Spike walked up and down the hallway in Canterlot's library looking for something to do. Instead of living in an awesome castle Twilight wanted to live in Canterlot's library. Spike was bored out of his mind. There was no one to hang out with.
"Spike," Twilight called "Where are you?"
"In here Twilight!" yelled Spike as he stopped pacing.
The purple alicorn came up the stairs. "Spike, dinner time, be down ASAP."
"Okay..." Spike groaned. "Oh and Twilight?"
"Yes Spike?" Twilight replied pleasantly.
"Nothing..."
But there was something going on deep down inside Spike. A thing that made his heart sink just thinking about it. He missed Rarity. Spike thought about that'll never really see her again as he walked down the stairs to the dining room. The mare of his dreams was now as far as he could possibly imagine.
"What's for dinner Twilight?" Spike mumbled.
"Daffodil and daisy sandwiches with sapphires just the way you like it!" Twilight said.
Twilight looked up at Spike. She could tell something was bothering him. If only she could figure out what. Right when she was about to ask Spike what was wrong, the mail arrived through the slot of the door.
"I'll get!" Spike said a bit more happily.
"What did we get this time Spike?" Twilight asked.
"Only a letter," Spike opened the scroll to see who it was from. "From Rarity!" Spike yelled in excitement.
Twilight walked over to Spike and snatched the letter out of his hands with her magic before Spike could even finish reading it.
The letter stated:
Dear Twilight and Spike,
How's life in Canterlot for you? I bet it is simply marvelous! I just wanted to give you a heads up that i'll be moving to Canterlot soon. Business for my boutique has been very slow lately, and I finally raised enough money to move here. I will be arriving within a few days.
Your's truly,
Rarity
"So what does it say Twilight?" Spike asked eagerly.
"Well, Rarity's boutique has had slow business lately so she's moving here." Twilight said.
Spike's heart nearly exploded out of his chest.
The mare of my dreams was moving here? This is the best day my life! I was finally going to get another chance with Rarity, and with Twilight being a Princess and all she's busy all the time Rarity and I get to have some alone time!
Spike didn't even finish his dinner. Without a word he sprinted up the stairs to his room to practice what to say to rarity when she arrives. Spike now had his own room now in their new home . This means he had tons more privacy to practice without Twilight butting in.
Spike had no idea what to say. He stood in front of his mirror sweating like crazy. He had to practise! He didn't want to look like a total doofus in front of Rarity when she arrived.
Spike cleared his throat and made words come out, "Hey Rarity! Long time no see. You look good today."
No. No! NO! That sounds like you just came up with that in five seconds. Something more meaningful Spike, something more meaningful.
Spike took out a scroll and started to write down any possible thing to say to her that wouldn't make him look dumb. As Spike was writing there was a knock at Spike's bedroom door.
Spike let out a sigh. "Come in." Spike mumbled in an angry tone.
"Spike what are you doing?" the anicorn asked sternly. "Is it a good reason to leave your plate out on the counter with unfinished food still on it?"
"Yes," Spike replied "I'm coming up with things to say to Rarity when she arrives.
"Oh, Spike," Twilight looked down at him "Rarity's your friend she'll be more happy to see to you then what you have to say."
Spike rolled his eyes. Twilight had no idea what having a crush felt like! You had to do everything PERFECTLY or else you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
"Twilight," Spike said looking up at her. "You have no idea what your talking about! You want to make it sound different if you like somepony! A lot different." Spike blushed a bit.
"Okay, suit yourself," Twilight replied. "But that still doesn't excuse you from not clearing your plate!"
Spike rolled his eyes and finished his scroll. He closed his eyes and dozed off without paying attention. When he awoke he realized he over slept.
"Noon already!" Spike gasped. "No, no, no! Rarity will be coming in exactly a day! I have my words planned but not the food!"
Spike was planning to make another pie for Rarity like he did at Applejack's. She seemed to love it then. She'll probably love it now. Spike remembered how good Rarity looked while chewing his pie. He was in daze remembering the moment when Twilight opened his door and snapped him out of it.
"Your finally up sleepy head!" Twilight giggled. "I was thinking we make some food for Rarity."
"Ha ha. I was thinking that too Twilight! Great minds think alike!" Spike laughed.
"What were you thinking about making Spike?" Twilight asked.
"I made an apple pie at Applejack's and Rarity loved it! I want to make another one!"
Twilight gulped and stepped back. She remembered Applejack telling her about the whole pie indecent.
"Spike I don't think..."
"Please Twilight please?" Spike begged.
Twilight let a deep breath and agreed. Lets go to the kitchen.
"Yaaaaay!!!" Spike yelled. "Rarity's gonna' love it!"
"I bet she is..." Twilight murmured while rolling her eyes.
You mean CANTERLOT everywhere you typed Equestria. Equestria is the COUNTRY, Canterlot is the city.
2663594 Oh thanks for the info I'll be sure to remember that in the upcoming chapters.
Being a huge Spike fan, you have me hooked with this story so far. Also, I have a sinking feeling, by your summary and by the hard work that Spike is putting in to welcome Rarity to their new home, something terrible and heartbreaking is going to happen. Good so far, I can't wait for the next chapter.
Decent. However, three things I'd recommend. Number one: Fix the description. I found out the plot for the fanfic for the next few chapters even before they were written. Bad way to pique your readers interests.
Number two: Grammar and spelling mistakes. If you want, send me a message and I can help you clean up in that respect. Self-editing is hard.
Number three: Equestria is the name of the continent. Canterlot is the name of the city that I'm guessing you have the story take place.
(Also look through Ezn's guide at least once. He's got good things to say.)
However, fix those things and this might turn out to be surprisingly interesting. I'm rooting for ya!
2663635
thanks bro! I'll fix all that right now. Brohoof!
Before I start, I just wanted to say you forgot to put "turn" between the words "don't" and "out" in the description.
But things don't out the way he plans to.
Okay onto the main event...
1.
I think you mean Canterlot library.
2.
It should be, "I bet it is..."
3.
Yours truly, ...
And chapter one is over.
Here's my thoughts and what could be improved.
Grammar, I see it needs some work. Some spelling mistakes, missing capitals, missing quotes, but nothing major.
Now in the description department, you're not a complete noob. You need to describe what Spike is feeling more, and show more here and there how he hates being in the library. Just be careful not to over do it and not to say the same thought five times in different ways. Put more than one idea.
Finally, this story (so far) is decent. I'm not going to give it a "like" yet, just because I want to see more, but don't get the idea it's bad. I've read a good amount of stories that are worse than this, and those aren't even the author's first story some of the times, so don't take this as me saying your story sucks. It just needs some improvement.