Wake Up, Applejack!

by Comet Burst

Sense of Apprehension

"Whaddya mean I'm in ah coma?!" Applejack shouted to Braeburn.

The yellow stallion smiled nervously as Applejack yelled at him. She was making far too much noise for the empty room to soak up.

"What happened ta me?!" she continued to shout, "If this is mah mind, why is it so empty?! I'm not a genius, but ahm smarter than this! And why ain't you talkin' like yourself?!"

"Applejack, please..." Braeburn tried to say before she cut him off.

"Who are ya?! Where are mah friends?!"

"Applejack, you really shoudn't..."

"Where am I? Some sorta secret hiding place fer ya to keep me for ransom?!"

"Applejack, please..."

"And what's with yer fancy portal there?! Are you King Sombra tryin' to--"

Applejack never got to finish her thought. A loud cry echoed around the two ponies and Applejack stopped mid sentence. As the orange mare looked around, Braeburn pulled his stetson lower and moaned.

"Oh, dear. Your shouting woke them up," he stated sadly.

Applejack, bewildered by the sound, spun around to face Braeburn and asked, "I did what?"

Braeburn lifted his stetson and looked her dead in the eyes before speaking again. "You woke them up."

Applejack paled slightly at his tone. "Who's them?"

Braeburn didn't answer her this time. Instead, he spun around and headed back to the portal still glowing behind him. As he walked, Applejack stayed rooted in her spot, too afraid to move, and yelled out "Where are ya goin'?!"

Braeburn slowed at her speaking and replied, "Back where I can help the most. Your escorts are almost here."

The cry echoed again and Applejack felt her knees begin to shake. The cry was absolutely horrible to hear, reminding her of herself, her friends and Applebloom, her little sister, crying in unison. The sounds of Timberwolves dragging their claws across the shale rocks on the edge of the Everfree Forest was less terrifying than the otherworldly cries drifting around her.

"Wait!" she shouted as she started running to Braeburn, "Ahm comin' with ya!"

Braeburn, who was already halfway through the portal, replied, "No, you need to stay here."

He was almost all the way through when Applejack bit onto his tail and tried to stop him from leaving. Either she was going with him to wherever the portal went or he was staying with her and dealing with the monster, and remaining here was not the ideal choice for her.

"Ah can't stay here!" she shouted through her clenched teeth, "There's somethin' big an' scary in here!"

Braeburn chuckled to himself gently just before he evaporated into thin air. Applejack felt her teeth crunch together as the portal disappeared in a wink of light. Upon realizing her only way out had just closed, the orange mare reared up and desperately tried to find where the portal had come from. Sadly, her hooves just waved about in the empty air as the cry rang out again. Applejack wasn't sure if it was just her imagination, but the excruciating cries seemed to be getting louder.

Applejack, now fearful for her life, felt a couple tears streak down her cheeks as she flailed about, looking for an exit.

"Braeburn!" she shouted into the darkness, "Help me please!"

---

Braeburn leaned in closer to Applejack's unconscious form. Not even two seconds ago, he swore he heard a syllable escape her lips. It sounded like her breathing at first, but there was an unmistakable sound laced within her breath. Braeburn's eyes widened as he heard it again, even more fainter than the first.

She was whispering his name.

"DOCTOR!" Braeburn yelled at the top of his lungs, darting out of the room.

Back inside, Applejack's vocalization became even fainter and, soon enough, faded away.

---

"Braeburn!" Applejack shouted again to the blackness.

The lack of his voice made the room feel terrifying again. The braying from some monstrous creature came to her again and Applejack buried her head in her hooves. The cries were unbearable to hear once, let alone the many times Applejack had heard it. Whatever it was, it sounded sad, angry and tortured, like a wild animal caught in a snare. Regardless of her pride as an Apple, monsters in the dark still caused her to quiver uncontrollably and whimper to herself.

As suddenly as the cries did, the sound of hoofbeats began to echo around her. Instantly, Applejack picked her head up and whipped it around, hoping to see Braeburn again. Instead, what she saw made her freeze in a mixture of fear and curiosity.

Standing in front of her was the most bizarre thing she had ever seen. A gigantic red apple, much like the ones she harvested from Sweet Apple Acres, sat where the head should be. If that wasn't weird enough, the pony was standing on its hind legs with its forelegs crossed. It wore a very sophisticated suit of all black with grey pinstripes accented by a rather large green bowtie. On top of the apple sat a short, black hat, like those ponies wore when they went to the races, complete with a red ribbon. The creature, whatever it was, was extremely tall and thin, looking nothing like a pony.

Whatever this thing was, it slowly walked over to Applejack even as she protested.

"No! Go away! Leave me alone!" she shrieked as the creature approached her. She had no idea if this was the monster she kept hearing, but didn't want to find out.

Applejack curled into a ball and bit onto her tail as the thing came to her. She was more terrified than she ever had been in her life, even more than when she had to face the Timberwolves, Discord or Pinkie when she had broken a promise. She shut her eyes, tears streaming from them, and bit harder. She didn't know what this thing would do to her, but she imagined it wouldn't be pleasant.

---

Braeburn held onto Applejack's hoof as the doctor examined her readings. He was absolutely sure he had heard her try to talk, but she hadn't made a noise since the doctor came. The pony was skeptical, but he had noticed a slight increase in her mental activity. It could be she was trying to talk, either aware of what was around her or repeating the last thing she had said before falling into the coma.

As Braeburn watched her, he could hear her breath quicken slightly. He rubbed his hoof on hers and tried to work up the courage to talk to her. He already had when he knew she wasn't conscious, but the idea she might be able to hear him made it a lot harder.

"Applejack," he mumbled, "Please wake up."

---

Applejack waited for some excruciating pain to overtake her as the creature attacked, but instead she felt herself get lifted into the air. Her eyes flew open as she looked around, trying to figure out what was going on. The weird apple headed thing had her in his forelegs, cradling her like she was a foal.

"Hey!" Applejack shouted as she uncurled, stretching her legs and trying to work her way out of the creatures' grasp, "Put me down!"

The apple thing didn't respond in any way, but kept walking on his hind legs. Applejack tried to struggle out of his grip, but his forelegs were incredibly strong. As she flailed, she noticed another one approaching them out of the corner of her eye.

"No!" she shouted, "Ahm telling you, put me down now!"

The apple thing still didn't answer as the second one approached. Once it was five feet away, the crying of some terrible monster echoed again and the apple things stopped. They seemed to stare at each other, bewildering an already confused and still struggling Applejack, and nodded to each other, as if agreeing on something.

As soon as they did, the second one reached out with his forelegs and seemed to grab something in the darkness. With a powerful pull, the apple head yanked away the black, blinding Applejack with harsh bright light. The orange pony wailed and covered her eyes, trying to ease the sudden pain in her eyes. Without her being ready, the apple head carrying her proceeded to walk forwards into the light. Applejack tried to protest, but it was more weakly shaking one leg instead of flailing.

As her eyesight slowly adjusted, Applejack managed to catch a glimpse of something big and red. It wasn't an apple, though. It was the barn from Sweet Apple Acres, and it was floating above her. Without being able to see it for very long before her eyes whited out again, Applejack felt herself get dropped onto something hard. It felt like wood and she swore a gate closed behind her.

Before she could react to what was happening, her mind spiked with pain like before. Applejack wailed as it stabbed at her skull, feeling as if a knife was wedged inside the dome of her cranium. She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her hooves to her temples, rubbing them vigorously as the pain hurt worse. Around her, the apple head thing lowered itself and gently prodded Applejack's shoulder, trying to see if she was okay. She wailed louder and the apple head thing reacted immediately. It reached out and pressed a foreleg to her head. Instantly, Applejack felt an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion wash over her and felt herself become drowsy. Her head still hurt, but not as much as it had before the tiredness overtook her. As she began to drift off to sleep, Braeburn's voice echoed in her head.

"Don't worry, Applejack," he spoke in a soothing tone, "We're all here to help you."

After his words faded into nothing in Applejack's subconscious, the mare's vision slipped from white to black as her eyelids closed. The comforting feeling of sleep wrapped around her and Applejack's mind drifted away.

Comments

[Blagdaross]

First pass: good, nice tension and plenty of surrealism.

Second pass:
"Are you King Sombra tryin' to..."" A dash would be better here than ellipses to indicate her being cut off.

"He was almost all the way through when he felt his tail being tugged on. Applejack had caught up to him, bitten onto his tail and was trying to pull him back out." This paragraph switches perspective characters. For most of the chapter, we see things through AJ's eyes. This small segment is through Braeburn's eyes. Try rewriting from AJ's point of view. Also, biting, not bitten.

"As sudden as the cries were, the sound of hoofbeats echoed around her." You start the sentence as if you're going to compare or contrast the cries with something, but you don't. Maybe something more like: "As suddenly as the cries did, the sound of hoof eats echoed around her."

Are these thing a reference to The Son of Man? Because that would be awesome.

"She was more terrified she had ever been," missing a 'than' in there

Those are the only technicals I saw. Stylistically, you might have put a bit more into showing how scared AJ was at different moments. That many confusing things at once should be unnerving as hell, but AJ seems a mite too comfortable. More nervous twitches, or just more time describing her fear. She won't be okay until she has a clear goal: aimless Applejack is not happy Applejack.

Overall another great chapter from Comet!

[Screw]

Wake up Applejack and Little Talks by "Of Men And Monsters" captures my heart in an instant. This fic... Definitely going to my favourite list. Going to read it later then pass judgement on plot and grammar. Applejack is best pony.

[Blagdaross]

2698057 forgive me and Feather Scratch, we're the prereaders and our comments get carried through.

Like the changes, btw, and can't wait for the next installment!

Also, the painting I ws refering to earlier:upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e5/Magritte_TheSonOfMan.jpg

[TwixiePony]

Took a while to update but the wait was worth it

[Periphery]

I've watched that video quite a few times, so a fic based on it definitely has my interest. Seems like you're doing a good job so far, too.

[Flabbergasted]

You cheeky Dick Waffle.

[Just Some Random Guy]

Hello? Helllooo? Anybody there?

[Little Wood]

I WANT MOAR!!!
I seen the video and this is a great story....
pwease wight more?

[Aatxe360]

I keep running into the PMV made for this and hope it comes from hiatus. I do hope the long, overdue chapter is due to some writer's block and not loss of interest.

[Comet Burst]

3940387 3882398
I must say I'm rather surprised you want to read more of this. I haven't had this many requests in months.

[Little Wood]

3944323 Seriously? This is great! I love the song and you made it even better for me! I need more!

[Comet Burst]

3944334
Well, I assumed this fic was lost among the piles of other more popular ones. Especially since it is nearly a year old.

[Little Wood]

3944346 Eh. Sometimes big things can happen when you least expect it. If you get this done, I'll review it!