Three, weeks it had taken three weeks but it had finally happened her power had regenerated enough to allow Nightmare Moon to make use of her new host’s senses. Before her power had strengthened enough to allow this she had to make do by waiting for the mare to fall asleep or be otherwise distracted from events so see could view her most recent memories. While she could not directly communicate with her host she decided to exorcize cautiion just to be sure she couldn’t be detected on the off chance they both wanted to view the same memory at the same time.
This isn’t to say that she was idle during that time span. Far from it in fact she had spent that time delving into and exploring the memories of her host learning all that she could about Twilight Sparkle the mare with the honor of being her newest vessel.
There was far more to this mare then Nightmare had first thought. When she had confronted twilight she was under the impression that Celestia had spent years prepping the young unicorn for the confrontation. However this turned out to be false. Twilight was no hardened battle mage raised to wield the Elements of Harmony so as to purify Luna and return balance to the kingdom. Instead she was merely an over egot scholar who had blundered upon the knowledge needed seemingly by accident.
Still This unicorn had a keen mind and incredible potential not just as a wielder of arcane power but with the proper training she could be an excellent advisor maybe even a vizier or chandler as well. While the possibility of turning her into a tactician is there that would take far more subtle manipulation. As enticing as plans for her future position by her Queen’s side were Nightmare had to remind herself that it would be months yet before she would even have the ability to interact with her host in the necessary ways to sway the young mage to her side. For now her best option is simply to observe her hosts’ day to day behavior to see what that would reveal about the mare. While she already knew how much of Twilight’s self worth is wrapped up in Celestia’s opinion that could be changed with carefully chosen words and subtle action when the time was right. So she decided to let Twilight herself show her what she needed.
“Come on Twilight that’s Twenty-five kinds of magic tricks and counting!” Spike declared his excitement and pride clearly visible with the energy he put into the statement.
Oh yes an impressive list of spells yet none of them see terribly useful to me. I think I’ll have to start nudging her to expanding her repitware as soon as possible. Nightmare mused to herself as the two left the library to find their friends and show them Twilight’s progress. Shortly after the two left they were greeted by two rather young looking colts that began to babble excitedly about some stage magician who had set up in the town square. The duo decided to see what all the fuss was about and headed to the square as well soon falling into place near the rest of their friends. Oh wonderful watching some overhyped performer alongside the beings who caused my downfall I cannot contain my boundless joy. She deadpanned as the stagechoach began to expand into a small portable stage.
As the performance of “the Great and Powerful Trixie” wore on Nightmare soon changed her attitude as Twilight’s conversation with her friends revealed so rather pertinent information to her. Oh-ho how lovely herself imposed solitary life has made her so very insecure about how her new found friends see her. I can make use of this oh yes I can. Nightmare chuckled to herself hearing the fear creep into her host’s voice as she discussed the performer and her arrogance with her friends.
Moments after this Trixie brought up her supposed besting of an Ursa Major to the crowd further enthralling them with her commanding stage presence. Oh do shut up you useless mortal had you any real talent for the art that is magic you wouldn’t be so reliant upon smoke and mirrors. Though I must admit I do find it odd to be agreeing with the bearers of the Elements of Harmony about anything, she groused to herself as she continued to observe through Twilight’s eyes. What happened next however came as a delightful treat to the mare of darkness. Three of the bearers took turns challenging the ability of Trixie and each of them was humiliated by the show mare.
While this was a most cathartic experence for Nightmare it was also somewhat insulting to know that she had been bested by those ponies herself and here were they were being shown up by a lowly street performer! The true blow to her selfworth however came from her host refusing to challenge the mare. Fool! Have you no pride, no dignity! Get back there and FACE HER! Nightmare raged her cries echoing unheard through the mind of her host. As Twilight retreated back to her home,
Upon returning to the library Twilight had grabbed a book off the shelf and immediately headed up to her room with it. Oh yes, take confort from a book why don’t you THAT’S healthy! Nightmare snapped as Twilight opened the book and began to study its contents. Studying about ursa’s are we? Well it’s a start I guess maybe she’ll try and tame one to show up that worthless filly who dares to adorn her cloak and cap with my beloved stars and moon! Once I am free I’ll have to find this mare and put her in her place for attempting to co-opt my creations. Nightmare mumbled to herself as she watched her host read up on the cosmic creature.
It was hours later not long after nightfall when Spike burst into the library clamoring for Twilight’s attention. He’s a persistent little whelp I’ll give him that much you’d think have the door literally slammed in his face would clue him in on her final decision. Nightmare mused to herself as the two talked then a loud roar echoed across town and with a quick confirmation from Spike twilight was off to investigate the matter. Moments later they arrived in the town square to see the situation first hoof.
I had thought that a town so close to the Everfree would have been better prepared for a situation like this. Though foresight never seems to come easy to mortals much less the coddled foals that Celestia has been overlooking for so long, Nightmare noted as she watched the ponies panic at the sight of the giant bear. Much to her own amusement the show mare attempted to prove her tall tail true and was soon uncovered for the fraud that she was. Still points for trying at least, that thundercloud looked big enough to kill had it been used on a pony. she chuckled to herself then to her amazement her host moved forward to attempted besting the creature herself. Fool what are you doing! You’ll kill us all! She raged once more her shouts going unheeded.
What transpired next shocked Nightmare Moon to her core. Through careful and cleaver use of the spells she had practiced earlier that day, along with rather interesting new spell Twilight was able to pacify the Ursa Minor and send it back to its home deep in the Everfree Forest. Credit where credit is do my host I will admit you have impressed me this night. While you lacked the spells needed to slay the beast you showed the ability to do so while also avoiding a far more deadly situation in the process. Lulling the cub to sleep and returning it home was truly the wise move. Still those two foals nearly got the town destroyed when I’m free I think I’ll give them a good scare along with the show mare. Nightmare applauded twilight as the unicorn and her friends talked among themselves after the crises had passed.
This story needs proof reading badly. There are a number of misspellings that detract from the flow of the narrative.
You've got the kernel of a great fic here, it just needs some polish.
It will be interesting to see how things go, though some editing would be a good idea. Also, while this time it is okay, be careful recapping episodes as telling readers too much about what they have already seen is boring.
Because I feel this could be good, but it needs a WHOLE bunch of editing that I'm too lazy to point out, I'll track. Just fix those mustakes, and this will be doubly awesome.
I thank you all for your honest comments on this i really do. To be honest i really only wrote and posted this because the idea planted itself in my brain and just wouldn't leave me alone untill i did something with it. I might continue it I might not either way it felt good to experiment with this idea abit.
First error to fix in the chapter is in the title, the second is the comma following the first word.
Also you may want to write a discription (and maybe get a cover image) so that people can tell what the story is about when looking through the new/updated story list.
Poor NMM, I wonder how Twilight will end up using her? I love being me.
Like i said i really only wrote this so the idea would leave me alone I'l probly delete it before too long. To further show just how hastly written this is it seems I botched a bit of the narration. Twilight has no idea of Nightmare's presence at the moment those were some thoughts of Nightmare's thoughts. Though the idea of Twilight somehow knowing about Nightmare Moon being there the whole time and playing mental chess with her might actualy make this haf baked idea some what worthwile.
I'm only two Chapters in, and I already love it. Janus, my budding author friend. You have a good imagination, I enjoy your use of Nightmare Moon in this story. It has some elements from another story I read called Kyuubidash here on Fimfiction. Link
I like the way you're portraying Nightmare, a sly and careful planner. A villain who seeks to turn her greatest enemies prized pupil into her own loyal subject. I don't think there are enough stories that portray Nightmare this way, too many have her return powered up an able to resist the elements first attempt. I kinda got around that by having her steal them in my own story.
Anyway I really enjoy the Story Janus, and I look forward to seeing where you go with it.
Tonto, Thanks for the nod of approvel and support I might have a third chapter up near the end of next week but I don't know other then a rather presistent snippit of a scene far later down the line I don't have much in the relm of ideas for this at the moment.
As for the story you linked too, I'll admit to having read from the prolog to chapter four months ago but for whatever reason the story just couldn't hold my intrest I don't know why it just couldn't. I think it was Naruto taking the easy way out really I just can't see mr. I'll-take-on-an-army-by-myself-to-save-my-friends ever taking the easy way like that.
214955 I'm not a huge Naruto fan, I know enough but not loads and loads. Plus I could never take them seriously as Ninja's. What Ninja runs around in a bright orange Jumpsuit?
Also I know that dreadful feeling of having a lack of ideas. Fear not my hyper-awake state will now allow me to present you with a veritable, plethora of wonderful ideas.
1. I think you could make a longer chapter by using a combination of three episodes. Namely Dragonshy, Bridle Gossip and Swarm of the Century. You can space these out fairly evenly and have Nightmare comment on the events, like she did in this chapter. You could also do two or three chapters using these episodes. You can have Nightmare Moon take an interest in Zecora and her potions, perhaps including it in the things she'll want Twilight to study.
2. By the time you get to Swarm of the century, Nightmare might be able to add the first little doubt regarding Celestia, seeing as she reacted so casually to the Parasprites, which Nightmare Moon, probably knows. Have been a problem for years, since her own era. Or they're perhaps something she is inexperienced with too. And adds them on the list of things she'll exterminate when she rises once more.
3. When you get to Fall weather friends, and I assume Nightmare might have some ability to plant doubts and worries in Twilight, Nightmare could use it to drive the wedge between Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Nightmare might even have to act more subdued or hide herself whilst in Celestia's presence. Nightmare could even cause Twilight to ruin Winter Wrap up, like she did at times and come to realize how vital it is, that she get this organised Mare working for her, when she watches Twilight organize the whole town.
Just a few ideas I'm throwing your way Janus ;)
Tonto, Meh given that Ninjas were ment to blend in by looking like everyday pesents they all fail in that reguard save for tenten as she just seems to blend into the background so much even the plot ignores her 85% of the time.
Thank you for those suggestions they might just give me the burst of inspreation I need. heck I might end up stealing or teaking a few of the ones one have here.
215457 Don't worry about stealing. It's not stealing if I'm giving you the ideas a.deviantart.net/avatars/f/e/fearmeplz.gif?1
I can't wait to see where you take this story
True but theft is just such a fun word to say. Also if an emoticon were to ever show up as a random encounter in an FF game that would be it.
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Kept meaning to leave a review but then forgot but does this mean that you're planing on turning this into actual story?
But anyway besides needing a bit of editing and the a summary, this has been a good read. Nightmare Moon's reaction to Trixie was amusing and I liked how her thoughts on Twilight seemed to keep changing. She might not be the battle mage that NM first thought she was but as the Ursa minor showed, her ability to improvise on the fly and knowledge of spells that you usually wouldn't consider worth defending against, potentially makes her even more dangerous.
...and I sorta have to wonder if Nightmare Moon is going to end up upgrading Twilight's status to official consort.
Also I'm rather curious on how Nightmare Moon's going to react to Discord, especially if she's already started to try and leverage Twilight away from the other mane six. Or reaction to 'Lesson Zero' if Twilight still regards Celestia so deeply and has her freak out.
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Or maybe she made Twilight freak out even more that she normally would in Lesson Zero (when talking to herself). Personally I would place that episode as the point where Twilight begins to suspect something is influencing her. And for some reason Luna Eclipsed seems like a good time for her to realize whom is trying to interfer with her, beginning a mental chess game to out wit Nightmare that is (part of) the reason Twilight has been less involved so far this season.
Dane, I'll probly update some cahpters now and then but mostly this is just an expariment for me. Like I mentioned before the idea popped into place one day a while ago and just wouldn't bugger off untill I got to typing.
I thought I had put up a short summery for this when i published it but i guess i didn't. So I'll fix that next time I update whenever that is.
After a while if his workload decreases some I'll ask dr. Jekyll about being my editing this thing into a readible state. I tend to get flashes of inspreation now and then and that's when I get to work on something mostly it's been a rather okay side story to Peppy's "After that Fateful Night" then the idea for this cropped up and i ran my frist few chapters through word and posted it. I might have something up later this week but no promises maybe if I do written rough draft then write something up in word a few days later I'll be a bit more coharent with all of this.
Yeah Twilight's quite creative with her spell use at times and she's got some power to throw around too. As for me thanks in part to my prowling TV tropes over the past few year's I've gained a real fondness for creative tactics in fiction granted I've never been smart enough to break a game outright but I tend to have a few intresting ideas now and then.
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You have a fondness for creative use of magic and are not tracking The Moonstone Cup? How is that possible?
To be honest the summery didn't catch my attention. Also i just mean tactics in genirel That's why Final Fantasy VI and Final Fantsy Tactics are some of my favoret games. Speaking of the later Weigraf can go buck himself I hate that final fight with him. Hell Legend of Legaia is way underated if you ask me the combat system of that game is really fun fighting game like physical attacks and a somewhat pokemon like magic system with spells/summons that level up over time I'm still baffled as to why it didn't take off back in the day.
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I'm LOVING NMM's commentary on the actions going on. I wonder how she'll respond to the Gala and Luna Eclipse?