Chapter 4: Take us to your leader
"Sir, we've been disarmed," Sam shook the previously slumbering colonial. SG-1 had woken up in a, well, a dungeon for lack of a better word.
"Yeah yeah Carter, I heard you the first four times," Jack pulled himself off the floor, "Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me."
"What is it?" Sam and Daniel asked in unicen.
"We're in a goddamn cliche dungeon!" Jack swept his hands around, gesturing to the barred metal cell, "Look, spiders, rats...wait, even chains? Gruel? This really is the Disney Channel!"
"Indeed," Teal'c said, standing in front of the door, "I see the lock here could be easily picked."
"Oh WOW, even a giant golden lock? You have got to be kidding!" Jack said, walking over to the lock. "Ok, how can you stand here and tell me we aren't in a cartoon?"
"Well, it's all in the vibrations of the vocal cords...." Daniel started, sarcastically.
"Could you just shut up?" Jack said, sighing a little.
"Indeed," Teal'c added. Everyone looked at him but turned away after a few minutes.
"Wait a minute, if this is a cliche dungeon than that means....." Sam said, getting an idea, "That means that the keys must be in easy reach!"
"Hey, good thinking captain," Jack said, patting Sam on the back.
"Indeed, here they are," Teal'c pointed to a table right next to their cell on which several gold and silver keys were place, shimmering slightly in the torchlight.
"And wait a minute, if this is a cliche dungeon than aren't the bars so wide you can just walk through them?" Daniel pointed out, looking at the bars in the front of the cell.
"Hey, good thinking!" Jack started to squeeze between the bars.
ZZZAP!
He jumped back, his exit set off a barrier of some sort that prevented them from leaving.
"Damn, and I could have sworn those people princesses on Saturday morning cartoons could have gotten up and left without waiting for a freaking knight in shining armor to show up and bop the captors on the head and swing the door open WITHOUT USING A KEY!" Jack started in a mutter, but ended in a full blow rant. Everyone looked at him, a little oddly.
"Sir, are you alright?" Sam asked, looking inquisitively at her superior.
"What? Alright? We're trapped in a dungeon in a cartoon! Do you call that alright?" Jack said.
"Indeed," Teal'c said, his eyes fixated on the outside of the dungeon
"Look, would you say something other than 'indeed', or at LEAST try to make it in context?" Jack said, walking over to Teal'c.
"Indeed, I will try."
"Thank you."
----
After a few more hours of carrying on like this, the team heard footsteps coming from down the hallway.
"Hey good, now I suppose it'll be two guards dressed in iron armor come to take us before their queen," Jack said, rolling his eyes a little.
Two guards walked into view....pony guards.
"Ok, this is too much!" Jack put his palm to his face, "Not just guards...but PONY guards?"
"We have come to take you to Queen Princess Celestia," One of the stone-faced guards announced.
"See, what did I tell ya?" Jack whispered to Teal'c, whose expression didn't change at the slight joke.
"Wait, a queen princess?" Daniel asked, curious about the culture.
"Let me give you run down on what happens when you ask us questions, Randolf! Get down here," The guard shouted and another white stallion clad in silver armor ran into view.
"Now:
"One of us always tells the truth,
"One of us always lies
"And one of us stabs people who ask tricky questions. Now, who were you asking?" The guard turned to Daniel.
"N-nobody..." He stammered under the threatening glare of the horse.
"What?" The guard raised an eyebrow, "Nobody?"
"Sorry, nopony," Daniel corrected himself.
"Thank you, now, come along." The guards unlocked the cell and led SG-1 through the dungeons, up a stone spiral staircase and into the throne room.
"The prisoners, Princess!" a stallion shouted upon their arrival. An all white mare was standing on a velvet carpet, her mane flowing like water as it dashed out from her neck.
"Ok, let me guess...you're the ruler around here?" Jack asked, still weary of the situation.
"Yes, I am," Celestia responded, "And you are?"
"I'm colonial Jack O'neil and that's Dr. Daniel Jackson, Samantha Carter, and Teal'c," Jack pointed to each of the team's members as he said their name, "We're SG-1 here on a reconnaissance mission because of this scroll," Jack gestured to Daniel who pulled the instigating piece of parchment out of his pocket.
The piece of paper was surrounded in a glow, much that similar that surrounded Teal'c before the team was knocked out. It flew up into the air and hovered next to princess Celestia.
"Well, I can't explain how it got to your planet, but I can say that it's from my student, Twilight Sparkle and poses no threat to you." She turned an eagle eye on O'neil, "Now what do YOU know about Hasbro?"
"Has whata whata?" O'neil said, turning to his team for help.
"I think Hasbro is a toy and TV show company on Earth, Jack," Daniel explained, Celestia raised an eyebrow at the remark.
"But how did you know about it, here in this world?" Jack asked Celestia.
"Well," Celestia sighed, her eyes down turned with sadness, "They came through the glistening portal three years ago; Seeming friendly enough, we accepted a cultural exchange," She sighed once more, "But that was our greatest mistake."
"What, what happened?" Daniel asked, taking over the dimplomacy for the rest of the team...things seemed to go better when he did the talking.
"Well, I'll tell you. After we accepted the cultural exchange, the humans, at least I think that's what they were called, started studying our magic, learning it's every fiber of how it works. A unicorn learns how to control magic, not what the magic itself IS, no, nopony has questioned that before the exchange.
"They said they studied it to satisfy their own curiousity....that they can't go anywhere without picking apart the ways of life. I agreed, thinking it was harmless at the time. But soon, they began making something we all began to fear: magic resistant armor.
"The magic resistant armor, or MRA as they called it, prevented them from being affected by our spells for a time, eventually the magic bursting through it. But until then, they could do whatever the wanted. They took us by force, coming through the portal in legions. We had little warning, but what we had we used to our advantage.
"The one year war....a brutal fight for Equestria...I don't entirely aproove of it myself, but there was a legion of ponies, unicorns, earth,and pegasi. They attempted to attack and destroy the intruders. Unfortunately, the humans had the MRA, preventing them from being snuk up on a attacked by magic like you were. It buyed them enough time to locate and destroy the opposing unicorn. They had weapons, much like yours, that when triggered would fire a projectile so fast, it could go through a tree.
"I myself gave up, letting that, that HASBRO treat us like slaves. For all I know, the one year warriors are still out there, and Twilight Sparkle is one of them. Right now, those humans treat us like slaves, like actors. We follow directions and scripts they give us, guns trained on us all the time...."
Celestia sighed, "So you see, that is our plight."
"Well, princess, can I speak with the queen?" Jack asked, Daniel put a palm to his forehead.
"Queen? I know not of this word," Celestia looked at Jack with a stare cold enough to whither growing corn, "This isn't a trick, is it?"
"No, your highness," Daniel stepped in, saving the face of his colleagues, "He merely making a misunderstanding of your governing system."
"Oh, alright," Celestia said, continue to stare at Jack suspisiously, "But are you four here to help...HASBRO?"
"No, in fact we are willing to help you fight against them. They come from our planet too, so it is our duty to clean up after our own messes," Daniel explained.
"Good," Celestia's face obtained a slightly more cheerful expression, "It may be a grave mistake, but I accept your offer. Guards, treat these four like regular ponies!"
"Uh, could you do humans?" Jack asked.
"Indeed," the long silent Teal'c added.
Celestia ignored this comment.
"Alright, let's meet in the conference room to further discuss battle plans," Celestia said, a glimmer of hope appearing on her face, "Thank you."
"Your welcome," Jack said before Daniel could stop him.
"What?" O'neil asked Daniel who was giving him a glare that could crack stone, "What did I say?"
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Ponies be idiots.
Slight misspelling of Colonel there.
Otherwise interesting read
Proofread. Proofread like no tommorow. You are misspelling things all over the place.
Also you could do with adding more detail (leaving the dialoque as is) to make each chapter feel more fufilling. I would also suggest working on the layout and formatting to make it an overall easier read.
2922752
Ok, will do. Sorry guys, next chapter won't be for another week because I have to make the existing stuff easier to read!
Also, should I get rid of the tab paragraphing technique and use double space?
2922908
It would go a long way to helping you realise how much you need to add.
2923023
Ok.
I haven't really done that much proofing because I thought this wouldent get as much attention as it did. I mean, It was just a crazy idea I wrote the first chapter to in half an hour and published just for the heck of it. Then the community tells me it's well written and my stargate addicted brother says he could really see it happening cannon in the show. And I'm like,
At anyrate, yes, when I do get around to it I will fix it up
2923200
indeed. I realize that now.
2923194
Never assume people won't pay attention to a fic. If anything fanfics get as much if not more traffic then published novels... and get twice as much criticism. It's always best to put 100% in from the start.
I look forward to seeing what you can do when you apply yourself.
EDIT: Also family aren't always the best for critique... they're too inclined to be nice.
2923216
lol yeah.
Yeah as for what I can do when I apply myself, I've been pouring effort into a new fic of mine: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/118831/my-little-annihilation-episode-i-caught-in-the-crossfire
Hope you enjoy it.
Thanks for the tip
img.photobucket.com/albums/v208/Dazel/mother-of-god-meme.jpg
This is an amazing story, I really hope you continue it.
3053735
Don't you worry.
Right now I'm working on a much larger story of mine, but I should get back to this by the end of August. Thanks for the positive feedback!
2923216
For your thing about family. You don't know my brother.
He's the kinnd of guy that you can tell if he likes stuff, and if he doesn't. He just sort of vaugly nods his head if he thinks something's 'ok', and gives you constructive criticisem if you need it. So warrenting that kind of a reactionn from him is pretty awsome in my books
(PS: he's a real brainy type (like myself) who works as an electrical engineer at NASA, currently building one of the main visual telescopes on James Web!)