Good day all,

Professor Pie here with a little activity and a chance to have some of your work featured in a lecture. You see, I want to do a lecture about characterization in Dialogue and I want examples. Rather than going out and finding those, I figured I’d be lazy and I’d turn it into an activity of sorts.

So consider this a challenge meant to test your skill and help teach others. Write a scene that only uses dialogue (no descriptions, no saidisms, not even saying he/she said). There needs to be at least two characters, though I’d recommend against more than two or possibly three.

Word count, 200-1250 words. If you make it story length and post it on FIMFiction I will link the story.

I will look over submissions March 1st and include several examples in the lecture, linked to the author for credit of course.

Hint: Try to focus on making the dialogue feel different between the characters so that it’s easy to follow but not so different that the characters themselves can’t relate to one another. Bonus points for avoiding obvious and awkward exposition.

Here is an example.

“Who goes there? Ah, a tasty little pony.”

“Oh! Oh no… a terrifying ogre. What ever should I do.”

“Hehe. Nothing. Your flesh won’t fill me, but your bones will add nice flavor to my stew.”

“Oh, I don’t think that will be the case.”

“What? How… how are you doing this.”

“Simple, magic. You see, I know you ogres grow stronger with fear. However, because I know that I do not fear you. You are rather pathetic after all. And without fear even a unicorn far below my abilities would be able to hold you.”

“Intriguing. Who are you? What do you want?”

“Simple creature. You don’t want to know my name. If I can’t ensure your loyalty, and you knew my name, then I’d have to dispose of you. Which would be a waste. I’d much rather save you for later. As for what I want, that would be information. There is a good chance you know something about a particular ancient magical mirror. As there are so very few who ever knew about it, much less that are alive today, that makes you very valuable.”

“A mirror? I know of several magical mirrors that could be of interest to many. How about you let me down and I’ll tell so you can leave. I don’t like it when ponies pin me to walls with cheaty magics.”

“Oh, I suppose could do that.

“Very well. I will let you down if you promise to treat me like a guest under the old accords.”

“Agreed. Though, it doesn’t seem like I have a choice. Now, let me down.”

“Humph. Do you really think I’d fall for such a thing as that. Honestly. Promise me properly or I’ll be forced to use other means to get you to talk.”

“Fine. I promise under the old accords that I will treat you as a guest for this visit, with all the protections and expectations that go along with it.”

“That’s better. Now, the mirror.”

“Very well. Which mirror do you wish to know about?”

“One created by Starswirl the Bearded and currently under the protection of Princess Celestia.”

“If I tell you do I have your guarantee on your magic that you will leave me in peace?”

“I provide that guarantee. Though I may return with other proposals in the distant future. If I do so I will return in peace now that you know of my strength.”

“That sounds... agreeable. From your information you would either be speaking of the void mirror or the hearts mirror. The hearts mirror shows one their hearts desire, perfect for developing and testing one's willpower but increasingly dangerous to the viewers mind, especially after prolonged use. It is even capable of destroying some ponies complete-”

“Yes, yes. Hearts mirror; no greater weakness than one’s own heart. No greater strength than conquering one’s own demons. I’m much more interested with the void mirror?”

“Very well, let me think here. The void mirror was created as a way to banish otherwise unyielding foes to another plane. It has, to my knowledge, only seem limited use. A mage, such as a unicorn of your apparent caliber, would be able to cast a spell on another and they would be banished, unable to return.”

“Do you-”

“Know the spell? I do not, and before you ask I will voluntarily bind myself by speaking the answer two more times. I do not know the spell. By the nature of my kind to which I am bound, I do not know the spell. I deal in the knowledge and history of powerful artifacts that might someday be of use to me. Not spells that I would be unable to cast.

“Now, as I was saying to you, eager young unicorn. The strength of the spell is that it sends the imprisoned to a universe, or other plane of existence, where it is all but impossible to use magic. Some smaller magic is possible but magical reserves cannot easily be charged and those that traverse the portal tend to be drained on arrival. Some more powerful types of magic, not magic with exceptional power behind it but specific types of innately more powerful magics, are  feasible and are not drained upon arrival. But again their power would be limited and the magic would not recharge easily if at all. Pure magic is easily corrupted in that world, and to a greater degree. But dark power is also more easily purified and the purification is supposed to be more complete. Though I was never able to confirm that information.

“That is the mechanism of the prison. The true usefulness is that it allows those not banished with the associated spell to visit between worlds once every three moons. In the week that the portal is open it allows the user to travel freely, though with drained magic, to and from the other plane for a full week. If the individual that traveled through the portal by means other than the spell does not return before the portal closes, they may again travel freely anytime the portal is opened.”

“Perfect. Now if you would be so kind as to swear to not tell anyone about this than I will leave a very happy mare.”

“As you insist. I swear to keep your visit a secret. I swear to keep your visit a secret. By the nature of my kind to which I am bound, I swear to keep your visit a secret.”

“Excellent. Stay safe my good ogre. I might have other, more equally beneficial reasons to visit with you in the future.”

“As you wish. But before you go I am curious. What is your name?”

“If you wish to know my name then you will need to swear to keep it a secret as well.”

“I have already sworn to keep your visit a secret. Doing so again would only insult my nature.”

“Hmmm. Very well then. My name is Sunset Shimmer, you’ll want to remember it.”

“Very well, while not the most pleasant visit. It was very... lively meeting you Sunset Shimmer.”

“Yes it was. Farewell.”

“Farewell.”

…

“Silly little unicorn. Celestia loves puzzles. I shall enjoy watching her puzzle out an invitation to have tea with me. And I will be most pleased to have her in my debt.

“Sunset Shimmer. Hmm. Strong, brash, intelligent but inexperienced. Someday she too might be interesting to watch. She might even have the potential to become… Exceptional? Yes. Perhaps some day.”

Remember to submit your scene below. I'm sure you can do better anyway ;)

4106703 What a wonderful idea using other author's writings. That should be fun. I'm really looking forward to that lecture! My dialogue could use some help . . .

4106703 Hmm, I guess I could try my hand at it.

"I-I didn't expect to see you here."

"I could say the same thing. Don't you have to study for the finals?"

"My roommate kicked my out, so I decided to sleep in here."

"Pity that one so young like yourself got kicked out. I never did like that unicorn."

"So...why are you here?"

"I sleep here. You didn't think they'd allow an earth pony like myself to sleep in one of the dorms?"

"Is that why you're so grouchy all the time? Since you know, you sleep on an old couch?"

"Heh, cute. But no, I'm grouchy because your kind at this school treat me like dirt. In fact, I was beginning to think rich ponies like you are just a bunch of snobs. But then, I met you."

"U-um, I b-better go and try to get on my roommate's good side."

"Wait!"

"W-what is it?"

"N-nothing. I-it's just that it gets lonely up here. And this worn out blanket doesn't do well in keeping out the cold."

"But if somepony sees me sleeping with you, we'll get in trouble."

"Yes, but isn't it worth it?"

"What are you...hay, what do you think you're do-!"

"Just this once. I promise I won't hurt you."

"Let go of me!"

"Please. You know what it's like to be alone in the world. You said it yourself that you'll do anything to make somepony happy."

"Fine. Just this once, but if you try anything funny I swear by Celestia that I'll make you wish you were never born."

"You have my word."

“I… I must admit, I wasn't expecting to ever see you again.”

“Of course you weren’t. I remember what I said at our last parting. I meant it, too. I… Well, at the time, I meant it. We've grown up since then, haven't we?”

“Hm… I suppose one of us has. Last I heard, you were still working in that rural little town we tried moving away from. Was McLeod nice enough to hire you back?”

“He was, thank the gods.”

“Goddess.”

“Ah, right. I forgot about that. I mean, it’s only been, what, fourteen years?”

“Thirteen. Thirteen years, four months, two weeks.”

“I… I hadn't realized you kept such close count. I suppose… I suppose I’m not the only one who felt the loss.”

“Felt? Feel. You know damn well how I feel, even now.”

“… Yeah. Yeah, I think I do.”

“…”

“…”

“It’s been awhile since anyone kissed me like that. Longer still, since someone meant it.”

“I never stopped meaning it. This isn't why I came here… Though please, don’t think of that as a complaint. I came… I came with my condolences.”

“Please, not right now. We weren't close, and I don’t want to think about my family right now. Just… Give me a few minutes to wrap up this project? I’m sure you’re in some hotel around town, but… You can cancel the room if you want…”

“I will. Please, wrap up quickly? You remember…”

“Yes, yes I do… A minute to save my work, and we're out of here.”

“Okay. I’ll be outside. And… Well…”

“…”

“…”

“I know.”

4106703 From an upcoming scene in my story, One Last Mission
"You're doing it again."

"D-doing what, Dashie?"

"You're looking back towards Equestria again."

"Hehe. Oh, Dashie. I was just enjoying the view."

"With that look on your face?"

"W-what look?"

"The sad look. The depressed look. The look that means you're wishing for something that you know can't happen. The same look you get every time you look back towards Equestria."

"C-come on, Dashie. That's just part of the act. You know, sad, depressed rock farmer Pinkamina Diane Pie."

"Pinkie, that's not going to work on me. I saw it before we started disguising ourselves. I've seen it at night when you thought I was asleep. I saw it again just now."

"-"

"Come on, Pinkie. Just tell me what's going on."

"Just forget you saw it, Dashie. It's nothing you can help with."

"Maybe it is. Come on, Pinks. Just let me know what's wrong. i can help."

"No. You can't. You wouldn't understand."

"I would if you just told me."

"Just drop it, Dashie."

"Pinkie, I can help."

"I said drop it, Dash!"

"Let me help you."

"You can't help me! Nopony can!"

"Pinkie, just tell me what-"

"FINE! You really want to know what's wrong? My sister, Dash! That's what's wrong! She's out there fighting, Dsh, and there's nothing I can do to help!"

"Pinkie, calm down. My parents are fighting too-"

"As part of the ARMY! They're protected by numbers! They're safer! What about Octy? She's out leading the charge, Dash! She's a TARGET! She got lucky last time with just a broken leg, but what if next time it's her back? Or her neck? What if next time she doesn't come back?"

"...Pinkie, I understand-"

"DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU UNDERSTAND! How could you possibly understand? How could any of you ever understand?"

"...Did I ever tell you about my sister?"

"Your sis- You have a sister?"

"Yeah. Her name was Sunshine."

"...Was?"

"Yeah. She was a lot older than me; ten years in fact. She was a bit more like a second mother than a sister. She always called me her little filly."

"What does that have to do with-"

"Her coat was orange, just like Scootaloo's. Her mane and tail were the same purple, too. Her cutie mark was a sun, surrounded by a ring of clouds. She could always make the most perfect sunny days. More than that, she was a sun herself. She always knew how to light up a room or make someone happy. Everypony loved her, especially me. I wanted to be just like her."

"...What happened to her?"

"A storm. A bad storm."

4107487

Alas, you include text that is not dialogue

4106703

Is part of the challenge to conceal the identities of the characters, and just allow them to be expressed through what they say rather than prime the audience with the knowledge of who they are? Or is that irrelevant?

4107944

Not hide, necessarily, but that is a common route people take as this format lends itself to it. But it is only using dialogue. No other text. And try to make it as natural as you can.

4108657

If you want to give it a look over go ahead. State that it was extracted from a full scene. Before Hans so I remember.

i know its too late, but for the sake of getting better writing abilities, i'll still do it. I need to get into the mood of a major story im doing ;p
Also know, none of these are known characters, their OCs. (OC means original character, not main character or something)

"Hello, madam' Princess Sliver. Why have you sent for me?"

"Welcome, Moonlight Glow. I have heard of your great strengths, and your potential."

"I am honored, Princess Silver. My question still stands, though. Why have you called me here?"

"Ah, they were correct about your fortitude and courage. Have patience, Moonlight. I will tell you soon. Walk with me through my castle, will you?"

"Of course, Princess Silver."

"What do your close friends, family call you, Moonlight?"

"My brother, Aaron, calls me Moon."

"How i miss the days, when i was a filly. So care-free! I envy you, Moon. Ah, well, you wanted to know why i called you."

"Yes, Princess, i do"

"Well, it seems you are good for it. I wanted to ask, after seeing who you are, whether you would join the Everfree Army."

"The Everfree Army? Of course i would, Princess."

"You don't seem very surprise, Moon."

"Its not that i'm not surprised, its just, i've wanted to join. Things have been holding me back, and i would be honored to be in the Everfree Army, Princess."