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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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DUDE THIS IS AN AAAAAAWWWWWWWSSSSOOOOOMMMMEEEEEEE CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I support gays and lesbians because it's not up to anyone except that person who wants to by gay.
Yeah this story seems to be using some sort of deranged living typewriter, with how it tries to create terrible mixtures of speed and detail that tend to confuse me in the worst of ways... :3
I just realized that I'm not very good at explaining things (tumut)
So the "gist" of what i'm saying is this: the story seems rushed in a way, and if i'm gonna go that far.... I don't think this could be considered a story at all!
My advice? Firstly - Slow down, there is no rush! Secondly - you need a "hook" (something to grab the reader's attention) Lastly - add some character building to the mix
Just adding things like this: "and their brother who everyone had kept secret for five hundred years suddenly shows up!" make it harder to keep track of the entire plotline
Only trying to help (>0^0)>