2621929 Sorry I took it out on you I just hate reading stories where like a MAIN character dies and I have no warning about it. I was expecting this whole thing about twilight running away with Celestia and Shining on her tail before she went all psyco and everything but you did something I didn't expect and straight up killed twilight
its why I don't read Tragedy stories. I don't like seeing main character die.
2621993 Sorry, no offense was meant, I just thought that the story would be like how Archivist Nightwatch described it, not with Twilight dying in the forth chapter.
Comment posted by CrimsonEquine deleted May 24th, 2013
Well it was an interesting idea but then, it became your standard bad Grim Dark so good job taking a new and interesting idea and turning it into crap.
2623236 Well not crap per say but it turned out sub par in my opinion. don't get me wrong I like a good Twilight goes crazy fic but this one just wasn't that good.
2623264>>2623263>>2622283>>2621972 Alright still with the negativity even to chapter 4. Alright if you all hate it so much now, why don't I do an alternate timeline like I proposed before? If you want that then I will write another timeline on the same story that will be completely different. If you want it, reply to me saying yes. If you are fine with the story just say no. That is all.
Wow I’m impressed to read this the realism puts truth beyond the human factor of the mater i believe that if you could put in to more detail of the pain shining armor felt then I’m sure your storey could only get better
Well...and there is one less mentally broken down mare...and there was one colt more. Ah well, I'll guess it will end with Shinings end. Somehow I feel so disconnected to the suffering of Twilight...or Shining Armor. I didn't shed a tear for Cadence either...
ah well. Let's see how the end will play out, shall we?
Sorry for the late reply but I'm just saying that this Feels way too rushed, It may not be that bad of a story if you stretched out or added some parts (just giving constructive critisism)
I'm sorry, but I greatly disapprove of this outcome. (1) Twilight finds out a truth and goes insane, craving sex from her 'father' and tortures the princess she loved as a foalsitter, close friend, and sister, then claims her child after birth. (2) Shining Armor resorts to poison on his 'daughter' whom he loved with all his heart, looses his mind and kills off all but one of the Guard, then disappears knowing he had a foal he could raise.
I've never critiqued anything before, and if people don't approve of my opinion, that's their problem.
Again, I'm sorry, but I just don't see the outcome you've writen as a possibility.
2658640 That insanity has been deep within for a long time. Incest from your mother? Your own brother that you love and want to be with is your father? Well that is definitely insane inducing especially since Twilight wanted to be with Shining armor to begin with and all that insane energy exploded into this scenario, fitting don't you think?
Please keep going i was laughing most of the time.
Oh dear Jesus this chapter confused me. It moved to fast.
2621782>>2621797 So.. Good? Bad?
2621827
I- I don't know, my head hurts. I need to think. Ugh, stupid bipolar, it's so fucking awesome.
2621827
Twas good dear comrade.
I think you just Fucked with Molestia's mind so hard you broke her.
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU SO FUCKING HARD!! WHY THE GOD DAMN FUCK DID YOU NOT PUT A GOD DAMN FUCKING TRAGEDY TAG YOU FUCK FROM FUCKING HELL!!
ITS PEOPLE LIIKE YOU WHO MAKE SATEN LOOK LIKE A NICE GUY
2621905
There its been fixed mistar maddy pants
chan.catiewayne.com/z/src/130630161119.jpg
I have to know, do you have a plot line setup or are you just winging it?
2621961
What do you think?
2621929 Sorry I took it out on you I just hate reading stories where like a MAIN character dies and I have no warning about it. I was expecting this whole thing about twilight running away with Celestia and Shining on her tail before she went all psyco and everything but you did something I didn't expect and straight up killed twilight
its why I don't read Tragedy stories. I don't like seeing main character die.
2621965 I'm going to guess winging it to be honest.
2621972 Actually next chapter will be the last. I ain't winging it, I am just trying to do what makes sense. What would you do?
2621993 Sorry, no offense was meant, I just thought that the story would be like how Archivist Nightwatch described it, not with Twilight dying in the forth chapter.
Everybody's impression after chapter 2.
2622049 Yeah, I think that pretty much sums it up.
2622150 well?
The time jumps made it a little weird..... I'm not sure how to take this story...
Bleeding I am convinced you are a genius now
Well it was an interesting idea but then, it became your standard bad Grim Dark so good job taking a new and interesting idea and turning it into crap.
2622968 A lot of people here would disagree with you.
2623236 Well not crap per say but it turned out sub par in my opinion. don't get me wrong I like a good Twilight goes crazy fic but this one just wasn't that good.
2623240 And how would you handle the situation?
2623250 I would fuck it up somehow. Not the best when it comes to expressing ideas via the written word.
2 words: slow down.
This is way too rushed for any story, this had potential. A rewrite may be nessesary.
2623264>>2623263>>2622283>>2621972
Alright still with the negativity even to chapter 4. Alright if you all hate it so much now, why don't I do an alternate timeline like I proposed before? If you want that then I will write another timeline on the same story that will be completely different. If you want it, reply to me saying yes. If you are fine with the story just say no. That is all.
2623275 Don't do anything on my account I was just expressing myself.
2623285 I asked specifically that do you want another storyline or not. I wasn't blaming you for anything.
2623297 You just do what you wanna do man. I have no strong opinions one way or the other.
Wow I’m impressed to read this
the realism puts truth beyond the human factor of the mater
i believe that if you could put in to more detail of the pain shining armor felt then I’m sure your storey could only get better
2623275
i think the story was grand
a little fast but still a great read
but as i sed talk more about shinings pain
2623693 Sure
2623706
i figured I would say something, from the rude words of this critic cercal I thought you could use some constructive criticism
2623731 I know, and thanks for that. It really does help.
2623743
and i just adore that pic of yours
you know girls love a guy that feel
and bleads emotion
2623749 Really? That sounds awesome! Thank you for that.
2623769
yes wy do you think ome boys are so cute?
hay asuming you aer male do you rp at all?
2623782 I love to rp, when and where do you want to do this? I have a skype.
2623838
lets talk over pm
2623275 yes alternate timeline would be good or at least a more in depth current time line
Well...and there is one less mentally broken down mare...and there was one colt more.
Ah well, I'll guess it will end with Shinings end. Somehow I feel so disconnected to the suffering of Twilight...or Shining Armor. I didn't shed a tear for Cadence either...
ah well. Let's see how the end will play out, shall we?
Not bad ideas, but they need room to grow!
This story is not what I expected
2623275
Sorry for the late reply but I'm just saying that this Feels way too rushed, It may not be that bad of a story if you stretched out or added some parts (just giving constructive critisism)
My reaction to this fic so far
I'm sorry, but I greatly disapprove of this outcome.
(1) Twilight finds out a truth and goes insane, craving sex from her 'father' and tortures the princess she loved as a foalsitter, close friend, and sister, then claims her child after birth.
(2) Shining Armor resorts to poison on his 'daughter' whom he loved with all his heart, looses his mind and kills off all but one of the Guard, then disappears knowing he had a foal he could raise.
I've never critiqued anything before, and if people don't approve of my opinion, that's their problem.
Again, I'm sorry, but I just don't see the outcome you've writen as a possibility.
2658533 Maybe you don't understand the depths of madness like I do, but, maybe your just a bit ignorant.
2658640 That insanity has been deep within for a long time. Incest from your mother? Your own brother that you love and want to be with is your father? Well that is definitely insane inducing especially since Twilight wanted to be with Shining armor to begin with and all that insane energy exploded into this scenario, fitting don't you think?
2658620 Okay, I never said it was completely impossible, I just said I don't see any of the Sparkle's falling apart like this.