight situation!” the Doctor said. “Now, c’mon! Let’s go catch that criminal! Allons-y!” So they all escaped the underground lair, and Scootaloo now has the locket back in her possession. Once they got out from the secret passage way, which the exit was under a stump that opened up, they began to look for the thief.
“See anything?” Apple Bloom asked.
“We didn’t even start looking yet.” Scootaloo corrected her.
“I see lots of trees.” A voice whispered. “Lots and lots of trees.”
“Did you say something, Apple Bloom?” Scootaloo asked.
“No.” Apple Bloom said.
“Sweetie Belle?” Scootaloo asked.
“That didn’t even sound like me.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Achoo!” a sneeze echoed as leaves fell from the trees up above.
“Blesh you.” A voice said.
“Thanks.” Another voice said.
“Wait a minute, those voices sound strangely familiar.” Apple Bloom said.
“FLARE AND SPIKE!” the crusaders yelled.
“Sup sistas?” I asked from behind tree branches.
“Where are you?” Apple Bloom called out.
“We’re spirits talking to you from the trees.” Spike said.
“Yeah, we’re dead and stuff.” I said.
“You are?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Yeah. We fell from the plane and plummeted to our deaths.” I said. “We started off getting pulled down to Earth by a gravitational pull and then – queck!” I made a squishing sound. “Splat! Right into concrete blocks!” Apple Bloom started to make a glare as she walked over to a tree and turned her back on it.
“Yeah there was blood everywhere.” Spike said. “There was so much guts and gore that a donating place would have a field day getting-“ Apple Bloom then bucks a tree with her hind-leg and then Spike and I fall from the top of the tree and landed on the ground in front of them, alive, but in pain. More like I landed on the ground and Spike landed on me.
“Ow!” I yelled.
“That didn’t hurt me.” Spike said. “Thanks for breaking my fall, Flare!”
“Thanks for breaking my back!” I said sarcastically. The crusaders all then ran over to us excitedly and gave us a hug.
“We’re so glad you’re ok!” Apple Bloom said excitedly.
“Yeah we thought we lost you!” Sweetie Belle said.
“You did, then you found us!” Spike said.
“B-but how did you survive?” Scootaloo asked.
“You fillies don’t listen do you?” I asked.
Let’s flashback back to right before the air battle. I put on a parachute before I go to my position. “Why are you putting on a parachute?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Safety precaution.” I said. The flashback ends there. Does that count as a cutaway gag though? I wasn’t trying to do them in this chapter.
“Ooooooh! I remember!” Sweetie Belle nodded. “Yeah, Flare put on a parachute right before he got in position!”
“But that doesn’t explain how Spike survived.” Scootaloo said.
“I’m a dragon! I can fly!” Spike said.
“I grabbed him.” I said.
“NO YOU DID- Oh nice, ruin the moment for me.” Spike complained.
“So after we parachuted down, we got stuck on that tree up above.” I pointed up. “Somehow, you just bucking the tree freed us.”
“And nothing else happened.” Spike said.
“Spike then licked me just to see what pony tastes like.” I said.
“I don’t wanna talk about that.” Spike said embarrassingly.
“Hey you wondered.” I reminded him.
“Well good to have you back, Flare!” the Doctor said.
“Hey! Don’t think you’re off the hook, Doctor! You still laughed after they fell out of the plane!” Scootaloo reminded him.
“HE DID?!” I asked insultingly.
“Wooooow!” Spike said.
“No! Isn’t it obvious? He knew all along!” Apple Bloom said.
“Of course I knew! I saw him put the parachute on. I was sure he’d be alright!” the Doctor said.
“What if the parachute failed, hmm?” I asked him. “What do you have to say about that?”
“But it didn’t!” the Doctor said.
“What if it did?” I asked him again.
“Who cares what would’ve happened? It didn’t.” the Doctor said with a smile.
“Wow, he’s good.” I said.
“I’ll say!” Spike agreed.
“Now c’mon! We need to catch a thief!” the Doctor said.
“A thief?” Spike asked.
“That cloaked refugee that was with us back in town and at camp?” Sweetie Belle started. “Well… it turns out he was a thief.”
“Well that explains why my wallet fell out of my front pocket.” I said.
“I thought you said you put it in your back vest pocket?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Pffft! You really took me serious? There’s no such thing as a back vest pocket! C’mooooon! You fillies are so gullible!” I laughed. “I mean not as gullible as Spike here, but hey.”
“HEY!” Spike yelled.
“C’mon! We have no time for this! We should try to catch this thief, and perhaps while we’re at it… we’ll get to see the Battle of Oyster Harbor personally!” the Doctor said.
“You don’t mean…” Scootaloo said shockingly.
“Oh I mean!” the Doctor nodded. “Time to finish studying for that test!”
“Oh right the test, I forgot about that!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Well now you remember! LET’S DO THIS!” Scootaloo yelled in excitement. So we all headed back to Oyster Harbor. It was a bit of a more ruined state than before, but there was still quite a few buildings standing, even though it was a mess in most of them. I’m sorry that I sound tired right now, I’m used to making 10,000 word chapters, not 20. It’s quite exhausting. Don’t worry, I’m almost done.
“Remember: I’m letting us have a closer look, but keep your heads down. Alright?” the Doctor whispered to the crusaders.
“Of course!” Apple Bloom whispered back.
“Couldn’t have it any other way!” Sweetie Belle whispered.
“Yeah… sure.” Scootaloo said sarcastically.
“PARTI SOLDIERS INCOMING!” one of the soldiers yelled. “Is the town completely evacuated yet?”
“No wait, I see a few. HEY YOU!” Machine yelled over to us.
“Who me?” I asked.
“Yeah you!” Machine said.
“Couldn’t be!” I said.
“What?” Machine asked.
“I don’t think that song was invented yet at this time.” The Doctor assumed.
“Wait a minute! You again?” Blaze asked. “I thought we took you to the camp?! What are you doing back here?!”
“We flew, then we crashed.” Scootaloo explained. “And then we went through a river and through the woods, then a secret underground lair full of stolen items, and we’re back here again.”
“Came full circle, didn’t it?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Wait… stolen items?” Weed asked.
“Yeah, we’re trying to catch a thief. Some refugee in a dirty cloak that was with us.” Sweetie Belle explained. “That cloak! Man, and Rarity thought AppleJack was bad when it comes to fashion!”
“HEY!” Apple Bloom yelled.
“Ah yes, the legendary war thief.” Blaze nodded. “He goes around land to land trying to steal war victimized items and selling them in the black market.”
“There’s something I don’t get about the black market.” I said. “How does it get so much money for selling millions of bits worth of stuff?”
“Well we’re not worried about thieves right now.” Weed said. “We’re here to defend the town against the Partis. We can’t worry about thieves right now.”
“He’s right. We have bigger fish to fry.” Blaze said.
“Whaaaaaaa?!” Machine and I both screeched.
“Goldheart! You know Machine doesn’t like it when you talk about fish like that!” Weed yelled at him.
“I KNOW! I hate that it when ponies use quotes like that!” I yelled.
“Dude, I like this pony!” Machine said as he pointed at me. “I like his style!”
“Ditto, brah! Ditto!” I agreed. “I like my style too!”
“Anyways, since the six of you aren’t going to stay away from the battle, you might as well fight alongside us.” Blaze said. “We’re expecting a Parti counterattack.”
“So what’s the plan?” Machine asked.
“I got one!” I said.
“Let’s hear it!” Machine listened.
“Yeah I think you’d regret that decision.” The Doctor said.
“What’s your plan?” Machine asked.
“Why don’t we take Oyster Harbor and push it somewhere else?” I suggested. “I mean, shouldn’t there be a magic spell Starswirl knows that moves whole cities?”
“You know… that’s… not actually a bad idea.” Weed admitted. “I mean we can’t do anything about that right now. Starswirl is busy in Canterlot, but I like that idea. I like it very much!”
“Yeah, sounds really good if only we could do something like that.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Who says we can’t?” I asked mischievously and nodded as epic montague music began to play. The crusaders and Spike both smiled and nodded along.
“No we can’t.” Blaze said.
“Oh.” I said upsettingly.
“Yeah that’s unfortunate. That sounded like a good idea.” Machine said.
“Hey you did say I had good ideas a few years later!” I said.
“I did?” Machine asked. “I don’t remember.”
“Yeah that’s a Gun trait.” I mumbled.
“So what’s the real plan?” Scootaloo asked.
“We’re planning an ambush. Take a look at this.” Weed takes out a map and shows it to us. “We’re setting up an ambush over here at this street. It’s surrounded by buildings and only two ways out – front and back. We’re going to be attacking from both directions, and surround them. They’re bringing in heavy armor through in a convoy fashion. We’re going to bring in heavy armor from both directions so they won’t stand a chance. They’re goin’ to have to be real clever to get the jump on us.”
“I’m not sure why we’re showing civilians our plans. What if they’re spies of the enemies?” Blaze asked.
“Because I have a good feeling about them, and I’m lucky of my gut feeling.” Weed said.
“Now then, we don’t want to get in trouble, so stay out of sight. Pretend you’re not a part in the battle and you just wandered in while trying to escape.” Machine instructed us.
“You want us to lie to them?” Apple Bloom asked. “Lying is wrong, private.”
“Yeah but this lie is good. It’ll stop us from getting in trouble.” Machine said.
“Wouldn’t it just be easier to not have them part of the battle?” Blaze asked.
“I agree.” The Doctor said.
“Still worried about our safety, huh Doctor?” Scootaloo asked.
“Well it’s not so much of your safety this time, more of... I’ll explain later.” The Doctor said.
“But we wanna help!” Apple Bloom whined.
“Yeah! We’re here, so can’t we do something?” Sweetie Belle whined.
“Well if you really want to help, how about defending the bar against the Partis in case they decide to steal our… you know… cider?” Machine suggested.
“You mean the fur oyster pearls?” Spike asked.
“D’OH! Who told you that?!” Machine yelled.
“Never underestimate a dragon!” Spike said.
“Well since you know, you might as well defend it.” Machine said.
“Yeah. Perhaps you’ll do a better job than us.” Weed said.
“What do you mean by that?” Apple Bloom asked.
“This is our first time going into an actual battle!” Weed explained. “Us Buck Privates are never allowed in a real battle, because everypony else thinks we’re not ‘experienced enough’. It’s those corporals that thought that! They think we’re too weak! Too weak to fight! We handle cleanup detail!”
“Maybe they care about your lives?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“HA!” Weed laughed. “They used us for target practice! Stained our uniforms big time! They say they accidently shoot us when we actually know better. They’re there to humiliate us!”
“Well, how about you show ‘em who’s boss?” Scootaloo suggested.
“Well, let’s not forget. They ARE our superiors.” Blaze said.
“Who cares? What do you care about more? Your career which you get a lot of money from, or your dignity which you probably don’t have much left anyway and you have the possibility of having your rank stripped?” Scootaloo asked.
“Our rank?! HA!” Weed laughed. “Yeah, what is there left to strip? Our rank is completely naked!”
“Hey, I get what she’s saying.” Machine said. “I mean the worse that would happen is that they punish us for violating a direct order… BUT… there’s a ‘but’ there.”
“I love ‘buts’!” I said.
“But if we can prove to them that we CAN handle ourselves, perhaps they’ll reward us! They’ll give us the rank we so rightfully deserve – Private! Hey, if we’re lucky, maybe Private First Class!” Machine said excitedly.
“Whoa, let’s not go too far, buddy.” Blaze stopped him.
“Hey, a fella can dream, can he?” Machine asked.
“You’re right, man. You’re right.” Blaze nodded. “We shouldn’t let the corporals push us around like this! Let’s show them that we CAN handle ourselves in the battlefield, and show them WE mean business!”
“YEAH!” Weed and Machine both cheered.
“Even though we’re probably not gonna get paid for this!” Machine cheered.
“Who cares?! Our dignity is important!” Weed yelled in excitement. “Let’s go show ‘em what we’re made of!” So the three of them started marching into battle, leaving us here alone to fend for ourselves.
“They could’ve given us something to defend ourselves with.” Spike complained. “Leaving unarmed civilians in a warzone? I can see how they’re buck privates.”
So the six of us started to wander around the town until we eventually found the tavern again, and it was still standing. It was a wee bit damaged though, but still standing. Also when I said ‘wee’ in the last sentence, I said it in a squeaky voice. Weeeeeee! Remember that one Geico commercial? Pretty old though. Not as old as the money eyes, might I add.
“So who wants something to drink?” I asked.
“Ah yes, the victimized buildings of war.” The Doctor shook his head. “All abandoned, and all damaged… and there’s always that one last bottle of cider from those who were yet to be captured. All alone… all abandoned… all afraid.”
“Ok, Doc, settle down. There are fillies here.” Spike reminded him.
“We can handle ourselves, buddy.” Scootaloo said.
Just then, we heard a noise coming from inside the tavern. “I hear something.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Probably Parti soldiers wantin’ to steal some of those rare oysters.” Apple Bloom assumed.
“You crusaders thinking what I’m thinking?” Scootaloo asked.
“Oh I think I am! Apple Bloom?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Ah sure am!” Apple Bloom nodded.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PARTI POOPERS!” the crusaders cried.
I started chuckling. “They said poop… and mark!”
“I urge you caution though. We don’t know how strong these parti ponies are.” The Doctor reminded them.
“Don’t worry, Doctor! We can do this!” Scootaloo insisted. “There is nothing they can throw at us that we will not defeat!”
“You say that now though.” Apple Bloom said.
“If you’re sure.” The Doctor smiled. “But you better know what you’re doing. Peek before you go in, and don’t be too impatient.”
“You got it, Doctor!” Scootaloo saluted.
“We won’t let you down, Doctor!” Apple Bloom saluted.
“Good night, Doctor!” Sweetie Belle saluted. “Oh woops… guess that was a habit.”
Just then, the crusaders peeked in to see what kind of Parti soldiers were inside the tavern, but there were no Parti soldiers in there. “Hey! That’s not a Parti soldier!” Apple Bloom whispered.
“That’s the cloaked thief!” Sweetie Belle whispered.
“I can hear you, you know.” The thief said as he was trying to break the floor boards. “I heard you from all the way outside. You’re not foolin’ anypony, loves.”
“Stop right there, thief!” Scootaloo called out.
“I ain’t goin’ anywhere. Not without these pearls!” the thief said.
“How did you know about the pearls anyway?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I was in that tent while you were talking about it.” the thief reminded them. “I’m a real good fake sleeper, y’know?”
“Doctor!” Apple Bloom complained as all three of the crusaders glared at him.
“I guess it slipped passed my mind! I’m still trying to get used to having a pony mind! It’s so different from a Time Lord mind!” the Doctor said. “It takes decades the process and I’ve only been in Equestria for four years!”
“Wait… the Doctor was another species?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“AH HA! Got it opened!” the thief cheered as he opened the floor boards. “This is it! The fur pearls! They look much… uglier than I predicted.” The pearls were actually just big brown fur balls. “Oh well, it doesn’t matter. If they were hidden this well, they must be still worth a lot. Shinny, or not. I just hope these things don’t have lice in them.”
“Don’t take those! They’re family heirlooms!” the bartender begged.
“HA! Sorry, lady! It’s survival with the fittest in these circumstances!” the thief taunted.
Just then a lamp gets broken on top of the thief’s head and he collapses on the ground and passes out. “Next time – don’t turn your back.” Apple Bloom taunted him.
“WOO! We got him! We got the war thief!” Sweetie Belle cheered.
“I must say, I am very impressed with your actions! All of you!” the Doctor said. “It all started with studying for a test, now look at you!”
“Well we do what we can, Doctor.” Apple Bloom said. “We’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders! We’re not just here to study for a test! We’re here to save the day!”
“Wait a minute though, are we supposed to catch this thief?” Spike asked. “Wouldn’t that change history?”
“Depends on who the thief is.” Sweetie Belle said as she removes the thief’s hood, revealing his familiar looking face.
“HEY! That thief looks a lot like Blueberry Jam!” I pointed out.
“Who?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Blueberry Jam! Jerry Jam’s ancestor!” I said.
“Wow… looks like you did get to meet Jerry’s ancestor after all!” Apple Bloom said.
“I know!” I said. “But Blueberry Jam is a thief? Who knew? I mean it’s a strange coincidence that Jerry used to be a thief. Looks like Blueberry here shares the same story. After he gets arrested, he reforms, and when he gets released, he’ll be in the land where Mareami is now and beat Weed and Machine to it.”
“If you say so, Flare.” Spike said.
“Wow… fascinating!” the Doctor said. “And I must say, you girls did a brilliant job!”
“I don’t know why you’re congratulating us. We disobeyed you ever since we got here.” Scootaloo reminded him.
“You did.” The Doctor nodded. “And I’m glad you did!”
“Huh?” the crusaders all gasped.
“What do you mean?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I was the same way when I was your age! Even older than that.” the Doctor said. “I disobeyed my superiors all the time. You may think I’m a genius, but compared to other Time Lords – I’m a bloody idiot!”
“You were?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Of course! I wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t! I saved many worlds just by disobeying my leaders.” The Doctor said.
“So… you’re saying… disobeying is good?” Scootaloo asked.
“Oh no, dear child. It’s bad, very bad.” The Doctor said. “But you know what? If you actually feel that you’re doing something right by disobeying your orders, if you’re really careful and you really know what you’re doing, and know the risks of it, then you might be doing some good just by doing it! I know it’s very complicated and your parents told you-“ Apple Bloom started to whimper. “Uhh, I mean… you know… some of your… loved ones. Your guardians. They told you disobeying is wrong, but… even though they’re smart and know what they’re doing, just stop and think for a minute. Are they right?”
“So… if I feel that I’m doing good, I can disobey Rarity?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Well I’m not saying you should.” The Doctor corrected her. “I’m just saying… if you guarantee to be doing good, GUAR-EN-TEE, then there might be an exception. You girls need to know though that there are consequences, and risks. You made a lot of risks during this trip, but you kept your heads. That’s the most important thing – keep your heads, and stay focused. Maybe that’s all you need to pass this test!”
“All this just for a test?!” the bartender cried. “You make tests a bad name, stranger! I’m going to tell my kids that tests are bad news! Too dangerous! Get out of my tavern!”
“Hey, LADY! We just rescued your treasures for you!” I reminded her. “Why don’t you be grateful and all that?!”
“Why do you ponies keep calling me ‘lady’? Don’t call me that!” the bartender demanded.
“RAH!” I yelled at her.
“C’mon… let’s just go.” The Doctor suggested.
So we headed outside and were on our way back to the TARDIS, but on the way there, a couple of Parti soldiers get shot by mustard collapse on the ground. “Whoa!” Scootaloo gasped.
“Pfft! Big deal!” one of the corporals didn’t care.
“Yeah, anypony could do that!” another corporal said.
“Alright, forget this.” Weed said as he shoots the corporals. “Go ahead! Expel us! That was SO worth it!” Up ahead, Colonel Binky Plug starts slow clapping his hooves.
“Well done, buck privates. Well done.” He said. “You learned how to take these like stallions and stand up for yourselves.”
“Huh?” Blaze asked.
“You think these corporals could get away from bullying you all the time?” the colonel asked. “I asked them to do it. It takes discipline to learn how to fend for yourselves.”
“WOO!” Machine cheered. “I have no idea what’s going on right now!”
“Congratulations, you three!” the colonel said as he gave them medals. “You are now Private First Classes! Welcome to the unit!”
“Wow! Private First Classes!” Blaze said excitedly as he accepted the medal. “Never knew I’d make it this far! Thank you, colonel!”
“Any time, men!” the colonel salutes them, and the three newly formed Private First Classes salute back.
“HA! And you told me not to dream big!” Machine teased his friends.
“Hey, anything’s possible at wartimes.” Weed said. “We didn’t think we’d make it this far, and now look at us! We’re one with the unit! Now more corporal problems! No more cleaning up the mess! We’re in the front lines now!”
“Hey, First Classes?” one of the corporals asked as they all tossed them their weapons. “Clean our weapons. You may be part of our unit, but you still have responsibilities!”
“Ugh! Fine!” Blaze groaned.
“And our grenades.” One of the corporals added as they gave them their grenades. “And our… tank.” The tank gets tossed right on top of Blaze.
“AAGH!” Blaze struggled. “The things I do to get promoted!” Just then, I took out my mustard gun and shot one of the corporals. The corporal looks down and sees the stain on his shirt.
“TRAITOR!” the corporal cried.
“Nope! Standing up for myself!” Machine corrected him.
“FORGET THAT! This was a 20 bit shirt, which is worth a lot at this time! TRAITORS!” the corporal yelled. The corporals all started chanting traitors and looked like they were about to attack the three.
“Way to go, Machine!” Weed complained.
“Things don’t make sense to me anymore!” Machine yelled as the three of them ran away and the corporals started chasing them. The three were running across town trying to get away from the corporals, and we couldn’t just leave them, so the CMCs, me, Spike, and the Doctor were wearing disguises as we signaled the three soldiers to come to us and hide behind us. They did so, and when the corporals came, they ran to us and asked us where they were, and we pointed to the opposite direction and they ran that way. Typical Scooby Doo humor, huh?
“Are they gone?” Machine asked.
“No they’re still running.” I teased.
“Don’t lie to them, Flare!” Apple Bloom instructed me. “Go ahead, guys. They’re gone.”
“Woo! Thanks girls!” Blaze said.
“Don’t mention it, Private Goldheart!” Scootaloo said. “Anything for the ancestor of my idol’s husband!”
“Yeah, well, I’m just going to ignore that little thing and just say, it’s Private First Class, not Private.” Blaze corrected her.
“We called you privates when you buck and you didn’t seem to complain about that.” Spike reminded them.
“Yeah, well, it’s compliment being called a higher rank and instead of a lesser one.” Blaze said.
“But let me be the first to say how truly grateful we are for all you six have done for us.” Machine said. “You taught us to stand up for ourselves, and that if you disobey certain orders, if you’re careful, then you-“
“Yeah we… got through that already.” Scootaloo interrupted.
“Oh.” Machine said. “Well, regardless, you all did amazing! I am proud of you! You’re going to grow to be fine soldiers, I’m pretty sure!”
“WOO!” Scootaloo cheered.
“Meh.” Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle both shrugged.
“Well… this has been fun and all, but we have a new mission on our plates.” Weed said.
“Oh yeah?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Yeah.” Weed said. “What remains of the Parti soldiers here in Equestria have either been captured or they fled. We have won this battle, and it turns out they weren’t after the oyster pearls after all.”
“Then why did they attack?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Eh- I dunno.” Weed shrugged.
“So now we must get ready to take the battle to the Parti homeland and end this party once and for all!” Blaze said. “We must get ready for… P-Day.”
“Well good luck with that!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Yeah, I’m sure you guys will do great!” Scootaloo said.
“You guys will become Colonels and legends in no time!” Spike said.
“You really think so?” Blaze asked.
“I know so!” Spike nodded.
“I’m sure we’ll meet you again in the future sometime.” I said to them. “Even though we may not remember you, and we might bring some purple alicorn with us and not these three fillies.”
“I’m looking forward to seeing you again!” Machine said.
“As of I!” Weed agreed. “You’ve been very helpful to us! It’ll be nice if you helped us again in the future!”
“Not that we’re forcing you to, of course!” Machine said.
“Well we should thank you too! You helped us learn a lot!” Apple Bloom said. “So this is like a two-way assistance.”
Blaze chuckled. “I guess it is!”
“Anyways, we have to head back to base before they miss us.” Weed said. “I’m sure the corporals won’t be a problem in the briefing room so we should be fine. Anyways! See you all around!”
“Thanks for everything!” Blaze said.
“See you around!” Machine said as he saluted. “This is Private First Class Machine Tony Salvatore Joey Luigi Gun, signing off!”
“Goodbye, my friend!” I said. So we said our goodbyes and they headed off.
“At this point, I don’t think we’re going to be going back any further than this.” Spike said. “I think this is as far as we go.”
“It would appear so.” The Doctor nodded. “No more time travelling back to the Disharmony Era. We’re done.”
“I’m going to miss those guys.” I said upsettingly. “I mean I always felt Machine Gun to be family to me. Parting from him, well… it… it doesn’t seem right.”
“We must move on sometimes, Flare.” Apple Bloom said, trying to comfort me as she places her hoof my Blessings of the Night, as well as Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle doing it too. “By the looks of what you guys said, he’s going to have a great future, and he’ll live a great life. He’d want you to live a great life too. That’s why we must move on.”
“Wow, Apple Bloom!” Sweetie Belle said impressively. “That was pretty smart.”
“Yeah! Glad to have you on board with us!” Scootaloo agreed. Apple Bloom blushed a bit.
“Alright, if we had enough of this snoopy-snoozy garbage, I think it’s time to go home.” Spike said.
“Yep! We have a test to pass!” Sweetie Belle said excitedly.
“Allons-y then!” the Doctor said. So we all returned to the TARDIS and time travelled our way through time and space, and we returned our tuchuses back to present-day Ponyville.
When we got out of the TARDIS, Scootaloo smelled the air and said, “Ah! Fresh present-day Ponyville air! No more burning ash of cake frosting melting through buildings!”
“That was fun, wasn’t it?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“And we learned a lot from it!” Apple Bloom said.
“Well I’m glad you all enjoyed yourselves!” the Doctor said. “I’m really glad I got to know you girls! You really remind me of myself when I was younger. It really gave me flashbacks. The good kind, not the bad.”
“Well I’m glad I got to come along!” I said.
“Ditto!” Spike agreed.
“Now if you, my friends, if you excuse me,” I said as I took out a shovel, “I have a novelty telescope worth a lot of money now to find! Spike?”
“Let’s do it!” he agreed as he and I walked away. “They didn’t tell us where it is though.”
“Meh, Twilight may have a book or something about that.” I said right before we were out of range.
“Thanks for helping us out, Doctor!” Sweetie Belle said as she hugged the Doctor.
The Doctor started chuckling awkwardly. “Yes, yes… indeed. Heh! Umm… ok… umm… alright, that’s enough.”
“Why do you feel so cold?” Sweetie Belle asked as she continued hugging him.
“Ehh, nevermind that. Good luck on your tests!” the Doctor said as he returned inside the TARDIS.
“Bye, Doctor!” the crusaders all said as his TARDIS suddenly disappears.
“We should meet AppleJack at the museum so she wouldn’t be suspicious.” Sweetie Belle suggested.
“Good call!” Apple Bloom agreed. “After that, are you girls ready for the test?”
“You know what? I’ll say this since neither of us did at all on this adventure.” Scootaloo offered. “MAYBE WE SHOULD GET OUR CUTIE MARKS IN TIME TRAVEL!”
“Oh grow up, Scootaloo. Who’d want a cutie mark in time travel?” Sweetie Belle asked.
The next day came, and when the crusaders got to class, Cheerilee eventually came in and said, “Good morning class! I hope you had good sleep, because today I want us to take a field trip over at Oyster Harbor! We’re going to learn about World Party II at the source!” The whole class cheered.
“Wait a minute, what about the test?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Yeah, don’t we have a test to do that’s worth, like, a lot of our grade?” Scootaloo asked. The whole class suddenly gasped.
“GIRLS! How many times do I have to say it?” Cheerilee asked angrily. “We never use that word ‘test’ in this classroom! Tests are evil! They’re dangerous! How can you think I’d give you something like that?” The crusaders all looked at eachother curiously and thought what went wrong.
