A Long Night
Things have been steadily going downhill for me. Sure, the number of daily social faux pas had gone down; but the ache in my chest only got worse. I hate these ponies, and what they’ve done to me. Ripped out of my own little corner of space and time by a purple know-it-all, I was “graciously,” as I was told many times, given a place to stay. Yeah, because I’m intruding upon your life of my own volition. I don’t think about my life back home anymore; it hurt just too goddamn much. I don’t know what happened to me back on Earth. Did my body just disappear? Did I die? I don’t know, and I don’t think I’ll ever know. Apparently, summoning me here was kinda like shoving your hand into a box of toys, and pulling one out. Sure, it was easy enough to grab it, but it’s impossible to tell exactly where it was, how it was oriented, and even how long it had been there. Im stuck.
Ive been here about 6 months now. I “live,” if it can ever be called that, in Twilight Sparkle’s basement. My cot was too short for length, my blanket too thin for the damp basement, and my “bathroom” is a rusting emergency chemical shower with a small toilet next to it. Why that toilet is there is beyond me. Most of my time is spent down there. I enjoy it more than socializing with the condescending ponies above. Besides, it reminds me of my room back home. Maybe not the earthen floor, but the cavelike aspects of it. My nights, however, are not usually spent in my “apartment.” The purple bitch upstairs locks the door at night ever since I sucker-punched the rainblow bitch for taunting my whole situation, but she seems to have forgotten about a little window in one of the corners. I look up at the stars at night. Its partially comforting, and partially terrifying. None of the stars are the same. I’m not even allowed the comfort of finding Orion during the winter months. At the same time, the nights were wonderful; the lack of light pollution was a nice thing. Not only that, but I discovered the forest of the Everfree and, within it, Zecora. Thus far, she has treated me the most… human… Even better, I found that she ritually smoke Cannabis Satvia, and readily allows me to take ounces at a time for free. My now rampant drug abuse, which is hard to conceal when you can only smoke in a confined basement, keeps me going nowadays… barely.
I tried to kill myself a couple months back. The loneliness is crushing here. Im looked down upon by these ponies. Its infuriating, them treating me like a smarter than average bear… Fuck I miss television. Not that I spent much time mindlessly watching back at home, but it was yet another comfort ripped away from me… Pinkie Pie found me. I was hanging from the ceiling by a noose made out of electrical wires ripped from some of the 1890’s level equipment down here. I got more of an earful about that than the actual act of hanging myself.
“Suicide is morally wrong,” she said. “It is selfish, and a horrible thing to do. Next time, think about all of the ponies who would miss you if you actually went through with it.” And with that, she left me to my own thoughts… I still wonder if she did that on purpose. Either way, Pinkie is always watching me. Maybe not visually, but with that infuriating “Pinkie Sense.” That’s how she found me the first time. She “feels” like something bad is going to happen… I hate it. They won’t even let me die. I’m like a fucking plaything. I still haven’t met these notorious Princesses, something about restoring a lost portion of their empire, I wasn’t paying attention. You would think that 6 months after First-fucking-Contact, they would allow me to bask in their glorious fucking presence, but no. Im not sure that I want to meet them, based on the behavior of Celestia’s “Faithful Student.”
All I can do now is hope for a fucking miracle.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Its been another starry night. I exhale, the column of smoke rises into the atmosphere, blocking my sight for a couple seconds before it dissipates. I don’t hold it in until it ghosts out like I used to. I have too much to care about that now-a-days. I feel the feeling rush from my lungs to my head, drifting upwards like the smoke I just let out. I heave a sigh of relief, my worries wash away as a dopey smile crosses my features before the euphoria of a large hit passes. While I descend down to a normal level of high, I prepare another hit. This time, I hold it in until no smoke escapes. Good for my lungs? No. Good for my sanity? Absolutely.
“Its been another long night,” I speak to the heavens. Ive taken to talking to the moon, it helps after a long day, and subsequently long night. The moon doesn’t judge. In fact, she is a beautiful, silent listener. Just what I need.
“Thanks for keeping me company.” Maybe it was the pot swirling my brain, but I thought I felt the moon show me a little compassion. “Youre really the only thing that’s stayed even one iota the same around here. Everything else is so… different. Cultures and customs, food, fucking MAGIC.” I almost screamed the word. Im not a bible thumper by any extreme. In fact, my agnosticism became atheism when I arrived here. The existence of magic doesn’t frighten me, nor do I think it to be the work of the devil. No, I hate the damn stuff because of what its done to me. Its taken so much from me, and it leaves me so very… powerless. Magic is how these ponies are sapient, and thus everything without it is a “dumb animal.” Which I is one of them. Infuriating is a word I use a lot recently. It’s the most apt word choice though. A lot of the time I want to cut loose and strangle one of them. Show just how fucking animalistic I really am. But then they win, so I don’t. I come back to my basement and smoke until the lack of light is deafening, and then I smoke a little more.
Today was one of those days. The rainblow bitch kept baby-talking me, asking “do you miss your mommy little guy?” FUCK, I want to beat her brains out. Preferably after raping her throat raw.; thatll teach you for being such a bitch… Wow, that was dark. Time for another hit. I watch the smoke dance upwards again, framed by the small window I leaned out. My apathy sets in, and I just stare upwards again, barely shifting in my jerry-rigged seat up on the shelf. The sound of hoofsteps and movement breaks my reverie. Standing to my immediate right is a dark blue unicorn. I stare at her, and she stares back. The look of disgust that usually crosses most unicorns’ faces when they see me is absent, a look of curiosity in its place.
“You gonna run away yet?” I ask, taking another short rip. “Or are you gonna go tell on me?” The smoke escapes my mouth with my words, forming a temporary screen of mist between us.
“No,” she said, “Ive just come to converse.” Her transatlantic accent isn’t as posh as the white one’s. In fact, its nowhere near as obtrusive as Rarity’s; more of a light dusting as opposed to Rarity’s coat of paint.
“Well, youre shit out of luck, Im not much of a conversationalist.” Another cloud. “But if youre willing to shut up, you can stay.” The nod of her head is enough for me, and we both sit in silence, gazing upwards. The occasional puff of smoke the only real movement.
“It’s a beautiful night.” The soft statement by her was like a gunshot through the silence. It wasn’t unpleasant though, oddly enough.
“It is. It reminds me of home sometimes, if I don’t look hard that is.”
“Hows that?”
“The stars look the same, but theyre all in the wrong places.” I say without moving. “I don’t recognize any constellations.”
“You had constellations in your world?” I paused before answering, not many ponies knew I was from elsewhere. Most assumed I was some sort of Everfree creature. Please, nothing in that forest is as scary as a human could be.
“Yeah, many. Earlier in history, people used them to predict the future, used them in medicine, just about anything and everything. I used to look up in the winter and find one called Orion. Im not sure what the significance behind him is…. was… but he was easy to spot.” I traced the hourglass figure into the ground; two points for the shoulders, another two for the hips, and then six across the middle for his belt and sword. “Im not exactly sure if this is what he looked like. I didn’t exactly examine him every time I looked up, but its close enough.”
Neither of us said anything else. Eventually, the sun began its ascent into the sky, and I heard Twilight’s steps from her bed to her bathroom. The hot water pipe above me started to vibrate, signaling the beginning of her day.
“You should get going,” I say, “You wouldn’t want to be caught speaking to the freak locked in Twilight’s basement.” I paused, looking for the words. “I don’t know who you are, or why you up and decided to stay the night with me... but thank you.” She gave a small smile, responding with a nod. As she trotted away, she called over her shoulder,
“You shall be seeing us again soon.” I didn’t ponder what she said, I was already closing the window.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Night comes surprisingly fast when you sleep through the day. Twilight was already in bed, she probably had a bunch of fun out with her friends… bitch… I watch the sun go down, casting reds, oranges, yellows, and purples across the sky. It would be beautiful if I wasn’t in such a bad mood again. I took a long puff as the last rays left the sky. The sky darkened, and that’s when I saw it. Directly out from the window, there he was. Orion hung in the sky, a rock of familiarity.
“Huh…. Maybe these princesses do answer prayers,”
Stats
Page generated in 0.034 seconds
Total duration
738 users online
729,677 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
... that was it? Waaaaay too short for such a vague description. I was expecting a grandiose tale of Twilight Sparkle protecting the human, not poetry.
Short? Yes. Good? Yes.
Something like this doesn't need to be long. It is a sad tale, yes, but after reading it I can't help but smile.
It figures Luna would be more sympathetic to his plight than the other ponies.
Also, great job describing the ponies' attitude towards the anonymous human. You really know how to inspire anger in the reader.
2489365
Ive been thinking about making it more than a one-shot. I literally crapped this out in 15 minutes before I posted it. I feel more attached to this one than any of the other fics I have written, so I actually probably will continue it. Im just trying to figure out a direction in which to go. Any suggestions?
2489840
Thank you. I tried to make Twilight as self-righteous as possible, and Rainbow as tactless as possible; it fits with their characters to me.
Im thinking about continuing it into an actual story, but Im having a little trouble finding a way to go with it. Do you think I should? Or is this one-shot enough?
Awww man so he just says locked in there? Doesn't get out?
2490578 A follow-up would be nice, but this can stand alone. If you decide to try a full-length story, just say that it's based on the oneshot.
As for direction...please don't have the human and Luna fall helplessly in love in fifteen minutes. I personally suggest you make it a one-sided infatuation. In an increasingly hostile, alienating world, the human latches onto the only truly kind soul he finds and mistakes his attachment for love.
When he tells her about it, or 'confesses' and she turns him down, believing him to be joking, perhaps have him broken and lost in the Everfree after blindly running into it?
I just wanna see Zecora get a chance. She never gets any love.
How about a follow up where he meets Celestia, she finds out what the Mane 6 have done and how they have treated them and she tears them a new one.
Probably not your style but it would be satisfying.
2493182
STOP READING MY MIIIIINNNNDD
Hey nice to see more HiE enthusiasts on the site. You and I even have similar theories about pony anatomy, awesome!
I have to commend you on your idea of the protagonist descending into rampant drug use to deal with the pain of the whole situation, its something I haven't seen very much and it goes a long way to actually making the character human. Having flaws isn't something that should be avoided and your character has some big ones. All it does is make him that much more endearing.
This was great and I have to say I would support a continuation.
This is a good one-shot. If you were to continue this I would read it. There is some potential here. However there are a few things I would recommend if you do continue:
One is that numbers under one hundred are spelled out as opposed to using the Arabic Numeral (six instead of 6).
Two is to find a pre-reader/editor to help you on your way, there are many sources/people on this site that would be more than willing to help make your story better.
Third, you stated that you wrote this in a hurry and I assume posted it quickly, I would review/revise this first chapter and take it from good to great. Take your time with each chapter you write and give it your best. People don't mind waiting for the chapter to come out, if waiting means that it is a better read than if you posted it right away.
Fourth, have an overall plan/outline for the story, where are you going, what do you want to accomplish, etc.. The plan doesn't have to be rigid, it can be flexible so you can make changes later on.
Finally, be careful with angst, too much and it becomes unreadable. I understand that losing your entire family and friends could be too much too handle and using drugs to cope doesn't help. That could be the obvious plot point, somebody (or somepony: Luna or Zecora perhaps?) helps the protagonist cope with this enormous loss and eventually flourish (it's the human condition to face adversity and thrive), through ta-da! the magic of friendship (see what I did there?) and it doesn't even have to be romance, but that would be your call.
TL;DR: There is a lot work to do if you want to write a great story.
Didn't mean to ramble on, hope that helps you if you do continue the story.
2503049
The grammar and such I can work on, I spit this out in 15 minutes whilst 1/2 drunk, so my grammerification is a little lacking. I wrote it on a whim and showed it to a friend, she said it was excellent, so I got all hot and bothered, and posted it. However, if I do continue it, I might make a couple subtle changes to this chapter to allow for the plot-line I am currently sorting out; as well as get an editor.
The angst is a temporary thing, if I were to go along with that which I have in mind. It would be present for a while, but I want to make it believable. I dont want him, whom I have no name for currently, to suddenly start trusting the ponies so quickly after they fucked him over.
Also, I probably wont do romance (sorry for not responding to you 2492431 ), because in my opinion, we cant really be physiologically attracted to ponies. I mean, he could have a platonic love, maybe, but the total difference in..... well, just about every physical attribute, is too much for most people to get over. Granted, desperation does a lot to a man or woman (any type of "_____ goggles" suffices as an example), but I just dont think that its enough. The raping of RD was just meant as a moment of unadulterated hate, and I also wasnt thinking about extending it at the time, so I may or may not take that out, depending on how I want my character to act going forward.
2499909
I... I mentioned anatomy? ... I... I think I might need to re-read my own story...
2509522
"Magic is how these ponies are sapient, and thus everything without it is a “dumb animal.”"
Yep you did, its similar to my own ideas about ponies using magic both ambient and internally generated as fuel for sapience and other processes. By comparison out own purely biological processes are probably far less efficient. We humans literally require the consumption of meat (or other high energy foods) to allow us to power our own brains. The inclusion of magic generation/absorption as an anatomical feature is the only way ponies can be both herbivores and have the time to have a civilization. If humans were herbivores our biology and brain powerful enough for sapience would literally force us to spend almost every last one of our waking moments eating in order to properly fuel our bodies, not much time to create our vast and technologically advanced civilization.
2525711
It seems I did, haha. Yeah, that was my thought. I was going to have the main character have a long rant of exactly that, aimed at Celestia when she tries to teach him about the world. Beware: nothing makes sense in Equestria. And the answer why: magic.
I like it, its a nice change in HiE where a human is pulled into Equestria. Rather than be wonder struck and acclimate, the human is bitter and hates every moment of his time there and especially hates the elements.
A sequel would be great to flesh out his times with Zecora and Luna as well as seeing what he deals with from the ponies. You should also include some interaction between him and Spike since Spike is similar to him in that he is a "dragon alone among ponies".
Another thing that could be explored is Pinkie's statement to the human when he attempted suicide. I see some implied feelings (not necessarily romance) towards him as well as her intervening.
Man, Dash is really past Gilda and Diamond Tiara levels of evil bully in this fic.
Thumb and fav
This is nice, something different from all those other stories. It is good to see someone actually bothers to think how a human would really feel torn from his world. I shall continue to watch this. Have a thumbs up, a follower and this mustache!
Apostrophes please.