I'm looking for some comments (especially negative ones) about this story:

TRarity and the Cough of Booty

• Equestria Girls
• Comedy
• Slice of Life

While in the shopping mall, Rarity finds herself fighting off the call of wild burritos she ate hours earlier. And she's losing.

• Rarity

Huk · 2k words  ·  30  26 · 1.9k views

The rating is very red and I honestly don't know why

It's only 2000 words... any chance to give it a go and tell me what I did wrong ?

It's about an unpopular subject matter, which draws automatic downvotes, combined with what many will find an unappealing picture.

7076587
Before even going there, I'm going to say "lots of people dislike gross humour".

7076587
Well, I haven't read it, but the story name needs work. I'm assuming it's supposed to be a play on "Call of the Cutie", but it immediately doesn't sound like something I'd want to read. The picture doesn't really attract my attention, and the premise of Rarity eating burritos just seems unlikely to me. There'd have to be some convincing going on for her to eat something like that...

--Sweetie Belle

It's straight up fetish fuel, and no matter what a lot say, that does not equal the greatest idea on this site. Cover art doesn't help either honestly for me.

7076587

“Oh... Oh! Burritos?” Rarity confirmed with a sharp nod. “Just do it in the dressing room—”

This made me laugh.
There's a comic on DA about Rarity and Sweetie Belle in a store.
Sweetie thought the dressing room was a bathroom...

I had fun with this story, so I'm not sure about what people are angry about.
My guess would be the subject matter.

To be honest, if I wrote it, well, let's say the explosion would be visible from space.

Thanks for the feedback everyone, it means a lot

7076603

And I thought people like fart jokes... And I spent two hours to find that picture, I thought it fit . Oh, well.

I have some readers telling me that the title + picture + make it look like one of those fetish stories, is that the case?

7076605

Hmm, fair enough, but I never considered anyone would find fart humor gross by definition (I mean, it can be, but that depends on the situation).

7076615

The 'Cough of Booty' was supposed to be a euphemism for farting, although the play on the 'Call of Cutie' is there too.

I understand skipping it, but down-votes are a different matter (especially since it got first two in like first 2 minutes after publication, suggesting people didn't read it).

7076623

Some people suggested that it looks like a fetish story, but why exactly? It was never meant to be one (unless we consider every story containing fart jokes as fetish, but come on!)

Is it the title + picture + description or the story itself ?

7076628

Yes, I know that comic, and that line was inspired by it

To be honest, if I wrote it, well, let's say the explosion would be visible from space.

If I were writing something 100% fictional, that ending would probably by a nice touch. But that thing happened in real-life (more or less, it was a restaurant instead of the supermarket, and the co-worker's wife was closer to 40 than 20), I wanted to end it the same way.

7076639
Yes, it does look like a fetish story at a glance imo.

7076683
I'm with you on that.

7076587
Honestly, when I first saw that fic, I found it rather unattractive and decided to skip it. It definitely looks like another terrible fetish fic at first glance (and I loathe any type of fetish fics, so when I saw the story I immediately thought it was a fetish fic and thus disregarded it.), with the cover pic and title adding in on the fun. I'm pretty sure it's not the story itself, just the outlook. And burritos? I'm not sure Rarity would even be into food like that. She seems to be the type that would enjoy food that doesn't require direct hand contact.

7076587
The title is a llittle odd, and the picture isn't exactly apealing, but it was the summary that made me skip the story.

While in the shopping mall, Rarity finds herself fighting off the call of wild burritos she ate

There's nothing here to catch my interest, much to the contrary in fact since the first thought that comes to mind after reading it is a bathroom disaster... so yeah, the summary made me dismiss it as a possible read.

7076683
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I honestly thought both the picture, title, and synopsis were catchy... guess not

Thanks, everyone. You gave me a lot to think about