EPrincess Luna Wants A Sword

• MLP: FiM
• Slice of Life

In order to protect her kingdom, Princess Luna requires a weapon, so she orders a sword to be made for her. But when swinging a sword becomes a major obstacle for the princess, is it the fault of the blade, or the wielder?

• Luna

The Sleepless Beholder · 1.7k words  ·  203  6 · 1.7k views

A kingdom needs a protector to defend it.
A protector needs a weapon to defend the kingdom.
A fundamental truth from the times where Luna was the hero of Equestria instead of a nightmarish fairy tail.
So now that Luna has finally returned, she is in need of a new weapon to protect the kingdom once more.

But when swinging a sword becomes a major obstacle for the princess, is it the fault of the blade, or the one who wields it?

Opening remarks

Princess Luna Wants A Sword by The Sleepless Beholder (Beholder) is a slice of life starring the titular character about finding the meaning behind Luna’s need for a weapon. I’ve pre read this story prior and look forward to giving it my full thoughts in this review.

Note: I have pre read this story, however, it will not factor into the final score of the review. Additionally, this story was entered into a contest with a specific theme in mind, which will be ignored in the context of this review.     

Technical

The writing style is much snappier than the usual writing from Beholder’s backlog with a tightened scope that narrows in on Luna’s character growth over the course of the plot. 

Luna speaks with a touch of olde speak, just enough to flavour without being overbearing. Quillon, however, has a very pervasive accent in which the ‘th’ sound is replaced with a ‘z’. This tracks with his seemingly French origins, but, by the end of the story, gets somewhat grating. Rewording some sentences to not use the ‘th’ as much would help lessen its presence or just noting the character’s accent in descriptor text.

Otherwise, no technical issues found. 

9/10

Character

The main character of the story is Princess Luna. Her primary traits line up with her canon self, and her exasperation with both herself and Celestia add the needed depth to pull off the emotional themes of the plot. Her stubbornnes comes off as the strongest aspect of her personality, which fits with what is to be expected with this character. 

That being said, and this may be due to the length of the overall story, there is some want of more. She works within the context of the story, but could have used more details to develop her emotional insecurities better.

On the other hand, Quillon is a satisfying mentor-liike character. He serves as a decent plot device to prod Luna in the right direction, and perfectly compliments Luna’s growth with the right amount of defined character.

Overall, decent characterization.  

8/10

Concept

The premise of the fic is solid with a good opener and description hook. The execution on Luna’s emotional resolution through the fic is fantastic and hits all the right notes in terms of coming to her eventual conclusion. 

Though a simple concept, the story is well done. 

9/10

Vibe

The strongest aspect of the fic is the emotional throughline of Luna’s sturggle over the course of the plot. Her frustrations with her current position and the slow payoff as she comes to terms with it are excellent. 

All of this is told at a very fast pace that does feel complete in its telling, but could use some more focus on her individual traumas and emotional stakes. That being said, the story is still tightly written and leaves the readers satisfied with a conclusive payoff. 

Great work overall. 

9/10

Closing Thoughts

Princess Luna Wants a Sword is a compact slice of life that nails its core theme and payoff in Luna’s character arc. Though some more time could have been spent on Luna’s internal thoughts, the conclusion still leaves readers satisfied with a heartfelt resolution. I give this my full otter recommendation. 

8.75/10

<For archive purposes: 8.75/10>

Personal Score

I liked this. Though straightforward, Luna had a good emotional arc with coming to terms with her needs in the modern world. I enjoyed this and would give it a solid recommendation to read. 

8/10