Mr. and Mrs. Cake were talking and then they go crazy for some reason. They bake a cake and then leave. Spike couldn't believe his eyes. He was alone. Then he saw three fillies about two years older than his friends.
"Hey guys these are all of my friends. Twilight had a magic problem. Wanna help me with them?" Spike asks with a smirk. They all look at each other in excitement. They all jump in excitement for their new task.
"I wanna take care of Rarity!" yells Sweetie Belle.
"I call Applejack!" bellowed Apple Bloom.
"I want Rainbow Dash!" cheered Scootaloo. That still leaves Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. Fluttershy is easy, but Pinkie, he can manage it. Sweetie Belle is with Rarity when she starts to cry.
"Can I take her to my parents?" she asks and Spike nods his head, and tells her to bring her back at nine. While she is taking the little filly there she has to put her down for one second. She picks up what she needed and she sees her big sister on the street!
"Uh Rarity no!" she yells and then she pulls Rarity away.
...................................................
An hour later they get home.
"Mom dad!" she yells out. "Twilight had a magic problem and Spike wanted me to take care of little Rarity! I really need your help!" She hears hoof steps down her old stairs The parents agree to take care of Rarity and they all have to get her back by 9:00. At 8:00 pm she leaves with a baby carrier with Rarity in it. She finally gets to the library where Twilight is looking through her books.
"Hi Twilight here's filly Rarity. Spike told me to bring her back here so I did." she says in her sweet voice.
"Good put her over there with the others." Sweetie Belle puts her down and waves good bye. Spike finally comes back with Pinkie and Flutters.
"Oh thank goodness I'm home they we getting on my nerves." Twilight learned a new spell while Spike was gone. It would teach them to talk.
"Okay here we go." she says and she starts the spell. It was hard to do but she did it. Apple jack looked up put on her hat and came to Twilight.
"Mamma I'm a big pony!" she says in her sweet little filly voice. That’s so sweet! Wait MAMA! she thinks. She looks at all the other ponies.
"Mamma I-I'm hungry." says Flutter shy.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” says Rarity “Pinkie bit me!"
"So what?" says Pinkie. Oh no they all think I'm their mom! OK Twilight you gotta think!
Spike is chasing Rainbow Dash up the stairs as she taunts, "Na, na, na, boo, boo! You can’t catch me!"
They’re all going wild!
"All right every pony are you guys tired." they all yawn and nod. Then Twilight picks them up with her magic and put them to sleep.
"All right Spike lets look for a cure!" says Twilight as Spike sighs.
I love this new story! I joined the group, and a few others, but on Chapter 2, you spelled Pond Cake in stead of Pound Cake.
Oh I'll fix that tanks for telling me! And thanks for the compliment!
Just fixed it!
Better! I need your help on something. In Chapter 3, Granny Smith goes to talk to Stinkin Rich in the diary entry. But, do you have any ideas for what I should name his wife? (Looks exactly like grown Diamond Tiara.)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They imprinted Twilight!!!
ugh man this is amature. all the way. i can tell. it's way too fast paced. lacks MANY MANY details. a real plot point other than "WOW BABIES" , no goal of the story and lacks a real purpose. harsh but important. you need to have the help of someone who has written fanfics before.
i say get some help and completely rewrite this after you've thought about the idea awhile.
2815559 have, done, about 35 or 36. and even then. it's called constructive criticism. if you can't deal with someone trying to help by giving pointers then you have no reason to be an author in the first place.
seriously. if you can't take help, how would you take critics or people that HATE it. i like the starting idea. it has promise but i HATE the fact it's written like a 5 year old just learning writing practices.
I know people don't like my stories. No need to remind me.
Hm, this story has potentiall. All I really noticed was its a little too fast paced, add some more details. Make it so the reader is actually in the situation, they can hear every noise, smell every smell, and see every sight. Don't worry if its the best you can do, when I started out I was WAY too fast paced, I'm still too fast paced now, but I improved with practice. Just try a little harder to make it more detailed, I'll keep my eye on this story though!
All Right but they are the first 2 chapters so they may be a little fast!
To funny LOL