Three Months Later
After months of waking up at five in the morning and immediately being thrown into physical training by Blackout, meeting with the military leaders every day to discuss where and when to attack the city, pulling all the non-essential military personnel back to Eclipse City, and playing with Solstice every night. We were finally ready for the march on Canterlot.
I stood on the steps of the council building with the military leaders that included Moonlight and Nightfall, both promoted to the rank of general for their important knowledge of Canterlot’s weaknesses. I walked up to the podium that had been set up to address the legions of troops and citizens that had turned out.
“Citizens of Eclipse City and to the rest of the Thestral Kingdom. Today we march on the city of Canterlot in order to fight for your freedom. Today we take what we deserve. Today we fight so that you can aspire to be more than a mere lunar guard. Be more than a pawn to serve the tyrannical overlord of the sun and those that would stand by and allow this kind of treatment to continue. Today, we stand and fight and we tell Celestia that we will no longer stand idly by and be oppressed. Today, I am proud to call myself an ally to the Thestral race, and I am proud to fight alongside you as you fight for your freedom!”
In response, a deafening roar was heard from the crowd below.
“Now then; I shall now pass off the podium to your commanding officers, General Nightfall and General Moonlight and they will direct you where to go.”
I stepped off the platform and headed to join Captain Starlight and the other military commanders. As I walked over, I saw Blackout and Solstice standing in the crowd. Not knowing how long it would be until I would see either of them, I decided to take a detour and say goodbye.
“Hey Francois!” Solstice said happily as I walked over.
“Hey there Solstice,” I replied as I picked him up in my magic and put him on my back, “Hello Blackout.”
“Hello Francois,” he replied
“Well, I guess today’s the day, we either take down Celestia and my mother’s rule, or I don’t want to think of the consequences if we lose...” I said, trailing off.
“I can’t say that I wouldn’t want to be out there with you, but I can’t say that I would either.”
“I understand what you mean my friend, but you’ve taught me everything that I’ll need to be safe, just like I’m sure you trained the soldiers under you. I know I never said this during training, but thank you. Thank you for taking me in and giving me a better chance of fighting for a better future, for both of us.”
“Just as I never thanked you for wanting to do the same for us. I look forward to hearing about our victory in Canterlot and the repeal of that terrible law.”
“We’ve still got the battle ahead of us, but I’m confident that with the training and the number we have, we’ll win. Thank you again my friend, I’ll make sure to recommend you for a promotion.”
Solstice had apparently gotten bored with the conversation between me and his father, because at that moment, I heard a small flutter of wings as he flew up to my head and stood on top of it.
Alright, alright, you want some attention, I get it,” I said with a laugh.
“Solstice, get off his head, you’re gonna hurt yourself on his horn.” Blackout said.
“Don’t worry, unicorn horns are blunt, I couldn’t puncture a balloon if I wanted to,” I replied, reaching up and poking the tip of my horn for emphasis.
“Francois, do you think we can play one more time before you leave?” Solstice asked as he climbed off my head and looked at me with big, sad eyes.
I laughed again, “I think I can spare a few minutes. Hold on tight, my little friend, I’m gonna teleport us so we can save time.”
He grabbed onto my neck as I concentrated on his backyard and casted the spell. When we landed, I opened my eyes and made sure we were in the right place; we were. Solstice was a little discombobulated by the experience though.
“You okay? I know that it’s not very pleasant if you’re not used to it.”
“I’ll be okay, just give me a minute and then I’ll go get my ball,” he said groggily.
He eventually regained himself and got his ball. We played for what seemed like a few minutes, but I was jarred out of how much fun we were having when the town clock rang for two o’clock; the designated time for the march to start out of town.
“Foal of a-” I stopped myself, “Solstice, I gotta go now. It was great playing with you, but it’s time for me to leave.”
“Alright, Francois, goodbye, I’ll miss you.”
I smiled, “I’ll miss you too, but I’ll see you soon my little friend. I think I have time for a hug goodbye though,” I said, kneeling down and holding my front legs open.
He ran and jumped right into my chest, giving me a hug like I used to give to my mother; a hug that said everything that couldn’t be expressed in words. I returned the hug with as much as he gave, for he was my first real friend. A friend that didn’t care about my past, or what I could do for him.
“I love you, Francois,” he said, clutching me like he never wanted to let go.
“I love you to, my friend,” I replied with tears forming in my eyes.
He let go and slowly walked back to his house, turning back to see my horn light up and watch me teleport away to the designated meeting place for the military commanders.
As I landed, I heard the end of a sentence, “...not coming, get ready to go.”
I shook myself off, “Sorry I’m late everypony. Can somepony bring me up to speed on where you want me and my troops?”
Moonlight frowned, “Francois, you were made a commander for this attack, please start acting like one.”
“Alright, alright, I got it. But I still need to know where my troops and I will be.”
“Come over here and I’ll show you where we want you.”
I was shown the area around the train station, the same area where I had taken Cloudflower on our date.
“Your troops will go through the train station and come out on this street, from there, clear the buildings one by one so you can’t be ambushed and then you’ll meet up with my soldiers at the entrance to the castle.”
“Alright, I think I’ve got it. If I need help, I’ll send a distress call. Anything else you need to tell me?”
“Nothing I need to tell you, but there is one other thing,” Moonlight said, nodding to somepony behind me.
“What’s that?”
My question was answered when a helmet was dropped onto my head, followed by the body armor worn by the other commanders.
“Since you’re fighting with us, you may as well be protected as well as us,” Moonlight said with a smile.
I was amazed at how light the armor was, and that they were able to get my size perfectly, they even made the helmet specially so my horn would fit.
“Guys, I don’t know what to say other than: Let’s go take Canterlot.”
“Hear, hear!’ was my response.
We left the room and split off to go and speak to our respective battalion and company commanders to discuss battle strategy. As I arrived at my battalion, I was greeted with all of them saluting.
“As you were, Francois Battalion. Battalion and Company Commanders, front and center,” I called out when I got to the front of them.
They stepped out and walked to me. When they arrived they introduced themselves as Lieutenants Lunar Storm and Lightning Strike, Captains Crescent Moon, Nightmare, and Moondust, and Colonel Darkside. I did a double take when the Battalion Commander gave her name.
“Colonel Darkside? Married to Staff Sergeant Blackout and mother of Solstice?”
“Yes, how did you know that?”
“Your husband is the one that trained me and your son has become a very good friend to me.”
“Well, that’s all well and good, but-”
“So why are you here? I believe that one of my conditions was that any soldier with a foal that is underage was to be held out.”
“I personally volunteered to be here. I know you mean well, sir, but these eight hundred soldiers trust me with their lives, and I’m not going to be at home safe, while they are out there fighting and dying.”
“I understand your feelings towards these soldiers, but isn’t your son, your own flesh and blood, more important to you? Do you have any idea how much he talked about you these past three months?”
“No, I don’t, but I care deeply about each and every one of the soldiers under my command-”
“This isn’t up for debate, Colonel!”
“I’m not debating either! I’ll either be out there, fighting with my men, or you can forget having them with you!”
I thought for a few minutes before answering, “...Fine, but know this: After this is over, you’re being placed on indefinite leave. Your family needs you, and I know all too well how it feels to not have a mother around. Do I make myself clear?”
“Crystal, sir, now let’s go over our plan, shall we?”
We went over what had been discussed with the other commanders, and we were eventually ready to move out.
“Before we go, what do we do if we see an element bearer or a princess?” Lightning Strike asked.
“If you see an Element Bearer, kill them where they stand, the other elements are useless because I’ve killed two of the other bearers already. If you see one of the Princesses, let me know and I’ll take care of it.”
“Understood, sir, I’ll make sure that my soldiers understand what to do.”
When the battalion was finally ready to go, I climbed into the carriage that had been made for me due to my lack of wings and gave the order to take off for Canterlot.
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.........this storyline is utter bullshit. it seems to rely on the prince being smarter than EVERYONE and everyone being total idiots. i mean, really, no one is going to suspect him but will suspect one of twilight's friends?
also, there is no one idiotic enoguh to see rainbow dash stabbed to death and be fooled into thinking that it was self defense................... that is just BAD. really, really bad. not to mention Celestia owuld ahve come to ponyville herself to investigate..............
this story is bad. it relies on the oc being the only itnelligent being in equstria and everyone else being idiots. there is no way that this guy could have even killed tiwlight even. she would have probably burst apart the bubble in a panic for one thing. then procee...............
this is just a bad story. not the worse, but extremely bad. it glorifies the oc and twists the plot so he gets away with murdering twilight and rainbow with immediately being caught. it is just bad.
when the plot goes along by the sutpidity of its characters, then it already failed.
also what does he suspect to happen if he attacks equistria with thestrals?
basically, rmember that beam celestia unleashed against chrysalis? now imagine that sweeping through the skies with the raw HATRED of a mourning sun regent through an army.
and luna would have saw straight through the murder and acted. relationship or not, she would not have betrayed celestia so......... celestia would have saw straight through it, ignore factor of panickign twilight breakign free under own power.
Celestia imprisoned luna to the moon, where she slept. Celestia was awake for a thosuand years, with nothing but candles as company, forced to be reiminded time and again of her sin. and she forgave luna on the spot................. Luna would not let family blind her any more than Celestia did.
.............. this story entirely relies on everyone EXCEPT the villain being idiots.
3723976
... Uh, that was CADENCE and SHINING ARMOR who pushed the Changelings out. Celestia got blown away by Chrysalis.
3724799 ............. why in the name of god does EVERYBODY forget how she did it? it was not under her own power. Chrysalis lucked out because of feeding on shining. It overcharged her power enough to outmuscle celestia. the character admitted herself that it was only because of that.
and there are other factors to figure into that too. one being that if celestia had broken contact with the blast and dodged, as she noticed she was getting outmuscled magically, the roof would ahve collapsed from the attack. another is that it is VERY likely that chrysalis was probably far weaker than celestai right after that attack anyway. that was not her normal level of strength, and that means she was expending all that energy without it eing able to recover to that level.
let us put it in another way. cleestia roughly is powerful enough to completely level her own castle with only a simple beam spell. what do you think would happen if she aimed that power at an attacking army?
though considering how pathetically contrived this story is.................... no, not going there............ FAAAAr from a fan of this story. everyone is an idiot in it.
3724799
Don't feed the parasprite. He doesn't like the story, fine. He just wants to cause trouble on the story. He can write long, misspelled comments full of grammatical errors. But people are still going to read the story and make their own judgments.
3724989
still i have to agree on one point: Francois success relies too much on the stupidity of everyone else which often happens in villain centric stories or villains in general you might want to work on that part a bit
3724989 and it is always those with flawed stories that poke at grammar.
you cannot deny that your plot is very contrived. it relies on everyone not being smart enough to add two and two. there is not an incident in this story i cannot cry foul about. i mean, twilight being murdered and no one suspecting him? hell twilight being murdered is farfetched when all she had to do is unleash enough magic to break that bubble. not to mention him murdering rainbow dash and everyone falling for a bullshit self defense claim.................. this story relies far too much on making him smarter than anyone else, and making everyone else idiotic or out of character.
and believe it or not, it is to that character detriment. that means he fails as a character to do anything that is significant, relying solely on the plot and nothing more.
also, crying bullshit of luna not taking him out immediately. Celestia suffered for a thousand years by binding luna to the moon. and celestia has just lost what was all but a daughter to her, and who also happens to be luna's savior. Luna would have killed him, killed him with remorse, but he had betrayed her in every conceivable way. not only murdering the ones who helped her be purified and restored, but being a murderer to begin with.
if celestia could bare the pain of a thousand years of isolation, those she growing close to solely being but candles to her starlight, luna could easily bare the pain of killing her fallen child before he become any more wicked.
..and i repeat. this plot is heavily contrived. oddly enough contrivance is the essence of the fictional word. things have to fall into place for a story to start. but it should not have to be at the cost of character and making obviously forced moments.
also........... the only outcome that could come from this attack is luna and celestia decimating the thestrals like the demigods they are, and celestia killing your oc without remorse or resistance. the elements are only needed, and seemingly usable, against entities of significant enough power to rival the princesses. celestia defended her domain for a millennium alone. what chance does a badly written oc and a mere army of winged monsters have against her and her sister?
3726620 maybe i was being harsh, but i have so very little tolerance for a narrative that relies on the protagonist, either a villain or a hero, being the solitary intelligent being in a world of morons. always hd the belief that if you cannot think of a way for something to happen without someone gaining a braincell deficiency, then it should not be done.one could write a story about twilight becoming corrupt and crazy, but unless you have the right catalysts then no one will really buy it.
even if it is a fanfic, there should be some effort to making sure that the plot makes SOME sense and try to fool you into thinking the character succeeded by his own power rather than the whim of the writer.
3726622
And yet you keep returning, throwing more and more long-winded comments.
I know the story isn't perfect and that it has its flaws. If you don't like it, that's fine. What I'm saying is that no matter what you say, people are going to read it and make their own decisions about the story.
As for the major plot points you have issues with: I gave a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why Francois was not arrested for Twilight's murder.
The reason Twilight didn't "break the bubble with a burst of magic" is because she was panicking, you almost never think straight when you panic, and losing oxygen to the brain will do the same thing. Twilight has been shown to not think about using her magic when she's in a panic situation; In "Feeling Pinkie Keen" she could have easily picked up Spike with levitation and teleported across that gap that everyone else jumped across while running from the hydra, but didn't think to do so because she was panicking.
As for the "bullshit" self-defense claim against Dash: She attacked first, and continued the attack despite the fact that Francois was getting his flank kicked, which forced his hand in using the kitchen knife.
As for your argument of "what would an army do against the royal pony sisters?" What happened during the Changeling invasion? Shining Armor was hypnotized, Celestia got her flank kicked, and Luna was nowhere to be found.
Again, if you don't like it, that's fine. Just give it a downvote and move on, rather than writing long-winded, troll-bait comments of an opinion that none of the fans of this story care about.
Good day to you sir.
3727442 explanation of her not breaking free is faulty. would she not release magic if she was panicking? she would be trying to break free, which is different from running, and would have easily released enough magic energy to break free sheerly by accident; this is the pony that hatched a dragon and turned her parents into potted plants when she had a panic attack when she was only a filly. it was only her conveniently not releasing energy that it did not happen. and when i say conveniently, i mean you wrote it that way because it was the only way it would work, despite the likelyhood of her releasing power in a desperate struggle to survive.
and i would still call bullshit for anyone buying any excuse from him. he is known as an enemy, and they would suspect him to begin with. and WELL above him than rarity who they would have no reason to suspect in the slightest.
..............chrysalis herself admitted the only reason why she overpowered celestia was because she had overcharged her magic. under her normal levels of strength, Chrysalis would ahve been blown away and her army would ahve quickly followed.
thus that statement is invalid. not to mention it was a surprise attack and not something they will see coming as easily as a sky full of demons.
3727442 there is a difference between an imperfect story and a critically flawed story. an imperfect story still functions, and a critically flawed story like this ceases to function.
3727501
Yet, despite these "critical flaws" you say it has, the story continues to move along and get more likes and favorites with each chapter released.
No, I don't think I'm RobCakeran53, Pen Stroke, Daemon of Decay, or any one of the great authors on this website, nor anywhere close.
I am writing this story because it was an idea I had that wouldn't leave my head. And I'm not writing it to please anyone. Some people like it, some people don't. Judging from the upvotes and number of favorites the story has, more people like it than don't.
3727701 and why i will not understand. it is not the worse story, but it is still far too flawed for me to enjoy, and probably others too.
a story should never ride upon the idiocy of its characters to reach tis conclusion, and when a character fights only idiots, he himself is nothing more than a conquerer of fools.
aka, having everyone stupid hurts your character.
3727711
And I hold nothing against you or the 6 other people that have downvoted the story. Not everyone likes the same things. This story, as well as every other one, isn't for everyone.
I am wondering what's going to happen to Solstice's mother now, and how Francois will explain that to Solstice if she does die or get severely injured/disabled.
I think it's good that you showed that Francois was nervous before the battle, but that he pushed on anyway. That means that he's got real actual courage.
For someone with so many good qualities, like kindness, courage, and generosity, it's a shame he has to be such an evil foal of a.... (loved your curse word substitution by the way).