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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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alright
Another excellent chapter! Keep up the good work!
3720991 Thanks. Do you think I'm advancing the story ok? Or to slowly? Because I am trying to add a hint of realism to the story in a way how others would do the same thing if they were faced with his decisions.
LIKE/FAV'D
3721313
I think you're advancing the story at a nice pace. Don't try to speed up for the sake of speeding up.
3721313 I agree with 3722086 , right now the story is going at a good pace, I wouldn't change it. It is true that they are in a hurry and they need to get the materials quickly, but they still have 6 days, and you can get a lot of story in those 6 days. The only coment that I have is that during the fight with RD, Jake seamed a little week for a super soldier, was he taking it easy on her? Or was he just caught off guard?
Wait, I thought he's a fully trained first lieutenant SUPER SOLDIER of Earth's special forces military. Then, why did he got his ass handed to him?
I don't know why Rainbow tackled the dude in the first place. Sure he scarwd the entire town, but you didn't see Rainbow tackling Zecora when she got there.
... I may be nitpicking a little too much.
3723032 Here I'll explain. Imagine as a super soldier what you could do to her. Now... imagine that if you did... how they would look at you in terms of trust as you need their help. You don't want to be more scary than you are. He also thought he was losing his mind AND he underestimated her speed. Think about it in your head. If you saw something like her trying to fight you and you were a super soldier, don't you think you would think of it as a very little threat as well? So yeah, he was caught off guard and what not.
3723046 Well Zecora still was of the same species kinda sorta... but this guy was kinda like a diamond dog looking mutha******. So maybe out of instinct?
3723046 And it was only 1 punch. A punch he didn't even think she would make. But she is faster than him so when he got hit of course he stumbled thing "How?" but thinking it was best not to harm what could aid him in helping his race, he ran.
3723691 Bahahahaha.I'm kind of surprised. You were the first to notice the clothes.
Well I like to think of it kind of like fallout. You know how that was based in the future, but everything was all styled kind of in a futuristic... oldish kind of way? I was going for that kind of feel. And yeah like you said... just as I began writing this I though.... "Hm... skin tight body sui- uh no thank you..."
3723691 Oh another example can be Halo Reach, or maybe even the other halo's. Like remember the beginning of Reach where you find those farmers. I'm almost positive actually one of them (If not more) is wearing jeans. And if I'm correct... that takes place iiiiiin..... the year 2552 I think.
Either way Thanks for your criticism. I just though when I was writing it I would just give it that kind of feel.
3723747
Yay! I have been noticed! I wouldn't know how to dress him either, but I cant write...at all. Sorry I'm saying this but I'm saying it anyway... I hated Halo. I tried one of them and I just thought it was shhhhhhhomething. I'm to kid friendly.
Oh, and man, WRITE LIKE YOU MEAN IT cause this story is pretty darn awesome. Considering it's going to be huge length wise don't stop writing like you mean it. As you have probobly noticed, I have no other criticism... yet.
-Clay the Draconequus
3724011 Heh thanks, I was hoping this story could get a bit more recognition. And of course you were noticed! Anyone who comments in my stories becomes a friend to me.
3724011 However I do have a question. Do you think the combat of confrontations have been decent or well written. Cause I'm experimenting with doing them like this because I always wrote combat much differently in my other stories.
3724037
Well for me to give an accurate rating, I would have to read the other stories witch I probably will eventually, but that'll take a week-4 months depending on my life. These action scenes are above average from what I've seen though. So I'd proboly ask a guy who has been following you for a while.
-Clay the Draconequus
3752705 I was actually unaware of this.... thank you for bringing it to my attention... I'll try to fix this once I get to it.
static4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130825220527/mlp/images/2/23/NBC%27s_The_More_You_Know.jpg
Can someone help explain something to me? On my feed it says that there is another chapter of this story, but when I click it it says "Story Does Not Exist". Yet when I come here the story exists! What's going on?!
-Clay the Draconequus
3752989 Just ignore it. It's my fault. I was writing another chapter and by accident hit Publish instead of edit and it was right beside it. Sorry for the confusion
3752995
Oh, sorry for the uproar then.
3753000 Naw it's fine. It adds a bit of spice to this tasteless and slow comment section
I think you're advancing too fast. You need to back the f*** up before you get smacked the f*** up. Best believe.
At first, I was worried that Jake would become an OP Gary Stu and that Rainbow Dash's karate black belt would be completely disregarded, but I was pleasantly surprised.
And although Rainbow was taken down at the end, I think that's fine. She got to do something, right?