Did that gottverdammte Overspace Transmitter REALLY need 198 separate parts to it? No. Of course it did not.
- Kapitan Arnhem Zorner's captain log
The Bridge crew gaped at the picture, now projected on to the main screen. A couple of neat, brown-roofed structures that appeared to resemble normal, almost idealistic village houses. Vegetation was present, but what struck the crew most was the presence of several bright shapes moving about. The video quality was rather poor for a German vessel, however, and the shapes remained just that, not getting any clearer.
"This is . . . " Beigel trailed off,
"Mien Gott in Himmel, gentlemen." Zorner said in awe. A smile broke out into his face.
"Hold on." Biegel commanded to the camera operator. "Can you zoom in?"
She frowned. "Nien, Herr Offizier. It's . . . kind of stuck on this zoom setting."
"Can you pan further? All we see are a couple structures."
"Uh . . . nope. This camera was designed for lower closer views than this."
"Verdammt noch mal!" Beigel hissed, his mood abruptly shifting from elated to anger.
Zorner held up a cautionary hand. "Whoa, you're actually lucky, man."
"So close!"
"Our camera was stuck on the highest zoom setting! Do you know how useless it was before this situation occurred, Beigel?"
"Oh. My apologies, Herr Kapitan." Beigel perked up. "But still . . . trees! Do you understand the significance of this?"
Dewitz gave him a dubious look. "They're just trees. What about the buildings?"
"Those I accept more readily. I can only assume the act of shielding oneself from the outside world could be easily replicated. Of course, to have them look so similar to human structures is stupendous in itself, but the trees!"
An silence fell over the Bridge as Beigel stopped speaking for a minute and stood rooted in place, a dreamy smile on his face. Before anyone asked the obvious question, he started talking again, so rapidly he almost couldn't be understood.
"As I see by your underwhelming reactions, the presence of trees is taken for granted on life-filled worlds. However, stop and think. Trunk, bark, leaves - the evolutionary process that created all the individual parts of a tree is so complex, so completely unique . . . the odds of this exact same species of vegetation being the dominant type like on normal terraformed planets are virtually nil! To find such a familiar sight here, a forest!"
"Enthusiasm noted." Dewitz said, smiling as well, an action taken by the entire crew present.
"Does that thing have a screen capture feature?" Beigel practically yelled at the applicable crew woman.
"We're on the SMS Verreiter IV, Beigel." she laughed.
"Hm?"
"In other words, no, Herr Offizier." she clarified, rolling her eyes.
Beigel responded by pulling his smartphone out and snapping a picture of the screen.
Dewitz laughed at that. "You're taking a picture of another terrible-quality picture?" he pointed out.
"Screw it, what else can I do?" Beigel replied testily.
Zorner cut in at what he felt was an appropriate time. "Dewitz, our friend here will get much more than a better view." he said with a discernible sparkle in his eye.
"What?"
Zorner turned to another crewmember. "So the air is breathable, eh?"
"Uh, yeah."
His hand flew up to his earset, and he fiddled with the device briefly before Strasser's voice came streaming in. "Ja, Herr Kapitan? Good thing you called, our FTL drive did overheat a few minutes ago, and repairs will take a couple of-"
"Do our landing thrusters work properly?" Zorner asked abruptly, drawing a couple of stares.
"Er . . . actually, yeah, they do. If you don't mind me asking, why are you asking?" Strasser replied, confusion evident in his speech.
Zorner turned to Dewitz. "Head down the stern and fill in Strasser, and get your marines together." he ordered.
To Stricker: "Notify ISC we're about to attempt a landing." The Bridge crew broke out into grins.
"Sir?" his Executive Offizier asked.
"What?"
"The Overspace Transmitter . . . it's, you know . . ."
"Scheiße!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"And you're sure that the thrusters won't fail?" Zorner asked to Strasser.
"Ja, Kapitan. If it'll make you stop asking, shoot me if it does." an exasperated man replied.
"If it does, we'll be dead anyways."
"Then shoot me on the way down, just take my word that it'll work, alright?"
"Fine." Zorner conceded, only to spin to face his Scanner Offizier. "And you're sure the air is breathable, Hopf?"
"Jawohl, Herr Kapitan. Why would I lie - you know what, if you think that all five of our atmospheric scanners are saying the exact same faulty reading, go ahead."
"What if there's a vent that's throwing oxygen at them, or . . . or."
Dewitz came to the rescue of the man. "Zorner, five scanners with the same reading, down to the hundredths, all false? That's pretty low, even for the Verreiter, man."
"Fine." he conceded. "Proceed with the landing."
Half the Verreiter's crew, and all eight of Dewitz's marines, Beigel and the other scientist Teske, and Zorner stood in front of the main airlock of the ship, watching the altimeter impatiently. The room was cramp, and dimly lit by a single bulb in the ceiling, but it was growing noticeably brighter as they descended gradually into the atmosphere of Adequate-928.
The voice of Stricker from the Bridge blared from a wall speaker. "Estimated time of landing, two minutes. Good luck."
"ETOL two minutes." Zorner repeated to everyone somewhat unnecessarily, trying to maintain the facade of the calm and stoic nature captains were for some reason always supposed to have, regardless of the situation. Especially this one.
"Say," Teske spoke up suddenly, "Who's going first?"
"Hm?" Dewitz grunted.
"Someone has to go first just to make sure our scanners weren't lying. You know, no airborne contagions, unknown deadly chemicals, invisible fatal flying blobs . . . this is an alien planet with alien life gentlemen and ladies. Prepared for anything must be our motto."
Dewitz looked over his marines. "It has to be one of the soldiers. They're armed and know how to handle themselves in stressful situations."
Zorner looked peeved at that. "So does my crew." he argued back.
"On the ground Herr Kapitan."
"Aha."
Dewitz turned and his gaze singled out the nearest marine. "Hauptgefreiter Margarete Jais!" he called out to the redhead.
"Jawohl?"
"You go first."
"What? How is that fair?"
"The rest of us," Dewitz gestured to himself and the seven other soldiers, "are too experienced to risk."
Jais's eyes narrowed at her commander. "I have been on two combat tours on Kulmar as a Panzergrenadier in the 12th Panzer for a total of two years, received the Iron Cross First Class among other awards, and am a Lance Corporal and I'm expendable?"
"So?" Dewitz scoffed. "We all served three combat tours for three years and got the Knight's Cross."
"I call bull on that one, Sir.
"If this was Kulmar, I'd court-marshal your arsch back to Berlin!" Dewitz growled.
"But this is the Verreiter and we're having this argument to entertain ourselves, so there."
Dewitz and Jais smiled and shook hands, and Jais stepped back and saluted. "I'll go, Herr Oberst. No need to argue."
The ship shook, then came to a complete stop. Unnaturally still, for a space ship.
"We're here." Zorner announced.
"For the Fatherland and Kaiser." Jais murmured under her breath, and stepped into the open airlock.
"When is it gonna do its thing?" she asked through the digital speaker.
Those present broke into grins, staring at the monitor she couldn't see that said Airlock Open.
Jais caught on quickly, and returned the grin.
The outside door opened, and a ramp extended from the side of the ship to the grass below. Jais stepped out on to the ramp, holding up her arm to shield her eyes from the star's light. When she adjusted at the bottom of the short ramp, she looked around.
The Verreiter had touched down in a peaceful, quaint little field with a thick forest about a hundred feet off.
The rest of the men and women in the airlock room ran out to join her, eagerly sucking in the alien air. Laughter filled the air. Even Dewitz was grinning ear to ear as the realization he was standing on an alien planet, alive and bathed comfortably in its starlight, and he chatted with Jais amiably.
Zorner, while smiling, was more immediately practical. "Strasser, get the helos out of the storage hangar. In fact, get the Dingos out too while you're at it. Beigel-"
But alas, the scientist wasn't listening. "Flowers!? Butterflies!?! he practically screamed.
Zorner laughed.
Yes! A new chapter!
Keep going.
It's a good thing their skulls are thick or else their collective minds would have exploded by now. Heh.
Just wait till they get a load of me- er... Pinkie Pie. Oup... oup... oup...
ahhhhhhh.....ponies are gonna come across abunch of crazy aliens rolling around on the grass and getting high off of flowers laughing maniacally
Google translate... you are terrible. You're fired!
Aside from Google sucking in helping me understand the German ranks, it's looking good.
"SMS Verreiter IV"... I'm still not sure if you misspelled "Vorreiter" or if you actually made a really witty joke.
You do keep scrambling up the "ei" in some German words, though. We use the "ei" in a lot of words and it's practically a letter on its own (except that it's two letters).
Also, "F***" is a swear word in the English language and used rather casually at times. "Ficken", however, is not and never was a real swear word in the German language. It just doesn't carry, or something. You could use "Scheiße" instead, (German for "sh**") that one's still popular.
Yes it did. Because GERMAN OVER-ENGINEERING.
MORE MORE MORE
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OH Yeah the first pony they meet has to be Pinkie Pie.
Im wondering why this ship is breaking down on every possible corner, it should be in perfect working order if its a piece of german engineering crewed and fixed by germans!
Also interesting AU for earth there, the Germans never getting over the whole Kaiserreich thing is a cool idea.
the only thing that strikes me at odd is that the ship is german and failling, i was quite sure german made UGLY unbreakable pieces of machinery (german machines are ugly...)
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And then they sind that song:
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Greetings, ye stereotypes!
Can't wait till the Germans see the natives. That will be hilarious as hell.
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I remember reading somewhere that, in Old English, things were pretty much the same and "f***" became the dirtiest single-syllable curse word in the English language as a result of what was basically the first smear campaign in the history of the English language (following the Norman conquest of 1066).
If anyone can either confirm or deny that with a more specific source, please do. I've been having trouble tracking down the place I originally read that and I just haven't had the time to do deeper research.
Space Germans, what could go wrong.
ER MAH GERD!!!
SPACE NAZIS!!!
Quick! Somebody call the Jews in Space!!
Huh. That story image you're using. That's an AGI Task Force Tyr class destroyer. Didn't expect anyone to use that here. Looks modified in its model but the design shape of the ship is definitely an ATF Tyr.
The more I read this story the more I think that the ship is somehow going to become the antagonist of the story. Clearly it has a reputation for fighting with its crew.
This is going to be a fun ride.
You have my attention.
I like this humorous contrast to the usual stiff militaristic humans with flawless technology.
But the writing has its problems. The dialogue is kind of chaotic. It takes effort to figure out who's talking at any moment. And the gratuitous German. Man, the gratuitous German... it's not helping.
mmmm
Well, not that I don´t enjoy your story or your idea of germans in outer space, meeting colorfull little ponies but... well... may I advice you to at least fire and /or beat up whoever helps you with the german parts? They hurt! Unless they are intentionaly that misserabel.
I'm sitting here thinking to myself. This is about Germans in space in a piece of shit ship, that is falling apart, and they can't put it back together because it is over engineered to hell and back, and they are about to meet colorful talking horses.
Sounds like a Mel Brooks movie.
No pathogen protections either way? Eek.
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"We Brake for Nobody"