TTela's Tales

• MLP: FiM
• Dungeons and Dragons
• Adventure
• Comedy

Follow Tela and her three little friends in a magical adventure through a fantastic land.

• Violence
• Gore
• Death
• Profanity
• Crossover
• Human
• Alt. Universe
• OC
• CMCs

Firefoxino · 41k words  ·  121  3 · 2.9k views

Summary:: Tela, an everyday teenager who's life changed in a second. Follow her in her new life with her three friends, together they will go on adventures, fight monsters, discover ancient secrets and find a lot of LOOT.

Initial thoughts: A D&D style adventure about a normal girl that becomes a Drider, and joins up with the CMC's? Sounds promising to me, so let's dive in. Firstly, I could tell right off the bat that Firefoxino wasn't English native, due to how the story flow went, it's by no means bad, but it's definitely noticeable, and it made the reading a bit awkward at times, but overall the story itself was a pleasant adventure full of twists and turns that I still don't know what the end game is. Will Tela return home? Will the CMC's find their way back to Equestria? So many questions, and yet the story is still incomplete, so perhaps we will get those answers with time. However, I must judge what is here. It is...decent. It has it's moments of Oh my Gosh, and what did I just read? And I must say as a DM myself, it does feel like a campaign. So kudos on that. However the writing/formatting of it, needs to be worked on some more, as it reads awkwardly. 7/10

Heart of the story: The heart of this story I would say is a mix of the adventure and the randomness that ensues. The adventure is all over the place. Every time you think you have figured it out, it shifts focus to something different and yet keeps it's spirit and charm. The randomness doesn't make the story feel out of place, but gives it this actual vibe that it could be a campaign in the D&D world. I give Firefoxino credit here as I was reading, I couldn't figure out what the end game was. And as a Dm you must be cautious to never give away too much knowledge to your players, and there's a lot that readers won't be able to guess simply from reading and to me that makes this kind of story all the more engaging. 8/10.

Characterization: : Tela is the main character of this story so her characterization is important, and really I feel this is where the story is lacking. I don't know much about Tela herself. She's so focused on the adventure and the chaos that ensues that we don't get a lot of time to really understand her. And that makes the story less engaging. Her companions the CMC's all seem to be themselves, but I feel the friendship between the four is a bit rushed. I find that if I was in such a situation, I wouldn't be so fast to just accept friendship but the CMC are young and naive so it's more believable they would form friendships more quickly. 6/10.

Story/Concept: : The concept is basically random human gets thrown into an unknown world of adventure and chaos, where she unexpectedly teams up with the CMC's to find a way home. So the concept is quite different from most stories and gives it a unique feeling, but it's also not so out there that it's unbelievable. The whole story feels like an adventure, and that is where the focus should be. 7/10

Originality/Execution:: I think the originality here is strong, but the execution could use a bit more fine tuning. What do I mean? Things either happen too quickly, or the pace feels sluggish at times. There should be a happy medium, where the fights take more than one chapter. Yes I do realize that fighting can go multiple ways, but the way this is written feels too abrupt to be believable. The character moments where the characters are training go much too slowly, and could use a bit more speeding up to keep us from being bored of reading the characters training. Firefoxino shows promise here, but I feel with a bit more...effort this could be truly a masterpiece of writing. 7/10

Overall score and final thoughts: : I found myself not truly knowing how I felt about this story, at first I was cringing at the way it was written, but eventually I got into it more, and the writing didn't bother me nearly as much, but it's not something you can easily forget. If this is improved the story itself can be a LOT more impactful but as it is, it is decent. Not great, not terrible but right in the middle ground. I'd recommend this for D&D fans, and fans of randomness. But if you enjoy neither of those things, this story doesn't have much to offer.

Total score: 7+8+6+7+7=35/50
7.5/10

Headpat worthy:
Boop worthy: Yes. The story is decent and engaging, but the story itself could be more impactful if the style of writing is fine tuned.
Meh worthy::
Cringe level:

To the author: Keep on writing, I want to always encourage authors to be at their best. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to pm me, or dm me on discord. But Dorito, do not fear, this story is decent, but it's not for everyone. I hope my feedback is helpful.

Next time we have "Lapse of Reason by Freglz, so look forward to not hearing from me for a bit. It's quite long.