Anonymous and His Brain

by TheNextGamer

Anonymous and His Brain

Anonymous and His Brain
Plucked out of TheNextGamer's weird dreams
"I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?!" -TheNextGamer

You are Anonymous, and you are the only human in Equestria. You have absolutely no idea why or how you got here.

Though you always did wondered how the hell you even got here anyway. Did you just teleport here? Are you in some kind of coma? Did you just die, and then appeared here? Are you even dead, and this is some kind of afterlife? If so, then how did you die? You hope it wasn't embarrassing or something, like while taking a dump, you were flushed and sucked into a toilet. Man, won't that be a awkward way to explain to someone. Would that even work actual-

'Hey dip-shit. Stop talking about death by toilets, and get back on topic.'

Right. Ahem, so here you are, somehow, in a land called Equestria, where the inhabitants were all talking technicolor ponies, with horns and wings and also magic exist, and everything is all colorful and sunshines and rainbows.

When you first got here, you appeared in the Canterlot Castle, right in-front of the monarch herself, Princess Celestia, while she was on her tea-break. Lets just say that you reacted... badly... when you first saw her.

'Badly is an understatement. You were running around, screaming like a banshee, crying your eyes out, all while throwing everything you could grab hold of at her.'

A reaction that was completely understandable! What would you do if you woke up in an unfamiliar setting and the first thing you saw was a giant white horned creature with wings? Besides, I didn't see you trying to at least calm me down during it!

'I did. You were too preoccupied crying and throwing random shit at the moment to notice.'

After you were able to calm down-

'Meaning you were knocked unconscious, tied down to a bed, and then cried to yourself until I could finally convince look at a pony without screaming.

... You later found out that you were in another world, with no idea how to get back to your own world. Celestia, seeing your dismay when she couldn't find a way or spell to help you get back, has welcomed you to Equestria with open arms, despite your horrible first-impressions. You have been living in Equestria for the past 6 months, and although you miss home, you honestly enjoyed living here. It was a welcomed change from your dull life, and many more cheerful.

For the 6 months you lived here, you had become close friends with six particular ponies. Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and the most closest friend of them all, Twilight Sparkle. She has provided you shelter, by allowing you to live with her in her library, and gave you the care and hospitality equivalent of a mother. You would both spend the majority of time with each other, whether to exchange knowledge and information of the other's world, or to just pass the time reading books together.

Life here was definitely more peaceful and nicer compared to your other life on Earth. You wouldn't trade it for anything, since nothing can be better than Twilight and her friends.

'Speaking of her. You're about to walk straight into her front door.'

"Wait. What?"

Bam!

Indeed, while you were reminiscing about how your life was for the past 6 months, you had collided face-first into the library door.

"GAH! FUCK!" You yell as you grab the side of your head that hit the door.

'Heheh. It was like life just bitch-slapped you back into reality.'

You couldn't have warned me before I was about to do that?

'I could. But then it wouldn't be funny.'

Dick-move Brain, dick-move.

That little guy that you're talking to is your conscious, or what you call him as 'Brain.'

You've known him for as long as you can remember, always that little voice in your head that you would talk to everyday, making these experiences even more interesting and meroriable. Giving you advice of the right and wrong, telling you to do something either idiotically stupid or completely genius, or to sometimes pester you. He was kinda like the little angel on your shoulder... or devil, depending on the moment. You wondered where you would be, without him.

'Dead or jail. You wouldn't even be worth shit without me.'

Hmm... I seem to be in the mood for some brain-cell killing alcohol later.

'Shutting-up now...'

After the moment has passed, you remembered what you were doing right now. You just returned from your job at Sweet Apple Acres, and since with your help that the Apple family was able to finish their work quick, you were dismissed early this afternoon. Then you went home, hoping to surprise Twilight about it, and maybe getting to spend some more time with her, like usual.

'Christ man, when are you just going to finally ask her out? You've been going gaga about her ever since you met her.'

W-what?! I haven't been going gaga about her! We're just really good friends, and I like having her company around, as does she. If I actually did have romantic feelings about her, WHICH I DON'T, then I would have asked her out a long time ago!

'Riiiight, I totally believe you. It's not like I'm inside your head and I know your deepest thoughts and secrets or anything. HACK! COUGH! Pussy COUGH! AHEM!'

Ignoring your stubborn mental companion, you walk inside the library that you like to call home, and look around for either Twilight, or her small assistant dragon, Spike.

Looking around the main room, you see that it was empty. "Hey Twilight? I'm home! Applejack gave me the rest of the day off, so I have some free time for tonight!" You announced.

It was silent for a moment. Maybe she's out on an errand or something. You thought when no reply was made. You start walking towards your room until you hear some noises from the basement. She must be in the lab room again, doing some experiments.

'Hm. Going down the dark basement of a mad unicorn scientist, with magical abilities. I see nothing wrong with this.'

Slowly opening the door, you silently made your way down the stairs. You look towards the room and see Twilight deeply concentrating on a book, with piles of wooden twigs and branches surrounding her.

"Hey Twilight, I'm home." You say, but she does not acknowledge your presence.

"Twilight?" You try again closer, but she still doesn't seem to respond.

Walking right behind her, you crouch down on your knees and look over her shoulder to see the book she's reading.

"Watcha doing?" That finally got her attention, although for a painful price. Startled, she gave a shriek as she pulled up her hind legs and bucked you hard in your intimate parts.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-" You held yourself as you slowly dropped yourself onto the floor.

"Anon?! Oh sweet Celestia, I'm so so so sorry! I didn't see you, you startled me! Oh dear, I didn't hit you too hard did I? I'm so sorry!" Twilight says in her adorable apologetic voice. You would laugh at how cute she sounded if it weren't for the fact that your balls have been possibly shattered.

"Anon, are you all right? Do you need help? Can you still hear me?" She continues on.

Finally, you were able to wheeze out, "I'm... fine. Nothing too serious... I can barely feel the pain." You lied, holding back a tear.

'Hey, you survive a horse-kick to the groin. I guess that means that you have... Balls of Steel!'

'YOOOOOOOOOOWWW!!'

Seriously Jimmies? Not you too.

'Actually, I think that was a legitimate scream of pain.'

Oh.

Slowly, the pain faded, and you regained the strength to sit properly again.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to kick you like that... It's my fault you were hurt..." Twilight said ashamed, with her head and ears down. She looked almost like a kid after they just admitted of stealing from their mom.

Seeing her sad like this just breaks your heart.

'OH DEAR GOD! THE FEELS! OH, MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOP!

"Hey! No worries! I'm fine!" You say quickly, you stand-up and energetically run in place to prove so. "See? Like it never happened!" You say as you ignore the badly painful sores. "Besides, it isn't your fault anyway. I sneaked up behind you, and I scared you. I pretty much had it coming. Don't feel too bad about it, ok?" You smiled at her.

Although still unsure of herself, she fortunately returns the smile. You internally give a sigh of relief. You would hate to see her sad or upset about something silly like this.

"So, how come you're home early? Aren't you suppose to be working right now?" She asks.

"Applejack gave me the rest of the day off since all the work was done surprisingly quick. So, since I had some free time, I thought I could come by to surprise you."

"Oh, that's great!" She exclaims excitingly, but then frowns when she realize, "But... eh, I seem to be busy at the moment. There's this spell that I'm trying to practice so that I can perform experiments with. So I don't think I have any time to do our daily get-together early." She points out, disappointed.

You think for a moment to find any other reasons to try to spend time with Twilight, when a metaphorical light bulb flashes on in your head. "Well, what's this spell you're doing? Maybe I can help?"

"Well, I'm trying to use this spell that can go into the deepest minds of living beings, so that we could study the brains of any creature without the use of surgery. Not only will it be more quick and easy to perform, but it can also be easier to learn and find more discoveries of brain anatomy."

Ok, seems legit. "Why do you have all these twigs and stuff though? I didn't think wood would form any neurons or something of the matter."

"Well, they WERE timber-wolves a moment ago. But I messed up with the spell and accidentally turned all of them into what they are now. I don't think I have the time or materials to get another one for a test-subject though."

'Jesus, how many did you kill woman?!

"Well, how about you try the spell on me?" You ask.

"What?"

'WHAT?!'

"Yeah, I mean, I have a brain. You could try to use me for a test subject."

'Dude... You are suggesting to be tested on, by a magical unicorn, with a spell that could easily fry the brain. NOT ONLY THAT, but her many other last subjects were converted into mere STICKS AND TWIGS. If we don't die by brain explosions, then SHE COULD TURN US INTO A FUCKING HUMAN JERKY. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN SUGGESTING THIS?!'

"Are you sure? I-I haven't even mastered the spell yet, so you might get hurt if I mess up again! Or worse! I don't want anything bad happening to you! No, I don't want you to get hurt!" Twilight says fearfully.

"Twilight, calm down." You put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She seems to have visibly relaxed at your touch. "I volunteered to help you out like this because I know that nothing bad will happen to me. Magic is your special talent! And even if it wasn't, I would still trust you with something like this. I know for a fact that nothing bad will happen to me."

'Famous last words.'

"You... you trust me?" She asks with a bashful smile.

"Of course I do! You're my closest friend. I would trust you with my life."

She blushes at your honesty. Seeing this made you blush as well, resulting in an awkward silence.

'Anonymous and Twilight, sitting in a tree~'

SHUT UP BRAIN!

A second later, Twilight gives a deep breath. "Alright. If you say that I can do it, then I know I can do it too."

"Right! Onto business! Tell me what's the first thing I need to do."

"Well, first, we need to strap you, and tie you up on a chair."

'Kinky.'

Shut up Brain!
-------------Soon after-----------------

'Anon. I swear to god, if we get turned into a melon or something, I will kill you.'

You squirm around a bit, testing to see if all the metal straps could hold your strength. Then you await for her signal.

"Are you really sure about this Anon? We don't have to continue if you feel uncomfortable or scared." Twilight warns again.

"Like I said, I'll be fine. I trust you on this. If you concentrate and do your best, nothing can go wrong."

'Dude. You've killed us all with that sentence.'

"Alright then. Get ready!"

A purple light illuminates from her horn, growing brighter by the second, as she charges up her spell.

'Dear lord above, I ask thee for forgiveness for all the times my human counterpart has sinned. For he has stolen cookies as a child, for he has borrowed and never returned pencils, for he has look at naughty things on the internet-'

Is this really fucking necessary?

'I'm repenting at the last moment of our lives so that we both avoid going to hell. You'll thank me later.'

A beam of purple light hits you straight in the head, causing your vision to be blinded. You feel the magic crawl through the rest of your body, levitating you into the air, while still attached to the chair. You hope Twilight knows what she is doing, this is a very freaky experience you are going through right now. You felt a small headache growing.

'Oh god. Ohgodohgodohgodohmyfuckinggod-'

Calm down. This is probably all part of the spell. I'm sure there's nothing wrong.

"Anonymous! I think something went wrong! This part of the spell wasn't suppose to even happen!" You hear Twilight yell.

... Shit.

'I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT!

You try to move, but the constraints of the chair denies your attempts. Slowly but noticeable, you can feel the headache growing bigger.

Hm... I feel like this was a bad idea.

'No shit, Sherlock... WELP, this is how we die. Getting mind raped by a cute magical unicorn from another world. Honestly? I always thought you would of killed us by eating tons of Mexican food..... Yeah, we definitely had a higher chance of death by explosive diarrhea. Hell, we had a higher chance of dying by running with scissors!'

Will you shut up? I don't want to spend my last moments alive, listening to my own brain having a rant about how I could die from something-

You couldn't finish your thoughts however, when your headache spontaneously grew even bigger, causing so much pain that you had to scream in agony.

It was almost like your head was being ripped apart into two. If you didn't have such a painful headache, you would have noticed another voice screaming alongside you.

What was just moments, felt like years, as the pain continued while growing more and more, until a blast of force knocks you back. You crash to a wall, making some decent holes and cracks, with your chair breaking on impact. Slowly, you slid down the wall and fell down to the floor with a grunt.

You didn't do anything for a moment after that. You just laid there, not moving, not even thinking. Everything in you was just very, very sore.

You awoke from your mind-rape when you heard Twilight calling out your name.

"Anonymous? Anonymous, are you ok? Where are you, I can't see you through the smoke!"

"Hey Anon, get the fuck up. We're still alive." Said Brain.

"Wait..." You grunted as you push yourself up from the floor. "I'm still alive? Holy hell, I'm alive!"

"Don't stay happy too long. Once I get better, I'm going to kill you myself."

Nice to know that you survived as well, Brain. Are you ok?

'...'

Brain? You there?

"Oh, Jesus Christ. I can't feel my everything. So fucking sore..."

That sounded like it came from across the room... why are you hearing Brain from across the room?

You can't see anything due to the smoke from the whole fiasco. But the smoke is clearing up now, as you see Twilight with her horn glowing. When the smoke cleared enough, she smiles when she sees you. She seemed relieved, as you are as well, knowing that she wasn't hurt from this.

"Oh thank goodness that you're still breathing. I'm so glad to see that you're all right Anonymous... and Anonymous?" She said the last part in confusion as she was staring at across from you.

Curiously, you followed her gaze, only to be staring at... yourself... completely naked.
-------------Next Chapter: Brain's POV---------------

Comments

[GeodesicDragon]

OH DEAR GOD! THE FEELS! OH, MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOP!

Well said, Brain!

Also, this is rather amusing. I'm totally favouriting this.

[TheNextGamer]

2591061
OH MY GOD, YOU- GEO- OH GOD. I-I-I-I-I

*Fangasms, and then faints.*

Means alot that you like my story. Keep up your good writing works, and shit.

[Wuten]

Ehhh... there were a few times where I saw a phrase jimmies, "FFFFFFF-", etc. and thought "Really? He's doing this?", but it didn't detract too much from the story itself.

Will be keeping an eye on this one. Looking forward to seeing what you can come up with. 2nd-person Anonymous in Equestria stories can be a bit interesting, I would know.

[GeodesicDragon]

2591071

I had no idea people thought that highly of me.

And listen to 2591121, he knows what he's talking about.

[TheNextGamer]

2591121
I suck at making up good materials. I have absolutely no fucking clue what I am doing, so it isn't surprising for me.

[Armadaes]

are you going to make a love triangle or sumin sounds good

[TheNextGamer]

2592946
Anonymous is in love with Twilight. Brain however, just wants to feel like a human instead of a conscious, so no love triangle here.

[lines n stuff]

I'm liking this so far.

followin'

[Mous]

Hilarious. I'm hoping you'll continue this.

[Desert Tortoise 22]

the little voice in your head telling you right from wrong is called the "conscience" not "conscious". Conscious just means "aware" and/or "alert" But other than that, this is a pretty good read.

The only thing I can think of now is a theme song :

"They're Anon and The Brain,
Yes, Anon and The Brain
One is sapient,
The other's insane...

(I could come up with the whole song, but I got nothin' )

... They're Anon
They're Anon and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!
"NARC!"