EA Hearth’s Warming Question

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Comedy

Upon receiving a formal invitation for a Hearth’s Warming Ball being hosted by Princess Luna, King Thorax finds himself gathering his courage to ask Rarity a very important question.

• Rarity
• Thorax

Greatazuredragon · 1.6k words  ·  33  2 · 869 views

Story summary: As Hearth’s Warming Eve swiftly approaches, Thorax, the new king of the changelings, finds himself facing a difficult dilemma. Princess Luna has invited him to participate on the Hearth’s Warming Ball she will host this year.

And so, Thorax finds himself on a cold winter day, but days before the ball is to take place, standing outside Carrousel Boutique, as he gathers his courage to ask Rarity a very important question.

Written for GaPJaxie for Jinglemass.

My analysis:

Okay, this is how you be a tease, and I don't mean me waiting till the end of my time limit to get my other review out.

I was a bit critical at first when reading this story, wondering where the comedy was supposed to be showing. However, this short story is one that pulls the rug out from under you. You can't help but feel a bit silly when the twist comes, but yet appreciate the buildup. This is a light comedy if you want a quick read and a hearty chuckle.

Grammar: 9:10

I'm not finding any errors that I can see. The story is well written, and doesn't have many grammical errors that stand out to me.

Story flow: 7:10

I feel like the buildup went quite a long time, leaving me waiting for a punchline that came and went rather quickly. A bit of lingering on the end of the story would have added a lot more entertainment to my mindset.

One other issue that I found was the overuse of a single word in one paragraph. I used to make the same mistakes with using names, having written one character's name about three times in one paragraph. I get the same effect from the word Boutique in this paragraph. The phrases Building or business would have taken away the repetitiveness from the one word.

“Welcome to the Carrousel Boutique! Where everything is unique, chic, and magnifique!” Rarity proudly announced from deeper into the boutique. As the white-coated mare entered the main room of the boutique, her eyes shone in delight upon seeing who exactly had entered her shop.

Story Idea: 7:10

I enjoy the subtle premise of Thorax asking Rarity for help with the Hearth's Warming Ball. I feel like there could have been more meat in the twist ending, but other wise it's a fairly well executed concept. It makes for a nice light reading.

Final score: 23/30 7.6/10

I think that the concept is rather fun, even though the final leg of the story is short in my opinion. This isn't some grand masterpiece, but it's a nice read, and good for some light enjoyment. I would recommend giving it a read. You'll get a chuckle out of it.

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Thanks for the review.
Glad to hear you enjoyed the story.