TBride of Frankenspark's Monster

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Dark
• Horror

Instead of dying at the hooves of her creator, she is saved by a monster who only wanted a bride... a bride just like him.

• Alt. Universe
• Fluttershy
• Twilight
• Rainbow Dash
• Discord

misskoifishpony · 3.7k words  ·  28  0 · 1.6k views

Summary: 

This story is a pony adaptation of Bride of Frankenstein, with inspiration from different sources added to it.

Frankenstein, here played by the OC Dusk, revives a dead mare who was blamed for a murder that his first monster did, and from what I understood, she is supposed to be said monsters bride. The mare is, or was, Ms. Flutterstine.

General thoughts:

I must say right from the start that I am not familiar with the original storyline of Bride of Frankenstein, therefore I am not sure how close it is to the original. What I can say however is that without knowing the original storyline this story gets a bit confusing on the details while the main plot is understandable.

The way it is written, makes it hard to understand what exactly is going on here and there during the first few reads and the characters themselves seem to be a bit unsure too. That could be part of their role though. Overtall said, a bit more clearness, and a bit slower approach may have helped here.

About the writing itself, well, it provides all the necessary info to imagine the scenes, but the pacing varies too much and the use of different font styles doesn’t really fit either. With this, it looks like the characters go from one extreme of emotions to calm or vise versa between paragraphs. 

What is handled well however is the main plotline. Despite the pacing, we have a clear start of the plot for example. It provides a scene, a short introduction of the characters and the motivation for the protagonist. This is followed by the middle part, where deeper emotions and a conflict are taking place and are easy to understand. Rounded up is all of this with an ending scene in the classic way.

Score:

This story is labeled Romance, Dark, and horror.

Romance: 2/10 Well we only have the first chapter and there is not much romance so far, though, from the drama perspective the acting is good.

Horror/Dark: 4/10 The scenes and descriptions pay tribute to this setting, though not getting really into it this far.

Organisation: 7/10 Clear structures, solid main plot, details are a bit confusing.

13/30 ~ 5/10

A little Feedback:

The storyline and motivations are good, what needs work is the pacing and wording in my small opinion. Long descriptions/dialogs take turns with quick actions or emotions and alone the name Dusk is mentioned 37 times, 10 times of that in the ending scene alone.

So I haven’t read the story but I am very familiar with Inkpotts works that this story is based on.

So I’m preeeeety sure that Dusk is not an OC, but rather the common name Dusk Shine, the R63 name of Twilight Sparkle. Aka- I’m pretty sure it’s just dude Twilight haha.

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Didn't know that, huh, makes sense. Thanks for the info