I am an Earth Pony Farmer

by joe mother

Chapter 3: Carrots... Accidents

5. Something Bad Happens. There May or May Not Be a Soapy
Bus Involved.

After dealing with the issue of the bathroom, with some weird help from Gertrude (Don’t ask), we left the motel to continue the journey. We went to the
Greyhound station and I bought us two tickets to Chicago, for there were no trips to New York at the time. We boarded the bus around ten and left five minutes after.

It wasn’t until we had crossed the state line that we heard the noise
coming from behind us. I leaned into the aisle to see who it was and if I should
tell them to turn it down and found myself facing a unicorn, who was nodding his
head in time with a song’s beat. The unicorn had white fur, and his mane was
green; basically, a typical odd OC.

I tapped his leg, and he nearly jumped to the ceiling of the bus. The
headphones came off almost immediately when he saw that I was another pony.

“Whoa, Carrot Top?”

“Yeah, that’s me. Would you turn the music down?”

“You don’t like the wubs?”

“I’m fine with it, but I’m trying to focus.”

“Focus on what? Is there something important you’re doing?”

“I’m not actually doing anything, but just to not be mean, I told you I was. I didn’t think you’d ask what.”

“OK. My name is Fine Line or John Green if I was human. I turned into my OC two days ago and started my journey yesterday. Who were you before you changed?”

“I was Jackson Rain before I became Carrot Top.”

“Wait… you’re a guy in a mare’s body?! That’s hysterical!”

“It’s not that funny,” Gertrude piped up from where she sat next to me.

“Who’s that?” Fine Line asked, still trying to contain his giggles.

Gertrude got as high as she could on the bus seat, which was enough for her head to be visible. “Hi! I’m Ginger, or Gertrude as a human. And really, it’s not that funny that he used to be a guy. I had to help him learn to go to the bathroom this morning. It sucked.”

This comment only made Fine Line laugh harder as he struggled to stop. Gertrude rolled her eyes (I swear I heard the word “men” come from her mouth) and I felt the heat rise to my face as I blushed. I turned back to the front and got out my laptop. I checked my Facebook and found that a few more people had responded to my first post.

Most were from old friends who asked what kind of prank I was trying to play and where I had found the pony. Sighing, I decided to take another picture with my laptop. I told Fine Line and Gertrude to get in the frame. I took the picture and put it on my wall with another post that read:

The previous post was not a joke. This is me, Gertrude, and Fine Line on our way to New York on this fine Thorsday. I have gone through a lot so far, but I’m still doing pretty well. Moral support would be awesome.

I closed my laptop and smiled as I felt a bit of self-confidence enter my body. It was then I thought of something.

Why did I say it was a fine Thorsday? When the hell is Thorsday?

I forgot to mention it, but Discord gave every day of the year a different name.

I opened up the laptop again and clicked on the calendar. There it was, in plain sight. Marsday, Thorsday, Wagnesday, Threesday, Fried-Zucchini-Day, and Smattersday were what comprised this entire week.

How did I know to put Thorsday?

That was probably my influence on your mind. I gotta say though, you’re doing an incredible job closing it.

Thanks… I guess.

Now a question for you: Why are you not acting even remotely like me? I’ve been holding influence on your head for two days. How are still retaining your original mental state?

I don’t know. Maybe it has to do with the fighting of the melding.

You didn’t fight before, so I think it should have affected you in the first day some.

Maybe we’re really alike.

I’d die if that were true, but praise Celestia it isn’t. I’ve taken the liberty of examining your personality extensively, and it’s nothing like mine. You have some extreme need to swear; a lot.

I spend a lot of my free time on the internet. It basically has started to dictate my mind.

How old are you?

I’m twenty.

Okay, whatever. I’m gonna let you get back to the real world now.

I focused back on the world, where Fine Line was staring at me intently.

“What?” I asked the unicorn.

“You’ve been staring off into space for awhile. Gertrude said you were talking to Carrot Top in your head, but I wanted to wait until you stopped to ask if that was true.”

“Yes, it’s true,” I replied. “But don’t think it’s just the coolest thing ever. She’s only in my head because our minds are slowly becoming one.”

“Sounds like it sucks pretty badly,” Fine Line replied. “But I’m sure if I would want that or not. I guess all together it depends about the pony slowly melding with me.”
“Well, I’ve got Carrot Top, who apparently is very sarcastic, likes to insult me, and has some kind of hatred against most forms of language.”

“I actually think that would make me laugh.”

***

We were now about halfway to Chicago, and I decided to skip the entire section until know because it would have just been a great big waste of my time and yours. So, anyways, boring things aside, something finally happened, but it wasn’t good, or even remotely helpful to anypony… … frigging ponyisms.

The bus was rattling along its predetermined path when suddenly, the road turned into soap. It was just my luck to have it all go so smoothly and then explode in my face (or muzzle?).

The vehicle began to swerve madly, trying to gain traction on the now slippery asphalt soap. Every passenger was screaming their heads off, me and my friends included, as we slowly made out way to a curve in the road. The bus driver tried to turn, but no dice, there was no grip for the tires.

We ran off the road and the world flipped sideways as the bus fell to its side. I banged my head on some piece of metal and heard a loud cry of pain. I could barely register the noise before the impact of my head on metal knocked me unconscious.

***

I woke up to the sound of pained sobs. I opened my eyes and saw the blue sky above me, with puffy white clouds soaring across its majesty. I took a moment to admire the scene before the sobs brought me back from my trance. I sat straight up and felt a sudden pain in my head.

“Oh, Celestia, that is a headache,” I muttered as I grasped my head in my hooves. It may have been a post-head injury hallucination, but I swore I saw Discord for just a split second as I fought the pain.

I closed my eyes and waited as the first pain receded. I took the brief time without the pain to examine my surroundings. We were in an open field, and I saw the road a fair distance away.

It took a moment to notice that there were no humans at all, even though there were plenty on the bus.

“You’re awake!” Gertrude yelled, running up and hugging me. “I swear, both of you suffered the worst damn injuries ever! You had the biggest bump on your head, and you weren’t waking up, and,”

“I’m fine, sort of,” I replied, wondering why the use of the word “damn” caused me to flinch. “My head just hurts a heaping lot. How long was I out?”

“It’s been a day now by my guessing. You know, Fine Line got hurt so much worse, but he woke up a lot sooner then you did.”

It was then I noticed Fine Line, who was the source of the sobs I had heard earlier. He had a weird stain across his face; it was colored lavender, but mixed with some periwinkle, and it cut across his fur like a cut. I looked at the top of his head and saw that his horn was missing, broken near his hair, which was now covered in the same stuff on his face.

“Holy s-,” I don’t know why, but my mind stopped me from finishing that sentence. “Heck, man, you look like crap.”

“It hurts like hell,” he replied, at which I felt myself flinch at his language.

What the heck?

“You really should not use that language,” I said, quite against my will.

“What? You were swearing like a freaking pirate when the bus crashed! Most of that stuff would make kids forever regret their existence on Earth.”

“I don’t know… I suddenly have some kind of hatred against swearing.”

Then my mind caught up after being under for a day.

“Oh, no, no, no, no!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “God freaking damn it!”

I was so angry those words came out involuntarily.

“What?!” Gertrude yelled, running up after apparently hearing my outburst.

“The meld is done,” I said. “I am Carrot Top, and Carrot Top is me.”

Author's Note:

Feel free to point, laugh, show me any errors I made.

The latter would be more appreciated.

So, all of my other chapters were two in one, but the next two will be separate chapters. I just wanted it like that.

Nexosaur

Comments

[Regidar]

2703865 I'm pissy that you guys do the exact same thing
over
and over
and over
and over again.

And I'm not telling him not to write it, I'm letting him know that he shouldn't expect me to read it

[joe mother]

2703865
I know. I'm this ( [ ] ) close to writing a song about him hating the Ponyearthverse.2703826

Talkin' to you, bro.

[joe mother]

2703942
How come this is on every PEV story?
It does say Ponyearthverse in the description. Would that not tell you:

REGIDAR!
STAY AWAY!
NEVER RETURN!

[Regidar]

2703957 you fool resistance makes me stronger

[joe mother]

2703961
Nah, I think it's the opposite.

(IDK if you're quoting anything... so... yeah...)

[Regidar]

2703968 nah, it's just basic life
resisting something only makes it harder to escape
like the ocean.

[La Barata]

2703957 Fool! Regidar goes where he pleases!

[joe mother]

2703989
So do I.

[Regidar]

2703943 please, write me a song. I love songs.
I'll write one for you guys.

[joe mother]

2704005
Alright. Be warned, I am amateur at writing music, so don't expect something awesome. (Not like I was going to put all my effort into it in the first place... maybe fifteen percent)

[Regidar]

2704012 when you are just commenting on a story, it puts the comment under the latest chapter.

2704012 bro I can't even play music
I can sing and that's about it

[j3r034rja34jty]

2704019
Don't listen to them Regidar, I still love you

[joe mother]

So, instead of talking about Regidar, how 'bout we find out who likes this story!

[Regidar]

2704084 if I were a video game villain that would be my boss music

2704082
I still love me too

[joe mother]

2704139
You're still fine, Regidar, I just think your infernal hatred of the PEV trope is a bit annoying.

[joe mother]

2704139
On a side note: even though you completely, absolutely, and utterly despise the PEV, what do you actually think about the writing and stuff? The content and how it's portrayed?

[Regidar]

2704182 I despise how it is the same thing repackaged over and over. Some are more original than others, but in general, they are all the same basic thing.

I'm the same way with almost every large -verse. Once it hits over 15 stories, then I think it's too overdone. Winningverse, FOE, MLD, Lunaverse, Chess Game of the Gods...

[Firebirdbtops]

I think this is the first head injury where someone was unhappy to not hear voices in their head.

[joe mother]

2706494
He was getting used to Carrot Top in his head. Then it was abrubtly taken away.

And yes, my mind does think excessively fast. Its just me.

And who's to say it's not a parody?

[randomuser]

2704123 Well I would read on.

[Sinful Pickle]

What is this a crossover of?

[joe mother]

2885573

A crossover of nothing. Accidental clicks happen, and I was too lazy to fix that one.