Deserts and Dragons

by Metool Bard

Not This Again

Chapter 13:
Not This Again

"Well, here we are," said Flint as he and Steel led the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 to a large cave. "Home sweet home. Or at least it will be once we kick those bandits out."

"Took us long enough to get here," said Braeburn. "I sure hope them fillies are alright."

"Only one way to find out, Ah reckon," said Fiddlesticks, adjusting her hat. "Well, shall we?"

"Just a moment, good madam," said Flim. "The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 is not designed for spelunking."

"Spelunking? Dragon caves don't run that deep," said Steel, tilting his head. "Unless the bandits did some remodeling I'm not aware of."

"Besides, y'all said it ain't designed for rescue missions, either," added Braeburn. "An' yet here we are."

"Hmm. Touché, good stallion," said Flim. "But I must remind you that if our transport is damaged, you'll have to pay for the repairs."

Braeburn groaned. "Let's, jus' get in there, alright? I don't wanna waste anymore time."

"Actually, I don't think taking the transport inside is wise," mused Little Strongheart.

"Well, of course it isn't," said Flam. "I think it would be safe to say that if we took the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 spelunking, it would come out of that cave needing a new coat of paint, at least."

"That's not what I meant," said Little Strongheart, rolling her eyes. "I mean your machine makes too much noise. We don't want to let the bandits know that we're here."

"That further proves the point that this stallion here is forcing us to use our equipment in ways it was not meant to be used," said Flim, giving Braeburn a stern look. "Honestly, sir. You're probably one of the most difficult clients we've ever had."

"I'm bein' difficult? Who exactly has been billin' me up the wazoo for somethin' that should be an act of goodwill?" Braeburn protested.

"We went over this before, good stallion. Acts of goodwill don't pay our bills," said Flam.

"Don't you two realize that those fillies are in danger? This could be a matter of life and death!" Braeburn screamed.

"We're not disputing that," said Flim, folding his forelegs. "But whose life and whose death are we talking about here?"

Braeburn smacked his face with his hoof. "The fillies, ya nimrods!"

"Again, a legitimate point," said Flam. "However, you forget to take into account our well-being. I doubt it'll do those tikes much good if we become buzzard food. Thus, we require just compensation for our services. It's only fair."

"Y'all wouldn't know fairness if it bit ya in the behind!" Braeburn roared.

Fiddlesticks sighed and shook her head. "Stallions," she mumbled, turning to Little Strongheart. "They always gotta fight about sumthin', amiright?"

"I think the sad thing is that both sides are being unreasonable in one way or another," Little Strongheart whispered back. "Not to mention we're just wasting more time."

"Ah hear that," said Fiddlesticks. "What say we ditch these guys an' do the actual dirty work?"

"Tempting, but as a professional peacemaker, I want to make sure this situation doesn't get out of hoof," said Little Strongheart.

Fiddlesticks shrugged. "Well, alright. But if they start takin' too long, Ah'm goin' in."

"Could you probably do that right now?" asked Flint, butting his way into the conversation. "We kinda want to get our nest back."

As the stallions continued to bicker and argue, Steel noticed something coming out of the cave. "Um, guys?"

"Good stallion, there's no need for insults," said Flam. "We're helping you, aren't we? And all we ask for is a little something for our trouble."

"Little nothin'! This is costin' me a small fortune!" Braeburn yelled.

"Guys..."

"Well, you should've thought of that before asking for our services."

"Like I had much choice in the matter! What did y'all expect me to do, chase down those fillies on hoof?!"

"Guys!"

Flint sighed. "What is it, Steel?"

"I, think we've got company."

The others stopped what they were doing and looked at where Steel was pointing. Sure enough, Asterius was standing right before them, along with a small white dragon and Toro the Bulldog. Toro's paw met his face with a dull smack.

"Ay yi yi, it's those locos potros again," he groaned.

"Looks like them dragons can't take a hint, either," said Asterius with a snort.

"You were making such a racket that I could hear you from the jewel nest," the smaller dragon groused. "And I was expecting a nice luncheon with the beautiful Needles, too. Ehheh... Ehheh..."

Flint's eyes narrowed. "If you've eaten one jewel in that nest, I'll break off your tail and shove it down your throat," he snarled.

"Oh, you can't threaten me," said the younger dragon with a sly smile. "After all, I'm not the one with the one-way ticket to kingdom come. Ehheh... Ehheh..."

"I'd listen to him," said Asterius, pulling out his miniature cannon. "Y'all don't wanna make Trigger here itchy. Otherwise, you're as good as target practice."

"Well. This is a fine pickle," mused Flim. "Do you happen to know of any more topaz deposits, good madam?"

"Plenty, but I doubt that's going to help us," said Little Strongheart with a snort.

"You are right, I'm afraid," said Toro, obscuring his eyes with his sombrero. "If it were up to me, I'd gladly take the topaz. However, the Boss calls the shots."

"Good dog," said Asterius with a sneer. "So, these are the ponies y'all managed to get a measly seventeen bits from, eh? Well, I reckon if they fork over the rest an' get outta our territory, we won't reduce 'em to smolderin' craters."

"It appears this Asterius fellow lacks business smarts, too," said Flam. "Shall we lecture him, brother?"

Toro drew his own cannon and snarled. "You do that, ese, and I'll blast you to smithereens."

"Noted," said the FlimFlam Brothers in unison.

"Mah mah. Whatever happened to manipulatin' the situation an' playin' yer cards right?" asked Fiddlesticks smugly.

"W-we're working on that," stammered Flim. "W-we just need some more cards."

Braeburn sighed. "I ain't got time for this," he said before stepping forward. "Listen up, Asterius! Did a bunch of fillies come this way?"

Asterius raised an eyebrow. "Fillies? Y'all mean fillies in a wagon?"

"So they did come this way," said Braeburn, arching his back and pawing the ground. "If you so much as harmed one hair in their manes, I'm gonna rip ya a new behind."

"That so?" Asterius said with a nefarious chortle. "Well, y'all jus' missed 'em. We were gonna hold 'em for ransom, but they managed to escape. Unfortunately, they left without any food and a very, limited water supply."

Braeburn snorted angrily. "You monster."

"Wait a minute, Boss," said Trigger. "I don't remember taking their food and sabotaging their water."

"That's 'cause you're a lily-livered varmint," said Asterius bluntly. "I took the necessary precautions because I knew you wouldn't."

A complacent smirk formed on Flam's face. "Well, that can't be good for your rapport, can it?"

"What do ya mean?" Asterius growled.

"Well, you're already wanted for larceny," said Flam. "Are you sure you want to add child murder to the list? I imagine there will be a lot of ponies calling for your head if word gets out."

Asterius snorted and pointed his cannon at the FlimFlam Brothers. "Word ain't gonna get out," he said menacingly. "Besides, they're the ones who thought they could steal from the Bull's Eye Gang and get away with it. They brought this on themselves."

"There's another alternative," said Flim. "Turn yourself in, and we won't mention the fillies."

Toro burst out laughing. "You are truly loco in the cabeza, ese. Why do that when we can just prevent you from talking altogether?"

"Well, that would just look even worse," said Flim. "After all, you can't shoot all of us. We outnumber you."

"An' we've got cannons pointed at your stupid contraption. What's your point?" Asterius countered.

Braeburn's eyes suddenly lit up as an idea hit him. "Our point is that y'all are carryin' gunpowder, and we've got two angry dragons on our side."

"Huh. I wonder why we never thought of that when they first kicked us out," mused Steel.

"Three hundred and sixty five," Flint growled.

"Heh, nice try, potro," said Toro. "But we can blow those dragons out of the sky before they even get within range. The only ones who can possibly get to our gunpowder holsters are Señor Trigger and Señorita Needles, and..."

He trailed off as a realization hit him. "Hey, where is Señorita Needles?"

"Probably freshening up for our lunch date," said Trigger. "She said she wanted to meet me in the jewel nest in half an hour to, get to know me better. Ehheh..."

Toro raised an eyebrow. "Didn't she hear the potros arguing like the rest of us? She must have."

"Oh, you know how women are," said Trigger. "She'll be along."

"Speakin' as a woman, Ah take offense to that," said Fiddlesticks. "Ah certainly wouldn't spend five hours powderin' mah nose if mah compadres needed me."

"Neither would Needles," said Asterius with a snort. "Trigger, when did you last see her?"

"In the hoard," said Trigger. "She was still upset about that topaz, and she still thought she was being stiffed."

Asterius closed his eyes and thought for a moment. He then looked over at the small dragon. "Trigger?"

"Yes, Boss?"

"You're an idiot."

With that, he punched Trigger off of his shoulder.

"Ow!" Trigger yelped, rubbing his bottom. "What did I do?! Ehheh..."

"Needles is the one who freed the fillies, ya varmint!" Asterius bellowed. "She's double-crossin' us! Toro, get a-diggin'! We're goin' after her!"

He then turned to the others. "We'll deal with y'all later," he said sinisterly. "No one can escape from the sights of the Bull's Eye Gang. Oh, and before you dragons get any ideas..."

He aimed his cannon at the roof of the hideout, and Trigger lit the fuse with his vermillion flame. The cannon fired, and the resulting blast caused a rock slide that covered the entrance of the hideout.

"That's gonna be you next time we meet," said Asterius. "Adios."

With that, he and Trigger followed Toro underground.

"We may need a new plan, brother," said Flam. "He seems to counter our threats with threats of his own."

"Well, what did y'all expect him to do?" said Braeburn.

"Cooperate?" said Flim with a shrug.

Braeburn opened his mouth to argue, but thought better of it. "C'mon, let's go! We gotta get to the fillies before those bandits do!"

"Hey! What about us?!" said Flint. "We still need to get our nest back!"

Little Strongheart shot the two dragons a glare. "Well, you have a choice. You can either redeem yourselves by sticking with us, or you can lose favor with my tribe and stay here."

"I say we go with the first option," said Steel.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Flint growled, rolling his eyes. "Three hundred and sixty six."

"Right, now let's go!" said Braeburn. "Full steam ahead!"

"Good stallion, need I remind you that the last time we went full steam ahead, our engine overheated?" said Flam, crossing his forelegs.

Braeburn's eye twitched. "W-well, jus' go as fast as you can without that happenin'!"

"Fair enough," said Flim. "Shall we?"

"Surely," said Flam.

And with that, the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 got moving again, with Flint and Steel not far behind.

Comments

[OmniFox]

Meanwhile back with the CMC.........

[Metool Bard]

2896591

That's, pretty much my only response to that comment. I dunno, it seems appropriate.

[Alpha Scorpii]

Mind if I do a little correction?

it's those loco potros again

It should be "those locos potros". In Spanish, when a name is in plural its adjective must be in plural too.

Or maybe you already knew this and you did it on purpose. If that's the case, I apologize Sometimes I can be quite obsessed with grammar when it comes to my first language.

[Metool Bard]

3954151 Yeah, that wasn't on purpose. Thanks for the correction.