It was the next morning and Twilight was up bright and early, after going about her daily routine she fixed herself a quick breakfast and set about her task for the day reorganizing the library. A task that required a keen eye and a lot of patience, however after having living and working among the stacks for several months now she was incredibly familiar with the contents of the library this allowed her some room to think freely as she worked.
So Twilight allowed her mind to drift to a topic that until recently hadn’t given a second thought Early Equestrian History. This was one of the more interesting topics to research but also one of the more frustrating as well. This was because after about nine hundred years documentation became not only far more scarce but also far less credible as well. This was the reason that the banishment of Nightmare Moon was considered little more than an old mare’s tale.
Bah, how dare they relegate me to such a minor position, an old fable with a holiday based on paranoia attached to it. These ponies don’t deserve my greatness. When the time comes I shall take Twilight and leave this sun obsessed land to found my own nation. Nightmare moon grumbled to herself.
That particular aspect of history wasn’t what she was pondering over. No on this day her thoughts were turning to one of the most major yet sadly less documented topics an event known simply as “The Fracturing.” Often left out of all but the more advanced courses on history and even then subject to debate “The Fracturing” was second only to the “Homestead War.” In the amounts of controversy it stirred up amongst scholars.
While there was no denying that the event took place the exact timing of the event, the numbers of ponies involved, along with the reason behind it were largely up for debate and interpretation. In short some time during the migration from the old land (Now referred to as the Dead Lands as they were still incased in ice and snow.) to modern day Equestria the three pony tribes had divided into six.
The Dead Lands are still frozen? Hmm this just keeps getting more and more interesting. I truly did pick the perfect host, she is irreplaceable. Nightmare purred to herself.
The Pegasi led by Corporal Current traveled farther south and while tensions were very high for the first few years. Peace between them, the Griffons, and the Gargoyles was achieved and the Avian Alliance was formed.
Meanwhile the Unicorns led by Lord Copper traveled to the east and even tried sailing to another continent, however the ill fated voyage across the sea would have surely ended them had the Minotaur not taken pity upon them and allowed them to settle into their island nation of Minos.
As for the Earth Ponies lead by Citrus Twist, they were by far the least fortunate of the lot as their bid for freedom from the rather chaotic rule by Chancellor Pudding Head ended up damning them to a far worse fate. Traveling west past the lands of the Bison and into Zebraria where they were enslaved by the residents of the land, apparently remaining in such subservience up until recently in spite of several uprisings over the centuries.
All these thoughts passed through her mind as her body went through the motions or sorting cataloging and shelving books. Twilight never even noticed that she had missed lunch completely as her body worked and her mind drifted over a topic sparked in her mind by conversations with Zecora and Gilda. Even Spike’s absence failed to capture her attention at the moment.
Why had the Unicorns and Pegasi split off? Was the real question on the minds of historians. While Princess Platinum and Commander Hurricane had their issues they didn’t seem to suffer from the same kind of madness that Chancellor Pudding Head did. Known for writing and rewriting laws on a whim, issuing edicts like requiring that all her subjects must act like a fish on the night of a full moon, or even twice declaring war on a type of vegetable that was toxic to eat, granted Smart Cookie was often able to mitigate the worst of her eccentricities but even she could only do so much.
While the few surviving accounts from their subjects varied there were two confirmed problems for both Platinum and Hurricane. For the latter it was ironically tied in with her strengths. She was a truly capable leader, so long as there was a battle to fight or weather to be tended. However this firm style of leadership didn’t lend itself well to the day to day rigors of managing a nation. Reports of punishing ponies for bringing her news she didn’t like or even treating civilians with the same iron hoof she used to keep troops in line were a common theme. Then there were the accounts that seemed to have been made up by detractors. Such as having pegasi that were too weak to fly, or born with physical defects put to death, or even used in live fire exercises to train the more capable ones for combat, or weather control.
She never was one to let resources go to waste, and times were much harder for ponies back then. Nightmare thought to herself.
As for Princess Platinum, she simply could not relate to her subjects. The one she got along the best with was Clover the Clever and even Clover’s journal mentions that if it wasn’t for a request by her mentor that she never leave Platinum’s side that she would have defected. Apparently the incident of “watching her stoop” was not uncommon and Clover had actually carried her princes in such a manner fairly often when travel outside of Unicornia was called for. Platinum also had a tendency to see to it that she had the best in absolutely everything and tended to drain the royal treasury fairly often recouping what she spent with short but frequent periods of high taxes. The absolute worst rumors about her though involved her having any mare that she saw as a threat to her beauty eliminated in short order. Another was that she had designs on Clover as any colt or filly that showed interest in her tended to disappear never to return.
The latter is true at least, poor Clover never saw it coming either, too enthralled by her studies and her duty to her princess. I can’t recall how far Platinum took her advances though. Nightmare Moon mused mentally sighing with pity.
However so few reports of this era of Equestrian History had been preserved and ironically the best known source of information from the time is also one that historians hesitated to trust due to the character of the author. His name was Alabaster Moor a sergeant in the Unicornia and later Equestrian army. The reason for the distrust of his accounts was that he was known for some rather brutal methods of warfare. Tactics like poisoning water supplies, slaughtering entire towns, and even conscripting prisoners to fight against their home nations were among his suggested strategies. He also created four spells three of which are taught to each unicorn member of the royal guard. His final spell simply called “Leech” is forbidden to learn and its use is considered a war crime.
As well it should be a spell that draws either magical energy or life itself from the target to its caster. While no doubt a useful ability for war it is by no means a commendable creation. Still tendencies toward dark magic or not they should have listened to him more during the Homestead War. Nightmare Moon snorted in contempt.
Whatever his flaws he was one of the few ponies of the era to not only document his life in those pivotal times but also one of the few who took measures to see to it that what he wrote survived to be passed down through history. There was the dilemma, was the information provided to be ignored simply because of the character that provided it? Was it wise just to assume that he was telling the truth or was he perhaps just a mad colt who had some lucid moments? Perhaps things truly were so very different back then that what now seemed like underhooved tactics were common place. These thoughts and more whirled through Twilight’s mind as she neared completion of her task for the day.
“Twilight, what whoa” Spike trailed off as he descended the stairs taking a look at the freshly cleaned and organized library. Every shelf was dusted and every book was in its proper place, the floor had been cleaned and even the cobwebs had been cleared out. Spike recovered from his momentary shock to ask his surrogate sister some questions. “How long have you been up, did you even eat anything this morning?”
Spikes voice final drew Twilight away from her thoughts and brought her back to the here and now.”Oh Spike, I didn’t hear you come down. I guess I was off in my own little world while I was cleaning this morning.” She explained turning to face the young dragon. “I’ve been up since sunrise and yes I had breakfast I don’t know what you’re so worried about it’s only, Two O’ Clock?” She continued becoming surprised by how quickly she let time slip away from her as she worked. Before she could say anymore her stomach decided to voice its complaints with her neglecting lunch and growled loudly. Twilight just smiled sheepishly at Spike while he gave her an annoyed look.
“Well come on then let’s get you something to eat before you collapse where you stand…again.” he teased as he lead her into the kitchen. Once inside he began to sort through the pantry and refrigerator for ingredients.
“Hey! That hasn’t happened in years, besides I didn’t hear you complaining about all the extra sleep you got this morning.” Twilight complained as she took her seat at the table and watched her little brother get to work.
“Okay, I’ll admit you got me there but still I can’t allow you to neglect yourself like that what kind of an assistant would that make me.” Spike replied as he set to work on making a vegetable stir fry for the two of them.
Twilight walked up to Spike and gave him a playful noogie.”I don’t say this enough but you’re more than just my number one assistant, you’re like a brother to me Spike. Between you and Shining Armor I think I got the best ones in all Equestria to boot.” She said grinning proudly as Spike accepted her praise.
“Aw thanks Twilight, now just sit back and let me take care of lunch, after that we can get to whatever else you had planned for today.” Spike replied beaming at how highly Twilight thought of him. Soon enough his focus was entirely back on the task at hand as he continued to work on their late lunch. Within another ten minutes the stir-fry was ready to be served up and soon they shared a nice quite lunch together.
Once lunch had been eaten and the dished washed Twilight and Spike soon found themselves on the way to see the Mayor. Deciding to take advantage of her free afternoon Twilight intended to make the most of this opportunity and see if she couldn’t arrange for a location to begin practicing her new hobby once all other preparations had been dealt with. It was a relatively short trip from her home in the library to the town hall at the other end of the town square.
From there the two entered the building and after asking The Mayor’s assistant if she had some free time that afternoon was informed that she was finishing up a meeting and would be with them shortly. So Twilight and Spike quietly claimed their positions on a small bench near the wall and proceed to wait for The Mayor to finish the business she was currently attending to. An hour had past, Spike had nodded off leaning against Twilight who had spent her time reading through the old magazines that had been provided for visitors just as she was about to reach for a third however a voice caught her attention. “…Thank you again for your time Mayor the hospital appreciates your meeting with us about this on such short notice.” Nurse Tender Heart said as she trotted out of the door the Mayor right behind her.
“It’s no trouble at all, after all we have to keep the hospital running smoothly and because you brought this issue up so soon I’ll be able to inner grate it into our budget for next year without any real problems. Have a good day Nurse Tender Heart.” The Mayor replied she was just about to return to her office when she caught site of Twilight and Spike out of the corner of her eye.”Oh twilight Sparkle Spike this is a surprise how can I help you this afternoon?” she asked smiling at them from her position in the doorway.
“Hello Mayor. I just had a quick question I wanted to ask and then I’ll be on my way.” Twilight began as she slowly got up from her spot on the bench, at The Mayor’s nod she followed her into her office, after taking in the tasteful decoration including a rather sturdy looking bookcase and a small section of the wall behind the desk devoted to degrees and certifications of merit twilight took her seat on a plush cushion across from the Mayor.
“Well Twilight how can I help you today?” the Mayor ask from her position behind her desk quill, ink, and paper at the ready and within easy reach from their positions upon the well organized desk.
“I’d like to inquire about any empty lots that are available for public use. You see I purchased a lance at the flea market recently and I was hoping to find a place to practice relatively close to town as I would like to avoid setting up near the Everfree Forest.” Twilight explained.
Good my little host, pour some effort into this sport and I’ll mold you into a capable pikemare able to stand on her own against both beast and pony alike. Nightmare Moon purred to herself.
The Mayor paused for a while then seemed to come to a conclusion she then began to sort through some of the papers on her desk. A few minutes later she reemerged from her search holding out a sheet of paper to Twilight with a smile, Twilight took the paper from the Mayor’s mouth with her magic and began to look it over as the mayor responded.”That’s the address of a lot behind the quill and sofa store that’s been left vacant for years. The owner Davenport is willing to rent it out to anypony willing to clean it up and pay a few bits a month.”
Twilight’s eyes light up at The Mayor’s words as well as the information written on the paper she held in her magical grasp. “Thank you Mayor this is just what I was looking for! I’ll be sure to get in touch with davenport soon.” She beamed folding the paper up and slipping it into her saddlebags. Moments later she had bid The Mayor goodbye with a friendly hoofshake and left the office to collect Spike from the waiting room and then make her way to the store in question. Within fifteen minutes she had left the town hall and been to speak with Davenport who was thrilled that his offer was being taken up by somepony after so very long. However Twilight’s long day was finally making itself known so soon enough Twilight and Spike returned home where said unicorn turned in early for once at sunset.
The next two days passed without incident, Twilight went about her daily tasks deviating only slightly to stop by the Carrousel Boutique to show rarity her lance and have quick measuring done just for accuracy's sake. Meanwhile Rarity was working on some project that she was keeping secret deciding not to unveil it until it was completed.
However the following Saturday was far from low key as it found Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Spike racing out of town to the woods to save Rarity from her apparent canine captors. A short distance from the scene of the crime the party of six stopped so Spike could fill them all in now that he had finally calmed down enough to speak in full sentences.
Once Spike was ready he spoke up. “Rarity and I were out hunting for gems when along came these creatures that called themselves Diamond Dogs they kidnapped Rarity dragging her underground so that she could find more gems for them.” Spike explained as he paced back and forth trying to keep himself calm enough to actually provide some useful information to his friends.
“Well what are we waiting for? Let’s get down there kick their flanks and get Rarity back!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed lifting off the ground and making punching motions with her forhooves.
“We do need to save Rarity but we can’t be too hasty to act. We don’t know how deep underground they are, how extensive their cave network is, nor how many opponents we’re up against here. We need to be cleaver about this going in halfcocked is only going to end in trouble.” Twilight responded calmly
[Color cornflower blue]That’s how we handle things with a clear leave head, now let’s get this obedience class started. Nightmare Moon praised as Twilight lead the group into a field covered with holes. When the purple unicorn tied to look down one she found it being filled with a truly impressive speed. Soon the other holes were closed in spite of the best effort of the group of friends however Twilight refused to let this setback get to her either.
With a thought her horn soon began to glow levitating all the large mounds of dirt into the air and shunting it to the side quickly reopening all of the holes that had been blocked seconds before. Without missing a beat the group dove into the closest opening and began their decent into the underground catacombs of the Diamond Dogs. With but a few moments of sliding they landed relatively softly on the floor of the cave however the sheer expansiveness of the tunnel network game them pause.
“Shoot now what, it’ll take all day to search all these tunnels, well best get to it then.” Applejack notes before walking toward the nearest opening in the wall. Before she can enter however five large dogs in armor drop down from nowhere and land atop the ponies back slipping hastily made rope bridles over their muzzles.
“Ha more work horses!” one of the dogs exclaims as he pulls upon the rope he’s holding jerking Fluttershy’s head back slightly.
“Oh we’ll just see about that! Come on girls they want a ride let’s give them a ride!” Rainbow Dash yells racing forward as fast as she can before coming to a sudden stop bucking with all her might sending her rider shooting ahead to crash into a stalagmite!
Hmm not a bad off the cuff plan I’m impressed Nightmare mused to herself as the rest of the ponies followed rainbow Dashes lead and began to buck in an effort to dismount the dogs on their backs. Applejack was the next one to do so her years of bucking trees on the farm and at the rodeo have made her into a formidable athlete. With a vicious buck she sent the dog on her back rocketing up into the ceiling before he could impact however he was quickly caught in a lasso and slammed to the ground and tied up.
Pinkie Pie was the next to dislodge her passenger. Her normal hopping gate transformed into a series of mighty leaps that unseated the dog on her back and set him tumbling to the ground below. Before the Dig Dog could get up though he soon found himself buried under one of his pack mates as Fluttershy was able to cast her timid nature aside and buck the dog off her back.
Twilight however was having a bit of trouble with her attacker for the simple reason that Spike had already been riding on her back before the group had been ambushed thus she had to deal with not only more weight than the others but also the safety of someone else. After a few moments of dashing and bucking she was still unable to remove her passenger.
[Color conrflower blue]You’re thinking two dimensionally Twilight after all there’s more than one way to enchant an apple. I know you can figure this out. Nightmare advised her host hoping to spur her onward to victory.
She still needs the proper training to become the grand unicorn that is destined to be sitting at my side. Nightmare mused to herself wondering how to prompt Twilight to think more like a solder and less like a scholar. Nightmare’s advice was just the hint that Twilight needed however as she soon began to levitate herself and her passengers into the air with a quick rotation she soon had the Dig dog’s back facing the ground below she released her grip on the dog and let him fall while she safely teleported herself and a very disoriented Spike to the ground by Applejack’s side.
Shortly after Twilight and Spike touched the ground the Dig dogs that were able fled the area disappearing down the winding passageways of the elaborate network of caves and tunnels. One however was unable to flee not because he was out cold rather because he was bound up thanks to Applejack’s quick thinking after she had removed him from her back. With a slight grin Applejack explained her idea to her friends. “Ah figured that since our friend here was so eager to meet us than he wouldn’t mind being a neighbor and leading us to Rarity.”
That was a clever idea Twilight’s friends might just prove to be worthy assets to me now how to go about swaying them to my side once twilight has come to realize her place. Nightmare moon pondered.
“Bah, what makes you think I’ll do as you say mule?” the Dig Dog retorted growling at his captores.
“Who are you calling a ‘Mule’ Mutt?” Rainbow Dash barked getting up in the captured Dig Dog’s face. She had to quickly pull back as the Dig Dog growled loudly before snapping at her muzzle.
Before things could escalate any further Twilight pulled Rainbow away from him and Fluttershy quickly stepped up into her place brows furrowed in anger Her eyes quickly locking with his as she spoke, “That is no way to behave, you attacked us while we were trying to rescue a friend that your own kind abducted! After we defended ourselves you have the nerve to belittle and insult us? How dare you now your are GOING to lead us to where our friend Rarity is and you’re going to do so without complaint do you understand me?” Fluttershy demanded using only a fraction of the power of her stare to make her wishes known to the dog before her.
The Dig Dog humbled by this raw power used upon him and the abrupt shift in personality from the pony who used it could do little more than mummer a “Yes ma’m” and nod as Applejack untied the rope from around him and allowed him to his feet. His shoulders slumped and his head hanging low the dig dog began to lead the group to the desired location.
It truly is amazing how powerful that gift of hers is even when only a fraction of it is used. Nightmare Moon thought to herself.
Within a matter of moments they had arrived at the inner chamber where sounds of screaming and sobbing could be heard. Before anyone in the group could react the barred boor burst open and three Diamond Dogs emerged crying out for help and begging to be saved from what they were referring to as the beautiful banshee. Upon spotting the ponies they threw themselves at their mercy claiming they would give anything to be rid of her.
It was at that moment that Rarity entered the chamber harnessed to a large cart that seemed to be in danger of overflowing with gemstones. Once she was in sight Twilight and the others crowded around her exclaiming how relieved they were that she was okay. After a brief group hug Rarity spoke up. “Of course I’m fine was there ever any doubt? Just because I’m a lady doesn’t mean I can’t take care of myself. Now come you’re just in time to help me return with my ‘spoils of war’ as it were.” With that she motioned to five other carts filled just as full as the one she was strapped to.
How very clever, she turned her situation around by sheer force of personality. I really must find a way to persuade the others to join my cause, Twilight is irreplaceable but she would be much more willing to comply if her friends were with her. Nightmare said to herself.
Within a few minutes Twilight and the rest of the ponies were strapped to carts of their own while Spike lounged in Rarity’s cart. Soon they were being led through the extensive network of caves once more However as they were heading up the incline something gleaming in the torchlight caught twilight’s attention so she stopped to take a closer look at what it was.
It was a room of worship of some kind there was an alter along the wall across from the door and positioned between the wall and alter were three statues carved of marble and painted with exquisite detail. One was of an orange Fox poised to fire and arrow he wore a black mask that covered the top of his head save his eyes and ear along with a black vest. Next to him stood a Diamond Dog holding a mace aloft in one claw and a shield in another a gold breastplate and helm contrasted nicely with his black fur as did his crimson cape. The third figure, and the one Twilight recognized was a Wolf, he had white coat, that was for the most part hidden by the emerald green and gold robe that covered most of his figure one hand was free while the other held the shaft of an odd staff that was just as tall as he was. The end of the staff that touched the ground was a large spade shovel head, while the top of the staff was adorned by a large sphere with a small spike protruding from the top. Quickly shaking of her amazement Twilight left the room and caught up with the others eager to share with them what she had just seen.
Interesting, it seems that while the ponies forgot the Homestead War the memory lingers with the remnants of the old Canid republic. Those were tributes to the three greatest heroes of that side of the war Hunter the steadfast, Caesar the noble, and Hex the healer. It really was a shame what happened to Hex I really do pity him it was bad enough he had immortality forced upon him but to be encased in the metal once used by his fallen commands a cruel fate indeed. Nightmare reflected as Twilight and the others finally reached the surface and began their trek back to Ponyville.
Once their escort of Dig Dogs had retreated back to their underground home Twilight decided it was time to make her discovery known. “Did any of you happen to notice those statues in that room off to the side on our way up?” She eagerly asked.
“I did darling, and while I admit the craftponyship that went into them was quite astonishing I don’t see why they’re worth bringing up after all I’d rather not be reminded of my time spent with those uncouth canines if I can avoid it.” Rarity answered while the rest of the group shook their heads no.
“They represent a link to a part of history that is pretty much forgotten the Homestead War.” Twilight began and upon seeing the confused looks of her friends began to elaborate. “The homestead War was a roughly two year long engagement that began a little over three months after Hearth’s Warming Eve. Not long after the pony tribes had come together to form Equestria the inhabitants of the land made their presence known. Modern day Equestria was at one point known as the Canid Republic that was composed of the four canine tribes, Dig Dogs, Diamond Dogs, Foxes, and Wolves. For the most part the canine’s tribes were winning even though the ponies fought back valiantly. As the second year of the war began the pony tribes had been pushed back north into the dead lands. Then just when all hope seemed lost a horrific explosion rocked the battlefield while it took out a great number of ponies it devastated the canine ranks. The military broken and their leader dead the Canid Republic fled reduced to little more than packs of roving bandits.” Twilight explained taking in all of the aw stricken looks on her friends faces as the town drew ever nearer.
“Wait, how come Ah don’t recall reading about this in school? Granted Ah’m not as dedicated in mah studies as you are Twi but Ah doubt that something like that would slip mah mind.” Applejack asked.
“Indeed I have no recollection of learning about this war either." Rarity agreed
“That’s because we don’t have much information about the war. We know it took place and we have a rough idea on how it ended but few accounts documenting it survived to this day.” Twilight began and seeing that Rainbow Dash was going to speak raised a hoof to silence her before continuing. “To answer your question Rainbow the figures of the statues are of figures related to the war, Prime Minister Caesar, and his Two Bodyguards Hex and Hunter. I only recognized Hex at first Glance as one of our surviving accounts describes him in vivid detail as the author of the account was dead set on taking Hex out. This was because Hex was an incredibly gifted wolf, he was a healer who was rumored could even bring the recently dead back to life. However Sergeant Moor’s commanders thought that attacking a healer was bad form and refused all of his requests.” Twilight finished allowing her friends some time to absorb the information provided to them.
“W-Why would he want to kill a healer? I mean surely he was too busy healing to fight, right?” Fluttershy hesitantly asked
“Well it was partly because Moor was known for suggesting those kind of tactics, though if his account of things is correct the higher ups refusal to kill Hex was making an already difficult war that much worse as the Canids suffered far fewer casualties because of his abilities with healing magic.” Twilight answered the entrance to Ponyville was now in sight.
“Okay so not taking him out was a bad idea, but we ended up winning anyway so what’s the big deal?” Rainbow Dash asked waving aside the issue.
“Well to be honest we don’t know HOW we won some theories say it was a powerful spell cast by a group of unicorns, others say that it was a failed attempt at a magical super weapon by the Canids other still think it might have been the work of some kind of sprit of destruction that was passing by really we just don’t know enough about things to even make a guess at what happened and that’s why this isn’t taught in Normal History classes.” Twilight replied shrugging her shoulders.
“That’s kind of disturbing knowing that we only won because of some sort of fluke.” Rainbow muttered as they entered the town and made their way to Rarity’s show to drop off the carts and then head to their homes for the night.
Oh I don’t know one of those guesses is frighteningly close considering who was involved with that mess. Nightmare thought to herself and shuddered at the memory of the being in question.
Soon Twilight had tucked Spike in for the night as was crawling into her own bed for the night where sweet dreams waited for her.
Athor's Note, sorry I fail at being timely, well atleast i got this out before I had to leave for the UK tuesday so woo and all that. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'll be back May eight.
i think you missed an "'["/" I]" somewhere...
CloverXplatinium?!! The horror! The horror! Seriously though the three aids should have launched a coup
yay i told ya you could do it o wait F'naaaaa now i have to wait for the next one.
oh well anyway good update now we get to learn a bit more on equestrian history next chsapter is gonna be more awsome i know it. till then i'll be wating. cheers.
It will be interesting to see how Nightmare goes about turning the Elements, the only way I see her turning Rainbow Dash is if she turns the others first. On another note it looks like Nightmare isn't pure evil since she did disagree with the use of that magic/life drain spell.
You're coming to the UK? Yay.
Story is looking good Janus, far fewer spelling mistakes as well. Keep up the good work
I'll have to fix that bracket problem later.
One sided CloverxPlatinum, though given Platinum's position of power that doesn't really matter
Heh thanks for the vote of confidence, the next chapter should be shorter considdering what i have in mind but I can't start on it untill next month.
Just because Nightmare's evil deosn't mean she can't have her own twisted sense of morality.
Yeah to Lakeinheath to see my Nephew that was born back on febuary 25. He was due around the end of this month so seeing the little guy's going to do me a world good.
Yeah, that a definate fault I need to watch for hopefully I won't fall back on it so much as the story goes on. Still I got it out before I had to leave that's something at least.
The italic's gave me a horrifying migraine. Good chapter though.
Huh i thought i fixed that a few minute ago.
So Hex is still alive standing someplace encased in metal? Is he in public like Discord or is he in a closet somewhere?
Hex is up in the Dead Lands and that's all I'll say for now.
I like where this is going. Please do Proceed...
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In Darkness forever Vigilant
"Lunar Justice"
488260 I have to say it's nice to see stories where the villain has such depth. Also the italic's are still off, as is the coloring. I think the two might be related as the color problem happens right before the italic problem:
[Color conrflower blue]You’re thinking two dimensionally Twilight after all there’s more than one way to enchant an apple. I know you can figure this out. Nightmare advised her host hoping to spur her onward to victory.
wait a minute destruction /chaos hmmm could it have been discord that won the war for the pony's? also hex is frozen in the cold dead lands bound withing a metal statue made from the armes and armor of his deceased kin and ally's not only that he's bucking immortal makes ya feel sorry for the guy. anyway next chapter is going to be interesting.
good chapter! im looking forward to seeing NMM coax twilight into learning really offensive magic, or at least; assuming she does, i look forward to it!
there is still a whole lot of errors with punctuation and alike, it doesnt make it to annoying to read, but as i am quite tired i had a lot of problems. and one more thing; you seem to have changed style of writing somewhere in the middle: cursive and text coloration to be precise; all of a sudden you stopped using them in the same way you had been before. i would suggest looking up the group: "Proofreaders and People willing to proof-read" and/or "Looking for Editors" as well
I'll fix the coloring and italic issues later. I just got back from the UK last night and gah, I'm almost wondering if I'm not cashing in some bad karma or something given how yesterday went.
I'm glad that you think tat way about my writing I admit I still have a long way to go before I'm on the same level as many other writers around here.
Oh you have no idea, if you think I'm cruel to Hex you don't want to know what I intend to do to two of the heros in this fantsy story I've been kicking around in my head for years.
Thank you for the suggestion Mossflower but I think I'll wait untill I've finished this before I see about getting it edited.
567514 dont feel bad i know that my writing is probably worse than your's could ever be. just look at my ungodly piece of rubbish, literary abomination that i thought to call a fanfiction story. anyway you pretty much mach up with some of the greater authors such as echos of a dream and people like him size matters only a little its the content that counts. and your content is beautifull actually i'm thinking of reading it over again.
Thanks, I mean that.
Ah thank you, I'll fix those once I post the next chapter about mid to next week. I cuaght a rather persistent bug in the UK and i don't want to try my hand at writing or such with it I make enough mistakes without a head cold.
582880 quite understandable so untill your next chapter ... After your better i wait patiently on it.
anyway cheers.
I hope to have it written tomorrow, key word is hope.
597752 I hope so too. Also the italic and color problems with this chapter are still there.
Well my cold is finaly starting to fade. So I'll try and get those problems fixed and get a chapter up soon.
Quick note, This fic isn't dead, the current chapter has it on life support but I'm already about 900 or so words into it. Also special thanks in advance to Xaldon Ajide for the help with both a section on this chapter that's been a sticking point, and for helping me to hash out what i want my version of alchemy to entail.
675636 i noticed that you dont reply in the comments the two bubbles is how you reply
yes im being blunt but screw it its 4:05 am so idc
Ah thank you.
736226 so the story's a bit on the slow side for now i see anyway heres hoping to see the next chapter soon soo... ,yia how are things going on your end of things?
All things considdered not too bad, though mainly I keep procrastinating and getting distracted from writing. My apologies. If it's any consolation I'm toying with the idea of adding a side chapter that would give the lot of you a bit of a sneak peak at Hex before he officaly enters the story. Oh and if i don't have anything up by the 16th don't expent anything before the 23rd as I'm going to be attening a friend's wedding in vegas from the 17th to the 21. Just so you know how much of a drive that is for me I live about eight miles away from the Nebraska boarder and in this part of the nation summer is better known as "Road construction."
740307 welcome back bro soo... how was the trip, also how are things going now?
It was great, and I'mhoping to get some writing done toorrow.
818115 dude its not easy to respond to ya if ya don't click the reply button. anyway its great to see yer back is the story giving ya any trouble?
840000 A bit of a block yeah and thanks again for the help.
I'm too used the the older message board systems these reply buttons just seem weird to me.
840146 makes sense tho i'm new, so i'm used to these new messaging forms plus the button allows you to choose who you reply to. any way do ya want any further help or are ya good for now?
840212 I'm fine, I can get around it but well my tendancy to procrastinate kicked in again.
840228 yeesh that's one strong procrastination tendency! alright i guess i'll see yer update when it comes? soon i hope is that too much to ask?
840245 You have no idea, there's a reason i said that updates for this would be slow. Throw in the fact that most ideas tend to come when I'm trying to fall asleep anyway and you can see the problems I have and I [iI]WILL do ome writing today i can't promis I'll finish but I'll get past my little hiccup.
840255 woot but do take your time if ya need it and cheers bro on getting this far hope the procrastination phase ends soon. some how i cant really build up interest to play my video games... maybe that's cause i'm writ- reading yeah reading pony's
840266 Indeed, and as i said before I do intend to write a side chapter soon showing what Hex, Hunter, and Ceasar were like. Also I hope you are trying to write something. I haven't read your first fic but I'm sure whatever you're working on is intresting.
840281 yia the first fic i dunno it was probably a bust cause of the oc tag and i was including one of my main characters in the beginning however this second fic will include a alternate timeline from the day that the main six should have gained their cutiemarks. well lets just say bully's can screw up and misjudge others reactions sometimes and leave it at that. i should probably pause the planning and write the first chapter what do you think?
840302 If you think it will help, I'd say write a rought outline of what you intend for the chapter, bang up a rough draft and then come back a few days later reread it and make any changes you feel are needed. I mostly go with rough drafts myself because I'd get stuck in the revise and editing phaze if i didn't.
892880 Thank you and i know. at the moment I'm thinking of just getting it revised once it's finished so that way the whole thing can get ironed out in one go. As for the next chapter I'm hoping to have it up by Sunday Night.
So I take it 80% of the story is not supposed to be in italic?
is it ready? please let the next chapter be ready i've been waiting so long hopefully today is the day. aaanyway cheers bro
919295 It's in progress, the site going down so often today is making me nervous.
919306 if its making you nervous to do it here then do it in google docs and then upload it directly to here making the small corrections you need here and there. here's the process that i've worked out so far type it up in Microsoft word, upload it to gdocs for corrections, get proofreader to point out obvious mistakes missed in fires corrections then fix them and revise chapter have proof reader check again then if all turns out well and celestia is smiling upon me their wont be any horrible crap left over from the beginning and i'll have already fleshed out all the problems upload to fim fiction then make the minor edits needed for the story's flourishes and junk then publish. meh not too complex but still its faster than doing it straight on this site. hopefully this helps.
919336 I write in word but given how on the blink the site's been the last few days I'm holding off.
919431 ok understandable i'm still gonna be working on my fic i'm sorry you couldn't turn in the chapter on the day you said you would. oh well i guess i'll have to wait for it then o and the site is really flighty because its getting over run by anon users and over booked. so its a bit derp
anyway cheers
919517 Oh is that it? I thought they were trying to update it or something.
919595 they are probably trying that too meh we'll see.