This will be a thread for everyone who's an aspiring AppleDash writer to ask if someone maybe wants to proofread his story, play editor for him or maybe give some pointers in characterization.

I once again want to profess my thanks to Tcherno and Lycan for the dialogue edits and Jackie for being a comma master.

I'd also like to ask if there are editors that I can count on for (perhaps) future stories?
Yes, Tcherno and Lycan, I'm also asking you

Suddenly, a random emotion chart

443796 Nah, I don't mind helping you, or anyone else.

Not to brag, but if anyone needs help with AJ's accent, I'm probably one of the best people on this site to talk to. Being from the South, specifically Mississippi, I've grown up around Southern accents all my life, and even have one myself. So writing dialogue for AJ is second-nature to me, and I don't mind helping other folks with it.

If anyone would like me to look something over, I'm happy to. I may or may not be able to take on long term projects, but for one shots or ideas I'm happy to help.

My grammar is average, I can proofread for that to the point where it won't embarrass you. But I've been told my dialogue is very good, so I can help with that. While I may not be a natural at AJ's accent, the one I use is the same as one I used for a character in the book that's with a publisher right now, so it's good enough for that apparently?

Though I have no AppleDash to submit right now for review, I'll leave a standing note here that I'm also willing to assist with editing anyone else's work if they're looking for a second pair of eyes. So long as you're comfortable with waiting a few days, depending on the length of the story, for comments due to my own real life responsibilities, then I believe I can be helpful.

oh my tcherno is a editor who one can count?!
I want he help me too whit a story I have in mind XD

444044
Well, he has pretty high standards (anything from decent and above will do)
If your story would be written like your comment, then I don't think he'll stay interested
Not trying to be harsh to you, just realistic.

oh my tcherno is a editor who one can count?!
I want he help me too whit a story I have in mind XD

Oh my, Tcherno is an editor? (have no idea what you mean here)
I want him to help me with a story that I have in mind XD

getting a good editor is really important though.
If I would've posted my unedited version, it would've probably gotten a lot more dislikes and no feature :)

444046
sigh I see.....
if thats the case...maybe better find someone else XD
Im just starting whit all the writting thing, so is obviously that this story will not match the standars that tcherno is seeking XD
mmm dont worry, I don feel harshed. other reason of my bad writting is because english is not my first language XD.
thats why I need a editor, one that can be patient whit all my grammar errors XD

444053
Hey, English isn't my first language too (It's Dutch) so with time you'll be writing it fluently in no time :)
What you're looking for is an editor that is happy with rewriting entire sentences and such.
There might be some that you can find here

444055
exactly that! XD
also I feel like sometimes Im using the same words over and over (lack of english vocabulary XD) and that, in a story is terrible.
someone that also can find more words whit the same meaning I want to express XD
damn.....I think is too much help
is so hard make a fic XD

Yeah, i've slogged through enough words that i'd rather read something good/well written :P
If i'm quite honest though, considering the low amount of words and only a single real "scene" covered, i didn't expect DBZ's fic to get featured in the first place. Whaddya know!

444063
Now repeat after me
"Yes Scott, I'd be happy to be your editor again"
Now you give it a try

444065

YOU WILL GET NOTHING!

444067

XDDDD tcherno, dont be so mean! XD

I'll send up the first signal flare. I've been writing a fic loosely based on Double Rainbow, except with a lot less time travel and a lot more Appledash. Here's a quick synopsis:

Applejack and Rainbow Dash have been going out for some time. One day, through a freak accident, Rainbow is sent back in time, unbeknownst to her. She's now being quite forward with her romantic feelings towards an Applejack, who is now very shocked and confused.

It's a pretty rough draft but here's what I have so far:Working Title. There's not much meat to it yet, but I have some ideas sitting on the back burner. I foresee some jealousy and aggressive competitiveness between the two RDs, as well a few "Who does she think she is" jokes. Any and all critiques and ideas are welcome. Be harsh if you have to be, I'm my harshest critic.

446668
What you've got there feels a little rushed. But I love the idea, and I think you've got a great start. I'll take a closer look later, if you want.

446682
If you would feel like it, that would be great! I can see what you mean with the pacing of it. I think I just wanted to get something down, so it was more than an idea swimming in my head.

446682>>446690
Hoo boy, extremly rushed. At this point it reads more like an outline! But if you're planning to revise it, then it's good.

The thing that bugs me the most in here is AJ's contemplation on the subject. Far too much tell and not enough show in that case, it reads like a list of events. It should flow better, be broken into different paragraphs with something happening in between, and so on.

446703>>446690
Totally agree with this. I was going to suggest my trick for showing emotional reasoning rather than telling, which is to give AJ someone to talk to about it in between being kissed and talking to Dash. If that internal monologue was a conversation with one of the other girls, or asking Mac for advice, it would convey the same thing but in a more interesting and natural way.

446708>>446703
Thank you both for the advise. As I said, this is a rough draft. I'll take your ideas into consideration and strive to improve. I can see where some parts could seem like a plot dump. I'll try and trim those spots or make them flow more natural.

Damn, writing is hard when you haven't thought about your fic idea for weeks

446703
May I ask what you mean by show and not tell? I know it might seem obvious, but I just want to be sure. Is it painting a picture in the mind of the reader, such as in this excerpt from What Would Daring Do:

“Don’t you see?” Spitfire exclaimed as she grabbed her friend by the scruff of his flightsuit. “I think the only reason Applejack hasn’t left me is because for some crazy reason she hasn’t realized Dash’s affections for her! Oh, sweet golden feathers of my ancestors...what am I going to do when she finds out?”

As I said, I know this is basic but I'm new to writing stories and I'm lacking a bit of confidence.

451056

I have a section in Mood Wings that is too tell-y, and I might tweak/add more description at a later date:

“Applebuckin’ is done for the day, so Ah’m just taking a breather with Dashie here.” Applejack answered, giving the pegasus a brief nuzzle. Twilight’s eyes widened slightly as she watched. The display wasn’t new, but the book was now giving her insight that she had lacked previously. Rainbow was blushing, a goofy grin plastered on her face. But the wings told another story entirely. The signs were crystal clear to Twilight’s keen eyes. Happiness was obvious—that little shudder, moving from the base of Rainbow’s wings to the tip of her primaries. But she also saw how the wing curved towards the earth pony, almost cradling her. Trust and contentment. It almost took Twilight’s breath away, seeing such a strong display of emotion. Rainbow was completely head over hooves about Applejack.

Here's what cloudyskies, an excellent author, had to say about that:

I would love to see a little more subtlety here. This spells it outright, but imagine the impact of having Twi just be really happy with what she sees in this, and then relate to the reader what it means by referring to the book, letting the reader make the discovery for themself.

"Telling", in most cases, basically has the author spell out exactly what they want the reader to see, rather than describing it and leaving it to the reader's imagination. That's "tell". Show would have Twi smile as she recalls a passage of the book, and I'd put something in italics about the wings and such getting closer to AJ, etc etc.

I'm literally obsessive about spelling and grammar, so if you need a spell checker, I'm your brony!

Hey everypony!

I want to rewrite the first three chapters of my story, Pillow Thoughts. Is anypony in the mood for a quick read-through?

I know I made some spelling mistakes and I have no idea how to call the place where Rainbow Dash lives (since I initially thought it was Cloudsdale). Aside from that, I just need to make sure the verbs and tenses are ok.

If anypony is interested, let me know! Thank you

460449
I would, but I'm currently writing as well!

460473

I don't need a full editing... Just the major "ouch-that-hurt-to-read" moments.
I would've asked you directly, but it felt a tad awkward since we're both fans of each-other's work ^^

460481
Haha. Well, I might do so later, but chances are someone will get to you before I can :P
And i still intend to ask you for help for Blue Wings revisions! That one chapter with the psychologist needs help, and I still have your DA note you sent regarding that :P
Although right now i'm working on chapter 6 so it'll be a while XD

460528

It will be my pleasure! ^^
Just let me know when you're free so we can help each other out.

460449

I could help you out on this if Tcherno is busy. But I don't want to steal the job or anything if he already agreed to do it.

460481>>461356
well, i'm bored at work so i could probably read it now, but I don't see why another set of eyes would hurt either :D

461364

Why do I never get the luxury of being bored at work?
Or on a second thought...I don't think I would want to be bored at work.

461369
Well I am admittedly busy but the work is not that engaging anymore

Alrighty then. How do you gentlecolts prefer your reading material? Word document? Txt file? Pdf?

It would help if you could edit your corrections with RED so I can see them.

Full credit will be awarded, of course. :)

461483
word doc I guess. I figured though you'd put them on google docs, and allow comments XD

I tried using google docs once.
...my family and I are never speaking of those unfortunate days ever again. It's tabu now.
In other words, here is the DOC file.
Right click, save link as... You should have no trouble with it.

Let me know if you have any questions. If you feel like there's a description missing (such as the place they are in or some details that need to be added), don't be shy and tell me directly. The rest of the fic should be okay, since ponies like it... but these three chapters marked the beginning of my writing "career". I always wanted to redo them.
Thank you SOOO much! (Happy Rainbow)

ALSO: It would be cool if you two gentlecolts wouldn't actually talk between yourselves about the editing. That way I can get two different and fully objective points of view ^^ Don't be gentle with me, I know these chapters are not good.

461514
I'm actually a bit busy at work so I'll work on it in 3 hours when I get home! :P

461550

Anytime is fine with me, thank you!

461570
started on it, but it's late and i gotta go sleep. Then back to work tomorrow, so dunno when I'm really getting around to this.

What I am noticing so far is a LOT of tense issues. Present instead of past, and such. Also, you've gone completely berserk with ellipsis ( ... <--- that). Careful.

The Editor's Omnibus from EQD is an amazingly useful too, especially the "Self-Editing: Things to Watch For" and "Show vs. Tell" sections. The document should be a MUST READ for any author in this group, really

461779

Heh, not only for every author but for every editor (and wannabe editor like me), too.
I think it's really helpful, so thank you for that.

461779

*hides under pillow* I know!! I know!! That's why I asked for help!
I'll read the document from EQD, I haven't seen it before.

I swear, Pillow Thoughts 2 is much better! That's why I'm improving the first one... So both of them will be okay ^^

462314
it will likely solve all your problems ;)

462321>>443807
My fic is probably gonna be a chapter fic
do the two of you mind proofreading per chapter?

464584 Generally I'd be cool with it, but right now my creative ability is kinda... dead. So I'm afraid I won't be too reliable for the time being...

444053
If you still need an editor, I'll edit for you.

444067
And you Tchernobog?

465611
That's probably better. Just make sure they're at least a decent length :) (2-3k words depending on how long this fic is)

Enjoy!

476744
Dear lord
All hail the emotion chart

476744
Where has this been all my life?