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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Commas need to be placed in many areas along this chapter. If you have to pause while reading, there is probably some from of punctuation present. Also, was that a Diamond Dog?
This is actually pretty good. I don't think I read story like this that was dark and so well detail in an adventure story before. Man I wish I didn't have to go to bed. I read some more tomorrow.