TAll These Midnight Days

• Equestria Girls
• Comedy
• Drama
• Slice of Life

Reformed and Human, Midnight Sparkle has a whole life ahead of her. Oh... joy...

• Midnight Sparkle
• Sci-Twi
• Main 7 (EqG)

Ninjadeadbeard · 145k words  ·  164  3 · 4k views

Description

Midnight Sparkle, once a figment of Twilight's imagination and her own personal demon, is now a normal human girl. And the latest member of the Sparkle family. Plagued by guilt and shame over her previous actions, insecurity at her origins as a part of another's mind, and uncertain over her place in the world, Midnight will have a long road ahead of her. But, with the love of family and friends, her sister Twilight, and even that of the Princesses across the mirror, perhaps she can find a place of normalcy, happiness, and acceptance in this strange new world.

Initial Thoughts

Minimal experience with the Anarchyverse aside, I’m always a fan of Ninja’s stories. The ones that tend to stand out the most are the ones that concern some of the characters from EqG, though whether that is a point of preference or observable fact is hardly relevant. At any rate, this is a story that’s been in my folder for some time, and truthfully I’ve wondered if I’m up to reading and reviewing it. In the end, I’ve decided to, for two main reasons: first the story, based on the description, seems to suggest a mild “argument” about identity, which is, like, my favorite theme to find in stories (I’m that much of a nerd); and second, the story appears to be rooted in the uncovering of the self, a primal goal of any story, really. 

This being a longer story, I expect it should come as no surprise when I say there will be massive spoilers. As has been the case with my larger reviews for such longer stories, I intend to get as close as I can to the story and speculate as to the construction and cohesion of the narrative proper. Thus, onward! 

Summary

Midnight Sparkle must confront the implications of her existence with the uncertainties of her future, all while wrestling with one fundamental question: who is she? And what does she, a being who was born all but a week ago, want out of her life?

Plot

What bears immediate mention is the fact that All These Midnight Days is an admitted sequel to two other stories set in Ninja’s Anarchyverse: Midnight at the Crystal Library and Home Again. The story’s description says that reading those two isn’t necessary for reading this one. 

That is a hard statement to make, let alone backup, since in most cases the point of a sequel is to provide some degree of direct (or sometimes indirect) continuation of a previous story or plot. Series do not entertain, at least easily, this idea of separate and exact independence of one story to another—they follow a certain readable order and fundamentally work off of what was provided in the last installment. 

As such, All These Midnight Days, despite its description, cannot fully escape the hold the previous installments have on it. This is rather immediate in the story’s main description: Midnight Sparkle… is now a normal human girl. She’s changed. There’s a clear reference to some kind of development in the past leading to what amounts to “a new normal.” Furthermore, the story’s first chapter also alludes to this development, when Ninja writes:

Over a week ago, it had been her dream to visit the mysterious land of Equestria, a world where pony… yes, pony versions of herself, her friends, and her family all lived in a magical kingdom ruled by immortal alicorns who controlled the very sun and moon and stars themselves. The realm where all the magic in the human world came from. The realm where her dear friend Sunset Shimmer, a unicorn-turned-human was born.

And now… well, Equestria was still a magical paradise and she’d give anything to stay longer… but she also had just spent their long weekend holiday causing time paradoxes with the legendary Starswirl the Bearded, helped convince the renegade twin of the Spirit of Chaos to redeem himself again, and defeated her dark, magically corrupted self, Midnight Sparkle twice before the entire multiverse was destroyed.

The above example, however, does demonstrate Ninja’s attempts to reconcile what this story tries to be: a standalone, yet a clear successor to previous stories. Two paragraphs of “Here’s what happened previously” aside, the technique does allow a somewhat easy transition into necessary exposition. It both clarifies for new readers from which this story is continuing, as well as catches up old readers, most likely, with the events of the past, all while transitioning into the details of the present.

It’s fairly prevalent in a lot of sections of the story—and a necessary measure, evidently. Myself being unfamiliar with the two previous stories, this proved helpful with getting through much of what’s clearly meant to be callbacks, references, continuations, perpetuations, or downright sequel-plots to previous ideas and the like. My own ignorance, then, must be admitted, since evidently if I were familiar with the other stories, this wouldn’t be an issue.

But one must still take into account the argument Ninja makes in the story’s description, that reading the previous stories won’t be necessary to reading this one. Overall, it wasn’t, but specific plot points do seem to require some degree of familiarity with “what came before.” Moreover, and this will be brought up in the Characterization section, because some of these plot points are important to how certain characters act or behave, this creates a unique dissonance between the details that are important to All These Midnight Days’s immediate plot (the plot that centralizes the narrative) and all the details that are important to the story’s backstory plot (the plot that contextualizes the narrative through, as you would guess, backstory). 

This creates a question about the plot’s accessibility, since there’s some degree of necessary knowledge about previous plots in order to make sense of this one. It’s never to a point where one is completely lost, but due to various allusions and references, one feels almost like an outsider to the story. It’s much like how, in the midst of a conversation, a reference to some other topic is made, and the others in the conversation laugh and work off of it, while you have to bear against the unfortunate stigma that comes with not “being in the know.” 

The slice-of-life genre and chapter content (for the most part) as well as the fact the story starts en media res when placed in the context of being a sequel to two other narratives all also support this strange dissonant feeling, and I believe the reader must be made well aware that going into this story blind, while something that can be done, does not mean it will be a smooth ride. In effect, I don’t think it is truly right to say that reading the previous two stories is unnecessary to reading this one--it’s only partially right to suggest that. 

Yet all of this is, really, pretense. Concerning the immediate plot itself, All These Midnight Days offers a complex yet readily available story. That plot can be summed up as, again, that question I posed in the summary: Who is Midnight Sparkle?

How Ninja jumps into this plot is simple but effective. Midnight, still a magic-addicted entity, accidentally merges with the original Sci-Twi, nearly goes mad with temptation, and is forcibly separated from her by another spell. Along with the split in body, there being two Twilights, there also comes a split in memory and personality. It’s made clear that the new Midnight Sparkle and the new human Twilight Sparkle are likely not the original Sci-Twi, which immediately begs the question of identity, who the original is or was, and, essentially, what the two should do now. Gaps in memory fuel the tension between the two, and memory as a fleeting notion pervades thematically throughout.

This narrative decision allows Ninja to move away from the TS narrative and focus almost completely on MS’s. That narrative consists, in large part, of slice-of-life plotlines that are portrayed via the chapter-calendar system, which one sees immediately upon examining the story’s chapters’ names. Each chapter further consists of largely inconsequential events all centered around giving MS a chance to experience, if this is not putting it too poetically, life—it gives her a stable footing, which allows her to stand in this yet again “new normal.” 

I’d like to offer the idea that this seemingly reflects a bit of the Hero’s Journey, though obviously not in a traditional or exact sense. However, in large part, the story functions as a journey from the realm of the real to the realm of the unreal, which is seen in the climax. As such, the plot becomes a journey on Midnight Sparkle’s part that begins with her confronting the possibility of change, and therefore ends with accepting it—broadly speaking. Each slice-of-life event may very well be tangential representations of the “steps” taken on a traditional hero’s journey. 

As such, the story is largely about this realm of the real, as it is new for Midnight Sparkle. Her journey to and from there is domestic in scope, trivial compared to other adventures, and yet it feels important enough to read, and therefore write. The stakes are nothing short of her very existence, after all, and in exploring that question through these rather slice-of-life tribbles and scribbles, I think Ninja manages to make beautiful the mundane. It is almost as we, alongside Midnight Sparkle, get to discover the joy in being alive for the first time. 

But it makes sense that this would not all be sunshine and rainbows. Midnight is a complex character, and her journey into her own realization as a character is not without its hiccups. While I’ll get more into her characterization in the next section, I do want to point out that one might expect, given her dark past, her journey to be one of temptation back towards that darkness. Indeed, this story seems to set itself up as a “fallen to the dark side” kind of story, especially since from the very beginning, Midnight is shown to be drawn towards less-than stellar actions (see: the entire kick-off of the story). 

By the climax, that would indeed be the case. Here I’ll speak both generally and specifically, since I believe the interested reader should learn enough but not be spoiled enough. Midnight’s breaking point—or I suppose, her point of no return—arguably is where the story’s plot begins its dark journey down into those places she’d rather lock away or keep hidden. It doesn’t help that she basically has a ton of the original Sci-Twi’s emotional baggage, is angry all the time, prone to magical outbursts, and meets Abacus Finch when she clearly isn’t ready. This all culminates with the reveal of a third personality, a Shadowlight, who, by chapter 11, becomes the primary antagonist and obstacle which both Lights have to work to overcome.

Shadowlight’s main purpose, however, is to reveal to Midnight that the entire struggle she’s been going through, all because of the split, was not necessary the result of a freak accident. It reveals that it was Midnight Sparkle herself who caused all of this to happen. It begs the question of: is Midnight Sparkle now any different from who she was in the past? Given that the story so far has been her struggling to find an answer to who she is, this extended conflict complicates the struggle and nearly breaks Midnight Sparkle and nearly results in Shadowlight winning.

Were this a typical character downfall-to-redemption story arc, we would have expected Midnight to give in. It makes sense. She’s at her breaking point and apparently is the cause of all her and Twilight Sparkle’s misery. And yet Ninja does this incredible thing wherein that expectation is entirely subverted. Midnight Sparkle rejects what Shadowlight says is true, fights back against it, and wins (with help from her friends and family, of course). In a move that feels like a parallel to Sunset Shimmer’s “My Past Is Not Today,” Midnight Sparkle allows herself—that is, who she is now, regardless of circumstance—to determine who she is, what she wants, and what she thinks she will do next. Put simply, rather than having Midnight fall in order to figure out herself, Ninja has her fight in order to do the same thing.

Some may say this is a cop-out to what could have been a great dramatic progression. To an extent, this might be true. Though it’s a trope, it’s a very effective trope, and it will be a great surprise to readers to see it not utilized. However, what I do want to point out is that this downfall has already played out, with the original Sci-Twi. Since Midnight Sparkle’s thesis for existence is all about originality of identity, it makes no thematic sense for her to rehash what she’s, essentially, already done in a past life. The whole point of her plot is her figuring out what even is a Midnight Sparkle; and it leads to her realizing: Midnight Sparkle is Midnight Sparkle. I am that I am, as the old Bible saying goes. And in a story that fundamentally works in metaphysical concepts about identity, it makes sense that something as powerful as that first-person subject-verb agreement should be brought up. 

How does Ninja make all of this concrete, though? Oddly, it’s through something I mentioned earlier: all those slice-of-life events, while at first I said were inconsequential, prove to be anything but. They are, rather, the evidence Midnight Sparkle needs to self-actualize. Here she is, learning to sing, making a friend, taking a test, mild things, sure, but things that are real, and things that help her realize she is real. More than a weird trauma manifestation or a living memory, Midnight Sparkle is; I am that I am, all over again. 

Overall, this creates, when viewed post-reading, a story that feels like it resonates within and without. Things feel tightly woven and those enjoyable yet largely plotless subplots (I am aware of the paradox) become relevant and important to us just as they do to Midnight Sparkle. Since this story is all about the character, I believe this is more than appropriate. 

Even so, the result isn’t perfect. Some of the mixing along the way leaves one a bit confused even with all the effort Ninja has put into smoothing out the finer details. Reflecting upon an earlier point, that of how there are times where clear allusions to past stories and events are made, certain plot points or character interactions as a result of old stories end up feeling disjointed or incomplete. To name a few off the top of my head: there are a lot of relationships going on that fuel Midnight’s sense of self. Sunset Shimmer and Flash Sentry lead to an early realization that her memories are incomplete. Wallflower also features prominently, and there’s apparently a relationship she has with Moondancer, but this feels like something that would have been explored in an earlier story, making its inclusion a bit jarring. Where the Dazzlings are now or who they are now, a bunch of new characters who are related in some way to Applejack, and the prevalence of someone named Disqord and his own subplot relating to Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna, don’t get much room to shine, though the story carries on as though they’ve already been established elsewhere.

Two important subplots that I found fascinating but which surprised me in how they didn’t get more exposure are that of Vice Principal Luna becoming the apprentice to Princess Luna, an action that gets all of two chapters before being “resolved,” and that of what happened to the original Sci-Twi. By this last one, I mean the question posed by both Midnight Sparkle and Twilight Sparkle: is the original “dead?” Given that a chunk of the story’s beginnings centers on quantifying the difference in memories the two Sparkles have and how what’s missing could be the original Sci-Twi (though I’m pretty sure this is revealed to be Shadowlight, anyway), it’s odd that the story doesn’t get closer to closure regarding that. The Ship of Theseus may now be in two, and they look and act distinctly, but the question of where the original Ship stands isn’t fully resolved. It’s an odd gap, given the story’s otherwise wonderful preoccupation with identity and originality.

Such things seem, to me, as though they could simply use a lot more time. It would mean, of course, time spent away from Midnight and her journey, but that might be important enough of a reason. Much like how some of the events in something like Anna Karenina have little to do with Anna herself, the events here might function in a similar way. Tolstoy did that in order to not only make his world far more vibrant, but to examine the context in which the titular character Anna finds herself. The context in which Midnight exists is essentially post-magic era in the human world; so how would these other plots play out given that? 

Additionally, there is the fact that the whole story lasts only a week. In that timeframe, Ninja is able to squeeze out a lot of detail. For a sense of fullness regarding the above subplots and perhaps the others, Ninja might have considered simply adding more to that week, or not being restricted to a week in the first place; yet at the same time, I doubt that this would fully help, since doing so threatens to capsize the whole story and make it feel like a slog. If nothing else, Ninja, I believe, had to compromise a full story for all the things that might have required it, in order to keep the week-aesthetic—though that begs the question of whether aesthetic rules narrative decision, or if it’s the other way around. 

Yet, in the end, the story manages to work its way out of its awkward and jumbled beginnings and lead to a satisfying, heartwarming end. I forgot the story was only about a week, which suggests an ability to supplant typical conventions of time for the sake of narrative. Though the hiccups in storytelling are evident and do, at times, detract from the experience, they do not make the story horrific. One can ignore these holes (I would not call them full-on “plot holes” since they seem rather isolated at times) and still manage to read the story to the end. The road is bumpy, but it isn’t un-navigable. 

Score - 8 / 10 

Characterization

Much as with his other stories, Ninja knows how to write his characters. I’ve mentioned in a previous review that I get the sense he’s been writing them for a long while, and perhaps that shines the most true with this story. It began, after all, in 2019, and was finished just this year; in that timeframe he’s written more stories concerning familiar faces. As such, the experience no doubt built upon itself and allowed him to come to terms with these characters and how best to write them.

This being a Midnight Sparkle story, but also, a unique Midnight Sparkle story, it becomes imperative that the story work to set apart that particular personality—not just her personality quirks, but her physical traits as well. Skin color features prominently as a means to distinguish the two Sparkles, but coloration also later serves as a sign of Midnight’s transformation and/or evolution. It even functions as part of Shadowlight’s attempt to trick Midnight into believing she’s replaced her sister. Coloration also serves as a means to create comedic effect—characters who are unfamiliar with the fact that there are two Sparkles end up confusing the two, much to both of their annoyance. 

Personality wise, Midnight resembles her portrayal in The Friendship Games movie and also extends far past it. That Midnight was a magic-hungry entity, cruel to her bullies and destructive in both nature and intent, whereas this one seems, for lack of a better term, “more humanized,” less power-crazy, but still holding that residual madness and intensity that the original Sci-Twi would have rejected. Her personality, however, seems to rely far more heavily on either intense emotions as a result of the trauma that the original Sci-Twi endured, as well as exhibit a far more analytical framework than her sister-half. In line with how the story treats the split as both a physical and metaphysical event, such characteristics serve to give Midnight her own person, one who resembles but does not mirror every facet of the original Sci-Twi. She herself admits this in Chapter 3:

“You did everything,” Midnight knew the tears would come soon, and so she had to speak now, “I was Twilight, up until a year ago! You two were the… the greatest parents a girl could ask for. But that’s not who I am anymore.”

She took a deep, deep breath, and checked to make sure Sonata wasn’t coming back.

“I am not Twilight,” she said, with finality, “But I’m still your daughter. I still remember all the family trips, every Hearth’s Warming party at Nana’s, every science fair! I…”

Midnight swallowed, “I love you, even if you don’t remember me…”

By this point Midnight knows that she’s essentially different from the Twilight Sparkle her family knew. Moreover, she also recognizes that she resembles her in more ways than one. That conflict of self-identity is part of her characterization and I think part of her journey really is trying to figure out how much of her is her, how much of her was Twilight, and how much any of that actually matters in the long run. 

It’s fairly well-done, though I will admit that reading a snarky Midnight Sparkle was, at first, just a bit jarring. Even though the idea of a “corrupted” Twilight Sparkle is fairly common knowledge at this point, to essentially anthropomorphize and turn that corruption into a person itself runs the risk of making her essentially just the “anti-Twilight Sparkle.” That is to say, she might either represent the worst of Twilight’s personality quirks, or take all of them to the extreme.

The story, however, does seem aware of this dilemma, as early on, Midnight confronts the issue of her anger and trauma. What interests me is the fact that she recognizes it’s not necessarily her anger and trauma, but the original Sci-Twi, and what furthers that interest is Midnight’s admittance of not only being enveloped nearly entirely by such emotions, but also feeling alone in such a situation. Her struggle to identify herself therefore evolves to a struggle to free herself of shackles that aren’t even her own, which makes all the times that she does succeed at asserting her existence and proclaiming what freedom she does have all the more sweeter. 

What I’m saying is that Midnight begins as a character with a lot of potential to develop, and by the end of the story, feels like she’s fully realized that potential. This makes sense, given the fact that this is her story. Our main character succeeds at staying the main character and manages to change along the way, which is what we hope for in all stories—a transformation on the character’s part. In Midnight’s case, that is both a literal and metaphorical transformation, and I think Ninja manages to write that whole journey in the best way possible.

Yet, while the characterization of the main character works well and realizes itself, the characterization of other characters does not seem to do the same.

To explain this, I must refer to an earlier point: the separation of the immediate plot from the backstory plot. I’ve tried to explain how the former functions as the means through which the story is told, and the latter as the means by which the story finds its footing. The same might be said about a lot of the characterizations that this story puts in. There’s characterization that occurs in the present, and there’s the characterization that results from the past. 

While the plots of previous stories could be dismissed through simple expository technique, characterization, unfortunately, cannot be given the same treatment. Many characters and how they behave appear as the result of previous developments in previous stories, which, of course, do not show up in this one in the full. Almost all of the side characters appear in this way: from Sunset, to Trixie, to the Dazzlings, to those ponies-turned-human who relate in some way to Applejack, and arguably, even to Twilight Sparkle (the new one resulting from the split). How they act, and moreover, how they act towards Midnight, appears as a direct result of her actions—but these are actions that are, in large part, removed from the main events of All These Midnight Days, and which are referenced or alluded to, but which do not get the full limelight. The reader, in some capacity, is expected to understand how much these characters feel ambivalence towards Midnight, but the reader who is unfamiliar with the why of it all may feel that such ambivalence is either a bit on-the-nose or not explained fully. 

Yet, what is strange is that we can still believe that this is how characters would act. If I am to point to anything specific, it’s that quite simply, Ninja is able to write these characters so naturally that the question of characterization—how these characters became who they are—slips away. It appears to me that Ninja is very easily able to jump between characters’ voices without compromising one or another. His use of free indirect discourse is smooth enough that each character sounds exactly as they should even without the sense of completion or resolution that could come with a better explanation for how they became themselves. That’s… really weird, and I don’t think it was intentional. 

There is then this paradoxical observation about how Ninja manages his characterization. Again, let me reiterate the two “types,” as it were, that I’m seeing. There’s characterization as a result of previously established stories that, unfortunately, make the reader feel like they are being brushed aside—the suspension of disbelief is almost rudely ignored, which technically should work against Ninja’s characterization, since believability is out the window. And yet, there’s characterization that occurs independent from previously established stories with virtually all of the main and side cast, to the point that they sound and act as they ought to sound and act. 

These should work against one another, and yet… don’t. At least, not in a way that is so noticeable, it hurts. I believe, simply put, Ninja’s command of characterization allows for this paradoxical relation between characterizations to go largely ignored, and even under analysis, to simply be accepted, rather than contested. 

There’s also one other explanation for why it works. Midnight is missing some of her memories, and many of those refer to those same events which appear to have resulted in the characterizations of some characters. So, on one hand, the unfamiliar reader is blind to such evidence, but on the other hand, so is Midnight, and this leads to at least a kind of resonance between reader and character that makes up for the gap. 

Score - 8 / 10

Syntax

Let me start with a grammar mistake I kept seeing pop up: commas where there shouldn’t be commas. Specifically when it comes to dialogue and dialogue tags. Here’s a quick example:

“Well, I’d consider that a successful Day One as myself,” Midnight sighed as she sat down onto her bed, hair wrapped up in a towel and herself in a tank top and bright red pajama bottoms, “New clothes, new friends… yeah. Good day.”

Here we have the first line of dialogue, provided in the first set of quotation marks. This is followed by the tag, “sighed,” then an action beat: “she sat down…” followed by extra descriptors. But since the tag and action beat aren’t actually interrupting the dialogue’s completion—that is, the tag and beat don’t appear midway through a completed sentence of dialogue—the comma after “bottoms” doesn’t really make much sense. 

I wouldn’t be a stickler for this if it weren’t for the fact that it kept happening throughout the story, and moreover, with virtually every dialogue and dialogue tag. It got easy to ignore over time, but that prevalence is concerning and worth pointing out. 

Tonality is also something worth putting in this section, since tonality is largely affected by syntactical decisions. For the most part, Ninja manages to weave together two types: comedic and dramatic. I’ve said in a previous review of one of his stories that he has a pretty good grasp of when to let a snarky line carry itself or when to let the drama do all the talking, and when the two tones come together in the same scene, he has a pretty good idea of how to let one accentuate the other. That seems to work a lot with shorter stories where there is more “room” inside a space, paradoxical though that sounds. 

All These Midnight Days follows a similar formulaic tonality, and Ninja manages to, once again, use drama and comedy to his advantage. Some of the best of both come from the Sparkle sisters—fitting that there should be so much drama and so much comedy with what amounts to a relationship with the “self” (and a “self” that’s split up, of course). And I won’t be afraid to admit that one of the best cases of letting the dramatic action come to fruition, which was towards the end, did get me a little teary-eyed. Specifically: when all of Midnight’s friends show up at the final battle and when Shining Armor hugs her fiercely. Good stuff.

Unfortunately it’s not as smooth as it might be with other stories. At times, I noted that humor kept cutting into what felt like should have been a dramatic moment, and while ordinarily this might accentuate the moment or give the reader a bit of a breather, at these awkward times the humor would feel inappropriate or distracting. For one example: towards the end of the story, when Princess Luna shows up in Midnight’s dreamscape, she literally says, “BEGONE THOUGHT!” And, I get it, they’re fighting a literal thought-demon. But for a dramatic moment as Princess Luna showing up right when Midnight needs her, this felt like a left hook to the jaw.

My main suggestion there would simply be to see if the humor actually helps the dramatic mode. I think Ninja has a good ear for it, but at certain times, perhaps a level of uncertainty as to whether the drama is actually dramatic leads to an instinctual need to circumvent it and make a funny remark. That, however, tends to add more to the scene rather than letting it alone, and sometimes it is far better just to let the words do what they have to do rather than force tonality onto it. 

Score - 8 / 10 

Final Score - ( 8 + 8 + 8 ) / 3 = 8 / 10

Final Thoughts

I spent a month reading this story, coming up with notes to put into this review. Even so, I’m left feeling ambivalent about how to approach it. How does one review this story?

It seems caught in the paradox of sequels and series writing that necessarily put the reviewer at a slight disadvantage. Though it claims to be independent, at its core it isn’t. Those other stories provide something important to this one, from plot lines to characterization. 

Yet the story still manages to be read without them. Somehow, that clear disadvantage didn’t impact my reading in such a way as to ruin it. This isn’t to say it helped it, but it was not much of a bother. 

My ignorance represents a blindspot that can only be erased through experiencing the other stories, but with that ignorance in mind, though I have written here a review and given a score, I am hard-pressed to stick to it. I will therefore say that, at best, it’s a review made blind to the lore and headcanon and establishment which All These Midnight Days attempts to continue—therefore the score must be indicative of how well it’s able to overcome those exact odds. I can only hope I’ve explained that experience as well as I can. I welcome any discussion of my points, of course. 

I do have a marked-up copy of the story available, should the author want to view it, but it’s nothing too detailed—a few comments per chapter with some extended thoughts about various details and which didn’t make it into this review (especially given how long it already is). 

At the end of the day, All These Midnight Days, despite hiccups and bumps here and there, still presents as a strong story. And I’m happy to see, two years after its inception, that it’s finally reached its completion.

<For archive purposes: 8/10>

7506822
Aw, yes... a Jarvy review. Chicken noodle soup for my soul.

I am starting to think maybe I should’ve asked you to read the first couple of stories in the series first . Certainly, Sunset Glimmer had the same problem.

As per usual, I’m struggling to think of what to say. I would absolutely want to see those extra notes of yours, but at the moment my mind is roiling between the fair criticisms and how to go back and fix them, and a nice warm sunny happy feelings I get when someone analyzes my work and then says nice things about it. So, give me a bit and I’ll think of questions to ask and all that good stuff. But I guess just at the moment, did you have any other thoughts about particular stand out moments and characters?

In the meantime, thank you so so much for taking the time to read this story and give your thoughts. I know that it was probably a lot to get through, and I appreciate the thoroughness with which you review stories more than I can hope to articulate.

7506850
The question I do have actually concern the two large subplots I brought up in the Plot portion of the review: Vice Principal Luna's training and the implication of what happened to the original Sci-Twi. Mainly I was wondering if there were plans to develop either plot further and it just so happened that the story would feel bloated by the end of it? VPL, for example, seriously felt like she might have a larger role to play other than those two chapters she got where she was actively doing stuff in the dream realm. And the implication of whatever happened to the original Sci-Twi, unless I've missed it, never seemed to go anywhere--the identity crisis was kind of laughed off and the story moved past it into Midnight's own crisis.

7506924
The first question: The main story was always gonna be a bloated mess, to be honest, so some plot lines had to be cut here and there in the planning phase. For the Lunas, however, what you see is what was planned. Since it was tangential to Midnight's main narrative, adding much more than that to their own subplot might have drawn attention away. And since it was already a mini complete story (Princess gets idea from Midnight, starts training Human, makes a mistake, and then comes to the rescue) I figured that was all that was needed. And if I want to build on that, it's still a thing for the rest of the Anarchyverse stories I write. As an honest question, what more could/should I have done?

The second: The idea of "Original Sci-Twi is Dead" was meant to be a little bit of a misdirect, a red herring. A momentary flash of dark insight for the Sparkle sisters that maybe took things to a darker place than I was ready to go or to explore. Them dropping it soon after I could justify as being a case where a really, really uncomfortable idea is deliberately ignored so that life might continue. I could also say that Sunset's explanation works in a world where the soul and the inner self are objective, observable, measurably quantifiable things. But the truth is, I have no answer for whether or not the original Sci-Twi is dead, nor when she might have "died". Was it during the split? Was it during the Friendship Games? I don't know. I wrote the idea without a definitive answer because I don't believe there is a definitive answer.

Or, maybe it's just that while I write the outlines of my stories out, while I'm in the weeds of writing I tend to shift into a 'by my pants' mentality. So the abrupt abandonment of that concept could just be the characters choosing to ignore it, or reject it in favor of more positive thinking... or it's just a sign that I'm not as great as I think I am, and I don't know if I should or could go back and fix that.

Okay, I've thought of a couple questions of my own. Or rather, I think I know a couple of topics I'd like more clarification on your thoughts about. That sentence was horrible.

Could you go into more detail on your thoughts of the final arc? You said you felt real emotion in the finale, so I wonder how well the entirety of Shadow and Midnight's confrontation worked with you. And I wasn't sure from the way you wrote if you caught that Shadow's version of Midnight's past life choices were edited from what really happened.

There were a couple of characters in the story that I hoped added something to it, over all. Could you comment on a few of them, and what your thoughts are? Mostly, Aria Blaze, Pentagram Burst, Chrysalis, and Cinch. I know some of those are more important than others, but even a brief impression helps.

Oh. Um... and Disqord is just the EqG world's Discord, created when the Draconequus visited during the Home Again story. The Q is because they needed a way to tell each other apart, they thought it was funny, and for some reason everyone can tell there's a Q in there, because Chaos.

Hehe, my review is turning into a Redacted CIA file.

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As an honest question, what more could/should I have done?

At best, what I would have suggested is simply to have Luna's journey occur simultaneously with Midnight's, even as the goals aren't necessarily the same. A little more exposure from her side of things - so essentially more sections written from her perspective - would have made that part feel more fleshed out. And while it would have increased the quantity of plots, I think it would have increased the quality of this particular one, if only because it would have literally more put into it.

Though that doesn't mean you'd have to put in a whole lot more. It seems like the basic framework is there, and some more prompting before the training begins (which can stay off page, as far as I'm concerned) would have given credence to its supposed relevancy.

The idea of "Original Sci-Twi is Dead" was meant to be a little bit of a misdirect, a red herring.

That makes sense, and I do recall Sunset's explanation of the soul. I suppose my thing was that, as an answer, it felt very wise, but solved the "problem" a bit conveniently. Granted, I like conversations where those kinds of big topics are given some manner of a reassuring answer even if that answer isn't concrete, but I suppose when I read the story it didn't feel like this was something that could be dismissed or resolved - rather, it might have been better to have it linger until the very end, when Midnight essentially chooses to reject the question, because it isn't relevant to her existence, as much as, say, Shadowlight might have her believe.

You said you felt real emotion in the finale, so I wonder how well the entirety of Shadow and Midnight's confrontation worked with you. And I wasn't sure from the way you wrote if you caught that Shadow's version of Midnight's past life choices were edited from what really happened.

In my comments I did say that I had a feeling that Shadow's version was a lie from the very start, and I was happy to figure out that I was right. I also wrote that I enjoyed the friendship speech that all of the side characters gave. It felt very much in line with the show and also didn't feel too terribly preachy - perhaps because the stakes were high enough that even a speech here or there felt like an appropriate emotional send-off.

Mostly, Aria Blaze, Pentagram Burst, Chrysalis, and Cinch. I know some of those are more important than others, but even a brief impression helps.

Sure, I can elaborate a bit about my thoughts there.

Aria is a bit of an interesting conundrum, because I wasn't expecting her to fall for Midnight so easily. I thought, perhaps, that it was because of some prior event, but the story didn't appear to explain it further than "Oh God, she's hot." Which is fine since Aria doesn't get too much of a spotlight for the most part, and the story does end in a cute way between them. At the same time, I wonder if her character was meant to serve as a foil for Midnight, in that both are essentially struggling to come to terms with their new humanity. If that's the case, then I'm not sure if Aria fully became the foil, nor if she could.

Pentagram Burst... I have few thoughts about her, if any. She only cemented herself somewhat by the story's end, but I say that loosely. I suppose she makes for an interesting subversion, but her importance seems to be relegated only to how she is a note of reassurance for Midnight. If she was brought up earlier in the story, then sadly I have forgotten her, and she seems better suited as a portrait with a few memories attached than a "character" character.

Chrysalis and Cinch fall into the same sphere for me. Your characterization of both proved interesting, especially the latter, and the fact that they're siblings was a nice touch. Wasn't sure about their dad, thought it might have been Grogar, but that was easily disproven. Cinch definitely holds a lot more prominence, and I enjoyed the fact that you didn't have her repeating the same mistakes - that she actually learned her lesson made sense and complicated Midnight's feelings towards her. Also, the fact that she adopted Cozy Glow... eugh, but in a good way.

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I... could probably insert at least one more 'midquel' chapter somewhere in the early half of the story to give more Luna setup, but I'm not sure how I could cohesively add in more of the DEAD Twilight stuff without crowding out everything else in the second half.

Aria is a bit of an interesting conundrum, because I wasn't expecting her to fall for Midnight so easily.

Yes, it really all started as "Oh god, she's hot". But then, all relationships have some element of physical attraction to them. Her being a foil was never intended in that manner, however. She was always meant to be another person struggling with identity that Midnight could lean on a little bit. She's also a good example of someone moving through their issues and still managing to live a perfectly acceptable life despite her past traumas and regrets. And punk/goth stuff is cute, so why not?

Pentagram is much the same, though more with regards to academia. She's a version of Midnight that just accepted being weird and running off to do her own thing, being both a good and bad rolemodel she could follow. She served her purpose as that, but I do have some fun ideas for giving her a story of her own...

How does 'eugh' get taken in a good way?