The Day Night Began
After a long fight Nightmare Moon feel on her side. She was exhausted from the amount of magic it took to repel the elements of harmony, which now lay shattered on the ground. She had done it. She had used her own dark power to banish her sister to the sun and rid Equestria of its hopeful glow.
She started to laugh. She had won. No pony in Equestria could stand up to her now. The ponies were in forever night and she would rule over them all.
The new Princes of the Night returned to Canterlot castle and decreed that Celestia was no longer their leader and that Princes Night was now their rightful ruler. They would be in the dark forever.
She was happy but at the same time felt very alone. She removed her armour and let her natural pony body show. Under the armour she looked more like Luna but still very different. She didn't miss her old self one bit. She was weak and pathetic always hiding behind her sister... the moment she thought of that word everything in her mind changed. She always had help, always had someone who knew how to lead with her to give her advice on her decisions/
"W-what have I done? I have destroyed this place. I don't know how to lead. I will be the end of Equestria..."
Her face said it all. She may be evil but she still cared for her subjects. She wanted them to be safe in her night.
3 Weeks later
In a far off land a force was stirring. They moved quietly though the forests. Though few in number they were still highly dangerous to anyone they crossed paths with. Soon reports came flooding in of strange creatures heading west across the country, towards the now ruined state of Equestria. Some reported 1, some reported 20 no one knew how many but what was a common sighting is that their seemed to be a larger one than the others. Another common feature of the sightings were that these creatures were strikingly similar to ponies. Whatever the case was, no one had ever seen these creatures before. Perhaps they hailed from another country? No one knew and no one had ever been close enough to ask them.
4 Days Later
Princes Night was in her bed chambers as always. Her guards could her quite sobbing from inside.
The last sighting of the creatures was right on the Equestrain border but Princes Night had herd nothing of them as she refused to leave her chambers.
Out of nowhere that day, 5 creatures burst into the castle subduing the guards allowing the larger one to walk in un interrupted. "Ahhh, Canterlot palace. I've herd rumours about this place. Tell me guards pony... Where is your princes?" The creature held his head up with a holey hoof and gave him a toothy grin.
"She's through there" He said gesturing towards a decently sized door.
"Thank you" Her horn glowed a bright green "Sleep now child. Go to your fantasy world where you are happy and filled with love" The guards head drops as does the other one. "You know what to do with them" The smaller creatures nodded at her serious tone.
The larger one felt the saddened Princes before she had even reached the door. Using the guards key she opened the door and stepped inside.
A booming voice met her "I told you I was not to be disturbed!" But her tone changed once she saw what she was talking to. "Who.... What are you?"
"I am Queen Chrysalis, leader of what's left of the changelings" She started confident but as the sentence went on she sounded saddened.
"And what do you want with this place?" Night dominants of the situation now she knew there was something wrong with this... changeling.
"We seek refuge from our old home. Many of my children died or had to be left behind when we escaped our former home across the sea. We are few in number and are very weak" She sounded honest and her words were hard but truthful.
"There is barely anything left of my kingdom. What refuge is there for you here?" Night was starting to get angry.
"Ahh I see. You ruined your kingdom as soon as you came to power. My sister did the same thing. I took over and lead us properly" She said looking down on the pathetic looking alicron laying on her bed.
"What are you implying?" Her voice broke half way though saying this.
A small grin appeared on her face "I help you run your state and you provide live space for me and my children as well as a good source of food" Her grin grew seeing the reaction of discomfort and pondering on Night's face.
"Alright. Help me run this state and I will gladly provide for you and your children" A wry smile appeared on Night's face. It was clear nether trusted one another.
Chrysalis was given the crystal cave system to create a home for her children as well as a few rooms in the castle. The two became closer over the years and acted more like sisters all the time.
In 1000 Years Time
Chrysalis and Night were very close to each other. Chrysalis had helped Night develop a spell that would allow crops to be grown from moonlight instead of sunlight and changelings and ponies were almost a blended society now. Though changelings were still very shifty love vampires they were also helping out weather ponies and farm ponies. Doing normal pony tasks all while serving the Queen. Meanwhile the ponies serve under the Princes who is directly advised by Chrysalis. Pony kind has also adapted to the darkness and if the sun were to return now it would be catastrophic and blinding for ponies.
Despite being ruled by evil the new Equestria was running smother than it had ever done in the past. Everything was right in the world.
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Oh sweet Jesus, that spelling cracked my shit up.
I never thought that i would read and let alone like a story where the main character was the villain. But so far this is a very intriguing story, and i hope to be able to read more very soon!
The idea isn't bad, but the execution is. Much of your dialogue is stilted and you have the narration or characters tell us what's going on in broad strokes instead of actually describing it. Instead of having Nightmare Moon suddenly realise she has no idea how to run a country, it would be better to show her struggling with doing so first and then realize it. Similarly, saying everything was smooth under Chrysalis instead of showing her actually fixing any problems doesn't really make the audience feel like she's done anything.
2935928
Firstly I am not a high level writer this is a hobby that I enjoy. I hope that I get better at it through practice and that's the only way to get better. Thank you forever for being mildly positive about it.
2935960
Practice and having people point out your mistakes so you can try to fix them next time is the best way to get better yes. It does no good to practice wrongly over and over, since all that does is ingrain bad habits. I'm not trying to be cruel here, I think if this had been better written the idea would have been a good one for a story.
This. Speaking of the devil. I was just complaining about the lack of nightmare night stories. Then this pops up. I am so going to make a piece like this. After the interactive special I am planning. Gloriousness everywhere.
2935996
Honestly I wrote this on a whim. I just had the thought and wanted to get it done that night and I was getting less incline to write detail as I went on. It being 3 am when I finished it you can understand where I'm coming from. You'll probably say space your writing out but I wanted to get it done before I went to bed so I could wake up to see it published. The next chapter will be much better. I hope...
2936232
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Its honestly just a hobby I'm trying for a while.
2934522
I read strictly changeling fics so the bad guy is always the main character. I really pondered on the idea of changelings likening the changes Nightmare Moon intended because my head cannon of them is that their a very bug like race with developed night vision.
But thank you for the kind words!
2935960 It might be worth your time to pass the story through a proofreader. By doing this, you can provide a higher-quality story without adversely affecting the rate at which you write.
Also, spell-check software will be insufficient. Even the following horribly wrong sentence is spelled correctly: "Wee have are spelling checkers, they tell us what we aught to right."