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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Get an editor if you can, not me though I wouldn't make a good one in my opinion.
3010807 ya english grammar has never been my strong point will start looking i thinks.
Too many HiE hero stories have the guy/gal getting a "7th element"....it a bit over used.
Ashes to ashes, Dust 514s to Dust 514s.
Hmm, looks oke so far. Im not a good editor but I can give you a good idea, be creativ.
For instance you used the word "woman/women" about two dozen times while instead you could have used other words aswell.
An example, instead of "The purple woman said" you could have used the following ones:
"The purple one said"
"Purple said" (her color used a nickname, widely used method)
"Twilight said" (just use the name)
and many more. By mixing it all you break the repetitivness and make reading feel less like a chore.
Also, "woman/women" is more of a formal term, try to use "girl/girls" instead, its much more relaxed, also makes everyone involed appear younger.
A good tipp here is the website [url=dict.cc]dict.cc, it has translations for pretty much every language in existence, or at least the widely used ones, and also offers many alternatives.
PS: What is actually your primary language?
3011121 swahili but i've actually not used it on a regular for....5 years now? which sucks because my english is really bad T-T anyway thanks for the tips I appreciate it greatly and i'm attempting to improve my use of different words if I have to whip out a thesaurus while i'm typing i'll do it ^-^
3011175 You from Africa?! Wow, Bronies are literally everywhere!
A pro tipp, if you want to get really good in english then read, read a lot. I studied english for about 10 years but only since last year im good enough to hold some conversations, ever since I dsocvered fimfiction.
3010813 I really like this story. I could edit it if you're okay with it.
The grammatical errors flows strong within this one...
As previously stated by others, you should really get an editor.
Otherwise, i believe you have a good idea going.
another good chapter.
3011599
I would love you forever XD pm me if you're truly wanting to do it
The whole "7th Element" idea is used way too much.
He is way too nice,he is supposed to be a soldier from a universe where death is a small nuisance,he should be way more brutal and ruthless.
3421219
If you stick around till then I believe chapter 11 is what you're looking for
*Spheres