Okay, so, here's my first review as of reading the first three chapters. Keep in mind now, I might get brutal at points but I'm not saying these things to hurt or break, but to push you to be better. Also, you kinda asked for it, hah.
Okay, so my biggest pet peeve so far is a lack of descriptors. Chapter two especially, there's close to no descriptions about who we're dealing with, where we are, what the world around us is like. You really gotta come at a scene assuming no one reading it knows who they're dealing with or where the story is taking place. The other problem I'd say I have with it, is that it's a very dry, very slow read. Now, I'm not familiar with the series you're crossing our favorite talking equines over with, so I can't say whether or not this stuff is in or out of character. I will praise this though, your use of science alongside magic is pretty cool and makes things easier to wrap your head around.
3287805 Thanks for the review! It's a crossover between this. I'm not trying to currently cater to readers who haven't read the book first. I did try to explain how the science works in chapter 5, but yeah I would say it's a slow read tight now. Mainly because I still have come up with a main antagonist yet. I know, Twilight doesn't approve...
Okay, so, here's my first review as of reading the first three chapters. Keep in mind now, I might get brutal at points but I'm not saying these things to hurt or break, but to push you to be better. Also, you kinda asked for it, hah.
Okay, so my biggest pet peeve so far is a lack of descriptors. Chapter two especially, there's close to no descriptions about who we're dealing with, where we are, what the world around us is like. You really gotta come at a scene assuming no one reading it knows who they're dealing with or where the story is taking place.
The other problem I'd say I have with it, is that it's a very dry, very slow read. Now, I'm not familiar with the series you're crossing our favorite talking equines over with, so I can't say whether or not this stuff is in or out of character.
I will praise this though, your use of science alongside magic is pretty cool and makes things easier to wrap your head around.
3287805 Thanks for the review!
It's a crossover between this. I'm not trying to currently cater to readers who haven't read the book first. I did try to explain how the science works in chapter 5, but yeah I would say it's a slow read tight now. Mainly because I still have come up with a main antagonist yet. I know, Twilight doesn't approve...
3290166
Honestly, that might help get more readers if you put in something to help ease people who aren't aware of either realm into the story.
3291442
The plot is all formulated now. All I have to do now is find time to write it down.