Raining Metal

by thecakeisalie

Iceland

The cruiser limped into port, still leaning starboard. They hadn’t made it to the Bridle Islands yet- they were still four days away. The engineers on bored were worried that the repairs they had made while travelling wouldn’t hold up, though. They argued that sheets of steel thrown on in less than a day, while effective for short amounts of time, invariably broke down rather quickly. Their arguments had been supported by the water that was starting to leak in on the bottom deck. The ships captain had seen no choice but to pull into the closest friendly port. This was how Icescape and Midnight found themselves in Iceland.

Iceland was a fairly small island nation. The main reason it was still independent was because it was too far out of the way to really be a concern to anybody. Equestria had a small naval yard here, which said it would be able to fix the ship properly in about a week. This left the soldiers being transported with empty time on their hooves and no idea what to do with it. Midnight had talked Icescape into going and seeing the mountains, all of which had ridiculous names. Icescape had said ok, on the condition he could bring a few others along. Midnight figured there was no valid reason to say no, even if more ponies was the last thing he wanted, and was forced to say yes.

Icescape had found Gear and Bluebird, both of whom were willing to go on an adventure, Gear because he wanted something to get his mind off of the ship, Bluebird because he was bored. Bluebird was already regretting volunteering for the emergency protection detail long before the cruiser pulled into port. If he wasn’t quite so impulsive, he never would have done it. But impulse had long ruled his life.

As Icescape led the other two ponies back to the agreed upon meeting place, Midnight teleported in front of them with a large pack in his mouth. He dropped it onto the ground, being careful to make sure it didn’t hit too hard. The others noticed that there as already another sitting at his feet. Gear had brought his own pack, as had Bluebird. Midnight gestured at the pack he had just dropped, saying “That one’s yours, Icescape. The other is mine. So, if this is it,” he looked at the three ponies in front of him when he said that, “Then I say we hit the road!” The others gave quick nods in the affirmative, setting off for the hills at a slow trot.

Applejack was just getting into bed. She had been given the night watch, again, and was thoroughly exhausted, even at a time she felt she should be getting up for a hard days work. She watched the sun rise over the horizon through her porthole, illuminating the ships in the column. As she started to drift, she wondered about Midnight, and Icescape, for that matter. She had heard the day after the attack that it was their ship, and she had seen it leave the column for Iceland yesterday. They were going to be at least a week late, the ship captain had read off of a telegram. Once they restarted for the Bridle Islands, they would be lone targets. Hopefully they could make the short run into Bridle territory safely, she thought, as her eyes closed.

Twilight was not having the best day. She still had tons of paperwork to fill out from the night of the attack. While paperwork didn’t normally bug her too bad, she was feeling a little sick. It was partially sea sickness- she’d been feeling bad ever since she first stepped on the boat- but she was pretty sure she’d picked up a strain of the flu that had been going around the ship. In addition, she was too worried about her friends to be able to pay attention. Applejack had been exhausted by the frequent night shifts, which she would get used to, eventually. But Icescape and Midnight had been aboard the ship that had been attacked, and Twilight had been unable to get any information as to the status of her two friends. Not to mention Rainbow, trapped back in Manehattan, unable to fly, possibly forever. And Rarity, who was coming over next, who had discovered a previously unknown claustrophobia, and Fluttershy, who was just so scared in general, and Pinkie, who… well, Twilight was already always fretting for Pinkie anyways.

Heaving a sigh, Twilight stared down the large amount of paperwork on her desk. It’s not too bad, she thought to herself, then followed that with I wish Spike were here to do it for me…

Midnight looked back at his three companions. Bluebird and Gear had explained how they met Icescape during the Battle of Manehattan. While they didn’t know each other well, they seemed to be good friends already. Midnight had rather unwillingly been filled in on Bluebirds entire back-story; it was surprisingly similar to Rainbows. He had wanted to be a Wonderbolt all his life; he was employed as the head weather manager of Skychester before getting recruited; he had discovered a passion for racing young. The most major difference was that he had gotten his cutie mark during a fierce storm one day. An engine in the weather factory had broken down, allowing a storm to get far out of control. Bluebird had sneaked in, stealing a few pieces from the metal shop on the way, and got to the engine. He hadn’t been able to fix it, but he had somehow managed to reroute control to a different computer bank. After finding the computer and getting the storm back under control, he flew out and pushed the clouds away with a small wind he had whipped up. His cutie mark was a dark cloud being pushed by silver wind.

Gear’s cutie mark story was filled with technical terms that caused Midnight to lose focus quickly. He looked back to see that Gear’s cutie mark was a half built bridge on a piece of blueprint paper. He figured this explained why the earth pony was so good at building things, and had naturally taken control of the ships repairs. Midnight chuckled to himself as he realized how suiting the pony’s name was.

Icescape was already having a great day. He had told his cutie mark story to Gear and Bluebird, listened to theirs, and made two new friends, and it was only noon! Of course, he was even happier to be able to go backpacking with his best friend, even if he had packed a lot of stuff into Icescape’s pack.

Icescape shifted his pack again. He had no idea what Midnight had packed for him, but it was definitely more than was necessary. He wondered how his best friend could carry his own pack with such ease as he watched Midnight laugh at something Bluebird had said. Realizing he was falling behind, Icescape hurried to catch up.

“Twilight?” Applejack asked, pushing open her friends door. It was getting on towards eleven o’clock, and Twilight hadn’t been at a single meal all day. Poking her head in to her friend’s room, Applejack discovered why Twilight had missed all the meals- she was asleep. Twilight had her head on a pile of half completed paperwork, muttering and occasionally giving a ragged snore.

Applejack picked her friend up, moving her to the bed. It was funny that Twilight, who was the most precise, exact, and concentrated of her friends, had somehow managed to fall asleep to paperwork. Applejack gave a low chuckle; almost missing Twilights sleep induced ramblings. “Rainbow…”

Rainbow looked out the window at the harbor. She watched as a ship pulled out, taking Rarity away. Now it was only herself and Fluttershy. She had been told that she would be moved out as soon as she could fly again. She wasn’t stupid, though; she had heard the doctors talking to her friends, and knew she may never fly again. As she watched the sun set, she wished she could be in the sky with it.

Comments

[yusha]

:0 noo rainboow noooo

First of all, I cannot rate this. The reason will become clear as I explain. Here are the points to be made:

The craft of writing is not polished, it leans heavily towards "telling" rather than "showing".

The technical aspects do not lend themselves well to the physical layout of the species present. It seems a little forced, haphazard, and constructed along more "human" based analogs.

The action, overall decisions, and feel of the military structure do lend itself to fantasy writing. It lacks a certain feel of realism and it leads me to believe that the author has not had any real combat experience beyond possibly peace-time training films and exercises.

Overall, it is decent in quality and pacing for fanfiction. The major problem is that the entire purpose, theme, and feel is wrong. It doesn't belong in the My Little Pony universe, it has completely missed the intent of FiM, and it addresses things that the scope of the animation's characters could not hope to adapt to. I'm sure the author will disagree, possibly that coping with such trauma and adversity will be a test to temper their souls... striving to remain who they are against the pressures of overwhelming conflict.

I, however, say that this story would work fine standing alone. No ponies, griffons, or such, just original characters and in its own universe. This is obviously not the first modern war in Equestria, nor will it be the last. In closing, I wish to say that it is not a bad read, but as far as My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfiction goes... you are doing it wrong.

~Az