TRunning Away from Destiny

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Slice of Life

It's the one year anniversary party of Twilight's coronation as princess, and the only pony who isn't happy, is Twilight. It's up to a certain stranger to help her break her chains and find happiness. But not all happiness is meant to last forever.

• Sex
• Alt. Universe
• Twilight
• Flash Sentry

Deep · 6.6k words  ·  44  9 · 2.1k views

Running Away From Destiny

by Deep

Summary

It's the one year anniversary party of Twilight's coronation as princess, and the only pony who isn't happy, is Twilight. It's up to a certain stranger to help her break her chains and find happiness. But not all happiness is meant to last forever.

Initial Thoughts

So, what we have here appears to be an AU Romance featuring Princess Twilight and everyone’s favorite human, Brad… I mean, Flash Sentry. Alright, well, I’m a sucker for romances, and AU’s are a great way to keep things fresh and exciting. I’m not loving the description so far, since that kinda hints at a tragedy… and there’s no Tragedy tag, so I’ll be quite peeved if that happens.

Whatever. I’m rambling. Let’s take a look!

My General Reaction

It continually amazes me that there are still people salty over the whole “Twilicorn” thing. Twilight’s been a Princess and an Alicorn longer than not. Is there really still salt left in that mine? Guess so. The fact that this is an AU only slightly mollifies my feelings on this.

So, Twilight is supposed to be at a party at Canterlot Castle celebrating her one-year anniversary of ascending to becoming an Alicorn Princess. What she does instead is hide out on her balcony, hoping to avoid the party, her friends, and Celestia while she works out her feelings on the matter. Apparently, she has come to the conclusion that she doesn’t want to be a Princess, but can’t reconcile how disappointed her abdicating would make her friends and family.

And if the narration would show this internal conflict, instead of tell me about it, that might make a compelling tale indeed. Unfortunately, any subtlety or nuance is lost as the narration clearly delineates and explains every single possible thought or consideration Twilight might be making at any one time. I wish more of her thoughts came through in her actions, or in her physical appearance, but the author seems to think the readers need this all explained to them instead.

Twilight is eventually found by Flash Sentry, the pony. As this is an AU, it becomes clear that the Mirror world either doesn’t exist, or Sunset didn’t go through to the other side, so Twilight never went there herself. So, this would be the first time she’s meeting a Flash Sentry of any sort.

And Flash is… different. He’s basically a blank slate in the show, especially compared to Human Flash, so you’re free to do a lot with the character. But did you have to do that to him? This Flash comes across as a Bad Boy ^(tm), rebel without a cause, which is boring in the first place, and just strange in the second. Within a minute of meeting, he and Twilight take off from the party to do… well, each other.

It’s not just that Flash is a paper cut-out of a character, or that Twilight actually falls for him, that really irks me about this. I mean, that’s still true, but it’s not the only thing. The pacing of the story goes by way too fast to make any of this feel believable. Twilight – loveable booknerd social reject Twilight – goes from Zero to Sexytimes in no time at all. If Flash had a personality, or if they had chemistry together, that might not be so bad, but they don’t.

I won’t hit this because of the tags, as I hinted above. I don’t consider it “tragic” enough to warrant the tag, to be honest, and the specific outcome of the story is such a mixed bag on that front in any case.

Grammar and Word Things

10/10 – No problems, free points
What it says. There was a single misplaced letter in the whole story. Good job.

Story/Plot/Pacing

6/10 – Feels rushed, very “telly”
The story feels, at times, like a thinly-veiled “Twilicorn” fix-fic, so if Twilight hating being a Princess isn’t your bag, you won’t have a good time. The narration is also heavily on the “Tell” side of things, making it a bit of a chore to get through, and the pacing is all over the place.

Characters

6/10 – Why is everyone so unpleasant?
The two main characters only tangentially align with their show-counterparts. While this being an AU can excuse a lot, there is just a breaking point past which I can’t recognize the characters. Twilight hates being a Princess, and Flash hates being a guard. Add to that what Flash does in the last paragraphs of the story, and I just don’t care for either of them.

Final Word and Rating

Running Away From Destiny is a serviceable tale of finding dissatisfaction in one’s circumstances. There are several elements that caused me to dislike the overall story itself, but it’s still competently written.

To the Author: I don’t have a lot to say on improvement, since… that’s all sort of subjective here. I honestly felt like Flash was just your OC from A Simple Pony, but a pegasus guard. The story basically worked with a lot of the same themes, that of being dissatisfied with one’s circumstances (repeating myself there) and taking reckless chances in order to find happiness in spontaneity. The views of independence and suchlike are better expressed here, but it’s somewhat concerning that yet another Mane Six member falls for a Jerk in another one of your stories.

Feel free to comment below.

<For Archive Purposes: 7.3/10>

7411018

Good review!

It continually amazes me that there are still people salty over the whole “Twilicorn” thing

Funny enough, I'm actually pro-Twilicorn. I just like stories where Twi questions her destiny for once

And if the narration would show this internal conflict, instead of tell me about it, that might make a compelling tale indeed. Unfortunately, any subtlety or nuance is lost as the narration clearly delineates and explains every single possible thought or consideration Twilight might be making at any one time. I wish more of her thoughts came through in her actions, or in her physical appearance, but the author seems to think the readers need this all explained to them instead.

Yep. Agreed. This and the other story you read were originally supposed to each be a chapter of a larger story of the Mane 6 making bad decisions when they lost their virginity. I then turned each to a one chapter story because I realized each needed more length.... except that it was still clearly too short. Having each be a normal multi-chapter story would've allowed me to show so much more, build up the romance, and slow down the pace to a reasonable level. Live and learn, right?

Still, I could've shown more even with the existing word count. As for Flash and "the Villain" from before... would you believe me if I said I actually wrote these as a challenge because romance is my worst and least favorite genre Writing a love interest clearly isn't my strong point haha.

I do wonder if a build up hinting that Twilight is going to make a wrong decision would've helped (along with some actual chemistry and build up to better show how Twi the bad decision). I personally think so, since it'd give readers a better idea of what they're getting into.

As always, thanks