My Little Reviews & Feedback 505 members · 861 stories
Comments ( 2 )
  • Viewing 1 - 50 of 2
Flora Blossom
Group Contributor
EPrincess Twilight Meets New Friends
While everyone was gone, including Human Twilight, Princess Twilight spends her Summer vacation in the Mirror World by meeting people she missed when she was away.
Lonely Fanboy48 · 22k words  ·  43  12 · 3.3k views

Review: Princess Twilight Meets New Friends.

Summary: Canterlot Highschool and Crystalprep road trip vacation ish.

Critic:  It is good. I like this for some of its contents. Such as having friendships with other schools such as Canterlot and crystalprep…   However, it felt like I took a time machine and went back to  2018.  Yeah… It’s like you improved a tiny bit throughout your fiction.  Yeah it happens sometimes.

When it comes to dialog sometimes I feel like this was too stale.  Yes there are some parts where they stood there… having no body movement… Some do happen to get away with it.  But how I read it could have been highly noticed.  The story is alright and all… But it’s missing a few elements to make it good.

This needs more atmosphere, more feeling… otherwise it feels stale… near the ending dialog was too much and clearly not body movement towards the characters… do they even have posture?   It is almost like the last fiction I just wrote for review… forgot to mention it.

The fiction needs more atmosphere.  What do I mean by that you ask?  It is something with more touch (sand the water… Was it cold or hot..? It needs more feeling more pop out on details to more on that.)

The score will be a solid 7/10.  Here is why everything else is basically a 7 nothing more nothing less.  A 7/10 fits this fiction.

7533789
If I had the chance to rewrite this story, I would’ve done more with the interactions between Princess Twilight and the characters. The only time I accomplish that was the chapter where Twilight is stuck at Crystal Prep and I didn’t knew that Principal Cinch wasn’t in charge after the events of Friendship Games. That could’ve had a story of it’s own to be quiet honest. Everything else, just by reading them along to this day, yeah it hasn’t aged that good. I can probably understand why people didn’t do a fic centering around this because of how Princess Twilight’s lack of knowledge in the Mirror World.

  • Viewing 1 - 50 of 2