Deserts and Dragons

by Metool Bard

The Buffalo Cavalry

Chapter 17:
The Buffalo Cavalry

"Careful now!" shouted Flim. "The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 is a very delicate piece of equipment!"

"We're well aware!" Flint shouted back, sounding rather agitated.

"Well, no need to get snippy," said Flam indignantly. "We were just reminding you."

Flint rolled his eyes and continued his efforts to push the transport out of the hole it had plowed itself into. While this was going on, Braeburn was pacing back and forth frantically.

"This is takin' too long," he grumbled. "Those bandits have probably caught up to the fillies by now."

"We could always hoof it," said Fiddlesticks with a shrug.

"That wouldn't be smart," said Little Strongheart. "Even if we manage to rescue them, it's a long way back. And while I have the stamina to run back on my own, I'm not sure if you ponies do."

Fiddlesticks smirked. "Ah'll have you know that I've got plenty of stamina. Comes with bein' a travelin' musician an' all," she said complacently.

"Is that why you were dyin' of thirst when we found ya?" asked Braeburn, raising an eyebrow.

Fiddlesticks blushed. "Ah never said Ah was plannin' on enterin' the rodeo or nuttin'," she said sheepishly.

Little Strongheart sighed and turned to Flint and Steel. "How's it coming?" she asked.

"Oh, fine! Just peachy!" Flint snarled, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "After all, dragons can do so much heavy lifting when they're starving!"

"Actually when you think about it, hunger got us into this mess in the first place," mused Steel. "Say, Flint? Would that be considered irony or karma?"

"Neither. It's stupid," Flint spat. "Three hundred and seventy one."

"Will ya stop with that stupid runnin' tally? It's gettin' annoyin'," growled Braeburn.

"I'll stop when Steel actually says something smart," retorted Flint with a grunt as he pushed against the transport with all his might.

"Hey hey! Gently now!" said Flim. "Otherwise, we'll have to bill this fine stallion for repairs."

"Why me an' not them?!" Braeburn barked.

"Simple. They don't have the means of reimbursing us," said Flam with a shrug.

"They have a whole nest fulla jewels!"

"Had," Flim clarified. "That cavern is still owned by the Bull's Eye Gang, remember?"

"It's rightfully ours, though," Steel corrected. "So technically we can pay once we get our nest back."

"Three hundred and seventy two," hissed Flint. "Seriously, I'm not sure if you're a proper dragon half the time."

"He's more of a dragon than you are, Flint," said Little Strongheart bluntly. "At least he's trying to earn back my respect."

"What? Now, that's not fair, LS!" Flint protested. "I've been trying just as hard as this dingus!"

"Really now?" said Little Strongheart, giving Flint a bemused look. "Because all I've been hearing you do is complain and try to defend your disgraceful actions."

"Oh, come on, LS. My actions haven't been disgraceful," said Flint.

"You lied to a group of fillies, sent them into a bandit's hideout, set me on fire twice, and nearly blew me and that transport up," said Little Strongheart. "How is any of that not disgraceful?"

"She has a point," said Steel.

"Three hundred and seventy three," growled Flint.

"Y'know, Ah'm beginnin' to doubt the validity of that runnin' tally," said Fiddlesticks. "But, that's jus' me."

Braeburn let out a strained sigh. "Alright, as long as we're stuck here, maybe we should come up with a plan," he said.

"A fabulous idea, my good stallion," said Flim. "So, what kind of leverage do we need to get that Asterius fellow to see things our way?"

"Not that kinda plan, ya morons," said Braeburn, rolling his eyes. "We ain't gonna get nowhere by talkin' to 'em. We're gonna have to fight 'em."

The FlimFlam Brothers stared blankly at Braeburn.

"I, don't think I quite caught that," said Flam. "Did you, Flim?"

"Not sure, Flam," said Flim. "Perhaps he's joking."

"Do I look like I'm jokin'?" said Braeburn with a snort. "Them bandits means business."

"No, they mean to kill us," said Flam. "If they meant business, they'd be willing to work out a deal."

"And we'd be more than happy to do that if that were the case," Flim added. "However, we are not fighters, good stallion. Our only battlefield is the battlefield of business."

"Well, that's good to know," said Braeburn sardonically. "Can't say I'm all that surprised, though."

"So, that means our fightin' force boils down to you, Little Strongheart, an' those two dragons," said Fiddlesticks. "Unless one of them bandits happens to be a music hater, Ah don't like these odds."

"Neither do I, honestly," said Little Strongheart. "But Braeburn's right. We don't have many other options right now."

Just then, there was a loud thundering of hooves heard off in the distance. Steel perked up and turned towards the sound.

"Company incoming!" he hollered.

Braeburn smirked. "If that's who I think it is, then I do believe the odds jus' turned in our favor."

Sure enough, Braeburn was right. Arriving on the scene was none other than Chief Thunderhooves and the rest of the tribe. Chief Thunderhooves's face was difficult to read.

"Little Strongheart," he rumbled.

Little Strongheart gulped. "Y-yes, Chief?" she asked timidly.

"What's this about ponies running off into the desert?" inquired Chief Thunderhooves. "I asked Sheriff Silverstar about where you were, and he said you went with a couple of salesponies on some rescue mission."

"Oh, that would be us," said Flim. "Here, our card."

He used his magic to set the business card before Chief Thunderhooves's eyes. Chief Thunderhooves raised an eyebrow.

"You claim to be without compare," he said. "How so?"

"Well, we'd love to give you a demonstration," said Flam sheepishly. "However, we're having some *ahem* technical difficulties right now."

"Maybe it's best if we explain things from the beginnin', Chief," said Braeburn. "This whole thing was my idea in the first place."

Chief Thunderhooves nodded. "Very well then. You may explain."

Braeburn and Little Strongheart then told Chief Thunderhooves the entire story of their journey. When they had concluded, Chief Thunderhooves's brow furrowed.

"So, those children actually wish to find the Dragon Magi," he mused. "I can't help but feel partially responsible for this."

"You had no way of knowing this would happen, Chief," said Little Strongheart.

"Perhaps not, but it was still my story that inspired them to embark on this quest," said Chief Thunderhooves. He then shot Flint and Steel a glare. "As for you two..."

"Yeah, yeah. We messed up," said Flint. "We already got the full lecture from LS."

Chief Thunderhooves snorted. "Heed me well, Flint. You and Steel must find a way to make amends. Otherwise, our territory is closed to you," he said sternly.

"U-understood, Chief," said Steel meekly.

"You are such a wimp," Flint muttered.

Chief Thunderhooves growled and turned back to Braeburn. "I doubt we can waste anymore time out here."

"I was jus' thinkin' the same thing," said Braeburn, adjusting his hat. "It's high time we showed them bandits what-for and rescued my cousin an' her friends."

Chief Thunderhooves gave Braeburn a solemn nod. "Indeed. We shall help you any way we can."

"Much obliged," said Braeburn with a tip of his hat.

"Hey! What about us?!" exclaimed Flim. "We told you already that we're not fighters!"

"Well, jus' have the transport ready by the time we wrap things up," said Braeburn with a shrug. "Alright, y'all! Let's move 'em out! Yee-haw~!"

With that, Braeburn reared up on his hind legs and pawed the air before galloping off.

"Braeburn, wait!" Little Strongheart called out. When her call fell on deaf ears, she sighed. "We might have strength in numbers, but they have powerful projectiles. We can't charge blindly into that."

Chief Thunderhooves gave Little Strongheart a knowing smirk. "Not to worry, Little Strongheart. We just happen to have something that'll give us an advantage."

Little Strongheart thought for a moment, and then shrugged. "Well, I guess that could work."

"It will work," said Chief Thunderhooves. "I should know. Now, onward to battle! Those children are counting on us!"

With a collection of war cries, the tribe ran off after Braeburn.

"Think we should join them, Flint?" asked Steel.

"Ah ah ah! Not before you finish what you started here," said Flam tersely.

Flint groaned. "You know, you could help! Don't you have magic?!"

"Do we look like alicorns to you, gentlemen?" Flim retorted. "This is far beyond our capabilities."

"Can't ya jus' start up the engine an' put it in reverse or sumthin'?" asked Fiddlesticks, crossing her forelegs.

"We're not sure if that would work," said Flam sheepishly. "It's a good idea in theory, but the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 isn't an all-terrain vehicle, strictly speaking."

Fiddlesticks raised an eyebrow. "You two travel all over Equestria, an' y'all didn't think to make it so that you could travel all over Equestria? That's kinda dumb."

"Well, we're not going to get much business out in the middle of nowhere," said Flim in a very matter-of-fact tone.

Fiddlesticks sighed and took out her fiddle. "Do ya gents mind if Ah practice a bit? Ah'm gettin' kinda sick of the banter."

"Actually, I do mind," Flint snarled. "I need some peace and quiet right now so I can concentrate."

"But banter isn't quiet. Or peaceful," said Steel.

Flint smacked Steel upside the head. "Three hundred and seventy four," he growled.

Fiddlesticks obscured her eyes with her hat. "If Ah wanted snappy banter, Ah'd tune in to K-COLT an' listen to Tavia," she muttered to herself. "At least she and Vinyl are intentionally funny."

Comments

[ShadowLDrago]

Fiddlesticks obscured her eyes with her hat. "If Ah wanted snappy banter, Ah'd tune in to K-COLT an' listen to Tavia," she muttered to herself. "At least she and Vinyl are intentionally funny."

You Magnificent Bastard.