The Life Returns

by Dress72

011 Life's Joke

011

Jake and I left the prison, with Jake on my back. I noted that he didn’t have his parachute with him, so I would have to get it somehow. “Hey Jake, do you know where your parachute is?” I asked as we walked up the stairs that went outside.

Jake looked embarrassed, “No,” he admitted, slightly ashamed.

“That’s okay, just means that we will have to ask around for it. Besides, I’m sure that there are a limited number of places that it could be.”
As we exited the prison, I spotted Luna just outside the door. “Good morning Mr. White Wind, how are you?” she asked when she saw us.

“It is indeed, and I am well. Do you perchance know where my little Red Wing here might have left his parachute?”

“Actually, I don’t. He didn’t have it when I met him. Shining Armor might know where it is.”

“Ah, the Captain of the Royal Guard. Thank you, Luna, it is okay to call you by just your name and not use your title, right?” She nodded, and we went to find the Captain.

“Daddy, I think I know where I left it. I think I left it in Shining’s house,” Jake said after we parted from Luna.

“Let’s head there then. I’m sure that we can get directions from someone.”

“Actually, I think I know how to get there.”

“Are you sure?” As I said this, I spotted Shining Armor, walking with a few guards, and decided to put it up as a test. “We could get one of the guards here to take us to his house. I’m sure that they all know where their highest commanding officer lives.”

Jake was determined to prove that he knew how to get to the house in question, and voiced that determination, “No! I want to take you there!” Recap, and note to self: My son is awesome, and if he can actually remember the way, then I have to get him something.

“Alright then, lead the way.” Jake hopped off my back, and walked down the street. From his height, he wouldn’t be able to see Shining with all the maids and butlers running around; the place is quite hectic when no one of importance is around. If my memory was correct, he was heading at least to the outside of the castle.

I followed Jake (who was watching the hallways, and placing where we were in his head), while keeping an eye on Shining. I lost sight of Shining as we left the castle, but I knew that he was also outside. Jake led me through the streets immediately surrounding the castle until we arrived at a building with two guards out front. “It’s this one!” Jake said excitedly.

I went to knock on the door when the two guards stopped me, “What business do you have here?” one said.

I considered my options: tell the truth, lie my ass off and freak them out, or simply ignore them and try to get past. My mischievous side kicked in and I chose the one that would be the funniest to me, choice B. Before I spoke with the guards, however, I whispered to my son, “I’m about to do something that I don’t want you to repeat. When in the middle of it, I will nod to you, and I want you to go knock on the door. Again, DO NOT REPEAT what I am about to do. I don’t want you to get in trouble. You will get punished if I hear that you have copied any of this.”

I then turned to face the guards, “Well, I have been feeling homicidal as of late, and felt like this was a good place to start my murderous rampage. I mean, taking out this pony would cause a huge uproar,” I created a slowly widening grin as I spoke to the both of them.

I then leaned in to one of the guards and whispered in her ear about the brutal methods I would use to dissect and dismember, and then what would happen to each bit I dismembered. Sometimes my mischievous side is just a jerk with a disturbing train of thought. I even think that I went a little overboard with my description, but it was kind of worth it when I saw her reaction.

At this point, my grin was a hysterical, madman’s grin that only this guard would see, and as I pulled back, I saw that she had a look of pure terror. I will need to apologize later, as she will most likely be needing therapy in the near future. She collapsed, holding her head, too afraid to even look at me. ‘Too late to back out of this now.” I turned on the other one, and nodded to my son. The grin I had was gone before I even started my turn, however.

The reaction I got from this guard was one of slight confusion and fear. The fear I deduced was due to the reaction of the other pony. “So, what are you going to do?” I asked the other guard.

“Get reinforcements,” he said in a shaky voice before racing off.

The door opened, and I turned to see a pony that wasn’t Shining Armor, but instead was a pinkish color, with wings and a horn. “Hello?” she said, not spotting the lack of useable guards yet.

“Hi. It seems that my son here has left his parachute here…” This pony looked down at Jake and seemed to recognize him. Before I could finish my sentence however, the guard who was still there interrupted me, gaining a slight amount of composure.

“Princess Mi Amore Cadenza! Don’t listen to him, he is crazy. He said that he would murder you.”

Cadenza looked at the pony and saw the fear in her eyes. “If your son is Red Wing, then you must be White Wind. I’m not one to judge quickly, but I also trust the guards, especially when they look as terrified as this. Did you really say you would kill me? And speaking of guards, were is the other one?” The princess said all this with a distrusting tone, and her magic securing me in place.

I ignored the questions being asked at me, “If you distrust me, then don’t let me in. But I ask one of two things: let my son look for and possibly retrieve the parachute that he thinks he left here, or if you refuse, then I will assume you have it, and charge you the 250 bits that they cost.”

Cadance thought for about five seconds before answering, “Fine, I will let Red Wing here search for the item.” Her magic didn’t disappear until after the door closed, however.

“Thank you,” I replied, watching Jake go in to search for the parachute. I then turned to the guard who was still shaking in fear from the gruesome description of pain and gore. Even if she had regained some composure, it only took me turning to her to make her collapse again. I bent down to her so that I was eye level, yet she refused to look at me.

“Look at me, I have something I want to say to you,” she refused and shook her head, despite me saying this in a calming tone. “Come on, I’m not going to hurt you.” She continued to defy me. “Will you please look at me?” I changed my approach slightly, realizing that I was demanding her, instead of asking.

My change worked though, and hesitantly, she looked up at me, fear evident on her face, and she was presented with a caring face. “Look, I’m sorry if I frightened you, and even if that was my intention, I didn’t mean for it to go this far. I from what I understand, you don’t hear or see anything even close to what I described to you, around here, so I can understand your reaction. I took my joke completely too far, and if you need to see a psychologist over this, then I will pay, 100%, for the first five lessons that you go.”

“Joke? That was a joke? How can you call that a joke?” she said accusingly.

“Sorry, from where I grew up, jokes like that where common and few people would bat an eye at something like that. Again, I’m sorry if I caused you any mental trauma. That was not my intent.”

“And I’m supposed to believe you?”

“Believe me or not, your choice. But I will tell you that I would make use of my offer on the psychologist if you need it. Just send the first five bills to Ponyville’s library, addressed to White Wind. Where I live is difficult for anypony to get to, and I have a friend there where I could pick the bill up from. As long as I know where to send the bits to, they will get there.”

“You would trust me with something like that?”

“Of course. Everypony in Ponyville is trustworthy, and everypony I met at the Grand Galloping Gala, while stuck up, never did anything to make me distrust them. Plus you are part of the royal guard, and they probably need to pass some form of clearance in order to protect the rulers of Equestria. So yes, I trust you.”

We finished up our conversation just as Jake and Cadance appeared, Jake with the backpack on. “Ah, there it is. I must thank you, Princess Cadance, for letting my son retrieve his parachute,” I said, bowing. “It seems, however, that I must stay to clear something up,” I looked down at the direction the other guard had gone, and saw that he was returning with reinforcements, one of which was Shining Armor. “Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. It looks like I won’t have to stay for too long.”

Shining Armor, who was leading and had apparently ran here at an incredibly fast pace, was already taking a fighting stance. “White Wing, you dare cause trouble and think that you can kill my fiancé?”

“To be honest, I thought that you would be here instead of her. Wait, fiancé… Congratulations. Anyways, no, I didn’t come here to kill anypony.”

“My guard has told me otherwise, and I have no reason to distrust them,” Shining retorted.

“Nor did you defend yourself when I asked you if you said that you would kill me,” Cadance added.

“First of all, I didn’t actually come here to kill anypony. Plus I brought my son. I would never show him something as brutal as the murder of a pony. Second of all, it was a joke that I took way too far. Third of all, I didn’t defend myself because yes, I did say that I would kill the pony that was here. And back to the second point, it was a joke that I took way too far. And my fourth point would be that I only came here because my son left his parachute here, and with it retrieved, I have no reason to stay.”

“I have no reason to trust you on this, especially when you admitted that you said that you would kill. I am going to take you in, by force if necessary,” Shining Armor threatened.

“Like you would be able to. I heard Princess Celestia say that you, Princess Cadance, Princess Luna, and she, would not be able to stop Daddy,” Jake spoke up. It surprised me because my son never lied, or at least not with me around, so I knew he was telling the truth. It also surprised me because Shining lost some of his composure as it fell into doubt. He quickly regained control, however.

“Interesting to know, however, answer me this: since I got Red Wing’s parachute back, which is what we came here for, then why did I stay here to wait for your group to arrive? I could have just as easily fled.”

Cadance decided to add her two cents (or bits in this case) to the point I just made, “He did say that he must stay to clear this up.”

“What about Swift Sword? She collapsed after you whispered something to her!” the other pony that was originally here asked.

“I-I’m fine. He apologized for the incident, and has even said, under no pressure too, I might add, to pay for the first few psychologist lessons. And I think I will be taking him up on that offer,” the mare known as Swift Sword answered.

“I don’t like leaving stuff unresolved. Even more so when it harms others. And if I was going to kill, I wouldn’t have said that I would stay out here when Red Wing went inside.”

Shining Armor went over the reasons and facts that he was presented with, and relaxed after pondering over them, “I guess when we first met you didn’t resist me when I put you under arrest. I will let you off this once, but if you dare even say that you will kill somepony again, joke or not, I will arrest you.”

“Dually noted,” I responded.

Comments

[Hydran]

Can't wait to see what he whispered. Make it gruesome <3

[Dress72]

3243525
I will do my best... not very good at writing gory stuff though. What i have right now is basically stuff that would induce a shit ton of pain.

[Hydran]

3243548 ill rate it on my 1-10 scale afterward. But I hope it's good. Let's see what your crazed mind can perform >:D

[Dress72]

3243592